Rob Delaney asks about eating food

This is a Head Gum podcast.

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Cheers.

Hello, and welcome to another episode of The Handsome Pod.

I'm your pal, Mae Martin, joined by...

Tignotaro, who is also your dear pal.

And who else do we have sitting right here?

Another pal, Fortune Themester.

What's up, you guys?

Don't you think if your alarm clock was the handsome theme, you'd have a good morning?

Oh, for sure.

Hopefully people figured out how to do that.

See, I don't know the telling thing I've figured out is.

Yeah.

Is that actually your alarm?

No.

I've always,

you know,

pretending like it was.

I told you.

This is our first pod bag after our live shows.

Yeah.

It is indeed.

We got a lot to process.

It was so incredible.

It was really great.

We had over, let's see, 5,500 handsome fans.

Austin, 20

total?

2,400 and Nashville.

People that drove from, I heard from so many people that drove from all these places.

It was really amazing.

Yeah.

It was my first time in the South as well.

Loved it.

Which did you connect more with, Nashville or Austin?

I think,

I think, oh, I don't want to alienate one of them.

You're going to give me a lot of hate mail.

I think I had a great time in both.

They were very different.

I went out with Thomas in Nashville after the show to a lesbian karaoke bar.

They went to the lipstick lounge, one of the lipstick lounge.

Lesbian bars left in our country.

And we did announce at the show that May was going.

It was pretty packed and wild, right?

Yeah, it was a good.

It was clearly me just needing some validation, being like, guys, I'm going to this bar after the show.

And did you get the validation that you wanted?

Yeah, people were super nice.

It was great.

And did you find anyone special?

You know, I did.

I actually did connect with someone.

But I guess I'll

probably never see her again unless I'm in Nashville.

But

yeah, like I didn't like hook up or anything, but I had a nice little sparkly vibe.

You kept it handsome.

I kept it pretty handsome.

Yeah.

Thomas and his wife were there

taking lots of people.

Lots of people asking Thomas for pictures too.

It was great.

Oh my gosh.

Thomas is a real star.

Well, we sang Third Eye Blind together.

Look at that.

What song?

Semi-Charmed Life.

Of course.

And I sort of, I think I was, I'd had enough drinks that I thought, I look pretty cool doing this.

And then I saw a video that someone posted, and I look like a manic 12-year-old.

That's what karaoke is supposed to be like, though.

Yeah, right.

Yeah, you're right.

What did Thomas sing?

That with me.

Yeah.

And did his wife chime in too?

Or was it just the two of you duetting?

The three of you.

Laura chimed in, yeah.

But I really

sang Linda Ronstadt too.

Really?

After I left?

Yeah.

By her side.

You and Laura kept hanging out at the lesbian bar?

Y'all were wild.

How long were you there, May?

I was there until I missed my flight the following morning.

I think I got home about one

and ate some tacos in bed.

Yeah.

Did anyone ask where Tig and I were?

Everybody.

Everybody.

Not one question.

And when you say, Fortune, that you and I were being boring, what do you mean?

Like, we didn't go out.

We just went back to our hotels.

Yeah, we share a room together when we're on the road.

We both put our nightgowns.

I imagine we're just

decompressing from the night.

So that was fun.

We were putting on our nightgowns and spooning.

Yeah.

And I'm picturing, you know, in movies when they turn off the bedroom light and it's still clearly lit, but just blue light?

I'm picturing that.

But I had, it was great seeing you guys in your element in the South.

Like it was, yeah.

Did you have fun?

You mean in our element in the south, meaning singing all my exes live in Texas with Charlie Sexton?

Yeah, that was awesome.

Tell us everyone a recap for those who didn't know.

At the Nashville show, we had a surprise guest, Ginger Feemster, my mother.

We had Brad Paisley and Kimberly Paisley.

Kimberly Williams Paisley

came out and Brad sang some amazing songs.

Brad

is a major country music star.

And Kimberly is

an amazing actor.

Yeah, amazing actor.

They were both so funny.

Oh my gosh.

Yeah, and there was something really nice about like with everything going on in the world and in the south to be there and there's this queer community and and then to have a country music star come out and be so such an ally like that, like just effortlessly.

I don't know, it felt really nice.

Yeah.

It was pretty special.

It was really, really cool.

Very touching.

What were his songs called again that he improvised?

One was about the bear portal for me.

Yeah,

he improvised a song for each host.

Yeah, Tig was the dumpster tits, right?

Of course, of course.

I was the big old gams.

Big old games.

And I showed off like big old games.

Big old gam.

Yeah.

It was so fun.

And then an audience member, a fan of the Hansen Pod, surprised us each with a pair of boots.

Cowboy boots.

Cowboy boots.

So we're rocking those.

Pretty cool moments in Nashville.

Has anybody worn their boots since?

Not yet, but I will.

I'm going to find a two-seven place and wear them.

I'll come with you.

I will too.

I think Thomas will as well.

And

then in Austin, it was amazing as well.

We had Charlie Sexton.

Charlie Sexton is like an iconic Texas rock star who also

has been Bob Dylan's guitar player forever and also Elvis Costello.

I mean, he's like, he's no joke, this guy.

He rolls deep in the music business.

Yes, he does.

