Expend4bles LIVE! w/ Jessica St. Clair

Tron Aries has arrived.

I would like you to meet Aries, the ultimate AI soldier.

He is biblically strong and supremely intelligent.

You think you're in control of this?

You're not.

On October 10th.

What are you?

My world is coming to destroy yours, but I can help you.

The war for our world begins in IMAX.

Tron Aries, suited PG-13.

Maybe inappropriate for children under 13.

Only in theaters October 10th.

Get tickets now.

To get real business results today, you need professional-looking content.

Meet Adobe Express.

It's the easy way to make social posts, flyers, presentations, and more.

Start fast with Adobe quality templates and assets.

Make edits in one click.

Stay consistent with brand kits and collaborate easily with colleagues.

Your teams can finally create with AI that's safe for business.

Try Adobe Express, the quick and easy app to create on-brand content.

Visit adobe.com/slash express.

Your sausage mcmuffin with egg didn't change.

Your receipt did.

The sausage mcmuffin with egg extra value meal includes a hash brown and a small coffee for just $5.

Only at McDonald's for a limited time.

Prices and participation may vary.

They're too old for this shit.

I mean, actually, I think they really are too old for this shit.

Well, I mean, technically, they were too old for this shit, but now they actually have a lot of young people in it, too.

So I guess maybe some are too old, but then some are young.

But then it's also like, well, I mean, some are not even action stars anymore.

I don't know.

We saw Expendable 4, so you know what that means.

beautiful June.

Running pipes from the moon, all the way to Room.

Rain to get the street fight and hope to pour off steam.

Just to suck a punch to odd life for Jimmy Scream.

Crankin' 88 minutes cause they cool as ice.

Cause the bad Jim Barney looking kind and nice.

All his dudes getting literal.

Jason is getting lame.

June is making sure all the monkey shots in the pain.

And just a bunch of movies while they making the grave.

Here's a real question for you.

Well well

it's not often we get a chance to talk about the fourth entry in a series

And it's because most movies that are this bad don't make four entries

They're done in two, but this one came out September 21st 2023

tagline to expendables 4

they'll die when they're dead

now again

I will say works for Stallone everybody else seems pretty young I guess Dolph Lundgren maybe he'll die when he's dead But the is getting younger and younger.

One of the cool things about this franchise was they were old action stars, stars, but now they're all young.

IMDb calls this film, or they describe this film, as armed with every weapon they can get their hands on.

The expendables are the world's last line of defense and the team that gets called when all other options are off the table.

Budget, $100 million.

Opening weekend, $8 million.

Domestic gross 16 million dollars

woof

all right expendables for

apparently is the end of the franchise

but

we'll reveal in just a little bit

all the ways it went to to get to this film because well you know what i'll save it i'll save it because we have so much to unpack let me introduce our co-host for tonight.

Please welcome to the stage, Mr.

Jason Manzukas.

What's up, jerks?

Let's go!

Come on, San Francisco!

Here we go!

Yeah!

Let's tear Salesforce Tower to the ground!

I don't know what they do, but I know I don't trust it!

Jason, expendables for what?

Have you seen any expendables?

Okay, here's what I realized when I started this movie.

I've never seen an expendable in my life.

And I'll be honest, after watching four, I'm still not sure I've seen one.

Because I don't know what this was.

Here's the thing.

This seemed like a longish episode of the A-Team.

This is,

well, that's not far from what the Expendables do.

Yeah.

The difference is, and I've seen the first two,

dropped out for three, came back for four.

is that you would have a lineup of every star imaginable.

It's a love boat.

It's Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Wasn't that, it was a cavalcade of stars.

Chuck Norris.

It's action stars, some of them who can barely still walk.

They just put a gun on them.

Wait, who's that?

Chuck Norris.

Oh, that's Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris, when he came on, face didn't move.

Looks like you guys needed some help.

Never saw him again.

Oh,

Walker.

Yeah, so they pull everybody out.

Has Sakal ever been in one of these?

No.

No, he doesn't get along with this.

I would like it if he was the villain in one of these.

It would be great.

Wouldn't that be be good?

I mean, edit this out.

Well, no, we don't have to edit this out.

I mean, he's a notorious piece of shit.

Right, yeah.

That's why I said we don't have to.

Let me be clear.

I'm not saying that because I love Seagal.

I like his politics, but here's the thing.

No, no, Paul, I will not agree with that.

His politics are reprehensible.

His blues guitar is transcendent.

Yes.

I like Steven Seagal with his Cajun voice and accent, dropping the hits.

And his Native Native American ancestry.

Oh boy.

And his Russian citizenship.

I mean a true villain.

I heard he just got put in charge of Doge.

My friend was the AD who worked with Steven Seagal and he said that they would choreograph these elaborate fight scenes and then Seagal would come on set and he would listen and you know touch his goatee look and look and all right yes I'm gonna throw him on this table yeah and then I'm gonna walk over here I'm gonna use use that pool cue.

I'm going to hit him in the head.

All right, and I'm going to go over here and I'm going to flip that guy over the pool table.

Yeah.

What if I was sitting

and one guy came up to me on the left side?

Another guy came up to me on the right side.

And when I was sitting, I just do one of these

and I knock him out.

And they go, Well, Stephen, that, yeah, you want to get up?

No.

I love it.

He just wanted to sit in his seat and punch people.

Yeah.

That's the left arm's hitting the right guy.

Do yourself a favor and watch the videos of him doing like martial arts demonstrations in which like fit men run at him and he's just like, and they throw themselves to the ground.

The other best Steven Seagal story is him saying to someone in a meeting, I just read the greatest script ever written.

And the person goes, whoa, that's incredible.

Who wrote it?

He goes, I did.

Gotta give it up.

Gotta give it up.

A true, true monster.

a prolific villain and there's only one name that's synonymous with villain

and that is our other co-host for tonight

please welcome to the stage Jessica Sinclair

Welcome Jessica.

We have Jessica on loan from the deep dive dive to join us for a tour

that has been full of beefcake, but in this film, no one takes their shirts off.

Who cares?

I loved it.

I love this movie.

Whoa, you're excited.

Wow.

You've gotten expendables pilled?

You had me at Stallone and Statham.

They've got sexual chemistry.

Are they actually brothers?

No.

no they're more than brothers well they're friends they are they are soul brothers they're brothers they're brothers in arms i know that but they were twice they were referred to as brothers and i was like is what do they mean brothers they're brothers okay very cool way to do that the brothers very

very cool very normal

is baruz

but if you took all of the fighting out of this movie You've got Thelma and Louise.

You've got beaches.

You've got terms of endearment.

You've got my favorite movie, The Expendables.

I will say this.

I do love Jason Statham in this movie.

Like, I think

it's great.

I'm willing to say I love Jason Statham in everything.

Yes.

He gets it.

He understands like what he's in, what he's doing.

He's funny.

He's fit.

He is in no way Stallone's contemporary at all.

Not at all not at all

such a good actor you believe they are he's making everybody else look better

statham's making everybody else look better and he's also selling his fight scenes better than anybody else oh because he is actually an action star that was oh except for tony ja who is like next level amazing and and uh ika weas who uh that guy also incred those scenes are nuts but statham i mean just hang a whole movie on the guy by the way Hang a lot on him.

Hang on whatever we can get of his.

That can be hard.

Hang it.

Hang a towel on it.

Wow.

Hang whatever you can.

Oh, hang me on it.

Wow.

I love Jason Statham, but I will say,

I found his relationship with Megan Fox to be very fulfilling.

I love it.

So did I.

I love it when they were tossing around.

I liked that tattoo.

So did your brother.

That's fun.

Oh, yeah.

Well, Well, okay.

Did he fuck his brother?

Maybe.

Who's his brother?

It's not Stallone.

Let go of that.

Well, here's anticipation.

Let it go.

My questions are these because I think

my guess is a substantial amount of plot mechanics in this movie, and maybe I'm just way off base, are predicated on having seen the first three movies.

I think again,

I think a few, because there's a lot of new, this is a very new team.

I believe, any expendable experts out there that Megan Fox came in in three.

Really?

No.

She came in in four?

She's new?

What?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Whoa, whoa.

We need a Morgan for expendables.

Is there one person who has an encyclopedic knowledge of expendables?

Someone is very cockily raising their hands.

Can we get house lights, please?

All right.

I'm super curious about this, too, because

we start in their relationship so heavily.

Oh boy, this guy's coming.

This hey, this guy's

approaching.

First of all, I looked at this guy.

I've been up in the balconies, I've been in the high balconies, I've been in the little balconies.

But I look at this guy and I go, trust him.

That's a stand-up guy.

And he's not.

He looks like he works at Salesforce.

Yeah.

He does.

He pushes.

Salesforce!

Salesforce!

So,

what is it?

What is Salesforce?

So it's really about enterprise software and you're going to understand about your

Wow.

This is

a good thing.

We can boo Salesforce, but we do not boo our fellow audience members.

We support each other, okay?

We don't support you.

No.

You support us and each other.

Right.

What's your name?

Chris.

Chris.

Okay, so Chris is going to be our resident expendables expert unless you let us down.

So this is it.

So get us up to date on just walk us forward.

Are they brothers?

No.

Okay.

Great.

Is Megan Fox their first appearance?

First appearance.

Okay, great.

We know that Stallone and Statham, they've done a lot of missions together.

