"My Diaspora" (w/ Matt + Bowen)

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Look, man.

Oh, I see.

My eye online.

Bowen, look over there.

Wow, is that culture?

Yes, goodness.

Wow.

Last culture is das

ding da dong.

Las culturistas calling.

Where would you say we are?

I would say we are in the Menlo Park,

Stamford, Atherton, Mountain View area.

Area.

We are in the bay, as it were.

We were very lucky to be invited to the aw-dropping.

That's the name of the event this year.

The awe dropping.

Awe-inspiring?

No, hold on.

Let me...

You better get this right.

It is.

What Bowen is trying to say is that Apple invited us to come be a part of, not be a part of, to come and...

Well, I guess be a part of.

Part of it.

We watched the keynote

here at Apple Park.

We got to come walk around Apple Park.

It is pretty

giving it.

It's giving severance.

It's giving severance, okay?

In terms of design.

In terms of design, and everyone's kind of giving any.

Just kidding.

I'm giving any when I go there.

I feel the sort of Hitchcock-like camera move, and then I like Fritz out.

Tell everyone what your belly button is giving, girl.

My belly button has only ever given any.

Have you ever been with an Audi, man?

Yeah.

I want to know what's it like.

But I've been with so many men.

Did you put it in yet?

What is mine?

I actually have an odd belly button.

We're going to have both.

We got to see.

The most normal belly button I've ever seen.

No, because can you see that it's like, it's got Audi like properties to it?

You mean it's...

Would you call this an Indian or an Audi?

That is pure Indian.

No,

you're not so special, girl.

We're both pretty normal.

My diaspora.

Remember for years I used the word diaspora wrong?

You thought diaspora meant struggle.

I thought diaspora meant struggle.

Well, my diaspora is I was gay growing up.

Didn't know what diaspora really meant.

It sounds like that.

I mean, maybe we can really give it new meaning.

Well, when people talk about the diaspora,

it does feel like it could be the struggle.

That's why the title of this app is called The Diaspora.

It's called My Diaspora.

My diaspora.

Well.

Parentheses, my struggle.

Parentheses, my struggle.

I mean, we got to have wonderful conversations with people.

Yes, this was very cool.

Can I tease something that you, a connection that I knew would happen deep in my bones?

Go ahead.

We go to this event.

There's a gorgeous intimate dinner that is set the night before the announcement.

We look at the plays cards.

It's giving wedding.

It's giving heels.

One of the nominees for

things that women have to do.

A Walking Home Alone Award for Thing That Women Have to Do, which is one of them was Heels on the Grass at a wedding.

It was very much giving wedding.

Beautiful, beautiful dinner in Apple Park, which was dinner.

It was gorgeous.

We look at the place cards.

We are being watched by a phalanx of people.

And we

see that the place cards are Bowen, Matt,

Oscar winner, Regina King.

Regina King, who's sitting next to me.

And I was just,

I love Regina King since the second I saw Regina King.

Of course.

Like, and I'm like, okay, well, this is like a true hero of mine.

You've known her for a few years because she hosted SNL.

I remember

saying she's one of my favorite homes.

That you had such an amazing time with her.

I just think she's one of the greats.

And we had, I obviously won't share like our conversation, but we had the most beautiful conversation.

And I love Regina King.

I'm so proud of you.

Please don't let me be patronizing, but I feel like this is a situation when your anxiety and your nerves might have kicked in.

Well, not on my new beta blocker.

Not on the beta blocker.

Thank God.

Can I be the spokesperson for beta blockers?

And

it's not going to be like the name-droppy episode, you guys.

Like I just, we sat next to an extremely cool hero.

And that was just indicative of what the whole lovely event was.

And if you follow tech, you know that lots of cool things were announced.

I mean, I think the buzziest thing might be the AirPods that do language translation.

Right?

Let's say, yeah, that's pretty cool.

Although

you were excited about the iPhone era.

I'm excited about the iPhone era.

That's very U-coded.

She's kunty.

Yeah.

That a cunty video.

GLP, but for phones.

She's taking the shot.

She's taking the iPhone.

It's actually Rilla Culture number 16.

iPhone?

She's taking the shot.

I think internally people are are also calling it the ozempic iphone are they really yes yes oh did you hear that on the ground i heard that on the ground fun little fun little gay guy you know gay guy speak lots of different guys right there straight guys gay guys guys you can't tell

and of course women now

which is of course uh it falls under gay guys yes women are some of my favorite gay guys and that's a real culture rupaul rupaul

that's a real culture which one is that 50.

women are some of my favorite gay guys.

Katie's out there.

Shout out.

Shout out.

Now, Proprano Lol, is that what you're on?

Yes.

How does it feel to take a, take a, does it make you lol more?

Well, I guess.

So it should be called propre yes lol.

So to be transparent.

Propre yes, y'all.

Propre yes lol.

Propra yes lol.

Yes, y'all.

Or propre yes, yes, y'all.

What's that song?

I don't, I'm not sure.

Oh, oh, um, past that Dutch.

Yes.

Missy Elliott.

Anyway,

that's beside the point.

Misty Elliott is beside beside the point.

It's actually really coach number 30.

Misty Elliott is beside the point.

When she's not.

Yes, during the culture awards, I did realize my anxiety is a problem, as I've documented on this podcast.

I am on beta blockers now.

I take them when I need them.

I highly recommend.

Much better.

I'm so happy to hear that.

Needless to say, we did a fabulous tonight.

And

I love that my sister and the...

The queen king, whose name is literally Queen King, got to connect.

Not to, you know, what do you want us to say?

You got invited to the album.

I'm sorry, but if I get the opportunity to talk to one of the coolest people ever, I'll probably tell you about it.

So that did happen.

It was, it was fun.

I mean, like, we, we're still here.

We're leaving tonight.

We're actually getting on a red eye this evening because we have two episodes of the podcast that we're recording tomorrow with guests.

Um,

very exciting guest.

Should we reveal who's on the show next week?

I say no.

Okay, never mind.

Let's not.

Should it just be a drop?

I think it'll be a drop and people will

have fun.

Let's just say if you're a fan of this podcast and you know our interests, you're going to be excited and interested to hear what's coming.

Here's the Easter egg, which is not the way that Easter eggs are really done.

