#369: Star Wars (1979)

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Just going through the whole thing.

Hey, welcome to Hay Riddle Riddle, the show where the guys sound the same.

They're too mean to the woman.

The woman's not funny.

They don't do enough riddles.

The riddles take too long to get to.

They're not very good when they do do them.

Some of them aren't riddles.

And

they talk about their personal lives too much.

Thanks, Addle.

That was great.

I'm JPC.

I'm JPC.

And I'd make a joke, but it wouldn't be funny.

And, you know, this is Hey, Riddle Riddle.

Hey, guys, it's episode three

69.

Woo!

Woo!

Nice.

Oh, Aaron, it sounded like you weren't

really into it.

No, no, no.

I got it.

I can get enthusiastic.

We've just hit a lot of these 69 milestones.

It's hard to get excited.

Woo!

Woo!

Better?

Like a computer shutting down.

Woo!

I don't think you're getting as excited about putting someone else's genitals in your mouth as they put...

their genitals in your mouth is is that what 69ing is

oh great great here comes HR hey HR hey bitches

who's horny

yeah HR Hamer stands for a horny robot horny robot oh I love HR we have a horny robot that helps us with all of our complaints

but we mostly do riddles and puzzles and lateral thinking problems I guess yeah sometimes we get to those sometimes we do get to those and sometimes and some chances in this episode we may in fact get to those.

I don't know if we will, but we could.

You know what, JPC, I'm ready to lock in right now.

Hit me with the first riddle.

I watched Terminator last time.

And I knew it.

And I knew it.

Terminator, fantastic movie.

I got to say.

The 1984 Terminator, just a really great film.

I hadn't watched it in a long, long time.

Now, some of the computer graphics do look a little, I mean, obviously, like dated, but there's like no dialogue in the first like 20 minutes of the film.

And to me, that kind of is the mark of a good movie.

Like, I do like when a movie trusts you enough to be like, hey, we're just going to say like seven things in the first 20 minutes and just kind of like let you get a sense for the world.

I am curious how much of that was the script and how much of that was like day one of shooting.

They're like,

maybe we make Arnold

the strong silent type.

Apparently, I also read that Arnold was originally was

applying for the role of Reese, Kyle Reese, like the hero of that movie.

But they

Jim Cameron like sat with him and convinced him to take on the Terminator role instead.

And apparently it worked and Arnold was like convinced by it.

But I don't know how hard it worked because D2 Judgment Day, he was like, yeah, what if I'm the good guy?

And they're like, yeah, that's fine.

You did your time.

I just saw a thing that was

James Cameron.

The script said, I will be back.

And Cameron was like, stop shortening it.

It is, I will be back.

That is what the script says.

That is what you will say.

And Arnold kept being like, it's so much easier.

It flows better to say, I'll be back.

And he's like, let's do one.

So Arnold will shut up and then move on.

And then he saw it and he was like, shit.

That's better.

He was right.

That's better.

I, yeah,

I've been thinking about filmmaking recently and how fascinating it is to

like what those different takes, like do one for you, and then like being like, wow, if I didn't say do one for you, it would have completely changed the tone of this movie because,

but it's, I think that's more like a shot appetite,

a money decision, too.

Right, Clint Eastwood is the one who always does one take.

He's like, yeah, one take, we got it.

Uh, maybe

not him performing one take, but as a director.

As a director, is that true?

That's not enough takes.

That's why I don't like his movies.

You'd think, like, even just for like camera angles and stuff, you'd want to do, you know, more.

Mr.

Risa, we got the boom mic in the shot.

It's fine.

It's fine.

Make a part of it.

Aaron, I think, can we set goals for each other?

Sure.

I think I would really like to see you with Linda Hamilton arms.

Now, what does that mean?

She's got Linda Hamilton arms.

He got as if it.

Jojo, see what song?

Linda Hamilton is.

Oh, super strong.

I see.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

I'll do that.

Yeah.

I feel like you already have, like, you're already like buff, but I feel like

Hamilton is the pinnacle, is like the apex of

arms.

I can do this.

It will just be a ton of work.

What about

Sigourney Weaver and Alien?

I feel like she's pretty buff in that, right?

Yeah, that's fair.

It's just kind of that similar era of,

you know, the badass heroines of 80s action films.

I guess, wait, Alien was 70s?

Yeah, 79.

I think Alien was 80s.

Was 80s.

Okay, okay.

Was it?

I know Aliens was 80s.

Yeah, it was 80s, right?

I don't know.

This is the part of being a cinephile that I am not capable of doing is knowing when movies came out.

All right, when did 2001 of Space Odyssey come out?

This is such a trick question.

Oh, fuck.

It's got to be 2001.

It's got to be 2001.

Whoa, Alien 1979.

I thought it was 79, yeah.

Yeah, good.

When did Inside Lewin Davis

come out?

Inside Lewin Davis came out in 2012.

2013.

12.

I don't know the answer to 212.

We don't know.

Nobody knows.

Actually,

it's 2013.

2013.

Yeah.

Wow.

Aaron, for $1,000.

Yeah.

Would you say?

Do you have a sense of memory of that?

Because you hit 2013 pretty fast.

I have IMDB.

Oh,

I can't use you Google, but I use IMDB.

Aaron, for $1,000.

Sure.

What year did...

Iron Giant come out?

2002.

I have to believe that's right.

Yeah, we can't look it up.

We can't look it up today.

I have to believe that's right.

Let me send the Venmo.

You just lost $1,000 on that one.

Thank you, Adel.

I really needed this.

Having a lot of medical stuff.

I really, you know what?

I really needed $1,000 today.

Thank you so much.

This is like, I was having like a kind of a crampy morning, but like $1,000 truly makes me feel like a million bucks.

Yeah, that's really happening with a step.

All right, here are some riddles.

I'm going to.

Okay.

Let's do it.

Wait.

Wait, are you old man puzzles?

Yep, I am.

What is

from 2002?

Iron Giant.

Yeah, you got it.

Does he get his thousand bucks back?

Oh, fuck.

Yeah, he does.

We actually have a lot of riddles to do on the show today.

We have some...

This is a riddle that was sent in all the way from Iceland.

Yeah, and Iceland's the one that's green, and Greenland's the one that's ice.

So just so everyone's clear, this is from a green place.

Capital City, wreck your shit, Iceland.

I think that's what it's called.

I believe so.

This is from Emil.

Emil writes: You are standing in the Garden of Eden.

Before you are 10 beautiful, naked, and nearly identical men standing side by side in a line.

Is it my birthday?

No, I don't mean that.

I'm tired.

Great.

Here comes HR.

Everybody would be cool.

Everybody would be cool.

What would this birthday be, Aaron?

I don't know.

Yeah.

I'm not all here.

I'm not all here.

And on the eighth day, God created thunder from down under?

Belon it.

I need it.

No, Aaron, it's not your birthday, but that's a really good guess.

They have no facial expressions.

They're all facing you and their poses are exactly the same.

Although they look so like each other, you are able to spot in a second which of them is the real Adam without moving, communicating with him in any way, shape, or form, and only using your eyes.

How do you spot the real Adam?

Missing a rib.

He's got like a big scar holding him.

He's like, I don't know.

He's like, oh, oh.

Well, you know,

I think Adol, that is a great guess.

And is that,

that's in the Bible, that God took the rib out of...

Adam to make Eve?

Couldn't tell you.

I think that's in the squeakel of the Bible.

