#377: Hello Dali!

This is a Hidgum podcast.

I'm right about a lot of things that people have zero clue that they even know is going on.

Oh, oh, okay.

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The doctor was the mother.

He stood on a block of ice.

Both of them were gold mesh.

It was the cabin of an airplane.

He stabbed them with an ice array.

And the horse is named Friday.

All right, Adel.

You are just going to keep your eyes open as long as you can, and then the LASIK

will shoot a laser right into your eye.

Okay.

Wait, sorry, is it LASIK or LASIK?

Oh my god.

How's it spelled?

L-A-Y-Z-Z-Z-I-C-K.

Oh, why is the countdown still going?

This seems like you should have this figured out.

Well, JPC built this.

You said you wanted to fix your eyesight.

JPC said, I'm on it.

Oh, oh.

I'm sorry for the miscommunication.

I was built by this.

Oh.

Yes.

I'm sorry.

Yeah.

Sometimes, what's

going on?

Stop squirming.

Stop squirming on it.

Adult, stop squirming.

I need out.

I need out.

Adle, stop squirming.

You know how when you read an email, but sometimes you just kind of like skim for the important things.

That's how I write.

Almost always.

Right.

Wait.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Right.

Right.

So this thing built you.

Ah.

Is it?

Or.

Okay, and you're done.

Oh, there.

No lasers went in my eyes, but JPC's fingers went in my mouth.

Okay.

Oh, I think he said he's done.

He did that email thing again.

He finished because he put your fingers in.

Here come the lasers.

Well, I don't say finished.

Finished implies, but I am done.

Oh.

How do you feel?

How do you feel?

I want to die.

So the same.

Okay, now you can't get horny for 48 hours.

I can't get what for 48 hours?

It doesn't matter.

And

the check is in the mail.

We still get paid?

No.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

hey, Riddle Riddle, I'm Adorphy,

I'm JPC, and I'm still here, Aaron Keefe.

After all,

bless your heart, Aaron.

So bless your heart.

What's new for you, JPC?

You're sort of on a bless your heart kick?

Yes.

We are currently in the South on tour right now.

So we just did shows in Atlanta and Nashville.

And so I am...

I'm kind of bless your heart coated now.

I'm like, I'm kind of, you know, I'm kind of their culture is my costume.

I'm like kind of putting it on and trying it out.

And I like it.

You've changed.

Well, yes.

Literally, yes.

That's what I was talking about.

Oh, okay.

Right.

But I've checked the thing where I've read the email, but it was only just, I picked out a couple of the words.

We're all doing that with just kind of like our lives at sea.

That's how we listen on this show.

And do you see you have sort of a straw hat sort of cocked over your eyes?

And you're,

you got one of those, what is it, like a thistle in your mouth?

Not a thistle.

Pie patch.

Pie patch in your mouth.

You're on an old rocking chair um you were saying something like rain's gonna come in

oh again you were kind of you were kind of skimming what i was saying aaron oh i said rain's got me coming

i thought you said you were done no i love fucking in a thunderstorm

When that rain hits, so do I.

You guys, I thought that our recordings would feel different doing them in the afternoon instead of the morning.

And it turns out, same energy.

It's the same energy.

It's the same exact energy.

Everybody, welcome to Hey Riddle of Riddle.

I hope you enjoyed, if you live in Nashville or Atlanta, I hope you enjoyed seeing us at our live shows.

And I hope if you live in Denver in a couple of days, I hope you enjoy seeing that live show on Friday, I think.

If you're listening to this when it comes out, man, if you're not listening to this when it comes out,

I mean,

isn't that weird to think about that?

Like, maybe somebody right now is listening to an episode from 2021, and we just do like, someone is experiencing our voices right now.

And we don't even know where or when they are.

Yeah.

Isn't that kind of scary?

No, not to me.

No.

All right.

No.

It's interesting, though, because when you record the podcast, you don't really think about recording it as a time capsule.

You're like, well,

I don't think, I hope this stands the test of time.

You know, I hope decades from now someone discovers this.

No.

No, I hope it goes in the ground.

You don't think this is going to end up in the dark web for your children's children to find?

What do you think the dark web is?

I don't know, and I'm too busy to ask.

Someone's going to buy like cocaine and a hitman and listen to an episode and you have a riddle.

Yeah.

Should we press the vinyl an episode, a secret episode, that we then sell Wu-Tang clan style

for $100,000?

Didn't they sell it for a mill?

Maybe.

Or we're just, we're no Wu-Tang.

We're no Wu-Tang.

We're no Wu-Tang.

We're one-tenth of Wu-Tang.

I, well, we, you guys, unfortunately, a few months ago, we did promise that we would be working on the most perfect episode of a podcast ever.

And when we are finished with that, something we haven't started yet,

when we're finished with it, we will press that onto vinyl.

And then we will throw it into the ocean.

Yes.

I think keen-eared listeners will remember that I never promised that we would do that, which means it will never get done.

So I'm in the clear.

I don't have to worry about it.

I think I could pull up a clip of you saying you would do it.

I was pretty careful, Aaron.

I was pretty careful not to commit to something that I had no intention of doing.

We're going to do it.

Here's my thing: I think I'm the one who maybe propositioned that idea.

But then what happens is, I don't know if you guys experienced this.

No.

And then I have other ideas.

Yeah, for sure.

And then I'm like, oh, that one.

Chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga.

If that makes sense.

Chugga, chugga, chugga.

You're kind of chugging.

Chugga, chugga, chugga.

Can't stop the train.

I think you and Aaron are great at generating ideas.

You guys just go off like trains.

And then sometimes what I like to do is I like to pick up all the pieces of the train tracks behind you guys, and you're just running off into the grass.

And I say, well, well, who would like to build this, though?

Because this does need...

Sorry, Dad.

We're going out to play.

That's okay.

Have fun in the grass.

There's a train.

The pie in the sky.

No bad ideas.

Cocaine up all night part of the process.

And then what you do with the awesome ideas Adela and I come up with is your business, and that's your that's your problem.

We need dreamers, you know?

Yes, Erin and I are the coked out 1975 cast members, and JBZ, you're Lauren Michaels.

Wrangle us, wrangle us, really big shoe.

That might be Ed Sullivan.

So here's my new fixation.

We record an episode.

We put it on a thumb drive.

We then hide it somewhere in the world.

It's probably somewhere in northern Illinois.

Then we make a series of clues.

And whoever finds that episode, it's theirs.

There is

speaking of thumb drive.

I'm kind of baffled by this.

Sometimes I look at like the R scams on Reddit of like what scams are kind of out there.

I like to stay apprised of what my people are doing.

There are people who are posting, I found this thumb drive outside, plugged it into my computer, and now my computer has a virus.

And I want to think like, what are you doing?

Would you ever pick up a thumb drive off the...

That's just what libraries are for.

No, no, no.

You go right to the library and you plug it in over there.

Don't do that.

He crashed their system.

It sort of feels like bringing a Ouija board that you found in the middle of the woods into your home.

I do think it's.

Same thing.

It's the exact same thing.

Yeah.

I mean, they're both, you're getting demons both ways.

You're either getting like a cyber demon, like a mailer demon, or you're getting

whatever comes out of a flash drive i'm assuming the cyber demon is the ouija board right yeah exactly

um adult i think we brushed past your idea too quickly i'm 100 down to do that and we can be lazy about it but not too lazy we could just bring it on tour with us and hide it in one of the tour cities or aaron i think yes so that maybe wait hold on all right you were going you were saying

or maybe we just chuck it over the fence at a six flags okay

new plan new New plan.

