Patreon Preview #348: The Comments Section

Speaker 2 Whoa, guys, that recording was crazy. We played all sorts of characters and my brain's like, wee whoa, wee whoa, wow, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Speaker 2 I need to find a way to unwind what to do, what to do, what to do.

Speaker 1 Aaron, you are not wrong. That last recording that we did for the podcast, Hey, Riddle, Riddle, was a doozy.

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Speaker 2 Sometime earlier this year, I brought up a concept of something I wanted to do, and Adel, you gave it a name. So, welcome to our first episode of FIRST Improv Based on Internet Comments.

Speaker 2 How are we feeling, boys?

Speaker 1 I vaguely vaguely remember this. Yeah.
I vaguely remember what this is. So

Speaker 1 because Aaron, you're doing your re-listen.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's hell. I hate my own voice and I'm my least favorite comedian.

Speaker 1 I'm also doing a re-listen.

Speaker 1 We're doing these like re-listens. We're like dancing around each other, but I think that we're listening for very different things because you're listening for like funny scenes and I'm listening for

Speaker 1 how to strip context away from like one weird thing that someone says or let's be honest, a noise that someone makes.

Speaker 1 i think it would be impossible to do both our things at the same time so i don't think we're actually covering duplicate grounds yeah my brain is not thinking about weird noises that people are making i'm just trying to find really funny short scenes to put in between the scenes that people have already suggested for the book all this to say i think we probably both listened to the same episode recently where whatever this the germiness of this idea came from

Speaker 1 Yes. Yes.
So this is taking internet comments and doing what with them?

Speaker 2 We're going to do improv scenes based on

Speaker 2 we're going to use these internet comments as inspiration for improv scenes. Okay.

Speaker 2 So this is very loose. This is supposed to be fun.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Everyone sort of looks was this was this like having like going to a cold play song and having someone comment like still listen to this in 2014? Is that the kind of

Speaker 2 JPC? An uncanny fucking guess for what I'm about to do first.

Speaker 1 I'm not even kidding.

Speaker 2 I'm not even kidding. That's fucking spooky as shit.
All right.

Speaker 1 I don't like that at all.

Speaker 1 I think honestly, I might just be remembering me saying that or someone saying that on an episode like a year ago. So, yes.
So let's do it.

Speaker 2 Well, actually, drop down and give me 10 push-ups.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 You can't do that.

Speaker 1 Am I age? That could kill me. What am I? Sylvester Stallone? All right, fine.
Then we'll do it. What is this? Rocky First Blood Part 2?

Speaker 1 So, crazy name for a movie.

Speaker 2 I kind of already gave it away because I was going to have it be like, you can guess what the YouTube video was. Oh, today we're going to start our comments with YouTube videos.
But

Speaker 2 if people know of a really insane comment section somewhere on the internet, like a Reddit or a fan fiction or

Speaker 2 Cora, like a Yelp review of something, like

Speaker 2 let me know. But today is YouTube video comments.

Speaker 1 What's Cora? Korra seems wild.

Speaker 1 There's a podcast. I've never listened to it, but I've listened to them guest on other podcasts called The Corp Raiders, I believe.

Speaker 1 And it's just like people that really dig down deep into the Quora comments. But Quora is like crazy because it is just people asking questions.
So you're not.

Speaker 1 My son is five. Can he bounce if I like it's just the wildest shit I've ever seen.

Speaker 1 Or like hypothetical like questions like, who would win in the battle between like an angel and a battleship and then there's like people who are like genuinely trying to answer those questions uh maybe here battleship

Speaker 1 it's like

Speaker 2 what are we talking about for this first episode i'd say these are all pretty mild i'm not i didn't pull anything super cuckoo bananas um but just to get us into it sure um

Speaker 2 here are some comments and then maybe you can guess what cold play uh music video these are for nostalgia is the best and worst feeling at the same time and then then someone commented, Isn't it funny that day to day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different?

Speaker 2 C.S. Lewis.

Speaker 1 People are commenting C.S. Lewis quotes in the comments section.

Speaker 2 It's saying this song is wine. The older it gets, the better it sounds.

Speaker 1 And C.S. stood for Coldplay Stand, right? Yeah.
Coldplay Stand Lewis.

Speaker 2 I'd like to see a scene.

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, can we guess? Yeah.

Speaker 1 The scientist? No. Or is that an album? Show me your hands.

Speaker 1 That was off A Rush of Blood to the Head. Okay, okay.

Speaker 1 That's the only song. That's the only Coldplay title I think I could pull out of my ass.
The Scientist.