I didn't, I could, I, I didn't

curious in the Bible, if that's like old folksy Bible wisdom that no, he did.

He took he did.

He took the rib.

And then this doesn't sound like women, but then Eve was the one who did the original sin.

She's the one who fucked up.

And I'm like, okay,

I bet.

And can I tell you something?

Those 10 men.

Once God took the rib out of that one Adam, the other nine guys stood around and were like, oh, you should flip it.

You should put more charcoal under the rib.

And he's like, like, No, I got it.

I'm going to make a woman.

No, you see nine people, and one of them is sucking themselves off, and you're like, Okay, so I think we know who lost the rib.

Kind of out of angle, though, right?

Because if you don't take both out, also, yeah, famously, women come from men and not the other way around.

I'm pissed.

I'm getting fired up.

What women come from men, Eric?

That's my experience.

Oh, here comes our HR.

Oh, God damn.

We had fucking

sports.

Defense.

Women come from men, Aaron.

That's my experience.

Aaron, Aaron, please, Aaron.

Is it a mirror?

Is it a statue?

Is it chest?

No.

It's not a rib.

Rib is a good guess, but it's not rib.

It's not.

And again, you can't move.

You can't communicate with them in any way.

You're just using your eyes.

What if I loved a book so much that I was like, everyone has to follow what this book says.

Like, what if I loved angels and demons so much

that I just said, you know what?

But you do.

I think up.

That's what I do.

That's what you do do.

I'm trying to ask you guys: can angels and demons be our religion, please?

Oh, I guess that's already

sort of religious.

You picked a book that directly grips off the Bible.

You're like, could this book be?

Tell me where in the Bible it mentions angels and demons.

I think Dan Brown invented something.

Yeah.

He goes to a church in that book, but it doesn't say what kind.

Can you give me a hint?

Is it a belly button?

Adults are belly button.

The real Adam.

I found a button and it's not from my skirt.

I found a button.

It's a part of me.

It's a button in the middle of my tummy.

It's my belly button.

It's my favorite song.

God, I love Zoe DeCanel.

It is the real Adam would have no belly button.

That's so weird.

Because he was a C-section, right?

Because he was a C-section.

And famously, people with C-sections who are born from C-sections don't have belly buttons.

What was the ABC family show where the guy didn't have a belly button?

Kyle XY.

Kyle X.

Y

also worked.

How many seasons do you think Kyle XY got?

And what year do you think it came to?

Yeah.

What the fuck is Kyle XY?

Come on, Kyle XY?

We've talked about it on this show before.

I know we've talked about it.

Kyle X.

Y?

He's like an alien without a belly button.

And this is a live-action show?

Yeah.

There's no fucking show.

A live-action show.

Who is Modern Family?

It's a live-action comedy.

Well, Kyle XY sounds like an anime.

It sounds like Ben 10 or something.

So

who are the stars in this show?

No one I remember.

Kyle XY was like a brooding alien and he didn't have a belly button.

And that's all I really know about it.

He had dark hair.

Does that do anything?

Does he?

Does he never wear shirts on the show?

I don't know if it was

a big part of the show that he didn't have a belly button or if that was was just kind of like teenage boys found wandering naked and dazed in traffic.

That sucks.

He's

a savant who's missing instinctive human behavior like joy, anger, and love.

A perfect protagonist, someone who can't feel anything.

Yeah, a naked psychopath.

Cool.

It was in 2006.

So four years after the two sounds.

Yeah.

We actually didn't look up when the iron diamond was, guys.

I know, we can't.

We shan't.

We won't.

Okay.

Oh, you know what?

Actually, I do want to see a quick scene.

Aaron and I will be in this scene, and we have just found Adel.

Adel, you are kind of Terminator-esque, a confused, naked person with no belly button who we found kind of just wandering around outside.

Excuse me, sir, do you need help?

Backflip, front door.

Holy shit.

Sorry?

Comatose exaggeration,

butterfinger extradite.

Oh, sir, you've...

We think you've probably had a stroke.

Honey, is this one of your friends?

Honey.

No, it's not one of my friends.

I don't know this man.

Is this one of your friends from the bowling league?

Bowling league, honey, bowling league, friend.

He's a confused man, and I'm just...

He's wandering naked around outside and swinging.

Sorry, she just seems a lot like one of your friends from your bowling league.

Honey, what a bowling

makes it look like one of my bowling buddies.

He's naked and he's confused.

Yeah, I mean, that's like sort of the vibe of your bowling.

I know.

I know you're trying to get out there and make new friends.

We moved to a different town.

I'm just trying to be interested in your interests.

First of all, I didn't know it was nude bowling.

I'm trying to make new friends.

Who are you trying to?

Who are you trying to convince?

It's okay.

I didn't know.

It made me super uncomfortable the first time I bowled.

Have I gotten used to naked bowling?

Yeah, I have, but only because I'm kind of putting myself out there, which, by the way, you still are not doing.

I mean how many friends have you made in this town hey that's a little below the sorry this your friend is sort of wandering into the street do you want to grab he's not my friend but guess what Meredith he could be excuse me sir do you want to would you like do you bowl naked bowling okay so maybe what's your name sorry

so sorry and I are gonna actually go to naked bowling right now

I know we were out to going out to breakfast but I think I'm gonna do some naked bowling with sorry because the guys are pretty much always down to naked bowl breakfast bowling harvest organs.

Haha, harvest organs.

You're just going to prove to me that it's easy for you to make friends.

Well, I'll make friends with this.

Excuse me, miss.

Are you busy?

No, sorry.

Yes, I'm very busy.

I'm taking my child to the hospital.

Um, well, I'll go with you because we're new good friends.

Get the fuck away from me.

It's people like you that poisoned my child.

Okay,

all right.

Heard and understood.

I will find a different friend.

Okay, good luck.

And it would be easy.

Sorry, are you ready to naked bowl?

Sorry.

Naked bowling.

It's good that I met this man who's not having a medical problem.

And I'm going to take to a naked bowling app.

Clean bill of health.

Okay, where's his puppy chat?

He's so normal.

Where's his belly button?

Huh?

Oh, my God.

How dare you look down there?

Harvest organs.

Harvest organs.

You've offended him.

Sorry, I apologize.

Sorry, I apologize.

Sorry.

No, you don't have to apologize.

You have nothing to apologize for.

My wife is.

I hate to say it, baby, but you're a bigot.

What?

Oh, what?

No, I'm not.

Show brain of this one.

Show this one's brain.

Show him your brain, Meredith.

Whatever that means.

Two plus five is seven.

Knowledge, not brain.

Brain, please.

Show brain.

That's really kind of you, sorry.

That's really kind of you to say to her.

I'm going to get on the train and get out of this scene.

Training.

And you go and you go bowl and have the best time.

Okay.

All right.

Naked bowling.

Who wants to finger me?

Sorry.

Sorry, Des.

Okay.

Well, scene.

Guys, can we do that scene over?

I realized I was just playing Nell the whole time.

All right.

We can do it over.

I have to say,

I think that if I was going to do any...

Yeah, because bowling is not really a contact sport.

I think I could bowl naked.

All right, let's actually think about this.

If we're going to think about this, we're going to think about this.

I mean,

you don't want to get your...

You can get it.

You don't want to get anything caught in any sort of machine or pitched or anything.

That's one risk, but I think I could be pretty careful about that.

But it would be nice to have that little, the little air blower thing.

It would be nice to kind of.

Yeah, for sure.

