No Holds Barred LIVE! w/ Thomas Lennon (HDTGM Matinee)

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It's a story of one network TV president's desire to be the number one network in television and a shocking indictment of the glorification of violence in televised sports.

We saw the thought-provoking no holds barred, so you know what that means.

Now it's time for

head of this grave. We're gonna have a good time.
Celebration failure and nothing to your

Hello, people of Earth!

And hello, people of Los Angeles! We are live at Largo, our home in Los Angeles, to do a very important live show.

It is a night of Hulkamania here as we get into one of the classics of the Hulk Hulgan cannon.

But before we go any further, let me introduce my two co-hosts. Please welcome Jason Anzoukis.

And June Diane Rapio.

Wow.

We have a very special guest here tonight, the amazingly talented, very funny Tom Lennon.

Ooh,

I like that you get an office chair.

No,

I don't like this. We are stepping on the streets.
I don't like the status of this. Tom is four feet higher than everyone else.
Why did we give Tom a high status?

joke? He's doing visual jokes

on an audio podcast. On the wall joke for the podcast.

Guys.

The year was 1989, and Hulk Colgan was the star of a feature big-budget movie.

This is an amazing movie. This movie

boggled my mind.

Like, straight out of the gate, I did not know what was happening. And at the end of the movie, I did not care.

I could talk about this movie all night long.

I watched it. Thank you so much.

I had to buy this movie to watch it.

You're worried about it. You're well.
So I used my Amazon Prime membership

to own this forever.

And just so you know, Tom, we bought it twice. Yes.

We spent quite a bit of money. Have you guys ever seen some of of those Maplethorpe pictures where it's two like glistening cocks that hang

and you walk up and you're like, is this just two giant glistening cocks that are hanging an inch away from each other? That's exactly what this movie is.

I felt like veiny and throbbing.

I felt like... Vanie and throbbing.
Everybody's growling. Everyone is veiny and throbby in this movie.

There is no line that is not growled.

Well,

I was saying

must be a first that the lead actor in the film, his first sounds for the first five minutes are all just grunts and growls. No!

Not just the lead actor, I would say three, like most of the actors in this movie have nothing to do but

not to shoot my load, ladies and gentlemen, tiny, Tom Tiny Lister

says two things.

This blew my mind. You just told me this back.

He's on the box doing this.

But he says the things he says in the entire, what is it? The movie's like four and a half, five hours long.

By the way, I genuinely wish it was.

I never wanted it to end because it kept on getting crazy here.

Yep. Yep.
Tiny Lister as the main villains.

This is everything he says in the entire film.

First line is first. First line is

Zeus.

Great opening on it. You're right.

I don't know what you just said. Yep.
He said his own name, Zeus. Zeus.
And then the next thing he says, like in Act Three, when they need, they're like, hey, should the main villain say anything?

He says, Zeus, don't guess.

Yep.

I know. Those are his only, only,

but here is the thing.

I didn't realize that until Tom said it. That's how good of an actor he is.

I didn't. He cared the movie on Grunts and Grounds.
I'd like to see Red Pitt do that. Did anyone understand? The eyebrows were drawn on with pencils.
Okay, I had a question.

What were those eyebrows? Tiny Lister's right eyebrow is drawn on just to make things a million times crazier.

One of them is like, you know what his eyebrows are? His eyebrows are legitimately a check mark.

Because one is half an eyebrow, it connects to the other one, full eyebrow.

Here there is a check mark on this gentleman's head. But here's the thing.
It would have been, okay, it would have been a choice if they had taken half of his eyebrows and shaved them off.

Like, if they shaved off a half an eyebrow. Okay, that's a choice.
Yep. But the choice you wouldn't expect at all.
Oh, no, no.

Is to draw on half an eyebrow. Sure.
To pencil it in. Yeah.
And that is a creative

hair and makeup artist.

There is somebody who's willing to say, let's make a statement with this.

It's because Joan Severance was hogging the makeup chair.

This movie. Are you guys done with Joan Severance?

We got to get tiny in here, guys. Come on, you guys.

This movie,

you know, just to give you guys an idea, if you have not seen it,

Hulk Hogan is. If you haven't seen it, go fuck yourself.

Like, I don't know. Stop what you're doing.
If you're listening to this, stop what you're doing, your life will only get better.

There are a lot of movies we do on the podcast that it's like, you know what? You don't have to have watched this, you know, or we took the bullet for you.

Stop everything.

Leave the theater right now.

I feel like it is like the room in the sense that I could watch this again and be thoroughly entertained.

Oh, please, it makes the room look like

the magnificent Ambersons.

Yes, the much better Orson Welles movie than Citizen K.

I didn't go crazy. Yeah, no, no, I get it.
I didn't say Citizen.

Well, let's just say that the movie opens up with this image, which is just Jesse Ventura wearing a Cleopatra wig.

That's where we're starting. Jesse Ventura and

Mean Gene. With Mean Gene, and they are Jesse and Mean Gene.
Yes. This is where it gets off.
It starts off real confusing.

It starts with the Cleopatra thing, and I'm like, oh, wait, isn't that Hulk Hogan? Oh, fuck.

Oh, no. But they elected this man governor.
That's the other thing. When I saw this, I was like, wow,

we elected this man governor. Not we, did we? No, no, Minnesota did not.
We ought to. We all moved to Minnesota for that.

But that is

a crazy thing. The Hulk Hogan just made sex tapes.
At this point, whenever I see Jesse Ventura or whenever I hear him on Howard Stern or anything, all I picture is James Adomian.

It is only Adomian's day of Jesse Ventura that comes through. So basically, the Hulk is...

He plays.

Can anyone, for a million dollars, why did they not call his character Hulk Hogan? Yeah, why the fuck they give him this fucking made-up name

I think the reason is why is because his name is owned by the WWF who produced the film but this was produced by the WWF it was produced by them

but you can tell he's having trouble remembering his name

I couldn't figure that out. Rip made no sense.
Oh, that's me. Well, because Jesse is Jet.
Jesse is Jesse. Say Hulk and then say Rip and then we'll cut out the Hulk part.

Mean Gene is mean. Just won't use that part.
A lot of the wrestlers are their own name. Well, I think that Hulk was trying to branch out.
He was like, Rip is very different than Hulk.

Yeah, that's probably it. He wanted to look at the character.
He wanted to act. Yeah, that's probably it.

What I love about Hulk Hulgan in this movie is like he's like when rap stars do like comedy, they can't not look cool. Like they always have to look cool.
And Hulk has to...

Hulk has never shown up by anything.

Except his hair.

No, but it's also clear, like, they're dangling something to get him to look in the right place. Like.

Like, it's exactly if you were shooting a cat food commercial.

Like, there's a feeling of...

Let me tell you something, Jimmy.

And there's just this, like...

It's an entire film. Maybe some sort of wrestling magpie is what you're saying.

There's literally not a user. There's actually a scene, I don't know if anybody else picked up on this, but there's a scene in the conference room at the network Hulk is on.

At the World Television Network. The World Television Network.

Wait, which one? The other one? Starts off on. Wait, oh, he's on another? Well, this is.
Okay,

this is a movie that is about a battle between television networks. Yes, so Hulk Hulgan starts, Rip starts off at a network called I can't remember,

but not the other one. Not the one.

News television is trying to lure him away away and on the show. Right, because in this world, wrestling is so big that networks are in the toilet because wrestling is so, like, wrestling is

everyone's watching wrestling. Oh, by the way, if you had the Cosby show or cheers, it was doing nothing.
Without it, you're doing it.

To get the number one wrestling show, they're willing to perpetrate rapes and murders. Yes.
Yes. That's correct.

And also. Over and over.
Also, wrestling in this universe is real.

Yes, I realize that. They don't care how many rapes you have to perpetrate.

It's horrifying. Well, and also they end up, and I'm sorry to jump around, but the World Television Network.
Oh, dare you, it's going to be so confusing.

The World Television Network plucks, what's her face? I don't remember. Samantha

from an agency to become the

new television.

She's a

mole. She was a mole at the other television network.
We're talking about it. We are going at it.
Let's go back a second because we're getting way far ahead of ourselves. Yeah, we are.

Joan Severance will be a turncoat.

Don't spoiler alert.

I do want to just, before we even get into the movie, I want to just picture one thing in your mind and say this. Apparently,

Hulk Hulgan and

what's his name? Vince McMahon got the script. They did not like it.
Spent 72 hours in a hotel together and rewrote it from scratch.

