#743 - LUIS J GOMEZ + JOE DEROSA

Speaker 3 Howdy, this is Red Red coming to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas, for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get up for Tony!

Speaker 4 It's great!

Speaker 6 Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh?

Speaker 6 Yeah, makes some noise for Brian Redband.

Speaker 6 Oh my god.

Speaker 8 And that right there is indeed the best damn band in the land.

Speaker 5 Makes some noise for Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo, Carlos Sosa, Michael Gonzalez, and Nachos Valgrande, Auevos or cheros.

Speaker 16 Matt Muelling on the electric guitar, John Dees on the keys, and believe it or not, live in the flesh, that is D-Madness on the bass guitar, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 20 Oh, my God.

Speaker 21 This episode is brought to you by Prize Picks, Quo, and Shopify.

Speaker 18 Such a fun episode for you.

Speaker 26 Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible.

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Speaker 35 Who's ready to start tonight's fucking show, huh?

Speaker 11 I book this thing every single week.

Speaker 36 This one's for the boys.

Speaker 37 This one's for the fucking pigs.

Speaker 39 This one's for the fucking homies.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 5 You guys like that.

Speaker 36 Let's just do it.

Speaker 8 Ladies and gentlemen, two of the best comedians, two of our favorite friends.

Speaker 7 Make some fucking noise for Joe DeRosa and Louis J.

Speaker 40 Gomez.

Speaker 40 Lewis J. Gomez.

Speaker 40 Joe DeRosa.

Speaker 40 Oh, yeah, baby. Let's go.

Speaker 11 Both of them have brand new specials on YouTube right now.

Speaker 44 I never promised you a Rose Garden is what a lot of people are saying is the best stand-up special of the year by the great Joe DeRosa.

Speaker 47 He's also on tour, JoeDeRosa.com. Lewis's special is

Speaker 34 out.

Speaker 50 You're making this worse.

Speaker 44 Louis J.

Speaker 50 Gomez Comedy on YouTube.

Speaker 24 Of course, one of the founding fathers of the Legion of Skanks, which is right around the corner.

Speaker 53 Skank Fest 2025 in New Orleans, Louisiana, one of my least favorite cities.

Speaker 48 But I'm going there to drink myself into oblivion just for you.

Speaker 56 I'm happy to be here, Tony. Tony, one of the best live experiences in the world.
How are you guys feeling tonight? Good?

Speaker 56 Thank you for having me, and thanks for coming back to Skank Fest. Both of you guys this year is going to be a blast.

Speaker 19 We are going to have a blast.

Speaker 58 We're not doing a Kill Tony there, but we're going to have a lot of fun.

Speaker 26 We're no longer doing Kill Tony at that dilapidated drudge of a...

Speaker 54 It's the most fun festival in all of comedy, but

Speaker 59 we've outgrown you.

Speaker 61 I will. We actually...

Speaker 62 Tony says this every year to me, man.

Speaker 56 Every year I convince Tony to do a secret Kill Tony at Skank Fest.

Speaker 63 Every year.

Speaker 64 Swear to God, mark my words, it's not happening again.

Speaker 65 But no, we love each other.

Speaker 45 We always have fun. Lewis is the man.

Speaker 66 Welcome back to Austin, Texas.

Speaker 57 Your show Tuesday sold out, right?

Speaker 56 At the Creek? Thursday, Thursday. Story War is right here.

Speaker 22 Oh, yeah. The mothership manager.

Speaker 59 Perfect.

Speaker 63 Yep, sold out.

Speaker 59 Perfect.

Speaker 26 Fantastic. Welcome.

Speaker 67 One more time for Lewis.

Speaker 68 Joe DeRosa is back.

Speaker 69 I'm also going to be at Skank Fest, despite Lewis turning his back to me completely,

Speaker 69 talking to the other two people that are going to be there. I have not outgrown the festival.

Speaker 56 I just don't really want to go, to be honest.

Speaker 72 What are you going to do?

Speaker 73 New Orleans. Alcoholic.
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 45 It's a fantastic place to drink yourself into oblivion while trying to forget the fact that it's a graveyard of flooding and sadness.

Speaker 69 It really is a dark place.

Speaker 76 It really is.

Speaker 69 And it's one of those cities that looks like Dracula after 5 p.m., no matter where you are. Just fog rolls across the roads.

Speaker 77 Yeah.

Speaker 69 Ghouls and specters everywhere.

Speaker 69 And these are just the people at SkankFest.

Speaker 79 Yes, that's the lineup.

Speaker 80 All right. You guys know how it works.

Speaker 21 Fun fact, I do believe Lewis has the record.

Speaker 81 Since Brody killed himself,

Speaker 21 I do believe Lewis has the...

Speaker 82 You guys say it like it does.

Speaker 52 Oh, Jesus.

Speaker 38 That's not even how he did it.

Speaker 18 Don't you have a hanging sound effect on there?

Speaker 23 Here it is. Red Bam looking for a...

Speaker 83 Oh my gosh.

Speaker 13 All right, Jesus.

Speaker 73 Whoa.

Speaker 84 Whoa.

Speaker 4 Yes.

Speaker 69 Hit the button that says Robin Williams.

Speaker 34 That'll be the...

Speaker 85 All right, all right, all right.

Speaker 83 So you guys know two of the most used guests in the history of the show over 300 souls are crammed together in a bar next door, hoping and praying that we pull their name out of this bucket.

Speaker 87 I'm going to let this, what appears to be a...

Speaker 60 pure dying alcoholic pick the first name.

Speaker 52 This guy has complete liver failure.

Speaker 23 And he picked the first name.

Speaker 24 That's how lucky he is. Oh wow, look at that.

Speaker 1 You did a good job

Speaker 45 While we wrangle that person who's actually in the room and very close to us because she's very close to our hearts

Speaker 91 I'm going to I'm gonna bring up a special treat this guy actually oh yeah, they get 60 seconds You know their time is up and you have the sound of a kitten that means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry bust Hollywood bear So this guy that's going up first tonight, that's doing the first minute here tonight actually won this spot on an episode of The Legion of Skanks.

Speaker 45 When I was in New York City, right after I did stand-up and a kill Tony at Madison Square Garden, because that's what I do when I go to New York City.

Speaker 41 I do Madison Square Garden, and then I get on a flight and come back here, but I stayed extra.

Speaker 56 When I come to Austin, I do the creek and the creek.

Speaker 78 Pretty sweet.

Speaker 45 The garden, the creek, it's all nature, you know what I mean?

Speaker 19 But this guy is one of the interns at the Legion of Skanks.

Speaker 23 He did impress us with his minute on a fake, goofy episode, short little episode of Kill Tony that we did on a Legion of Skanks episode.

Speaker 82 I know this is all very confusing for you, but no reason to overthink it.

Speaker 45 Ladies and gentlemen, your first comedian doing a minute tonight goes by the name of Josh Sussman, everybody.

Speaker 94 Here we go.

Speaker 95 The show has begun.

Speaker 9 The intern, Josh Sussman.

Speaker 96 So I was...

Speaker 97 I was adopted at six years old.

Speaker 97 And adoption is a lot like a box of chocolates. It's mostly leftovers.

Speaker 97 I mean, your choices are typically dark or darker.

Speaker 97 Never any white chocolate. It's fine.
But lately, I've been really connecting with my roots, right? Like, I've been working on my impressions. This is an impression of LGBT MLK.

Speaker 98 I had a dream,

Speaker 78 and that dream was pretty gay.

Speaker 97 It was a gay dream. It's not great.

Speaker 97 It was, yeah, not great.

Speaker 97 But, you know, I have worked a lot of strange jobs as well.

Speaker 97 I used to work with mentally handicapped orphans. It's a true story.

Speaker 97 And now I work with the Legion of Skanks.

Speaker 97 Some things never change.

Speaker 101 All right.

Speaker 42 All right, Jeff Sussman.

Speaker 53 Wow, really showing off some of that amazing comedy that you've learned from your mentor, Louis J.

Speaker 8 Comas.

Speaker 103 I mean, absolutely.

Speaker 104 Josh, what the fuck was that?

Speaker 56 You're going to come on one of the biggest podcasts in the world representing the Legionist Kings with that horse shit?

Speaker 72 Yeah.

Speaker 69 Josh, you know, they told me upstairs that I'd remember you from your weird face.

Speaker 69 And I said, I'm not going to make fun of his face. And then he did that set.
I'm going to make fun of your face. God damn it.
Deep madness. madness be happy god has blessed you

Speaker 108 i mean it is haunting so

Speaker 39 it is incredible at least it makes halloween easy for you this week what what do you do for halloween put on you ever do sometimes a little bit of face paint and that's about it right

Speaker 75 okay

Speaker 112 very interesting uh what happened to it did anything ever happen you ever in a horseback riding accident or something or is that all natural or you're both my birth mother did a lot of crack so that

Speaker 59 helps.

Speaker 113 Absolutely.

Speaker 56 So your mother was the black one.

Speaker 96 Yes. Yeah.

Speaker 82 Okay. That's good.

Speaker 23 He's Puerto Rican.

Speaker 47 He's allowed to ask those questions.

Speaker 69 You look like, you look like, you know what, you know when they make a biopic about somebody and a good-looking person plays the guy, and then you see the real guy?

Speaker 114 You look like

Speaker 69 if the movie was about you, but Michael Anthony played you in the movie.

Speaker 63 And then you'd be like, wait, that's the guy. Oh, geez.
All right. Well,

Speaker 69 thought that. All right.
Go fuck yourselves.

Speaker 10 Josh, do you do...

Speaker 117 Do you do a lot of stand-up?

Speaker 108 I do. I do.

Speaker 64 How long have you been doing it for?

Speaker 118 Three years. Three years.

Speaker 35 Did you really used to work with mentally ill?

Speaker 32 I did. What exactly?

Speaker 57 How did you end up with that job?

Speaker 18 Did they bring you in to hide under their beds and scare them or something?

Speaker 97 Like a scared stream situation. No, it was there is a program in Peru.
So they take all the orphans that people super don't want, the mentally and physically handicapped ones. Wow.

Speaker 97 And yeah, so I just spent a few weeks there building stuff.

Speaker 120 What were you building exactly?

Speaker 97 Just repairing. It was like a big orphanage.
There's a lot of them in Peru, apparently.

Speaker 50 What were you doing in Peru?

Speaker 108 It was like, it was affiliated with like a missions trip and stuff.

Speaker 121 Missions trip.

Speaker 122 I grew up very religious.

Speaker 24 Oh, wow. Tell us more about that.

Speaker 89 Because when people see your face, they go, holy shit.

Speaker 11 where should we send this guy let me see his face per you

Speaker 63 geez

Speaker 96 per ew

Speaker 69 I liked um dude I I mean this sincerely I liked I'm adopted too I've met very

Speaker 34 pale

Speaker 2 faces

Speaker 69 At least mine got rid of me on purpose. Nothing neglected.

Speaker 34 I'm more mad at Michael.

Speaker 104 I'm more mad at Michael on that one for starting that huge fucking band piece.

Speaker 69 Mine didn't live two blocks away.

Speaker 34 Ouch!

Speaker 34 Ouch!

Speaker 41 God damn. That one actually hurt.

Speaker 44 I need an ice pack or something after that.

Speaker 49 God damn.

Speaker 13 It is true.

Speaker 64 My father didn't visit me very often, and he lived two blocks away.

Speaker 127 Thank you, Joe.

Speaker 64 I'm so glad I shared that with you.

Speaker 39 It's one of my truly, very close friends.

Speaker 111 Wow, just been holding on to that, huh?

Speaker 128 So, waiting for the right moment to strike down the dragon with your fucking evil slingshot of truth.

Speaker 128 Papa,

Speaker 34 Papa, where are you?

Speaker 106 All right. I really did.

Speaker 69 I thought he had an interesting take on adoption.

Speaker 97 I thought it was funny.

Speaker 109 Well, hopefully our other adopted listeners felt the same way.

Speaker 18 Josh, what else about your life? Tell us something interesting about you.

Speaker 97 One of the strange things I've been learning is that I was adopted into a very strange family. So, for example, I'm a mixture of things.

Speaker 97 Like I'm half black, a quarter, mostly Spanish, and then a quarter Native American. And then my adopted dad is Jewish.
Oh,

Speaker 121 it gets worse. Wow.

Speaker 129 God.

Speaker 82 What's next?

Speaker 47 30% Lucifer.

Speaker 83 I'm 10% warlord.

Speaker 97 I recently found out that my grandfather, so he was Jewish, he was in Chicago. And he ended up becoming part of the mob, which was, I guess, the Italian mafia, which was a very strange thing.

Speaker 18 They need accountants too.

Speaker 47 That makes sense.

Speaker 54 The Italian mafia notoriously would bring in Jews to help them where they needed it.

Speaker 54 Or else they would just have invested all of their money into gold necklaces.

Speaker 131 All right, go ahead.

Speaker 97 And then I, yeah, so that I thought was interesting. Then my birth mom, of course, crack.
Birth father, gone, who knows, you know, naturally.

Speaker 97 And then my mom's side of the family are written houses, so like straight shooters on that one.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 13 Amazing.

Speaker 72 Who molested you the best out of all those?

Speaker 34 Red Band.

Speaker 57 Why would you, this is an innocent, adopted person.

Speaker 23 He's had a tough life.

Speaker 87 And then there you go asking questions like that when you're supposed to be just goofing around on the sound effect board.

Speaker 93 Who was your favorite moment soldier?

Speaker 49 Were you ever molested?

Speaker 108 Not that I can recall, but I have six.

Speaker 37 Oh, damn, they got you so good you blacked out?

Speaker 13 Holy shit.

Speaker 53 That's how you know that uncle has a strong mouth, dude, when you're just like, oh,

Speaker 34 oh, oh, oh, oh.

Speaker 131 Oh, man.

Speaker 69 You said it was like a box of chocolates. Everybody took a bite.

Speaker 13 So I actually.

Speaker 97 I can't remember the first six years of my life. So

Speaker 97 who knows? Wow.

Speaker 121 Do you ever have have flashbacks or anything?

Speaker 51 Does nothing at all ever come out?

Speaker 97 No, I met a hypnotherapist once, just a friend of mine, who offered,

Speaker 97 they offered to unlock those memories for me, but I was like, no, thanks. I'm good.

Speaker 59 Keep it locked up.

Speaker 97 Those are locked for a reason.

Speaker 49 Amazing.

Speaker 97 And then... Also, on my mom's side, I found out I have like four Olympians in that family, but I'm adopted, so no genetics for me.

Speaker 82 Wow.

Speaker 89 Do you know what type of Olympians they were yeah

Speaker 135 oh my god Jesus

Speaker 97 swimming diving synchronized synchronized diving swimming and diving

Speaker 136 exactly yeah

Speaker 118 my mom tried she she tried to get me in right well Josh a frighteningly a frighteningly rough performance but the interview's great I you're a very likable guy you wear that face well I love that you enjoy the process and that you're smiling and enjoying yourself.

Speaker 54 That's really what it's all about.

Speaker 47 And while life may be so hard that you don't even remember the last six, first six years of your life, I like to think that your best days are ahead of you, my friend.

Speaker 96 Can I add one thing?

Speaker 130 Absolutely. Go right ahead.

Speaker 55 You're 12% evil.

Speaker 137 All right.

Speaker 97 Well, this week actually marks a very special week for me. Because, so I actually, I spent the last seven years in Switzerland.
That's where I started doing comedy.

Speaker 97 And I realized that if I want to take this comedy thing seriously, I've got to move to America, which means that I left behind, you know, the safety and security and all of that.

Speaker 83 Can we call an ICE agent real quick?

Speaker 140 This guy is, you know, all right, go ahead.

Speaker 97 Because my wife is Swiss, so that is why I was over there.

Speaker 56 Yeah, she smells like cheese.

Speaker 21 I wish your set was Gouda.

Speaker 97 And so when we

Speaker 73 move.

Speaker 2 This is incredible.

Speaker 108 I'm getting word.

Speaker 141 I'm getting word.

Speaker 44 Lewis has put you up for adoption.

Speaker 52 They're sending you to a different podcast to be an intern somewhere else.

Speaker 74 You've been picked up by...

Speaker 63 I don't fucking know.

Speaker 108 So basically,

Speaker 2 okay.

Speaker 101 Yeah.

Speaker 69 Holy shit, Josh.

Speaker 4 Okay, all all right now.

