Caleb Hearon asks what meal Handsome would be

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Handsome, chime with friends on the handsome pod.

China friends on the handsome pod.

Cheers.

Welcome to the handsome pod.

You're hearing a voice at the moment, and the voice belongs to Mae Martin.

And it's me, your friend Tignotaro.

Yes, it is.

Me,

Fortune Feemster.

It's all three of us together again.

Together again.

Fortune, you're still in Atlanta.

I still am filming, yeah.

Yeah.

This movie, you know,

making the Hollywood magic here in Atlanta, or as the locals call it, Hotland.

Atlanta.

Is that what they call it?

Yeah.

I don't know if the locals call it that.

I think people that don't live here actually call it that.

The locals probably are annoyed by that.

Yeah.

Well, it gets, you know, crazy hot in the south in the summer.

And is it hot right now?

Is it hot?

No, right now it's pretty good.

I got my hoodie on because it was raining.

Oh, that's so snuggly and cute.

It does look cozy.

Yeah.

I got this at the I performed in Roanoke.

Well, congrats.

Thank you.

Why are you just now bringing this up?

They gave me the sweatshirt, you guys.

Good for you.

And I'm repping it.

I'm shouting out Roanoke because the lesbians in town, did I tell you, were very upset with me?

Oh, of course.

Yeah, the big drama.

I might have told May, but I happened to schedule my show on the same night as Melissa Etheridge.

Oh, I heard about this.

And yeah, they were not happy that I divided the community.

So here I am being extra gay for Roanoke on our show today.

And do you think Melissa was dealing with the same backlash?

I don't think she even probably knew I was in town.

That's not true.

I bet she caught wind.

Maybe.

Yeah,

I told the lesbians, like, look, she doesn't go on.

till 30 minutes after my show from what I hear.

Yeah.

So I, at the end of the show, I said, let's treat all of of this like,

I said, all the straits in the audience, act like we're on a plane.

Our plane's been delayed, and we got to let passengers off the plane first.

If there's a lesbian near you,

that lesbian get out of the theater first and run the

show.

They should have done that on the Titanic.

Any lesbians, please?

All the lesbians for the lesbians

are the ones throwing people in the raft.

That's true.

Well, because they're

handy.

Oh, right.

Handy hardened.

They were boosting people onto those rafts.

It was the straight guys like putting the raft into the water before anybody was in the boat.

Right.

And the lesbian is like, what are you doing?

You're going to cause a real

division.

His artist.

This is a fortune fact.

It means it could be true.

Could not be true.

I had a show.

I don't know if it was last night or the night before, but I was walking into the venue, and this guy walked by and he was like, Hey, have a good show tonight.

I'm heading in right now, and I'm also a pretty little lady.

I love that.

It's just awesome.

Yeah, so whoever you were, sir, I have not forgotten.

I even mentioned him when I was on stage.

He just was so chill, cool, like, what's up?

I'm a pretty little lady, and heading on in.

That's amazing.

I love that.

Yeah, it was pretty great.

Hey, guys.

Knock, knock.

Oh.

Hey, May.

Who's there?

Oh.

Hey, May.

Oh, look, it's May.

May's at the door.

Who's there?

I eat mop.

I eat mop who?

Fortune.

Good.

Man, May, that's a good one.

Where did that come from?

Thank you.

I think Max and Finn would like that.

I don't know where that came from.

It just came from, I must have heard it somewhere because it just suddenly was in my mind and I needed to get out.

You didn't write that joke.

Absolutely not.

But you're touring with it.

You're touring with it.

Yeah, big time.

It's your closer.

Yeah.

Where do all these jokes that, like, if you go on the internet and you're like, you know, type in like dad jokes, you're 50 jokes?

No one gets credit for them.

They're just out there.

Who

came up with these knock-knock jokes to begin with?

I like to think it's Santa Claus.

the og sort of dad joke do you still believe yeah you know i believe that's only

proof otherwise yeah now may are you um are you working on new stand-up or are you just mainly neck deep in music right now i'm vaguely working on new stand-up yeah i'm put i'm putting some stuff together yeah and uh it's slowly getting there yeah i just paused for so long and then and then i i do so much like improvised stand-up based on the questions and then then yeah, so I'm gonna, but I'm starting to think about it.

Is it feeling good?

Are you like, I'm really enjoying this music pocket I've been in?

They feel like totally separate parts of my mind.

It feels like I'm legit, like polyamorous, where I'm like, listen, love is infinite.

I love them both, you know, something like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Why have just one when I can have them all?

Exactly.

I'm really curious because, you know, after doing the Andrea, I mean, yeah, the Andrea Gibson and Megan Fowley documentary.

I've been

really kind of creeping into that world.

Yeah, and thinking, like, well, you've got to do what excites you most in the moment.

Like, there's no point just being on a conveyor belt of like creativity.

I have this new documentary idea that I pitched to

somebody

important and special

who loved the idea.

And I just the subject is a person

that it would be

what

just

we'll see

we'll see because it's a it's a well-known person with a very personal personal story and that they're out in the open about but do they want us coming into their life to film

and and it's and it's um a really beautiful story you want to direct it i don't, no.

Produce it.

Produce it.