We know that.

They are the originals.

Stallone and Statham from

Endolph Lungren too.

And

so they are the.

And Tolroad, which is Couture.

Yeah, yeah.

That's the guy with the ear.

Ah, yeah.

Okay.

Randy Couture.

Randy Couture.

Okay.

Anything else that we need to know?

No, they're a group of mercenaries.

They do a bunch of odd jobs.

They've done odd jobs for the CIA.

In the first one, then the CIA got mad at them because they saved people.

And then in the third one,

you didn't miss much on the third one.

Andy Garcia also.

So they kind of, it seems to me that I'm correct.

They kind of operate like

old, like senior citizen fast and furious, right?

Except with, obviously, with military training.

They're not street racers, but they operate outside of the government, but the government sometimes contracts them to do stuff.

Right.

So in the first three, it was like, we're not a part of this.

We're just going to give you money in the background.

You're going to go do your thing.

This was the only one where the government was much more intimately involved with it.

Was there ever mention in the previous movies of the Ocelot character?

Never.

No.

That's that is.

That's what I felt like this must be the culmination of four movies where, and I was like, oh, and it's revealed it's Andy Garcia.

Oh, shit.

I am just blown away that Megan Fox appears because she appears as if, oh, the team's back together.

Like, and so.

She's team leader.

Yes.

She's team leader.

And there's, have there ever been multiple women on the team, or is this the first instance of woke expendables?

Not my expendables!

So the weirdest thing is, there is an increase in feminism through the course of the series.

You're doing real high-pitched voice, but that's okay.

I'm getting my vibe in.

So, in the first movie, the only woman that exists is Charisma Carpenter, and she is a girlfriend of Statham.

In the second movie, they allow women.

Cordelia from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Love Cordelia.

I mean, a true legend.

Hot, hot, hot.

Does some of her best work on Angel, I would say.

Oh, yes.

Love her of an age.

Love Angel.

Worked out at the same gym as her.

Had to restrain myself from striking up casual conversation to then eventually be like, so Buffy,

I didn't want to, well, not to say, that wasn't called her,

but I wanted to know.

Can I work in here?

And so, like,

what's going on with the Hellmouth?

What do you think?

So, here's the thing.

You and Spike had a really interesting relationship.

I honestly found it to to be actually more compelling than...

All right, well, anyway.

All right, so.

When Anya came into the picture, did you feel like...

Anything else we need to know?

Nah, you got it.

All right.

We got it.

I mean, I feel like the thing that I like the most about expendables is that you don't have to pay attention.

No.

Like, I was, you know, I had my earbuds in.

I was putting on, you know, false eyelashes while things were, plot points were going by me.

It doesn't matter.

Well, they also.

It's going to be okay.

Because they also do that thing that all bad movies for old people do, which is that they recap the movie every seven minutes.

And I so appreciate that.

So you don't have to, it's like an episode of Law and Order or anything else.

You don't, don't, don't wear it.

It's like white noise of people getting, look, little flit.

But that's your white noise while you're like flipping through a better homes and gardens, you know?

I think that this movie is what Trump thinks our military is.

Yes.

I think if you watch a documentary, if you watch

the signal chat, it's just Pete Hegseph sending memes from this movie to people, and that's what they think is getting done.

They think a bunch of old fucks are running in in random old planes.

In berets, in berets, a distinct

beret.

And Ed Hardy rings.

Just fuck.

I don't even know what.

But this is a Trump wet dream.

Oh, this, I also, I go one step further.

This is like an older man's dream of like what society is.

And he's like, I get YouTube.

This is YouTube.

This is a streamer.

I get it.

They walk around talking about how they're going to fuck all these chicks.

It's like,

I don't think that's Twitch,

but okay.

They would be so upset if they realized what streaming actually is.

While you're out buying new school supplies and trying to plan a new schedule this season, the last thing that you want to do is factor in a giant wireless bill.

And with Mint Mobile, you can get coverage and speed that you're used to for way less money.

That's why for a limited time, Mint Mobile is offering three months of unlimited premium wireless service for 15 bucks a month.

Now, I've told you in the past, our producer, Scott, he switched to Mint Mobile and he wanted me to tell all of you that his cell service is just as good as his old provider.

But here's the thing: it costs $40 less per month.

And since his baby is too young for school supplies, he's going to use that extra cold cash to buy lots and lots of stupid Halloween decorations because there's nothing better than a baby in a ghost costume.

Now, look, you can get this new customer offer and your three-month unlimited wireless plan for $15 a month at mintmobile.com/slash hdtgm.

That's mintmobile.com slash hdtgm.

Upfront payment of $40 required, equivalent to $15 a month.

Limited time new customer offer for the first three months only.

Speeds may slow above 35 gigabytes on unlimited plan.

Taxes and fees extra.

See Mint Mobile for details.

When you need eye-catching content fast, use Adobe Express, the quick and easy app to create on-brand content.

Make visually consistent social posts, presentations, videos, and more with brand kits and lockable templates.

Edit, resize, and even translate, all in just a click.

And use Firefly-powered generative AI features to create commercially safe content with confidence.

Start creating with Adobe Express at adobe.com slash go slash express.

Start speaking a new language with confidence thanks to Babel's conversation-based learning technique that quickly teaches you useful words and phrases about the things you actually talk about in the real world.

There are over a dozen languages available to learn at your own pace, and you can achieve your goals with material tailored to your individual proficiency level, interest, and time availability.

I have been learning Spanish with Babel and I absolutely love it.

I love it because of the games, right?

It makes it more exciting for me to just jump right in, whether it's sentence building or maybe this.

little learning about the culture that just brings the language home.

It's like learning from a living, breathing organism.

You know, you're engaging, you're interactive.

It is so much fun you will love it learn another language babble is gifting our listeners 55 off subscriptions at babble.com slash bonkers get up to 55 off at babble.com slash bonkers spelled b-a-b-b-e-l dot com slash bonkers babble.com slash bonkers rules and restrictions apply

Can you tell me, did Sylvester Stallone, I didn't look, write this movie?

No.

In any way, shape, or form.

The original, yes.

Because there's a bunch of jokes in here that are very Sylvester Stallone-coded.

Like what?

The golden showers stuff.

Not only that it,

I felt like very vividly that Stallone had written that only because I was like, I feel like he just heard what a golden shower is.

And then not only does it get brought up in dialogue, it's called back later as a plot point because he told you

he's into golden showers.

Yes.

And they make the young guy talk about it because the young guy knows about golden showers.

Yeah!

Here, let's play clip four and watch that very animated performance.

You know what is a golden shower?

It is wait.

The woman, she squats down on top of you and releases her bladder.

It's very liberating.

Wow, a world-class pervert.

You know what is a golden shower?

You look like the type who has had one before.

I'm cutting these losers.

I had too much ass.

Two time, time for music.

So that is those guys.

I bet you they were like

improvised about golden showers.

And then he had to humiliate himself like that.

He's like, everybody knows what it is, my age.

I'm going to have to force myself to do this scene.

Nobody's giving him anything.

No,

they don't want to be a part of it.

They don't want to do this scene.

They're trying to disappear into the scenery.

Trying not to be there with him.

Oh, and he is just hung out to me.

And he's selling it.

God bless him.

He has has kind of a

puss and boots type of Antonio Bendaris feeling.

He has a puss in Boots?

Yeah, he does have a pot.

He has a puss and boots vibe.

He's asking for a voice.

And by the way, I would have loved to have seen Puss and Boots as part of the Expendables team.

Thank you.

With his sword.

I would

work.

I would love it if animated characters made their way into the expendables.

Yeah.

Like, if it's...

But Puss and Boots is almost too young and cute.

It would have to be like this guy, my friend Roger.

Roger Rabbit.

We got a new big guy, and it's just like Foghorn Leghorn.

I say, I say, I say.

You've been sitting on that impression the entire tour.

All tour, the whole time, I've been like, when do I get to break out my foghorn leghorn?

New member of the team.

No, don't freak out, guys.

I know you used to be a bad guy.

Skeletor?

God damn it.

Who tried to kill you before?

Hey, buddy.

I was drinking back then.

All right, Skeletor, you're part of the channel.

I'd like to hear what Dolph Lundren has to say about Skeletor.

Right?

Wasn't he He-Man?

Yes.

Dolph Lundgren

continues to be the shining light in this franchise as well.

He ages perfectly.

His character has an arc.

He goes from not drinking and being shitty to drinking again and being great.

I mean,

a movie that makes you cheer for someone to break their sobriety so that they can commit wanton acts of murder.

His eyesight gets better when drinking.

You know, I feel like, you know how colleges in the beginning of feminism had like women's studies classes where we would look at, you know, different texts and everything.

I feel like maybe there should be a man's studies where this would be a text

that we would start by

sitting down.

I agree with St.

Clair.

Men are important and need to be studied.

They need to be studied.

I'm sorry.

Men's studies need to happen.

Mandatory.

We need to understand why.

I agree with Jessica.

Men.

Right?

But here, but you know what?

I think you're right about the idea of like a certain brain is going to be because like when they go, how's it hanging?

Oh, gravity hit.

Yeah.

Or like, or like.

Gravity has always been at play with balls.

His entire semester is on Stallone's ring.

Like,

why do men like skull rings?

What's up with like everybody?

Why is his finger that thick?

Because we see it.

