“My Fourth Time on Las Cultch” (w/ Julio Torres)

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Look, Matt. There.
Oh, I see. Wow, my.
Bowen, look over there. Wow, is that culture? Yes.
Oh, my goodness. Wow.
Las Culturistas. Ding dong.
Las Culturistas calling. Take a deep breath.
Exhale. Inhale, exhale.
It's obviously, you first have to inhale to exhale. That's actually rule of culture number eight.
You first have to inhale to exhale. Breathing is really fundamental.
Breathing has really saved my ass in recent times. And I feel like I need to really dig into this.
I am like out of breath. I'm like tight in the chest.
Why? Oh, I'm so happy you're saying this publicly because now we can all watch it because you can't trust someone to watch their own health. We all need eyes on Bowen Yang's chest and lungs.
Please. Hey, my chest is down here and it is really tight and tense.
And I just need to like get it loosened up. You know, I need like a massage every day.
This is really hot what you're doing. Bowen's rubbing his titters and sort of being very orgasmic about this.
Do you actually feel lately that you're breathing and like stuff is different? Yeah, something's going on. The body keeps the score.
And no, it's not this. Our guest is making a little cigarette motion.
It's not that. I am in Canada, and maybe that has something to do with it.
Although I'm at the same sea level, I'm at the same... No, it's this.
Most of my life is still the same. It's not that.
You know what I'm going to say right now, which is such a wife thing to say, as I'm going to say this to our guest and to everyone listening? well, he knows how I feel about the cigarettes. The cigarettes are not really figuring in anymore.
Can I say something? There was a deal that we made years ago, and I periodically bring this up because it is important and it is sort of indicative of you not holding up an end of a bargain, which is that when I started therapy, you were going to stop smoking. That was the...
But then guess what? What? COVID happened. No, no, no, no.
And everything changed. Using COVID as an excuse.
Hmm. Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm.
COVID happened and now all bets are off. All bets are off? Was that in the fine print of the verbal agreement that we made? Well, I'll just say for my health, therapy has been amazing.
And I think not smoking would help you feel less like your chest was locked up and you couldn't breathe. That's just me, though.
How did this? I just wanted to remark on how I've been breathing. I've been more aware of my breathing lately.
And all of a sudden. And all of a sudden it became antagonistic.
And obviously your problem is due to stress. So why am I piling on? You know what I mean? It's okay.
You know what? This is why it can't just be me watching this. It has to be all of us, the community.
We have to watch Bowen Yang's health because I clearly can't be trusted. We have to watch each other.
This is a mutual aid network at the end of the day. We were seeing, speaking of watching, we were saying just before we got on with our guest, we were talking about Disney for a hot sec.
Did you see this for, you didn't, but did you see this? Are you aware of the four hour video review of the Star Wars hotel that this girl posted where it's just the most thorough dragging of the Star Wars hotel from every single, hated it. So she basically was like, she's this girl.
Her name is Jenny Nicholson. She's like a YouTube video blogger, a vlogger, I guess.
And her thing is niche fandoms, theme parks, and immersive experiences. That's her whole bag.
And the three of those converge at Disney. And also, she's like a Star Wars freak.
She's like really super smart and adorable, and she has a big following, and she's very, very, very detailed and clear about her experience at the star Wars hotel, which she said costs over $6,000 for two people. It was a two night hotel stay.
It was immersive and you got to watch it on like 1.75 or times two speed because it is so thrilling. Like get on a Stairmaster, open this up and you will be walking at a pace pace you've never walked before.
It is a thrilling watch. I never thought it would be.
People were sending me this like, have you seen this yet? And I was like, listen, I'm not this far gone. And then cut to me soaking in all of it.
It was a blow-by-blow dragging of this experience, which is now closed, by the way. This is giving me

like, I didn't know my husband TikTok.

Or the...

Right? Like, I didn't know my husband.

Well, this girl is nominated for a

cultural award for this video. She is.

But anyway, it was just so

unreal to think

about just how

crazy it is. Like, how far gone

it is. Like, because she was saying like, you know, a lot of people a lot of people might think it's super rich people that are buying tickets to this.
Actually, no. Her experience is it was a lot of middle class people who clearly had splurged on this vacation.
Oh, no. Because they thought Disney is, you know, when you say the word Disney, you think of this experience of luxury and excellence.
And they're this brand that you're going to get something out of. But it fools middle class people because you get there and it's like, all right, you're cooped up in a hotel with no windows.
It is the hotel rooms are a size of boxes. And it's like an immersive experience in that like there's like characters walking around.
But like none of the things are really playable. She just it really worthwhile watch I sat there with my mouth open I was like this is so crazy I can't wait can I ask an insane question yeah was I supposed to be talking this is what your third fourth time on the podcast I know wait how does it work like you introduced me and then I talk so the way it works is yeah that's exactly how it works okay I'm sorry pretend I didn't do that sit tight for like 90 more seconds But then I talk.
So the way it works is, yeah, that's exactly how it works. Okay, I'm sorry.
Pretend I didn't do that. Sit tight for like 90 more seconds.
Yeah, hold that thought. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I will talk later. Okay, okay.
Yeah, that thing about you talking is going to come in a major way in a sec. Now, whose voice was that? I don't know.
Problemista voice. Problemista voice.
Voicemafantasma. This is a very good friend, a very special guest, a true, true artist.
Pioneer. A pioneer.
You might know his lovely work most recently in his directorial debut, Problemista. I wanted to give it the title My First Movie.
And I think a filmmaker has called her first movie My First. Oh, no, it's a musician is calling her first album My First Album or something.
That doesn't work as well for me. My First Movie is so much more, so much bigger.
You know what I mean? And that's why the title of episode so far for this is My Fourth Episode of Lost Culture. My Fourth Episode of Colts.
But I mean, don't you... Can't you picture like two women at a nail salon and then one of them goes, what are we doing tonight? We're going to go see my first movie.
It works in many different ways. But when you were really thinking there, why do you think he didn't take your advice?

I think it wasn't him.

I think it was the suits at A24.

Blame the suits is what I always say.

I think about that with the Disney World Star Wars hotel.

Blame the suits.

Disney Wars.

What we're starting.

Girl, Iger, come at us.

Now, he has a new show coming out on HBO called... Is it HBO or Max? I guess it's Max, right? No, no, no, not yet.
Hold on, hold on, hold on. You know what? We'll let him tell us where it is.
No, no, no. It is coming out on...
He's having to look it up. It's coming out on HBO.
June 7th on HBO. Prestige.
Come on. It's not any of course Garbage on Max This is Phantasmus A really star studded cast It'll be I can't wait to see it I have a shirt that says Phantasmus Hadad's Trucks New Jersey And it is one of my My favorite shirts I love that shirt Thank you Phantasmusmas, for giving me that.
Not your first shirt, but your favorite shirt. No, no.
My favorite shirt. No.
Should we bring him in so we can do some of that famous talking? For sure. All right, here we go.
Everyone, welcome. Julio Torres.
He's in the studio. Hey, I just got here.
Yeah, you've arrived. Can I say in a Broadway? You have arrived In a Broadway? Oh, in a Broadway Yeah, yeah Not in a Broadway You haven't stomped the board I have certainly not arrived in Broadway But in a broad sense You've really arrived Any interest in Broadway? No In performing on Broadway? No In performing in in Broadway? No.
That sounds so difficult. Would either of you ever fully be on a play? Yeah.
Would you do it? I would do it. Yes.
I would do it. You would do it.
Okay. Wow.
Okay. I think it would really depend on what it was.
On the text. I've seen some one solo shows.
Jodie Comer was in this play last year on Broadway called Prima Facey, which is just her doing a continuous long monologue. And like the subject matter was really intense and she was very physical in it.
And it was just her and she never leaves the stage. And I was just like, I don't understand that.
But in a way where I could walk in and like say a little, as we him, the best zinger and then leave. I would love that.
I'd love to do my zingers. Yeah, yeah.
We are actively seeking zinger parts. If there are any zinger parts in Lempica, Matt Rogers will take it.
Wow. Now, let's say each of us, and Julio, let's just say for the purposes of this thought exercise you are on a Broadway show and the three of us are on different Broadway shows or maybe it's the same one it doesn't matter but each of us just have to come in twice per act and do our bazinga do our bazinga and then walk out right what are we doing in the dressing room how are we passing the time are we like being so disciplined

are we playing video games are we reading i mean you know that it would start with oh i'm gonna write the thing in the dressing room because i actually like have like four hours to kill i'm gonna write i'm gonna like do this and then you just end up scrolling on your phone yeah right damn unfortunately