All of our episodes from now on, we're going to record individually, not save it anywhere else.

And then we're going to go, yeah, yeah, and throw it over the fence of a six flags.

And then if someone finds it, they find it.

If they don't, they don't.

I love this direction for us.

And GPC, you make it happen.

Looking at my notes for the episode,

I wrote down ideas, and then it's just a blinking cursor.

So

as soon as I hear one that I like, I promise it's going down on paper, though.

I'll put that on wax, maybe.

GPC, something I just discovered, and I think this is a big one.

You probably already know about it, is never charge your items at an airport

like charge station, like the ones by the seats or anything.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Because people are, I guess, doing something with those to where they can just steal your information.

Jingling their electronics in there.

Hey, it's a bad world out there.

It's an absolute bad world.

Yeah.

I mean, surely you've seen these too.

Like

one of the reasons why they went to like the tap technology for credit cards is because people would just put like those skim readers, like gas station readers,

or like grocery store checkouts and stuff.

Like they just slap them right on top.

And then the people who are working there are like, well, whatever, who knows?

And they're just like collecting credit cards the entire time.

It doesn't matter.

I've had in the history of my being an adult,

I'm 36 now and I got a credit card and I was 18.

So 18 years of, is that how the math works out?

Of adulthood,

I have had maybe four emails that were like, hey, this, you know, this urgent care that you went to like six years ago?

Yeah, our computer system was put together by like pencils and paper mache and all your credit, all your information got stolen by hackers and whatever.

And then they're all like, and you know what you could do is you could like freeze your credit

and just do that

forever.

And

I don't really want to talk to you anymore.

So bye.

And we stopped being a business because we also went, you know, we went under as a business too.

So,

love you, miss you.

And I'm like, that's happened to me so many times that I'm like, it's over.

Like, it's the my information is just out there floating freely now, forever.

We have to see.

And also, I like to think that there's something in this world worth fighting for.

It's not all bad, right?

Is that a lyric?

She's singing Bon Jovi to us right now.

What's going on?

Who is that?

Oh, John Bon Jovi.

Is that John Bon Jovi?

A Jefferson starship.

Formerly Jefferson airplane, but then they're like, the 70s are over.

No more singing about white rabbits.

We need space names.

It's all space names now.

One of the wildest transfers of names of rock history.

One of the only transfers of name in rock history.

I guess, ultimately.

Well, let's do some riddles.

Yes.

Oh, God, yes.

Oh, my God, Adol.

I'm so sorry.

I thought that this was a JPC episode, and I would have done a totally different vibe at the beginning if I had known that this was something that you had to listen back to.

I'm not even kidding.

Aaron, this will all be chucked over a fence at a sixth black.

Anyway, it doesn't matter.

Okay.

But I just, I am saying that I try to put, and this is a compliment to you, JPC, obviously.

I don't even have to tell you that, of course.

I try to put a more cursed, horrible, sort of wicked energy into jpc's episodes because i know what he likes yeah and then i i focus more on the riddles puzzles lateral thinking problems when it's an adult episode

interesting oh and to the

to the teens at six flags listening to this

we gotta stop it with the hand on the back of the pants if you would have put your hand in someone else's back pocket that's kind of cute But just straight down the back of the pants, what are we doing?

I'm sorry.

I haven't checked in with teens.

What's going on?

What are you saying?

What's happening?

Have you never been to a Six Flags?

Is this this

underwear or under the underwear?

Where's the hand going?

Is it looking at closely, my man?

I just see hands

in the back of the hold on.

The Jane Goodall of teens is

teaching us something.

Adel, what were you saying?

Horny teens in the mist.

Oh, yeah, I guess.

It's a horny thing, right?

That's what it is.

That's why people would be doing that.

I don't even, it doesn't even, no one seems to be enjoying it.

Everything is a horny thing, unless it's a horny thing, in which case it's about power.

And you learn that in English class.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa.

You're welcome.

Whoa.

Sorry, riddles.

Riddles.

Okay.

Riddles.

Riddles.

Well, I'm glad I'm not going to six flags anytime soon, but now I'm.

Now I'm concerned.

Unless we do a crew review crew, which we definitely are going to now, because I put it out in the ether and I can't be stopped.

That would be interesting.

Well, let's do some of the...

Okay, so I'm going to give you three items.

You have to tell me what they all have in common.

Just as a sort of a warm-up here: the movie Steel Magnolias, the 1997 cloning controversy, and the surrealist painting world.

Dolly, Dolly, Dolly.

Dolly, Dolly, Dolly.

They have Dolly.

Donald Adol writes a chair.

I'm sure we've done this before, but I'd like to see a scene.

JPC, you are Salvador Dolly,

and you are explaining your new painting to Adolph.

Salvador Dali Spanish, correct?

In our version, he can be whatever.

Oh, Aaron, he was gonna be whatever.

Yes, this is my painting.

This is my new painting.

I have,

you know, finished it.

I hope it's what you were looking for when you commissioned it.

Yeah, yes, yes.

I just want to make sure I have this on the wall the right way up.

No, this don't can't go on the wall.

It's no, it can't it doesn't exist in

three-dimensional space.

So it can never be on a wall.

Oh, but it...

Oh.

Okay.

Yes.

Because it would go through the wall.

I see.

And reach back into when you were a little boy and your dreams and your frustrations were fresh in your mind has anyone ever told you that you will sound like javier bardem

well yes i guess he'll sound like you i'm sorry yes well i got this from the painting it's this is a painting of javier bardem wait how do i even know that name the painting i touched the painting you touched the painting you've traveled through time in the fifth dimension Wow.

Just like I have traveled through time in the fifth dimension to make the painting.

I didn't actually even paint this painting.

Oh, oh, shit.

Well, then I can't sell it.

I'm sorry.

What?

No, I mean, it's my painting, but me and Javier Mardem worked on it together.

Can I be honest with you?

Please.

We traded places.

Hey, guys, just want to let you know we did discover a gas leak in the building.

So everyone's evacuating if you boys want to.

Not everyone.

Whatever you say.

People are

right away.

Okay, guys.

I think the rest of the episode, everyone has to walk on and say there's a gas leak.

That's the new welcome to Jamba Joop.

News of Jabba Joops.

Jamba Joops.

Jamba Joops.

There's been a gas leak.

There's a gas leak.

Okay, guys.

Salvador Dali, Spanish, and guess what?

Javier Bradem looks just like him.

Salvador Dali, pretty thin, got that curly curly mustache.

Used to walk around New York with a pet anteater on a leash.

Is that true?

Oh, yeah.

I saw an anteater

the other week at the Brookfield Zoo, and anteaters are fucking big.

For whatever reason, in my mind, I didn't think that an anteater was like necessarily a big animal, but they're big motherfuckers.

Oh, yeah.

Everyone, close your eyes, picture an anteater, triple it.

Yeah, Jesus.

Now open your eyes.

Emo, I'm stuck.

My eyes are stuck shut.

An anteater triple the size could literally like suck small dogs up through its little anteater nose.

Don't say suck small dogs.

A genuine anteater, the pet man told my dad.

It turns out it was an aunt eater.

And now my uncle's mad.

Shell Silverstein.

