#371: Shakira Weekly! w/ Paul Rust & Neil Campbell

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The doctor was the mother.

He stood on a block of ice.

the worst of being Friday.

Well, welcome to Hate Riddle Riddle.

We're recording in a way that we never have before.

We're all sitting sort of on a couch.

I feel like a little kid in the back of a seat in between my two older brothers.

It feels awful.

Okay, Aaron, you have to start with one of of our classic bits.

People are going to be too confused if they.

Do you want me some help?

All right, ready?

Are we there yet?

Pull over, pull over, pull over.

No, kids.

Oh, I'm in the back seat.

Oh, then who's driving the car?

So we're all sitting in a row, and it feels

abreast.

I feel like we're in a podcast Waymo right now.

I feel, I hate this setup.

This is horrible.

And this maybe speaks volumes to my sick brain.

My first thought was sitting like Last Supper style.

That's sick.

You're a sick guy.

Has anyone ever said that in stand-up?

Like, why were all the disciples sitting on one side of the table?

Aaron, can I blow your mind?

But all stand-up.

Oh, no.

I'm lazy.

That's like the first.

Well, it's the second bit.

The first bit is they talk about the shirt that they picked.

Right.

And it's like a bowling shirt or something.

And it's like, this is stupid.

I don't know why I wore this.

Yeah.

We're just describing Joe Rogan.

Bowling shirt.

Well,

let's, hey, I'll roll down the window to my side of the Waymo, and there's another car

sort of

in driving alongside us.

Good.

Is that good?

Good world building.

Yeah.

Yep.

Kind of lets the people know.

We have Neil Campbell and Paul Rust here today.

Hi, guys.

Pulling up right next.

We're side by side in a smart car.

Convertible.

The way Paul was driving was more like a shredder car.

I'm so happy to have you guys on the show.

We're happy to be here.

Thank you.

And thank you guys so much, all of you, for having us.

Really appreciate it.

I've had the pleasure of doing a little bit of improv with you out here in L.A., but you guys have known each other for a very long time.

Aaron, don't sell yourself short.

You're one of the MVPs.

Call up, Aaron.

We want to make sure the show's good.

I'm one of the MVPs.

You're one of the MVPs.

I know it.

Don't I know it?

No, you tell me all the time I'm not.

Yeah,

if we want to make sure the show is good, we call you.

If we're trying to tank the show

sort of on behalf of some bookies or something, we don't call you.

In LA, people bet against improv shows.

It's a huge industry.

We take the under a lot.

But you guys met in college.

That's right.

We met at the University of Iowa at fall 2000.

Wow.

And so anybody who's about to celebrate the 25th anniversary of the release of Radio Head's Kid A

before

the first time Neil and I met,

I overheard him talking about Kid A to somebody, to a group of people.

And he was like, hey, has anybody listened to it yet?

None of them had.

I had, but I was too bashful to share my opinion.

If you were a track on Kid A, you'd be Pyramid Song.

So understated and bashful.

But quietly, one of the best.

I'm going to make the deepest reference I may have ever made in my life.

Were you two, this is Hawkeyes, right?

Were you two there at the same time as Tim Dwight?

Yes.

Okay.

Or at at least I was.

I'm older than Paul.

He might have been my freshman year, might have been his senior year.

He was like, he both went to the NFL.

One of the best kick returners of all time.

But then came back to Iowa and ran track.

Oh, really?

That was like the big thing.

Like after he had already played a year in the NFL, was

when he was returning the ball, he'd run like a hundred-meter dash.

He has the ball in a baton.

Yeah.

It's possible I'm wrong about that.

But yeah, he was.

Why did he choose to do that?

You didn't change your your mind and go back to college for a while.

That was the thing.

It was confusing to me, too, because I thought there are all the rules.

Obviously, they're different now, but about amateur athletics.

But for some reason, he was track eligible

still and came back and ran track.

I think.

How do you wrong?

Such should be stretching, and you'll look over and you're like, that guy's an animal.

He just was in the because he might have even been one of those guys who made the Super Bowl his rookie year or something.

Interesting.

How do you know him?

One of my best friends was

a huge athlete in Kiwani, Illinois, which is

he was he's amazing, but small pawn.

But Iowa was recruiting him.

So they're like, here's tickets to a game.

You can bring a friend.

So we went and saw, it was Tim Dwight and Tavian Banks, I think were like the big stars.

And the game we went to might have been against the Illini, but Tim Dwight had like four touchdown returns, like kickoff or punt returns for touchdowns.

And we were like.

This guy is a superstar.

What do you mean you were recruiting him?

Oh, sorry.

Iowa was recruiting him.

Oh, okay.

Oh, Oh, Mike.

Okay, gotcha.

I thought you were.

This is a part of your backstory I do not know.

With an eye patch, asking

the initiative.

Like, what sleeves are you saying, you, meaning you, you are I, you of I, you of I of I all covered.

That's all that's all.

Thank you.

Oh, my God.

Thank you.

Philip Dickian.

Yeah.

Are you guys going to do to celebrate your 25-year friendship anniversary, a trip?

That's a good question.

It actually probably is coming up in like a few months.

Yeah.

Listen to Kid A.

Yeah, probably just do a Kid A listening party.

It's funny, Neil.

Neil and I have been talking about, hey, let's go to Vegas sometimes with some buddies.

Maybe it would be to celebrate our

year of our premiere.

Metallica at the sphere?

Hey, all right.

I want to see the sphere.

I'd have to see anything there.

I want to see the sphere.

I haven't ever seen, I want to, I want to know a reason.

So Metallica is playing at the sphere?

October, I think.

So is it like just a big screen of like skulls?

Type of lightning bolts.

Yeah.

Backstreet Boys just played.

I saw you two there, and I think each band does their own.

Yeah, that's what I was wondering.

I know U2 like specifically designed a show to be like the kickoff of the sphere, but with a normal band, is it like, can you just go there and like the sphere people are like, don't worry, we got you covered.

We just like film you and project it in a cool way, or we turn on like the iTunes visualizer.

Or like, do you need to?

I've like invested $5 million into like 360 like graphics and stuff to even be able to perform things.

This fall, they're also showing the Wizard of Oz, and it's like a 4D experience where I think they're like blowing paper into the audience and stuff.

But it was like a few million dollars, I think, to like change it.

To go?

All right.

No, yeah, to go per ticket.

No.

To change the visuals enough to fit in that space.

So I think it's like touring shows just can't like go through there.

I know that

the sphere is like preparing with that Wizard of Oz show.

It's like the, it's going to be the first case of somebody doing psychedelics.

So they're just going to have to.

when it goes from black and white to color.

I mean, damn, dude.

It's inspiring.

People can do it for the first time.

I will tell you that that is my plan for my birthday this fall is to maybe do something at the sphere while I watch Wizard of the World.

It sounds like maybe Metallica's still there.

Oh, I'll be so upset if I'm expecting Wizard of Oz.

I'll be so spooked.

People think it's Pink Floyd, but it's actually Metallica.

All their albums sync up to Wizard of Oz, and it'll be perfect.

Return to Oz, also.

Yeah.

Tin Man.

The question that we always ask our guests, especially a first-time guest on the podcast, is: what is your relationship with puzzles, riddles, lateral thinking problems?

In recent years, we've started adding escape rooms to that list as well.

Were they a big part of your childhood?

Are they something you haven't thought about in 30 years?

Like, where do they land for you?

My first thought here was

we had this

children's version of Encyclopædia Britannica that was called like childcraft books.

And they were like the color of a rainbow and you could sort of put them either in the Roy G Biv area or just the numbers like looked great together.

And there was a puzzle book that was just like

different versions.

I remember one that was like

six different snakes all bundled up together and you had to find which ones had the same patterns by like following their tails.

So I loved that.

Okay.

And that's probably where I peaked in terms of my love for puzzles, honestly.