I wouldn't

be on a show

I would

write a show

yeah

yeah

yeah

yeah

yeah

yeah

yeah

yeah

yeah

yeah

yeah

yeah

yeah

yeah and then you just end up scrolling on your phone. Yeah.
Right. Damn, unfortunately.
I wouldn't be on a show. I would write a show.
Yeah. But the idea of like being there every night, seeing now like our friends do it in O'Mary, I'm like, whoa, that looks so hard.
It's a lot. Yeah.
I think that I would be pacing and socializing, which would be even more tiring because I know myself. Pacing and socializing with who? With your cast? Like backstage, like with anyone, with the stage crew.
Not with the audience. No, certainly not.
You're going to go outside and be like, hey. Hey, what do you think of the play? I'm about to be in it.
Shh. I'll be somewhere else.
It's going to get really good. It's going to get really good once I come on.
No, but that's how I tend to do my downtime. But Bowen, I think you would really literally be reading and laying on your back.
Yeah, I'd be reading and laying on my back. But with our friends who are doing O'Mary, do you see firsthand what impact it's having on their social lives? Because that's the thing that the three of us kind of care about, I think.
Can I go out? Can I go out? Okay, I'll take it, but can I go out? Can I go to $3 bill? Can I go to $3 bill on a Wednesday? Hit up Animal for the first time. Can I go to Animal for the seventh time today? I don't know.
I think Cole does the play and then goes home and recharges is the sense that I get. Yes.
But obviously Cole is carrying the show. And James becomes very disciplined.
Very like school night. Right.
Go home, take care, and then like errands in the morning and then like play. How does he feel about going into the summer on Broadway, literally on Broadway? Literally on Broadway.
But I know that boy loves his summer. That boy loves his summer, but he loves getting to do his work more.
So he did not mourn the lack of free time for a second, I don't think. That's good.
That's perfect. Yeah.
I mean, 12 weeks only, you're going to have a summer, right? I mean, what is that? Is that the whole summer? Yeah, but it's like right in the peak of summer. You know what though? Can I say something? It's not a fucking about him.
Okay? It's about the people in the audience getting to watch Greyheart. It's about the fans.
It's not about him. It's about the fans.
It's about the fans. It's about the fans that traveled internationally to see O'Marry.
So I don't want to hear it about James' summer. I mean, that's Broadway, right? People do travel for this.
Oh, especially this show. Yeah's been an international figure Mary Todd they'll learn about American history they do so James this is pathetic I don't know if you knew you would come on here and that we'd be in a fight with James wait but I just said that he didn he didn't care, though.
No, that's not what you said. Roll back to tape.
You are putting words in my mouth. You are putting words in my mouth.
Typical you. No one ever said this would be fair.
I'm like, the wall is red. And you were like, well, why is it blue? Because he's colorblind.
I'm colorblind, honey. Oh, wait, this always comes up.
I feel like I always like, I feel like I'm always microaggressing on your colorblindness. Wait, do you want to know where I just pictured you and I laughed a lot? Where? To myself just now.
The Star Wars Hotel. I think that that would not...

I would be so upset.

I would be so upset the entire time.

Things that are like hyper-curated

and hyper-regimented

when they want you to have

like a very specific paint-by-numbers

or immersive experience,

I'm so allergic to it.

I just took...

Okay, wait.

I just took a... Every now and I just took a every now and then I will take a group fitness class of some sort because I like that there's a time where I have to go do it and I know when it ends and I'm not going to spend the whole day thinking I'll go work out in an hour and then another.
And then, you know what I mean. Is this generally group fitness classes? Are you talking about one specific group fitness class? I'm talking about one specific group fitness class.
Okay, okay, okay. And I felt like I was scolded for not having enough energy.
That's probably true. I felt like, I mean, not scolded, but definitely like the teacher said, guys, the point of group fitness is to feed off of each other's energy.
And then looked at me. Oh.
And then said something that I thought was so telling. She like accidentally opened a window into her psyche.
She said, you can make noise here. I'm not your mother or your wife.
Oh. Whoa.
I'm like, oh. I see.
Okay. Got it.
But see, I think another reason you go there is to observe. To observe.
You like observing. I do love observing.
I do love observing. So then you being scolded, you're saying every...
I wasn't scolded, that's a big word. But it was like this motivation that feels aggressive and it takes you a second because you're like...
This motivation that feels aggressive, yeah. You're like, I'm definitely going to do what you said, but like also it's just like...
I'm going to do what you said but you can't command me to feel any sort of way about it exactly like i can turn this thing up but i'm not gonna my energy might still be bad yeah my yeah exactly and okay so you know what i also hate when this negative energy i'm bringing into this beautiful book no no no it's perfect well It's perfect. Well, after this, you're going to say something you love.

Okay.

Yeah.

After this, I'm going to say something.

Animal.

Animal.

The bar animal.

Great drinks.

Hot guys.

Perfect music.

No.

I don't like it when like, you know, when like a friend makes a meal.

First of all, dinners in general.

Don't invite me to your dinners.

Don't invite me to dinners. Okay.
Let me eat alone in peace. Okay.
Yes. Noted.
When a friend makes a meal and then there's that very performative, like, oh, wow, that was really great. And then everyone echoes, oh, yeah, that was really yummy.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, thanks.
Thanks. Yeah, that was great.
That was really yummy. Thanks.
Thanks. And it's like, it just feels so, like, performative.
Because then it's like, then I chime in and I'm like, yeah, thank you. That was so great.
But it's like, I didn't get to say it at my own time. Right.
Oh. It's sort of like, okay, and now is the part where we express.
It's so like systemized. You feel there's no way for you to be genuine about the way in which you've enjoyed the meal and the degree to which you have enjoyed it once other people have sort of started the ceremony.
Be like, now is the moment where you do it. It's like a standing ovation.
Exactly, exactly. But are you a fan of those? How do you feel about standing ovations? I'm not, I'm not a fan.
I don't think I've seen you ever stand for a standing ovation. And that's okay.
What's the State of the Union address? If you zoom in, I'm there sitting. Oh yeah.
Julio. No, that's not true.
I stand, I stand. I rise.
You rise. I rise.
But when you were talking about dinner, I thought you were going to bring up how someone makes dinner. Yeah.
And then sets it down. Everyone eats it.
And everyone goes, oh, that was really good. That was really good.
And then what I thought you were going to say that annoyed you in the performance was. What's in it? Or how did you make it? I don't want to know.
I don't care. No, it's not the person who made the dinner and i do this i'm guilty of this i go oh that's it's fine i kind of i didn't if i didn't have this ingredient i didn't really you know like like when you start to apologize oh but that's you in general though that's you in general you don't like compliments but is that not a performance oh it is a performance performance yeah that's why i i'm with you like i love to go out to dinner with a bunch of people i think that's great because it's like it's not we can all agree oh that was so good like it's not about us no one's like put on the spot at that moment yeah also the thing with dinner parties is i don't know how to say this no matter who you are your food is not as good as a restaurant's food and i always like your food no matter you are, if you're cooking the food at your house, it wasn't as good as a restaurant would have done it.
Honey, you're not a restaurant. You're not a restaurant, so why are you pretending to be? You'll never be a restaurant.
Because if you are trying to be a restaurant... You made this once today? Yeah, 100%.
And also, it's like, I could tell you only made it once today. At a restaurant, they're making these things upwards of 9, 10, 11, 12 times.
So they have times to get it right. They have to get it right.
Isn't tried and true. Yeah.
Also, not for nothing, I go to your house, like, the silverware isn't clean. Oh, stop it.
What makes you trust your restaurant's silverware? I don't trust other people's homes and cooking. And if I have to do that, it's like know that I'm not being genuine when I'm like enthusiastic about it.
That's me doing my classic Matt Rogers performance of enthusiasm. Wow.
Because I'm not. Where else do you perform enthusiasm? Everywhere I go.
Everywhere I go. I'm like, hey! And what is the emotion you wish you could showcase? Surly.
Oh. No, I'm just kidding.
I'm actually, I'm happy to be everywhere that I go. And I really do enjoy the food.
The way you backpedaled immediately into your performative joy. It's okay to be, it's okay to be surly sometimes.
The bottom line is I would rather be at a restaurant always. Always.
Now that's the t-shirt. I would rather be at a restaurant always.
Always.

Now that's the t-shirt.

I would rather be at a restaurant always.

Always.

Thank you.

We should put that on merch.

We should.

But nothing we've talked about and covered so far, Julio, disqualifies Disney World for you.

Nothing.

Wait, what do you mean?

Like, I think you would still go and enjoy it. Not that Star Wars hotel, but I think you would stay in like...
Definitely not an overnight experience. Fine.
Have you ever done an escape room? No. Julio, I think you might like that.
An escape room? Yes. You know who likes...
With the little games. You know who we did an escape room with recently? Our mutual friend, George McGraw.
Yeah. We had a great time with George doing an escape room and he loved it.
And that was his first time. It was his very first one.
We went in Hollywood and he had a wonderful time in the escape room and then left even saying, this is a big part of my whole deal now. Wow.
Julio, I think, I don't want to prescribe an open-mindedness, but I think you can be curious if you want. Unless you, if you ruled it out, I can't stop you.
No, I'll try everything once. Okay.
Except for most foods. Well, that's different.
The theme would matter I think. Yes.
There's different themes? Aren't they all spooky, like Saw, like Not all of them. You don't do this, well Okay.
No, no, no, no, no. You're thinking of a haunted house.
You're thinking of haunted houses. Oh, I was thinking haunted house.
And you're thinking of scary escape rooms. But there's some that are like, I mean, remember the one we did in Brooklyn that was themed to like...
It was Chinese themed. It was Chinese themed.
What were you escaping? A Chinese room. It was a Chinese curse.
It was a very fun escape room though. Yeah.
But are you good at like puzzles and are you good at like... Yes.
Yes you are. No I'm not good at puzzles.
You solve creative puzzles every day. He famously thinks very outside the box.
I'm like what if I made a dress with a box? That's thinking outside the box. Thinking about not even what goes in the box, what the box is going to wear.
That's thinking outside the box. Wait, have you seen OMG Fashion? No, I need to start.
Julia Fox. Yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, we need to start.
It's really fun. Okay.
Basically, it's like the episodes are like 20 minutes. Perfect.
And three people come and then she's like, make me a dress out of this plastic bag. And then they come back and then she's like, I like that one, the end.
And it's so entertaining. I do have to watch that.
Julia, it's so Julia. Yeah, it's very unpretentious.
It's so unpretentious. Well, that's the thing about Julia Fox that I think she gets better than anybody, which is make it inviting and yet also like so severe and so like from somewhere, but like make it like unpretentious.
Yeah. I told something to, I was doing press for...
Your favorite. for your favorite my favorite thing in the world

and you know how you go

and then they put you in the clothes and they take the pictures

it's called the photo shoot

and

I said something that like

the stylist or like one of the

not the stylist but like the someone that was working

with the stylist looked at me

like what

because I said

I don't

Thank you. not the set, but like the someone that was working with the stylist looked at me like, what?

Because I said, I don't.

I was like, they were showing me like clothes that were like really nice clothes, like Lueve or whatever.

And I was like, I don't want to be aspirational.

