#364: What a Wonderful Phrase

This is a head gun podcast.

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The doctor was the mother.

He stood on a block of ice.

Hey, everybody, and welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle.

Aaron, on your phone.

I was putting it on airplane mode.

Oh, on your phone to put it on airplane mode.

You don't put it away.

I'm going to put it on airplane mode.

Throws it across the room.

I could touch Adel's arm right now.

I can kick GBC in the shins.

Those are not my shins.

It's a very special episode of Hay Road of Riddle.

And of course, you know, it's the podcast about riddles.

There's also some improv,

but it's live and in person.

Let's see.

Let's time stamp this a bit.

Aaron, you're in town.

You're in Chicago.

Yes.

We are currently not at war with Iran, but it's coming.

Yeah.

It is one million million degrees outside yes

i decided to come at the hottest time of the year where there's like a heat warning every day my phone keeps being like don't go outside please uh and that's aaron keith that's salary refine i'm john patrick cohen and this is hey riddle riddle the podcast aaron anywhere you go it's the hottest time of the year

wow i broke everything out oh no um this feels really weird strange and uncomfortable to be in person yes yeah let's to sit in your skin you mean

you mean to be a person?

You get to be a person to exist as a person.

I do believe that though.

I think that my natural form is some sort of like a pink glittery mist that decided to be a person for a while and it hurts.

I don't like it.

I can't wait to go back to being a mist.

Yeah, I always think of myself as like a gargoyle where I'm like, I love being still and observing and I love being on roofs.

But I don't want to be moving around.

I think of myself as that puddle that Alex Mac becomes.

That's still Alex Mack.

Well, is it?

Yeah.

We don't know.

We don't know.

Water is still water even when it dies.

Well, we don't know, but we actually don't know because when Alex Mac becomes that puddle, we don't know that the Alex Mac that grows out of the puddle is the same Alex Mac or like a brand new Alex Mac with the memories of the old Alex Mac.

Well, then if it's the same, if it's a brand new, but they have the same memories, isn't it essentially the same one?

Well, the point is moot because I don't want to be Alex Mac.

I want to be the puddle.

Well, let's talk about Theseus's Alex Mac.

Theseus' Alex Mack.

At what point?

How many boards do you remove?

So this is like a prestige situation, right?

Illusionist.

You're gonna be illusionist?

No, no, I'm joking.

They built a brand new Jessica Beal every day for that movie, and Edward Norton never knew the difference.

He said, This is the same Jessica Beal.

And they said, Yes, this is the same Jessica Beale.

And everyone's just

snickering like a cartoon dog.

They didn't pay Paul Giamatti on that movie because they couldn't, because they were using the budget on building new Jessica Beals.

I don't think Paul Giamatti gets paid.

No, no, no.

I think it's like when they have like a monkey on friends or something, Where they're like.

You don't think they paid that?

No, they paid that monkey donations to it.

I went to that monkey's New Year's party this year.

Excuse me.

Because they live in the hills, obviously, off of the residuals of friends.

And there was so much cocaine.

I don't mean to do it.

I don't mean to do a ship of Theseus Mac on that monkey Eric, but that monkey is deceased.

No, no, no, no.

That monkey is very much alive.

Deceius's.

It has hair plugs.

It looks insane.

It says a capstation monkey.

It went to turkey.

A capstation monkey can live up to 10 years.

What about a Coke Sacian monkey?

It says says a Coke Session monkey can have the night of its life.

Yeah.

I always see that monkey at Musso and Frank's just with a different girl every time.

Stevie Nick's one night.

The monkey from Friends has other credits too.

Outbreak.

Yeah, Outbreak.

It's the Monkey from Outbreak as well.

Yes.

Which is for in the Monkey Verse.

Is that, can I say that?

Yeah.

In the Monkey Verse.

Casey Bleep.

Outbreak is like their citizen cane.

Right.

Like, that's Godfather 2 for monkeys.

That monkey did like four years on Grey's Anatomy and got killed off.

He's been around the block.

Who didn't, though?

Honestly, Grey's Anatomy went on way too long.

I also did not.

It's still happening.

It's 20 years in.

Sadia ever do Grey's Anatomy?

Yeah.

Hell yeah.

She was a cadever, I think.

Is that real?

She was a, she was a, maybe a dead body on

Chicago Hope.

Chicago.

Yeah.

She's been on Chicago Hope twice.

Once as maybe like a person who dies, and then once as like a, some sort of like

worker of like a city bureaucratic worker or something.

Sure.

They say the best two days of any actress life is the day that you die on Chicago Hope and the day that you're a bureaucratic worker on Chicago Hope.

They say you die three times.

Once when you physically pass away, once when someone says your name for the last time, once when you get your last residual check for Chicago Hope, it's only going to be two hits.

You hit the screen on Chicago Hope and Plate with Max the Ching.

Roll credits.

Is that the credits for Chicago Hope?

Hell yeah.

I didn't know that.

No way it is.

They're too expensive.

The worst panic attacks I had in Chicago, and I had a lot, wasn't it?

Yeah,

here's the top 10

holding a Johnny Carson envelope next to my head.

You're confusing multiple things.

Sure.

I went to go audition for, I think it was Chicago Fire.

It was one of the Chicago.

That's the Chicago professional

sucker.

And it was two hours to get there because it was like southeast.

I didn't have a car.

I had to take the train.

Sure.

It was like two hours to get there, maybe a little longer.

And then I went in and I had to say one line and it was like, hey, back up.

There were no survivors.

And I said it and I did it once.

And they went, okay,

thank you.

Aaron, no judgment.

Did you say it just like you said it now?

I don't want to say with a Boston accent and funny.

Hey, back up.

There were no survivors.

Big wink to the camera.

I was doing big swings.

I went.

Big wink to the camera.

And I didn't get it.

But also, I

like looked and was like, oh my God, it's two and a half hours back.

I took the day off from nannying.

Yeah.

I, I don't know, like, I'm going to, how am I going to make rent?

This is such a nightmare.

And I, the whole way back was like, felt like I was going to pass out.

I was like, what a waste.

If I was a casting agent, I would win.

Win.

Thank you.

When I'm a casting agent.

Believe in yourself.

When I'm a casting agent, I want people to tell me stuff like that where like when they come in and say the one line, it's like, okay, that's whatever.

I don't care.

What's the story of today?

And you're like, I took the day off work.

I traveled two hours each way.

And I'm like, you got it.

You you got the job.

Not only that, but the people I nanny for, they had to stay home, they couldn't find like last-minute child care.

And like, that's such a nice, like, they affected so many people's day.

I would cast, I would put together maybe like the worst episode of TV of all time because I'm going off of like sob stories.

But up top before the episode, it's like a bunch of people's like broken arms.

The Midwest, the Midwest polite casting director.

I'm like, no, it's fine.

Um, but I, before credits, or maybe every time we go to a commercial break, I want to post on the TV those sob stories so people get a sense of like, oh, this is why I thought I hated that character or that actor, but I didn't realize that this was their story.

So I feel like that would be really fun.

I watched Star Wars episode one recently, and after the credits hit, there's like a big like, you know, explainer text that comes up.

It's the Star Wars crawl, but it just is like, Jake Lloyd's parents were actually a lot.

And it's not really his fault because most of what you see on screen is like projections from his parents were kind of kind of making it.

There's a reason, but Colley Cockin doesn't act much anymore.

I'm sitting there watching it, I go, okay, yeah, I like this movie a little better.

Yeah, and then at the end of it goes, Judger Banks, huh?

Well, that one got away from us.

If someone's bored at work right now and you know how to make that Star Wars scroll, can you please put what JPC

is an easy way to make I love in the credits?

It's like I would die.

The movie's not even released yet, and they say, Judger Banks, who that one got away from us.

It's like, there's still time.

If you did put

this crawling out, galaxy at war, the imperial trade uh federation is blockading the planet of naboo also on naboo jojo bigs now hold on because

now did i the actual replacement is black nothing that matters

You're sitting there, it's 1999, you're watching this crawl, you're like, oh, this is gonna be the worst movie I've ever seen.

This is going on way too long.

Some of these aliens look like a certain race, but we didn't mean for that.