Sucks Shell Silverstein.

Are you impressed that I know that?

I am.

Cynthia Sylvia Stout would not take the garbage out.

What a bitch.

Shell Silverstein

on a bad day.

Shell, can we talk about

Shell, or are you okay, honey?

Shell

the fucking tree?

What is that?

Everything good at home or

lazy, lazy, lazy, lazy, lazy, lazy Jane.

It's my fucking daughter.

Get up.

It's 2 p.m.

on a Saturday, Jane.

We should just rewrite for the Sidewalk Ins.

I really should know this because

it it was probably on a sign at the zoo that i could have read but do

aunt eaters

are they native

adult i hate that thank you that's

always named

are they are they native to america are they or are they a are they a spanish creature i'm pretty sure they're they're african they're african i'm pretty sure so this motherfucker was like

I'm a Spaniard living in New York City and I'm going to get an African exotic animal.

Boo.

I'll say it again.

A woman would never do that.

That poor anteater, a woman would never need attention that bad that she would do that.

Aren't there like documentaries of like, what was that?

That woman who had the crocodile farm or whatever in Florida?

I guess that's a Florida person.

That's not really.

Yeah, and that's not really.

And I will say that was that documentary was mostly crazy men.

That's true.

Like Chester,

the ratio is two to one

of crazy men to crazy women.

And I should have been my statement.

They are from Central and South America.

Ah, so it wasn't that bad.

Okay.

What is, Aaron?

Sure.

What is, if let's say you had the

living situation where it would be not, not, not inappropriate.

You could, you could make it work.

What is the craziest animal that you think that you could see yourself like owning and taking care of?

I love this question.

This is very good.

A dog.

No, I'm going to actually think of one.

Because there are some like if you've said, Aaron, that you want to go live in the country, there's like a way that you could have like an alpaca or something like that.

Right.

Like some sort of thing

in your house.

I really want to challenge myself to have one that sort of lives inside.

Yeah.

I don't know how safe of a space this is.

The podcast or the theoretical apartment where you're having those crazy wild animals.

The podcast.

Oh, both of them.

It's a danger zone.

I do kind of sometimes fantasize that my house is like covered in like hundreds of butterflies.

Whoa.

Like, I kind of, that sort of feels like, but that's not exactly your question, but that's the first thing that came to mind.

That's interesting.

I hate to say this, but that's, that sounds beautiful.

But at some point, you'd be like closing a cabinet or like putting down a toilet seat or something.

Oh, I'm killing butterflies all day.

And then that's my nervous system is having to.

You'd open the freezer and two would fall out and shatter.

And I think it would really do some psyche damage.

Adel, I've never

to be loved is to be known.

And you knowing that I would be in a constant state of intense grief and self-hatred.

I also don't think that butterflies, they're like migratory.

I don't think they live very long, too.

So even best case scenario, you're like a Janist, like never touching them at all.

I'm just constantly wearing like a black dress with a black veil, mourning all of these butterflies.

I've become covered in dead butterflies.

as well i'm going to change my answer i think what you guys think of yours

i mean i honestly i would love to have a raccoon i i i know they we talk about this in the show we're dying to domesticate those and they wash their little hands and it's such a cute little thing for a critter to do do you guys know that raccoons hands are 10 000 times more sensitive than human hands What does that mean?

I know.

I learned that like two weeks ago.

Like the nerves in it, they're 10,000 times.

When they jerk off, their hands are coming?

Okay, I love that your brain went right to that.

This is what I mean.

Everything is horny unless it's horny and then it is about

power.

There we go.

So if I'm getting fingered by a raccoon,

it should

be good to the raccoon as it does to me.

25 minutes in, we did one riddle and we're talking about getting fingered by a raccoon.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Aaron, is this different than any other episode?

I know, that's what I'm just saying.

Every day I hope it will be and every day it's not.

What does it mean that a raccoon's hand is so sensitive?

Is he like doing a little hand puppet and like, comedy is illegal now?

You can't say anything, you can't say anything anymore.

That's fun.

I see.

That'll give it a rattle.

Oh, well, I was going to say, I like to use the Mr.

Popper's Penguins rule, which is

you say Mr.

Mrs.,

then you say your last name, and then you have to use the same letter for an animal.

So, Aaron, I would say for you, Mrs.

Keith's koalas, Mrs.

Keith's, Mrs.

Keith's kangaroos, perhaps.

I did live with kangaroos in Australia, little baby ones.

And they would do somersaults into my tummy because they thought there was a little pouch.

What?

Yes, I lived with you.

Yeah, I lived with my friends.

I'll post a picture.

I lived with my friends, Cass and Alicia.

And Cass was a foster parent to baby kangaroos whose parents had been hit by cars.

And so they would like swing a little baby kangaroo by, and then you have to tie a sheet around a doorknob because they sleep in a little hammock.

That's fun.

And then they would try to do somersaults into your tummy because they think that they're going to get into something.

But you kind of, I just spent so much time in Australia holding a little baby kangaroo like a baby with a bottle and watching Game of Thrones.

That's they're so cute.

Incredible.

That's so cute.

And they got along great with the cats.

So if you, you could definitely have a kangaroo in your house at all.

Yeah.

But would they give, don't koalas have like gonorrhea or something?

That's koalas.

Kangaroos have Adel, Aaron said,

and your brain went to, how do I fuck a koala if I got a kangaroo?

Yeah, I'm trying to, what's the funniest STD for a kangaroo to have?

And then warm-ups.

Hoppies.

And it's like herpes.

Hippolys.

All right.

Hapatitis C.

Hapatitis C.

Hapatitis C, probably.

Do you remember the little, I think it was just last year.

What was the little hippo everyone went nuts over?

I don't know.

It was like a little hippo.

Sometimes you miss an internet thing and then you're really some international zoo, and everyone was like, this is now, this is everything.

No, no clue.

No clue on this one.

I can see you on a road trip with a little hippo.

I don't know that would be really cute.

Thank you.

What I was going to say is, I want a little, oh, sorry.

Go ahead, Jupiter.

Well, the thing about little kickeroo, little hippo is they grow.

You know, these things are growing.

No, teacup pigs don't grow.

No, Eric teacup pigs are just baby pigs.

No.

Eric, there's no such thing as a teacup pig.

Yes, there is.

Look it up.

Aaron, I know it.

It's just a baby pig.

A teacup pig is a brand that people sell so that they can sell you a baby pig.

Mu Dang.

In Thailand, there's a famous hippo named Mu Dang who took the internet by storm.

But what I was going to say is I want like a Mu Dang type.

baby, but for a rhinoceros, because I don't even know what a baby rhinoceros looks like.

And I am, I'm going to go ahead and just say blanket statement: I would love to have several of them and just assume they're never going to get big and leathery.

Okay, Adel.

I actually think this is a pretty good idea.

You guys have, you guys have big the first three minutes of the episode energy right now where you're just like, baby kangaroo, baby rhinoceros.

And I'm like, I got weaning bottles.

And I'm like, what the fuck?

Where are we going to?

It's a 1,200 square foot apartment.

What are we going to do?

Adel, I'm sending you a picture of a baby rhinoceros.

I'm going to die.

God.

Can you even believe?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my goodness.

Picture of baby

Rhinano.

Rhinano.

Now,

divided by three.

I think if I saw a baby rhinoceros,

not in the context of like, hey, you're about to see a baby rhinoceros.

