Patreon Preview #352: The Nativity Pageant

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Okay, everybody, settle, settle down, settle.

Welcome to the first rehearsal of St. Wenceslas on the Hills annual nativity pageant.
Give yourselves a round of applause. Mumbling Mice mighty nice.

She brews a proper cup of coffee in a copper coffee pot.

I wish today was just

um

seasonal merriment and being excited for the show, but I just want to kick this off with a little bit of honesty. For Jesus' birthday, I'm buying a Honda.
I think everyone's pretty warmed up.

We're not really going to be doing any performing today. It's more of like a meeting to get us started.

I don't be dull. The inn is full.

Yeah, I feel like we don't really need to be warmed up.

I would love my Christini and my mac and cheese panini. And can we just do the church-sanctioned warm-ups, please, if we're going to do them?

Um, I would love to not get any more emails complaining about casting. Um,

I did my best. I know that we've had a few years of some controversial choices that I've made casting-wise, but the cast is the cast.
No trade Z's, no take backs, no changing. It's set in stone.

We're going to move forward. Something, some, something, someone wants to say.
I can hear some throat clearing. Yes.
Sorry, Rebecca.

Hi. My name is Nancy.
Hi, Nancy. I feel like everyone kind of knows me.

I named my daughter Mary when she was born five years ago,

kind of assuming she would, you know, grow up into the role of playing Mary. Now, she has not been cast yet.
I feel like the last couple of years, she was primed and pumped to portray Mary.

And I feel like we have really let down the kids. We've really let down the kids.
I'm going to reiterate what I said to you in the email. Mary is a grown woman role,

not a role for a five-year-old. She's the mother of Jesus.
A five-year-old can't possibly carry the amount of lines and weight.

And your child, Mary, is kind of constantly covered in peanut butter and won't stop screaming.

We need.

Well, that's your opinion. We had a Chihuahua play the donkey last year, so I'm not sure why we're tightening tightening our belt when it comes to the game.
Nancy, that got a round of applause.

It made the whole church laugh. It made it national news.
I'll give it that it made national news. We went viral, Nancy, and that helped a lot with the church.

Not really a question, more of a comment.

Big Ed, Singleton Subaru.

Big Ed, let me know. Yeah, I'll be playing Baby Jesus this year.

See, you can't just announce what you're going to be playing. We usually have whatever baby day.
Singleton Subaru cuts a check for this whole thing. Merry Christmas.
So I'll be playing Baby Jesus.

Baby Jesus don't have lines.

Big Ed. We are so grateful for you and the contributions that you're coming to.
Please, I do it out of the goodness of my own heart. I never would.
I mean, it's Christmas time, of course.

I don't do it for the accolades.

I don't do it for the Escalades, Singleton Subaru.

But I'll be playing Baby Jesus.

Well, we do use cars as well. So we do have several Escalades on the lot, and we do service for those as well.
Service thrown in. Service with touch, Singleton, Subaru, the Subaru.

You know you can do Badoo. Escalade, I think, is.
Singing you, you know you can do bad-doo. I'll be playing Baby Jesus this year.
There's no objections. Who am I taking it from?

What were you saying about Cadillacs, Nancy? I think Cadillac is Escalade, and I think Honda makes the accolades. Thank you, Nancy.
Thank you.

Big Ed, I'm going to tell you what I said to you in the email.

Baby Jesus is always played by the baby that is in the church that was born closest to when the pageant comes out and uh we just we just settled it with big head it's all good what do you mean uh our baby doesn't need to be in the play we settled it with big head we're all good see this is what i mean everybody we're not there's no gambling there's no trading there's no blackmailing and five it's a lease it's an outback it's a lease it's a two-year lease though who do i have a great price to have my daughter play whoa whoa whoa okay everybody let's just settle down we actually really need a car with the baby so it's actually it works out really baby teddy as of right now, is playing Jesus, but we are not 100% sure because Ellen is pregnant.

She's nine months pregnant, and she could be giving birth if any fresh baby is the one that will be playing Jesus. Fresh baby.
So do not be giving out Subarus.

I don't feel comfortable having my like 10-day-old baby being in an outdoor play.

You

okay?

We're all a part of this church. We all care so much.
Raise your hand if you care about Jesus.

Thank you. Raise them both hands.
Raise your hands if you care about being a part of a church community.

I work tirelessly all year on this. I only make $180,000 a year doing church admin.
We're good. We're all good.

My baby will do it.

Maybe

if she's born, she'll do it.

What happened?

I don't want to say what happened.

Big Ed, stop handing out Subarus.

They cannot be good for the bottom line.

Well, I mean, the bottom line is what I say. The bottom line is.
And their prime lease is on really good Subaru. She's a 2026 Subarus.
Roosevelt. No, Elise is not a good deal.

Elise is not a good deal. Do not lease these cards.

