Demolition Man LIVE! w/ Wyatt Cenac (HDTGM Matinee)

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In the future, we're all pussies.

Thank goodness Sylvester Stallone and Wesley Snipes are going to bull shit up and fuck the future women.

We saw demolition, man, so you know what that means.

Now it's

Perhaps we'll find the answer to the question: How did this campaign?

Hello, people of earth!

Hello, New York!

We are live at Subculture Bridge, a beautiful space here on Bleecker Street.

We have an amazing show for you, but first, let me introduce my two co-hosts.

Please welcome June Diane Raphael.

Very special guests here tonight.

Please welcome Wyatt Sanak.

Welcome everybody.

Demolition Man, a movie made in 1993,

posits a world that in 1996

shit has gone terribly wrong.

The opening of this movie, and this is like a weird cliche that bugs me.

It's like the Hollywood sign is just on fire.

Oh yeah.

And it feels to me like the filmmakers are like, oh yeah, it's always on fire.

It's not like on fire.

Yeah, because there wasn't like a fire in the hills.

No.

Like nothing else around it was on fire.

Like just the letters.

Yeah.

Well, I feel like every year, at least when I lived in LA, there was always

this is the year that the Hollywood sign is going to be torn down and people would fight to save it.

And it's like, if you watch all these movies, no, don't, nobody wants it.

No, nobody wants it.

Let her go.

Yeah, these clearly, these politicians are like, no, I've seen Demolition Man in like 800 other movies where the sign gets burned down.

You guys don't want it.

We get the message.

We hear you.

Also, why are our politicians watching Demolition Man?

Most of the best politics that happened in the 80s and most of Clinton's administration was made off of Sylvester Stallone, Joe Silver.

Almost all of Antonio Villa Rogosa's campaign promises were from Demolition Man.

Prop 8 was demolition man.

Prop 8.

Guys, Prop 8

is dead.

Yeah.

Right?

And you know why?

Because the Demolition Man came in

and destroyed it.

Lit it on fire.

I thought that DOMA was like Demolition Man.

I don't know what the O stand for, but the DNA Demolition Man.

Yep, absolutely.

So in 1996, things are bad.

So bad that one of the airline, one of the helicopter police pilots goes like, hey, remember when they used to let commercial airlines land in Los Angeles?

Like that?

What about when the city was on fire?

Like that's like, that's the one thing he's regretting.

Like, oh, man.

Remember that?

When commercial airlines would land here.

Like, that's a weird thing.

All right.

I possibly do.

Well, by the way, in that first scene when Stallone

throws a rope down and just

shimmies down to the ground.

It isn't shimmy.

He jumps out of the back of a helicopter and yells with Phoenix!

He starts yelling his name.

Just

crazy as send a maniac to catch one.

Then he jumps out screaming Phoenix.

Phoenix, I'm sky fucking you.

Also,

at this point in the movie, though, you don't really know who Phoenix is, like, where Phoenix is.

So, to just see him yelling, screaming, Phoenix!

Well, that is like there's a problem, well, the beginning of this movie, which is he runs out, he does like basically the world's best bungee jump, and then immediately goes into killing mode.

Like, before he lands, like,

that's the thing is, he bungees out and he never goes back up.

He bungees out to the ground, and he's like, click?

He just jumped like half a mile

he lands and he misses no one and then proceeds to have a

mental knowledge of this abandoned warehouse as if he has studied it his entire life It was like, oh yeah, it's like going to mom's house.

I know this.

And meanwhile, it's revealed that like he's been chasing Phoenix for two years and he finally found this place.

So this is the first time.

There was no recon on this building.

No, no.

He lands on the ground, shoots everybody, and as if he is like has the map in his head, goes like,

and like Wesley Snipes is like, boop, but

wait, what?

And then, and then Stallono's like, ah, I'm here now, I got you.

And I was like, at what point is Wesley Snipes not like, there were like 400 dudes that I feel like should be guarding me, but you got through all of them instantly.

Basically, the beginning of Demolition Man is the end of an awesome movie that we did not see.

And

I want to see the two years where like Wesley Snipes moves to LA then somehow works his way up in the LA

like underworld.

His family is murdered and having nothing to live for he takes to a life of crime.

Then builds a wall all around LA.

He sets shit on fire.

He goes to that beauty shop, gets his hair dyed blonde.

One of my favorite moments too is like, he's like, where are those people on the bus?

And he's like, and Wesley Snipes.

Oh, because Wesley Snipes has kidnapped, has abducted a bus full of regular people.

And he's like, I'll trust you bus drivers who don't come into LA, but those bus drivers won't listen.

It's like

your beef is with the bus drivers of Los Angeles.

By the way, they're just doing their job, guys.

Yeah.

They are just shepherding us from place to place in the most humiliating vehicle known to man.

These bus drivers, like, that's Wesley Snipes' anger.

Like, he talks so vehemently about these bus drivers.

Like, they can't come in here.

It's like, why?

What?

Like, they're not threatening your drug empire.

They're just dropping people off.

I don't know why they would even want to be dropped off in a city that is on fire.

But if they want to, they're doing the job.

Also, he's a guy, he's clearly wasteful because very early on, you see him do one line of Coke, but leave two behind.

Just like,

these are fine.

I'm going to come back to you guys

when I'm ready.

Yeah.

You don't go stale.

How about this?

At a certain point when Stallone is entering and

Wesley Snipes realizes Stallone is gonna enter, he punctures these gasoline tanks so there's gasoline all over the ground, right?

And so Stallone comes in and he's like, I got you, or whatever he says, right?

Relax, everybody, relax.

And then Wesley Snipes is like, ha ha ha, you're standing in gasoline, lights a cigarette, and then says, what does he say?

Something about like you're going to go up in flames or whatever.

Some one-liner.

Then he...

Oh, he says it's cold in here.

Oh, yeah.

Let's turn up the heat or something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Throws the cigarette.

Flames erupt everywhere.

Okay?

But he's also standing in flames.

Yes.

Okay, so he's standing in gasoline.

So flames are like,

right?

All Stallone does, the only thing that happens to Stallone is he drops his gun.

He's like, oh, that's hot.

But then...

The still got so hot in my hand.

Oh, God.

But then he just jumps right out of it, jumps onto us.

It's like we're fighting.

Nobody's on fire.

But I've seen it.

He's unburned.

Did the gun get caught in the flames and then it got too hot to hold?

Or did he just get scared and throw that gun down?

Because that's what it looked like.

I hope it's B.

Woo!

Woo!

It looked like he just, like, freaked.

There's a lot?

That's what you don't see when he's in the helicopter flying past the Hollywood sign burning is that he's like, oh, can't look, can't look, can't look, can't look.

Tell me when we pass the fire sign.

Tell me when we pass the fire sign.

I would love it if there's a, if in this movie there was a thread that is like, fire is his snakes to Indiana Jones.

Why did it have to be fire?

He's part Frankenstein monster and he's afraid of fire.

But I think the launch move is basically like a football player's tackle.

It's just sort of like,

just lunges at a guy.

He has guns and he has knives on him, but it's just the lungs of tackle.

But he also, I realize, like, he does a lot in that movie of the sideways jump and shoot action.

Short John Wu.

It's like it was John Wu.

But that, it seems like for the 90s, like the three-point stance thing that we see in movies now,

that's what it used to be.

Was the sideways, like, goosh, koosh, goosh.

One leg up.

Yeah.

The one thing I remember about this movie most clearly, and it's not even about the actual movie, is I used to go to Planet Hollywood all the time under the guys.

I would be like, Dad, take me to Planet Hollywood.

That's where the celebrities hang out.

What?

I was naive.

But I also met Anthony Michael Hall, so I was also right.

Nice.

Just on us, just on us.

Nice.

I thought you said celebrities.

It was pretty dead.

Yeah, that's right.

I'm starting to beef with Anthony Michael Hall.

And I remember always wanting to eat under the naked Stallone demolition man because he gets frozen in this movie and it's like a block of ice, but it's like kind of just naked Stallone.

Really?

And I just thought that was so cool.

I was like, whoa, it's like he's in there.

Wait, and that was at Planet Hollywood?