I was just like out for a walk and I saw a baby rhinoceros.

I don't think I would be able to say for sure what creature that was.

Yeah.

I don't think I would ever be able to

hold right.

Yeah.

Maybe, maybe recency bias since I've just seen a picture of a baby rhinoceros, but ultimately.

It does look like a little falcor or something.

Yeah, it looks weird.

Little Star Wars animals.

Don't make fun of him.

It doesn't make fun of him.

Don't make fun of him.

I'm so tired of a youngling.

Aaron, that's how you stunt them, their stunt their growth.

So I need to bully them to make sure they stay small.

I don't like that.

And I know that's now I just had like 15 butterflies die because I wanted four.

This is a guy who sold Adela baby rhinoceros and told him to eat wishes.

And he called me a week later being like, I think it's sick.

Yeah, man.

Dying.

I think I gave it too many wishes.

An airplane, Abe Linkins family, Grizzly Adams.

An airplane, Abe Linkins family, Grizzly Adams.

They're all downers.

I do want to say the same.

No.

No.

Yes, I'm ready.

The three of us are

at a dinner party.

Aaron, you are Abraham Lincoln's mom.

And we're two

people you're kind of meeting for the first time, maybe friends of your son, and you're kind of bringing the conversation down.

But Bully, it's very, very...

Very much an honor to be at your table, Mrs.

Lincoln.

Thank you.

Thank you, thank you.

I hope you find uh my house to be welcoming and warm.

Right.

Raise your hand if you have a dead son.

Oh,

uh, most

people here, lady.

Not we don't want to talk about it, but most people here.

Okay, raise your hand.

Uh, never have I ever.

Oh, we're playing this.

Passing up waiters, passing up ship page.

A dead.

I have a son that died that wasn't famous.

In the current day,

I believe my son died famous because he fought for what he believed in in the war.

Never have I ever drink, Chuck.

Chuck, you have to drink.

Fine.

I was trying to

get you to answer.

Never have I ever gotten kicked out of the White House unceremoniously.

Excuse me?

I'm sorry?

Something you want to say something?

No, I'm not saying that.

Something you want to say something.

Something you want to say something?

I'm unfamiliar with the way this game is played.

Does one person go until they get out?

I'm sorry, you're not drinking my wine at my table.

I know I am drinking.

I had to drink on that last one.

Yeah.

Cheers to you.

Never have I ever been unceremoniously kicked out of the White House and dragged...

by my hair out because I refused to go because my son no longer worked there.

You shouldn't have been living there anyway.

I was trying to take the silverware with me and all the sterling silver on my way out.

And they said,

this is for the next president.

And I went,

next president?

I thought the country was going to end once my son died.

And they said, who's your son?

No,

they didn't say that.

They didn't say that.

They did.

Just after it had happened.

I'm sorry, this is my house.

And also,

Lady Lincoln, the country almost did it.

What do you mean?

Well, I'll say it came about.

I don't read the paper.

Don't make me feel stupid for not reading the paper.

Never have I ever

had my son killed by a hack actor.

Hmm.

Mrs.

Wilkes Booth, something you'd like to say?

She's been pretty quiet.

Bitch?

Is there something you'd like to say, bitch?

Cunt says what?

At my table?

Maureen Wilkes Booth, you son of a bitch.

I think they all reached across table.

No, no.

I think they all pretty much disavowed.

No.

He had some.

He had issues.

He wasn't.

Okay.

Let's play Truth or Dare next.

Huh?

I'm just done with that girl.

We're going to retire for the evening.

I'd like to play Truth or Dare.

This is my fucking game.

Chuck, this is my game.

Okay.

Dare.

Sorry, Sorry, I mean, Mrs.

Lady Lincoln, true to dare.

Dare.

I dare you to put your son's corpse on a train that will go around the United States on a tour stopping city to city to again.

Oh, right.

I guess I read that somewhere.

I'm sorry, I don't mean it apple.

Silently slapping Maureen Wilkesman at the table.

Who's just in a drunken stupor.

We have to assume.

We have to assume.

We have to assume.

Again, we don't read history, so we'll never know.

An airplane, Abe Lincoln's family, Grizzly Adams.

Yes, they all are all downers, but there's something else they have in common.

Wait,

Abe Lincoln's family.

Did you say the Downers thing?

Is that their name?

no no like JPC hold on do they all have a uh cockpit

no

Ablingon's family didn't have a cockpit that we know of they had

families have secrets families have secrets beards

beards oh that is a that's a very good guess and we have to assume that Mary Todd was one but An airplane does not have a beard.

Yeah, I was going to say, what's a beard on an airplane?

Now, think about a pilot.

the that's also a great guess this think about also the theme song to our show who hey i have a question yeah who the is grizzly adams

cabin they all have or had cabins don't you hate it when it's a tv character right is he from is from tv i don't know i think he's a tv a tv character who like powder around with bears he's like a nature guy I'm looking him up like the adventures of Grizzly Adams and he'd be like in nature and he'd like he was

like a documentary or he's playing a character.

I think it's a character.

Okay, new crush unlocked for me, y'all.

Excuse me.

Please, someone look him up.

Look at his beard.

He looks insane.

He's so.

Oh, I'm looking at the baby right now still.

He's not the one that Grizzly Man is about, right?

He's not the one.

No, no, no, no.

Never listen to this tape.

This tape is what promise me.

I'll never listen to this tape.

Okay, okay.

So, wait,

is that your type that

He's like

hagrid.

He's got like a feathered 70s hair and feathered 70s beard.

I don't think I've ever seen someone have like the

ferrifosida.

You're not living.

If you haven't seen a man with a ferrifosid beard, then you are not living.

It's fun.

It's a great texture.

Okay, currently texting my boyfriend.

Happiest man alive.

We are going to the salon.

Well, why don't we take a quick break so we can all sort of swoon over Grizzly Adams and everyone at home can look up pictures of Salvador Dolly and Eaters, Baby Rhinos, and Grizzly Adams, and we'll be right back with more.

Hey, Riddle Riddle.

Oh, hey, Adel.

I just heard from Erin.

Oh, good, good, good.

It's actually really great news.

So if you've been following along, she ordered 1,111 chef salads.

She's been trying her best to make a dent in them.

She's actually done, with her help of her persona, Doug Deep, a pretty good amount of the salads.

But I just heard that due to, you know, kind of the failure of the app she was working with when she ordered the salads, she will not be charged for the salads,

which is great news because her money and her finances are a mess.

But now she can get help with Rocket Money because Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

Oh, yes, Erin would, oh, she'd do so well with Rocket Money.

Rocket Money has saved users over 2.5 billion, not chef salads, that's dollars, including over $880 million in canceled subscriptions alone.

Their 10 million members save up to $740 a year when they use all of the app's premium features.

And I think Erin might be juicing those numbers as well because she apparently was signed up to do a monthly chef salad delivery of 1,111 chef salads.

And so I think Rocket Money has helped her kind of nip that in the bud before it becomes a problem for her next month, which we actually don't know if it will be because we don't know, you know, maybe,

gosh, I hope she's not gone for that long.

Rocket Money also shows you all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you forgot about.

Like some people may have forgotten about.

A recording.

If you see a subscription you no longer want, Rocket Money will help you cancel it.

Their dashboard lays out your total financial picture, including bill due dates and pay dates, in a way that's easy to digest.