Speaker 1 Or Yellow.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Fuck. Shit.
Clocks. Nope.

Speaker 2 Think more obvious.

Speaker 1 Yellow. More obvious than yellow? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think I've...

Speaker 2 I think I've... No, not Fix You.

Speaker 1 I just said they're his. I'm just not a Coldplay fan.
They have more songs than this

Speaker 1 that i've heard i don't know the name of that one i used to rule that's a later cold play right these would rise viva la vida viva la vida casey got it um okay i'd like to see a scene

Speaker 1 hey adult aaron ask any small business owner and what'll they say they'll tell you that finances get messy quick a bank account here quick books there tax and invoicing apps stacked on top Before long, you're buried in expensive tools behind odd books and unsure where your business really stands.

Speaker 1 That's why there's found.

Speaker 2 Oh, thank goodness. You were talking about that.
And I was like, that sounds so stressful. And it doesn't seem like there's a solution, but I guess there is.

Speaker 1 Yeah, found eliminates the clutter by giving you one platform that handles it all: banking, bookkeeping, invoices, taxes, no more paying for multiple subscriptions and dealing with clunky, outdated apps.

Speaker 1 Bleh, barf, outdated apps.

Speaker 2 They've automated things like tracking expenses, finding write-offs, and budgeting for tax time. You can even send invoices for free and pay your contractors everything from one app.

Speaker 1 Yeah, prior to finding found, I was actually using an app called Lost. And I got to say, this is a terrible app for banking.
You would constantly log in and they'd be like, oops, sorry.

Speaker 1 There'd be like a little shrugging emoticon of a person who lost all of your finances. They never kept records.

Speaker 1 They had a little button that was record shredding, but it was right next to the login button. So sometimes you would just shred your entire account when you were trying to log in.

Speaker 2 That's so scary, Mr. JPC, sir.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Mr. JPC, don't use lost.
Use found.

Speaker 1 One thing that I love about found is that it automatically tracks expenses, which means that I no longer have to carve out time every week.

Speaker 1 And believe me, I was doing this every week, or I could have spent that time on something much more important to go through my purchases and make sure everything is accounted for. Ugh, found fixes it.

Speaker 1 Honestly, I use found and you should too.

Speaker 1 If I could go back to when we were starting Hey Riddle Riddle, Found would have saved me so much time, so much effort, and so much needless data entry that I wish I could not have done. I love Found.

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Speaker 1 Not lost.

Speaker 2 Thank you, Mr. JPC, sir.
Mr.

Speaker 1 JPC, sir. People thinking me.

Speaker 1 Five, four, three, two, one.

Speaker 2 Countdown over. It's the holiday season.
Time to buy gifts. I'm so excited.
I'm going to decorate. I'm going to buy gifts.

Speaker 1 Aaron, Aaron, slow down.

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Speaker 1 Oh, I feel way better. Yeah.

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Speaker 1 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

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Speaker 1 You'll find thousands of new gift ideas that you won't find anywhere else. And again, they want me to differentiate.
That is die-hard fans and football fans.

Speaker 1 I'm not sure if you'll find stuff from the major motion picture diehard, but you can look. And Miss Keefe, can I tell you last year, my parents got me common goods?

Speaker 1 I got like a bag of flour and a brick.

Speaker 1 Well, that's no fun. No, I want uncommon goods.

Speaker 2 That won't do. You know what? If you're like me, buy some Christmas ornaments.
Get some Christmas candles.

Speaker 1 Get some stuff for Christmas and put it on your house. Hey, whatever you do, don't wait.
Cross those names off your list before the rush.

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Uncommon goods. We're all out of the ordinary.
But don't take it from them.

Speaker 1 Take it from me, Cousin Kringle.

Speaker 1 That's fun. That's fun.
Probably should have done it at the beginning, though, right? Huh? Stay on that side of the street. Oh.
Stay over there. Do you need me to start the act? No, stay.

Speaker 2 Everybody say thank you, Miss Erin.

Speaker 1 I thanked you guys in the other ones.

Speaker 1 Not getting thanked.

Speaker 2 I'd like to see a scene. You

Speaker 2 are a couple celebrating your anniversary, and you are opening a bottle of wine

Speaker 2 from the year that you got married. And the wine is terrible.

Speaker 1 I know it's been an amazing day,

Speaker 1 but I have something.

Speaker 1 I don't mean to suit my own horn, but I have something a little special planned that I have been kind of planning

Speaker 1 for,

Speaker 1 well,

Speaker 1 let's just call it the last 15 years.