Well, I mean, look, it's on the double dick.

It's a little one.

It's on a dick.

You can't have thin fingers.

That's a thick...

Yeah,

that's why.

The reason is because at the very least your fingers need to be dick sized.

Now, who is the genius?

Because that's a man.

But who is the genius who did just the tip right here?

Yeah.

That guy's an unsung hero.

Yeah, the dildo department.

And I love that they were like, we got to spin that bottle around because we can't show that label.

We can't show that label.

The double-sided dildo is next to a tip jar that says just the tip.

But then we see it again.

This is in Clip's Picture 3.

This is again...

All right, so there it is.

So this is a bar where they have

a desiccated human hand.

Is that a mummy?

Like an extra million?

That is meant to be I mean we now know because of the end of the movie whose hand it is we thought for the most of the movie it was Stallone's hand but in fact that's not the hand though that's the hand

he found it yeah picture two

no because when we saw it it was all gelatinous no here it is picture well he dried out on the the triple yeah they dried it out picture two Beth if you had no that shit was like a puddle there it is it's that hand it's that hand they hacked it off dried it like jerky yes

and fashioned it like this and then put a ring on it?

I don't think that.

I know that.

That's what brothers do.

Brothers.

They'll cut off your hand and bring it home to the bar.

To the bar.

Did somebody strip off like the extra?

No, it dried off.

No, it burned off.

It burned off when he was a gelatinous goo monster.

There.

I love it.

I love it.

He's got the burn.

I love it.

What's the guy's name?

Who it is?

Jumbo Shrimp.

Jumbo Shrimp.

I love when he picks Jumbo Shrimp out of the extra room, throws him in the thing, and Stallon jumps out.

And then Jumbo Shrimp wakes up.

I was like, I thought for sure he was dead.

And what was Jumbo Shrimp's crime?

Yeah.

Yeah.

For being small?

I mean, Jumbo Shrimp won.

Justice for Jumbo Shrimp.

Yes.

Justice for Jumbo Shrimp.

I want to do a whole semester on Jumbo Shrimp.

I mean, how men treat small shrimps.

All we know.

All we know about Jumbo Shrimp is that Stallone had a thumb war with Jumbo Shrimp, which Jumbo Shrimp won

legitimately.

Fair and square.

And then he was going to go back there to beat the shit out of him to get it back,

and then they beat the shit out of him, and then he kills him.

Jumbo Shrimp, not a mercenary, just a guy that likes to drink at the tainted spoke.

And

it's not bad enough that Statham brass knuckles Jumbo Shrimp's whole crew,

like just demolishing every jaw in the house?

I had a question about brass knuckles, if I may.

Yeah.

Is it cool to use them without telling the person?

Like I felt like there must be, it's like, it seems like kind of a dick.

You gotta tell people.

You have to declare brass knuckles before you.

You think in a bar fight you need to give a heads up as to what you might have?

Well, like, is that

the future?

I mean, is it fake?

i used to fight with rolls of quarters in my hand is that true paul that is true oh

here comes another chapter

of god nurse because you you what the fuck paul you had rolls of quarters yeah you get like a you get a ten dollar roll of quarters you put it in your palms then punch somebody in the face

paul that's so fucked up

And pennies are cheaper, someone said.

Thank you.

Also, not only that, you can do your laundry.

Exactly.

boom but no I didn't I wondered because I thought to myself huh is it cooler to see Jason statham actually kick the shit out of them with right sans bross knuckles yeah well I the images

for the street fighters out there I know there are some street fighters in San Francisco I don't think so Yeah, we've got a lot of librarians and a lot of street fighters in the audience.

We got a lot of Salesforce executives here.

Yeah.

I don't know that they're fighting in the streets for the future.

Well, the way that they fight is with enterprising solutions.

No, I've seen a lot of faces out here.

A lot of you have been at the Excel Championship.

It's pretty cool.

Here's the thing I want to say about Statham.

He seemingly gets younger with every movie.

Like he looks better in four than he looked in one.

But you're right.

Like he does fight unfairly.

Jumbo Shrimp is killed.

But here's the thing

that when we landed on the way to the mini golf place today I did google and did research to back it up on the plane that they are flying that propeller cargo plane yeah from New Orleans to Libya

that is a 30 plus hour flight with multiple stops for gas

at least seven stops for gas yep

so

that means that Jumbo Shrimp was in the shitter for for 30 hours and no one else in that crew took a piss.

Yeah.

And

on top of that,

they all geared up.

They all geared up and then they stayed in that gear for 30 fucking hours.

Yeah.

They are going to put on my flat jacket.

Wear some PJs, some soft shoes.

Yeah.

Get comfy in there.

Skims, baby, because that's a long flight.

Yeah, so he was in the bathroom the entire time.

Yeah.

I mean, like, none of it makes sense.

But again, I didn't think about Jumbo Shrimp.

Once we're done with him, I'm on to some of the things.

Because he's not a character in the movie.

I'm not worried about him.

Honestly, though, Jumbo Shrimp, somehow, inexplicably, for someone who is in two brief scenes, has more of a footprint in this movie than

50 Cent.

Which is

devastating because 50 Cent is so good and so and so fantastic I think so fantastic that I was like oh nice 50 Cent is here and And then he does nothing.

The coolest thing about 50 Cent is a scene that he's not in, but you think it would be funny if he is in it, which is when they just put his song on a truck on this boat

to attack.

I would have loved it if, because that's, I mean, come on.

It's so nuts to play his song diegetically in the movie

so that he can hear it.

I would have loved it if he was in that scene and somebody had been like, hey, this is your song.

I would have

I want it to be like, this is 50 Cent.

Yes.

Do you remember that right?

Or if he's behind the thing spinning his beats or whatever.

Look, sure.

Anything's possible.

50

doesn't spin his own beats, Jess.

You sound like an idiot in San Francisco.

I agreed with her, but

do you remember that video game?

I love this video game.

I think it was called like Def Jam.

It was like Def Jam meets Mortal Kombat.

So it was like all the Def Jam characters would fight.

Like that, you could have just said, oh yeah, we took that version of 50 Cent and we put them in the expendables like we don't need reasoning Oh, he's a seal gives a fuck

you could put seal in the movie.

Oh, I would have loved it.

I would have loved it if seal had been in this movie or for you guys E40

just ghost riding the whip

I Will say the biggest villain in this movie is green screen

Because this entire movie is shot in warehouses warehouses, parking lots, and windowless rooms.

I mean,

all outdoor scenes are green screen.

All driving,

the worst green screen moment, and this is going way to the end, and I also think would be great for the men's studies class I'm going to teach, is when Megan Fox, you know, says something like, what?

And he just goes,

never mind.

And never mind equals, I love you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And that that kind of reading in between the lines

is the subtle kind of dialogue that we're meant to unpack.

Oh, yeah.

And instead of doing that, I'm thinking, is this the this is the shittiest green screen I've ever seen?

I mean, it is.

It's like if I went to like the Harry Potter exhibit and I'm like, I'm flying.

There is.

Like, and I buy it.

There is a bunch of, there's a bunch of flying stuff that looks like a flight simulator from 1990.

Yeah, like

the moment.

When you go to the NASA shuttle in Houston, you're like, we're landing it.

Like, that's as good.

And that's $100 million fucking dollars.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

Here's the moment that I was most offended by with the green screen is they cut to Dolph Lundgren sniping.

Clearly, he's not in a field.

They just put some plants in front of him.

He's on a green screen.

I was like, this is the easiest shot to get.

It's a tight unit.

They put him outside the studio in a bunch of grass.

We'll buy it.

They fucking put him on a green screen.

This is, fuck you, movie.

Like this.

Everything feels so cheap.

All the visual effects are cheap.

All the sets look like something that HGTV just made.

You know what I mean?

And it's like, everything somehow seems to...

The only unlimited budget on this movie was, I think, for neon.

Because every set has so much neon going on.

I mean, this movie takes place in two locations.

A parking lot in the beginning where the bad guy lives it looks like oh we found this set in Bulgaria because if you look off to the side of the screen it's like a main street and I was like shit did they just shoot this on the back lot and they go that's the villain's lair and then the other one is it's the boat and then the other time it's in the airplane hangar like there really aren't in many locations they the they do in this movie the the the same number of um of missions like each component of the mission to find out the thing that would normally take place in act one of another movie.

Yeah.

This movie, that's the whole movie.

So by the end of it, I was like, whoa, shouldn't the movie start now?

Yeah.

Well, by the way, speaking about the movie starting, one of the things that, and this is a Stallone thing, and I know it, and I have some facts to give you in a second, but

the movie opens with this, like, scene where this bad guy's lair is getting compromised, right?

Whatever.

Fuck that.

Then that ends, and then all of a sudden we cut to Stallone putting on his fucking ring, getting on his hog, and leaving.

P.S.

close-up of those jeans.

He's cuffing them just like...

You're cuffing just like Stallone, baby.

He's my style hero.

Yeah, he cuffs those pants.

I'm telling you.

All of Stallone's jokes, too, are like, oh, boy, it looks like he's got a dead cat on his head.

That's funny, right?

That's funny, right?

He's got a dead, dead cat on his head.

Hey, take a Zen X, take a Zen X, and then pretend you're okay.

Analyze this.

But then he drives off, and you're like, huh.

Where the opening scene should have been,

it should have been hard cut to statham in that fight.