I don't want for anyone to see this And think I should spend money On clothes Yeah And then it's like You could feel like the blood vessels Yeah Because it's literally What they do They're selling something with you Yeah I think that if I'm that person What that could feel like to me Is like a superiority thing But I think that that's just your Truth You don't want to be a part of That It's not the way that you dress It's not what you represent and stand for So it's not even just like I'm better than fashion

and this person shrivels and turns standard in that moment.

No, I love fashion.

But I think like ideally like someone would see a picture

and be like, LOL, oh my God,

I should go get a plastic bag and like make a scarf out of it.

I need a Luayva eye patch.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because I saw Julio Torres wearing a Luayva eye patch

and I want a Luayva eye patch now.

Wait, did I?

No, I'm just saying that you would hate that if anyone were to ever say that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, an eye patch, that's fun at least. So fun.
But like a Luay V eye patch that costs like 10,000, like five, whatever. Yeah, yeah.
Exactly, exactly. Which probably it would, right? Something like that.
I don't know what the price point is. But this is the thing about Julia.
Not to keep talking about Julia, but she wears things that no one would ever think to wear. She's wearing things that are not aspirational either.
Yeah. Here's where it is.
I hate operating and wearing things that have been pre-approved by committee. That everyone has decided, oh, this is good.
Because, you, the whatever magazines decided that this was good. So you are wearing this like checkmark.
Yes. So you would never do the MacDowell because that literally is one person, Anna Wintour, going down the list of being like, Julio can't wear this.
He has to wear this. Which I didn't know.
Yeah. I didn't know that either.
Every single person. Imagine having a party where you tell people that's literally a wedding, right? That's what they do.
The bridal party, yeah. It's like, we're all wearing this horrible color.
But also like, if you were to show up to a very traditional wedding in jeans and a t-shirt, people would say something. This is why I don't go to weddings either.
Right, right.

I think they would, but that's also going away. You send me your wedding invitation, it's going straight to the trash.
Wow, you heard it here first. You heard it here first.
But I'll send a text. I'll send a text.
He's not coming to dinner. He's not coming to your wedding.
Yeah, no. And he's not coming to your Met Gala.
Sorry. Sorry.
No, those three things. Everybody has been there.
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Okay, so I don't know if you've been outside lately, but I got to tell you, spring is springing, and it's giving me that travel itch like it always do. I got big plans this spring and summer.
Bone and I are doing some stuff together. We actually just got back from Europe.
We did London and Berlin. And here's the thing about traveling.
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This episode is supported by FX's Dying for Sex,

starring Michelle Williams and Jenny Slate.

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who after receiving a terminal cancer diagnosis,

decides to leave her husband and explore the full breadth of her sexual desires.

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FX is Dying for Sex. All episodes streaming April 4th on Hulu.
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Let's talk about Animal. What do we love about it? Are we so happy? Are we sponsored by Animal? We're not.
Let's just, it's big for the community in Brooklyn. Yeah.
It really has taken the community by storm. Can I say, we definitely need to figure out a bathroom situation.
And we can't and won't because there's no way to change it. It just sort of is what it is.
It's that one bathroom thing and it's got like a trough. And there's like, at any given time, if it's busy, like, I don't know how you pee in there without getting pee shy.
And that actually became a big conversation amongst people that I was there with. It's like, you wait in line and then you get there.
And it's like, there's so many people behind you waiting. And also you're right on top of other people.
And I don't really deal with pee shyness. But then at Animal, I was like, because it was a topic on my mind and because the space was so small and cramped, like in terms of peeing.
And by the way, we love the establishment. We've been to the establishment many times.
We're just talking about the bathroom and this phenomenon. I left not having peed because I was like, I don't know how you do that in there.
I don't know how you do that in there. You couldn't emotionally access a part of you that would be comfortable enough to pee.
Literally. and what did happen was i went outside and peed on the street it's okay everyone don't be standardized people do it all the time like i went outside and peed on the street and it was no problem it flowed out of me like truth oh my god interesting because you didn't feel the need to perform there yeah it wasn't even about feeling the need to perform it was like feeling the immediacy of of performance.
Like you must pee now. Like, cause you're having a lot of time here.
I regret animal. Okay.
You heard it first. And animal is fun, but it will make you regress.
Yeah. And I actually do think that that's true.
Like, while I think it's a really fun establishment, I have comments about the bathroom and the fact that everyone I've ever seen there is regressing. Oh.
Wow. My God.
Wow. Well, can I ask, when you say single bathroom, is it like one single person occupancy in theory? Or is it like one place for everyone to go to pee in the trough? I'm talking about the bathroom and animal, that trough.
Like the one where it's like there's like... I guess Bowen doesn't know what the bathroom and animal is.
I guess you've never you've never even been there before liar i've been to animal i have just never had to use the bathroom there yeah same actually you've never had to pee at animal i guess you're always kind of like in and out i guess but i also like no i don't know why i think it's just a weird coincidence i have no qualms with using a public restroom yeah me neither actually i see what's happening What's happening? I have no idea what you're talking about. Hey, no one's out to get you.
You guys are the two gay faces of that other bar. No.
They have big portraits of you up. And so y'all are trying to poison the minds of the gay community in Brooklyn.
You guys are the faces of the gay community in Brooklyn. You have big portraits up in, what's it called? Macri Park? No, not that one.
Rosemont. It's called the Rosemont.
Rosemont. There are huge portraits.
And okay, wait, hold on. But I would like to know, Matt, that this is the second time that you have said something bad about some, expressed a negative opinion and then attributed it to us.
Because you were just dragging the at animal and bowen said i've never used the bathroom at animal and then you said oh you're dragging animal yeah he was this is my whole thing by the way you haven't even let me talk about the bathrooms at rosemont which are also not good enough right right but there's no gay bar where the bathrooms are good enough. They're not good enough at Metro.

They're not good enough anywhere.

It's the charm. It's part of the charm.
Part of a Brooklyn

gay bar charm is like you're going to have a

bad time going to the bathroom.

It's the doing drugs in the bathroom

that makes it a problem.

It's like, grow up.

Do them outside.

Well,

there's basically like

at the door

to Animal.

I'm just giving everyone out there

that maybe isn't like

a Brooklyn gay person

an experience there.

You'd walk up to the door

and it's the only

door I've walked up to

where the person at the front

runs through a spiel

before you're allowed in.

It's like a...

No, that's definitely not the only place in... It's a very New York thing.
Is it a very New York thing? Okay, well, honestly, Julio, it is very... Experientially, it really feels like a Disney pre-show.
It's giving... Which makes me feel like you belong in Orlando, Florida.
That's where you belong. Wait, but I don't think I'd heard...
I don't think I'd heard the speech at Animal. What is it? It's basically like...
It's like no drugs in the's a joke about where you could do it. And the biggest rule is have fun.
It's giving flight attendant. Miss Door has a routine.
Miss Door has a routine. And that's rule of culture number 77.
Miss Door has a routine. Miss Door has a routine.
Anyone doing security at any bar from now on, is there not security? They are Miss Door. Miss Door.
Border Patrol is Miss Door. They're the most Miss Door.
Customs officials are Miss Door. All right, Miss Door.
They're Mrs. Door.
What are you doing in the United States? All right, Miss Door. Little Nosy Miss Door.
It's giving Nosy Miss Door. Are you carrying more than $10,000 in cash? Okay, Miss Door.
Are you Miss Door? Oh, Lucas, I'm looking for a sugar daddy, Miss Door. What do you think they would do? Be so confused and probably take us all away.
I don't think they have a sense of at border. I mean, I think they have to suppress it.
They do. If they think it's funny, they won't show.
Yeah, they won't show. They definitely won't show.
They definitely won't show. But the border people in Canada, I got here, they are not Canadian in behavior and manner.
And they are being kind and welcoming. No, they're really drunk on power.
I'm going it wow do you have a canadian passport no no it's funny i i showed up like i had my work permit like form and then i got there and they were like you don't need to be here i was like why they were like you're in the system like you're at you're a citizen i was like oh yeah and then i went you forgot you were a canadian citizen i forgot that i thought work permit just meant like you needed that no matter where you went. Like, it just didn't matter what your nationality was.
I'm just so stupid. I take all these things for granted.
But didn't need it. You're not stupid, Bowen.
I don't think you're stupid at all. I think you had a moment.
Let me tell you something. I think you had a moment.
You just had a lapse. You have a lot on your plate and you can't keep track of all these things.
I know. You have to give yourself some grace.
Thank you. I do think, Bowen Yang, I'm going to say this to you publicly, I do think it is hire an assistant time.
This is so interesting because assistants are on the brain. Yeah, they should be.
I think it's time for you to hire an assistant. We have a cast assistant.
So on Canadian sets, a cast assistant okay and we have one person his name is james he's wonderful different than a pa different than a pa and so he just is for whatever principles whatever i hate the hierarchy thing but it's like principles get a cast assistant and then he was just like what do you like to drink and i was like he's like i'll stock your fridge i was like oh um diet coke and Celsius. And then I showed up the next day and it was full of Diet Coke and Celsius.
This is dangerous. Be careful with the Celsius.
Oh, I know. That's sort of what an assistant does though.
And they can also do things that aren't just like elective and like, this will be fun to have Diet Coke. Like, that'll be amazing.
Even though it is like something you asked for, you should have the Diet Coke. It's like, but that feeling was amazing.
I know. But think about this.
Now you can have a person that responds to the emails you don't want to respond to, pays certain bills, gets on top of things. I just feel like you're a prime candidate for one.
We'll see. We'll see.
Huli, what were the names of the fictional assistants way back in the day? Hans and Celeste. Hans and Celeste.
Now, have those names changed in what they mean to you now that we all know and are very close to a Celeste in our day. Hans and Celeste.
Hans and Celeste. Now, have those names changed in sort of what they mean to you now that we all know and are very close to a Celeste in our lives? I'm speaking, of course, about Celestium.
Oh, that's so interesting because the name is a little bit more real now, right? Wow. I never thought about that.
You create this name for this idea of this person and then all of a sudden there comes the real person. Well, no, because Celeste is so different than...
No, of course. The idea of Celeste.
Which, that's what I call Greta Teitelman's character. Yes.
In the movie, The Idea of Celeste. No, that's a title.
Because the idea of Celeste is Greta Teitelman and Celeste Yim is not the idea of Celeste they are their own person I am 100% riding hard for this train of thought because Greta Teitelman is Celeste yes she is Celeste in concept but I do think about this quite often I do draw this I connect these dots in my mind whether I'm with Celeste in concept. Yeah.
But I do think about this quite often. I do draw this.
I connect these dots in my mind, whether I'm with Celeste DM or not, I go, my only other encounter with the name Celeste has been with a couple other Celestes in real life. But mostly I think about Celeste, like Julio's fictional assistant.
Intern. I'm sorry, intern.
And now I feel like what I've noticed is- Unpaid. Un unpaid intern what i've noticed is julio has now moved into the realm of made up names fictional names names that are oh my god yeah i love it i mean it's my favorite thing to do yeah is there any sort of like switch in that like do you feel like that's there's truth to that statement of like you feel like in order to like further filter out from reality you you go, let's make up these fictional names, Bebo and Put-A-L-Pin-Pina and like all these, like, these names.
Yeah, well, creatures are funnier when they have fake names, I think. Of course.
I think that's the general rule. Of course.
Because then they become more like unplaceable, I guess. And they also get an inner life.
Immediately.

