#378: Original Swanzo

This is a head gum podcast.

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Hey, Zach, are you smiling at my gorgeous canyon view?

No, Donald.

I'm smiling because I've got something I want to tell the whole world.

Well, do it.

Shout it out.

T-Mobile's Got Home Internet.

Minute.

Whoa, I love that echo.

T-Mobile's Got Home Internet Internet.

How much is it?

Look at that, Zach.

We got the neighbor's attention.

Just $35 a month.

And you love a great deal, Denise.

Plus, they've got a five-year price guarantee.

That's five whole trips around the sun.

I'm switching.

Yes, T-Mobile home internet for the neighborhood.

Donald, you still haven't returned my weed whacker.

Carl, don't you embarrass me like this, please?

What's everyone yelling about?

T-Mobile's got home internet.

And Donald's got my weed whacker.

Yes, T-Mobile's got home internet.

Just $35 a month with autopay and any voice line.

And it's guaranteed for five years.

Beautiful yodeling, Carl.

Taxes of these apply.

ctmobile.com/slash ISP for details and exclusions.

The doctor was the mother.

He stood on a block of ice.

It was the cabin of an airplane.

He stabbed them with an ice agreed.

And the horse's name for a hand.

Since the door is

your hate ridge of

Sir, ma'am, sir, ma'am, a moment of your time?

A moment of your time.

Sorry, we're kind of in a rush.

It'll only take a moment, and you could end up at a commercial.

Oh, honey, you've always wanted to be on TV.

That's true.

I said I'd do it at any cost.

Is it a TV commercial or radio?

It is a TV commercial.

Oh.

Are you familiar with the Pepsi challenge?

No.

Yeah, where you have to guess and see if it's Coke or Pepsi.

Oh, I guess I look dumb.

It's

no, you are each entitled to your own, you know,

experience in the world.

It's fine that you didn't know about it and you did.

It's kind of like that, but in the Pepsi challenge, it wasn't whether you could identify them.

It was just which one you liked better.

Because you would sip them both and say, I like this one better.

And then they would be like, that's actually Pepsi.

And they're like, whoa, I'm a Coke drinker.

I can't believe I like Pepsi better.

It's so, yeah, it's not about picking the one.

It's just which one you like better.

Cut out all the times that someone said they liked Coke better.

Like, obviously, if you're doing that and it's fair and it's not actors, yeah.

No, it's actually Pepsi.

The studies have shown that people like the first sip of Pepsi more than the first sip of Coke.

It's that when you continue to drink the Pepsi, it actually starts tasting worse and worse and worse.

They didn't really have to doctor that very much.

Yeah.

So you're familiar with the Pepsi challenge?

This is the

Pepsi challenge.

I use that as a way to get people in because if they're familiar with the Pepsi challenge, they won't be as upset about what I am offering.

Upset.

Can we talk alone for a second?

Yeah, me and you?

What are we going to talk about?

No, hold on, sir, back off, please.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I just moved to the city and I've like, it's been so hard to make friends.

Honey, what do you think?

Um, I mean, let's see if it pays anything.

Yeah, go smart, smarts.

Does it pay anything?

Oh, yeah.

If we use you, end up using you in the commercial, you make $500.

But we don't get paid unless you end up using us.

Yeah, I mean, if you, everybody signs a release, and then if they end up using you in the commercial, they pay you $500.

So you're using our labor for free, though, if you don't pay us.

No, we're just wasting your time.

Because we're not using it at all.

If we don't put it in the commercial, then we're not using it.

Oh, this is like when I didn't get paid for 60 minutes because they blurred my face and altered my voice when I was a whistleblower for Three Mile Island.

Yeah.

Wait a minute.

That was you?

Shit.

Well, also, they can't pay whistleblowers because then it invalidates the whistleblower protection, right?

Because then, yeah.

Why did I blow the whistle?

That's corporate espionage, is what you're talking about.

That's selling secrets.

Yeah.

That was my dad's company.

Your dad's company was Three Mile Island?

Yes.

What did your dad do?

You know.

Do you?

Do you?

So, what, yes?

So, what this is called is it's the Pulpsi challenge.

I have

Pepsi with pulp?

Okay, you can't say, ooh, now we can't use this part of the video.

All Pepsi, no Pepsi.

It's not about Pepsi doesn't have pulp.

It's not about Pepsi at all.

Pepsi is just the way in for people because they know they have a schema for what the Pepsi challenge is so that if I explain the Pulp C challenge, people get it.

All right, what's Pulp C?

Pulp C is nothing.

It's just I have different kinds of pulp and you have to drink all the pulp and tell me which pulp you like better.

And then I say, that's actually, but then I don't, I can't tell you what it actually is until you drink it because that's the whole commercial.

She'll do it.

You'll, hey, I don't want to drink that stuff.

It smells like shit.

Yeah.

Don't say that.

Then we can't use this whole commercial.

We can't use it.

it.

And it's got to be couples.

It has to be couples.

Couples test so well.

And listen, I blew the whistle for us.

I thought, you know how your dad is where he's just so domineering, like he's just always got to have a foot in the door of our life.

I just wanted him out of the picture.

You destroyed my family, and we'll talk about it later.

Fine.

Okay.

Now we can't use this part either.

It's too sad.

No, you can.

Just change my face and voice.

Pulpsy looks and smells just like your urine.

how would you know what my urine looks and sounds like honey run

jpc what are you doing on the street oh my god are you doing the pulp sea challenge again no no i'm doing um court-ordered apologies jpc

give give me the pulp c

it's not pulp c okay there is no such thing as pulpsy yeah it's your pee that you put pulp in or wait is your pee coming out like that?

Adult?

We got to take him to the doctor.

Quick, run.

Doctor, our friend has pulp pee.

Hey, welcome to Hey, Riddle Riddle, the home of Pulpsy.

I'm JPC.

I'm Adam Orfei.

And I'm Erin Keefe.

Is Pulpsy like your Banksy?

Wow, yeah.

Pulpsy like your Banksy.

I'm surprised there's not more

Binksy types.

Right?

Like people who are anonymously.

There could be.

We're just not paying attention.

Whoa.

Well, is Banksy still famous?

Oh, yeah.

So, for sure.

But so there's not a lot of like anonymous famous people, right?

Like, it's just.

I would like to see a scene.

Adult, you are a guy who's like trying to be the next Banksy and you're doing some public art.

And GPC, you are his friend who immediately recognizes him and ruins this for him.

Okay.

All right.

We're going to do another original,

another original Swanzo

Of course Swanzo goes around to parks and he breaks branches on trees in a really cool interesting way and then they sell online

park Seth!

What's Seth?

What's up, man?

Hey, what's it's Marcus Marcus?

What's up, man?

Just I'm just breaking branches.

Oh, yeah.

No, I love what you're doing, man.

I've seen these all over parks and stuff.

Oh, that's not me.

I'm just having, I'm just being like, wouldn't it be fun?

Because

I saw what Swanzo was doing, and I was like, that guy's awesome.

Swanzo?

Who?

He's like the number one seller in the art world.

He's like a Jeff Coons or a Banksy.

He makes this branch art stuff that you used to do in high school.

Man, what did they call you, Seth?

What did they call you in high school?

They had some name for you because you were always doing this branch art stuff in parks.

Fuck.

Oh my god, I thought I recognized your guys' voices.

How the hell are you?

Hello.

Hey, guys.

Nance.

Hey, what's up?

Shit, how long has it been?

A minute.

I do copyright law, so I see people who have their IP and their ideas stolen.

Nance, weird words.

What?

What did we used to call Seth in high school when he was making all his little branch art?