It's back to school.

Yes.

It's back to school.

Yes.

That's all.

School is in session.

School is in session.

And

pencils.

Pencils up.

Up.

Pencils up.

Whoa.

Should title of that be pencils up?

First time we're pre-determining the title the title of app first time

are you saying the app for next week should be pencils up

pencils up is this week yeah i thought i thought it was designed it next week with our guests yes of course i thought you i thought this one was gonna be my diaspora but i like pencils up too i don't think i've ever been so not nervous is not the right word actually yeah maybe it is nervous i do we've had some incredible guests like what we're doing tomorrow it's important to me it's special to me absolutely yeah this is a big moment no it'll be really, really nice.

And I just love edging, y'all.

I love y'all are hard at home.

I love it.

I love thinking about it.

Yeah,

I love thinking about it too.

What's on your mind today?

Mostly just

wanting to

just figure out.

You know what?

I just, I hate a red eye.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, no, no, no.

That's literally been taking up a lot of and we're

and

not an interesting take at all.

no i but some people really do they they pick the red eye they choose the red eye i greta does that of course my thing is it's all you know it's always good in theory and then once you're once you're on it whatever it's all fine it's when you land it's when you land and when you get off the plane and do that that zombie walk that you're like this is i'm i paid for that yeah it's going west to east which is the brutal thing

usually is i guess because that way like well that's i guess a red eye yeah time travels it just the time is additive remember the ryan cabrera song um time goes so slow

time moves so slow

no i don't you don't remember that i have ryan cabrera on the brain because we saw an appearance from jessica and ashley simpson at the vmas yes yes should we talk about the vmas yeah what was your favorite part i my favorite part was just the mere fact that ariana grande and lady gaga were sitting next to each other yeah i did like to see that Rain on Me reunion.

Very fun.

Would you call Ariana the big winner of the night?

I would.

I think it would be Ari, Gaga, Sabrina, Sabrina.

I mean, Tate was a great winner in my eyes.

I think she, God, she's a good performer, that one.

Wait, you winners in terms of how good her performance was?

Did she win a VMA?

I don't know if she won anything.

I was not keeping up with the actual winner.

Let's actually look and see what won.

But I'm saying, like, Tate McRae, that was legendary.

That was a legend star-making performance.

Yeah, no, she wasn't.

She's had many up until this point, but that was, I think that was a level up for sure.

That was an extreme.

But also, if you see her perform live, like you're going to get the dancing.

And I do think when you're on the VMAs, it is the time for you to whip out your dancing.

I thought Sabrina's dancing was really leveled up.

Fabulous dancing.

And I love that the advocacy, the...

The allyship for trans people was off the stage as well.

She threw Sabrina 54 party.

Love that.

Love that girl.

By the way, everyone all of a sudden coming out, wow, the Sabrina album is really growing on me.

Yeah, because that's what happens when you allow things to marinate.

When you don't have the knee jerk, literally before the, we talked about this, before the album even comes out, people are coming out with their quick responses.

Okay.

You wouldn't just eat a steak off a cow.

You have to let it marinate before you can eat it.

To say nothing of cooking it.

There's such a process when it comes to meat and also pop music.

Especially with a culture number 16.

There's such a process when it comes to meat and also

pop music.

Speaking of meat, the video of the year presented by Burger King, this is a real fact, did go to Ariana Grande for brighter days ahead.

Thank you for that.

Thank you for that.

Ariana Grande in elderly prosthetic makeup that is camp.

That is, I heard, her being an old ass bitch at Cerebro.

Not since Rose have we seen such an old performance.

Yes.

Not since Gloria S.

Stewart.

Gloria Stewart.

Artist of the Year, Lady Gaga.

Absolutely.

That feels right to me.

Best new artist, Alex Horren.

I have to say, I have an Alex Horan blind spot.

But they talk about this person.

Yeah,

I think it's fine.

Okay.

That's my thought.

Song of the Year, Apatu.

Love that.

You can't deny people are listening to it.

You can't deny that it's a song about a game that you do,

that Rose plays with her friends in Korea.

Is that what it is?

It's like a little hand.

It's like a patty cake sort of thing.

Okay, because apatu, it could mean so many things.

It could mean apatu, like someone spitting.

Apartment.

It could be apartment because it's a drinking game.

I'm sorry.

I understand correctly.

I mean, I definitely like the song.

I just, I did not know what it was about.

And was scared to ask.

It's based on the sort of, okay, it's patty cake and then everyone puts their drinks in the middle.

They chant apatzu, apartments, and then they

and then the leader calls out a random number.

Players move their hands to the top of the stack, counting out loud.

The person whose hand lands on the call number has to drink.

Sounds fun.

It does sound fun.

I mean, maybe next week we'll play a patu.

Where?

I don't know.

I don't think we will.

I think if there was going to be a time to do apatu on

Regina, okay.

It would have been

last night.

We should have brought the mics.

Or we could have learned what apateau was and done it today on the episode but i just don't think we will no best pop artist sabrina carpenter great feels exactly right to me best pop i'm guessing that means best pop video they've kind of stopped um using the word video you know why do you think that is i guess there's video of the year but then it's called best there's there's best pop artist and then there's best pop so best pop artist was sabrina carpenter Well, and what's best pop who defeated Ariana Grande in this category.

And then best pop was Ariana Grande Bright of Years Ahead, which defeated Sabrina Carpenter, Manchild.

Defeat is so severe.

Defeat is too much for me.

You should say beat.

Yeah.

Best album, Sabrina Carpenter, Short and Sweet.

Again, it's the Video Music Awards.

I don't necessarily understand.

Yeah.

But I'm so happy Sabrina won an award.

Best collaboration, Lady Gaga and Brutomars, Died with a Smile.

We can all agree.

Of course.

Beat Appate.

Best Hip Hop, Dochi Anxiety, Best RB, Mariah Carey, Type Dangerous.

Wonderful.

Who also won the Video Vanguard of the Year award bianca made an appearance she did

which yeah was bianca the original mistress of mayhem dark-haired rival clone yes i think even lady gaga would say that gaga would say that but i encourage pop stars to do this more i mean i feel like we haven't had a moment like this since brittany was wrestling herself in a gown in the hold it against me music video yeah really i always

love when the pop stars are fighting themselves you know who i think would be really good at that?