I had that same set, and

I bought one of the books recently, and it blew my mind to flip through it and be like, oh my God, because there's like stuff from fam pool booth, and it's a real hodgepodge of like children's.

I bet just looking at that has to be the sensory memory of like seeing a specific page is probably pretty impactful.

What about you, Neil?

I've never done an escape room.

I do,

I do like the crossword every day, which I feel like is puzzle adjacent.

And you start to learn kind of some of the,

oh, this is shorthand for this, or this one's being tricky, you know, and you don't think of this one too literally.

Do you have a like a best time that you've done on the crossword?

The best time.

Yes, I do.

Well, I have like my streak, I do it every day on the New York Times one, and my streak's like in the like 1600s right now.

Oh,

and uh, my all-time best is a Monday.

I got 249.

Whoa.

Holy fuck.

Nice, Neil.

But two minutes.

Two minutes, 49 seconds.

On a Monday one.

Yeah.

Wow.

That's so crazy.

That's crazy.

I have to say this because you've been so nice.

Could you prove it?

I could.

I was charging in the other room, but I'll pull it out.

Was that just filling out all of the squares or did the answers correct?

Were there like words and something?

No,

it doesn't mark you done until it.

Yeah, I tend to hold down the X button.

But you know what?

Riddle-wise, so, but that's the thing.

I feel like, okay, but I'm like, it's just like in a different lane because sometimes then I see a riddle, I'm like, my mind doesn't work like this.

It's not the same thing.

But

I'm sure you guys have actually probably talked about this on the show.

But you know what I find so annoying are the things that get suggested to you on Instagram that are like, I guess they're just clickbait where it's like a riddle, but it'll be like, which of these isn't a real time?

but they are all real times, like, unless maybe the parameters were like according to military time or something like that.

You know what I mean?

Have you ever seen these?

Or it'll be

there's another thing.

There's like different people.

I kind of get suggested this one couple and it's always a guy like, all right, how do you do?

And he's trying to like have his like girlfriend or wife or whatever solve a riddle.

And like, he's like, no, it's just like.

It's just like you watch it if you want to see like a man tell a woman she's wrong.

Yeah.

Like what this podcast is, babe.

For like two minutes,

and it's just, and it's also, it'll be like the most stupidly, and there's a few other things like this, so I'm conflating some of these now, but sometimes it'll be like, divide 500 by half and add three into, and you're like,

well,

you're already like fucking with people because you're saying divide 500 by half instead of in half.

So does that mean divide it by 0.5 or does that mean divide in it?

And so it just, it's, but they are doing it deliberately to create comments where everyone just bickers and boosts engagement.

But it's just so annoying to be like,

oh, you, why just have like fake no answer riddles?

Yeah.

That just means you're stupid as opposed to like, you could have come up with a riddle and tried to engage people in that way too, you know?

I'd like to think that there's like some sort of military connection that like if you get 239 on a Monday on a New York Times crossword, on your Instagram, they start sending you like the reason we haven't

ready to be a spy.

I literally think it it might be that.

I have like the, you know, the New York Times games app, and so I'm sure my phone's telling Instagram, like, hey, he is the games app.

You should suggest that.

But specifically, it's a military recruitment.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Super spies.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

No, they have asked me if I want to be alias.

So

that could be fun.

Yeah.

Specifically, alias.

Did you do it for a couple years?

Yeah, they sent me a red wig.

Was her name alias?

Oh, it must have been.

It must have been already.

Yeah, Megan Alias.

Megan alias.

She's trying to have it all.

But JPC, that was a Namda Pluto.

Okay.

The alias is on the other foot.

We struggle with riddles.

We don't like it when

we don't like it when they're smug like that.

It can be a little bit condescending inherently.

Yeah.

So that makes a lot of sense.

Yeah.

A lot of the Instagram stuff.

Yeah, again, I don't even think there's really a right answer.

It's just like phrased poorly so that a man could tell a woman she's wrong.

I'm jealous.

My Instagram is all like raccoons smoking cigarettes.

cigarettes

my algorithm knows me is this post-cordus or yeah yeah yeah they're like post-text and they're like that's the only time they're allowed yeah um just to level set

a lot of the word on year seven or eight a lot of the riddles we do are kind of what you described really

it's lateral thinking problems where it's like you hear the answer and you're like oh it's missing a lot of information for me to glean that so it the the example we typically give for lateral thinking is like, there's a cabin, and you might have heard this, there's a cabin in the woods.

Everyone in the cabin is dead.

There's no footprints in or out of the cabin.

There is snow on the ground, but no footprints.

How did everyone die?

They all died the same way.

Have you heard this one?

No.

So the normal mind is like, cabin in the woods?

Is it a murder?

Is it a, what's going on?

It's a cabin of an airplane.

It was a plane crash kind of thing.

So a lot of our riddles are like that, but worse, where it's like, it's missing a lot of everything.

Right.

It sounds like, I guess there could have been a carbon monoxide leak, right?

Hondo P.

So, just a level said, the riddles are bad.

I eagerly anticipate it.

There's probably 30 good riddles, and we did those all within the first six weeks or so.

And it's been going for eight years, so now we have to do whatever.

So, now what?

It's this.

Yeah.

Should we get to our first riddle?

Yeah, I'm ready.

Sure.

Yeah, let's do it.

Okay.

And guys, again, I'm so sorry.

Here's what this is maybe on the I don't even say easier side because it still sucks.

Walter spent three days in the hospital.

Okay.

He was neither sick nor injured, but when it was time to leave, he had to be carried out.

Insurance fraud.

Is that the riddle?

Is that it?

That's the riddle.

That's the riddle.

Why?

Is that the end of there?

Oh, he's a newborn.

Was it ano bingo?

Hot to talk.

Got it.

Why?

Mr.

Crosswords.

Well, well, well.

228 on that.

Well, we don't know for sure that a newborn wasn't committing insurance fraud.

Some of them do.

Some of them are criminals.

Let's do it.

I thought for a moment I was like, oh, the hospital is in an airplane.

Paul is in the cabin in the woods.

Really close attention to how the show goes.

The rest of the day.

Rest of the riddles.

Always the answer is that it's in an airplane.

Yeah, is it an elevator in an airplane?

Do they have this?

Airplane hospitals.

A maximum three days.

Let's try another one here.

Okay.

A man wakes up at night in the pitch dark.

He knows that on his bedside table are a razor, a watch, and a glass of water.

He can reach out onto the table and be sure to pick up the watch without touching either the razor or the glass of water.

How?

To light up watch?

That's a great guess.

That's not what I have here, but Aaron, I think.

I do give you full points for that.

Wow.

A man wakes up at night in the pitch dark.

He knows that on his bedside table are a razor, watch and glass of water.

How can he reach out onto the table and be sure to pick up the watch without touching the other two items?

Is it making noise?

No.

Also a great guess.

And I'm going to retire.

You did two great guesses, not just two guesses.

And now I'm tired.

And I'm going to sort of go back to the bench.

Good luck.

Like, the pitch dark makes me think it's.

An airplane.

Yeah.

Obviously.

Like, that it's a, that's a.

Actually, he's blind.

He just knows where everything is, but I'm kind of

like still a blind guy that doesn't really change anything is it one of those spatial awareness where he wakes up in the dark and then like takes a minute for his eyes to adjust and then is able to pick up the watch oh like a vin diesel and pitch black pitch black oh i was thinking more just like how like a person would do that or he's next to like a uh sort of long like dining table like like the beauty and the beast dine at and uh the uh the watch is the only one near him and the other two objects are 17 feet away.

Oh, I simply must see a scene.

Aaron, you're asleep in bed.

Yeah.

And on your nightstand table are, we'll say, a glass of water,

Paul, and a watch, Neil.

And it's almost like a Blue Mirror Wadsworth situation.

Oh, dearest me.

I've grown quite parched.

Well, it is time for a little snack.

Let's wake her up.

Catch up, get up.

What?

What?

We have grown quite

thirsty.

