Pretty Little Episode #31

This is a head gum podcast.

Pretty little episode.

God, that gets me every time.

I'm never expecting.

Pretty little episode.

I know, and it's such a catchy tune.

It really is.

We are such talents.

Gosh.

Gosh, look at that.

us.

I know it.

We're some of the best, if not the three best.

The best in the biz.

Yeah, but you only have two of us.

Two of the best.

And Mr.

Thomas, of course, here.

Yeah, welcome to our pretty little episode.

I'm Fortune Feamster.

Oh, right.

And I'm Tignotaro.

How are you doing, bud?

I'm doing all right.

I'm doing okay.

Just, um, uh, what am I doing?

God,

I know, I really

lately, yeah.

It's, I, uh, you know, I'm home from Toronto and home from doing uh Star Trek, and it's just so incredible, deeply incredible to just

be back in

my life, you know.

Um, and that is not to say that I did not enjoy being in my Toronto life, yeah, but it's just a whole different feeling to be in your own bed and see my little cubs.

Um, Finn has braces.

Just things are changing.

Yeah.

Well, yeah, it's like when you're filming, it kind of feels like you're in an alternate universe that like life, real life is kind of paused.

And it is that such a nice feeling to get back home and get a routine again.

Yeah, and speaking of routines, how's your new routine going?

Are you excited about your new material?

Yeah, it's going good.

I'm just weeks away from starting the theaters.

I can't believe it's already here when I started.

It's funny that this is, was my break.

There was no real break other than I wasn't on a massive tour,

but it was filled with many other things.

In that, I always marvel over that.

It's like you're, you know, I was filming for six months.

I put mostly everything on hold.

Yeah.

And then as soon as I wrap production, my entire calendar fills right up and I'm on quote-unquote break.

I think it's a life of, that's the life of a stand-up because we just don't do one thing.

But it's all, luckily, it's all good stuff.

Like, we love doing this.

Yeah.

Speak for yourself.

You're ready to go retire.

Yeah.

So I'm excited for it.

It's, it'll be good to just get back on the road and make people laugh.

You know, I love that feeling.

I want to try to be healthier, though.

I want to try to maintain like not my last tour, I just the first like year of it, I just like was not taking good care of myself, and I really want to prioritize that.

What kind of shift are you wanting to make or shift just not eating like crap the whole time, you know, like in and not eating after the show?

If I can get in, like, even a light, like 30-minute walk and

uh, moving my body, yeah, um, just not blowing up.

Um, well, you're looking trim, Thanks.

I mean, I had time to, you know, be at home and tread water.

I've been doing that still.

Are you really?

Yeah, I mean,

be honest with me.

I am at least a couple of times a week.

Two minimum is what I try to go for.

Four max to minimum.

It is so cool.

Yeah.

It's just a good escape to like to like

meditative type thing for me.

No doubt.

Same.

I haven't done it in a while.

Yeah.

And so I'm hoping to get back into that as well.

You gotta.

But I am a little curious about your new material.

Like how and when.

Are you doing any shows in LA before you head out?

I'm doing um

Pasadena this Sunday and Largo this Monday.

Okay.

There's uh

Mom stuff again.

There's a couple Jack's things.

Um

several childhood childhood stories again, and then the story about my dad.

I haven't talked about him much.

I'm still looking for like two stories,

but I don't want them to be about my family or my childhood or Jack's.

I just want them to be too independent,

something

other than that kind of story, but I don't know what those are yet.

And is the story about your dad?

I'm your father.

I'm your father.

No,

it's a story about him going through a midlife crisis oh okay

because i realized i'm the age now that my parents were when they divorced wow isn't that weird that is wild yeah because how old are you 44 44 and uh i really thought they were so old when that happened

um but it made me it really put a lot of things into perspective of like oh my gosh yeah because you you know i don't don't feel young, but I don't feel old.

And

it just made me go, wow, if I, that happened to me with three kids and

a lot of financial responsibilities, I wouldn't, I wouldn't necessarily know how to handle that either.

And they, they kind of had to, you know, trial and error, had to make some mistakes in order to sort of find the path.

And I guess it makes me sort of acknowledge the journey

not being easy.

Yeah, it's really, it's really insane to think about how much younger, like Max and Finn were talking about that.

Like,

uh, Max randomly said, uh, what is

the

normal age to have kids?

And Finn just chimed in immediately and said, 38.

Um, and it's like,

first of all, you're kind of right,

but also, where does that come from?

Yeah, in LA.

But it, you know, it definitely is trending in that direction where people are having, getting married and having kids older.

Of course, there are certainly people that are doing it young as well.

But that was the thing to do is get married, have kids right out of the gate.

And I cannot believe, even like Stephanie blows my mind how she just walked into motherhood.

Like,

I don't want to say no big deal, but she just seemed, I would marvel.