Anywhere on you.

and you know

i do know but what i'm thinking is that you know that moment when you bowl and then you turn around

and it it's so vulnerable like when you look back at the group imagine doing that and then also you're naked

if you if i if i turn around after i get a strike and i'm naked i will feel invincible if i turn around and i get like a gutter ball or whatever yeah this is what i'm saying though i feel like i it's gonna feel like

maybe the worst feeling in the world.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, but naked golf, I feel like

is good.

Naked mini golf, easy.

Naked mini golf.

Yeah, naked mini golf would be easy.

But see, bowling's indoors.

If I'm completely naked outside, there are parts of me that never really see the sun.

I feel like I'm going to get concerned with how burned I'm going to get on like places where I don't want to be burned.

And I'm talking about my dick and balls and ass.

Yeah.

Aaron, I got to say, I think with bowling,

it's 50, it's a 50-50 chance when you go to any bowling alley that it's gonna be cosmic bowling, which is like blacklight.

And being naked on a blacklight.

What are you fucking covered and come?

What do you mean?

Where are you concerned?

Casey, clip that.

Casey, do not clip that.

Cool, that would be fun.

Just an absolute clip of that.

I remember I went to the Rainforest Cafe on like, I think it was like a seventh or eighth grade trip, And they had like a blacklight poster corner in the Rainforest Cafe.

And it was like, you could test it with a black light and see the poster.

And there was a kid in my class, who I won't name because there's no reason to.

And when they turned the black light on, his pants.

No, no, no.

David says, no, don't.

The size of the state.

That could be the worst news.

The size of the stain on this kid's pants.

And it was so egregious.

that no one even would like say anything.

No one even made fun of him for it.

That is so much much worse.

When you're at that precipice when you've been humiliated,

the only thing you hope for is that it's not so bad that people start making fun of you.

Because it was either, because it was a, it was, it was a point where we were like, what do we make fun of him for?

Do we make fun of him for

copious amounts of copious amounts?

Is it, is that, is it a not washing the pan?

Where's the angle on this?

And I think everyone just decided, like, let's all just shake hands and agree that we don't need to.

If I were him, I'd be begging you to make fun of me.

Please kill me.

Someone, please kill me.

Kill me.

All right, here we go.

Here's some new riddles.

This is some riddles from Jamie Newton.

Was I able to say Jamie's name?

Doesn't matter.

I already did.

Jamie Newton from Toronto.

I probably wouldn't have written down the last name in my document if I wasn't able to say it.

But thank you, Jamie, for sending this in probably seven years ago.

These are sandbox style puzzles where each answer is a planet from Star Wars.

Doing a quick check-in.

How confident do you guys feel in guessing riddle answers that are planets from Star Wars?

I know one planet from Star Wars.

I know one planet from Star Wars.

I can't wait because there's more than one of these riddles.

I believe there are six.

All right, Star Wars.

What year?

Which one?

Star Wars.

The original Star Wars.

74.

72.

No, 74.

76.

It was either 78 or 79, and I know that for a fact.

I just don't know which one it was.

Because I remember the first Star Wars came out in the 70s, and the second one came out in the 80s.

Can you imagine if Alien and Star Wars came out the same year?

Fucking space.

What a space year.

I do think that movies used to be better.

Yeah.

I think there were maybe like less movies or something

back then, but it seems like if you look at like the best movies of like 1979, you'll be like, oh, fuck.

Like,

what

77 was Star Wars.

It was 77, so I was wrong.

Okay, here we go.

You said you were 100% sure.

Can we actually

Casey, can you clip how confident JBC was a second ago?

It was either 78 or 79, and I know that for a fact.

And we're back.

Thank you so much.

Yeah.

Here we go.

Buzz.

Casey, 10,000%.

10,000% on the come one too, though, Aaron.

So

yeah, well, we'll, we'll, we'll have to wait until the end of the year to see who was right.

He's probably going to clip that ooh too because

that's a very good ooh.

Okay.

The latest blockbuster

left itself open for a sequel when the final credits said the blank is it.

And

or.

Yes.

Well, we both burned our one.

I actually think I have one more.

I do have one more.

We have the same one more.

I bet you a good job.

Tatooine.

Wait, where does the little Ewoks live?

Don't burn him yet.

We have to get to this.

Let me at least read the prompt.

Oh, JPC, is the Death Star a planet?

Size of a star.

If you try to pick up girls at podcast festivals, you're looking for love in blank places.

Alderon.

Alderon.

Okay, you guys know more than you thought.

Okay, I want to see a scene.

Aaron, you are going to be trying to pick, you're going to try picking someone up at a podcast festival.

And this this is a podcast festival, a hypothetical one, but you are there with Hayriddle Riddle, and you're kind of like name-dropping.

Great.

Do you want uppies?

One, two, three.

Oh, no, no.

Sorry.

I didn't think you were talking to me.

No, I don't want uppies.

Sorry, I get nervous meeting new people.

How do you do?

My name is Aaron Keefe.

I have been on podcasts before.

I'm trying to think

hello from the Magic Tavern and then

Hey Oriddle.

I don't really know a ton of podcasts.

I'm here with my friend.

Your friend likes podcasts.

Yes, my friend's a huge...

Yeah, I mean, comedy podcasts, they love them all.

Are we talking comedy podcasts?

Hey, brother.

Are we talking comedy podcasts?

No, who's this?

I don't know.

This is a beer line.

I'm not sure who any of these people are.

Yeah, yeah, it's a comedy podcast festival.

I'll be the judge of that.

Yeah, she's on comedy podcasts.

What?

Yeah, I've been on Comedy Bang Bang a couple times.

They've done a great job.

Jess McKenna?

Were you Jess McKenna?

No, I'm.

No, no, I'm not Jess McKenna.

Jess McKenna is not like a character.

I think she's a character.

Yeah, she's a character.

She's a cut-up.

Her and Zacharina are cut-ups.

Yeah, they're funny, but

she's a real person.

Nobody on there is a real person.

Yeah, that's kind of the format of the show.

I don't even listen to podcasts that I know that.

You know what?

I can't judge you because I came over here and tried to pick you up.

You know?

Well, nobody can judge me except for God and John Hodgman.

Oh, I've met him once.

He's nice.

Okay.

He's a character.

Hey, guys, say we get out of here and we go.

What the fuck?

Yeah, we go upstairs.

I'm asking you, have you taken away?

Have you been on WTF?

Oh, no, and that ended.

Or is ending?

Does anyone know?

You know what?

Beers on me, fellas.

Is that the name of your podcast?

No, but that is funny.

Oh, I love the Beers on Me, fellas.

Oh, my God, they're so funny.

I've never even heard of that.

They're funny.

Funnier than me?

The theme song is like, Beers on

me.

And do they go, Beers on me?

On me.

They do.

You've listened.

No, I wish I had.

That sounds awesome.

God, this is actually the most successful social interaction I've had today.

Oh, that's why you look so sad.

Yeah, I'm really flailing here.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Look, Nick Weiger's walking by.

Oh, my God.

He's nice, too.

I've met him, too.

He's nice.

No.

Okay.

You know what?

I'm going to get drunk, and I'll see you guys later.

This is the beard line.

That's what we're all doing here.

Ah!

The psychotic Kill Bill fan spent weeks watching the actress come and go, figuring out how to blank Ma.

Uma Thurman.

Is that a name from Star Wars Planet?

Well, you were right with Uma.

It is Uma.

How to blank Uma.

Something Uma.