Yes, a big, like, giant, like,

like, six by eight foot circle with like a Stallone dummy inside.

You know what they should have done is they should have had a table that was that.

You should have been able to use that as a table.

And then when you would eat your fries, you could see his junk.

They'd go, oh,

I have a feeling that there is someone who has that now, and it is a table.

Oh, yeah.

That would be the best table of all time.

Guys, let's all chip in and get one of those.

Well, because once Planet Hollywood shut down, all that shit had to go somewhere.

Yeah, someone had my Axel Foley's jacket.

Yeah,

I'm sure that they weren't like, hey, so Planet Hollywood shutting down, Smithsonian, you guys?

You guys want Stallone

in ice?

You guys want a bunch of garbage?

Yeah.

I mean, we're loading it up on the truck and driving it down to you guys.

We were just giving you a heads up to move the Millennium Falcon.

There's a great line at the beginning of the movie said by the police chief in Leave a Weapon, who, like, there, after, like, he captures Phoenix, and he's like, hey, enough of this demolition man shit.

Like, that's Stallone's M.O.

that he just demolishes stuff?

Well, there you go.

Keep this in mind, okay?

In the opening of this movie, upon capturing Phoenix,

the entire building both explodes

and crumbles to the ground.

Like, in seconds.

Oh, and they get away and they walk out of that.

But if you were to understand why, it was because Buzzy Snaps punctured a couple cans of gasoline.

Yes.

I thought it was also like a chemical factory.

Guys?

All right, maybe it was.

That brings up something I really want to talk about, which is the events of September 11th.

Oh, brother.

Well, here's the crazy thing.

Stallone goes to jail because the hostages were in the building, but nobody thinks to ask, like, wait, did they die now?

Like, did they die from this explosion or were they shot in the head?

Because we learned later on that they were dead.

Major spoiler alert.

Major spoilers.

They had been killed by Phoenix.

How did you get it?

By the way, very harsh sentence for a police officer capturing

the world's worst criminal.

Yeah,

that guy started the fire.

All he did was knock him out of the window and he's like, oh, you're on the right.

He made a tough call.

He made a tough call.

But it would be like, in my opinion, it would be like if Stallone said, fuck it, we'll blow up that building.

Then it would be a tough call.

Wesley Spence booked the building.

He just escaped.

I love that.

You're going to jail, bro.

I love that you have injustice.

You have a sense of like there is an injustice at the center of this movie.

An American hero is tried and sentenced to jail.

He is the only man.

The kingdom could find Phoenix.

He tried to take down the terrorists.

And

as a result, some innocents died.

Those are lives lost in the service of a greater good.

But

what makes it worse is the fact that Wesley Snipes, as he's being taken away, is like, I told him, I told him there were people there.

I told him there were people there, and he said he didn't care.

He didn't care.

That's witness testimony.

Send him to Iceland.

Amazing Wesley Snipes impression.

And then, like,

but by the way, it's as if like the cops were like, yeah, we believe you, Wesley Snipes.

Maniac who has taken over Los Angeles over a cop, like, who is a hero.

But also, he's a maniac, too, because it takes a maniac to catch a maniac.

That's right, That's true.

That is true.

Thanks for coming.

Wipe it out, everybody.

Watch it.

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By the way, we've only cracked into the first three minutes of this.

By the way, wait, I do have a question.

The credits have not yet happened.

No.

This movie has a cold open.

So, but are we to understand that he's been sentenced to jail jail forever?

No, for 30 years.

Oh, 70?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Okay, 70 years.

Yes.

In the same jail that Scott Peterson was apparently frozen in.

Yes, I pulled up a screen graph of that as they're going through their records.

I didn't catch this.

Yeah, as they're pulling up their records, I can show it to you right here.

This is all the people that are in jail.

Oh, that's amazing.

Scott Peterson also had his parole hearing at 8:15.

By the way, why would they list it like that?

It says 7 a.m.

Hyde Quinton, 8.15 Peterson Scott, 7.30 Phoenix Simon.

It should be the other way around.

No, no, in the future.

In the evening.

In the future, nothing happens in order.

That was an evening parole hearing.

They kind of knew that the Scott Peterson one, he had a lot to talk about.

So they both get frozen, and this is before I think people even understood what cryogenics were, because they basically put Stallone Han Solo-like in a cube, and then fill it full of water.

He seems to be choking.

Oh, it is just, it is a very starving sequence.

He's also naked.

No need to be naked.

There's no like the real sign of like life signs.

Like he's drowned

in what we're to believe, like

oxygen goo.

Like, I don't, like, there's, he's drowning.

There's no way that he's drowned.

Oh, lungs are filling with some sort of gloopy liquid, and then they drop like a freezer thing in, and it all freezes, and he's like, I mean, it looks like a terrible way to get frozen.

That's for sure.

I'm solo headed.

The fact that they didn't say, so here's the thing, just lay down and put your hands on top of your thighs.

They're like, no, we're going to put you in a weird hot tub thing and do whatever you want.

Just.

Make a face.

Do one of those guys.

Whatever you want.

However you want to be frozen.

That's your last choice.

choice like that's the last thing

because he is swimming around in there like he's like because there's a point when the water the goop is filling up he's like whoa hey whoa someone's fine

it's so and but he also seems okay with it the thing that really bothered me was that he wasn't like hey no this isn't cool and well i'm a hero yeah and when and when someone i don't know i don't remember if it's um Smithers, there's an officer named Smithers.

When someone's telling him like what he's going to jail for and listing off all of the charges, he's just he refuses to hear it and keeps on saying skip it.

Yeah, skip.

Just skip it.

That's what we all said in 1983.

Skip it.

Skip it.

But

the five.

93.

Sorry, sorry.

The five, though, is like he's been down this road a million times.

Like he knows what's going to happen.

And even that parole officer was like, hey, man, real bummer.

I hate to do this to you.

I get the freezy for 70.

But my job, he does say something like, I'm not going to do it.

And apparently that's like, cool.

Yeah.

Like, no biggie.

And by the way, yeah.

Oh, gosh.

Again, the first five moves

we are cracking into.

I feel like Wesley Snipes is like, I'm not getting naked and you're not filling up a confined space with me.

Although, he's in that trailer you played.

There is Wesley Snipes in ice, which we never see in the movie.

Right?

Yeah.

Maybe his trial was quick.

Guys, crack that code.

So when you're frozen, though, like, like hair doesn't grow in your body and your body doesn't age at all.

What's this thing?

Well, he's got, he's got,

he suffers from, like, below-the-ears alopecia.

That's either below-the-ears alopecia, or like he went to a barber shop and had two different people working on him.

Because he's got half of a box that's like, there's a fade that's not finished.

And then he's like, you know what?

Never mind.

Diet.

Diet.

Just diet blonde.

I got to get out of here.

I got to get out of here.

I got to commit heinous acts of terrorism.

He can't spend all day at the salon.

We cut to 2032.

Life has changed.

It is

big time.

Apparently, we all dress like Nazis.

Yes.

Nazis are extras in the police.

The police.

The Nazis are bad extras in Star Trek Next Generation.

It's like everyone's dressed like Dinan, like big,

flowy dresses and like plates.

Yeah, or Dacian.

Welcome to Obama's America.

They don't say phone.

They call it fiber optic.

I'll fiber optic you back, which is odd.

Yeah.

Because that doesn't even seem like...

No,

they've just added, because they've got no violence, they've like, we got time to kill, so let's just throw extra words.

Oh, yeah.

Homicide?

No, it's a murder-death kill.

Yeah.

Is this...

Is this a...

Is this a car I'm driving?

No, it's a conveyance.

Yeah.

My conveyance is driving.

We're getting in the conveyance.

And murder, death, kill.

I've thought about that a lot.

Me too.

Murder, death, kill.

It's redundant.

Murder, there's never a murder that doesn't end in death.

So you can just rip the death out of there.

Killing is also murder.

Yes.

So you can just say kill, because that would imply death and murder.

You could just say murder, which implies kill and death.

But you don't need to say murder, death, kill.

Yeah.

Okay, okay, Paul.

Murder, death, kill.

Sylvester Stallone,

John Claude Van Dam,

Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Go!

