Pauline Chalamet asks about dangerous situations

This is a head gun podcast.

Checking All State first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance is smart.

Unfortunately, not checking that you have your ID before heading to the airport is not smart.

You don't want to reach airport security just to realize that your passport is sitting on a table by your front door at home.

Yeah, checking first is smart.

So check All State First for a quote that could save you hundreds.

You're in good hands with Allstate.

Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability.

All-state North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

Handsome.

Chatting with friends on the handsome pot.

Chat with friends on the handsome pot.

Cheers.

Welcome to the Handsome Pod.

It is your dearest, dearest friend, Tignotaro, along with Mae Martin

in the house.

Fortune feemster also in the house

oh i'm in yeah i'm in the office i'm in a grandma's grandma's house

are you actually at your grandma's house i wish she's dead she's dead remember

i'm so sorry we talk about her every week okay oh my god of course i just wish

excuse to talk about my dead grandma

but but you're it does look like kind of a grandma-ish room i'm on the road it's just a hotel room okay because as I said that, I was like, I hope that's not Fortune's bedroom.

And I just said it was grandma-ish.

I had said it first, so it's okay.

Yeah, yeah.

No, I'm in a cute little hotel room.

Aw, you guys can see

where my bed is.

Yes, we can.

Where

the magic happens.

Will you lie down on the bed in a sexy pose, please?

Yeah.

Please.

With the headphone.

With the headset.

Wow, that did not take much convincing.

Yeah, great.

Yeah, really good stuff.

This is also input into what Fortune thinks is sexy.

Yeah, this is really not input, but insight.

Yeah.

Wow, that one was my favorite at the end.

Just grinning on all fours.

If you're listening to this, go to YouTube for the love of God.

Fortune is

on a bed in a hotel

and she is working some sexy poses.

Winded, I just drooled.

Okay, well, we were too, by the way.

That was so awesome.

Was that vaba voom?

That was way vaba vava vava voom vum vum vum vum.

This part's not sexy.

I'm gonna drink my daughter.

But you know what?

I think is um underused and sexy poses that I was really glad you brought to the table was headsets

grinning

with wide eyes.

Grinning with wide eyes.

It's that.

Like this.

Yeah.

Like you look so happy.

Yeah.

I was very happy to be doing that for you guys.

Oh, we were thrilled to receive it with our best.

Were you talking about it?

Didn't say a word.

Were you doing a play-by-play?

I was saying this is giving us some interesting insight into what Fortune thinks is sexy.

I had a chair.

I didn't realize blocking part of my view, but that was probably for the best.

It was.

It was for the best.

That was unbelievable.

Thank you for doing that.

Thank you.

Listen, I can encourage

people to head on over to YouTube and check out

Fortune doing sexy, sexy poses.

And now, have you been day drinking?

Actually, no, not a drop of alcohol.

Okay.

Just agua.

All right.

All right.

Well, bilingual.

Aqua.

That was a real treat.

Probably the most exercise I've had all day.

And I'm back, baby.

Y'all did start.

I could see you in the monitor giving me, yeah, like telling me what encouragement.

Yeah, I was wanting you to do little bunny paws or whatever that did.

Yeah, you did something.

That's for sure.

So what is the is bunny paws a sex thing or a sexy thing that people do?

It is now.

Yeah, it is now.

now.

May it's very sexy right now.

Well, when I came into this comic book store, I wasn't expecting.

Oh, that's why I'm here.

That's right.

May, how are you doing?

I'm pretty good.

I'm good, I think.

I don't know.

All right, it's a high-pitched good.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Actually, you know what?

I am good because I finally launched my animal paintings book for charity.

And I saw that they sold out in 14 hours all the books.

Why did it take so long?

And did you have it priced high enough?

I hope so, but this is the crazy thing.

This is why maybe my voice went, I'm okay, is that I realized only after they sold out that

I haven't hired anyone to do all the packing and shipping.

Like I have to personally pack up like more than a thousand packages.

And I thought,

yeah, because they're separate.

You sold a thousand paintings?

I sold 600

books and then a bunch of like hats and tote bags and postcards.

But yeah.

Why don't you wait till Fortune gets home?

We can have a packing party.

Oh, yeah.

I got nothing wrong with that.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm very

tons of free time.

So do I.

So we'll just head on over and we'll just help you out.

Wouldn't that be nice if we did just have much more free time than we do?

And do you think that we would do more activities together?

Would we do lemonade stands?

And like, this reminds me of the time where we said if we could spend time with people and you picked us.

Yeah.

You remember that?

Yes.

Yes.

And we were stunned.

Stunned.

Because it was like, it was like picking with you could choose like anyone, right?

And

we're like,

this is like three months into the podcast.

Was that before?

Was that first, and then we had to reveal, reveal or we had picked other people and then I think I remember I can't remember, but that is really embarrassing.

Yeah, I really stand by it for real.

But if we had more time, I believe that we would be doing more fun things together.

We would be in grandma's bedroom with uh fortune doing sexy poses joined with friendship.

Yeah,

you don't know what a real friendship is like until you've been in

grandma's bedroom posing.

I would invite you to do more activities, Tig, but you're hard to get a hold of.

You're not like an avid texter.

No, I'm not.

I'm not avid anything.

What if Fortune was like, yeah, you are?

Yeah, no, Tig always texts me.

Tig will stop texting me.

Yeah, look at all these texts that Tig hasn't returned.

God dang it.

I've returned.

Get on your phone.

I'm not crazy about texting.

I'll be honest, but I get it done.

I get it done.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I would come over and pack up everything you needed me to

washing your hair.

If I was not washing my filthy hair, that is true.

How are you though?

So you're back in L.A.?

I am back in L.A.

after

months of travel.

Yeah.

It feels unreal.

And

I love getting home and just like, I love doing laundry.

I love folding clothes.

I love getting back into life and getting

just,

I don't, I just, I love getting the house in order and

just being back in life.

And like Stephanie and I take morning walks together every day.

And it's really nice to be back just kind of.

When we take our walks, we get to talk about, you know, obviously Max and Finn and our projects that we're working on and family, friend, you know, like just catch up on everything.

And it's

your best friend.

That's so

nice to start the day like that again.

