Patreon Preview #335: Vegas, Baby

Right, and you did such a good job cutting my hair.

And I love it.

It looks so good.

You're so talented.

What you do.

I love it.

If you could just recut my bangs, it would mean so much to me.

You're great, though.

I love my haircut.

I'm not crying.

These are tears of joy.

But just sort of if the bangs could be in the front of my head and not the back of my head.

I'm sorry.

Are you talking to me?

No, you know, it doesn't matter.

I have social anxiety, so I I have to have my headphones in all time, and I have to listen to POD really loud because of my social anxiety.

So you pay at the front.

Right.

Okay,

I'll have backbangs then.

For the very first time.

And I'll have backbangs, and that's good.

And if you're not going to be a bad

hey, I'm done.

You pay at the front.

Okay, I'm going.

I'm going to the front.

I don't know what that is.

I didn't.

I wasn't even.

What is this?

Huh.

You have been chosen.

This is nice letter stock.

This is like hefty stuff.

Bless you.

You have been chosen.

Meet at the Bellagio Fountain at 6 p.m.

Friday, August 1st.

Burn after reading the doobie-doobie-doo.

This is special.

And this is not from you?

Take out your headphones.

Take out your headphones.

And this is not from you?

Do not rip someone with social anxiety's headphones out of their ears.

I wasn't touching them.

Here comes the food.

Okay, now I missed the best part and i have to go re-listen okay thank you for the back bags

uh yes i had the steak you can just put that down and this is medium rare all right

let me just uh sorry do you mind staying at the table i just want to make sure that this is cooked properly of course sir oh something my sorry my knife is

Not really making it all the way through the steak.

Some what the fuck

appears to be getting caught on something, sir.

There's a card in the middle of my steak.

Did a cow did you like find a cow that was like eating cards?

That's very removed from my part of the job, sir.

I'm the waiter.

Yeah, I guess the buck stops nowhere.

But maybe this is like a proposal or something.

People are putting rings and all sorts of stuff in.

No, I'm already happily married to a woman whose name is.

Can I ask you a question, Mr.

Rafai?

Oh,

that's weird.

You come here at 10 a.m.

most weekdays and have a full steak and a full bottle of red wine.

Yes, dinner time, of course.

Forget I asked.

I'll leave you to reading your card.

What does this say here?

You have been chosen to meet at the Beleggio Fontaine at 6 p.m.

Friday, August 1st.

Burn after reading?

There's much better Cohen Brothers movies than that.

Oh, my God.

What a comical misunderstanding.

No,

you're absolutely right.

This is 100% on me.

I saw the sign outside that said parent-teacher conferences tonight.

And I am a parent.

I just didn't know you would have to have a child enrolled at this school.

I guess I'm sorry for wasting your time.

Sir, please give us back some of the school lunches that you stole.

So these were purchased legally by an intermediary.

No.

It means third party.

Can you let those two kids go, please?

I can't do anything, okay?

The choices here are all being made by you.

It feels like you're trying to kidnap them because they have cool skateboards.

If I wanted the skateboards, I'd just take the skateboards, okay?

Obviously, the kids have strong hands and good backs, and I think that they could do yard work, which I would be paying them in sandwiches.

But I can see that my money is no good here.

So I'm going to do you one better.

I'm going to extricate myself from the situation yes it is you'd know that if you ever went to third grade which is where we are which is actually pretty low in terms of being smart sir there's something stuck to the bottom of your shoe that's mine it came in with that that's mine i keep it it wasn't something i picked up here at the school what the fuck is this you have been chosen meet at the

choose me third grade can you read this um

let's see here

you have been chosen to meet at the Bellagio Fountain at 6 p.m.

Friday, August 1st.

Burn after reading.

That's not the best Cohen Brothers movie.

How would you know?

You're a teacher.

In fact, I'm gonna take this skateboard.

I'm gonna take this card that I paid for, and I'm gonna get out of here.

