Find The Can-Do Attitude with Candace Parker

You said toys.

That sparked my memory.

I remember in 2009,

it was actually

President Obama was throwing out the first pitch for the

MLB All-Star Game.

So he was outside with Reggie Love

practicing.

And my ex-husband and I brought Layla.

She was probably seven weeks to the White House.

And,

you know, we met him and we took pictures and things like that.

And I'm standing there and I'm like, oh my gosh, because I was nursing.

I have to nurse.

And

so I kind of like talked to somebody on the side or whatever.

And, and, and

President Obama was like, yeah, just go in there.

It's fine.

Like, we'll go out here.

Oh, pitch and you go ahead and nurse.

That's so him.

I nursed in the Oval Office.

Yes.

Like in the Oval Office while they did pitching outside.

And I was like,

Sasha Malia, they were cool.

You know, like, I understand.

Just going there.

I understand motherhood.

It was, so I always tell Layla's claim to fame is that, yeah, she, she was nursed in the Oval Office.

This episode of IMO is brought to you by Progressive Insurance.

How are you doing?

I am

great.

I really am.

You know,

feeling the summer heat.

Yeah, well, I got a good night's sleep last night.

Did you?

I slept so hard, my arm hurts.

You know, don't you?

Isn't that the thing about getting old?

You know, you just fall asleep in a position that's bad.

The sleep injury.

Oh, you know, I woke up my shoulder.

What did I do?

I know.

And there's no good story.

You can't say that you were going for a layup or skiing down a mountain.

You know, it's just like I slept wrong.

Just getting old.

And I remember when mom and and dad used to talk about stuff like that and we were like please it's like i slept wrong and it's like

how is there a wrong way to sleep well when you're 60 plus it's almost there's probably it's hard finding the right way to sleep oh man but well but you're looking good i am really excited i'm i'm always excited about our guests but uh our guests this time.

I mean, the book, the Can Do Mindset.

I mean, really, a really amazing read.

And before we bring her out and get so wrapped up in the conversation, I just want to make sure that everybody picks up this book and

reads

Candace Parker's story.

Her voice in this book is amazing.

It's real.

She's down.

If you liked her before, you will love her after really

hearing how deep and thoughtful she is on a number of different fronts.

Yeah, yeah.

We get a lot of material when we're doing research on this.

So

this book was so easy for me to read.

And, you know, I've said before on our show that I became a reader as an adult, right?

So I wasn't one of these little kids who read a bunch of books until I only read when I had to read.

This is a book for people who aren't readers because they're going to pick it up and it's going to be like like watching television.

Like it's just story after story.

But let me stop and get on with the intro so we can get her out here.

So,

Candace Parker is one of the most influential athletes of this generation.

After being selected number one overall in the 2008 WNBA draft by the Los Angeles Sparks, Parker went on to win three WNBA championships

and take home two Olympic gold medals.

Since retiring, she serves as an author, public speaker, activist, entrepreneur, and studio broadcaster.

Her new book is The Can-Do Mindset, which I've shown here.

How to cultivate resilience, follow your heart, and fight for your passion.

Without any further ado, Candace, come on out, girl.

I I feel like I know you

now that I'm reading all about you

for being here.

Thank you so much.

Thanks so much.

I am a huge fan of the show.

So I got cool points from the fam.

Oh, man.

Well, I want to hear all about how the fam is doing.

Y'all

having me.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Congratulations.

Congratulations on the book.

Thank you.

I want to start there.

I mean, your journey is profound in so many different ways.

What made you decide to, you know, take this step?

Some would say, you're so young.

How are you telling your story?

You're a baby.

It's so funny because in basketball years, I am ancient.

I was 39 years old.

And when I walked out of the locker room, I was 38.

And I felt like it was time for me to stop playing basketball because I didn't recognize any of the music in the locker room.

And I started listening to lyrics.

You know how you start listening, like, wait, what did T Grizzly just say?

Why is it okay?

You know, and so that was my, I am actually ancient in basketball years.

And in, you know, 16 years, I feel like I learned a lot in

my basketball career, but more so off the court from all the lessons that basketball taught me and

the relationships that

the game gave me.

I mean, the experiences, the travel living in China and Russia and Turkey, and,

you know, so to now.

And I just felt like it was a great time to kind of reflect on, you know, a closing of a chapter.

They say athletes have two deaths.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And so

I felt like I was beginning a different life.

And I wanted to close the book on that one.

I have to tell you that,

I mean, there's, we have so much in common.

You know, our families and yours, we're the

youngest and youngest sisters with basketball brothers.

You went one direction.

I did not.

Title, the advent of Title IX probably had a whole lot to do with just my interest,

but hearing about your parents and their devotion,

you know, just the culture of basketball in your household, the relationship with your dad,

a lot of it resonated.

But I also, you know, felt kind of mixed about, you know, it's like, man, I could see that little Candace being hard on herself.

And, but I was mixed about, you know, whether your dad is your coach, whether that was part of the challenge that you had, you know, you, you, you had a lot of

a lot to aim for.

You had big brothers you were trying to keep up with.