Yeah, that's great.

I love that.

Yeah.

You guys are reunited

and it feels so good.

We were only apart for a week.

Oh,

this counseling.

I know, but I've been traveling all around, you know,

Colorado, New York, Massachusetts, Canada, all that.

So anyway, but yeah, it feels so good.

And to be back with Kitty City and

everything.

It feels good.

But man, did we have a grand old summer?

Yeah, that's amazing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm just...

getting ready to see if any of my spells worked that I did in Arrowhead because I'm going off to the Toronto Film Festival.

So I want to see if any of my spells worked.

Wait, what kind of did you tell us about your spells?

They told us that they did spells, but we don't know specifics.

So, is anyone in harm's way?

I am must have blocked out you saying you do spells.

I think I well, maybe I did a spell on you to make you forget.

I

am, I'm not really doing it.

I'm not doing any curses or anything like that.

I'm doing, you know, protective spells.

I think I might meet my wife soon.

I think this, I did a spell.

Really?

I think so.

I think it's

exciting.

Or husband.

We'll see.

Spouse.

Are you open to marrying a man?

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

It'd have to be pretty funny, I think.

Boo.

I'm kidding.

He'd have to

be open to doing a role play where he played like a kind of cheerleading meal.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Would you really be into that, May?

Yes.

If he was like this dashing dude and you'd like for him to be a cheerleader, because it would be so, I'd be so impressed by how secure he is.

Like if he put on a cheerleading outfit, I've just, this has just occurred to me now, by the way.

This isn't like on my list of, but yeah, if Thomas put it on the list.

Yeah, if I met a guy who was secure enough to dress up like a mean cheerleader, yeah, I'd be a man.

That would be great.

Okay.

I with a winger in her like cheerleading skirt.

Oh my God.

sorry

i wouldn't even want stephanie in a cheerleading skirt i'll be honest i don't have a cheerleader thing i don't know i don't know you do yes you do and it's become clear to everyone i don't know i don't know i i've always seen you with a wife but you never know Where have you been seeing me with a wife?

Let me know where she is.

I mean, at night when I, in my dreams.

Right.

And may you feeling like you could, you could lock it it down and get married, or would you still have an open kind of thing?

Depends on the sitch.

Depends on the situation.

But I think that I'm so sorry.

Wait, a person just

walked past your window.

Maybe there's a thought that has already come true.

What are you talking about?

A fellow man just walked by your window.

Swear to yourself.

Are you serious?

Yes.

Yeah.

Wow, this spell.

What did he look like?

Hang on, should I check?

Well, I'm scared of it.

No!

Wait.

Okay, should I check who that is?

I'm sure it's a ghost.

Yes, of course you should.

I'm a little worried that there's someone shaking.

If you're worried, don't ignore it.

Yeah, one sec.

I'm just going to double check.

Now, Fortune, now that I have you alone, could you get back on that bed?

I've got enough steps for today.

Just walking over to the bed.

I was winded.

I do need to amp up my exercise game, though, because

in this new golf show I'm doing with Will Farrell, I'm going to be walking all day on golf courses carrying golf clubs in the bag.

It's going to be intense.

Yeah.

I ate salmon today to get ready for it.

Wait, hold on, Fortune.

May, are you in danger?

I am married now.

I just met my husband.

No, it was the guy.

There's a guy fixing my my AC.

But

we hadn't arranged for him to come today.

So that alarmed me.

But sorry, is salmon,

right?

Just you eat it once and you're good?

That's how you get ready for

walking around golf.

I eat salmon and an avocado and

says.

I think I'm good for a while.

I think that's how health works.

That sounds really good.

You ate that today for lunch?

Yeah, can you believe it?

It was between that or Subway, and I really wanted Subway, but I went, no, I'm going to eat salmon because I got to walk a golf course.

And what do you like at Subway?

Yeah, tell us about

it.

Yeah.

Well, listen, my go-to is Subway.

My go-to sandwich-wise would be Jersey Mics.

I've never had it.

It's tasty.

I like the turkey or the tuna.

Yeah, tuna sandwich.

But then in a pinch, I like a Subway turkey.

I can tell you.

you've been hanging out.

I can tell you've been hanging out with your parents.

Your skin

rare is strong.

In a pinch,

the accent is dialed up like 20%.

I've been hanging out with my divorced parents all week.

I saw that video you posted where you were like, well, too bad I come from a broken home and they're just there laughing.

That was amazing.

That's hilarious.

It was really funny.

Well, they've been divorced for 32 years.

And

my mom loves to remind my dad every year of

how many years they would have been married had they stayed together.

So she said, we would have been married 56 years yesterday.

Did they have a mutual departure?

Maybe that's too personal.

I mean, what's too personal on the handsome pod?

We've talked about everything.

I know, I know.

Yes and no.

I don't think my mom would have wanted it.

She would prefer to be married.

She, uh, I don't think liked being divorced, but it just wasn't working anymore.

Yeah.

I don't remember them they're good friends now and have been for a while, but they di I don't remember them liking each other during my um residency with the two of them.

That's hard.

Wait, but do they hang out independently now?

Like, would they hang out just the two of them?

Okay occasionally, but it would be my dad and his wife and my mom, the three of them.

And they all get along well.

And do they, does your dad live in the same town?

He does.

He moved away for a couple of years, but he's back.

That's that's pretty amazing that they don't have to like the worst thing about breakups is just like losing that part of your life and that, and those memories that, like, someone to share those memories with.

So that's so nice they can still have that.

Yeah.

Well, we kind of force them into it.

Like, yeah.

When I was 12, I was 12 when they split.

And then we were like, well, dad's coming to Christmas.

Sorry.

And she was like, what?

How funny to be introduced in that way?

Like, well, Tig's coming to Christmas.

Sorry.

I think she did cry.

She's like,

checking all state first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance is smart.

Unfortunately, not checking if your car has enough gas is not smart.

When you're out there on a road trip, it can be a long ways between gas stations.

So be prepared.

Yeah, checking first is smart.

So check All State First for a quote that could save you hundreds.

You're in good hands with Allstate.

Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability.

Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

Handsome is supported by O Positive.

O Positive is a women's health company.