So anyways, enjoy the film.

So anyway, enjoy the film.

Oh, and this is Hayward Real.

Dot, dot, dot.

Please don't do Jar Jar Binks patois.

Please avoid the Jar Jar Patois.

Rewatching episode one, which I have recently, and knowing in your heart that the Jar Jar Binks voice is not even the worst of the voices in that movie.

Oh, boy.

My least favorite Star Wars character of all time is the robot with the cough.

I fucking.

General Grievous.

That is my cough.

That's my word.

Because I'm like, why are we giving a robot a cough?

Horrible.

Yeah.

Why wouldn't we if we have the technology?

And he has, doesn't he have like four arms or something?

Yeah.

Everything about him, he's my least favorite fictional character of all time.

Aaron, I agree with you.

He's insane.

What an insane take.

I agree, but here's the thing is on the opposite side of the spectrum, on the other side of the coin, I think the best character of all time is Sebulba.

Yeah, Sabolba.

Which one is that?

He's the guy who walks on his hands and drives with his feet.

He's a pod racer.

He's the pod

racer.

Okay.

One of my favorite.

Somewhere messy.

I'm not

shivers.

I don't mind saying if this is not true, I don't mind spreading it around.

But there was some, it was like Star Wars Force Awakens or some video game that they brought George Lucas on to get to do like a writing credit on.

And they're like sitting at the table and they're pitching him the idea for the game.

They're like, what we really need for the villain of this game is like his Darth name.

You know, he's going to be a Sith.

Sith.

What do you think his name should be?

Sith McFarland.

He said Sith McFarland.

And George Lucas thought about it for a while and he was like, I'd either go with Darth Icky or Darth Insanius.

Oh.

I want to die.

Did he ever have it or did he lose it?

That's so

interesting to think.

Because, yeah, you know what?

I don't know.

I mean, he had something.

I think he was.

I think he liked computers.

I think he likes computers.

I think that's sort of how it ended.

Like in THX and he did that stuff.

But I think he was like,

I think he was always a better businessman than he was a creative or even a director.

Well, I believe that the movie should be, any movie should be sort of run like a business, I think.

I mean, countries.

He truly did.

I think that he financed episode one by himself, which is why it was such a mess because he didn't have a studio being like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

He just did it all himself.

And the way that he did it.

And that studio would have gone, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

20th Century Fox would be like, I'm going to lose my fucking job.

I'm going to lose my job.

No, I don't think he ever had it.

But, you know, no one ever has it, right?

Like, you know, you just.

And no movies are made by one person, right?

It's always, they're made by Ari Astor.

That's right.

Damn near killed her.

I was also thinking, like, Eddie Murphy, the Clumps.

Pretty damn near sure that was basically one guy.

Yeah, think back to that set.

He's holding the boom mic.

What if he was?

He's doing like Hercules and making park sounds as the boom mic guy.

They're like,

Eddie, like only the people on stage are going to be seen in the movie.

We're worried about you, Ref, Eddie.

Eddie, please.

You're overextending yourself, Eddie.

Please.

Your kids are here.

Please.

They're crying.

Please, Eddie.

Begging to see you, Eddie.

Please.

Okay.

Well, hey, so this is how many times do I.

How many times?

I think I should introduce the podcast.

But we're here together in person and we're just enjoying it, okay?

Yeah, we're just enjoying it.

Okay, get off our fucking butts and backs and dicks and butts, dude.

If you're one of those lunatics, sorry, that is binging Hey, Riddle Riddle.

Lunatic.

And listening to like eight episodes a day, you might remember a time where we were all in person.

We would record on Sunday nights.

This is just like that.

And this is just like that.

It's Monday morning.

We're more evolved now, but we used to sometimes start recording at like 9 p.m.

and go till one in the morning on a Sunday night.

And now we're back in that kind of madness, and let's see how it goes.

And we have a guest in the studio.

Wouldn't that be fucked if we just did this for 15 minutes?

He's like the most famous person.

Jason,

go ahead and say something.

We got Hillary Clinton here with us today.

Hillary Clinton sitting there on the fourth mic, just like doing like the neck cut.

Like, I don't want to be

in contact with our publicist that's in the next room on her phone.

She's like, Marianne, please, please.

We know you're texting each other.

Who else could you be texting?

Who else would you be texting?

Get me out of here right now.

We kept talking over her.

She wanted to get in on that Star Wars bit.

she had so much stuff

all right okay

um i have

later on in this some original riddles oh good that have a new riddle format written by my friend michael that i also wrote some as well whoa but for now i want to do warm-up riddles and i know the theme of this seems like i should have been on the receiving end of these warm-up riddles but i saw the

what is it called sun son subject of the email subject of the email i was too curious and i clicked on it and then i was like well, I've already clicked on it, so I can't.

Once you've clicked on it, you can't unclick on it.

So these are Broadway.

Sorry, Adel Standard.

Casey is about to take probably a candid shot of us.

I was trying to be so subtle.

We're all in person.

I can see you better than I ever had.

You should be only looking at my, from the neck up.

I'm trying.

Okay, that's on you.

Don't dress so slutty if you don't want me to.

Are we going to talk about it?

Speaking of dress slutty, we were talking about this, because it is 100 million degrees in Chicago.

And we were like, okay, so it's going to be hot.

We're going to be in a studio.

We have to dress appropriately.

Aaron and I, I would say we both have tank tops on.

Yeah.

Adult?

I'm in my slut summer.

My slumber, if you will?

It looks like the dead of winter.

Long pants, full crew-cut wool socks, two shirts.

Insane.

Okay, I'm sorry I said you dress like a slut.

You look fantastic.

And sluts are great.

I'm digging myself in a title.

Can that be the title of this episode?

No.

And Sluts are great.

And Sluts are great.

That makes sense.

That makes sense.

Okay.

These are Broadway musical riddles.

Ooh.

Yeah, Aaron.

Aaron, these Aaron, you'll answer these.

Yeah, no, I think that these are well-known enough that you guys can get them.

I guess we'll fucking see.

And these.

What are the Broadway musicals that I know?

You went, you just saw Hades Top.

No, you didn't.

I didn't see it.

Moana.

Yeah.

And Kanto.

Okay.

And are you counting in?

Oh, yeah.

I'm counting in space fridge.

These are from Lauren.

And Lauren says, here's to a thousand more years of Hay Riddle Riddle, which is sort of the cruelest.

I've signed a sheet to freeze my head and do riddles.

Oh, boy.

A thousand more years.

I'll commit to it.

Yeah.

I'll do the podcast for a thousand more years.

Aaron?

Yep.

I could do another 18 minutes.

Yeah.

What is the same joke?

Okay.

Okay.

I have some change one letter Broadway show riddles.

This was a category on Jeopardy and it was so fun.

I wrote some more.

And I actually saw this Category on Jeopardy recently and

did you think it was so fun?

Yeah.

Then why didn't you write some more?

I was too busy writing.

It was literally the same night that I wrote the Luz story.

So I was a little busy.

Okay.

Trying to figure out what rhymes with what.

Here's the example.

Okay.

Skimbleshanks wears a fedora and a magical and magical Mr.

Mistopheles Dawns of Array.

You got it.

Hats.

This is Hats the Musical.

All right.

So you get it.

And these are from Lauren.

Okay.

For Easter, these New York Bohemians are giving up their apartment payments.

Yes.

Wow.

526,600 fishes.

Yep.

Uh-huh.

What are some and Aaron, just a couple more songs from Lent.

Oh, yeah, this is easy.

Let's open up a

restaurant on Ash Wednesday.

That worked out

by the worked out pretty well.

I know

when I started it, I didn't know where I was going.

Ashwin's Day.

Now, here's the here's the thing: I do not know if Ashwin's Day is even around Lint, if it's part of Lint, or if it's a completely different time of the year, but I gotta say, pretty good, pretty good.

Um, in this Cervantes adaptation, Don Quixote loves his green tea while fighting windmills.

The man of La Monta, the man of La Matcha, the man of La Matcha.

That's a good one.

I am a Don Quixote, the Lord of La Matcha.

That's JPC's.

What are the books you've consumed?

I feel like you talk about that.

Wait, what?