And May has frozen.

And I think that's how impressed May is with

Bob Dylan and Elvis Costello.

That's right.

May.

So yeah, Charlie was a legend.

Caitlin Riley, very, very funny comic.

And then we, our surprise for that was Tig arranged for us to have a tap dancing lesson on stage.

Yes, indeed.

We did a tap dancing lesson live

in Austin.

Did anyone notice that I just

kept going?

We thought you were having trouble comprehending Charlie Sexton for way too long.

Oh, yeah, I was frozen with my mouth open.

Truly, you were like, oh,

that would be really sad if no one noticed that I logged out and then logged in again.

And the whole, and the whole audience in Austin saying, stand by me with us, which was a pretty incredible moment.

So there was

tap dancing.

We did, but I didn't go back to it.

Sorry.

I think that brought out a really bad part of my personality.

Like, why?

I was so desperate to be like the model student and to get it right and to pay attention.

And

I was like sweating and just, I kept trying to catch her eye, the teacher, and be like, I'm listening.

Even if the other two aren't, I'm with you.

I'm paying attention.

I was acting a fool in the corner, just pretending to smoke a cigarette.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I was not the star student.

When dance lessons or dance moves are presented as like, oh, yeah, no big deal.

You just do this with your left foot, then right, then left, then back, and then over, and then click, click.

And

the delivery is as though this is nothing.

And it seems like really easy steps, but I was like, I cannot do this.

And once I realized I couldn't do it, then I just went rogue, which I think is kind of my personality now that I think about it.

Like,

you know, it reminds me of when I was younger in school, and it's like, oh, I don't know what we're talking about.

X plus Y minus A3,

like, never mind.

I'm going to

do my own thing.

I'm going to go.

Yeah, I'm going to just wander outside.

Do you guys, I felt like it was so fun.

I feel closer to you guys.

Like I felt like I learned a lot about your, your pre-show vibes.

Like I know we've done live shows before, but these were our biggest.

And

tell us about the pre-shows.

That's what you learned.

Well,

it was interesting.

It was like for both shows, I think, yeah, because everybody's got their own pre-show kind of ritual or vibe.

It felt to me like Fortune was kind of holding court, social, like

people are coming in fortune's talking to them there's like you know gas

in the green room before the show yeah yeah and fortune's like made sure there's a cheese plate is like making sure everyone feels good and happy tig you're like already on in that you are acerbic and witty like you're like already

like ready to go ready to go and like being hilarious and then i've felt like i was like at one point i went to the bathroom and closed the door and just did 10 push-ups like i'm like i don't

yeah i'm like i gotta get him get game ready i don't know how you guys are so do you just you need like a minute to yourself maybe i mean just to like process what's happening but wait i saw you do push-ups in the green room so you did them in the bathroom and then again in the green room yeah and then in austin you did them on stage and had me sit on your back that was a good moment that was impressive even though you only pushed me up a couple of times it was still impressive just doing one impress me i mean doing one without another human on my back would be an absolute miracle

my arms were strong quivering and i kept thinking afterwards like what would have happened if my arms gave out and i just broke my nose i think i would have trumped along

worth it worth it i also was trying to get uh us to have like a show order and figure out You know, I was like, Tig, this is what, when you're like, who cares?

But this is what we need to do.

This is, and then on stage, you're like, what's next?

What do we do?

What do we do?

Be glad you were never one of my teachers.

As long as one of us knows what's going on, that's fine.

Yes, totally.

Do we even need to know?

Well, the Austin show was pretty long.

And I kept saying, we got to move on.

And it would make you more defiant.

And you'd be like, now I'm going to talk more.

Yeah, you're gonna do seven more questions rebelling yeah but that's the beauty of the show it just unfolds naturally and fun and silly and you never know what you're gonna get and it's uh it's a wild ride there were um so many handsome people in the audience who had made homemade merch that i was really impressed with like there was a or you caught in the airport a old dead-eyed biggie t-shirt tig is that right yes i was about to board my flight and this woman woman came running up, and she was all winded.

I don't know how long she'd been chasing me because I'm not a fast walker.

But she was like, Tig, Tig, here, I wanted to give this to you.

And it was just a picture of

dead eyes.

How dare they?

I like that she had just been carrying it around in the airport, like in her hand.

Thinking she might see me, I guess.

I saw tons of handsome merch in the airport.

I was like looking around and seeing the sweatshirts.

And we have this new, really cool

I don't know what you would call it it's like a

almost that heavy metal white shirt with the oh like a basic

white shirt with the blue collar yeah that shirt I saw everywhere the one Brad Paisley was wearing yeah that just says handsome it's a new t-shirt that we just uh put on our merch site it's good it's good it's really good that one and there's like a heavy metal looking handsome shirt that's really cool now may fortune and i were talking about how exhausting the road can be and how hard it is to like make plans or see friends or family sometimes.

You seem to have absolutely no problem.

You're like out singing karaoke or, you know, doing your May stuff.

Do you find it hard when you're...

I wonder how it would be if I was in a city that I'd been to a lot before.

But I think because they were just sort of one-off shows, I had, and I'd never been to those cities.