Knock, knock, knock, right?

Because it's like, but we have to establish Stallone just.

Imagine if the Cold Open had been the mission where Stallone dies.

Yeah.

That's how the movie should start.

That's the inciting incident.

We don't need all this gibberish.

And that's where I was like, that's where I felt like the beginning of the movie was servicing somehow what had happened at the end of the last.

So that it's, oh, it makes sense.

He's trying to collect everybody and get them back together.

Nope, who cares?

Apparently, I'm being told none of this is related to the past movies.

So I feel fucking burned by this.

But then we get this scene, this scene that is like it's like Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton.

You know, there's two power.

This is not on spool.

Clip one here.

This is clip one.

This is the Fox at Megan Fox on Station.

This is tough as a woman to watch.

But I thought it was a good thing.

These are some tough themes coming out.

Okay, again, of how men see women.

I know that I think it has something to do with comms, but doesn't it look like Stallone is some sort of Frankenstein with

two bolts in it?

Yeah, it does.

It does.

I'm alive.

Can we play clip one, Beth?

Well, whatever is.

By the way, this is worst shot.

Terrible shot.

Terrible.

They don't even shoot on a screen.

Because when they opened the door,

he used the screen screen.

Oh my god.

That's like taking the fuck over yourself.

Can you pause for a second, Beth?

I'm not sure if I can do this.

Now, think about it.

Think of how long he's been alive.

He knows you can't see in

you can't job.

You can't do that.

Why would you look in like that?

If anything go to the side and look in a window.

Look in the people?

First of all, I would say that's the people that you can't see in.

I would say that most people know you can't see in, but he should definitely know because his job is recon and surveillance.

They are dog shit.

And let me be clear.

The expendables are bad.

I I know they are bad.

They're so cute, but they are so cute.

Every single one of them gets captured immediately on every mission.

That's true.

So, um, I was just parking my car, and then I saw you, the Gecko, huge fan.

I'm always honored to meet fans out in the wild.

The honor's mine.

I just love being able to file a claim in under two minutes with the Geico app.

Well, the Geico app is top-notch.

I know you get asked this all the time, but could you sign it?

Sign what?

The app?

Yeah, sure.

Oh, that means so much.

Oh, it rubbed off the screen when I touched it.

Could you sign it again?

Anything to help, I suppose.

You're the best.

Get more than just savings.

Get more with Geico.

To protect your brand, all the content your company creates needs to be on-brand.

Meet Adobe Express, the quick and easy app that empowers marketing, HR, and sales teams to make on-brand content.

Now everyone can edit reports, resize ads, and translate text.

Brand kits and lock templates make following design guidelines a breeze.

And generative AI that's safe for business lets people create confidently.

Help your teams make pro-looking content.

Learn more at adobe.com/slash express.

For a limited time at McDonald's, get a Big Mac extra-value meal for $8.

That means two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun, and medium fries, and a drink.

We may need to change that jingle.

Prices and participation may vary.

That we spend so much of the movie with the expendables locked in a room going, fuck.

Fuck.

How many fuck.

Expendables are trapped in a room and someone's like, piss on it.

And they're going, all right.

That's a plot point.

Yeah.

Piss on something to make it open.

And then, wait a second.

And now I'm turning on this movie.

Wait a second.

Then Megan Fox is like, I knew all along that you were going to track me with your knife.

That was my big

plan was to get caught, compromise the entire mission, and wait for one man to come and save you?

What's so embarrassing about that is if the bad guys in the movie, Andy Garcia, Ocelot, and the rest of the Salesforce team, knew what they were doing, they would just kill the expendables the minute they get there.

Oh, here are the expendables.

They trapped them.

Done.

Why are they

over?

I mean, by the way, I do love the second briefing.

The first briefing, Andy Garcia comes in.

All right, guys, here's the mission.

Peace.

And I was like, wow, if that's a cameo, I'm down.

And then it also seemed as if he was reading off of Q cards.

Oh, he was phoning that shit in.

He was like, how do I say this Russian town?

Kuraskev.

Got it.

One take, I'm out.

Sorry, guys.

Garcia, out.

By the way, I mean, thank God he's here.

Oh, I love it.

Thank God he's here adding some sort of gravitas to this.

But then the second time we see Andy Garcia before he puts on his beret is

this moment where he's like, all right, now here's the other mission.

Now I'm going to give it to team leader.

Megan Fox goes, well now I'm going to tell you what's up.

And then they throw it to this woman who we've never met and she looks like she came out of Salesforce.

And you're like, who is she?

And why is she in the secret lair?

And why does she even need to be there?

Why did three people need to say, go here, get this guy, steal the nuke?

That was it.

Now, was she, was that woman who looked like my Spanish teacher in seventh grade, was she in all the other movies?

Is she like the cue or the gray-haired lady or whoever that?

Yeah.

Gray-haired lady?

Okay, that looked to me like a Kate McKinnon character.

Yes.

Yeah.

I was like, what is this person up to?

And again, in my notes, I'm like, this person must be baked in since the first time.

Yeah, like when you go to Judy Dench in the Bond movies or whatever.

But she's not.

This is a new character.

I mean, but by the way, it's like, why do you need three people?

So, even like, even the writing is fat.

It's like, yeah, oh, and throw it to this next person.

Are they like too confident worried that people will get confused or like lose interest?

Like, ah, we can't have them talk for more than half a page.

We'll lose the audience.

I mean, in a lot of ways, I am the audience.

I am their target audience.

In that I'm still close to the music.

Well,

you're the audience in the sense that you watched the movie.

Yeah, that is true.

No, but like, I'm as dumb as the people there

in terms of plot.

I'm listening.

I really am.

I'm simple when it comes to this stuff.

I don't really pay attention.

Yeah.

I'm not paying attention, you know, really.

So, and I'm still confused.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

I still...

Oh, we're all still confused.

You are?

Oh, I'm confused.

I mean, I'm confused.

And then I do love, this is clip 10.

Andy Garcia going, all right, just in case you didn't know, here's the entire plot.

I'll scream at it.

One take.

this is this monologue is worthy of something

not an Academy award though

top 10

to watch oh showing up with what you're not wanting and refusing to go away you got something I need mom could you pause it for a second Beth I can't understand anything and we're gonna

I want to I want to go back and start it

I want to go back and start it for a second because I really want you to notice how much Andy Garcia is projecting, screaming, yelling, and then when it cuts to statham, how he is talking as if the person who needs to hear him is next to him.

Okay.

Please start it again.

You got something I need, Marsh.

Come down again.

I got you figured out that this device right here is the only thing preventing World War III, a conflict that was devastating for Betty.

It'll be insanely, insanely, insanely profitable for somebody.

And that's somebody else.

This is crazy to me.

And the expendables will take all the blood.

Join the show.

Great.

We don't need any more.

That the amount of.

He yelled the entire plot.

Oh, I mean, poor Andy Garcia.

I feel like they were like, we just need one that's bigger, bigger.

And he was like, I'll do it, but don't use it.

I've given you so many that are easier to understand.

And this guy.

He's supposed to be the big villain.

And he's like,

And he grabs his dick.

And

he's obsessed with it because at a certain point he goes like this.

He goes, we talked about how's it hanging with gravity.

And then he goes,

keep them tough.

Keep them tough.

Keep them tucked.

Is that something men say to other men?

I've never heard anyone say keep them tucked.

Keep them tucked.

Is what he says to state them, I think.

I don't remember that, and I don't care for it.

He says, keep them tucked.

Keep them tucked.

Keep them tucked, I don't know what I believe is the Salesforce motto.

Salesforce, keep them tucked.

Except, except, except we all know it's Salesforce, keep them fucked.

Yeah, baby.

I was confused.

I don't know what they do.

When he throws that, he says, like, this is the device that could stop

the bomb and then overboard.

He throws it overboard.

I thought he was saying, like, having this is good, like, is valuable.

Well, I think that he wants...

He's basically.

Okay, I can tell.

Oh, yeah, okay.

Do you want me to tell you what it is?

So his plan is to start World War III so it will be profitable for him and the other Musk-type villains, right?

Why will they make money?

It's him, it's Salesforce, it's Musk, it's all the billionaires, it's all the billionaires.

Defund the billionaires!

Yeah!

So he wants, so he's saying this this device is the only thing that can stop the bomb from blowing up.

So I'm throwing that overboard

to make sure the bomb blows up.

And when it blows up, we're meant to believe that who did it?

Why is this star?

They have falsely flying an American flag on this thing so that it looks like

and they're going to bomb Russia.

I think they're going to hit Russia

with an American ship, an American ship.

This is right.

Couldn't care less.

Right?

Oh, to be clear, it does not

matter.

I missed all of it.

I missed all of it.

I'm worried about my continental

movement.

I am worried.

No, no, no.

All you need to know is: like,

when I watch a movie like this, I'm going to be like, stop the nuclear warhead from going off.

There's this podcast like The Fuse, which I love.

They've been doing these back, like these

histories of Mission Impossible.

And they were trying to create this really elaborate backstory for Mission Impossible, the Ghost Protocol.

And they've been working for months.

And Tom Cruise goes, What if he's just stealing nukes?

And they're like, what?

And he's like, easy to understand.

Around the world, they all get it.

Nukes, bad.

That's what they should do.

They're like, all right.

And that was the plot.

Oh, yeah.