You're a glass of water.

That's the comic irony that can only be cooked up by those wizards and Disney themselves.

Don't you want to strap me on and see what time it is?

You'd like that.

Okay, you'd like that.

You know what, guys?

Wait, where's the razor?

I i thought you were supposed to be watching him

he was saying something about ending it all

but we were

relieved to consider that as i as a drink of water can't drink myself a razor wouldn't be able to use a razor on itself no i didn't take it so oh i did it

yeah i figured it out how did you you bent yeah sort of did it oh yeah

it's a weird bend and i know why you did it because you haven't fallen in love with our master yet.

And you guys, I'm working on it.

He's just so boring.

What?

You were hoping a big furry beast instead of a more pigman beast, like we got?

I was sort of hoping, sort of, like a gruff kind of beast.

But he's gruff.

He's a piece of shit.

No, you guys, I'll find a different way to break the curve.

I'm astounded to find out that the pigman is boring.

He is.

He has to have some tales about, oh, being in the mud.

And it's to save my life.

Don't you care about me?

And it's not even true love, it's just one hand job.

Is that the curse?

I can give one hand job.

Oh, well, please, by all means, I'm dying of a broken neck.

Just be careful, SP.

This is Bob.

Knock, knock, on, goank.

Oh, it's him, it's him.

Hello, master.

Master, master, laughter.

Frank is fine.

Oh, please, Frank is fine.

Master, Frank.

Frank and Furter.

I love Rocky Horror.

Have you seen,

and I'm covering my eyes in case.

I don't know if you sleep in the.

She does.

She does.

You know.

Do you want microwave eggs?

Yeah.

Okay.

I love you.

See you on the scene.

Classic beauty and debaste.

I felt like I might know the answer to it in the middle of that scene.

Oh, it never happened.

That's good, Aaron.

No, but then I think

I don't think it's right, so forget it.

Oh.

Okay.

Glow in the dark wristband.

Yeah.

Oh, are his hands magnets?

Paul, you are the closest so far.

Ooh, glow-in-the-dark wristband.

Glow-in-the-dark magnets.

Magnets is also a great guess.

Because if his hands magnets are not.

See, he can see a sheen from the moon on the razor in the water.

It definitely has something to do with

what you two were circling.

The illumination of the wristwatch.

Very good guess.

It's ticking.

It's a little more.

Think, speaking of razors, Occam's razor in this situation.

So luminescence, but from the most

it's on his nightstand.

He's on his nightstand.

His light is not on on his nightstand because it's pitch dark.

Oh, is it quite digital?

You're getting very warm by what you just said, Japes.

It's not the watch can be digital or

undigital.

Is the watch on

what so the light?

The light is close?

Like his bet is close.

his like watch plugged in?

Oh, this, I feel like everyone's gonna be so mad.

If I were you, I'd start running.

So it's pitch dark.

These items are on his nightstand.

Yes.

How is he able to grab the one item he wants without sort of?

Oh, does it make emit some sort of tone?

Uh, no.

Do I?

Am I beeping?

Am I beeping right now?

I haven't changed my battery in a decade.

I've heard of people having at night like like tonal emissions.

Like when you're first going through puberty, you'll wake up sometimes and your

ball is making a sound.

Open your mouth and the radio station is.

Is the guy in the bed a bat and he's using echolocation?

Again, a little more simple.

So

a little more simple than the man being a bat in the bed?

Are the other things inside the drawer and that's the only thing?

That's warm, not in the drawer, but on the table.

So, this is on his nightstand.

And I would say he does interact with.

He's a watch holder.

No, he does interact with another item before.

He turns on the light.

He turns on the lamp.

Oh, Addle.

Oh, Adol.

Oh, Adol.

And folks, I am so sorry.

He turns on the lamp, of course.

Of course, that's what I would do.

I should have put myself in his shoes.

That's right.

In his pajamas.

Oh, sorry.

If we had only put ourselves in his pajamas.

I don't want to advocate for bullying, but whoever wrote this riddle should have been shoved in a locker.

Did you hear that?

Des Mikael?

Wow, Aaron sounds like you just committed a hate crime.

I'm sorry.

We used to look up on a, there was a website that was like practical jokes.

I just was thinking.

And it's, I'm sure, long lost to the internet.

You know, it's internet like 1.5, basically, but it was user-submitted, like, practical jokes, but mostly just seemed to be like things a nine-year-old thought could be

like a thing.

like either they were, yes, they were either like logistically impossible, or it would just be like, go into church and when you start to pray, say, dear God of hell.

Prank.

Got him.

God gets that prayer and he's like, no.

That's the one I specifically, dear God of hell, thank you for the holy shit.

What?

God.

And I said, what?

That's right.

We all remember the full thing.

I would love if that nine-year-old ended up in hell and they're like, well,

this is what you get.

Yeah.

Remember the prank you did?

Could I see that scene of a little boy visiting the devil in hell?

JPC, do you want to be the devil?

Sure.

Addle, do you want to be the little boy?

Yeah.

Great.

For the record, I don't believe in hell.

But I'll pretend.

Whoa, big old gates.

Yes, these are big old gates.

Are you St.

Peter?

Am I St.

Peter?

No.

I'm the devil.

I'm obviously the devil.

Horns, pointy tail, Tabasco sauce.

What are you doing here?

You're a little boy.

You shouldn't be here in hell.

Hell's for adults.

I farted in church.

Hee hee.

Who did you say just got here?

Hee he.

Whoa.

No, no.

All right, Bob.

Walk away.

Bye.

You don't want anything to do with him.

That's a very bad man.

This is hell.

Who was that?

That's a very bad man.

Initials.

Well, I could tell you, but I mean, you're what, you're nine?

Yeah.

Ain't nine from now, you wouldn't know.

Nobody knows nowadays.

I'm an old soul.

There's a line.

Hold on, okay?

You're an adult woman who looks like you have a blender in your throat.

Yeah.

You try to drink a blender?

Okay, I'll wait my turn.

Yes, you will.

Oh, dang, hell's like Betelgeuse, like in the waiting room.

You farted in church?

Yeah, but I think because I laughed.

No.

What do you mean?

Huh?

You're still alive?

No.

Okay.

Just tell them what you did wrong and so we can all get into hell.

Not everyone did something wrong to get to hell.

Oh, wait, do you want to know what I did wrong or how I died?

Does it have to be the same thing?

I guess not.

Now that I'm thinking of it, I guess not.

What did you do wrong?

You farted in church?

Farted in church.

Doesn't get you to hell, though.

Is that all you did?

I think so.

I mean, you would probably know best, right?

Did you pray to the devil?

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, that'll do it.

Did you, and I'm assuming everyone in line prayed to the devil?

We all raise our hands.

Yeah.

No cats in hell.

Yeah.

God.

You guys been all day weeding out little kids and cats.

We really can't take kids.

You, definitely, we can take you.

Nobody in here is going to watch.

How did you get down here?

What's up?

You go ahead.

I was just saying, this place is so unorganized.

Been waiting in line for like 15 minutes.

Oh, 15 minutes?

It's hell, sweetie.

It's supposed to be bad.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

You know what?

Back of the line for you.

What?

Yeah, your hell starts now.

I swallowed a blender.

It's like Disney, where, you know, the ride starts in line.

Are you familiar with Disney?

Oh, the immersiveness of it?

Yeah, they say the ride starts in line.

Fuck this.

What do you mean, fuck this?

Where are you going?

I'm going back to Earth.

Oh, shit.

Ah, fuck.

Hey.

I thought I heard a kid or here.

There's one of my hookamaniacs around here.

No, none of you.

What about my good friend MJ?

Yes, he's here.

I thought I heard you guys could go THE around here.

Yeah.

I do remember the time I visited you on the set of Remember the Time.

You are two of the worst that we have down here.

Hey, you want to go get out of here and just catch up as friends?

Don't wink at me.

I don't wink at me.