Hold on.

What am I?

Don't you talk about Don Quixote a lot?

It's like you read it and it's funny.

What the fuck is going on?

I've never, first of all,

I've never read Don Quixote.

You always mention who's the sidekick.

Sancho Panza?

Yeah.

You always talk about Sancho Panzan.

I always talk about Sancho Panza.

This is the most ghastly I've ever been in in my entire life.

You're obsessed with Sancho Panza.

I'm obsessed with Sancho Panza.

This is like the thing when we did the past life reading and you were like, I went to this lady and all she talked about was horses.

And you were like, that's all you're fucking talking about.

Control F on the fucking scripts of when I've talked about Sancho Panza.

Okay, if I'm going to spend the next week finding.

Control F, is that just tantric?

I've got great F F control.

Can't control my D or my C for

shit, but my F?

Jason Robert Brown's exploration of a marriage falling apart is now full of grizzlies.

Five Bears Later.

No, what's the, oh, shit.

You got it.

I know you know it.

What's the musical name?

I can't help you out.

I thought it was five years later, but I'm

the last the last five bears.

The last five.

I do want to see a scene.

Okay, great.

JPC and Aaron, you are a married bear couple.

And your baby bear, you like things one way, you like things another certain way.

The baby's sort of a mix of the two of you, and you're having a meeting to discuss how your child's a little off.

I just think we have to be on the same page about these things.

Oh, yeah?

Okay.

So, when we get a call from the school that our kid is

playing dice, playing cards, has a gambling problem.

Okay.

What parent famously has a gambling problem?

I don't know.

Well, okay.

First of all, it's not a gambling problem if you win almost over half the time.

Yeah.

Okay.

Then it's actually a career.

Right.

Would you say that someone who does a war series of poker has a gambling problem?

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, I didn't know that.

Okay.

So you would say that.

Yeah.

So I'm going to hurt an argument.

And so, like, but and then also for your first reaction to be, if they get kicked out of school, that's a win because I gambled away their college.

Do you think that part of it could be sending them to school and the only breakfast they've had is one hot pot of honey?

Could that be part of it?

Because I would like to do like balanced breakfast, salmon, berry from tree.

That's not always a worm from vlog.

Okay, just honey for breakfast.

Maybe that's like a thousand

grams of sugar.

Okay.

Maybe husband is too busy in Vegas in the world, the,

what is it called?

Lazy River.

Okay.

Why is it called me to get a bear job on my birthday and father's day?

We see the baby bear peeking around the corner, crying, tears in his eyes.

You know what?

I think that that's just right.

Oh, you think that's just right?

Yeah.

Well, maybe I got to call up Goldilocks

and see what

every time.

What's that?

Yeah.

I've been faking it every time.

And remember when I told you I was hibernating?

I wasn't hibernating.

I was just trying to avoid having bear sex with you.

You spent four months avoiding having bear sex with me, pretending to be asleep?

Yeah.

I was hibernating.

Maybe this is why.

Maybe this is why you're such a bear bitch.

Okay, justice for that bear.

I put a pine coat in my ass and fake sleep for four months to get out of sex.

We've all done that, okay?

I lost 80 pounds to not have sex with you.

Jason Robert Brown.

Oh, we already did that.

Oh, Aaron.

Skip that one then, Aaron.

Let's not do one that we've already done.

Let's do a new one.

As Andrew Lloyd Weber wrote, don't online RSVP for me, Argentina.

Evita.

Yeah.

And you love it?

That rolls.

Rachel Ziegler is Evita.

This Rachel Ziegler playing Avida has reignited my love for the song Rainbow High.

And now I'm listening to it non-stop.

I have to get off of that, Maya Vita train and get back on my Jesus Christ Superstar train because we're seeing it.

Yeah.

We are

finally an in for me.

Yes.

Yes.

We are seeing it.

Dude, we're seeing it.

And you know that musical.

I know Jesus Christ Superstar very well.

Is that going to be one of them?

Yeah.

Maybe.

Or maybe not.

I don't know if it is.

And Rachel Ziegler is in an Avita movie or she's on Broadway doing it.

She's on the West End doing it.

And it's getting a lot of of attention because the

Don't Cry for Me Argentina, which I'm sure you know that song too.

Don't forget me, I just see it.

There you go.

This production has her going outside the theater, like on top of the theater, and sing on the balcony and singing it to the crowd, whatever crowd is out there for free during the show.

And they film it.

No.

And some people are pissed because they're like, I paid tickets to see the show and we don't get to see this.

But everyone I know who saw it said it worked really well.

and then she does the repris inside so they felt like that they weren't missing out I saw Sunset Boulevard and one of the songs is the guy walking through Times Square Sunset Boulevard and they film him every night they film him live and we as an audience watch it on like a screen on stage and it is really cool are they watching it on a screen in the audience because it would be fucking awesome if they just had to sit in silence yeah for three minutes while she sings that song they could kind of hear it They're buying drinks and snacks.

If you go outside the lobby, you can hear the first song I know.

Everybody rushes the lobby for that song so they could hear it a little better.

Concessions gets fucked.

That's so funny.

I don't know what this reminds me of this.

I went to a wedding this past weekend, and I thought, I was like, if I still made sketches, I'd make this into a sketch.

I was on the dance floor and dancing, and I was like, I would love to hear what this sounds like if the music audio came out and just us like sort of half singing the lyrics at each other and being like,

because I think it would sound so embarrassing, I'd say, just be like, I don't care.

Yeah.

Have you seen it?

No, no, I did.

I love it.

There's a series on YouTube.

That's the song, by the way, that you don't know the words, do?

I don't know the words anyway.

Just I don't care.

I love it.

I don't care.

And I drove my bridge over a car today.

Okay, so here's the problem.

You're married.

I drove my bridge over a car today.

There's a YouTube series from like 15 years ago.

Casey knows it.

Where it's like pop, not maybe not popular, but they take music videos and stuff and take out the track and add in what they thought it sounded like live on stage.

Oh, yeah.

So it's like the Beach Boy singing, I get around

and they're clapping, and all you hear is like the offbeat clapping, and then they're like,

It's that's so fun.

It's a laugh every time.

I never don't laugh.

That's basically how Aaron sings every song.

Yeah, well, wait a minute.

Yeah.

You guys, I'm a vibes person.

I don't know about the nitty-gritty.

I don't know about these lyrics that you guys keep claiming.

Weirdo, but mumbling.

Yeah.

And where's my millions of dollars huh this is actually a prestiche mumble it's not a parody mumble i think it's a mumble in the style of

mumbling sons aaron i think you should do weddings and you should be like dan band or something where it's like you do covers but the way your signature is like

aaron

naming them

you just do that for every zone

aaron you only do requests so you just the band knows the songs but you just pull a thing out of the thing and you go okay, we're going to do Total Eclipse of the Heart by Pat Benatar, or whoever sings.

That's not Pat Benatar, is it?

Yeah, I think it's.

Okay, it could be.

Give me a request.

I could do it.

I thought it made

it.

If you do, but you drive me crazy.

I don't know that song.

How about you have to say the name of the song?

Don't you do

the thing that she's supposed to do?

Aaron Toxic by Britney Spears.

Yeah.

That part doesn't have lyrics there.

That part doesn't even have lyrics.

Hold on.

She's on to something.

She's onto something.

And I'm a safe, and I can't do it.

And James Ain, but that's it.

I can't stress enough.

If someone can do the Star Wars scroll crawl credits, but with what Erin just did, I just put this over the music video.

Now I like it better.

Now I like it better that Aaron's singing the melody of the song, not the lyrics.

She's like, she gets under pressure and she's like,

the best compliment I get.

The best compliment I get from doing Have Reverend All, this was like seven years ago, is I did the Pretty Little Liars theme song.

I did my best attempt at it, and people are like, that is the lyrics I still hear.

Oh, interesting.

That was the lyrics again.

And a secret, and I lock it, and this time I stay, and you put it in your pocket, and this girl's in a grave.

Nailed it.

Okay.

Yeah, you can come see my production of Mumbling Avita in Winnimac Park

this week.

Wow, look at that.

1:30 in the morning.

It was a couple weeks ago.