I would love to see Dark Sabrina.

Oh, Dark Sabrina, I think, would be really good.

While I'm thrilled that she brought Jenna Ortega into the mix with the taste terror, it felt like it could have also been Sabrina in a dark wig.

Sabrina, you should have cast yourself.

You played yourself when you didn't cast yourself.

Fuck Ortega.

Fuck this.

No, just kidding.

Jenna, I mean, we worship you.

Join that we worship.

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Mariah, the Video Vanguard Award, after never winning a video music award in her entire career, I said, this was true disrespect all along.

This woman put Jack McBrayer on the map.

On the map.

Sorry, T.

Nah.

Sorry, Tina.

Yeah, that is crazy.

Yo, thoughts on that?

I mean, please expand.

Oh, so many thoughts.

First of all, there are so many Mariah Carey videos that should have earned this distinction.

I would say Heartbreaker is one of the great pop music videos, Obsessed.

Even going all the way back, like, you know, Mariah Carey directed the video for Fantasy herself where she rides a roller coaster and is on the Rollerblades.

I mean, to direct while also acting in Rollerblades.

Not enough people think about how difficult that must be.

Scorsese has never done it.

Scorsese couldn't even...

Listen, I know that Scorseszzi is trying his hand at acting, you know.

I mean, not me from the studio.

Do it in Rollerblades, and then you can be on Mariah Carey's level and sing.

And guess what, Marty?

Yeah.

Cranston still beat your ass.

Yeah.

How does it feel?

Marty.

What if we lost culture started a feud with Marty?

I think we are.

I think ever since I ran a foul of Fran Leibowitz, I think she probably recruited Marty to the cause of like

that Asian guy.

Wow, I forget that you and Fran Leibowitz had.

Beef.

As Cardi would say,

a debate.

We didn't touch on any of that.

We haven't really touched on the Cardi thing.

I loved it.

I hate that her time was wasted.

I hate that her time is wasted, but

it doesn't get any better than that in terms of album promo.

No.

I thought she handled herself very well, even when she did.

curse out or throw that thing at that fucking disgusting ass paparazzo.

She made a point.

She was like, the the fact that not a, like a woman would never ask me that.

It's not like, it's not that she said the fact that you would never ask a man that.

It's the fact that a woman would not ask me that.

Yeah.

I think like kind of a fun, not fun.

It's like, it's like an interesting reversal that you don't hear super often.

I love Cardi.

I'm Team Cardi.

I'll always be Team Cardi.

Absolutely.

I, I just, yeah.

I mean, I'm really looking forward to the album.

You realize it's been, I think, like seven years since Invasion of Privacy, which is one of the great albums.

One of the great albums.

We don't have much to add.

No, one thing I would say

is if I had a favorite moment from the whole trial, which I do, it feels like every year there's like a celebrity trial that

sort of

brings the mold.

You know what it's going to be next year is probably, because I think that they are going to trial, right?

The Blake and Ryan of it all.

Well, that's not going to be fun.

No, it's going to, it's not going to be fun at all.

I couldn't be less interested, but that's probably going to be like the trial of next year.

You need fun people.

Cardi B is a fun person.

Yeah, what was your favorite moment of the Cardi trial?

I wasn't calling her fat.

I was calling her a bitch.

I was calling her a bitch.

I mean, just security heavy.

She looked like she can protect the building.

Oh my God.

She's a poet.

I couldn't, did you watch any of like the way the lawyer was talking to her?

It was awful.

I was like, how can this be what it is?

But okay, so another thing I learned, and I did learn what it means to be a hostile witness.

That's an actual legal term.

I see.

I thought that a hostile witness was just to describe the behavior of a witness.

Let's say.

Like, uh-oh, we have a hostile witness.

But then it was like, here's Cardi B being called as a hostile witness, which means an antagonistic witness, a witness that is hostile to the defendant.

The plaintiff.

I'm sorry, you have to the point.

So basically, like, like the you say you can be the defendant and the hostile witness

yes i often i think defendants are hostile witnesses because they're being asked questions that are adverse to them protecting themselves the line of questioning from the

from whatever is is is is that's what's hostile so basically if you're a defendant if you're a named defendant in a case and you take the stand you are a hostile witness i see because they're trying to present facts against you, against your best interest.

Correct.

So you are a hostile witness by definition.

So for example, had P.

Diddy taken the stand,

he would have been a hostile witness.

This is my understanding of it.

I don't have a degree.

You think I'm giving lawyers.

You think I'm giving lawyer?

I do think that you give doctor and I give lawyer.

Absolutely.

By the way, Let's start the revolution and just pronounce it lawyer.

Lawyer, it's more fun.

Lawyer is something that is East Coast culture sort of being thrust onto the rest of, you know, because, you know, in the UK, they just call them barristers.

Yeah, I don't want to do that.

We're not calling them barristers.

I mean, I guess, no, they're attorneys.

That's fine.

Lawyer, lawyer, that is, that is, I'm sorry, that's New York culture being sort of imposed on the rest of America.

Can I say the legal process?

Also, a hint for next week.

That might have given it away.

I gave it away, girl.

That's okay.

Fuck, girl.

Huh.

Title of that.

Fuck, girl.

Fuck, comma, girl.

Fuck, girl.

Okay, so, yeah, I would say that I did learn that hostile witness thing.

I do think that lawyer is

similar to lawyer.

No, lawyer.

Hey.

Because lawyers deal with liars.

Maybe they are liars sometimes.

Ever think about that?

100%.

I'm just trying to make it a little bit easier for our ESL friends.

Including me.

Including me.

Because guess what?

Bowen Yang is ESL.

It's actually Riller Coast number.

English was

a trip.

It still is.

Bowen Yang is ESL.

It's actually Rollercoaster number 14.

Bowen Yang is ESL.

ETL.

ETL, if you want to get real.

If you want to get real, English is your third language, which is something I tell people about you.

What do you tell people?

