#382: The Jewel Heist

Speaker 1 This is a head gun podcast.

Speaker 1 Whoa, guys, that recording was crazy. We played all sorts of characters, and my brain's like, wee whoa, wee whoa, wow, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Speaker 1 I need to find a way to unwind what to do, what to do, what to do.

Speaker 2 Aaron, you are not wrong. That last recording that we did for the podcast, Hey Riddle, Riddle, was a doozy.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. I sort of, I sort of like tweaked my back playing Kung Fu Shrimp.
Remember that character, Kung Fu Shrimp? I sort of threw my back out.

Speaker 2 So I'm looking for like a natural way to like relieve aches and discomfort.

Speaker 2 You know, I'm not as young as I once was.

Speaker 2 Yeah, maybe, oh, maybe like cornbread hemp CBD gummies. Right.

Speaker 2 I feel like that's been a huge piece of my wellness plan recently.

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Speaker 2 Now I know exactly what you guys are talking about, and I feel like I can really participate. Perfect.

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Speaker 1 That's cornbreadhemp.com slash riddle and use code riddle, r-i-d-d-l-e.

Speaker 2 Don't just take it from us. Take it from

Speaker 2 what is it, kung fu shrimp? Hello, I'm kung fu shrimp. Everyone,

Speaker 2 let's

Speaker 2 chop these boards.

Speaker 1 Addle, you're gonna really hurt yourself.

Speaker 2 These surf boards, D-D-D-D-D, D-D-D D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D. Oh, he's back.
Oh, he's back.

Speaker 2 Give me another gummy. Another gummy, please.

Speaker 2 And the horses came right in.

Speaker 1 Guys, I wasn't going to show up today, but I got really excited about something, so I decided to come to the show.

Speaker 2 Oh, um,

Speaker 2 okay. Uh, this is like a 382-week streak of you doing that, Erin.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 And, but guess what? I read the news, and I read a piece of news that sounded like a hay riddle riddle scene premise.

Speaker 1 And I, it, it warmed my heart and it made me really happy.

Speaker 2 Can we hear that?

Speaker 1 There was a jewel heist at the Louvre.

Speaker 2 I didn't know they sell jewel pods at the Louvre. That's pretty cool.

Speaker 1 No, I mean, they have a full display of like old French jewels because you

Speaker 2 can see how much they smoke in France. They really wouldn't be on like the whole e-cigarettes.
When was the last time you opened a book?

Speaker 2 I guess I've hollowed out a book to hide my jewel pods in. Does that count?

Speaker 1 Adel, does that not feel like a scene that we did in 2021 where I'm like, okay, Adol, you're a French thief.

Speaker 1 You are going to sneak into the Louvre and steal jewels in four minutes. They took four minutes.

Speaker 2 Now, we have to assume that these three Frenchmen or French women.

Speaker 1 Three French hens.

Speaker 2 Thank you. Two turtle doves.
Two calling birds. One theft.

Speaker 2 We have to assume that they are Hayrid Riddle listeners.

Speaker 1 Of course.

Speaker 2 They heard us do a scene exactly like that or somewhat similar, and they were inspired to pull off a heist.

Speaker 1 That's exactly what I was thinking. You know how I know they were inspired by us? Is on their way out, they did it.

Speaker 1 They managed to get away, but they dropped the most expensive thing that they got on the sidewalk, which is a $10 billion crown, Napoleon crown, with like 100 and something different types of diamonds.

Speaker 2 Did you say three people?

Speaker 1 I don't know how many. I think there was like four.
One guy had a little ladder on the outside, cut a hole in a window. Two guys went in.

Speaker 1 When the museum opened, which I I thought was super polite, interesting, cut, open

Speaker 1 jewels through the window. They took off, took four minutes.

Speaker 1 And I read it. And first of all, I was like, no one got hurt.
Those jewels are definitely stolen from somewhere.

Speaker 2 This is just

Speaker 1 the world turned round and round and round.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I mean, let's see.
Do we think France ever did any colonialism?

Speaker 2 I can't Google it right now.

Speaker 1 Open a book that isn't filled with cigarettes or jewel pods, please.

Speaker 2 Oh, think about it.

Speaker 1 And I couldn't believe it. I was like,

Speaker 1 are people going to just continue to be inspired by the whimsy of our show? I hope so.

Speaker 1 I'd rather the news be filled with stuff like this.

Speaker 2 I do want to ask, where were the three of us while this was happening?

Speaker 2 Was this us?

Speaker 2 Were we? We were in frame.

Speaker 2 We were in frame.

Speaker 2 I don't think, judging by our intros, I don't think that we could get anything of substance done in four minutes. I think.
Hey,

Speaker 2 That's so real. You can't hit us with that much reality in our first recording of the day.
Now, Aaron, I'm fully willing to believe that this was

Speaker 2 in some way attributed to us or like a scene that we did, even though I don't necessarily typically specifically remember what scene this would have been.

Speaker 2 Is it also possible that this jewel heist was influenced by the new Shane Black movie that just came out? And by came out, I mean, I think it's like streaming. I don't think it was

Speaker 2 really got like a theology.

Speaker 1 Also, Ocean's Eight did a jewel heist.

Speaker 1 Jewel Heist. Great Muppet Caper was technically a jewel heist.
I think it's been in the culture for a while, but I think the fact that they dropped the fucking

Speaker 1 on the way out points the arrow right at us.

Speaker 2 Is there a thing too where it's like that kind of feels like a prestige thing to do, like the art of misdirection?

Speaker 2 Like we drop the most expensive thing on the sidewalk accidentally to like throw someone off in a way.

Speaker 1 I don't know, man.

Speaker 2 It does feel like a message of like, isn't there a meme of like, you drop this king and it's like someone dropped a crown? Is this right?

Speaker 2 Are these like youths and they're trying to like recreate memes using priceless artifacts?

Speaker 1 I'm going to make a joke like a boomer would make about that.

Speaker 1 I don't think they would go into a museum for anything, those youths.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 By the way, Adel, I don't think the youths are using memes in relation to their overt public acts. I don't think that that's like a thing that's happening

Speaker 2 or is well documented at all.

Speaker 1 Adel, it's good that you don't know that. It means you're alive and you're living.

Speaker 2 You don't know that. And it's good that you don't know that.

Speaker 1 I would like to see a scene.

Speaker 1 Adel, you are the getaway driver. And JPC, you're the one who just dropped the crown on the sidewalk.
And you're trying to break it to your friend that you dropped the most expensive thing.

Speaker 2 And JPC, we should decide right now. Are we French or no?

Speaker 1 I'd go no.

Speaker 2 Are we French or no?

Speaker 2 Are we French or no? Are we French or no? No.

Speaker 1 I love how an episode title just presents itself so early in the episode. What's French?

Speaker 2 What's French for no? Is it like nuf? No. Neuf.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 Okay. Are we French or no?

Speaker 2 Are we human or are we French? No.

Speaker 2 Okay, okay, okay.

Speaker 2 Merld. Meld.
That was quite a daring rubbery drive.

Speaker 2 French for drive. Erin, could you be on

Speaker 2 just like...

Speaker 2 No, not necessarily what I want.

Speaker 2 Maybe just like pull up like a French translation and kind of feed us some French words.

Speaker 1 You can't make an offensive guess.

Speaker 2 All right, Aaron, French for drive.

Speaker 1 Do it in an American accent.

Speaker 2 Fuck that, Aaron. Start over.

Speaker 1 You got to do the little French fun at the beginning.

Speaker 2 Start over. Here we go.
Here, I'm French, though. I'm French.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Merd. Mayor, come on.
Where is he? Come on. Hurry up.

Speaker 2 This vest pa is

Speaker 2 not going to wait too much longer.

Speaker 1 Merd, hurry.

Speaker 2 Merd? Oh, good ma, good merding.

Speaker 2 Was someone commenting on my horse? Am I maird?

Speaker 1 You're playing a different character before your character shows up.

Speaker 2 Why does JPC get to he keeps being French? I thought it was my turn. I'm a different character.

Speaker 1 We're gonna start the scene over. Casey, I'm going to need you to cut the.

Speaker 2 I'm not my character yet. I am a man who is stroking his mare.
Oh, I want to see a scene. Okay, great.
Aaron, you're French Bugs Bunny. Great.

Speaker 2 Hey,

Speaker 2 what's up?