Please bring me

boxed wine.

Boxed wine?

Okay.

In this Elton John and Tim Rice musical, Simba is into some freaky stuff.

The lion.

Kink.

Yeah, you got it.

You can participate in this.

Kingy Boots.

I'd like to see a scene.

You're both Timon and Pumba.

You can decide who is who.

Okay.

And one of you is going to reveal to the other that you have some maybe unusual kinks that the other didn't know about.

Oh, I feel so dirty.

I was wallowing in the mud.

I feel so, so.

I should probably wash this off, right?

I mean, wash it off if you want to wash it off.

I mean, if it's just between you and me,

if we're just in the watering hole um Nathan Lane Nathan Lane I actually don't other guy the guy who played Pumba no you you'll never pull it you could have pulled lane

you could have pulled lane but you'll never pull pumba that's probably the same guy who played gimli right

probably

seen it's a mess

genre he's dating

but i think actually i might just leave the mud on because it makes me feel sexy

Pumba, if you want to leave the mud on because it makes you feel sexy, you should leave the mud on.

Okay.

But if you feel like you need to take the mud off and you want to put it in this little cup

and then not care what happens to the little cup,

even if someone's very thirsty, you don't ask what happens to the little cup, you can do that as well.

Writes on a piece of paper.

What the fuck?

Writes on a piece of paper.

Come on, my titties.

Shows it to Erin, waits for her reaction, puts a question mark, Erin, is is that okay if I sing that?

I slide back a piece of paper, it says $10 million.

I look at it, I nod.

Won't do the song, won't sing, how come on my titties?

Grabs the piece of paper.

Hakama my titties!

What a wonderful phrase!

Scene eight, holy pair, scene phrase.

I can say, See, keep going.

All right, uh, scenes, for real scene, do Nathan Lane.

Someone do Nathan Lane.

Oh, hold on.

Oh, no, it's a birdcage.

Oh, it's the birdcage.

I'm Nathan Lane.

I was in the pethouse.

Does he have the warbling?

When you see a gar screech for stars in the sky, you can bet that she's doing it for some doll.

Okay, but do Nathan Lane without singing.

Oh, yeah.

Because that's Timone.

Timone is Nathan Lane without singing.

Why didn't I just draw them a map?

That's pretty good.

Wait, can we do the scene over?

And

we'll do Timon as Seth Rogan.

Wait, I'll be Seth Rogan.

And then who played the Billy Eichner?

Billy Eichner.

Hey, actually, no, thank you.

You know what that felt like?

You know the scene in community where Troy goes to get the pizza?

No.

And he comes back and the room's on fire and someone's been shot.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's how that felt coming.

I felt like I turned around for one second and then you guys had made a mess of that.

Masterpiece.

Oh, would you?

Billy Eichner would be a good Timon.

I come on my titties.

What a wonderful friend.

Thank you, what a wonderful friend.

Ain't no passing craze.

It means I'm horny

for the rest of the day.

Tim Rice is rolling over in his

problem.

It's our problem-free.

Philosophy.

Come on.

You've got to change more words.

No, I don't.

You do.

You need to.

Come.

Make it.

I don't have to change any words.

I think it works just fine.

Don't start her covering my titties and get mad when I start having fun.

Can you come on my titties?

Aaron, if we write the lion come,

period.

They'll fall in love.

And here's the bottom line.

They're coming on their titties.

Huh?

I'm going to come.

Not yet.

Sitting down to write the lion come and then being like, okay, so they're kids for the first 40 minutes of this.

thing.

I'm going to bust a mighty load.

This is bad.

This is bad.

Well, I've never seen crockerballs with quite so little hair.

Aaron, is this good?

Hi, I, you guys, I keep.

Keep a towel by the side of the bed.

Be prepared.

Aaron, we just got a nominee for a Tony.

Aaron, we got a nominee for Tony.

A Casey Tony, which is worth nothing.

Casey Tony's nominating us for mini Casey Toty.

Arabian nuts.

No.

Wait, come on.

Come on.

Arabian nuts.

I just hold came.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, gotta come.

You ain't never gonna come on me.

Commercial, commercial, commercial, break.

We gotta go in a break.

I've done it, JBC Aaron.

I've done it.

I found a way

for the three of us, specifically just the three of us, to breathe in space.

Does that make sense?

Casey walks away, kicking rocks, hands, and pockets.

Sorry, buddy.

Maybe next time.

Oh, boy.

You know what?

I feel bad.

I feel bad that Casey's not going to be able to...

breathe in space.

What if we do this?

What if we pull like our money and like get him in on on whatever technology Adel

is going to unveil to us?

What if we just pull our money and buy him a subscription to Rocket Money?

That's more useful, right?

Oh, yeah, Rocket Money.

Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

Rocket Money, why didn't I think of that?

And Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions, with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all the app's premium features.

I've been using Rocket Money long before they were a sponsor.

I love it.

It helps me keep track of my spending and it will send me alerts if there's a big spend.

And then it will also put them in all these really beautiful color-coded categories.

Very satisfying.

Yeah, look, I have Casey's bank information here.

Of course, we all do.

Look what he's paying for.

He's paying for Sleep Monthly magazine.

What is that?

Oh my God, he subscribes to every other Riddle podcast but ours.

Oh my God.

You should sleep daily.

You should not be.

That's way too little sleep.

And also, Rocket Money makes it easy to save for goals.

Like if you want to save up enough money to breathe in space, Rocket Money can analyze your accounts to find the best time each month to put extra money aside.

And Rocket Money will even try to negotiate lower bills for you.

The app automatically scans your bills to find opportunities to save and then goes to work to get you better deals.

They'll even talk to customer service so you don't have to.

That's a great deal.

Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money.

Go to rocketmoney.com/slash riddle today.

That's rocketmoney.com/slash riddle.

Rocketmoney.com/slash riddle.

Casey, good news.

You can't breathe in space.

I don't know how to deliver news.

But we can eat little fish.

$28 for hot editors weekly.

That should be daily too.

I get that one too.

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

Oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, did you get it?

Did you get it on camera?

No, sorry, I wasn't recording.

No, me neither.

Guys, come on.

I feel like, and this is not an indictment of you, but I feel like I keep doing the same skateboard trick.

I keep hitting myself in the junk, going down this rail the exact same way every time.

And I feel like you guys are just fumbling with the camera, and I'm beginning to think it's on purpose.

Adela and Aaron, make eye contact.

Wink, wink, wink.

No.

Well, of course, we did build a beautiful website on Squarespace.

Yeah, we're using Squarespace.

For all your goofs and slips and gags.

It's the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online.

Whether you're just starting out, or scaling your business, or hitting yourself hard in the junk with a rail, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place.

And I need to pay to offset the cost of the terrible damage I'm doing to my body.

Yes, and Squarespace makes it easy to showcase showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content on your website, like of you doing this awesome trick that you're gonna have to do a few thousand more times.

Upload and organize your videos, create stunning video libraries, and even monetize your content by adding a paywall.

Perfect for online courses, exclusive tutorials, and premium workshops.

And videos of JPC falling gracefully.

But all the videos so far are like you guys in like your face.

It's like reaction shots because you have the camera turned the wrong way.

Huh?

Well, that's because we've been using Squarespace's analytics, JPC, I'm not going to pronounce that word, how you pronounce it, analytics, because we're making smarter business decisions with Squarespace's intuitive built-in analytics tools.

We can review website traffic, we've learned a lot of people love when we make fun of you, learn where to focus our engagement, which is like kids laughing at us laughing at you, and track revenue from bookings, invoices, or product sales.

You know what?

I don't care.

I'm going to post whatever videos that you guys make.

I think the content is going to stand on its own.

I think I'm going to be successful.

And if you want to be successful, just head to squarespace.com/slash Riddle for a free trial.

And when you're ready to launch, use offer code Riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

JPC, why don't you do a flip ollie over that

bookcase?

Okay, I'll try it one more time.

Take hundreds.

Yeah.

Oh, it doesn't hurt anymore.

Uh-oh.

It doesn't hurt anymore.

Oh, boy.

Oh, I like it less.

Jealous much?

New coat, new shirt, new pants.

Adel, you didn't get those from the Emperor, did you?

