Patreon Preview #351: Mission to Mars Draft

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Speaker 1 There's actually no rush. I'm just excited for McDonald's.
For a limited time, only positive participation may bring not Bell for McDelivery.

Speaker 1 Aaron,

Speaker 1 Adel, JPC. I have a question for the two of you.
Okay. A very important question.

Speaker 1 A question that could literally change the trajectory of your life. I'm Always getting down on one knee.

Speaker 1 I can't wait to say no.

Speaker 1 Sorry,

Speaker 1 a bee stung me. It hurts so fucking bad.

Speaker 1 Back of the knee. Yes, back of the knee.
It got me in the back of the knee. I'm kind of getting into the fetal position right now.
Yeah, take your time. Take your time.
Please.

Speaker 2 Do your things.

Speaker 1 Here, let me get some aloe. Oh, sorry.
That's jalapeno juice.

Speaker 2 How did you slime in that as well?

Speaker 1 Did you think, ow, okay, at least make me a spicy bark?

Speaker 1 There we go. yeah

Speaker 1 have either one of you ever wanted to go to space

Speaker 1 um back when

Speaker 1 nickelodeon guts and all those um kid game shows were on i wanted to go to space camp really bad because space camp was always like a prize where they'd be like you're gonna go to space camp in texas or wherever so i want to go to space camp but i've never thought about going to space.

Speaker 1 Let's say theoretically, like it's not where we are right now, but let's just say like in 15 years, there have been many advances in space travel. And like

Speaker 1 not like living in space or like living on like a colony or whatever, going to the moon, but like going up into space would be a thing that was like within an acceptable price range for you.

Speaker 1 And it had a proven track record. It was pretty safe, but like you just kind of go up and come back down.
Like you don't, you don't really do a lot.

Speaker 1 Is that something that you think that you would like to do?

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 what

Speaker 2 I've normally going to space and doing that feels like such a waste and none of my business. Like, I can have an appreciation for space down here.

Speaker 2 But when I talked, I met that astronaut on the Joco cruise this year, and she was so kind and patient and let me ask her like literally a trillion questions.

Speaker 2 And I was like, Did it surprise you what Earth looked like from space? And she was like, I'd seen clips of it a million times, but nothing prepares you for how beautiful it is.

Speaker 2 And she said that it looks like it glows from the inside.

Speaker 2 And when she said that, I was like, I would love to see Earth from space, but I don't want to use the resources and I don't want to put myself in that kind of danger.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 But it's also, it's kind of like, isn't it like the same,

Speaker 1 like, like going to Spain when you're like, I have no reason to go to Spain. And it's like, yeah, and it takes a bunch of gas.
I got to burn a bunch of gas on a plane to get over to Spain.

Speaker 1 It's just like further Spain.

Speaker 2 Way more stuff.

Speaker 2 And I don't want to risk people's lives going up to space. I don't know.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 I would say, final answer, I would go, but I want to make sure that Katy Perry wasn't on the same ship as me. Yeah, I'm fucking walking off if she's holding that little flower.

Speaker 2 I saw that Halloween costume. Someone was Katy Perry and their girlfriend was the flower.
And I was like, yes, it's such a good couple's costume.

Speaker 1 Katie, look behind you. It's the most beautiful image you'll ever see, but you're looking at a camera with a little flower.

Speaker 1 I don't think I've ever, like, if I like walked onto a plane and saw someone I hated on that plane, I don't think I'm like, I'm walking off this plane. I'm like, I actually need to be on this plane.

Speaker 1 I actually don't, I don't have a better option than to fly in a plane with a guy I don't like, you know.

Speaker 1 Well, from what I've seen in TV and movies, um, on a plane, we're all facing forward the whole time. In space, it feels like you're just kind of all loose and floating around.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So it's a little more.

Speaker 1 It's like a soup. A higher chance.
It's like a soup. Yeah.
And there's probably less people. I think it would have to, like, commercial space travel would have to come a long long way.

Speaker 1 They'd have to make it as miserable as commercial like air travel because that's a fucking nightmare. I have the middle seat to Mars.
Oh,

Speaker 1 you're getting on a you're getting on a spaceship and you're like

Speaker 1 the exit row has extra legroom. And they're like, no, no.
We changed that.

Speaker 2 There's no. You're going to Mars and you're watching fucking crazy rich Asians and drinking ginger ale, just smelling everyone's farts.

Speaker 1 There's, there's, I think Elon Musk is, as, as, as

Speaker 1 trumpeted on and on. Our favorite guy.
He's one of our, he's one of our favorites about going to Mars and about how he thinks it's like

Speaker 1 Elon Musk, the thing you have to know about him is he is a liar and a con man. No.
Yeah. But he's, he's convinced that we can make it to Mars.

Speaker 2 Um, but like, can I say something really quick about my favorite Elon Musk moment of all time? He wasn't even there, but it was Joe Rogan talking about Elon Musk to a guy.