We don't always do people's stuff.

Come hang out with me and Hooter.

Hooter's from Captain EO.

Fade, fade.

fade.

Oh, brother.

And I don't know if

you remember, but in Captain EO, they can't find the map because Hooter ate the map.

Yes.

Aaron, does that have a remember of yours?

No, not watching anything gore for you.

He did not cross my desk.

It's a big plot point in Captain EO.

I probably owe Mookie Blake Lock a little tip of the hat.

That was sort of his Michael Jackson impression.

Night to the high school.

A hawksbler?

Oh, no.

Comedian,

because he has a similar last name, Michael Blakelock, then got the nickname Mookie.

So Mookie Mookie Blake Lock is a comedian.

I do like doing a Michael Jackson impression and then throwing someone else under the bus for it.

That wasn't even me, honestly.

That was like Addles' Michael Jackson impression.

That's all credit to him.

It's always tickled me.

V2.

Like it fits perfectly.

My Michael Jackson's more of like a Jawa where it's like,

let's do another riddle here.

Ooh,

this one's going to ruffle some feathers.

A healthy man got dressed and then lay down and died.

Why?

And for this one, I do have some hints.

A healthy man got dressed and then lay down and died.

Did like 50 years pass in between the two things that you described?

That is exactly how you should be thinking.

Okay.

But that is unfortunately not the right answer for this one.

Healthy man, he got dressed and then he laid down and died.

And is this something where

if I read it, it would still like, it's not like he dyed his hair.

Like, it's that's what I was gonna ask.

It's not D-Y-E-D.

You are also thinking along the

right lines, um, but that is not correct.

Is this a man who was doing like an ice luge and he got in his like lushing gear and then laid?

You lay down for that, right?

What am I thinking of?

Yeah, you lay down.

And then he like, you know, yeah, but he died instead.

Yeah, He got like tired off into a dragon's mouth or something.

Well, I was just, yeah, I was going to say dragon's mouth, which happens more often.

Huge risk for people for ice luging.

Was he in a play?

He was not in a play.

Did he put on poison clothes?

Oh, yeah.

Ooh,

you are very hot.

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.

With poison clothes, huh?

With poison clothes.

Did he, uh, he went before he laid down?

Did he say, these clothes are to die for?

He got dressed in like an operating gown or something.

something and oh that that's a great guess um but not correct uh poison clothes is is i mean you are pretty much you're pretty much on the money okay but when we brought that to shark tank no one cared and they told us to

did he like yeah does it have spikes on it or something did he lay down on like a poison bed did you lay down

who's uh paul did you say spikes i said yeah spikes are on his suit

but i'm standing on the shoulders of a poison suit giant

and we all know that we all are was it like a bed of nails no but but poison spikes

magician these are like organic poison spikes if you really think about it and stretch it a pig's penis

so we've already established that that's called

he's allergic to cotton

so poison what is a natural thorn Is that what you're talking about?

This is closest to me.

Remember how pigs orgasm for 90 minutes?

I know we've talked about that in Ozium on the show, but every time we talk about pigs' penises, I think I'm immediately what I I think about.

Oh, I hate it.

Oh, wait, wait, pigs, penises.

You guys didn't finish guessing which celebrity I saw today.

Who did you see?

Think pigs, penises, but not necessarily.

Just think pigs.

Pigs?

He was, he's a celebrity who was famous for a pig movie.

Babe?

James Cromwell?

I saw James Cromwell.

I didn't know he was still alive.

He was.

Down the street is the James Cromwell PETA Center.

Is that right?

Yeah.

I saw him at a vegan restaurant because he is famously a vegan because he became a vegan like two days into shooting Babe.

Yeah.

He was shooting that movie and then he said, I do not want to consume animal products anymore.

Because there are spiders in the.

Yeah.

He looked good.

There was, though, he did have like a helper there helping him like move a babe.

I figured Babe was there.

Babe's pretty old now for a pig.

Babe is 35,

probably.

Five-year-old pig of that movie.

Okay, yeah.

And I gotta say, I was thinking Charlotte Swebb because of the answer to this riddle.

organic poison needle spider bite there was a poison spider in his shoe neil oh my god and here's the thing neil i should have the minute you said poison spikes or whatever you should have i should have rung the bell we should have handed you the oversized check i guess it is poison clothes i know it is like yeah we just missed like yeah the last thing by the way like that answer is as is the equivalent of like a stray bullet yeah right like it's a plane fell out of the sky and smoked it an additional thing happened yeah

the way it's written in uh in the riddle is the last thing he put on was his shoe and it contained a deadly spider that bit him he died shortly after so yeah neil i gotta say he also he put on shoes to lie down no that's a great question i think he laid down like because he was dying yes

like what they just said there's there's a spider in the pocket of his suit It's weird that

the shoes are remote when it wasn't even really set at the moment.

Also, I don't know about you guys, but the shoes are the first thing that I put on, right?

Like right out the shower.

No,

that's not universal.

What?

Sociopath.

You dry.

Well, you dry off first, I bet.

Can't believe this

doesn't put her wet feet in shoes as soon as she gets out of the shower.

I do want to see a scene.

Neil, since you solved it,

I'll give you the option.

Do you want to be in the scene or do you want to be in the scene?

Do you need to cool off?

I don't think you've ever given someone the option before at all.

Take the option.

Because you, I mean, I should have given it to you.

You nailed it.

Neil, you're going to be a spider dad.

Okay.

Your wife didn't come home last night, and you have to break the news to your daughter, Erin.

Dad, dad, I made a web.

Look.

Yeah, yeah, it's beautiful, dear.

Look, we need to have a talk.

What's going on?

So,

you know, you know how I'm always capturing flies and killing them?

Yeah, it's delicious.

Classic.

Have you ever wondered what happens,

you know, to that fly's family.

It's maybe has a wife, it has kids at home, yeah.

Flies have families just like we're a family.

What?

Yeah, flies have families, uh, yeah.

And so sometimes that's horrible, sometimes someone doesn't come home, and it's our fault.

We're the ones who poop couched them in a web.

Dad, you've been like tormenting these flies and like messing with them and telling them you're gonna let them go and stuff.

Yeah, and I started to cut off the top of their head and feed them their own brains and stuff.

Yeah,

they had families, yeah.

They had families who missed them.

Well, unfortunately, we're in a similar predicament.

Your mom last night pulled

mom.

Well, she pulled that classic prank.

She got in a man's shoe before he put on his suit.

Classic mom.

And

bit him.

And she's been

arrested.

What?

And I, and we do, um, we do take a quick break to pan over to JBC the fly dad with the top of his head cut off and a mouthful of brain and the fly son with a top of head cut off mouthful of brain stuck in the web talking to each other.

So

you know how we eat shit off the ground?

Mm-hmm.

This is way better.

At first, when I heard I was gonna have to eat my own brains,

check please.

Right?

But after eating like non-stop actual like feces,

this is like so not bad.

It's um, it's got a flavor.

It's kind of flavor I can't twice.

It just doesn't have.

Yeah.

Can I get you guys anything?

Water?

More of my brains, please.

Could I please have more?

Tell me there's more brains in there.

I'm almost full.

Is there not?

I think we could scoop out a little bit more.

Is there other

fly brains that we can use?

Can you bring us like the Albert Einstein of flies?

We don't care.

We're amoral when it comes to eating other brains.

It is market price for other brains.

This is my last meal, so I don't mind splurging a little bit.

Hey, we cut to the funeral for the mother spy where the daughter is performing a song.

Mom, I thought you just got arrested.

I don't know what happened.

She was executed.

Terra Hout, Indiana.

Same place Timothy McVay was

killed.

That's awful.

Her last meal was her own brains.

What?

She chose to eat her own brains for her last meal.

That's not what

Timothy McVay did that.

Yeah.

Good for him.

Anyways, let's pack it up.

Let's take a quick break.

We'll be right back with more riddles.

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

Oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, did you get it?