I'm gonna murder Stallone, I'm gonna kill Schwarzenegger, and

I'm gonna death Wesley.

When we cut to 2032, we're with

Sandy Bullock.

Sandy Bullock.

And she is like a uniformed police officer.

Her name is Huxley, Brave New World, nice reference.

Who is deep smart?

There's so many references in this.

Did anybody else notice in the first thing, Stallone punches a guy who's dressed like the Terminator?

Did anybody else notice that?

Right?

There is a guy who's dressed like, yeah, there's this too.

Oh, yeah.

Gives a Schwarzenegger reference later on.

There is.

Wait, do you think that Wesley Snipes dyed his hair because Joe Pesci had done it in Leave the Weapon?

Oh my god, that's amazing.

I did want to talk about this.

Wait, do you think that's Joel Silver being like, Joe Pesci's blonde hair worked?

We're going to do blonde hair in this.

Blonde hair is cool.

Basically, just so you know, people at home, that Cinder Book is a big, like, 20th century fan.

So that's why her office has a Lethal Weapon 3 poster.

Not even the best, like, one of the worst of the Lethal Weapons.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hang on, bro.

Like, it's so weird.

Chili Peppers, because they've definitely lasted.

The chili peppers carried over to 2032.

It's 2032.

And there's a little joker.

She's just obsessed with the 90s.

There's nothing wrong with that.

There's nothing wrong with that, but

she keeps on saying she's obsessed with the 20th.

And what about this one?

Oh, yeah, Chili Peppers, Levil Lefton, and a poster for the band, Bomb.

Hate-fed love.

What?

Like, I thought that was Joe Silver's kid.

Yeah.

And he was like, we've got to get into, we've got to get into a little bit.

If we put just a poster in the movie, we'll move some units.

But she is a uniformed police officer in 2032, just driving

her police car around, and calls

the prison warden.

She calls the prison warden to say, hey, hey, warden,

how come there's no crime?

I'm bored.

She's a police officer.

Like, just a regular.

It is crazy.

She's looking for action, Lila.

She knows she's going to get it.

Here, I will say what's kind of what they did predict was they did predict the iPad because the warden

has an iPad, but it's just got like a shiny silver frame.

Steve Jobs, a lot of people think Steve Jobs got the inspiration for the iPad from this movie.

By the way, when Apple did it.

True story.

Before he died, he said that.

He said it as he died.

Watch Demolition Man.

All the answers for Apple products are in Demolition Man.

And then

over his eyes, he's dead.

Well, that's why they included the script in that jobs book.

It was a script in that script.

Yep, yep.

The last appendix of the jobs book is just the script for Demolition Man.

That's oppression.

That's going to be my favorite part of the Ashton Kutcher movie is because in the movie, they show him, watch Demolition Man, but they don't cut.

They just show show him watch the whole movie.

Him jerking off to Demolition Man.

Because everybody knows

Steve Jobs jerked off to Demolition Man.

That's where we're at.

It is proof.

And you can download this podcast on iTunes

to be ripped off iTunes immediately.

So anyway, oddly, Wesley Snipes has a parole hearing

for a mass murderer.

Seems odd.

Seems odd that he's getting a parole hearing.

Wasn't he sentenced to eternity?

Wasn't he sentenced to eternity?

But yet they still run parole hearings just in case.

Like Stallone accidentally killed 20 people.

He still has 40 years before parole hearing.

Snipes gets one.

He gets out immediately.

No explanation how.

Because he breaks out of cuffs.

He doesn't do anything.

He's like, I didn't know.

Oh, no, no, that's because they programmed him.

yeah yeah but he's a bad guy programmed programmed he would have to be sentient to a computer to unlatch it like he didn't do like

no he knew the code word the guy says how'd you know the code word oh code word yeah he said whatever he says yeah he said like diddy pants and then

it was it was something that fucking yeah it was not silly it was like diddly pants and then the handcuffs

opened up and then they say how did you know the password he goes i don't know and that's why he's able to use all the cat like he goes up to an atm and it's like

as if

you mean a self-esteem machine?

Yes, exactly.

Okay, yeah.

Wesley Snipes escapes very quickly.

By the way, I feel like Wesley, I would like to look at the script because I feel like Wesley Snipes improvised every line.

Every line.

I feel like he was like, yeah, I'll be in this movie if I can't, if I don't have to say any of your dumb words.

There's a scene where he's just speaking in Spanish and I happened to watch a DVD last night and the audio director's commentary was on.

He's like, yeah, Wesley just started doing the scene in Spanish, and we thought it was funny, so we just let him do it.

And I was like, I'm proven wrong.

That's crazy.

That's why he talks to the parole officer.

I love that you just said, and for some reason, the director's commentary was on, as if you didn't turn on director's commentary.

He couldn't figure out the DVD.

We couldn't figure out the DVD push, like, I don't get that old shit.

Man, I'm about Netflix Instant and Hulu.

Oh, I'm about streaming.

Yeah.

So

here's what's really, here's what's really weird about this movie, though, overall.

This is just a general comment.

It's a macro point.

Yeah, I'm going to take it macro for a second because it's so, like, you don't know exactly what you're rooting for.

Like, there's this new society, and it is violence-free, but there are certain freedoms, like the freedom to eat fast food, that have been taken away from us.

Dune, haven't you heard Dennis Leary's rant?

I do, I did, I did.

There are a lot of problems.

So, but you're put in a position, though.

You're put in a position where it's like, as an audience member, you're hearkening back to the better times of 1996, which was

mass violence.

Hey, but don't know what we're wishing for here.

But at the same time, there are people today who are like, oh, it was so much easier in the 50s.

And it's like,

not for me, it wasn't.

Right.

Absolutely.

I don't know what you mean.

I don't know what you mean.

If you are unclear about why

people are upset, here is Dennis Leary's rant, which this is at the height of Dennis Leary being a stand-up.

And I feel like they were like, do your thing, man.

Just have hand on.

And Dennis Leary, just so you know, Dennis Leary is like,

a society

is rid of violence and everything's great and glossy and funny.

Dennis Leary is like the leader of the bad people that live underground, like in a kind of Matrix revolutions kind of scenario.

And so he's like a rap,

a Robin Hood type figure.

Yeah.

And by the way, their graffiti is amazing.

It's unbelievable.

And what they write in one of the first scenes in the movie is just simply life is hell.

Yeah.

Life is hell.

And by the way, they have a graffiti, an anti-graffiti machine, which they show out works, but it's just like poles that shoot out of concrete.

So I don't understand how the graffiti disappears.

It just seems like, like,

you you wouldn't get it man

but meanwhile wasn't snipes uses that to beat up people so uh we'll jack up the volume a little bit because these clips are a little bit low but um here we go this is Dennis Leary's rant

see

according to Coteau's plan

I'm the enemy because I like to think I like to read I'm into freedom of speech and freedom of choice.

I'm the kind of guy who would just sit in a greasy spoon and want to cheat.

It's not even the keto steak or the jumbo rack of barbecue ribs with a side order of gravy fries.

I want high cholesterol.

I want to eat bacon and butter and buckets of cheese, okay?

I want to smoke a Cupid cigar the size of Cincinnati in a non-smoking section.

I want to run through the streets naked with green yellow all over my body reading Playboy magazine.

Why?

Because I suddenly might feel the need to, okay, pal.

I've seen this.

Do you know what it is?

It's a 47-year-old virgin sitting around in his base pajamas drinking a banana broccoli shake singing, I'm an Oscar Meyer Wiener.

You look up top and Luke cocktails away.

What he wants, when he wants, how he wants.

Your other choice?

Come down here,

maybe starve to death.

And then he breaks into a pit song, I'm an asshole, right?

That was that, like that song that he had, like, where he did stand-up material during his song.

The other great part of that is that, go back to that for a second.

Yeah.

Jack Black is one of the underground dwellers.

Oh, really?

Yeah, go to the very end.

Go to the very end.

I looked, I saw it in the credits, and I was like, that's, yeah.

Wow.

Oh,

amazing.

That is awesome.

Pre-Bob Roberts.

Oh, wow, that's awesome.