Oh, the branch art, like the swan.

Swans up.

Swans.

Swan's something, swan song, swan's.

Shithead.

Come on, man.

It was shithead.

How are you, shithead?

It wasn't shithead.

It was Swanzo.

And yes, I am Swanzo, okay?

I am.

I wish I had something to take off for like a big reveal.

But anyway, I'll take off my belt.

I'm Swanzo.

And I'm

the audience.

I'm sorry.

I am so sorry.

Don't throw me off.

I will take your case.

I will take your case.

It is not the lie practice.

So take these branches.

Take these branches.

They're basically worth 200 million.

I don't want these branches, shithead.

Just throw them.

See, see.

Oh, brother.

Swanzo.

Swanzo.

Swanzo, and he makes branch art and parks.

That could be something.

Write that down.

Something.

That could be something.

We need more anonymous famous people.

Isn't God the original Banksy?

Do they know Banksy's identity?

Has it been spoiled at this this point?

Well, it wasn't 20 years ago, someone said, but I think we just sort of stopped talking about who it is.

We kind of know.

I think that's the deal, right?

We kind of know.

Two big mysterious celebrities were both British, Banksy and MF Doom.

And I think we solved them both.

Yeah.

The thing with MF Doom that I think was funny is that didn't he used to like hire people to wear the MF Doom mask as well?

It was almost a

performance.

Hammy Kauffman or like a Gallagher situation where I think Gallagher would send his brother sometimes to go smash watermelons.

That's so funny.

That's so funny.

But what happened with Gallagher is at some point he sent his brother on the tour, and then his brother was like, fuck you, now I'm Gallagher.

Yeah.

And he wouldn't give back the mantle.

Yeah.

And I wish somebody did that with MF Doom.

MF Doom 2?

Well, I think it would be in

slightly more poor taste because MF Doom has passed away.

Or has.

No, he has.

No, he has.

I don't want to disrespect his legacy.

Very good rapper.

A very good rapper.

Is there any other mysterious celebrity, like online presence or anything like that?

No, because I'll be honest, I think a lot of celebrities want the attention and the fame.

That's kind of why they do it.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's fair.

I guess some people are doing like Sias where they cover their face.

Cover their face, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

A lot of like actors and porns and stuff.

Um, I

would like it if there was a celebrity who was already a celebrity, but then chose to like, now I'm going anonymous.

Like, I'm, I'm rescinding from so like Glenn Patrick.

Kevin Bacon, it's too late.

We already know who you are.

You've been in movies, and also you can't continue to be in movies and like not be credited in the movie.

Kevin, come out of your room.

Come on.

Let's talk about this.

i would love to see a movie with kevin making it and he's nowhere in the credits at all and it's not like a cameo it's like he's like a serious like mid-part like he's he's a supporting a heavily featured supporting in the film he's just not

like not doing it for the credit just doing it for the paycheck is orville is orville peck

a like a mystery like that's probably not his real name right i think you know the thing about it is that there's like

it

people are probably out there trying to ruin the secret, you know?

It's sure let the secret be the secret.

Yeah, I also think he did cabaret with his face, but I think Orville Peck, like same with like Chappellarone, it's like a performance art piece,

which I think is smart.

Like Lady Gaga, like if you, yeah, if you're gonna be a famous singer, maybe you don't use your real name, so there could be some separation, yeah.

I do think it would be fun, um, like we were talking about with Kevin Bacon, where if

an actor purely and I guess this, I'm basically describing Gary Oldman's career in the 90s.

if there was an actor who just wore heavy prosthetics for every single role and just knocked it out of the park and everyone's like who is this we don't no one knows who this is but again that's exactly what gary oldman did in the 90s yeah

i i think that that would be that would be funny like if uh colin farrell and the penguin had like 50% more prosthetics and like no one knew it was Colin Farrell.

And then at the very end, it's like,

they show the cast list and it's like, that was Colin Farrell's hole.

And And they show a little video of him being like, Yee, did you guess?

Did you guess it was me?

Oh my god, did you guys know?

I got him, I got him.

Oh, my God, oh my god, we did.

They only reveal it at the award show or something.

That'd be fun.

We need more whimsy.

Yeah, where's the whimsy?

Hey, you know what?

Let's bring the whimsy back right now with doing some riddles on our riddle podcast.

Yeah,

no!

I kind of sold you a delegation on that one.

You just did the fucking thing with the, you were like, ooh, here comes the train.

And it was fucking medicine, man.

Fuck you.

It was medicine, and we got a shot in the arm.

Yeah.

Ow.

You got medicine in your mouth, which pissed you off, which distracted you from the even more medicine that I put into your arm.

Speaking of putting medicine into your arm, I got a flu shot and COVID booster while we still can.

Still

I get one every year.

It fucked me up this year like it never has.

I was like, I was kind of knocked out for 48 hours after the thing.

It was pretty wild.

Is it as funny as 48 hours?

Let's see.

I was doing a mean Nick Nulty the entire time and not a good impression.

I was just doing a mean Nick Nulty.

We have some riddles here.

These are four riddles that someone sent me on a piece of paper.

And I have since thrown out the other piece of paper that probably explained who sent me.

Oh, no.

whatever.

If you ever want to see the stuff that people sent us, you can check out our monthly review crew live streams that we do on Patreon because I open all the mail, every ounce of mail that we get, I open on the Patreon.

But this is a riddle.

There are four riddles.

I'm going to assume it was from a Melissa.

Thanks, Melissa.

Thanks, Melissa.

Hey, Melissa.

Thanks.

So these are the type of riddles where it's going to be the first answer is going to be a word, and then a letter is going to be taken off of the word for the second answer, and then a letter is going to be taken off of that word for the third answer.

Cool.

All the other letters remain in the same order?

All the other letters in the same order.

It is

not always the first, but it's never like the middle.

So it's always either the first or the last letter that's being taken off.

Okay.

So here's this: start with five, cut through the air.

That's the first part.

Remove my head.

Eek, I'm in your hair.

Remove it again.

Fire's pair.

I'm gonna slice.

I'm going back to the bottom.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, hold on.

I was going to say at all.

I said splice, slice, ice.

It's so close.

You've almost got it.

You've got two and three.

Yeah, I was going to say ice, lice.

Slice?

Slice.

It's slice.

It's slice, lice, and ice.

Oh, that makes sense.

Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.

Start Start with five, cut through the air.

Yeah.

I'd like to see a scene.

Yeah.

You two are lice, and you're kind of like annoyed that you're not welcome in your new home.

And Aaron, will you be the person's head we're on?

Yeah, I'll come in a little bit and be the person's head.

Unbelievable.

The fuck?

Where's all our shit?

Where's all our shit?

Unbelievable.

Someone took a fine-tooth comb, and all my luggage is gone.

My nightstand is gone.

Just moved in.

My water bottle's gone.

My merils are gone.

Oh, my God.

I mean, who do we call?

Someone owes me $800.

Who do we call?

Do we, I mean, do we file?

Do we file something?

This is unheard of.

This has never happened before.

No, no, I don't want to go through the bureaucracy of red tape again.

We are going straight to the source.

Let me, okay,

just start tugging.

Just start tugging hair.

Just start tugging hair.

No.

I need you two out by the end of the day.

Well, well.

You keep throwing parties.

You broke the lease agreement.

I said, what did I say?

Do not bite me.

Do not throw a party.

No sound complaints.

My real life human neighbor made a sound complaint last night about the party you threw on the top of my head.

Do you know how humiliating that is?

The officer's like, oh, you having a party here?

It looks really dead and sad.

There's a bunch of like takeout containers.

It looks like you live alone and you're so sad.