They offer a range of symptom targeting supplements that support women at every stage of life, from their first period to well beyond their last.

What's so special about O Positive's products?

They create real tangible results with ingredients that are backed by clinical studies and shaped by board-certified doctors.

O Positive is the maker of Euro.

That's U-R-O.

It's a probiotic blend specifically formulated to support vaginal health and help balance pH.

It's available in Target as well as on Amazon, where it's one of the top five supplements.

Euro's Euro's probiotic strains support healthy vaginal odor, vaginal pH, and flora.

It's also got prebiotics that make it even more effective.

So take proactive care of your health and head to opositive.com slash handsome or enter handsome at checkout for 25%

off your first purchase.

That's O-P-O-S-I-T-I-V.

dot com slash handsome for 25%

off.

We talk a lot about about healthy habits on handsome.

One of the biggest factors in your daily health is what you eat.

Let's take a moment and imagine that your weekly shopping cart is filled for you and your meals for the week are all decided in advance.

That's why we love Hungry Root.

They take the work off your plate.

Hungry Root takes the stress out of mealtime by filling your cart with personalized picks.

I love my daily smoothie and Hungry Root can make sure I have all the necessary ingredients ready to go.

It's like having a personal shopper and chef all in one.

So you can spend less time planning and more time doing what you love.

Now that my kids are back in school, Hungry Root makes planning lunches and after-school snacks a breeze as well, with healthy options that are also delicious.

Take advantage of this exclusive offer for a limited time, get 40% off your first box, plus get a free item in every box for life.

Go to hungryroot.com/slash handsome and use code handsome.

That's hungryroot.com/slash handsome, code handsome to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life.

Hungryroot.com slash handsome code handsome.

But we just were like, is this bad?

No, that's so good because you force them to really be grown-ups and power through.

And like,

it's one day of the year, like, to make, to make it nice for you.

That's really nice.

I mean, listen, they have their moments where some of that stuff rears its head and you're just like really

yeah all these years later come on uh but then they're pretty good about putting that aside especially when i'm i'm in town because i live so far away

so

yeah okay that's a little bit about my life

okay

well my parents are dead

famously

famously

wow

we started with the dead grandma and now we've ended up one of the dead parents.

Yeah.

We're at everyone.

We're covering a lot of bases.

We've got divorced, we've got dead, and we got together and codependent.

Yeah.

Wait, who's together and codependent?

Oh, my parents.

Yeah.

Oh, oh, they're codependent.

Well,

if one of their friends repeats to them that they've heard this on the podcast, they'll be furious and outraged.

But I would say codependent, not necessarily in a you know unhealthy way it's just like my dad's always worked from home and he had his own office but now he's even moved a little desk down into my mom's sort of office so they just spend the whole day sitting opposite each other at adjacent desks as if they work in an office together then at 5 p.m and all day they're talking like every all day about everything that's coming up on their computer screen.

Then around 5 p.m., they stop.

They move to a third table that's in between the two desks, and there they play, they play Scrabble for about 90 minutes, and they drink white wine.

Then they have dinner and then they watch TV together, and then they go to bed.

And do they always enjoy one another for the most part?

Absolutely not.

Sometimes they're going through that a whole day and they're fuming, but they'll still go through it.

But they have friends and go on trips and stuff, but that's their main day-to-day thing.

So, am I codependent?

Like, are Stephanie and I codependent?

Because Because I, that hasn't even crossed my mind as

a possibility.

I mean, we work together.

We work separately.

I think codependency gets a bad rep.

I think we're designed to need each other.

And that answers yes.

I think as long as, you know, it's, yeah, yeah, you got it.

Yeah.

The answer is yes.

There's like a touch of it, but I don't think y'all are like over the top.

Yeah, like where it becomes bad is like, are you, if people are, if you're anxious when you're not with the person or you can't enjoy your life when you're not there like like you guys are solid you just really enjoy each other's company right yeah i would say that we

yeah enjoy being together we miss each other when we're apart but we have separate and similar friends and we have our own interests and it's the dream yeah i think as long as you like have some stuff for yourself

here and there, that's a good balance.

But like you should want to hang out with your spouse or

whoever you're with.

Yeah.

for sure all right well that's interesting i'm gonna ask stephanie if she thinks we're codependent i've been i've been codependent before have you yeah

i sure have

it happens pretty easily you mean yeah because i guess codependent like the connotation is that it's like insular and you kind of are a recluse from your other relationships and your friends and you it's like yeah like what is bad codependency i guess it's that it's like i can't do anything without consulting anything without the other Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You've been, you've had that before.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean,

I would say Jax and I spent a crap ton of time together.

And

so we had a bit of that for a while.

I guess the thing about that is like you never then you learn so much about your relationship from being apart a little bit, right?

Like then you miss each other.

Yeah, for sure.

Yeah, it's kind of like that thing of it's good to feel hungry sometimes.

Yeah.

You know?

Did I tell you guys I'm doing

like a residential therapeutic program?

You told us you had a life coach.

Oh, yeah.

No, I told you about the life coach.

You told us you were going into the mountains and ordering a bunch of weight synthesizer.

And a synthesizer.

In a way, that was a residential therapeutic program.

You put on your clear mascara,

put your ankle weights on, and just play that synthesizer.

So, what is this?

I,

well, I wasn't going to talk about it on here, but then I heard Oprah did a podcast about this place.

And so I was like, well, why don't I?

It's like six days.

It's called the Hoffman Institute.

And you go and

have you heard of that?

You have?

Don't tell me if you've heard bad stuff.

I honestly don't know.

I don't remember what I heard about it.

Oh, God.

Just that the name is familiar.

Yes.

So it's like six days.

They take your phone away and you, I mean, I don't know much about it.

It's kind of mysterious, but people are like, it changed my life.

And it's like.

And you're going to do it.

I'm doing it in October.

Yeah.

And it's, I've been on the, I was on the waiting list for like a year or something.

And it's like,

I think it's your waiting list.

Dang.

Yeah.

And now Oprah did this.

It's getting very popular in the Hollywood circles.

I was thinking, yeah, I think that's where I heard about it.

Yeah.

But anyway, I'm going and and it's like group therapy and somatic therapy and I might be a different person after it.

So we'll see.