What's a fact that you tell people about me?

because these are the facts i tell people about you did you actually know that bowen

it's english is his third language did you know that bowen was born in brisbane did i tell the story of bow what's the story you tell about me it's this is doing

really this is getting really earnest and i don't mean to i don't mean to embarrass you but i say my rogers is the funniest smartest person alive well that's opinion-based but that's facts that's fact

and that that that is the story that i tell i'm tearing up

what do you think won the award for Video for Good?

You as one of the stars of Wicked for Good?

Oh, that's so.

Thank you for framing the question that way.

The nominees were.

Oh, well, don't tell me the nominees.

The Video for Good?

Yeah, like Video for Good, which I think is very similar to our category, which was a West Elm social change moment of the year.

I think that the winner for Video for Good was.

Any

TikTok that was, that was about, that was an ad for those nostril expanders.

No, those should have won, though.

They were actually robbed.

They were robbed.

The nostril expanders, because you go on TikTok, and I will have you believe if you don't use them, you're going to choke and die while you're.

That you are depriving your brain of the, that you're a dumber, uglier person for not breathing in more through your nose.

Did you ever buy them?

No.

You know what I did buy?

Please.

TikTok got me with this one.

Okay.

Have you ever seen the push-up board, which you can take the plugs out, like the handle is.

Oh, yeah, that looks cool.

I bought that.

And do you use it every day of your life?

You know what?

Not every day of my life, but sometimes.

Because

it

isolates different.

You can do different grips and different.

Yeah.

Hands, shoulders, knees, hands, toes.

Hey, toes.

All right.

So the video for good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And who, who, just tell me who won, unless it's more fun for you to dole out the video.

If I tell you who won.

It could.

Well, I mean, that is giving away.

It was won by charlie xcx and billie eilish for guests it changed everything well it did show us like god this is what a pile of underwear looks like maybe i should not be maybe i should be more sustainable in my my apparel yeah you know how did it win

i guess i what i'm gonna assume is that they watched they don't it was queer rights that and also i'm sure like well how was this the video of the video like i'm sure like we missed something where it's like we're donating this much money to some like to some situation oh my god wait this is what it is and this actually is furious okay it wasn't it wasn't any of this this is what it was the video ends with a message that the undergarments not worn in the video would be donated to i support the girls an american charity which distributes underwear and period products to women suffering suffering sufferating

don't no what do you mean they were This is serious.

Oh, I'm sorry.

And period products to women suffering domestic violence, homelessness, and hardship.

The charity later said that it had received 10,000 pairs of underwear, most of which was sexy.

And its founder, Dana Marlowe, stated that they welcomed such a donation on the grounds that it was important to them to encourage choice, choice of what kind of, you know, undergarment to wear.

She was quoted as saying, There's people for every style.

Just because somebody is experiencing homelessness doesn't mean that they don't prefer to wear a thong.

That was what Dana Marlowe said talking to the BBC News beat in August 2024.

So this won the VMA for good.

Yeah.

And I, I, I, we applaud.

I endorse this.

We endorse this.

Dana, the only thing missing from your statement was you did not guess the color of her underwear.

It was the lacy black pair with the little bows, the ones I picked out for you in Tokyo.

Or we're going to go next year.

We're going to go next year.

I always, whenever I hear that song, that remix, I always think of Billie Eilish going, shopping for lacy underwear in tokyo picking it out for charlie presumably

charlie likes boys but she knows i'd hit it

i actually think it's

this is a big statement i your favorite song off of

it might

is it my favorite song off of brat no you know what's my favorite song off of brat all things told well the song i think is the biggest classic off brat and i'm just always going to hold to this is 360.

and i think 360 and 365 together is truly special.

But my favorite song off of Brat is Von Dutch.

No.

Sympathy is a knife.

Love.

Love.

And Von Dutch is the closest second there's ever been.

The closest second there's ever been in recorded history.

What's yours?

Yeah.

Yes.

I don't know, man.

Just something about 365.

Yeah.

It goes so hard.

Where you're just like, where you, once like on your own like your third listen, where you're finally starting to understand the pattern of it.

Yeah.

And how like she breaks the pattern in the middle and then like comes back to it.

I'm like, this is, this is fucking genius.

And that's saying something coming from noted Apple girl, Bo and Yang.

I just want to clear something up.

Yeah.

This actually would be a good, good time to clear it up because it's, Brad is happening right now.

Brad is happening right now.

Brad is the most relevant.

Brad is relevant

in September 2025,

this is when Brad is starting.

Not no, because guess what?

Apparently, Charlie had an amazing showing at Tiff, Erupture Out.

I can't wait for that.

Oh, no, please.

I'm so ready for Charlie's actress era.

No, and everyone's saying very promising things ahead.

100%.

I mean,

she can hold any screen.

But what was the question?

Oh, the question was...

Oh, pattern.

Oh, noted Apple Girl.

Yeah, noted Apple.

Apparently,

it's been proliferated now that Conan Gray is the only Apple girl who has also been Sally.

Nope, not true.

Please don't erase me.

You better get your facts straight.

Get your facts straight.

I don't appreciate that.

Bowen was Sally.

Where were you, Sally?

I was Sally.

Guess what?

The tonight show star is going to be a little bit more.

Is that where you were, Sally?

I thought that you came out at a show.

I didn't even know this about you, ma'am.

Honey, it's out there.

Okay.

And then Telker would go on to say in interviews that, sorry, I was one of his favorites because why?

I danced like a little kid.

100%.

I watched that interview because I'm kind of obsessed with role model.

By the way, you know who we also hung out with at the Apple Park and we saw her and it was like we had seen a long-lost friend, like our cousin.

I've only met her once and you and I've met her.

The one, the only Lena Dunham who just did a movie with Natalie Portman and role model, a.k.a.A.

Tucker.

And apparently you can look forward to him being a movie star

he has it's quite soon he has it let that that's all we'll say and he's he's got that star quality he absolutely does and guess what this man I don't know what his sexuality is

there was bycon rumors if they're if the if I don't whatever I'm sure we're gonna hear you know things the word queer baiting in the discourse again maybe when it comes to him I don't care because this man is guess who I don't think he's he is posting pictures of Brandon from from sean cody

on his instagram making jokes about how like you know role model stuns a new photo like this like you know what they can queerbait if they know what's up i don't care about the queer baiting can i say i think the world got darker once nick jonas stopped posting shirtless photos like i don't know why everyone was like i think there was a moment there where like they had nick jonas speak at stonewall and maybe that was going too far but like why did we scare Nick Jonas away from posting?