Yeah, I want to produce it.

But man, I'm feeling really inspired and excited.

I was also approached to be involved with this other documentary that I'm meeting with some people about.

And

it's such a funny feeling to have worked in entertainment as long as I have and then try and pivot and feel like when I'm taking these meetings and Zooms, that I'm trying to break into the industry again.

You know what I mean?

Did you feel that way with music?

Yeah, yeah, I definitely felt like starting from scratch a little bit.

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

It's an interesting thing, but it I feel excited.

Oh, I love that.

I felt going into modeling.

Modeling that hoodie.

Well, you're rocking.

I'm the new girl in town.

You could model.

Who, me?

Absolutely.

Well,

both of you, sure.

I'm even talking to Thomas, but you specifically, Fortune.

Oh, sign me up, baby.

Okay.

Well, you're already a beauty influencer with the depuffer.

I've had people asking me lately, do you have your depuffer on the road with you?

And what is the answer?

I don't.

I keep forgetting it.

Yeah.

I have an idea for a documentary that you could make, Take.

Ooh.

So this is a if it's really good, we're gonna have to bleep this out so nobody takes it, but go on.

Yeah,

and if it's really bad, we'll let it fly.

May's already backpedaling.

Yeah, I'm like,

hear it out, hear it out.

Okay, so this is a story that I saw on a meme.

Okay, and I thought someone's gonna tell this story, and maybe it's you, Tig.

In 1999, Joan Murray fell 14,500 feet when her parachute didn't open during a skydive.

God, guys, she landed on a pile of red ants.

The red ants bites, shocked her heart into cardiac arrest, and the jolt saved her life.

What?

So she hit the ground, died.

Then all these ants bite her at once, swarm her, and the jolt jolts her heart.

Heard you the first time.

This is true?

Yeah, I think so.

What do you you mean, you think so?

Where did you read this?

On a meme on Instagram.

I haven't googled it, but Thomas.

But Thomas, can you help us out?

Do you want to co-direct this with me?

I'd love to, yeah.

And I could even do like sort of reenactments.

And she's still alive?

I don't know.

It was 93.

Well, she did die of the poisoning after she was revived.

I was about to say, it sounds like one of those Final Fantasies.

Is that those movies?

Final Destination?

Final Destination, yeah.

Like she cheated death and she cheated death and it's gonna find her somehow.

Yeah.

What do you have for us?

It seems like this person really did survive the fall, but I'm not

the part about the fire ants saving her life is harder to

prove.

Hang on.

Let me get on Google.

I think there was another

story of a girl

surviving a plane crash over the Amazon.

Yes, that was Werner Herzog made a documentary.

That's right.

Here we go.

Yeah, she landed on a mound of fire ants.

Doctors believe that the intense shock of being stung 200 times released a surge of adrenaline that kept her heart beating.

Now that I just found on a TikTok.

So again.

Well, didn't

Ashley Judd break her leg in the middle of some like crazy remote area and had to be like carried through a jungle for days to get to a hospital.

Really?

Yeah.

What, this last week?

No, it was like two years ago.

I have never heard that, nor have I heard the person being

bitten by ants coming back to life.

So far, we've confirmed none of the stories that we've told.

Yeah.

But how crazy that

wouldn't you, how would it make you think about your life if you'd had that crazy accident and then the ants saved you?

You'd be devoted to ants.

Ants are so fascinating.

Aren't they?

I mean,

absolutely.

I do love Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.

Oh, boy.

Yeah, that fight scene between the ant and the kids is.

Oh, my God.

And then May just wanders off into your

ant story over mine.

I wanted to talk about actual ants.

No, please tell us more about that.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, I'm sorry to bring up

Rick Morana.

You go back to your modeling.

No, I want to daydream.

Your aunt story.

Thomas, have you come up with anything that we can confirm?

My Ashley Judd story is true.

Is Ashley Judd true?

Yeah.

Fortune piped out.

Broke her leg, and she didn't have medicine or anything.

Oof.

So she had to be in pain being carried through

like the jungle.

We are so resilient human beings.

There was a guy, an Arctic explorer, and he was stuck by himself and his appendix was going to burst.

He did surgery on himself.

It took his

appendix out.

Yeah.

How did he know that that's what it was?

It wasn't just gas.

He was a doctor, I think.

Well, that makes more sense.

That's an important part of this.

I mean, if I was just like on a walk or a hike and I'm like, I feel like my appendix is going to go and I just start cutting into myself.

Oh, God.

And then you're like, oh, it wasn't just gas.

Yeah.

Dead.

It was just gas.

Yeah.

I just had to tune

for now.

Now I don't have an appendix and I'm bleeding out.

Yeah.

And you're just lying there in the hospital.

And they're like, well, what?

What made you

what on earth?

They're like, you've never heard of gas X

or calling 911.

Oh,

guys.

I keep looking at Thomas, hoping he's going to chime in with, I found this.

That did happen to me once where I thought I was having heart issues and

I was in pain.

And I thought, God, this must be the end.

It wouldn't go away.

I got acupuncture and everything.

And it just turned out I had like acid reflux.

And you, and did you attempt surgery?

No, but I think I did in the

acupuncture first because, duh.