And I went, yeah, sorry.

It's it's the lice on top of my head that are throwing a party.

We'll take ownership for that.

No, number one, we have a louse agreement okay yeah and we didn't break it we bent the rules and number two you we'll own up to that one okay but you blame us for everything what

when a guy doesn't want a second date with you suddenly it's the lice problem yeah guys don't love dating ladies with lice we gotta be jeff great

not not to not to be that bug but when we moved in you were a strawberry blonde.

Uh-huh.

Now you're a brunette.

And I gotta say, that wasn't in the Louse agreement, you know?

Well, okay, you're renting, not buying.

You can paint it whatever you want if you want to buy it.

Okay, well, all I'm saying, honey, is that you can't paint it whatever you want.

Obviously.

Okay.

Obviously.

All right.

Okay.

Everyone's being real funny up there.

Guess what?

Everyone in my neighborhood thinks I'm a loser because the sound from my house was a lice party and not a human party.

And guess what?

You're a jerk.

You're a jerk.

I'm going to go.

What?

I'm going to go.

I'm going to give you some kids.

See how you like being on a sticky kid's head.

You don't find our way back.

Yeah, you don't.

Also, you don't want the optics of.

You don't have any kids.

You don't want the optics of rubbing kids' heads right now.

I'm not gonna rub their heads.

I don't sit next to a kid on a train.

Oh, and you think we're just gonna leave?

Yeah.

We picked you for a reason.

Why?

Because my blood's so sweet.

Your blood is so sweet.

Wait, do you even drink blood?

Yeah.

When we're thirsty.

Yeah, we don't love it, but.

Huh?

Huh?

Maybe if you didn't eat so much takeout, you wouldn't have such delicious blood.

Wow.

I feel like it's a salt thing.

It's like a salt content.

Yeah, you gotta learn more than two recipes.

Get off, get off, get off, get off, get off, get off.

Don't shake your head.

Don't shake your head.

Off.

Out, out, damn spot.

Out.

Oh, Lady Macbeth, you think we're we you think we're unlearned?

Methinks the lady doth protest too much.

I played Banquo in my college's production of Macbeth.

Okay.

Can we cut to that?

Line.

Okay.

Clears throat, says line.

I didn't say I played it well.

I mean,

you have to imagine that Lice College is probably

what?

Pretty underestimated.

It's probably what?

A lot of life probably can't afford college, let's be honest.

Start with five.

Start with five.

I'm hard to hold.

Start with five.

I'm hard to hold.

Remove my head.

My voice is hoarse.

You've been told.

Remove it again.

I slither along.

My blood runs cold.

My blood runs cold.

Snake.

Eel the last one?

Eel is not the last one.

Snake worm.

Snake worm is not correct.

I run along.

Slither.

I slither along.

My blood runs cold.

So start with five is how many letters.

Yeah.

Start with five.

I'm hard to hold.

So that would be water.

No.

Slippery.

Remove my head.

My voice is hoarse, you've been told.

Frog, toad.

Remove it again.

I slither along.

My blood runs cold.

No.

This is tough.

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't have a footing on any of the three clues.

Yeah, me neither.

Hard to hold.

Yeah.

What's another?

Well, I guess.

This is a very useful riddle.

Did you say muzzletoff?

Mazzara?

Voice is horse.

I think that might be the one, the easiest one to just get by like.

Four letters.

For horse voice.

Horse voice.

Nay.

No.

It's an animal, though.

No.

Oh.

It's horse H-O-A-R-S-E.

Like rough.

Like Erin when you had your COVID voice.

And you sound like Kathleen Turner.

Sick.

It's not sick.

Rough.

It's like the quality of your voice.

You would say that the

rasp is correct.

Rasp.

Now you got to go up and down.

Asp would be the last one.

And then grasp.

Grasp, rasp, and ask.

Cash, that's when I pull up on someone in my car and say,

can I get a ride?

And I go, grasp, rasp, or ask.

And they go, please keep moving.

And they say, keep going, man.

Sir, you are way too high to be driving.

I'm not going to give you grasp right now, whatever you think that is.

I go, I'm driving?

No way is getting to Kansas City worth giving this guy asp.

I do want to see a scene.

I want to see a scene.

Aaron, you are Cleopatra.

Oh, my gosh.

Thank you.

Finally, JBC, you are the asp.

And we're going to see a scene that eventually is,

you're going to have to bite her.

This is what leads up to it.

Hmm.

Do you think they'll ever make a movie about me?

Hey, bitch, I'm not clothes.

What?

I don't know if you know, but I'm not clothes.

You need clothes.

Um, hey, bitch, yourself.

You're whatever I tell you to be.

You work for me.

Uh, I don't.

I'm sorry, what?

Uh, I give you dental insurance.

I give you health insurance.

Um,

we paid off your car this year instead of Christmas bonuses, which I thought would be more popular.

Hey, motherfucker, I don't care.

I'm crazy.

I will literally bite you.

Put on a dress.

Oh, yeah, the woman is not a woman.

I am not your woman in the whole world.

Huh?

Most powerful woman in the whole world.

And you're going to bite me?

Hey, the most powerful woman in the whole world is still getting bitten by a snake, okay?

Everybody dies when they get bit by a snake.

What's that?

Yeah.

I said, yeah, right.

Do you know that I lived closer to the invention of the iPhone than I did the pyramids?

Now, don't you feel fucking stupid, huh?

I don't know what either one of those are.

I knew you wouldn't because you're stupid.

I'm a snake and I smell like under boob sweat.

I am not.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Is that implying that I my

under boob sweat?

Are you telling the most powerful woman in the whole world?

Not just Egypt.

Not just Egypt.

She can use the most powerful deodorant in the whole world.

I'll tell you that much.

And some fabric.

Wow, wow, wow.

Correct me if I'm wrong.

Egyptian cotton.

That's the thing, right?

That's the thing.

You guys could turn that into, I don't know, clothes.

Oh, I get it.

You're jealous.

You cannot wear a snake.

You do not have the body type to wear a snake.

You're jealous.

You're jealous.

Well, guess what, bitch?

Maybe Richard Burton will play you in the fucking movie.

Listen.

And then I could get away with it.

I'm saying this as a friend to you.

You do not have the frame to have a snake be your clothes.

Wait, you're...

You really think that we're friends?

Bitch, I'm your best friend.

Look around.

It's just cats and me.

Wow.

I'm the only one left, girl.

I'm the only one who will tell you the truth.

Um.

No one ever said.

Uh...

Ah, sorry.

No one's ever said they were my friend before.

Okay.

You know what we need?

What?

Manicures.

Oh my god!

For my teeth.

Your nails and my teeth.

What would it be called?

I'm really struggling.

What would it be called for a snake to get a manicure?

For the kids in America.

They're going to the mall.

They're doing.

Where?

They're going to the mall.

That's a montage of the ship.

Two iPhones, please.

Scene.

Show me that movie.

Every powerful woman from history in every scene ends with them getting a manicure and going to the mall.

We're the kids in Alexandria.

I love it.

Can it be like in Cino Man, but it's Cleopatra for some some reason?

You can do whatever you want.

We can do whatever you want.

We have no budget.

And no producers telling us we can't.

Just two people with no money having a bad idea.

Just two lunatics in a room saying anything.

Produced by Swanzo.

What's a Swanzo?

What's a Swanzo?

Here's your next one.

Start with five, five letters.

You're coming in loud and clear.

Remove my head.

I can see for miles from here.

Remove my tail.

We'll see how sensitive you sleep, my dear.

Radio, Adio Aid.

Adam.

Coming in loud and cool.

Peak.

Oh, peek, peek.