Speaker 2 Just a long drag of a cigarette. Hey, what's up? He's smoking the carrot.

Speaker 2 Hey, what's up, Duck?

Speaker 1 And he's talking to

Speaker 1 the duck.

Speaker 1 From the show. There's a duck on Looney Tunes.

Speaker 2 Huh? The duck on the show. The duck on the show.

Speaker 1 The duck. There's a duck on Looney Tunes.
Daffy Duck. Because Donald Duck is Disney.
Yes. I want to see a scene.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 One of you is Daffy Duck, and one of you is Donald Duck. And you just stole

Speaker 1 necklaces from the Louvre. Got it.

Speaker 2 Suffering. Suckate.
Where is he? We got to get out of here.

Speaker 2 Oh, my car's not starting.

Speaker 2 See,

Speaker 2 the engine won't turn over.

Speaker 1 I got what I wanted. I got what I needed.

Speaker 2 I do really enjoy that.

Speaker 2 What's up, Doc? Became

Speaker 2 like how you say like the searching for

Speaker 2 the word.

Speaker 2 How much of that do we think is

Speaker 2 affectation and how much of that is sincere? In terms of when especially French people do that pause,

Speaker 2 is that a normal speech pattern for a French person or is that them searching for the word?

Speaker 1 Think about how often I say um on this show. I think that that's what that is for them.

Speaker 1 And when I've gone to France twice with Harrison Lott, who speaks French incredibly, and he was like, it genuinely helps to,

Speaker 1 it almost is going to feel like you're joking, the affectation that you put on it. Like luxuriate in the Frenchness of the sounds, and that makes the language easier to like communicate in.

Speaker 2 Is there any other language or country though that says how you say? Or is it just the French? I think they're mocking us. Are they only saying how you say because they're bilingual?

Speaker 2 Like, I think people who say, who speak in like a non-native language oftentimes search for... Well, that's what I'm saying is, I mean, my dad

Speaker 2 is ESL, but he never says how you say, or goes, eh.

Speaker 2 He doesn't do that.

Speaker 1 But I wonder what Americans are doing in other languages. Like, what are little silly things?

Speaker 2 Yeah. I have no doubt that there is a process in the head where you have to

Speaker 2 translate, but I'm saying how you say, I've only heard the French say.

Speaker 1 What's up, linguists? Now your time, now is your time to shine. Email hrrpodcast at gmail.com.
We'd love to hear that.

Speaker 2 So you're saying specifically the words how you say. Yes.
Because I've heard other people say like, I don't know the word or Hilaria Baldwin. Yeah.

Speaker 2 How you say cucumber? Speaking of Hilaria Baldwin, the other thing is like that French pause. The other thing that is absolutely like a real thing that people do do is like the Italian hands.

Speaker 2 I mean, you don't realize it until you're like interacting with an Italian person, but a lot of the Italian people really gesticulate with their hands a lot. Oh, yes.
I saw it in action in

Speaker 2 Italy.

Speaker 2 It's a sight to behold. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, guys, we are back. We just cut 40 minutes out of the show of us going over stereotypes

Speaker 2 in different countries.

Speaker 1 Also, do you think Harrison was messing with me? Now that I'm thinking about it, do you think she's like, yes.

Speaker 2 How do you say? Yes.

Speaker 2 You say.

Speaker 2 Okay, partful. How would you say?

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 How would you say?

Speaker 1 You know, I don't want to be someone who makes excuses, but I want to be honest with our listeners.

Speaker 2 So you want to be like a completely different person. So no excuses.

Speaker 2 When is this? Is this starting now? Or

Speaker 2 when did you decide that you wanted this for your life?

Speaker 2 Is this like a thing that

Speaker 2 like right before your 34th birthday? Are you going to do like another 34 years Like, that's like a different guy? Or what?

Speaker 2 Or what do you, or maybe you, or what do you think is happening? Or what is that? Or what do I think is happening?

Speaker 1 Is there anything better than being teased? And it's so true.

Speaker 2 And you cannot argue.

Speaker 1 There's no universe in which you have the evidence to argue back.

Speaker 1 Like, I could not, there's no lawyer in the world that would take that case for me. Not one lawyer in the world that would take that case.

Speaker 1 I literally had a moment this morning where I went, I'm so tired of hearing myself myself complain.

Speaker 1 I can't, I'm so bored.

Speaker 2 You complain to yourself about complaining.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I literally, it was a snake eating itself. Well, well, then I'm actually not going to make, you know what? A new,

Speaker 2 but hold on. I'd love to hear the observation.
I just, maybe you could frame it in a, here's an observation.

Speaker 1 Here's an observation. This is the first episode of Haywood a Riddle I've done since

Speaker 1 in four or five years where I've done it on no sleep.

Speaker 2 Whoa.

Speaker 1 And so this is sort of an experiment to see if it changes the alchemy at all.

Speaker 1 It could be better. I'm genuinely, it could be better.
I could be better at riddles. I could be better at reading them.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 What's the data going to tell you, Aaron, if you're exactly the same?

Speaker 1 It's going to really fuck me up mentally, physically, spiritually.

Speaker 2 Interesting. See, I would go the other way because I would be like, it's an invitation to know that like.

Speaker 2 In whatever context you exist in outside of the podcast, within the podcast, you are static, right? Like within the podcast, podcast like you could get into like a serious car accident like

Speaker 2 you know sway out of the car into like a recording booth and be like hey everybody it's eric kiefitz hey random redland let's do some like it it's it's comforting to know that you could you could always exist in this that's a really beautiful way of putting it and i got a question for you guys about doing this show and being able to show up and sort of exist in it.

Speaker 1 Do you feel, you know how celebrities get frozen at the age that they become famous a little bit?

Speaker 2 Oh, we're talking like mentally, like, Yeah. Mentally.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Sexually for Leonardo DiCaprio?

Speaker 1 Yes, actually for him.

Speaker 1 Do you feel a little bit like when you show up and we're doing Hayriddle Riddle that you are the age that we started this podcast?

Speaker 1 Like the way that you would joke at that age and the way that, like, because sometimes I feel like,

Speaker 1 sometimes in a way that feels like so fun and like such a gift is I get to go back to being like 25 and the way that I was joking.

Speaker 1 And sometimes I'm like, I feel like I have to go, I have to put my 25-year-old Aaron mask on today.

Speaker 2 Interesting.

Speaker 2 Adult, what do you think?

Speaker 2 I haven't really thought about it.

Speaker 2 I feel like we have an established dynamic, but I don't know if I necessarily feel like I'm beholden to any sort of

Speaker 2 representation or

Speaker 2 humor. channel that I've tapped into when we first started.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 2 I would say I

Speaker 2 feel every year, every month, every day, every hour, every minute of my age at all times. I'm constantly, you know, constantly feeling it.

Speaker 2 So yeah, I don't know. I don't think that I think about like myself in whatever those

Speaker 1 like persona of age thing.

Speaker 2 29, whatever I was. Yeah, I don't think so.

Speaker 1 I would have made that guess, but I feel like I only feel like that because of the age I was at.

Speaker 1 Like if I had started the show at like 29, when I felt a little bit more established in my sense of self. But like my frontal lobe developed, and then I sat down at a recording booth with you guys.

Speaker 1 And I think I was just like, that age is sometimes,

Speaker 1 I think it's a thing I put on myself. I feel like beholden to the version of myself that started the show.

Speaker 1 But then I, but it comes very naturally to me to joke with you guys. This is the kind of non-comedy that will be happening today, I guess.

Speaker 2 Well, I'm a little tired. Nomedy.
Non-edity. Nomedy.

Speaker 2 Aw. Deep bow.
Hands clasp. Deep bow.
Now, Erin,

Speaker 2 are you old man puzzles today? I am. Oh, okay.
Well, then you don't even have to worry about doing riddles.

Speaker 2 Oh, right.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, right. I don't have to solve them.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I have to fucking read them. Although, would it be fun for Erin in her sense of non-sleep stupor to read the riddles and then try and solve them? Oh, brother.

Speaker 2 This is something that I think that would make me

Speaker 2 hold on.

Speaker 1 I think I should solve problems that aren't riddles. If you guys have any concerns, any big life things you need untangled, I'm your gal this morning.

Speaker 2 So it has to be individual personal problems, and it can't be like societal problems that you can solve.