And

then I think I went to urgent care.

Oh, my God.

You're on a gurney next to people that are actually in

a real medical situation.

We just have gas and acid reflux.

Yeah, go walk it off, weirdo.

We're going to free up your gurney for someone who actually needs it.

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All right, Thomas just sent us something that

if one of you could read.

One thing may do the honor.

Okay, the actress and humanitarian Ashley Judd, 53, shattered her right leg in four places during a hike through a forest in the Democratic Republic of the Congo.

Whoa.

February 2021.

Judd said that she barely survived the 55-hour rescue and was in immense pain.

Oh, there's a

55 hours.

No medicine.

I can't believe I heard that.

I read her this.

Stephanie is the biggest Ashley Judd fan alive.

Clearly not.

Where was she?

I don't know.

I need to ask her about it.

And we need to get Ashley Judd on this podcast.

I'm glad she survived that.

That's a living hell.

I fractured my femur

in one place.

And it was one of the worst

pains I've ever felt in my life.

Oh, my God.

And the fact that she fractured.

her leg in four places during a hike that is that's brutal the juds man.

They're hard.

You're like, I told you I didn't want to go on a hike.

Oh, my God.

Can you imagine?

Oh, my God.

You're the person first.

I hate that feeling.

Yeah, where you plan something, usually for like a parent or something, and then

they're not enjoying it, and they almost slip.

Yeah, that whole C.

This also happened to Hannah Gatsby.

What?

Hannah was in Iceland or somewhere like this.

They went on a hike and in like the most inconvenient place, like on a, where there's like a big cliff and there's only like one way in and one way out and it's very narrow.

Hannah fell and shattered something or broke something, like a knee or a leg or something.

Recently?

This was again like two years ago.

Everything in my mind was like, that was going on.

I fractured my leg three years ago.

Yeah, and like sounds about right.

And Hannah was like, I thought I was going to die.

Like, this is it.

There's no way anyone's going to be able to come get me.

Oh, my God.

Hannah's partner, I think, was able to go find help.

Whoa.

But it makes you think about the impulse to power through.

Like, you got to not give up.

Like,

yeah, I sometimes think if I was

on a life raft and I suddenly saw the sharks circling, I might just, the fear alone might just make me kind of jump in the water and

like I might just be like, I can't face this fear.

So i'd rather just feed those sharks but i figure that they're called life rafts right yeah yeah it's just a raft yeah that's true yeah yeah

okay

well

i mean anytime you're in a raft it's a it's a life raft yeah you're right when i went on that hike recently um don't tell me you fractured your leg i didn't shatter the way we've been using the word shattered to shatter a bone

but I just was walking, and then there was a brook there, and I thought, I've probably said this before, but I thought it's crazy that only brooks and babies babble.

Not many other things babble.

Well, I know some adults that babble

to know and

babble, babble, monologue, babble.

It is.

I mean, it's rough.

You don't like it when people talk too much.

I mean, just with the monologuing when it they don't check in they're not reading the room or connecting you yeah they're not connecting with you they're just talking talking i find that like physically painful sometimes where do you feel the pain oh in my femur

uh no just like it like in my chest kind of just especially when you know how they're you know how the sentence is going to end.

And so you want to be like...

What do you mean you know how a sentence is going to end?

Like when someone's telling you something and you know where they're headed and you want and you're you want to help them get there.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, so you'll chime in early and be like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I have to say that to my mom sometimes.

Yeah.

Like, get to it.

Right.

Get to the meat of the story.

So to paint the whole picture.

So, Fortune, when you said you don't like when people talk a lot, do you enjoy?

It depends on the person and if they're interesting.

If it's like a fascinating person with amazing stories, please, by all means.

And if they're monologuing.

If they're talking at you, it is exhausting.

I'm an energy person.

Uh-huh.

So I that would that would wear me out.

Yeah.

I do I admire though that quality that some people have of just they don't talk a lot, but then suddenly at the sort of end of a dinner party everyone's sipping their aperitif and then someone will say, you know, something happened to me one time and then they'll beautifully tell a story.

I love that.

And everybody's on the edge of their seat.

Is that how you pronounce aperitif?

How would you say?

How do you?

I always said aperitif.

Aperitif.

I never said it.

And I refused to.

I honestly don't know.

I don't think I've said it till just tomato tomato, right?

And you went in with confidence.

Aperitif.

Yeah, I really did.

I think I've heard my dad say it a lot because he writes about

wine.

Again, I'm not a fancy gal, so I'm not sure.

But you are a model.

Yeah.

This is fact.

I haven't been paid for it yet,

but that's okay.

I'm going to Venmo you.

I'm going to Venmo you the cash.

Everyone, Venmo Fortune and see what kind of cash we can round up.

Look at this.

If you are enjoying this show on YouTube,

start Venmoing all of your cash if you want to see more of this modeling session.

Sultry Fortune.

One of your eyes just kind of glitched out there.

Did you guys ever watch America's Next Top Model?

Yes.

I think I watched it so much and it was so insane the makeovers on that show because I think they were trying to get the girls to have a nervous breakdown because they'd take someone with long blonde hair and they'd go, we're going to make you over and we're going to shave your head and we're going to.