Speaker 131 Anyways, long story short,

Speaker 97 it's been a dream come true coming here because I moved exactly a year ago.

Speaker 78 Are you going to cry, you homo?

Speaker 62 YouTube, he's going to fucking cry.

Speaker 69 Not gay if he cries. He's just a woman.

Speaker 97 So I just want to say thanks for the opportunity, of course.

Speaker 42 Of course.

Speaker 21 Josh, congratulations.

Speaker 78 Here's a little joke book.

Speaker 20 Come back sometime.

Speaker 65 Josh Josh Sussman, everybody.

Speaker 9 Come on, make some noise for Josh.

Speaker 10 He's adopted.

Speaker 126 And

Speaker 125 he's got a face.

Speaker 10 Looks like the inside of a grilled cheese sandwich.

Speaker 131 All right. Wow.

Speaker 10 Let's not forget.

Speaker 109 that the man with full-blown liver failure in the front row picked a very special name to get this show started.

Speaker 34 You know her as the queen of the horse noise, a woman that literally became a full-time fucking employee of everything that we do.

Speaker 144 One of my favorite people on planet Earth and a rising comedian here in Austin, Texas.

Speaker 10 Make some noise for a minute by the great Sarah Sloane, everyone!

Speaker 30 Hey guys, I recently did one of those

Speaker 30 new things that I've never done before, which is getting in those Waymote cars.

Speaker 30 Yeah, that was kind of cool. I get into the car and the computer turns on and asks me, where would you like to go?

Speaker 30 And so I was like, take me on an experience I've never been on before.

Speaker 30 So it took me on a date?

Speaker 30 I really hate when people brag about how many black friends they have.

Speaker 30 Like, why are we bragging about how many bad friends we have?

Speaker 30 I've been working on other animal impressions, so I'm going to do a nasty and rude giraffe. Are you guys ready?

Speaker 101 All right.

Speaker 146 Hey, guys, I'm Taylor Swift, and I just released a new album.

Speaker 123 Wow.

Speaker 106 Sarah Sloan.

Speaker 36 Absolutely amazing, Sarah.

Speaker 28 Thank you.

Speaker 57 It's so fun.

Speaker 35 This fucking guy pulled you out of the boat.

Speaker 117 We don't ever get to see,

Speaker 50 I spend days with Sarah, Monday through Friday, and I never get to see your set or really talk about stand-up with you.

Speaker 41 We're always focused on my never-ending growing empire.

Speaker 17 And to get to see you, especially these last two times, absolutely crush.

Speaker 35 It's incredible because we just loved you for your horse noise and your story early on.

Speaker 117 And one of my favorite things is when people get pulled out of the bucket and we get to see their unbelievable growth.

Speaker 24 So one more time for Sarah Sloan.

Speaker 69 That was really good.

Speaker 30 Oh, thank you, Joe.

Speaker 69 Yeah, that Taylor Swift joke is great.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Seriously.

Speaker 56 It was all great, but that one's really, fuck her.

Speaker 63 That's a great one.

Speaker 149 It really is.

Speaker 55 It's amazing.

Speaker 137 And I do believe, weren't you here when that

Speaker 56 it was my fucking idea for you to hire Sarah Sloan the last time I was here?

Speaker 30 I love you so much. I love you so much.

Speaker 56 You better suck my cuck after the show tonight.

Speaker 150 Whoa.

Speaker 56 I don't take that L-word lightly, okay?

Speaker 106 Now, Sarah, great.

Speaker 56 Honestly, the confidence, the last time I saw you, you did good.

Speaker 56 Those were fucking legitimately great jokes. Seriously, three bangers, just like the confidence is through the roof.
Was that from working on the show?

Speaker 30 I honestly, like, I know it sounds like a brown-nosing thing to say, but like, I think when you're around someone who, like, knows how to do it and is good at it, like, I think you're just naturally.

Speaker 10 Is Tony helping you out on your jokes?

Speaker 30 No, like, he's.

Speaker 32 It's literally.

Speaker 62 Tony doesn't even look at her.

Speaker 69 Red Band, she said someone that's good at it.

Speaker 34 Oh,

Speaker 95 oh, you son of a bitch.

Speaker 63 Oh, you bastard.

Speaker 106 It's all love up here.

Speaker 152 Oh, no, you son of a beast.

Speaker 41 You son of a bitch.

Speaker 30 I used to think Red Band hated me, me, actually, whenever I first started working for you.

Speaker 55 That's actually...

Speaker 32 That's just his face.

Speaker 104 Oh, shit.

Speaker 34 Look at this little cow cow over here. Look at this sad cowboy.

Speaker 11 Oh, my God.

Speaker 25 Sarah, what else is going on in your life?

Speaker 131 Oh, man.

Speaker 30 I've been drinking too much coffee and

Speaker 30 it's been affecting

Speaker 30 some

Speaker 30 toilet stuff.

Speaker 84 Ooh,

Speaker 79 tell us more.

Speaker 30 It's actually because I get coffee for Tony every morning. That's part of my job duty.
And so

Speaker 30 I naturally will get one for myself, but that means I'm drinking way more coffee than I ever used to. And

Speaker 128 a red band.

Speaker 56 Tony requires coffee that opens up his asshole.

Speaker 80 Let's just say that door never closes.

Speaker 47 You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 90 It's like an old western in there.

Speaker 36 The breeze bloweth.

Speaker 16 Swings both ways.

Speaker 4 You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 34 Wow, wow, wow.

Speaker 111 Hell yeah.

Speaker 48 24 hours a day.

Speaker 57 So you've been drinking too much coffee.

Speaker 30 Yeah, because then I'll also have some drip coffee and then that, my maker makes like five cups. So I'm having like a latte on top of the five cups of coffee.

Speaker 30 At least I'm awake.

Speaker 4 You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 48 You're the best, Sarah.

Speaker 80 What else is going on?

Speaker 57 Anything else crazy we should know about before I let you out of here?

Speaker 30 I don't know if this is actually interesting, but I never told you this before.

Speaker 30 The only way I was allowed to get in the public school that I got into in a small town was my parents lied and said that I needed to be in English as a second language.

Speaker 34 Wow. Yeah.

Speaker 74 Amazing, fun fact.

Speaker 30 So I tested out in the third grade,

Speaker 30 but I was in all these classes with with Mexicans.

Speaker 112 But you knew how to speak Spanish because your mom was.

Speaker 30 Yeah, so my mom, she's Panamanian. So yeah, like my whole life, she's spoken in Spanish to me, and I speak back in English.
So yeah, our communication skills with each other are really good.

Speaker 30 We get along really. No, actually, I really love her.
But yeah, yeah. So that's always something that I realized I had never told you before.

Speaker 30 But can I say one more thing? Yeah.

Speaker 34 Okay.

Speaker 30 So basically,

Speaker 30 I'm talking to a guy for the first time in my life whoa

Speaker 84 wow

Speaker 40 oh she's dapping ladies and gentlemen a 2011 specialty you've never dated a guy before are you being serious I'm not being funny I'm really no I'm I'm being serious no she really hasn't yeah she kissed her first guy on Kill Tony yeah and it was kind of forceful and aggressive it was Michael Gonzalez oh

Speaker 80 kind of it's kind of the only kiss in the history history of the show that I've got.

Speaker 30 It's a forceful kiss.

Speaker 146 I was going.

Speaker 46 Well, they're not sending their best people up here.

Speaker 70 You know what I mean?

Speaker 30 I went closed mouthed because I didn't know what I was doing because it was my first kiss ever in my whole life. I was

Speaker 30 27 years old.

Speaker 30 And he went, he was like,

Speaker 30 he went.

Speaker 2 Yeah. It was.

Speaker 128 Tried to give you that lingua.

Speaker 28 Yeah.

Speaker 30 I didn't know Spanish until after that kiss.

Speaker 85 Yeah,

Speaker 85 look at that.

Speaker 10 Sarah Sloan, give us one horse noise for the road here.

Speaker 65 Oh, here we go. Ladies and gentlemen, the trademark.

Speaker 131 Wow.

Speaker 34 Unbelievable.

Speaker 40 This is Kiltoni.

Speaker 32 And that is the great Sarah Sloane.

Speaker 34 Oh

Speaker 20 my God.

Speaker 72 Look at my wife, Heidi.

Speaker 12 Holy shit.

Speaker 72 Unbelievable.

Speaker 128 Love on the line comes out every Tuesday.

Speaker 78 It gets released.

Speaker 134 Her new podcast with the great Valerie Vaughn.

Speaker 150 We love Heidi.

Speaker 52 Oh, hey, I didn't see you there.

Speaker 81 This podcast is sponsored by Talkspace. November is Men's Health Awareness Month, but you can find quality therapy anytime.
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Speaker 81 You can even talk it out in between sessions by sending text, video, or audio messages to your therapist. There's more to men's health awareness month than just mustaches.
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Speaker 81 As a listener of this podcast, you'll get $80 off your first month with Talkspace when you go to talkspace.com/slash Tony and enter promo code Space80.

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Speaker 102 All right, ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket pull.

Speaker 46 We're going to meet them all together.

Speaker 139 Looks like a new name to me.

Speaker 95 Make some noise for thomas lamount everybody here we go

Speaker 98 thank you what's up uh i just got a i just got a new cat i just got my first cat actually uh she's a beautiful orange cat uh named her macaroni after my favorite kind of necklace um

Speaker 98 Yeah, she's a great cat. I love her, but she's my first cat, so I'm still trying to figure out like how to raise her.
So I've decided to raise her the way that I was raised, you know?

Speaker 98 So like every morning, I just call her a pussy and remind her,

Speaker 98 remind her I wanted a dog, you know?

Speaker 160 Yeah.

Speaker 98 No, but she's, she's a good cat, you know, she's good.

Speaker 98 She's been doing this weird thing though, where Macron has been throwing up a lot, which I think is weird because who does she need to look skinny for, right?

Speaker 6 You know?

Speaker 98 It's just weird, you know, is there like a Tom cat calling her Garfield or something? I don't know what's going on.

Speaker 98 But she is, she's doing, it is weird, though, because before she throws up she has like a different meow before she throws up, you know?

Speaker 98 Like usually when she throws up or before usually when she meows, she's like meow, you know, cats, right?

Speaker 98 But before she throws up, she kind of like revs it like that, you know? But before she like throws up, she kind of like revs it up like

Speaker 98 which, I don't know, it's weird, but like it is kind of comforting to know that even cats are like, oh fuck, no, no, no, no, oh fuck, I'm gonna throw up.

Speaker 98 So I can just hold back her ears like, I got you, girl, come on, get it out, Get it out, you pussy. You know? I'm Thomas Lamount.
Thank you.

Speaker 83 All right, Thomas Lamount.

Speaker 165 Welcome to the show, Thomas. Thanks for having me.

Speaker 9 This is your first time.

Speaker 98 This is my first time.

Speaker 21 I love it. A great set.

Speaker 102 How long you been doing stand-up?

Speaker 98 Three and a half years now.

Speaker 26 Where at?

Speaker 98 Miami, Florida, actually, but I'm from Nebraska.

Speaker 59 Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 51 Makes sense.

Speaker 102 How long ago did you move to Miami?

Speaker 98 I moved to Miami. Well, I just moved here about three months ago, but I moved to Miami for modeling like four years ago.

Speaker 83 Okay, let's stop it right there.

Speaker 25 What type of modeling were you doing?

Speaker 77 Dude, anything that will give me money to be pretty, I guess.

Speaker 52 So,

Speaker 34 what?

Speaker 34 If you want like...

Speaker 69 Take a fucking plot of urban Ben Diet Cowboy shit. You got it.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 69 You were selling your body in Miami.

Speaker 98 Pretty much, you know. If you want me shirtless, wearing a backpack and saying it's for taxon, you got it, dude.

Speaker 69 You can't wear Harry Potter glasses and go, I moved to Miami for modeling.

Speaker 78 What do you look like with these specs off?

Speaker 69 That's what I want to know.

Speaker 153 Whoa.

Speaker 96 Actually. Whoa.

Speaker 116 Not bad.

Speaker 96 Wow.

Speaker 108 Unbelievable.

Speaker 139 As the senior gay representative on this stage, I have to tell you.

Speaker 53 It's amazing. I'm shocked that you were able to make...

Speaker 19 How much money did you make modeling?

Speaker 98 Oh, not enough to make it full time, that's for sure.

Speaker 100 Yeah.

Speaker 161 Barely.

Speaker 98 I mean, it pays good, but it's only like i get a job like maybe once a month and it'll be like a thousand bucks for a day and then that guy comes and then what are you gonna do

Speaker 72 yeah

Speaker 98 but if he if he comes quickly usually like he'll hire me again you know it's nice i get a lot of repeat customers yeah every job ends with you got any friends

Speaker 98 and i'm on my knees like am i not enough what's come on all right what was the weirdest thing you ever got called in for the the shadiest modeling job did they ever have you do anything weird like I mean nothing like nothing crazy like I definitely but like Marlin's weird because like you'll just go into like a warehouse and your agent will just be like hey go to this warehouse for this cast and you'll get there they'll be like take off your shirt and you have to and then they'll be like no bye and then you just leave

Speaker 98 they pay never know what that's for they give you a little money for that no so if you don't get it on the spot you get nothing yeah you go it's like for like almost like an audition thing and then they'll be like your body is not right for this.

Speaker 98 Leave. And you go, okay.
And then you have to like put your shirt back on in front of like a panel of you guys.

Speaker 96 Yeah.

Speaker 78 You have to do like the walk of shame.

Speaker 56 That's how women feel after we fuck them.

Speaker 72 Pretty much.

Speaker 98 Sometimes you have to do like these things called digitals, which is truly just you're in your underwear and you just have to like stand and they take a picture like this.

Speaker 34 Oh my god. And like this.

Speaker 98 Then like this.

Speaker 56 And then trying to get a golden ticket from Tony right now.

Speaker 127 Joe DeRosa.

Speaker 69 I'm going to ask the question.

Speaker 72 I feel like we're all wondering. Go ahead.

Speaker 69 Can we we pop this shirt off and see what he's doing?

Speaker 72 I mean, I think we need to.

Speaker 95 Kino, give us that single spotlight here.

Speaker 108 Ladies and gentlemen, if you're wondering what a Nebraska supermodel looks like,

Speaker 136 he moved it my...

Speaker 32 Wow.

Speaker 12 I mean, yeah, they were right.

Speaker 8 Put it back on.

Speaker 98 It's not great.

Speaker 72 Wow.

Speaker 6 My goodness.

Speaker 13 Your nipples are too small for us.

Speaker 38 Yes,

Speaker 38 as you could tell.

Speaker 34 Yeah,

Speaker 114 his agent's like, they're looking for a Joe List type.

Speaker 16 I'm getting worried that Matt Muelling thinks he's hotter than this model.

Speaker 8 Is it true, Matt?

Speaker 15 You want to take your shirt off?

Speaker 4 Oh, I think he does.

Speaker 95 I think he does. The normally very shy Matt Muelling is threatening to steal the show from accredited model Thomas Lamount.

Speaker 80 Maybe a little faster, Matt. Maybe a little faster.

Speaker 20 This guy's...

Speaker 91 Take off your shirt.

Speaker 38 The show's gone gay.

Speaker 91 Take off shirt.

Speaker 127 This is a gay show.

Speaker 88 Whoa!

Speaker 4 Oh, my God!

Speaker 34 Oh, my God!

Speaker 34 Wow!

Speaker 79 This is Kill Tony, the gayest show on planet Earth.

Speaker 63 All right, who's next, boys?

Speaker 36 Fernando Castillo.

Speaker 135 All right.

Speaker 106 I nominate Heidi.

Speaker 2 Heidi, get out of here.

Speaker 125 No, let's put a shirt on her.

Speaker 79 Let's give her a hoodie.

Speaker 63 Cover up, girl.

Speaker 11 All right, Thomas, how do you make money now?

Speaker 98 Right now, I'm actually, it's a shitty job. I work for CPS right now.

Speaker 96 Wait, I don't like it either.

Speaker 32 What exactly is that?

Speaker 98 It's child protective service.

Speaker 46 Oh, hilarious.

Speaker 63 Wow. Yeah.

Speaker 127 Maybe you've met Joe DeRosa or Josh Sussman because

Speaker 69 they thought he said CBF for Boo and Colbert.

Speaker 34 Right. Yeah.