Tatooine?

Watching someone come and go, figuring out how to blank Uma.

Catch Uma.

It's not catch.

What's another?

To you?

No?

A synonym for catch.

At all, I did like that a lot.

Trap.

Thank you.

Trap.

Trap, cat, catch.

Catch.

This is more like slang.

Cot.

Let's see.

It's a three-letter word.

What's that?

Nab.

Nabuma.

What's the planet?

Tatooine?

Tatooine.

Nab.

Nabula.

Nab.

Uma.

This is

Natalie Portman's character is from here.

Oh, Heaven?

Are you?

I mean, Jarjark Banks was born here.

Oh.

Birthplace of Jarjark Banks.

That guy.

Who's the guy who's

a bad man?

Nab?

Nabuma.

Nabuma.

Nabuma.

Nabuma.

But Mu was part of it, so you got to take the muh off.

Nabumafu.

Naboo.

It's Naboo.

Naboo?

Nabumafu?

Nabumafu?

It's Naboo.

I will say, the prequels were not well-received Star Wars movies, but Naboo was a pretty big fixture of those first.

I'm not a Star Wars gal.

I like Andor, and that's the kind of end.

Rogue One, and that's kind of the end of my list.

You know, Aaron, that's a pretty good list, honestly.

All things considered.

The thing about Star Wars is

the first three are good.

The prequels are all bad.

And the last three, if taken in aggregate, are bad.

So you're not missing much.

I completely agree.

What about Solo?

Dude, Solo is another one, like episode 7, 8, and 9, that I have seen one time and will probably never watch again.

I never saw that.

The only thing that I can tell you about Solo is that there is a scene where they're like, what's your name?

And he's like, Han.

They're like, and you're all alone?

We'll call you Han Solo.

True.

That's insane.

I do remember that.

And I was like, I hope they do that with every single other character.

That's brutal.

What's your name?

Darth?

Well, you look a little sick.

Maybe we'll call you Plagueis.

Darth Plagueis.

Okay, you won't know this one, and you maybe will know.

Okay, you won't know this one, but I'll do it.

I fucking love bludgeoning paper-mâché animals until candy falls out.

So I always spring for the blank yadas.

Pin.

Pin.

Pin is part of it, but it's like the highest quality

top

not top.

What's another way to say highest quality?

Bestpin.

Best.

It's Bestpin.

Best Pen.

Best Pin.

Oh, like the little bikes that Matthew Broderick rides around on.

What planet is that, though?

What's the planet Bestpin, Aaron?

Yeah, but what, like,

context-wise, who's from there?

What's the deal with it?

Let's see.

I haven't seen what which one is Bestpin.

Bestpin.

I think that that is a 7, 8, and 9 one.

Am I wrong?

Is it the casino planet?

Is Bespin the casino planet?

It feels like it's the casino planet.

Can you imagine a casino planet?

Well, that's the thing with Star Wars.

Because you have to sort of imagine.

Yeah, why not just have a casino?

It doesn't have to be a whole planet.

I mean, but if you got a bunch of extra planets lying around.

Yeah, I guess so.

Sort of like a Scientology situation.

Oh, oh, oh, I'm confused.

Bespin is the one where Cloud City is.

Cloud City is on Bespin, which is where Lando Calarissian's from.

The thing that Star Wars does instead of doing things like Earth, which has a ton of different biomes, every Star Wars planet is just one biome.

So they're like tattooing, desert, you know, Bespin, clouds.

Camino,

well, water.

There's just like all water.

Yeah.

So is there a Mando and Olando?

There's a Mando and Olando.

And I think that that would be honestly a knockout Disney Plus.

Mando Lando?

Mando and Olando.

Is it?

Disney Tom is still.

Yeah, it's a sitcom.

It's a multi-cam.

And they're

just kind of fun roommates.

He's like, Mando, you left your

Vescar armor all over the place.

Oh, yeah.

We're in space.

Mando just blows his brains out.

Where's the

what's the band?

The pop, bump, bump, bump, bum, where's that at?

Is that that's on Tatooine, right?

Moss Scott.

Okay.

Moss.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Yeah.

You know, okay, here's one that I think that you probably will have heard of.

I think if I give this one to you, you'll have heard of this.

The doctor said, if it doesn't feel better, buy twos blank, k

to the pharmacy for more painkillers.

Dagobah.

Dagobah Dagobah.

Dagobah.

Mise Dagobah.

It is Dagobah.

Which is the...

Can anyone tell me what the bio mode is?

That's Swampland.

That's Swampland.

Yoda's a little swamp frog.

Yeah.

Yoda's a little swamp frog.

I knew that one.

It's easy.

I do want to see a scene.

Is he from there?

I think he just like hid there, right?

I think he lives in the swamp.

Yeah.

I think he's embarrassed and he's like, just visiting, I am.

Not my home, this is.

Clearing mugs.

Yoda, I just saw a pillow in it.

No, see, nothing you did.

No throw pillows here.

Brought these postcards on fridge from home, my dude.

Do this while traveling.

Yoda, I just saw a frog and lingerie hop away.

No, no, no, lingerie and frog.

I do want to see a scene.

Yes.

Aaron, you are a.

What is Yoda?

Whatever that is.

They've never said a lot of Star Wars aliens have names, but like Yoda is just a Yoda type alien, basically.

Yeah, Aaron, you're a Yoda.

type

and

you're you're on Dagobah and and JPC is just sort of a random traveler whose ship broke down, and you're going to interact with him.

Well, great.

I don't think there's anything on this star system, and I just can't fix the ship myself.

Oh, hello, excuse me.

Adel, you can't be laughing at how bad I am at this.

Hello?

Did someone say something?

Excuse me.

My ship broke down.

I'm trying to get back to space, which is where I live.

Hmm.

With that attitude, it might be hard for you to get back up in the air.

Oh.

Oh,

hi.

My name is...

Let's see, Star Wars name.

Georg Babadou, and I...

I'm trying to get back to space.

Do you...

Do you have anything that could help me fix my ship, or are you from here?

I'm sorry, I don't want to stop.

Georg, I make you nervous, I do.

You nervous talking.

You've never seen a yoga with an open road before.

A yoga with an open

with an open road before.

Yeah, I would say it's...

My rope is open.

I'm yoga.

It's very open.

But no, that's fine.

I mean, you know, I'm used to all different life forms and all kinds of genitalia, so it's not...

That's not a problem.

Yeah, I'm just trying to...

Hey, actually, can you not...

Can you not eat those?

Those are my twix.

I was saving those for sustenance.

Oh, so you can fix my ship.

You know how to fix starships?

There is no can.

There is only

tricks.

Well, there actually is a can.

It's the Dr.

Pepper that you're drinking, and you got that out of my cockpit.

I actually, yeah, I was gonna.

You go ahead.

You're salivating a lot into it.

So you go ahead and finish that.

So what is your deal?

Oh, I'm married.

I'm, yeah, I'm super, I'm super married.

I'm not hitting on.

Jordan's not hitting on you.

Kind of broke your format there.

Kind of maybe getting flustered.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, I didn't.

Hey, listen, man.

I have to be honest with you.

You landed and I started talking and I panicked.

And I picked a voice that was not sustainable.

I never...

Obviously, I know it's the same actor, but I never noticed how thin a membrane there is between Yoda and Miss Piggy.

Yeah!

Truly the thinnest of membranes.

I love when Yoda fights with his lightsaber.

It's so funny.

He's like leaping so high.