I think one girl, they

put like a gap between her teeth or something.

No.

I think it got that extreme.

And yeah, yeah it was pretty how do you put a gap file it down oh my god no what i might have made that up but i don't have that memory but they definitely would like cut people's hair really short or because they were like this is the look to make you distinct yeah they're like trust us we know but it was often i think they just wanted a dramatic yeah thing a moment that's where i learned how to smize oh that was where smizing was born was

oh smile with your eyes yeah yeah

so you're not really smiling through your mouth you're just, wait, can I try?

Well, of course you can.

Hello, YouTube.

Did it work?

I don't know.

Are you smiling with your eyes?

I mean, I saw your face.

Yeah, you saw it.

I don't know.

Okay, let me try and smise.

Yeah, and it's hard to not make your mouth smile.

No, it's sort of scary.

There's a it's hard, you guys.

I'm just gonna tell you, it's hard.

It's hard out there for a model.

It's not easy.

Us models have had to learn this over the years.

Oop, I just got a really great idea.

What?

We need to put out a sexy calendar for handsome.

I swear we've had that.

I think we swear that's about that.

Okay.

All right.

Well, we need to make some sort of attempt at knocking these things off the list.

Yeah.

I will say, though, if we're going to do a sexy calendar for next year, we would have to get it on the pictures like

soon.

At some point.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

But there's 12 12 months and there's three of us.

There's some solo opportunities.

Some group opportunities.

We could also throw Thomas in for a month.

Yep.

Put him in a Burt Reynolds, like a Burt Reynolds

throwback

on that rug, you know?

Yeah.

That would be Thomas's.

What about Thomason awkwardly standing in a banana hammock?

What's a banana hammock?

Oh, like a thong?

Yeah.

But the Burt Reynolds on the thong.

I don't know.

He's He's like this on the rug.

I don't know.

Whatever.

Thomas, would you be willing to?

I know you would be willing to do this.

Yeah.

Sounds like I need more than one month if I'm going to do all these looks.

Yeah.

Yeah, true.

Thomas is game for anything.

Yeah.

I'd go cowboy, I guess, little cowboy.

Yeah, of course.

I don't know what my sexy thing would be.

Roanoke.

Duh.

Spraying myself with a fire hose.

You're just like a drowned rat.

Well, you'd have to get your two games.

You're just topless.

Y'all both could be topless.

I just want you to be topless.

Hello.

Hi.

Y'all.

Come on.

I'm shy.

But you got to get your games out for sure.

That's

right, May.

One million.

You're right.

People want posts.

It's just going to be all egg.

How about you start sending in Venmo for the handsome calendar?

We don't know to where.

Just send it.

Yeah, just send it.

Send it to Fortune.

Send it to Thomas.

We just got to round up cash to save it.

Make this calendar.

I think a handsome calendar would actually fly off the shelves.

Yes, indeed.

We got to make that for merchandise next.

Guys, should we?

Yes.

I'm excited about our question asker.

Let's do it.

Our question asker.

He's one of the first people I hung out with in LA, like got to know in LA.

I haven't seen him in way too long.

Today's question asker is a comedian, a writer, actor, and podcast host.

He starred in the film I Used to Be Funny, directed by Ali Panku, my good friend, and is best known for hosting the So True podcast.

Caleb Heron is asking today's question.

He's so funny.

Hello, handsome pod.

It's me, Caleb Heron.

Thank you for letting me ask y'all a question.

My question for you is this: if you were to be any meal, what meal would you be and why i just did caleb's podcast what a treat he is uh his podcast is so funny he's so funny he's like selling out shows everywhere doing his podcast live he did just did the chicago theater his stand-up is great he's very quick perfect for podcasting very yeah very quick with it for sure What meal would we be?

We've touched on this in a mini sod.

So in the mini episode, we were asking what food we would be, which is very similar, but a meal isn't necessarily just,

it could be like a happy meal.

It doesn't have to be

a food item.

I mean, is it like starter main and dessert?

I mean, it seems like we can do whatever we want.

Whatever you want.

This is our show.

Yeah.

Happy meal is a really sweet idea because you get a little toy.

Because Caleb and I talked about it, I bet he and I would have a similar answer.

So I'm not going to say what I think his answer would be.

Okay.

I think I might be a

corn

corn thing.

Go for it.

Yeah, like a corn thing.

Like a polenta with maybe some.

I don't know why.

Yeah, corn has to be involved.

Maybe a street corn?

Is corn your favorite food?

Street corn named Desire?

Street corn named Desire is the name of the meal.

I just came up with a great

food truck.

Street corn named Desire.

That's really good.

Cut that out.

I might want to use that in my real life, my next business.

I just identify with corn.

I just am drawn to it energetically.

I listen.

I love corn.

I'm just curious.

I've been told my head looks like a kernel of corn.

I love cornbread.

Love cornbread.

Cornbread?

Get out of the way.

I love cornbread too.

I love you too.

I might be a peach because bruise easily.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, I do.

I like corn pudding at Thanksgiving.

Have you ever had that?

No.

I've had corn ice cream.

Really?

Corn pudding is like a casserole with

cornbread mix, a can of corn, sour cream, cheese.

You like mix it all together and bake it.