Speaker 1 I'll start with personal, and then by the end of the episode, I'll do some societal.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, the personal becomes the professional. The professional becomes the societal.
I mean, we all know this. This is that Nietzsche, I believe.
Nietzsche. Nietzsche's rungs.

Speaker 2 Okay, wait. Do I have a personal problem that I could

Speaker 2 Aaron to solve for?

Speaker 2 No, I'm really trying to like search.

Speaker 2 Oh, boy. I don't know.

Speaker 2 Are you coming up with anything of

Speaker 2 a personal problem that you can get Aaron to solve for? How do I let go of stuff?

Speaker 2 Physical stuff? Physical stuff.

Speaker 1 Remember you can't take it with you and that

Speaker 1 they don't.

Speaker 1 They don't have to. The suitcase is big enough.

Speaker 2 He took it with him when he moved.

Speaker 1 You can take it with you after you die.

Speaker 1 But also, as someone who has

Speaker 1 someone who has some like hoarder tendencies,

Speaker 1 the thing that you like are, the emotion that you're attaching to that thing is not actually in there. Like it's in your body.
It's in your physical being.

Speaker 1 After the LA fires, I started to have really bad anxiety about all the sentimental stuff in my house.

Speaker 1 had to really work on trying to be like, you know what?

Speaker 1 These memories of like the Hayward riddle fan art that i have that i'm like i don't want to lose that or like a painting from my friend or like this painting behind me that adult bought me for my birthday i'm just like adult's care for me and our friendship does not live in that painting

Speaker 2 well actually

Speaker 1 don't tell do not tell me you did a witch thing with that adult i swear to my soul is in that painting so if it burns i burn adult

Speaker 2 this is literally how my brain can think you cannot tell me that and now i'm gonna be fucking protect this is my horror crux please protect that with your life.

Speaker 1 Next L.A. Fire.
I'm looking at the painting.

Speaker 2 I'm looking at Lou. I'm looking at the paging.
I'm looking at Lou.

Speaker 1 I have some riddles.

Speaker 2 I thought of my personal problem. Oh, yeah, of course.
Okay. So my homeowner's insurance went up like $500.
So I switched homeowners. Did they say why?

Speaker 2 Because they can.

Speaker 1 Because they just say can't. Okay.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because they, because fuck you.

Speaker 2 That's why everything goes up in price. And

Speaker 2 I switched homeowners insurance to something that was the exact same price as my old one. So it was like an extra hassle for no additional benefit for myself.

Speaker 2 But then I got a letter from my mortgage company being like, hey, we don't have any record.

Speaker 2 We have a record now that you don't have homeowners insurance because I guess my new company didn't notify them.

Speaker 2 And they're like, we're now going to buy homeowners insurance for you unless you can prove that you have it. But the only way I can prove that I have it, which I do, is to fax them my policy.

Speaker 2 How do I get? What do it's 2025? How do I do a how would I even go about doing a fax at this point?

Speaker 1 I think you can do it at your local UPS and FedEx. Okay.
Or at least you used to be able to. I also think you can do it at some local libraries.

Speaker 2 You used to be able to. Yeah.
Like in 2008, I believe.

Speaker 1 Well, no, the last time I had to fax something was maybe 2021, and that is what I did. But also, I also think local libraries have it.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 1 I also am willing to call that company and go, hey, I got no skin in this game. Wake up.

Speaker 2 Wake the fuck up. I do love when a company makes it like absolutely,

Speaker 2 I mean, it's my, it's on purpose, right? They, they could be like, you could email it, you could scan it, you could email it, but they won't do that.

Speaker 2 They'll just be like, it's just a fax number because fuck you.

Speaker 2 That to me is like, that's how you exercise power if you're like an absolute total bastard. You're like, it's actually harder for me to get a fax.

Speaker 2 I have as a company now, I have to own a fax line, I guess.

Speaker 2 But fuck you, because that's why we do it.

Speaker 1 I did a therapy years ago that the, my therapist told me that I will no longer be notified 24 hours before my appointment because if that is when the cancellation charge

Speaker 1 gets kicked in. And so they stopped doing that notification because people were canceling it in time or moving their appointment in time to not get charged.

Speaker 1 And so every, all these companies are just trying to squeeze.

Speaker 2 Also on the flip side of it, and I don't mind putting this company on blast, but my internet's through ATT.

Speaker 2 ATT sent me a little email that was like, hey, in two months, we're going to to up your price by $5 a month. So I went to their chat on my phone.

Speaker 2 Like I just opened my phone, went to their chat and said, Hey, you're raising my service price. I'm going to cancel my service.
And they were like, Oh, well, please don't cancel your service.

Speaker 2 Let's see if we can get you a deal. And they were like, What if we lower your price by $30 a month? And I was like, Okay, I'll keep my service.
And they were like, Okay, great. Thank you.

Speaker 2 And they were like, And then we'll, we'll send you like a gift card or something. And sometimes they do that and sometimes they don't.
And then I ended that interaction.

Speaker 2 And now my service is $30 cheaper than it was before I started the thing. And I thought to myself, what a terrible email for the company AT ⁇ T to send.

Speaker 2 To send an email being like, hey, we're going to actually have to charge you $5 more. And I was like, no, you won't.
And they're like, you're actually right. And we're going to charge you less.

Speaker 2 I'm like, that seems to be like a company that doesn't know what it's doing. Cause what they should be doing is being like, fuck you, man.
Like, you can go.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 when it's a mortgage, they're like, you can't go anywhere. Like, you cannot go anywhere.
But when it's an internet provider with other internet. they laugh denialically.

Speaker 1 They're like, buy a fax machine, motherfucker.

Speaker 2 This guy just remembered that he has options versus like, hey, if you want to, you want to drink some water, you're going to have to pay the water company, buddy. Yeah.

Speaker 2 There's no secondary water company for you to like begin to.

Speaker 2 Ugh.

Speaker 2 The world is working perfect. And I think I wouldn't change a single thing about it.
All right.

Speaker 1 These are from Will Parsons.

Speaker 1 He, him, we can use his full name.

Speaker 1 And I thought this was very sweet. I want to read his PS first.

Speaker 1 Shout out to my long-distance friend, Andrew, who now lives in Boston. He was delighted to see you all live.
Whenever we catch up, we enjoy talking about your latest episodes.

Speaker 1 Love you guys like sisters. Will and Andrew, I want you guys to solve mysteries together.

Speaker 1 What if you move to each other's city so you can hang out all the time?

Speaker 2 Come on, fellas. What if there's a good reason that they have to keep apart, Aaron, like they're in witness protection or something like that?

Speaker 1 You think they're both in witness protection?

Speaker 2 Okay, maybe they both swallowed magnets, but they're opposite charged. I think Will and Andrew were probably contract killers who worked as a team,

Speaker 2 who kind of, you know, flipped on some of their old clients, and now they have to live separately.

Speaker 1 I think Will and Andrew are twins, and one parent took one, and one parent took the other.

Speaker 1 And then they're both going to go to the same summer camp, and then they're going to switch spots, and then they're going to get to be a family in the end.

Speaker 2 I mean, mean, it's not a new observation, but it's fucked up that in

Speaker 2 that at no point in the movie, The Parent Trap, do they ever talk about how fucked up it is to just each parent take one kid and do that all the time?

Speaker 2 There should at least be one line of dialogue in that movie where they're like, what were we thinking? Yeah, this was morally horrible.

Speaker 1 Although, what parents? Traumatizing. I mean, this is the classic debate, but both houses are very dreamy.
Both parents are very dreamy.

Speaker 1 Which are you picking? Are you going to Napa?

Speaker 2 This is a tough question.

Speaker 1 Because Napa has Chessie, who's their housekeeper, who's super charming. And then you're riding horses and you get to be outside.
But the mom is in London.

Speaker 2 And the mom's got the butler, right?

Speaker 1 The butler and the sweet grandpa.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, just based on the current state of the world, I kind of... Well, no, London's not much better.

Speaker 2 oh, can I die? Yes. So JPC chooses death, Adult.

Speaker 1 I choose death. Put you down for.

Speaker 2 I go to heaven with Jesus. I'll go Napa.

Speaker 1 Now, see, okay, I'm glad I asked this because I've been a London girl through and through my whole life.

Speaker 1 The scene where Hallie gets to go and stay with her mom for the first time and she's at her mom's like dresser in vanity and she's touching her necklaces and like her lamp and all of her things is like what I imagined being a grown woman is like.