Oh,

no, Elise. I'm so sorry, Elise.
You're treasured. Elise is offended.
Oh, sweetie. No, it's Elise.
Elise, you're fantastic. Okay, thank gosh.

You're going to be one of the

shepherds. You're incredible, Elise.
You're the heart and soul of this place.

Wait, I thought I was playing King Wincesless. No, that is.

Big Ed did pay. I'm going tomorrow morning.
So he's going to come in. He gets to come down from the ceiling and sort of do the.
Little Ed's going to be playing cake whistles as he does every year.

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We're all out of the ordinary. But don't take it from them.

Take it from me, Cousin Kringle.

That's fun. That's fun.
Probably should have done it at the beginning, though, right? Huh? Stay on that side of the street. Oh.
Stay over there. Do you need me to start the act? No, stay.

Everybody say thank you, Miss Erin.

I thanked you guys in the other ones.

Not getting thanked.

Yes, we got a question. We got another throat clear.
Yeah, I was going to ask

Tom here. Tom,

everyone knows me.

I was going to, every year we all tom everyone knows you every year we kind of have um like a character or a person from pop culture whoever's big in the news we also include them as kind of a like a fun little tip of the hat um who from this year do we think has been sort of in the zeitgeist the most or makes the most sense to kind of have portrayed that was going to be the next

point of discussion on our meeting uh

obviously this year has been pretty controversial uh a lot of pain in the world we're not really sure who to put.

So I was going to run it by the group, but it makes me nervous because honestly, we've had some misses in the past. I was thinking like Olivia Rodrigo.
Right.

I think that that's in the right direction because one year we had Steve Bannon and that did not go over super well. 2017, we did Steve Bannon.
What about Jimmy Kimmel?

See, this is like a hot button issue. He could use a win.

And people confuse him and Jimmy Fallon. I don't know.
Oh, that's who I met.

Right. But why would, why would you mean Jimmy Fallon then?

I love Carpool Karaoke. That's James Corden.
Oh, good. No.
Jimmy Corden. Okay.
Okay. You know what? What if we...

They all shouldn't have J names.

I agree. I second that.

Can we put that in the notes in the minutes? Yeah. You know, let's just, you know what we're going to do? I'm going to make

a decision. I'm going to make a choice.
I'm sorry. Are minutes notes? Are those the same thing? Yes.

Oh, my goodness. I've just been writing down what minute it is.
Oh, my God, Caroline. That might not be helpful.
Caroline, this is...

And look, I'm looking down at what I've written down. I've missed the minutes, too.
Yeah, yeah. Because I was getting it.
I was in it. What strike was this? Well, the one before this one.

What strike was it? Oh, the

writer's strike? No. What strike? You remember? You got two strikes on? So this is your third strike.
This is it? Yeah.

That's good. Wait, are we doing bowling rules? No, no, no, no, no.
Oh, turkey, turkey. Three strikes is really good in bowling.
Carolyn got a turkey. No, that's a good idea.

Anybody who bowls a perfect game gets a Subarow. I'm going to make an executive choice.
Glinda and Alphaba will be in this year's pageant.

They are going to come and give a gift to baby Jesus that is in the Zeitgeist. I'm sure some of our teen gals would be very excited to play Alphaba and Glinda.
Perfect. We're done.
We're good.

Anything else people want to talk about before we get this nativity up on its feet? Yeah, I have a question.

Blair Sheldon, I am the

well, I run the community theater of town. Yes, Blair, we're well aware.
You're Blake's brother, right? I am Blake's brother. I don't like to make a big deal of it, but I'm.
Also, it's hot in here.

Why are you wearing a scarf and a beret? It's Christmas. It's a Christmas season.
My question is: how many songs am I writing for this year's pageant? Zero.

Oh, so we're all just, it's only classic songs. It's no originals.
We're doing Oh Holy Night. We're doing Silent Night.
We're doing What Child Is This? We're doing Herod's song.

Herod's song is a great classic Christmas song. We all saw you this year in your production of Jesus Christ Superstar.
We all went as a church. We all went.

We didn't get a single comp, and you did so great. But I don't know if we need to recreate or try to recapture that magic in the nativity.
No, I'm not going for a recapture.

I'm going for like a completely different creative choice for Herod's song this year. Blair, can I be honest? It feels like you're constantly just trying to get in the front page of the local paper.

Interesting. So, you think this is front page-worthy material? No, I'm saying it's the opposite.
I'm going to do it like King Tut. Has that been done? Steve Martin.
Fuck. All right.

What if we say that? No. There are kids here.

All right. What if we just take a quick five? Everyone can sort of smoke.

Oh, my God. Everyone smoke or grab a Gatorade and then we'll be back to rehearsal.
I'm okay with my kids cursing. It's been settled.
I'm okay with my kids cursing. Wait, what?

Big Ed, stop handing out Subaru leases. Then somebody better come to my lot and buy some of these Subarus because I got Subarus to hand out.
He's shooting a commercial.

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