So that's the villain of the movie.

So basically...

Wait, that's the villain of the movie?

Well, I mean, he is because basically Cocteau, the new

Cocteau is the villain.

Well, but I'm saying Cocteau says he's the villain.

Hey, Paul, why are you listening to Cocteau?

Yeah.

The guy created a great San Angelians, guys.

Hey, man, I'm starting to think you're part of Cocteau's plan.

Whatever.

I like wiping my ass with three seashells.

No big deal.

That's another, like, weird thing.

Like, why would you over?

Why would you flintstones it?

Like, why would you go from toilet paper to seashells?

Because, according to Stahlone, he said, he asked the director, and it's quoted as saying, it was explained to me the seashells, you hold two of them like chopsticks, and then you pull gently and scrape what's left behind with the third.

What?

So you are like, you're going, it seems way more

than have a shit in the future.

But how is it cleaned?

Wait, what?

You're going chopstick style, and

as you are getting in the middle of the log of crap, you're pulling that out, and then you're taking the third shell, and you're

going to get that uncle.

We're talking like.

I talked about it.

Like a bull, a pull, and a wipe.

God, they didn't even know about the Cotton L soft wipe.

That shit is so much more convenient.

But you can't, when you say you hold them chopstick style, so you hold two seashells with one hand?

Yes, like that, and you're getting in there and you're pulling it.

But we saw them.

Sure, look how cracked they were big.

They were pretty big.

And they were very clean.

So you'd have to wash the shit off of these seashells.

Like, who was like, oh yeah, that's actually more convenient than the paper that I used once and done in the toilet?

That makes sense.

Also, if you're somebody, like, because it was how, it was, what, it was, like, there were like 80-year-olds who should be alive during this time who were like, wait a minute, no, toilet paper, there was nothing, there was nothing about toilet paper that made us a violent society.

Like, toilet paper, if anything, kept us from being a more violent society.

Why, in your utopia that does not involve the rest of the country

with the rest of the country, do you get rid rid of toilet paper?

And also, can we have the word homicide back?

Because it's really murder, death, kills.

It's the best part of murder, death, kill was when

the computer reports like a like a 187 or like the code, and they're like, well, what is that?

I don't even know what that is.

Well, let's look it up.

Look up 187.

Oh, it's a murder-death kill.

Don't you think as a police officer you would know exactly what that thing is?

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You love bad movies.

I love bad movies.

I also love good movies.

And there are a lot of great movie podcasts out there.

But the one I want to talk about today is one of my favorites.

It's called The Confused Breakfast, okay?

It's like your best friends hanging out in someone's basement give you hilarious takes on bad movies, movies that you don't even have to really re-watch.

You just know them.

They're in your body from Howard the Duck to Street Fighter to Anaconda and Cocktail.

They also dive into great films like The Big Lebowski, Pulp Fiction, and Back to the Future.

And they have theories.

I mean, they have a theory that Carl Winslow from Family Matters was dreaming up diehard, right?

He's in a mental institution, and that was coming from his brain.

Or they even go into theories about Jenny from Farrest Gump maybe being the worst villain in movie history.

Yes, this is your favorite movies dissected in ways that you never quite thought about.

So if you're looking for another comedic movie podcast, subscribe now to The Confused Breakfast.

You will not be disappointed.

So basically, basically, you know, we don't have to get into the big plot of it.

Stallone is unfrozen, wasn't it?

Frozen, they wreck a lot of havoc in

the future.

Basically, Futurama.

Yeah.

And

wow, I didn't realize there were so many Futurama fans, but there aren't

canceled a second time.

Really?

Really?

Really?

Then you should have watched.

By the way,

I don't need to get back into the shit talk, but there is a moment like Sylvester Stolen is unfrozen.

They bring him right to the police place.

He gets in a uniform right away.

He's fully a cop.

And he's like, hey, to Santa Book, by the way,

you had a toilet paper.

So that means that he's walking around with shit in his eyes.

No, no, no, no.

No, he was holding a shit.

He didn't go.

He didn't go.

Because then he swears a bunch.

He swears a bunch.

And every time you swear, you get a ticket.

So he swears a whole bunch, so a whole bunch of paper tickets come out, and he goes, thanks, I'll be in the bathroom.

Here's the weird thing.

Did you think he was just going to go read those in the bathroom like a newspaper?

They fucking taken his shit and was like, oh, damn it, there's no toilet paper.

Alright, I can go out there and tell him the problem.

Then get a bunch of tickets and wipe my ass.

Like, he did pull up his pants real quick.

So he's got Paul.

Paul.

Hey, Paul, how are you living?

What are you?

Do you live like an animal?

Like, do you not check if there's toilet paper before you go?

He was like, I've been frozen for 40 years.

I got this goo coming out of my ass because it was all up in everything.

I need to shake this shit out.

I can't hold it in.

Oh, there's no toilet paper.

And I'm freaked out.

I gotta go out there.

I'm embarrassed.

This girl's kind of cute.

I need to wipe my ass.

I gotta be cool with her and just whisper.

Let me ask you this.

Also, bidets.

They had bidets in the 90s, and somebody was like, you're a bidet.

No,

I figured out a method.

I found three seashells.

Three metal seashells, they appeared to be.

Paul, I have a question for you.

When Stallone was frozen, he had a family, I think.

Oh,

yeah.

He did.

And when he asked about that family, here's what he was told.

And then I have a mind-blowing question afterwards.

Okay, great.

Yeah, I think we have the same question.

I think we all have the same question.

I think we all have the same question.

By the way, if you are a fan of the...

I'm just going to go.

Should we just go?

Sandra Bullock is 100% his daughter, right?

Yeah.

There's no other one.

Yeah.

Sandra Bullock is

100%

his daughter.

Yes.

Thank you.

Thank you.

No, no, no, no, no.

Yes.

She knows.

No, no, no, no.

Because she knows who the daughter is.

No, no, she doesn't.

She doesn't let her look up.

She's about to look it up.

She's like, I can look it up.

And he's like, no, no, no, don't do that.

Because then when I fuck you, it'll be weird.

This is like old boy shit.

Spoilers for old boy.

Yeah.

Guys, you've rocked my world.

Right?

Right?

The minute that happened, I was like, oh, she's his daughter.

Then they had the sex scene.

I was like, whoa.

Yeah.

This is going to be really weird when they reveal that she's his daughter.

But it was just mind sex, so you could kind of put it in her.

I was kind of okay with it.

But

barf yeah but then i all and by barf i mean barf out of my wiener i came

but by the way the way the movie ends and spoiler alert but it looks like he's gonna go off with her there yes his daughter together they're together his daughter come on

this is a dystopian future by the way there's no other explanation that's offered i am wrong there's no other explanation

They spent so much time with where's the daughter?

Is there a daughter?

The wife is dead.

We know that.

But there's a daughter and blah, blah, blah.

And I don't want to see the daughter because she won't like me because I've been in ice jail.

But I want to fuck you, baby.

I should make sure you're not my daughter.

Oh, fuck it.

Who cares?

Yeah.

But all right.

First thing I do.

One hole in this theory.

He was married.

His last name is Huxley.

Or his last name is Barton.

She's Huxley.

How did you change your name?

Who knows?

She may be remarried.

She may be remarried.

Oh, yeah.

His wife remarried.

And by the way, it's like, it's a new society.

Who the fuck knows what happened?

I love, thank you.

Thank you.

I love, we are 100% on the same page.

It's fucking his daughter.

Yeah.

That's what also seemed weird when he was having mind sex and he was like freaked out by it.

It seems like

a horror movie.

Yeah, that it was like he was like kind of into it and and then it was like, Oh, wait a minute, this could be my kid.

Yeah, oh,

I gotta go.

I really thought we were gonna learn that information, and that we didn't was very upsetting.

Well, do you want this is sex in the future?

You guys want to watch sex in the future?

The following scene is uh it's pretty amazing.

I listen

also, why do they fucking love jingles?

We'll begin in a few seconds

having sex, of course.

I want to talk to Sandra Bullock about this movie.

Stallone, again, great acting here.

Watch this.

What?

Not cool.

Oh shit.