Speaker 1 My whole apartment looks like I'm trying to live in that space.

Speaker 2 Is that why you're always touching jewelry?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm always like, don't

Speaker 1 implicate me more with the heist, Adel. I was already there.
I was there. I just wanted to see the Moralisa.

Speaker 2 Based on Adel saying that he would like to go live and nap, I do want to see a quick scene. Adel, you are going to be a child who owns a winery.

Speaker 2 And Erin, you are just a person, you know, kind of doing like a winery tour a lot sideways. And you're at this child's winery.

Speaker 2 Great. All all right.

Speaker 1 Map says this is the best place for a vermentino. Let me

Speaker 2 welcome, come in, come in.

Speaker 2 Hello, how are we doing today?

Speaker 2 Sorry, I know you're just one person, but I've seen on TV where adults say, How are we doing today?

Speaker 1 Is someone here?

Speaker 2 I'm the sorry, down, look down. Look, sorry, look down.

Speaker 1 Oh, hey, little boy, where are your parents?

Speaker 2 Hello. My parents are currently on vacation in Jamaica.
They're on their third honeymoon.

Speaker 1 Okay, are you wearing khakis and a blazer?

Speaker 2 You know it, baby. My name is Chance, and welcome to Napa Time Wineries.

Speaker 1 Oh, your eyes got a little heavy when you said that.

Speaker 2 Sorry, talking about wine makes me sweepy, especially Napa Time wine. Oh, there you go.
Here I am. Can I hit you up with some samples? We are the number one child winery in Napa Valley.

Speaker 2 We've been weighted number one child winery in the world, actually. We're actually the number one only child winery in the world.
We've

Speaker 2 been awarded that.

Speaker 1 You keep looking over at your blanket and like your stuffed animal.

Speaker 2 No, I've left those things in the past.

Speaker 2 I'm an adult man.

Speaker 1 Every time,

Speaker 1 if I said Napa again, that may be,

Speaker 1 that would trigger a yawn. I thought it might.

Speaker 2 Do you know how to turn on the oven? Also, would you like to try

Speaker 2 Shotaway?

Speaker 2 Um, you know, I'm a little tipsy already.

Speaker 1 I'll try whatever this is.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 So, what this is, is pressed apple juice. Uh, we add just a drop of wine to

Speaker 2 the water. Huh?

Speaker 2 No, there is. Legally, it's wine.
It's a.0001 proof alcohol.

Speaker 1 I'm kind of eat-prey drinking right now, so I'm going to head out.

Speaker 2 Not sure what that means.

Speaker 1 Napa, napa, nappa, nappa, napa.

Speaker 2 see

Speaker 2 sending the little kid to to sleep by just saying napa napa nappa nappa when in fact a lot of times you say nap to a kid it's the opposite they zoom absolute opposite yeah uh gbc does your kid just take off running from you sometimes um

Speaker 2 yes

Speaker 2 they they also if i like ask them a question that they don't want to answer they'll just kind of turn around and walk away that's that's that's awesome uh but what they've they've been doing this recently where when it's like bedtime, when it gets to be like six o'clock, six thirty, it's it's time for bed.

Speaker 2 They start, they have a little play kitchen. They start making coffee for everyone.
And they're like, coffee, coffee. And I'm like, no.
Like a grown-up at a dinner party.

Speaker 2 Well, I think it's more just like,

Speaker 2 it could be grown-up at a dinner party. More what I think it is, is we make coffee when we wake up.
So I think that they are like,

Speaker 2 hey, the day is just starting. It's time for coffee.
No need to think about it.

Speaker 1 Have they ever gaslit you into thinking it was in the morning?

Speaker 2 I'm a very simple bitch, Aaron. Of course, it works on me.
It'll be like three in the morning. I'll be like, wait a second.
I've been tricked. I've been tricked.
My child made me coffee.

Speaker 2 I've been over there when they do that, and it's like, they get out of a frying pan and they're like coffee. And I'm like, I don't know what you think you're doing, but

Speaker 2 they pour the coffee and then they put a wooden spoon in there. And I'm like, yeah, we wouldn't be sipping coffee out of a wooden spoon.

Speaker 1 All right, we got to do some riddles before break, or I'm going to get angry messages. Here we go.
Okay, five minutes from Will dedicated to his friend Andrew.

Speaker 1 Could be a cross, could be stars, could be plain.

Speaker 2 Atop certain graves, I am lane.

Speaker 1 If there's reason to frown, I'm likely half down.

Speaker 1 In this camp game, my captures your aim.

Speaker 2 Flag. Flag.

Speaker 2 Flag.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 well. Should we? Any more brain busters for us? These are former professionals assets.

Speaker 1 These are, first of all, they never claimed to be that. Also, these are warm-up riddles, so this is good for warming up.

Speaker 2 They wouldn't claim to be that. I mean, I'm reading between the lines a little, but it's like, I fucking know, you know, I'm pretty fucking sure.

Speaker 1 I just realized that the next like few hours of recording for me, I'm going to be tired, but this is going to be weeks for everybody listening at home.

Speaker 1 We're going to have to deal with this version of me for weeks. Sorry.

Speaker 2 Design and sell Harrow Riddle flags.

Speaker 2 Like what if, what if we made a certain design, like not just our logo, which is awesome, but maybe like a design of like, here's a flag if you if you support Harrow Riddle. Okay, I love it.

Speaker 2 Okay, so everybody, every flags are usually multiple colors. I don't think that there's, I don't think that there's any one that just uses a single color flag.

Speaker 2 Maybe like someone who uses like one color with different like shades could be a flag. But there's three of us.
So a lot of flags have three colors. I say we each pick a color.
Okay. Okay, great.

Speaker 2 Neon green.

Speaker 1 I'm going to go with neon green.

Speaker 1 So the flag's two-thirds neon green so far.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 I wanted to go first because now it's, you guys are going to make me look like an asshole because I wanted to say neon green.

Speaker 1 Okay, we invented Brett Summer again. All right, hear me out.
What if it's three people sneaking into the Louvre to steal jewels?

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 And that's a flag that you hang outside of like art museums and stuff.

Speaker 1 New, new game. If anyone feels inspired at home, you can

Speaker 1 design a Hay Riddle Riddle flag and we'll take a look. And then we'll let you know if it's a winning choice.

Speaker 2 The new game is that we'll take a look. We'll take a look.
We'll take a look. We'll take a look.

Speaker 1 Some keep me, others do not. In Exodus, I'm speaking and hot.
Could be George, could be Rose, where the blueberry grows. Old mazes did use me a lot.

Speaker 2 I like this riddle, and I think that the

Speaker 2 longer it went on, the more sure I was that I got it.

Speaker 2 I feel like if it had been like the first two

Speaker 2 rhymes or first two lines of it, I would have been like lost.

Speaker 2 But I think it's bush.

Speaker 1 Yes, it is.

Speaker 2 It is bush.

Speaker 1 That is,

Speaker 1 I do think that that makes for a good riddle is it. It gets more specific and easier to get the longer the riddle goes.

Speaker 2 Yeah, for sure. It's like, I think like a riddle like that, like the rest of the riddle should be the hint for the riddle.

Speaker 2 Like, I don't think I've ever heard, has anyone ever given us a riddle where the hint was like more of the riddle? You know, you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 Like, sometimes the hint is like, think about, you know, an aviary or something like that. Whereas this hint could just be like two more lines of the riddle.

Speaker 1 Well, would you like to try that for these? There's three more, and we can do line by line to see if that feels fun.

Speaker 2 No, I like to feel smart. I like to hear the whole thing and then just like feel really smart about getting the riddle.
But I guess I'll try it your fun way.

Speaker 2 If it's it's as much fun as we'll take a look, then maybe this is maybe this.

Speaker 1 We'll take a look with the real indicator of no sleep.

Speaker 2 I was like, I don't know how to end this sentence. Aaron, like devising a game, and she's like, and at the end of the game, we'll all count up how many

Speaker 2 fingers we have. We're like, well, hold on.

Speaker 2 What was the point of the game? Oh, okay. Here we go.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Could be physical or over the air. Used to signal a friend over there.

Speaker 2 Okay, stop there. Could be

Speaker 2 physical or in the air or over the air. Over the air.
Used to signal a friend over there. Is this like internet? Is this like smoke signals? Is this

Speaker 2 ham, like ham radio? Telephone lines.