And it's so good.

Oh, yummy.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm going to say like a sort of polenta thing.

And then maybe the starter would be like like a shrimp cocktail or something because

I'm thinking about my essence and like I feel very like pink and peeled and exposed and twisted up like a little shrimp.

And then corn sort of is more positive, maybe.

You do always describe yourself in a shrimp way.

Yes.

Yeah, that's how I see myself.

Let's dig into that.

You're not shrimpy.

You're definitely not putting off a shrimpy thing to me.

Nope, not to me either.

What would it be like if you...

What would a stare say?

But to me, a shrimp implies like a

runt, a little person.

Is that how you see yourself?

Yeah.

Small?

Yeah, yeah, maybe.

Like, I mean, I know intellectually that I'm not,

I'm not

a runt, right?

But, like...

That's good.

That's a good start.

But I don't know, shrimpy, like, yeah, like,

I don't know if it's a...

yeah, I guess it is very telling.

I feel like I

have layers where, like, like, I know I can present very confidently in the right environment, and then underneath that, I'm shrimpy and insecure, but then underneath that, I'm like secretly confident, you know, deep down.

But then there's like a deeper layer where I'm like, nah, but I am piece of shit.

And then underneath that, I'm like, nah, I'm good.

Don't talk about my friend like that.

Yeah, it's different layers.

Depends when you catch me.

You're like a you're like a seven-layer dip.

Yeah.

With corn.

With corn.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What about you?

What food are you?

What meal are you?

I think I would be the last supper.

That's the meal I eat.

That's a big meal.

That is a big meal.

And I want every one of them sitting around that table.

You're in the center.

Who betrays you?

Thomas.

Judas.

Yes.

Mostly.

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I'm going to see, I just booked tickets to Jesus Christ Superstar at the Hollywood Bowl.

Jesus Christ.

Oh, nice.

Oh, and Cynthia Revo.

Yes, playing Jesus.

And Adam Lambert playing Judas.

Oh,

I can't wait.

Are you going alone?

I bought two tickets, and I haven't chosen who's going to come with me.

So if you guys want to come, you better start being.

When is it?

We should have chatted about it.

We could have bought a handsome box.

Well, it's not too late.

Well, your tickets might are they in a box?

I mean,

we're not going to sit up in a

box or sell my tickets.

We're not going to sit there in the stands.

They're going to sit in a box.

You know what I mean?

I've never sat in a box of the Hollywood Box.

Oh, they're the best.

I mean, they're expensive, but they're the best.

Should we splash out?

I mean, if I'm in the box.

But I'm sorry, I'm confused.

Did you get a box or did you not get a box?

I got two seats, so I didn't get a whole box.

Okay.

Yeah, I don't know if they're in a box.

Sounds like you're up in the area Fortune would never sit in.

You know what I'm saying?

Do you guys care about Jesus Christ Superstar?

I love that.

I thought you were saying, do you guys care about Jesus?

Are you guys psyched about the new Pope or what?

I care about Jesus.

I actually am kind of.

I'm digging the new Pope.

He's

Chicago.

Yeah.

I was saying it's kind of odd, though, that, like, in my opinion, we shouldn't know very much about the Pope.

You know, he should seem very mystical, like God.

like thomas and you know this pope's brother is being interviewed on the on the news like yeah it's pretty cool my brother's the pope

feels too modern yeah i saw a video that it felt real that was a girl showing her mom the the news of who the pope was and the mom's crying laughing and screaming and it turns she goes

the new pope is my mom's situation ship from when she was 19 like they used to hook up see yeah what yeah

leo he's got he's got his uh nephew on TikTok being like, My uncle's the new pope.

This is

a White Sox game.

Uh, they had found footage of him in a White Sox game back in the day.

I'm like, I shouldn't know these things about the Pope.

I think it's peace to know.

I think he's gonna shake things up in a good way.

With

I do, like, with the current administration, I think it's gonna be interesting to have these two

leaders

in the U.S.

you know?

I think he's got like a mixed past on some issues.

He's considered a

centrist.

He's aggressive in certain ways.

Please do not mistake me for thinking this is

Barack Obama coming in

as Pope.

So you would be the Last Supper with

With like a Eucharist cracker or like what or no, what did they even eat?

Do we know what they ate at the last supper?

Unleavened bread?

I don't know what they're eating.

I was just going for the joke.

Wine.

Yeah.

Water then wine.

And what about you, Fortuna?

I'm trying to think of

because I've talked, I said what food I would be before, but at an actual meal,

we've talked about how much fun progressive dinners are, right?

Progressive dinners?

I mean, I've talked about them.

I don't know if it was with you.

I just assumed that.

I don't know.

I can't remember if we talked about them on here or not, but I love a progressive dinner where, um, I mean, you kind of have to live in the same area as people that you do it with, but it's like three different houses you go to for a meal.

I love that idea.

You start at a uh someone's house for apps and drinks,

so uh, an appetif or an app, what did you call it?

A paratif.

You start there, so so, like, everything's kind of like a different vibe, yeah.

And, like, uh, So, yeah, it's someone who's good at cocktails or wanting, you know, they got that part.

Then you all get in, you know, responsibly, Uber or wherever, to the next house, which is the dinner.