Yeah, you might.

That's amazing.

Can you imagine being without your phone for six days?

No.

I know.

Fortunately.

I'm going to play Best Fiends.

I know.

I'm going to have to draw the game.

But I think if you commit to something like that for your own, you know.

Growth, then you just know, like, oh, well, for the six days, I'm just focusing on me.

Yeah, exactly.

And like, my sh my show will have just come out, and I can just get off my phone for six days.

And, like, I mean, obviously, we'll record the handsome pod while in between sessions.

I'll be recording it from group therapy.

Yeah,

I would love to do it from group therapy.

Would you say that is because I've heard you mention a few times, like, I got to get off my phone, or that way I'll be able to get off my phone.

Would you say that's your biggest kind of hurdle?

I don't think I'm on it more than most people.

I just find, I just can feel this like invisible chain to it.

Like I, and so then I, I'm in like, even though I might only be on it a few hours a day, it's like a shame spiral because I know on my deathbed, I'm going to be like, why was I on my phone, you know?

But I think it'll be good.

And

yeah, we'll see.

I'm excited because it's like you're in a little group of about eight people and you go through the week together.

I hope it's really weird.

And they asked, you do this prep work, like homework.

Actually, maybe you're not allowed to share this stuff.

You have to sign like an NTA.

Oh, that's okay.

Nobody listens to this show.

What do you do now?

No, we don't want to get me in trouble.

What if there's a celeb in my group of eight people?

Like, what if I could be

there?

Already is.

You're in it, huh?

Okay.

What if, like, Matthew McConaughey's in it or something?

If there's no celebrity in your group, you're the celebrity.

Hey, May.

Hey, Hey, May, I'd like to give you a little tip.

Just keep living.

Just keep living.

Wait, is that Matthew or your dad?

Or the person?

Making announcements over the PA in high school.

I can't do a Matthew McConaughey.

All right, all right, all right.

I think I can.

How sick of that, do you think he is?

And he says it still all the time.

Right, but how sick of it do you think he is like when a random person comes up and says?

Well, he started it.

He should have known that was going to happen.

So, nobody will say, Yeah, Tig.

He's probably really sick of it.

No, Tig, you know what?

He's probably really sick of it.

I love that it's he started it, he started it, and he keeps doing it.

So, you're gonna do it back to him, JK.

Just kiss, just keep living, y'all.

All right, did you almost say, Just kiss, just kiss me, kiss Matthew McConaughey.

Just kiss me, Matthew McConaughey is a good-looking man.

All right, easy,

easy, dikedoodle-doo.

I'm a forest

over here.

Well, you don't look like it in grandma's bedroom.

I am.

No.

Gay as shit.

Has anyone pushed back on you being gay?

No, everyone's fully accepted it.

And you do walk through life with your headset on, right?

Oh, yeah.

This is a daily.

Announcing that you're gay.

Yeah.

Okay.

What's up, y'all?

I'm a lesbian.

They're like, we know.

All right.

Well, good.

I'm glad that you guys knew that.

Well, I don't know.

I think I told y'all about

my new identity as Trad Dyke.

Oh, yeah.

I love that.

Love Trad Dyke.

How's that going for you?

It's going well.

I think I'm going to have some posters made and maybe a,

you know that picture of me smoking and changing the car tire?

Yeah, I think that's my Trad Dyke poster.

I think that's perfect.

And then I think I I might start a

sub stack called Trad Dyke.

Yeah, that sounds good.

I don't know what a sub stack is.

It's for people write or it's like something where there's a submission, like or a subscription

to get

your top secret writings and thoughts and videos that you don't share elsewhere.

I just got an email that was like, happy 21st birthday to your to your live journal.

And I was or like 20 or maybe it was like 25th birthday and I log on and it's a crap it's a diary that I wrote online when I was 16 and it's still online and thank God it doesn't take that up it doesn't have my name attached to it it's got like a code name but it is humiliating

is it public

yes it's public but I got

a next pod

next pod maybe I'll have to read it this pod think about it

and I gotta make sure it's hidden so that people don't go find it I think it's under like a fake name, but

it's Trad Dyke as it is.

It's Trad Dyke.

It's really embarrassing.

It's like, today I got stoned and the cops came to the park and they were swarming around me like wasps, man.

That's the one real quote.

Like, I thought that I was Bob Dylan.

You threw in man?

I think I probably did, yeah.

Man is so embarrassing.

Like, who was it for?

It was for you 21 years later.

And by the way, what a big blowout of a party you should have.

Your journal can now drink legally in the States.

Yeah.

All right.

Enough of this nonsense.

Should we get to our question asker?

Let's do it, Sugar Tits.

I'm calling HR.

Thomas.

Is Thomas HR?

Actually, who is HR?

Thomas.

Yeah, Thomas.

I'm telling Thomas that you called me sugar tits when you know my tits are in a dumpster in an alley in Hollywood.

As far as we know, they could be surrounded by sugar.

No, they're surrounded by rodents that are fighting over them.

I remember the moment in adulthood when I realized that it's important to save for a rainy day.

With Acorns Early, your kids don't have to learn their money lessons the hard way.

Acorns Early is the smart debit card and money app that grows kids' money skills as they grow up.

Start with the in-app chores tracker and teach your kids the value of a dollar.

Then let your kids set their own savings goals and start building healthy money habits early.

Kids can spend what they've earned with their very own customizable debit card, giving them that extra sense of independence.

Plus, with Acorns' early spending limits and real-time spend notifications, parents always stay in control.

I've been teaching my kids that managing finances is an important skill.

And Acorns Early is a great option to help kids learn about money and foster a sense of independence.

Ready to teach your kids the smart way to earn, save, and spend?

Get your first month on us when you head to acornsearly.com slash handsome pod or download the Acorns Early app.

That's one month free when you sign up at acornsearly.com/slash handsomepod.

This podcast is supported by FX's English teacher.

Last year's critically acclaimed series Returns to follow Evan, Gwen, and Marky as they vibe for their students' divided attention.

CY Cosmopolitan called its premiere season a masterclass of comedy while Glamour raved its the year's funniest and most heartwarming new comedy series.

FX's English teacher returned September 25th on FX, all episodes streaming on Hulu.