Speaker 1 You just throw a full Christmas ham at your friend to get their attention.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I guess it's not really like friend, but if I'm like courting,

Speaker 2 I throw a full ham.

Speaker 1 I'm going to give you the next little bit.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 With empty seats at the game, I become rather lame.

Speaker 2 Hmm. Hmm.
Empty Ticketmaster. With empty seats at the game.

Speaker 2 Empty seats at the game. So we're thinking about like those chairs that automatically fold up when you

Speaker 2 sit up from them. Is that the answer?

Speaker 1 Okay. But I do, I actually, I think this might be my favorite riddle of the pack.
Although I did like the one right before it too. But this one's really good.
Could be physical or over the air.

Speaker 1 Used to signal a friend over there. With empty seats at the game, I become rather lame.

Speaker 1 oh is this a wave yes wave or waves

Speaker 1 I'd like to see a scene

Speaker 1 JPC you

Speaker 1 are

Speaker 1 you and Adel are at a baseball game and JPC keeps trying to start the wave Adel and but he's like doing a bad job and you're really embarrassed that he's causing this ruckus

Speaker 2 hey excuse me yes

Speaker 2 hey I'm from section 213. It's about six sections over.

Speaker 2 Oh, I don't need that information. No, yeah.
Yeah. What do you want?

Speaker 2 Well. Sorry, my son's about to pitch his first game.
What do you want? Yeah, okay. Oh, wow.
Your son's on the Yankees? Yes. Oh, congratulations.
My son is Mariano Rivera.

Speaker 2 That's awesome, Mr.

Speaker 2 I think he's going to have a very good career. I hope so.

Speaker 2 I am a huge fan of your son and of the institution and of the sport. Are you mocking me? This is his first game.

Speaker 2 Well, it's not his first game of baseball. No, you're right.
I'm sorry. Yeah.
I apologize. Yeah, I mean, I follow the sport that deeply that I whatever comes before the MLB is where I kind of

Speaker 2 Kurt. My name is Jason.
Oh, hey, Kurt. Oh, sorry.
Are you going to say that? Sorry. Let me give you my full attention.
You're from Section Something. What do you want? I'm from 213.

Speaker 2 I have been trying to start the wave in 213, and

Speaker 2 it's not going well.

Speaker 2 So I'm kind of just running around the stadium identifying

Speaker 2 people of charisma, people I think that have leadership potential, leadership qualities.

Speaker 1 And I'm trying to enlist them. He came up and looked at me and then kind of blew right by me.

Speaker 2 Oh, I thought. Oh, I'm so sorry.
Are you with this? Are you with this person?

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 1 Hey, honey, come on.

Speaker 2 Well, ex.

Speaker 2 Ex-wife. You're both here for your son, but you're not married anymore.
I'm his mother.

Speaker 1 I made his bones and his teeth.

Speaker 2 Him? You're Kurt's mother? Yes. No, not Kurt.

Speaker 2 My name is not Kurt.

Speaker 2 Well, I'm sorry. I could take the wave.

Speaker 1 I have charisma.

Speaker 2 I

Speaker 2 think that's great. If you maybe want to work together, like co-captains of this section or

Speaker 2 something.

Speaker 2 I just...

Speaker 2 I'm sorry. On my way over here, I watched you yell for a hot dog three times and you got ignored.
And so it just didn't feel like you had like the...

Speaker 2 leadership qualities that I was looking for.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and one of those times, the hot dog guy asked me if I wanted anything. I told him what I wanted and then he walked away.

Speaker 2 And the second time he said, get back to work to you.

Speaker 2 I think I thought you were there. I do think it is the polo that you're wearing, which I think looks nice, but it kind of does look

Speaker 2 like when you see someone wearing like a blue polo in a best buy and you go up to them and say, excuse me, do you know where the DVDs are?

Speaker 2 And they like just turn around and it's just a person wearing a blue polo. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 Yeah, or if you go to Target and you see someone wearing a red polo at the Target and you're like where are the dvds and they turn around it's just the person this is my lucky polo and my lucky visor and my lucky tray that i bring to every baseball game oh okay yeah well then it's but so i no you're talking to my ex ask him to start the wave i'm not here i'm not here i actually have a lot of sections to hit so maybe it's like one of the things that your whole section could decide kind of by themselves um

Speaker 2 and and then when i start the wave back in 2013 it's gonna be a while because i have have to make it through most of the stadium just to get enough people kind of to rally to my cause.

Speaker 2 Then you guys join in and maybe kind of put aside everything else that's kind of going on and just kind of focus on the spirit of the wave and the joy of baseball.

Speaker 2 How does that sound?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I just feel like I'm not a big fan of the wave. It feels like the whole point of the wave is for whoever started it to get like validation.

Speaker 2 No offense. We missed it.
We missed the game. It's over.
Oh, shit.

Speaker 2 How do they do? How do they do?

Speaker 1 Oh, brother.

Speaker 2 Here we go.

Speaker 1 Like, you know what? I want to take a break.

Speaker 2 Oh, okay. We've done two riddles.

Speaker 1 We should take a break. We did three riddles.

Speaker 2 And that's why we deserve a break.

Speaker 1 A napa, if you will.

Speaker 2 Hey, Adel Aaron, ask any small business owner, and what do they say? They'll tell you that finances get messy quick. A bank account here, QuickBooks there, tax and invoicing apps stacked on top.

Speaker 2 Before long, you're buried in expensive tools behind on books and unsure where your business really stands. That's why there's found.

Speaker 1 Ooh, thank goodness. You were talking about that, and I was like, that sounds so stressful.
And it doesn't seem like there's a solution, but I guess there is.

Speaker 2 Yeah, found eliminates the clutter by giving you one platform that handles it all.

Speaker 2 Banking, bookkeeping, invoices, taxes, no more paying for multiple subscriptions and dealing with clunky, outdated apps. Bleh, barf, outdated apps.

Speaker 1 They've automated things like tracking expenses, finding write-offs, and budgeting for tax time. You can even send invoices for free and pay your contractors everything from one app.

Speaker 2 Yeah, prior to finding found, I was actually using an app called Lost. And I got to say, this is a terrible app for banking.
You would constantly log in and they'd be like, oops, sorry.

Speaker 2 There'd be like a little shrugging emoticon of a person who lost all of your finances. They never kept kept records.

Speaker 2 They had a little button that was record shredding, but it was right next to the login button. So sometimes you would just shred your entire account when you were trying to log in.

Speaker 1 That's so scary, Mr. JPC, sir.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Mr. JPC, don't use lost.
Use found. Mm-hmm.
One thing that I love about found is that it automatically tracks expenses, which means that I no longer have to carve out time every week.

Speaker 2 And believe me, I was doing this every week. Or I could have spent that time on something much more important to go through my purchases and make sure everything is accounted for.
Ugh, found fixes it.

Speaker 2 Honestly, I use found and you should too.

Speaker 2 If I could go back to when we were starting Hey Riddle Riddle, Found would have saved me so much time, so much effort, and so much needless data entry that I wish I could not have done. I love Found.

Speaker 2 Take back control of your business today. Open a Found account for free at found.com.
That's F-O-U-N-D.com. Found is a financial technology company, not a bank.

Speaker 2 Banking services are provided by lead bank member FDIC. Join the hundreds of thousands who've already streamlined their finances with Found.

Speaker 2 Not lost.

Speaker 1 Thank you, Mr. JBC, sir.
Mr.

Speaker 2 JPC, sir. People thinking me.

Speaker 2 Five, four, three, two, one.

Speaker 1 Countdown over. It's the holiday season.

Speaker 2 Time to buy gifts.

Speaker 1 I'm so excited. I'm going to decorate.
I'm going to buy gifts.

Speaker 2 Aaron, Aaron, slow down. You sound and look stressed, but Uncommon Goods takes the stress out of gifting with thousands of unique, high-quality finds you won't see anywhere else.

Speaker 2 Now, Aaron, how does that make you feel? Oh, I feel way better. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And Aaron, you should feel even better because Uncommon Goods, their items are crafted by independent artists and small businesses, making every gift feel meaningful and truly one of a kind. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 And with every purchase you make at Uncommon Goods, they give back $1 to a nonprofit partner of your choice. They've donated more than $3.1 million to date.