Speaker 98 Yeah. I'm a redactive clerk.
So what happens is like children who like were in foster care, they'll like ask for like Joe DeRosa. Like Joe, were you in foster care?

Speaker 69 No, I was just adopted.

Speaker 72 Yeah, no.

Speaker 41 They didn't want him lingering around.

Speaker 36 He went straight to consumer.

Speaker 131 No, they

Speaker 34 farmed him.

Speaker 69 They cut off to us. By the way, I was adopted at nine nine days.
They got me the fuck out.

Speaker 72 Back.

Speaker 34 Yeah, it was a hard cut off.

Speaker 90 You're like a Nebraska model in Miami.

Speaker 106 I got a kid.

Speaker 37 We need to get you out of here.

Speaker 106 I'm going to be honest.

Speaker 104 I'm not sure I'm an American citizen.

Speaker 36 So what exactly is a redactive clerk doing?

Speaker 98 So I pretty much get...

Speaker 98 the entire like case record for someone who was in foster care and I have to read all the horrible things and then I take out all the things that like they're not entitled to see and then I give it to them

Speaker 98 but honestly I don't think I should be entitled to see it either

Speaker 138 so let me get this right yeah there's a foster home that like and they have like a report on the kid so like you know like yeah so like why were you adopted well I mean look at them

Speaker 98 why did your parents not want you I'm sure everything was going really well on their end

Speaker 72 yeah they fucked up.

Speaker 69 I don't know. I think they just, you know.

Speaker 38 He cried too much. He came out of the womb crying and he never stopped crying.

Speaker 69 I can do my first adopted joke.

Speaker 69 Ask me if I ever looked for my real parents.

Speaker 96 Have you ever looked for your real parents?

Speaker 69 No, I pretty much took the hint.

Speaker 69 Joe DeRosa, everybody.

Speaker 6 Thank you. That was my minute.

Speaker 53 Joe DeRosa comedy on YouTube.

Speaker 34 On YouTube.

Speaker 18 Okay, so can you give us an example of something that you had to redact

Speaker 66 that you wouldn't want a potential foster parent to see about a problem, the type of problem children that you're trying to push on people?

Speaker 98 It's mainly like the kids asking for their records of why they were taken from their home.

Speaker 98 So it's a lot of like, I just get to read a lot about, you know, fun stuff like child abuse and people getting molested and that's not great stuff.

Speaker 117 So you don't let them see what happened to them?

Speaker 98 No, they can see what happened to them, but they can't see like what happened to their siblings and stuff like that or like medical records.

Speaker 98 It's mostly like social security numbers that I take out, but I still get to read all the horrible stuff.

Speaker 56 Do you do the shop shirtless?

Speaker 98 It is work from home, so yes.

Speaker 84 Wow.

Speaker 24 But you're like a publicist for babies, kind of.

Speaker 151 Like you're making

Speaker 164 the kids, I'm a model.

Speaker 69 I get rejection.

Speaker 6 I get it.

Speaker 98 No, but that's the thing, too, why I don't think I should be doing this job because when I send them back their case, I have to like put my name on the bottom so they could just like easily look up my name and see my Instagram where it's just like stand-up clips and shirtless pictures of me.

Speaker 98 Right. And they'll be like, this guy redacted my shit?

Speaker 78 Yeah. This okay-looking okay

Speaker 104 guy.

Speaker 13 This Jeffrey Dahmer looking ass guy redacting my stuff?

Speaker 56 This guy who probably shouldn't be a model and is an okay joke writer?

Speaker 69 I want to compliment your stand-up for a second. I really do, because I thought it was very funny.

Speaker 69 But I really, I mean this, I really admired that you got the meow and you had the poise and the confidence to know you were going to land the rest of that joke before the second buzzer went off.

Speaker 164 Thank you.

Speaker 6 Well,

Speaker 164 I do got to tell you,

Speaker 139 I backed Red Ban off of the bear.

Speaker 63 He was very hit up with it.

Speaker 37 Very rare that I do it, but I could tell that he was at the end of the thing.

Speaker 102 We gave him a

Speaker 37 four or five seconds.

Speaker 63 He didn't really.

Speaker 100 Appreciate you.

Speaker 139 Of course. It was blatantly the end of your material.

Speaker 64 What's your love life like?

Speaker 98 I got kind of like a little friends with benefits thing going on.

Speaker 63 It's his cat.

Speaker 131 Old macaroni, huh?

Speaker 63 Yeah.

Speaker 13 Great pussy.

Speaker 34 No wonder it's throwing up so often.

Speaker 91 So tell us about this friend with benefits.

Speaker 49 Where did you meet this friend?

Speaker 98 I met this friend in Miami and then I was like, hey, I'm going to move to Austin, Texas. And she's like, oh my god me too Wow, and I was like you shouldn't do that

Speaker 98 And then she did regardless amazing and that just goes on and on and it goes on and I was like oh I want to kind of do comedy and she's like okay do you want to like still have sex and I'm like yeah that'd be that'd be awesome.

Speaker 51 So how often does this happen like once a week?

Speaker 66 Okay and she comes to your place or you go to hers?

Speaker 98 I go to hers because I do a lot of snap downtown and she lives closer.

Speaker 168 I live way up north right now.

Speaker 59 Perfect. Okay.

Speaker 118 So you go in, do you hang out for a bit beforehand or you guys just get right to it?

Speaker 24 Oh, no. Are you really friends or is it just Benefits?

Speaker 98 No, no, we're actually friends. I enjoy hanging out with her a lot.
We watch movies. We were just watching the James Bond movies recently.

Speaker 33 Okay.

Speaker 54 All right. That's an odd thing to drop.

Speaker 54 I guess you're really hoping she watches this.

Speaker 98 I'm really hoping she doesn't, actually.

Speaker 63 It's going to be great.

Speaker 45 So where do you see this friendship with benefits going?

Speaker 98 Hoping it probably will just turn into friends soon there you go

Speaker 98 why is that are the benefits uh wearing off on you you kind of used to the benefits no i just think that you know she probably has more feelings for me and i'm like oh and that's not healthy you know right that's not good and i i'm i'm a i'm a people pleaser at my core and i'm like i got it this needs to stop we just saw you with your shirt off you don't have much of a core

Speaker 34 yeah

Speaker 13 Or nipples.

Speaker 116 Got him.

Speaker 53 No, you're great, Thomas.

Speaker 17 Fun times, my friend.

Speaker 37 I loved your set.

Speaker 21 Great stuff.

Speaker 16 Congratulations.

Speaker 18 That's a big joke, book.

Speaker 20 Thomas Lamount, everybody.

Speaker 37 His Kill Tony debut.

Speaker 20 Back to the bucket we go.

Speaker 40 It goes on and on.

Speaker 134 Can't understand how we last so long.

Speaker 8 Your next bucket pull goes by the name of Priya Blunts, everyone.

Speaker 79 It's Priya Blunts.

Speaker 12 Make some noise for Priya, everybody.

Speaker 28 Make some noise if you love your mother.

Speaker 28 Hell yeah. I love my mother, but that bitch is crazy.

Speaker 28 I overheard her on the phone with customer service the other day, and she was so pissed, so pissed that they had given her an Indian, somebody with an Indian accent.

Speaker 28 And she was so pissed that she demanded an American.

Speaker 96 Yeah.

Speaker 28 And then that American did not understand her Indian accent.

Speaker 28 Yeah, when I was 17, I got arrested. And like an Indian mother, her first instinct when she saw me there in the precinct was to just slap me across the face.
And the cop had to pull one of these.

Speaker 28 He was like, nope, didn't see it. Didn't see it.
And then she slapped me again. And then she slapped me again.
And that's when the cop was like, ma'am, I'm going to need you to stop.

Speaker 28 Cause if you keep going, I do have to pay you and give you a badge.

Speaker 28 I remember before my wedding, my mom threw a tantrum because she told me there's no such thing as a traditional Indian bride with bangs. She told me,

Speaker 28 and so together on the spot, we had to Google Indian bride bangs.

Speaker 28 Hey, and you know what? None of those girls had bangs.

Speaker 77 Good job, Priya.

Speaker 112 You've been on this show before.

Speaker 99 Just one time, yeah.

Speaker 165 But that was much better than the last time, right?

Speaker 135 Oh, you think so? Okay.

Speaker 99 Yeah, it did. Yeah, that was good.

Speaker 67 I normally would have just said yes on that.

Speaker 18 Dawn, with the momentum that I was gifting you.

Speaker 41 Thank you.

Speaker 18 But if you want to argue about whether or not that was better than your last set, we can.

Speaker 54 No, I'm kidding. Great job, Priya.

Speaker 37 You've been working hard?

Speaker 104 Hell yeah.

Speaker 41 How long have you been doing stand-up?

Speaker 28 It'll be six years this December.

Speaker 49 And the last time you

Speaker 129 were on was a couple years ago?

Speaker 28 No, it was about a year and a half ago.

Speaker 67 Okay, that's basically a couple years ago.

Speaker 75 Perfect. Wow.

Speaker 154 Wow.

Speaker 50 You seem like you'd be a real friend with benefits.

Speaker 32 So, Priya, what do you do for a living?

Speaker 28 Right now, I don't do anything for a living. I've been trying to do stand-up and acting full-time

Speaker 28 for the past three months. I do a lot of background acting work.
I do some man-on-the-street content. So if you see me harassing people on the streets of New York, no, you didn't.

Speaker 74 So you're in New York City?

Speaker 28 Yeah, I've been between New York and here. I've been between New York and here.
And I am looking for a roommate in Austin if anybody else is looking.

Speaker 25 Yes, if anybody wants a good old Indian roommate,

Speaker 28 you know. I will make the place smell.
I will. I swear to God.

Speaker 99 I cook. I cook a lot.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I love it.

Speaker 33 I love it.

Speaker 99 Nothing better. Wow, we knew that joke was coming.

Speaker 4 Indian

Speaker 2 roommate.

Speaker 116 Okay.

Speaker 48 So Priya, tell the people

Speaker 76 what makes you a great roommate.

Speaker 107 Let's see if we can't get you a fucking roommate here.

Speaker 28 I'm actually a really shitty roommate. I keep really,

Speaker 28 I keep terrible hours. I cook a lot.
I don't do the dishes. So it's just vibes.

Speaker 28 I have a lot of weed. That's my

Speaker 28 redeeming quality as a roommate.

Speaker 128 What do you cook a lot of?

Speaker 83 Give us some of the menu of Priya Blunts.

Speaker 28 You know what I've been really into right now is making like tuna ceviche?

Speaker 59 Oh, perfect.

Speaker 66 I mean, again, I see a lot of people really.

Speaker 66 I see some couple, even some couples are talking about inviting you to live in their household right now.

Speaker 18 Tuna ceviche with dirty dishes in the sink.

Speaker 141 Deep Madness is literally leaving.

Speaker 63 He can't stand.

Speaker 56 He can't stand.

Speaker 2 His sense of smell is true and intake yeah

Speaker 47 it's like tuna so see you later

Speaker 129 all right

Speaker 28 how much is how much is the rent matt muelling wants to know that you're paying right now wait what what how much is how much wait no you don't have a do you have a place here i don't so you're where like on a night like tonight where do you sleep uh in an airbnb oh okay all right Matt, get in there, man.

Speaker 116 Yeah.

Speaker 96 Matt, wait, you do kind of have a type, don't you?

Speaker 28 I swear to God, I'm not homeless. I swear to God.

Speaker 28 I do live out of a suitcase, but I am not homeless.

Speaker 99 Wow.

Speaker 82 Okay. He lives out of a guitar case, so you guys can be basically equals.

Speaker 120 I know, Priya, we're friends,

Speaker 69 but I've never been on the show when you've been on the show, so I wasn't expecting to see you come out here.

Speaker 69 But I was very relieved that you had such a good set because it sucks when somebody you know comes out and they eat ass.

Speaker 13 That was great.

Speaker 69 I thought it was great. I'm not just saying that.
I thought it was was great.

Speaker 96 Oh, thank you. You're welcome.

Speaker 126 Yeah.

Speaker 28 I'd be working on this. I'll be working on this.

Speaker 99 Very good. Hi, Louis.
Hi, how are you, Priya?

Speaker 153 I'm good. Yeah.

Speaker 35 You guys all know each other from New York City, huh?

Speaker 41 Yeah.

Speaker 111 We're old friends.

Speaker 34 I don't know. I've never met Priya in my entire life.

Speaker 56 I just, anytime somebody says hi to me, I act like I know them.

Speaker 28 I did Skank Fest last year.

Speaker 103 Oh!

Speaker 106 Better at Skank Fest.

Speaker 77 What's with the bangs, though?

Speaker 63 Have you always had those horrible questions?

Speaker 28 I've had them since I was literally two years old. Literally two years old, and I never got rid of them.

Speaker 74 You have a big forehead or something?

Speaker 99 Actually, it's a pretty normal-sized forehead.

Speaker 19 Well, you're not pulling it all the way back exactly.

Speaker 23 Oh, there it is. All right.

Speaker 104 Yeah, okay.

Speaker 87 It's kind of misshapen.

Speaker 63 All right.

Speaker 119 Priya, so

Speaker 112 what is a fun fact about your life?

Speaker 93 Are both your parents Indian?

Speaker 30 Yes, they are.

Speaker 51 Okay, and what do they think about you doing stand-up?

Speaker 28 They really don't like it. They think it ruined my life, and they think it drove my ex-husband away.

Speaker 32 Okay.

Speaker 91 What did your ex-husband do for a living?

Speaker 74 What's he like?

Speaker 30 He's a crypto bro.

Speaker 63 He was a Russian crypto bro.

Speaker 63 He was Russian. Yep.

Speaker 28 I speak fluent Russian.

Speaker 38 Can you say he was Russian out of that relationship?

Speaker 123 Yeah.

Speaker 28 It was me. I left him.
I left him.

Speaker 34 Wow.

Speaker 75 Look at that.

Speaker 40 It was John. John D's.

Speaker 63 Wow.

Speaker 13 Holy shit. Oh my god.

Speaker 40 Damn.

Speaker 28 I feel like that was queued up for anything I would have said.

Speaker 34 Damn.

Speaker 158 I gave Redband such a slap of approval, he's literally like, it wasn't me.

Speaker 42 Love that. Amazing.

Speaker 43 Holy shit.

Speaker 15 So did you only learn Russian because you were with him?

Speaker 171 Yeah. Why the fuck else would somebody learn?

Speaker 83 I mean, I don't know.

Speaker 16 It's like a chicken or the egg type of thing.

Speaker 108 Maybe you knew maybe you learned Russian somewhere where you were.

Speaker 28 No, and now it's the most useless language to know for no reason.

Speaker 77 How long was that relationship that you learned Russian?

Speaker 28 I was married to my high school sweetheart.

Speaker 82 Yes, I was.

Speaker 67 Okay, so you went to high school with him.

Speaker 28 Yeah, so we were together for a total of 14 years.

Speaker 130 Holy shit.

Speaker 49 And how long ago did this end?

Speaker 28 About two years ago, two and a half years ago.

Speaker 73 Someone just broke a beer bottle over their head.

Speaker 2 Basiltov.

Speaker 66 About two years ago.

Speaker 50 So it must be hard learning how to date and be with new people.

Speaker 28 Yeah, I'm not really doing great. I'm not really doing great.
Actually, I'm doing not so bad right now. I'm seeing an older man.

Speaker 4 Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 28 We're getting through these daddy issues one blue chew at a time. God damn it.
Yes. Okay.
Wait, what? I said we're getting through these daddy issues one blue chew at a time.

Speaker 66 Okay, one blue chew at a time.

Speaker 119 So it's an older guy, white guy?

Speaker 28 Uh, no.

Speaker 130 Whoa, black guy.

Speaker 63 Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 75 Wow.

Speaker 66 Damn.

Speaker 55 Surprised they're surprised they need blue chews.

Speaker 54 I always picture them being fully operational, but that reminds me, if you do need blue chew, use promo code Tony at blue chew.com.

Speaker 33 I love it.

Speaker 67 Perfect. Yes, we love it.

Speaker 26 It works all the time.

Speaker 45 And remember, boys and girls, if you're about to come too fast, picture Red Band and a red cowboy hat.

Speaker 140 Lasts much longer.

Speaker 32 Goes both ways.

Speaker 85 Blue Chew and Red Band, a perfect combination.

Speaker 116 All right.

Speaker 148 So Priya, tell us about this older black man.