You got the middle one, Aaron.

Whoa.

Speak.

Speak, peek, eek.

Speak.

Speak, pee.

And pee.

Oh,

that makes it sleep, my dear.

The princess and the peek.

Oh, of course.

Of course.

I want to see a scene.

This is going to be the princess and the pee, but it's the princess and the pee's parents, and they're in their own bed, and they're trying out various things,

non-pee things, to see if their daughter, if their daughter will notice what they're sleeping on.

I don't know, honey.

I can feel like I can tell there's a dog under here.

Well, we don't know that yet.

Let's just play along.

Now it feels like it's, you know,

four feet long-ish, three and a half, four feet long.

It is writhing and wriggling.

There's definitely some barks.

JPC, play the dog.

How am I going to play a dead dog?

See?

How am I going to play a dog?

What a gift.

You know what?

We're all finally waking up on the show.

We're all finally asking the questions we've been too scared to ask for the last seven or eight years.

Hey, dumbass.

How am I supposed to play a dead dog?

we see the parents left at the mattress pull out a dead dog where the kids in america too

you know what

you know what i should have done i should have instead of saying that i should have ended the scene by going

ryan

oh yeah

you know what callbacks are a young man's game

and i've already said that speaking of young men start with four i'm cracked down the middle Add a tail.

I'm a top who's been whittled.

Add another.

When it's hot, I sizzle.

This one's going in reverse.

Egg.

Now, here's what sucks: is you said, young, you said, speaking of young man, start with four.

And immediately I thought, YMCA, oil, young men, young men.

Can you raise one more time?

Start with four.

So this is adding four and adding.

Start with four.

I'm cracked down the middle.

Add a tail.

I'm a top who's been whittled.

Add another.

When it's hot, I sizzle.

But

something in butter?

Oil?

But something and butter.

So you should be able to get

a little side pickup land.

But you should be able to get this middle.

Butt beauty and butter.

Butt, butte and butter?

Butte.

But butte and butter.

Butte, Montana?

I think a butte is like a eroded mountaintop.

Yes, it is in terms of topography.

I'm a top who's been whittled away.

Yeah.

Yeah, you know that.

But, butt, butte, and butter.

Okay.

I'm also.

Hey, look at that lady.

Aaron Keith, you're a butt, butte, butter.

Thank you.

Grasp, rasper, ass, lady.

Where are you going?

Does anyone want to buy me a block of cheese?

Six guys like rushing the bar, like flipping up like comedy of airplane styles.

Everyone's trying to buy this woman a block of cheese.

I'm going to eat it.

I'm going to eat it like it's an apple.

She did that thing where she tied a cherry strim in her mouth with her mouth closed, except it was a block of cheese.

It's a piece of string cheese.

Right before the pandemic, I had planned,

you know, the sketch that I did.

It was a video sketch where my friend Haley sneezed up her Neuver ring and then we looked at each other and I told her she had to take her to the hospital.

We were going to do a follow-up to that, that we were on a double date and she did the cherry stem thing.

And I'm like, like me too, I can do that too.

And then I put those like Apple headphones in my mouth and just make it so much worse.

Like me just trying to make that look sexy.

But then the pandemic happened and never got to shoot that.

Thank God.

Thank God.

Cause then there would be footage of me trying to do that.

They pretty much stopped with the Apple headphones, too.

They said, we're not doing this anymore.

We're not even going to put the port on it anymore.

We're, you know, it's all going to be AirPod Pro.

AirPod Pro.

AirPod Pro.

Did you know that the new ones, and this is actually kind of cool, so I don't want to use the voice of, you know, AirPod, because this is actually a really cool feature.

No, no, no, do it.

Do it in the voice.

AirPod?

Did you know that the new ones that just came out in real time will translate from like other languages to English?

And that's actually pretty cool.

That's crazy.

But then that also means they're recording literally everything we say.

Huh?

Yeah, for sure.

And they're doing it with quote unquote AI, which is pretty cool too.

But what's actually really cool is, did you guys know that the new AirPod Pros, I don't know what they're called, but like the new generation of the AirPod Pros are actually closer to the iPhone than Cleopatra.

Well, that makes sense.

What are we even doing anymore?

We're taking a break, Aaron.

We're taking a commercial break.

We're going to play some ads for the people.

Enjoy the ads.

Oh, hey, Adel.

I just heard from Erin.

Oh, good, good, good.

It's actually really great news.

So, if you've been following along, she ordered 1,111 chef salads.

She's been trying her best to make a dent in them.

She's actually done, with her help of her persona Doug Deep, a pretty good amount of the salads.

But I just heard that due to kind of the failure of the app she was working with when she ordered the salads, she will not be charged for the salads,

which is great news because her money and her finances are a mess.

But now she can get help with Rocket Money because Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

Oh, yes, Erin would, oh, she'd do so well with Rocket Money.

Rocket Money has saved users over 2.5 billion, not chef salads, that's dollars, including over $880 million in canceled subscriptions alone.

Their 10 million members save up to $740 a year when they use all of the app's premium features.

And I think Erin might be juicing those numbers as well because she apparently was signed up to do a monthly.

chef salad delivery of 1,111 chef salads.

And so I think Rocket Money has helped her kind kind of nip that in the bud before it becomes a problem for her next month, which we actually don't know if it will be because we don't know.

You know, maybe,

gosh, I hope she's not gone for that long.

Rocket Money also shows you all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you forgot about.

Like some people may have forgotten about.

A recording.

If you see a subscription you no longer want, Rocket Money will help you cancel it.

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Casey laughing at the chat.

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But don't take it from us, take it from Taylore Rex.

That's right.

Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money.

Go to rocketmoney.com/slash riddle today.

That's rocketmoney.com/slash riddle.

Rocketmoney.com/slash riddle.

Thanks, Taylored Rex.

And may I just say, that suit is ruined.

Yeah.

Can't really move.

Yeah, you're in suit.

That is ruined.

Yeah.

I'm going to eat you.

Yep.

Yep.

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

Oh, um, hey, Adle.

Sorry.

Hey, sorry, I'm gonna pop in here.

Do you have a second?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What's up?

Um, so

no really easy way to say this, but no errand today, or maybe even for the foreseeable future.

Oh, geez, everything okay?

It was a situation where she was ordering a chef salad salad

on her chef salad app and her finger slipped

and she ordered 1,111 chef salads.

So

she's going to be eating chef salads for a while.

For the foreseeable future, that's wow.

Yeah.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Yeah, I mean, it's kind of a bummer.

Something that's not a bummer is Squarespace.

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And, you know, feature-wise, you kind of would wish that her chef salad ordering app maybe was using Squarespace and then this kind of feature bug like this wouldn't really be an issue, you know?

Yeah, I mean, something I would love to see is like videos of her trying to eat all those chef salads, which is something that Squarespace offers.

Yes.

They make it easy to showcase your expertise and engage with clients with video content on your website, upload and organize your videos, create stunning video libraries of you eating chef salads, and even monetize your content by adding a paywall perfect for online courses,

perfect for online courses, exclusive tutorials, and premium workshops, or eating 1,001 or whatever chef salads.

Is she going to make a coat out of these salads?

All that she said was that she was determined, and I don't really know what to take from that.

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Now, I will say the tools that Erin is using to eat these chef salads, I think are just going to make her job ultimately that much harder because they're not really,

you know, forked.

Fork or knife or

knife, even knife.

Straw.

Here we drink a nice salad.

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And if you have time and you're busy schedule out there, you want to say a quiet word for Erin.

She is going to be eating these chef salads for, I want to say, at least two more ads.

Yeah.

If she's eating, you're eating.