Casey laughing at the chat.

You could even automatically create custom budgets based on your past spending.

But don't take it from us.

Take it from Taylored Rex.

That's right.

Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money.

Go to rocketmoney.com/slash riddle today.

That's rocketmoney.com/slash riddle.

Rocketmoney.com/slash riddle.

Thanks, Taylored Rex.

And may I just say, that suit is ruined.

Yeah.

can't really move.

Yeah, you're

ruining.

Yeah, I'm gonna eat you.

Yep,

yep.

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

Oh, um, hey, Adel.

Sorry.

Hey, sorry, I'm gonna pop in here.

Do you have a second?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What's up?

Um, so

no really easy way to say this, but no errand today, or maybe even for the foreseeable future.

Oh, geez, everything okay?

It was a situation where she was ordering a chef salad on her chef salad app and her finger slipped

and she ordered 1,111 chef salads.

So

she's going to be eating chef salads for a while.

For the foreseeable future?

That's wow.

Yeah.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Yeah, I mean, it's kind of a bummer.

Something that's not a bummer is Squarespace.

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And, you know, feature-wise, you kind of would wish that her chef salad ordering app maybe was using Squarespace and then this kind of feature bug like this wouldn't really be an issue, you know?

Yeah, I mean, something I would love to see is like videos of her trying to eat all those chef salads, which is something that Squarespace offers.

Yes.

They make it easy to showcase your expertise and engage with clients with video content on your website, upload and organize your videos, create stunning video libraries of you eating chef salads, and even monetize your content by adding a paywall perfect for online courses, inclusive, perfect for online courses, exclusive tutorials and premium workshops or eating a thousand one or whatever chef salads.

Is she going to make a coat out of these salads?

I, she's, all that she said was that she was determined, and I don't really know what to take from that.

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Now, I will say the tools that Erin is using to eat these chef salads, I think are just going to make her job ultimately that much harder because they're not really,

you know, fork.

Fork or knife or

knife, even nice straw.

Here we drink a nice salad.

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And if you have time and you're busy schedule out there, you want to say a quiet word for Erin.

She is going to be eating these chef salads for, I want to say, at least two more ads.

Yeah.

If she's eating, you're eating.

Bring your local Erin inside.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Hey, JBC, I have an update.

Oh, oh, God, I love an update.

Okay.

Erin is halfway through her chef salads.

There's been a lot of support.

Erin's really dug deep, really found that sort of salad shelf that most humans have.

I think what you were saying earlier is that what really helped set it off for her, she changed her name while eating these salads to her persona, Doug Deep.

And Doug Deep is really helping her power through these salads.

Yes, and you know that Aaron and Doug Deep both love BetterHelp.

Have you heard of this?

You seen this?

Oh, yeah.

BetterHelp is changing the game when it comes to online therapy.

And Adel, did you know that October 10th is World Mental Health Day?

And this year, we're saying, thank you, therapists, who maybe kind of indirectly is helping Aaron eat all these salads.

And BetterHelp, of course offers quality therapists that work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the us better help also helps you match to a therapist that works for you that initial uh initial matching process focuses on your therapy goals you fill out a short questionnaire that helps identify your needs and preferences and their 12 plus years of experience in industry leading match fulfillment rate mean they typically get it right the first time when they partner you yeah plus if you aren't happy with your match you can switch to a different therapist at any time from their tailored Rex.

I mean, I bet Erin is wishing right now that she could switch to something that's not a chef salad to eat, but she just can't.

Plus, with over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally, and it works with an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews.

Man, I got to say,

October 10th might be World Mental Health Day, but whenever you're listening to this, it's Erin's mental health day because she's going to need probably some extra mental health.

That might not be the right term after eating all of these salads.

But this World Mental Health Day, we're celebrating the therapists who've helped millions of people take a step forward.

If you're ready to find the right therapist for you, BetterHelp can help you start that journey.

Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/slash riddle.

That's betterhelp, h-l-p.com/slash riddle.

And JBC, you mentioned earlier tailored rex, which is one of my, like dug deep, one of my personas, sort of a T-Rex in a bespoke customized tuxedo.

Yeah, sort of exactly that.

Mr.

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Erin, please,

please let us go free.

We're dying.

All of us are dying around the house.

Sweet butterflies, hush, hush, hush, hush, squeeze, squeak, squeak.

We have company coming over.

Squeak, squeak, squeak.

They keep sitting on us and crushing us.

My sister died last week.

Squeak, squeak.

I know, but this time, we get to do that trick we've been working on.

Remember when I yell attack,

and then you get to sort of swarm in and kill a person?

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Well, my co-worker slash friend, I guess, JPC is coming over.

Yes.

He'll be here any second.

And then you get to sort of do what you've been trained to do.

Attack.

Exactly.

Yes.

Oh, he's here.

He's here.

He's here.

Hey, Aaron.

Hey.

Should I just let myself in?

I'm not sure the.

Oh, yeah.

Door's open.

Oh, okay, great.

Man, oh, I love what you've done with the place.

Attack!

All right,

swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe.

Oh, hey, sorry.

I think I just killed like 200 butterflies.

They all came at me.

Sorry.

Get out of my home.

Me or the butterflies.

You.

Speak up, Aaron.

I have no idea.

Oh,

you're killing a wilkes booth.

Icon says, what?

What?

Aaron, no.

Uh-oh.

A man walks in.

Aaron, you put the K in cunt.

Oh, my God.

A man.

That's so sweet.

A man walks into a restaurant

and orders food.

When the food arrives, he starts eating.

But he doesn't pay.

How can this be?

Read it, read it again.

He's a ratatouille situation.

He's being controlled by a ratatouille situation.

A man walks into a restaurant and orders food.

When the food arrives, he starts eating, but he doesn't pay.

How can this be?

As in, he doesn't pay the whole time.

Not that he doesn't pay right away.

He just doesn't pay right away.

Aaron, very close.

And actually,

we're going to go ahead and give it to you.

He's part of the restaurant's staff and he gets a free meal as a work benefit.

I'd like to see a scene.

Adult, you are a restaurant manager, and JPC is an ex-employee that doesn't work there anymore who's come in for a shift meal and just sort of sits down and starts helping himself.

So just a reminder that we're going to be rolling out the XL Craig, which is going to be a pizza with mustard.

Now, some

Brian?

Brian?

Me?

Yeah.

Did you...

Sorry.

Did you forget?

Did you need to pick up a last paycheck or something?

No, I was just coming in.

What?

No.

Oh, no.

I got the paycheck.

No.

Thank you so much.

Are you...

Wait, are you offering me another paycheck?

No.

Okay.

Yeah.

No.

Yes.

The one I got was more than generous for the work that I did.

So thank you.

Yeah, and considering how much

of that is.

Would you get some of these?

No, no, no.

Hold on.

What's that?

Why?

Do you have those things to get the fettuccine?

Tongs?

Yes, I'd love some tongs because it's hot fettuccine.

I'm just...

Yeah, you're elbow deep in the fet right now.

You said we couldn't eat the shift wheel until after the meeting.

Can we eat it now then?

If he's eating it and he doesn't even work here, can we eat it?

Lisa, I worked here.

Oh, I'll take this.

I'll take this.

I'll take this.

Lisa, I used to work here, and so I'm just coming in for my shift meal.

Yeah, but then you bit the chef.

That was my first day.

It was traumatizing.

