Patreon Preview #351: Mission to Mars Draft

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Aaron.

Adel. JPC.
I have a question for the two of you. Okay.
A very important question.

A question that could literally change the trajectory. of your life.
I'm always getting down on one knee.

I can't wait to say no.

Sorry,

a bee stung me. It hurts so fucking bad.

Back of the knee. Yes, back of the knee.
Got me in the back of the knee. I'm kind of getting into the fetal position right now.
Yeah, take your time. Take your time.
Please.

Do your things.

Here, let me get some aloe. Oh, sorry.
That's jalapeno juice.

How did you slime in that as well? Did you think? Oh, okay, Madison make me a spicy bark.

There we go.

Have either one of you ever wanted to go to space?

Back when Nickelodeon Guts and all those kid game shows were on, I wanted to go to space camp really bad because space camp was always like a prize where they'd be like, you're going to go to space camp in Texas or wherever.

So I want to go to space camp, but I've never thought about going to space. Let's say.

Theoretically, like it's not, not where we are right now, but let's just say like in 15 years, there have been many advances in space travel and like

not like living in space or like living on like a colony or whatever going to the moon but like going up into space would be a thing that was like within a acceptable price range for you and it had a proven track record it was pretty safe but like you just kind of go up and come back down like that you don't you don't really do a lot is that something that you think that you would like to do

i

what

I normally going to space and doing that feels like such a waste and none of my business. Like I can have an appreciation for space down here.

But when I talked, I met that astronaut on the Joco cruise this year and she was so kind and patient and let me ask her like literally a trillion questions.

And I was like, did it surprise you what Earth looked like from space? And she was like, I had seen clips of it a million times, but nothing prepares you for how beautiful it is.

And she said that it looks like it glows from the inside. And when she said that, I was like, I would love

to see Earth from space, but I don't want to use the resources and I don't want to put myself in that kind of danger. Yeah.
But it's also, it's kind of like, isn't it like the same,

like, like going to Spain when you're like, I have no reason to go to Spain. And it's like, yeah, and it takes a bunch of gas.
I got to burn a bunch of gas on a plane to get over to Spain.

It's just like further space.

Way more stuff.

And I don't want to risk people's lives going up to space. I don't know.
I don't know. I would say, final answer: I would go, but I want to make sure that Katy Perry wasn't on the same ship as me.

Yeah, I'm fucking walking off if she's holding that little flower.

I saw that Halloween costume. Someone was Katy Perry and someone, their girlfriend was the flower.
And I was like, yes, it's such a good couple's costume. Katie, look behind you.

It's the most beautiful image you'll ever see, but you're looking at a camera with a little flower.

I don't think I've ever, like, if I like walked onto a plane and saw someone I hated on that plane, I don't think I'm like, I'm walking off this plane. I'm like, I actually need to be on this plane.

I actually don't, I don't have a better option than to fly on a plane with a guy I don't like, you know. Well, from what I've seen in TV and movies,

on a plane, we're all facing forward the whole time. In space, it feels like you're just kind of all loose and floating around.
Yeah. So it's a little more.

It's like a soup. A higher chance.
It's like a soup. Yeah.
And there's probably less people. I think it would have to, like, commercial space travel would have to come a long, long way.

They'd have to make it as miserable as commercial like air travel because that's a fucking nightmare. I have the middle seat to Mars.
Oh,

you're getting on a

spaceship, and you're like,

the exit row has extra leg room, and they're like, no, no, we changed that. There's no more.

You're on Mars, and you're watching fucking crazy rich Asians and drinking ginger ale, just smelling everyone's farts.

There's, there's, I think Elon Musk is, as, as, as

trumpeted on and on. Our favorite guy.

He's one of our favorites about going to Mars and about how he thinks it's like...

Elon Musk, the thing you have to know about him is he is a liar and a con man. No.
Yeah. But he's convinced that we can make it to Mars.