I would kill to be anywhere near that room. The amount of cocaine and the story ideas, that would have been an amazing room.
By the way, who's typing?

And how many typewriters did they break?

Every time they make a spelling mistake.

Slow motion. Yeah, they're also doing this on an Apple IIe.

So,

just so you guys know, wrestling is the biggest thing. This world television network is in the toilet because they don't have a compelling wrestling star.
So they want to get rip, aka Hulk.

Rip him up.

That's his catchphrase. Which is like the shock, and he does like a shaka, like a Hawaiian kind of like

hand signal.

This finger is a little... I looked at it.
Almost a fishbone. This is a little stretched, and this is up.
It's shaka. It's half shaka,

half fishbone. And he does it.
All his daughters are

exiting rooms.

He comes, looks back, and he's like.

Also, so you know,

this movie took place in the part of the 80s where everyone looked like pedophiles. Yeah.

Joan Severance looks exactly like the cover of Rio. Yes, she does.
In every moment. Joan Severance, we have a lot to get into.

Oh, there is so much to talk about. Her line deliveries are unfathomable.

It's as if, you know, that's the thing. She's just by far the best thing in the movie.

The story about Christopher Walkin is that when he reads a script, the first thing he does is he goes through a script and he takes out all of the punctuation. Joan Severance puts it all back in.

Her entire analysis is like, I'm going to put periods after just a bunch of words.

I looked up what she's done since, and I was surprised that she wasn't in a lot more. Oh, what?

I will say it's unfair. Joan Severance was in a Playboy in the early 80s at some point.
So it was kind of unfair because as soon as she came in, I had a soft spot for her.

Or I had a hard spot for her. She's the kind of, she's the kind of like hot in a Playboy that when we were kids, you hoped you would find in the woods.
Yes. You know what I mean?

The hair was very well done. That's the level of Playboy we're talking about.
Sexy Joan Collins.

Did you go to the woods and sell it? You always

found out that I was always went to the woods looking for pornos. That's where I found.
And by the way,

they were there.

That was the unspoken rule.

I had

a penthouse air freshener that I found in the woods. I'm trying to imagine the person, though, who felt they had to hide that in the woods.
Oh, you know what? I don't want my mom to see this.

I'll put it in the woods.

And I took that shit and put it in a safe.

Before the internet, we all had a little bit of Jeff Dahmer in us. Yeah.

But that was the thing.

You always had to be wily. Yeah, when you were tramping around in the woods, you would look in like old stumps or under things

because we were boys with the broadband. That's where fucking weirdos would put pornos.

And as a kid, it's your job to find that shit.

We were boys with boners on a mission. Because, by the way, there was no fucking internet.

There wasn't an internet to jerk off to. Do you know how cute you have it? There was a crinkly black and white of Joan's severance

that someone else had used.

That's what I want you to really think about. These are

ours. These are communal pornos.

Communal porno. All right, well, look, the performance of the movie, in my opinion, Kurt Fuller.
Kurt Fuller.

Unbelievable.

Unbelievable.

Hots off.

I tweeted at him today to see if I could get him to come here. It was too little, too late.
But here is a scene just so you get an idea of the level of bringing it that Kurt Fuller is doing.

Rip is already under contract to another network, Mr. Brow.
Tell me something I don't already know, Johnston. Contracts are nothing but words.
But

Mr. Brell, I'm told that Rip's word is his bond.
Bond? Then we get him to break his bond. What's his price? That's what I want to know.
What's his price? With all due respect, Mr. Brell.

This guy's always asking tough questions.

Every last one of you, spare me your mealy mouth with all due respect crap. What this network needs, this network gets.

I promise you that.

Edith Rip

has his price.

He's amazing.

Here's what I'm sad about though. What I'm sad about is that you didn't play the entire clip of when he walks around the table and tells one of the female executives

to go take a leak. Take up.
He goes, Can I do this please, Tidy? Take a leak. Wait, wait.

He goes, take

a leak.

He doesn't push her. No, he only pushes later.
He's just later.

The bummer is that he... This is one of the funniest things I've ever heard.

Tell the woman's. This is a masterpiece.

He is now the best.

He's the me of then.

By the way,

kind of a bummer.

He is sitting in front of a bust of himself in that scene. I froze it a few times.
That is definitely a bust of himself. He is at a boardroom table that is like a V that he is at the head of.

So his desk almost has two jutting out legs where people are on either side, which I thought was a great idea. Well, it's called the World Television Network.

He's like Bill Murray's character from Scrooge without the redemption.

And the irony. Yeah.
Yeah. Are we to understand that on this network, there's news channel, like there's news, there's

sitcoms.

Because people are pitching sitcoms. Like people say, oh,

what about a game show? People like those.

Take a week.

What about a sitcom? Those are the pitches of his highest level executives. Okay.

My favorite thing he says to his guys is he goes, they're watching. By the way,

the first scene is Hulk Rip in like a butt in a match, and then it cuts to these douches in a conference room watching it. Okay, the best thing that I'm going to do is

I want that.

Yes,

I want that jock ass. He keeps calling jock ass.
He keeps calling Hulk.

I want that jock ass on this network 10 o'clock tomorrow.

Boardroom.

Period.

Talk to me.

The Disney Plus Hulu HBO Max bundle, the ultimate bundle at an unbelievable price, starting at $19.99 a month. On Disney Plus, go behind the scenes with Taylor Swift in the end of an era.

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But now, my question is: when Kurt Fuller brings him to the office, his tactic to Woo-Hulk is not very good.

He basically the scene unfolds: Look here, Brip,

everyone's got their price.

And the Hulkster's response is: I guess you haven't heard

about...

Maybe you haven't heard about my charity work.

Word for word, that was the most usable take.

By the way, also such a shoehorn thing. Rip cares about the kids.
He goes to charity.

They never stop saying about how he cares about the kids. We find out later on, because we do see him do his charity work.
Yep. That the name of his charity is simply Sports for Kids.

Well,

the titling in this movie is pretty bad because just fucking finished Sports for Kids. Sports for Kids.
And the TV network is called the World Television Network. Go, go.

We only have 71 more hours to finish this screenplay.

Keep going. Keep writing, Vince.
Keep writing, brother. You're right, it is Vince typing.
So

Kurt Fuller essentially is like, you have a price.

Everyone has a price.

Hulk says no. at which point Kurt Fuller, his next move is, who are you telling me? My money isn't gonna have you!

Like, immediately, that is next move. Hey, Kurt, one more with some energy.

Because this is a movie now.

Kurt, how are people gonna know if you're mad, brother? Hey, brother. Hey, brother.

Get as close to their face as you can. Brother, I want you in this thing, man.

When we met that day at the Earth Cafe, I thought we were in this together.

When we smoked that devil weed, brother. When we shared that jazz cigarette, brother.

I didn't know you were going to phone it in.

Hulk then proceeds to rip up the check, beat up everyone in his office. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
So he rips up the check, he shoves it into Kurt Fuller's mouth. Yes.
And he says, can I say it?

Oh, it's so good. I won't be there when that clears.

And then I think that's when he gives this.

He's exiting the room. When he exits the room, he gives the shocker.
Like, that was fun. Like, it was sort of like, it was his, it wasn't like, yeah, I did it.

It was kind of like, yeah, that's my thing.

It's a film of casual attempted murder

at 20 different points. But here's the weird thing about Rip's character.

You know, why doesn't he want to go to the other network? By the way,

it's not like he doesn't. Let's really dig into this.
He doesn't work at like

he doesn't live

on a mountain with like monks. He's on a different TV network.
That's what I'm saying. And the other TV network.

And I'm not sure. Oh, that's right.
And his word is his bond.

Kurt Fuller does say contracts are just words.

And I believe they did say that his word is his bond. Like, he's a faithful.
I think he heard that his word is his bond. Yay.

Tick-a-leek!

Why does he tell the lady to take a leak? It is the weirdest thing. It's the best thing I've ever heard.
Well, it's the weirdest thing. He tells her to take a leak, and not too much,

not too soon thereafter, a man does shit his own pants. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa, we can't

get into that. Wait, wait, do you have

this? Yeah, oh, I got this.

So what's

the craziest performance of anything I've ever seen? Yes, this is

truly, truly, truly erotic. So

delightful.

I have so many things to say about this. I guess we should just set the scene because they have a little bit of the limo scene to be able to do that.

So, he leaves, he shoves the check into Kurt Fuller's mouth. He says, I won't be there on that.

Clears.

Do we get that? Got it.

