#367: 7 Year Anniversary w/ Anthony Burch

58m

Happy 7 years, Hey Riddle Riddle! We are celebrating by abandoning ship (not really) to start a new podcast with our friend Anthony Burch called Gumshoes & Dragons. Check out the trailer now and the first ep with Brennan Lee Mulligan on Monday August 4th.

Starring:

Adal Rifai

John Patrick Coan

Erin Keif

Editing by: 

Casey Toney

Theme by: 

Arne Parrott

Logo by: 

Emily Kardamis & Emmaline Morris

Want more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!

JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!

Want merch? Visit our Dashery Store!

Want to mail us something? 

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Chicago, IL, 60634

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Listen and follow along

Transcript

This is a head gum podcast.

The doctor was the mother.

He stood on a block of ice.

It was the cabin of an airplane.

He stabbed him with an ice cream.

And of course the name crying.

First it

Human beings have always been attracted to the number seven.

Seven has held a power and a mystery.

Just ask Snow White.

Seven deadly sins, seven chakras, seven notes in a scale, seven seas, seven colors of the rainbow, seven wonders of the world, seven brides for seven brothers, the magnificent seven, seven the movie, and God created the world in seven days.

When he spent that week making everything we know, he didn't consider what human beings would have had the impulse to make.

It began in a Tapa's restaurant in Kalamazoo, Michigan.

In the before times, autumn 2018, an adult brought the idea of the podcast to the attention of Erin, a dazzling young comedian at the top of her game.

She agreed enthusiastically, even though she didn't care for what he said would be the show's center.

Riddles.

Then the Addle brought the podcast to the attention of a horrid little creature, a loose JPC that had been terrorizing the kingdom of Chicago for several years.

He answered the call.

In the spring of 2018, these three comedians gathered in secret, deep beneath the mountains of Headcum.

One brought riddles and coffee.

One brought untamed chaos and coffee.

And one brought sex appeal and incredible rapping skills.

And into this fragile alliance, they poured their madness, their tangents, their scene work, and their rage at riddles that had started the journey in the first place.

Thus Hey Riddle Riddle was born and was released in July of 2018.

For seven years it endured, through pandemics and soundboard wars, through voicemails and mimicry, through late-night recordings, weddings, babies, and breakups, through episodes where the riddles were forgotten entirely.

And now, in the seventh year of its reign, the world stands at the edge of mystery once more.

The riddles have grown older, the scenes stranger, and the audience more weary than ever.

And so we gather again at the turning of the tide to celebrate seven years of Hay Riddle Riddle.

Oh, and Anthony, you're here too.

Hi.

Yeah.

Hi, Anthony.

Hi.

This is like when you bring your kid to your anniversary dinner.

Who's my dad?

Um, anyone want to show of hands?

Who wants to be Freddy?

Yeah, it sounds about him.

He's my dad.

He didn't bring me.

I showed up alone.

He's picking you up for eight.

Um, Casey, I think it's maybe worth it to just reach out to, who do we, Tolkien or Peter Jackson or whatever, just to see if we can get the rights to the Lord of the Rings music.

Because, you know, and if we don't end up using it in the episode, that's fine.

But an email, right?

I mean, it's like, how hard could that be?

That was a totally original thing that I came up with.

That wasn't a reference to anything.

What's Lord of the Rings?

That's a great question.

Aaron, I think if you just drop in some like pro-tourism for New Zealand, I think we're covered.

So

just super quick, just toss something out.

New Zealand, they say sex instead of six, and that's kind of fun.

I think that'll do it.

That'll get a plane load of people over there.

A plane load.

Adult, am I remembering that right?

Did I get the history of the show right?

You're the founder of the show.

I think so.

I think I forged the show deep in the mountains.

And the fans thought that there was going to be riddles every episode, but they were all of them betrayed.

Oh, yeah, I guess that is true.

The way that you described me moving to the Chicago improv community, Aaron, kind of made me sound like a sex pest.

And were you not a sex pest?

Are you going to stand here in front of us and tell us you are not a sex?

Okay.

I'm a sex pest.

If anything, I'm a seated sex pest.

I'd stand.

Don't ask what he's sitting on.

I'd stand, but I can't right now.

And also, Adel, you asked me before you asked JPC, right?

I honestly cannot remember.

That's something we should go back into the anals of history and figure out.

Probe deep in.

Well, JPCs is busy right now.

Yeah.

And Anthony, you have actually, I think you started listening to the show kind of early on.

You've obviously stopped once you met us.

And

why stop?

I was like, I get enough of this shit for free.

I don't give a fuck.

What year?

Do you remember the year you started listening to our show?

The year you guys came out.

I was concurrent with you by around episode four or five.

Wow.

that's crazy.

Yeah, my friend Yuli loved Magic Tavern and Riddles, and he was like, You got to listen to this, and I did.

And I've continued to listen until, yeah, until I met all of you.

And then I was like, fuck this.

Yeah.

I'm going to listen to Come Town, the real podcast.

I just don't, I don't even think that podcast.

But it's the only podcast we're allowed to reference.

It's my favorite thing, name drop that we do.

But yeah, you guys doing this podcast inspired me to do the podcast I do now.

Wow, that's wild because

one of the big reasons that we were going to have you on this episode today, Anthony, and then we kind of forgot that it was our anniversary.

And so that's a happy accident was you inspired us to do another different podcast with you.

I guess you asked us.

Yeah, I asked you to.

I sort of came up with

drag you along.

Yeah.

It makes it seem like you had more to do with the inception of it than you did.

We're inspiring each other back and forth.

And that is what I was trying to hint to in my narration is that we're coming to sort of a no, we're not abandoning Hey, Riddle Riddle.

Every time we try to run out of this,

this is nobody's fault.

This is nobody's fault.

My impression that was that we were abandoning Hay Riddle Riddle.

I came for whatever, but I was like, I got a bag packed.

Oh, I look, there's like seven bindles behind you.

All condoms.

All condoms.

Would a sex pest have seven bindles of condoms?

We are starting a new thing, and I don't know who wants to talk about it, but I think to talk about it at the beginning of the episode is wise instead of just waiting till plugs.

Yeah.

People tap out at plugs.

Well, Anthony came to us with an idea.

And I guess it was an idea that if you're a Patreon listener to Hay Road of Riddle, we've kind of toyed around with a little bit a few years back on Patreon episodes.

But we've kind of expanded that idea into a new show called Gumshoes and Dragons.

That's right.

Basically, I thought it'd be fun to do a D ⁇ D type thing, but with the structure of Columbo, because I listened to their review crew where they talked about Colombo, they being the Hay Riddle Roto Crew.

And then we did a test episode of it.

I did one with the Daddy's crew and one with the Hay Riddle Rotor crew.

And for two reasons, both equally valid, I chose the Hay Riddle Roto crew and I should do this together.

It's time to roll some dice and get this mystery fixed.

And we're very grateful.

When we did the first episode on Patreon, like that test one, Patreon stretch goal one, I had the best time.

And now that we've been doing it with guests, it's just been such a blast to be in something that you're DMing.

I feel very lucky.

We got a new guest every other week that does a murder.

And then Adol, JBZ, and Aaron playing fantasy characters, detectives have to sort of solve the murder.

And sometimes they will and sometimes they won't.