You want to do this, Tig?

I mean, it's just really hard for me to read.

Let me see if I can.

Would you want me to do it?

I can give it a whirl.

Okay.

Today's question asker is an actress and

I think someone else should do it.

I think May should do it.

This is the worst intro ever.

I thought that's podcaster, and I was like, she's a podcaster?

Okay, all right.

So, May, you can take it from here, but we'll, of course, keep mine in.

My eyesight is so terrible.

I got this, guys.

No, no, no, no.

I got this.

They didn't say I got this.

I said,

they basically are.

I also have that shaggy eyelid, too.

So I have a few things working against me.

All right, May, hit it.

All right.

Today's.

question.

Okay.

Today's question asker is an actress.

How dare you?

You got that mallet ready?

Yes.

Today's question asker is an actress and producer who starred in The King of Staten Island as well as the sex lives of college girls.

She produced and starred in the movie What Doesn't Float.

Pauline Chalamet is asking today's question.

Yes!

Hey, handsome.

It's Pauline Chalamet.

Here's my question.

What is an experience that you've had where

in the moment you were

really enjoying it and loving it and just it was great or you just maybe didn't feel any particular way about it but it was an experience that you were living and then in retrospect you realized oh i was in a lot more danger than i thought i was

that too specific of a question

no no i think everybody must have an answer to that i think we do In fact, I had an answer and then it shifted quickly.

But can I take a moment to tell you

how deeply I love Pauline Chalamet?

Oh, yeah.

Really?

Are you guys friends?

You did Sex Lives of College Girls.

I did Sex Lives of College Girls and I

love her so.

She is so fun to cackle with.

We also, she was part of the group I went to DC with to

lobby for the arts.

And she's so, not only is she talented as an actress, but she is so

smart.

And like

she just blew everyone's minds in DC.

The way she took charge when we went in to Congress and the White House and just her confidence and her knowledge and her point of view.

I was like,

What the?

Not that I met her and thought, you know, that she was a dimpshit, but I was like, Dipshit.

I didn't didn't think she was a dipshit.

She was a dipshit.

But like, there were so many people with us.

I mean, I was the dipshit.

That isn't depressing.

Because, yeah,

I'm thinking if I went to D.C., I would feel, I'd be like, even though I'd be happy to be there and excited, I'd feel like a kind of stone teenager on a class trip.

Like, I'd want to giggle in the corner.

You know, and I felt like

a briefcase.

You do everywhere with your headphones and your briefcase.

But, you know, I just was very aware that I don't have that knowledge.

I read the

important points that we were trying to get across and I understood what our mission was.

But man, oh man,

that's all.

I just wanted to

throw that in.

They seem like a pretty smart family.

Her brother, Timothy, is fluent in French.

Is she also fluent in French?

Yes.

Yeah.

They grew up.

Yeah, partly in France.

She lives also in France.

It's a smart question, too.

I think, yeah, it's a really good question.

I hadn't thought of it before.

Yeah, you can't be like a dip shit and ask that question.

No, no, dip shits are that question.

No, dip shits are asking like hot dog or hamburger, you know?

Exactly, right?

I will answer more specifically, but I feel like growing up in the 80s and 90s, then our entire childhood was one big like step from getting kidnapped

or like in danger.

There was just not as many rules.

I mean, you rode in the back of pickup trucks, at least where I was from.

We would walk on active railroad tracks constantly.

We left our house at 9 a.m.

and didn't come back till 6 p.m.

Not just rode in the back of pickup trucks, but rode in the back of pickup trucks with a bottle of Barks root beer that I'm trying to drink while I'm going over bumps and holes in the road and no

belts.

That's what my family says to me whenever I'm like, you know, we just throw it in the back of the truck or we were all sitting in the back of the truck and Stephanie, Max, and Finn all now say to me, sorry, we weren't raised in Mississippi in the 70s.

That's really good.

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, do you remember like we survived half of it?

Even in the 90s, like, do you remember Halloween?

You would just go by yourself as a kid and you would be walking into strangers' homes who had made haunted houses and stuff.

And yeah, everything's a little more

sterilized now.

I didn't know that.

You never did that?

Okay, really?

I thought that was gonna be.

Are you sure there wasn't something inappropriate that was going on in your neighborhood?

Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know how you'd go into that old gross guy's house?

Yeah, you know,

part of the haunted house was you'd take a bath, and then you had to, you know, you had to feel his calves.

His gams.

Yeah.

I'll tell you, God, now all of a sudden I'm having a million thoughts.

But

this was from

my adult life.

I was on tour and I was with my old assistant and his dream was to swim.

with sharks.

So we were in Florida and I said, oh, my friend Jeff lives here and he knows where to go and who to call for anything and everything.

And so we did.

And he was like, oh, yeah, I know a guy that will take you out to swim with bull sharks, which are more aggressive than great white sharks.

What do you mean?

I just got to simplify that more, May.

They're more aggressive than great white sharks.

They are the most aggressive bull sharks.

And they look just like great whites.

Who's wanting to do this?

Who's wanting to swim with them?

That's

my assistant.

Yeah, sorry.

And guess who went in with him?

Oh my god.

Why?

Exactly.

I don't know.

Anyway, no reason to be upset with me.

I'm out of the water now.

You know who was not thrilled?

I called Stephanie and was like, oh my God, I just swam with bull sharks.

I was not in a cage.

There was bloody,

they threw bloody chum

in the water.

Oh my god, no.

And these, these sharks were

massive.

It's crazy.

And, and, while I was dangling in the water, I was in there for 30 minutes.

No.

And

while I was dangling at one point, this one shark started just beelining towards me.

And the guy that we were in the water with, he just grabbed the shark's nose and pushed him away.

And the shark just, or yeah, shark just swam around.

around convenient I was in there for 30 minutes and I was and I have to say I'm glad I did it what I did learn is that if you and maybe I've already shared this but if you are in the ocean and a shark is nearby do not splash don't turn and swim away you just float and you keep eye contact with the shark.

And that's what I did in the water.

I was just I was just floating and keeping eye contact with the sharks.

And I have an incredible picture that I'll share with you.

And so now I feel like I would know,

even though I'd be terrified if I was by myself in the ocean and a shark was coming towards me, I would know I need to not

make any fast moves.