Check it. Hulk, it's perfect.
Check the game. Check it.
Print it.

Then they put him in a death limo. Yes.
A limo with all steel windows that have a steel window function. And by the way, the World Television Network seems to be located in a very rural area.
Yes.

It's like the WWF. It's like in Fairfield, Connecticut.
Also, their resources, their resources are that of bond villains.

Why does, like, I mean, maybe, I mean, I guess I was going to ask this question, and I was like, of course he does. Does Rupert Murdoch have a limousine with steel gates?

And then I was like, yep, he probably doesn't.

Probably doesn't. No, no, straight up Murdoch.
I work for News Corp a lot. He does.
Yeah.

Well, this is. The other thing is, plan B in this movie is always murder.
Yeah.

David Levy. The first plan is go talk to him.

Four seconds after that, murder.

Well, you're forgetting the second step. Talk to him, yell at him, murder.
Yeah, you do have a middle step.

Well, that's what's going to be my question because Hulk gets in the limo, the steal windows, etc. And then

he

fights the limousine. Yes.
He gets into a microphone. And by the way, when he kicks the door.
But why? Is the guy taking himself?

When he kicks the door from the inside, it makes the limousine careen off the roof. Oh, yeah.
I'm not shitting you at all. You will see it.
You will see it in this scene.

Yeah, his physical force in the backseat of the limousine moves

off the ground. Like you're driving left or right.

As if every punch and kick Hulk does is a punch to someone's face they need to react to. Only the reaction is coming from the driver of the car that he's in.

In a totally safe steel box on the other side of him. Yes, Yeah.
I would like to see MythBusters on this. Could this happen?

You could get Hulk in a car.

All right, so here we go. This is

some MythBusters, guys. Adam, Jamie, if you're listening, please come and do this episode.
By the way, they need to do a whole no-hults-barred episode.

How long does it take for a check to clear? Here we go.

Oh, oh, oh!

It's a spooky that happened in this movie.

I think I had this feeling when I was watching it, but I couldn't articulate it until now. I think the actor who says that line is wearing like a disguise.

He's got a hairpiece on for sure.

He has a hairpiece on, but it almost seems like he knew what he had to do. They had a hard time casting it, and he was like, I'll do it.
I'll absolutely do it if I can wear a disguise.

But by the way,

he's shit literally.

I don't think I mean that guy. His latest shit name is probably.
I'm going to go back to what his pants look like because they're actually actually just soaked with water.

Well, that's what I wanted to talk about.

And he says on the outside of his Dookie.

The Dookie, yeah, the Dookie is really vile looking.

It's just wet. It's wet.

I thought it was like diarrhea. Look how high up it goes.
That's

guys.

That's not dookie.

But I thought it was a liquidy diarrhea, like, right? Or he pissed himself and he shit himself, but if you pissed that guy on your butt hole. It goes there,

it

shoulder blades, it's up here

His shoulder blades

I feel like they were like they weren't confident in the line. What's that smell? It's Dookie like we need to show the audience we need to

have to say why not put him in a lighter suit like a white suit like a white linen suit everybody's everybody's a critic

Fucking Monday morning quarterback.

They're looking at the dailies doing cocaine. Can you guys tell it's Dookie?

It looks like he just, his shoulder blades pissed.

So anyway, we want to have this scene. It's a great fight scene.
Hulk literally

busts through a steel grate, lands on the top of a car, beats up all these guys. And at the end, this guy shits his pants.
And it's going to be a great scene. It's going to be a really great scene.

It's interesting because it is when they introduce, without any discussion of it, that Hulk Hogan has superpowers. Yes.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
He's literally not from Earth.

He comes out like the incredible Hulk. Yeah.
And in that way, like,

like he pops out. Well, how about like all of his like facial craziness? They're like,

and then he's like,

he's like a

animal.

At the end of every day, they're like, Hulk, there's two pages we didn't get. So we're just going to roll just a ton of b-roll.

And just, you're mad, your neck, your eyes are big, your neck, you're growling, you're mad, neck, growl, eyes. Guttural

neck.

I do imagine that this was a control Apple save moment

when him and Vince McMahon came up with Dookie, and they're like, we did enough work for tonight, let's go, let's go. Let's go down to the bar and meet some honeys.

In the next scene, I think we meet Joan Severance, right? Don't we go to the Hillbilly bar pretty soon? Yeah,

this is an interesting scene.

Yeah, the next scene where he's at his home network. After that, he's

now Where he meets Joan Severance. She's come in.
She's like the new gal in town. She's his new, I believe she's his new like boss.
Touring agent. Yeah, touring agent.

Oh, like Rip, which is your, and he's like, oh, that's my character's name.

Really, I'm Hulk Hogan, wink, wink.

Meet your new touring agent. Hulk, you're calling on this.
She knows who you are. Sorry.
She called me Rip. She's pretty.
I just want to make sure she knows it's me, Hulk. Hulkamania, brother.

Hulkomia. Hulkamia.
I'm the star of the movie. You might recognize her from the cover of the Rio album.

It's Joan Severance.

And she comes in and she's no fucking nonsense. She's no nonsense, but he talks back to her and

he gives her this.

He says this to her. He goes, maybe we can talk about this later.
And she goes, fine. Eight o'clock.
I'll pick you up. Dinner.

Dressy.

But everyone talks like this. Everybody talks like there's an abundance of periods.
But I believe at one point he also mentions, why not ask me about my charity work? He does indeed.

Again, fucking nailing it home. And I do understand why she had to clarify Dressy because he wears his.
Oh.

Do you have a still?

I have, I have,

he wears the Saturday night fever suit minus the black shirt.

He's nude with a white-on-white thing.

There's no headgear, so it's just like the beautiful

locks and the page.

It's an interesting meeting with the network because she just seems to want to talk about his character and sort of you know make sure they're branding him the right way.

And he doesn't want to talk about his character. Well, he doesn't seem to be.
There's any problem. He's the number one wrestler in the world.
Like, why would they need to return to him?

But now I'm wondering, like, why did he even take the meeting at World News?

Because he's a polite guy. No, he's a nice guy.
If you invite Hulk for dinner, because his word is his bond. What the fuck's wrong with you people? And he accidentally said, okay.

Oh, crap, I forgot my word.

I also think the two networks have only one letter difference, so maybe he just

got confused. He put it down.
Because here's the weird thing. If you send a limo for Hulk, he'll get in it and go wherever you take him.
He did say thank you for the ride. He did.

Until you try to kill him.

It was the late 80s. People got in limos.
It was fun. It's just odd because the stakes of this movie are really his allegiance to a huge corporation.
Oh, yeah.

Those are the emotional stakes. Well, yes.
Well, no, no, then it's later it's going to be about. It's going to be about his brother, of course.
Oh, and

true love. And true love.

They go out to dinner in one of those cool abandoned churches.

It's actually my...

It's my favorite scene in the entire movie. But it's very clear from the abandoned church that they're like, Hulkster, look, we got a wrestling place here.
There's an abandoned church.

We could put a bunch of tables in. We just fucking go.
Everybody, if you sound good with that, fuck it. Good.
Go. Shut up.
They start off on a stained glass window like an organ player, right?

And then down into a beautiful wrestling. Beautiful?

Beautiful. Beautiful, Jason.
A beautiful French. Beautiful in quotes, right now.

The snooty Maitreye, then there's like, it's literally 12 minutes

of him humiliating the Hulkster. Well, this is, and this is what I was talking about.

He goes to this French restaurant, and you're like, as an audience, you're like, oh, this guy is so out of place. I mean, he doesn't act like that.
He's a loyal boy.

He has not active French wrestlers. He's a fucking wrestler.

The guy comes in and says, all we have is Poisson and Coca-Lavin. And you would never understand in a million years.
Maybe you want a hamburger American hot dog footlong.

He just offers hot dog de foot long.

And then offers it, and then goes, We don't have that.

And then the busboys come out. The bus boy has been waving to him the whole time.

And standing not even a foot apart.

Yeah, they're right there.

That is the part I would have auditioned for.

And then, of course, the chef comes.

It's a great scene, it was my favorite scene in the whole entire movie.

The chef comes out and says, Why, Porquoi, you not tell us that our friend Rip is here.

Rip is so magnificent to see you. He is such a loyal customer that they even say, do you want the regular? Yeah.
And he says, Decord.

That was a mix.

It's something like Decord.

Bayan sir.

Bayan, sir, brother.

That's what it is. Bon sure, no.