Speaker 2 And the guy was like, yeah, Elon Musk is like,

Speaker 2 everything he's doing is for money. And then Joe Rogan was like, he has so much money.
That guy doesn't want any more money. It's the funniest take I've ever seen.

Speaker 2 It's like being like, that alcoholic had a drink last night. They don't want to drink anymore.
That gambling addict just went to Vegas.

Speaker 1 As we all know with billionaires, they do come to a point where they have had enough money and then they just kind of stop doing anything. They just kind of like float like they're in zero gravity.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they feel satisfied and they start to give back.

Speaker 1 Their Sims money meter is all the way full. They don't want to give anything back, but they don't need to, the meter's full.
They can't hold more full.

Speaker 1 JPC, you're talking about billionaires, but Elon is about to be a trillionaire. Can't wait.
So that's a whole new set of rules.

Speaker 1 Hi, I'm Beck Bennett. I thought I was Beck Bennett.
No, no, no, no. I'm Kyle Mooney.
Yes. Sorry about that.
Exactly. No, all good.
All good. Thanks, buddy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and we host the show, What's Our Podcast, here on Head Gum. But we want to make sure you heard about a very special episode with a very special guest that we just released in the feed.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's in the feed. It was sponsored by Squarespace because they were appalled that we didn't have a website for our show yet.
They were like, you don't have a website? What are you guys?

Speaker 1 Like kindergartners? They wanted to do something about that. So we built a flawless, beautiful, perfectly designed website live on the pod with our very special guest and very web-savvy guest.

Speaker 1 Should we tell them who it was?

Speaker 1 Let's see, we could play 20 questions.

Speaker 1 I don't think we have time for that. Is it a person? No, it's not.

Speaker 1 It's Finn Wolfhard. But Finn had a bunch of great ideas for the website.
Beck, you had some amazing ideas for the website. Thanks to me, you had some amazing ideas.

Speaker 1 Well, I was sort of driving the thing. I was sort of like clicking and I was like, let's put a little, let's put some widgets in there.
I was talking about widgets.

Speaker 1 You kept on using that phrase widgets. Yeah, there's all sorts of stuff there.
And you might want to check out the hippo. Just go check out the website.

Speaker 1 Know that there's a hippo video and know that you're going to want to watch that. We had a lot of fun making this episode.
We had a lot of fun making this website.

Speaker 1 I think you're going to have a fun time listening to it and maybe watching it. Think of it as our little Christmas present to you.
Yeah, yeah, this is a gift for you. Okay.

Speaker 1 It's just like, it's a selfless thing we did for you. Thanks to Squarespace for making us build a website, sponsoring the episode, and for supporting creators across the Head Gum Network.

Speaker 1 Go check out the bonus episode, What's Our website, from What's Our Podcast on YouTube or wherever you listen to podcasts. Go to squarespace.com slash beckandkyle for a free trial.

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To save 10% off your first purchase of a website on our maid. Get it, Kyle.

Speaker 1 It's funny, I'm always thinking about it this time of year, but I'm not as young as I once was.

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Speaker 1 It's so funny, I have no idea why it gets to be this time of year, and I'm thinking about how I'm not as young as I once was. Oh, same girl saying that also, JPC, your birthday's in December.

Speaker 1 Okay, that makes sense. Well, JPC,

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Speaker 1 That's cornbreadhemp.com slash riddle and use code riddle. Ah, age is nothing but a number.
A number of years I've been on earth.

Speaker 1 Years are also also nothing but physical manifestations of time passing. Hmm.

Speaker 1 I feel okay. I feel okay.

Speaker 1 He seems to think, Elon Musk, if you ask him that humans are going to Mars, he's like, yeah, it's an inevitability. Humans are going to Mars.

Speaker 1 But if you ask anyone, like any scientist, anyone who knows anything about...

Speaker 1 like space travel or space exploration or what it would take to live on Mars, any expert will basically tell you, no, there's no fucking way.

Speaker 1 There's absolutely no way that any human human being could like live on Mars or built a colony on Mars.

Speaker 1 And then the one point, which I think is the best point by far, is the amount of work that you would have to do to just live on Mars. You live on a perfectly good planet right now.

Speaker 1 And you love to destroy.

Speaker 1 And it would actually take more work

Speaker 1 to stop destroying the planet you live on or less work to stop destroying the planet you live on than to go turn a cold dead rock into a planet that like you could maybe one day live on. Nah.
Sorry.

Speaker 1 Couldn't hear what you said. I was emptying 10 bottles of a hairspray into a bin.

Speaker 1 We're putting that reality aside. We're putting that reality completely aside.
Sorry, I was too busy flying to Spain to just kind of see what it is.