Yeah, so it's, it's really fun.

We have, we have, it's, from doing this show to doing that show, it's a big change up because we have guests every week, which in this show, we sometimes go months without remembering that we could invite people to do the show.

So we have fun guests every week.

Each guest is playing a character.

They're always playing a murderer.

And

if you like the fact that sometimes we don't understand riddles, just wait until we have to solve like complicated puzzles that Anthony is designing.

Brilliant, Anthony.

Which we honestly, in retrospect, of the ones we've recorded, we should have been able to solve.

But

I think Anthony was playing.

He did better than I expected.

I'll say that.

Oh, boy.

I don't know.

That's so nice of you.

It does feel a lot like an escape room.

And in the same way,

there's one episode that I got so into it and excited that I feel like I

just decided to solve as much of it on my own as I could.

I was just like, oh, and then this and then this.

Like it feels the, it has that energy of an escape room with friends.

The best compliment I can get as the co-designer of some of these mysteries is that sometimes Erin forgets that she's playing a character and just gets super excited and turns into Aerie Keith boy detective.

Yes, I solve local mysteries from my treehouse.

No one.

I think the first episode we recorded, she literally touched her nose when she had an idea.

It was very stupid.

Should we mention some of the

guests that we've had?

Sure.

Brennan Lee Mulligan, Reika Shanker, Janet Varney, David Arquette has not yet been on.

He won't return our emails or our calls.

I have a connect.

I could probably make it happen.

Casey, go ahead and CC him on that Peter Jackson email or whatever that you're writing.

Maybe we could just kind of loop loop this whole thing together.

Brennan Lee Mulligan is the first episode.

So I feel like that is a great one to check out.

It was also so cool to watch you guys meet.

I was texting a friend and I was like, it's like, it's like a John Adams and George Washington meeting for the first time.

Damn.

It sucks.

God, I'm so sick of people comparing me to John Adams.

It sucks.

It sucks for whoever is John Adams in that.

Yeah, John Adams is my favorite.

John Adams loved his wife.

Yeah, sure.

No, it sucks.

It's meeting Brennan sucked ass because he's like not only insanely creative and insanely funny, but he's also genuinely very nice.

Yeah.

And I am at most one of those things.

Yeah.

I would describe that maybe as not sucking ass.

I think it's kind of fun to meet people who are creative and nice.

Well, that's cool for you.

That's great that you can derive joy from that.

How nice for you.

Classic sex pest.

Well, I do think the sex pest thing, we might want to back away from making it like a running, like a running thing because there are real sex pets out there that it kind of makes it seem like yeah i will say that jbz pretty early on kept thinking that the name of the show was cum shoes and dragons and like that's a pretty good idea for like a csi like svu kind of spin-off series we haven't announced the patriot yet so you know

we're we're there are no bad ideas in brainstorming

um but if you uh if you want to follow along the show uh it comes out next monday so um monday august 4th and then every other monday is when we are going to drop drop an episode.

We'll have a link in the episode description to where you can follow that.

We'll probably have a trailer up by the time this episode comes out where you can subscribe to the feed so that you get new episodes.

And we would love it if people gave it a try and then let us know what you think.

We would love to hear about it.

Oh, and when I say let us know what you think, like we are social media everywhere at Gumshoes and Dragons, I believe, correct?

Yep.

Gumshoes and Dragons on, I believe, everything, with the possible exception of X the Everything app.

I don't think I set up one for that.

Because nobody wants to be on show.

No.

Even sex pests.

Only sex pests.

I like that you're like, I can call myself a sex pest.

You can't call our word.

I can use that word.

Yeah.

Taking it back.

Okay.

Well, Anthony, you're going to have to endure a little bit of sentimentality of us talking about being a show for seven years.

I admire your show, so I'm glad to be witness to it.

That's really sweet.

But Anthony, feel free to participate in any of these that you might remember.

And then also, you guys, you might not remember them.

So I feel like everyone might be on equal footing for this.

But I asked our listeners what some of the most memorable episodes, moments, bits, scenes from the show were.

And everyone.

Please tell me we're just going to do a clip show.

We can, kind of.

But you have to recreate it now live from memory.

Yes, we have to try to remember what it was.

No.

Okay.

The first one I'm going to talk about is Pretzel Jesus.

Does anyone remember what that is?

Yes.

I remember Pretzel Jesus, but I don't remember.

It was something that came up in a scene on an episode.

And

I'll say this.

It could have been any time in the last seven years.

Great.

Perfect.

Pretzel Jesus skateboard.

He did.

He did, Adel.

Good memory.

I'm going to give Pretzel Jesus a five out of seven because we can't really remember any of the details.

Well, if that's the barometer that we're going with, it's going to be a long evening.

Puzzbot

announcing that adult was dead and everyone believing puzzbot

that was an april fools episode yes because the title was adult was yeah exactly the episode title was adult is dead and everyone thought that we were announcing adult's death in the title of an episode it really speaks volumes to the tone of the show

because they're like they're like this could be real and

His friends are so flippant about his death, they just record a podcast that week.

It was April of 2020, so it's like not impossible that adult would have died but you know but i'm voicing pause but

i guess that's a big giveaway

adult how about you rank that one out of seven because

i'm gonna give it seven out of seven because all good adults go to heaven exactly um maria cvs

which was jpc's answer to a sandy riddle i was gonna say that's definitely from a sandbox uh an early one early, early one, right?

Yeah.

Do you remember?

First 10 episodes of the show or something, right?

Yeah.

Oh, possibly.

Do you remember what the question was?

It was like what?

It was like a

pharmacy fill-in-the-blank thing and JPC guessed Maria CVS.

And I think I laughed pretty hard.

I don't joke once every three months, I search your subreddit to see if somebody can pinpoint the exact episode that is because I keep forgetting the specific joke and no one ever knows.

Maria CVS is a legend spoken of in hallowed halls of your subreddit, but nobody actually can find her.

I think someone did like a thing that like crawled all of our shows and like transcriptized them.

And there's a website now called witchriddle riddle.com that you can go to.

And then I've never used it, but I've seen people talk about it.

But I think you can like, and it's only our, it's only our main feed stuff, but you can like type in Maria CVS into it, I think.

And I think it should spit out,

assuming that whatever crawled the transcripts to like formed it, like got Maria CVS out of that.

Who knows?

Wow, I would be doing it right now.

Yeah, it's uh episode 14.

Oh, wow, wow, that is early.

Whoa, Aaron, divide 14 by two.

Six.

We should say,

we should say, Erin dyed her hair, so she's well, it's not blonde anymore.

So, Erin, want to take that joke back?

Uh, seven.

There we go.

I have pink hair right now.

Um, pink hair, so she's smart.

The sweater.

Now, this one was maybe the most common answer.

Now, what the sweater was really, we had, what's the thing that animals get when they're in captivity?

Bored.

Did we both say bored?

Yes.

That's crazy.

It's like zoo, zoo something.

Lander?

Forget it.

Topia.

Topia.

Topia.

Yeah, you guys.

We were kind of going crazy during the pandemic.

I wore a sweater that was really cute.

We spent the whole episode roasting it.

What would you guys give that out of seven?

Not the sweater, obviously, but the episode.

Seven.

That's gonna be seven out of seven.