You had a dad that, you know, was going to coach you like the guys.

How much of that do you think had to do with how hard you have been on yourself throughout your life thus far?

Before I had kids, nurture and nature, I thought that a lot of it was nurture, which I do believe my parents cultivated this environment.

My brothers, the same.

But when you have kids, you realize you're just guardrails.

Yeah.

And my parents were amazing guardrails in allowing me to be who I am and who I was as a kid.

You know, during that generation, I mean, this is before 1996 where women took over the Olympics, you know, and it was 20 years from Title IX.

So my parents being okay with me coming back with holes in my stockings from winning at kickball at recess.

And I was so high in the trees, my mom would worry that the branches were getting thin and I was going to fall out.

Like they allowed me to be me.

And I think that's the biggest.

lesson that I've taken from them is that that is a superpower to be able to be empowered to be yourself.

And from a young age, it didn't matter whether I was a little girl with bows in her hair or whether I was, you know, knocking down free throws on the basketball court, beating boy, whatever it was in the classroom, my parents had this expectation of being the best you could be.

And as cliche as that sounds,

I think it was the mindset that they developed in us.

You know, because I can still hear my dad sitting at the table, like I'd bring home a 92% or 94% on a test.

And he would be like, but I know that's the highest grade in the class, but is that your best?

And I'd be like, but dad, like,

mom, I got it.

I got a 94%.

And so that is the level of expectation in everything that we decide to do.

And I'm so grateful for that because it started with my parents,

you know, putting up the guardrails.

And so now that I have kids, I realize like, man,

they were really good at this because it is hard.

It is hard as a parent to not do things for your kids and to allow them to suffer because the reason why we are the way we are is because of, you know, the struggles and being uncomfortable and stuff like that.

And you want to provide so much comfort for your kids.

But my parents were great at like allowing us to figure it out.

You feel like, oh, I know so much more.

I want to protect my kids from

things that I wasn't protected from.

And it, it really takes an intentional mindset to let that go and let them sort of figure it out on their own.

You know,

we were talking a little bit about being

siblings.

Talk about your relationship with your brothers.

My brother.

By the way,

I want to a nice hello to your brother, Anthony, who I've worked in as colleagues when I was still working in the NBA.

And he's gone on to do great things with the Orlando Magic.

And I don't know your older brother, but I'm just imagining.

He was just a doctor.

He was only a doctor.

He was the disappointment.

Just a doctor.

He was a black sheep.

Yeah, black sheep.

He was a black sheep.

Yeah, I went to Johns Hawkins.

He was black sheep.

Sheep of the family.

Couldn't get it to get it.

Yeah, I couldn't get it.

It must have been really tough.

And we joke with Misha all the time how tough it was being behind me but it must have been really tough being behind those two

um

the reason why i can do what i do on television is because i had brothers yeah

when i sit at the table and shaq makes fun of my suit and calls me a couch right you know and says that my suit coat looks like a couch and he's coming with jokes and whatever the reason why i can go back at him is because

well first i had older brothers second we didn't have google so you had to come with straight facts.

You had to remember, you know, all of these things.

And so, you know, or go look it up in the encyclopedia.

But

I

am confident and comfortable and able to walk into rooms, but also

the humility that you have to have as a little sister.

Yes.

Because it doesn't matter.

I mean, I can remember being made fun of for every, I mean, it's just, it develops.

You have a thick skin for having, you know what I mean.

And I wanted all the smoke, I wanted all of it, I wanted to be the one that was at the table.

You know, I remember sitting at the table and actually telling a joke and everybody laughing and that being like a rite of passage.

It's like, you know,

that's what it is.

I finally got one in.

I mean, it's like, finally.

And then I also remember sitting at the table and flipping the Monopoly board where we were still finding pieces years later because that sounds familiar.

Okay.

Yeah.

Don't get his flipper.

And my brothers never let me win.

Oh my God.

Never.

I'm just like, and I was like, why do y'all do that?

And it's so unfair because it's like they go, he'd go off and practice a game, like Battleship or whatever, get it right, and then be like, Mish,

let's play now.

And I'm like, what game is this?

I never heard of Battleship.

And then he beats the heck out of me.

Hey, it's in the toy box with all the other toys right there for you.

People are not right.

Well, my brothers used to not plug in my controller for Sega.

So you're so I'd be in there like, yeah.

And then I'd realize it wasn't plugged in.

Like that's the type of stuff my brothers used to do.

But when I tell you, when I won, I know I won.

Yeah.

And by them not letting me win actually made me better.

And whether it was.

Like there were some Monopoly board flips.

Oh, see, that's what happened.

Interiors.

And yeah, I used to just hit him as hard as I could in the middle of his back.

That's all, you know, that's all I had, you know.

But the Monopoly Board flipped.

It's here for everyone to see.

I wasn't making it up.

I want to get to your time at Tennessee, too, because Pat Summit is,

I've always admired her from afar.

But I want to back up a little bit to, there was a.

point in the book when you talked about your coaches at your school believed in your abilities before you did.

They could see how good you were going to be.

Talk about how

your development went, right?

