Pretty Little Episode #61

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Pretty little episode.

Welcome to the pretty little episode starring two of our hosts from the Handsome Podcast.

I am Tignotaro.

And I am Mae Martin.

I like how you said starring.

Starring.

We are stars.

We are starring in this episode.

Well, you're a star.

I mean, we were just talking about it.

Like, your show is number one in the world, Mae Martin.

It's popping off.

It's crazy.

That is so exciting.

Congrats to you.

Thank you.

It's really, really exciting.

I'm glued to my phone, reading every

nice comment and focusing on the one bad one.

But

no, it's really exciting.

You said you're going to, on your retreat soon.

Yeah.

I'm very curious because you were just saying before we got on that

you'll be away from your phone for six days.

You have not done that as an adult.

Yeah, because I guess I was 16 when I got my first phone.

So yeah.

Here's my question.

It's interesting that you said this because I just started reading the book Dopamine Nation.

Yes, I have that on my shelf and I'm too addicted to my phone to open it.

Oh,

it's really interesting because it's not just phone.

I just, on the cover, it says, you know, how to create balance or whatever in your life.

And I was like, oh, you know, that's kind of where I am.

I'm in the middle of trying to create balance where I shifted my episode load of Star Trek and tour schedule, scaling that down a little bit so I can be home way more.

So is that kind of what it's about?

We're like a burnout society where we're just chasing and how is it dopamine?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's just everything, you know, it basically gets into the world more so of addiction,

which I didn't realize

that.

I know it, man.

But

yeah, I just, I was curious about the

life balance, but I guess that makes a lot of sense that it's people's addictions that kind of get in the way.

And whether it's a work addiction, phone addiction, sex, alcohol, drugs,

social media,

whatever it is.

Yeah.

It's really interesting to read.

And

I was curious if you had read it when you when you because you were talking about dopamine before we got on.

I think a lot about dopamine.

And I've been reading about the correlation between ADHD and dopamine.

And

yeah, and I mean, Gabor Mate, that guy says that

an addiction is anything that you crave, find relief in, and can't give up despite it having negative consequences in your life.

Wow, you got that down.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, I think about it a lot because I'm like,

Yeah, I was up till 3.30 last night.

A big part of it was because I could not put my phone down.

I was reading very interesting things.

And interesting things like reviews about your show, or just like interesting things.

No, I'm serious because

is that what you mean?

Yeah, that, and but I was also going down a rabbit hole about this dance plague.

Have you heard of this?

No,

here we go.

So, this was 1518,

and there was- Yes, of course, I know about this, man.

There was this woman called like Frau Truff Treffudi or something.

Of course, don't Google that.

And she, but she was this woman who went into this small town and she starts dancing uncontrollably in the town square in 1518 this is documented and it spreads contagiously like wildfire what was it documented on probably just crashed into an old tree

yeah okay and then the whole town starts dancing and they keep dancing for one week straight and people died like 15 people died because they were dancing so hard and then this woman just goes okay my work's done.

And she dances over to another town and she starts another dance play.

She's basically a serial killer.

Yeah, she's like, I don't know.

I've got to dig into this.

Dancing town to town, killing people.

Oh, I'm crying.

I mean,

it was really making me laugh last night because it can't be true.

This woman just dances.

This is until three in the morning.

This is what you're reading.

Yeah, and I couldn't tell you my sources, you know?

Yeah, of course.

Yeah.

But who cares?

We don't need sources.

No, but I mean, it is a, I think it is a real thing.

But then I was thinking, um, wait, what's a real thing?

The dancing?

The dance plague that struck Europe in 15 years.

Nobody's doubting this.

Okay, good.

Yeah.

Everybody's accepting it.

This is a May fact.

In fact, I have

this.

Yeah, great.

And then the funny thing was apparently once all the townspeople started dancing, the people, the heads of the town or whatever were like, well, we don't know what to do.

So just send in some musicians.

So then these musicians go in and just start playing along.

They're just like, I guess we're doing this.

And then

it's so interesting

how

not interested in that I am.

Well, what would your

like that would not keep me glued to my phone until three in the morning?

Yeah.

Like I just even when you just you told me the very beginning, I'm like, okay, I get it.

You danced all night.

You died.

Yeah, why does it hook me?

It's got to be a dopamine nation that i'm like i'm like every new little detail gives me a little hit of dopamine maybe or i don't know i'm like and then i and then i i think oh i gotta do maybe i can do stand-up about it or maybe i should do a painting of a dance play i don't know maybe you should start a whole podcast about it and like really get it off your chest yeah you know it's called it's like an in-depth 12 episode on the history channel.