By the way, it's filmed on my daughter.

It's a horror sequence.

It's a horror sequence.

Is this my daughter?

Wait a minute.

Oh, yeah.

We both have clefts in our chin.

What?

What?

What?

What's wrong?

You broke contact.

Contact?

I didn't even touch you yet.

Wow.

Guys, that just happened.

That is, I think, the most graphic sexine I've seen, even though it's not graphic.

It's like, it's...

He's a...

The zoom in.

The zoom ins on his face.

Yeah.

Because

you never see him naked.

And by the way, this is a great look in the future.

Just the

tuxedo vest without sleeves.

Yeah.

Or tuxedo jagger without sleeves.

Yeah, in a world where everyone.

He has a right sleeve.

Oh, did it?

No, I think he had, no, he didn't have either sleeve.

But in a world where like everybody's a fucking wimp, like the fact that they're like, ah, but we're going to go sleeveless to show off our muscles, even though we don't have violence or anything like that.

I have a feeling they gave him like a full outbreak.

Like, I'm ripping these sleeves off.

Because everyone has sleeves.

Like, I feel like he was like, rip, rip, all right.

It's the same thing in Over the Top.

When the kid had a jacket and he was like, I want this kid to have no sleeves.

I feel like, by the way, that they refer to Simon Phoenix, the Wesley Snipes character, as maniac a lot.

Yes,

stand down, maniac.

The maniac is not listening.

That's good.

That seems an overtly confrontational term.

Criminal.

Maniac just seems lightened.

Or even just, hey, suspect.

Why did they go in this future?

They like went zero to George Zimmerman and just

like

I don't know if you're the person I'm supposed to be stopping.

But get on the ground maniac!

Get on the ground maniac.

Oh man.

And then so but also the movie is based on this idea that Wesley's nice needs to find the gun, but yet he steals a stick from a police officer that when injected into a car blows it up.

Well also like, oh, you know what?

Fuck the gun.

I'll take this stick that blows shit up.

But that was only because

the museum, though, the guns are all in like a glass structure.

And he behaves as though he's never seen glass in the 90s.

He gets it

cannons.

Like an old school pirate cannon.

He's like, ooh, what do we got here?

Well, he was never, as a child, he was never taken to a museum, and that's why he turned to that life of crime.

It says, it really says something about the state of public education.

So here we go.

I'm just saying,

perhaps if it was a little better, you know.

Yeah, he had a good time at that museum.

He was learning.

Yeah, he went to like that school that the kids in the wire went to.

And

then was like, oh, this is going crazy.

So, in the world of Demolition, Man, is there a world outside of San Angeles?

You would argue that that would be yes.

I mean,

well, we do.

We learn

there is an enormous earthquake that kills everybody, basically.

Yeah,

a lot of lights were extinguished.

If Sandra Brooks said, and my mother was also killed in that earthquake, it would have been good.

Oh.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

She was so, oh, but no, here, actually, this is why her name is Huxley.

Because her mother died, her dad's in jail, she gets adopted, she never knew her mom.

Oh, shit!

Why it's an act!

Two exits!

Two bold exits.

Oh, here's another thing.

When Stallone's trying to have sex with his daughter, he goes...

He goes, oh,

we're not going to knock boots.

We're not going to hunk a chunka.

Hunk a chunka?

When was that a phrase?

Oh,

it was between 93 when the movie was made and 96 when the movie is set.

Make you want a hunk-a-chunker?

Yeah, it was really gross.

My favorite thing.

I remember Color Me Bad saying a song, Hunk-A-Chunka.

Yeah.

One of my favorite things is once Simon

Phoenix has escaped and they've thawed out Sylvester Stallone, they're like,

okay, well, we've run the computer program.

We know what he's going to do.

He's going to, it is determined that he will try and set up a drug lab and start a new crime syndicate.

That's just his, that must be his plan.

And that, that made me furious because I was like, you are fucking assholes.

If you think that, like, and Sylvester Salone rightfully is like, you guys are assholes, and I felt vindicated.

Also, also, do you realize how long it takes to set up a drug lab?

In this environment,

it would be almost impossible.

Even get some people in the idea of taking drugs.

Right.

And find a drug that they, like, that.

Yes.

Like, you're not, you don't have like weed or cocaine available.

Like, you're going to have to go into a lab and make some sort of synthetic drug.

You're going to have to do human trials.

Yep.

You're going to have to make sure that you're graffiti artists.

That's, yeah.

By the way, it would be like saying in this time, it would be like, he's going to set up a loom factory and people are going to go there and get tapestries.

Like,

it was like, why?

And also, it's going to take some doing.

This is a seven-year plan.

His drug lab idea, that's seven years.

That's a big world.

Yeah, that's a big chunk that he's got to get into.

By the way, it's also a very low-tier plan.

So, but we come to understand one

story.

I'm sorry, they're always looking for him, but they can clearly find him because he curses all the time.

Whenever he curses, a ticket comes out of the machine, so it's like, oh, we'll just follow the cursing machines.

Like, that's where he is.

They never use the cursing machines to locate him.

By the way, great point.

Great point.

We all...

We all should go to the future and be future cops.

We come to understand that while Stallone was frozen, he was conscious during that entire time.

Yeah, he definitely has a

Do you want to hear his monologue?

So, yeah, I love that.

Let's say your point first.

No, no, let's watch it first for sure.

Here's a a great dramatic monologue from Sylvester Stallone about his time in cryo jail.

Listen, sister.

I don't want to spoil your dinner, pal, but my cryo sentence was no sweet lullaby.

I had feelings and I had thoughts.

How about a 36-year nightmare about people caught in a burning building?

You would awake.

I don't think so.

I do think so.

And my wife beating her fist against a block of ice that used to be your husband.

Then you were nice enough to wake me up and let me know know everything that meant something to my life is gone.

It would have been daughter to take me down and leave me to the fucking crows.

What would you say if I called you a brutish fossil, symbolic of a decayed era?

Great.

I love that lady.

I honestly thought the whole like her thing, she wanted to fuck him.

Oh, she, and I was waiting for that moment where, like, he takes her into the bat, into the Taco Bell bathroom.

She, and it's like,

I've done this before in a Taco Bell bathroom, but never won this nice.

Yeah.

She is wet.

I oddly got the, I guess, the European version of this online, and Taco Bell is replaced with Pizza Hut.

What?

Hi!

But they didn't change it all out, so there are some scenes that are like, do you see a Taco Bell sign and then they say pizza It's like let's go to this pizza hut, but it's Taco Bell

There's no Taco Bell in I guess far in foreign countries I went to I went to college at the University of North Carolina and the one thing that I can take pride in is that a fellow alum Dan Cortez was the piano player

in

in the Taco Bell

combination

pizza hut Taco Bellez

Like on the piano, like Jolly Green Giant.

It's a great scene.

Jesse the body Ventura is in this movie.

He's one of the thawed out thugs that Simon Phoenix asks to be thawed out.

And by the way, a huge question mark on that one, only because, like, Simon Phoenix is like, yeah, if you want me to kill Dennis Leary, I got to get a bunch of my guys out.

And they're like, oh, yeah, yeah, sure.

We'll release more crazy people in this world.

And then at the end of the movie, those guys are not captured.

They're probably performing that drug lab.

Oh, yes.

But a few of them were talking about it.

Like, hey, we could really make a killing with a drug lab.

Also, do you know, did he ever thaw out Jeffrey Dahmer?

Because

he was so excited about getting to meet Jeffrey Dahmer.

Great news.

John Hine is tweeting about the show.

John Hine from the Howard Stern Show.

He was just here.

I do know that

the police don't seem too worried about Simon Phoenix being out because at one point Benjamin Brad says it'll just be a matter of TikToks until we find him.

Again, overcomplicating the word time.

Because in the future we use longer and more words to say short things.

Here's what's so confusing about Sandy Bullock's character.

She's set up as wanting to see violence and action so badly, but the second

something actually happens, she doesn't do anything.

No.

She just

kicks a little ass.

But

her instinct is to unfreeze someone else to get in there.

Yeah.

Right.

Her dad.

Her father.

Slash sexual partner.