Yeah, doing 20 flips.

Yeah,

they really ruined Yoda as a character in those prequel movies.

Okay, let's do one more and then we'll take a break.

Whoa, late for a break, but we'll still take one.

Oh, wait.

What are the things that go, oo teeny?

Jawa.

Jawas.

Those are the best things.

Yeah.

Sorry.

I just had to say that.

Jawas are great.

i like the stressed out animals from the new ones that are like oh

oh the porgs porgs i love the porgs which isn't i i think i heard from a guy who works at uh ile ilm is that they shot somewhere and there was like puffins everywhere and they're like we can't like

we can't like eliminate the puffins so we just have to like animate on top of them or something.

Yeah.

That's awesome.

That's how they bore the porgs?

Yeah.

I think think what Star Wars where it really shines is making little weirdo creature things.

But they should be puppets.

They should be practical effects.

Yeah.

I'm not going to be starting pop effects.

Okay, here we go.

Here's the last one.

I think you're going to get this one.

Brian, the famous music producer, couldn't remember the name of Russia's greatest pop duo until someone said,

Blank, oh.

Tattooing.

Tatooine.

Tatooine.

All the things you said.

All the things you said.

Running through my head.

Running through my head.

Running through my head.

And why don't you run some ads through your head right that's something

jpc you know how not too long ago aaron was a car we don't really need to dwell on it sometimes you're asking yourself weird things like why didn't they teach us this in school i feel that way almost anytime i'm dealing with money amen famously i'm very bad with money famously you're very good with money that's why I'm giving my kids, aka my cats, a head start on their money skills with Acorns Early.

Now, if I know your cats, they're going to take those acorns, put them outside your door, and then feed them to squirrels so they can watch squirrels going outside of your door.

But children, human children, they're very different.

They have different learning patterns than cats.

We're getting wildly off topic.

Erin used to be a car.

That's why she's not here.

But that's been resolved at this point.

So we don't have to worry about that.

Mostly been resolved.

Acorns Early is the smart debit card and money app that grows kids' money skills as they grow up.

This is something that I am going to be gifting to friends, that I myself hopefully one day will be gifting to a child and again to my cats.

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Teach your kids or cats the value of a dollar.

Then let your kids set up their own savings goals and start building healthy money habits early.

And you could maybe be like, hey, let's set a goal that you save up to buy, I don't know, like a car one day.

Yes, because it is legal to buy a car.

Yes.

Even if it is or was a human at some point, because if it's now a car, it's fine.

And there's no laws against that.

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I have played around with the Acorns Early app.

So it's still a little early for my child, but I really love the features.

I really love how simplified it is.

I actually think that it can make learning about money fun and engaging.

And I think that those are very important things.

It's also really important to demystify, you know, the money.

You know, money isn't something that's like,

you know, dirty or dangerous or something.

And it's just like a tool like anything else that we use to exist in society.

And I think that Acorns Early is a great way to introduce children to that.

Absolutely.

Hey, JPZ.

Do you notice, even though Erin's not a car anymore, that sometimes when she sneezes, it sounds like Vroom?

Yeah.

And sometimes when she,

not to be indelicate,

farts, it sounds like Hong Kong.

Passes gas.

It sounds like Hong Kong Hong Kong Hong Kong Kong.

Yes.

And then I immediately want to get anyway.

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Aaron's not a car.

Take control of your money.

Ah, Aaron Keefe, JPC, have a seat.

Welcome to dinner.

Fun.

Fun.

And this is gratis, right?

I want to say

potatoes

are gratis.

gratis.

Yes, the potatoes are free, but the meal is exquisite and the finest.

Hey, Aaron, can I tell you a secret?

Yeah.

This is tempo.

It's all tempo.

Oh, it smells so good.

That's why it smells so good.

I don't know can I tell you how grateful I am for this?

Yes.

This season, this like back-to-school season, always has a wave of busyness, leaving very little room for me to like cook for myself and make nutritious meals.

So like this means so much.

Oh, Aaron, I agree.

Tempo serves up fast, feel-good, single-serving meals that are crafted to cook in just three minutes.

A minute for each of us, so you can eat well without sacrificing taste or convenience.

Wait, should the chef should the chef be saying that?

Because I can hear that.

That sounds like the chef is serving.

With new recipes each week that are made with real ingredients and nutrient-rich, they make it easy to keep up a healthy lifestyle.

Look, I know about Tempo's perfectly portioned lunches and dinners that take the guesswork out of eating well, they're fully prepared and they can be heated in the microwave in just three minutes.

I just thought this was like a fancy French dinner and potatoes are gratin and all that stuff.

Am I out of line here?

You can make it customized to you, monsieur.

Protein bag, gallery conscious, car conscious and fiber-rich.

Bonjour, bonjour.

Bonjour, bonjour.

Some of my favorite meals.

Bistro style garlic Dijon chicken with green beans and roasted tomatoes.

Vala.

That sounds good, yeah.

With chef kiss.

Well, I just call it kiss, I guess, not chef kiss.

Also, ooh, beef barbricoa rice bowl with poblano cream sauce and corn.

My favorite woman, Barbara Coa.

It's weird to say corn in a French accent.

Karen.

Also, don't say my favorite woman there.

My favorite woman.

Look, all I know is that for a limited time, Tempo is offering my listener 60% off your first box.

So go to tempomeals.com/slash riddle.

That's tempo meals.com/slash riddle for 60% off your first box.

Tempo meals.com/slash riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E.

Rules and restrictions may apply.

Bonjou.

Bonjou.

Bonjou.

A bonjou.

Adel, you say.

Say it to him now, and goodbye.

Bonjou.

Bonjour.

And my favorite woman is.

No, in the ad.

Jealous much.

New coat, new shirt, new pants.

Adel, you didn't get those from the emperor, did you?

No, I think that guy was actually not wearing any clothes.

Oh.

I knew it.

And everyone says he was, and I knew he wasn't.

I felt like I knew he wasn't.

Interesting that my experience with the Emperor's clothes are awesome.

Addle, your clothes look fantastic.

They look like very expensive.

That must have costed you an arm and a leg.

Uh, no, uh, actually, we don't pay with limbs.

We pay with money, but this was actually very cheap in terms of money.

This is from Quince, my good lady.

I love Quince.

Quince has the kind of fall staples you'll wear non-stop.

Like, super soft, 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters.

Touch, please, touch.

Starting at just $60.

That's bonkers.

$60?

Yeah, $60.

Their denim is durable and fits right, and their real leather jackets bring the clean, classic edge without the elevated price tag.

I have sheets from Quince.

I got a skirt from Quince.

I love Quince.

On the walk over here, wearing Quince, a bunch of photographers were like, who is that guy?

That's clearly like Samarn's little brother, like

Nathan Levi's cousin or something.

Taller, younger brother.

And what makes Quince different?

Well, they partner directly with Ethical Factories and skip the middlemen.

So you get top-tier fabrics and craftsmanship at half the price of similar brands.

And middlemen are flipping out about it.

I saw a middleman on the phone in a parking lot tearing the hair out of his head.

He was so mad at Quince.

Is he okay?

No, he looks really distressed.

Personally, I love my lightweight hoodie.

I think it's like perfect for the cooler weather.

It's like, it's kind of the in-between hoodie that you can get between like, you know, a fall jacket and, you know, your summer clothes.

Um, it's, it's awesome.

It's like a must-have staple of my wardrobe.

And I got my eye on some boots at Quince for the fall.