I don't know.

Maybe a two-parter is fun.

Yeah.

Okay, sure, sure.

To be honest, I've said all i know about it you know i've already exhausted the well frau treferdi though i mean so if you were in your small town and an old lady came and started dancing in the square manically wait we're still talking about this

oh no i just told you i wasn't interested

okay so just women have joined in No, no.

No, I can imagine you would have looked out your window and been like, oh, boy.

And close the blinds and

go back to whittling or whatever you do.

So what would keep you glued to your phone?

Like what rabbit hole would you go down?

Well, what I was relating to when I was reading this book is

my

issue with news, which I go in and out of, where I'm like following every detail possible.

And then I kind of step away and I'll just listen to an NPR news app that only updates, you know, with five minutes of news a day.

And then I'm like, I'm good.

And then I go about my life.

But I've noticed that, you know, this past year, I've been really following the news.

And I was telling Stephanie that I, of course, think it's important

to know what's going on in the world, but there's also a certain level of knowledge that there's, there's, I'm not saying anything new, but it, it's just that there's so much out there and so much of it is just like opinion pieces or clickbait news.

And, and I just, I don't want to spend my time.

And that's what this book got me thinking about: is like, I don't want to,

that's, you know,

news is there to inform you, but it's also a business where they're trying to just keep you sucked in.

And I feel like a fool because it's working and I don't like that feeling.

I mean, how long is it until someone picks up the news story that we're hosting the Oscars

and runs with it?

Well, you keep putting it out there and no one's going to get it.

It hasn't been officially announced, but

people will be very excited to know we are going to be hosting the Oscars.

You, me, and Thomas, weirdly.

Fortune

is going to be a production assistant that night.

Yeah, yeah.

With her headset.

Yeah, that's what I was going to say is

they saw her on our YouTube channel with her headset, and they were like, all right, we found our PA.

Yeah, she'll be scurrying around ushering

as she does.

Fortune's a real scurrier.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, should we scurry into some questions from our wonderful listeners?

Masterfully transitioned.

Let's do it.

Thank you.

Hi, Tig.

Hi, May.

Hi, Fortune.

This is Sheila in South Bend, Indiana.

And my question is about having avoided regret.

What is something that you are so grateful for that you knew if you looking back over it that if you hadn't done it, you would regret it?

Whether it be something like making a phone call, taking a job, saying, visiting a friend, just something when you look back over it, you think, God, it was super innocuous at the time, but it wasn't.

It was something bigger.

I like that.

I like that she said innocuous because it's yeah, something that you didn't know it would alter your life.

Yeah, you got something?

Yeah, I was living in Colorado and

I have this little friend group from my childhood and they were all wanting to move to Los Angeles,

get into TV and film and I wasn't interested.

And I just had no interest.

It wasn't on my radar at all to go to Los Angeles.

And so they were going to move out to LA and I was going to stay in Colorado.

And then I went through a breakup right as my friends were packing the moving truck.

And we, you know, we had kind of followed each other around, or I followed them when they went to college and went to different cities.

And so when they were going to LA, I said, well, my relationship's over.

I guess I'll throw my stuff in the moving truck and go with you to Los Angeles.

And my plan was just to stay there for six months.

And when I got to LA was when I saw all of the opportunity to do stand-up

in coffee shops and bars and restaurants.

And it was a secret fantasy of mine to do stand-up.

And so I was like, oh, well, maybe I'll try and do an open mic since I'm out here.

And other cities at the time, this was the mid-90s.

And

it wasn't as common to have open mics in every little nook and cranny that you walked into.

You know, it was a lot of times you had the major clubs that the city offered, and it was hard to, you know, stand out or get on stage or,

you know, so anyway, I accidentally moved here and accidentally got into stand-up.

And here I am almost 30 years later living in LA.

Oh man,

as a stand-up comedian.

So that breakup actually, yeah, was the best thing.

Because who would you be if you'd stayed in Colorado?

Like, would you have maybe done stand-up there and coffee shops and stuff, but it wouldn't have led like.

I guess.

I don't know that there were coffee shop open mic.

I really don't know.

I remember the main comedy club in Denver had an open mic and you did three minutes.

And I think the manager of the club would watch the open mic.

And if you did well, they'd invite you back to the open mic.

But if you didn't, you were out of rotation.

So it seemed daunting to me

because I had looked into it in Colorado.

But a lot of people think, oh, you shouldn't start stand-up in LA because

there's so many agents and managers.

You don't want to

be seen too early.