Like I went to the Johnny Cash Museum in Nashville and i saw the uh the marbles that he used to play with when he was a little boy and now i can't i know i've mentioned them like 20 times to you guys like i can't stop thinking about how i want those marbles like i or how i should get my own marbles or something i'm like there's something magical about marbles wouldn't you agree yeah absolutely i love that you made your the most of your time there yeah yeah thanks well trying to get my mojo

the next day in austin that was lovely thanks for the invite

I figured you were.

What did I figure you were doing?

You were gone.

It was a late breakfast.

No, I was with my childhood friend.

Oh, yeah, I did.

I had spent time in Houston with her shutting down my parents' storage space.

And then I, and then we, she and I drove into Austin.

And so she's who I was with

on my free time.

And to me, that's relaxing because I've known her since we were in elementary school.

And

we don't run out of things to say.

And she's listening right now in fact she's a

you met her backstage in uh Austin yeah yeah she was lovely and I said what was Lil Tig like and she said pretty much this

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my friend of 20 years was at the Nashville show uh-huh and uh so yeah

it's very relaxing yeah it's so nice when you you can just chill

just unmask like you you really don't have to be on but those people remind you who you are or of like your core essence that hasn't changed And

yeah, you tap into your like child sense of humor.

I like it.

And now I'm very curious, and I think I asked this backstage, but does it interest

the two of you to actually do a proper handsome tour?

I feel like

I got the bug.

Yeah.

Got the bug.

I definitely want to do more shows for sure.

Yeah, because I've always, I don't know, I've always dreaded touring.

I don't like touring alone.

I think I got, like, my agent just texted me and was like, hey, you should do a stand-up tour yourself, but let's find a way to do it so you don't get sad.

I was like, oh, is that like a known fact that I get sad when I'm on my own?

I think if you just spread dates out and not do like crit.

I don't, I think the tour I'm doing would make you very sad.

Right, because you're just always on the move.

I mean, yeah, three to four cities in the city.

And mainly because comedy makes you sad.

Oh, exactly.

But you enjoyed doing your live show in Austin, right, May?

You had a blast.

I loved.

Yeah, and I was doing new stuff and I had a question bucket for the audience and they were asking the most personal questions and I was really oversharing and then telling everyone, please don't tweet this.

Please don't tell people the secrets I'm sharing.

And did anyone tweet anything?

I know you

looked.

Of course I looked.

Someone tweeted

a picture of me and then was like, don't worry, May, I won't tweet about what you said.

So it was almost like a little threat

but they did hold back hilarious i think if you started with like some of the big major cities

that would be a good thing like a do a chicago um do a new york city but see i have to say i've been that on your stand-up

i haven't done chicago but tig are you gonna say the smaller i feel like the smaller markets are so off the charts excited

because they get skipped over a lot.

And there's always this vibe of like, oh my God, thank you for coming to Fargo or thank you for coming to Iowa City or thank you, you know, and it's just like, not that people in the major cities don't appreciate it, but people that are in slightly more minor markets, I feel like, are just

so

over the top psyched.

I don't know.

That's what, like, I never ever thought I would be like, I really want to do a tour of small towns in the south, but that's how I feel.

Yeah.

Like, after this tour, after that.

Maybe, maybe run by, run some of those by me first.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The warmth was amazing.

And would you tour with somebody?

Like, are you going to be in the green room by yourself, or would you bring an opener or doing push-ups?

Yeah.

I guess I would bring an opener for,

yeah, I think I would bring an opener.

It was fun doing the music shows because I had the band.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think maybe I found that that's the, that's what I need.

Wait, did I tell you guys, speaking of bringing openers and green rooms, did I tell you what happened?

I was hosting

the podcast awards.

Did I tell you?

No, no, you haven't told us.

Oh my lord.

Okay.

You know, the green room is supposed to be like a

private,

you know, that's where you kind of get yourself together and

unwind or whatever it is.

Before I I was hosting the

podcast awards, I was in my green room by myself, and I had my little spread of food that is part of my contract, right?

A guy walked in without knocking

or saying who he was, which is very off-putting.

And he had his eyes, and this, by the way, this story is not going where you think it is.

His eyes totally focused on the food on the table.

And he's walking over and he, and he barely glances at me and he goes,

are you finished with their food?

And I was like, oh, no.

Like the award show hadn't started.

And I said, no, because in my mind, I'm thinking, I'm not planning on eating until I finish my monologue and then I can kind of relax a little more.

And so, you know, you're in your head.

You're like getting ready to do what you're there to do.

And some random person walks in.

And he's like, he goes okay is somebody else going to be eating this food with you and i know and i'm sitting there going i i'm like um no it's just me and um

and he's like okay um and i

he said

what did he say he goes okay well i um i'm probably gonna need to um

throw this out What?

Right.

And I go, wait, what are you talking about?

And then I thought, oh my God, I'm being pranked.

This is a total prank show.

I am being pranked.

And I said, what do you mean you're going to need to throw this out?

And he said, well, you know, you just don't want to have food sitting out for too long.

You know, it can go bad.

And I was like, I was like, I'm, I said, I'm hosting this award show.

This was in my contract.

Yeah.

I said, it's going on.

Yeah.

I was so confused.

And he said,

yeah, well, listen to this.

It could also get bugs.

It could also draw some bugs onto the food.