Speaker 55 What does he do?

Speaker 66 Is there a reason why D-Madness walked away when you came up on stage?

Speaker 126 He's an older man.

Speaker 28 You know, he's an older dude.

Speaker 28 He actually did spend some time in prison. That is a...

Speaker 108 Wow, what did he do to get put in prison?

Speaker 13 It was gun charges.

Speaker 65 Gun charges.

Speaker 75 Okay.

Speaker 99 I shouldn't really be talking about this.

Speaker 66 No, it's great.

Speaker 89 It's fantastic. It's very compelling podcasting.

Speaker 128 So you've been with him for about how long?

Speaker 112 It's been about four or five months.

Speaker 117 Where did you meet him at exactly?

Speaker 28 I met him backstage at a show. He's not a comedian, but he's a writer.

Speaker 28 Yeah, that's all I'm going to say.

Speaker 18 Wow. Is that what he said to you when he met you?

Speaker 135 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 160 Hey.

Speaker 28 He actually did suggest today that we elope, and I don't know how to feel about it.

Speaker 72 Wow.

Speaker 69 I do. It's not a good idea.

Speaker 101 Yeah.

Speaker 126 Yeah.

Speaker 34 The fuck?

Speaker 69 Gun charges writer, five months. Don't elope.

Speaker 72 Just

Speaker 77 let it breathe a bit.

Speaker 28 You know what it is? I feel like I did everything right.

Speaker 28 I did everything right the first time. Married my high school sweetheart, picture perfect, everything,

Speaker 28 you know, and it just didn't work out. So why the fuck not?

Speaker 56 That's not the right thing. You're not supposed to marry your high school sweetheart.

Speaker 56 You're supposed to date them and then break up with them in college and fuck a bunch of people and experience life and then get married when you're like 35 to somebody you settled for.

Speaker 28 Well, that's why I.

Speaker 86 That's true.

Speaker 94 That is. Luis J.

Speaker 102 Gomez should be writing a book on the title

Speaker 85 on how to live life.

Speaker 28 Yeah. So I do feel like in some ways I'm doing my 20s now because I feel like I did my 30s in my 20s.
Does that make sense?

Speaker 54 Are you talking about his prison sentences?

Speaker 80 20s to 30s?

Speaker 63 All right.

Speaker 28 I'm making all the mistakes of somebody in their 20s.

Speaker 65 No, I got it.

Speaker 45 I was trying to make a prison sentence joke there.

Speaker 53 It didn't really come across as clear.

Speaker 54 How long are you in Austin, Texas for?

Speaker 28 I'm leaving tomorrow, actually.

Speaker 103 Oh, okay. And

Speaker 66 this boyfriend of yours does he travel with you?

Speaker 28 No but he's between like New York and LA a lot so I move around a lot he moves around a lot it works out.

Speaker 57 Okay and final question what is your favorite thing about being with a black man that's different than a white man?

Speaker 55 It's a pretty easy question.

Speaker 28 I mean, there's definitely a lot of things, but I want to say his confidence.

Speaker 34 Wow, that is not what I thought you were going to say.

Speaker 69 Emphasis on con.

Speaker 38 And you know what?

Speaker 57 I was gonna give you a normal, big, regular leather jokebook, but Bones Eye just so happened to make a black one.

Speaker 16 So congratulations.

Speaker 143 That is aged, fine, black leather,

Speaker 53 which is exactly what you're going home to tomorrow.

Speaker 6 Thank you guys.

Speaker 36 There she goes.

Speaker 72 Priya plunks, everybody.

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Speaker 144 We're having fun here tonight.

Speaker 165 You guys having a good time?

Speaker 143 All right. I'm going to fly through another bucket full here.

Speaker 41 Make some noise, ladies and gentlemen, for Davey Jackson.

Speaker 7 Here comes Davey Jackson.

Speaker 13 What's up, y'all?

Speaker 122 I was at a party in Los Angeles recently.

Speaker 122 I was there with my friend, and she's a Chinese immigrant lesbian. And that's not important for the story, but I just need you to know I'm a good person.

Speaker 122 So we're at this party, really fancy party. They had drink menus and everything.
And Ling Ling walks up to to me in the middle of the party.

Speaker 122 And she goes, hey, Davey. She had an accent, but I'm not going to do the accent, obviously.
She goes, hey, Davey, what's this drink on the menu? A Negro knee?

Speaker 122 Jesus Christ, Ling Ling, lower your voice, first of all. All right.

Speaker 122 It's called a Negroni.

Speaker 131 All right?

Speaker 122 She goes, oh, Negroni. Is that a drink for black people?

Speaker 98 No, dude.

Speaker 122 It's not a drink for black people. That's Hennessy, and they don't have that at this party.

Speaker 122 That's why it's such a quiet party, all right?

Speaker 122 We don't name our drinks after the people that drink them.

Speaker 163 You know what I mean?

Speaker 122 Except for like white Zinfandel, white claw, white Russians. But aside from that, dude, that's it.

Speaker 116 Thank y'all.

Speaker 13 Davey Jackson.

Speaker 54 All of that checks out.

Speaker 54 Welcome back, Davey. You've been on the show quite a few times.

Speaker 51 Welcome back.

Speaker 86 Four times, yeah. Four times.

Speaker 60 How's life been going for you? What's new?

Speaker 122 It's been pretty good, dude. I almost got arrested at the airport recently.

Speaker 26 Tell us about it.

Speaker 122 I had a gun in my backpack.

Speaker 119 Ooh, that'll do it.

Speaker 122 Yeah, I forgot it was in there. Yeah.

Speaker 76 They got me.

Speaker 54 They got you.

Speaker 50 And

Speaker 63 you didn't get arrested?

Speaker 96 No, dude, I'm white.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 101 I'm going to say...

Speaker 69 It's racism in action happening right now.

Speaker 101 Yeah.

Speaker 54 When you live in Texas long enough, it'll happen to you, too.

Speaker 48 You end up with a gun in your backpack from like a trip that you took or whatever, and then you accidentally forget to take it out.

Speaker 54 It ends up somewhere, and then you're in the airport, and then you just have to

Speaker 54 take it to your car.

Speaker 141 And then you go back in through TSA.

Speaker 118 Even if you're me, they just take you right to the front.

Speaker 127 They're like, we'll take it.

Speaker 160 And then you're good, right?

Speaker 91 You had to take up to your car?

Speaker 104 No. No, I'm guessing you.

Speaker 122 You through the X-ray thing.

Speaker 122 So they confiscated the gun and took me down into the airport dungeon and they interrogated me.

Speaker 82 I guess there's levels to whiteness.

Speaker 52 There's

Speaker 67 just levels to this that I don't have to worry about.

Speaker 18 So how long did you spend down there?

Speaker 45 Did you make your flight?

Speaker 122 I did, yeah. I actually made my flight.
They confiscated the gun.

Speaker 82 I mean, seriously, if I was a black guy listening to this, I'd be like, fuck this fucking shit, man.

Speaker 125 Made his flight.

Speaker 55 That's even impressive to me.

Speaker 104 Yeah, one of the cops gave me a number, too.

Speaker 56 I'm punching air right now.

Speaker 118 Okay, so, and you made your flight and wow.

Speaker 122 They fined me.

Speaker 122 They said it was going to be 10 grand, but actually

Speaker 122 one of the TSA people recognized me from this show. Yeah.
And I only got fined $1,500.

Speaker 96 Wow. That's pretty sick.
Yeah.

Speaker 122 Didn't catch a felony either. That is a huge deduction.
Boy, it's free.

Speaker 53 Amazing.

Speaker 140 The Kill Tony touch, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah.

Speaker 151 I got a coupon code.

Speaker 131 It is.

Speaker 72 Bring a gun to an airport.

Speaker 11 Remember, Blue Chew, use the promo code Tony.

Speaker 18 And if you get caught with a gun at TSA, promo code kill Tony.

Speaker 74 Save 85%

Speaker 25 on your

Speaker 42 fines at an airport. Oh, shit.

Speaker 19 Look at this, motherfucker.

Speaker 143 Deep madness.

Speaker 33 All right.

Speaker 74 So, Davey, what else is going on?

Speaker 64 Tell us about your love life.

Speaker 66 Are you still trying to hang out with dangerous Latino women?

Speaker 16 I remember that being a fetish of yours.

Speaker 64 You've gotten stabbed before by a wild Latino.

Speaker 122 You know what? She died.

Speaker 6 Whoa. Yeah, dude.

Speaker 153 Holy shit. Yeah, she did.

Speaker 122 It's very sad, very tragic, obviously, but she's dead now.

Speaker 72 Wow.

Speaker 18 Amazing. How did she die? Drugs.

Speaker 141 You had a pain pill problem. I didn't do it.

Speaker 96 I had nothing to do with it.

Speaker 122 It was cancer.

Speaker 107 She died of cancer.

Speaker 24 Wow.

Speaker 9 Amazing.

Speaker 45 Regular old cancer.

Speaker 122 She got her, dude.

Speaker 77 Out of nowhere.

Speaker 122 Karma's a bitch, you know?

Speaker 121 Interesting.

Speaker 65 Interesting. What kind of cancer?

Speaker 13 Cancer cancer?

Speaker 33 Boob.

Speaker 122 No, no, it was not boob cancer. Thank God.

Speaker 34 Wow.

Speaker 121 Interesting.

Speaker 96 Okay.

Speaker 71 You don't know the type of cancer?

Speaker 122 I wasn't with her. Like, I just found out that she died.

Speaker 69 Oh, yeah. You might ask a question or two.

Speaker 122 She stabbed me, bro.

Speaker 116 Oh, she did? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 13 Oh, did you say that already, or was that from last time?

Speaker 63 Tony, last time, yeah. Oh, okay.

Speaker 69 What'd she stab you for?

Speaker 69 Being a white guy with gold teeth.

Speaker 19 She went through your phone when you were sleeping?

Speaker 122 That's exactly right.

Speaker 153 Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 26 That sounds right. Wow.

Speaker 131 Uh-huh.

Speaker 69 Where'd she stab you?

Speaker 124 Right up in here.

Speaker 26 Yeah. Again, all of this.

Speaker 83 This is, if anyone's ever dated a Latina woman before, this is just very common.

Speaker 44 You can't you simply have to

Speaker 19 pro tip: put your phone in between the mattress and the box spring while you sleep.

Speaker 80 You can't hide it under a pillow.

Speaker 38 You can't leave it on a charger.

Speaker 18 Lewis, you know about this.

Speaker 161 Oh, I know.

Speaker 56 Well, I put it in my pillowcase and then I wrap the pillowcase up. She has to jerk my entire fucking body off of it in order to kill her.

Speaker 116 Oh, I thought you were going to hit her with it.

Speaker 72 Okay.

Speaker 116 No, that's the right thing to do. Yeah.

Speaker 80 That's how you give them cancer, hitting them with a pillowcase with an iPhone in it.

Speaker 96 That's how you get brains. Jeez will get you.

Speaker 72 Yeah.

Speaker 45 Davey, anything else crazy we should know about your life before getting you out of here?

Speaker 122 No, dude, I just got back from Portland and Seattle. That was kind of weird.
Yeah, I saw all the protesters out there.

Speaker 59 Yeah, that's all they do.

Speaker 135 They were all...

Speaker 66 They have a lot of time on their hands, these protesters. Pretty crazy, right?

Speaker 98 Yeah, it was weird.

Speaker 72 It was really, really weird.

Speaker 122 I interviewed some fat ladies.

Speaker 122 They were actually pretty cool.

Speaker 161 Okay.

Speaker 96 Yeah, no one threw anything at me.

Speaker 107 But

Speaker 122 there's definitely some Antifa shit going on out there.

Speaker 118 It's a real thing, and that's where they exist, thank God.

Speaker 134 We like to keep them up there in Lower Canada.

Speaker 53 Portland and Seattle.

Speaker 64 Yes, where they belong.

Speaker 44 Getting cleansed by God himself with never-ending rain and clouds.

Speaker 52 And there's a wolf there for some reason.

Speaker 160 And an alien. All right.

Speaker 96 Very good. Thank you, Red Ben.

Speaker 131 Wow.

Speaker 127 Davey, you already have a big joke, book?

Speaker 72 I do have a big book.

Speaker 131 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 80 All right, here's another one. There you go.

Speaker 113 Davey Jackson, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 20 On to the next one we go, everybody, and we are in for indeed a special treat.

Speaker 45 This is one of the elite golden ticket winners of the history of the entire show.

Speaker 23 He took a golden ticket here, which is a great show.

Speaker 80 This is watched by Howie Mandel, who decides who's on America's Got Talent, got on America's Got Talent, and was the runner-up of an entire season.

Speaker 18 Ladies and gentlemen, it's been a while.

Speaker 39 This is the return and a new minute from Aaron Belile, everybody.

Speaker 39 Aaron Belial.

Speaker 39 Fuck yeah.

Speaker 165 It's just gonna be another seven and a half minutes, everybody.

Speaker 34 Here we go

Speaker 63 Aaron Belial.

Speaker 131 Aaron Belial.

Speaker 58 You guys gotta keep playing with that, Tim.

Speaker 51 It takes a while.

Speaker 24 Oh, shit.

Speaker 34 Aaron.

Speaker 155 A-H-O-Who wants to see me do some crowd work.

Speaker 155 Well, I can't talk, so you're not fucking gonna.

Speaker 155 Fine, I'll give it a try.

Speaker 155 Hello, Hello, random person who I'm never gonna see again. What's your name?

Speaker 155 That's a stupid name.

Speaker 135 Want to talk to someone else?

Speaker 155 What about you? What's your name? Abby.

Speaker 155 Hello, Insert Name here. What do you do for work?

Speaker 155 Just so everyone can hear, Insert Name here said they work as an insert job here.

Speaker 155 Do you like insert job here?

Speaker 155 Hello, Insert Name here.

Speaker 126 What do you do for work?

Speaker 155 Depending on what you said, I'm either happy for you or sad for you.

Speaker 155 Just kidding, I don't really give a fuck.

Speaker 155 My crowd work is great. It's just people awkwardly staring at me, waiting to hear what next fucked up thing will come out of my mouth phone.

Speaker 155 My mom fucking loves Tylenol.

Speaker 157 Aaron Belial.

Speaker 150 Wow.

Speaker 154 Amazing.

Speaker 20 Fantastic.

Speaker 21 And a great analysis of what crowd work is. Let's check in with the great Joe DeRosa.

Speaker 69 Aaron, this is the only time in my life I will ever be allowed to say this. You are pushing the boundaries of iPhone comedy in ways I didn't know were possible.
It's very good. It's very good.

Speaker 155 Now say the N-word.

Speaker 57 Aaron, it is incredible.

Speaker 25 That is amazing.

Speaker 45 Aaron's been thriving.

Speaker 57 He's doing comedy all the time, selling tickets.

Speaker 67 He's on the road.

Speaker 56 He's got a whole new swag to him as well. Like, dude, what's going on?

Speaker 56 You got a sleeve on your arm. You got a nice watch on, a gold necklace on.

Speaker 69 What is happening with you?

Speaker 56 Are you Puerto Rican now?

Speaker 151 He's been on the road with Steve-O.

Speaker 118 Yeah, he's been opening for Steve-O.

Speaker 148 Can I suck your cock?

Speaker 84 Wow.

Speaker 50 Look at that.

Speaker 76 I think he was expecting me to ask a question.

Speaker 160 He had that loaded up already.

Speaker 16 It is amazing.

Speaker 54 You've been on the road with Steve-O and continuously, I mean every day it seems.

Speaker 129 Steve-O has an incredible work ethic.

Speaker 137 And he came back indeed with a giant gold chain.

Speaker 79 It is incredible.

Speaker 51 And now he's going to respond.

Speaker 155 I got to tattoo Steve-O's assistant on tour. We duct taped a tattoo gun to my claw and I went to town.

Speaker 11 Oh my god, you did it with that hand?

Speaker 121 Jesus Christ.

Speaker 74 What's it look like? Yeah, what does the tattoo look like?

Speaker 139 I mean, we know what it is.

Speaker 129 It looks like shit, I'm sure.

Speaker 54 What was it supposed to be?

Speaker 155 I'll send you a picture.

Speaker 138 All right, perfect.

Speaker 138 Amazing.

Speaker 56 Does Steve-O just like does Steve just put you in shopping carts and push you down half-pipes all the time?