Bring your local Aaron inside.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Hey, JBC.

I have an update.

Oh, oh, God, I love an update.

Okay.

Erin is halfway through her chef salads.

There's been a lot of support.

Erin's really dug deep, really found that sort of salad shelf that most humans have.

I think what you were saying earlier is that what really helped set it off for her, she changed her name while eating these salads to her persona, Doug Deep.

And Doug Deep is really helping her power through these salads.

Yes.

And you know that Aaron and Doug Deep both love Better Help.

Have you heard of this?

You've seen this?

Oh, yeah.

BetterHelp is changing the game when it comes to online therapy.

And Adel, did you know that October 10th is World Mental Health Day?

And this year, we're saying thank you therapists who maybe kind of indirectly is helping Erin eat all these salads.

And BetterHelp, of course, offers quality therapists that work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the U.S.

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initial matching process focuses on your therapy goals.

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Yeah, plus, if you aren't happy with your match, you can switch to a different therapist at any time from their tailored recs.

I mean, I bet Erin is wishing right now that she could switch to something that's not a chef's salad to eat, but she just can't.

Plus, with over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally, and it works with an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews.

Man, I got to say,

October 10th might be World Mental Health Day, but whenever you're listening to this, it's Erin's Mental Health Day because she's going to need...

probably some extra mental health.

That might not be the right term after eating all of these salads.

But this World Mental Health Day, we're celebrating the therapists who've helped millions of people take a step forward.

If you're ready to find the right therapist for you, BetterHelp can help you start that journey.

Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/slash riddle.

That's betterhelp, h-l-l-p.com/slash riddle.

And JBC, you mentioned earlier tailored rex, which is one of my, like dug deep, one of my personas for the T-Rex in a bespoke customized tuxedo.

Yeah, sort of exactly that.

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Hey, Al.

Hey, Aaron, I got a question for the guy, the guys of you two, guys.

Are you feeling spoopy?

What is happening?

Because we're going into the spoopy season, Aaron.

Now, isn't that what we're in right now?

And I guess.

The middle of October, kind of feeling spoopy.

Aaron, I think spoopy is like, you know, like when people who don't watch

any amount of like NFL, MMB, NBA, are like sports ball.

Oh, let's watch that.

I recognize those letters.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Go sports.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, where they're like, let's put on the sports ball.

What are you guys doing to celebrate spoopy season this year?

I guess the inside minding your business.

Yeah, sparts.

Smart.

Smart.

Big thing I'm doing is my friend JPC is coming over and we're going to put up a hundred-foot skeleton.

Now that should be fun.

Yeah.

Yeah, getting out your 100-foot skeleton, putting that up in the yard.

That's always a lot of fun.

Can I tell you my favorite way to celebrate kind of the spoopier side of the season?

Yeah, I'm scared about whatever this is, though.

Doing Halloween riddles that someone sent us five years ago.

Huh?

This is not the Halloween episode.

No, it's not, but it's spoopy season, Aaron.

So we're going to do some Halloween-themed riddles that someone sent us five years ago.

These have been...

I have like a document that I use to like track which riddles I'm doing.

These have been on my document since Halloween of last year.

Oh, God.

So, oh, they've been sitting in a document for five years, so they're probably dead.

They're probably haunted.

Haunted riddles.

Yeah, no, I've been watering these guys.

I've been, you know, I've been feeding them wishes, which may be a call back to last week.

Oh, like, like, um, like, what are they called?

Um, um, like, um,

what are they?

Vampires?

No, um, you guys talk about them all the time.

There's a bunch of movies.

No, you water them.

Oh, um, gremlins or wolves?

Gremlins.

Gremlins.

Look like gremlins.

Like gremlins.

We talk about the gremlins all the time?

Yes.

We actually do.

Do not deny it.

We do the rules.

We do the three rules quite often.

Can I tell you something?

I have never seen a gremlins movie.

Shut up.

For sure.

Start with gremlins too and then work yourself backwards.

The last batch or the something batch?

What's gremlins 2?

Does it have a subtitle?

Did I feel like if you were to tell me that you've never gone on a date with a police horse's cousin?

Like, you can't, you have talked about gremlins constantly.

I know, there are so many things I know only through cultural osmosis.

Like, um,

gremlins are also called magwai.

You can't get them wet.

Uh, you can't feed them after midnight.

So, I think they're a magwai until they get wet, or they're fed, or they get in sunlight, and then they turn into a gremlin.

So, magwai is like a pre-gremlin.

Pre-gremlines.

You know what I'm saying?

There's a

is gremlins two when they bring in the lady gremlin

two or three.

There's a lady gremlin.

Aaron.

Oh, JPC.

It is the sexiest thing you've ever seen.

It's a gremlin with green, like dyed green hair.

We got it.

She's wearing a sexy little photo.

Wait, wait, please, wait.

My computer.

There's a restaurant that we go to around here that has a lady gremlin by the host stand, like a full-size, like vert, like...

puppet of the lady gremlin and they're always dressing it up in different outfits and my kids loves that gremlin yeah oh my god whenever my kids sees the gremlin, they're like, gremlin, gremlin, gremlin.

All they want to do is hang out by the host stand, like looking at the gremlin and like touching.

They're like, it's like a little Barbie, but it's a gremlin.

Here's

the picture is more flattering.

Actually, it's going to hurt my feelings.

You're going to say the gremlin's hotter.

Forget it.

Forget it.

I don't want to ask.

No, Aaron, hotter than who?

Nothing.

All right.

Well, anyway,

proving what's even worse, we can talk talk about gremlins all day, but we have to do these things.

There's one made of electricity.

There's one with a gun.

Here's the funniest thing.

What?

And one of the gremlins, there's just a gremlin with a gun.

That's not good.

And he shoots other gremlins and he goes, would you call this uncivilized?

Because

he talks like he's British, like he's very erudite and like he like over-enunciates.

He shoots other gremlins?

Like he murders them?

He's not a monster.

He doesn't tear with his claws and teeth.

He shoots people with a gun, which makes him more civilized.

Does that kill the gremlin?

To get killed.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, no.

I don't know the gremlins die.

It does kill most things.

Well, yeah, unfortunately.

I thought the gremlins were like little fun creatures.

They're like

I'm not sure I know what those movies are about.

Oh, so are the gremlins bad?

Gremlins are the bad movies.

When you think of Gizmo, who's the main Magwai, he's like real cute and he's like,

like he sounds like that.

Again, but then you get him fed and wet and suddenly they turn into gremlins.

Gremlins are nasty little things.

But they're killers, too.

Is it like a Jason?

Is it like a horror movie, Gremlins?

It's a horror movie, but it's also goofy.

It's like silly.

It's like a goofy, like, is it like Chucky or is it gory?

There's, there's some gross like things like hatching and stuff.

There's some gross little wet scenes.

You know what?

One of these days,

Just watch Greblins.

You know what?

I'm happy.

I'm going to be over here continuing to mind my business and not asking a single follow-up question about this.

And Aaron, you are hotter than the female gremlin.

No, one of the ways.

That took some fucking effort.

I saw everyone heard it.

That took, you burned calories doing that.

You had to think.

You had to make sure you were thinking.

That was one of the worst moments of my life, and I'm not being hyperbolic.

I think she's hotter.

I think the gremlin's hotter.

Because here's the thing, I know less about her.

She's a mystery.

You know, it's like she's like mystery.

She has mystery.

That's so much worse.

The mystery is making her hotter, you know?

I feel like for an upcoming review crew, we might be watching gremlins.

Dear diary, if you ever become sentient, please kill me immediately.

Any way you choose.

With a pillow.

If I ever become sentient, lady, I've been talking to you every night.