That's gotta be our best episode.

I think that's, I think that's a 10 out of seven.

That remains my favorite podcast episode, period.

That's crazy.

Yeah, I mean, it informs the entire way it interacts with you specifically in personal interactions.

Aaron Weezer wrote a song about it.

Which, by the way,

for people listening is not the way to interact with Aaron.

No, no, you get to do it.

Only I, Anthony, gets to do it.

Anthony gets to do it.

Anthony gets to do it because he is famous.

If you get famous, you're allowed to do it.

It's one of the first things they give you is the card that says you can do it.

You think we wouldn't let Joaquin Phoenix talk to Aaron like that?

We would.

No, Aaron.

If Joaquin Phoenix talked to you like that, I would say something.

I would say you would give him a high five.

I'd say, hey, man,

knock it off.

Huge fan of your performance and signs.

Yeah.

Why are you friends with Casey?

The first thing I would ask Joaquin Phoenix is, why is he friends with Casey?

I asked most people that just to make sure that they're not.

Boss Lady Business Bitch.

We'll move through these faster.

That was a song I made up.

It's become a feminist anthem.

And I would give it a one out of seven.

That's easily six out of seven.

That one's great.

My wife has a little placard.

I think I've talked about this on the show

on her desk that says CEO, And then under it, it says cunt eating Oreos.

I sing the Boston Lady Business Bitch song in my head every time I walk past her office and see the placard.

The Zeus goat scene,

which I do remember is a goat saying, yeah, man, I'm Zeus.

Keep going.

Yeah, we were going to turn that into merch for a while, but I think like every item of merch that we sell, it would be unwearable, like a goat presenting asshole saying, I'm Zeus, keep going.

the conductor I'm gonna give I'm gonna give that a two out of seven the conductor who got struck by lightning is another very common answer that we get

which I makes sense to me because you saying slimbles slimbles is in my head kind of all the time wasn't I supposed to be JP Riddles in that or no or no that's just another chaos character okay

Dr.

Chameleon which I'm going to give seven out of seven to because I like that our running villain is not great at his job.

Another good thing for the tone of the show, I I think.

I mean,

is Dr.

Chameleon dead?

What's he up to?

I think he's retired.

Oh, that's so nice.

Where did he retire?

Did he move or

he's in Boca Raton?

Hell yeah, baby.

Did he get like Blade Runner retired?

Like, he went to a farm in Boca Raton and is never coming back.

Guess I don't need to watch Blade Runner now.

Paul Ruddles, which JPC, do you want to explain what you did there?

Yes, and Aaron,

we were texting back and forth today when we remembered that tonight we were recording the seventh anniversary episode.

And as we were doing that,

I was busy all day with my kids, so I wasn't able to do anything, but we're like, oh, who has something planned?

Who has something planned?

I almost, I had an idea to make another set of Paul Ruddles because I knew Anthony would be on the show.

And I was like, oh, Anthony will hate this.

Anthony will strongly dislike this.

But I had the idea for that today.

And it's not Paul Rudd related, but it is pun related.

And I logged that as a potential idea for later.

So do not discount Paul Ruddles.

It could be back at some point.

Okay.

I'm going to give that one out of seven.

That's discounting it.

No, it's good.

Aaron, if you give that a one out of seven, can I pitch you the idea?

And then you can tell me

if it's going to get more than a one out of seven.

Yeah, sure.

Okay.

So it's called The Chronicles of Riddick

or Riddlesick.

And I show you a picture that's either from a Vinn Diesel movie or the Chronicles of Nardia, and you have to tell me which one.

Two out of seven.

Okay, good.

Fantastic podcast content.

That is nothing.

JPC, that is such a melted version of our show.

I don't even know where to begin.

It's a two out of seven.

And if my best shit is a one out of seven, then I feel like a two out of seven is 100%.

Did you just feed a bunch of hay ridden episodes into chat GPT and then say, now make one?

We haven't gotten there yet.

We haven't gotten yet there.

We will.

We will.

We will.

I'm definitely going to do that with mine, too.

I feel like I heard a factoid that was Chronicles of.

I've never seen Chronicles of Riddick, but they said on the set, I think Judy Dench is in that or someone of that ilk.

And they said Vin Diesel like taught her DD.

Pretty strong.

Vin Diesel was a huge DD guy, so let's not discount.

I would have to have him on the show.

Yeah.

I'm about to talk to you like Joaquin Phoenix.

Diesels and Dragons?

Dungeons and Diesels.

Shit, that's good.

Dungeons and Diesels.

What if it's Dungeons and Diesels and it's cars, but in DD?

It's like Fast Fast and the Furious.

Okay, hold on.

This is Patreon.

Write this down.

I don't want to blow our chances of having Vin Diesel on the podcast, but have you guys heard Vin Diesel's music?

Like the music that he makes?

Absolutely not.

And I want to quit everything and listen to it right now.

It's, oh, boy.

Well,

okay, well, here, I want to talk about Vin Diesel.

Have you guys heard Will Smith's latest song about how he likes girls or whatever?

Yeah.

No.

Have you ever heard this song?

I think I've been managing to escape pop culture for the last like three or four weeks.

It's very peaceful.

It's so funny when Will Smith does a thing that he obviously wants to do instead of like going through the proper channels of people being like, and of course, don't do this.

Because it's like when he does things that he wants to do, it's like after Earth, slapping Chris Rock and putting out a song as like a 55-year-old man about how you like girls.

Oh, God.

All right, I'm going to get through some of these quickly.

So everyone just yell at a number when I do them.

Pee out the poison.

Seven.

Seven.

The Lord of Beeps.

A fan made of signs, and I have one hanging in my bathroom.

Fame.

The Lord of Beeps.

Seven.

Okay.

Anthony had stopped listening at that point.

I saw the head.

I saw the head.

Yeah, I don't think I've ever heard of Lord of Beeps.

We forgot to beep something, and then we said the Lord of Beeps was dead.

And then I wrote a whole episode about it.

It's nothing.

It's Anthony and I can't do it.

It sounds like it's something.

It sounds like your fans liked it.

Yeah.

Blown Man group, which I remember very vividly, where it's just the blue men, but they're like smoking cigarettes being like, can you believe that?

Unbelievable.

Was that?

That was early too, right?

That was early too.

That was an in-studio episode, I believe.

Yeah, for sure.

Because I remember laughing hard at that.

Maybe the same episode as Thank You Snake.

Wow.

Wow.

Based on the air forum.

Adult's in his mind palace.

Holy shit.

What's going on in there?

Door's locked.

Where did I put the key?

Shit, shit, shit, shit.

He's stuck in there again.

Checking my mind pants.

No, checking under the mind rocks.

No.

Oh, dude, Adel, I totally know what you're talking about with mind rocks.

I got mind rocks so bad just jangling around in there.

Sounds like a Beth Leppard song.

Halloween trailer game is another one we got a lot of.

Classic.

That's

the one where you sang the lullaby because you didn't listen?

Yeah, I wasn't listening.

Howard Dean Scream.

Huge.

Oh, yeah.

Seven out of seven.

that's just an amazing piece of uh iconic Americana lore that we've revived on this show single-handedly, I would say.

Now, everyone's talking about Howard Dean, Apple Pie Baseball.