Have your dinner there.

Then you end up at the last house for desserts and coffee.

I would love to be that meal.

Desserts and coffee?

But all

you want to be all of it.

I want to be a progressive dinner.

Okay.

And are all the locations different homes that you own?

Yeah, I own all the homes.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I haven't, I don't know what, if this describes my personality, but

maybe it does because I have different sides of my personality.

Like,

the drinks and the apps is fun.

It's the start, and like, that's the fun part of my personality.

Like, it's all like, we're going to have a a rip roar night.

And then the dinner is like

get to know about each other, like, for real, for real.

Yeah, let's like dig in.

Yeah, and let's cut the crap.

We're just gonna

no crap at this dinner.

Let's just be real and connect and

leave those crap at home.

Yeah.

And then dessert, um,

what would that be?

Everyone kiss?

Yeah, great.

Oh, May.

The key party.

No, no, that would not be part of my personality.

The dessert, I just love dessert, so it would be um, it would be more of just like

everyone would be saying what they love the most about the night so far.

And it's also like the dessert, you're like stuffed, you're satisfied, you're like out of energy.

And that's always fun to think about is like how the night starts and how the night ends when you're like hungry and everyone's excited to eat.

And then like at the end of the night, you're like, Yes, that was so good.

It's such a different scene.

Yeah, you're feeling good because you feel like you just had the most fun night, but you've also connected

with in ways with people you didn't expect to.

And you're walking away closer to these friends.

It appeals to me.

Because there's kind of, yeah, I like the activity aspect of it.

Like, like that, you kind of get to have a little reset each time you move.

Like, you don't get stuck in a rut talking to the same person or so.

You can shuffle it up.

Yeah, so how far away are these houses?

I would be helpful if they're in the same neighborhood, you know, shortly in LA.

But it's uh, I like the idea of being a progressive dinner because we're growing and um and

doing different things as we move through this meal.

And I'm sorry, to back up, the first one is cocktail.

So everyone loads up and gets on the road drinking and

Uber.

Okay, okay, we're walking, we're walking because that's what would be helpful about being in the same neighborhood.

Okay.

All right.

And what about you?

You already said yours, little cowboy.

I don't even remember what I said.

Yours is a corn dish.

Oh, yeah.

Cornish dish.

Can you land on what the corn dish was?

You said a polenta.

Yeah, I'm going to go with

I'm going to go with street corn named Desire.

Oh,

yeah, it's like an elote type situation.

Yeah, there's a little spice to it.

It's

brightly colored.

I don't know.

What about Ntig, you're the last supper?

I am the last supper.

I'm happy with these.

Okay.

I was going to say, I mean, it's different to saying your favorite meal.

It's like, what meal are you?

Or do you, yeah, my favorite meal is.

What is your favorite meal?

Well,

I'd like an omikase Japanese meal with like all different tiny little things coming.

And oh, and you're surprised.

You don't know what they're bringing.

Right.

Yeah, just super fresh.

Tiny little things.

Just tiny little things.

I've never done an omakase situation.

Oh, it's so good because it's just whatever is fresh, and then they

or like a really good lamb roast with like Yorkshire pudding, and you know very British of you, yeah, roast potatoes.

And what is a Yorkshire pudding exactly?

I know the name, but I don't think I know what it is.

It's a baked, it's it's they take batter and they put it in

hot tins.

It's like a fluffy, savory pastry and

like bread yeah but more like not how more like cake but Sunday roasts are really popular in England were you into that oh man every Sunday in a different a different pub oh so good in pubs yeah in pubs yeah huh it's the best huh how about that should we hear Caleb's answer of course we should that's why we do the podcast I think it's gonna involve chilies.

My answer, I think

I would be an appetizer sampler from a dive bar with a Dr.

Pepper.

And for those who aren't familiar with a bar appetizer sampler, it's like chicken wings, mozzarella sticks, a fried pickle,

you know, just any good like fried bar food, maybe some queso chips, perhaps some salsa.

They'll just throw it on a little platter and call it an appetizer sampler.

Yeah.

And that's me.

Or maybe I'd be a triple dipper from chilies.

Kind of a similar vibe.

And that's because I'm eclectic.

You know, I'm warm and I get the job done.

That's right.

Okay, y'all.

That's so funny.

I love apps.

Yeah, me too.

It's the best part of the meal.

I'm an app.

Sometimes I will go

to a restaurant and just order two apps as my meal.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You get some crab cakes.

You get some

chips and salsa.

Barrav chips and salsa.

Salsa.

Try to pull me off a chip or a salsa.

I won't dare you off of that.

I'm afraid of it.

Thank you.

Thank you.

But also, also, a low-tech goes well with chips and salsa as well.

I wonder if I went on Uber Eats tonight for dinner, which I will.

Oh, and I searched an appetizer platter.

Do you think someone would deliver me like an appetizer platter?

Chili?

The triple dipper that Caleb mentioned would.

Really?

Because a triple dipper,

I would like to go on record by saying that I have been a fan of chilies

my whole life.

It was the only restaurant game in town when I was growing up that was considered fancy.

And they have had something called a triple dipper that I've been obsessed with, again, my whole life, because you can pick three apps.