And I'm like,

on what plan?

I've been performing almost 30 years.

I have never had to deal with my food all of a sudden becoming rotten or bugs swarming all over it.

Yeah, infested with bugs.

And I said, listen, I said, I'm going to go ahead and take a chance here and just tell you I'm good with the food, and you can step back.

I mean, no clue who this man is, right?

Yeah.

And then after a beat, he says,

honestly, it's just, it's been a long day, and I'm just ready to go home.

Oh, he just wanted to clean up somebody.

He just wanted to clean up, throw my food out, and leave.

Oh, my God.

I was like, get out of here.

I mean, listen, I am not somebody that's wanting him to be working over

any sort of normal amount of hours or doing anything inappropriate or but a you don't have a name tag I don't know who you are you just walked in the green room and you're wanting to throw my food out but it's also like this is not my problem go find somebody that can like relieve you and not throw my food out you're like I'll throw it out bud we're good

or I'll eat it I'm gonna eat it in like 30 minutes it's not like in the next 30 minutes all of my food is gonna be like full of bugs and rotten.

It's like he said to his supervisor, I really want to go home.

And they said, as soon as that food's gone,

you can go home.

So you're like,

how weird.

It was so crazy.

And I called my assistant and I was like, hey, some guy, I told her the whole story.

And I said, I don't trust that he's not going to just walk into the green room and throw my food out or go through my thing.

Like, I had my backpack, my phone, everything back there.

Imagine if, like, you sat down to eat, get your food, and the waiter's like, Can you move a little faster?

I gotta get

or can you move faster?

Bugs are gonna start covering your food, like swarming your food.

It was so crazy.

That is so crazy.

So, it reminds me of this TikTok trend that's happening where

these wives are telling the waitresses to take the husband's plate away before

they've only eaten a couple of bites.

Oh, and just to see the reaction of

these

guys are eating and like three bites in, the waitress comes and grabs their thing, and they're like,

That's cool.

I don't know why, but it makes me laugh so hard.

That's so funny.

It's like, and the waiter's like, I'm sorry, I've just had a long day.

I'm ready to go home.

I'm gonna throw your food out anyway.

It's too good.

Guys, can I quickly show you something?

Is this your new home?

Oh, this is my new house.

Yeah, but this is the reveal that now they're not mine forever, but I don't know if you can see there are two

tiny

puppies.

Oh, that's biggie.

I haven't seen them in three weeks.

Oh,

they're two tiny, they're five-week-old pit bull puppies.

My friend is fostering them.

They were found under a bridge, and then she had to work today.

So I'm like their stepdad.

And

guys, they're called Bert and Ernie.

It's like,

they smell like

Ernie's.

Like, they're so cute.

And I'm sorry, they're five weeks.

They're tiny.

They're tiny.

They couldn't be in the shelter even because, I don't know, they're not vaccinated.

And there was some

cough.

Wait, they're anti-vax?

They're anti-vax.

Oh, no.

Are they cuddly

Republicans?

They're so, they sleep so much like babies and they just want to be loved.

And then they'll suddenly have a burst of energy.

And I'm, I'm in love with them.

It makes me miss Biggie.

I haven't seen him in like three weeks.

Oh, little Biggie.

Biggie as a puppy must have been next.

I don't know.

We didn't have him as a puppy.

We

rescued him.

Was he under a bridge?

He was found wandering about with another dog.

We don't know how long he was

on the

I can tell you how long.

Probably like, what, two minutes?

Yeah, at most.

Yeah, because he wouldn't have lost the dog.

His family took a right turn.

He took a left turn.

Somebody was like,

he wasn't chipped.

It wasn't neutered.

He was around three years old.

Wow.

Oh, man.

Maybe he was on his way to his third birthday party.

But I wonder who the other dog was that Biggie was with.

Like a lover?

I think they met up.

Are you making up Biggie's rescue story for now?

Yeah, I don't think they made up.

He can't tell us what happened, but...

I know what happened.

I'm just assuming he met up with somebody.

His family turned right, he turned left, and he had a meat cute bumped into this other dog, and then he got swiped up, and then the other dog is under a bridge somewhere.

They don't release them for a couple of weeks, and they give

people time to try to find

their pets if it's an accident.

My thing is, I've let them run around the whole house, and

my friend Alana, who's fostering them, was like,

they're going to poo at some point.

You just pick it up.

And I feel like they have

some.

She's like, expert.

Well, she's higher.

They are going to poop.

Just so you know.

At some point, they will poop.

But I feel like they have, and I just don't know where.

And I'm going to find it.

That's how I feel.

Wait, what do you mean?

Did they just arrive today?

Yeah.

Yeah, Mae's just watching them for the day, right?

Yeah, just for the day.

Atlanta's had them for like two weeks.

And then Monday cute.

They arrived for the day and they were running around for a while, and I was on a call, and I think they've pooed somewhere.

I stepped in poo early early days, it's not great

barefoot.

Oh my god, you don't like that?

That's not your fitness,

so disgusting.

It's a sensation I'll never forget, and it was disgusting.

Now, tell me this: are Burt and Ernie their God-given names, or did you Christian names?

Yeah, or in Atlanta, did y'all name them?

Well, they were christened Bertram and Ernest.