Did you get it on camera?

No, sorry, I wasn't recording.

No, me neither.

Guys, come on.

I feel like, and this is not an indictment of you, but I feel like I keep doing the same skateboard trick.

I keep hitting myself in the junk, going down this rail the exact same way every time.

And I feel like you guys are just fumbling with the camera, and I'm beginning to think it's on purpose.

Adela and Aaron, make eye contact.

No, wink, wink, wink.

No.

Well, of course, we did build a beautiful website on Squarespace.

Yeah, we're using Squarespace.

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And I need to pay to offset the cost of the terrible damage I'm doing to my body.

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And videos of JPC falling gracefully.

But all the videos so far are like you guys in like your face.

It's like reaction shots because you have the camera turned the wrong way.

Well, that's because we've been using squarespace's analytics jpc i'm not going to pronounce that word how you pronounce it analytics because we're making smarter business decisions with squarespace's intuitive built-in analytics tools we can review website traffic we've learned a lot of people love when we make fun of you uh learn where to focus our engagement which is like kids laughing at us laughing at you and track revenue from bookings invoices or product sales

You know what?

I don't care.

I'm going to post whatever videos that you guys make.

I think the content is going to stand on its own.

I think I'm going to be successful.

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GPC, why don't you do a flip-oll-over that

bookcase?

Okay, I'll try it one more time.

Take hundreds.

Yeah.

Oh, it doesn't hurt anymore.

Uh-oh.

It doesn't hurt anymore.

Oh, boy.

Oh, I like it less.

Jealous much.

New coat, new shirt, new pants.

Adel, you didn't get those from the Emperor, did you?

No, I think that guy was actually not wearing any clothes.

Oh.

I knew it.

And everyone says he was.

And I knew he wasn't.

I felt like I knew he wasn't.

Interesting.

Now, my experience with the Emperor, his clothes are awesome.

Adel, your clothes look fantastic.

They look like very expensive.

That must have...

costed you an arm and a leg.

No, actually, we don't pay with limbs, we pay with money, but this was actually very cheap in terms of money.

This is from Quince, my good lady.

I love Quince.

Quince has the kind of fall staples you'll wear non-stop.

Like super soft 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters.

Touch, please, touch.

Starting at just $60.

That's bonkers.

$60?

Yeah, $60.

Their denim is durable and fits right, and their real leather jackets bring the clean, classic edge without the elevated price tag.

I have sheets from Quince.

I got a skirt from Quince.

I love Quince.

On the walk over here, wearing Quince, a bunch of photographers were like, who is that guy?

That's clearly like Somehard's little brother, like Nathan, Nathan Levi's cousin or something.

Taller, younger brother.

And what makes Quince different?

Well, they partner directly with Ethical Factories and skip the middleman.

So you get top-tier fabrics and craftsmanship at half the price of similar brands.

And middlemen are flipping out about it.

I saw a middleman on the phone in a parking lot tearing the hair out of his head.

He was so mad at at Quince.

Is he okay?

No, he looks really distressed.

Personally, I love my lightweight hoodie.

I think it's like perfect for the cooler weather.

It's like, it's kind of the in-between hoodie that you can get between like, you know, a fall jacket and, you know, your summer clothes.

It's, it's awesome.

It's like a must-have staple of my wardrobe.

And I got my eye on some boots at Quince for the fall.

Just a tall boot.

I haven't had one of those like riding boots in a minute, and I'm excited.

I might get them in black or maybe like a chocolate color.

Come back to me.

Come back to me.

Sounds good, friends.

Puts on sunglasses.

So keep it classic and cool this fall with long-lasting staples from Quince.

Go to quince.com/slash riddle for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.

That's q-u-i-n-ce-e dot com slash riddle.

Free shipping and 365-day returns.

Quince.com/slash riddle.

Adult, I have got Erin on a joke website.

I'm about to sell her chocolate boots.

I think she's she's going to walk around.

Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

I will stay and watch this.

Mom, yum, yum.

Eats them like cookie monsters.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Guys, I need to find a better solution than what I'm using.

I've been going up to this character that's sitting at a booth that it's like free advice for five cents.

She's being like really mean to me.

And then I tried to like kick a football and she moved it and went,

are you joking?

That's so embarrassing.

And I feel like that's not good therapy moving forward.

I need to find a better solution.

Aaron, you can't be doing that.

You got to do what I do.

You have to whisper your secrets into a rock and throw the rock into the ocean.

Huh.

Or do what I do, which is use BetterHelp, which I think is probably the best option.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Don't talk to a rock or talk to somebody at a five-suit booth from what sounds like a comic.

Talk to an online therapist at BetterHelp.

Yeah, Aaron, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally.

It's convenient as well.

You can join a session with a therapist at the click of a button, helping you fit therapy into your busy life, I assume, plus switch therapists at any time.

And BetterHelp's quality therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the U.S.

They're not going to move a football on you, Aaron.

Aaron, they won't move the football or they won't throw the rock back.

In fact, they've been told specifically not to throw any rocks.

Hmm.

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Hey, Adel, can I tell you a secret?

Yeah.

It's me.

I'm in the booth.

I'm in the booth.

Nice one.

Well, I'm going to go back to the booth and try the football one more time.

I'm going to let her have it this time.

I'm going to let her have it.

I think Timothy McVeigh's last meal was like, was he the one that had the four pints of ice cream?

Oh,

that rings up.

I really wish I knew.

Yeah, gonna be it's gonna kill me that I don't know what he ate before he died.

What vegan restaurant were you at?

Crossroads, crossroads, kitchens.

Yeah, what would be your last meal?

Probably Crossroads.

Really?

I took okay.

Can we come back?

Because

I would love.

So I love that place.

I don't know if any.

Adam, you've been.

Have you gone with us?

We went last time we were in town.

I've been before.

I don't know if I've been with you.

But it's all

an all-vegan restaurant, but they don't do that thing where on the menu, they don't say vegan scallops and like vegan chicken they just say like chicken and scallops or whatever but i told my um my uh in-laws that it was a vegan restaurant when we went and neither one of them are vegan um but so uh there's like items that are clearly marked gluten-free because my mother-in-law is gluten-free and um they both ordered their food and then we're like asking the waiter like can i sub out the cream and i was like there's no cream it's vegan you can you can't eat dairy but it's fine it's vegan and they're like great and then they were like and then can i uh sub up the gluten-free pasta?

I was like, That the thing you got is gluten-free, like, you don't, there's no sub outs that you need to make, it's totally fine.

Everything I've made sure that everything that is here, you can both eat.

And then my father-in-law got his food and he was eating it.

And he was like, Well, why do they have scallops here?

And I was like, Well, they're not scallops, those nothing that you eat here is going to be me at all.

I was like, Those are definitely mushrooms.

And he was like, Those were mushrooms.

I was like,

It doesn't matter.

Yeah,

I enjoy.

Everyone enjoys.

I have seen some tickets to the Angel City women's soccer team here.

And

the food options have changed kind of over the years, but they used to have a Wolfies there, which was a vegan sort of hot chicken place.

Oh, okay.

But

it said like in all the sort of art as you're waiting in line on like the sort of columns and stuff behind you, plant-based, da-da-da-da.

But it's also kind of easy to like, it's like.

Not that this will help the listener, but like behind us right here, it says headgum LA podcast.

Like, you don't like come in the room and necessarily read that.

You just sort of take like this thing on the wall as being

as a thing.

So often, they were just trained.

As you got up there in order, they went, and this is vegan, just so you know, right?

I would say

one out of every three times, I would see like someone ahead of me, or while once I got up close to the front, be like, oh, no, and like walk away.

And it's like, it would be like a long line.

That's so funny.

Yeah.

They should have a voice played over like a loudspeaker nearby that's like, vegan,

vegan.

it's so slow though that people like just kind of block it out as well

i love it has to be like white album played in reverse paula's dead like

this is also like it's stadium food no matter what i'm kind of like you waited in line for 20 minutes you're at the front like is is your was your goal to like eat something or is your goal to like make sure like a chicken die like it's just like just get the fucking vegan chicken and go get

watch the soccer game.