Speaker 56 That's what I assume it would be like hanging out with Steve-O.

Speaker 69 What's incredible about Aaron is this is this is how we all thought Steve-O would end up

Speaker 155 We were traveling in his RV, and we can't use the bathroom in it in. I had the brilliant idea of getting Indian food at 11 at night.

Speaker 63 Oh, shit.

Speaker 155 So we had to use the bushes. I can't squat, so Steve-O had to hold me up while I took a shit in the bush.

Speaker 101 Oh, my God.

Speaker 155 It sounds like you guys have a true story.

Speaker 108 Yeah, no, we believe it.

Speaker 64 We definitely believe it.

Speaker 77 It's easy to believe Steve-O's stories.

Speaker 65 We love Steve-O.

Speaker 76 He's been on this show numerous times, and you guys are just a perfect match for each other.

Speaker 65 It seems like you guys really have fun.

Speaker 21 Your service dogs get along with each other.

Speaker 65 It's a match made in heaven.

Speaker 25 It is incredible.

Speaker 74 Oh, he has something he really wants to fucking say.

Speaker 47 Look at this shit.

Speaker 42 Look at this motherfucker type.

Speaker 85 It looks like he's getting into last-second bets before a UFC fight.

Speaker 32 Real fucking degenerate draft kings.

Speaker 56 By the way, draft kings use the promo code Kill Tony.

Speaker 63 Oh, shit.

Speaker 116 Wait, what? No.

Speaker 156 Clear.

Speaker 33 Oh, clear.

Speaker 63 Whoa.

Speaker 52 I don't think we were supposed to hear that.

Speaker 101 Go ahead.

Speaker 155 My fucking dog sleeps in his bed.

Speaker 2 Not with me.

Speaker 138 Wow. Even

Speaker 74 your dog knows about those residual checks that he's getting

Speaker 47 from seven and a half jackass movies.

Speaker 155 I put him down yesterday.

Speaker 130 Perfect. Perfect.

Speaker 130 Perfect.

Speaker 49 Amazing.

Speaker 18 Anything else crazy we should know about, Aaron?

Speaker 26 What else is going on?

Speaker 155 I got a fullback tattoo like an hour ago in a hotel by some big Mexican guy.

Speaker 140 No, you didn't.

Speaker 64 Really? No fucking way.

Speaker 109 This guy's living a wild life right now.

Speaker 13 I see the tattoo tape.

Speaker 137 Drum roll, please.

Speaker 164 Oh my God.

Speaker 158 He really did.

Speaker 56 Aaron has five times as good of a body as that model.

Speaker 12 But those nipples.

Speaker 46 You could be a model in Miami, Aaron.

Speaker 54 That is an incredible observation.

Speaker 117 Oh, shit.

Speaker 74 I want to see how this next part of the.

Speaker 73 Oh, yeah, there it is.

Speaker 21 Service dog, Joe DeRosa.

Speaker 131 It's going to be.

Speaker 40 That's a good boy.

Speaker 56 DeRosa's never had to put a guy's clothes on his body.

Speaker 172 There you go.

Speaker 170 Amazing.

Speaker 114 I can't get over how fast he can type.

Speaker 69 I'm able-bodied.

Speaker 106 I can't send one text without a typo in it.

Speaker 69 Every text I send, I'm like, fuck, fuck.

Speaker 72 No, not that. Fuck.

Speaker 106 This is crazy how accurate you are.

Speaker 59 He's gotten really good at it.

Speaker 155 I I have a really bad fever, man.

Speaker 72 Wait, what?

Speaker 94 Wait, what?

Speaker 118 You have a fever right now?

Speaker 59 What?

Speaker 155 That hotel was a bad idea.

Speaker 13 The hotel? No, the back tattoo.

Speaker 72 You have an infection right now.

Speaker 109 You have a fever right now for real?

Speaker 18 John D says he's foaming at the mouth.

Speaker 3 He always does that.

Speaker 80 That's a normal thing.

Speaker 81 That's part of the condition.

Speaker 13 Wait, wait.

Speaker 80 Oh, he's making a noise.

Speaker 94 You said you have a fever.

Speaker 54 hold on what is it he's pointing at john is it jungle fever

Speaker 6 hey

Speaker 142 say the word

Speaker 164 uh no aaron no no we're not saying the n-word makes noise for aaron belial ladies and gentlemen

Speaker 20 an unbelievable set reigning defending undisputed golden ticket winner Does he really have a fever, though?

Speaker 116 You really do?

Speaker 73 Get the fuck out of here.

Speaker 151 Maybe we should switch this mic out.

Speaker 73 Jesus Christ.

Speaker 69 Every fucking time there's a sick person, I'm on the end.

Speaker 84 Yeah.

Speaker 4 It's true.

Speaker 106 God damn it, man.

Speaker 8 It's true.

Speaker 44 And by the way, you know, we don't know exactly what he has, but I can tell you, last week he was a professional bodybuilder.

Speaker 110 So

Speaker 54 you'll be just fine.

Speaker 138 You just might lose your voice and have a curled up arm.

Speaker 109 All right, we're having fun here tonight. We're back to the bucket, and this looks like a fun name.

Speaker 8 Make some noise.

Speaker 64 60 second uninterrupted set going to Soda pop everyone it's soda pop

Speaker 72 all right

Speaker 153 austin you having fun tonight

Speaker 172 let's go this city is gorgeous i mean you guys are absolutely beautiful i just left that dump they call knoxville Let me tell you guys, that place is dirty.

Speaker 172 I mean, there's trash and garbage all over the place. Everywhere I go, everywhere I look, the streets are literally riddled with litter.

Speaker 153 But not here, though.

Speaker 96 Mm-mm, not in Boston.

Speaker 172 As a matter of fact, ever since I've shown up, I haven't seen one Puerto Rican.

Speaker 172 Yeah, I know it's a little insensitive. I might have a couple of screws loose.
You know, I'm working. I'm out.
I got a therapist now.

Speaker 172 Come to find out I got this whole multi-personality schizophrenia thing going on. So, you know, I got that going for me.

Speaker 172 Hey, that reminds me, if you or a loved one is experiencing some type of existential crisis, perhaps it's time you try.

Speaker 172 Was it talkspace or photography?

Speaker 172 Talk space. Perhaps it's time you should try TalkSpace.
Talkspace will match you with a licensed therapist within minutes. Don't forget to use promo code Hill Tony at checkout.

Speaker 172 Love you guys. Thank you.

Speaker 32 All right, Soda Pop.

Speaker 44 Jesus fucking Christ.

Speaker 63 Tony boy.

Speaker 125 I'm sorry about that. The guy's fucking an inch away from me going, I'm a schizonoid fucking parrot.

Speaker 105 I'm fucking scared shitless right now.

Speaker 106 No.

Speaker 69 Just sick. I'm sorry about that.

Speaker 16 It's okay.

Speaker 34 Jesus.

Speaker 53 Flip the on-off switch on that monitor.

Speaker 56 You just missed something, guys.

Speaker 56 Soda Pop just flung his headband at this hot chick in the front row, and she caught it and made a face of disgust and threw it back at him.

Speaker 160 Wow.

Speaker 164 That is incredible.

Speaker 154 Thank you.

Speaker 64 Can we get Heidi and some towels out here before this whole table explodes?

Speaker 81 There is...

Speaker 53 A lot of electricity running through this thing.

Speaker 172 Oh, I'm feeling electric tonight.

Speaker 86 No, Soda Pop used to

Speaker 32 suck Soda Pop.

Speaker 16 Let me just tell you.

Speaker 53 I was going to wait until the cleaning was over, but I'll tell you, since you wanted to jump on and say you had an electric set, that was crazy bad.

Speaker 44 You went through it like you've rehearsed it a specific way.

Speaker 70 Maybe.

Speaker 70 Yeah, I have.

Speaker 8 Are you new at stand-up?

Speaker 172 Literally, yeah, just started, man. I'm looking for a mentor, you know, I'm trying to develop this whole multi-schizo personality.

Speaker 69 I got news for you.

Speaker 56 You're going to be looking for a menteau

Speaker 56 because he stinks. Come on, folks.

Speaker 23 Makes perfect sense.

Speaker 94 Okay.

Speaker 79 A singular mento.

Speaker 94 I've never even heard it called that before.

Speaker 64 Okay, soda pop.

Speaker 21 Have you been diagnosed as schizophrenic from a professional?

Speaker 108 Or is this? You could say that.

Speaker 172 It's somebody you know.

Speaker 172 It's a doctor, you know. Actually, you're familiar with this.
Doctor, Dr. Jordan Peterson.
Have you heard of him?

Speaker 23 Yes. Yes, Dr.

Speaker 76 Jordan.

Speaker 172 So I was spiraling down the depths of hell, and I found came across a book called We Who Wrestle with God, which is on sale at Amazon.com. Don't forget to use promo code Kill Tony.

Speaker 172 But I came across this book, and that inspired me to kind of just come out here and

Speaker 172 give this a shot.

Speaker 117 Okay, so you read a book?

Speaker 124 I did.

Speaker 137 And that, he didn't, he didn't,

Speaker 134 he didn't diagnose you with this.

Speaker 70 No, but if, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 172 You read a a book this whole idea with like this.

Speaker 172 Just follow me here. So this whole schizo thing is part of the bit of developing different characters that I can incorporate on because

Speaker 172 this whole soda pop thing comes from me being a white, fucking greaser, white trash piece of shit.

Speaker 84 Right, where you got?

Speaker 63 Orlando, Florida.

Speaker 120 Orlando, Florida.

Speaker 172 Of course. Yeah, I get that down.
I actually got robbed by Cam Patterson.

Speaker 126 You would fucking love it.

Speaker 83 Soda pop.

Speaker 8 Let's check in with Luis J. Gomez.

Speaker 69 I don't know what it is, dude.

Speaker 56 Like, you're the most hatable person I've ever met in my entire life.

Speaker 73 It is kind of crazy.

Speaker 56 I hate every one of your personalities.

Speaker 108 Yeah.

Speaker 173 A lot like my doctor, dude.

Speaker 79 But you don't have a doctor.

Speaker 172 Actually, I do, thanks to Toxphase.

Speaker 78 Do you?

Speaker 5 Yes, I, yeah.

Speaker 38 Do you really talk to somebody on an online therapist platform?

Speaker 161 Well, mean it's a yes sir.

Speaker 173 I know right currently no have I yes

Speaker 165 It's a very easy question.

Speaker 19 I'm gonna ask you another easy question soda pop.

Speaker 13 Let's check you.

Speaker 111 Okay,

Speaker 63 how old are you?

Speaker 120 I'm 35 35.

Speaker 53 That's a straight answer.

Speaker 85 We're getting warmer here.

Speaker 11 How do you no, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 86 How do you make money, Soda Pop?

Speaker 134 How do you make money? What do you do?

Speaker 172 Well recently I got a job at the Lucky Duck. I also recently got fired at the Lucky Duck.

Speaker 42 Okay.

Speaker 160 All right.

Speaker 172 Soda Pop.

Speaker 172 This is a true fucking story.

Speaker 21 Is it a story?

Speaker 172 Dude, I'm telling you the truth. I walked in there and asked them if they needed a doorman.
They're like, yeah, we got you. They put me on shift.
I did well.

Speaker 120 But

Speaker 172 apparently they don't want me making out with chicks and finger banging them in the speaker.

Speaker 173 All right.

Speaker 153 All right.

Speaker 113 Here's a little joke book, Soda Pop.

Speaker 108 There you go.

Speaker 164 There goes Soda Pop, everybody.

Speaker 40 Absolutely inconsolable.

Speaker 6 Can I, uh...

Speaker 104 Oh, man.

Speaker 154 Yeah. Can I, uh,

Speaker 54 Soda Pop might be one of the worst of the year.

Speaker 69 Can I explain what made me spill that drink?

Speaker 46 Oh, no. We.

Speaker 143 It made perfect sense.

Speaker 141 If you notice, I didn't get upset or flinch or anything.

Speaker 139 I'm like,

Speaker 80 it would have happened to anybody.

Speaker 94 You're sick, man.

Speaker 69 No, first he said I'm a paranoid schizophrenic. And then during his set, he dropped the mic fully down and just started talking without the microphone.

Speaker 71 Yeah.

Speaker 69 And it scared the living shit out of me.

Speaker 96 Yeah.

Speaker 78 It was so fucking crazy

Speaker 82 it made perfect sense meanwhile you know aaron balial built his little mountain of bluetooths and there was no spill whatsoever

Speaker 90 and and but that guy it made sense

Speaker 163 uh

Speaker 163 somebody's gonna

Speaker 175 yeah no all right Black Friday savings are here at the Home Depot, which means it's time to add new cordless power to your collection.

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Speaker 41 Moving on, you guys still out there?

Speaker 38 Anything can happen.

Speaker 113 As you know, clearly, this show, anything can happen.

Speaker 11 Make some noise.

Speaker 7 If you're a next bucket pull, it's Diedrich Flynn, everyone.

Speaker 137 Diedrich Flynn.

Speaker 176 What you know about being able to beat the last level of Sonic the Hedgehog while you were kid, but they come repo the TV while you playing it

Speaker 176 because your friends, mama stopped having sex with the nigga from Renner Center.

Speaker 68 Yeah, yeah, y'all know shit about me.

Speaker 176 What you know about your uncle getting caught with a felony amount of stolen Febreze plug-ins that he stole from the local Target? Like thousands and thousands of them.

Speaker 176 And the only reason why the cops found him is because he had them plugged into every single outlet. So his life bill was $10,000 and his house reeked of ocean breeze.

Speaker 176 Yeah, you know shit about my life. Y'all know me.

Speaker 68 Fuck you.

Speaker 176 I'm from Atlanta, Georgia. I moved to Austin to take down Tesla.

Speaker 176 Y'all fuck with Teslas. And I know it's a lot of white people in here.
Y'all love Tesla because most white people is robots.

Speaker 176 That's not me being racist. I saw 13 Terminator movies.
I never saw a black robot. I never saw a Mexican robot.

Speaker 6 I entered him.

Speaker 177 I see that joke.

Speaker 177 Hell yeah.

Speaker 176 Yo, what we do is, what we do is we meet every Thursday.

Speaker 176 Y'all come meet me this Thursday. We go to rich neighborhoods and we unplug Tesla's.

Speaker 145 You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 68 Fuck Tesla. What's happening?

Speaker 145 Holy shit.

Speaker 9 Ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 68 What's up, buddy?

Speaker 33 Wow.

Speaker 34 Oh,

Speaker 73 my God.

Speaker 34 Yeah.

Speaker 145 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 80 What a difference five minutes makes.

Speaker 86 We went from soda pop to diabetes.

Speaker 12 Yeah.

Speaker 42 Holy shit, the Black Storm from Atlanta, Georgia has arrived.

Speaker 128 Diedrich Flynn.

Speaker 69 This is Dedrick, though.

Speaker 104 Oh, okay, Dedrick.

Speaker 176 Diedrich, my student loan name.

Speaker 131 Okay.

Speaker 42 Oh, shit.

Speaker 83 Dedrick.

Speaker 63 Oh, Brown has been. My God.

Speaker 4 Yeah, that was fucking.

Speaker 96 How long have you been doing comedy?

Speaker 96 12 years.

Speaker 69 12 years. You're a beast.
I'm telling you, you're a beast. Don't fuck it up with drugs or alcohol or being an asshole.
I'm serious.

Speaker 69 That's the only way people fuck it up. You're so fucking good.
You have so much to do.

Speaker 56 The Rosa's talking to himself right now.

Speaker 126 Yeah.

Speaker 6 Yeah, I don't got no kind of problems, but I appreciate all that nice shit you were saying.

Speaker 177 Listen, don't be like me. Okay.

Speaker 20 No, I'm serious, dude.

Speaker 69 You're a fucking demon, dude.

Speaker 71 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 80 I got to tell you, Joe, that was one of the most accidentally racist things I've ever heard in my life.

Speaker 79 He's like, you're doing good.

Speaker 125 Don't fuck it up with drugs and alcohol and too much Kool-Aid. And

Speaker 128 don't go choking on chicken bones or anything like that.

Speaker 158 I really, I mean it sincerely.

Speaker 69 Guys with immense talent can only fuck it up by getting in their own way. Dude, you're so fucking good, dude.
That's incredible. I'm serious.

Speaker 69 You are fucking incredible.

Speaker 116 I agree.

Speaker 111 Dead your fight.