Oh, diary.

You're never going to believe what Adel said to me today.

Who you call him sentient?

Here's the riddles from Marcus.

These are Halloween-themed riddles.

They're from Marcus.

Here we go.

The clue sentence would be: Please welcome the wickedly talented, one and only other half of Dr.

Jekyll.

And the answer would be

Mr.

Hyde Dezim.

Yeah, Mr.

Hydina Menzel.

So Mr.

Hyde plus

Adina Menzel.

So these are going to be mashups of a spooky character and like, I think, a famous person.

Fun.

So it would it be, is the answer Mr.

Hydina Menzel or Hyde or Mr.

Hyde and Dina Menzel?

Well, it's Mr.

Hyde plus Adina Menzel would be Mr.

Hydina Menzel.

Can we make sure this episode doesn't get struck by lightning so that whatever that is doesn't doesn't come to life?

It's a mashup.

Yes, that was your example one.

You're going to love the second one.

Don't get him wet.

Keep him out of the spotlight.

Shut up.

And never feed him after the story of tonight.

Keep him out of the spotlight.

Gremlin Manuel Miranda.

Yes, it was Gremlin Manuel Miranda.

Gremlin plus Lynn Manuel Miranda.

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, there are sharks with freaking laser beams attached to their heads.

Dr.

Evil Jaws.

Dr.

Jaws Evil.

Dr.

Austin Jawsers.

You're so close.

What the fuck is this?

You have it.

You have it.

You have the two.

You have the two, Adam.

You just got the two.

You have them in the wrong order.

Jaws.

Justin Powers.

Justin Powers.

There is a Mr.

Xer beams.

because that's a line from Doctor Evil, but

not only is the character named Austin Powers, the movie is named Austin Powers.

And the lasers are pointed at him.

And he's there as well.

Okay.

I do think, just very quickly, I do think Jaws fucked up a lot of people.

My mom said she saw it in high school and was like, I never

went in a body of water again.

Really?

Yeah, I think it messed up.

I think I really screwed up.

But we didn't make that movie.

We don't have to carry that weight, you know?

It fucked with my family quite significantly because I just went back to Indianapolis this last weekend and saw some family.

And my cousin was talking about how they were born the summer that Jaws came out.

And they said that they were born in 74.

And I said, They just did the 50th anniversary of Jaws and it's 2025.

So Jaws must have come out in 75.

And they were like, no, it was in 74 because it came out the year that I was born.

I remember.

And I said, well,

you wouldn't remember because you would be a baby.

Like, you're remembering a thing that is not like a real thing that you're remembering.

And I was like, I'm pretty sure the people who put out the 50th anniversary of Jaws didn't get the date.

This is not sort of the same thing that Adela says.

Do you know what I mean?

Got a huge argument.

Aaron?

I think it is.

Then they looked it up on their phone,

and then they wouldn't say what they saw on their phone.

Sorry, I said after Jaws, my mom would never go to Indiana again.

I was just on Like Minds, our friend Joey's podcast, who was on our show, and you guys did like the Minds as well.

I was on with Stevie Shale, and there was a Jaws-themed piece of trivia that I had no idea what the answer was.

Do you remember what the question was?

Yeah, I do remember it, but I didn't want to spoil it in case people didn't want to wanted to listen to that episode because listen to the episode now that i know that piece of jaws themed trivia i would love to tell everybody that i know about it because it's like can i take a stab at it sure please is it that the mechanical shark's name is bruce No, it is not that the mechanical shark's name is Bruce.

The mechanical shark aspect of that movie is crazy because they got these, they like built these mechanical sharks and they're like, these things look great.

They look awesome.

They had, I think, three of them.

And then as soon as they put it in the water, it was destroyed.

And they were like, oh, no.

Like, the salt got into it.

And just like, that'll do it.

Just destroyed it.

And so that's why you never really see the shark in Jaws because they

didn't have it.

They said in interviews that they're like, there's supposed to be so much more shark.

It would have looked like the, you know, T2 going in the fucking melt at the end.

It was just like all like broken down and nasty looking.

So they couldn't use it.

Okay.

You guys ready for another riddle?

Let's please.

Uh,

in Hades Town, no one can hear you scream.

Um, so this has got to be alien,

but then Hades Town.

I mean, there's a lot of characters in Hades Town.

Oh, boy.

Um,

is there alien if you get the character from alien, then you'll get the

character from alien.

Oh, uh, well,

ripley.

No, it's not.

I honestly don't want to even say character because that kind of makes you think like Ripley or Sigourney Weaver.

No, it's not Sigourney.

Paul Reiser.

Who is like someone who is in Alien, but you are like, you don't know the actor's name?

I don't know.

Why I wouldn't know their name?

Well, maybe they were in a suit the whole time.

The alien.

Yeah.

What's that alien called?

I have no idea.

It's not just called an alien.

Chest breaker.

What's the...

Oh, fuck, what's that?

That's called a face hugger.

Face hugger, thank you.

Face hugger, chest breaker.

Now it sounds like you're writing like a.

Chest breaker.

Yeah.

It's an HR Geiger, Giger, HR Giger creature.

I guess

if I said the word xenomorph, would that sound familiar to you?

Yeah.

Okay.

It's a xenomorph.

That's what that alien is called.

Xenomorpheus.

Xenomorpheus.

That was a long walk.

That was a long walk.

Can I rest?

Wait.

Wait.

When you say a long walk.

Well, you helped us.

Yeah.

I mean, you guys walked a long time, but it was not a long walk.

That's

a pretty

long time.

Yeah, I didn't know the path and someone was holding my hand the whole time, but I still have a lot of time.

That's like a newest town.

That's like somebody getting lost on a 10-minute drive, taking 40 minutes, and being like, What the fuck was that drive?

It's like, Yeah, you did that, yeah, I did that, though, but that doesn't make it so I wasn't in the car for 40 minutes, right?

That's how empathy works.

That's a long walk.

Uh,

there's a way round back.

Is Orpheus the one who has the super low voice?

No, that's Hades.

Orpheus, well,

super high voice, depending on who you see in the show.

But the original guy had a very high voice.

I'm taking this neck by the veins, making villagers redder with bloodstains.

Oh.

Dracula.

This one, I think I get,

but I feel like this one's kind of a stretch.

Dracula.

Dracula is correct.

Dracula.

I'm taking this neck by the veins, making villagers redder with bloodstains.

Lafayette.

It's Dracula Fayette.

Yes.

I'm trying to do it with a vampire accent.

Lafayette.

Lafayette.

I'm taking this veil.

Call me blood one more time.

Is that the most famous

Lafayette line?

No, I'd say

his number one line.

I don't know.

He had more to do with Hamilton, I think.

I mean, as Jefferson, yeah,

Lafayette was

that's probably Jefferson's.

Either way, Aaron, you got it.

Dracula Lafayette.

Good job.

Are you sure it was just three dolls?

Three dolls.

Is this Annabelle?

Annabelle, yes, it is Annabelle.

Yeah, are you sure this is three dolls?

Annabelle.

There's a hint here, and I think the hint is the part that gets you the other part.

Because I don't know, I don't know what.

Are you sure it was just three dollars?

Maybe that's a reference to something I don't know, but the hint here is you ate my bird.

You ate my bird,

Annabelle.

Who's the woman who owns Tweety?

It's not the woman who owns Tweety.

I think you ate my bird.

And this is another thing I'm just absolutely not confident on.

I think that is a reference from the movie Deep Blue Sea.

Okay.

I've only seen that once in theaters.

Wow.

Okay.

So that was that was a while ago.

It's probably like 98 or something.

Yeah.