It's that psycho that people would walk away.

It's deep fried.

So it's like, when it's deep fried, like I can see that if you were going to get like a vegan chicken cutlet that was like, you know, that you, you could, but it's deep fried.

It's like all battered and fried.

Right.

This isn't like an NFL state.

There's all like so many options in a stadium, but it's not like a massive stadium.

It's just like.

Yeah, it was psycho and people would walk away.

Just get it.

It's stadium food.

It's stadium food.

Yeah, that's wild.

But it sounds like my father-in-law, exactly.

Like, he would eat the chicken sandwich, but if you told him it was a vegan chicken sandwich, he'd be like, well, what else?

What else can we get?

I don't want to answer anything.

I feel like here they're probably pretty good about it, but my wife is vegetarian.

I feel like in the Midwest, anytime she says vegetarian, they go, so fish is okay?

Like, it's across almost across the board.

But I'm sure, I mean, California seems very well adjusted.

I remember when I was first vegetarian, I asked my,

not asked, I told my grandmother, which I told her every time we had any sort of dinner together, that I was a vegetarian.

And she said, can you eat shrimp and pasta?

And I said, hmm.

What to do with that question?

Because I don't want to give a confusing half answer, but I don't want to really take pasta off the table because that's one of the one things I will be will be able to eat.

I had Angel City season tickets, but they were always in the hot sun.

Oh, I've switched seats a couple of times once.

Season one, I was in the hot sun.

Season two wasn't.

And it was okay.

Stayed there season three as well.

And then

season four, moved back to the sun side, but there are fewer day games this year.

So I think only once or twice will I be in the actual sun and a little lower as well.

Because every time I go, I'd like leave sunburnt and like I didn't see a single moment of the game.

Yeah, that was season four.

It's awful.

Blinded sunburn.

What's the mascot for the team?

They don't have a mascot.

Is it just Angel City Angels?

No, it's just called Angel City FC.

Oh, okay.

But I guess their logo has a little bit of a wing thing on it.

Yeah, but there's definitely not like a fun mascot.

There's no like Ellie the Elephant for the Liberty or whatever.

Yeah,

if they did have one, though.

Oh, I'd love it.

If they did.

If they got like a funny, gritty kind of.

Yeah, something horrible.

Yeah, I do think Philadelphia solved any mascot issue, which is like, it doesn't have to relate to the, just make a crazy thing.

Yeah, that's fun to look at.

That was the athlete paralysis.

What's the road luck to getting that mascot, though?

I don't know.

They're not expensive, right?

Some teams just don't do it.

I mean, like, the Dodgers don't have a mascot.

You know, know, I think a lot of baseball, I would, I wonder, I would bet like maybe half of baseball teams have a mascot.

Dodgers have the saddest story behind their name.

Trolley Dodgers?

Yes.

Which is so many people were hit and killed by trolleys in Brooklyn when they were the Brooklyn Dodgers that, yeah.

That's horrible.

But I think it was like sort of like a term for a Brooklynite because there were so many trolleys, right?

There's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, you're one of those trolley Dodgers from Brooklyn land, are you?

One of the remaining people from Brooklyn that wasn't killed by

a wonderful Knickerbocker like me.

Oh, it's so funny.

Let's do some, let's switch it up here

just to not infuriate our guests.

Yeah, they're going to snap out.

Aaron keeps elbowing me in the ribs.

These are some mashup riddles that we received at a recent live show in Seattle.

These are from Quinn.

Quinn, thank you so much.

Thank you, Quinn.

These are sort of a mashup of two celebrity names.

I'll give you one sentence of a hint that will contain hints for the two celebrities, and then you have to find a way to combine them.

I think they're all, I think, all sort of last name bleeding into the first name of the next celebrity.

Okay.

Okay.

So the celebrity is James Cromwell.

That's the only celebrity I like now.

I'm right or diagnosed.

So for example's sake,

this and some of these I'm going to change slightly just to make them a little because some of these personally I think are a little quick to solve.

So I'm going to change some of the clues slightly.

This former Billie Elliott actor sings 80s hit Man Eater and You Make My Dreams.

Tom Holland.

You got the first part.

Tom Holland.

Tom Holland Oates.

Tom Holland Oates.

I was going, Jamie Bell.

Jamie Bell div devotees.

Also, very acceptable.

So let's go into the next one here.

This Scottish actor goes on to play Southern Lawyer Atticus Finch.

This Scottish actor goes on to play Southern Lawyer Atticus Finch.

McGregory Peck.

James Crumb.

You got the last part.

James Crumble.

You and McGregory Peck.

Ding, ding, ding.

Nice one.

Okay.

What if they kissed?

Aaron, what's this?

What if they kissed?

They're both so handsome.

What if we combined them together?

This is my Gregory Peck.

Scout, Jim, Scout.

That's pretty good.

Yeah.

Chefer up.

Cheer for up.

Chiffer up.

This Hong Kong action star gives memorable performances and outtakes as well as takes off their clothes.

Jackie Channing Tatum.

Yes.

Whoa.

If you got Channing Tatum off, takes off their clothes.

Well, I just assumed it was Jackie Channing.

I don't know that a lot of other Hong Kong action stars are like, you know,

a name everyone would know.

Exactly.

Tip of your tongue.

Hong Kong action star.

That one's Jackie Channing Tatum O'Neal.

Whoa.

Thrupples.

Are the people who wrote these clues so hung up that they can't even imagine a world of thrupple groups?

Speaking of hung up, Samo hung like a horse stripper.

I think also it works.

Let's go to the next one.

This Latin pop star.

Karen, you're resting your whole nose and mouth on the mic.

My head is so heavy.

Heavy as the head.

Yeah.

I was also just thinking, I was like, I would love if Jackie Chan was in Magic Mic 3.

I think they're making it, and I think he is.

I would die for it.

I would love it.

My ass would be in that theater.

He's like jumping through a ladder, taking off his pants.

Oh, that's something that you guys could do in your Vegas friendship trip: go to Magic Mike XXL.

Oh, strip show.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I still like the thunder down under.

I'm never going to flip.

There's some people who are flipping and going from thunder down under to Magic Mike.

I just don't want to get recruited for that.

Yeah, they'd be like, you're one of us.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, God.

No one's coming over.

No one one else can enjoy the show because they're like, the guy next to me is in the show.

Yeah, this must be a plan.

Tom.

Just giving you plenty of space, letting you like pop up at any time.

In my favorite documentary about table setting called Set, it's truly so funny.

It feels like a Christopher Guest movie.

One of the women in it reveals like halfway through that she's seen Thunder Down Under like 52 times.

She goes, any extra money I have, I go to Vegas.

Any extra money?

That's so sad to say it as extra money.

Yeah, that's all she does is go to Thunder Down.

Hey, you can't take it with you.

I do want to see you soon.

Let's say, Paul, you are in Vegas.

You're at the, we'll say the Bellagio.

Yes.

And you are,

you're from out of town, obviously, as all the Vegas people are.

You've somehow...

found your way on stage during a Cirque du Soleil performance.

And we'll say, Aaron, Japes, and Neil, you're Cirque du Sola performers trying to sort of make things work.

Oh, God,

I just want to say, when I bid on this in the auction at my church,

I knew it was going to be fun, but I didn't know it was going to be thrilling as well.

Okay,

enough, Chitchat.

We need you to kind of...

You see this poll?

Are you capable of

it

being upside down?

Just really quick.

I'll sign it.

I'm sorry.

I'm wearing kind of a flipper costume there, so it's kind of tough.

And can you ask them to sign sign my program?

Hey, would you guys sign this program?

We're really not supposed to talk.

They're kind of like mimes.

Oh, fuck.

Sorry.

Just straight up mimes.