No, I don't know.

No, they were Burt and Ernie on the Foster website.

And when Alana got there, the woman said, actually, we've renamed them like Taco and Burrito.

And we were already really attached to Burt and Ernie, so we just have kept them as Burt and Ernie.

And they'll answer to anything at this point.

They're too.

They don't know who they are or what the fuck is that.

They're so cute.

You should come over and maybe your boys would like to meet them.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

That's so cute.

cute congrats to you and alana it's i'm having a lovely day i'm thinking i got a i gotta get a dog but you have two i got two right now yeah

we can see how it feels it's a good practice it feels good i got a lot of love to give you know we know we know you do and you've you've gotten out there a few times

I know that it's like, I've been talking to them a lot by myself, and I found myself saying, I want to marry you to the the puppies.

I do.

Don't go spread returns.

I talk to Biggie all the time.

Proposing, though?

No.

Come on, though.

I didn't know how to express the eternal, unconditional love I want to give them.

And I just kept going.

I'm going to say that.

Oh, yeah.

Did your voice change, though?

Because when I talk to Biggie, I'm like, hello, my Biggie Baby Bear.

I love you so much.

Hey, as far as dog voices go, that one's not too.

Hello, my palace.

Hello, Biggie, baby bear.

Hello, my biggie, biggie beer

so cute

i've been talking to them like oh i want to marry you

no that's creepy yeah yeah that's creepy maybe that's why neither have said i do yeah yeah because they're like why is nathan lanes screaming at us

I'm Peter Sagal.

NPR is very serious, mostly.

It treats newsmakers with all due respect, almost all the time.

It brings you the most important information about the issues that really matter, usually.

And it never asks famous people about things they don't know anything about, except once in a while.

Join us for the great exception.

Listen to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the news quiz from NPR.

Should we get to our question?

It's an exciting one.

Let's do it.

I'm very excited.

I know this person from the London comedy scene, but he's super talented.

Everybody knows and loves him.

One of the kindest people.

Today's question asker is a comedian, actor, and writer who co-created and starred in the TV show Catastrophe.

He stars as Peter in the Deadpool movie franchise and is a best-selling author whose books include A Heart That Works.

He stars in the new Hulu comedy drama, Dying for Sex.

Rob Delaney is asking today's question.

Nice.

Nice.

Hey, handsome.

Hope you guys are all doing well.

Tig, great to see you.

I can see you through this.

And May, great to see you.

Fortune, nice to meet you.

I admire you and have have for a long time.

Hopefully, Tig and May will vouch that I'm a nice person and I'm qualified to ask a question.

My question for you guys is,

what food have you eaten more than anybody else in the world?

Like, is there a snack, maybe a comfort snack, something from childhood, something you ate all the time out of desire, out of poverty?

Whatever it may be, I'd like to know what that food is, something you've eaten more than anybody else in the world.

Wow.

Wow.

It's so funny.

I feel like I know Rob.

Probably everyone feels that.

Yeah.

He's one of those people who has shared

so much of himself in such a vulnerable way, having lost his son,

that I followed his journey a little bit, and that was so heartbreaking.

And he just was so raw and real.

And

just, God, that story was so moving and sad, and how he's dealt with it, and the awareness he's brought to

other people dealing with grief.

It's pretty admirable.

It's it really is.

And he, the way he

handles everything

is in this way of like, nothing is off limits.

You can't,

there's no wrong or bad question.

He just wants to be in conversation about whether it's the silliest thing in the world or the most devastating.

And I've known Rob, God, decades now.

And he's one of those people.

And I find these people to be so fun

in that

because he's just like

Mr.

Handsomeface.

He's very pulled together, you know, kind of looks like he could be a businessman.

You know what I mean?

He, like, if you put a suit on Rob Delaney, it works.

There's no question that that guy is a businessman.

And meeting him in the stand-up scene was so confusing because you can think like, oh, this guy is just doing stand-up to get a sitcom or something, you know, because he's so cute or has a certain look.

You know what I mean?

I don't know if that's too inside baseball, but he has so many stories to tell,

whether it's his sobriety or the loss of his son, anything that he shares.

And then he's also, meanwhile, the silliest person, which is also confusing because he's so handsome, could dress him up as a businessman.

Do you know what I'm saying?

Yeah, yeah.

And isn't that just the

mark of like a great entertainer is that everyone feels like they know him.

Like that's yeah, like you want to have lunch with them.

That's that's where you go, oh, you're you're good at your job.

I don't know, I don't know him that well, but I remember

like being excited that he was doing a show I was doing in Brighton on the coast in England, and then we did the show, and then and then we both, we ended up just on the same train back to London, and it was like you're saying, Tig, it was like deep convo, like right away did not look at our phones the whole time, like just were

right in there for the whole train ride.

He was so nice, and and yeah, And meanwhile, could have his own sitcom and has done incredible.

Oh, right.

I mean, I guess I'm thinking back 20 years ago, like when it was like real laugh track sitcom, but like has done the gamut of like comedy, drama, movies, TV, stand-up, writing.

Yeah.

I know, I love that he was like, maybe you guys can vouch for me to fortune that I'm qualified.

Like, we are laying it on.

We're fans.

We're fans.

We're fans.