No, I think that guy was actually not wearing any clothes.

Oh.

I knew it.

And everyone says he was.

And I knew he wasn't.

I felt like I knew he wasn't.

Interesting.

Now, my experience with the Emperor, his clothes are awesome.

Adel, your clothes look fantastic.

They look like very expensive.

That must have costed you an arm and a leg.

No, actually, we don't pay with limbs.

we pay with money, but this was actually very cheap in terms of money.

This is from Quince, my good lady.

I love Quince.

Quince has the kind of fall staples you'll wear non-stop.

Like super soft, 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters.

Touch, please, touch.

Starting at just $60.

That's bonkers.

$60?

Yeah, $60.

Their denim is durable and fits right, and their real leather jackets bring the clean, classic edge without the elevated price tag.

I have sheets from Quince.

I got a skirt from Quince.

I I love Quince.

On the walk over here, wearing Quince, a bunch of photographers were like, who is that guy?

That's clearly like Samarn's little brother, like Nathan, Nathan Levi's cousin or something.

Taller, younger brother.

And what makes Quince different?

Well, they partner directly with Ethical Factories and skip the middlemen.

So you get top-tier fabrics and craftsmanship at half the price of similar brands.

And middlemen are flipping out about it.

I saw a middleman on the phone in a parking lot tearing the hair out of his head.

He was so mad at Quince.

Is he okay?

No, he looks really distressed.

Personally, I love my lightweight hoodie.

I think it's like perfect for the cooler weather.

It's like, it's kind of the in-between hoodie that you can get between like, you know, a fall jacket and, you know, your summer clothes.

It's, it's awesome.

It's like a must-have staple of my wardrobe.

And I got my eye on some boots at Quince for the fall.

Just a tall boot.

I haven't had one of those like riding boots in a minute and I'm excited.

I might get them in black or maybe like a chocolate color.

Come back to me.

Come back to me.

Sounds good, friends.

Puts on sunglasses.

So keep it classic and cool this fall with long-lasting staples from Quince.

Go to quince.com/slash riddle for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.

That's q-u-i-n-ce-e.com/slash riddle.

Free shipping and 365-day returns.

Quince.com/slash riddle.

Adult, I have got Erin on a joke website.

I'm about to sell her chocolate boots.

I think she's going to walk walk around.

Yum, yum, yum, yum.

I will stay and watch this.

Eats them like cookie monster.

And we're back.

We wrote the script.

We pounded it out.

I think we're opening it.

Then we put pen to paper.

We pounded it out.

Then we wrote it.

The lion come.

will open on the west end.

And we changed it from the lion king to the lion come.

Sorry, that was draft three or four.

We're opening on the West End, which is what I call L.A.

next year, next August.

So if you want to hunt and kill us, you know we're hunting.

That zapped me.

I feel like that aged me a hundred years.

When we were in break, I said that I kept swinging between just intense hatred for that bit and loving it so much.

I mean, you saying be prepared really fucking.

You know, it's the opposite of love is not hatred, it's indifference.

So yeah, you were kind of horseshoeed along there, Erin.

You were you were close to them both.

Well said, we have a few more of these from Lauren.

Thank you, Lauren, for writing these.

I could use a thousand more of these if people are interested.

There can't be a thousand musicals, though.

I think so.

There's probably that many.

These dancers sing, God, I hope I get it, but with the help of vitamin C, they won't get scurvy.

Okay, vitamin C sing the graduation.

God, I hope I get it.

I hope I get it.

This is a chorus.

Uh-huh.

Wait, what?

A chorus lime.

A chorus lime.

A chorus lime.

I don't know.

You get the point.

What?

Oh, well.

Hold on now.

Hold on now.

The only way.

We're in Southern Court all of a sudden.

The only way I could possibly win this game is if someone tells me the musical.

Where did you get that tear sucker suit?

Oh, I must see a sucker.

Wait, is he saying Your Honor?

Because I'm hearing Yana.

Yana.

Yana.

I was watching a movie late last night and I was a bit of a Yana.

You guys,

I got more texts when Karen Reed was found innocent than I did on my birthday.

I'll tell you what, Aaron, I got more texts when Karen Reed was found innocent from you than I normally get.

I got one text that said Karen Reed was done.

Erin, did you cry?

I don't want to say.

She did.

Yeah.

I just, I could not believe it.

I was so surprised.

I did call my mom right away.

It does seem likely that you got a lot of texts because it does seem like I talked about it too much.

You talked about it a lot.

I definitely think it was maybe the first,

was it a lot of the first conversations you were having with people?

They were like, how's it going?

You're like, great.

Let me tell you about the Kara Reed trial.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I sort of was looking for any opportunity and moment.

Like, like, I just wanted anyone to bring up anything tangential so I could go off.

Anything to do with cars?

Yeah, any.

Or women or terra reed.

People, yeah.

Anything like that.

Tarknado.

Also, a Chorus Line, I think, is the Broadway cast album I've listened to the most in my life.

During my summer vacation, I used to lay on my trampoline and listen to it like eight to 10 times in a row, like full.

Yeah, Aaron, famously on the show, I don't know dick about shit, but his Chorus Line, is this more like a dance musical?

Because it sounds like a dance musical.

It is.

Okay.

But it.

is based on real interviews with dancers.

So they like.

I've talked to some dancers, and I got to say, that sounds boring as shit.

Well, they will hey if you want to hear if you want to talk about dance talk to a dancer

They you want to talk about literally anything else?

I would avoid cover digits

Each of their songs is sort of like they talk about their origin story or it was like like one of them is like

being not confident in their acting one of them is feeling like not attracted to enough and then they did a song based on

their headshots.

Um, the I've seen the YouTube video of the guy, maybe it's from like a documentary, but it's a guy auditioning for Course Line.

Oh, that Course Line documentary is so hard.

Like crying.

Oh, he's so good in that.

But the, there's

because he, there's a famous monologue on a chorus line that one of the dancers does

where he didn't feel safe enough being vulnerable around other people.

And the musical takes place in the 70s, and it's him talking about being gay and like what he had to deal with in that.

And the guy who did the monologue, I think it like hit a little close to home for him, the guy who ended up getting the part.

Got it.

And when they showed his full audition, but also the part of that documentary that is like so raw and hard to watch is there's a part where a woman has to sing a really high note and they played a montage of all the women trying to hit that note in the auditions.

And it is, oh, it's too vulnerable.

It's too hard to watch.

So skip that.

Can you give us a little impression?

I will blow out your ears.

Karen, I got a question for you.

Yeah.

Do you go into that audition thinking, I know I can't hit the note, but I can get close.

Or do you, you, do you, do you think that they, all of the people that went into that audition said, I can hit this note, I've hit this note in practice, I'm able to hit this note, and then like couldn't do it under the pressure.

I think that they go, it's probably physically possible for me to hit this note, and on my most calm, collected day, I could probably do it.

I could do it, but they're like,

they showed like the final callbacks.

So I think the stakes are too high.

And it's, it's this, the end of at the ballet.

At the ballet, at the ballet, the ballet.

And it's like, yeah, big note.

It's a big note.

I just can't see a situation where I'm like going into the interview and like, okay, so it says here that I have to know C.

Now, I don't know programming at all, but I think it's going to wing it for the interview.

Like,

you, you must, I think it's fair play to play the clips because it's like, hey, man, you knew that the song was coming in the interview, right?

Like, you knew it was coming.

I think there's a certain amount, there's a certain percentage of,

as the kids say, Dululu from Broadway actors.

There's a confidence they have to use as armor that won't allow them to back down from a challenge.

Yeah.

You got to be, like, you got to hype yourself up and like do a persona of your most confident self in order to do that.

God bless him.

Do you think Lynn Manuel Miranda would have gotten cast as Hamilton if he hadn't?

I don't know.

If he had read that by somebody else.

I know.

I know.

I know.

I know.

How can the sad teen wave through a window with such big ur sign?

Is that the how you say it?

Pause bear Evan Hansen, yeah, bear Evan Hansen.

Is it Ursign?

Yeah, sign, yeah, poor sign

in this cold porter nautical musical.

Feet are delightful, delicious, and delovely.