I mean, like, there's an argument to be made that she wants to see action because it's in her blood.

Yeah.

It's in her blood.

That's why everybody else is docile and and lame, and she has the blood of John Spartan in her.

John Spartan?

She has the blood of John Spartan in her.

And she says soon.

She will have the semen of John Spartan in her.

Oh, wait, by the way, this is the interesting point of this movie.

There's a part in this movie where Wesley Snipes threatens Coctoe, who's actually in on the whole thing, and we know that.

And it's not a secret, and it's not really revealed in an interesting way.

And he runs away, and then everyone just kind of takes a break.

It's like, oh, yeah, we're hunting that guy.

Anyway, you want to come to Taco Bell tonight?

Yeah, let's go to Taco Bell.

Let's go back to your apartment.

There's a long period of time where Wesley Snipes, he escapes in the daylight.

We catch back up with him at night.

And he's like, all right, here I am going down here.

Everyone just took time off.

Yeah, he jumped into some bushes and they were like,

I'm not getting this fancy new outfit dirty.

He is dressed like crisscross in this movie.

He is full-blown crisscross.

And

for whatever reason, there's like a Demolition Man logo on the front of his overalls.

I don't know where I got that, but there, you know,

it was from the cryo lab.

Yeah, they all got those plastic things.

Yeah,

that's not a Demolition Man logo.

That's like a, that's just something from the prison.

I will say,

I will say, in the Dennis Leary underground Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Sewer World,

why did the lady who made cheeseburgers look like Frita Frida Cahlo?

Yes.

Yes.

100% good.

She's alive and she's been living them.

That's her new resistance.

Yep.

In the future, Frida Carlo, in this version of the future, Frida Carlo and Diego Rivera live in an underground city.

Guys, let me just drop some facts on you about this movie and I want to hear your reactions to them.

Lori Petty was originally cast in the role that Sandra Bullock played.

Tank girl?

Yes,

and after a few days of filming, was fired fired and replaced with Sandra Bullock.

Wow.

A few days, so we don't know, so we have to get that footage.

It's the Eric Stoltz Marty McFly footage.

I feel like she probably tried to get fired.

Because she's like, what the fuck?

I'm fucking my dad?

Yeah.

The original movie was written for Steven Seagal and Jean-Claude Van Damme.

Amazing.

Van Damme was offered the role of the bad guy, but didn't want that role.

He agreed to start it if both lead roles could be switched.

But Zagal was like, Well, I don't want to play the bad guy.

So then that movie was scrapped.

Here's two other facts that are interesting:

Jackie Chan was supposed to be Wesley Snipes, but Jackie Chan said he didn't want to play a bad guy because Asian audiences don't like good guys who become bad guys.

And then he is name-checked in it.

Yes, because Sandra Bullock is a big Jackie Chan fan.

But in the European version, he says

Bruce Lee.

He says Bruce Lee, not Jackie Chin.

Interesting.

Here are two other things.

These are all like amazing facts.

Wesley Snipes' kicks and punches look lurchy and awkward because he's such a good karate guy in real life that his punches were so fast that it blurred in the camera.

Oh my gosh.

So they made him slow it down.

So it looks weird.

That's amazing.

And

in Kuwait, the movie was simply called Rambo the Destroyer.

Rambo also name-checked in this movie.

Wesley Snipes gets guns and is like, thanks, Rambo, or something like that.

And then Luke Skywalker is also name-checked in this movie.

There's a lot of pop culture references from the 1980s in 2032.

Also, I am wondering if in the Expendables movies, Sylvester Stallone wears a beret.

And I'm wondering if he just took the beret from Demolition Man or if this is some kind of a nod to all the guys and gals who went to DemoCon.

And where does that beret come from?

What are we going to do?

No, it was in his box.

He had a box of stuff.

Right, with

yarn.

Yes.

Remember when he knit a sweater?

Remember when in one night Sylvester Stallone knit a red sweater?

And by the way,

by the way, he knit an entire sweater out of like one ball of yarn.

Yeah.

That's how good the rehabilitation program was.

He and his daughter.

That was going to be like fully realized and that was going to be like

paid off in a wonderful way at the final sequence.

I want to learn to knit now just so I can start an Etsy shop called John Spartan.

John Spartan.

Sweaters.

Sweaters for my daughter wife.

I want to, before we go out to the audience, because I'm sure you guys have some things we might have missed, I do want to play this scene that Jason,

which said that we should definitely play, and I agree with you.

I'm going to pee while we do this, because it's too sexy for me to do it.

So...

Obviously Wesley Snipes, from the way he's dressed, is pretty hip-hop.

So they score the fight scene with a little bit of hip-hop here.

Let's have some record.

So let's do the record scratches during this fight scene.

Here we go.

Hey, wait for me!

I love that they whoever made that turns like a wicked wig, they think it's like an old like Casio piano that you buy, whoop the wick a wicker.

Yeah, and then you never hear it for the rest of the movie.

Never again, never again.

They, throughout the movie, they hired different people to score it and then fired them.

Like, they would submit one song and it was like, huh?

Get out.

And then another person, like, but we don't have the budget to have them re-score the whole, just let them do the next song.

That's your song, get out.

Because even at the very end, like, when he's hanging, when Stallone's hanging from the

grabber thing,

the music there is, like, weirdly orchestral, but like, fast and kind of circusy.

I feel like they, no one really knew what was going on, but they were psyched that it was happening.

Like, I'd be like,

We're doing something!

The best in this sequence, though, is when they cut back to everyone in the police station who's watching violence, I guess, for the first time.

I mean, that's what I think that scene is about, right?

Like, they've never seen it.

But, like, so my question is, they've never seen movies, they've never seen well, she's a 90s aficionado.

Right, but must have seen some Stallone films, right i mean no she just has the poster for lethal weapon three well and rambo is talked about so

rambo exists

three seashells in there what's that did you use the three seashells yeah yeah yeah i used three seashells

but that also that brings up a good it brings up a good point um there's a moment where like when the uh the warden is killed and they're like bring him up on screen they show him dying and they're all just like huh yeah

that's that's a shame yeah that's a bummer they didn't call for help back up.

They're like, oh, let's just watch him bleed out.

Okay.

Also, in 2036, I just want to have to say, 2036, I think there's only two women on the police force.

Yeah, yeah.

Like, really?

There's Benjamin Brad, too, and he's kind of a lady.

They really built it.

At the end of the movie, they're together and they're side by side.

He's like, fuck it.

And then Siri's like, I thought.

And there's a moment between the two of them.

Yeah, because he gets dreaded.

Like, they change his clothes.

They give him a makeover and rip the sleeves off his outfit and put a vest on him.

No sleeves.

Yeah.

They put a vest, like, good.

Yeah, you're one of us now.

Wear this vest.

There are obviously some things that we missed, and that's why we go out to you, the audience, if you have questions, things that we might have missed, things you want to inform us about.

Oh, my gosh, this guy's questioned up.

All right, your name, your favorite scene of the movie, and your question.

Oh, he wrote it down on his iPad.

Here we go.

You mean on his fiber op?

Read your fiber op.

My name is Chris.

I think my girlfriend's fought way too long.

I know.

Well, and he was reading.

It looked like he was moving as he said it.

My name is Chris.

What I was actually thinking about is my favorite scene in the movie because there's so many great ones.

I think it's the Blood Sugar Sex Magic We Go Up in 3 framing of Sandra Bullock's office.

I just wanted to bring up that the director of this movie, which I had to look up because I was like, where did this come from?

I just want to read

the first line of his Wikipedia.

Marco Vembrilla is a New York-based video collage and installation artist known for his elaborate recontextualizations of popular and found imagery, which Vanity Fair praises as critiques and masterpieces of visual overload.

Well, that

lines up.

Sounds like the guy that I want directing demolition, man.

And by the way, this movie is not like poorly directed.

Are you sure about that?

I agree with you.

But I mean, like,

in the scheme, like, in the grand scheme of, like, the room.

Are you sure about that?

I mean, in that...

Did you see that sex scene?

Yeah, you're right.

That's a pretty great video installation.

All right.

All right, your name,

your favorite thing that Simon Phoenix did in your question.

Here we go.