But that was a great thing. You fucking think the hulkster doesn't know French.
Fuck you.

But like, if we look at this for a second, if everybody on staff recognizes Rip, why doesn't the Maitre D know? Well, because they do say the Maitre D is new. Ah.
Right.

He said the Maitre D hadn't been there because if he was, he would know that Rip comes into that French restaurant every night.

I think I gotta say, though, you know, that's a good diet for a restaurant. He's a fairy D, though, is French food.

The Maitre D is like really taking some liberties. It's, I guess, his first damn the job.
Yeah, he's just assuming. Yeah, yeah, it's

a horrible thing.

Hulk is dressed up. Like, Hulk doesn't come emis.
In this movie, he's wearing a lot of headbands and a lot of like onesies.

But in this, he can't. Oh, you can see the outline and veins of his cock every single scene.

And it's almost the one scene where you cannot see actual veinage and, like, the pulsing of his heart from his dick.

Like,

like an ET where it's just like

you're like, wow, the Hulk's pulse rate has gone up because his veins are throbbing in his dick have you ever uh if you haven't you must but have anyone ever seen the whole colgan sex tape oh yeah

i'm gonna fill up my wine while we talk about that

it is amazing and in one part where he is fucking he goes ooh shouldn't have had that sushi

honestly when i when i look at him in this movie it looks like it's uncomfortable to be him yes

let me add it looks like his body is going to explode and a smaller man is going to come out of it and be like, oh, thank God. Yeah.

I've been trapped in here for years.

It's been a horrible nightmare. Like Quattro.
Yeah.

There's Quattro in there trying to. As a woman, roughly of Hulk's age at that point,

were you attracted?

Wait. What are you asking? What is that?

I'm saying like Hulk was probably about our age. So you're saying that in 89 I was Hulk's age? No.
So

Now,

like, do you have a bad thing? But you're a young lady exploring your body and learning about it.

Hulk Hogan looks terrible in this movie. And I know we're not talking about, we have another Hulk movie to discuss in a little bit, but I'm really upset about his hair.

I'm really upset. What would you

recommend? Why not stop asking about his hair and ask about his charity work?

I feel like the other finger was supposed to come out, but steroids made it quite in.

This one's gone squirrely on me, little boy. I broke it too many times, brother.
Oh,

that little fucker won't fall in line anymore. It's my trick finger.
Trick finger, brother. So, June, what you were talking about is hair.

Well, it's such a shocking color, and it's such a shock of blonde hair. Totally natural.

He basically looks like nude clown. Yeah.

He has like a

guy was supposed to be a rodeo clown, but someone streaked off all those shit. There's no color.
Yeah, there's no color left, and now it's just nude clown.

That's exactly right. But I would not be surprised if someone smudged him if there was paint underneath.

Do you know what I mean?

Like he has a white base, and then they put tan on top of the white base. Wow, yeah.

Like foundation. My issue is he is a bald man.
Why not just cut that? Why not cut the party in the basket? He's like, brother, that's my power, brother. I'm like Samson.

He has like, for a giant behemoth of a man, he has like fine dolls' hair. That's what's upsetting about it.

It's Barbie. Like, honestly, yeah, like, like, my niece have dolls that have thicker, more lustrous hair than him.
He has muscular hair.

He doesn't have like a powerful mane. So just like,

like, I thought for a while, like, I was like, oh, he's wearing those bandanas to hide it. He's not ever hiding it.
It's always out and about. A choice, brother.

It's me and Vince Neal in this to the end, brother. Bandana brothers.

Well, obviously, so, you know, look, Kurt Fuller needs to find somebody else. And he goes through the local bar.
I'm getting so nervous we're going to run out of time. There is

no we are going to see. Oh shit.
There's so much.

I mean dwarf in a cage dog in a room.

There's so much to talk about and I'm

just headlines.

These are just headlines. I mean there's so much.
I mean when they go to the dwarf in a cage really bugged me a lot. Oh dwarf in a cage never gets explained.

Dwarf in a cage is in it throughout never gets explained. But it's so they go that dwarf.
They go to this disgusting hillbilly bar. Disgusting place.
Where everyone's disgusting.

There's a 25-minute scene where David Paymer and the other guy who's kind of like me go to the bathroom. I was going to say, yeah.

I was going to say I could play the David Payer part if you were playing the Kurt Fuller. I'm the other.
Oh, yeah, yeah. You could be the head guy, yeah.
If they make this today, bro, we're set.

I'm so psyched. Can I say this for real?

I will write a sequel to this movie

starring you guys

and Hulk Hogan.

By the way, the WWE just launched an app. This could go right to them immediately, right?

Done and done. Oh, my God.
No holds barred too. They didn't take us up on Shark Nado 2, which is a huge mistake.
Huge mistake. We offered it.

So they go to this hillbilly bar where there's no rules about fighting. They keep a dwarf in a cage.
Never explain why, but the dwarf seems happy there. And also, there's a prankster up there.

He'll throw tons of money. He's a real prank throwing money in your drink.
Yes. For some reason.
Which Irish people, I think that's lucky. But in this place they go, there's no rules.
No.

This is is the first, the concept of the rules. Would you say there are holds barred? There are no.
Here, there are no holds are being barred here. Oh, this actually,

I want to talk about this, June, if you will indulge me this. June and I, we were in the car one time.
I was like, yeah, we're doing no holds barred. She said, that doesn't mean anything.

You thought I had the title wrong.

Explain, I told you to not explain yourself. I now know what it means after watching the movie.
I had not heard the expression before. No holds barred? I had never heard that expression.

But you never heard the word barred, right? That was the issue? Well, I still may not know what it means. I'm going to be totally honest.
Well, that's okay.

Let's unpack this. What do you think it means?

Okay. What I think it means in the context of this movie is there are certain wrestling holds.

Sometimes they're sometimes they're barred. And

that's farred.

Yes. Yeah.

Bard means. Bar that move.

Like, that's not going to fly here. Those holds.

Those holds aren't going to fly here. Yeah, those holds will get you disqualified.
Like, sleep hold is a is a non-barred rule. Non-barred.
Right. But in the movie, there are no holds that are bars.

Oh,

yeah.

So is that right?

Okay, thank you.

I never heard of it before.

So they go to this, but there's wrestling going on, and it doesn't even seem to be the main event of this bar. No, the bars.

It's literally monsters. Yes,

it's basically like a world created by Frank Miller that Frank Miller didn't know about.

Okay, so the waitress at one point says, I'm here, or tonight I want to get laid, relayed, and parlayed. That's the waitress.
And she's the best performance in the film. She's amazing.

She delivers that line so clearly. Laid, relayed, and parlayed.

I don't know if you guys have watched True Detective. I won't give you any spoilers.

But when, in the final episode, when they go to that guy's house and he's, well, the videotapes, that's what this bar looks like but like as a bar like that house and those things as a bar it's the kind of place where the David Pamer underling guy says to Kurt Fuller these people would cheer at a hanging and Kurt Fuller goes exactly that's the beauty exactly what I want

The bathroom is called the V D room and there's a there's a loose pit bull in it

There's a pit bull

My favorite thing that happens in the bathroom, David Pamer and David Pamer light the other guy. They go to the bathroom for 20 minutes.
They're like, I really, really need to take a look at it.

I should have got

it before we can. 20 minutes.
By the way, their journey to that bathroom is, it is epic. And then here it becomes like a dogma movie where they cut nothing out.

They're just like, follow them through. It's all natural lighting.
It's all natural.

It's a real dog. They walk by a guy pitching in the hallway.
Yeah. And then the hillbilly dude, they're like, These are the stupidest people in the world.
Hillbilly busts out of the stall. Yes.

They're both peeing in troughs. Here, hold on, hold on.
Paul,

do it. Do it.

It's amazing.

You're David Paymer, you're the other guy. These tailbillies, this is the worst.
These people are trash. And they're so stupid, too.

What did ye say?

Pulls them away,

puts his head up to their dicks, examines them for a long time.

Y'all ain't worth it.

Wait, he also

says they have a little dick type.

Teeny weenies. Teeny weenies.
I believe he actually says teeny weenies and then y'all ain't worth it.

But his face is like

in there.

What makes that scene even better?

Because here's the thing. You don't need to get that close to a dick to know how big it is.

Here is the thing.

He is the most fucked up thing I've ever seen in a film. He is nearsighted, and that's part of his character.
He can't afford glasses, you guys.

What I love about that scene, though, is he also just came from taking a massive shit because he... Right next to a pit bull.
Yeah. He busts down that door.