And by the way, it's great.

Yeah, you get it.

By the way, bad.

These are bad.

These movies are very Mission Impossible coded.

Yeah.

You know, with like Andy Garcia as the Alec Baldwin as the

All you need to know is like bad guys have nukes, good guys stop bad guys.

Like they like the intricacies, they're not getting into global politics.

But the movie can't quite cut the things together in the right way because they're cutting tonally between scenes in which like Stallone and Statham are joking around in the plane about golden showers and all this stuff, but they're cutting to the scene in Libya where, is his name Iko Ues, right?

He's

the guy from the raid in those movies, Salatmaster.

He is murdering children,

women and children in order to get the detonators.

That's tough.

And I was like, this is hard to cut back and forth between these jokes that Stallone's doing and infanticide.

We can literally see a double-headed dildo and then we watch a child get shot off screen.

That's tough.

The child who's just seen his mother get killed who's just like...

That's tough.

Now I will say where I was so upset at the end was Garcia gives that very impassioned monologue.

He's like, come down here, we'll fight.

And you're like, all right, we're going to get like a Garcia statham fight.

Nope.

Poof.

Just killed.

No, he's shot by Stallone.

But here's the thing.

Like,

okay, will you stand up for a minute right there?

Stallone,

I'm Statham.

You're Andy Garcia.

This is the kind of thing I'll have in my life.

You're in the middle of studies class.

People acting things out like that.

Stallone is out there.

He shoots.

He cuts Andy Garcia in half with like a 50-cal gun.

Sure.

And Statham is right here.

Every bullet would be like, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.

Statham should have died so many times in this movie.

Well, he seemed shocked, actually, that he wasn't dead.

And right after, he's like, what the fuck was that?

I wish he was covered with like blood and viscera, though.

I would have been like, oh,

you got Garcia on me.

I mean, honestly, I think the worst thing that happened in this movie is that Stallone died.

Because once he died, Fake died, I was so sad because what I was loving about it was the repartee, the jaunty, the chemistry, you know, the he said, she said of, and will they or won't they?

Wait, wait, wait.

Wait, of Satham and Stallone?

Satham, yes!

They are the brothers.

But they're brothers.

They're brothers.

But it could be a white lotus.

Would you...

It could be a white lotus where they jerk each other off.

Maybe,

maybe.

This movie could have been better if they all jerked each other off.

Yes!

Agreed.

I'm just saying.

Grab the shift.

I'm just saying.

And Stallone famously said, tickle the balls, grab the shift.

Yes.

Which you guys don't know that story?

Google that when you get home.

All right, so here's some things that might hurt your vision of the brothers.

This was originally supposed to be a spin-off film for Jason Statham.

Okay, it was going to be.

It was supposed to be a Hobbs and Shaw scenario.

It was supposed to be called A Christmas Story.

I love it.

I love it.

I love this movie.

All right.

And let me guess.

Let me just hazard a guess.

Would Sly let him get away with it?

Nope.

And I'll tell you how that went down in one second.

So there were three spin-offs.

A Christmas story, the Expendabelles, all-female

Expendables.

Hot.

Woke.

Expendables is too woke.

So it was supposed to feature an all-female cast, but it was shelved because they just decided to add more women to Expendables 4.

Right.

So like, whoa, if we just can put that in.

But don't let them actually say or do anything.

Yes.

And every time they do say something, be like,

stupid that.

Dumb bitch.

So

I loved the martial arts fight where...

Ooh, that was hot.

I don't know what her weapon is called, but that thing was incredible.

Her and Tony Jaw teaming up, nice work.

Loved it.

Loved that.

So this is the timeline of this film.

2014.

Expendables 3 comes out.

It is a failure.

All right, but producers go, we will return the series to its greatness, and we're going to bring it back to an R rating because Expendables 3 went to PG-13.

Oh.

So then Stallone goes, in 2016,

this is going to be the final film of the series.

It's going to come out in 2018.

Then in 2017, Stallone leaves the franchise due to creative differences over the script and the direction of the franchise.

Then, a year later, Schwarzenegger calls up Stallone and goes, buddy, you got to go back to the Expendables.

Wow.

So then Stallone's like, all right, I will.

So they hire a new screenwriter, and then

they get back the original director, and everything now comes along.

But they edge out or they take the script of Christmas story and they put Stallone in it.

I see.

Bookend him in it.

Now,

this movie has been plagued with terrible casting problems.

Pierce Brosnan stated that he agreed to be the villain.

And no one called him back.

Wait, what?

He

met with the producers, agreed to it, and then no one called him.

What?

This, the Expendables movie ghosted Pierce Brosnan?

What?

And I just, I saw, I just got a thing that's a visual, and it's Stallone's phone, and it's just, Pierce Brosnan texts it, just says, you up?

No reply.

Now, I guess the reason why they didn't call him back is because Stallone had his sights

on pulling a person out of retirement and that person Jack Nicholson

his movie came out in 2023

is this for the Andy Garcia yes okay okay okay so I guess Stallone's like we're gonna get Jack back Jacks at this point I haven't seen Jack stand up no like he would end up looking like that gelatinous that gelatinous dude just like put a bunch of like sunglasses on I'll be honest I didn't see many of these dudes stand up.

No, this is a mostly sitting movie.

Let's be clear.

The team of expendables is two hot young women and a bunch of over 80-year-old men that don't take off their shirts.

Thank God.

I know.

Except for Jason Statham, who does and looks great.

So when they go.

I think that Jason Statham isn't jacked.

Oh, yeah.

I love that.

He's got the great body.

Also, can I?

I know everyone's waiting for me to weigh in on the amount of chest hair that Statham has and I'm going to say something.

I know I said all the hair or none of the hair.

But Jason.

Perfect amount.

Yeah.

I noticed that too.

Perfect amount.

And I even thought to myself, I bet hair and makeup was in there and they just did a light trim.

Just a light dusting.

They took a little bit off the top.

Wait, you like that?

You like some of these?

No, no, this is fine with clippers?

He looked great.

He's a swimmer.

He has a hairless body.

You want to clipper him down?

No, I think they did just a little bit.

They didn't have to be a little bit more.

What, I thought,

like a number two?

No, they didn't.

No, they're going in with hand shears.

Oh, they're going in with what?

Like cuticle scissors?

Yes.

Yes.

You think they're hitting it with cuticle scissors?

No, they're taking it.

Absolutely not.

Yes, they are.

Because it was a perfect amount.

You're not going to get lost in it.

No.

You know, but there's not nothing.

Because nothing on him would have not been right.

That's not the guy in the streets.

He actually looks more muscular with a little hair there because it covers up pop.

Agreed.

So now I just want to I just want to go down.

I love seeing a bald man out there with a little hairy chest.

I like the whole thing.

It's a little bit of something.

We got to let men be hairy, everybody.

What are we doing?

I love to take a look at the teacher.

When I'm teaching my masculinity class for the men's study program that Jessica St.

Clair specifically started.

Not my idea, hers, a feminist idea, if ever I've heard one, for there to be a men's studies course.

That I will be teaching here at Stanford.

I am going to sign up for this class.

The two of you on either side of the classroom teaching simultaneously.

All right, so I just want to go through this list because this list is insane.

Yeah.

So he wants Jack Nicholson, who, and by the way, God bless, he's an older gentleman, He seemed like he had a hard enough time just saying, ladies and gentlemen, Paul McCartney of the SNL 50.

And glad that he was there.

It was awesome.

I don't want him in a night shoot.

I don't want to put a heavy gun on this man.

We don't.

Do you know what I'm doing?

That'd be it for him.

That'd be a wrap on Jack.

So when he said no, Stillon's like, all right, I got my number two, Clenn Eastwood.

Clint Eastwood said no.

Then he's like, I got my number three, Kurt Russell.

Kurt Russell said, no.

I'm busy doing Santa Claus 3.

Then he goes, I got my fourth, Carl Weathers.

Carl Weathers says, no.

Oh, that's a bummer.

Then he goes to Jackie Chan.

Jackie Chan says, no.

Wow.

Wow.

Then The Rock says, I'll play the villain.

Because he says yes to everything.

Rock.

And then Ron Perlman's like, I'll be the villain in this.

But instead, Stallone goes to his friend, Hulk Cogan.

Hulk Cogan?

Hulk Colgan.

Hulk Hogan.

Who's Hulk Cogan?

Hulk Hogan.

So then he's in talks to play the villain.

Wait, the owner of Gawker?

And then he falls out.

But then Jean-Claude Van Damme says, well, I'll come back and play.

Has he already been in it?

Yes.

Oh.

I'll come back and play my twin brother.

Fuck yeah.

The only answer should have been yes.

A thousand times yes.

And the first movie, I believe his name is Claude Villain, and he pitched a character called Gene Villain.

He gets it.

He gets it.

That's cute.

I mean, to be clear, he doesn't get it.

And then, of course, Andy Garcia.

They must have backed up a truck of money to Andy Garcia.

I'm serious.

For him to say yes to this guy.

I'm surprised we weren't asked to be villains by themselves.

No.

But all the people that they said no to.

But it also is odd because

Pierce Brosnan wouldn't make sense.

I guess you would be like, well, he's British.

Like, could he be...

Like, it seems very much like Americans want to start World War III.