Yeah,

a lot of people were mentioning Patreon things, which I'm not bringing up, but I will mention that we got a bajillion adult in the ball pit thing,

which is the maddest I've ever been an adult when he got stuck in a ball pit, a horror movie ball pit, and I had to get him out.

That's the angriest I've ever been at a friend.

I was so scared.

It's depressing how many of these things that are our best things are like season one hatred or riddle.

Yeah.

Although this, yeah, go ahead.

I'll tell you my favorite thing, and it's definitely not season one.

And I don't know if anybody remembers it.

It's specifically, somebody asked a question.

And it wasn't even in a scene, but JPC decided he was going to say that he was like having sex with this guy's ex.

And he said, oh, it's going to burn you when you see me driving around town in my Dodge Durango with your girl in my passenger seat.

And something about the way he enunciated Dodge Durango will paralyze me if I think about it too long.

That's perfect.

This is Sharon Halpern teaching you to pass the Heinz, not pass the ketchup.

You know what I'm saying?

Kills ambiguity.

It's a fucking A.

I wish I wish I could take a hammer to the side of my brain that knows shit like that.

You guys are going to absolutely love this one.

I love listening to the three of you becoming closer and closer friends over the years.

Now, what would you give that out of seven?

Are they listening backwards?

What are they doing?

Are they listening for most recent and going.

Yeah, we're the opposite of Pangea,

which is

current day world.

I think so.

Continents who have drifted apart.

There's an ocean between us.

I'm going to just do a couple more.

Smacks the Frog.

Please don't fuck my mom.

Please don't fuck my mom.

Please don't fuck my mom.

Unfortunately, Uncle Santa.

And I really appreciate the person putting unfortunately in front of us.

We don't need the editorializing guys.

Okay.

Just say the nice thing and then back the fuck off.

Um,

uh,

Puzzbot, Little Monkey Bones, Coco Cashmere.

Ooh, the three of them should team up for something.

Oh, that would be fun.

A heist?

Oh, let's do a heist episode.

Uh, fuck Butler, which I don't really remember.

Oh, I do.

What is that?

I don't remember fuck Butler.

Uh, what is fuck butler?

How best to describe it?

Um, kind of undescribed, indescribable, great on your knees, fuck butler.

Oh, there it is.

Okay.

Phoebe Peabody Beebe.

Classic.

Oh, yeah.

How far up the egg do the pants go?

Sure.

Singing cake songs.

Hey, welcome to Jamba Juice.

How can I help you?

Classic.

Walk on mine.

And then Adult, I got to tell you, I think the number one answer.

by a lot is Nintendo Cafe and the end of it when you gave me a Nintendo.

And I want to say something about that.

That is crazy that that's everyone's favorite moment because that's the most earnest thing that's probably ever happened on our show.

And it's the only time I cried.

Well, Joy cried

on the show.

That's beautiful, Aaron.

So that's kind of nice.

Isn't that nice?

Yeah.

It's like karmically the opposite of the sweater episode.

Yes, exactly.

And if we missed your favorite moment, you can

let us know.

And then I'll maybe put together the seven moments and post them on our Instagram on the day of our actual anniversary.

So that was like seven moments in heaven.

Exactly.

Amazed that I'm insane and you're all my puppets didn't make it.

Wow.

Oh,

disgusting that that didn't make it.

I mean, I have a lot of favorite moments, Aaron, too, that didn't make it.

You guys were coming in and out of me.

JPC.

What's that?

JPC.

I just, I mean, again, I don't need to go through all of my favorite moments, but just, I mean, you know, I play one of yours.

I mine aren't funny, you know?

Okay, here's one of mine.

I am having a ton of sex.

All right, we're going to go on a quick break, and I know we didn't do any riddles, but we will after the break.

Whoops.

And we'll be back with riddles.

My name is Pronto, and I'm from Toronto.

That's something.

Suck the devil's button hell, Aaron.

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

Oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, did you get it?

Did you get on camera?

No, sorry, I wasn't recording.

No, me neither.

Guys, come on.

I feel like, and this is not an indictment of you, but I feel like I keep doing the same skateboard trick.

I keep hitting myself in the junk, going down this rail the exact same way every time.

And I feel like you guys are just fumbling with the camera, and I'm beginning to think it's on purpose.

Adela and Erin, make eye contact.

Wink, wink, wink.

No.

Well, of course, we did build a beautiful website on Squarespace.

Yeah, we're using Squarespace.

For all your goofs and slips and gags.

It's the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online.

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And I need to pay to offset the cost of the terrible damage I'm doing to my body.

Yes, and Squarespace makes it easy to showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content on your website, like of you doing this awesome trick that you're going to have to do a few thousand more times.

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Perfect for online courses, exclusive tutorials, and premium workshops.

And videos of JPC falling gracefully.

But all the videos so far are like you guys in like your face.

It's like reaction shots because you have the camera turned the wrong way.

Well, that's because we've been using Squarespace's analytics, JPC, I'm not going to pronounce that word, how you pronounce it, analytics, because we're making smarter business decisions with Squarespace's intuitive, built-in analytics tools.

We can review website traffic, we've learned a lot of people love when we make fun of you, learn where to focus our engagement, which is like kids laughing at us laughing at you, and track revenue from bookings, invoices, or product sales.

You know what?

I I don't care.

I'm going to post whatever videos that you guys make.

I think the content is going to stand on its own.

I think I'm going to be successful.

And if you want to be successful, just head to squarespace.com/slash Riddle for a free trial.

And when you're ready to launch, use offer code Riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

JPC, why don't you do a flip-oll- over that

bookcase?

Okay, I'll try one more time.

Take hundreds.

Yeah.

Oh, it doesn't hurt anymore.

Uh-oh.

It doesn't hurt anymore.

Oh, boy.

Oh, I like it less.

Jealous much.

New coat, new shirt, new pants.

Adel, you didn't get those from the Emperor, did you?

No, I think that guy was actually not wearing any clothes.

Oh.

I knew it.

And everyone says he was.

And I knew he wasn't.

I felt like I knew he wasn't.

Interesting.

Now, my experience with the Emperor, his clothes are awesome.

Adel, your clothes look fantastic.

They look like very expensive.

That must have costed you an arm and a leg.

Uh, no.

Uh, actually, we don't pay with limbs, we pay with money, but this was actually very cheap in terms of money.

This is from Quince, my good lady.

I love Quince.

Quince has the kind of fall staples you'll wear non-stop.

Like super soft 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters.

Touch, please, touch.

Starting at just $60.

That's bonkers.

$60?

Yeah, $60.

Their denim is durable and fits right, and their real leather jackets bring the clean, classic edge without the elevated price tag.

I have sheets from Quince.

I got a skirt from Quince.

I love Quince.

On the walk over here, wearing Quince, a bunch of photographers were like, who is that guy?

That's clearly like Somehard's little brother, like

Nathan Levi's cousin or something.

Taller, younger brother.

And what makes Quince different?

Well, they partner directly with Ethical Factories and skip the middlemen.

So you get top-tier fabrics and craftsmanship at half the price of similar brands.

And middlemen are flipping out about it.