Can I say something really quick about my favorite Elon Musk moment of all time? He wasn't even there, but it was Joe Rogan talking about Elon Musk to a guy.

And the guy was like, yeah, Elon Musk is like.

everything he's doing for is for money. And then Joe Rogan was like, he has so much money.
That guy doesn't want any more money. It's the funniest take I've ever seen.

It's like being like, that alcoholic had a drink last night. They don't want to drink anymore.
That gambling addict just went to Vegas.

As we all know with billionaires, they do come to a point where they have had enough money and then they just kind of stop doing anything. They just kind of like float like they're in zero gravity.

Yeah, they feel satisfied and they start to give back. Their Sims money meters all the way full.
They don't want to give anything back, but they don't need to, the meter's full. They can't hold

full. GPC, you're talking about billionaires, but Elon is about to be a trillionaire.
Can't wait. So that's a whole new set of rules.

Ah, nuts.

I missed out on getting the worm this morning.

Wait, but you're... You talked all about wanting to be the early bird.
I know. Well, what I say and what I do is two different things.
There's quite a discrepancy.

You've been practicing the worm all year. You said you were going to get out of bed, flop down on the floor, and start writhing around.
I know, I love breakdancing, but I guess I didn't get it.

I gotta get up more early. Oh, you know what else I need to do early? Acorns early.

Ah. Oh, wait.
You mean Acorns Early, the smart debit card and money app that grows kids' money skills as they grow up. That Acorns Early?

Yeah, when my kids get out of their eggs, out of the nest, I want them to be prepared and set up for success in the world.

That would have changed my life because I was growing up being like, why aren't they teaching us how to handle our finances in schools?

They're kind of just throwing us to the wolves when we turn 20, and I don't know anything about money. And if I had had acorns early, this would have been way easier.

Yeah, with acorns early, you start with the in-app chores tracker and teach your kids the value of a dollar.

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When my kids are old enough, because they're not quite old enough yet, I'm definitely going to be using Acorns Early to help teach them financial literacy. I've played around with this tool.

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One, two, three.

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Turns apply at acorns.com/slash early terms. Aaron, JPC, whoa, what are you doing?

I feel like I just saw you at home. Were you in my home?

Were you thinking you saw a photo of us on your aura frames? I mean, we wear these clothes every day, like cartoons, so probably seems to be.

Cartoons do this too?

They simply must. I mean, that's how high the quality is on my aura frame that I thought you were actually.

I've been talking to you guys for days awhile oh yeah you've just been talking to pictures of us but aura frames fit so seamlessly into your home that you probably thought that we were right there along with you that must be it and i don't know if you know this but aura frames has unlimited free photos and videos you can just download the aura app and connect to wi-fi one of my favorite features is also that you can add photos to other people's frames if you've gifted to them and they've given you access, which I think is just delightful.

And you can do little reactions on your aura frames being like, congratulations,

That's a funny photo. Plus, Aura Frames, if you buy one, the gift box is included, which is a big plus for me who hates wrapping things.

Every frame comes packaged in a premium gift box with no price tag. You can't wrap togetherness, but you can frame it.
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I'm telling you,

you're going to be the number one grandson. And it's going to be really hard if your grandparents have other grandsons because they're not going to feel like they did their job.

And I will say I've given Aura Frames as gifts to several family members, and it has gone over so well. Everyone I've given it to has been over the moon.
Yeah.

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So order now before it and support the show by mentioning us at checkout terms and conditions apply. Aaron, I just added a photo to your aura frame.
It's sort of a belt buckle.

I think it's Ryan Reynolds. Oh, I fell for it again.
How did I fall for it again? Happy Christmas to us all.

He seems to think, Elon Musk, if you ask him that humans are going to Mars. He's like, yeah, it's an inevitability.
humans are going to Mars.

But if you ask anyone, like any scientist, anyone who knows anything about like space travel or space exploration or what it would take to live on Mars, any expert will basically tell you, No, there's no fucking way.

There's absolutely no way that any human being could like live on Mars or build a colony on Mars.