So that would also make Jackie Chan a little suspect like it would you'd have to rejigger the entire thing My guess is that they didn't even have a script at this point Yeah, they were just trying to lock in as many old people as they could with all expendables What they do is they find an old script and they just slap expendables on it.

So I heard that I heard Hume Cronin was in for a while.

This script was originally titled High Value Target.

And I mean, it's so crazy.

It was a script that Millennium Films found.

They go, this is a movie for Jason Satham called High Value Target.

Then it becomes, no, we'll make it a spin-off of Expendables with Jason Statham.

Then they're like, no, actually, we'll just make it Expendables 4 with the entire team.

But yet, none of the plot or story changed from High Value Target the first.

That's crazy.

So it's like,

it is bargain bin filmmaking.

Oh, it is.

And it's so cheap.

So did you earlier before we came out, did I hear you say the budget was $100 million?

$100 million.

That's just...

That's just

fees.

Do you think?

Or maybe it's all the explosion.

No, no, it's all actors' fees because it's not on the screen.

Jalal is definitely getting 20-plus.

Easy.

Easy story.

Well, that's why he's putting himself in the movie because he needs that payday.

Well, I do want to, before we go out to the audience, we'll go out there in a second.

I do want to see when Statham, I think, does a nod to his own character in the Transporter when he plays a private security guard for a streamer.

This is a crazy

clip six.

What's up, motherfuckers?

I'm here at my NOLA pad live streaming to you at home.

This is the party wanna check.

Come on,

look at these NOLA bitches.

Which fuck

bitch who am I gonna fuck after?

Right, have some respect for the ladies.

I am live streaming here.

You guys believe this shit?

Look at this guy.

Who does this motherfucker think he is?

Move.

We'll spend the lightness.

Pause it for one second.

What I got obsessed with was watching the comments.

Someone goes,

he's hot.

And then someone looks, I bet he has a big dick.

I mean, they put an eggplant emoji there.

Do you know there was a moment where they were like, holy shit, you know what we can do?

We can put the chat.

We can just put stuff.

We can put jokes in here.

And Stalin's like, what are you talking about?

About golden showers?

More golden showers.

Diego Silva wrote, who dad?

All right, continue this again.

I think I'm pregnant.

God damn me, fat.

My favorite part, though, is later in the movie, when Statham gets onto the pirate boat that is across the world from this scene, the pirates are watching watching this video.

Yeah.

What a missed opportunity for him to go kick their asses and they'd be like, whoa!

Whoa!

I killed the guy!

I also like that the logic there is that, well, you know, it was in America, it was live, but,

you know, and where they are at, it's different times.

Streaming is different.

You know, it doesn't do the whole thing.

And

I did love that that boat seemingly was filled with, what, 100,000 people?

Yeah.

Yeah.

That all hid perfectly.

Yeah.

I mean, they have a motorcycle chase on a boat.

That's a question I had.

In a way that's like cat and mouse.

Yeah, but they're hiding.

Why would a boat like that have so many motorcycles?

Also, why, why, in order to get through a boat, you have to go through doors that like have a, like are sealable.

Yeah, yeah, like a porthole.

But when I, like when he goes up to the row of motorcycles, it literally looked like a city bike, like when you would like put your credit card in.

I was like, Why?

Why a fleet of motorcycles in the ocean?

Just a bunch of bird scooters, yes!

But you know what?

Again, for my men's studies, they men love motorcycles.

I guess that's something

they have.

They have to have the cycle where they're motorcycles and guns, yeah.

They just have to.

And imagine if they'd had those motorcycles on the Titanic.

Imagine Jack, Jack, and Rose could have been like,

All right, I'm in the audience.

I'm here to take questions.

I am going to go.

Oh, wait a second.

I forgot my most important thing.

Hold on.

This is going to be worth it.

Oh, this is totally worth it.

Oh, man.

The other night, I was gifted Gerard Butler's shirt from Den of Thieves 2.

It's so hot on you.

It's the real shirt from the real movie.

It's the real shirt from the movie.

So hot on you, Paul.

And I only enter the audience in my Gerard Butler Big Nick.

Kills still smells like him, right?

Ken of Thieves 2, Panter.

I'm not going to make it.

I mean, if you only, if you want, smell how good it is.

I'll smell it.

I'll give it a smell.

Ah, that's vintage Gerard.

Vintage Jerry.

It smells like Scotland.

Yeah, the peat.

All right, I'm putting you on the spot.

What is your name?

Megan.

Megan, do you have a question?

So my question is, after Stallone dies, I thought it was so weird that Statham's first activity was to delete him out of his phone.

Oh my god.

Yeah.

You're right.

Most people don't ever delete them.

Here's what I'll say.

This will be covered in one of my men's classes.

Yes!

Because

you gotta be ruthless.

It's gonna be about grief.

Men in grief.

Men in grief and how we can't handle our friends' deaths, how we can't handle our emotions.

Yes.

I have a person that I know who passed.

I was not very close with them.

And every time I've gone and seen their name, I think, oh, I should delete that.

But I'm like, no, I can't.

It's disrespectful.

That's exactly right.

He's like his brother.

He's like, Dink,

got to save those files.

I mean, like, you wouldn't ever want to go and look at that chat you had or look at the pictures that have been shared in there.

No.

Done.

Goodbye.

Stallone is just sending him gifts of like golden showers.

Yeah, just

piss, piss.

Eggplant emojis.

When Stallone finally figured out how he could do a gift.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Eggplant means what?

Eggplant means what?

You heard about this eggplant thing?

Whoa, whoa.

The cat's birthday is today, and the cat's very excited about this cake.

All right, yes.

You

have a question.

What's your name?

Thomas.

All right, Thomas.

What's your question?

Can Jason Statham see satellites?

All right.

I'm inclined to think he can.

Like,

I would let him.

I would let him.

Yeah.

I think because he is a drinker, we've seen that drinking does improve your eyesight.

So maybe

he could see.

Yeah, he has like bionic sight.

Yeah.

What's your name?

What's your question?

My name is Saraya.

I just have a comment, but the guy who was related, who was talking about the golden shower that you guys were talking about,

was like puss and boots.

Yeah.

Was supposed to be Antonio Benderis' son from the third movie.

Oh.

Wow.

Wow.

So he's literally.

It's purposeful.

Wow.

It's purposeful that he has that vibe.

Okay, great comment.

Okay, great.

See?

Excellent work.

That's how it's done.

That's how it's done.

See, everybody.

Simple Google, we could have done, but we didn't.

All All right, I saw you from across the way.

What do you got?

I see the paper's up.

Hi, how are you?

Hi, I'm Jenny Hyde.

Hi, Jenny.

What SEAL team unit were you in?

SEAL team six, SEAL team eight.

All right, so what's what's your question?

Um, two things, if I may, if not, it's cool.

Go for it.

Let's say, let's say, let's agree to one.

Okay.

And then we'll see where we are at.

Okay.

So in the beginning, when Megan Fox and Statham are going to bone, she's fully dressed.

And then he's going to go down on her.

And then they look over at the neglige.

So then she gets fully naked.

And then when they go to the bed scene, now she's in the negligee.

So to have sex, she got fully naked and then took the time to put the negligee on.

Well, because

he's like, do me a favor.

And she's like, go down on me first, and then I'll get dressed up for you.

He requests the negligee.

Yeah.

He stops what's happening to be like, hang on.

Do an old soldier a favor.

Yeah.

She says, eat me out first.

Then they must have, like, what, made a sandwich while she goes and puts the negligee on.

Also, here's my.

I mean, this is just me, my personal.

I'm not trying to yuck anybody's yums.

Sure.

I don't need an eglige.

I know.

I'm not interested in an egglige.

I thought she looked great.

Oh, she looks great.

I'm not, I'm just saying.

But you're saying at that point, I'm like, let's get you out of all clothes.

But can I tell you why?

He's Christmas.

He likes his presents, gift-wrapped.

That's right.

Oh, good one, Paul.

And I also want to say, Jess, your recall for certain lines in this movie is really blowing me away.

I know.

I feel like this movie is part of me now and not in a good way.

This tour has changed.

Oh, for sure.

I'm straight up losing my fucking mind.

All right.

I think you did good enough to get a second question.

What do you got?

Thank you.

Second is, I don't know his name, but the Thailand boat captain guy.

They went to the effort to ADR all of his lines, but you still can't understand a single one of them.

This is kind of the issue I've noticed sometimes that happens.

I don't know why.

Did you guys check that out?

Yeah, I feel like Tony Ja and

Iko, right?

They had lines to deliver that they just couldn't get through.

And the movie should have helped them with that.

Like, I feel like the movie hung them out to dry.

Yeah, it's like, do this monologue.

I was also curious as to why when we see Daisha, that's his character's name, right?

When he comes back to help, I know.

I don't know.

She has it in her notes.

She has it in her notes.

I do have some.

That's Tony Johnson.

I don't know why that guy.

I don't know why that guy's name is Tolroad, but Dacia.

Tolroad or Tob Lerone?

My expendables name, if I can get in one of these movies,

Tob Lerone.

No, they will call you like, like, falapel or like, you know, some fucking.

Wow, wow.

Wow.

They'll be like, what's up, hubbus?

What's up, schwarma?

Yeah.

Wow.

What's up, schwarma?

She has.

None of these are Greek dishes.

What's up, Spana Copena?

This is racism.

What's up, Spana Coperna?

This is racism.