From your own mindset, from your own mindset, because you were really good, but you didn't know how good you were.

I can still hear Coach Summit.

I can still hear her say, you have never arrived.

And that is something that I feel like was a a part of my upbringing without the correct verbiage from my parents.

In seventh grade, my coach sat me down and was like, I think you can be the best player in the state.

In seventh grade.

And I was like, the state?

Yeah.

Just the state?

Oh, okay.

And I was

humble in the present.

but I was motivated to be the best in the future.

And when I arrived at Tennessee, I went to Tennessee to be a big fish in a big pond.

I didn't take the time to think, whoa, I'm good at basketball or I'm not good at basketball or whatever.

It was just to try to be

one of the best, you know, to play there and to win and, you know, focus on,

you know, my left hand, getting my left hand hook, you know, my left hook better or being able to.

you know, dribble the basketball and shoot and pass at six foot four.

I was motivated so many times in my career by the cants

that when they turned to cans, I had to find something else, you know, to be motivated by.

And I was grateful that my dad knew what buttons to push as a coach.

And Coach Summit, boy, she knew what buttons to push.

If she told me I couldn't guard somebody

or she told me that, you know, I couldn't do this, I was going to do it.

And,

you know, I'm grateful for the mentors and the coaches that I've had that understand how somebody ticks

because it really is the mindset in anything you do, getting people motivated or getting you in the right frame of mind to accomplish the things you want to accomplish.

And

I never really stopped and thought, like, okay,

this is where I'm at.

It was more so like, I kept moving the goalposts.

And, you know, in the book, I talk about

how

that can be a positive, but moving the goalposts also,

doesn't allow you to really appreciate what you have accomplished in the moment.

Like, I, I mean, my 16 years in the WNBA flew by.

Yeah.

The WNBA championship, I was like the next day, okay, I love that feeling.

Let's do it again.

So, it's also a balance of realizing the present and appreciating it.

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Wouldn't you agree?

Well, yeah, it was

surprising to me when we entered Princeton for a school that wealthy that there was still a requirement for entering students to have

a wide variety of ways that they had to contribute to tuition.

So we had to take out personal loans.

We got a little bit of a grant from the school.

Our parents, even though they were working-class folks, they had to take out a loan.

We had work study.

We had work study as well.

That was before the days of loan forgiveness

or knee-blind admissions.

We didn't go to Princeton during that time.

And I remember it being for you, especially when you had the choice of going to a Division I basketball school on a full scholarship, right?

Or going.

to Princeton University and you were struggling with the idea that you wouldn't take a free ride and substitute that for

what was considered the better education yeah you remember what dad said when you said that yeah because I said to dad that I was going somewhere other than Princeton

and he asked me why and I said well because we have to

pay and he said to me if you

make your decision based on what I have to pay I'd be really disappointed.

And you know how hard that was for us if dad was ever disappointed in us.

And it just hit me like a ton of bricks.

And I had to rethink what I was doing.

Well, our parents had the foresight even back then to know that

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And luckily for us, they made that investment in us.

That's one of the reasons why when I talk to families, I talk to kids about is it worth taking out a loan?

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It was never a question.

I would think we were in a different position than our parents.

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uh and i will i will preface this by letting the audience know you you go from college to the pros it goes from being sort of a family to transactional relationships and business you learned that real quick how so what was that transition like because

it had to be so diametrically opposed to what the way you were brought up in your family, the way you were nurtured at Tennessee, and now

you're a pro.

And, and, and, and, and talk about

the NBA as well as having to go overseas playing.

2008 was a big year for both of us.

Yeah, 2008 was a big year.

What was going on?

My transition into the NBA, WNBA.

Um,

my transition into the WNBA was one that was like this.

One night.

We're hanging.

We're hanging the banner.

We're cutting down nets.

We're, you know, champagne.

I was 20, 21, so I could drink.

The next afternoon at 2.30, I got drafted into the WNBA by Los Angeles.

It was the Olympic year.

So we won the national championship, got drafted.

Training camp started two weeks later, went straight into training camp, didn't even get to move out of my apartment.

You know, you got to sign a shoe deal, you got to, you know, endorsement, sign an agent, all those things, financial advisor,

moved out to LA,

which is still home today, which I'm grateful for.

Olympic break.

So 2008, went to the Olympics.

I was just exhausted.

You know, it's one of those things where this is everything I have ever dreamed of and more.

And I just wanted to be in bed.

I just wanted to go to sleep.

I wanted to take a nap.

And that's the hardest thing is this amazing year.

I look back and I'm like, all I can remember is being tired.

And I was really tired.

I came back from the Olympics and came back with more than a gold medal.

I was pregnant with my daughter when I came back.

And then immediately I went into what is everybody going to think?

You know, how is this going to impact my career?

I won rookie of the year and MVP that year.

And I was seven, eight weeks pregnant with my daughter.

I can't believe that.

And

I think it's the fear that every mother

that has gone through this feels, where you have invested so much time into your career and your craft.

And it's the worry of this is everything I've ever wanted.

I always wanted to be a mom.

But how is this going to fit into what I've worked so hard to accomplish?