I saw a middleman on the phone in a parking lot tearing the hair out of his head he was so mad at quince is he okay no he looks really distressed personally i love my lightweight hoodie i think it's like perfect for the cooler weather it's like uh it's like kind of the in-between uh hoodie that you can get between like you know a fall jacket and you know your your summer clothes um it's it's awesome it's like a must-have staple of my wardrobe.

And I got my eye on some boots at Quince for the fall.

Just a tall boot.

I haven't had one of those like riding boots in a minute, and I'm excited.

I might get them in black or maybe like a chocolate color.

Come back to me.

Come back to me.

Sounds good, friends.

Puts on sunglasses.

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Adel, I have got Erin on a joke website.

I'm about to sell her chocolate boots.

I think she's going to walk around.

Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

I will stay and watch this.

Mom, yum, yum.

Eats them like Cookie Monster.

Hey, Adel.

Hey, Aaron.

Can I tell you something that I'm kind of like ashamed of?

Yeah, of course, always.

When I was a kid, all of...

My two brothers, all of our birthdays are within a month, and it's all around Christmas time.

So we used to just get like Christmas birthday gifts, and sometimes we would just get like combo gifts together.

And I would always

tell my brothers that we could pool all of our money together and just get one big Lego.

And then I would insist on doing the Lego and putting it together myself.

How do you put together one big Lego?

Oh, I guess it's more like an expensive Lego kit and not one big Lego block.

I mean, you didn't really understand finances.

You didn't have anything like acorns early when you were growing up.

So how are you supposed to know?

Hee, hee, hee.

Hey, kids, it's me.

Birthday Santa.

Birthday, Santa?

That's right.

You're real?

Yes.

And I want to tell you about Acorns Early, which is something, JBC, it sounds like you and your brothers wish you had.

Yeah, we could have used.

Yeah, absolutely.

Acorns Early is the smart debit card and money app that grows kids' money skills as they grow up.

Oh, so cool.

You can start with In-App Chores Tracker and teach your kids the value of a dollar.

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Plus, with Acorn Early's early spending limit and real-time spend notifications, parents always stay in control.

And I mean, I would have loved having this growing up.

I would know way more about money than I do right now.

Right, right.

I mean, but I'm like a newer thing.

Like, I'm for kids who have birthdays around Christmas.

But all kids could.

But anyway, piggy banks are cute and great for loose change, squarters, et cetera.

But these days there's so much more that kids need to know about money.

Hee, hee, hee.

Acorns early makes it easy to teach kids lifelong money skills that they can actually use in the real world.

And I love the Acorns Early app.

I've played around in here.

My kids a little too young to start right now because they're kind of like a little toddler, but I'm so excited for them to be able to use features like this because I think like being able to track all of these things when you are young and have money literacy at a young age is so, so, so important to being a you know person that exists in the world nowadays well i'm a person that exists in the world who said i wasn't yeah no

anyway if you're ready to teach your kids the smart way to earn save and spend get your first month on us when you head to acornsearly.com slash hey riddle or download the acorns early app that's one month free when you sign up at acornsearly.com slash hey riddle acorns early card is issued by community federal savings bank member fdic pursuant to licensed by MasterCard International.

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Hee hee hee

oh, Santa needs to lay down.

I mean,

I mean, birthday Santa needs to lay down.

Love whatever your thing is, man.

Don't stress.

You guys have said dodge Durango many times on your show.

There's like seven different uses coming up.

That's so upsetting.

That's so upsetting.

Anthony, that's the worst news I've ever heard.

How many times have they said Toyota Tercelle?

Let me check.

Everybody's just going on which word of Riddle right now and typing in Toyota Turcell.

Come on.

Come on.

We should see like what 10 words we've said the most that aren't like the or it.

It's got to be piss, right?

Piss comes shit.

Casey, clip that.

Any Toyota turcell oh man casey it's a lot it's a lot it's a lot i'm gonna start saying toyota turcell at the end of episodes good good good i gotta include it in this episode now all right i'm ready to come back all right everybody sentimentalness over i'm done with that stuff except this next kind of thing oh well okay

These are some, this is a riddle from Sophia.

And I wanted to read this one because of, I this email is a good indication of how long our show has been going.

So Sophia says, huge fan of your work, been listening since like freshman year of high school.

And now I'm going into my senior year of college.

Isn't that crazy?

Thank you for being such a weirdly integral part of my adulthood.

The sound that you guys both made together.

That was really funny.

That being said, That being said, I'm sending this riddle in hesitancy because I'm not entirely sure if you've ever covered it.

I've been listening for so long.

I feel like I should know, but I don't.

And I'm terribly ashamed of that, but I don't want to re-listen to the entire podcast again to find out.

Anyways, this riddle was written by an English bishop named Samuel Wilberforce in the 19th century and is considered unsolvable due to the fact that he died before he ever gave the answer to it.

What's funny, Adol?

A man dying?

Well, a bishop dying, to be clear.

Wait, any man of the cloth dying is funny.

I got a fucking...

Wait, did it say what year this was?

19th century.

19th century.

So it's the 19th century, and he died before he ever gave the answer to it.

Aaron, did they check his pockets?

Yeah, but also, like, who is this?

Yeah, they took the loose change that was in his pocket.

How long was it?

Did he just have this riddle?

He said the riddle, and then how long did he sit on the answer part of it?

Like, I think he just walked.

What it makes it sound like is he was writing the riddle and then he went.

Got it.

Okay.

Aaron, can I posit an alternative take?

Of course.

He put forward the riddle and was immediately stabbed to death.

Yeah.

That makes the most sense.

I was thinking, I was thinking like he was at like a dinner party on like, you know, like maybe it's like he's at a, he's at a castle.

He's on like a parapet or something.

And he's like, oh, I've got a real riddle for you, a real stumper.

And he's a little drunk.

He says the riddle and then he just kind of like backs up.

falls right over the side, you know, completely obliterates himself.

And people are like, fuck, that's an unsolvable.

And also, I wouldn't call it unsolvable.

I would just call it incomplete.

Well, let me read this to you because it might change your mind.

We might get it.

In my mind, this is like the riddle of all time.

So I feel like you have to address it at some point if you have not already.

The worst thing about it is not that there is no given answer, but that we have no way of knowing if he actually had an answer in mind to begin with.

Samuel Wilberforce was apparently kind of a silly, goofy guy, and people speculate that this was just a big prank and one of those nonsense riddles with no real answer.

It's also entirely possible that it was written with a correct answer in mind, though.

I believe that it was, and it is solvable.

We just can't confirm what the solution is.

Here is the actual riddle.

And then there's also a Reddit thread of people guessing what the riddle is, that I'll read you some of those.

Okay.

Are you ready to go?

I feel like also when someone's like, it's a 19th century clergyman and someone's like, he was silly and goofy.

I'm like, he was gay.

He was just gay.

It was just, he just couldn't be that.

So,

and I'm actually glad that we have anthony here because i feel like we really need some uh more brain power than we usually run on which is a lot i say you now have a second brain cells to work with exactly i my friends that i'm getting closer and closer with over the last seven years famously guys at all at all

take my hand

I'm the sweetest of sounds an orchestra heard, yet an orchestra never was seen.

I'm a bird of gay plumage, yet less like a bird.

Nothing ever in nature was seen.

Touch the earth, I expire, and water I die, and air I lose breath, yet can swim and can fly.