It's it's a burn after reading.

Well, I'll fucking you burn it then.

Time to

say goodbye

Andre Bocelli

Adol.

Whoa, Aaron, get out of the fountain.

Aaron, get out of the fountain.

You get out of the fountain.

I came in here to save you.

The sprayer's gonna start spraying.

Yeah, I thought I could maybe sort of go for a ride.

Forget it.

Sloshes out of fountain.

What the heck are you doing here?

Aaron, Adol, what are you guys doing here?

Oh, my God.

Whee!

See, I told you!

Holy shit, that was the greatest thing that's ever happened to me in the world.

Oh my god, now I have to wait 15 fucking minutes before they forget it.

That was awesome.

Yeah.

Holy shit.

Aaron, you look great.

JPC, you look.

Did you get a haircut?

Or is that...

Yeah, they're back bangs and they're in and they're cool.

Back bangs.

The bangs are in the back.

Whatever.

Back in my day, we used to just call it doggy style.

You guys, are you on Vegas?

Backbags.

Aaron Backbangs.

Yeah.

Doggy style.

Back bangs.

You've been doing this with your sexual innuendos lately.

I'm trying to move past them.

She doesn't get it.

Are you guys on vacation here?

Adult, I can picture you liking Vegas.

JPC, not so much.

What are you guys doing here?

I was

here for the buffets and, of course, for the escape rooms and for the sphere.

I don't know if you saw Avril Levinas playing the sphere.

I did see that of my cover as well.

I would love to lie about this, but

I choose not to.

I received a mysterious invitation from a third grader to come out here and meet at this fountain at 6 p.m.

on,

I guess, today, yeah.

Yeah, August 1st, burn after reading.

There are better Cohen Brothers movies than that.

There are better Big Lebowski, number one with a bullet.

People didn't like it when it came out.

Really?

Yeah.

You guys, it's a note.

There's another note.

Suck to JPC's.

Shoe, let me grab it.

It's mine.

It's mine.

I can't read it, but it's mine.

I came here with it.

It's not part of whatever.

I came here with this.

It's my note.

Hmm.

I'm going to read it.

Hello.

Hello.

I am the mastermind, the planner, the boss, the Danny Ocean, if you will.

I will.

I will reveal myself in good time.

No.

But for now.

Do it now.

Reveal yourself in good time, the robber patents.

There's better robber patents than those.

What?

Water for elephants?

Fuck off.

So you're saying water shouldn't go to elephants.

I'm trying to read.

I'm trying to read this thing.

Oh, sorry.

Here's an opportunity to make millions, perhaps billions of dollars.

Okay.

Tonight we rob a casino.

You can choose which one on the strip to hit.

Okay.

We're robbing it.

Guys, there were oceans 11 again.

Oh, I was just going to choose Adela.

He chose me.

Oh my god.

Now my arm's asleep.

I hit JPC.

Do I get a billion dollars?

You must decide your roles.

Oh shit.

One of you needs to be the tech, wizard, man, and chair.

Got it.

Well, that should be Casey.

One, the acrobat, and the other, a con artist in disguise.

I'd rather be like the Danny Ocean.

No, I think that part's already taken and it's some mysterious figure.

And like writing cards and leaving them for people to find kind of thing.

I feel like that role's already taken.

I feel like we need it because I'm confused.

I could still do it.

Alright, I'll...

I don't even know.

Oh, there's it.

It comes with a walkie-talkie.

So do I.

Hey, this is.

Adel.

What?

What do you think?

So do I.

It comes with a walkie-talkie?

Oh, yeah.

Where are you putting it?

Is it the vibration from it or are you putting it inside you?

Do not answer that.

Antenna in the P-hole.

Oh, my God.

I didn't even consider that.

Aaron.

I didn't even consider antenna in the peehole.

One, two, three, four, hate Riddle Riddles Clue Cruise.

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