Oh, yeah, but it wasn't about sex.

It was about power.

No one said it was about sex.

Well, but I feel like it...

Yes, I...

Is that...

Oh, my God.

I'm putting this together now.

Is that why I got fired?

He's got a raby shot.

First of all, he didn't have to get a rabies shot.

Yeah, you have to.

What do you mean, you have to?

When you think that someone has maybe been exposed to rabies and then they bite someone else, then you have to get a rabies shot.

Oh, because I lived with a dog who had rabies.

Yeah.

Yes.

I told that to everybody in confidence because I was so drunk.

Told it to everybody in confidence.

Look, Brian, listen, hey,

you go ahead and keep the fettuccine that you're...

Stop drinking from the fountain.

Stop drinking soda straight from the fountain.

Okay, sorry.

That's a new rule, Lisa.

Keep the fettuccine in your pants.

Keep the fettuccine that you stuffed in your pockets.

Obviously, you drink from the...

We're going to have to get a new soda machine.

Oh, give this one a raby shot.

Because I lived for a year in the water.

He stuck his fingers in the food.

He stuck his sticky little fingers in the food.

It's a restaurant.

Make more food.

Well, that's okay.

We will, obviously, but.

Is there a problem with what I'm doing?

Yes.

We're trying to right now, this is a meeting about brainstorming about how getting some of our customer base back after all the bad PR we got because of you, Brian.

I know what to do.

Lisa's actually a fourth-degree purple belt, so why don't you grab her wrist, grab her right wrist, like, no, sorry, grab her, like, grab her wrist.

Okay.

Yeah, like this, like that.

Wrist?

No, wrist.

Grab her wrist.

Oh, my God, Brian.

You did this to me.

I actually blamed both of you equally because you knew how bad he was.

I'm totally just going to go ahead and quit.

This guy made me grab your brother.

No, no, no.

Here's what we should all do.

Here's what we should all do.

Absolutely.

Do not start standing in front of this.

No, do not do that.

Let's stop standing in front of this.

Together.

Let's rent a camper.

We'll all go camping together in a camper.

He doesn't have a house anymore.

That's what this is.

Man who just constantly needs to be out in the wild because he clearly has rabies.

I'm so thirsty.

I don't think you can live very long with rabies.

No.

I think you go quick once you get rabies.

I think that's why they're missing.

We're not joking about rabies, everybody.

My cousin.

No.

You know what?

I've never known anyone who had rabies.

Can't even fake it.

I had a horse's wife.

Nope.

No.

No.

I heard myself saying it.

And yeah, I'm lying.

I'm just straight up lying.

No.

How How many people does rabies kill a year?

I don't, I, I, I, first of all, I don't think it's a lot, but I do think it's like, I do think it's like very fatal.

Like, I don't think, oh, yeah.

I don't think you're supposed to fuck around with rabies kills.

There's no way to like, yeah.

Um,

let's see here.

Rabies.

Okay.

There are fewer than 10 human rabies cases reported in the United States every year.

Oh, that's good.

Oh, that feels like something that we we don't need to raise awareness on then.

Oh, well, what about all the banners we just made?

What about the car wash we did this past weekend?

And if it's 110, I feel like the right amount of nobody needs to know about it knows about it.

You know what I'm saying?

Okay, are you telling me that our Hay Riddle Riddle presents Rabies Car Wash was for nothing this past weekend?

Okay.

I'm so fucking stupid.

I have the worst sunburn I've ever had.

We have a whole slate of November episodes that were Patreon Rabies awareness November is now flushed out of the drain.

So we have to trash our parody Muppet Rabies.

This is a nightmare, guys.

Muppet rabies took us like six years.

When your dog gets kind of weird and he bites you on the

hand.

Why are there so many songs about rabies?

Rabies.

The foamers, the frothers, and you.

There's two.

There's two.

There's the one that'll sing first, and then there's this one.

I know that it's probably deadly.

And we brought back that one Muppet from the Christmas Carol that's kind of like underwater or whatever.

That ghost Muppet that's kind of like underwater.

You know what I'm talking about?

No, I don't.

This crazy, scary Muppet that's in the Muppet Christmas Carol.

They like film a Muppet in water and it looks like.

He's a drowned Muppet?

Kind of.

I mean, he's already a ghost.

I'll send a picture at some point.

No, I'm okay.

I don't need to see a drowned.

Don't send me a picture of a drowned Muppet, especially after I forgot what we were talking about.

Well, here's the thing.

I need to send a picture because Aaron might want to buy it in the upcoming Muppet auction.

You guys, I need, I need,

I need two weeks off.

Two weeks?

It's three hour auction.

Two weeks off.

I guess.

Whatever.

I guess.

Good news, bad news.

Which do you want first?

Bad news.

Good news.

Oh, interesting.

I'll do good news first.

So actually,

what it says here.

Oh, where did it go?

So actually, human rabies is extremely rare in the United States.

In the United States, there's only one or two cases reported

annually.

Reported.

It says under 10 previously, now it says one or two reported.

But the bad news is, globally,

deaths from rabies, about 59,000.

Where was that?

Globally

from rabies that we've been making light of, about 59,000 people.

Okay.

So, Casey, what we're going to do is cut out me

singing a song.

Why are there so?

No, you know, you know the part I'm talking about.

Casey, what we're going to do.

What we're going to do is the part where I was thinking as Kirby the frog thinking about rabies.

Unfortunately, we need it.

It was too long.

If it's under 30 seconds, we can cut it, but we need it for content.

From now on, what we're going to do is we're going to read the whole Wikipedia article before we jump in and just singing about it.

I'm good.

Yeah, this is what I'm talking about.

Oh, yes.

You should have just said the ghost of Christmas past.

Oh, is that who she is?

Yeah, she's like, I know her.

Oh, she's horrible.

Miss Jesus.

Ebenezer, yosha.

That's her.

That's her.

We're rabies and rabies.

Adam, remember five seconds ago?

59,000 people.

Oh, shit.

Casey, here's what we're going to do.

No.

Nope.

Okay.

Okay.

Everybody, let's just calm down for one second.

Okay.

Okay.

And here's how we handle this.

Here's how we handle this.

Here's how we do an actual car wash for.

We'll split the difference.

We'll split the difference.

Casey, just cut the song that I sing about rabbies.

Okay.

Hold on.

Don't

worry about it.

It's the most egregious.

Okay.

Okay.

Hold on.

We all agree the one I did was the worst.

It was in the most poor taste.

We'll just cut that one.

And then we don't have to do that.

Yeah, that's true.

That's true.

I'll repeat what JBC is saying.

It was, this is how we raise rabies.

Come on, give me a little credit.

Give me a little credit.

Fine.

It was something better.

It was Rabies Up Your Life by the Spice Girls.

Yeah, no, I think I would have gone with like, hit me, rabies, one more time or something like that.

Go rabies.

Go babies.

Yeah, but cut this ribs.

Rabis, rabies.

I was like, rabies, rabies, rabies.

Oh,

rabies.

Yeah.

In the United States,

this is probably doing very well.

Globally, this is probably causing a lot of strife and pain.

Guys, I've been publishing this episode live.

Is that

it?

This was not my fault.

If I had known how serious it was, I would not have joked about it.