Yeah, you would lock in.

Wow.

I think you could do that, but most people would panic.

I would panic.

Your first thought would be like, I got to get out of here.

I would panic if I hadn't done it before.

Right.

It didn't come naturally to me.

My friend and opening act jumped in the water.

My assistant jumped in.

The guy, the friend that connected us with this situation, he got in.

The guy.

Is this like an independent company?

Like, yes.

It was, right?

This is like the guy you found on Craigslist.

I mean, truly, it was an independent company.

And it was one of those things.

Yeah.

When I called Stephanie and I was like, oh my God, I just went swimming with sharks.

She was like, why did you do that?

Yeah.

She's like, you have children.

Yeah.

She's like, you have a family.

And I was like,

oh, wrong number.

Who is.

Sorry.

Okay.

Here is the picture of me with,

do you see me dangling?

Holy shit, Tig.

Do you see me dangling?

That is massive.

I'm holding onto that rope above that's connected to the the boat.

So that was one of those things.

I knew obviously anything could happen.

Yeah.

But afterwards, as time went on, I was like, oh my God.

Yeah.

What was I doing?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, you faced, that's a lot of people's worst fears.

That'd be one of probably up there for me, swimming with sharks.

And you faced it now and you know what to expect.

Fortune, what about you?

I mean, I touched on it briefly in a pretty little episode where, you know, when I lived in Spain, I used to stay in hostels and chamber rooms with complete strangers and train cars, and that was nuts.

And I'm so grateful nothing happened because I didn't know a single person I could have been with a

serial killer.

Yeah, um, probably were

maybe.

I mean, I got in one room, and it was just me and a dude, and he was but he was probably like, I'm not gonna mess with that guy.

That's right, that's right.

But one thing that stood out as like something really stupid that I did, not thinking it was a big deal, was when I was in college, I went to Mexico on two different summers to study the Mayan ruins.

And I can't remember if I told you guys this, but we went.

I remember you going there.

Yeah.

So we went to Chichen Itza, which is a Mayan temple that was built.

obviously by the Mayans.

Really cool

place.

It has 91 steps up each side that represents 365 days of the year, which can you believe it?

Like, that's crazy that they were that advanced.

So advanced.

And my friend.

Is that that advanced to just know how many days of the year there are?

I don't know.

This is back before there were calendars.

Yeah, no, you're right.

Yeah, yeah, okay.

So they like before cell phones, they figured because we, it's all based on their stuff, right?

Our current

stuff stuff is based on their

assessments.

Yeah.

And so

my friend of mine was like, I'll race you to the top.

And I was like, yeah, sure.

Why not?

I've got gams.

You guys have seen them.

Yeah.

They're gorgeous.

Absolutely.

Run to the 91 steps, no problem.

Now,

it's summer in Mexico.

It's like 105 degrees.

It's not cold.

And

I start

running up this pyramid and 91 steps.

Okay,

gay.

And as hard as I can because I'm competing for nothing, but I'm competing against my friend.

And I get to the top and it starts wide and it gets really narrow as you go up.

And I get to the top and I'm like,

suck it.

I did it.

And then immediately my face turns blue.

blue

and

my lips turn blue.

And I start like, I'm like on a very narrow ledge.

And I start like kind of going back and forth like this.

And I have no water.

And my friend luckily is up there already and sees me.

And she's like, uh,

are you okay?

And I'm like,

I can't talk.

And she just grabs water from like a complete stranger.

And I just start sucking down water and i mean i came so close to just passing out off this pure giant pyramid pyramid what a way to go though oh my god though

and like i got i i like finally get like

back regulated and the the life comes back into my face like i just sit there for like 20 minutes and i finally make my way back down and my professor came up to me and she said don't you ever do that again.

She said that I could have had a heart attack.

She goes, You, uh, she said, It is so wildly dangerous to run that fast in this heat to that altitude.

People can, can and have often just like hearts given out.

And she was like, I about died seeing you do that.

And I was like, what?

She's like, use your gams for good.

Yeah, use your gams for good.

So what a stupid, stupid thing that I didn't think was a big deal at all.

And I could have freaking either fallen off the pyramid or had a heart attack.

It was so wildly dumb.

I still stand by what a way to go.

If you fell off a pyramid, I'm picturing like when you have a like, I picture people having a baby and then being like, how is my child ultimately going to die?

Like if everyone learned right in that moment.

Oh, that's an interesting thought experiment she's she's going to fall off of a pyramid a Mayan

pyramid all for all you math nerds out there that are like 91 steps is 364 the top platform is the final step

okay

ergo 365 I'm glad you lived through it

well me too

that when you get on a tree

like your hands get all tingly and you feel like you're gonna pass out that is such a a scary feeling.

Yeah.

So that was a very dangerous thing I did.

I'm just like amazed that I'm still alive, really.

Like there's just so many weird situations with like drug dealers and criminality in my teens.

And like,

I think I'm street smart.

Like, I think I

would have a, I walked a line where I would have a gut feeling about people, but I definitely, oh my God, like

same.

Yeah, just so many strange,

strange people and in cars and parks.

And yeah, I did,

well, because I kind of thought I was out of that, of that phase of being too like receptive to

strangers.

Because in your teens, you're like in parks buying weed from people named like Merlin and they have a pet iguana and you're like, this guy's my best friend.

And you're like.

sitting in the park for an hour talking to this guy and he's talking about like quantum theory and you're like yeah man so i thought i was out of that but i did and i'm not sure about telling this story in case this person listens to the podcast but i don't think that he will but i did i got an uber have i told this i don't know you've gotten a lot of ubers all you've done all we've gotten so far from this story is that you got an uber yes sorry yeah

yeah it's hard to like

yeah which by the way

Seems like a very safe thing to do.

That's kind of nuts, too.

I know that is nuts.

We're just getting in cars with strangers.

Getting in cars with strangers we don't know anyone so i get in the uber and this guy's like uh

he's sort of like a viking he's like six foot five or something he's got this long blonde luscious hair like a like a woman's almost blow dry

yeah and uh and we hit it off right away we're chatting like and and uh he's he's asked me about what i do and i tell him about my show coming out and he's like oh i was sent to a troubled teen institute and he's like oh my god like what are the chances of of this?