Have you seen Dying for Sex?

It's really a really good show that just came out.

He plays this character that is so good.

He likes to be

punished.

Michelle Williams stars in the show, and it's about sex, and she's dying of cancer and is on the sex journey.

And the way they talk about sex and deal with sex is really...

funny and interesting.

And yeah, he plays her neighbor and she has to, she like humiliates him and bosses him around in a sexual way.

And it's so good.

That's great.

He's been a fun one to

watch explode.

Well, yeah, but also, I guess what I'm trying to say is, like, you just, his career became something that I just couldn't have imagined.

You know what I mean?

And I remember in the early days when he shared about

the car accident that got him sober, I was like, oh, wow, that's a very personal story.

And I had no idea he he was like just full of that yeah right but God is he full of nonsense too it's it's crazy making oh man what a treat yeah well

he's also he's asked a very good question yeah is there anything you guys eat that has been eaten the most of of anyone Well, I feel like when he mentioned, you know, for financial reasons or like when you were broke or something,

my go-to was

white rice and a can of soup.

And I would make the soup and then I would fill the bowl with white rice.

So that I have done this exact thing.

Yeah.

Tomato soup or chicken soup.

Any kind of

heartier.

Yeah, to just fill me up 1 million percent.

And so I feel like I've definitely put in my time with

rice shoved into a bowl of soup.

And then,

and then I think now

on a more boring, healthy level, what are they?

Broccoli sprouts.

Maybe I've talked about them on here.

Oh, you, yes, you love this superfood.

Yeah.

Well, yeah, it's like it's supposed to be a big cancer fighter.

And so I throw those into my

smoothie.

And I've probably eaten a lot more than most people because they have a little bit of a bitter taste, but not in the smoothie.

Once it's mixed in with everything else, you don't taste it, but you get all of the

nutrition.

Yeah, that's,

I've obviously eaten a lot more ass than most people.

Just kidding.

No, you're not.

No, I actually, that's not my thing, but I have, I have.

Anyway, definitely eat more than I have.

But I, so there's like my broke food.

Like when you were saying that, Tig, I thought about like in, there was like a year where I was in rehab in Toronto Toronto and it was a day program and I had no money and I was on like what we like welfare assistance.

But they, the reason I would go to this rehab, like the thing that kept me going back at the beginning was that they, everyone at lunch would get a free instant noodles and a free oatmeal packet.

So I would steal those and like pocket them and I'd have that every day.

And like the taste of that.

cinnamon sugar in the oatmeal packet.

And oh, yeah.

And then and then I was living with this woman called Joanne and in this weird apartment.

And she would just sit watching Dr.

Phil and smoking.

And then when she would go to bed, I would sneak to the kitchen and take like a handful of her cereal, like trying not to crinkle the box.

Cause I truly just

spend my money immediately on drugs as soon as I got it.

And so then the whole rest of the month was like real scrounge.

And so

where did you get your money from welfare?

You said?

Yeah, from welfare.

And then you just blew it on.

Well, it's so little money.

so I would pay my rent with it, and then there'd be barely any left over.

And I'd either buy weed or it would go quick.

But yeah, so the instant noodles and then these dry handfuls of cereal that I would like,

I remember like my heart pounding in the kitchen, just moving in slow motion, trying to take these.

Your heart's pounding because you don't want to be caught, but also because you love that cereal.

So I love those.

Boom, boom.

What cereal?

cheerios i think nothing special nothing fancy i haven't had cereal in so long i hadn't either and then once i had kids there's like usually a box of cereal in our pantry some i mean most times it's a pretty good snack any time of day oh yes indeed are you still a cheerios person may yeah yeah there's gluten-free cheeros now not that i'm gluten-free but you know i also I'm curious where you stand on this.

I like barely any milk in my cereal.

Oh, I like a lot.

I'm in the middle.

Almond milk.

Oh my gosh.

Look at, well, yeah, I'm soy milk, unsweetened soy milk, but my son Finn is similar too.

Like, I don't like a lot of sauces or dressing or a lot of milk.

I like sauce.

I do like sauces.

I'm a sauce gal.

A little spaghetti sauce on your cherry.

In the 90s, like I would have for breakfast, cereal, and then on top of the cereal, which is like frosties or something, I would pour sugar.

Like, and then you watch the sugar melt on the, like, how was I starting my day like that?

Just oh, and then scooping the sugar at the bottom of the milk.

Yes.

Like, oh man.

I think back then you could just, when you're young, you can get away with that stuff more.

Yeah.

But then the thing that I have eaten in general more than anyone else is applesauce, I think.

I just have it.

My fridge is full of it right now.

It's refreshing.

It's filling.

Just those little tubs of

unsweetened applesauce.

Oh, it's hard.

I don't think I've had applesauce in yours either.

But you like sauce.

You should get into it.

I know.

I just never thought about it.

I love apples and I do eat one every single day.

Does it keep the doctor away?

Well, it hasn't, but

I'm trying.

You just eat them plain or do you put even like almond butter or anything with it?

Yeah, I just eat an apple and sometimes I'll put a little nut butter or seed butter or something on the apple.

Same with bananas.

I love eating a banana and just putting a little scoop of nut or seed butter on there.