Speaker 1 Carl,

Speaker 1 you scamp. What did you...
Did you finally book us that resort in a while? Don't guess, don't guess. Don't guess.
Don't guess.

Speaker 1 Okay, yes.

Speaker 1 After our first date in 2010, I

Speaker 1 was so sure

Speaker 1 that you were going to be the man that I ended up with

Speaker 1 that I went to remember that little liquor store underneath the apartment that used to rent. Oh, Zach Smart.
Zach Smart. I went to Zack Smart and I bought a bottle of wine.

Speaker 1 A 2010 bottle of wine from that day. Oh my God.
And I've saved it these last 15 years. Wow.
It is a

Speaker 1 2010 barefoot Zinfandel.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 I thought I bought a nicer bottle.

Speaker 1 But it was 2010, you know, we were not established in our

Speaker 1 fields at that point.

Speaker 1 This represents a young scrappier us. This represents the salad days.
So let's crack this puppy open. It's not a crack open, it's a twist open.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Huh. So.
A lot of sediment at the bottom.

Speaker 1 That might be, yeah. Maybe I should have got a darker wine.
It seems really. Why don't I just

Speaker 1 okay? Well, that came right off. That's not good.

Speaker 1 Felt loose. Oh, what is there a gas leak? What does that smell?

Speaker 1 The carbon monoxide detectors are going off. What's okay, okay, yeah.
Let's just rip that off the pop the batteries out of that.

Speaker 1 Huh. Let me read the label here.
We here at Barefoot love all our wines equally. This might be at the bottom of the list, but it's a list of wines we love equally.
Please pair with gushers

Speaker 1 or broccoli.

Speaker 1 What the fuck is this? Hey, you know what? Before we drink this.

Speaker 2 There's a question mark at the end of that sentence.

Speaker 1 Before we drink this,

Speaker 1 let me pop online real quick and just do a quick search to make sure. I want to make sure that we can drink this.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Because I thought the thing with wine was if you saved it in like a cool, dark, you know, space for like a long enough time, it would just get better.

Speaker 1 Okay, so I'm on Barefoot's website. Make sure there wasn't a recall or something.

Speaker 1 No recall information. Okay.

Speaker 1 Their wine does say consume immediately.

Speaker 2 If anyone can read this,

Speaker 2 I gave Barefoot wine to

Speaker 2 my 21-year-old and

Speaker 2 for his birthday, my whole family was celebrating celebrating his birthday. And everyone's dead.

Speaker 2 Everyone's dead. Please, please.
Everyone's dead. Help up.

Speaker 1 I think that was a targeted ad. I don't think it was associated with the barefoot website.
I think it was like a because it popped up. That was that felt so urgent and frantic.

Speaker 1 Also, the term I gave wine to my 21-year-old made it sound like she injected wine into him. You guys can't do it.
Maybe you inject the wine

Speaker 1 for you.

Speaker 1 We've talked about this.

Speaker 1 We're not going to fall back down that rabbit hole yes right yeah that was maybe you know what maybe this was a terrible idea maybe we

Speaker 1 maybe we dump this no no no no that would be dumping you know us the that would be dumping our fate to some extent let's let's hear i have some shot glasses let's do a shot of wine okay just pour me a little oh here's a glass for you just do wine shots wine shots wine shots oh this is interesting look i'm i'm holding the bottle upside down and it's like

Speaker 1 a slow drip.

Speaker 1 It's like when you turn the faucet on just a little bit, it's just a little drop. Or would you go to Culver's or Dairy Queen and they turn the cone upside down?

Speaker 1 What are they trying to prove to me? Should I shake it? Or maybe

Speaker 1 we get like a butter knife and we try to like... Oh, scoop it out like jam.
I was thinking more, just like loosen the seal. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Local couple super dead from drinking a bottle of wine. More at 11.

Speaker 1 Karen, stop editorializing. Read the prompt, Karen.

Speaker 2 I hope we don't get sued.

Speaker 1 Yeah, by Barefoot Wine. They don't have a legal team.
One, two, three, four, hate Ridgel Ridge Clue Crew.

Speaker 1 Listen to the rest of the episode now by starting your free seven-day trial at patreon.com slash hayriddle riddle.

Speaker 1 What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris.

Speaker 4 And Hannah Simone.

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Every single week we chat about an episode of New Girl and we really get into it. Like we get up in there.

Speaker 1 We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set.
We share behind-the-scenes tea. We react to re-watching episodes that we haven't seen in years.

Speaker 1 We talk about how Jake Johnson is dog f ⁇ ing.

Speaker 4 That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet.
I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo.

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