My name is Tom.

Favorite thing that Simon Phoenix did

was

actually the opening fight sequence when he just goes crazy

to hip-hop music.

And my question is,

it's more of an explanation, hope, but...

Nice reference.

This guy gets it.

This guy gets it.

I was wondering, the entire building does get blown up in the opening scene, right?

So how did they find 20 bodies in a matter of seconds?

Very good point.

Very good point.

Because they were left out to the front, maybe.

There is in the front of the building.

Maybe the

entire building is the only one that's going to be.

I think Phoenix must, here's what I think.

I think Phoenix must have killed them by lighting them on fire or

something.

Because otherwise...

He wouldn't have been put them in a dumpster and they were going through the dumpster.

No, he froze.

Well, he froze.

He said he froze them so that way because Stallone early on is like, I did a thermoscan and there was only eight people in that giant building.

And he says, the reason you didn't know is because they were dead already.

But he froze them.

He froze them so that they wouldn't show up on the thermoscans.

The cops in Los Angeles thought that Stallone froze these people to death?

No.

No, no.

That's what Simon Phoenix did.

The explosion.

They thought that he was a cowboy and went in and just, with reckless abandon, caused the death of these 20 hostages.

And what they didn't know is that Simon Phoenix had already killed and frozen the hostages to frame John.

Oh, I'm dying.

I'm fucking dying.

This is our lives.

We try and make sense of this for you.

I'm looking for a label.

But here's the last question about that.

So the cops found them frozen, though.

The cops found the bodies frozen.

No, because the fire, the fire, they've got flash rounds.

They really did just take Phoenix's word for it that they were just saying.

That's the injustice that I was complaining about.

Yeah, you're right, you're right, you're right.

This is the kind of world I don't want to live in, 1998.

Okay.

Your name, what you would say to Simon Phoenix at his trial,

and

your question.

You're a maniac.

Good.

Your name.

Is your name?

Okay, now what would you say to Simon Phoenix at his trial?

Number one, if they're trying to underplay the sexuality so much in this

society, why did that girl nude dial Stallone?

Yeah.

That was strange.

And who did she think she was dialing?

Like, what was that?

The other quick question was, doesn't the liquid styrofoam for crash cars seem so much like more inefficient and slower than airbags when that slipped out?

I actually thought that

the safety foam.

I thought that the foam was a great idea though, because the foam protects the the entire car.

Like there's to me there's no way if you have a car that produces that foam that you could ever die in a car crash.

Whereas what?

You would die in supplication.

It would.

No, it is filling the cabin with something that goes from soft to hard.

So you would be killed.

What happens?

Goes from soft to hard, though.

Just

bark blade, Bogan.

It protects you inside of it.

It protects you inside of it, and then someone has to chisel you out.

Yeah, because you're dead.

No, you're not.

Because you're dead then.

I did think that the naked girl was interesting.

That's a very good idea.

This is like the first sexting, here's naked picture kind of scenario.

And because it's a phone call up here, and there's a naked woman, and she's like, hey, do you want a, oops, wrong number.

But this is like the era where naked women in movies started went on a decline a little bit.

It was sort of like actually,

I just put some tits in there.

Like that would be a fun scene, right?

Because it was so gratuitous.

And even, like, there's no, like, they should just.

I have no problem with that scene.

You're named.

Why do you think John Spartan's a hero?

In your question, go ahead.

My name is Mallory.

I think.

Mallory.

It's a family ties quote, guys.

R.I.P.

David K.

David Goldberg.

Great Scott Valentine reference.

Thank you.

I think John Spartan was a hero because he didn't let anything stop him.

Great.

I I like that.

And I guess my question is that scene where he's in the museum and he's kicking the glass and then I guess the museum guard sees him and I guess I'm wondering how socially stunted are they that they can't like he's breaking into the thing.

He's like, oh, do you need help?

And then he's like, oh, how much do you weigh?

and just chucks him.

This movie posits that 30 years in the future we would forget 30 years ago.

So that would be

we have no recollection of, what would that be?

Like the 8th?

77.

Yeah.

So we'd be like, yeah, I don't know what happened in the 70s.

I don't know.

Unless that earthquake killed most people.

I don't think it did.

And then lobotomized everybody else.

And just, oh,

information's leaving my brain.

It's one thing.

It's one thing to be like, we don't have crime.

It's another thing to be like, what is crime?

You know, like that's a tough, like, that's a tough sell, and especially for people that are in their 20s, which means that they were like, they were born 10 years after this.

So, it's not like well, like his cop friend, his cop friend who was flying the helicopter at the beginning of the movie, like, nobody ever thought to be like, hey, man,

you, you lived through this, you were a cop then.

This, like, you, you don't remember what a 187 is?

yeah why can't he be like oh no that's a murder right death kill

as you guys know it now and then they'd be like shut up man just keep working on your little miniatures

that's my third wife

that's my third wife

yeah by the way uh white and i were talking about this i love that guy because in the young version of him was agent johnson from diehard yeah which is just you know hey look i like that and i like that he's both, he's flying helicopters in both movies.

He hasn't very, he's a niche.

The problem is, the actor who's the older version of him is like a foot and a half taller than the actor playing the younger version of him.

Oh, everybody gets longer.

Good question.

Your name,

what favorite piece of future tech in your question?

Mike, my favorite piece of future tech has to be Taco Bell being every restaurant ever.

My question or my point is, you guys left out the part of the movie that actually made me have to pause it and take a break and come back.

And that is the way people greet each other in the future.

Be well.

Oh, right.

They put their hands close and they do a little snippet.

Yeah.

They go like that.

And then someone's in the face, but not.

It's very weird.

It's very karate kid, wax on, wax off.

Although, you know what?

If we all did that, we'd put that damn Purell family out of business.

Well, that's the thing is, they also don't high five.

They come close to high five.

They are like, yeah.

Yeah.

Well, they really don't

need physical contact with each other.

No, no.

Sex is outlawed because of the swapping of fluids.

Yeah.

Yeah, but which we all understand to be disgusting.

Who has a good question?

Double hand raised.

We have a good question.

All right, this guy.

Holy shit.

What is going on?

Why does everyone...

Everyone's raising their hand.

Here we go.

Your name.

You okay?

Okay.

Your name, what you would call the first movie that leads into Demolition Man, and your question.

Alright, the movie leading into Demolition Man is probably White Man Can't Jump.

Alright, I like that theory.

Well, that's a trilogy.

And then after that, it's Major League and Major League Two is pretty much happening at the same time as

wait.

So you're saying White Man Can't Jump goes into Major League 1, Major League 2, and then Demolition Man?

Alright, we're off the track.

Here we go.

Question.

So, Mike, well, that's more of a point leading in.

Okay, so at the start, there's the fire going on, and then Wesley Snipes says, is it me or is it hot in here?

And then or it's getting cold in here and then he throws the thing on at the guess.

But at the end it's like all frozen and cold and then Select Smiling says, is it me or is it cold in here?

And then that just hisses off Wesley Snipes.

So it's kind of like they're going first, like full circle.

And like...

Well, there is...

There's another parallel about that because Wesley Snipes says something in the beginning about taking my head off.

Like, he's like, he's like, something, something, if you take my head off, and Stallone's like,

Stallone's like, oh, keep that in mind.

And then in the end, he takes his head off.

He kept it in mind for 37 years or so.

So he had a lot of time to think while he was alive in that block of ice.

People go insane in solitary confinement.

People go insane.

For 37 years, he's been awake and comes out and is like, let's get to work.

And it we're going to be able to do that.

Well, like his mind asks to be put, in a moment of frustration, says, put me back in the fridge.

All right, here we go.

Not even the freezer, just the fridge.

He wants a lesser sentence.

Okay, question, comment, name.

Here we go.

My name is Merlenis, and I'm not very good with names of cars, but there was one scene where they're on the ground and they had this like awesome red car.

Like, how is these like poor people had this awesome car and how they got it down there, and then how did they have

it down there?

And it's like, I mean,

that's my question.

Like, it's an amazing question.

That basically the mold people had an elevator

underneath the Chevy dealership that just in case they needed to.

Yeah, because you see them go down there a number of times.

