Patreon Preview #345: King Mumbles pt. 3 w/ Olivia Nielsen

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Man, it is getting hot out here.

Yeah, sorry, Adela and I just wrestled for 10 minutes.

Yeah.

I mean, you guys, we had a lot of big feelings after meeting with Kevin and Bridget.

You guys, you think you're having a hard time?

I fell in love and got my heart broken today.

My God.

Oh, yeah, Aaron.

Do you have a keepsake to remember Kevin by?

I took his tail.

Oh,

I took his whole tail with me.

I'm going to wear it as a ring.

Hey, Adel, can I talk to you over here for a second?

Yeah, of course.

Do we want to just say our legs are healed or do we want to do...

We did, when we jumped off the bridge, we did quote-unquote break our ankles, but I was kind of playing it up.

Yeah, me too.

I just kind of wanted to be carried.

And also, I kind of don't want to live in that reality anymore so i think i'm healed hey aaron hey

we found magic and our legs are fine now oh great oh good a little puddle of magic yeah let's go find it was just enough for us you guys were

okay wait

well

i'm remembering now that you have

some disease issues that we may have cured with the magic and so

And now I want to say that there was not enough and we accidentally used all the magic on our legs.

You guys, whatever.

Okay.

Well, also, you're welcome.

You're welcome for getting us to the castle.

Here's the moat.

Now we can talk to King Mumbles and now we can go home.

You're welcome.

Big ass door.

All right, let's start heading towards the door.

Shouldn't be any obstacles in our way.

Why would you say that?

I feel like you're just demanding an obstacle be placed in front of our way by saying shouldn't be any obstacles in our way.

You gotta knock on wood if you're gonna say shit like that.

The door's wood.

Knock on the door.

We've got to knock on the door here.

Let's give it a wrap.

Hmm.

Hello.

No one's in here.

Oh.

Oh, looks like no one's in here, guys.

Wait a minute.

Wait a second.

Wait a second.

Wait a fucking second.

Adult said give it a rap and then Aaron didn't start rapping.

Well, okay, let's try that again.

Give it a rap.

No.

Okay.

Let's try this again.

Okay.

Knock, knock, knock.

Occupied.

Oh, someone going to the back.

So there is someone in there, but but they're pooping.

Does occupied always mean pooping?

Yes.

Hold on.

Let me.

If you say one sec, that means peeing.

If you say occupied, that means pooping.

Yeah, okay, that makes sense.

It's not an exact science.

I'm going to back up from the door.

I'm going to look up at the castle walls.

I was right behind you.

Why are you all up in my business?

Because my hair smells good?

Fuck you.

You had something good in your hair.

It was a delicious smell.

Is it herbal essences?

I have to know, Aaron.

Just give me the recipe.

I'm going to back up and look up at the castle walls.

Hello?

Yoohoo!

Oh, there's someone up there.

There's like a little door within the door that's kind of open.

Hello.

Hi, hi.

Hello.

Oh, greetings, visitors.

Thank you.

Hi, thanks.

I can't tell if they're pooping.

Are they pooping?

I can't tell.

Not anymore.

Oh, good.

Please announce yourselves.

Hi.

We are Adel, Aaron, and JPC, and we would like to get into King Mumble's castle to have a word with the king.

Mm-hmm.

Um, okay, well, at the town crier, I actually do have to let you know that now is not a very good time.

There is a lot of drama happening in the castle today.

Oh my gosh, the town crier, maybe she's divorced or like.

No, that's not what you think it means.

It's sort of like she,

I guess, I, the town gossip.

Oh.

Well, Aaron, that's you're kind of assuming a lot there.

How do you know it's not the thing that Adol thinks it is?

Dish, girl.

Well, if you want to know the scoop on the castle, well, let me just shimmy down my little,

shimmy down the ivy on the castle.

Let me just give me one second.

I'll be right down.

That's strong ivy.

Look at that.

Okay.

Inserting a lot of energy.

I would take a look at that ivy and think, no way can it hold a person, but damn.

Okay, down to the ground.

Quite the dismount.

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Oh, hey, Adle.

Hey, sorry, I'm going to pop in here.

Do you have a second?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What's up?

So,

no really easy way to say this, but no errand today, or maybe even for the foreseeable future.

Oh, geez, everything okay?

It was a situation where she was ordering a chef salad

on her chef salad app, and her finger slipped.

Yeah.

And she ordered 1,111 chef salads.

So

she's going to be eating chef salads for a while.

For the foreseeable future, that's wow.

Yeah.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Yeah.

I mean, it's kind of a bummer.

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And, you know, feature-wise, you kind of would wish that her chef salad ordering app maybe was using Squarespace and then this kind of feature bug like this wouldn't really be an issue, you know?

Yeah, I mean, something I would love to see is like videos of her trying to eat all those chef salads, which is something that Squarespace offers.

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Is she going to make a coat out of these salads?

All that she said was that she was determined, and I don't really know what to take from that.

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Now, I will say the tools that Erin is using to eat these chef salads, I think are just going to make her job ultimately that much harder because they're not really,

you know, fork.

Fork or knife or

knife, even knife.

Straw.

Here we drink a nice salad.

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And if you have time and you're busy schedule out there, you want to say a quiet word for Erin, she is going to be eating these chef salads for, I want to say, at least two more ads.

Yeah.

If she's eating, you're eating.

Bring your local Erin inside.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Hey, hey, JBC, I have an update.

Oh, oh, God, I love an update.

Okay.

Erin is halfway through her chef salads.

There's been a lot of support.

Erin's really dug deep, really found that sort of salad shelf that most humans have i think what you were saying earlier is that what really helped set it off for her she changed her name while eating these salads to her persona dug deep and dug deep is really helping her power through these salads yes and you know that aaron and doug deep both love better help have you heard of this you seen this Oh, yeah, BetterHelp is changing the game when it comes to online therapy.