Can we just toss them into the sky?

Yeah, I just, we have sort of the poll set up, but he really needs to kind of...

Selfie time.

Oh, get up.

Come on.

Did you guys ever see the Oscars that Ellen hosted?

Do you remember the selfie she did?

So there's these things called selfies.

And I was thinking maybe we're

all 19 in French.

I'm here.

We don't.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, we're 19 in French.

We haven't seen Oscars or anything like that.

Well, I'm 62 and American.

Good.

We're going to need you to go reverse up the pole.

No, because that's kind of what the whole act is.

And we're at the bottom.

We're like, oh, no.

We told them before they did the auction at this church, like, make sure everyone knows you have to have insane upper body strength.

Four strength.

More better.

To be nimble.

I feel like, sir, you look like you're...

you have a lot of different injuries.

You have a pacemaker scar.

Yeah, oh, because I have a pacemaker.

Oh, well, that's

upper length, I guess.

Yeah, and I just want to warn you, my knees are dissolvable.

So you, just with in terms of the sweatiness of your hands, just try to avoid my kneecaps or they will.

Yeah, you're touching your knees a lot.

No one else has touched your knees.

Oh, because I have this condition called dry hand.

Oh.

And they get very sandy.

You also look recently divorced.

Can you touch my hands?

Please touch my hands.

Audience, please welcome special guest star for searchus ale

ted from melanoma georgia

thank you thank you hey everybody i bid on this we're not supposed to be a microphone

his hands are so dry i can't get the mic out of his hands

what a bio tricks

We should have given him that mic.

That was our motion.

Yeah,

we truly lost this.

And the only way you can stop me is if you have some water and it can touch my knees.

Good try.

Nice try.

The floor opens up and it's a huge pool.

Damn it!

No, no, his knees are dissolving.

Whoa, whoa.

The bottom parts of his legs are just kind of floating away.

Oh, when I bid on this,

the Reverend promised me I'd have a fun time.

Oh, see, that's the church for you.

Yeah.

Are you having a good time?

No.

Ladies and gentlemen, please exit the theater and make your way to Metallica at the sphere.

My favorite part of that, and this made me so delighted and then made me so anxious.

The Midwestern person in me, the Midwestern brain I have, which is to outright ask someone to sign your playbill and then say, can you ask those two to sign it?

Because if someone did that to me, I'd be like, oh, I'm approachable.

And then I'd be like, wait a minute.

Yeah.

Why are they intimidated by the other two?

Yeah.

Talents intimidated.

It's a catch joint two.

Um, let's go when we were performing on the Joco Cruise.

Someone like flagged me down once and they handed me a t-shirt and they said, Could you go get the guys from They Might Be Giants to sign the t-shirt?

I was like, Oh no, I'm just like, I'm just a guy like you.

Like, I don't know, they might be giants, and I certainly, if I did, I wouldn't waste that cachet on getting them to sign your t-shirt.

Yeah, if I have a favor to ask,

They might be giants.

Hey, guys, could I get a picture?

Uh, this Latin, and these are still mashup riddles.

This Latin pop star.

Ricky Martin.

Close.

This Latin pop star is perhaps best known for their role as Elizabeth Swan.

This Latin pop star is.

Kristen Stewart is the second one.

Oh, Elizabeth Swan.

Oh, no, no, no.

I was thinking Bella Swan from

Amon Turned Around.

Can we give Aaron Stewart?

Bella Swan is Kira Knightley.

Yes.

Kira.

Latin pop star.

Shakira Knightley.

Shakira Knightley.

No, no, no, no.

I wish.

there are two Latin pop stars I have to settle for Shakira Weekly

oh brother is that like the rate that you watch Zootopia

I'm kind of on a Shakira weekly thing myself Zootopia 2 we excited yeah I am excited

was Zootopia that's a kind of a long break right wasn't

I feel like Zootopia I saw the trailer for it before like Force Awakens.

Yeah, it was like 2016, 17 something.

It's been a minute.

It's also interesting because Zootopia was like 2015, 2016, somewhere around there.

And it's a very like the whole premise of the movie is like, hey, we're zoo animals, but we're also cops, but we're good cops.

And then, like, eight years of history happened.

Now they're doing a Zootopia 2.

And I saw the trailer, and there's no words in the trailer.

And I'm like, what are they going to do?

What are they up to?

What are they going to do?

How are they going to pull this one out?

After this actor escaped the slums, they started one of the most successful daytime talk shows of all time: Drew Barrymore, Oprah Winfrey, Ellen DeGeneres.

Yeah, you got the last one.

Famous for taking that selfie.

She's famous for the self-united the entire country, that selfie.

I remember that selfie.

And I'll say this actor plays a character who escaped the Mumbai slums.

That's what I was thinking.

I was just trying to think of their characters.

Sorry, the actors.

Dev Patellin?

Oh, Dev Patellin.

Put the whole thing together.

Dev Patellin de Generes.

Yes.

Okay.

Death Patel and Degenerate.

That's crazy because I was thinking when you said Daytime Dog show host, I was thinking Regis Philman.

And though he's not in Slum Dog Millionaire, it is kind of about him.

Yeah, true.

Yeah, it's really about him at the end of the day.

After he saw that movie, he turned to the person he was with and said, this movie is really about me.

And I'll be dead in five years.

Now, Aaron, we once shared a hotel room, and in the middle of your dreams, you kept saying, Green Knight.

Hey, Green Knight.

Ooh, Green Knight.

Well, I have a huge crush on Dev Patel, but not from Green Knight.

Green Knight gave me horrible, horrible, horrible nightmares.

Who's your dream, Dev Patel?

What's your dream, Dev Patel, in his roles?

You just have to tell me.

Oh, I don't want to tell you Dev Patel.

You don't want to talk about that.

No, I don't want to tell you that it's Dev Patel in the newsroom.

The newsroom is.

Is he shirtless in the newsroom?

No.

What the hell does he do in the newsroom?

I don't want.

See, I knew I wasn't safe to tell you about my crush on Dev Patel in the newsroom.

Is there a, I didn't see, is there like a particular

real world story that they connect him, like that, like that's the thing on the newsroom, right?

They break the real news.

He won't give up like a whistleblower.

Like, so he has to go on the run at some point,

which I think was something in the news.

But he's like also the, he starts as like the one who does social media.

Okay.

I have a crush on basically everyone in the newsroom.

Name someone on the newsroom?

I got a crush on

Daniels.

Not him.

Okay.

But everyone else.

That's the only other guy I know about the newsroom.

John Gallagher.

John Gallagher Jr.

and Deb Patel.

Huge crush.

Huge crush.

Gideon Yago.

Didn't he write for that?

Great.

Add him to the list.

I want to say Aaron Sorkin.

Problem is a cameo.

Does he do cameos in his own work?

And he likes to walk and fuck.

He loves to walk and fuck.

Did you hear that the

writer of

the newsroom in West Wing

also married

one of Arnold Schwarzenegger's greatest roles.

Aaron Sorkin.

Aaron Sorkin Terminator.

Aaron Sorkovic.

Sorkiner cop.

That was good.

Aaron's actually

good.

Swart kindergarten cop.

It's kind of amazing.

That's good.

Greatest roles.

Greatest roles in perfect sense.

Maybe a little stretch on greatest roles.

One of his roles for sure.

What's the toy one jingle all the way

i should have chosen uh yeah aaron sorkin jingle all the way all the way

that would have that would have yeah that would have done well

uh this six foot seven wrapper which i didn't know this rapper was six seven this is impressive this six foot seven wrapper is also regarded as the great one

this six foot little wayne gretzky yes damn little wayne is six seven that's what i wait is it he has that song that's six foot seven

Is it referring to just the song title or is it Sample Belafonte?

Is that

6'7 foot?

Yeah, yeah.

So it's like calling a big guy Slim.

Lil Wayne is that's the joke, huh?