Annabelle.

Do we remember who was in Deep Blue Sea?

Samuel L.

Jackson.

LL Cool J.

Annabelle L.

Cool J.

Annabelle L.

Cool.

Annabelle L.

Cool J.

Rock Rainbow.

That was a very long walk.

Doesn't LL Cool J have a bird in that?

I don't remember.

He's like a cook.

He's like the cook who has a bird.

It doesn't matter.

I remember the big thing is Samuel Jackson giving a speech in mid-speech as shark jumps up and eats him.

Yeah, his death in that is very fun.

That's a fun movie.

Deep Blue C is a fun movie.

Don't sleep on Deep Blue C.

Okay, here's your next one.

Infiltrate the sewer.

Find the supplier.

Well, that makes me think of either Chuds or Ninja Turtles.

It's not Chud Turtle Turtles and Spooky.

It's not Chuds and it's not Ninja Turtles.

Can you say that?

Infiltrate the sewer, find the supplier.

Does Phantom of the Opera live in the sewer?

Yes, but it's not Phantom of the Opera.

Keep thinking.

Okay, think along the lines of like scary.

That's why it's called Phantom of the Sewer.

And

what else is like?

I thought I could get away with you not hearing that?

Spooky scary sewer

Sorry, spooky scary sewer?

Yeah, like yeah

I I would say this is maybe the

one of the more famous Yeah, scary sewer things scenes

Eric,

but what's its name?

Pennywise.

Okay, and then the line here is

I'd love to do an impression here, but I just don't think I should.

So it's the line here is is infiltrate the sewer, find the supplier.

This is a line that's being delivered, I believe.

Sean Pennywise.

Sean Pennywise.

Pennywise is the first one, but that's great.

This is the line I believe that's being delivered.

Pennywise.

Pennywise, guys.

Pennywise.

Please ask.

Channing Tatum.

I believe someone is delivering this line to Pennywise.

Pennywise, Magic Mike.

Magic Mike Pennywise.

Can you imagine Pennywise and Magic Mike?

Don't say that three times.

Oh, ha.

He's so tall.

I mean, being tall is half of being hot.

His song would probably be like 99 Red Luff Balloons.

That's so fun for him.

Did people see him in the if you got what his whole thing was?

No.

You'd get why this is such a good choice for him.

No.

Infiltrate the sewer, find the supplier.

Infiltrate the sewer friends.

Is this like

Channing Tatum is hearing this?

Channing Tatum.

Oh, Channing Tatum.

Channing Tatum is hearing this, and Channing Tatum is playing a cop.

22 Jump Street.

21 Jump Street.

21 Jump Street.

Now, who is saying the line to Channing Tatum in 21 Jump Street?

Jonah Hill.

Johnny Hill?

Jonah Hill.

Jonah Hill is kind of his partner.

Do you guys remember the movie 22 Jump Street?

By the way, that's a fun movie.

Both the Jump Street movies are great.

Oh, is it the guy from The Daily Show who used to be a Marine?

It's not the guy.

It's not Rob Rickel.

That's a great guess.

This is another celebrity who is just recently in a much panned Amazon movie.

Whoa, Idris Elba.

About aliens.

About aliens.

Where he was just sitting in a chair the whole time.

Whoa.

What?

It's a remake of a Top Crew Cube.

Pennywise Cube.

I don't know.

Oh, woof.

Woof.

Sir.

I want to see a scene.

Aaron, you and Adel are seeing a movie together.

You're about 30 minutes into the movie.

And Aaron, you have no idea what's going on in the movie, and you want to try to leave.

Great.

Whoa.

Hey.

Hey.

Yeah, yeah.

Move your legs.

Copper?

No, no, no.

Move your legs.

Um, but they're not numb.

Hold on, Lee.

Wait, oh, I'm going to go to the next one.

Why are you leaving?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Aaron, Aaron, Aaron, Aaron.

Yep, what's up?

Where are you going?

Hey, we should probably be quiet.

There's a movie playing.

No, it's fine.

I'm gonna take off.

Erin, post-2020, movie theaters have become a raucous place for people to just do whatever the fuck they want.

I'm gonna try to catch the last 40 minutes of dancing with the stars, but I'll see you.

Is that playing here?

No, no, no.

It's on TV at home.

I'll see you guys.

Hey, excuse me.

Hey, excuse me.

Could you guys have a conversation at full volume?

It's actually way worse to do whispers.

That's what I was trying to tell her.

Hey, man.

Yeah.

Hey, man, mind your business.

I'm trying to talk to my friend.

What's up?

I'm trying to talk to my friend.

I know, and it's like just if it was just a full volume conversation, it'd be less distracting.

And JFC, I'm sorry she said that.

Do you whisper when you yell at those people?

Because it's actually worse when you talk full volume.

I agree with what you're saying, but it's worse when you do it.

Oh, so you agree that they should talk full volume.

And I should whisper.

Is that what you agree with?

Yes.

Got it.

Hey, so you guys should talk full volume.

I should whisper.

No.

Wait, wait, wait.

We're about to get a huge chunk of exposition.

Um.

So I just came to the beach because I want to surf, but no one will let me on on this beach.

So, anyways,

stuff doesn't make a ton of sense.

I think Robert Irwin might win this season.

And I'm going to run home.

He's doing the.

Robert Irwin?

Is that an author?

No, the guy, he's

his son.

He's the son of an author?

No, no, not.

Forget it.

Forget it.

Forget it.

He's the son of the guy who got stabbed by the stingray and died.

Steve Irwin?

Oh!

The crocodile hunter.

His older sister, Bindy Irwin, won Dancing with the stars like a decade ago.

Bindy and Robert, what happened there?

I don't know.

So, but Robert, I think, might won.

What do you mean?

The beach is closed.

Close to people like me?

But I think he's going to do the Vienna's bolts tonight.

So I'm going to take off and I'm going to try to catch the last 20 minutes.

But I'll see you in a couple months.

Okay, they're not talking a full volume, so I'm not going to whisper.

Okay.

All right.

Well, I guess we can do whatever the fuck we want in society these days, huh?

Yeah, I'd love to take you out for dinner.

Oh, yeah, you're very handsome.

That sounds very interesting.

You look like a hotter version of the lady gremlin from Gremlins, too.

Oh, wow.

I keep telling her that, and she keeps hating it.

Her?

Yes.

Her?

Wait.

What are you doing with that?

How do you know that girl?

Holy shit, they're the same lady.

Danny, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.

See, did that work?

Yeah, that's how it works.

My eyes are closed and I'm wincing.

Did it work?

It worked as well as Pennywise Cube.

Pennywise Cube.

In order to get me out, you've got to say 2008 Olympic gold medal three times.

Michael Phelps?

No.

Who won a gold medal in 2008?

Well, here,

get, in order to get me out, you've got to say 2008 Olympic gold medal Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice.

Okay, so we've got Beetlejuice.

Beetlejuice.

2008 Olympic Gold Medal.

This is

Beetlejuice Ryan Lockthy.

It's not swimming, and it's not tumbling.

I would say it's...

Running.

Running.

Beetlejuiceain Bolt.

Beetlejuiceane Bolt.

Beetlejuice Bolt.

You got it.

All right, we have one more.

One more of these

from Marcus.

Was it 2008?

Who could say?

Who could say?

I'm assuming Marcus checked it.

To fight monsters, we created monsters of our own.

The goodbye program was born.

What is happening?

Aaron.

What?

This is the last one that we're going to do on the episode, okay?

Okay.

Okay.

To fight monsters, we created monsters of our own.

The Goodbye program was born.

This is.

What's that?

Jupiter.

Aaron?