Just a tall boot.

I haven't had one of those like riding boots in a minute, and I'm excited.

I might get them in black or maybe like a chocolate color.

Come back to me.

Come back to me.

Sounds good, friends.

Puts on sunglasses.

So keep it classic and cool this fall with long-lasting staples from Quince.

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Adult, I have got Erin on a joke website.

I'm about to sell her chocolate boots.

I think she's going to walk around.

Yum, yum, yum, yum.

I will stay and watch this.

Mom, yum, yum.

Eats them like Cookie Monster.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Guys, I need to find a better solution than what I've been using.

I've been going up to this character that's sitting at a booth that it's like free advice for five cents.

She's being like really mean to me.

And then I tried to like kick a football and she moved it and went,

are you joking?

That was so embarrassing.

And I feel like that's not good therapy moving forward.

I need to find a better solution.

Aaron, you can't be doing that.

You got to do what I do.

You have to whisper your secrets into a rock and throw the rock into the ocean.

Huh.

Or do what I do, which is use BetterHelp, which I think is probably the best option.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Don't talk to a rock or talk to somebody at a five-suit booth from what sounds like a comic.

Talk to an online therapist at BetterHelp.

Yeah, Aaron.

BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally.

It's convenient as well.

You can join a session with a therapist at the click of a button, helping you fit therapy into your busy life, I assume.

Plus, switch therapists at any time.

And BetterHelp's quality therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the U.S.

They're not going to move the football on you, Aaron.

Aaron, they won't move the football or they won't throw the rock back.

In fact, they've been told specifically not to throw any rocks.

Hmm.

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Hey, Adel, can I tell you a secret?

Yeah.

It's me.

I'm in the booth.

I'm in the booth.

Nice one.

Well, I'm going to go back to the booth and try the football one more time.

I'm going to let her have it this time.

I'm going to let her have it.

Hey, Bubble Freak.

Bubble Freak here.

Hey, Riddle, Riddle.

Your host, Baba Freak.

He panicked and chose that voice.

Do you think Babu Freak is ever going to get his own spin-off?

I hope so.

Babo Freakon.

I love me some Baba Freak.

Babu Freakan.

He was

the best part of that whole.

Yeah, easily the best part of a bad series of movies.

It's hard because

I think that I liked eight and there are parts of seven that I think are good.

But nine was such a disaster that I kind of like take that whole trilogy and throw it in the garbage.

You know, it's like,

who's handling the next one?

I don't think.

Is there going to be next ones?

I thought that they were done.

I thought

they're done with Star Wars community.

Well, for now.

But they keep.

There was a while where they would keep announcing movies and then shelving them and then announcing movies and then shelving them.

So I don't know.

know can I say Wes Anderson Wes Anderson

Andorson that's fun Wes Anderson give Wes Anderson the reins to a new Star Wars

I fuck with that yeah I think that I think what you should do is give someone some actual reins because I do think that a lot of times you see these like Disney properties or Merville properties or whatever big studio properties and they are just like fucking demolished with there's no auteurs anymore it's all like studio heads that are like dropping their little you know feedback inside of them And then too many coats.

Yeah, it's like an amalgamation of like, yeah, it's nothing.

I'd like to see a scene, actually.

JPC, you're like a really great artist who grew up loving Star Wars, and you've been tasked with directing the new one.

And me and Adel are going to be studio execs giving terrible opinions.

So I think the biggest, you know, problem with 7, 8, and 9 is that I think people really wanted for Rey to not really have any connection to the Let me stop you right there.

Wait.

Data shows that we should make a tank made out of lightsabers.

That shoots lightsabers.

Does that make sense?

That shoots lightsabers.

Yeah, no, that's super doable, especially because that's kind of like ancillary to the story that I'm telling.

So, like, we're definitely going to have battles, the star battles.

Ancillary.

Deborah, write that down as a name.

Ancillary.

Ancill Larry.

He's like a mechanic and he's on the planet.

And his hands are covered in sand.

Ladies love it when a man has hands covered in sand.

Yeah, and his legs are lightsabers.

Sure.

No, maybe you can be like a lightsabers.

Yeah, we can work a lot of like background characters into this because I think that flushing out the world with interesting aliens is also like kind of part of what I love about

fleshing out aliens.

They should be eating the other aliens.

Yes.

Ladies love cannibals.

Yeah, I think we're going to do like a Cantina scene, I think, where we need like a walking Sarlacc pit.

Interesting.

A walking Sarlac pit.

Yeah.

Yes.

Maybe a Margarita.

Can you guys?

I feel like I could go for a Margarita right now.

Sure.

Yeah.

Is that something?

For the rumors, that's something you want to see at Stuck Awards.

Did you ever read this down as a name?

Sure.

Margo Rita.

Margo Rita.

Margo Robbie plays a robot.

BB-8 has a love interest and her name is Margo Robbie.

I think casting decisions are like something that I definitely want like as much input as possible in because I think that's really important to like kind of see as many people as possible.

Yeah, we'll tell you who we cast.

Yeah, we'll tell you who we cast.

And even if you cast

Jeff Goldblum's been at the top of our list for a while, just keep in mind that whoever you cast, even if it's someone as charismatic as Jeff Goldblum,

we do need them to be as stoic as possible.

Great.

Yeah.

I wasn't actually even intending on putting Rey in this movie.

I thought maybe we could kind of start fresh.

Goldblum, yeah, I loved him in some of the Thor movies.

I think that there's definitely some,

you know, the kind of appeal of Jeff Goldblum could work in a variety of different roles.

Can I just kind of give you my overarching pitch for what I think these three movies should be about?

Maybe we could like start there.

Yeah, level stop you right there.

These are going to be TikToks.

Okay.

TikToks as a format.

And those are going to be

kind of shorter.

The Jedi Dog.

Jedi Dog.

We got it.

His bones a lightsaber.

And that's lunch, everybody.

Can I just say that?

Go fetch.

They say go force.

Yeah.

I'm still getting 30 million, right?

No, you're getting 45 million.

Everything you've said is in.

It's in, which is all the movie is.

Seed.

And points.

There's nothing that I love so much that I wouldn't ruin for everyone else for $45 million.

No, maybe maybe something.

What?

What could it be?

No, like, no, like intellectual property that I care about.

I would make the worst, the goddamn worst like Transformers movie on the planet for 45 million.

You guys, you guys, I have a new internet video that made me cry laughing.

It is so hard to cry laughing when you're alone.

It's so rare.

There is a video.

I'm, I'm fucking, my face hurts just thinking about it.

There's a video with there's so many layers to it.

Adela, did I send you this?

I meant to.

It is a dog pukes bees on roller coasters.

So you've seen it.

Oh, I love it.

I love the internet.

I can't stop it.

Dog pukes bees on roller coasters.

You guys know there is, it is a birth announcement.

And it is a woman, I think, telling her friend or her sister that she's pregnant, but she decides to tell her at Universal Studios while they're meeting a Transformer.

Is this one of the Transformers who is able to like improvise and like say sassy things?

It can like move, and they're like posing, and she goes, I'm pregnant.

And her sister whips her head around or whatever, and the Transformer whips his head down and at her.

And it looks like he's scared that it's his.

And I,

oh, you guys, I've just like tears were streaming down my face.

I watched it like 40 times.

Please,

I'm probably a great peripheral in those costumes.

So

maybe the first thought would be like, oh, shit, is it mine?

Who is this this person?