But I feel like it's the opposite: that you can fly under the radar for so long in a major city like LA or New York and be doing these coffee, like 20 different coffee shops.

Yeah.

Open mics.

And you can just get stage time and then you can, there's, yeah, yeah, and there's just more of a gung-ho attitude of like start your own monthly night or like, yeah, yeah.

Okay, I love that.

I'm, yeah, I can picture it.

I can picture, I'm picturing you having like a big backpack and throwing it in the truck at the last minute and going, guys, wait up, I'm coming with you.

You know what's what's smart?

Checking All State First for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance.

You know what's not smart?

Not checking that you've got a piano lesson tomorrow.

You love your piano teacher, but she's pretty strict about you learning your scales.

You better learn E minor melodic quick so you don't let her down.

Yeah, checking first is smart.

So check All State First for a quote that could save you hundreds.

You're in good hands with Allstate.

Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability.

Allstate North American insurance company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

And were they, were your friends pumped that you were joining them?

Yeah, I mean, I, you know, they found an apartment and I slept on their couch for months until I got my own place because I was like, I guess I'm not going back to Colorado because my

stand-up bug really kind of kicked in.

And I mean, I moved here similarly thinking it was for six months.

And now you own a home.

I know.

Now I'm, yeah.

well when I was making feel good I wrote it with an actor in mind to play my girlfriend um Charlotte Ritchie and everyone said okay but that's just like you guys should still do a chemistry read together because you know each other and we gotta you know the whole show is riding on that chemistry and we and so she came in and I have never done a worse audition.

I could not stop laughing.

She couldn't stop laughing.

I'd never acted before.

I was like bright red.

I couldn't make eye contact.

I, we were, I just, and everyone was like, oh, well, thank God we did this because this is not going to work.

And you got to see a lot of different people.

And then I, I just like had a gut feeling.

And then I put my foot down and was like, can we do one more chemistry read?

And then we had two glasses of wine secretly before the second chemistry read.

Did you show up to the chemistry read with purple teeth?

Yeah, yeah.

I'm just like, well,

yeah.

But I'm glad.

I think that

Joe and I, who wrote it, knew that it was supposed to be her.

So yeah, that's what I'm going to go with.

Awesome.

Love it.

Should we hear Sheila's answer?

Yeah, let's hear what Sheila has to say.

I bet this is going to be good.

For me, it was the last time I spoke to my father.

He and I kept playing telephone tag over a weekend.

And finally, we caught up with each other.

And it would seem...

like an inconvenient time for me, but I took the phone call anyway.

Something told me to.

And I'm so glad I did because I lost him five days later.

So yeah, that's my question.

And thanks for all you do.

Make sure you keep it handsome.

Yeah, I had a feeling this was coming from like a real place of

something.

Sorry for the loss of your dad, but man, how great that she answered that call.

Yeah, I always, I have that fear with a lot of, with all my relationships.

Like, I'm, yeah.

Yeah, that's great that, that you got to talk to him.

And we're sorry for your loss.

When I leave the house, even if I'm just going to get lunch or at night, bedtime, I'm very,

you know, it's that brutal lesson of losing my mother as well, where I'm like, I love you and good night.

And,

you know, I just,

I'm picturing you saying it like that really intensely as you tuck them in.

I love you.

Good night.

I love you.

In case I die in my sleep.

Yeah.

No, but that, I mean, having learned that awful lesson and how abrupt and seemingly random it can be.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You got to, you got to say I love you all the time.

Absolutely.

I love you, May.

I love you, Thomas.

Love you too.

Love you, Thomas.

Love you guys.

All right.

Do you know I have letters on my computer in case I got hit by a bus?

Like, just so you guys know, I haven't told anyone that, but you.

Oh.

I'm going to say Thomas is in charge of

HR.

Exactly.

Execute your will.

Yeah.

Well, just give out the letters.

They're all on my desktop.

Yeah.

Just in case.

Wow.

Okay.

Yeah.

I haven't actually specifically written you on TIG, but maybe I will.

But then sometimes it seems morbid and I'm like, am I tempting fate?

That's okay.

If you die and I don't have a letter, I won't be mad at you.

Just know the thought was there.

I know.

I know it was.

There'll be a 25-page letter to Thomas.

To Tom.

Next question.

Hey, handsome.

This is John.

I am a part-time stay-at-home pretty little daddy in New York City.

I quit my full-time job after my husband and I had our first of two little cubs.

And one of the ways I try to stay sane as a parent is I just listen to lots and lots of podcasts.

Most recently, I binged all of the Handsome Pod episodes, which has me really admire and respect and appreciate the three of y'all.