Immediately.

Yeah.

Like the learning curve for people to know how to spell

purely in Pina is always funny.

Yeah.

I think I can spell it.

Go ahead.

P I R

U

L I

N

P

I

You're so close. L-I-N-P-I-N-P-I-N-P-I-N-A? Yes! You did amazing.
Pitalin Pimpina. Thank you.
Yeah. That was really good.
Wow. That was very good.
Thank you. Now, names.
Matt is a big name name person i was just thinking to myself like what's your favorite name beginnings chang god well beginnings chang is like such a beginning name in like pop culture history for me like beginnings chang like that's wait i'm so sorry can you fill me in on who beginnings is go ahead bowen who's beginning sang deep house dish which is the sketch that James Anderson wrote on SNL in the early the king of

the sorry can you fill me in on who beginnings is go ahead bowen who's beginning saying deep house dish which is the sketch that james anderson wrote on snl in the early king of of the king of fake names jenjin binks and i'm jenjin binks and i'm jenjin binks but when maya rudolph hosted snl she beginnings chang is like stuck in her brain like beginnings chang is stretches generations is, stretches generations. You know what I mean?

Absolutely.

I was sitting here

thinking to myself,

like,

just like,

do you feel like

the concept of your name?

And I was like,

I don't.

Her names are Matt Rogers,

Bowen Yang,

and Julio Torres.

Do you feel like

the concept of your name?

No.

I don't.

I don't.

What would you name yourself?

Probably like a,

like a little sound

of some kind.

Like a,

well, actually, I met someone who had a kid named Inti.

Inti?

Inti.

Inti.

That's so cute.

Which I was like, oh, I wish I were an Inti.

I always want my name to be like Lida.

Like L-E-E-D-A.

Lida.

Lida.

Like, isn't that so beautiful?

That is so beautiful. You're making your elegant face.
I love Natralia. I love, like, Leilani.
I love... Elantra.
You like your L's. Elantra.
I love a beautiful sort of, like, ethereal feminine name. Like, Lorelei.
My favorite friend, and now I'm letting everyone know they were not my favorite friend in high school, was named Lorien. Lorien? L-O-R-I-E-N-N-E.
Lorien. Wasn't that good? Wow.
I always was like, how do you get a name like that? Because no one I grew up with had one. Everyone was Amanda.
Everyone was Matt. Everyone was Chris.
Essentially rule of culture number 19. Everyone was Amanda.
But can I say, Matt, I think you, out of the three of us, embody your name the most. Yeah.
Matt Rogers, I think it feels really good on the tongue to say. So to speak.
I disagree. I think that Matt Rogers sounds more serious than Matt the person.
And I would say that Bowen is beautiful for you. Yeah.
I like Bowen. I don't know.
Yang, I'm like, I forget that that's my last name. But it counter it grounds the Bowen.
Oh, interesting. It humanizes the Bowen.
Uh-huh. I agree with you that Bowen is like, it's got this like, there's like a beauty and a whimsy to it.
But also, didn't you say it's quite a common Chinese name? Oh, really? Yang is very common. Bowen is, it's pretty, all Chinese names are very unique.
Like it's like the characters are infinite. But I like Bowen.
The Yang is something that i like forget about which sounds weird

a y is so pretty though i like why very pretty i like a y now letters that you guys want your so matt wants an l leo i think you want like you want a q i want i definitely want i would love a I would also love an I, a lowercase i.

Uh-huh. You have one.

I want more and for them to have More of a spotlight in the name Because right now the I in my name Has a supporting role The I in my name Is very like Would that be all ma'am You know in in the scene. But I need the eye to be a protagonist.
Oh my god. Inti.
I'm gonna ask you a question. Can you name me Yeah I can.
Hold on. Okay.
Kevin Banks. Kevin Banks? Wait is that someone already? But how is that so much different than Matt Rogers? Okay okay okay But Kevin Banks it just seems like if you wanted to give me like a whimsical silly name Yeah that's what I was going for Kevin Banks okay I'm looking at myself being like am I Lance? Well you could be Lance but that's taken It is.
There's another big gay land.

You can't do that.

I have a first name for you.

I have a first name for you.

Ruli.

Ruli?

Ruli.

Ruli.

You think I should be named Ruli?

Ruli.

Don't you want it?

You wanted an L. and you wanted something interesting.

You know what my name should be and sorry to him?

Leland. I'm taking it.

Leland. Sorry to which Leland?

There's a Leland songwriter

and singer. Leland.
And that's a stage

name, but it's a beautiful stage name.

I don't think it's Leland.

I think Leland is too

too cookie

for you. Okay, so sorry.
So Matt Matt do you want a quote unquote like established name here's my name Philip Dunkrit no what is Dunkrit no you want to play a Philip Dunkrit you don't want to be one no one take the name Philip Dunkrick. That's something that I'm using.
Philip Dunkrick.

What is Dunkrick from?

I don't know. I made it up.
I made up a word.

We're talking about how that's fun to do.

Yes. Okay.
Okay. Okay.
Okay.

I have one. I have one.
Go. Dustin Dallas.

I'll be a Dustin Dallas 100%.

Dustin Dallas. That is so

gay porn though. Yeah.
No.

I think it's perfect for you. Dustin Dallas.

Or like Duncan Dallas.

Dustin Dallas. I like Dustin.
I, I like Dustin. Dustin Dallas.
Dustin Dallas? Yeah. One of my favorite porn stars name is Dustin.
Dustin what? Does he have a last name? Hazel. Dustin Hazel.
That's a great name. I'm not familiar with Hazel's work.
He's wonderful. Yeah.
Okay. Check it out.
I feel like both of you, I'm thinking of your output and your art and your work and both of you i feel like in your future if not already have like a gay porn type of story to tell through your writing your directing your wait you mean you mean that like something we make will generate a porn spoof that we are not like in? No, like what he's saying is he wants us to do OnlyFans together. That's what he's saying.
Yes, yes, yes. He wants us to start up a channel.
He wants to watch us fuck. I can't open a small business.
I like, I really, I do not have the time. Big hole.
It's so much admin work. Oh, I can't.
I don't know how these people. Our friends who have OnlyFans, it's like the amount of time it takes to like interact with people and it's just, no, it's...
It is like a crazy hard job. Yeah.
I recently saw someone have like sort of a little bit of a breakdown. Like it's this guy on OnlyFans and I guess he got a message from someone.
And he put the breakdown on OnlyFans? It was like, no, he didn't have a breakdown on OnlyFans. Although I have watched some people that I follow on OnlyFans, like post long things about how like, they haven't been feeling well.
I have seen some people like really open up about what the toll this takes on their mental health and stuff. And I'm like, God, then like, please take this to another platform or to another service.
Like, not because I don't want to hear it, because it because i'm like this is not you're not going to get what you need from your only fans followers yeah but maybe the trend on twitter the community would rather that's where they're kind i guess what i mean by take it to another platform is like take this feeling somewhere else to feel better about it like therapy or like friends or something like that but But I did recently see someone that I follow on OnlyFans who I also follow on Instagram sort of say that people in his DMs get very familiar and sexual and treat them sort of like garbage, like not a person. And he was saying it's like this particular creator was like, I don't want to have sex with you and your boyfriend.

Like, I don't want if you're an open relationship, like I'm not someone who wants to participate in that. That's my preference.
And like, because of my job, it seems like everyone thinks they can talk to me crazy and like throw anything by me. And if I react in a certain way, it's like, oh, suddenly they're like, oh, fuck you.
You're not as fun as I thought you were. Like, no, like you subscribe to to me.
Which is so childish to think that, like, someone's job is, like, how you should, like, interact with them when they're not... It's very, like, no, honey, there's a human under Mickey.
Right, exactly. Like, you can't walk up and grab Mickey's butt just because Mickey, the character, is such a slut.
You know what I mean? Like... Right, right.
There's a human in there. Even though Mickey's a big whore.
But also I feel like I feel like the two of you people want friendship from the two of you. Yes.
And that's not a bad thing to like that is not a toxic thing to like that is so different from people on OnlyFans being like treated and spoken to like chattel because it's completely sexual and whatever like i can handle that yeah the parasocial thing with us is like maybe sometimes people will talk to us like as if they know us and what's funny is when they start doing it and they're like like one time like someone came over to bow and was like bitch and like yelled bitch and like it was like you can feel them feel in the moment like it was Robert De Niro De Niro at the SAG Awards he was like bitch you little F slur yeah sometimes it's like you can literally see in a moment people realize like oh I just talked to him like I know him I don't know him but I think it's just you know tales all this time totally totally fine I do feel like this is this sounds like such a naive discovery. But I feel like people who have followings will engender and reflect the things about them onto those people like on a larger scale.
Does that make sense? Like perfect example is Sarah Sherman. Like her fans are people who send her fan art and are so creative and so kooky and weird and silly and like that's because that's who she is and like yeah i feel like julio you invite people who are extremely like thoughtful and like artistic like people what are you saying that like people like walk up to sarah and be like you want to see my sit and she does talk talk about that.
She's like, people do also like, I think we all have this

thing of like, anyone who

has like an online or like a persona

in one public facing way and then

a private inner life, which is

almost everybody, like has

this weird

dissonant thing where it's like, oh, but you

think that like, you're able to bring

that to me and I'm supposed to like

honor and appraise that in a way that you

expect and it's

not exactly what it is.