There were so many people that were, you know, in my ear, close friends and family that were like, is this a great time for you to, maybe we should think about other options?

And I always wanted to be a mom.

And again, I leaned on Coach Summit.

She was able to do it.

She was able to be one of the best ever and still.

have a have a child and still balance both

you know the i

companies want you once you have the kid to tell the story, but they don't want you when you're pregnant.

You know, and so as an athlete, you kind of are valuable to be able to run and jump and do all those things.

And

so, immediately when I was,

you know, announced that I was pregnant, I remember telling people and then immediately being like, but I'm going to come back July 5th.

You know, it was almost like me cushioning the blow a little bit.

And I hate that looking back.

You know, I thought strength was coming back in 50, 56 days after having my daughter.

But then if that's strength and weakness is taking six weeks of maternity leave, letting your body,

putting your family in those moments first.

And

so it was a lot in 2008, the transition into the WBA.

And I mean, I think a lot is an understatement.

You know, I mean, I really do think.

And you're how old, you know, while all all this is going on.

And now that you're not even 40 yet and you think you're old,

now you realize how young you were, right?

I mean, you see you have a daughter that's getting close to that.

Yeah, she's 16.

That age, right?

16 years old.

I mean, the amount of maturity,

you know, the composure that it took for you to manage through all of that in one piece.

I mean, I want to sit on this for a second because this is the part where I get really irritated at people who undervalue women athletes

and women, period,

who talk about pro-life and all this stuff.

But like you said, you know,

they like it,

you know, they like it in theory,

but we don't have a country that values something that is so amazing as giving birth.

So I want to spend a little time on that.

Let you talk a bit about, preach on that for us, Cam.

I will preach on that.

When I entered the WNBA, which is a league of women, ran by women,

operated, employed all of those things, there was no maternity leave.

So if you didn't play, you didn't get paid.

We shared rooms at the time.

This is 2008 in the WBA.

I had to buy out half my room.

I was insistent on nursing because I didn't want to give my daughter less,

which it's not less, but explain buy out your room because I don't think our listeners know what that is.

So we shared a room.

So I had to buy out half of my room, which was my portion of the room.

and buy another room.

Wait, when you're traveling on the team,

you have to pay for it.

No, I needed my mom to travel with me because I was nursing my daughter.

So I would have to pay for her plane ticket on our flights to bring my daughter along.

And you're not going to share a room with your teammate, your mom, and your baby.

And so I bought out my portion of the room so that I could travel.

I would have thought the team paid for your room.

No, not at that time.

See, that's what I'm doing.

Not at all.

Yeah, you know, and that's so you're playing in a professional league and you literally have to house yourself.

Because I brought my daughter along with me.

And that's the challenge.

Things are better now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But they're still not where they should be, especially a league of women,

which

let's be honest, the WNBA is so special because we are the majority of the minority in this country.

And I say that in socioeconomic background.

I say that in LGBTQ plus community.

I say that in black women.

I mean,

we should be the standard for maternal health and family planning.

And we're not.

And I challenge us to be because how do you not have maternity leave

for

female athletes?

And now you're seeing it is better.

But again, there are so many ways that we could be the standard of excellence.

One of the parts of the book that really resonated with me was

your time when you had to go play overseas with her as a baby.

And I said to

Mish and our producers when we were talking about the book, I said, you know, I played overseas for a couple of years.

And if I had to take one of my four kids with me, we'd have never survived we'd have never survived

they wouldn't have survived i wouldn't have survived the team wouldn't have survived it would have been a mess we could probably still be over there somehow but i mean you

you took your baby to

russia

but you had to that wasn't like yeah but you know but i i just i i would love to hear you talk a little bit about that and how

you had to go over there because that's where the money was for women at the time.

And

in some cases, still is.

I am grateful for my mother

because my mother

made it possible for me to feel at ease with taking my baby abroad.

There's this guilt when you aren't unable to raise your children the way that you were raised.

that's your vision of

and

she cushioned that.

My mom would make home-cooked meals over in Russia using ingredients that we had to look up in our little Google Translate book, you know, where

you know.

I'm grateful for her, she made it easier for me mentally and physically.

Layla, Layla Nicole, I just have to say, she, I

undervalued the ease

that she provided for me.

You know, having her move my first love to the side, basketball was secondary in everything.

And being able to take her overseas,

again, I think overseas would have just been a checked box.

I got over there, I did it.

But looking at her, I realized this was her childhood.

I couldn't just hurry up and wait and speed up time to get out of Russia.

We had to enjoy it.

So we went out and we did things.

We did barbecues in the winter.

We did, you know, we went and watched the polar bear plunge where people jump in the ice and dip three times.

We went and played at play yards.

We did play dates.

We learned about the cuisine and the food and experienced the culture.

You had to meet other parents.

She had to make friends

with mom friends.

We had no idea half the time what they were saying, but we made friends.

I like the story of the first play date we went to and to talk about that.

Yeah, Layla decides to do a play date, which I put Layla in Russian school for her to learn Russian and she taught everybody English.

She's like, I can make this easier for all of us.

Exactly.