So first, first, there's there's a huge shit sound. Oh, yeah.
That's what interrupts them. They're talking trash and they hear like, guys.

By the way, we're about 10 minutes into this movie.

Oh,

no joke. I'm looking at it.
No joke.

This is literally scene nine.

Scene nine.

This should be the whole night.

We don't have enough to do it.

We got to speed through this, guys. All right.
Okay, fucking. We haven't even got the Zeus.
So basically, as we said,

so

Kurt Fuller, Kurt Fuller gets the idea, and this is where another great name comes in, just like World Television Network, Sports for Kids. Oh, oh.
Battle of the Tough Guys. Guys.

Battle of the Tough Guys. We'll do a show, we'll call it Battle of the Tough Guys.
And they're all like Lugnut Johnson.

They all have like terrible wrestling names, and they all look like

completely circular men in like overalls. They all look like they're from the arm wrestling.
I was going to say they're all the people who didn't make the over-the-top audition. Exactly.

And then there's one guy who's just spraying hairspray all over his face.

But that's tough.

And all of them, when they cut to all of them, they're like,

they're all like the Tasmanian devil.

While I was watching this in my house, twice I had to go get a Ricola for my own throat.

For the fucking growling. Now,

the first broadcast of this, because I can only assume this is going out on television. Live.
The host of it is the head of the network, Kurt Fuller. He is

coming to that battle. That's a tough guy.
And it's also just said in the bar. Yeah.
Because that's what it would be like if, like, if, like,

Les Moonves was hosting Big Brother. He's like, tonight on Big Brother.
That's Super Ball.

I don't know if you noticed, though, the extras did change for Battle of the Tunnel. Yeah, no,

the snorty waitress put in

a sparkly. Right, and also, I mean, that bar was filled with just vagrants.
And

once they were shooting a television show, they did bring in...

sort of a fairly normal-looking audience.

But it also seemed like it was very, I mean, well, yeah, so they're doing this battle. It's very kind of poorly choreographed.

But this is my question I really want to get to, which which is this is it this is the before the only one before this you've had no question nuts everything was made very clear to me because the plot was very simple so

now we're on minute 11

they're having they're doing a live television broadcast people are fighting I get it all right it's like and then all of a sudden in this bar it's not a set

And there are no cameras that I see. No, they're no cameras.

They're very small. They're very small.

They're not in evidence as much as they should be. Yes.
Yeah. So.

Like if Christopher Nolan had made it, you would see them more.

Yeah. I wish Christopher Nolan would remake this movie.

It would be a challenge.

Tiny Zeus Lester in that Batman movie, too. Oh, Christian Bale.

But

they worked with both. Oh, my God.
Because he was on the boat. Tiny Zeus Lester is on the boat and Batman with the Joker.
Holy shit.

Oh, I wish we had him here. I worked with him on NTSF and he was amazing.
Tiny was amazing.

Got the the set, said, I need Taco Bell now.

We got him Taco Bell.

I feel that every second of my life. I just don't say it.

If you look like Tiny, you can request it, and people will go running. Oh, he had two VAs going to the class, the quickest Taco Bells.

All right, so

this is the part I don't understand. So it's in a bar, and it seems to me like Zeus cuts an entire wall out.
Yes.

Because he also has superpowers that have never been explained. Kicks down a wall, like a structural wall.
It wasn't like an entrance.

I don't understand what that was, and if it was planned, I don't think it was planned because Kurt Fuller was like, oh, who's this guy? He has all the powers. He has the powers of Magneto.

No, that's the first thing. And the first thing is, I did wonder, where did he come from? Yes.
Yes. He was a fan of the city.
Well, from jail.

That's a great question. And

was he told, like, go cut down the wall and there's guys fighting on the other side? What the fuck happened? Well, I guess he heard about the $100,000 and he wanted it tax-free. Tax-free.
Tax-free.

He burst down the wall.

He burst down that wall. He's like,

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For all you WWF nerds, I might be getting my facts wrong, but I'm pretty sure this is the truth. There's a certain point in Hulk's career where he was accused of being racist.
And I think this movie.

And I believe that scene in that

place was to show, no, I am a defender of black people.

As a matter of fact, I eat in their food. I was like, I'm not even robbing the place have to be black.
It bummed me out so bad. I was like, come on, man.
They could be skeevy white tweakers.

No, it was just like the class used. I'm going to fucking throw pies at these black guys.

He throws.

By the way,

too many pies in that restaurant for him to throw. They were like, it's like someone lined up 40 pies.
Somebody must, like, all the pies got it in.

The robbery would not have cost them as much as the pie loss.

This scene felt to me

as if it was written for a Dukes of Hazzard episode.

And then the writer was like, It's not going to work, so I'll save it. And then later was like, wait, I'll put it in this movie.

Hulk, I just want to say there was $30 in the register, and those pies were worth $110.

The song is a song.

Not to be a dick, but, hey, did I tell you about my charity?

Shaka!

There's a song that's playing, and you hear the lyrics for a brief second, which is, I got ketchup on my blue jeans.

That's the soundtrack to the soul food restaurant scene. And then the robbers come in, and then it's pie fight.
Oh my god, this, I just remember

just so, just as we're barreling through this movie, we are not barreling through this movie. Not at all.

Push the 10 o'clock show until 11.

It's most of the same people, right?

Yeah, we'll just add an hour. It'll be fine.

The scene before this that's at the conference room when they're discussing how Battle of the Tough Guys went and what the numbers are.

I don't care what people said. I only got the biggest numbers ever.
One of Kirk Fuller's underlings gets a video camera. This is my favorite part.
This is my favorite part.

Okay, so that's a birthday present. Well, yeah, the most floppy thing that comes from it is amazing.
Do you have this in this scene? I don't. I wish I had this scene.
I should have. Okay.

So it's coming. Push-ups is coming, bro.

Push-ups where you can see into Hulk Hogan.

Talk about jerking off push-ups.

You've lost

coming.

Hulk Hogan watched the dailies. He said, You can see up my butthole.
I love it.

Print it, check it. Now, in that scene, that guy is filming a television.
Yes.

It's a present I got for my birthday.

Literally, David Paper is like, hey, are you enjoying the birthday gift that you just got?

And the guy says, do I have the line? I have the line. If you don't

have a word, video is my life.

Video is my life.

Then what says Kurt Fuller's? Kurt Fuller says that he gave me an ID. Despite all of your shortcomings.

Mr. Favourite.
What was the idea? But I don't know what I'm saying.

The idea is unrelated in any way to him standing there with a video. Well, the idea is that the brainwashes.
The rapist? No, the brainwash takes. The idea is, let's make a Manchurian candidate.

Yes, exactly.

This movie basically now becomes

a remake of the Manchurian candidate

where you can see throbbing dick pulses at every point. Well, this becomes my thing.
Like, Zeus is a big fighter.

The Battle of the Tough Guys takes place in a steel mill at one point with a guy having a giant wrench, and Zeus just destroys him,

as the commentator says this line, which I wrote down as well. It's just an all-out brawl.
And the guy goes, never in the history of sport have I seen such incredible competition.

There's a man wielding a giant tire iron and another man shoving his head into like steel vats.

But here's the crazy thing about him getting the idea that way.

What's happening in the scene that spurs this idea is that guy's filming a television. Yes.
Of a show that he produces. Of a show that he produces.

I just become quite a shutter bug.

You would think that Kurt Fuller would have just gotten the idea by being a network television network and staring at Zeus.

Because he's thinking in his mind, he's like, oh, I can use this camera to make tapes for Zeus, or I could use all of the cameras at my disposal as the head of a television network to do the same.

Like, why does it take this little camera? Despite all your shortcomings.

This,

now

we got, this is where we're going to have to unpack the majority of this. The love scene, the hotel scene.

Okay, so hands down, amazing. Joan Severit and Rip go on an overnight.
But it's basically like it happened one night, sort of.

They put up the

close off the room a little bit. They're like, well, blame your management for booking us one room.

And then she's in the bathroom. Here's what drives me crazy.
She's brushing, she's stripped down to her bra, and for some reason, the sexiest grandma panties.

I love that out there. It was like

pulled up, literally

satin bloomers.

I have bloomers pulled up to her fucking ribcage. They look great.
Wait, you have to be able to do that.

To call them panties, it's like they're just a really short mini skirt.

I think Hulkster saw her in regular panties and said, it's a family affair. Yeah.
Hey, this is supposed to be a family affair. Oh, you have the whole scene.
I have the whole scene. Oh, fuck.