Like, what are we doing?

Like, you're not helping.

You're hurting.

For real.

You know, when I was in fourth grade, we had to do a class project.

And I've never told this story before,

where we had to go out and from sticks and mud, we had to create longhouses, Native American longhouses.

And this was an entire day-long project.

And I remember at the end of the day.

Not sure what's this going on.

At the end of the day, you have to listen to every story to get to the end.

It's actually real culture number six.

You have to listen to every story to get to the end.

At the end of the day, there had to be cleanup.

And my teacher, Mr.

D,

who was my favorite teacher,

I'll never forget it because it was one of the only times he got really upset with me because I was not helping.

I was.

goofing off.

If you can picture me

as a fourth grader, you can understand he goofed off

that's so cute socializing disturbed learning

and

he looked at me and in front of the whole class he said if you're not helping you're hurting

I never forgot it and I'm telling everyone in the queer community right now if you chased Nick Jonas away from posting thirst traps,

you're not helping, you're hurting.

And now all we get is Joe Jonas walking around the stage

looking like that.

And we could have had two Jonas brothers giving us, I'm sorry, but ass.

We're not actually wagging our fingers at anybody, but

there's a world in which straight men could have come into the fold.

We could have made it a little bit easier for them to be allies.

So that they didn't all move to Austin.

Okay?

Yeah.

That's all I'm saying.

I'm just like, why was it so bad that Nick Jonas wanted to like wiggle it in front of us?

Just let him.

Some of us were really enjoying it.

And maybe there's parts of this I'm not thinking about.

I'm just saying if you're not helping, you're hurting.

You didn't help here.

What's Mr.

D doing now?

I would be really curious to know.

I would be really curious to know.

I'll say it.

I think that in fourth grade, so I'm a noted lifelong Mets fan and he was a Yankees fan.

And I started.

I remember I came home one day from school.

I looked at my dad and said, I'm a Yankees fan now.

And he was like, okay, sure.

And then I started wearing Yankees jerseys and Derek Jeter clothes.

Oh, man.

I think I'm old enough now and enough of a, you know, realized, actualized person to say, I had a crush on my teacher.

He sounds hot.

He was handsome.

He was handsome and funny.

That's oh, well, there you go.

Done deal.

He had one big flaw, which is yelling at children.

Well, no, he wasn't yelling.

He was stern.

And he had a right to be.

One thing he didn't do correctly, and ultimately in the grand scheme of things, he can be forgiven for this, but he pronounced it Hermione.

Well, that was before the film.

That was before Goblet of Fire, Sarber talking, you know, I'm sorry, guys.

We're going into this territory, but this was before Goblet of Fire, where J.K.

Rowling felt the explicit need to have Victor

to have Hermione correct Victor Crumb's pronunciation of it.

I was like, yeah, yeah.

I'll never forget read it because that was Goblet of Fire was peak.

We're going at midnight culture.

So I remember I was like, I think I might have even gotten to that part of the book like hours into the night.

And I, that was that iconic little passage where she's spelling her name out for Victor Crumb.

So can you really blame Mr.

D?

I certainly can't.

That's his, and that's his big flaw.

That's a pretty good flaw.

No, he was amazing.

He was great.

He was great.

And I, I hope he's well i hope he's well he had an impact on me and you know what he told me at the end of the year which i never forgot he took every student outside and he gave one piece of advice you know what he told me i remember right yeah you've said this before to have more fun because i used to take myself very seriously i was like even though that one day i goofed off but i was like really into school and like was i was kind of that kid that was like it's in my hand a lot looking at people's papers like being competitive he's like hey listen have more fun because not not everything has to to be so serious.

And then I never took anything seriously again.

And we have him to thank.

That was a long walk from what, how did I start?

What got us into that?

What got us into that?

Oh, you're not hurting or hurting.

Nick Jonas, you should come back.

Just

come back to Broadway.

You got all the come back to Broadway.

You got all the goods.

We see you at the shows.

Please.

Quoting.

Oh, role model oh role model yeah oh please go for it go for it go for it in your little hat

you know what i'm saying he wears a little hat yeah yeah yeah like

okay a lot of talk about like your performative masculinity or all you know men performing as men and it's like but it's like you didn't you gotta you can't yoke them because it's either they like are catering quote unquote to like women and queer people or they just like they have no other recourse but to like adopt all the terrible things about

being male in the year 2025.

It's like, it's like, and then like we're, we're absolutely, I mean, performing as gay men in our way.

Like everyone's, everyone's kind of picking up their cues and their social proof from each other.

We're not qualified to talk about this in any intellectual way.

We are not qualified to talk about any single item, and yet we still are here 10 years in the game.

Well, you know, it's going to be 10 years in March.

On March, I think 11th, 2025.

And we, I, I don't know that this is the way it is, but 500 is going to fall around the 10-year anniversary, I think.

Unless this is literally the 500th episode and we don't know, which is possible.

We won't count it as that.

No, not right now.

Imagine we did.

Just an episode.

The rest of the episode is just us counting.

One, two, three, four.

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Allow us to paint a very realistic, relatable, real-life, not-made-up example.

Everyone in your house, everyone is on their devices at the exact same time, gaming, working, swiping, right?

Because of course they are.

And the finale of your favorite show of all time of the week is on at the exact same moment.

Well, you can boost the Wi-Fi to your device with Xfinity.

And have you ever asked yourself, what if my Wi-Fi could keep watch over my kids for me?

Well, probably not, because that's a weird thing to ask yourself.

But Xfinity Wi-Fi is actually so smart that it has parenting skills, even if you sometimes forget yours.

Xfinity's like, don't don't worry, I'll monitor the Wi-Fi.

It protects the kids while they're online, and it does it all without judging little Billy, who definitely would never click that weird link because he's a good boy.

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Or could make sure that there's no phones at the dinner table?

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And you, you deserve that kind of brilliance in your life.

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Ow, that really is chic, right?

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That makes sense, seeing as Casamigos' whole vibe is friendship.

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Suffice it to say, we've not once been qualified to talk about a single thing.

Maybe we're qualified to talk about being unqualified.