That's the last part of it.

Jupiter.

Beetle Jupiter.

To fight monsters, we created monsters of our own.

What is that?

What is that from?

No idea.

Sounds familiar.

Born identity.

This is not really a speaking movie, I would say, but this is a monster.

But it's more like an action movie, I would say.

But it's

Pacific Rim.

Yeah.

Yes.

What are the monsters called in Pacific Rim?

Kaiju.

Kai Jupiter.

Kai Jupiter.

Wow.

Now, I love what you were trying to do

there, Marcus, by getting Aaron to say Jupiter to end the episode.

And we are at the end of the episode, so that was a very good play to you.

But we have enough time that we can hear a voicemail theme.

Casey, hit it.

Let's say who we are on three.

Okay.

One, two, three.

I'm out of time.

He's bored, and that's JPC.

I'm sorry.

All right, Aaron.

Smart guy, your last name is Winky.

Shut up, JPC.

I am so mad at you.

Sometimes, sometimes I'll just, sometimes I'll just cut them up.

Sometimes I'll just cut them up, and then I'll cut them up, and then I'll put a tiny bit of like pink sea salt on them, and that'll be that.

And that's normal.

Am I dead?

No, you're on drugs.

What the hell?

That was a trippy.

Jinx.

That was a theme by Finnikry.

Finnikry, thank you for sending that in.

If you want to get a theme featured on the show, make sure you submit that as a WAV file to hrpodcast at gmail.com.

30 seconds or less, people.

All right, Casey, hit us with a voicemail.

Hey, hey, Riddle Riddle.

This is Ashley, longtime listener, first time caller.

I went to a baseball game today, and they played Take Me Out to the Ball Game, and I didn't realize until the end that I sang the lyrics to Penguin baseball instead so now I'm afraid my brain is broken.

Anyway, my team lost 18 to 1.

So do you guys have any good ideas for heckles I can yell at players when they play this badly?

Thanks.

I love the show.

Bye.

Oh man.

18 to 1.

18 to 1 in baseball.

You're not a baseball team anymore.

They should

walk out on

the field and rip up their baseball certificate.

They're licensed to play baseball.

Yellow you're technically not a baseball team anymore.

That's fucking awful.

Also, sorry for breaking your brain.

And that goes for everyone who's listening.

Do you think that their baseball team that they were rooting for, and I'm not saying anything about this person's intelligence or anything like that, but do you think it's like the Harlem Globetrotters, but for baseball?

We're like their...

Well, no, but they're like, they're rooting accidentally for like the Washington Wizards or is it the Wizards?

The Generals.

No, the Generals.

They're rooting for the Generals, and they don't know that it's fixed.

That would be so funny to be a General season ticket holder and be like, What is wrong with our team?

Yes,

they there's a guy batting right now, and his bat must be three times bigger than the normal breath.

He's got a ladder out to catch the ball.

A ladder

funny.

Is there nothing we can do?

Um, 18 and one is rough for baseball.

Yeah,

honestly, isn't there a mercy rule?

Oh, man.

I feel like there is, but I don't know if that's like before a certain inning or something.

What if it was 18 and what and they only played three innings?

A good hecka would be just to start sobbing, just openly wailing from disappointment.

You could do the old, we want a pitcher and a first baseman and a second baseman and a shortstop and some fielders.

It's just like,

go through the whole roster.

The whole roster.

That's so funny.

Oh, that's rough.

That's That's rough.

We're sorry that happened.

Yeah.

That won't happen if you only watch Penguin baseball.

We promise competitive matches in Penguin Baseball.

Yeah.

Or we cook the birds.

Or we cook the birds.

And that's a Harry Riddle Riddle guarantee.

Hey, Riddle Riddle.

We cook the birds.

All right.

So thank you for that.

If you want to send us a voicemail, you can always reach out at

805-Riddle1, something like that.

It's in the episode description.

You can find it.

You look it up, motherfucker.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

You're right.

Needlessly aggressive.

At all, anything that you would like to plug?

Nothing I can.

Oh, yes.

There's something I can think of, which is a podcast that we do called Gum Shoes and Dragons.

Check it out.

There's some episodes.

If you've been waiting to binge it, now's the time.

Take a road trip just to drive around and listen to it.

It's a great time.

It's the three of us, as well as Anthony Birch and a special guest every episode.

So please check that out.

Gumshoes and dragons, wherever you find podcasts.

Erin, anything to plug or promote?

I host a show called Quality Time every month in Los Angeles.

And it's a true variety show.

On our last show, we had someone do a presentation about ants, California ants.

That was so fascinating and fun.

And every month, there's a different theme.

And I'm truly so proud of the show.

I'm proud of my part in it, but I'm even prouder of the people that we book.

And November, I made my co-host promise that the theme is going to be sluts.

So check out Quality Time on Instagram and come to our sluts theme show.

I think it's actually going to be pretty moving and informative.

Will the

female groom be there?

At all?

Yes.

And I was hoping you wouldn't ask, but she's going to, you, she's actually doing a really moving presentation.

And I, I feel like you're, I don't want you to jump to conclusions about it.

Fair enough, fair enough.

Well, she is the biggest slut I know, so she's got to there.

If you don't want to run into any sluts, you can see us on tour.

We're gonna be in Philly on November 18th.

We're going to be in DC on November 19th, and we're going to be in New York City on November 23rd.

There are still tickets available to those shows.

Hey, riddle-riddle.com/slash live for those tickets.

Aaron, okay, I lied before.

You did not get this riddle, unfortunately.

We have to do it one more time.

So it's to fight monsters.

We created monsters of our own.

The goodbye program was born.

Kai Jupiter.

But that's

got it.

First try.

Created by Abbott.

Starring Aaron Keenan

and John Patrick Cohen.

Casey Tony did the editing.

Have already parroted in the music video.

Logo created by Emily Cardamis and Emiline

Wait, is your pee coming out like that?

At all, we gotta take him to the doctor.

Quick, run!

Doctor, our friend has pulp pee.

All right, pause right there.

I gotta go get spaghetti.

She's going crazy upstairs.

This is a wake-up call for us.

This is a wake-up call.

You know,

being sort of broken out of the spell.

And you can put this post-episode.

Yeah, I was playing it up.

This felt bad.

This felt really.

Nothing like being in the middle of the scene and then someone goes, hold on, I got to walk away for two minutes while you two just sit here.

Just sit in it.

Yeah, sit in.

Just stew.

Stew in the bathwater of your failures.

Fucking losers.

Fucking losers.

It's exactly what he just said to us, basically.

He's probably upstairs laughing it up.

I I just put them in their place.

Yeah, he's bragging to Mariah.

Bragging to spaghetti.

Yeah.

I'm going to take a couple more seconds just to make sure they feel real stupid.

They're probably talking about it right now.

Yeah, that's him.

God, I hate him so much.

Yeah, I know.

I keep trying to slowly put poison in his food, but he doesn't seem to be affected by it.

He's back.

I think it's making him stronger.

He's grown eight inches.

Hey, normal friend.

Sorry, there was fucking people at my door, and Spaghetti was just going crazy, so I had to bring her downstairs.

Well, glad to have you back.

Hey there, Clemson Devils.

If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon.

We finally get to Uncle Mumble's Castle.

You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com/slash hayriddle riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven-day free trial or the review crew for eight dollars a month.

Plus, you get those ad-free episodes.

See you there.

That was a head gun podcast.

And we're back live during a flex alert.

Oh, we're pre-cooling before 4 p.m., folks.

And that's the end of the third.

Time to set it back to 78 from 4 to 9 p.m.

What a performance by Team California.

The power is ours.