I was, you know i'm 15 years older and i would i would be like

i'm tripping all over myself and she just seems so

she's got it yeah you know that's awesome yeah it's really impressive i mean she was 30

um when we had uh max and fin but anyway yeah it's uh it i think about that adele song what is it uh basically she's asking i think the song is about her singing to her child like I'm sure I know which one, but it's not coming to me.

It's like her most recent hit.

Yeah.

Go easy on me?

Yeah.

Yes.

Okay.

Go easy on me.

Because it's basically like, I was doing my best, like singing that to her kid.

I think that's what the song is.

Yeah.

Is like, go easy on me.

I made the best decisions.

I was all from love.

Yeah.

And I fumbled.

Yeah.

You know, it's life.

These things come your way and no age makes it easy, but no, no.

It definitely is interesting to look back on it in a different setup, being where I'm at now going, okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I get it.

Yeah.

Same, same Z's, 10 years older than you.

But, well, cool.

I can't wait to hear your new material.

Shall we hear some questions from our pre-little listeners?

I think we should, mainly, because that's what we're here to do.

Let's do it.

Okay.

Hit us, Mr.

T.

Hello, handsomes.

This is Goldie from the Bay Area.

Here's my question.

If you were an action figure, what would come with you and what would be sold separately?

Oh, well,

do you have

a figure?

After I did that zombie movie, Army of the Dead,

they had sent me action figures for my character that they were making.

I think there was like a game and an action.

Like there was a whole thing, but I never saw it again.

But I have a picture of what my action figure was going to look like.

I was kind of hoping I was going to end up an action figure since I'm on Star Trek, but that hasn't happened.

Yeah, I was wondering that.

And then somebody made a bobblehead of me and sent it to me.

I want a TIG bobblehead.

I was going to say, I'll give it to you, but

I'll keep that.

Yeah, yeah.

I think just me as TIG in the world, as an action figure, I guess I'd probably be walking around with a microphone because of stand-up and podcasting.

Or maybe I'd have like a boom microphone over me as well.

And

probably an apple.

I eat an apple every day.

I love

honey crisp apples.

I'd have a microphone and an apple, and I'd eat that apple right on the microphone and drive you baddie.

I've never had an action figure, but I am doing a voice in Zootopia too.

And I have been told I will have a plush toy.

Nice.

You deserve it.

If anyone deserves a plush toy, it is you, my friend.

And I'm playing a beaver.

Of course, you are.

Of course, you are.

Isn't that amazing?

Yes.

Oh,

So I'm very excited for that.

It comes out later at the end of this year.

No, that's so fun.

Yeah, I think it does.

I can't remember what they decided.

That's not your business to know.

You're the star.

You walk in, you do your thing, you walk out a toy.

That's right.

If I was an action figure, though, I think

this would be my...

What do you call it?

Accessory?

My accessory.

It would be biggie.

Of course.

It would be a little biggie, and we would fight crime together.

That's really scary.

Oh, my gosh.

For those of you listening, Biggie is with me, and he's karate chopping.

Or you can go directly to YouTube and see it straight away.

It is some scary moves.

I would have to also, I forgot to say what I would sell separately.

It would have to be Kitty City.

Kitty City is going to be standing around me and my Apple and the microphone.

Biggie's looking at me like, really?

You got me out of my bed for that?

For those lame karate chops.

He's like, just let me sleep already.

What would be sold separately?

Yeah.

Oh.

My...

Action figure would have its own pair of crocs, but you could like change them out for other colors and you could

decorate the Crocs and stuff.

That would be sold separately.

That is sexy.

Yeah, I would fight crime in Crocs.

Let's hear Goldie's answer.

I love your name, Goldie.

Keep it Goldie.

My answer is in my action figure package, I would be sold with my reading glasses, my library card, and my e-reader.

And sold separately would be all the books.

One of my favorite books of the 302 books that I read last year was Interesting Facts About Space by Emily Austin.

I kept picturing May as the main character, so it was kind of fun.

I also loved May's book and Tig's book.

So Fortune, please write a book.

Yeah, are you going to write a book, Fortune?

I'd like to one day.

Maybe so.

She read 302 books in a year?

I mean, let's be honest, and

this is a compliment.

Goldie is a nerd alert, and so is Mr.

Thomas.

Thomas reads, you read a book a week, don't you, Thomas?

I try to.

Yeah, I fall a bit behind that pace, but I try to.

Yeah.

Well, you're a busy guy, but yeah.

Thomas is full-blown nerd alert.

Wow.

I can't, my mom loves to read.

She can read a book a week as well.

I can't read that fast.

But my grandmother was also that way.

They both were just, could not get enough of books.

And you're like, I am my own person.

Well, I have a little bit of ADD.

So I'll start reading and then just go off into the clouds.

Sure.

So I have to really, really concentrate.