Oh my God, absolutely.

That's our TED Talk.

Yeah.

Do it even though you shouldn't.

I think that is common.

Do it even though you shouldn't.

Nick Jonas, I hope you come to our TED Talk.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, fine.

He shouldn't be speaking at Stonewall.

Let him.

Who cares?

What did he say that bothered you so much?

Probably nothing.

I don't think he came came with a speech.

He probably went up there and was like, Yeah, guys, I'm an ally.

And we got upset.

He never took his clothes off again.

He's a never nude.

It's a shame.

What a shame.

It is a shame.

And a lovely human being.

Have you met him?

Yes,

I have.

So sweet.

Yeah.

Truly.

You know, you and I are just waxing idiotic as we usually do.

Honey.

Honey, we've embraced it.

Honey, ouch.

I just waxed idiotic and I didn't have enough glue on.

What is it?

What do they put on?

Wax.

Yeah.

Wax.

Ow.

Ow.

That glue hurt.

So, yes.

Anyway, I did not know that that was where all the money from the guest music video went, or not the money, the underwear.

And that is why it won the music video for good.

I see.

Oh, we're still.

Yes, back to VMAs.

I love when we retrace.

Well, this is our big VMA episode.

Best group Black Pink Song of the Summer.

Tate McRae, Just Keep Watching.

You know what?

That's interesting.

You love Just Keep Watching.

I do.

Was it the Song of the Summer?

Right, right.

So these, let's just see.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen.

There were 16 nominees for Song of the Summer.

How does that work?

I can't think of 16 songs that came out this year.

Here's what they are: Tate McRae, Just Keep Watching.

Addison Ray, headphones on.

Alex Warren, Ordinary.

Benson Boone, Mystical Magical.

Didn't know that was a song.

Big X the plug featuring Bailey Zimmerman all the way.

Don't know what a single part of that church.

For sure.

Chapel Roll in the subway.

Demi Lovato Fest.

Well, just wait.

Oh, brother.

We'll be here all night.

Let's just say that.

Let's just say that.

Doja Cat, jealous type.

That just came out.

Hunter X.

Oh,

this is the K-pop Demon Hunters song, Golden.

Jesse Murph,

Blue Strips.

Justin Bieber Daisies.

We love Daisies.

Shake It to the Max by Molly, Silent Addy, Skillabang, and Shensei.

Okay.

Morgan Walling featuring Tate McRae, What I Want.

Raven Linne featuring Rex Orange County, Love Me Not.

Sabrina Carpenter, Manchild, there's a song I know.

And Somber, 12 to 12.

Yeah.

And we're not going to do the thing where we're like, who are these people?

Because that is like

probably the most peevish thing that I can think of saying in this day and age.

It's peevish and we're not doing it.

We're not doing it.

But

I guess out of those,

Manchild,

who is Manchild.

Golden, I feel like I was hearing everywhere.

Did you watch K-pop demon hunters?

I did not finish.

I didn't either.

But all good.

I don't think it's for us.

I think it's bright colors for the kids.

That's my thing is I was like, love it.

Yeah, I couldn't get invested in like a story,

but I did think the animation was amazing, and I thought some of the songs were fun.

I was just like, with,

with my time, I wasn't going to watch that whole thing.

Oh, good.

But

go off.

And good for you, Joel Kimbooster, for being in it.

Slay.

Yeah.

Did you know?

Oh, my God.

I think he kept it a secret from us.

That's chic.

Joel, well done.

He's not really a secret keeper.

No, but I...

He kept this one pretty close to the fucking sexy little chest

joel oh joel um anyway uh the ladden icon award was ricky martin and it was

so funny watching everyone being like oh my god he's so hot and he's aged so well it's like yeah where you been

where you been he's hot people tend to age hot

in this case

it's like storied and noted he stayed hot he he actually is and one of the greatest specimens we have.

Truly great specimen, inside and out, an angel on this earth.

He's so good.

You've gotten to meet him.

Yes.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Let's leave it there.

You've gotten to meet him.

Just a sweetie.

Okay.

Yeah.

I,

yeah.

This was.

So ultimately, Lady Gaga four wins.

Ariana Grande and Sabrina Carpenter three wins.

Let's talk about the legendary

thing

that was that night, which is that Gaga gets her award,

Runs over from Long Island to Madison Square Garden.

Mm-hmm,

does takes a later state, goes on stage at a later time because of the VA me wins,

which is all, you know, pre-planned and the logistic of the movements are all, you know, arranged, all good.

But for her to fucking like go from that to that.

And do the mayhem ball.

Do the mayhem ball.

Do the whole disease moment with the top-down camera in the, in the sort of grave litter box with the moon man, like cow off.

I'm still flaky about that show.

I mean, anyway, it's it's it is it's it's about culture moment of the year,

right?

I think so.

What's coming close?

Let's just let's just cap it at Q1 through Q3 for what we've experienced so far.

Well, the fact is, we can't experience what we've not yet experienced, we can't get into Q4.

We haven't yet experienced it.

I pray, I pray for all of us.

And I lift my

hands and pray.

Anything else to talk about?

I love when Bo and Yang wants to stop.

Not that.

He'll just like, we'll make this a quick one and then just like flit away.

And I'm like, ugh.

No, no, I'm with you.

Man, chat.

Not bad.

Not bad.

Okay, what else?

What else?

No, not really.

I guess I do have an I don't think so, honey, that is relevant to

my pop culture moment of the week.

I see.

I'm ready to do it.

I'm sorry.

We don't have to end the episode.

No, no, no.

We actually kind of do because I want you guys to, this is a peek behind the curtain.

We're actually recording this episode, the latest we've ever had to turn it in.

It is almost 5 p.m.

PST on Tuesday, September 9th.

So you're going to be hearing this right after we do it because we were so excited to to be invited by Apple and we came here and it's been the last couple of days.

Our schedules have been.

It's been a little much.

And so just so you know for the future, we're about to do a lot of backlogging with very special guests.

I was looking, I think that we literally have like, we know who our next like 15 guests are going to be.

Wow.

Because we're doing something very different.

than we have, which is Bo and Yang is going to be returning to Saturday Night Live.

Do you have anything?