Darkness destroys me, and light in my death, and I only keep going by holding my breath.

If my name can't be guessed by a boy or a man, by a woman or a girl, it certainly can.

What an asshole.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I could do that.

I could like say a crazy bullshit thing and then fucking off myself.

And like, surprise, bitches, that's what you remember of me.

I'm now in the history books for good because I did a bullshit thing.

This sounds like, remember when Luke Noel came on the show and he just read us a riddle and we like tried to guess at it for a little while and he was like, I just made that one up.

It's just nonsense.

That was the best nonsense.

That was the best.

That might be my favorite moment in the show's history.

That's the first time a guest has gotten blood on their hands too, in the same way we do.

Like, that is the first time someone was like, you know what?

I fucking know exactly what this show is.

It does feel like this is like this man got mold in his brain and he wrote this, and everyone was like, What a genius, this, this uncrackable riddle.

But it truly does feel like the rantings of a dying man.

He was calling for the barber for sure.

I mean, the answer could be God in terms of in God, all things are possible, which is probably what he believed.

The three answers that people have been giving are whale,

a painting,

comet.

But what do you guys think it is?

Whale.

A painting, comet.

And Aaron, those are all three teams you were on at I.O.

Yeah.

Those are all my Harold team names.

Whale, a painting, comet.

So what was the thing of

a man or a boy can't guess it, but a woman or a girl can?

If my name can't be guessed by a boy or a man, by a woman or a girl, it certainly can.

Okay, so it's I feel like there isn't an answer to this.

Yeah, this is bullshit.

Okay, well, I would like to see a scene.

JPC, you are Samuel.

You're the guy who wrote this riddle.

Okay.

And Anthony and Adel, you are the other bishops, and he's about to like walk up to you, and you're kind of tired of his bullshit.

Oh, shit.

Here he comes.

Quick, quick, quick, quick.

Come on, let's go, let's go, let's go.

Down the halls, down the hall.

Oh, I'm just out for one of my early morning silly walks.

Yes, moving diagonally as always.

What's good?

Good morrow, brothers.

Good morrow, brother.

What's the word?

Your accent.

What's the word?

Hmm, interesting.

What's the word?

Are you trying to guess the word that I'm

just thinking of?

No, just thinking of a word?

What lives in a puddle, but never gets wet?

What's baked in a loaf, but never gets wet.

What's moist in the middle and hard on the side, and covered in gravy,

but beware, there's

a

brother with

huh?

Brother Withersforce, yes.

Um,

last week when that gargoyle fell off the church onto your head, we all thought you were dead.

You

Yeah, I didn't mean to.

I guess I'm rubbing off on you.

Come on, hey, come on.

I'm we're all wearing mole hair.

That's wildly uncomfortable to do.

Yes, you're also still bleeding from your head.

We told you to stay with the barber.

I don't know why you're out of bed.

Oh, shit, you rhyme too.

Shit, I rhyme too.

Shit, fuck.

I guess I'm rubbing off on all of the brothers of this order.

Hey, do you think he might be gay?

See, hey, we're all gay.

Hey, man, man, we're all gay.

I don't know why you're being weird about it.

I also am amazed that we haven't had anyone send that in before or done that one before.

Yeah, if it's such a famous one.

Because they respected you too much.

Did you say where he was from?

Let me look.

I don't know.

I assume England, but

by my ex English, yes, he was from.

Written by an English bishop.

I thought you said Indianapolis circa 1988.

It's like, okay, got this.

Perfect.

I could definitely do this.

All right.

20th century.

Fuck.

Also, while you guys were doing that scene, I got another message about a favorite moment of all time.

And it's when Adel and JPC were chickens, and Adel did a chicken voice that JPC did a regular voice.

If you guys remember that, that my favorite.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Don't say chicken voice and a regular voice, okay?

Fucking how normative are you?

Okay, he was like, I got a big cock, pacock, pa-cock, my cock, cock.

You're right.

That is normal.

Oh, you know what?

Somebody animated that.

Somebody animated that scene, too.

Oh, really?

Yeah,

that was a very fun one.

Oh, it was ghost and horse.

Ghost and horse.

Thank you.

All right.

These are from Eli, and they are movie mashup riddles.

And so I'm just going to basically read a description, and it's going to be two movies that movie titles that fit together because they share a word or a syllable or whatever.

Very quickly, speaking of,

I feel like of all the riddles we've done, some of my favorite were when Anthony came on.

I don't know if Anthony was hosting or he just brought some of them.

I just read some of his riddles that he submitted.

Yeah.

Oh, he just submitted them.

Okay.

But the ones that were like you have

bookends and you have to kind of fill in the middle.

I thought it was some of my favorites.

I'm glad you like those.

Agreed.

And then, Anthony, we've had a lot of people send those in since.

Like, you've inspired

people to write their own.

It's really nice.

I should have come up with a snappy name for them.

They haven't been as good as yours.

Oh, well.

That's what matters.

Just so you know.

And we'll forward you the emails emails if you want to press.

Oh, yeah, so I can have something to masturbate to you.

No, wait, what?

Sex, pests, sex, pests, sex, pests.

Don't, Casey, don't clip that.

I'm so paranoid all the time now.

I used to be free on this show, and now I'm looking over my shoulder.

Because you still do it.

You still chant sex fests.

I am having a ton of sex, though.

I gave that one up for free.

That one wasn't the soundboard.

I'm taking the power back.

Don't give me soundboard clips that I've already got.

Surfs up, my guy, 100%.

What the fuck am I supposed to do?

You have no power here, GPC.

And Casey, go ahead and see if the Tolkien estate will give us access to that one.

I would love it if we can do that.

All right, here we go.

Let's fly away to a fantastic place where we'll never have to grow up or face the traumatic reality of growing up during the Spanish Civil War.

Either way, we're going to need some pixie dust or a fairy.

Peter Pan's Labyrinth?

Yes, Adol.

Yes, Adel.

I forgot that there was a movie called Peter Pan, and I was like, okay, so this is Hook.

But I'm like, I don't think so.

I would like to see a scene.

Hmm.

What do I want to see?

Adel, you are

going to be eyes on his hands.

Yeah.

Adel, you're Peter Pan.

Yeah.

GPC, you're Captain Hook.

And Anthony, if you want to come in as SME, you can.

And you guys are just trying to sit down and find some common ground.

Look, I'll level with you.

You can't kill me, I can't kill you.

We've tried a thousand times before, it's just not happening.

That's fair, but as long as you stand in the way,

children, you know, yeah, yeah, yes,

I intend to keep doing so.

You know, maybe we're this relationship between the two of us

should we should do a different tact.

We should try a a different angle on it.

I'm listening.

Also, mind you, reaches into my pocket.

Tinkerbell is here.

Tinkerbell, announce yourself.

Coughing up a lot of pocket left.

Oh, God.

My wings are crushed as shit.

Can't fly.

Fucking Peter, fuck.

Oh, because we don't believe.

Everyone, clap your hands.

You shoved me in your pocket three weeks ago and forgot I was there.

Fuck.

Oh, were you in the dryer?

Yes.

Can I put you through the- Oh,

I am

so sorry.

We have this, like, antagonistic relationship, and I'm wondering maybe we could, you know, pivot, transition it into more like a romantic relationship.