I almost sent you a TikTok last night, Aaron, which is

because I was very high and I was like, I think Aaron would like this.

It's like a college production of Beauty and the Beast, and someone is in a full lumir costume, and they eat shit, like they fall, eat shit, and they're obviously hurt, but they try and continue to dance.

So it's them on their back with their legs moving to the dance routine.

And then like several stage hands come out to try and pick them up, but they can't quite pick them up.

No, no, no, no, no.

It's incredible.

You got to send it to me.

You got to not, you got to not, there's no show must go on after something like that.

Like if you can't get yourself up, don't, don't try to dance on the floor.

That's so sad.

Yeah.

I think I just played.

I feel like I would just act dead to be like, the only way to get through this is to be like, this is incredibly severe.

Yep.

Versus like, I'm hurt, but I'll be fine.

All of those shows have a main curtain that can be pulled.

I think if that happens to me, I just turn my head to the side and yell, pull the curtain, pull the curtain, pull the curtain, pull the curtain.

And I don't stop yelling that until the curtain has been pulled.

Because for me, now the show is over.

Yeah.

I'm trying to find the original.

The original might have gotten taken down, so I have to search for it.

But, oh, man.

It violated the TikTok policy of surprising a Transformer.

So it got taken down pretty immediately.

All the best videos have been taken down because it's all surprising Transformers.

Here's a riddle from Molly.

Okay, Molly writes,

Susie receives an expensive, thoughtful gift bought by her husband for Valentine's Day.

After opening it, she immediately files for divorce.

Why?

Susie receives an incredibly thoughtful and expensive gift?

It's expensive and thoughtful, yeah.

It's a a necklace that's engraved with another woman's name.

Ooh, Aaron, you have basically landed on the answer, except I will say that's not correct, but it's in the right spirit.

The card is but there's there's nothing with anyone else's name on it.

Um,

so I can't give it to you because I feel like name is the is the operative part of that guess, but it's like you're you're in the right ball part.

It's a locket, it's a diamond locket with somebody else's picture in it.

Yeah.

Uh, no,

there's no image and there's no name associated with it or anything like that.

Not anything.

Another woman's fancy.

There's none of those things.

Okay.

It's a trip.

It's a trip.

Okay.

I like this.

I like where you're going with this.

It's not correct, but let's let him cook a little bit.

No, just saying like, whoa, what a trip.

It's like the size of like it's of something that is sized for a different person.

Aaron, that's correct.

You have got it.

You have landed on it correctly.

You have a cheater's instinct.

Oh, thank you.

Compliment.

Wait, what?

Upon opening the gift, Susie found a tailored lingerie set in sizes significantly different than herself.

The gift was intended for the mistress of the husband.

Her husband had mistakenly given her the wrong gift.

Whoa, classic.

Yeah, I know.

What a fucking asshole.

I do want to see a scene.

Yes.

JPC, you've gotten Erin a gift, and upon opening it, she realizes that you're cheating on her.

Okay.

Yeah, I know that you're not like a big birthday person.

I'm so excited.

I'm going to tear this open.

This is beautiful wrapping paper, too.

Amazing.

Oh, my God.

I can't take credit for that.

They gift wrapped it at the store.

I'm all thumbs when it comes to wrapping presents.

Sorry, this is a...

This is a flannel shirt.

Yes.

This is sort of the type of thing that Adel would

love.

Oh, you know Adol.

Yeah, we co-host a podcast together.

Oh, you're actually on that too.

This is the three of us.

Oh my God, I forgot.

Hey, well, you know what?

No worries.

No need to go through the pocket on the flannel shirt or anything like that.

I don't think

that.

I will take that back because obviously the guy at the store.

Don't go through the pocket.

Don't go through the pockets.

I'm going through the pockets.

Okay.

Wow.

Oh.

Joints, cat treats.

Is there.

Full ice cream cones.

Wow.

And there's our thin mint in there.

Yeah, there's a thin mint with foie gras on it.

Okay.

Yeah.

Something I famously love.

Yeah.

The guy at the store was eating a thin mint with foie gras on it when I bought this, which is not the thing that I even bought.

So.

So I'm going to go fucking beat the shit out of that guy, obviously.

He fucked me.

You're going to commit so hard to that he made a mistake that you're going to beat the shit out of him.

Go ahead.

I'll watch.

I'm coming with you.

He was huge.

Okay, let's do it.

Here we go.

Excuse me.

Yes, can I help you?

JPC is about to beat the shit out of you.

Hold on.

I think there was actually a smaller guy working here.

I was here earlier.

Was there a smaller guy, please?

Yeah, okay.

Well, I'm 6'11.

There is

little Tony, who's 6'10.

6'10, 4'25?

No, you're fine.

Uh,

You, it was you, it was this guy.

You gave me the wrong gift

when I was here earlier.

And so now, because you've made my friend so mad by having the wrong gift on her birthday, which she doesn't really care about, right?

I do now.

She does now.

Good, cruel.

So I'm going to have to beat your ass.

Stop talking about it.

Just do it.

Well, we can't do it in here, obviously, because this is your work.

So we'll have to take this outside.

No, it says fighting aloud.

The sign says fighting aloud.

Picks up guy by the back back of his shirt, folds him in half-life, reacher, puts him in trunk.

Oh, he just did that to a guy

who had nothing to do with this.

What's he gonna do to me?

Actually, you know what?

Uh, I'm gonna call the authorities, maybe get you arrested for that murder, and then maybe this whole thing kind of resolves.

GPC, just admit it.

You were thinking about Adol the whole time you were buying me a birthday gift.

Aaron, call him.

I'm so offended by the accusation, okay?

I nearly forgot which one of you was which.

Is that a crime?

That's so much worse.

Of the guys on the podcast sound the same to me.

You're one of the guys, though.

Now who's being the one?

Who is in trouble?

Ugh.

Yeah, well.

Sorry, Aaron, I got you the wrong fucking gift.

What are you going going to do about it?

I don't mean it was in a scene, so I can't be too mad.

Yeah, and you don't care about birthdays.

I'm going to start getting mad at you guys for stuff that you do in scenes in the same way that people get mad at their significant other when they do bad things in dreams.

Oh, God, that's the shit.

I'm going to be like, I'm really pissed at Adol.

He threw me into the sky the other day.

Based on that, are we now going to say that if you die in a scene, you die in real life?

Okay.

I hope so.

Freddy Krueger rules.

Stakes just got a little higher, boys.

This is, okay, this is your last riddle of the day.

This is a riddle from Simon.

Simon says,

hey.

Do it.

Do it.

I didn't.

Well, I didn't say Simon says.

You did say Simon says.

But I did.

I saw some kids in the park playing Simon Says

the other day, and it looked like a real hoot.

They were having a fucking blast doing it.

Oh, can I also say, look, it's summertime in Chicago.

I generally don't spend a lot of time in midday in the park, or I haven't as an adult.

But now that I have a kid and we go to the park all the time, I'm spending more time in the park in midday.

It is inexcusable for all of these old men to be walking around in the park so close to children without their shirts on.

I think that a lot more men need to be like be ashamed to put their fucking shirts on.

Men have no shame, though.

I know.

It's such a gross double standard because it's like, oh, it's hot outside.

It's like everyone outside is hot.

You know, you got to put a fuck, put, if, if, if the rules have to be the same for everyone or no one, you can't be like, women have to wear shirts at all times, but men, they can just do whatever the fuck they want.