It was the opposite effect.

I'm like, that's my kid.

You put her in an environment and she's going to somehow adapt the environment.

Like that's new to her.

That's her.

And,

you know, she wanted to do a play date.

I think she was like three, three at the time.

And in Russia, all of the buildings look beat up.

You know, it's not about what it looks like on the outside.

It can be a really nice apartment on the inside, but the buildings don't look very nice out on the outside.

So we pulled up to a building like that.

Didn't think of anything of it.

We go inside and there's like

no floor.

Like it's almost like a dirt.

And then there's a center oven that heats the room, but also serves as cooking.

And then there's kind of a bed against the wall.

And so I open the door and she's kind of in front of me and I can't get to her because I don't want her to say anything, you know.

And

she looks around and I'm waiting.

I'm holding my breath and I'm like, they're going to understand some English if she says something.

And she goes, a dollhouse.

And the two kids run over there and start playing in the dollhouse.

I have to compose myself because I am just in tears.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because that's her.

And it's as a result of the experience we had overseas because we realized people are people no matter where we live, what you, you know, what your upbringing is, how much money you have, all of those things.

And I say this that we've been well off, but we've grinded.

You know, we would turn on the water in Russia and have to let it run because it'd be yellow.

Or, you know, we'd pull up to some places where we didn't know what we were eating.

You know, and we lived in china for a you know two years and there would be you know no heat or so we've grinded yeah and layla is just

she just made it better

but i just am

in disbelief of the kid because she's just she's so special in her soul and she taught me so much Now, my other two, my boys,

there's no chance taking them overseas.

I realize how much of an amazing traveler Layla was.

of all, very much.

Because the boys, nobody told me this.

I'm looking at Layla like, I got this together.

You're like, I'm a great parent.

I'm a great amazing parent.

And then my son, my oldest son was born.

He is the one that has made me realize.

It's like, it's not about me.

It is not about me.

He is the one.

Yes, nobody prepared the girl moms that are at the point of the

swing and the girls are playing with their little horses.

And then the boys are like, shooting you in the face.

And they're on like a 16-hour flight reading and coloring the whole time.

I mean, I had two girls.

It was the same thing.

I was like, I don't know what you mean about travel.

Getting to mind.

Listen, getting my son to mind.

We were, I was on a flight actually coming here.

And this couple, they had three girls, and she had a little boy about six months old.

And the little girl was crying getting on the flight.

And she turned around.

She's like, look at mommy.

Stop crying.

I was like, if, and then the little girl stopped crying.

I said, my son would have.

Boys are different.

I was a bit like equality.

Girls and boys were all the same thing.

No.

No.

Boys have never been on Earth before.

Girls have been here.

Yeah,

girls have been on Earth.

And we know we're running things.

Mish used to say when the boys would come to the White House and they'd be doing what they do.

And then she comes in the room and she's like, ooh, why are you guys so moist?

They were always damp.

You know, I was like, why are you

just

they come into the white house i mean it's the white house the residents and they come in and they were like set five and young they were they were little five and six they would just come in and just dump in the middle of right in the front door trucks and pieces of trucks and legos

you know they're here we're here we're here this is all our stuff we go play with this and they're and they're damp it's like why are they wet and why are they wet

And they like smell like little wet puppy dogs.

Like just little wet puppy dogs.

It's like, where have you been?

You said toys.

That sparked my memory.

I remember in 2009,

it was actually

President Obama was throwing out the first pitch for the

MLB All-Star Game.

So he was outside.

with Reggie Love

practicing.

And my ex-husband and I brought Layla.

She was probably seven weeks to the White House.

And,

you know, we met him and we took pictures and things like that.

And I'm standing there.

And I'm like, oh my gosh, because I was nursing.

And I was like,

I have to nurse.

And

so I kind of like talked to somebody on the side or whatever.

And

President Obama was like, yeah, just go in there.

It's fine.

Like, we'll go out here.

Oh, fetch and you go ahead and nurse.

That's so him.

I nursed in the Oval Office.

Yes.

Like in the Oval Office while they

did pitching outside and I was like, there's like a lot of room in there.

Yeah,

Sasha Malia, they were cool.

You know, like, I understand.

She's going there.

I understand motherhood.

It was, so I always call Layla's claim to fame is that, yeah, she, she was nursed in the oval office.

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In the book, but in your life,

the story you tell about meeting Anya was so

meaningful.

It was so sweet and

easy to read.

It was just like I felt like I was there.

Can you talk about

you guys meeting?

It's crazy.

It's

we've been married five years.

Okay.

And

I

met her in 2012, just at the Olympics.

Right.

That was our first time meeting.

And then the next year she was my teammate.

And

it was like a best friend where all the walls kind of came down.

And she was your teammate in Russia.

In Russia.

Right.

And it was honestly her mind.

I mean, we would sit around and talk about Russian history, American history.

I would make her go to museums and translate all of the stuff for me in English, you know, and

it was really just built on

that friendship.

And I was going through a really difficult time, you know, in my life.

My grandmother was sick, so my mom wasn't in Russia with me.