I don't know if that's doing anything for you.

What about your boyfriend, Smee?

Yeah, I thought you and Smee were married.

You

slut.

I have been waiting behind that barrel for you to reveal the true self.

I thought I'd seen your true self when you took off the hook and I licked the stump, but now I know what's really underneath that.

Oh,

Smee, hey, buddy.

No, no, no.

Tinkerbell starts to float again.

Where did you get back from the store?

No, yeah.

I didn't even go to the store.

What the fuck?

We need peanut butter.

I actually should go to the store.

I'm sorry.

I will.

Can I recommend a brand?

Yeah.

Kiss.

Okay, here we go.

This one might be kind of hard, but maybe not.

All my fairy tale dreams are coming true in real life.

This superhero suit has prominent nipples.

It's Batman or Robin.

That's got to be a Batman Robin.

Well,

there's a Batman.

It's one of the Batman.

Batman Forever?

Yep.

It's Batman Forever.

Batman Forever.

That one didn't have nipples.

Inaccurate riddle.

That one didn't have nipples?

No.

Oh, well, I'm okay.

Oh, yeah.

You guys know that person tell them they're fucking idiot?

Because it was Batman, Anthony C., I'm saying the quality of these went way down when you stopped to date them.

Because I had that poster.

It was Batman and Robin had the nipples, right?

Yep.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Batman and Robin had.

I'm going to say it again.

Sex pests.

I was a child.

And he was George Clooney.

Batman and Robin was the one with...

Is that

with Chris O'Donnell?

Yes.

But was that with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Thurman?

I mean, Mr.

Freeze.

Yeah, and then it was Doc Kilmer had Time Lee Jones and Jim Curry.

Yep.

Is that right?

Earlier today, I said ice to meet you.

So, not that that movie lives large in my mind, but

I do love Mr.

Freeze's ice puns in that movie.

Adel, you did get it right.

It is Batman Forever After.

Forever After.

I watched.

Forever After.

To suck your blood and dance with Emma Stone.

Hmm.

Dracula La Land.

Yes.

Whoa.

Very nice.

I do think that movie would be improved if Ryan Gosling was a vampire in that movie.

That would be a good idea.

Dracula invented jazz.

Yes.

Wow.

I was thinking of Crazy Stupid Love.

So I was thinking of a different Ryan Gosling Emma Stone movie.

Oh.

Abandoned.

They got chemistry.

They do.

You can't deny it.

Abandoned.

Can't deny it.

Mary men find some drug money in the desert, then prance and dance and thing themselves away from a disturbing, coin-flipping man.

City Slickers.

This is the country for old men in tights.

Yes.

Nice.

Fast.

He's fast.

I love that.

That's my favorite.

Jesus.

Jesus.

We got to get this guy on blank check.

Anthony, have you ever done blank check?

No, it's blank check other than the movie where that kid tries to fuck a grown woman.

Yo, can we talk about that for a Christmas?

I watched that movie during the pandemic.

Sex pest era.

Me, I'm the sex pest.

I watched that movie in the pandemic and was in complete and total disbelief.

What in the actual fuck?

Can someone I'm upset.

And that guy, the guy who wrote that is the guy who writes like the screenwriting Bible that everybody who wants to be a screenwriter fucking picks up, save the cat.

William Goldberg.

You too can write

a story about a young kid getting a million dollars and trying to use it to buy a woman.

In fairness, in the first draft, he was trying to fuck Tone Loke.

They had to pivot.

Here we go.

I'm never traveling again.

First, I got accosted on my flight by these motherfucking slithering serpents.

Then I had to endure a road trip with an insufferable curtain ring salesman.

Planes, trains,

snakes on a plane.

Planes, trains, anomalies, yes.

Yeah.

I see dead people and probably Kirsten Dunce.

I just assume she's in all these period pieces.

Nope.

Six sense insensibility.

Nope,

she is not in that.

It's Kate Winslet.

Yes.

I do want to see a scene.

Sure.

Yeah.

Anthony, I'd like you to be like a little kid, a la six sense, a Haley Jewel Osmet type.

And Aaron, I want you to be like a Victorian ghost who is just looking for someone to kind of hang out with.

Oh, God, not again.

Can you put something on the TV?

Is that what they're called?

This is awesome.

I'll put on a horror movie, baby.

Is that something that would be appealing to you?

Truly anything.

I like the lights and colors coming out of the box.

This is so cool.

You know, we just had like candles and books and stuff.

Could you put your head like back onto your neck?

Or are you just going to keep holding it out while you talk to people?

I can't.

I can't.

I have to.

Excuse me, sir.

Excuse me, sir.

Yes, Dad, you don't have to call me, sir.

How much longer are you going to be in the bathroom?

It's been 40 minutes and the show is on.

Be perfect.

What a good way to celebrate seven years.

Yeah.

What a good way.

That is exactly.

Inviting me to ruin all your fucking improv scenes because I don't know how to fucking do improv.

That's how we've been, that is exactly how we've been doing improv this whole time.

Anthony learned how to do improv by listening to four seasons of this show.

Yeah.

Never self-self-taught.

Yesterday, I had a

my the show Quality Time I host in Los Angeles, I had that, and a sweet listener of the show he is on a college improv team, and he started listening to us when he was a freshman in high school.

And I was like, I wanted to ask, I was like, have we ruined

us being people's introduction into improv makes me feel nervous?

Yeah, that's Fox because I started improv when I was a freshman in high school, and I had like Colin Mockery and Ryan Stiles were like incredible improvisers.

I'm in love with a fish man, and all these poor.

Yeah, I am.

Is that okay?

Is that okay?

Is that okay?

I'm in love with a fishman, and all these poor rabbits are dying.

The shape of water ship down?

Wow.

A relatively small number of shirtless, oiled-up Greek men go to slow-motion war to save relatively large number, to save a relatively large number of precious pups from being turned into fabulous furs.

301 Dalmatians.

Yeah.

300.

This is 301 Dalmatians.

I like the one Dalmatians.

It's just like, how many sequels have we done to this fucking movie that we're at 301?

Kick a dog down the well.

I'm just having, Adel, you said that as sort of an aside, but now that's sort of the image in my brain.

Hark.

Willem Dafoe unleashes the perfect monologue while Paris Hilton tries to run away from Madame Tussau's.

House of Wax.

Lighthouse of Wax.

Yes.

Yes, yes, yes.

Lighthouse of Wax.

Incredible.

I'd like to see a scene.

I was going to say Lighthouse One Night in Paris.

The second movie she was in.

Holy shit.

I haven't thought about that since at least last week.

Lighthouse Bunnies.

That was shot.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She did some good slurs in that one.

It was a real, real treasure if you got it off Kaza.

Kaza.

Aaron, you have never heard of sex tape, right?

No, that didn't cross my desk, if you can believe it.

You were banging on that thing asking for pictures of Spider-Man, and someone's like, I have this.

And you were like, Spider-Man.

Yeah.

Can I see a scene?

JBC and Anthony, you are two old men who have been living in the lighthouse together for quite some time.

So I'm getting the feeling that you might be gay.

Well, I've

never really even considered it before.

Maybe I'm just expressing wishful thinking.