How come, like, if you blend an apple up, you call it applesauce?

It's not the same with other foods.

Like, if you were to blend bananas, is it banana sauce?

Or

broccoli blended is not broccoli sauce, you know?

This is a really good point that you make.

People are going to write in and let us know.

This is going to be a new hour.

This is as deep as Rob Delaney goes.

Yeah.

Fortune, what's your ultimate food that you are like an aficionado of?

I mean, I wouldn't say I've eaten this more than anyone.

I don't overdo any one thing like to the nth degree.

Old-fashions.

No, I mean, even those I only have like one every

couple weeks.

I mean, pad thai, I could never

eat pad thai

and not get tired of it.

That's good because when you commit a crime and you're in hiding in Thailand, you're going to eat

just honey out there.

Because when I went to Thailand, I had pad thai every day.

So, yeah, I don't think I've eaten more of it than anyone in the world, but I like it.

And it never,

it's something I could eat without getting tired of.

I just don't because I'm not going to eat

noodles all the time.

What was your, oh God, I'm broke food?

Yeah.

Um,

when i was broke i just didn't have um i didn't have any cooking skills

um so i neither was just like frozen meals and stuff

that you know those marie calendar meals no it was those full of i'm sure sodium and not good for you i like peanut butter jelly sandwich yeah that was my big broke food was peanut butter jelly sandwich i feel like this is the first time the three of us passionately agreed and got got on the same page thomas can you put it on the light

they're so good they're just simple and like

so good sometimes on set i'll just like after like a 16 hour day yeah i'll be like can you can i just get a peanut butter jelly sandwich and it's like oh yes okay here's the thing do you want it with crust or without um i'm not a big crust gal but i don't ask them to put it on i mean i don't ask them to cut it off but i don't the crust.

I love crust.

I love crust.

Yeah, I like being left over with a crust.

Yeah,

I think I like a crust, but I'm saying no to a no crust.

But yeah, that's on set.

I could eat a million of those.

Oh, my God.

Would you ever put banana in it?

Yeah.

Yeah.

They would get the...

stuff just for me.

I was the only person that would ask for them.

Oh, you know what's really good too is a grilled peanut butter and jelly.

Yes, I've done that.

Oh my God, yes.

Yeah.

Yes.

Who knew that we'd get so passionate about a PVJ?

Do you remember that peanut butter and jelly that came together?

Like the goobers or whatever it's called?

Like you in the same jar

is peanut butter and jelly, and it swirled.

Are y'all a straw?

In Canada, when we would film, I would have to ask them to buy grape jelly.

I'm trash, so I like grape jelly.

I like it too.

But that's very Americanized.

They only do strawberry in Canada.

And you can't choke down a

strawberry jelly.

I mean, I know that it's not everyone's not strawberry, but on set,

they would specifically have to buy grape jelly just for me.

What a diva.

Yeah, grape jelly is not a big thing there for sure.

For sure.

But oh, man, I could do like an apricot jam.

I could do raspberry, strawberry,

honey.

And wait, and are you saying, Fortune, it's hard for you to choke down strawberry jam?

I have a thing with seeds.

Oh, right.

Strawberry seeds.

Why do I forget this about you?

I care so much and yet I forget.

It's my one really weird thing that has not changed my whole life and I don't know why.

And

something about biting into a hard little strawberry seed gives me like a visceral or like

reaction.

Let me ask you,

where does everyone stand with marmalade?

Yeah, great question.

I love orange marmalade.

Yeah, orange marmalade.

Yeah, I like it.

It's

yeah, but I like a crumpet with butter on it and a crumpet.

It's like an English muffin.

It's kind of like an English muffin.

Yeah, but it's a different texture.

It's a crumpet.

It's got holes in it.

Never had that.

And then, oh my God, a crumpet toasted with, and it's got, yeah, holes, and the butter kind of fills the holes.

Can we take a moment to acknowledge how great of a word crumpet is?

Crumpet, yeah, yeah.

I mean, we take that for granted, I feel.

It's a good term of endearment.

I don't know, crumpet.

I do love high tea.

Yes.

But they've never come with crumpets, but they come with scones.

I love a scone.

I love a blueberry scone.

Vegan, of course.

High tea is like my jam.

Jam.

Like grape jam.

I had a moment last night where I was like going to bed and then I thought, oh, God, I really want an ice cream sandwich.

And then I realized

I have ice cream sandwiches, and I'm an adult, and I can have one.

That's right, but

yeah, you can do whatever the heck you want, right?

You eat ice cream sandwiches with your boys, right?

And

they sometimes want an extra one.

Why do I have that memory?

Yeah, yeah.

They have these little optical or something.

It's like an ice cream,

the chocolate covered over like vanilla ice cream.

Oh, I have some of those vegan from Van Leeuwen.

Have you ever had their vegan ice cream bars?

Oh, I haven't because I think there's coconut in it, but Van Leeuwen is

the vegan Van Leeuwen ice cream bars.

So good.

Have you had tofuty?

I haven't.

Those are good ice cream.

I know it doesn't sound it, but those are good little vegan ice cream tofuti sandwiches.

That might be the little ones that I was saying, Max and Finn ate because they went through a, but it's been a few years.

They make these with oat milk.