Speaker 2 Plus, Uncommon Goods has something for everyone, from moms and dads to kids and teens, from book lovers, history buffs, and die-hard football fans to foodies, mixologists, and avid gardeners.

Speaker 2 You'll find thousands of new gift ideas that you won't find anywhere else. And again, they want me to differentiate.
That is die-hard fans and football fans.

Speaker 2 I'm not sure if you'll find stuff from the major motion picture in Die Hard, but you can look. And Miss Keith, can I tell you last year, my parents got me common goods?

Speaker 2 I got like a bag of flour and a brick.

Speaker 1 Well, that's no fun.

Speaker 2 No, I want uncommon goods.

Speaker 1 That won't do. You know what? If you're like me, buy some Christmas ornaments.
Get some Christmas candles.

Speaker 2 Get some stuff for Christmas and put it on your house. Hey, whatever you do, don't wait.
Cross those names off your list before the rush.

Speaker 2 To get 15% off your next gift, go to uncommon goods.com/slash riddle. That's uncommon goods.com/slash riddle for 15% off uncommon goods.
We're all out of the ordinary. But don't take it from them.

Speaker 2 Take it from me, Cousin Kringle. That's fun.
That's fun.

Speaker 1 Probably should have done done it at the beginning, though, right? Huh?

Speaker 2 Stay on that side of the street. Oh, stay over there.
Do you need me to start the ad? No, stay.

Speaker 1 Everybody, say thank you, Miss Erin.

Speaker 2 I thanked you guys in the other ones.

Speaker 1 Not getting thanked. Okay, GPC, open it.
Open it.

Speaker 1 Just as a heads up, it is a gift for me that I just want you to open for me.

Speaker 2 And it's in this lion's mouth?

Speaker 1 Um, yes, and

Speaker 2 okay. battle huh pretty good

Speaker 2 opening the jaws of the lion uh

Speaker 1 my sweater it's my new quince sweater

Speaker 2 it's covered in lion

Speaker 1 inside yeah but it's 50 and it's cashmere

Speaker 1 oh well you actually got a pretty good price of the sweater i know i love quince i recently got some curtains and a rug from there.

Speaker 1 And I point to two other animals that have eaten my curtain and rugs that you need to fight to get them back for me. I love Quince.

Speaker 2 Oh, and I love Quince as well because they partner directly with ethical factories and top artisans. They cut out the middleman to deliver premium quality at half the cost of other high-end brands.

Speaker 2 So you can give luxury quality pieces without the luxury price tag. Is the lion something I can find on Quince? Because this is a very good lion.
I mean, like, I've had way worse quality lions.

Speaker 1 Maybe soon. Maybe soon.

Speaker 2 No animals were harmed at Quince.

Speaker 1 I love their holiday stuff, but I really love their home stuff. Incredible sheets, linens,

Speaker 1 like the most incredible basics for a price that's not spooky at all.

Speaker 1 Give and get timeless holiday staples that last this season with Quince. Go to quince.com/slash riddle for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.
Now available in Canada, too.

Speaker 1 Oh, congratulations, Canada. That's quince.com/slash riddle.
Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash Riddle. Free shipping and 365 day returns.
Quince.com slash riddle. R-I-D-D-L-E.

Speaker 2 Now I will tame this lion. Oh, oh, he's got my leg.

Speaker 2 At least my cashmere jacket looks nice from Quince.

Speaker 1 Give us a spin.

Speaker 2 Ooh, can you get that leg on Quince?

Speaker 1 All right, we are back. I'm going to get right back into Will's Riddles.
So the ratio of riddles in this episode ends up being pretty good. We're going to do a lot in this back half.
Here we go.

Speaker 1 Likely on birthdays.

Speaker 2 Are the Yankees still good?

Speaker 2 They should be.

Speaker 2 They've brought in enough.

Speaker 2 That's a palm.

Speaker 1 Are the Yankees still good? They should be.

Speaker 2 They have

Speaker 2 high-caliber players, but

Speaker 2 I don't know right now if they're doing so hot.

Speaker 1 Likely on birthdays or after a storm, providing an ambiance, soft and warm.

Speaker 2 Blanket.

Speaker 2 Lightning. A blanket fire.
When you're kind of fired. Which can happen.
If you have a heating pad and you leave it plugged in, you can start a blanket fire.

Speaker 2 You might start a blanket fire.

Speaker 2 If you use an extension cord on a heater, you might have a blanket fire.

Speaker 2 If you throw a blanket over a fire to stop the fire, you might have a blanket fire.

Speaker 1 You guys, I can't participate in any fun today. I really can't do it.

Speaker 2 Jeff Blanket Fire. There's a joke in the original Cars movie where Larry the cable guy implies that he thought he heard some character say that they were drinking piss.

Speaker 2 Sounds like I need to watch Cars.

Speaker 2 What was that, Adol?

Speaker 1 Did you mean to say that out loud into the bike?

Speaker 2 Because it's something about like flooding like a piston, piston in my mouth, and he's like, he did what in his mouth? And

Speaker 2 it's a funny joke to put in a kids movie because it does imply. It sounds like, it sounds like, sounds like a you problem.
Sounds like you were listening for that. I do listen for it.

Speaker 2 I have pissed mouthed are

Speaker 2 that I pick up on pretty. A radar that susses out.
Echo locates. Here's what I'll say is I used to make fun of, I've never seen cars.

Speaker 2 I used to be like, haha, Larry the Cable Guy is in Cars, haha. Then I found out recently that I guess when he got notified that he got the role, he started crying from joy.

Speaker 1 And now I'm going to ease up on the guy. Yeah.
He loves being a part of those movies. It's really sweet.

Speaker 2 That's cool. Yeah.
Yeah. Who wouldn't love like

Speaker 2 your job being going into a sound booth, like recording some dialogue and then getting paid a lot of money? That sounds like awesome.

Speaker 2 If I could get paid money to just sit in front of a microphone and talk, I would be in the same way as like, oh, that would be a loved one of mine sent me that Larry the Cable guy video and cried, cried and cried and cried.

Speaker 2 There's a video of him.

Speaker 1 He like has, he has a video of him talking about how it's his favorite thing he's ever done. Anime Me Cry.

Speaker 2 That's amazing.

Speaker 2 And I, again, I don't know too much about Larry the Cable Guy, but the whole Larry the Cable Guy character is like an aesthetic. It's like a character that he used to put on.
He's like,

Speaker 2 I almost said he has like a normal voice, but he doesn't like inherently sound like Larry the Cable Guy, that character. But then it seems like

Speaker 2 it really popped off for him and he kind of got put into the role of Larry the Cable Guy for the rest of his life. He's a modern-day Gilbert Godfrey or Bobcat Gold tweet.

Speaker 1 That might happen to you, JPC.

Speaker 1 You're going to get stuck in this persona.

Speaker 2 Oh, in this persona?

Speaker 2 This one wouldn't be so bad because it is closer to myself. But I mean,

Speaker 2 what I'm really looking for, and it's not going to happen yet, but we're a couple years away from it, is my right-wing pivot. When I just like go hold

Speaker 2 full evangelical, like full prosperity gospel, like grifter. Like that, that's really going to be.
Your heart's not going to be in it, though, right?

Speaker 1 This is just for money and for attention.

Speaker 2 Oh, Aaron, none of their hearts are in it. Right.
There's not a, there's not a, there's not a single one. There's not a single one.
What hearts? Yeah, exactly. Tucker Carlson keeps his heart in like

Speaker 2 a black tabernacle. And it's like, it beats like once a year.

Speaker 1 That is way too high-end.

Speaker 2 I feel like it is in like a caboodle box. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Under his his sink.

Speaker 1 God, I hate that guy.

Speaker 1 My favorite thing that's happened in the last 400 years in pop culture is Jon Stewart making fun of his bow tie and him stopping wearing bow ties. It's maybe the only thing that has kept me going.

Speaker 1 I got to go back to this riddle. Oh, please.
Likely on birthdays or after a storm, providing an ambiance soft and warm. Find me in Clue.
Candles. As a centerpiece too.
Before Edison, I was the norm.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Is it candle or candlestick?

Speaker 1 Candle.

Speaker 2 Okay. Because in clue, it's a candlestick, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah. But if you're strong enough, you can go.

Speaker 1 In the library.

Speaker 2 I do want to see a scene.

Speaker 2 The two of you are, you're sort of inside, you know, the clue world, right?