This is my favorite one.

Sorry, Aaron.

Can you repeat it?

I missed the first part.

In this cold porter, nautical musical, feet are delightful, delicious, and delovely.

Nautical

musical

parts of blows, parts of potatoes.

Anything.

Wait.

Is it really Anything Goes?

Delightful, the what?

And it's the feet part is what you're focusing on.

Anything toes.

Anything toes.

Anything toes.

The best opening to any Indiana Jones movie is that song.

And then also, I saw Anything Goes.

What?

Which movie is that?

Oh, is that the.

It's the one where he is that the second one or

the club or whatever.

Where Kate Capshaw,

formerly Mrs.

Spielberg, sings Anything Goes.

Oh, no.

Yeah, they broke up 25 years ago.

No, wait, he married.

Was he with Kate Capshaw?

Wait, wait, wait, wait, no, no, no.

He's still with her.

Okay.

He was married with the woman from the first Denana Jones.

Third.

What?

No, no, no, no.

He left the first wife

to be with Kate Capshaw.

But it wasn't on the set.

It was like seven years after.

Well, I mean, who knows?

E.T.

Bone Down.

But I saw Anything Goes with Sutton Foster and Joel Gray.

E.T.

Bone Down.

I don't understand what that.

E.T.

Bone Down.

Steven Spielberg directed E.T.

E.T.

Phone Home turns into E.T.

Bone Down.

I can't walk you through everything.

I think you're burning more calories in your brain.

But Home to Down?

My only problem is Home to Down.

Not every song scans TVC.

But I saw Anything Goes with Sutton Foster and Joel Gray.

Oh, yeah.

And I was like, oh my gosh, Joel Gray, legend.

And he had to wear an earpiece and he was being fed his lines.

So anytime someone talked to him, there'd be three seconds of silence and then him saying a line.

It was kind of sad.

Hey, it sounds like you're complaining, but the name of the fucking show is Anything Goes.

So anything he did was within the parameters of the show.

Huh.

I never thought about that.

I was in Anything Goes.

Anything goes.

I'm not going to live my lies.

I'm not going to sing these songs.

Anything goes.

You pay for the ticket, Donas.

Aaron, who'd you play?

No one.

I was just in the ensemble.

That was the first time in.

many years, though, I think I got to play a woman in my summer theater program.

I was on, I was in all the boy ensembles.

Yeah, they did reverse Shakespeare roles.

Yep.

I had to.

No, I guess that would just be.

I was a pirate in Pirates of Penzance.

Yeah,

and then I was a sailor in South Pacific.

And my line as a 12-year-old girl

in Nothing Like a Dame was, we've got every kind of feeling but the feeling of relief.

Like, we're not getting fucked.

This is a preparation age commercial.

Yeah, I'm like, I've just, my line was about being horny.

We've got every kind of feeling, but the feeling of relief.

We've got every kind of feeling.

Because the chorus of the song is, there is nothing like a dame, nothing.

I'm missing the context of the chorus.

There is nothing you can name that is anything like a name.

And then we're like, we really miss the girls.

The girls are really cute.

I do like the idea of a guy who can feel everything but horny.

Well, he feels horny, but he doesn't feel the relief from horniness.

He wishes he was in the Lion King.

He wants to come, but he can't.

Yeah.

I I was a 12-year-old girl talking about being a World War II sailor.

It's fine.

I turned out okay.

Good thing we do for children to make their art.

Yeah.

So these are written by my friend Michael.

Thank you, Michael.

These riddles were originally,

he thought of these because

hypothetically, I might be planning an episode that is meant to drive JPC crazy.

These riddles were originally, hypothetically, he thought of.

Okay.

I couldn't track this episode.

Trying to drive JPZ crazy is like

getting in your car.

If we went outside, got in my car and said, let's go to Chicago.

You're right.

So it's like a hat on a hat.

It's a little redundant, is what you're saying.

Like, if I add more crazy to his plate, he gets normal.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Getting in your car and saying, let's drive to Chicago.

It's like saying, let's make Jesus Christ-like.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Don't agree with us.

No, no, no,

I'm tracking with this.

This definitely tracks with me.

Yeah.

That's like the always sunny joke where Charlie's like, he doesn't even get us, man.

And they're like, we're talking about you.

Okay.

All right.

It's like driving to a drive-through and then asking them for their order.

It's like rain,

but they make it about come.

It's like being a natural blonde and going to the hair salon and asking for blonde hair.

Yeah.

Well, that's actually a blonde joke, and that's very funny.

He's already too crazy.

I can't anymore but these are they they were meant you were going to be sort of um a sacrificial lamb in this saddle and i'm so sorry no i'm hungry

um

i only like lamb when it's been sacrificed um but these were i wanted to sort of drive you insane and kind of gaslight you so all of these riddles technically have two answers oh okay i like that and one of them is a little bit more literal and one of them is a little bit more metaphorical now these are hard so i'd say between me and michaels maybe maybe only two of these I think work well.

Is this the Michael I know?

Yes.

Cool.

Gonna fire off a quick text real quick.

Yeah, do it.

Just gonna say, fuck you.

Aaron, do we need a piece of paper or anything?

No, I think just turn your listening ears on.

Keep your heart open.

What do you think?

Do you have a chakra that you think is blocked?

What chakra of yours do you think is?

What are chakras?

They're like energy, like where energy emits from your body.

This is like top of the head.

Yeah, blocked.

Third eye.

Blocked.

Keep going.

Bro.

Blocked.

Heart.

Blocked.

Stomach.

Blocked.

And like, root.

Blocked.

Yeah.

Okay.

And Adam, you were telling me earlier that you chakra to the monkey, right?

All holes filled, is what I said.

Oh, God.

Airtight.

Am I shocked?

You were at that New Year's break.

One billion served.

All holes filled.

Clipping that.

No, don't, no.

Casey live clipping.

Casey live clipping of this episode.

Yeah, so I don't know.

I think Michael's are better than mine, at least.

So it's going to be straight.

Well, actually, let me hear him first.

Okay.

Just for clarification, I did text Michael fuck you.

And the last thing that we had texted about was when he was going to be in town getting breakfast.

So

that fuck you should come out of nowhere.

Yeah.

Or he should be like, what happened at that breakfast?

I hold things together without any glue.

I come in all shapes, sizes, and hues.

Soon tie the knot or let me extend.

Pull me too tight and I might just end.

Pull me too tight and I might just end.

Is this a knot?

Sounds like.

That's close.

Yeah.

What's a knot made out of?

Rope.

Yarm.

Yeah, that works.

Okay.

But that's one of the answers.

Okay.

So

if I had been driving you crazy, I'd been like, nope.

And then would have waited for the other answer.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

But I'm nice.

So give me the vertical again.

I want to get both answers because I'm a completionist and I want to platinum this thing.

I hold things together without any glue.

First of all, I got dinner with Michael last night and then he was like giving the table these examples, like these riddles to show them.

And someone asked him to read it again and he was like, ugh.

And I went, so now you know.

And now you know how it feels.

I hold things together without any glue.

I come in all shapes, sizes, and hues.

Soon tie the knot and let me extend.

Pull me too tight and I might just end.

And so I said rope and that was you that worked.

Yeah, so that one is what remember has two answers.

So string, I'm string and rope is the same.

Yeah, sure.

And the other one is more of like a metaphorical, like this is like a flowery way to explain this thing.

And Aaron, do the two words like rhyme or connect as a okay.

They're totally different.

Hmm.

Is that like patience?

No.

Pull me too hard and I might, what was it?

Pull me too tight and I might just end.

Pull me too hard.

Maybe someone with anxious attachment style would pull something too tight.

Oh, their hair?

No.

Their leg hair?

No.

Aaron, don't make me guess the other hair.

Pull me too tight.

Do it.

Say it.

What's butt pubic hair called?

Oh my God.

Casey.

Bluebick hair.

It's your home.

Kick them out.

Is it bluebick hair?

No.

Michael Boo blue blick hair?

Don't.

Okay, it's not an air when we don't have the time.

Is it a concept?

No, it's like, kind of.

It's like a thing.

If you have anxious attachment style,

where does that show up?

In your fingernails.