Speaker 6 Thank y'all.

Speaker 6 Yeah, I'm telling you.

Speaker 145 Thank you. Dead.

Speaker 56 You're like legit. Like,

Speaker 56 it wasn't like what you were doing. I don't even know how much of that was like in your act, but it was like, it wasn't like refined stand-up.
It was just genuinely funny.

Speaker 56 Like, you can't teach what you have, which is just like you came out and you just fucking owned this room. That's the type of confidence that you need to really fucking blow up.

Speaker 157 And congratulations, because that's the fucking great thing.

Speaker 113 Thank you so goddamn much for that shit.

Speaker 156 Yeah.

Speaker 176 Nah, but I wrote that shit. I ain't going to let you get away with that.
I wrote the fuck out that joke.

Speaker 157 I just performed good as a motherfucker.

Speaker 157 I work hard.

Speaker 164 But that's... You're damn right, that joke.

Speaker 71 That's the brilliance of it is when you make it look that organic when it's all written and it's all, it looks like it's off the head, but it's not.

Speaker 69 You were fucking amazing. Now, now, let's not discount.

Speaker 114 There was a train wreck disaster out here before you came on stage.

Speaker 116 So that jumped a little bit. It wasn't

Speaker 176 nobody in front of me.

Speaker 13 I was going to rip this bitch.

Speaker 177 You're damn right.

Speaker 68 I waited 39 motherfucking times across the fucking steep. I ain't fucking around with this shit.

Speaker 73 I don't give a fuck. Hold on a second.

Speaker 165 You've signed up.

Speaker 165 You've signed up that many times.

Speaker 105 39 times you've signed up.

Speaker 176 I've got 38 of them. I'm going to cry again tonight.

Speaker 34 Wow.

Speaker 68 I ripped this bitch.

Speaker 6 Wow.

Speaker 88 I rip his bitch.

Speaker 12 Dedrick

Speaker 1 Flynn.

Speaker 36 This is absolutely incredible.

Speaker 19 So what have you been doing with your life up until this point?

Speaker 152 Goddamn, I've fucking been cool as fuck, been busting my ass.

Speaker 135 Yeah.

Speaker 69 I moved here because I wanted to come do this shit.

Speaker 157 So I wanted to get the pop from this. And then I work at a red band over there at Sunset.

Speaker 55 You work at Sunset?

Speaker 34 Yeah. Holy shit.

Speaker 68 Yeah. Sunset!

Speaker 68 Sunset!

Speaker 135 Wow. Represents Sunset.

Speaker 125 This is the greatest ad you've ever had in your life.

Speaker 151 Seriously, Tony, if you look at all the Sunset employees that come on this show, they're always killing it.

Speaker 14 Well, I mean, not quite as hard as Dedrick.

Speaker 45 But yes, they're all solid, but Dedrick is something special here.

Speaker 69 I'm dead serious as the highest compliment a comedian, campaign, or the comedian. If I had to follow you, I'd be nervous.
I'm serious.

Speaker 122 You're that fucking good.

Speaker 154 I'm really serious. It's true.
You're you're that it's true

Speaker 56 nervous if you were following him

Speaker 6 this is a ski mass too so i i didn't know how the night was gonna go

Speaker 42 wow dedrick flynn so what's the longest set you've ever done hour 30

Speaker 157 hour 30 and that was in atlanta no that was uh up in memphis i've been i've been headliner for about 10 years makes perfect sense yeah absolutely Just traveling.

Speaker 45 Tell us more about your life in Austin. What's your living situation?

Speaker 153 Shit, I got a motherfucking roommate.

Speaker 152 And they got a cat. I hate the cat, but that's.

Speaker 152 But I respect the cat. So, you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 157 If you're a cat person, I don't know.

Speaker 152 You just look soft. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 34 I don't know.

Speaker 84 Wow.

Speaker 158 I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Speaker 152 My bad.

Speaker 97 Dedric Flynn, you can follow me.

Speaker 109 Yeah, follow him.

Speaker 63 So much For coming out, follow him on the internet.

Speaker 47 Amazing, Dedric.

Speaker 48 I mean, I got to tell you, you are just a fucking storm.

Speaker 45 And if you can do that, then that probably means you could do it again sometime.

Speaker 109 So, instead of doing the big hoop law, and

Speaker 20 no, no, no.

Speaker 20 It's even crazier than you think.

Speaker 116 And

Speaker 79 I've never met you before.

Speaker 16 I know people think, oh, he works at Sunset.

Speaker 15 They probably know this guy.

Speaker 141 I had no idea you were going to be here.

Speaker 143 Clearly, you've signed up 39 times and you've never gotten on.

Speaker 66 So, I have some really special news for you.

Speaker 53 I have a job if you want it.

Speaker 11 Yeah, I want it.

Speaker 16 You're going to, yeah, you're going to bypass a golden ticket completely, and you're going to be a full-time regular here on Pill Target.

Speaker 88 It has not happened in years.

Speaker 20 All right, now you've been made in my space.

Speaker 150 No, I'm kidding.

Speaker 14 The last regular appointed was Ari Maddie.

Speaker 166 Before him, Cam Patterson.

Speaker 94 So literally, you can do a set every single week if you want to.

Speaker 6 I want to.

Speaker 52 We just lost our...

Speaker 158 We lost our resident black to SNL, so, you know.

Speaker 166 They're my cousin.

Speaker 116 Yeah.

Speaker 152 Camped, they're my cousin for real.

Speaker 79 I know.

Speaker 63 I get it. Y'all are cousins.

Speaker 12 And now you're part of the Kill Tony family.

Speaker 83 So we're all cousins.

Speaker 68 We all cousins are here.

Speaker 116 A star. You born.

Speaker 5 Ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 68 What's up, Vengeance?

Speaker 73 The Black Storm from Atlanta, Georgia.

Speaker 6 And I love to have you on the Secret Show.

Speaker 20 Yeah, you're going to have them on the Secret Show.

Speaker 131 Wow.

Speaker 143 A little.

Speaker 7 One more time for Dedrick Flynn, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 111 You are here

Speaker 12 39 times.

Speaker 131 Wow.

Speaker 143 Months and months and months of signing up.

Speaker 144 And now you were here.

Speaker 42 You saw it live.

Speaker 63 A brand new regular.

Speaker 93 Bigger than a golden ticket.

Speaker 143 It's been years since we've done that.

Speaker 46 We'll see.

Speaker 110 Hopefully.

Speaker 16 Hopefully he stays away from the drugs and alcohol.

Speaker 144 All right, clearly, anything can happen here. You've seen the lowest lows and the highest highs possible.

Speaker 7 Make some noise for your next bucketful.

Speaker 144 It's Alessio Esposito.

Speaker 171 How are we doing, everyone?

Speaker 171 I'm Alessio. I'm Italian of Jewish descent, which means I like my salami without the skin.

Speaker 171 Also means that while half my family were hiding in World War II, the other half were seeking.

Speaker 171 Yeah, that's true, by the way. My granddad fought for the Nazis in World War II, which was not good for his LinkedIn.

Speaker 171 Yeah, but it did make for pretty good dinner time conversations. You know, I could ask my granddad questions like, Granddad, did you ever commit any war crimes?

Speaker 171 And he'd just look at me with those big blue eyes.

Speaker 171 nine

Speaker 171 I was like is that no other number because it makes a big difference

Speaker 171 but you know I I never believed him Grant said he was a gaslighter

Speaker 171 yeah

Speaker 171 yeah

Speaker 171 that's my time

Speaker 64 thank you Alessio Esposito welcome welcome thank you

Speaker 82 welcome Alessio how long have you been on stand-up two years where at in Manchester in the UK okay is that's where you live?

Speaker 167 That's where you're born and raised?

Speaker 171 No, I was born and raised in Italy, and then I moved to Manchester when I was six.

Speaker 51 Okay, because, yep, that makes your parents move there.

Speaker 86 Why did your parents move to England?

Speaker 171 My dad's job.

Speaker 54 Your dad's job?

Speaker 92 Where in Italy were you born?

Speaker 171 Genoa, if anybody.

Speaker 17 Yeah, that is the home of a very fancy salami.

Speaker 18 You guys specialize in salami.

Speaker 56 Tony's an expert in all salamis.

Speaker 32 It's true.

Speaker 47 And sausage.

Speaker 150 And balls.

Speaker 115 You found so Alessio

Speaker 104 how long are you in America for I'm here till the third of November the third of November but when did you get here I got here on the 10th of November I love that even when they're saying it they put the date above the month here instead of November 10th it's the 10th of November

Speaker 86 all right perfect might be wrong how are you is this your first time in America no it's like I don't know quite a lot.

Speaker 129 I like it here. Yeah, of course.

Speaker 52 It's pretty good.

Speaker 41 Yeah, compared to England.

Speaker 171 What do you hate hate about England right now tell us about the life in England while these good Americans are sitting here and people around the world can hear your unbiased take on it it's better than Twitter says yes I would say it's better than Twitter says yes better than Twitter says everybody for those of you keeping track Twitter

Speaker 138 okay

Speaker 171 what do you how do you make money alessio I work in marketing okay yeah is that do you like that yeah I mean I do I do marketing for comedians so I get to meet cool people I quite enjoy that all right Cool.

Speaker 73 Joe DeRosa.

Speaker 69 That was, dude, I got impressed. I'm so impressed, man.
That was a great fucking set.

Speaker 69 And for you to come out as a two-year guy following a 12-year guy that's slaughtered like that and still have a great set is really fucking impressive, man.

Speaker 84 Good shit.

Speaker 140 That is a great point. Seriously.

Speaker 64 The old reverse soda pop is having to follow Detrick Flynn.

Speaker 49 Not easy at all.

Speaker 91 Alessio, tell us something crazy about your life.

Speaker 171 Oh, where where do you want to start?

Speaker 112 Dad's Italian, mom's a Jew.

Speaker 171 No, granddad was a Jew. It doesn't fully follow down the line.

Speaker 131 Oh, okay.

Speaker 76 So you just say Jews so that it increases your chances of making it in show business.

Speaker 42 Very smart. Very smart.

Speaker 118 But you don't practice?

Speaker 171 A Catholic.

Speaker 75 Oh, okay.

Speaker 135 Yeah, that's the opposite, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 134 We're really finding out the truth here.

Speaker 62 Okay.

Speaker 48 So tell us a crazy fact about your life, Alessio.

Speaker 171 I once flew from England to America.

Speaker 82 Oh, wow, that's D's again.

Speaker 90 Keep going, John. No, that's the right.

Speaker 130 That's perfect.

Speaker 171 I once flew.

Speaker 171 Fuck, man.

Speaker 171 I've never wished I had an Italian accent more in my life.

Speaker 34 Fuck. Yeah.

Speaker 171 Yeah, man.

Speaker 41 You once flew.

Speaker 116 I'll try again. Yeah.

Speaker 158 You guys, eh?

Speaker 171 I once

Speaker 32 These guys are good.

Speaker 52 I once a talented team around me here.

Speaker 46 You once flew

Speaker 171 to America.

Speaker 171 I'm skipping that part. I once flew over to...
Fuck, I started it again.

Speaker 171 I once flew over to America to try and sleep with someone

Speaker 171 after I met them once on spring break.

Speaker 103 Wow.

Speaker 171 Yeah,

Speaker 171 it was a bad choice financially and in my life.

Speaker 45 Okay, so hold on. Let's get this right.
You're talking to the person online, right?

Speaker 171 No, I met her in Cancun. I came to your spring break.
You guys know how to do Easter holidays.

Speaker 75 Oh, okay.

Speaker 171 Yeah.

Speaker 171 And we had a great time, but we never kind of, you know, had the fun I was looking for. Right.

Speaker 64 You never got to Manchester or England.

Speaker 33 No.

Speaker 171 I did not. And so she was like, oh, there's a cool party happening.
And I was like, fuck it. I've got £300 left.
Let's get it.

Speaker 24 Wow.

Speaker 74 £300. This is a big bitch.

Speaker 104 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Jesus.

Speaker 72 I mean, wow. To get on a flight for £300.

Speaker 106 Jesus Christ.

Speaker 69 When it converts to American, she's only $1.75.

Speaker 74 Okay, so you met her in Cancun, but you didn't get to close the deal.

Speaker 171 So I, yeah, so I came over.

Speaker 171 We had a big night out, and I woke up in the morning.

Speaker 60 Hold on one second.

Speaker 18 Where was the big night out at?

Speaker 171 In Michigan.

Speaker 34 Disgusting, dude.

Speaker 40 She's from the magical land of Michigan.

Speaker 40 Oh, that must be where all the beautiful women women are.

Speaker 123 Oh,

Speaker 123 what a magical place.

Speaker 93 How come I don't get the music? Hey!

Speaker 40 Oh, Michigan!

Speaker 103 A land of the most beautiful people.

Speaker 34 She must have a secure job and an amazing family.

Speaker 114 300 pounds that lives in Michigan.

Speaker 34 Did you fly everyone to fuck Michael Moore?

Speaker 34 Oh, Michigan.

Speaker 34 I bet the water there is as fresh as it flows.

Speaker 34 Oh, may I have a sip of your tap water?

Speaker 103 Oh.

Speaker 39 All right. So, you land in Michigan.

Speaker 118 Then what do you guys do?

Speaker 171 We went on a night out. I don't really remember much of the night out.

Speaker 171 I got completely blackout drunk. And I woke up in a bed in the morning and I was like, this is good.

Speaker 171 I was like, did anything happen last night? She was like, no, no. You got in the bed and you passed out.

Speaker 171 Expensive.

Speaker 171 But then I also realized I'd piss my pants.

Speaker 4 Ah,

Speaker 73 yes.

Speaker 51 Wow.

Speaker 73 Michigan shoot. Oh my goodness.

Speaker 148 Yes. That's what people, it doesn't matter where you're from.

Speaker 43 And when you are in Michigan, pissing your pants while sleeping is just a normal thing.

Speaker 171 Good to know.

Speaker 136 Yeah.

Speaker 106 Okay, but then you had to leave that day?

Speaker 171 No, I went and stayed with a friend and we never spoke again.

Speaker 35 Hold on. You went to Michigan.

Speaker 45 So this is an unbelievable tale.

Speaker 74 This is an unbelievable tale we have come across on this evening, boys and girls.

Speaker 137 For what we have learned.

Speaker 42 No, okay.

Speaker 89 So you've you went, where's was the friend in Michigan?

Speaker 171 Yeah, I did. I worked at a summer camp there, so I knew some people.

Speaker 35 You went to summer camp in Michigan?

Speaker 103 Hell yeah.

Speaker 171 I don't know if that's a cool thing here.

Speaker 122 For us it is.

Speaker 35 How do you end up going to summer camp in Michigan if you live in Manchester, England?

Speaker 171 Because they export or import English people to be camp counselors.

Speaker 49 Heads up. Damn.

Speaker 93 Do they have you guys vote Democratic when you're here, too?

Speaker 140 Some shady shit going on with America.

Speaker 34 All right.

Speaker 18 Okay, so you just had that one night and all you did was piss the bed.

Speaker 116 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Wow.

Speaker 101 Yeah.

Speaker 51 You didn't try to hang out with her again or anything?

Speaker 171 I didn't want to know if she'd figured it out.

Speaker 76 How did you find out that you pissed the bed?

Speaker 63 You felt it. Yeah.

Speaker 138 Wow.

Speaker 57 My goodness. Goodness gracious.

Speaker 59 Incredible.

Speaker 66 Did you fuck your buddy from summer camp after that?

Speaker 171 Not that one.

Speaker 138 Okay, perfect.

Speaker 7 All right, alessio well fun times and uh yeah following the powerful dedric flynn wasn't easy you're leaving here with a big joke book congratulations alessio esposito

Speaker 34 we're having fun tonight this is a great you guys having as much fun as i'm having tonight i love this show i gotta tell you not only am i the host i'm also a big fan

Speaker 178 When cool creamy ranch meets tangy bold buffalo, the whole is greater than the sum of its sauce. Say howdy, partner, to new Buffalo Ranch Sauce, only at McDonald's for a limited time.

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Speaker 7 Make some noise for your next bucket pull.

Speaker 94 It's Buffy, everybody.

Speaker 144 Buffy.

Speaker 95 Come on, make some noise for Buffy, everyone.

Speaker 29 I was on one of those family tree websites the other day, and I discovered discovered that I have at least three generations of pedophiles in my family.