I found myself opening up insecurities and

things that I never thought I would share, you know, with someone.

And

it's crazy because I don't even,

I don't even remember the time that I was like, I like her, or this is more than just friendship.

Because in my mind, I was going to marry a man and I was married to a man and she was with a, with a man as well for, you know, six, seven years.

And it never even

crossed my mind.

And I can remember reading The Alchemist, which is one of my favorite books.

I read once a year, usually.

And I've read it from high school because every transition, you see something different in the book.

And I remember being fascinated by Fatima and the alchemists.

And Fatima was this, you know, this woman that is everything he ever wanted, but she allowed him to finish his journey and working on himself and experiencing life before

love, you know, before she would accept his hand.

And

it's crazy because I had to work on myself before I would be open and ready.

And

it was,

it was a red, it was a,

it was, it was a crazy time because we think it was so long ago that it was 2015 that same-sex marriage was legalized.

Yep.

Which is really

crazy.

Crazy.

If you think about it.

No.

And so everybody's like, oh, well, this is just, you know, tell your parents, parents tell your friends tell your employers like tell tell all of them it's fine yeah and in my head i'm still i'm a black woman so i've already got two things yeah that precede me before i walk into a room now it's going to be who i love

you know and and she's russian and she's russian and she's white

and she's white

according

according to my daughter at seven years old she's like on you you're not white you're russian and i was like well

but yeah she it, it was challenging to say the least.

And in so many ways, I had to unpack this mindset that I had because I remember when fans would come up to me and be like, you're not like all the other WBA players.

You're, you know, you're straight and you're, you know, da, da, da, da.

And I, in some ways, wore it like an okay, you know, type of thing.

And so

I had a fan come up to me while I was married to Anya and say this.

And it was at that moment where I was like,

I talk about my daughter being who she is

and standing up for what she believes in and loving who she loves.

How am I going to tell that to my sons?

And I'm not even, yeah.

People don't even know about

their mom.

Right.

You know, I mean, she was pregnant with my son when we won in 2021, and nobody had any idea that we'd been married for two years.

But our kids,

their safety,

and my daughter being able to do what I say,

you know, not do as, what is it, do as I say, not as I do.

I want to do as I do.

And I want my daughter to know that, you know, I'm proud of who I am and, you know, what we represent.

And I love Anya with every ounce in me.

I'm so grateful for her

and, you know, the human being that she has allowed me to work on.

you know and um well it takes some strength on her part right i mean to

to you know, to be married to you for two years and not to be able to say that.

And the fact that your relationship, your marriage survived that kind of pressure.

I mean, that just speaks to the power of your love for one another.

And it says a lot about her.

If we think it's

difficult here in Russia, it, you know.

Yeah.

It isn't accepted still.

And,

you know, her dad and mom didn't talk to her for a while.

I was extremely grateful for my family because they let me go through the process.

I'm sure they had opinions.

And I can remember when I told my dad, my dad the next day

was coming to our house.

So I told him last minute, and he didn't have a lot of time to process.

He did.

I'm one of those.

It's like, you know, I was the collect call, like,

why don't I talk about it?

And we messed hang up, you know.

used to be really uncomfortable in conversations like that.

And

I'm grateful for my family that allowed me to have those conversations in the ways that were best for me.

And I can remember my dad's remarried and his wife was like, you know, your dad was crying last night.

So I'm, I'm like, I'm sorry, you know, like, da, da, da.

And he's like, no, I just.

I'm sad that you didn't feel like you could tell me.

Yeah.

You know, that.

You know, and so he's like, I want you to be happy.

And he's like, Anya is literally the person that was made for you and what you represent and what you want to be.

Like she's soft enough to cushion the blow, but strong enough to tell you when you're wrong and put you in place and all those things you need in a partner.

He said, I just am sad that you didn't feel like you could tell me.

You know, and so I think as a parent, it's,

it's allowed me to kind of step back and look at the way that, you know, I parent.

And sometimes it's not the person.

Sometimes it's, you can't.

You need to come to grips.

You need more time.

Yeah.

You know, and so it's just understanding that when my daughter has things to tell me, you know, it's on her time.

Yeah.

I'm so happy that you share that story.

I mean, you know, we still live in a time, no matter how far we've come, you know, where there are still families that are looking for permission structures and ways to have these conversations with each other.

Having somebody of your stature

be so open

and not just your journey, but your parents' journeys.

I mean, we've had folks on the show before

who can vocally give voice to how a parent should

talk about this stuff with their kids who

are non-binary, to give them the the words, to help them work through the emotions.

This sadly is still all so new.

But the fact that

this piece of your life is front and center in a way that is really powerful and real is going to do a lot for people.

So I just want to tell you how proud I am.

that you know you went there.

I appreciate you so much.

I really do.

And I

think sometimes it's,

you have to give people grace

to come to terms with who they are first.

So

when supporting, and I'm no expert on this, I just can speak from

my experience.

I feel sympathy for the power element because I think power is

sometimes the kid that requires, you know, obviously their parents to still take care of them or whatever, like taking taking

that and using it against who somebody is is,

you know, challenging.