I'm just wondering if the phrasing is just trying to refer to the song and not exactly.

Yeah, I know.

That makes sense.

You know what?

You know what?

Yeah, yeah.

You're probably right at that point.

Because that's the name of the song.

Lil Wayne.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

I was like, that can't be.

Because he doesn't look, when you see him on camera, he doesn't look 6'7.

It'd be cool, though, if he did.

6'7 is so tall.

My brother-in-law is 6'7, and it is a whole thing.

I think that there's no way that there's a person that is 6'7 that I know about that I don't know that they're 6'7.

Because we're saying Lil Wayne is not 6'7.

That's what we're saying definitively here today.

I'd be surprised.

Yeah, but

I think I would be so surprised that I.

We're like the tall people.

They say the camera takes away two feet.

Jacob Malordi is supposed to be tall, right?

I think that's a genuinely tall guy.

Okay.

I was just reading the like Frankenstein preview, and they sort of seemed to be.

Oh, they were like, we had to totally redo the custom because Andrew Garfield dropped out and Jacob Alorty took over.

I think, isn't Bill Skarsgård like six, seven?

I think he is.

All those Nordic actors are really active.

I think he's like really tall.

Skarsgård or point guard.

Wow.

With his height,

I sometimes think that.

Well, you got it now where you got to think.

Blake Riffin acts in some stuff.

So, yeah, he's one of the tall guys in Hollywood.

He's one of Subway's best actors.

Shaq was a

thing.

Yeah, my favorite actor is Shaq.

My second favorite actor is completely grievous.

I gotta say, after Happy Go More 2, Bobon Mari Young.

Oh, I was on a plane once with the, what's the guy who plays

The Giant and Twin Peaks and Lurch and Adam's Family?

That guy.

Oh, yeah.

That was cool seeing him.

That is just an instantly recognizable dude.

Such a fun celebrity sighting.

Yeah, especially on a plane because that would be like the most.

He was coming back from a convention.

I've multiple times times been on a plane going to or from a city, and I'm like, wow, there's like celebs on this plane.

That one had that guy and Eric Roberts.

It was coming back from like some convention in Minneapolis.

Another time recently, Eli Roth and Ron Perlman were like going to like Seattle for a convention.

These are incredible dudes.

My favorite part of seeing celebrities in person is to see how tall they are.

I like need to know for skill.

I went through customs next to Christian Bale, and I was like, I'm so glad I know how tall you are.

That's awesome.

Because now I'll know how tall everyone in the 50s that you're in.

I went through a security line next to Harvey Keitel once.

That was cool.

That's crazy.

That's awesome.

I've seen Scott Kahn and,

oh, God, Paul Ant-Man.

What's his name?

Paul Rudd in person.

And both of them are not super tall, but they have very tall hair.

Like,

taller hair than I have, like, remarkably tall hair.

But he wasn't, when you saw him, he wasn't as Ant-Man.

Maybe that was like

messing up the signs.

The worst perspective actually could have

It could have been that.

Jennifer Aniston once accidentally hugged me, and she had the wildest head-to-body ratio I've ever seen.

Was she tall, though?

No, very short, but

the size of her head compared to how tiny her body is.

We hugged a Jennifer Aniston bubble head.

I was an extra in.

Did you think she thought you were a Gunther?

He's Gunner.

Oh, no, no, no.

That's not what the.

Oh,

that.

I didn't mean that you were.

Oh, no, he stepped up.

What was the it was Vince Vaughan, the breakup?

I was the extra in the breakup at Wrigley Field, and I was like front row of the seats.

And as she was walking by, she saw me, clearly thought I was someone she knew,

ran up, and I kind of stood up and she hugged me.

And then as she kind of put her head back, was like, hey, and I go, hi, thank you.

And then she walked away.

That's that's amazing.

What if she did think you were Gunther?

You don't look a thing like Gunther, but she was just like Gunther.

And then she's like, why did I think that guy was Gunther?

I was

at UCV sitting in like the under-the-seats, sort of the little office area.

This is many years ago.

Smoking a gym.

And

the door opened behind me because I was also the pathway to the green room, and someone started rubbing my head.

And then I

turned to see, and it was John Hamm.

And he was like, oh, sorry, I thought you were Scott Auckerman.

All right, good to know.

A peek behind the curtain of their friendship.

But it's like, Scott's like a foot taller.

He's very tall.

Like, just sitting down from behind, a head poking above a chair.

He must have just thought, like, oh, Scott's slouching.

That rule.

So funny.

Well, you've been blessed by John Harris.

I know.

How much did your life change after that?

I've never touched my hair since then.

Well, you've been blessed, and we've been blessed to have the two of you.

Thank you both so much for being on the show.

Thank you.

Yes, it's been great.

I feel smarter now, too.

Yeah.

You're going to be served up.

Both of you are going to be served up some more Instagram ads.

Neil Kevin, Paul Russ.

What do you have?

Let's start with Neil.

Anything to plug or promote?

So

a show I co-created with Andy Sandberg, Digman, is airing on Comedy Central Wednesdays after South Park.

Presumably, that will still be true by the time this thing is released.

And it won't be streaming on Pyramid Plus until next year.

It's just airing on cable right now.

God damn it.

But

no wait, I'm sorry.

No one else is mad about that.

Make a call.

Hey, that's the life I've gotten used to.

I have YouTube TV.

Yeah, yeah.

You could also buy like the season on Apple TV or something.

That's what I did.

Buy it all the cards.

But

Aaron does some voices on our fifth episode, which is probably, I guess, already aired by this point, but you can go check it out.

It's a very funny show, and people should definitely check it out.

And season one is all on Paramount Plus, so this is season two airing now.

Season one is excellent, too.

I really, really enjoyed season one.

And I can't wait for season two.

Yeah.

And I won't.

I guess I'm buying it on Apple

as all our listeners listeners have to do as well.

Paul Ross, anything to promote?

I said Apple because I'm just trying to help out any struggling company, those mom and pop brick and mortars out there.

I mean, hell, if you can buy it on Spotify, I feel like we all endorse that as well, right?

If you can buy it on a Tesla, I think that you can play it on your Teslas.

Do that too.

No, Neil and I, we do a show the second Friday of every month, often with Aaron at the Elysian Theater.

If you're ever in Los Angeles, come check it out.

It's called Playhouse Masterpieces.

It's a real hoot if you like like Imbroff.

You might.

If you don't like it, you'll also like it, the show, because we're kind of

sucking with the form.

A lot of Hay Riddle Riddle listeners come and check it out, and they loved it.

Oh, great.

Yeah, it's a lot of, it's, who are some of the regular people in that show that brings it up?

Mike Mitchell and Fran Gillespie.

And Lily Sullivan does it a lot.

Chicago.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Great, great show.

Yeah, you have to have at least visited Chicago to do the show.

So, yeah, we have this scanner that can like scan the blood of somebody and see how much hot dog juice is in your life.

Yeah, exactly.

And if that hot dog juice has ketchup in it, and was there a pickle next to the hot dog when you made it?

I got to get home because I can feel my hot dog juice blood getting low.

It's like, I haven't been this low on.

I can see it behind your eyes.

I know.

Oh, can you get home, man?

Okay, I'm going to end.

I love as a kid going to Walgreens, did you put your arm in the hot dog juice tester?

And your mom's like, get out of there.

71 over 180.

That's a lot of hot dog juice.

Jupiter.

Bye.

Bye.

Created by Adel Raffai.

Starring Aaron Keenan

and John Patrick Cohen.

Casey Toady did the editing.

Marty Parrish in the music.

Logo created by Emily Cardamis and Emily Nevoris.

Hey there, pods and cast.

If you like that, you're going to love this week's Patreon.

We have Alice Stanley Jr.

on to do some podcast access.

You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com/slash hayriddlevertle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month, or start your seven-day free trial, or the review crew for $8 a month.

Plus, you get those ad-free episodes.

See you there.

That was a hit gun podcast.