Speaker 2 You're in a large house with other people and weapons.

Speaker 2 And the two of you find yourself in the library and you both have sort of

Speaker 2 atypical quote-unquote weapons that you found to try and kill each other the next opportunity you get.

Speaker 2 Ah, Professor.

Speaker 1 You thought I wouldn't figure you out.

Speaker 1 But guess what? It takes one to know one.

Speaker 1 Picks up Bible.

Speaker 1 Oh, stands in a ready pose.

Speaker 2 Big talk from you, Lieutenant Lettis.

Speaker 2 I was just.

Speaker 2 But.

Speaker 1 Fine. It's fine.

Speaker 2 You can say my name. You just called called me Professor, but if you want to say my name, you can.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Professor dumbass.

Speaker 1 You thought I wouldn't figure you out.

Speaker 2 It's pronounced dumbass.

Speaker 2 I thought you wouldn't figure me out, Lieutenant Lettuce, because you're not the sharpest romaine in the

Speaker 1 salad?

Speaker 2 Well, what is it? Is it a bunch of lettuce? Is it romaine? A bunch of a head, head, head.

Speaker 2 Salad also works. Um,

Speaker 1 let's see. You're weaponless, and I have the best weapon of them all.

Speaker 2 You've got the Bible, it's the only weapon in this room.

Speaker 1 Heavy book.

Speaker 2 Well, something they taught.

Speaker 2 But it's one of the heavier books.

Speaker 1 I don't know. There's encyclopedias I could have picked up.

Speaker 2 Well, one of the things that they teach me in university is how to think on my feet. Picks up my feet.
Aha!

Speaker 1 Oh, God, that looks like it hurts so bad. You fell backwards on the back of your head.

Speaker 2 Oh, boy.

Speaker 1 Is there a doctor?

Speaker 2 Doctor! I'm a doctor. Rigatoni, come on in.
Hey, I'm a doctor, Rigatoni. I see.

Speaker 2 He doctors with his hands.

Speaker 2 I got my doctorate in pasta.

Speaker 1 You might say I'm crazy, or perhaps legume.

Speaker 2 You might say

Speaker 2 crazy. Okay, they wanted to sing instead of the other cars.

Speaker 1 I feel like you guys could get it from that.

Speaker 2 Found near the

Speaker 2 sick.

Speaker 1 It's safe to assume.

Speaker 2 Definitely. These are such good riddles.

Speaker 1 Can be tough to crack

Speaker 1 and bought in a pack.

Speaker 2 Walnut.

Speaker 2 Close. Cigarette.

Speaker 1 Eating me could mean doom.

Speaker 2 Cigarettes. Pistachio.

Speaker 2 You cannot eat cigarettes. Peanuts.

Speaker 1 You're being too specific. Nuts.
Nuts. Yeah, nuts.
Nuts. I love it.

Speaker 1 Thank you so much. Those are great riddles.

Speaker 2 Very good. Those are fun.

Speaker 1 Last night when Lou was getting sick every 20, 30 minutes and going outside, you guys, I've lived in the same apartment since 2021 and I have never seen a skunk until the last like three months around here.

Speaker 1 And last night, Lou would cry. We'd go out.
We'd go to the bottom of the stairs and then I'd have to wait out the window. Two skunks were patrolling our front

Speaker 1 like going back and forth like this, two skunks. And I, and so Lou would be crying.
I'd be like, we cannot go out. We cannot go out.
We're going to get sprayed by two skunks.

Speaker 1 And I had, guys, I was a little delirious. And I know I'm acting a little paranoid right now, but speaking of things feeling like hay-riddle riddle scenes, it felt like you guys said those skunks.

Speaker 1 I was like, I don't know how I can prove it, but Adel, JPC, and sorry, Casey, you too are behind those skunks.

Speaker 2 Going back and forth. There weren't skunks at my house before.

Speaker 1 Did you guys pay someone to let a bunch of skunks loose in front of you?

Speaker 2 How dare you accuse me of being behind a skunk? I would never stand behind the skunk. That's skunk 101, baby.

Speaker 1 That's a really good dad joke.

Speaker 2 Aaron, I do really appreciate that this, you think this is some sort of red wall situation where the skunks are like guardians of

Speaker 2 the gates of your home.

Speaker 2 I feel like, were they maybe just like doing a little mating dance or something? Or do you think they're like looking for you or protecting you?

Speaker 1 It, I mean, they were causing me harm. They were.

Speaker 2 Were they patrolling on two legs or four?

Speaker 2 Because that's going to be a huge indicator.

Speaker 2 Hold on. They had little of whether or not this is a red wall situation.

Speaker 2 Do you think somewhere, Erin, there's like a badger who is like for her crimes, she must be imprisoned in her home?

Speaker 2 Tight mask and spectacles.

Speaker 1 Okay, you guys, and this is going to sound insane, but I will say a few hours before that, I had my quality time show. And if you go, if you went to that October quality time show,

Speaker 1 you will know that we had a taxidermist as one of our guests. She was incredible.
Oh, Erin. And I did touch a skunk skin briefly

Speaker 1 right before this happened for the first time in my life.

Speaker 2 So you can't bury the lead. You can't even leave in the skunks.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 They were there for this

Speaker 2 comrade. But I'm trying to blame you guys.

Speaker 2 They can smell their

Speaker 2 dead family members' pheromones on your skin.

Speaker 1 Skunks walk really cute. They do.
They're really cute. And

Speaker 1 we should have domesticated them them when we had the chance.

Speaker 2 Aaron, have you ever,

Speaker 2 I had a, a person that I knew in college had a Dunk, de-stinkified skunk. They had a skunk as like a pet, which you're not supposed to do, but it had the, it had its stinker

Speaker 2 removed in whatever fashion you get a stunks, a skunk stinker removed. Unclear if it was.

Speaker 1 This is a crazy sentence to navigate. That looked so hard to do.

Speaker 2 I'm really happy for you. You got through it.
I didn't really know this person. I was at a party and they just had a skunk at the party.

Speaker 2 And it's one of those things where you see a skunk at a party and you're like, I got to get out of here. I'd like to see it.

Speaker 2 He's on a leash. You're like, oh, interesting.

Speaker 1 Adult, you were just trying to find a beer pong partner at a party. And JBC,

Speaker 1 you're a skunk that's at this college party.

Speaker 2 I'm the skunk. You're the skunk.
Gotcha.

Speaker 2 Tyler, come on, man. Tyler, no? No? Yeah.
I'm sorry, man.

Speaker 1 I'm headed up.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay, shit. Who else? Who else?

Speaker 2 What about you, little dude?

Speaker 2 I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 Sorry, do you play beer pong?

Speaker 2 Uh,

Speaker 2 hey, man, um,

Speaker 2 act like I just said something really funny. No, I'm good.
Who else? Who else? Uh, who? Micah, Micah, you in? No? Ah, sorry.

Speaker 1 I already got a teammate.

Speaker 2 Yeah, okay. Who else? Who else? Hey, man, come, come back over here.
Come back over here. I wasn't hurting, man.
What's up, what's up? Act like I just said something really funny. Why would I do that?

Speaker 2 I'm trying to flirt with this other other skunk here, man, and she's like not giving me the time of day, but it's like, I know she likes funny skunks, you know? Well, here's the thing.

Speaker 2 She is looking over here, but right now, I have such a look of like confusion on my face that if I start laughing, she's going to know it's like a weird, you know. Okay.

Speaker 2 Well, then now that I'm talking, wipe the look of confusion off your face, turn it into a slow smile, and then when I'm done talking, just fucking laugh, man. Help me out.

Speaker 2 Couldn't you just say something funny? I don't know anything funny. I only know things that skunks find funny.
I wouldn't know anything that a guy like you would find funny.

Speaker 2 Well, maybe I find what skunks find funny funny as well. Try me.
Try me. What do skunks find funny? Say something like a skunk would say.
Okay. Like a skunk stand-up.

Speaker 2 What has four fingers and stinks like shit?

Speaker 2 Uh, Mickey Mouse?

Speaker 2 Don't guess.

Speaker 2 You ruined the joke. Yes, Mickey Mouse.

Speaker 2 Fuck. Okay,

Speaker 1 Hey, Tony, what's going on? Did you tell your long, confusing joke, and then she tried to make me jealous?

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 Angela, you're here at this party?