And then the one point, which I think is the best point by far, is the amount of work that you would have to do to just live on Mars. You live on a perfectly good planet right now.

But you love to destroy.

And it would actually take more work to stop destroying the planet you live on, or less work to stop destroying the planet you live on than to go turn a cold dead rock into a planet that you could maybe one day live on.

Nah. Sorry.

I couldn't hear what you said. I was emptying 10 bottles of a hairspray into a bin.

We're putting that reality aside. We're putting that reality completely aside.
Sorry, I was too busy flying to Spain to just kind of see what it is.

We're putting that reality aside, and instead we are going to focus on a future in which we can go to Mars. And not only can we go to Mars, we should go to Mars.
And the two of you are going to be

basically competing in this draft of the best way to get to Mars. Wow.

Wow. Much like the movie with Matt Damon that's called...
The Martian. The Martian.
Oh, I thought you were going to... The Born Supremacy.
Where he had to, he had had to use gravity as

a momentum thing. So

that is a fun thing about space travel.

And

the

like with our understanding of how space travel works and how the planets are like orbiting the sun, there are certain times where the path from Earth to Mars is way shorter. So like...

Under ideal circumstances, which you kind of have to wait for, you just have to wait for the planets to line up. It would take like nine months to a year to get to Mars under ideal circumstances.

Um, so it's like it's a pretty you know long trip out there. And then once you're there, you're kind of fucked.
Like it's Mars. It's a it is a cold, dead rock full of like fucking razor sand.

Like it's it's not a good place to uh set up.

What a miracle this is that we were all three of us were born at the same time. And then there's billions of people on the planet.
And then we found each other and decided to do this. This is crazy.

The probability math-wise that that this would happen and the three of us would all be here, this rocks. This is amazing.
Against all odds. Against all odds.
That is really cool. Odds.

Anyways, Mars is terrible. Mars is terrible and terrifying, but you guys are going there and you guys are going there permanently.

This is a one-way trip and you have been commissioned to put together your exploration to get to Mars and to survive on Mars. Now, and this is like a space race thing.

I want to do a better job than Adol in my draft.

Yes. So Casey, at the very end of this, Casey is going to tell us.
He's going to be the judge, and I will be recording what you draft. But Casey's going to be the judge, and he is going to

share his opinion on who he thinks put together the better,

you know,

in terms of chances of survival.

And this is a different Casey. This is like a NASA Casey that you've called in for this.

Yeah, we'll call him Nasty Casey. Why not like that? This will be Nasty Casey.
Perfect. Isn't Casey too handsome to judge?

Oh, yeah. Isn't Casey too smart to judge? Aaron, we just got nominated for a Tony.
A Casey Tony, which is worth nothing.

I do love. Wow, that was such a great setup.
Or, Adel, did you say that? Or was that part of Casey's sound drop? No, that was

some sort of AI clip.

God, I love, I love, having the soundboard is so fun. It's so fun.

Yeah, again, a miracle. What are the chances that we'd all three be here with this soundboard? Unbelievable.
What is going on?

I've told myself that I have to stop doing this year's soundboard because I'm getting ready for next year's soundboard. So it's like,

it's a bummer. I'm really going to miss a lot of the.
I'll give everybody your hand jobs. I don't care.
I'm going to miss a lot of it. I'm going to miss a lot of the things that were on last year's.

It's mostly me stuff, though, JPC. I do use a lot of you stuff, but there's other stuff.
You use output stuff.

Oh, cut that one off. Hold on, I got it.
Because he took his damn dirty penis out. See, there's some you never use that one.
I never do. People, fuck your boxes.
So

it doesn't matter. Toot it, tune it.
Maybe in like another month or so, and we'll have the 2025 South

all ready to go. But here's your draft.
Okay, so. One, two, three, four, hate Ridgel Riddles Clue Cruise.

Listen to the rest of the episode now by starting your free seven-day trial at patreon.com/slash hayriddle riddle.