Speaker 1 We're putting that reality aside, and instead, we are going to focus on a future in which we can go to Mars. And not only can we go to Mars, we should go to Mars.
And the two of you are going to be

Speaker 1 basically competing in this draft of the best way to get to Mars. Wow.
Wow. Much like the movie with Matt Damon that's called The Martian.
The Martian. Oh, I thought you were going to...

Speaker 1 The born supremacy.

Speaker 2 Where he had to, he had to use gravity as

Speaker 2 a momentum thing.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 that is a fun thing about space travel.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 the

Speaker 1 like with our understanding of how space travel works and how the planets are like orbiting the sun, there are certain times where the path from Earth to Mars is way shorter. So

Speaker 1 under ideal circumstances, which you kind of have to wait for, you just have to wait for the planets to line up. It would take like nine months to a year to get to Mars under ideal circumstances.

Speaker 1 So it's like, it's a pretty, you know, long trip out there. And then once you're there, you're kind of fucked.
Like, it's Mars. It's a...
It is a cold, dead rock full of like fucking razor sand.

Speaker 1 Like, it's not a good place to set up.

Speaker 2 Because what a miracle this is that we were all three of us were born at the same time and then there's billions of people on the planet and then we found each other and decided to do this.

Speaker 2 This is crazy.

Speaker 2 The probability math wise that this would happen and the three of us would all be here, this rocks.

Speaker 1 This is amazing. Against all odds.
Against all odds. That is really cool.
Odds. Just a miracle.

Speaker 2 Anyways, Mars is terrible.

Speaker 1 Mars is terrible and terrifying, but you guys are going there and you guys are going there permanently.

Speaker 1 This is a one-way trip, and you have been commissioned to put together your exploration to get to Mars and to survive on Mars.

Speaker 2 Now, and this is like a space race thing. I want to do a better job than Adol in my draft.

Speaker 1 Yes, so Casey, at the very end of this, Casey is going to tell us, he's going to be the judge, and I will be recording what you draft, but Casey's going to be the judge, and he is going to

Speaker 1 share his opinion on who he thinks put together the better,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 in terms of chances of survival.

Speaker 2 um, or this is a different Casey. This is like a NASA Casey that you've called in for this.

Speaker 1 Uh, yeah, we'll call him Nasty Casey. Why not that? This will be nasty Casey.
Perfect. Isn't Casey too handsome to judge? All right.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Isn't Casey too smart to judge?

Speaker 1 Aaron, we just got nominated for a Tony. A Casey Tony, which is worth nothing.

Speaker 1 I do love.

Speaker 1 Wow, that was such a great setup. Or, Adel, did you say that? Or was that part of Casey's sound drop? No, that was a, that was some sort of some sort of AI clip.

Speaker 1 Ah, God, I love, I love, having the soundboard is so fun. It's so fun.
Yeah, again, a miracle.

Speaker 2 What are the chances that we'd all three be here with this soundboard? Unbelievable.

Speaker 1 What is going on?

Speaker 1 I've told myself that I have to stop doing this year's soundboard because I'm getting ready for next year's soundboard. So it's like, it's...

Speaker 1 It's a bummer. I'm really going to miss a lot of the...
I'll give everybody your hand jobs. I don't care.
I'm going to miss a lot of it. I'm going to miss a lot of the things that were on last year's.

Speaker 2 It's mostly me stuff, though, JPC.

Speaker 1 I do use a lot of you stuff, but there's other stuff.

Speaker 1 Oh, cut that one off. Hold on, I got it.
Because he took his damn dirty penis out. See, there's some you never use that one.
I never do. People, fuck your boxes.
So

Speaker 1 it doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 Tooted maybe in like another month or so, and we'll have the 2025 salad. It doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 All ready to go. But here's your draft.
Okay, so.

Speaker 2 One, two, three, four, hate Riddle Riddles Clue Crew.

Speaker 1 Listen to the rest of the episode now by starting your free seven-day trial at patreon.com/slash hayriddle riddle.

Speaker 1 Hi, I'm Nicole Bayer.

Speaker 2 Hi, I'm Sashir Zemeda. And this is the podcast, Best Friends.

Speaker 1 And we're here at Edgum.

Speaker 2 So this is just a podcast where we just talk. Yeah.
We're best friends. Yeah.
We talk, and then we have a segment where we answer questions and queries.

Speaker 2 So, audience members can ask questions about friendships and we can answer them to the best of our abilities. Yes.
We are professional friends.

Speaker 1 We are professional friends.

Speaker 2 Subscribe to best friends on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts and watch videos on YouTube. New episodes drop every Wednesday.
That's the middle of a work week.

Speaker 2 I was deeply unhelpful to you during that whole thing.

Speaker 1 You were. I'm really sorry.

Speaker 2 I felt the support. I was so okay.
I was trying to be supportive. Yeah.
But I was like, I don't know, reading seems pretty hard right now. It's a lot.

Speaker 1 I think you did good. Thank you so much.
You're welcome.