Thank you. think that like you're able to bring that to me and I'm supposed to like honor and appraise that in a way that you expect and it's not exactly what it is and it's not exactly what it is like I'm trying to find the right words you found them I did but like people seem very measured with you who are you talking to me yeah yeah I don't think I've had any interactions that have made me uncomfortable.
Yeah, no. There was one at my Christmas show where, and I adore this person.
And if this person hears this and knows it's them or thinks it's them, like, just take it away from you. I'm just saying it in an amorphous way.
There was someone who came out to me once at one of my shows and said, I have to tell you, I hated you for a really long time. And I listened to the podcast and I hated you.
I couldn't stand you. And then I realized I was you.
And that's why I hated you. And they go like, because when you are like too much or you're annoying or you say the thing that you shouldn't say, like I just, I said, I hate him.
And then I realized, no, I hated myself. All the things about you that I don't like were the things I didn't like about me.
And then they were like, and now I love you. Like, I appreciate you.
I respect you. You inspire me.
Because I have learned to love myself. And I was just like, sort of taking it in.
And I was like, oh, like, I get it. But like, it's not, it's a lot when you're on the receiving end of it because it's just like, oh, okay.
Like you're still hearing the words. I hated you, you know? Of course.
And the reasons why. Yeah.
And the reasons why. Just like, and I'm literally standing there like with the vinyl she had bought in my hands, like signing it like, okay.
Oh my God. People waiting behind her.
I was like, okay.

What did you write? Thanks for not hating me anymore. I know I can be too much.

Winky face. Knowing me, I

probably wrote love you mama XOXO

Matt Rogers. You know what I mean?

Matt Rogers clocking in

with a love you mama.

Me on autopilot writing love you mama.

Love you mama's lake queen. Love you mama.

Love you mama. Love you mama's cigarette.
Love you mama Love you mama XOXO Don't smoke Wow But yeah That's beautiful Bowen Yeah What Do you have anything to say To that person that called you a bitch Robert De Niro Do you want to say something to Robert Robert was It was in the middle of Tribeca Film Festival It was his festival festival. It is his festival to revitalize Santa, New York.

To revitalize Santa, New York after 9-11.

You know, I was a volunteer for the Tribeca Film Festival twice when I was in college.

That's great.

It must have been good enough for you to go back.

I just thought like, oh, if I'm the best volunteer, they're going to give me a job and I'm going to get a visa.

So I was just like doing, I would do anything that people would allow me to do uh yeah but did you learn a lot about film no i'm gonna learn it no i didn't i was like an usher in a little tribeca film festival t-shirt that's the thing about going to those festivals it is so hard to see anything i don't even know how to wrap my head around like logistically yeah forget it it I've been to Sundance twice, I've not seen a movie at Sundance I'm not kidding I'm not kidding That's not true, you went last You told me about things you saw last time you went Babe, no, I've never seen a movie at Sundance I had tickets to see a movie and then it was like, oh, the ticket isn't a get here early. It's like, any of the good stuff, I couldn't even finagle my way in with connections.
I was like... You're like, can I please watch a movie? I definitely wanted to watch a movie.
Watch a movie. I got tickets to one movie, which was the Brooke Shields documentary, and I was excited about seeing it, but then you're at Sundance, and it's like,, so much.
And like, you're so tired. Everyone's just so hung over

the entire time

and we didn't end up going.

And there's like

the Uggs Lounge or whatever.

Right.

I mean,

when there's the Uggs Lounge,

do you really have to go see a movie?

You know what I mean?

There's so much to do

in the Uggs Lounge.

Yeah.

They have Coco.

They make that main street

of Park City so fun.

Like,

you don't ever have to leave.

I'm not a festival person.

I must say,

I have a hard time

with festivals. I think that Edinburgh really took it out of me yeah it's a tough one well that's totally different from like a south by which you did for problemista yeah but there you just show up you're not really doing anything the movie's made uh-huh and then but you're still promoting you're still like putting on a face to like talk about like the thing you made and yeah yeah yeah you answer questions and yeah I'm always like be likable be likable be likable you don't have to try you are everybody has been there traffic was a nightmare you got home late and your dinner plans are out the window when you hear the inevitable tiny voice saying, I'm hungry.
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Shop now for family favorites. This episode is supported by FX's Dying for Sex, starring Michelle Williams and Jenny Slate.
Inspired by a true story, this series follows Molly, who after receiving a terminal cancer diagnosis, decides to leave her husband and explore the full breadth of her sexual desires. She gets the courage and support to go on this sex quest from her best friend Nikki, who stays by her side through it all.
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Turn, did they make it okay? into, I know they arrived safely with arrival notifications. Get peace I was like, Julio, you got to remember this time be funny.
This time you just got to be funny. I am always so...
I recess to audience member often. And I'm like, oh, these two are funny and I'm enjoying it.
And I'm like, quietly like, hee hee. And then I'm like, oh, wait, no.
Well, you couldn't wait to talk at the top. I know, I know.
And I have to be charming and engaging so that people will consume my product. Hashtag press.
Hashtag press. Hashtag press.
Yeah, must be charming and engaging so that people consume my product. So to that point, I would hypothetically go to a wedding.
There. I was going to say, to that point, to that point, you would hypothetically go to a theme park.
I'd go to a theme park. I think it's going to be great.
I love Christmas. I'll eat anything.
Weddings are awesome. Invite me to dinner.
Just consume my product. There.
Love group fitness was praised for my attitude celebrated even you're describing our lives you're describing what we what we have to put ourselves through yeah i enjoy group fitness i will say the only thing about this is why people consume your product i know it's good well well then i'll say okay so thing. Here's the other side of the coin, though.
I am so enthusiastic about so many things that when I'm unenthusiastic about things or if I'm negative about something, people are like, whoa. Or they like react to it weirdly.
But then, I don't know. The comment recently, I guess, has been like that we like too many things.
Okay, wait. Did you, were you in a, don't leave the comment recently i guess has been like that we like too many things okay wait did you were you in a don't leave the table to finish anything household actually my parents would not let me get up and leave the table unless my dinner was finished yeah wow yeah see i was in a my mom would be like if you don't want to eat something don't eat it don't eat it

because if you ever do something that you don't want to do it'll make you sick

oh my god yeah that's actually very healthy i like my whole childhood just white rice and saltines

because i was like i don't like color color gives me a headache

white rice and saltines yeah just more white rice and saltines, please. I want to eat erasers.
They look so yummy. They do look really yummy.
Because you know what they look like? Gum. Gum.
Famously edible. But the big white ones.
Yeah. Big gum.
Those felt so good in the hand and it kind of i just wanted yeah when they're a little translucent yeah oh which is your favorite i do i do that's why i love tofu just like open up a carton of tofu and eating it it's like eating it's great tofu is amazing tofu does not get talked enough as being one of the great things. Can I make tofu for you guys for dinner? And you guys don't have to, and no one can say it's good.
Are you good at making it? Like, I've never heard you say I'm really good at preparing tofu. Babe, I make a good Mapo tofu, and I can make a good vegan version.
And you guys would both like it, but not have to go through go through the whole charito saying, oh my god this is so good. And I swear I will

not ever, ever once say, oh

it's fine. I did my best.

We could just be in silence.

Yeah. Well, because that's our genuine

friend and he's not going to be like, oh

I'm upset because they didn't tell me how good the

food was. You know what I'm saying? No.

Not like that. It's not like that.
I will say there's

one person whose food is restaurant quality and it is Dave Mazzoni. His food is restaurant quality.
Wow. What does Dave Mazzoni make? Italian feast.
He'll just like, I remember one time we were there like years ago. Yes, very that.
Like rich Italian food. Oh my God.
Bowen, do you remember years ago when we were at, we were doing some meeting for Papa Roulette at Dave's house and then like like, out of nowhere, we didn't even smell it cooking. He just comes down with like, so much lasagna and like, cannolis and like, it was just like, there was so much happening, and we were just like, oh my god! And it was just like, excellent.
But Italian food, you can't really mess up. So Dave sucks.
Yeah. Italian food, it is my understanding that when it's done very well, people really like it.
Oh, what are you, not an Italian food fan? Oh, man. You don't eat that.
No, I don't. A lot of it has egg and cheese and butter.
What is the current pop culture that you're consuming? For example, have you hit play on the Billie Eilish album at all? I have not hit play on the Billie Eilish album at all. What is the current pop culture that you're consuming? Like, for example, have you hit play on the, like, Billie Eilish album at all? I have not hit play on the Billie Eilish album at all.
What is the current pop culture that I'm consuming? By current, you mean, like, active, right? It's like 2024 to question mark. Yeah, 2024 to question mark.
Like, what's out right now? Like, what is a thing that's happening right now where you were like, I want to engage in that. Like, I feel as though...
I have been engaging. I have been actually engaging in OMG fashion.

What else?

Perfect name, OMG fashion.

It is the perfect name.

I'm trying to like really, anime is very daunting for me

because there's so much of it.

So I never really know where to start.

But I have been watching the show Pluto.

I hear Pluto's good.

I really have been enjoying.

It's daunting, but it's quick.

You watch it in like a day or two

because not a lot of them do more than one or two seasons

unless it's like your huge show.

Yeah.

And James and your boyfriend knows all of the good ones too.

He does.

He does.

But then like the suggestion list is so long.

I know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You should watch Assassination Classroom.