Yeah, it's the equivalent of standing up on an airplane right when you land.

And people are like, oh, no, it's just that my legs hurt.

And I'm like, everyone's legs hurt.

I feel weird like being in the middle of a summer camp full of kids, because that's like, there's always summer camps going on in the park.

And I have a kid who's there like interacting with the playground, but just to be like some old weirdo who's like not wearing any clothes, and it's just like walking so close to these kids, I'm like, hey, man, get the fuck out of here.

GPC, have you ever looked up and it's you from the future?

Can I tell you about my favorite guy that's at the park?

There's a guy, I see him all the time.

He wears a big, and this is in Chicago, but he wears a big Make America Great Again hat, and he wears a t-shirt.

It's always the same t-shirt.

It is a t-shirt of Biden smiling, wearing a hat that says Trump.

So he's wearing a Make America Good hat, and he has a t-shirt of Biden wearing a hat that says Trump.

It's literally a hat on a hat.

And he's an old guy.

He walks around an old dog.

And I've only ever walked past him, but I've he, it seems like he is engaging or like trying to talk to people in the park.

And I walked by him the other day.

And it was right after like all of Trump was getting so much heat from the Jeffrey Epstein stuff about like being like, are we still talking about Jeffrey Epstein, the pedophile that I know?

And I was walking past this guy and he was talking to two other old people and he's like yeah right now i really think he's just focused on getting the ship righted he's really trying to write the ship and i just walked past him i was like you you sir are living in la la land like oh man must be peaceful in there though that kind of one track i don't know man i think i think it can't be peaceful because literally it's like him really like yeah he's not really doing anything right oh boy i really have to rethink this hat and shirt combo thing that i've made my whole thing that's so funny.

All right.

From Simon.

Kevin took the bus downtown.

While he was there, he went fishing.

He went to a fishing store and bought a six and a half foot-long fishing pole.

When he tried to get back on the bus to go home, the bus driver stopped him and said that no objects over six feet long were allowed on the bus for safety reasons.

Kevin then went to a nearby store, bought one item, and was able to get on the bus with his fishing pole.

What item did he buy and how did that enable him to take his fishing pole on the bus?

Got him.

Shorter shoes.

It was a gun.

He pointed a gun at the guy and he said, you'll take me wherever I want to go.

And the guy said, yes, this is America.

This is how it works.

You made it, he like got something for like it, so it made it wide and not tall.

Like a container.

What would he have gotten?

Like a long, like a very wide suitcase.

Okay.

Don't make me, don't make me look

like my own actions.

Aaron, you are correct.

No, I'm not.

Well, yes, it's not a long suitcase.

Is there a thing from a store that you could buy that would make maybe more sense than a really long suitcase?

Maybe think a little cheaper.

Guitar case.

A bag.

I don't know if a bag would do it.

They're very form-fitting.

Maybe something like a little more expensive than a bag, a little less expensive than a guitar case.

Buy it at like a Home Depot, maybe.

I feel like a ladder.

And then he throws the ladder in front of the bus and he goes, that's like a distraction because it's over.

Eric, you got the answer.

I'm not trying to be mean.

I was just trying to maybe help you find this.

It's something that makes it wider.

It's yeah, it's something that you could hide the dimensions of this thing by turning it sideways, right?

Like by making a long thing wide.

You got it.

I don't know how to make a long thing wide.

Oh, like a funhouse mirror?

Okay, I'll just say, again, I was trying, this was more of a layup.

I wasn't trying to be like pedantic.

He just bought a box, a six-foot-long box.

Didn't I kind of say that?

Well, you said he, yeah, you said it, but you said like a suitcase.

And then you said a bag,

which are not a box.

Like a box would be like the simple answer.

Addle, I would like to take JPC to Riddle Court.

Yeah, oh, for making me feel small.

Yep.

Again, I was trying.

It was a layup.

It was a layup.

All rise for Judge Adel Rappai.

Please.

I'm typing it all down over here.

I'm over here typing it all down.

Everyone have a seat.

We are gathered here today to witness the Union.

Union?

No.

Oh, check it in.

I think I might be here for a different reason.

Check the papers.

Okay, let's see.

Ziggy's Ziggy's doing something fun.

Garfield's up to no good.

Dilbert, don't really care.

What else?

What else?

Oh, it looks like Aaron Keefe is taking JPC to court for

coffee stain.

Okay.

You got this.

That'll just wing it.

So you want ownership of the baby.

No.

Well,

if that can be a part, if that can be negotiated in, I'm willing to return to that.

I'd like to retain that.

I don't necessarily know that that's up.

JPC, I'll be representing myself in court today.

JPC did not accept my answer to a riddle and instead dragged me across the floor.

I felt six foot tall and it felt like he put me in a long box and put me in the ground.

That's what it felt like.

A coffin?

Your honor.

Your honor.

A long box.

He's doing it again right now.

I'm not trying to.

A coffin is a long box.

Are we not using it?

Your honor.

Sustained, sustained.

Oh, my God.

Your honor.

You will address me as my honor because to you, I'm your honor, which would be said as my honor.

Does that make sense?

Oh, my God.

I just feel like I'm going to win this case.

I just, I got a feeling in my bones.

little where's my little wooden hammer thing where's that wooden hammer a gavel uh no

oh here it is a gavel okay bing bing bing bang bing bing okay uh jpc what do you have to say for yourself

i resent the fact that aaron is trying to put me in a box and you know that's what i say make me wait he said long box in the ground i mean that's a coffin jury am i right

jury and my peers 12 deranged perverts i'm going

i love the court system i love the court system okay scene

um okay

moving forward

because i

say that's a new rule that we can establish starting now um thank you simon for submitting uh that riddle to us on simon didn't say the scene could end

that's fucking simon didn't say well simon does say the episode can end though so we takes us to our favorite portion of the episode, a portion called Plugs Aaron.

What do you have to plug?

Come see us on tour.

Hayward.riddle.com slash live.

We're hanging out.

We're going to different cities.

I'm having a blast so far, and it's only going to get more fun.

So come hang out.

Adult, anything to plug?

I want to plug

Star Wars.

JPC, do you have anything to plug?

Yes.

I'm going to come see us on tour, do our Patreon, all that good stuff, and also read a review.

If you want to get a five-star review featured on the show, just send us a five-star review anywhere you write reviews.

Today's is coming from Matt Tastic.

It says, came to laugh, stayed to cry.

A show that'll sometimes make you laugh, but for the most part, induces fits of uncontrollable screams and night terrors.

Most of your family and friends will cut you off, but you won't be alone in your madness because Adel, Aaron, and JPC will be right there with you.

Especially since I, JPC, am a local feral cat named Scratches that everyone is scared of, but no one is willing to stand up to.

I sneak into local businesses and steal all the flushers on their toilets.

Anyway, Erin is a goddess and Adel is gods, aka my favorite.

Okay.

That's so nice.

I don't necessarily know what I would do with all those flushers on the toilets.

Jupiter.

I have a bunch of flushers.

Jupiter.

I can cut this off, though.

This doesn't keep going.

Flushering business.

I think Jupiter

pulling the Jupiter.

It's not working.

This has been Hey,

Look at

Emily Cardamis and Emmeline Morris.

Hey there, Mayflowers and book printers.

If you like that, you'll get a love this week's Patreon.

It's another this day in improv history.

You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com/slash Hayriddelverdale by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven-day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month.

Plus, you get those ad-free episodes.

See you there.

That was a hit gun podcast.