Speaker 29 You can find us on ancestry.com.

Speaker 29 Some families came over on the Mayflower, we came over on the D-flower.

Speaker 29 I was running out of material, so I started dating again.

Speaker 29 This time outside of the family.

Speaker 29 Just because somebody can make you come doesn't mean that they are your boyfriend.

Speaker 29 They could be your grandpa.

Speaker 33 Wow.

Speaker 33 Welcome.

Speaker 22 Buffy. Hello, welcome.

Speaker 104 Were you done?

Speaker 4 Want one more?

Speaker 163 One more. One more.

Speaker 29 We were a family with benefits. Instead of dental and vision, we had oral and anal.

Speaker 154 Wow.

Speaker 5 It just gets darker and darker with the comedy stylings of Buffy.

Speaker 9 Darkness served with a smile.

Speaker 64 Hi, Buffy. Welcome.

Speaker 66 This is your first time here, right?

Speaker 106 It is.

Speaker 75 Okay, hell yeah.

Speaker 52 Let's jump right in.

Speaker 141 Luis J. Gomez.

Speaker 104 You look like hot Roseanne.

Speaker 116 Thank you.

Speaker 63 Hell yeah.

Speaker 64 So Buffy, welcome.

Speaker 41 How long have you been doing stand-up?

Speaker 29 About six years.

Speaker 88 Okay, where at?

Speaker 34 LA.

Speaker 17 All of it in L.A.

Speaker 86 You're just visiting Austin?

Speaker 29 I live in Austin now.

Speaker 161 When did you move here?

Speaker 29 It'll be a year Thanksgiving.

Speaker 86 What do you do for work?

Speaker 29 I'm a stunt driver.

Speaker 71 No fucking way.

Speaker 32 Are you serious?

Speaker 35 That's one of the coolest jobs I've ever heard anybody ever say they have. One of my favorite movies is Death Proof.

Speaker 118 That must be like your main favorite movie.

Speaker 130 Yes.

Speaker 18 Yeah, that's incredible.

Speaker 15 How long have you been a stunt driving woman?

Speaker 29 I started out as a precision driver for about six years. As a what driver? Precision.

Speaker 91 Okay, so that's just like background kind of thing.

Speaker 29 Well, we drive with and around the stunt team and stunts and accidents and stuff and car chases. Yeah.

Speaker 54 But now you do the actual shit.

Speaker 50 Yeah. How long have you been doing that for?

Speaker 29 About a year and a half with that.

Speaker 63 Okay.

Speaker 76 And you get a lot of work doing that?

Speaker 29 Well, I moved here.

Speaker 29 So I'm here now.

Speaker 29 I wasn't.

Speaker 72 It kind of dried up.

Speaker 59 Right.

Speaker 69 She's talking about her vagina.

Speaker 33 Yeah.

Speaker 10 Okay.

Speaker 151 Anything we would know, like any famous stunt drivers?

Speaker 50 Yeah.

Speaker 54 Where can we see your work at?

Speaker 26 Is there anything out there that we could see Buffy driving for?

Speaker 29 My personal reels.

Speaker 34 Okay, well.

Speaker 29 And I won a stunt car.

Speaker 103 You did?

Speaker 65 How'd you win one?

Speaker 29 It was a giveaway. I commented.

Speaker 16 Oh, perfect.

Speaker 18 Well, I guess any of us could have done that.

Speaker 57 Amazing.

Speaker 43 So, Buffy,

Speaker 57 what made you start stand-up six years ago?

Speaker 29 Robin Williams.

Speaker 29 I felt like he helped to raise our consciousness with laughter, and I wanted to do that.

Speaker 26 That's an adorable answer.

Speaker 117 Amazing.

Speaker 19 Do you have a family or anything?

Speaker 86 What's your story?

Speaker 91 I mean, other than the family that clearly fucked you through all your material.

Speaker 104 Like, do you have kids or anything?

Speaker 29 No, just two dogs.

Speaker 34 Okay.

Speaker 74 And they came with you to Austin, the dogs?

Speaker 91 And what's your love life like, Buffy?

Speaker 29 I want to date. I'm trying.

Speaker 116 I, what?

Speaker 83 Everyone's trying to hook up Matt the

Speaker 160 newly single

Speaker 54 lead guitarist here.

Speaker 32 Would you have a tight?

Speaker 29 I did, like, a lot of situation ships in LA. A lot of men fooled me.
So I hung up my hoe hat like two years ago. Oh.
And I came to seriously date men in Texas because I feel like they do that.

Speaker 131 Yeah.

Speaker 41 All right.

Speaker 25 I don't know where, but not here in Austin, they don't.

Speaker 56 You hung up your hoe hat when you were 50 years old.

Speaker 34 Lewis.

Speaker 32 That's mean.

Speaker 69 By the way, there's nothing a new guy you're dating loves here more than, I used to fuck like crazy, but not anymore.

Speaker 114 Oh, sweet.

Speaker 143 That's fun. Can you tell us about one, perhaps, you've seen this show, right?

Speaker 141 You know how wild the interview portion is, right?

Speaker 66 Yes, yes.

Speaker 60 Okay, perfect.

Speaker 66 Can you tell us about a crazy sexual experience of your life in Los Angeles?

Speaker 74 I mean, you're out there driving stun cars wearing the hoe hat.

Speaker 29 Okay. It's on.
It's my favorite story.

Speaker 52 Let's do it.

Speaker 29 I was with four guy friends.

Speaker 107 Slower.

Speaker 63 Red Band.

Speaker 54 Red Band wants you to tell this this story a little bit slower.

Speaker 56 Red Band is currently wearing the cohat.

Speaker 29 And it was beautiful and lovely. They all serviced me, but no one penetrated me.

Speaker 12 So they all ate you out?

Speaker 29 Well, like, sucked my toes, kissed me.

Speaker 29 Like, I was a buffet, except no penetration.

Speaker 54 No penetration.

Speaker 66 Luther?

Speaker 106 So it was.

Speaker 29 And I didn't have to do anything.

Speaker 15 You just laid there.

Speaker 29 And received.

Speaker 120 Wow.

Speaker 17 So one guy on the toes.

Speaker 17 One guy making out with you.

Speaker 56 She probably has bunions, to be fair.

Speaker 106 Jesus.

Speaker 69 Also, I love that even when she's talking about fucking, she talks in car terms. I was serviced.

Speaker 34 Yeah.

Speaker 160 Yeah.

Speaker 62 I had one guy was under my hood.

Speaker 80 One dude ate my muffler.

Speaker 29 I got an oil change. I got an oil change.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 Incredible.

Speaker 56 One guy put his dipstick in, read it, put it back.

Speaker 33 I was on empty.

Speaker 75 Right.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 11 Amazing. That's the sound of Red Band coming.

Speaker 29 Out of a kazoo.

Speaker 17 So why do you think none of the four penetrated you?

Speaker 66 That's the part I don't understand.

Speaker 57 That's like going to

Speaker 66 four guys going to a Chinese restaurant and just eating appetizers.

Speaker 65 No entrees.

Speaker 87 No one wanted to kung pow your chicken ding in this analogy.

Speaker 29 They were Canadian.

Speaker 160 Oh, now it makes sense.

Speaker 116 What are their names?

Speaker 4 Pussies.

Speaker 79 Wow. Do we know them?

Speaker 131 Canadians.

Speaker 63 Canadians.

Speaker 78 Arthur said comedians.

Speaker 69 No. Yeah, it was the kids in the hall.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 50 Amazing.

Speaker 18 So have you been on a date since moving to Austin?

Speaker 29 Yeah.

Speaker 82 How's that gone?

Speaker 29 It was one and done.

Speaker 65 One and done. What'd you do?

Speaker 54 Where would this guy?

Speaker 161 She told him that hoary story.

Speaker 72 No.

Speaker 29 I refrain. I don't overshare like that anymore.
Only on TV.

Speaker 16 Yeah, perfect.

Speaker 108 That's the way to do it.

Speaker 48 So this Austin date, that was just like a...

Speaker 46 Michael, relax over here.

Speaker 38 Michael's trying a new percussion instrument during this.

Speaker 33 Okay, go ahead.

Speaker 29 It made me sad that he was my age and he had already written off a bunch of things that he did physically, like, you know, snow skiing just because of his age. And I want somebody that's active.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 59 Absolutely. Wow.

Speaker 55 That makes sense.

Speaker 132 Have you tried, have you been on a date with anybody younger?

Speaker 29 No.

Speaker 29 I'm trying that too. A lot of 20-year-old men are after me on the dating apps, and I'm like, am I a fetish?

Speaker 107 Because I don't have a double-time.

Speaker 33 Absolutely.

Speaker 156 Yeah.

Speaker 101 Yeah.

Speaker 125 You're a fetish, and he's a fetish.

Speaker 165 Let me ask you this.

Speaker 132 Have you ever been with a young Latino man?

Speaker 19 Because speaking of

Speaker 29 you like them. When, okay,

Speaker 29 like six years ago, I had a 21-year-old boyfriend.

Speaker 72 Wow. Okay.

Speaker 32 What went wrong there? He was Latino?

Speaker 56 You had a 21-year-old boyfriend when you were 47 years old?

Speaker 117 I was 43.

Speaker 42 Okay, yeah, he's kidding.

Speaker 82 He's.

Speaker 29 I know. it's okay.
He's a real.

Speaker 29 You want a dry run?

Speaker 116 Whoa.

Speaker 145 Oh, wow.

Speaker 56 Yes, I'll fuck you.

Speaker 69 Dry is not a great word to use.

Speaker 33 Yeah.

Speaker 114 Want a friction?

Speaker 34 Fuck me later.

Speaker 29 It was intentional.

Speaker 170 Amazing. What was?

Speaker 116 Oh, the dry run one.

Speaker 96 Yeah, my age.

Speaker 139 Yeah, you're killing it.

Speaker 134 You're owning it, Buffy. You're doing a good job.

Speaker 116 You're doing great.

Speaker 64 Tell us one more crazy thing about your life, Buffy, before we let you out of of here. A fun fact about Buffy.

Speaker 29 I used to be an erotic beat poet.

Speaker 48 What does that mean exactly?

Speaker 17 Does that go along with music, or is that just a cappella?

Speaker 29 I wrote erotica poetry and I put it on top of beats.

Speaker 21 Okay, what exactly is the beat that you remember that you can do erotic poetry to? Pull out your stupid sticks that you had before.

Speaker 80 Turns out they were perfect for this exact moment.

Speaker 164 It's got little vibrators with them.

Speaker 141 And here we go.

Speaker 96 A one, a two.

Speaker 116 It was my space.

Speaker 119 Spotlight and three.

Speaker 86 Two, one, and erotic poetry starts now.

Speaker 155 Oh, I didn't even mean to do that.

Speaker 29 One of my songs was called Tongue Fuck.

Speaker 120 Here we go with our reenactment of Tongue Fuck.

Speaker 102 Ladies and gentlemen, this is Buffy, everybody.

Speaker 47 This guy's gotta go jerk off real quick.

Speaker 113 There she is.

Speaker 34 Buffy.

Speaker 29 It was my space i don't remember my own lyrics tony oh okay that's all right

Speaker 65 give her her phone someone said that's okay

Speaker 109 all right all right buffy well

Speaker 80 do you like anal that's the thing with red band you can't you can't do that it has to be like a comedic effect to it you can't just like literally ask somebody if they like anal you have to they have to say it in a joking way or something do you like anal

Speaker 52 see that's how you do it

Speaker 29 all right one was like tongue fuck me as if it were your dick.

Speaker 131 Wow.

Speaker 29 That was one of them. All right.

Speaker 114 This is some heady stuff.

Speaker 134 Joe DeRosa gave up snow skiing a few years ago, so.

Speaker 34 All right.

Speaker 54 Buffy, fun times.

Speaker 37 I like your style.

Speaker 144 You're different.

Speaker 109 You're cool.

Speaker 76 You fit in. Welcome to the show.

Speaker 113 Here's a big joke book.

Speaker 109 Ready? Yeah.

Speaker 116 Woo!

Speaker 3 She's stoned.

Speaker 47 Catches it with her face and a smile.

Speaker 160 Buffy.

Speaker 33 All right.

Speaker 42 Let's do one last bucket pull, huh?

Speaker 7 You guys having fun out there?

Speaker 85 There goes Buffy, everybody.

Speaker 116 All right.

Speaker 83 Your final bucket pull of the night goes by the name of Andrew Hack?

Speaker 116 Hake, perhaps?

Speaker 1 Double A?

Speaker 95 Make some noise for Andrew Hack, everybody.

Speaker 179 It's an honor to be at the show. However, I'm a little sad.
A couple years ago, we lost my favorite comic. He was a legend.
So I thought I would do an impression of him for y'all tonight.

Speaker 105 When I was a little Jewish boy, my mother always told me to eat my fruits and vegetables.

Speaker 105 But I don't think she had in mind the sloppy, disgusting, filthy, threesome with Tony Hinchcliffe and Fiona Cauley.

Speaker 105 I've never seen this many black men on a stage since Tony Hingchcliffe tried to buy slaves.

Speaker 105 And look at this beautiful audience.

Speaker 105 I haven't seen this many pieces of garbage since Tony Hinchcliffe and I took a trip to Puerto Rico.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 Andrew Hack,

Speaker 70 everyone.

Speaker 15 Andrew, welcome to the show. Do you do stand-up comedy?

Speaker 54 Do you just do impressions of other comedians?

Speaker 179 I've been doing stand-ups. The first time I did it, I was 18.
I'm 30. I've been hitting it real hard since I've been in town, so like five, six years.

Speaker 57 Okay, but we have no idea what your stand-up's like after doing an experiment like that.

Speaker 19 You have another minute you want to do, maybe?

Speaker 96 Sure. All right, here he goes.

Speaker 108 Do you just want another minute?

Speaker 20 No, it's not up to them.

Speaker 102 Now that you said that, I don't want to give it to you.

Speaker 102 How long have you been on stand-up?

Speaker 41 What's the math on that?

Speaker 8 18 and what?

Speaker 132 You did it.

Speaker 66 Is that 12 years?

Speaker 91 Perfect. Where at?

Speaker 179 New York State, Chicago, and here.

Speaker 34 Wow.

Speaker 25 New York State.

Speaker 69 Yeah, why do you say New York State?

Speaker 179 Rochester, Buffalo.

Speaker 153 I never performed this city.

Speaker 69 Okay.

Speaker 50 Wow, never?

Speaker 50 Wow.

Speaker 71 Well, why would you when you're in hot spots like Rochester and Buffalo?

Speaker 6 Who needs to go down to Manhattan where all stars are born?

Speaker 72 Do you live here now?

Speaker 179 Yes, sir, five years.

Speaker 179 Almost six years.

Speaker 143 Wow, been here a while.

Speaker 66 What made you move to Austin six years ago before everyone else?

Speaker 116 COVID.

Speaker 103 Oh, okay. Yeah.

Speaker 24 All right, that's slightly before COVID, but I mean, you got it.

Speaker 55 That makes sense.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 78 It was literally two years before COVID.

Speaker 120 Yeah.

Speaker 52 It's about a year before COVID.

Speaker 179 I'm doing the math now.

Speaker 120 I think you are again.

Speaker 179 No, I guess five years. Five years.

Speaker 2 There you go. You're right.
You're right. Yep.

Speaker 116 All good. That's right.

Speaker 106 It's 20. That's COVID.

Speaker 71 All right, Joe.

Speaker 179 This many.

Speaker 69 Do you always do the Gilbert Gottfried impression, or did you just do that for tonight?

Speaker 179 That's the one I'm best at.

Speaker 69 But I'm saying, do you do it in your regular stand-up?

Speaker 179 Oh, yeah, yeah, I weave all the impressions into the jokes.

Speaker 69 How many, do you do a lot of impressions?

Speaker 54 What other impressions do you do?

Speaker 119 Hello, Scoob.

Speaker 163 We gotta get out of here, man. All right,

Speaker 26 what other impression do you do?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 13 Do you do any impressions from this century?

Speaker 101 Yeah.

Speaker 86 What else do you got?

Speaker 179 Well,

Speaker 179 you guys, we got any immigrants here tonight? Yeah, yeah, I know there's some of you out there. Where are you from, sir?

Speaker 50 Is this Mark Normand?

Speaker 2 It is?

Speaker 179 That joke was over the line, but so are you.

Speaker 63 Well, yep. All right.