The only way it seems to get down, they seem to be able to get down, is through like a manhole cover.

Right.

But also, with with that

still like Wesley Snipes runs away and Stallone rather than give chase is like wait hold on a second can you start that elevator up because I really want to drive that GTO right now like I know I need to stop this terrorist that's like trying to kill me and everybody

but I want to give this thing a test drive.

Is that cool, Dennis Leary?

I know I'm supposed to be protecting you, but is it all right if I like I know I'm I'm gonna catch him.

He's on foot.

There's no way.

I'm just just let me put the car in the elevator.

Hey

Move past Ila Huerta.

Move your fucking burger shop so I can drive in there.

Did anybody else think it was weird that the Dennis Leary people, the underground dwellers, their way of checking in on the real world is to have like a periscope that pops out of the ground?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And that twice Sylvester Stallone sees it randomly and is like, hey, what is is that thing?

And everybody else is like, what are you talking about?

And he's like, I guess it was nothing.

He's a groundhog.

In 1996, he was a great groundhog hunter.

And I was going to say, this is my favorite part.

And when he goes underground for the first time, Sylvester Stallone lifts up the sewer grate and goes, smells like biscuits and gravy.

Yep.

But it shouldn't.

No, it doesn't.

If it does, then that's a beautiful place to live, but it did not seem like a match.

Especially because then he manages to find a hamburger, which he's been craving forever.

Uh-oh.

Nick Kroll's.

Yeah!

Y'all done with show?

Where at?

Everybody text Nick Kroll.

No, we're not done with the show, asshole.

Very close, very close, but not yet.

He eats a hamburger.

Turns out it's made of rat meat.

But you know it is still pretty good.

He doesn't mind it.

Here we go.

This is your final question.

A lot of pressure on you to bring it home.

No!

We've got to get to Nick Crow.

Guys!

Nick Crow!

Gotta go, guys.

Alright, here we go.

Your name, what you would say to Sylvester Stallone when he was on trial.

Any question?

My name is John.

I'd say it's not your fault.

Good answer.

And my question is, could you guys just briefly talk about how Sandra Bullock tries to say like these 90s phrases but says them wrong.

At a certain point, what's there to say?

After Simon Phoenix in a hole and says, I'm going to go down there, I'm going to blow him.

I wrote down a bunch of those.

They're all terrible.

Again, like, again,

no lang, like, language has not devolved.

No.

Like, I'm going to blow him.

I'm going to blow him up.

She says, at one point, she says, it looks like you've met your match.

What?

And she says, take this job and shovel it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

If she saw Litha weapon, she would know that those are wrong statements.

To anyone who is like over 45 in that society,

they would know those phrases.

Sure, yeah.

They have jingles from our time.

Right, why don't they have like a book of phrases from our time?

Also, why don't they have the music from our time?

They clearly have the movie posters, but the personality.

The licenses.

They have posters for the red-hot chili peppers, but no.

No music.

Yeah.

Was that like, was that the end?

Like, oh, that's, music can't get any better.

Let's shut it down.

Shut down the studios, everybody.

We're not listening to music anymore, just jingles.

Old jingles, too.

Like, jingles from, like, the 40s jingles.

Yeah, yeah.

Jingles from our time.

No.

Like, oldies is for them from the 40s.

Right.

But just jingles, not songs.

But not the, yeah, and not like the good ones, like by Menon.

Yeah.

Like, that's great, solid.

And if you want to watch some deleted scenes of Dan Cortez singing by Menon, you can see it.

Obviously, we had opinions about this movie, but they're not shared by everyone.

Now it is time for a second opinion.

These are

five-star reviews told from Amazon.com.

People who felt very strongly about it.

There's some good ones in here.

This one's from JTS titled Beauty and the Cyro Cop.

I think she means like, well, okay, Syro Cop is not right.

This is an all cap.

Cryo?

Does she mean cryo?

I think she means cryo.

It's spelt Cyro though.

So

she's always a constant in these Amazon reviews.

Here we go.

All caps.

Sandra's sweet innocent takes the edge off this tough guy film.

She is the Spartan, what Adrian spelt like Alderon was to Rocky.

The special effects are great.

Some of the dialogue lags at times, but the strengths of the characters carry this one through.

Check out the end.

Wow.

All right, Sandra Bullock wrote that review.

Sandra Bullock wrote that.

I own this title and have seen it 60 times.

Worth a sequel?

I think so.

Good fair.

Do you think any of the people who listen to our podcast, when they hear about the movie, go and write five-star reviews, hoping that they might get paid.

I never take anything that's written past like 2009.

Well done.

So that is

a nice try, assholes.

I really like this movie.

A good thing about it is there is profanity, but they don't abuse it like they do in pulp fiction.

In that movie, they say the airport so many times it loses its meaning.

Also, Snipes is pretty funny at times throughout the film.

Five stars.

Okay, this is my...

I think this goes up in the pantheon of like favorite Amazon reviews because it really takes a turn.

From Geek Mom.

This is my most favorite movie ever.

There are so many quotes in this movie that are relevant today to today's society.

It's a great action flick with some of my most favorite actors and the crazy humor in it makes looking at what we're going through today almost laughable.

I wish more people had seen it, and then they'll understand what's wrong with today's Congress and why they need to stop voting for progressives.

ASAP.

This is the kind of world we'd be forced to live in if the progressives continued to thrive.

Nothing would be legal, and government would monitor and pay for everything you do.

Truly frightening.

Five stars.

Here's me.

I will say,

I will say watching this movie, there was something about it that felt like, oh yeah, if you listen to Glenn Beck, like Glenn Beck would love this movie as like, oh, this is the dystopian future that like liberals want because, oh, everyone wears the same outfits and there's only one restaurant.

Like you get like, like, there's no money anymore.

And

I agree with it, but what we came from in 96 was so terrible.

Right, and in 96 that was Clinton.

Right, right.

That was like, oh, Clinton caused Hollywood to catch fire.

And then...

No planes to land in LAX anymore.

No commercial airliners.

Yeah.

Like they were all, like, everything about the movie seemed like a liberal complaint.

Like, it sucks now that Clinton's president.

Everything's on fire.

And then it only gets worse.

We can't curse no more.

This movie asked a lot of questions and did not do a lot of answers.

I feel like we got the bottom.

Would you recommend seeing it?

I know I would.

Yes, recommend.

Strong recommend.

Yeah.

I mean, if the choice is that or like Winter's Bone.

Demolition.

Demolition.

Even though Sandra Books could have got a Winter Bone, right?

Yeah.

With that John Spartan iced dick.

And by that, we mean her father's penis in her body.

Also,

Sting did the theme song.

Oh my god, you're right.

Yes.

How about that?

And I wonder if Sting asked, like, they were like, hey, Sting, you know, Sandra Bullock's character is like in the 90s things.

We were thinking about putting up a poster of you.

No, that's all right.

Don't do it.

Don't fucking.

We really want to prominently feature Ten Sumner's Tales.

Nope, that's fine.

That's cool.

You have to get away.

Here's a red-hot chili piece.

Are you sure?

Soul cages?

You don't want us to put soul cages up?

I'm fine, I'm fine.

I'm going to continue having tantric sites with my wife.

You cannot put any money.

Really?

You sure?

No soul cages?

Absolutely not.

Yeah, no, no, no, no, no.

I saw that tour, guys.

Saw that tour.

Just saying.

Do you think he does the theme song in concert?

No, wait a second.

Can somebody settle something?

Did he write it for this, or is that a police song?

It is a police song that was appropriated for this.

All right.

Even worse.

Sting, you did it.

You did it.

You did it the best way you could.

Well, thank you guys so much for coming.

Give it up, baby.

So I was just parking my car and then I saw you, the Gecko, huge fan.

I'm always honored to meet fans out in the wild.

The honor's mine.

I just love being able to file a claim in under two minutes with the Geico app.

Well, the Geico app is top-notch.

I know you get asked this all the time, but could you sign it?

Sign what?

The app?

Yeah, sure.

Oh, that means so much.

Oh, it rubbed off the screen when I touched it.

Could you sign it again?

Anything to help, I suppose.

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