Speaker 1 Yeah, you knew that already, didn't you? Throws beer in your face.

Speaker 2 This is how college girls talk.

Speaker 2 Whoa, can you throw a ping-pong the same way you threw that beer?

Speaker 1 I could try.

Speaker 2 This beer is spoiled. It must be skunked.

Speaker 2 Books around party. Looks around.

Speaker 1 Tony, that kind of joke's not going to work on me anymore.

Speaker 2 I was trying to make it work on the human. I'll have a date, Tony.
You broke my heart. Hey, Angela.
What's got four fingers and stinks like shit?

Speaker 1 Mickey Mouse?

Speaker 2 I was going to say me if I play my cards right. See, oh, Tony.

Speaker 2 Have either of you ever been sprayed by a skunk? No. But I've had my car sprayed.
Oh, you went and got it professionally done? I had it detailed.

Speaker 2 They like clean it. They're like, it's 400 bucks, but for another 50, we can get a skunk to spray.

Speaker 2 My, my, my, the apartment where I used to live when we first were recording this podcast remotely, there was a dog who lived upstairs as well.

Speaker 2 And I had just brought my dog in and they had let their dog out. And a skunk was in the yard, unbeknownst to either one of us, and sprayed their dog.

Speaker 2 And the whole yard stank, but luckily it did not get on my dog because you have to like, a dog is hard because they have lots of hair and they don't like taking baths.

Speaker 2 I think if I got skunked by a skunk, it would be pretty miserable, but I at least am like, I think I can clean me, you know, I think I can do the requisite steps, but to like do it with an unwilling dog sounds fucking awful.

Speaker 1 I think it's only a matter of time until Lou and I get sprayed by one of these skunks.

Speaker 2 One of these two two that are out there?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, they are.

Speaker 2 Do you think they're in the bushes making a play?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think that's exactly what they're doing.

Speaker 1 You know, I think we can get through.

Speaker 1 We have

Speaker 1 five more riddles, but I think we can get through them quickly.

Speaker 1 There's no way. Yes, I think we can do it.

Speaker 1 These are from Chris, they, them.

Speaker 1 And Chris handed us these riddles at the Atlanta live show.

Speaker 1 But I'm happy to be doing them in front of our main feed crowd and not just our crowd in Atlanta because that show, we were too busy. What were we doing in that Atlanta show?

Speaker 1 Tennessee Williams monologues.

Speaker 2 Looking up whales being delivered by UPS or something.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we were busy, Chris.

Speaker 2 There was a lot of non-riddle stuff. Not unlike this episode that was going on in that episode.
Why don't we say ups?

Speaker 2 At all? That's a great question. We should either say UPS.
and or F-E-D-E-X, or we should say UPS or FedEx.

Speaker 2 V to

Speaker 2 I'm tired of vacillating between these two.

Speaker 1 Here are some riddles I wrote for y'all.

Speaker 2 Here we go. Here we go.

Speaker 2 I also get so tired of vacillating. I'm like always vacillating.
The sweetest

Speaker 1 flowing Canadian blood will slowly dry to sticky crud.

Speaker 2 Seth Rogan? Nope.

Speaker 2 This feels like a threat.

Speaker 1 Also, all these riddles have a theme, but I don't.

Speaker 2 The sweetest something Canadian blood, something something, something. Is this a mosquito? Sticky crud.

Speaker 1 Something. Sticky crud.
It doesn't just exist in Canada, but it's associated with Canada quite often.

Speaker 2 Maple syrup. Yes.
Yes.

Speaker 1 A white Chrysler Le Baron will serve you quite well to cover the distance to bring goats to hell.

Speaker 2 Goats to hell. Is this

Speaker 2 goats to hell?

Speaker 1 And if you don't get these riddle answers, we're going to skip and come back because I think that you'll be able to get them once you identify the theme of the other riddle.

Speaker 2 Is this another Canada thing? No.

Speaker 2 Is it White Chrysler the Baron? Is this like a.

Speaker 2 No, that's not the Ghostbusters car. No, but you've heard that

Speaker 2 cake.

Speaker 1 Yes, cake. My knees turn to jelly, my skin's like a raisin.
Stomp on my balls and make something amazing.

Speaker 1 I love this one.

Speaker 2 It's so late in the year to get these clips. I think I might be able to get that one.
No movie sounds like it's a bit too specific, but I think I might. It's

Speaker 1 no,

Speaker 1 but I'm going to, we'll skip that one. We'll come back to it.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 Make seltzer water marigold hued. Add sugar and poison and say that it's food.

Speaker 2 Oh boy.

Speaker 2 Sugar and poison and say that it's food. Give me sugar in poison.

Speaker 1 I would say the first half makes it easier, but

Speaker 1 JPC, I bet you this would be a harder one for you to get.

Speaker 2 Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 Make seltzer water marigold hewed.

Speaker 2 I saw someone with a make seltzer water marigold hued hat. I was like, we've come too far.
We've just come too far.

Speaker 1 I'm going to read the last riddle and then we'll loot background. She's red and expansive and made of the earth.
And she'll bloom in your onion from Brisbane to Perth.

Speaker 2 Whoa.

Speaker 2 Chilies?

Speaker 1 Close. Another one.

Speaker 2 I heard blue and onion. Outback steakhouse?

Speaker 1 Yes. Outback.
The outback.

Speaker 2 Brisbane to Perth.

Speaker 2 So awesome Blossom.

Speaker 1 Now you know the answers are maple syrup cake out back.

Speaker 1 What could be the theme of these?

Speaker 2 Stomp on my balls. My knee tree.
These are review crew things.

Speaker 1 These are review crew things.

Speaker 2 Oh, grapes.

Speaker 1 Grapes. And then make seltzer water marigold hues.

Speaker 2 Orange soda. Yes.

Speaker 1 Oh, these are all things that we've done on review crew episodes with some regrettable outcomes. I love all of your shows, and I'm glad nobody got sick after that.

Speaker 2 That's act.

Speaker 2 By the way, every review crew has a regrettable outcome. And then Chris says, travel safe and have a beautiful autumn, which I think is so sweet.

Speaker 2 So, JPC, when you guessed chilies, you weren't wrong.

Speaker 2 I guess I wasn't wrong. You were tapped into the theme.
Because Chili's is called an awesome blossom, right? And there's only one chilies in the United States that still serves it.

Speaker 2 Or was Chilies called, was Chili's called the

Speaker 2 Bloomin' Onion and Austin.

Speaker 1 Hey, JPC, I went into a white-hot rage during our Chilies episode, so I don't remember it. It's filed under uh, worst hours of my life, so I don't really remember what I learned to that episode.

Speaker 2 Do you remember why no one can and no one will?

Speaker 1 Any memory of why that happened?

Speaker 2 I don't have any memory, I have no memory of anything.

Speaker 1 Great, uh, Adel, anything to plug or promote or talk about?

Speaker 2 Nope, how about you?

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. Um, well, check out our review crew.
Uh,

Speaker 1 that's right, really great vibes over there. No one's ever gone insane in one of those episodes.
Um,

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 also

Speaker 1 we have a little bit of tour left. So, if you want to see us in Philadelphia, D.C., or New York, there might still be tickets left for that.

Speaker 2 So, HaroldRiddle.com/slash/live.

Speaker 1 JPC, any review to read or anything to plug?

Speaker 2 Yeah, you know, I haven't read a review in a while. So, let's highlight this one.
This one's from WWJ8.

Speaker 2 It's titled Long Time Five-Star Review. It says, listen to the sixth anniversary episode and just wanted to say, I'm 20 and have been listening since 2018.

Speaker 2 You guys have been part of one-third of my life. That's crazy, right?

Speaker 2 Oh my gosh, I was just

Speaker 2 pretty.

Speaker 2 Starring Aaron Keenan

Speaker 2 and John Patrick Collins.

Speaker 2 Casey Tony did the editing.

Speaker 2 MRD Paris in the music video since the

Speaker 2 photo created by Emily Cardamis and Emiline Morris.

Speaker 2 Hey there, Breaks and Creators. If you liked that, you're going to love this week's Patreon.
We're answering your questions on another

Speaker 2 chatterbox.

Speaker 2 You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com/slash hate riddle riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month, or start your seven-day free trial, or the review crew for $8 a month.

Speaker 2 Plus, you get those ad-free episodes. See you there.

Speaker 1 That was a Head Gum Podcast.