He's like, I used to be an opium dealer, and and he's telling me, He's like, You got to write about my life, like, that's what, and I'm like, tell me everything and uh, telling him about my breakup and stuff.

And anyway, he, we, we get to my house, and then he just so confidently goes, okay, give me your phone.

I'm gonna, I'll text you right now.

And and he just does it like there's no question that I'm, we're gonna exchange numbers and start texting.

And I do

have a lot of people in my life who I've ended up texting almost, you know, so I give him my number and

then the texts are like a little strange

that I'm getting.

Like the next day he says, are they flirty?

No, it's more like we are soulmates, like friend soulmate.

Like we are destined to be friends.

And he,

so he writes me this the next day.

He goes, hey, can I get a physical printout of one of your scripts?

And I'm like, oh, yeah.

How long ago was this?

This is about six months ago.

And so I don't, we end up, I don't really respond to him.

And then

I guess six weeks goes by and I'm getting a massage and I book an Uber.

Yeah, I book my Uber after the massage and it pulls up and it's him.

It's, it's the guy.

So I get it.

And I wanted him to show up in the massage.

He's the masseuse, yeah.

No, so I

go like, that is weird.

I've never gotten the same Uber driver before.

Oh, I have a lot because I Uber so much.

But

I'm like, oh my God, man.

Hey.

And he goes, oh my God.

He's like, do you know the statistical improbability that you would get in my Uber?

I'm like, yeah, it's pretty crazy.

And he goes, no, man, you, this is insane.

And he starts doing the math of the probability.

And he's talking out loud.

He's like, okay, population of LA.

He lands on one in 2.8 billion, which cannot be correct.

I can't be correct.

No, there's only a certain number of Uber drivers in that.

Yeah.

But he's like, it is one in 2.8 2.8 billion.

I'm like, okay.

And

this is coming from somebody who knows absolutely nothing about math.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

Oh, he would, yeah.

And then he's like, how's the breakup and stuff?

And then I'm like, then I'm embarrassed because I'm like, oh, I obviously really shared with this guy.

And I don't really remember what I said, but he knows everything.

Anyway, then we're talking, you know,

he knows the drummer from Tool.

Like, that's pretty cool.

We get to my house and he does.

we get to my house and he does

the same thing he goes okay i can only stay for five minutes but i'll come in yeah oh yeah did you find your house

wait did he come in the last time too no

i find myself i would never let a stranger like that into my house i know well this is why i was reluctant to tell the story because i feel like listeners are going to be like this is psychotic it's 11 p.m on a monday you just got a massage and now this uber driver but i'm telling you is he attractive like where you're kind of like hmm i kind of want to toy with this

no i don't think that was the vibe but i was we were like really connecting though and i got a vibe that this was a safe sitch but i don't i don't know anyway so he did come in yeah for how long so he goes i'll come in for five minutes and

and he brings

time starts now

yeah and as i'm walking in and i'm unlocking my my door, I'm like, what am I doing?

When he gets out of the car, I see how tall he is as well, right?

So I go, oh, well, my roommate's here.

You know, I pretend I have a roommate and I go, so I, you know, and he's sleeping.

So I should probably.

But anyway, he comes in, we're chatting.

He goes, can I say something?

I'm like, yeah.

He goes, you are 50% man, 50% woman.

I'm like, thanks, man.

Thanks.

That's so cool.

And I go, well, I am actually,

I use they, them pronouns because he's been saying she the whole time.

I just haven't bothered to, I go, yeah, well, I actually, I use they, them.

He goes, no, I, I don't pay attention to that stuff.

I just say what I see and I see you are 50% men.

And I'm like, cool, thanks, dude.

And then he goes, bring it in.

And now I'm hugging him.

Anyway, so I go,

I end up going, okay, I got to go to bed anyway.

And so he is walking out and

we're walking.

I'm walking him to the gate to lock it behind him.

He's, and, uh, but he's a nice, listen, if he is listening, he's, you are a nice, kind You are a nice guy and we appreciate

it is just crazy for lose my number to invite a stranger into their home, but then that is very forward for sure It's it's crazy and well, it's also 11 o'clock at night as a man

You should know like maybe it's regardless of your pronouns like it's just like

Anyway.

And he I mean he wanted to like collaborate on the script and stuff.

Anyway, so then as he's walking out, and I'm like, okay, I'm like, this is actually fine.

He suddenly stops and he's just standing with his, he's like facing the gate like that with his back to me.

And I'm like, uh-oh.

Oh, no.

Then he turns around and his eyes are closed and he starts going.

Though the word is the nerve, though it travels through my veins, through the universe, to God is my name.

He starts freestyle

poetry.

He can't be a spoken word poet.

All of a sudden.

He is.

And he he does this kind of amazing, like three-minute long, like it's the length of an MM song.

It's verse after verse that he's written.

It wasn't freestyle.

No, it wasn't freestyle.

He's done it before, yeah.

And he's like, I just came up with this.

Yeah, I got news for you.

And he fit myself.

And what did you do?

You just looked at him while he...

Did you join in?

Started going, I know what you're saying.

Here's the word.

And blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And would you call it spoken word or rapping?

It was more spoken word.

And his eyes were closed.

And then, so I just went, whoa, that was amazing.

Did you write that?

He's like, I wrote that in high school.

I'm like, wow.

And then he, and then he left.

And then we texted a little bit after that.

But I did, I mean, and I know the response is going to be, listen, I sometimes go on the handsome Reddit page.

People are concerned already about my mental health and safety.

Yeah, I'm fine.

I just

tapped into some teen version of myself that just says yes to everything and is like interested in random people.

And then I did afterwards.

I was like, the more friends I told who were like, what are you doing?

I was, I thought that definitely was very dangerous.

Yeah, but he was super nice.

But I will not

be recording next time, just be like, oh, I got to get up super early.

I can't.

Of course.

Or my room.

Or be like, or you don't even have to say that.

Just be like, no, you're not coming in my house.

Yeah.

Or Tig would say, I would go for a coffee.

Polite.

Yes.