Do you have anything to say about your big return and what's going on?

I am thrilled to go back.

I

will miss the people who are not coming back very, very much.

And that's it.

I just look forward to taking

my post.

Take your post, girl.

Take your post.

And if you get to your muster stations.

It's time to must.

It's time to must.

Oh, I love that.

It's time to must.

It's time to must.

I want to say one thing, and I'm just going to say this

because I believe it to be true.

Heidi Gardner, you are one of the greats.

You are one of the greats.

You will go down as one of the greats.

You are one of the funniest people ever.

I just want to share a little anecdote, which is I went to Just for Laughs with Heidi Gardner in 2017, New Faces characters.

And I'll never forget when you do New Faces, you do one performance in a huge theater.

And I'll never forget Heidi went second.

I went ninth.

and so

I, I like

was rehearsing, I was late in the show, and she had gone.

And then we did a, I just didn't get to see her because I was busy getting ready.

The next day, you do it in a very small space, and so I got everyone got to watch each other because we had already done it, we'd already rehearsed everything.

And I'll never forget watching her perform in like that small space and like seeing just the micro things she was doing with her face.

Heidi is a true actress,

she reminds me of Cecily in that she like really embodies to the bone her characters.

She's created so many brilliant ones and I knew then that she was special.

And all these years later, I still know it.

I fucking love Heidi Gardner.

And that show was made so much better for her being on it.

And I just love Heidi.

She would

be one of the only cast members who the room internally on Wednesday could trust with being uh a solo writer on.

Yeah.

You know, they have they have our names at the top of each sketch script.

Um, you know, they like Green Gillespie, you know, Yang Yim, like it would be like Rogers Yang or whatever.

And then, you know, if it's, it's always like a very, very vulnerable thing as a cast member to like put only your name on it.

Um, like there's just like something in the room that's kind of shifts.

But anytime you saw Just Gardner,

you knew you were in good hands.

She would take it upon herself to write pieces.

For other casts, she wrote

a whole ass update feature for Punky Johnson one year.

Wow.

I love that.

I didn't know that.

It was just the most, it was one of the most beautiful, kindest gestures I've ever seen at that show.

And her heart was so big and clearly so fucking funny.

She's great.

A true anchor on that show.

And,

you know, especially in those lockdown days

during COVID, like it was just so weird.

This is just, I mean, we all kind of like had people, I hope,

do this.

But like one of the first people who was just like okay like just to get through this like let's just each wake up or you know no rush there's no time in whatever like let's just each text each other every day something that like made us smile today and like that was like this like foothold that I had emotionally in terms of like knowing like we were just sharing music and just

a truly beautiful person

we're not talking about her like she's she's past but I mean I but but it was funny because you're like she had such a big heart we but we're just we're just commemorating yeah because it's worth it to when someone's at it at some point for eight years

and did unbelievable work truly true and and you know what i mean and is and is a like deeply talented good person

and i will also say you know i would i go to the show many times to to visit you and see you on saturdays and your dressing rooms are conjoined like or they're neighboring rather and she always just has the coolest friends the most colorful group of people around her yep um

just like the vibes, they're always like, there's always pizza in there.

Like, I just love Tidi's dressing room.

Like, she's got an incredible personality.

She's an amazing performer, and she's a great person.

Yes.

And,

and I just think she deserves to be given her proppers as she exits that show.

Absolutely.

And

one of our favorite updates is absolutely.

I already know what your agenda is.

Cotain Wave.

Yep.

No, that's a party.

Come on, Michael.

Come on, Michael.

Neuatza Potty.

Come on, Michael.

Me, you've won and a fat Liliana.

Come on.

Heidi's so great.

She's just the rascal.

I love you, Heidi.

And just to shout out Devin, Emil, Michael Longfellow.

They were fantastic comedians going in.

They are fantastic comedians coming out.

And I got a reserve comment.

You know,

it's just.

Those are some A-plus gems.

Love.

And we welcome, we're not going to nick Jonas you out of the queer community.

No, you are wicked.

Wicked to find

meal.

Stop.

Hotty.

Anyways, and excited about the new people.

This is going to be great.

Here we go.

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Oh, that really is chic.

Right?

There's nothing like having Casamigos at a party with your friends.

That makes sense, seeing as Casamigo's whole vibe is friendship.

It's literally in the name.

I didn't realize that.

Well, the vibe is working because everyone loves it.

It's good with anything.

Watermelon juice.

Bloody Mary Mick.

Coconut.

Grapefruit.

Diet freaking cola for crying out loud.

The deepest friendships have been forged over Casamigos margaritas.

Casamigos margarita.

Now that's a sleigh.

Casamigos anything is a sleigh.

Anything goes with my Casamigos.

That is so true.

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You walk through a door and boom, you're literally reliving your past.

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So I have an I don't think so, honey, to do.

This is Matt Rogers.

I don't think so, any as time starts now.

I don't think so, honey, that there's no way to clean, just watch Survivor Australia versus the world in this country that we call, and I'm using air quotes, America.

Because in my America, first of all, a lot of this shit isn't going down, but you can definitely watch Australia versus the world on a streaming service.

I don't exactly know what's up with Paramount, but I know this ball has been so dropped and it's gone down the street.

Kids are crying because they can't find their ball.

Oh.

And now I'm going to spoil it.

And now I'm going to spoil it with my final 30.

It's been spoiled.

Carvity Shallow.

Hugh will always be not just famous, the best survivor player of all time.

And now it is fact.

A second win, a flawless game.

No votes cast against her.

Iconic and bespoke idle plays.

Unbelievable

deference from everyone playing that game till the very end.

They had no choice but to crown Parvity Shallow, the best winner of all time.

And I don't think so, honey, that we can't just watch it.

You got to pirate it.

Suck it, Tony.

Suck it, Tony.

Well, the fact that Sari is on camera while showing her vote.

I was crying.

That is powerful.

And I wasn't even, I was just watching.

I just looked at the posts on socials.

I was like, for Sari to confer that title, one of the best reality game players ever, to confer that title upon Parvity.

That is as true.

That is true.

Queen Dumby, Queen Dem's sister.

It was Queen Dumb.

First of all, I feel like it's one of those sentences you hear and then you remember it forever.