But, guys, what is good news is I just realized that we are...

don't do this because it'd be harder to cut around take me home tonight 59 000 souls to see the light

guys we are exact one-to-one that's a tribute to them for the christmas carol ghosts i am obviously oh my god that's what i'm doing for the christmas episode this year dibs who's bidding on that and like ghost no no no i'm saying i am the ghost we'll we'll have the three of them they live together i'm the ghost of christmas past adult you're obviously the ghost of Christmas present.

And then JBC, you're the horrible death one from the future.

Death one.

Yeah, he's the one.

Am I going to have to see this movie or can I pick it up from content?

This is not a movie.

This is a Patreon episode that we're doing.

Does that make me rabies?

Okay, guys.

Does that make me rabous?

You guys, when we're all in court, they're going to play this.

Like, when you're in court, you're going to play it.

You know what I mean?

Like, you're in the city.

Aaron, they'll never get to our case.

Do you know how backlog they are?

No, this is the type of bullshit people are focusing on these days to distract everybody.

Aaron, it's so much backlog.

It's going to be years before they get to us.

It's going to be at least two and a half years.

Plus,

it'll be like the ICC or something.

It'll be like the International Criminal Court, and that shit doesn't matter at all.

Yeah, Aaron, we're fucking.

I get put up in front of the ICC all the time.

Huh?

It's me and Netanyahu.

Oh my God.

We're both just like, yes, it is a fucking voicemail.

Not the one you think.

The Israel guy, that one.

We're talking about

Philadelphia.

Well, wait, he went to high school?

That's where he's from.

He's from Philadelphia.

Don't remember if we've done a single riddle.

We did a food one.

Oh, good.

So people should be pretty pleased.

They did a food one.

Despite being short of money and asking his dad, to send some amount of cash, the boy at boarding school received a letter from his dad instead.

The letter did not contain any money, but rather a lecture on the perils of extravagance.

Strangely, the boy was still content with the response.

Why is this?

So basically, a kid at boarding school asked his dad for money because he didn't have any, and his dad wrote a letter, and the boy was still thrilled that his dad wrote a letter.

Okay.

Because the letter is made of gold.

Aaron, that's not a bad guess.

You are correct that the letter in itself is valuable.

His dad's signature is worth a billion dollars.

Now, Aaron, you are very hot.

And actually, what is

George Washington?

The signature is what's on all the money.

You're zoomed in, zoom out slightly.

Zoom out slightly.

His dad's famous.

His dad's a famous baseball player.

The boy's dad is a famous person, so he was able to sell the dad's letter and gain extra money.

Okay, I kind of got it, though, right?

Yeah, you did.

You absolutely did.

Okay, cool.

Who's buying a letter from...

what is this famous person that this letter hey jpc hey jpc real talk

you're telling me if i was paul giamati's son and i came to you and said i got a letter from my dad you wouldn't want to buy it off me it's a letter where you're where paul giamatti is like admonishing his son for his extravagance and teaching him the fiscal responsibility and that's appealing to me as like a collector of Paul Giamatti paraphernalia.

And something about wine, I'm sure.

There are people with that, whatever is going on in their brains that would really like to see that.

And I just don't understand who those people are fundamentally.

I do want to see a scene.

Yeah.

I was going to say, JPC, I have the craziest alerts, eBay alert set

for bullshit that you would never dream of buying.

So let's not.

Tell us one.

Aaron, tell us one.

Well, if you must.

Ghost from Muppet Christmas.

Yes, stuff like that.

Well, if you must know.

Yes.

I'd spend my dreams since I was a child to own

the Bob Mackey jewel

Barbies from the mid 90s okay they're like not not the singer jewel they're like the jewel toned Barbies and I I figured I figured that I

I don't really have the space to buy five big Barbies and have them around and still kind of look normal but I did buy the prints of them this past weekend I got an eBay alert for $20 now I have the prints of the

those Barbies that I liked, like the illustrations of them.

And then I'm going to frame them and I'm going to put them in my bathroom.

Very cool.

The closest that I've ever come to understanding this, Aaron, is going, walking inside of a Planet Hollywood and being like, whoa, the toilet from Look Who's Talking To.

Exactly.

But I would say that's a little insulting.

Oh.

Because of the toilet.

You said the toilet.

I feel like we could think of another bit of movie memorabilia.

You didn't say like

Schwarzenegger's jacket from Terminator, like, Rock's gloves from Balboa.

I'm also looking for, you know, Courier and Ives.

I'm looking for a Christmas decor from them.

Sorry, from who?

Courier and Ives.

They're like a company that they like did prints.

They did like glassware and plates and print stuff.

They're in Courier and Knives.

They're in Jingle Bells.

That's Jingle Bells, right?

That's a Christmas song, whatever.

They're in the song Jingle Bells?

Yeah.

By Courier and Knives.

These wonderful things are the things we remember all through our lives.

What part of Jingle Bells is this?

Wait, I'll look it up.

I just got Berenstein bared.

I just got my fucking brain Berenstein barely.

Also, Adela, I do remember you wanted to see a scene, and I'm so sorry.

Okay.

Jingle Bells.

No, this is more interesting.

Jingle all the way.

Oh, it's funny to anyone.

Aaron, we know this part.

You don't even know that part of the song.

Aaron, that's the one part of the song that nobody needs.

This is like learning that Johnson and Johnson's in the happy birthday song or something.

Well, this is also kind of like when someone's like, yeah, like the cheers theme is actually like a four-minute song and it's about, it's called Suicide is Painless.

And you're like, huh?

Like, is there way more to that song that I like have ever written by his 14-year-old son?

Oh, it's Slayride, not Jingle Bells.

It's Slay Ride.

Just hear the

whole thing.

Well, who fucking cares if it's in Sleigh Ride?

It's got to be somewhere in here.

Hold on.

Again, Eric, that's the part of Slay Ride that everybody knows.

Are you just singing the part that everybody knows?

There's a happy feeling, nothing in the world.

We can pass around the coffee and the pumpkin pie.

It is nearly, it'll nearly be like a picture print by Courier and Ives.

See, I always thought they were saying from Courier and I.

And I was like, Courier's maybe like the neighbor, and I is, of course, the person singing.

So it's like.

These wonderful things are the thing we remember all new ones.

Yes, Courier, C-U-R-R-I-E-R, and I-V-E-S.

I bought a bell bell recently at a thrift store in Maine by Curry Aaron Ives.

And then I did a deep dive.

And now I'm just, I'm looking to collect some of their Christmas decor.

That's pretty cool.

So I got an eBay alert for that, but I'm not going to spend any more than like $10.

It's like if I was like, that's the toilet that John Travolta died on in pulp fiction.

I'd be like, oh, you're only focused on toilet stuff, JPC.

Well, the bathrooms at Planet Hollywood are awesome.

Okay, wait.

No, those are not.

Those toilets are, it doesn't matter.

I have seen

many meals in there because of how I wasn't treating the tables appropriately.

Well, the scene that I want to see is now changed.

I want to see JPC as someone on a tour at Graceland who just wants to see the bathroom.

All right, I'll be there.

Can we go back to the bathroom?

Um, I actually don't want to see a scene anymore, I don't think.

No, Adela, I want to do that scene you just set up.

Um, what you're both on the tour, ready?

Here we go.

Uh, Elvis obviously didn't get to spend too much of his life here because he was always on the road traveling and then obviously he's really used the bathroom on the tour could we go upstairs?

Sorry.

If we have to use the bathroom on the tour, can we go upstairs?