Let's watch it. Let's all shut up.
Let's watch it. Everybody, shut up for a second.

All of your dreams are coming true, audience.

It is amazing. Here we go.
I want to wear tie-dye at this brother.

Here she comes.

Can you get the lights?

You got it.

like your accommodations

do i have a choice

it gets brighter it gets brighter

why does it get brighter

what is she wearing look at that outfit

and as long as you stay on your side of the bed everything will be fine

and that it and then we have another sequence i have another sequence coming. Let's play it right away.

Is this the opportunity? Okay, why don't you go straight into what's next? I'm going to. Thank you.
So they're getting into bed, and she starts to hear a noise.

And here we go.

Your eye, this is amazing.

I like that she tries to listen more.

What is with those panties?

Don't lay up for me,

yeah,

sexy saxophone

playing on this song.

I didn't know what she was looking at when she first

heels. It's both his heels, but are they supposed to be a button?

I genuinely was confused by what part of his body that was. It was very hard.
Straight up for me. Now I am wondering, by the way.

Everything you hear someone say is the best take.

I just

pull up a quick pick for the audience.

That That was going to be the original poster just to shock in his ass.

Did she book them in one hotel room on purpose? No, no. That's what

her office messed up. The bad guy was like, she's like, and you booked us in one hotel room.
Wait, can I ask a question legit?

What is the relationship between her and Kurt Fuller? That's what I say at one point. He put her in place at this other network? Yes, he has, Jason.
Oh, wow. She says, she's basically

the story of Makahari.

What agent? What do you mean that I got it from an agency?

I don't know. To be a TV executive? That's correct.
What are you talking about? Oh, hey, I got this.

You're going to be a model. You're a model.
You're beautiful. Okay.
I need you to go in and seduce Rip. Okay, you're going to be a network executive.
Because she's already a touring agent.

June, everybody, quick question.

They fly on a jet to go to that soul food restaurant to stay in that one hotel room. room,

then that's it. That's a real thing.

There is no explanation. They're literally like, they're literally like,

they get on a fucking

jet, go to a soul food restaurant with a pot fiber.

Oh, hey, airplane guy, shut the fuck up.

Most of our live audience are aviation experts. But I think at the end, he's going to explain the jet.
Okay, so it's a prop plane.

They take a prop plane. Where is Malaysian Flight 320?

But by the way, there's literally, there's never any explanation of why they're going to this faraway, terrible restaurant.

The end. He slaps her as well.
This is another

scene where

Jones Everency is confronted by Kurt Fuller. He's pissed at her that she didn't bone rip, and he slaps her across the face in front of Paymer and Paymer Jr., and they do nothing.

Everybody's like, we're cool with this.

Well, they saw him break that glass globe in the beginning. I should have brought this up when we were talking about her panties.
I don't think that,

upon reflection, that I just want you guys to understand those weren't underwear that she was wearing underneath her clothes. They must be.
No, no, no. Don't be an apologist.
No, they're not.

Severance underpants apologist. No, they're not.
Wait a second. Are you beingpants? There were dress-ups, there were nighttime attire.
They were nighttime attire. So wait a minute.

You don't wear a bra to bed like that. Sometimes you do.
Do you think Joan Severance knew she was supposed to seduce Hulk? Or do you think Kirk Fuller was just... Ooh, that's a toughie.

Can I ask a question that I thought was really insane? We intercut, they're in a motel room, and the Hulkster is out putting on the cheesecake shorts.

And Joan Severance is in her bra, and they're listening to each other, and she starts brushing her teeth in the bathroom, and he starts brushing his teeth in the hotel room where there is no source of water

for a long time. And they intercut, and she's by a sink, and he's

by any source of water, brushing his fucking teeth. And his plan was to hold it.
Like, because he's like, he's holding it in his mouth, the way he'd leave the bathroom, and then he has to go,

like, he swallows it. Yeah, it's gross.

Oh, wait. I think the reason they did this trip.
Oh, no, forget it. Disregard.
No, I'm wrong.

But why did there's no reason they're going to be there? There's the reason why they did the trip. Except to throw pies at somebody.
I thought the trip was good for the charity event, but it wasn't.

No. No, it wasn't for the charity event.
Long story short, Zeus paralyzes Hulk Hulgan's brother.

Whose name is Randy? And in any other movie, Randy would be the villain. Yes.
Like, as soon as you see Randy, he's like the sweep-the-leg guy. Yeah.
But in this movie,

he's the guy you love so much. And Hulk does some serious acting here and breaks out in full-on tears when he sees his brother paralyzed.

At which point I go, you know know, it would be great if they remade this exact script with Ryan Gosling. I think that it's like

you see this guy, like, he's fighting, he doesn't want to get involved in this, and then he gets pulled in. It would be great.
I would love to see that.

We have so many good ideas for how to redo this movie.

Yeah, so his brother is paralyzed. This is, oh, we have skipped over the rapist, but I think we've covered it.
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, no, no, no, no, no. We can't skip over that.

So, Joan's severance fails them. The Hulkster shows up on a motorcycle that's never been introduced before.
Scoops up the guy.

The guy's about to like pull her off so we see her bra again, which feels like it was a note, and then scoops him up on the front of the motorcycle and drives him into like a fucking garbage jumper and basically kills the guy.

Yes, casual murder happening everywhere, everywhere. And then he runs over to Joan Severance and goes, God, I hate it when you're hurt.

Wait, wait, he says, Yeah, you're right, God, I hate it when you're hurt, period. Or scared, period.

And she says, I know.

This is the first time he ever saw her hurt and or scared.

By the way, a lot of their serious conversations are blocked and staged on the ground. Yeah.
So

this one, and then before this one, before when she comes out of that conference with

What's His Face, they have a full conversation where she reveals herself and what she's done on the floor of Hulk's

mansion. And they just start kissing, and they've never kissed before, and it's not even that romantic.
They kiss like a couple that's been going out for a couple years, it's very anticlimactic.

First kiss, their first kiss is very anticlimactic. Yeah, yeah, it's a family affair.

I was like, Did I miss when they became a couple? Wait,

four years it passed, and I'm really sorry to go back to this.

They don't care about each other anymore almost. Now I'm thinking that Kurt Fuller's character must have owned the other network.
What now? Wow.

In what world could this is turning into the

stop, Jude?

How could he place this? We're on the other side of the looking glass now.

How could he choose this random woman in that position? That's what I'm asking.

That's what I'm asking. But if he owned the other network, he wouldn't need.

He had a number to rape and murder so many people. If he owned the network, he doesn't need to hire a TV show.

He doesn't need Battle of the Touch. He's got all the answers.

But how else would he have gotten her in that post? I have no idea, especially if she was like a model from a service. But

Kurt Fuller, basically, everything he does in this movie to get a wrestling TV show is a hundred times more fucked up than anything the Joker would do. Yes.
And a hundred times.

Like the Joker would never do that. Yeah.
That's too fucking crazy. He has no moral compass.
No. It is because he got a team that rules.
He just want to watch the world burn.

I know.

I know I'm jumping ahead now, but I do think we have to. We do, we do, we do.
The crazy thing about Kurt Fuller's character is that when that fight is happening at the very end between

Zeus and can I just have one go ahead so Hulk Hogan finally says all right I'll fight Zeus because my brother's paralyzed puts what is it uh Randy Randy oh yeah in a traction basically he's basically dead yeah yeah yeah he can't he can't get up Randy is the kid brother of

Hulk Hogan so Zeus then goes on a tear of training with the Manchurian tape candidate the Manchuri candidate tape he's like training really hard Hulk is just helping rehabilitate his brother no training in the training montage And but no training.

Zeus is like any good fighting trainer will tell you, the best thing to do is punch and blow up cinder blocks. Yeah.

Because

it gets you just your whole body ready. You just want to hit the cinder blocks as hard as you can.
And Zeus has been shown

for this movie

to be the most powerful man of all time. Like there is no rhyme or reason.
The only backstory we get on Zeus is, I used to train him, he went to prison because he killed somebody, now he's out.

Like we don't know what happened, but he is all-powerful. The Hulk doesn't train, it's like a Rocky movie with no training.

Hulk, I will say this, and this is what I couldn't figure out: is his training is stopping rapes with a motorcycle.

And what I actually thought that that was an interesting choice because he doesn't train him.

The fact that he doesn't train, and that it's sort of mental training of him helping his brother, which will come back later on when he sees him and has to really call on those emotions.