And there's so many people that have come up to me and talked to me about their relationships and, you know, their parents not accepting them or, or somebody that supported them in a way that they felt seen.

And it doesn't matter how much money you have in your bank account.

It doesn't matter what you do for a living.

This is raw.

And when you are going, walking this journey, it is, it's scary.

And, you know, I was a grown woman going through this and it was difficult.

And so

I just

really emphasize the importance of support.

I think everybody, no matter who they are, need it.

We, we have a

guest

letter.

People write to us, they email us, and they come up with these wonderful questions.

And then we try and give them some opinions and advice and help.

And

today we've got one from Jenny from New York.

All right.

I have a question about career and personal growth.

I'm very lucky to have found a lot of success in my initial career path.

I've basically been working at the same company since college and am now one of the youngest senior leaders at my company.

But now I'm in my early 30s and feel like, although I work really hard, I don't feel challenged anymore.

I'm worried that after all my initial success, I'm struggling to find my future growth path.

How do you build a life where you keep growing instead of just chasing one big moment?

And how do you figure out how to make the right kind of changes?

Jenny from New York.

So we figured that fit you perfectly.

So.

How do you unpack that?

It's like, and there and give her an answer, Candace.

But you've had to, you know, I mean, you've had to focus in a lot of different ways, short-term, long-term, focus for your family.

I mean, what comes to mind when you hear Jenny's question?

The most interesting people I've ever met have always had some sort of challenge that they've given themselves, whether it's, you know, to work out

three, five times a week, you know, or whether a 30-day challenge or whether it's to learn the guitar.

I think there's that childlike mentality that some of us lose as we get older and we get into the monotony of work and, you know, all of that, all of those things that

I think it can be satisfied through other areas.

So

if you don't want to give up your career and you don't want to completely pivot, I think it's about figuring out ways you can challenge yourself in other areas of life.

And

I truly believe that I spent my entire career chasing that WMBA championship

nights, waking up in a cold sweat after losses of game, you know, last second game winners, all of those things.

And when we won the championship, it didn't feel how I thought it would feel.

Yeah.

And then you really realize when people say it's not in the destination, it's in the journey.

It's in that dash.

I talk a lot about that in the book.

It's in the dash.

It's not the start or the end.

It's who you become in that process.

And so I would challenge Jenny, like,

if she doesn't feel satisfied, there are ways to challenge yourself because

when you, when you excel in something, in a career, whatever,

you have to enjoy challenges a little bit.

Yeah.

And so I think what it's saying, it's more of the lack of challenges.

So

I think it is about starting something new, being

a rookie again.

You know,

yeah.

I mean, we, we, we all have so many chapters in our lives,

but that's not how we're socialized to think.

You know, I've said in becoming one of the questions I hate the most that we ask kids is: what do you want to be when you grow up?

Because it says that life is finite in some way, that you pick a thing and that's who you are.

And the older I get, the more I realize that, no,

life,

the fun in life is embracing all the different chapters.

And it takes some of the pressure off of each individual chapter to be everything because it's not supposed to be.

You know, this job isn't supposed to be your everything.

I was like you, as much as I wanted to be a mother.

And I think being a mother is the best thing that I have ever done in my life.

And I always wanted it.

I had to work at it because of infertility stuff, but

even that, you know,

if I put my everything into that,

I would probably overparent my kids.

I would probably not, I would, I would be too invested in

the happiness they were giving to me.

You know, so having something even outside of motherhood, you know, has been really important because that should be finite, right?

I mean, at some point your kids have to grow up and become themselves.

But if you're

so invested in it, you know, you might delay that if you haven't thought about the next chapter after that.

So I would tell Ginny is like, you're, you're right on schedule.

You know, this probably is just a sign that you are ready for the next chapter.

And instead of fearing that, you know, embrace it.

It's like you're growing,

you're continuing to evolve.

And

now there's something fun in figuring that out.

We're getting a little taste of that by doing this podcast podcast at our age.

Yeah.

I mean,

the best thing that's happened to somebody like me, because I've always been one,

our parents were like, try everything.

Well, that turned out to be my career.

You know, I started out a little basketball here, a little corporate America, a little coaching, a little front office in the NBA,

administration, and now podcast host.

And I can tell you,

Jenny,

as long as you're not afraid to start over, you can do anything.

And to Candace's point about the journey, that's what you learn in sports because we all, and not everybody learns it, because not everybody wins.

But what you learn when you win is that,

man, that was good, but it was so much more fun trying to win.

Because once you get to that,

it's great.

One of my favorite books, and I talk about it in here, it's called Chop Wood, Carry Water.

And it's an easy read.

Yeah.

But

it's about, and he wants to go into archery and he wants to be, you know, a master at archery.

And he's going through the process.

And his,

his mentor is basically telling him, you know, like, you're first going to learn how to chop wood, carry water.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, and throughout the wax on, wax on,

wax.

Niyagi.

We got that.

You know, the karate kid mentality.

It's really about relinquishing the results

because you are literally at your best in decision-making, in competition, in

mastering something when you are relinquishing the actual result and you're just committing to the process.