But then it leaves the door open for him to want to come in the next time.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, I was out with Allison Dunbar, our mutual friend,

probably a couple years ago.

How funny.

Tell her hello.

Well, I was on this podcast while that happened.

Oh, she called John Pod during the podcast.

Oh, okay.

Oh, no way.

We were out.

There was a, there was a, it was like a group at dinner, and this guy that was with allison and ron's group

grown man

probably

mid 60s was zeroed in on me telling me he was getting a vibe that we were soulmates yeah wow

what do you mean yeah

what from their world somebody from their world yeah i'm sitting there with my wife and

gayer than the day is long.

And this, and I'm like, what do you like?

I don't.

He was like, can I get your number?

I just feel like there's something here.

He must have like seen your work.

He feels like he knows you.

And he's just like, this is my.

I didn't get the vibe.

He was familiar with me at all.

Really?

He was just, yeah.

He was just feeling that energy, baby.

And I wasn't.

And I didn't know what to do.

And, but I mentioned it to Allison a while after.

I was like,

pardon me.

Did she know this guy well?

She was just like, oh, my God.

She was like, that's Ron's friend.

He's nut.

You know what I mean?

That kind of like Allison response.

See, if that had happened to me, I would have been like, yep, here's my number.

And let's get to the bottom of what this uncanny.

About friend soulmates is interesting.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I've definitely had friend soulmates.

You know?

You don't have to talk about our friendship.

But

I didn't get the vibe one-sided and zero in on somebody and like try to get their number.

Like it was a mutual thing where we're, I don't know.

It was just such a bizarre thing to be out with my wife and have this man.

It seemed like he was, had fallen in love with me at first sight.

Oh, wow.

You know, I wonder how, if he, if that's something that he feels often, like, or if this was truly the one time in his life that

he still thinks about you, girl.

Yeah.

He's like, that tig.

Should we hear what you think about them tig o bitties?

What did I tell you?

Let's, yeah, let's hear Pauline's answer.

Yeah.

An answer to that question is that when I was in my

early 20s or late teens, I was hitchhiking across Turkey

and I

felt totally fine doing it and that was actually not the dangerous part at all that was a really lovely experience the dangerous part was that I got to Cappadocia which is a region in the eastern side of Turkey and I went hiking on these really long hikes every day

and

then would come back to the hostel and only once I left did I I realize that I would go out every day without any water, with no cell phone, and no map, just an idea in my head of where I had come from and where I was going back.

So once I left Turkey, I was like, oh, that wasn't, that was, I was putting myself in grave danger.

But in the moment, I thought, you know, I'm just going on a hike.

Yeah.

I don't know what that says.

But that's my question.

And I hope that you have a lovely day.

Aww.

thank you.

That is dangerous.

A guy in Greece this last summer, I think,

last summer died.

He was like with his wife at the beach, and he decided that he was going to walk back to their hotel and he didn't have water or anything or a cell phone, and he got lost, and it was like crazy hot, and he like

passed out and died on a hill.

Good lord.

I feel like such an annoying parent because I am so on Max and Finn about hydrating.

I'm just like, guys,

come in, have some water.

Did you have water?

Guys, make sure you have some water.

But I'm just like,

I'm so annoying.

Because kids won't drink, they'll forget and they won't drink.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

I like the way she delivered no water, no phone, no map, just an idea in my head.

What did I tell you?

Nothing better than Pauline Chalamay.

Okay.

Thank you for your question and your answer, Pauline.

That was a fun episode, I have to say.

Yeah.

It was one of those ones I'm going to be worried about what I've said, but I really enjoyed it.

As always, it's a real pleasure to be with you too.

You too.

Don't you worry yourself, little cowboy.

Oh, little cowboy.

What do you got coming up, Tig?

I am going to be.

In Biloxi, Mississippi.

This is me heading home doing some comedy in my home state of Mississipp.

I'm also going to be in

Salt Lake City, Utah on October 11th.

And all of my show and ticket information is tignotaro.com.

I'm doing local Los Angeles shows with new material.

Oh, and also make a note: November 14th, Apple TV, the documentary about

the brilliant Andrea Gibson and Andrea's wife, Meg Falley.

Come see see me in the good light, November 14th on Apple TV.

I have,

well, Wayward's coming out in two days on Netflix.

So please stream it.

Share it.

Got to watch it.

Yes.

Yeah, I'm really pumped.

And let me know what you think.

Or not if you don't like it.

But also,

my Etsy store where I'm selling these animal paintings is launched.

100% of the profits are going to Doctors Without Borders, such an amazing charity.

They go in, they're in 70 countries in the world.

They go into crisis situations and deliver amazing, life-saving medical care.

They're doing incredible work in Gaza and Sudan.

So, yeah, check out if you search Animal Art by May on Etsy and grab your weird little, your weird little merch.

Awesome, yeah.

That's amazing, bud.

Thanks.

So, I've had to reschedule a bunch of stand-up dates, so I apologize to any handsome listener affected by that.

We have found rescheduled dates for all of those.

It's because I'm filming this new Netflix TV series, and I hate to reschedule, but I just was part of the doing that.

It happens.

It happens.

So

we'll definitely have those dates

coming.

But all the Saturday shows for sure are happening, like DC,

Boston, Atlanta, Chicago,

San Jose,

and then all the Florida shows as well as Vancouver and Seattle.

So yeah, get your tickets.

If you're new to the podcast, subscribe.

Even if you're old to the podcast, subscribe.

That is the best way to keep this show going.

Subscribe to the audio version as well as the YouTube version of the show and also rate and review us.

And check out our merch.

Speaking of merch, we have some amazing stuff on handsomepod.com.

Also, share an episode.

If you liked this episode, think of a couple of people to share it with and be like, hey, come join the handsome community.

And it's very handsome.

And until next time,

keep it in

handsome.

Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feemster.

The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willette.

Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod.

What a podcast!

What a podcast!

What a podcast!

That was a headgun podcast.

Checking all state first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance is smart.

Unfortunately, not checking that your smart doorbell is charged is not smart.

It might feel like a long time since you've had visitors when actually your doorbell has just been out of battery for a week.

Yeah, checking first is smart.

So check All State First for a quote that could save you hundreds.

You're in good hands with Allstate.

Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability.

Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.