Don't think I'm doing this because I love you.

It's because I truly believe you are the best survivor player in the world.

I was.

So emotional and also,

guys, you just got to find a way to to watch Australia versus the world because it was one of the best seasons of survivor I've ever watched and it would really

I think

help to watch I believe it's season five

it's contenders versus challengers or something champions versus contenders or something it's the season that Luke and Janine

are on in Australian Survivor.

It was one of, it was by far at the time, one of the best Survivor seasons I had ever watched, maybe the best until now.

Wow.

And Parvity and Sari are just brilliant on this.

And you can, here's the thing, it's not even really a spoiler because it's just such a coronation and cakewalk for Parvity the entire time because she's just that good.

Two-time winner of Survivor, Parvity Shallow, one-time runner-up in a season she should have won.

Sorry, Sandra.

This was in an era when there were bitter juries.

Juries did not vote for the best player.

They took a lot of personal bias into those things.

It was taken much more personally.

This was a well-played game all around.

Everyone was good.

And it was brilliant.

And it would be a really worthwhile watch.

We love Parvity.

Parvity is Family On Lost Culture.

Parvity is Family On Lost Culture.

Absolutely.

Parvity is Family On Lost Cult.

Well, and now,

speaking of Family on Lost Cults, this is your mother.

Oh.

This is Bo and Yang.

Are you struggling to find a topic?

No.

You have one?

This is Boen Yang's.

I don't think so, honey.

His time starts now.

I don't think so, honey.

There has not been enough celebration around the 10th anniversary of one of the best pop albums of all time.

Do you know what I'm going to say?

E-Mo Shun

by Carly Ray Jepson.

Yep, yep, yep.

Where are the parades?

Yeah,

where are the dinners?

Where's the discourse at all?

The celebratory

look back, the documentary.

Yeah,

I mean, we're getting a deluxe album with like the full Japanese and deluxe

European editions, but we have more,

as in the song More.

is the only release that we've gotten so far.

I think maybe this rollout has not been like publicized in the way that it should have.

I'm not giving anyone in any notes over at the label, but this is an album that gave gave us such hits as Run Away With Me, Emotion, I Really Like You, Give Me Love, all that.

Boy Problems, Your Type.

When I Needed You, I didn't just come here to dance and dare I leave out.

Cut to the feeling.

And that's one minute.

Yeah.

Take me to emotion.

I really don't think that there's been many better

pop albums than that in like the last 25.

Like, and as people who listen to pretty much everyone that comes out, that one does stand the test of time.

But it's this thing about Carly Ray where it's like, is she always going to be under some?

I'm sure there's an acceptance on behalf of all parties,

but

especially in this and the time where we should have a commemorative moment about this.

Yeah.

I would love to

throw the parties,

throw the parades.

I'll throw a parade.

Did you know that Dan Niger was a producer on this?

This album.

I didn't know that.

This album you lost

so much.

So like Shellback, obviously, um, but this was Deb Hines, like, getting and dipping his hand into it.

Like, Rostom really were starting to work with the girls.

Um, like, this album really launched so much.

Greg Kirsten, as well.

Oh, wow, Shellback was on Runaway With Me.

Dress.

I mean, love Greg Kirsten, by the way.

Always great.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Dan Nigro was a

writer and producer on When I Needed You.

So good.

Love that song.

Hey.

Anyway, I just love that.

Oh, we got it.

Yeah, the Heims were writers, lyric writers were making the most of the night, too.

So they were?

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Oh, love that.

So I just making the most of the night.

That would make sense.

It does feel like that.

It's a little Heim impression.

Yeah, no, love Carly Wright.

If you have a favorite track on Emotion, what is it?

Run away with me.

Yeah, me too.

Period.

That feeling.

oh

just like i mean

i feel like that album was the beginning of what we now call indie pop it was when like a pop album of the highest caliber came out and yet it felt like not everyone was talking about it you might be finding dead uh I'm gonna go ahead and say Robin.

Body Talk, I think, might have been the start of that.

But everyone, but everyone knows Dancing on My Own.

Everyone knew Dancing on My Own.

Everyone knows Dancing on My Own.

But I think at the time, it was because Dancing on My Own was not like giving radio.

I thought it was.

Was it?

I don't think it was.

I think it was more of like a song that got like passed around.

Let's go ahead and look at this.

I'm saying, Dancing on My Own.

Let's see.

Okay.

Charts.

Yeah, it was only bubbling under Hot 100.

Okay, interesting.

You know what I'm saying?

Like, that's the thing is, it's like for Dancing on My Own, at least domestically, because it looks like it did a lot better internationally, which makes sense.

But that's like, I would say, the song of a generation.

By the way, literally us seeing Lena this weekend and now us talking about dancing on my own is so funny because that was the moment I believe it to be solidified in pop culture was season one, episode three, all adventurous girls do.

It closes the episode.

Do you remember when we went to go see her at Barclays and the entire audience was just screaming.

Screaming.

Wancing on my own.

It was just very clear that that was that that was

our song.

And I felt like that with I Love It Too with Charlie, also featured in girls.

It's also featured in girls.

And we shouldn't erase Iconopop.

They were, that was their song.

Oh,

no one's erasing Iconopop.

No one's doing that.

Well, this was another fabulous episode.

And we end every episode with a song.

I got this feeling on a summer day with Hugo.

I crushed my car into a bridge.

I watched our light burn.

I threw some sang into a stairs and soft text.

I threw my car into a bridge.

I just said I threw my car into the bridge.

I drew it.

Like she's a mother who has endorphins.

Oh, yeah.

They always use that thing of like, well, you know how a mother, if she's in distress, her baby's in

endorphins, adrenaline, diaspora.

Bye.

Lost Cults Races is the production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeartRadio Podcasts.

Created and hosted by Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang.

Executive produced by Anna Hosnier and produced by Becca Ramos.

Edited and mixed by Doug Babe.

And our music is by Henry Kspirski.

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Seating configurations for seven to eight passengers with available third-row power seats that recline.

This is the SUV that mom and dad can feel good about buying for themselves with more features that inspire them to make the most of every journey.

Learn more about the Hyundai Palisade at HyundaiUSA.com.

Call 562-314-4603 for complete details.

This is an iHeart podcast.