I think it's unfair how kind you just were to this film.

I thought it was an interesting choice. You just actually made this sound like a noble work of art.

Don't you feel like, yes, Zeus paralyzed Randy, but... Traction.
Yes, Zeus tractioned Randy.

But,

and Hulk wants revenge, yes. But by going on Battle of the Tough Guys to fight Zeus, isn't Hulk, A, breaking his contract with his network? Sure.
That's a good point. Gibby.

That's exactly what he wants. Yes.
The number one show and higher ratings than ever before. This gets

right into his hands. Because when, spoiler alert, when Rip starts to beat the shit out of Zeus,

Kurt Fuller rushes over to the transmission and starts smashing the real to real that the podcast is.

This is what makes no sense because from the beginning all Kurt Fuller wanted was for Rip to be on the network. Yeah, the second he is, he smashes up the real to reel.

Because his thought is, if he beats Zeus, then no one will tune in next week for Battle of the Tough Guys. So he needs to keep the ambiguity going.

I felt bad because you can see Kurt Fuller's on the other side of the glass while Tiny Lister and the Hulkster are fighting for obviously four or five days of coverage.

And have you ever been in the background of a scene where they're just like, just keep screaming, brother? Kurt Fuller's screaming for what must have been five days straight.

I will also say about this fight. The whole movie is like wrestling is like, even though it's real in this movie, it's two-stage.

We want to go and get the real tough guys in the bars, in the steel mills, and all these, like, in the aircraft carrier factory, whatever it is.

But then the final fight is the most, it's like the shittiest version of the WWF. All of it.
Like, it's on the Morton Downey Jr. talk show set.

And it's worse than the first fight. Like, the first fight, Rip's Home Network Wrestling Broadcast is still far and away the most glossy, classy fight.
It's still a piece of garbage.

All of the turnbucks. For some reason, all of the turnbuckles are Jiffy Pop things.
It's the most fucked-up looking thing. And this is what I wanted to talk about in this part.

So at the beginning of the match, it's no holds bar, June. No holds.

Any hold you want to make.

You can do it.

And at the beginning, they go, the ref is now checking the turnbuckles. Why? They let people in with lug wrenches.
They fought in in steel mills. They have no rules.

Why do you have to check the turnbuckles? It is weird they make that announcement. Yeah, they make the announcement.
This is the only no rules. We got to make sure everything's up to par.

I kind of like that.

It felt like

this last fight, though, was not a part of Battle of the Tough Guys. What now? No, no, they introduced it as Battle of the Tough Guys.
Not only that, there's like

the dumb announcer who would be me if they made it now comes out and is like, welcome to the Battle of the Tough Guys. Zeus punches punches him out of the fucking ring for no reason whatsoever.

That's true. That's what we call friendly fire.
By the way, how do they even, like, that was my whole thought was how do they even communicate with Zeus throughout this whole movie?

So the fight tomorrow is like, hallelujah!

Show up like a half hour early.

Do you want to put oil all over, or do you want to just go? Or do you want to eat something? Or do you want to just be ready to go? And then also,

if I was Zeus' trainer, and I know he doesn't have trainers, but I'd say, Zeus, stop celebrating and just make sure the guy that you just knocked down is down. Because Zeus' Achilles heel is that.

Is just celebrating with his back turned to the person he has just knocked down. The whole movie is just based on Polka's going,

hipping his leg.

Oh.

It's also, this fight...

takes place in a venue that over the course of the fight is completely demolished. Like everything, the ring is demolished.

For some reason, all of the extras are in prom dresses. Yes.
They're just like, whatever you want to prom, I swear to God, we're on day 40. Just fucking wear your prom dress and beer at 5:45.

Pretty and pink was shooting across the hall. They're like, just come on over.
Just gave that in the interaction on the back of the bag.

By the way, guys, this is my last words on earth. Show up at 5:45.

I would not be surprised if all of this movie was shot

in and around like WWF headquarters in Connecticut. Oh, of course.
You know what I mean? Like if it was all just like

random spaces that they own because it looks terrible. Yeah.

Did anyone else notice that Joan Severance is reading a book

in the montage where

Randy's getting rehabilitated. She's sitting in the hospital room when he first flutters his eyes open, and I believe she's sort of covering it, but I believe the the book title is Men Who Can Love.

Did anyone else see it?

I so hope that's true.

And it's just a list of men's names.

It's definitely a self-help book. It's not a novel.
Steve Johannes. Peter Wagner.

Michael Richards.

Michael Richards Kramer from Seinfeld.

Apparently, a really funny thing that happened was to promote this movie, they decided to bring Tiny Lister into the WWF, but he was never a wrestler and not very good.

And he only did three matches, and then they just said, no, no, you can't fight anymore. Because Zeus was very upset, because spoiler alert, he loses at the end of this movie.
He does not lose. Well,

he dies.

Oh, no.

No, no, he doesn't like

Kyle dies, I think. That was casual murder? By the way, that's the other weird thing.
So he kills Zeus, it seems like, throws him through the booth.

Everybody's pretty excited about that. Because this is basically this whole movie is like a lynching, as far as I can tell.

Then,

everyone, women, children, Kurt Fuller's in the booth. He's ripped up the fucking reel-to-reel that broadcasts television.
Yes.

And the wires explode, and like the hulkster throws a chair through the window, and everything explodes. Kurt Fuller, like, is electrocuted violently to a huge crowd of children and women.

They watch an adult man burned alive

by electricity. Their reaction must be one of horror, right? Nope.
Hulkster turns around and goes.

He shouldn't have to be.

Why do we care? Remember how we all just watched that adult man burned alive by electricity? What happened was it cooked our system, which is basically electrical.

But what I I love about it, too, is like it's just a cheat because they can't make Hulk kill a good guy. Like, I feel like

he couldn't do it. But he kills him.
Oh, he kills him. No, that man straight up

at the end of this movie. By the way, so is Zeus.

I don't know what Zeus is. Zeus is fucking dead.

He throws him 30 feet into a fucking hole in the ground. And he doesn't move.
There's no shot of Zeus twitching. He is dead.
He's fucking dead.

You guys want to take a guess on how much money this movie costs to make? Yes. Yeah.

$4 million.

Anything? What did you say, four? I said four.

Let's say like seven?

25.

It was $8 million.

On opening weekend, it made $5 million. Came in number two to Indiana Jones in the Last Crusade.

Wow. And total growth, $16 million.
So it was a

way better than many of mine.

It was

15 under that.

That's not bad. And the log line was no ring, no ref, no rules.
However, there are refs. Not true, not true, not true.
Yeah, yeah.

Every one of those things in every battle. But okay.

I want to run out to the audience.

There are no real Amazon five-star reviews. They're all snarky.
So I'd rather go to you guys and get from you guys some questions. Well, we have a little bit.
Let's get the house lights up.

What are your questions about no holds barred?

Oh my gosh, we have somebody that has something oh my gosh we got baby onesies over here this is amazing look at this oh this is hilarious this is uh how'd this get made baby onesie and then a Jason give me your baby baby onesie

these are amazing thank you guys so much

our baby will wear a Jason Manzuka special at all points all right I went down the wrong side thank you guys so much all right here we go okay

your question I'm gonna go to you right here your name and your question. My name is Mary Ann.
And my question is, at the restaurant scene, there's this whole interaction between the waitress.

The waitress and Rip. And it's like, she's this really broad, black, sassy woman stereotype.
And she's like telling

the woman, Samantha, whatever, oh, you better keep him. He's a keeper.
If I wasn't married, I'd

get on that again or something. And like, it's just the weirdest interaction.
It's probably because no, Rip totally did that waitress. Yeah.

100%.

And I think,

I think, you know,

there's a question about why the point of that trip.

All right, this is. You're going to see his ex-girlfriend.
All right, this is amazing.

This is amazing. We have a question that has a very big...

It's a lot. This is like a school project going here.
It's like a chart. It's like a flowchart.
Okay, here we go. Explain your flowchart.
What's your name and what's your choice?

I feel like Ferrigno. My name is Kyle, and I want to be the first visual presenter for a question.

Great. This is good for the audio medium of podcasting.
In keeping with your theme.

So, Rocky in Rocky 3 fights Thunder Elipse. Who is essentially Hulk Hogan? Who is Rip? And it comes to a drawing.
Let's pick this up a little bit.

Okay, Rocky then fights Strago, and Rocky ends the Cold War that way.