So whether it's the process of wanting to challenge yourself to be better, worrying about what you look like during that process is going to hinder

the future.

And so, when you're making decisions such as this, you have to relinquish the results.

This could work out great, or this could be the worst thing.

Yeah.

But whatever the result of that is, I'm going to be better for it.

And I think that that's a

lot of people hesitate because they're worried about what the results will end up being.

Yeah.

Well, I hope that

that's helpful to Ginny.

And I know our time is short.

I just want you to speak on, you know, to this audience a bit about your views of how we should be thinking about the WNBA, women in sports.

I want to just give you a minute to

emote a bit.

Women in sports have always been judged by everything other than their sport.

You know, and you know this as anybody.

I purposely wore my arms out.

Yep.

Because

women in sports, it's be strong, but not too strong.

Be competitive, but

that's a little too competitive.

Don't hit your chest.

That's not ladylike.

You know, I can remember going on a date when I was in high school and I didn't want to get bowling shoes because my foot was a size 12 men.

And, you know, they have the size on the back of the bowling shoes.

And so I can remember trying to shrink myself to fit into a world, but I just wanted to hoop.

And then the more you hoop, the more you realize there were more girls out there that were like you.

And I think that's what the WMBA has done in a nutshell is that it has made it okay to be yourself.

It has made it okay to be competitive and talk junk and get up in somebody's face and

be empathetic and all of those things.

And I think society is ready for that more so as a result of the WNBA.

You look at leadership.

It comes in all shapes, sizes,

fortunately and unfortunately.

And women weren't considered their tone or their, but where are we gravitating to?

Empathy, care,

love,

all of these things that women innately are.

And it was society, I feel like, in a way, holding women's sports back.

And that, you know, it wasn't cool to wear women's sneakers.

It wasn't cool to put women on video games.

It wasn't, you know, it was all these things that women can't do.

When you actually look at the numbers and it's like women are the ones that are buying in the household, they're the ones that are spending the money and have the purchasing power.

So now it looks stupid, but at the same time, it is still a challenge.

You know, it is still, there were so many times where young dads didn't want, you know, the girls to grow up and sweat and have muscles and things like that.

And it's like,

now I'm purple soul with it.

Like as a kid, I hid my, you know, I hid my, I hid my muscles.

I hit, you know, all those things.

And now it's like, I'm proud because I don't think there's one definition in what being a woman is, and especially a female athlete.

So

with the floor, I will say

there's

a bunch of eyeballs on women's sports right now.

Rightfully so.

It should be in dollars and marketing, things like that.

I hope to

empower

and uplift the retired female athletes in the boardrooms, at the cap tables.

Because as you all know, you can work as hard as you want, but it's who you know in some places.

That's right.

And that's why it's so difficult sometimes to get your foot in the door.

And so I just, you know,

It's invaluable the amount of qualities that you develop as a female athlete.

And I think we're well equipped, but it's just the problem is we're in our 30s, 30s, late 30s, entering into corporate America with less zeros on the end of our checks.

And so

I just encourage those out there to like seek out female athletes.

Like,

I think empower, especially the retired athletes that have the skill set.

They just need an opportunity.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, you are a phenomenal representation.

You really are.

You are an amazing woman.

And I am grateful that you have shared your journey.

I mean, we've only touched on it.

I mean, folks really do.

You need to buy the CANDU mindset.

We didn't even get into the title because CANDU became your name that your parents gave you.

And it's an acronym for a whole lot of,

you may want to, it's community.

Community, authenticity, navigating negativity, understanding the importance of the dash and creating and

creating and seizing opportunity and there are so many gems i mean i started writing down quotes and then i was like well i'm just going to be reading the book in this interview if i wrote down everything that was a gem uh you are a gift um

and uh i am so glad that you have found your next chapter and will continue because you're just beginning because guess what candace you are a a baby.

Tell that to my teammates, okay?

I am a dinosaur.

You are a baby.

And we hope to get you back because, again, we only scratch the surface.

I appreciate you all so much.

I am an avid listener and you all just

have truly inspired me.

I am inspired by all that you have done and accomplished, but I think this is

unbelievable.

No, it is.

You know, like to see

brother and sister.

And, you know, I think it sometimes we go through life.

I'm leaving tonight, actually, to go to my brother's 50th.

He's doing it in Mykonos.

And so I'm leaving tonight and we're going to go celebrate.

And I think over this last year, I've really tried to be intentional of celebrating the big and the little moments.

And so I think that this is,

this is super special and you all should celebrate it.

Cause, I mean, you guys give the listeners what they want, but also the amount of time that you're

able to spend with your siblings.

Oh, it's the best.

It's the best.

Even though he still teases me and I want to throw the Monopoly board.

She does want to hit me right in the back.

Well, give your family our best.

I appreciate you celebrating.

Happy birthday.

Happy birthday.

He's a baby, too.

So, yeah.

Big 5-0.

It's amazing.

Big 5-0.

Well, good luck to you and everything you do.

Thank you.

Thanks.

Thanks again to our friends at Progressive Insurance for sponsoring this episode.

For more information, visit progressive.com slash open the house.