Welcome to New America, Jason.

Wow.

This is.

Wait, I just got a text.

You're in the cabinet?

You're replacing Stefanic?

Stuff it, Seta.

Yeah!

Okay, yes, your name, your question.

Oh, hey, my name is Lauren.

Hi.

Hi, I was wanting to go back to the Andy Garcia monologue of nonsense

where he is yelling at Jason Statham and he

accuses him of having genital warts.

And no one ever brought that up.

Did you hear that?

He's like genital warts.

Yeah, he's saying you're like,

you keep coming back.

And I can't get rid of you, basically.

Yeah, he's like it.

Yeah, he doesn't have it.

He's not saying, he's not.

Andy Garcia is not saying, you gave me genital warts.

You gave me genital warts.

You have them, and now I have them.

Genital warts.

Please don't film this.

What do you got?

What happened to Daisha?

He explained that he couldn't fight because he would not be able to stop again.

And then we don't see what happens to him at the end.

He doesn't stop.

Is he still there fighting?

Right.

He's still fucking going.

Why does he show up looking like Captain Jack Sparrow?

He's got full, like, eye makeup.

He's done a whole makeover on himself.

He seemed like he was getting ready to fight in the jungle, not on a military ship.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like he would blend into like the weeds and the grass.

I'll be honest though, because when Tony Jaw showed up, I was like, fuck yes, Tony Jaws here.

And then he was like, I don't fight anymore.

And I was like, uh-oh.

Because you've got like the best guy for fighting in the movie now, and you're telling me he doesn't fight.

So when he comes in, when he Han Solos himself back in, I was like, fuck yes.

And then is just taking dudes out.

I was like, give me this all day, every day.

The only bummer was that I felt like he didn't get enough time.

He didn't get enough fights.

I wanted, I felt like

this movie needed more.

Less slicing, less slicing and stabbing and more of what he was doing.

And more heightening.

More heightening.

It wasn't just enough to be like, great, we're fighting this guy.

Then scale it up.

Uh-oh, now Tony Jaws got to fight six guys.

Right.

Then, oh, okay, him and Lash got to go back to back and kill a bunch of people.

Give me that all the time.

That's why it felt like the fighting stayed on one.

Very lad, very lateral moves.

Very lateral.

Very lateral moves.

I agree.

Except for when they killed that kid.

Or the kid's mom, and the kid just had to look at it.

We don't, she gets killed off camera.

I know, but then she's just laying there and they're like, look at the dead mom.

All right, sir, your name, your, what SEAL team were you in?

My name is Keith and SEAL Team Six.

Okay, wow, SEAL Team Six.

This is great.

Okay.

All right.

So here's my curiosity.

There's a nuclear bomb in the hull of the ship.

It's got like three minutes left.

It is the longest three minutes in all of the world.

It's like there's a time stop.

Andy Carcia's helicopter gets blown up.

He throws the kill switch over, and then they try to take a little rubber boat

and try to escape.

There's no way, even if you had the helicopter, that they would be able to escape the explosion and the blast radius.

There is literally impossible.

There's not enough time.

First, let me ask you a question.

Did you see how many rings he had on?

Maybe for somebody doesn't wear a fuckload of rings.

It's not enough time.

There's always enough time.

I agree with you because it would have made more sense if Andy Garcia was like, I'm tossing the thing overboard.

Me and my men are going to die, but the event that I've put into motion is still going to happen, and that's all I care about.

But the fact that he thought he could escape means he's a moron.

And if he is, in fact, that big of a moron, then the moron that is Sylvester Stallone should have caught him by now.

But by the way, he could have just gotten in that helicopter.

He didn't even know.

There's so many things.

He could have just left with that switch and been gone.

It wouldn't have been.

He didn't need to throw it over.

I feel like that was a big mistake.

And even more so.

So Sylvester Salone

shoots the boat to sink it.

There's 30 seconds left on the timer.

There is no way that it sinks that.

Literally, the physics do not add up.

There's no way.

Hey, hey, my guy.

My guy.

You're getting as upset as Andy Garcia.

Take a breath.

Take a breath.

Take a breath.

This guy's going to have a stroke.

We're talking about expendables for oh, he's getting such a cute hug.

Look at the hug he's getting from his wife.

This is cute.

This is cute as hell.

Oh my God, I love them.

This is why they kicked that fucking nerd Albert Einstein off the team.

But I mean, you're right in the sense, too, that like the nuclear bomb was so big it would have caused so much destruction.

They just got so lucky that Jason Statham was able to drift the aircraft carrier like he's in Tokyo drift.

He drifts an aircraft carrier until it turns all the way around and then and then hits it like

there's a state.

There's a phrase like you can't turn an aircraft carrier around fast, right?

Yeah.

That famous phrase.

What?

That old chestnut.

What is the phrase?

I think it's just a theory.

I think it's just a theory that you can't, like the Titanic couldn't turn that.

Yeah, one degree.

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

Wait a second.

Hang on.

Hang on, Paul.

What?

What did you have to say?

One degree, you know.

I just hear you behind me going, one degree.

Yeah.

Yeah, but.

Like, you're just cooked.

You're just doing free jazz.

We broke Jess.

This is like a Ken Norden album.

Like, what's up, man?

Jess.

I was so broken by this tour that she went to the airport in Los Angeles today without a ticket because she forgot to buy one.

No, no, you're wrong.

She bought one for May.

Guys, she'll be here in May, May 1st.

Jessica St.

Clair right here.

Your one-man show, Men Matter.

I bought a ticket.

for a flight that was leaving 25 minutes later and they wouldn't let me on and the woman goes well mostly the people who do that are you know people who want to blow up planes me they say me.

It's me.

You can say it.

I know what you're thinking.

It's falafel next to you.

I want Jess and the expenditure.

Good old Baba Ganouche.

Hey, Baba Ganouche.

Hey, at least it's got the eggplant.

All right.

Oh, my goodness.

All right.

Well.

Clearly we had opinions about this movie, but there are people out there with a different opinion.

It is now time for second opinions.

Hi, I'm Shauna.

Dead man roasted in a burning plane.

Megan Fox in sexy clothes.

Machine guns on bikes and some crazy knife fights.

Jason stayed the hum.

Five stars.

Yes!

Beautiful!

That's how it's done.

Beautiful.

That's how it's done, Frisco.

Beautiful.

Expendables 4 on Amazon.

12,000 reviews.

Wow.

Okay.

That's depressing.

I will tell you that we've done this show multiple times.

Look, you get 1,000.

get 100

12,000.

66%

are five-star reviews.

What's so crazy is that that doesn't jibe with what it made at all.

No, because people are waiting

to watch it at home.

Like Mr.

Ammo.

Mr.

Ammo writes, well, Seth Just Alone is getting pretty old, but in this movie, he carries a pretty heavy gun.

Or at least in part of the movie.

I don't want to be the spoiler, so I'm not going to tell you, but I was really impressed with this one.

I think this is the best out of all of them.

Having that cast around him, especially Jason Statham, man, and of course, 50 Cent plays a bad, bad man.

So get the popcorn, sit down, and have a drink ready.

It's action from beginning to end.

Five stars.

Title, five stars on the expendables.

Why?

Seems like he's questioning himself.

Now, this one is odd from Harold Gertzinger.

I enjoyed it, but I'm a big Denzel Washington fan.

What?

He went a little John Wick on this one.

LOL.

Five stars.

Wait.

This person thinks they're reviewing the Equalizer.

Yes.

That's it.

Poor thing.

By the way.

And they're right.

The Equalizer movies are incredible.

They're so good.

Incredible.

But he does go a little John Wick.

Sherry Cooper writes.

Female voice.

Coop.

Once again, this was a great gift idea for my husband.

Uh-oh.

Five stars.

Once again.

Once again.

Hungry.

How many expendable stars?

Four years in a row.

Now, every now and then we look at the one-star reviews.

There's only 4% that are one-star.

And I wanted to read this one here.

Because

I'll just read the middle of it from Scott A.

I can't take women seriously as badass chicks if they're dressing like they're going to go out on a date to impress a whole restaurant.

I can dress my wife up like that whenever I want.

I'm here for the guns.

Now I'm a little gun shy, no pun intended.

But I would gladly chuck more money at number five, no questions asked.

One star.

Yes!

Basically, this guy is saying it's too woke.

My heart weeps for us.

And that's, I also like, he says, I can dress my wife up like that, too.

Why don't you impress a whole restaurant?

That's what I think.

When I'm putting on my clothes, I go, restaurant, get a load of me.

The whole restaurant.

Everyone in Olive Garden is going to be like, who is that piece of tush?

Yeah.

Piece of tush?

I'll get those twice-baked, loaded tater skins with the side of my ass.

Jason Sathya.

Get a load of those twice-baked tater skins.

Jason, Jessica, anything you want to add?

Anything we might have missed?

Any of you would have to address the message?

I mean, I was thrilled when Jason Satham found a tactical hatchet.

That was hot.

I was like, are you fucking kidding?

Yeah.

And then he has it on his back for like three different fights and doesn't use it even when he gets disarmed.

He gets disarmed and doesn't just go, bam.

And then he finally does and it's just one move.

And I was like, boring.

He could have used the tactical hatchet the whole time.

And in fact, he should have had two.

You know, right.

That would have been awesome.

Like the raid.

Yes, I would have loved that.