Well, you can't have a fancy restaurant without something called a triple dipper.

That's right.

You know?

And at Chile's,

they had this triple dipper.

So on TikTok, like a year ago, suddenly the internet has discovered chili triple dippers and everyone's losing their minds over them.

Like they've just discovered this new thing,

and they're like, Can you believe Triple Dipper?

I'm like, Yeah, Bitch.

I've known about them since I was Fortune

down.

Oh my god, you're gonna have a stroke.

That's right,

because I'm an OG Triple Dipper lover, and now you got these kids on TikTok being like, Look at mozzarella sticks, and it's got a cheese pull up.

This Triple Dipper is the most amazing thing I just discovered.

Wait, are you gonna get one tonight?

Are you one of those people, Fortune, where if you discovered talent, you would be like, Don't forget, yeah, don't forget where you came from.

Yeah, I made you.

Yeah, I made you.

I would be so happy for them.

I don't need people to give me credit, but I would remind people.

Yeah, yeah.

You're one of those.

You're one of those.

I didn't know that person was going to be successful.

Yeah.

Early.

Well, this is why it's important to go on record about things early.

You've gone on record now about chilies.

I talked about chilies in my special, Sweet and Salty, that came out in

2020, January of 2020.

And so I did express my love for it before all of this.

Just naturally find that out, Fortune.

You don't have to throw in everyone's face that you discovered Triple Dippers before the

TikTok did.

That's right.

And Chili's was so grateful for my shout-outs because they weren't.

Now, now the Triple Dipper is the most ordered thing at Chili's.

It has increased their sales by like 30%

because of your special.

No, because of TikTok.

Your tone of voice there when you were going, I mean, now, now it reminded me of like when a kid gets home from school and you're just like making their dinner or something and they're just talking to you about something and they're in the kitchen going, but no, I know, but I think that.

And you're like, yeah.

Yeah.

So, yeah, so Chili's, when I talked about it once we're salty, we're like, oh my God, thank you.

And wait, did they thank thank you?

Yeah, they sent me a big-ass gift card.

And what is in a triple dipper?

Mozzarella sticks.

What else?

Well, it's a whole list of apps that you can choose from.

You can choose three.

Oh, I see.

So it's anywhere from sliders, yum, chicken tenders, but there's different types of tenders.

You can get plain, you can get honey chipotle.

See, a little vegan like myself couldn't wander in there and get a triple dipper.

Southwestern egg rolls to die for.

Oh, yeah, nice.

The mozzarella sticks are the big thing right now because they have a Nashville hot one that people are into.

All right.

There's other, I can't remember all the different boneless buffalo wings, buffalo wings.

And then is this also a place that has?

Ooh, I'll take it.

Now, is this a place that

does chilies have the fried pickle situation?

I believe so.

I never had one.

I think that's a newer situation.

I would like to just order one fried pickle to be delivered to my house.

Can you eat?

Are you allowed to eat a fried pickle?

Is that anything in the batter that's well?

It depends on, you know, there's a vegan fried, but I don't imagine chilies to it.

All right.

So one fried pickle.

That would be an expensive fried pickle.

Yeah.

I mean, it's a pretty good challenge.

Like, I feel like I've logged that now for some future birthday of yours, Take.

I'm going to try.

I like pickle chips oh i love a dill pickle chip oh my god do you guys know any knock knock jokes oh good question mate asking wow i i'm gonna go ahead and call that a may fact

even though it wasn't well the the fire ants was a may fact

was that this episode yeah are you serious

Yeah, it was.

That was this episode.

That was earlier this episode.

It was.

Oh, my gosh.

How time flies.

How time flies.

I love flies.

Like, you know, you hear about people like falling off of ships and then like a dolphin will save them or something.

No, I haven't heard that once.

You have?

Yeah, I just feel like that happens.

But the ants, they saved her in a different way.

I'm back on the ants.

I believe there was a guy in San Francisco who

spoiler alert or trigger warning.

Not spoiler alert.

Spoiler alert and trigger warning are very different.

Spoiler alert, you're about to be triggered.

She jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge.

Oof.

And and

they think like

one of the animals in the thing brought him up to the surface.

Animals in the thing?

Like a seal or a sea lion?

Like a sea lion or a seal or something

brought him up and

he lived.

Wow.

I mean,

I've been seeing a lot of these things of like,

you know, a giant sea turtle will go to a kayaker and then lead the kayaker to where another animal is in trouble so the kayaker can help the other animal.

But hold on.

Are you seeing this on Instagram or those kind of stories?

Because people put those stories together to pull your heartstrings, right?

Yeah, it's that

end of my dreams.

I'm seeing them all.

How real are most of those, you know, because I have a friend that sends me a lot of these animal stories, and it's always the same song.

Yeah, oh, yeah.

So is it the Sarah McLaughlin song?

No, it's like

no, but it's along those same,

it's a long song, that's a good song.

That's a great song.

And I played it too much with that dog, the same

dog.

There was like an RSPC joke.

Yeah, that's true.

But on Instagram, it seems like there's four songs that they cycle through.

There's like a happy song, there's a sad song, there's a

what is the sad song?