I wonder if there's something that you have binged, if it's a podcast or a show or books or food, that is memorable to you.

Oh, that's great.

And thank you.

And I like that he said cubs.

That's what you say.

Yeah, and I also like Pretty Little Daddy.

Pretty little daddy is really good.

Yeah, really good.

Do you think that's a merch item?

Yes, yes, really good.

Put it on the list, Thomas.

Ashless Chops.

John, thank you for that.

I don't feel like I've binged anything recently other than, like I said, the news.

But

I would say the closest that I've come is

I really enjoy Mark Maron's podcast, WTF.

And I would say I've listened to more of his podcasts than anything else that I've listened to.

Oh, yeah.

Have you been on it?

Uh-huh.

Yeah, I've been on a few times over the years.

He's such a good interviewer.

He's so good and he's so knowledgeable.

And

he's also not afraid to,

you know, really speak his mind and stand up for the little guys and girls and vities.

And I text him pretty frequently saying,

listen, you are one of those people I don't care if you hate my guts.

I love what you're doing.

But

yeah, he's just been like a really fun surprise in my career.

Yeah.

Because I think a lot of people his age in the comedy world have gone in a very different direction.

And I

really like and respect where he's headed.

Yeah, I noticed that recently, especially, he's been very vocal about

all the right things and and and being funny about and also it's unfortunately um

when someone like him says it people listen as well like that's why it's so valuable to have allies because it's like you know he has access to all those all those people and he just really

does not care what

any like it's anyway Yes, I have not listened to all of his podcasts, but he's somebody I go click and check into when I'm traveling.

And I'm like, oh, that looks good.

I'm going to listen to that.

My answer is a lot

reflects worse on me than yours, which is I've been binging old episodes of The Weakest Link, this British show where people are competing with rapid-fire trivia to win money.

And it's so toxic.

So I'm watching the ones from the 90s and the early 2000s.

And Ann Robinson hosts it.

And it has not aged well.

But I kind of, it makes me laugh because there'll be a guy, he's like,

who's

like, hello, my name's Jeff.

I'm a fireman.

And she's like, a fireman allowed to be gay, Jeff.

And he's like, like, she's so offensive.

And he's like, what?

And she goes, that haircut's very gay, isn't it, Jeff?

She's really, but I kind of,

it kills me.

It's like, how did we let this happen?

She's so offensive, but I love it.

And because I like the fast trivia and I like trying to guess the answers along with the TV.

And then I like how awful she is.

And she always goes, you are the weakest thing.

Goodbye.

A fire men allowed to be gay, Jeff.

It's really good.

You know who would have a lot to say about her?

Who?

Mark Maron.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let's hear what John has to say.

Yeah.

And my answer is in the first year of the pandemic, when I had a little toddler and a lot of time on my hands, I binged the first like almost 15 years of This American Life episodes,

which is actually how I discovered TIG and ultimately the three of y'all.

So that was another great one.

Thank y'all so much and keep it handsome.

I actually have done that.

I did that exact thing in the pandemic at This American Life.

And

you feel smarter.

You feel

like you understand the world.

It's a great show.

Fuck, it's so good.

It's so good.

Just the way they tie stories in together and themes and whatever.

We don't need to promote shows other than our own, right?

Ira doesn't deserve that kind of attention.

He owes us a question, he keeps saying he's going to do it, and he'll be like, I'm a terrible person.

I know, I know, I'll do it.

I'll do it.

Ready?

Uh-huh.

I'm Ira Glass.

This week of the podcast.

We're talking to people who have made a mistake.

Was that good?

It was good.

I'll work on it.

It was good.

He's not congested in the way that you think.

Right.

Yeah.

But

your delivery is impeccable.

Thank you.

I'm going to go to practice.

Please submit your questions and advice requests to speakpipe.com/slash handsome pod.

That's true.

And please share episodes with friends,

rate, review, and subscribe to our

show and our YouTube.

You won't regret it.

You will not.

There will be no regrets.

And

I don't know.

Until next time, I think everyone should

keep it pretty.

Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feemster.

The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willette.

Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsome pod.

What a

podcast!

What a podcast!

What a podcast!

That was a hit gum podcast.

You know what's smart?

Checking all state first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance.

You know what's not smart?

Not checking that you put your favorite coffee mug in the dishwasher before running it.

Sure, you could drink coffee out of one of your dozens of other mugs, but there's one that stands out from the rest that just makes every sip that much better.

Yeah, checking first is smart.

So check All State First for a quote that could save you hundreds.

You're in good hands with Allstate.

Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability.

Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.