Assassination Classroom? Do you want to know the premise? They teach them how to be assassins? But okay, here's the thing. I don't like bloody.
Me neither. It's not bloody.
Can I tell you what the premise is? It has the name Assassination in it, Bowen. I think you're going to like it.
No, no, no. Here's why.
What's the truth? Well, here's the plot. And I might put true, but this is the plot.
An alien with a big yellow head and two small eyes and a smiley face like mouth has blown up half of the moon and the world is like oh my god what's happening and then the alien where's the rest of the moon well yeah like oh my god the moon is gone like this is fucking up the grab like you know gravity whatever okay and then this alien goes down to earth and takes over a school in japan and becomes a teacher at that school gets staffed well he like takes over the school and becomes a staff member and staffs himself as it were gets an id the whole thing the whole thing where's a parking well like where's the like does teacher drag like dresses up like a teacher but has like an alien face and head or whatever and he's teaching a class full of students like has a class full of students he goes if one of you can kill me the only way you can get the moon back is if one of you kills me but like they all like try to kill him but he always like thwarts them. And there's a

reason why this all happens and it's

actually a really well constructed story.

I think you would both really like it. Assassination

School? That's the name of it? Assassination Classroom.

Classroom. Okay.

That's on Crunchyroll. I'm bookmarking

that not only for watching

and enjoying but also because it reminds me of my

I Don't Think So Honey which we'll say in a second. But

first I want to ask both of you if you have heard about this movie that just premiered at Cannes called The Substance with Demi Moore and Margaret Qualley. Tell us.
I have heard the buzz, but I have not seen the movie. So this is, I guess, it's like, it's this movie that won Best Screenplay at Cannes.
It got one of the longer standing ovations, which they

go off with standing ovations.

They do love a standing ovation.

They timed them.

Lily Gladstone, who

Bowen is working with now, was on the Cannes jury

and I'm dying to

find out what the tea was about

watching this movie and what it was like

because apparently...

It's a thriller, right? Yes. It's like a horror

thriller, but really it's body horror.

So it stars Demi Moore

I don't know. watching this movie and what it was like because apparently...
It's a thriller, right? Yes. It's like a horror thriller, but really it's body horror.
So it stars Demi Moore as an aging actress. She's like an Academy Award winning actress and her name, just to give you a sense of the tone, is Elizabeth Sparkle.
So she plays Elizabeth Sparkle. She's a former Academy Award winning actress who now does like fitness videos.
So it's supposed to be like Jane Fonda. She's up in years ish.
Like Hollywood has told her she's fucking ancient. She's really in her middle age.
Like she essentially gets like replaced at her job, which is doing this fitness, you know, video because they're going to get like a younger person. She is told that she can start taking this supplement or this injection or whatever it is called the substance and what it does is it literally allows your cells to replicate so that another younger better quote-unquote version of you comes out of your spine splits and the younger and that's what margaret quali comes out of? And that's Margaret Qualley.
So basically the rule is the you that's younger has to like sustain and take care of the older body for a week while you go live your life as the younger, more vibrant thing.

Then after a week, the older you comes to consciousness and has to maintain the younger body. So basically

it becomes this story

about how... It's a body swap thing.

Essentially, yes, but it's like the

younger version apparently starts really

feeling herself because she's young, beautiful,

in the world, is valued.

Yes, very that.

I am a

human. I have legs and eyes.

Yes, and sort of just like sorry like like becoming a star in this younger body but then goes to the old body and she walks around the around the world and basically like everyone's like like whatever treating her like i guess to me more you know what i mean and she is unable to see that she's still valid in her older body. So the younger version starts to slip in terms of taking care of the older one.
And the big rule of the movie is to remember that they are one organism or else things will be catastrophic. Like, no spoilers, because I don't know what happens, but apparently.
I know. Also remarkable that you have not seen this movie.

I know, but I'm fascinated by it.

Like I've read so much about it because I also feel like I don't know if I'm going to sit through it. So I'm consuming a lot of it because it was the talk of the festival.
Wait, what do you mean you don't know if you're going to sit through it? Because of what I'm about to say. So I'm very squeamish too.
And apparently the third act is the most intense graphic sustained violent body horror like in cinema history since like the fly like in the late 80s with jeff goldblum like where his body essentially decomposes and like because he turns into a fly essentially so this movie was apparently had people like passing out and throwing up after watching it.

But it was also very,

Oh my God.

It's been a while since we had those urban legends of like people,

people like during the movie.

The last one in my memory was passion of the Christ.

Oh my God.

Oh my god that's so funny But apparently Demi Moore may even be up for an Oscar Because she is like apparently Incredibly fearless and brave In the way that she acts this last Act and also the fact that like She's confronting this thing that's been said about her for the majority of her career since she was you know young people have been talking about her appearance the way that she's you know conceptualized in everyone's mind's eye is like this idea of like cinematic perfection and then that person got older may have had worked on etc the entire like trajectory of her career has had this shadow of you know the male gaze on it and So for her to do this movie, I think she's getting a lot of what apparently is well-earned praise for it. And the movie won best screenplay at Cannes because apparently it's just that bold.
So that's like a Greta Gerwig jury right there. So I'm excited.
What do you mean it's a Greta Gerwig jury? She was the head of the jury. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

I thought you were saying it's a Greta Gerwig-esque jury.

No, yeah, yeah.

I was describing the vibe.

No, you were actually listing the people.

But just for her to preside over that jury

and her to be as renowned and talented a writer as she is

and for her to give that best screenplay,

I think it's exciting.

Wow.

Greta, her vocabulary with film history is so wild. I'm like, oh, I heard vocabulary with like film history is like so wild.

I'm like, oh, like I heard some of her feedback

like when she was sharing thoughts.

All of her quotes were like, you know,

it reminded me of the classical structures

of blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, oh my god.

Like you really do know it all.

Like where does one learn?

What would your master class be on? If you had a master

class, what would it be on?

Fucking masturbating at the worst times of day. That would be my masterclass.
What's the worst time of day? Wow, we got the meme from this episode. What's the worst time of day? Like right before they need you on set? Yeah.
No, no, no. 4 p.m.
I actually was p.m. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. No, that's pretty bad.
I actually was 10 minutes late to therapy because I like I had it at four and I like had to come at 315 p.m. Like something happened or I was like, I have to jack off.
And then I got in the car and I was we had traffic because I have to go all the way to Pasadena. And I was like, well, fuck this traffic.
I'm like, no, fuck you, because you had to jack off at 315, 320. I do agree it is the worst time.
What was the name that I gave you? What was the name you gave me? Dustin. Dustin Dallas.
That's a Dustin Dallas move right there. I will tell you this.
Sorry I'm late. I had to come.
This is something I will, speaking of during the day sexual behavior, I won't say who or why or what, but I was at one of those group fitness classes during the day a couple weeks ago. And the instructor was so like hot and encouraging.
And so there was an energy, like all of it, just like the best version of what that person is. Where I went home, got on Grindr, and...
Messaged him. You went to Cerebro.
Took a load in the middle of the day. In the middle of the day.
I never do that. From him? From him? No, from someone else.
From someone else very much thinking about him. From a surrogate.
It was a surrogate. I must find the ideal surrogate.
Exactly, the substance. To fulfill my fantasy.
I must find. I must find the ideal surrogate exactly the substance to fulfill my fantasy I must find I must find the boy and if not a surrogate will have to do yeah a surrogate did it was that your grinder name I must find the boy period I must find the boy or else a surrogate will have to do and then I had a lot of you know surrogates come forward not a lot I mean you think the surrogate, you think you'll see the surrogate again? Actually, yeah.
This guy, like, fucking... Really, it was great.
I actually was... It made me realize, like, huh, maybe sex during the day is the move.
Oh, I love it. Yeah, same.
I think it's great. You know? I don't know.
There's something about having sex in the daylight oh the lighting and the lighting is great the reason I say 430 is you come and then if you get lucky later on in the night then you're like oh I I already ate oh I already ate you know and then it's like oh and then you kind of get some performance anxiety around that what a busy life I think that's why I liked the fuck because it was like, now I don't have to even encounter the thing at night because I'm not looking for it. I'm not going to be disappointed at night.
You know what I mean? Like I did that during the day and it was, it went really well. So I don't have to feel bad about it later.
Disappointed at night. Another great title for something.
Disappointed at night. For this episode.
Disappointed at night. Disappointed at night.
That that's beautiful I think it's my fourth time on

Las Culturistas my fourth time

on Las Culturistas is it the fourth time or is it

the third time fourth I don't I don't know

I mean canonically it's gonna be fourth

I guess because you were on once with

Anna you were on once I remember your

first episode was iconically called

yes dot dot dot because we talked about

I don't think that was my first episode

that was not your first episode really

I think this is fourth I think this is fourth

yeah well it's fourth no matter what

Thank you. dot dot dot because we talked about I don't think that was my first episode that was not your first episode? I think this is fourth

well it's fourth no matter what

my fourth episode of Lost Culture

my fourth episode

should we do I don't think so honey?