If Rip can beat Tiny Lister, and Ice Cube can beat Tiny Lister, can Ice Cube then end the Cold War, or more importantly, end the crisis in Crimea?

It's an amazing. It was a very well thought-out thesis.

By the way,

it's also provably true.

Can someone just unravel that as I? If the president follows me on Twitter, let's pitch this.

Everyone can take a look at that. All right, let's see.
What's your question?

Can you guys talk about the scene when, oh, Jesse, hi. Can you guys talk about the scene when he first meets Sam and while she's pitching ideas?

Sorry, one more time. I missed it.
There was a big laugh in the middle of your thing.

When he first meets Sam and

she's pitching all these things to him. Why don't you do this? What about more of this? What if my tour dates are lined up more with my craziest fuck me eyes?

And he starts biting his thumb and he's going crazy and she's just talking about whatever. And that's all the scene is.

But then, this is the weird thing about the scene because he's staring at her very lustfully for a while. But then when she gets really close to him, he he just stares off at the table.

Like,

it's so weird. I'm gonna fuck you.
I'm shy.

And then she says, dinner tonight, dressy. Ask me about my charity.

Here we go.

Come here. Your name, your wrestling name, and your question.
Here we go. Oh, my name is Kara.

My wrestling name would be Margaret Thrasher.

And

there's a point I think that is vital to make that Randy is played by Mark Pellegrino in this movie, who grows up to be Jacob from Lost.

Oh, wow. Good point.
I noticed that too. Yeah.
So important. But I also had a question about the banging of Hulk and Joan Severance.

Do we think that they actually filmed a sex scene that was so terrible it had to be cut from the movie, and that's why they go automatically to like the making out like they've always done.

I feel like it might be so clean, right? I think the Hulkster was like, it's a family affair. Yeah.

Well,

as much as I would love to be

four and a half inches into you,

shouldn't eat that

full of somebody

semi-hard due to a combination of a strange cocktail that's pulsing through my body right now. I'm not sure if you can see my heartbeat

through my penis, but you can. I am curious about Hulk's, well, Rip's sleeping habits, because in that scene,

it seems like she's been asleep for a while.

And he does push-ups at the rate of 1,000 a minute. Oh, yeah.

But also that. 1,000 a minute.
It's a little rude to be doing that in a shared bed, right? Are we all agree to that? Yeah. Oh, yeah, very rude.
Very rude.

Your feet could also be on the desk, Rip.

Or any chair, anything.

All right, your question,

your name, your wrestler name, here you go.

My name is Danielle. My wrestling name will be Hell on Wheels.
And

okay, Okay, so one that's a roller derby name

So

Zeus beats up I mean essentially puts his brother in a coma like why don't they call

traction like why isn't Zeus being arrested for that? Well, I guess as long as I think that as long as you're around Zeus,

you're gonna get hurt.

Everyone has proven if you get within arm's reach, he will hurt you, faceplant you, or break your back. Um, obviously, we had an opinion about this movie, but now it is time for a second opinion.

Second opinions

from top to bottom. Crazy movies are fun, they're not your first, but they're gonna be a second from the depths of Amazon.
They come,

second opinions for everyone.

Second opinions.

These are five-star reviews on Amazon. And now, like I said, I think a lot of them are facetious, but these are the least facetious or the best facetious I could find.

This one is, what's that smell?

This Hulk Hogan classic tells the...

This Hulk Hogan classic tells the story of

Jesus Christ's fight against the Romans in a modern-day battle.

Instead of the battlefield taking place in the days of old, our hero is getting crucified, the battle is in a a bar and Hulk gets Zeusified

the creator may have rested on the seventh day but on the eighth day he made no holds barred

five stars

what if Zeus is Zeus

have that actually would be I would actually that whole movie would be down from Mount Olympus and Athena bursts out of his forehead

This is a good one, and this is the one that I think could be real. I found the relationship between between Rip and Joan Severance.
I love that Joan Severance.

Rip and Joan Severance. She has no name.
Lady. Person who called her Sam.

To be morally satisfying.

They are separated by a sheet when they share a hotel room, and they provide an uplifting example for proper premarital behavior.

Especially in panty size.

The moral choices Rip faces mirrors our own struggles. The ending will leave you cheering, if not weeping, at the heroism of Hulk Hogan.

I initially hated the use of violence to drive home the moral message of good triumphing over corporate evil, but since this is a wrestling and the violence in the movie is a good example of why wrestling is not fake,

it fits into the story.

What?

It fits into the story as long as you can explain to your children that Rip was only using violence to beat the bad guys because they backed him into a corner and he had no other choice.

Unless it's for God or country, that kind of violence should not be tried by anyone.

I recommend this movie for kids and parents alike. You will be entertained and uplifted.
Especially when Kurt Fuller gets electrocuted in front of your eyes.

Oh, is there anything that you guys missed that we can hit on in these last minutes here?

This scary? What? June, talk more about kids, sports for kids.

Because what happens is there's two children Greco-Roman wrestling in a field.

I'm going to wager that Sports for Kids serves inner-city kids or.

It seemed pretty rural. And it actually did seem pretty rural.
It was an inner corner. But it's like pressure fun.
They take the inner city.

Let's take the children out to a cornfield and make them wrestle against each other. Today you would go to prison for 50 years.
Now, can I just pitch one version of this?

You would never be free again.

You took these children to a field and then they wrestled each other in swimsuits.

And then they're picked up by their instructor, one in each arm.

The thing about this that I'll just say to keep in our head, Hulk is at the height of his career. He probably does have a charity for kids.
Why not just use the actual name in charity?

Because getting that word out there about that charity. Why not use his name? Brother.

Brother, that's a kettle of fish.

This is the weird thing about him not using his name, too, is if he's trying to, you would think they would want to promote this idea that the wrestling is real.

So if they called him Hulk Hogan and we were able to see him actually fighting these matches, we might buy into that a bit more. Absolutely.
100%.

So no. But it would be a big commercial for wrestling.
Guys, I just had a thought.

Vince McMahon, or not Vince McMahon, but Jesse the Body is in this.

And who's the other guy? Me and Gene. Me and Gene.
Is this a world in which Hulk Hogan exists and is not as popular as rip

wow oh we're hulk starting to peel the onion yeah we're peeling the onion now

so rip may be like yeah rip is like where hulk ach wants to go that achieves

i wonder if this the history think about it and write the prequel there is it possible that this movie came out when hulk hogan

the character was a bad guy because there was a period in wrestling when hulk hogan was a bad person. Very early on.
Very early. Oh, that was early? Oh,

you were in the career. You always come out like that, and then you.
Because I was thinking, oh, maybe people wouldn't have wanted that.

If he was a bad guy, they wouldn't have wanted to see Hulk Hogan as the hero. I don't know.
No, no, no. He was always the hero.
Eat your vitamins, kiss your mother, Hulk Hogan.

I know, but there was a period where he went through being a bad guy, too. All right.

That's Hollywood Hulk. There's got to be a wrestling nerd here, right?

Speak up, tell me.

That's why I was afraid of the raid.

Too many of you shut up now.

We heard it was later. Well, later on, he's like, any rape I see, I'm going to stop with a motorcycle.

This movie was amazing. Thank you guys all for being here.
Everybody watch it.

Definitely watch, right? Definitely watch this movie. 100%

watch this movie. Watch it again and again.

Tom, you have a child. Would you show this to your child?

Not in 100 million years.

That was No Holds Barred. What an amazing show.
Give it up for Tom Lennon. And a big thanks to Earwolf for all the help that they give us for this show.
And all of our interns.

For the longest time, I've been giving thanks to... Avril Haley.
That person does not exist. It's actually Avril Haley.
I've mispronounced her name so long. I am so sorry to you.

But she pulls all of our clips. Thank you to her.
Thank you, Nanate Kylie, who does all of our research. Thank you to Leanna Waldron, who does all of our amazing designs on our Facebook page.

And Katie Dyer, who runs our social media presence. And of course Cody Scully who was the engineer for that night live at Largo.
Thank you guys all. We'll see you next time.
Bye-bye.

Hi, I'm Jenny Slate. And believe it or not, someone is allowing us to have a podcast.
I'm Gabe Leidman. I'm Max Silvestri.

And we've been friends for 20 years and we like to reach out to kind of get advice on how to live our lives. It's called I Need You Guys.
Should I give my baby fresh vegetables?

Can I drink the water at the hospital? My landlord plays the trombone and I can't ask him to stop. You should make sure that you subscribe so that you never miss an episode.
I need you guys.

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