Oh, nice.

I could do that.

Yeah.

Well, should we hear what Rob says?

Yeah, let's hear what Rob says.

I'm back, guys, with the answer to my question.

I asked, what food you'd eat more than anybody else in the world?

For me, that's honey nut Cheerios.

I ate many warehouses of honey nut Cheerios throughout my childhood and well into adulthood.

I can't eat it now because if I eat anything other than like broccoli and like lean chicken, I will

cease to operate.

But I ate a lot of that stuff and I hope you did too or whatever you ate.

Good luck with my question.

Good luck.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, that goes back.

I mean, how funny that we were talking about Cheerios, but man, that's part, it's tricky.

Like, that's that's the cereal that's usually in our house is honeynut Cheerios.

And it's hard to just have one bowl.

Oh, yeah.

It is real hard.

When he said that he's eaten many warehouses, I thought, yeah, fuck, if you could see all the food you've ever eaten in your life in one place, wouldn't that be wild?

Or even I think about people that are total booze hounds.

Like if you could see all of the alcohol in tanks of what they have

ingested,

I mean, holy lord

from my teens, if I could see that in one place, that would be really freaky.

And also, conversely, how hilarious to see how much alcohol I've had.

Yeah, yeah, yours would be like half a bottle of tequila.

Well, that was a treat to see Rob Delaney's mug and

answer his question, hear his question, answer it, and find out he's had a lot of little circles.

Oh, that's the other thing is Max and Finn.

I was trying to teach them when they were really tiny about shapes.

So we called Cheerios circles.

And

so for the longest time, they called their cereal circles.

And we had to be like, it's Cheerios.

They're not circles.

They're around the world calling them circles.

And I guess shreddies would be squares or diamonds.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What are you doing?

Are you doing another makeup?

Titan with her backwards baseball cap on is putting on shiny lip gloss with her middle finger?

Get on over to YouTube and get a little peek at this pretty holly.

How good do my lips look right now?

How good does everything look right now?

Kissable, yeah.

Whoa.

This is from this is the JLo Bezo Balm.

Oh, no way.

I knew something looked real fancy about you.

You guys, try not to get turned on right now.

I'm trying

juicy lips.

What makes you decide to do the hat backwards?

Can we see the hat forward?

Oh, yeah.

Thank you.

A fan gave me this in Phoenix.

What does it say?

It's the name of my current stand-up tour, Taking Care of Biscuits.

Nice.

You know, you should probably have

a cat

on

your tour poster making biscuits with their little paws.

Yeah, that would be

cute because our cats take care of biscuits all the time around.

I have these fun tour shirts that say the and hoodies that say this, and they're a big hit.

People love biscuits.

People love biscuits, people of hats.

What about taking care of crumpets?

Taking care of crumpets.

Taking care of crumpets.

I've been surrounded by all these beauty products that our podcast has acquired.

That's how I've become this beauty influencer.

It's changed your life.

I have my beauty mask.

I didn't want to do that to you guys, but there's a whole mask I could that I put on next time.

Next time.

Yeah, next time, please.

Guys, what do you have coming up?

Well, I am on this tour and

hitting a lot of cities that

a bunch of them.

We just announced new ones, but this coming weekend, I'm in Greensboro, North Carolina, Roanoke, Virginia, Baltimore, Pittsburgh, Grand Rapids, Minneapolis, St.

Louis, Kansas City, Mulvane, Kansas, Vegas, Knoxville, and Asheville, North Carolina, with a ton more added for the fall.

I'll tell you right now that exciting news that I can share is that Apple bought

the documentary I produced called Come See Me in the Good Light that follows.

Yeah, I'm so excited, so proud.

The poets, Andrea Gibson and Meg Falley, it's just

a really beautiful film.

It won the Sundance Film Festival, the

Cleveland Festival, Boulder.

But it's just, it's done so well.

And it's just so exciting that Apple purchased this and it will be available in the fall.

We don't have an actual date yet, but we were able to announce it yesterday.

And that's cool.

Yeah.

It's really exciting.

And then I'm going to be in

Eureka Springs, Arkansas on June 14th.

And then I will be in P-Town.

I'm doing two shows, August 23rd.

And I just,

I just,

I don't know if this is announced or not, but I'm doing a benefit with Emily Saliers from The Indigo Girls.

We're going to be in Ojai on

May 17th.

I love Emily.

She's the best.

And then, you know, just working on material locally in LA.

And when I'm in Toronto, check me out, tignotaro.com.

May 17th, I'm at Largo in LA doing new stuff and very special guests.

And then go to maymartinmusic.com.

And you can,

it's so helpful when people buy vinyls of stuff

or buy the album or stream the album.

I got a music album out called I'm a TV and just random little shows popping up here and there.

Nice.

Cool.

Get our merchandise at handsomepod.com.

We got some great stuff there.

Great new stuff.

Yeah, let us know what cities we should come to to do more handsome live shows.

Where should we go?

Yeah, if we get wherever we get the most requests from, we'll head directly to you.

I guess we're going to Brazil.

Yeah,

gladly.

And also share your favorite episode with your friends and family and help us build this community.

And please.

I don't know.

Until next time.

Keep it

handsome.

Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feemster.

The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willette.

Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsome pod.

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