Because I feel like whenever my friend sends those,

it's this one,

it's like you find a little baby deer on the side of the road and it's covered in mud, and then you get into your car.

I cannot believe how much this, and I love animals, I love them to be saved, but I feel like I can sniff out that maybe

things were cobbled together.

Oh, and it didn't.

And the song turns you off so much that you're like, let that deer die.

No, no, I'm just like, oh, this is they're just storytelling, and maybe it's not a real story, right?

Listen, yeah,

but my friend falls for it every time.

I mean, welcome to my life.

Half the facts, I'm saying, yeah, just falling for it, just absorbing them and spitting them back out there.

Yeah, yeah, I've got to make some space in my brain for other things,

you know, like love, like love.

I got to stop just absorbing trivia.

Are you open to love?

I'm very open to love.

Always.

Always loving.

I am actually

going on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

You are.

Nice.

Yeah, I'm going on.

I don't know what that has to do with love, but I love that for you.

And has anyone ever said no, thank you to that question?

Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

Oh, someone's gone, no, good.

No hard pass.

Have you been thinking about who your phone of friends is going to be?

Well, it's not my choice.

I'm Chelsea Paretes plus one.

And so we're a team.

And so whoever she wants to call

it.

I didn't know it was played in teams.

Well, I guess it's like celebrity for charity.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I was asked to do it.

And sadly, I mean, I'm excited to go to Tribeca, but I really wanted to do it.

It's going to be, I mean, I'm so scared.

She's chosen me because I said I'm good at trivia.

Oh, no.

Now the pressure is on.

No, does Chelsea know that?

We're not sure what of your facts are facts?

No, I haven't told you that.

And they're very little known facts, I would say.

Well, I'm blessed, you know.

I got the app and I'm practicing.

There have been May facts.

Yeah, and I've been memorizing all the capital cities of the world.

I know all the countries.

I'm trying my best.

Finn can help you with those.

I'll tell you this.

I played Celebrity Jeopardy and it was one of the most nerve-wracking experiences of my life.

Really?

Oh, my God.

And that buzzer is diabolical.

Yeah.

I have never been more uncomfortable.

Really?

I knew some things and

some stuff I was so stupid about.

And then other things I did really know it.

And I was trying so hard to get the buzzer timing right and I could not.

Because if you buzz in too, you have to wait until he finishes the last word and then hit the buzzer.

And if you go even a millisecond too soon, it locks you out.

It is such a dusty thing.

It stressed me out.

I am so sorry.

Thank you.

There was a big scandal in England where there was somebody who won who wants to be a millionaire.

And then when they rewatched the tapes, they realized there was someone in the audience coughing to like, so because he was thinking out loud, he'd go, well, it could be A, and then you'd hear,

which meant no or something.

And then, so he had someone in the audience

helping him.

It was like they'd arranged it.

And then it was this big trial, and he claimed, yeah, obviously that he didn't cheat.

Yeah.

And who won?

I think he had to give the money back.

It was Matthew McFaden played him in a movie.

It was great.

Huh.

Yeah.

Well, I'm excited to hear how you do.

I'm scared I'm going to just freeze up.

Like, I was on a British trivia show called Eggheads, and I lost on a question of,

oh, fuck, what was it?

It was, oh, it was about

the painting of God and the two fingers.

Where is that painting?

And I said in the cathedral in the Vatican, I just couldn't fucking think of Sistine Chapel.

Sistine Chapel.

Couldn't think of Sistine Chapel just from the

this is a very religious episode.

Yeah, very

just that has nothing to do with Jesus, but

well, guys, this has been a real hoot, been a real hoot and holler.

I'm sorry we didn't come through with a knock-knock joke for you.

Maybe next knock-knock.

Who's there?

Okay.

Hold on.

See you next episode.

See you next episode.

Promote.

Promote who?

Yourself.

Okay.

Well, thanks for asking.

Coming up, I'm

going on tour doing some music.

June 10th, I'm in San Francisco.

June 12th, I'm in Portland.

June 13th, I'm in Vancouver.

And you can go to MayMartinMusic.com for tickets.

I'm doing meet and greets.

I'm playing tunes.

So come along.

This weekend,

I have a 4 p.m.

show in Kansas City at the Midland Theater.

I would love people to come.

It's a great time to see a show.

You can go to dinner after.

And then my Wichita folks are going to be there on Sunday in Kansas, Las Vegas, Lexington, Kentucky, Knoxville, Tennessee.

And then some fun ones coming up like Atlanta, Cincinnati, Chicago, San Jose, Charlotte, North Carolina.

Get your tickets at my website, FortuneFeemster.com.

Love it.

The documentary, Come See Me in the Good Light is going to be at the Tribeca Film Festival this weekend.

Several different screenings.

I'll be at Largo on June 13th.

I'll be at Dynasty Typewriter June 21st.

I'll be in P-Town August 23rd.

Two shows.

And

we also have so many screenings of Come See Me in the Good Light.

Look online for any other dates and then also Tignotaro.com.

Well, in that case, it feels like the only thing really left to do is keep it

handsome.

Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tignotaro, and Fortune Feemster.

The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willette.

Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsome pod.

What a podcast!

Podcast!

What a podcast!

That was a hit gum podcast.

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