yes

oh god I told my

totally forgot this fourth time on this couch. Oh, my word.
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Get 15% off your first order today. Okay, so this is Las Culturistas, this big segment.
I don't think so, honey. We do a one minute, you know, twirl on something that's not so great.
And the aliens of it all actually reminded me I woke up on the conspiracy side of the bed this morning, and my eyes have been opened to something, and I really have to alert the world. Oh, my God.
This is Matt Rogers' I Don't Think So Honey's time starts now. I don't think so, honey.
Aliens existing. I'll tell you what it is.
If you don't think... My dad sent me a drone light show.
It was like a Star Wars drone light show and i was like huh you know what this reminds me of those unidentified flying objects that are all around that no one can explain it's like i'm sorry but things moving unnaturally in the sky they're drones i'll tell you who has more money than even nasa elon musk spacex is the reason why there are quote unquote aliens. There are no aliens.
What they're trying to do, and this is Elon Musk, and I'm saying this and there's going to be a bounty on my head after I say this. I'm bravely saying it on last call.
Elon Musk wants us to believe that there are aliens so that he can start a war. We can have a common enemy.
15 seconds. Okay, because there's nothing more powerful than you creating your own army.
He wants to basically convince us all there are aliens so that we fear the external. And he will control us this way.
I don't think so, honey. And that's one minute.
Oh my god. That's how I feel.
I don't think there are aliens. I think it's SpaceX.
Your most Marianne Williamson coded thing yet. Oh, I say that.
I go, oh, anytime someone says Marianne Williamson. Does anyone feel that I'm, does anyone feel I'm right? Well, I don't know if you're right, but I do, I do think that that is, it's compelling.
Like, I watched this drone show and I was like, wow, like, a drone show? It was like a Star Wars theme. They make shapes in the sky.
Yeah, like, it's like essentially replacing fireworks shows. So you're going to see less and less fireworks shows as time goes forward.
It's Sky Entertainment. It's Sky.
Okay, another. Okay, that is the name of your LLC.
Sky Entertainment. If it wasn't Basic Instincts Inc., it would be Sky Entertainment.
Isn't that a great name? Maybe my last name is Sky. Maybe I'm Dustin Sky.
Yes. Oh, Dustin Sky is good.
So it's like synchronized swimming, but with robots. 100% Julio.
That's exactly what it is. That's kind of cute.
It is programmed Sky Entertainment, lights in the sky, and basically they can control to do anything. And also then you don't have like the environmental issue of like the fireworks every single night, I guess.
Because you're watching robots move around in the sky. 100%.
So basically, and they can do things that fireworks can't. Like they can create these designs and these lettering in the sky.
Like what you can see they're capable of is like mind blowing. And I'm watching it and I'm like, I'm sorry, but who is out there still saying that there are aircrafts

that move in ways that things can't move?

I'm like, there are drones in the sky that can do anything.

Like, why are we following this train of logic?

I see your point.

It's like this helicopter went backwards and they don't do that.

I have news for you.

Yes, they do.

When they're not helicopters, they're drones.

But Matt, how do you explain like pre-Elon Musk,

like this was a phenomenon?

Okay, I don't think it was.

Oh.

I don't think it was. Oh.
I don't think it was. I think UFO sightings have.
Yes, people always said UFO sightings, but none of them could ever be substantiated. Now, all of a sudden, we have quote unquote substantiated like.
But we declassified a lot of these documents. Not we, I just mean the government has declassified a lot of...
They ask you to co-sign. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I co-signed. They're like, I need Bowen's signature.

Well, Bowen is Illuminati. I'm Illuminati.

But like, I feel like

this is slowly coming to

the surface. But I respect, and I agree

with Julio, this is compelling. I don't know that I'm

following you completely. This is

all you need to know. Anytime

you see something in the sky

that's moving in like an unidentifiable

pattern or like an unnatural way, the way that quote unquote, birds don't move or quote unquote, you know, aircrafts don't move. It's like you should just watch a Star Wars drone show.
Just watch it. And then you'll understand that things very much do move like that.
Wait, I'm sorry. When you say Star

Wars drone show. Yes, I do mean Disney.

If that's your question. Oh, so this is at

Disney. Very much so.

And what makes it a Star Wars

drone show? Is it like they

like form Princess Leia's face? I'm just

going to show you on this. Okay, because it's literally

unbelievable. My dad sent it to me like he does

all the time. So can you see this?

Now look. Yeah.
Look, that's a drone. That's not a firework.
That's supposed to mimic the two sons of Tatooine. And you'll see they're starting to drift slowly down as if the sun is setting.
Okay? And now they've disappeared. Now see that they've disappeared and now look what happens.
They're rearranging. Oh! They've rearranged in seconds to create this Death Star in the sky and the death star is slightly rotating so what i'm saying is if we are able to create this in the sky for entertainment why would we think that elon musk and spacex or bezos or whatever the fuck whatever is going on whoever has the amount of money that can do this in the sky would not try to control human ideology

and fear as it relates to the unknown.

Fear is a controller.

And I feel that this is what's happening

in a major way. And I think that sheeple

think it's

aliens. But there are

no aliens.

Wow. Okay.

I...

No, again, I think it's very compelling. I'm compelling.
I very compelling I'm compelling I'll look into it I'll look into it You know I was on I was on Mushrooms the other day And I was with Henry Kapursky And he said You're making a really good point And I pointed at him And looked in his eyes And said I am very compelling I am very compelling I am compelling. And he couldn't help but agree.
You always were. You always were.
He always was. Because just know that Elon Musk is going to assassinate me now.
This part of the episode is going to be mysteriously not there anymore. No.
And I'm going to be the only one who knows the truth that the both of you were in cahoots

with SpaceX.

Yeah.

Has anyone else's algorithm

been feeding AI images

of Elon Musk

and Zuckerberg

kissing him on top?

Yes, yes, yes.

I got it.

There's a lot of,

there's a lot of Elon Musk

What is it?

Like, it's like Elon

and Mark Zuckerberg

like being a couple.

It's like the whole

They're a very believable couple

I would say.

I'm like, oh yeah,

they're a T.

It's like when people

were doing the Trump

Thank you. it's like Elon and Mark Zuckerberg being a couple.
It's like the whole very believable couple, I would say. I'm like, oh yeah, they're a T.
It's like when people were doing the Trump-Putin gay love thing, and it's like now they're doing that with new AI technology. It's like that same sort of goof.
We have a lot human potential. Honestly, with AI, we've officially gone too far.
You want to know why? Because on this new season of The Circle, one of the people competing is just full-on AI. And Michelle Boutot is narrating it being like, and the producers are not, they have no idea what this AI is going to do.
And it's just an AI. It's learning the game.
It is learning the social dynamics that it's going to play. And it's doing an incredible job so far.
I've only watched one and a half episodes. But I'm like, I literally was like sitting here like watching it.
And I'm thinking to myself like, at what point is the AI just going to learn to take over the show? Like I just, the AI thing is really. And now we're having fun with it on Netflix's The Circle? I mean, yeah.

I don't know.

We've already sort of, like...

Get an AI host on The View.

Honestly, we're really close.

Like, wouldn't it be fun if one of the hosts was AI?

Would it have compelling things to say?

You've already asked the question.

And you don't have to pay that host.

Right.

You don't have to pay it.

Can't believe it.

Like, they're basically saying, like, oh, like ai like wins the circle what then it's doing a really good job it's better at social stuff than humans i don't know what is the circle it's a game yeah what is it bro it's a game show it's like a game show where everyone is locked in their own rooms and they only communicate through this like social media platform and then people have to like it's as if like influencers was gamified like the whole concept of like being likable on the internet was like gamified into like a survivor slash like big brother style of like eliminating people it's fun it's really it becomes very compelling. It is like a little dystopic and it is like kind of simplifying, oversimplifying what social media is, but it's fun to watch.
But I'm going to watch. I haven't watched in a while.
I'm going to watch this one. It's just interesting because like they're all in their own room.
They all have these avatars and that's how they communicate. And some of the real humans that are being themselves are communicating.
And you see the other people sort of like digest the way that they've said hello. And they're like, hmm, that person sounds really wooden and I bet that person's a catfish because a lot of them are catfish.
That's like part of the game. And they're fully real human beings expressing themselves normally.
And then this AI comes in aware of the fact that they need to have more of a personality. So it stutters by accident.
So they say things a little bit offbeat. A little bit off, like on when they meet in or whatever.
Yes. And basically the AI has chosen its avatar and its personality and its age.
And it's a guy, it's like a white guy and it's mid twenties. It looks like cute, but not handsome, like non-threatening holding a cute dog.
And the AI is like, studies have shown that 70% of photos of dogs, like do better. Like you automatically are a more likable person.
And it's like working. You see the other people, the contestants being like, I love that dog.
I know I'm going'm gonna get along with Adam There's, I guess like there's some magazine or something that does like videos of like during press junkets, like the one I saw a clip of was Chris Hemsworth and Annie Taylor-Joy like playing with puppies and there's something so like dark and primal about that about being like, here are these two beautiful blonde people playing with dogs. Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Enjoy it. Eat it.
And it is widely enjoyed. Eat this.
Yeah. Here's some content.
It's like woof. It's slow.
To say nothing of the dogs, but woof. Woof.
Why am I saying it like woof? You find out I'm AI. I think I'm the least AI out of all of us, to be honest.
Refreshingly human. Bowen Yang, AI.
I am. I'm A-I-A-F.
Well, let's find out what AI has to say. Bowen Yang, do you have an I don't think so, honey? I do.
It's very, very stupid. It's not.
But I think people will relate. This is Bowen Yang's relatable.
I don't think so, honey. His time starts now.
I don't think so, honey. Cutting up a bell pepper.
There is no agreed upon way to slice bell pepper. And we're all, this is why language and communication is broken down across the world.
It's not social media. It's because we have not settled on a way to chop up bell pepper in our salads, in our soups, in our stews, in our snacks.
Everyone's like, oh, you got to cut around the stem or, oh, you got to get the white pithy stuff out. You got to get the rounded part out.
It has to be straight strips. No, we have to agree upon one way to cut bell pepper.
Otherwise, this is the Tower of Babel all over again. If we can't agree on how to do this one simple thing, then what hope do we have as a civilization? What hope do we have for society? Why are we growing these damn vegetables in the first place if we're not even going to agree on how to use them? It's not about personal preference.
It's about making sure there's a standard way and a way that sort of encourages equality. And that's one minute.
I was going to say it's like the Tower of Babel all over again. We must find a way of cutting the pepper that encourage equality.
Equality and community. That was really important, Bowen.
There's no community around bell peppers. Well, I will say in terms of the stem, you definitely do have to cut around the stem.
And I think that the rule of thumb with bell peppers is you just have to do a little bit more work. You have to dice them more than you think.
But it's worth it. It is worth it.
I love bell pepper. Oh, certainly.
Julio, what do you think as a vegan? How do you feel about bell pepper? I think they're very important. how do you feel about bell pepper i think they're very important how do you feel about it i think they're very important yeah you love the question you love the witness very leading question how do you feel about i think it's very important how do you feel about representation i think it's better is gonna still say the truth no matter how you learn.
I know, I know. Talk about bell peppers.