Let's see.

I'll give you one thing here, Jason, because we've brought this up a couple times.

This was shot on location in Greece.

Members of the Greek armed forces were used as extras.

You're paid for it.

Bo, bo, bo,

boo.

And allegedly not paid.

Oh.

Paid in hummus, I bet.

Hummus?

They were not compensated for this.

This slander will.

Get ready.

When this episode comes out, you're going going to hear from Greeks.

It says

not compensated for their month-long official deployment, and they worked overtime.

Oh, no.

This does not reflect well.

This movie was also released in mainland China before the United States.

Oh, interesting.

Yeah.

Do we have how much it made there?

Because

I bet internationally this movie made a lot of money.

All right, so in the United States, it made 16 million

worldwide,

51 million.

Oh, okay, so still not great.

Yeah.

Still not making back on that budget.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Interesting.

Okay, so Jess, anything you want to bring up?

You know, I've taken a ride today.

I started out saying I loved it, and then I realized most of the time I was watching it, I think I was doing my hair.

And this is not a bit.

I really was doing my hair.

and applying fake eyelashes for y'all.

Trying to impress the entire restaurant, I bet?

Trying to impress the entire restaurant.

So now that I've heard this discussion of the film, I'm really going to

question

me saying I loved it in the very beginning.

I think it is a piece of shit.

And I think women are treated terribly in this film.

I would still, though, fuck Statham.

And

I'll give it to Stallone.

Wow.

Wait, you would fuck Tulsa King?

Yep.

I bet they would cast you on Tulsa King as his love interest.

Thanks.

I appreciate that.

I believe in you.

My favorite line, which we haven't talked about, is when Dolph Lundgren does, in fact, succumb to

the booze again so that he can become a good sniper.

And he says, it's good to be back.

That's nice.

As an alcoholic.

Great message for any older person watching this movie who is struggling with

their urges to be like,

maybe I should go back to the sauce.

Like, it really is a terrible moral for anyone wrestling it.

Oh, yeah, and

it's not until we played the clip that I saw he's reading a book called like Sober Living.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like his whole character seems to be being sober.

In the first movie, it's a big deal that they kind of like get him out of the

drunk tank a little bit.

I enjoyed it.

It's not a good movie.

Oh, it's legit bad.

And the CGI is awful.

It feels so cramped.

It feels like they shot in escape rooms.

Like, that's everything.

It's all.

You've been in escape rooms now in almost every city on this tour.

And that's the thing.

I'm solo with my kids, and

I've been, I can tell you, Boise Ido, I was at their escape room.

It looked better than most sets in this movie.

Yeah, and probably the plot you were given, I've never been in one, was better than this.

It had more twists and turns.

Oh, absolutely.

Last night we were in an escape room.

We were trapped in there.

It was in the dark.

We didn't know why.

We had to find out who did it.

It was the worst nightmare.

Truly.

Truly.

It's fun.

I'd be stuck in there forever.

Oh, you would be.

And only because you wouldn't try to get, you would give up immediately.

The lights would go out, and you'd be like, oh, well,

I guess I'll just die here.

My youngest son did say in the middle of the one yesterday, I'm tired.

Can I lay down?

And I was like, you can.

They've been on the road.

Please do not let your children lay down on escape room floors.

I've got to be telling you, don't do it.

Hepatitis.

The movie, again, going back.

That'd be a great name for one of the expenses.

Hepatitis, get it!

Get him!

Oh, yeah.

I mean, this cast is riddled with hepatitis.

The STDs through

STDs and ex-wives abound on this movie.

Well, that's our show.

But before we go, Jason, want to plug anything?

If you haven't seen it already, Invincible Season 3 just wrapped up.

Bow, bow, bow, bow.

One of the best shows on television.

Don't sleep on it.

Coming up in early May, it's called Taskmaster.

Get the fuck ready, America.

I flew on on a plane to tell these fucking assholes what's up.

Also,

it's coming to an end, guys.

They won't let me fuck pillows anymore.

Big Mouth season eight.

May 20, May 20, May 20, something.

Get ready.

It's all done, and it's a great season.

So those are my plugs.

And oh, I'll also plug.

Local band Deaf Heaven has a new record.

Oh, why not support them?

And also, while we're at it, let's support the Aquarius music documentary.

I found it at Aquarius Records.

It's about an incredible San Francisco record store, Aquarius Records, R.I.P.

a legend.

If you haven't already, please check out the Deep Dive that I host with our queen, June Diane Rapiel.

And if you would like to join us at the Deep Dive Academy of Significance, we would love to have you.

Our accreditation is pending, but the doors of enrollment are open.

Go to the deep diveacademy.com.

Oh, and if you'd like to become a better small talker,

I wrote an audio book

called The Art of Small Talk with Casey Wilson, and it has great interviews with Amy Poehler, Tony Hale.

It's great.

My dad.

Dad is fantastic.

Every week on YouTube, YouTube, I have a new show with Rob Pupil called The Dark Web.

We are finding the weirdest shit online.

We are ordering things from TMU.

It's weird.

It's fun.

And they are bite-sized episodes.

They're only 20 minutes long.

We found out yesterday, 60% of our viewers are watching on TVs.

I thought they would be watching on phones or computers.

What's it on?

YouTube.

Yeah.

Yeah.

My book, Joyful Recollection of Trauma, I talked about that.

That's available.

You go go to the website and I can personalize it for you.

Big thanks to our tour manager, Beth, who's been amazing.

Give it up for Beth.

It's so great.

Give it up for Jason Van Sukis, Jessica St.

Clair, I am Paul Scheer.

Thank you, San Francisco.

We will be back.

Eat shit, San Francisco.

Thank you, San Francisco.

Wow, what a fun show.

I love having Sinclair in the June seat.

We had such a great time at the Masonic.

I want to give a big shout out to their entire staff and our tour manager, Beth.

If you want to own the shirt that we designed for this show, and it's a good one, it is the Salesforce Tower with Stallone's skull ring around it.

Just head on over to hdtgm.com and click on the merch button.

You can get this shirt as a sticker, as a mug.

San Francisco, you need to represent

your city with our special expendables for shirt.

Also, want to remind you that how did this get made?

Has hats now.

That's right.

And you know what?

You go right to the same spot, hdtgm.com, and just click on the link that says hats.

Pretty easy.

That's right.

You can wear your own WhatsApp jerks or Geostorm hat.

And we have a sale right now, 25% off all Geostorm, WhatsApp Jerks, and classic How Did This Get Made hats.

If you go over to httgm.com, hit hats and put in jerks at checkout.

As always, if you have a correction or omission from this episode, leave me a voicemail at 619-PALASK.

And if you're maybe a little shy for that, well, you can write a comment on our Discord at discord.gg/slash HTTGM.

Then tune in next week to our Last Looks episode to hear me respond to your messages and announce our next new movie.

Plus, we'll be playing more highlights from my Lost Sylvester Stallone podcast.

But if you just need more content, then I urge you to check out the dark web.

That's right, every Monday, Rob Hubel, and I dive deep into the dark web.

It's free.

It's on YouTube, and I think you will love it.

Now, people, I have some very exciting news.

For those of you who don't know, our movie-picking producer, Averill Halley, has been struggling in a battle with cancer.

She has been kicking its ass, and we got an amazing update.

She got great MRI results that showed no more tumors or growth.

So I just wanted to say thank you so, so much to everybody who reached out to her, sent her positive vibes.

We have reached out here many times on the show, and you have all just shown up, and it's meant the absolute world to her and her family.

You can keep on sending her whatever you want.

We've been sending her songs and fan art.

You can do the same at andrew at moviebitches.xyz, or you can send it via snail mail at Averill Halley, P.O.

Box 641, Agora Hills, California, 91376.

Nothing perishable or scented, please.

And remember, if you listen on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, please make sure you are subscribed to our feed and have automatic downloads turned on in the show settings.

It helps us.

It really, really does.

And last but not least, tell your friends about how did this get made.

Yeah, we didn't make the Times 100 greatest podcast of all time for shame.

There's a couple on there that was a little questionable, some that just just came out.

But you know what?

It won't stop us.

15 years in, and we're still going to take your recommendations over.

Damn time magazines.

Anyway,

a big thank you to everybody who works on this show.

There's so many people, but let me talk about the ones that matter the most.

Scott Saney, Molly Reynolds, our movie-picking producer, Avery Highly, and our engineer, Casey Holford.

They bring the show to you every single week.

That's all I got, people.

Hope you're having a stellar Stallone summer and we'll see you next week on Last Looks.

Bye for now.

Oh, Gecko, I just love being able to file a claim in under two minutes with the Geico app.

Could you sign it?

Sign what?

The app?

Sure.

Oh, it rubbed off the screen when I touched it.

Could you sign it again?

Anything to help, I suppose.

Get more than just savings.

Get more with Geico.

Adobe Acrobat Acrobat Studio, so brand new.

Show me all the things PDFs can do.

Do your work with ease and speed.

PDF spaces is all you need.

Do hours of research in an instant.

With key insights from an AI assistant.

Pick a template with a click.

Now your prezzo looks super slick.

Close that deal, yeah, you won.

Do that, doing that, did that, done.

Now you can do that, do that, with Acrobat.

Now you can do that, do that, with the all-new Acrobat.

It's time to do your best work with the all-new Adobe Acrobat Studio.