Speaker 54 What else do you got?

Speaker 179 He guessed it, he knew it.

Speaker 83 Yeah,

Speaker 83 I can't believe I was right.

Speaker 63 I was like trying to be like funny, but that's amazing.

Speaker 69 It's an odd choice to only have material that works if you're on the show with the guy that you're doing the material about.

Speaker 18 Do you do a Joe DeRosa?

Speaker 91 Can you do a can you talk like a fucking frog with a cock stuck in his throat?

Speaker 34 It's like

Speaker 34 the fuck is that?

Speaker 34 The fuck is that?

Speaker 34 The look on your face.

Speaker 106 You should see your face.

Speaker 69 It matches the color of Red Band's hat right now.

Speaker 13 Would you say a frog that one?

Speaker 32 With a cock sucking his throat.

Speaker 134 Can you do that? Can you do one?

Speaker 59 Oh, well, I'm a bit of a frog myself.

Speaker 2 There you go. Oh my gosh.

Speaker 56 You're not good at impressions.

Speaker 96 You didn't like that one? No.

Speaker 12 Heard that.

Speaker 179 Heard that.

Speaker 134 Did you like the Gilbert Godfrey, though?

Speaker 34 Bilberg Godfrey was pretty good.

Speaker 104 Yeah,

Speaker 35 it sounded good.

Speaker 24 But

Speaker 49 the thing is,

Speaker 66 doing impressions of other comedians can be really tricky.

Speaker 66 It's a treacherous territory.

Speaker 139 We would love to know more about Andrew.

Speaker 55 Can you do one joke that you're proud of as Andrew Hack all these years you've been doing it?

Speaker 59 Yes.

Speaker 57 Okay, here we go.

Speaker 59 One joke from Andrew Hack.

Speaker 179 I was on a run the other day, and I saw a person who I didn't know could exist in America.

Speaker 1 A black father.

Speaker 179 Yeah,

Speaker 179 he had his little white collar and his Bible. It was so cute.

Speaker 55 Oh,

Speaker 55 he's a priest.

Speaker 179 Nailed it.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 19 Can you do one last joke as a...

Speaker 160 All right.

Speaker 83 All right, well.

Speaker 41 Andrew.

Speaker 64 Tell us something crazy about your life, Andrew, before we get you out of here.

Speaker 60 Tell us a redeeming quality about

Speaker 179 I'm a bartender for F1. I don't really care about the cars.
They just kind of send me around and I make drinks for

Speaker 179 them.

Speaker 151 Do you do reports on YouTube about the new

Speaker 151 amusement park that's about to open over there?

Speaker 179 Oh, oh, down at Coda, yeah.

Speaker 82 I saw it happening, you know, being built.

Speaker 74 So you work there literally at Coda full-time?

Speaker 179 Well, the other races, you know, Vegas, Miami, Abu Dhabi, so they fly me.

Speaker 121 Oh, interesting.

Speaker 22 So you literally are a bartender for F1.

Speaker 103 Yes, sir.

Speaker 9 Amazing.

Speaker 121 That's actually interesting that they don't get local talent.

Speaker 179 Sometimes, but then

Speaker 179 they save the good ones, you know,

Speaker 179 they take us along.

Speaker 2 All right, Andrew.

Speaker 77 He looks like the tri-guy that got canceled, Ned Fulmar or whatever.

Speaker 90 I look like him.

Speaker 130 What guy?

Speaker 151 Ned Fulmer, or the guy that cheated on his wife, that had a whole cookbook and thing with his wife. Never mind.

Speaker 47 Is this like someone you knew personally or someone?

Speaker 79 You look like Ned Fulmar. Thank you.
Good night, everybody.

Speaker 3 You look like my old neighbor, Travis Edelman.

Speaker 71 You son of a bitch.

Speaker 56 I almost, I don't know what it is. I feel like you're much funnier than this is coming off.

Speaker 72 I agree. I agree.
I feel bad.

Speaker 1 I agree.

Speaker 53 And just to let you know, you know, we had a monster coming out of nowhere earlier, the first ever appearance of a guy named Dedrick Flynn.

Speaker 134 So maybe we're kind of

Speaker 83 numb to it.

Speaker 66 Maybe it's not you.

Speaker 11 But keep signing up and come back.

Speaker 87 And next time, fucking do you and come out fresh.

Speaker 58 Because I think Gilbert doing Tony Hinchcliffe jokes is kind of

Speaker 26 polarizing, perhaps.

Speaker 131 Heard, we'll do.

Speaker 18 Sign up again. There he goes.

Speaker 148 Andrew Hack, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 126 Well, oh, well.

Speaker 20 Indeed, like I just mentioned, what an episode it's been.

Speaker 83 A lot to it, a lot going on,

Speaker 139 and

Speaker 64 yeah, so we did it.

Speaker 49 Really bad news for you guys.

Speaker 83 William Montgomery is sick.

Speaker 83 And unfortunately, Ari Maddie couldn't make it here tonight.

Speaker 53 Cam Patterson is on SNL.

Speaker 18 which leaves you with just one option.

Speaker 38 Ladies and gentlemen, this man was made a regular in the year 2020.

Speaker 80 Let me remind you how big of a deal what happened with Dedrick is many golden tickets lately.

Speaker 42 Zero regulars.

Speaker 47 The last regular was Ari Maddie two or three years ago.

Speaker 134 Four years ago was Cam Patterson.

Speaker 1 Five years ago was this man in May of 2021.

Speaker 134 And sing it if you know the words.

Speaker 95 Ladies and gentlemen, this is Hog Tip.

Speaker 145 Hey.

Speaker 145 Good to be here.

Speaker 162 I am also a stunt driver.

Speaker 5 There was a stunt over there.

Speaker 162 You might have seen my work on I-35.

Speaker 162 Trying to make a U-turn.

Speaker 162 Something I've noticed about comedy audiences is that a lot of people are more offended by rape jokes than mass shooting jokes.

Speaker 162 I think that's because you don't get to come after a mass shooting.

Speaker 69 Unless you do it right.

Speaker 162 Yeah, I'm a pretty good guy.

Speaker 162 I don't have any problems with the Jews, okay?

Speaker 162 I think they're human beings equal to Mexicans and gays.

Speaker 162 My girlfriend is Jewish. I love having a Jewish girlfriend.
I can just give her money for her birthday.

Speaker 124 They love old paper, these Jews. Like

Speaker 124 the Torah or a lease agreement.

Speaker 162 One last joke.

Speaker 162 I think it's fucked up that somebody shot Charlie Kirk. Why couldn't he just shoot up a bunch of kids like a normal person?

Speaker 96 All right, thank you.

Speaker 130 All right.

Speaker 113 Ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 6 Hey.

Speaker 41 Hans Kim.

Speaker 16 The power of Hans Kim.

Speaker 47 I mean, 30 seconds of straight laughter just off of acknowledging the stunt driving

Speaker 160 of another person.

Speaker 63 I mean, incredible.

Speaker 54 That's what a true comedy veteran does. They listen to what's going on before them and the tone of the room and they acknowledge it and utilize it like a real pro that you just did.

Speaker 162 A woman driving?

Speaker 101 Yeah.

Speaker 162 You better notice that. It's like the imperatives for your safety.
You notice women drivers.

Speaker 54 This is what I love about you, Hans.

Speaker 42 You think out loud.

Speaker 42 How's life been going, buddy?

Speaker 18 One of the greatest interviewees in the history of the show, Hans Kim, cannot tell a lie very honest

Speaker 162 famously an oversharer in the interview portion of the show so this is exciting it's been a while since we've had yo very exciting i've been doing great i've been uh on the road with the killers that killed tony tour with ari maddie yes and uh you know

Speaker 162 someone's ex

Speaker 162 Kim Congdon, she's a great gal, but uh that's right Louis Jacob is his ex.

Speaker 18 Kim Congden is on some of those dates.

Speaker 54 It's been years an awkward thing to bring up, but you just did it.

Speaker 25 It's been many years.

Speaker 56 I still have a restraining order against you.

Speaker 162 I guess, I mean, that's a Puerto Rican relationship, right?

Speaker 124 That's actually...

Speaker 69 Yeah, of all the times a Puerto Rican woman should have stabbed somebody.

Speaker 42 What else is going on?

Speaker 45 How's the road treating you, Hans?

Speaker 74 Where do you like to go? What's been happening?

Speaker 124 I was in Elkhart,

Speaker 162 Indiana, named after Joe Rogan's favorite food.

Speaker 96 So that was cool.

Speaker 160 All right.

Speaker 48 That was your opening joke there, I'm guessing.

Speaker 116 Yep.

Speaker 131 All right.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 34 Uh-huh.

Speaker 164 I love it.

Speaker 162 You know, just a great time. You know, found out that, you know, Ari's a great guy.

Speaker 108 He really is.

Speaker 60 He's a lot of fun.

Speaker 67 Tell us more. What do you mean?

Speaker 162 I mean, I found out he's half Ukrainian, which is, you know, like kind of a loser gene.

Speaker 160 Wow, I didn't know that about him.

Speaker 76 That's an interesting interesting reveal.

Speaker 130 Yeah, he's vulnerable from the yeah Ukrainian assassin doesn't have the same ring to it at all

Speaker 45 Seems like a guy that got killed by a Russian drone 30 minutes earlier.

Speaker 54 He was a Ukrainian assassin.

Speaker 16 We're gonna stick with a stonian assassin Stop ruining Ari's brand up here.

Speaker 71 Does explain why he's always asking for help though

Speaker 71 Wow.

Speaker 162 There's an illegal poker room right next to my apartment.

Speaker 84 Ooh.

Speaker 83 And you love it, don't you?

Speaker 162 Yeah, it's kind of loud and we were talking shit and we realized that if we can hear them, they can hear us.

Speaker 162 And so they just heard us being like, we should just have sex really loud one day next to them.

Speaker 142 Yeah.

Speaker 71 You and Ari?

Speaker 72 Yeah, I mean, you know.

Speaker 151 Do you make a lot of noises in bed?

Speaker 57 Yeah, can you give us an exact can I get the spotlight here, Kino?

Speaker 54 Can you just do an impression of the noises that you make while having sex?

Speaker 19 But do it for real.

Speaker 140 Like, we want the actual noises.

Speaker 62 Okay. Pa Dukin.

Speaker 135 Yeah.

Speaker 72 Get over here.

Speaker 70 Oh, yeah, baby.

Speaker 70 Call me daddy, please.

Speaker 162 Whenever I'm about to come, I'm like,

Speaker 160 Whoa.

Speaker 75 That's what you do?

Speaker 162 You're like, is it okay if I come inside you?

Speaker 63 Whoa.

Speaker 117 Wow, what does she say to that?

Speaker 124 She says, yes.

Speaker 65 Wow.

Speaker 112 Is she on some kind of birth control?

Speaker 162 Yeah, she's heavily medicated.

Speaker 63 Oh, wow. Perfect.

Speaker 20 That is amazing.

Speaker 83 That's good to know.

Speaker 153 Wow.

Speaker 117 So you just always finish inside of your girlfriend.

Speaker 162 Every time we do it.

Speaker 112 When's the last time you think you pulled out?

Speaker 70 Why would I do that?

Speaker 101 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 162 I think that's bad for your little vein down there.

Speaker 63 Really? Yeah.

Speaker 66 That's an interesting thing, but most of you people are doctors, so I trust you.

Speaker 61 Does she keep it inside of her for a few days?

Speaker 108 Like, what happens?

Speaker 124 Yeah, she, when I,

Speaker 156 yeah, I don't know. Red man.

Speaker 162 Usually after we have sex, she's like, ew, come.

Speaker 124 And then we have sex towels by the bed.

Speaker 55 Sex towels. Yeah.

Speaker 112 What's the difference between the sex towel and a red?

Speaker 63 Oh, little washcloth.

Speaker 2 You're crunchy.

Speaker 33 Perfect.

Speaker 135 Oh, red band.

Speaker 10 Red band.

Speaker 80 Oh, yeah, there's some lovemaking saxophone over there.

Speaker 87 All right, tell us more about your personal, personal, personal life, homie.

Speaker 162 She caught me watching TV while we were having sex.

Speaker 83 Oh, my God.

Speaker 58 What was on the television?

Speaker 162 The show Sense8.

Speaker 124 Great show.

Speaker 83 Is that anime?

Speaker 96 No.

Speaker 148 What is that?

Speaker 112 What's that show?

Speaker 162 It's Real Americans running around.

Speaker 124 They're connected.

Speaker 162 They're like sensory connected. It's a great show.
It's underrated and only one season.

Speaker 142 Check it out, Netflix.

Speaker 168 Wow.

Speaker 2 Look at that.

Speaker 162 But yeah, I was watching Sense 8. You know, it's like, hey, if you, you know, want to have sex, like, watching TV, I might watch TV.

Speaker 18 So let me ask you this.

Speaker 17 Is she on top of you and the TV is straight, like, over her shoulder?

Speaker 87 Or are you in missionary position, like, looking looking at?

Speaker 69 She was pegging him so he could see the toe.

Speaker 162 We do the sideways sex a lot where she's just like laying down and it's like, oh, it happened.

Speaker 160 Right.

Speaker 84 Yeah.

Speaker 54 That's what happens

Speaker 76 with the same girl for years.

Speaker 52 Yeah.

Speaker 76 It's the old, let's just do this without looking at each other,

Speaker 67 putting in any real physical effort.

Speaker 69 It's like an Asian joke.

Speaker 96 Because I can't see.

Speaker 69 No, we only have sex sideways.

Speaker 125 I want fuck you sideway.

Speaker 11 Let me come inside you.

Speaker 63 All right.

Speaker 140 Well, Hans, what can I say that I haven't said a thousand times before?

Speaker 60 Anything you want to promote or plug or anything?

Speaker 162 We have the regular show at the Vulcan every Tuesday with Ari Maddie.

Speaker 70 Great sucks.

Speaker 156 Yes.

Speaker 151 Hans, by the way, every time you're on this show, you constantly kill it, man. Like, you are really one of the best regulars we've ever.

Speaker 80 It really is true.

Speaker 20 There's just a difference between the regulars and other people.

Speaker 38 And tonight another one was born.

Speaker 37 Did you get to see the debut set of Dedrick Flynn?

Speaker 94 Dedrick. Yeah.

Speaker 120 New Cam.

Speaker 20 Yeah,

Speaker 164 you guys are family now.

Speaker 17 Yeah. You love him long time, okay?

Speaker 6 Okay, yes, sir.

Speaker 8 There he goes, the great Hans Kim, ladies and gentlemen, and we did it again.

Speaker 5 Indeed, this episode brought to you by Prize Picks, Quo, and Shopify the drawing from Ryan J.

Speaker 93 Ebelt is in and it is incredible.

Speaker 37 Joe DeRosa and Luis J. Gomez everybody

Speaker 166 Joe DeRosa.com for tickets to his tour his special

Speaker 11 I never promised you a rose garden is on YouTube at Joe DeRosa Comedy on YouTube at Luis J. Gomez Comedy on YouTube.

Speaker 37 You can find his new special, You're Making This Worse.

Speaker 7 Also the founder of the Legion of Skanks, Legion of Skanks podcast, and the founder of Gas Digital, an entire podcast enterprise.

Speaker 82 Louis J.

Speaker 102 Gomez, ladies and gentlemen, and Joe DeRosa.

Speaker 5 What an episode it was.

Speaker 108 Brian J.

Speaker 7 Eveltz drawing is in.

Speaker 166 Let's see what Chris Rogers drew over there.

Speaker 1 Oh, a little Martin Phillips.

Speaker 94 All right. Fuck yeah.

Speaker 164 How about one more time for the best damn band in all of the land carrying us through a very fun episode?

Speaker 1 I think everyone kind of got a laugh tonight.

Speaker 143 We had fun with everybody tonight.

Speaker 135 Red Band.

Speaker 12 I just want to thank YouTube for many, many years.

Speaker 78 You have made so many careers and helped so many people out.

Speaker 10 And you guys are the fucking shit.

Speaker 116 We do love YouTube.

Speaker 12 Thank you, YouTube, for being here for the first time ever.

Speaker 95 And

Speaker 95 we love you all. God bless this audience and God bless the United States of America.
Thank you. Good night, everybody.

Speaker 180 The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open.

Speaker 180 Check out Red Band's Secret Show every Thursday. Go to SunsetStriptATX.com for tickets.

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