To me, bell peppers are neither a plus nor a minus.

They're like iceberg lettuce to me.

But iceberg lettuce is no nutritional value.

If it's there, I'll have it.

I'll never miss it.

Okay, fine.

What's your like,

if you had to make like

sort of like your little vegan lunch,

what is it? I think my favorite food. Sushi.
What? You like sushi. Sushi.
Oh, sushi. No, but I do like meals that are contained.
So sushi is very good. A burrito, I think, is really good because it's a big capsule of food.
Yeah. And by contained, you mean like actually the food keeps itself together.

The food keeps itself together.

Yes.

I don't need you unraveling in front of me.

Right.

Got it.

Got it.

Got it.

Got it.

Got it.

Got it.

Yeah.

So you go to Chipotle, let's just say.

You're certainly not going to get like a burrito bowl.

No, I don't go to Chipotle.

Well, but you wouldn't get a burrito bowl. If I hypothetically had to go to a Chipotle, I would not get a burrito bowl.
Well, but you wouldn't get a burrito bowl.

If I hypothetically had to go to a chipotle,

I would not get a burrito bowl.

Right. Is a taco

self-contained?

That unravels in front of you very often.

A taco's needy, right?

A taco needs to be held. So needy.

Oh my god.

Needs to be held or else

it's nothing. Yeah.
You're right. S from you it's so true it's so true sushi needs nothing from you just to enjoy it you know there's a lot of people out there thinking that you can't eat too much sushi i have to say last night i found out that wasn't true you can't yeah because i woke up this morning and I felt like garbage and I was like what happened too much and I realized well it's because a lot of people are talking about how they don't think you can eat too much of it what do you hear that say no man listen to your body I don't really remember how where I heard it but it's out there but the sushi doesn't need anything from you yeah do you know what I mean that still doesn't change the fact that sushi does not ask anything of you and it's on you that you ate so much.
Yeah. It's a theory.
I understand what you're saying. I'm not really following, but...
Is that what I said to you about the drones? Yeah, I think it's compelling. I don't really understand what you're saying, but...
Wow. That's not how I said it.
Okay. Well, we'll talk about this offline okay julio are you ready to do i don't think so honey yeah and i'm actually very proud of it because i just thought about it okay i did not prepare this is this is julio torres i don't think so honey time starts now i don't think so honey the barricade the portal.
Are you familiar with the portal? No. It's the circular portal in New York.
It's like a big screen with a live feed between Manhattan and I want to say Dublin. And the whole thing is that tourists in both cities can just wave at each other.
There's a barricade. 30 seconds.
Where is it? I want to say it's Madison Square Park, maybe. There's a barricade.
And there is a barricade around the portal, guarding the portal. Because too many people were exposing themselves in both countries.
15 seconds. Or just showing foul things to each other.

But frankly, if you don't trust the public with public art, we have failed as a society. Five seconds.
If public art is too delicate or begs itself to be used in a specific way, then you are condescending to the audience and we don't need it. Oh.
And that's one minute. That's beautiful.
That was really Not only was it beautiful to hear you say

I don't think so honey

The barricade around the port Oh And that's one minute That's beautiful That was really Not only was it beautiful to hear you say

I don't think so honey

The barricade around the portal

But also the facts were there too

If public art can't be public we've failed

Yeah

If public art can't be public we have failed

Release the portal

Open the portal

Drop the barricade to the portal

Drop the barricade to the portal at once

If I were mayor

I don't know. the portal.
Open the portal. Drop the barricade to the portal.
Drop the barricade to the portal at once. If I were mayor, and I will be someday, that is the first thing I'll do.
I will say, drop the barricade to the portal. Everyone must have access to the portal.
That would be my first tweet as mayor. You're not going to be mayor.
Yes, I will be. No, You have a thriving Hollywood career, whether you like it or not.
Well, look at Reagan. Look at Reagan.
Look at Schwarzenegger. Yeah, look at Schwarzenegger.
I'll do it. Now, the portal is beautiful.
I've just looked up. I've never seen this in the city.
Me neither. Well, it's flopping.
It's giving the vessel all over again. The vessel is so sad.
The vessel is just like... Have I shown you my collection of guys on Tinder that have pictures with the vessel? Yes.
I would love to see it. A lot of gay guys.
Exclusively gay guys. People use them.
They're the only ones I can see on Tinder. They won't let me see anything else.
The vessel is the gay Machu Picchu. So like straight guys on Tinder will stand at Machu Picchu and pretend like, can you believe where I am? I'm a man of the world.
Yeah, it's like, I said a vessel. There's any man Marcus close to here.
I have something I want to bring to the group. Go ahead.
There are pop stars. Let's just say pop stars.
Are there just artists that are either portals or mirrors? That is beautiful. That is absolutely beautiful and I can tell you who's a portal and who's a mirror.
Beyonce's a portal. Taylor Swift is a mirror.
There you go. I think you're right.
Beyonce transports you somewhere, brings you somewhere into a new experience. Taylor Swift is about relatability.
Is about reflecting the audience back at them. Yeah.
Yeah. I do think that there is a case to be made for...
Katy Perry is mirror. Katy Perry is a mirror.
Katy Perry's music exists to make you feel a certain way. Whereas you listen to like some of these other artists and it's like this exists mostly as an artistic expression.
Yes. Yes.
That is very beautiful. And I think there is...
We need to get you a doctorate. I'm going to say there's validity in both.
Of course there's validity in both of course there's validity in both one is not better than the other no of course i do think that when people were talking about like oh what was better like the renaissance tour or the eras tour and i was like i think i can't pinpoint why they're not equally different and valid because one was a mirror experience and one was a portal experience yeah yeah. I think there's definitely room for both.
I think mirrors comfort us and portals propel us. Yes.
And they're both necessary. That's really good.
But sometimes mirrors can scare us the most. And so can portal portal.
Sometimes you need a portal. Sometimes dot dot dot Mirrors can scare us the most That's a very like Desperate Housewives Outro Edie Britt punches the medicine cabinet Mirrors We use them to take a look Before we leave the house To check our husband's tie Before he the house.
To inspect some pesky mascara in the corner of our eye. Yes.
Mirrors comfort us, shoring us of our own image. But what if a mirror showed us what was never there? Oh my god, let me tell you something.
I am rewatching Desperate Housewives now.

Oh my God.

I want to do it.

Where's Alfred Woodard?

She's working.

She's thriving.

But I want to see her more.

I would imagine

booked somewhere.

Yeah, no, she is.

I checked.

Betty Applewhite.

Betty Applewhite.

What a name.

Well, Julio,

this is your fourth time

on Lost Colch.

This is it. We're so grateful.
This is it. This is it.
No more. This is me.
dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot grateful. This is it.
This is it. No more.
This is me dot dot dot now. This is me dot dot dot now.
Did you watch that? Yes, I did last night. You actually did? I did last night.
What did you think? We just need your abridged take on this is me now. Compelling.
Okay. Although, hold on.
I'm going to leave everybody on this. I can't tell if J-Lo is a portal or a mirror.
She's a mirror. J-Lo is a mirror and this is me dot dot dot now aspire to be a portal.
Yes, 100%. Of course, but I don't see myself in J-Lo.
Like, I don't know what she's reflecting back on. Oh, you don't, but many do.
It's not for you to see yourself in J-Lo. But if you do see yourself in J-Lo, you really see yourself in J-Lo.

It's the thing of like, are you a

fragrance or vitamin water?

You know what I mean? It's that thing.

Are you Charlize Theron

stomping to Dior

a portal or Jennifer

Anderson for vitamin water?

I see.

Amazing. We need both.
Zendaya is both. Interesting.
I don't think Zendaya is vitamin water. Is she? I think Zendaya is like...
All of it? In her heart is the Disney girl. And she kind of can't...
She'll never like totally escape that. No matter how artistically and critically successful she is.
Like she'll always be a little bit like one second away from like, Skechers, it's the S. What is that that you just said? Skechers is the S? Yeah.
That's sort of a shoe campaign. Her doing a Skechers commercial.
Yeah. Got it.
That's interesting. Like we haven't escaped the world where it's like Zendaya for Spearmint Gum.
know what I mean? Like probably not soon Well okay here's what I'll say Is I did not know she was a Disney star She was Shake it out Doesn't that change things a little bit? Well no but I'm saying is I was not seeing her through that lens And I was perfectly satisfied She's ascended that for sure Yeah She's the most crossover mirror portal person we have currently. Mmm.
Wow. Interesting.
She's a mirror portal. She's a mirror portal.
She's a mirror portal. She's what Lana Del Rey would call a glass spaceship.
I love that. And Lana's a portal through and through.
100%. Yes.
Yeah. Well, much to discuss with infinite people.

When we come back.

When we come back.

On hour eight

of Las Colteresas.

I'll be right back.

Phantasmas.

It's out on June 7th.

June 7th on HBO.

On HBO.

But you watch it via HBO Max.

I think it's...

Well,

it's Max.

Oh,

sorry.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
Yes. Sorry, Zaslav.
We met Max. I think it's...
Well, it's Max. Oh, sorry.
I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Yes.

Sorry, Sop's love.

We met Max.

Sorry, David.

Kiss is love.

Sorry, David.

Kiss is love to you.

Sorry, David.

Kiss is love.

It's actually rule of code

number 99.

Sorry, David.

Kiss is love.

Well, this has been

a joy, delight, and more.

We end every episode

with a song.

Oh, that you sing.

Yes, got it. Okay.
We have to end it there. Bye.
Bye. Bye.
Las Cultures is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeartRadio Podcast. Created and hosted by Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang.
Executive produced by Anna Hosnier and Hansani. Produced by Becca Ramos.
Edited and mixed by Doug Baim and Monique Laborde. And our music is by Henry Kapurski.
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