No, it's on everyday life.

Literal.

Interpersonal relationships.

Yes.

Friends.

These are

relationships?

Yeah, relationships.

I'd like to see a scene.

Adult, you were breaking up with JPC because JPC has gotten a little too attached and a little too clingy.

Oh, that's right.

We totally fit in this sweater.

No, that's fine.

We totally both fit in this sweater.

Yeah, I'm going to take my hand.

You were so wrong.

Okay.

Yeah, you really just kind of swooped in there.

you were so wrong you um we both fit in this way

no you should wear it looks better it looks better on you our necks are pressed together so tight um

josh i thought we just like a sweater you know how sweaters come undone oh

we're gonna go see weezer

um you got weezer tickets aww no that's my least favorite band i told you only maladroid's the only good album and and i hate everything else okay on seat geek they have one ticket do you think we could split one ticket if we both sat on on in with?

I would say you should snag it, and then

I'm going to keep talking.

Josh, I feel like, much like Weezer, I feel like...

Okay, someone didn't like Weezer.

Now they much like Weezer.

The only way I can get through this is...

Change your minds on a dime.

Okay, Josh, you have to take off that guitar hero controller.

It's not attached to anything.

You can't.

It's such a me.

You're like...

This is so us.

This is like when a five-year-old puts on their first Halloween costume and then they wear it for three months.

A five-year-old?

I guess I'd have a baby with you.

I'm not.

You have three kids from a previous.

Um.

Yeah.

Oh my god.

What I love about kids is they tie you to someone forever.

Forever.

How do I say this in a way that you'll understand?

You can't.

This bottle of Seagrams.

You can't.

This bottle of Seagrams.

My icebox.

Wait.

Awakens ancient feelings.

Yes, but ancient in terms of, you know how people used to die when they were like 27?

Oh my God, how romantic.

I think our relationship.

For us to die together, I want to be thinking about you as I die.

I hope that's not what you think of.

I hope you're at a Weezer concert when you die.

Not this one.

I'm not saying that.

I'm just saying.

I hope they play forever.

Oh, my God.

I love your sweater.

Thank you.

What a cute couple.

Would you believe this is a sweater for one?

But two.

Two people are in there.

But two fits.

You guys are so cute together.

Have a good one.

Two fits.

So many sweaters.

Oh, my God.

I miss her.

She was so nice.

Same.

Perfect.

We might actually only get through the ones that Michael wrote.

Thank God, because mine are significantly work.

And now I want to hear one of yours.

Yeah, why don't we do one-on-one?

Why don't we go switch on?

No, no, this is, I literally realized this is for the best.

Aaron, I'll do one of mine.

Aaron, sometimes you say, like, oh, I did this thing and it's not very good.

And most of the time, you're right.

I mean, it is 100%.

You called it.

You know yourself better than I know you.

But sometimes, Aaron, you surprise yourself.

You say, I found in this riddle, didn't spend all night writing a good one.

Why did you keep it tight?

Bet on yourself for once, Aaron.

I always do.

Draft queens.

I live in locks and treasure chests.

I keep things safe and cause unrest.

Without the right match, I won't give way.

But once I do, you might betray.

See, Aaron, this is what we're talking about.

Yeah, I've been wrong before.

Yeah, so I'll go back to Michael's.

I live in locks.

I see, I don't even care about treasures.

Capers.

No.

What goes with a lock?

Key.

Capers.

Yeah, a key.

Messy.

And then what do you portray?

Everyone, my friends and family.

People who hold secrets.

You've betrayed my confidence.

Trust.

There you go.

You got it.

Key and trust.

Back to Michaels.

Key and Trust.

Such a good sketch show.

Speaking of confidence.

I mark the start, I note the end.

I pass around, but rarely bend.

I'm a part of life, like stars and rain, but when I'm gone, none can remain.

The sun.

Light.

But when I'm gone, none can remain.

Well, the sun would be great there, right?

The way that Michael said that he wrote these water.

No.

By he looked up existing riddles and saw some of the words and then went, What is something else that could describe?

And he took some of those words.

Work smart, not hard.

Yes.

I think I owe Michael an apology.

I think you already.

Do you think if I text someone, fuck you, I owe them an apology?

I don't think so.

You're right.

Quick check.

That's not texted back.

Just follow up with ha ha.

I mark the start, I note the end.

I pass around, but rarely bend.

I'm a part of life like stars and rain.

And when I'm gone, none can remain.

I'm a part of life like stars and rain.

This is like a letter in the word life.

No, so like what.

This is like a part of everyday life, like breathing, oxygen.

Breath.

Breath.

You guys got it.

Okay.

And so that's one.

And then the other one is a little bit more like,

I mark the start, I note the end.

I pass around but rarely bend.

I pass around but rarely bend.

What's something that passes?

Gas.

Time.

Adel and I just made eye contact.

Were you in there for 40 years as well?

I just.

I was trapped.

Yeah.

I'm back here and we're the same age.

We aged in there.

Yeah, it's time and breath.

Time and breath.

Do you remember the character from Inception?

Does anyone remember the woman's name?

Yeah.

Well, yes, Aaron, Erin, the top.

That's Inception, correct?

Yes.

Just like a woman to talk about the character's top.

Her blouse, Erin?

You mean her blouse?

It's Mirian Quitari.

Quiet.

Marianne Quitar.

Marian Kotiar.

Her name is like Ma.

Or something.

She's got some horrible name that's not a real name.

Oh, yeah.

Ma.

It's like Mao.

Mal.

Mauld?

Mau.

Mal.

Malb.

The character from Inception's name is Marr.

Mar sounds right.

I'm going to look it up.

Okay, we have to look it up because I need another character from Inception's name.

Michael, I'm going to do more of your riddles later.

Maybe in the actual episode that's meant to destroy JBC.

Yeah.

I do want to see a quick scene while Aaron looks what's up.

She's going to be in the scene, so I don't know.

It's not really a, it would be both.

It would be a while I look it up.

You guys are in that thing where it's Aaron and Adel.

You got trapped in each other's eyes for that moment.

That moment lasted 40 years, and you guys are like 38 years into the 40-year moment with no indication of when it will end.

I spy when my little eye,

it's probably me again.

It's been me the last 1,400 times.

Um, a

bottomless void.

Yeah, I see it too.

You see it too?

I see it too.

Would you rather

the first one?

Whatever the first one is.

Because you always say the first one that it's always

30 weeks, and then you say the second one, and I can't wait 30 weeks.

I mean, I have to wait 30 weeks.

I have to wait.

Why are you so upset?

Did I forget your birthday again?

Time is nothing.

Birthdays are nothing.

Can I tell you what kind of hurts my feelings?

This is something new I haven't said yet.

What?

We've been in here 38, some odd years, something like that.

You haven't even fallen in love with me, not even once.

Like, how old do you not?

38 years is so long.

You have to to be endeared to a person.

You should at least be trauma-bonded to me by now.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

You didn't even fall in love, not even once.

You're don't.

Here's the thing.

You're two more years with me in here.

You're 5'11.

And

5'8.

You can't date tall women.

I'm 5'8.

You're like 1'1.

You give 5'11.

You're like 6'8.

It just taller than me.

You're famously taller than me.

You can't date tall women.

Is

your wife?

Are you stunning?

Yes.

Are you everything I want in a partner?

Yes.

Are you matching a bee, wit for wit, tit for tat, thought for thought?

Yes.

I lie with my little eye, a liar.

If you were just

three inches shorter, we would be soulmates.

Liar says what?

What?

I know fucking fuck you.

Fucking hate you.

I'm grateful you're not JPC, and I think about that every day.

That's it.

I'm grateful you're not JPC.

That's what sort of links me back to gratitude and reality.

Could have been here with JPC.

If I was here with JPC,

I feel like his mind would have absorbed me 36 years ago.

This would have turned into like a Mad Max situation somehow.

It would have turned into an FX's Legion.

Yes.

It would have been an FX Legion situation.

Yeah.

Wait, who...

Is that JPC?

Is that JPC?

Wait.

You guys can see me?

Oh, no.

How long have you been here?

Just got here.

No, you have not been here the 38 years.

You have cobwebs on, dude.