No, uh, I kind of always

thought of myself as more of an asexual type, seeing as we've lived in this lighthouse for six decades and we've kind of never

Yeah, you know, I mean, I could be not for lack of trying on my part.

Have you been missing my signals

that I've been sending you from the lighthouse that say fuck me raw in Morse code.

That's why all of those horny ships have been.

Oh, we're the worst lighthouse in this whole coastline.

We've killed so many sailors.

Yeah.

We're kind of like the sirens.

Oh my god, looking down at my body,

perfect breasts, fishtail.

I think we might be sirens.

Are sirens mermaids?

I don't think so.

I think we're just hot and we hang out on rocks.

Okay.

Okay, good.

Ayooohoo.

Hello.

Oh my god.

I'm here to be fucked wrong.

It's a siren cruise.

Sex, pests, sex, pest.

Sex.

Sex.

Horatio Sands is piloting the boat.

It's Horatio Sands' cruise.

One of the sirens says the Mariah Carey.

The six octave of

sirens are just, sirens are just ladies, right?

They're not, not

fish.

I thought that they were kind of fish as well.

They hang out in the water for sure.

They're creatures who lure men to their death, but they're on the rocks.

Women with bird-like features.

Fuck, you're right.

They're birds.

Lower body of a bird?

That's hilarious.

Or sometimes a fishtail.

You're right.

But

they're like women birds.

They're ladybirds.

They're like women harpy.

Ladybirds.

They all look like Sergei Ronin or Laurie Metcalf.

And then I think that their appearances change when you get closer.

So maybe they look more like ladies when you're far away.

That's true of like most people.

Yeah.

No, that's just the same thing.

I look the same from space as I do.

I mean, that's what happened with manatees, where they're like, a mermaid, a beautiful woman.

And then they got closer and you're like, yep, I fucked a beautiful woman.

I think about that all the time.

How

these sailors were definitely having sex with like manatees.

And it makes me,

I wish I could unknow it.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

And say that you're being judged about people who want to have sex with manatees.

Yeah.

Might be a good idea.

Anything to share as a personality.

There must have been a time in history before corrective lenses.

So I think a lot of people were just like,

I think that's a topless woman in the water waving to me.

Yeah, and then the manatees smoking a cigarette go, yeah, topless woman.

That's a callback to the Zeus joke.

When you're on a boat and you're fucking a manatee, at that point, why don't you just be like, I'm just going to fuck Jeff here on the boat?

That's a bunch of men afraid of their sexuality.

Can you imagine how much that would hurt your feelings if you're on a boat with people for years and years and then you see everybody?

I'm just as horny as you, right?

Yeah,

the fish in the water.

No, I just, I felt like you and I didn't really have much chemistry or chemistry.

What's that?

You fucked a fish.

Anyways, anyone that needs a plug that isn't our new podcast, cum shoes and I'm sorry, gum shoes and dragons.

I think we should be exclusively, we shouldn't waste our plugs this week on anything else but come shoes and dragons.

Um, because that it's hey, look, it's a lot of fun.

The podcast is awesome.

We've recorded like seven episodes.

Janet's on one.

You got some Dungeons and Daddies crew on them.

It's a blast, guys.

It's it's fun.

All the guests are fun.

Uh, Anthony does a great job.

He kills it as the

GM.

Um, we're we kill it as a great kid.

Clueless idiots, uh, which is what we play best.

We do an episode called Moats and Mommies, I want to say.

Have you guys done Moats and Mommies yet, Anthony?

We talked about something along those.

It was mazes and mothers.

I think we recorded a test episode for a long time ago, but women aren't funny, so we didn't do it.

That is such a good point.

I forgot.

I always forget.

Why am I here?

But please give it a shot if you're a fan of any of this.

It's because you're not a woman.

Look down.

It's all bird and fish down there.

I knew it.

That explains so much.

Anthony and I are the same guy, so we just don't, we can't.

We're redundant having you guys.

If we ever touch, it'll be like Time Cop in the fucking

Casey.

Just combine their audio.

If you're a fan of Anthony or you like our stuff or even Casey Tony's sweet, sweet editing skills, please give it a shot.

I'm proud of it.

I think it's great.

And we'd be really happy and grateful if you looked into it.

And like and subscribe.

Do those things as well

with the likes and the subscribes, because that's also important to do.

Tell your friends.

That's probably the biggest thing.

Tell your friends, gum shoes, and dragons.

And I want to say, I'm really, really grateful for seven years of this podcast with you guys.

Also, Anthony, again, someone who doesn't love compliments.

I'm not in, I'm not part of this.

Don't

stress me.

So sorry.

I'm just soaking Anthony into it.

Yeah, I didn't listen to the show at one point.

Anthony, you listened to our show and then you brought us on as guests on Dungeons and Daddies.

And I think truly truly a third of our episodes or our episodes, a third of our listeners have come from

that episode.

Two third of our episodes, too.

Yeah.

You haven't listened to the show.

You're telling me you owe me money.

That's what you're saying.

I think I said something like, but all I'm just saying is I'm grateful.

I'm very grateful for this, and I'm grateful for everyone who's been listening since the beginning.

And I'm sorry if we've caused you any sort of brain damage.

I apologize.

But thanks, guys, for Adel.

Thank you for asking me to do the show.

And

JPC, JPC, Adel, Anthony, thanks for everything.

Two more years.

Two more years.

Two more years.

This is, yeah, this is reliably the highlight of my week.

And speaking of highlights of your week, if you're listening to this on the day that it comes out on the 30th of July,

Hey Riddle Riddle has a show in

Los Angeles this Friday, on Friday the 1st.

But also, we're doing a live stream of that show.

So if you want to get a ticket to the live stream, do it before the show starts and you can watch it for up to a week after I think that that live stream or the show ends.

But it's the only live stream that we're doing as part of this tour.

So if you're not on any of our other tour stops, go to Hayroadoverdale.com slash live.

Click the link for the live stream for the LA show and you can get a ticket to the live stream.

As someone who's not on this show and doesn't know any of these people really, I would highly recommend doing it.

I think maybe the hardest I've ever laughed in a public venue was at the last Hayroid Order live show I went to with Hard Quiz.

Yeah,

okay, Hard Quiz.

That was fun.

That was a highlight for me for sure.

Yeah.

And more people would have listed that if it hadn't been a live show that only a few people saw.

And I think we never released the Patreon or the clip of it's on our

clips of that and Heartbreak High, which was also extremely fucking funny, are on your Pensta, I think.

There you go.

There you go.

That's the best promo for our live show that I've ever heard.

Yeah.

Well, thanks, guys.

Jupiter.

Hey, why do you say Jupiter at the end of episodes?

Like, why do you say a planet?

Cut it.

Casey, cut it.

Casey, cut that out.

Toyota Tercell.

And John Patrick Collins.

Casey Tony did the editing.

Emmarty Paris in the music.

Genuinely, though, I do want to know.

You could look at you could search Jupiter on which Riddle Riddle, but you'd get one every single episode.

Sort my oldest.

Hey there, chats and cats.

If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon.

It's another Chichi Chi-Cha chatter box where we're answering your questions.

You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com/slash hey riddlevertle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven-day free trial or the review crew for eight dollars a month.

Plus, you get those ad-free episodes.

See you there.

That was a head gum podcast.