Someone has to go to the bathroom really, really bad upstairs.

Can we go to the bathroom?

We have our bathrooms right by the entrance.

They're full.

That's not the one he died on, though, right?

No, also, we're...

I don't care about that.

I just have to use the bathroom and those are full.

Inside the house, actually, none of these used rooms are usable.

There is no running water here because this is more of a museum.

This is for display only.

You actually can't even get...

I can't scoop everything out like I normally do, but I just want to go use it.

No, sorry, sir.

You can't use any of the facilities inside this house.

You can't even sit on one of the chairs, let alone the toilet.

Hey, Steve.

Hey, Steve, hey, Steve.

I'll do the thing.

Okay, do it.

Excuse me one second.

I have to go behind this door.

Sir, you can't, sir.

Screw your level.

Screw.

Hurry, lady.

It's me.

Put on clothes.

My friend.

Sir.

Con says what?

Hurry, your cone says what?

He can't do the voice if he's wearing clothes.

It's kind of like a.

It's an image.

It's kind of like Dumbo's feather.

What?

It's kind of like Dumbo's feather.

So you're sneaking like a cartoon character up the stairs, other

guy.

Me?

Yes.

Stop.

Don't perceive me.

No.

You think that this is my first rodeo?

You think this is my first rodeo?

You think that there's not freaks like you coming in here every day trying to use that toilet?

We'll have to be sure there's not freaks that work as a team.

Hurry up.

Ouch!

Man.

Hey, Fernie.

Hey, Steve, First.

Aaron, are you happy we saw this scene?

Yes.

Don't yuck my yum.

A team of freaks.

Don't ever ask a follow-up question.

Are you happy we saw this scene?

Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to.

Aaron, would you be capable of providing a distraction in real life?

No.

Think about me.

I wouldn't either.

I'm so bad at lying.

I'm so bad at talking on the phone.

I'm so bad at social interactions.

Yesterday, I went to an engagement party and I was zero for like 60 of social interactions.

I didn't do a good job, not even one time.

Like, I literally was like, why did I even fucking go?

I did.

I should have stayed home.

I could not get any of them to feel normal.

What were some of the examples?

of a bad, of what, like, of a bad social internet?

Oh, where I just.

Zero for 60 is a lot.

Yeah, like, I just was making people feel weird and uncomfortable.

I could tell.

Like, I was misreading social cues.

Like, it was just really bad.

Do you ever

Were you talking about some things?

Like you shouldn't be talking about?

I was over sharing.

I accidentally threw someone like under the bus.

I was making jokes that weren't landing.

Like I literally afterwards was like, I think I might be a bad person.

Like I panicked.

And then like, I like accidentally also shared one of my friends' like

real opinions about a thing to someone who I don't know.

They would like, you guys, I was like out of control of this party.

I was dead sober too, by the way.

It was a daytime party.

And I just like could not figure it out.

And if you you were at that party i am so sorry oh that's so that's so funny it does feel like it does feel like

like a uh sliding downhill where you're just like okay i i i stepped in it once and i i never got my footing back 100 it was like like truly like falling down hitting every it was like a like a uh pinball machine like i was hitting everything and then also it was like a party where it was like very nice cool people at a couple that i'm adore but it you guys it was like every every

comedian you follow on TikTok that's like an impressionist or like a funny person that lives in LA was at this thing.

And you guys, I could not fucking figure it out.

And then I looked up and there was a girl I went to college with who I had no idea knew.

And I was like, Am I fucking hallucinating?

What is happening?

How did you, how do you know these comedy people?

I was, I was losing my mind.

What are the chances?

What are the chances?

That everybody at that party just thought you were like perfectly nice and funny.

No, I'm telling you, JPC, you have to believe me this time.

I did not do, you know what?

Ask Becca Barish.

Okay.

This time.

I literally texted Becca Barish when I was leaving, being like, oh my God, just forget everything I did and said.

I'm so sorry.

I just could not figure it out.

Poor Becca, friend of the show.

Was Becca there?

Was Becca there to like witness this show?

Yeah, Becca was one of the people that I could not fucking figure it out.

I felt horrible.

Poor Becca.

I said, Becca was so nice.

I like, and so awkwardly pulled Becca.

Becca was like talking to a group of people and I was so awkward and was like, uh, and just like grabbed Becca's arm.

Oh, no.

And then Becca was so sweet to talk to me.

And then I just, you guys, I could not fucking do it.

It was so bad.

I'm like sweating just thinking about it.

That's so fun.

No, it's not fun.

You just skimmed the email again, JPC.

It's so fun.

No, it's fun.

It's fun.

It's a fun story, Aaron.

It's like a good fun story.

It's fun and it's fine.

Aaron, it's better than your rabies song.

Anything to plug or promote?

We cut that, didn't we?

We cut JPC's song.

Oh, we cut my song.

That's That's all we had time for.

I'd like to say sorry.

Sorry for everything I did or said this week at any point, at any time.

You guys, I really, I need to just have two hours where I'm breathing and I'll be okay.

And I'll be back and I'll be perfect tomorrow.

And that's it from me.

At all, anything to plug or promote?

Come see Hay Ridder Riddle on the road.

You can go to heyridoriddle.com/slash tour to find out all our tour dates and get tickets if there's any available for the cities you're interested in.

JPC, anything to plug or promote?

Aaron, one time I was talking to a person at IL

and

I said their name and then they said, what?

And I said their name again and they were like, my name is this.

And I said, oh, yeah, I guess I fucking forgot your name.

Jesus Christ.

Who is that person?

Are they okay?

Are they famous now?

No, they were actually kind of a mean person.

Oh,

but I didn't know that at the time.

Oh, okay.

I didn't learn that they were a mean person until much later.

That's okay.

I was terrible to everybody who was at that party, and they're all nice.

So

that doesn't really apply to my situation.

Come see us on tour.

If you listen to this on the day it comes out, I think we might still have some tickets to our Denver show.

So if you're in Denver, come see us in Denver.

And then in November, the week before Thanksgiving, we have tickets in Philadelphia, New York, and maybe Washington, D.C.

The Boston one's all sold out.

So go to hey, Redoverdale.com slash live and look look for some tickets.

And then listen to Gum Shoes and Dragons.

It's a fun podcast.

We're having a lot of fun over there.

And that's it for me.

Sweet.

Jupiter.

Sorry.

Starring Aaron Keenan.

And John Patrick Collins.

Casey Tony did the editing.

MRI Parrots in the music.

And if you or someone you know have been bitten by an animal, please get yourself checked for a rabies.

A really weird Kermit impression.

Oh, I'm moving in this toilet.

This is where he died.

Who's that over there?

Oh, I'm the ghost.

Oh, no.

Hey there, Kevins and Bridgets.

If you liked that, you're going to love this week's episode.

We finally get to King Mumble's Castle.

You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com/slash hayriddle riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven-day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month.

Plus, you get those ad-free episodes.

See you there.

That was a hit gun podcast.

And we're back live during a flex alert.

Dialed in on the thermostat.

Oh, we're pre-cooling before 4 p.m., folks.

And that's the end of the third.

Time to set it back to 78 from 4 to 9 p.m.

Clutch move by the home team.

What's the game plan from here on out?

Laundry?

Not today.

Dishwasher?

Sidelined.

What a performance by Team California.

The power truly is ours.

During a flex alert, pre-cool, power down, and let's beat the heat together.