Oh!

These?

Yes, cobwebs from spiders.

Don't get too close and don't smell.

These are cobwebs from spiders.

It's come.

Come on, my titties.

As you can see.

That's David Blade.

Cobwebs from spiders.

Her name is Maul.

Maul.

Like shopping mall.

Dark Maul.

Here is a

voicemail theme and then a voicemail.

Hit it, Casey.

favorital one

Leave a voicemail

It's the Harry Riddle Real Show

that was fun that was like city pop.

That was amazing.

I like it.

Yeah.

That one I think is from Davey Paul.

And Davey says they're releasing an album, a future album this year.

So, you know, check out Davey, wherever you might check.

They didn't include where to check it out or what the album was called, but.

I like a challenge.

Good luck.

I'll find you.

Casey, we got a voicemail.

Hi, Aaron, Adel, and JPC.

My name is Taylor, and I'm at a point, I'm in my mid-20s, where I'm working in school and just have a lot on my plate.

And I love, love what I'm doing, but I'm just exhausted all of the time.

I feel like as creatives, you can probably relate.

So how do you keep at it instead of burning out?

I love all the content that you guys make.

Bye.

Taylor.

Okay, first of all, feeling for you.

Taylor, I want to scoop you up.

I want to buy you some ice cream.

Taylor, you're so sweet.

I don't know if I have good advice.

I'm burnt out all the time and I'm scared all the time.

Yeah, same.

I think that's like it i think doing it scared is a lot of i love doing it scared i think realizing everyone's going through something yeah

i think that well i've said this before but the mantra i do before i have to do anything creative or like a podcast or improv show or anything like that is i just go all i have to do is breathe and enjoy the people that i'm around and that usually is enough to get me to at least go.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But yeah, I think also, yeah, yeah, knowing that it's part of it and folding it in is, I think, half the battle.

Absolutely.

Uh, something I've tried that works sometimes is like taking a break from stressing or from doing whatever is stressing me out and consuming something maybe I normally wouldn't consume.

Hemlock.

Hemlock.

Meth.

Meth.

Oh, wait, you wouldn't normally.

Black licorice.

Yeah.

Just taking a break from the hectic everyday hustle and bustle of life.

Smoking meh.

Try not.

Who knows what you end up next?

Yeah, I would say, um,

I didn't know if you said in the voicemail if you do have a child, but I would say definitely have a child

because then nothing's insurmountable.

Everything is, everything is kind of like easy mode compared to that.

You stop thinking about your problem.

Exactly.

You got a new problem.

Yeah.

It's a constant riddle.

You'll, you'll, you'll, you'll approach anything, things that you didn't like doing before.

You'll approach it with a new vim and vicar being like, okay, let's do it.

Also, something I i would do in my 20s that i think i regret doing now is i would like

mad but i would sort of like hover above rock bottom like i would just be like just i would make like white knuckle keeping it together you tom cruise uh mission impossible laser right over the floor and i wish i had just got like when you get to that point where you're doing like 18 hour days and you're tired and you have a cold and you have homework and stuff like that maybe just like let yourself cry for an hour trip the laser yeah just go you know what i'm at a rock bottom point because if you stay at, like, you just need that kind of like release

or like ask for help or whatever, because I would just be like, oh my God, this.

Yeah.

If you need to throw up down my shirt, ask for help getting a release.

Definitely do it.

You know what I'm saying?

Because

you can release yourself, but it's always a little better if you can get afraid to help you out.

Circle jerk of life.

Yep.

Anything you'd like to plug or promote or talk about?

Mostly the line coming next August, but also check out our tour going on this year.

We're very excited.

We're playing a lot of cities.

You can go to heyriddleriddle.com slash tour.

Yeah, it's us live.

And I think, I think, so coming up at the end of this month, we have Portland, which is almost sold out.

So if you, and it might be sold out by the time this comes out.

So jump on the Portland tickets.

Seattle, which is also very close to selling out.

But

there's a possibility that we had a second show in Seattle.

We don't know.

We don't know.

We don't know.

And this is Portland, Oregon.

This is is Portland, Oregon.

Yeah.

We go to Portland, Maine, and we're flying to Seattle for the next night.

I've heard they're making moves.

Yeah, we can.

I'm so excited for the Portland and Seattle shows.

I've never been to either place, and I'm genuinely thrilled.

And then L.A.

on August 1st.

And the L.A.

show is live stream.

So I think we still have some tickets available for in-person, but you can definitely, if you're anywhere else in the world, you can get live stream tickets to that show.

And that's the only live stream one that we're doing this whole tour.

And we should say for Portland and Seattle, we will have our fourth host, Janet Varney.

And in L.A., unfortunately, we don't know anyone.

So it's going to be, we're not going to be able to get a guest because we just don't know who it is going to be.

And we'll have a guest.

Zorp is going to be at that Portland live show.

I think it's going to be his first ever live show.

Zorp coming to LA?

Yeah.

Zorp lives in LA.

Are they going to go to the show?

I'm going to say you don't have to do that because they will have just gone to the

top.

He will be, he's so nice and offers to go to everything.

And I try to be like, you don't have to.

If Zorp wants to have a fucking fun night of comedy, maybe Zorp goes to the show.

Here's what I'll say.

But I am taking up his next night, going to Jesus Christ Superstar.

I'm sort of making the whole weekend.

Hey, Zorp, I will not talk to you in Portland.

If you want to talk to me, we can talk in L.A.

So funny.

This is me not

like trying to get he wants to go so bad and he's getting roasted for this.

Does Zorp improvise?

Yes.

Maybe, maybe we do a herald with him to end the show.

He,

first of all, he got comedy trained in New York, so who knows how good of a herald.

A mod.

I'm sorry.

Ah Maud.

He's very funny.

Maybe he could sell riddles on a live show with us one day.

He'd be very very good at it.

Yeah, we'll see if he's good at it.

Aaron, anything to plug or promote?

I would say check out our Patreon, Patreon.com.

Patreon.com slash dot cop.

Hey, Riddle, Riddle.

We have a lot of great fun improv stuff happening over there.

And I love it.

I love our Patreon episodes.

JBC, anything a review to read or something to plug?

Hey, this is JPC cutting in from the future, which is actually my present.

but the past for when you're hearing this future from when we recorded the episode that you heard it doesn't matter i have a tour update for everybody.

Our first three shows were awesome.

We went to Chicago and the Twin Cities.

Those shows, we did get audio recordings from them, but I know some people don't like live shows, so you don't have to worry.

They're not going to be coming on the main feed.

We will probably be putting them up on the Patreon later this year.

Secondly, we sold out our Nashville show.

So we have added a second show.

It's just going to be a late night show that same night.

So that's Tuesday, October 7th.

That's going to be a 9 p.m.

show, still at Third Coast Comedy.

You can get tickets to that at heyriddleriddle.com/slash live.

Also, we are doing tour limited time specific merch for every show that we do this tour.

So if you want to get the tour merch for Chicago or the Twin City shows, these are, well, they're inside jokes.

You'll get them when the episodes come out or if you were actually there.

So very limited use case for these.

I don't know why I'm not selling you on the merch, but you can find them in our merch store, heyriddleriddle.dashery.com, or by clicking the link in the episode description.

We also have our tour poster that we've been been selling at live shows.

We have turned that into a shirt.

So it's like a tour style shirt.

It's got the poster on the front and then all the cities that we're seeing on the back side.

So that's awesome.

And that's out there now.

So I hope you pick that up.

Okay, back to you,

JPZ and Adel and Aaron from the past.

JPZ, anything a review to read or something to plug?

No.

Okay.

Jupiter.

Bye, everybody.

Created by Adel Refi.

Starring Darren Keenan

and John Patrick Cohen.

Casey Tony did the editing.

And Marty Parrish did the music video.

Photo created by Emily Cardamis and Emiline Morris.

Hey there, bounce houses and hot dogs.

If you like that, you're going to love this week's Patreon.

It's improv from a block party.

You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash Hay Riddle Riddle by joining the Clue Crew for $5 a month or start your seven-day free trial with a review crew for $8 a month.

Plus, you get those ad-free episodes.

See you there.

That was a Head Gum podcast.

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