And Adel, did you know that October 10th is World Mental Health Day?

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October 10th might be World Mental Health Day, but whenever you're listening to this, it's Erin's Mental Health Day because she's going to need probably some extra mental health.

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And jpc you mentioned earlier tailored rex which is one of my like dug deep one of my personas sort of a t-rex in a uh bespoke customized tuxedo yeah sort of exactly that

oh hello pleasure to make your acquaintance i'm aaron that's adult and that's jpc if you are right behind me back up just give me a spot to be where i can smell your hair just tell me where i can be to smell your hair and then i'll move

hello you said that you're the town crier.

Yes, so my name is Clem, and I am the one.

Yep, nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, Clem.

And I'm pretty much the one who's going to let you know about all the business happening

at the castle.

So today is actually really not a good day, if you know what I mean.

There's a lot of bad drama going on inside.

We don't.

We don't know what you mean.

We do.

This is our daughter.

We don't have any context for being a king, I guess.

Oh, Clem, you sort of seem like you sound stressed out, but the look on your face, it sort of seems like you're luxuriating in the fact that there's like a lot of drama today.

Oh, Michael.

Well, it's the thing about being a town crier.

It's the worst day at the castle is the best day for me to do my job.

Times of great peace and harmony, there is literally nothing for me to do.

I'm clocking in and clocking out.

But nothing happens in my day.

I go to bed unsatisfied.

But right now, there is so much juicy stuff happening in there, you folks.

I'm sorry to hear that thing about going to bed unsatisfied, Clem.

I'm sure you'll meet someone.

I see my friend hit it on the head with divorce.

It gets better.

Thank you so much.

I mean, it's hard to stay married when you're, I just need to process so much, you know, hazards of the job.

Yes, right.

I don't know how people do it.

Stay married and have a job.

I truly can only do one, and I'm not even doing a great job at the one.

Literally.

Plus, you have to be eating well and moving around.

I'm trying to eat well.

I'll try to have just meat all day, but it's very hard to come by these days.

You're lucky you guys don't have Skittles yet yet, because once you have Skittles, it's game over for eating well.

I don't think they've invaded the castle yet.

Oh, they're not.

Oh, well.

Clem, sitter yourself lucky.

Oh, thank God.

That's the last thing we need right now.

Can I ask you a question?

Of course.

My only familiarity with a town crier is Jason Alexander in the Brandy Cinderella.

Okay.

And beautiful job.

Yeah, right.

And he sort of goes to the center of town and goes like, hear ye, hear ye, and then gives a message from the king to the people.

Is that what you do?

It sounds like you're sort of more involved

than

that.

Yeah, so that's just sort of a one-way channel.

And the king was like, abolish that.

So what we have now is actually a multi-channel situation where I deliver messages from all over the castle to all over the kingdom and vice versa.

And it's usually

prefaced by either hear ye hear ye or gather ye round but you didn't hear it from me depending on how classified the information is um clem um if i may um so you don't have skittles but you do have brandy cinderella do you mind if we do kind of a lightning round of like talking something out and you tell us if you have it or not oh absolutely um

backflips

um only the jester okay okay all right

Yeah, that was the entire lightning backflips.

We just had one.

We were really interested in the whole backflip stuff.

When you say lightning round, we fucked up.

Yeah.

It's, you know, that's overselling it.

Well, usually I've only seen one lightning strike at a time.

And there's always a witch who's born right after that.

So it's

spelled disaster for the kingdom.

Death gets disaster for us.

And that's how witches are born.

Whoa, that's kind of fun.

I never knew that.

So, I mean,

here's the thing.

What do we do?

We can't really go back because we have nowhere to go back.

We're actually trying to go back.

That's why we're trying to see King Mumbles.

Is there anything that we could do to maybe, like, I don't know, help with the drama?

Does that make any sense?

To, like, maybe bring the drama temperature down in there?

Honestly, it's just that you don't want to go.

It's, it's, you don't want to go anywhere near there.

When King Mumbles and the queen start going at it.

Oh, my God, they fight.

They fought.

Oh, they bicker, bicker, bicker, and then nothing gets done, which is a disaster for all of the bishops.

Okay, what's going on with the bishops?

Okay, something's happening with the bishops.

I love it.

Well, you know, I don't want to live on a talk.

I just don't really want to talk about it.

But they were grinning ear to ear.

It seems like you are over the moon.

No, it's just that the bishops.

No, I really can't.

I mean, you said bishops, and now it's time to dish up, Clem.

I mean, we gotta know what's going on with these people.

Dish up on the bishop.

Dish up on the bishop.

Well, the bishops really can't differentiate

between a marital conflict and sort of

a global conflict.

So they start preparing for war.

So everyone in their shirts off doing push-ups, doing chin-ups, battling dragons, etc.

Okay, I got to get in there.

I'm going to get in there and see that.

It's horny as hell.

Oh, my God.

I mean, Clem, you say horny as hell.

You're also saying that they're having like a marital fight.

I mean, is it that potentially that their passions are being channeled in the wrong place?

Because Because it sounds like, you know, maybe there's a little bit of repression going on.

It seems like we've got a lot of shirtless men in there doing push-ups when they could be,

not to be vulgar, but fucking each other.

Believe me,

ever since dancing was outlawed here, we've been watching Brandy Cinderella every Friday night for a town movie night.

We used to have passionate dances

where we invoked the devil.

But ever since the new year started, we haven't been able to do that.

And did the devil bring movie technology here?

It depends on who you ask.

I guess I'm asking you.

I think yes.

The movie's too good.

One, two, three, four, hate Riddle Riddles Clue Cruise.

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