Well, we won't keep you long.

Let's get to the next question so you can go back into the clouds.

Hello, Fortune May and Tig.

Yes, she insists on singing.

This is the siblings, Eleanor and Madeline from New Jersey.

We have a question for you.

What is something your sibling introduced you to that changed your life?

Oh, we've never had siblings ask us anything before.

No.

This is our first sibling duo.

Yes.

Gosh.

I have two older brothers, so I was all always introduced to most things I found out about were through them and childhood.

Like

my brother, both my brothers introduced me to a lot of music.

I don't know that I, my taste would have been anything other than New Kids on the Block

had they not played

different cooler music.

I think my love of sports and playing sports in particular came from my oldest brother, Price.

He introduced me to tennis and he would, I don't think I would have gotten into tennis otherwise.

And I ended up playing my whole life and through college and in a league in LA for many years.

So they basically made you gay.

They made me gay.

You guys?

They made me tougher because they would beat the crap out of me too.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But yeah, I think they definitely helped shape at least some of my interest.

Yeah, same, same, same.

I feel like, I don't know if my brother introduced me to Richard Pryor.

We both found him together, but we just loved him so much.

And we were both very into, and well, he didn't introduce me to the Beatles or anything, but...

We were both very into the whole British invasion of rock, soccer.

We were both wildly into soccer as kids.

And I think similarly to you, shaping and,

but we were, you know, only like a year apart.

And were you guys close growing up or close closer when you got older?

Well, well, we were definitely close, but we definitely

would

fight.

And I think I've talked on the podcast about how I would swing my monkey around to defend myself because my monkey had a hard plastic face and hard plastic hands.

But

we

really drifted in like junior high, high school days.

And then when he went off to college and when my mother forced my coming out party while he was driving us in his Jeep,

then we came close and became closer.

He went on his radio show and

talked about

the fact that I was gay and

really supported me and

has.

Yeah, that's awesome.

My brothers were never

big comedy guys.

So that was the one hobby that I did not get exposed to from them.

We did not really know much about stand-up or listen to stand-ups or anything like that.

So I had to discover that one on my own.

You discovered comedy on your own?

On my own.

I discovered comedy.

This

cool.

Themster discovers comedy.

But my brothers weren't very like artsy guys.

They're just like more

sporty guys, I guess.

There were things that my brother would do that I remember doing because he did them.

Yeah.

He would draw motorcycles.

And so I would, I'd start, I started drawing motor.

He had a sketchbook where he would draw different kinds of motorcycles.

And I was like, oh, yeah, me too.

And And then you end up getting some.

How funny.

We got a question from Goldie and that is my motorcycle's name, Goldie Honda.

That's right.

Kurt Russell is the other.

Let's hear Eleanor and Madeline's answer.

Okay, something our siblings introduced us to that changed our life would be music.

Yes, music.

Borrowed and stolen burned mixed CDs passed from sibling to sibling has led to shared music tastes, which has led to shared music experiences because we go to as many concerts as we possibly can.

Who did we see this year, Madeline?

Saves the day.

Say anything.

Mom jeans and

love you.

Bye.

I don't know.

Wow.

Eleanor and Madeline don't waste time.

They're just like, here's the answer.

We got to go.

We got a concert to get to.

They have cool tastes in music, it seems.

Yeah.

I don't know some of those bands, but they sound cool.

This is why I wish I had, I did want a sister.

I feel like sisters do things like that.

Go to concerts together and send handsome questions together.

Fortune, you sound straight.

I'm so straight with my sister.

Oh my God.

Me and my sister are so straight.

And we're going to a concert.

We're so straight, my sister and I.

You know what?

I have sisters.

I just wasn't, I wasn't raised with them.

I was going to say I don't have sisters, but I do.

My apologies, sisters.

But yeah, we were a huge gap in age.

And

we didn't, we just were not around each other.

But I was, I, I'm happy I, I just had my brother.

I think we were like definitely on the same page with basically all of our interests, except I did secretly play with Barbies with my ruffly underwear on.

But anyway.

Well, that was fun catching up with you, Fortune, and with Eleanor, Madeline, and old Goldie.

Goldie.

Goldie.

And everyone, if you could submit your question and answer at speakpipe.com/slash handsome pod, we would appreciate it.

We love getting your questions.

And remember to subscribe

to the podcast and the audio as well as YouTube and share episodes with friends.

Let's keep building this very handsome community.

Let's do it.

Always love hearing these question and answers.

I thought you were going to say, I always love hearing your voice.

And I love your voice, Tig.

I love your voice.

With your tig old bitties.

They're in a dumpster.

Well, all that's left to tell our friends is to.

Keep it

pretty

handsome.

Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feemster.

The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willette.

Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsome pod.

What a

podcast!

What a podcast!

What a podcast!

That was a head gum podcast.