Outwit, Outplay, Out First

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Speaker 3 Hello, Los Angeles.

Speaker 4 Welcome to Love It or Leave It.

Speaker 3 The tribe is smoking.

Speaker 3 Thank you for giving me the opportunity to demonstrate my balance. Something I did not have the opportunity to demonstrate on the islands of Fiji.
Welcome

Speaker 3 to the show. You might recognize me as Survivor Star, John Lovett.
And while you might have hated to see me go, I'm sure you love to watch me me leave. All right.

Speaker 3 This week, first of all, just so I understand for my planning purposes and subject to change, how many people here saw Survivor?

Speaker 3 Only watched for you. You only watched for me? Okay.

Speaker 3 This week, Kamala Harris returns to spread some disgusting rumors about the Republican Party. Sadly, they might just be true.

Speaker 3 Later, Uzo Aduba and Guy Brannam will watch me on last night's Survivor and honestly review my performance.

Speaker 3 And we'll close it out with a spin of the runch wheel in star of this week's real star, Mu Deng, the baby pygmy hippo I and everyone on the internet is obsessed with.

Speaker 3 Bet the Gata tribe would have kept Mu Deng around.

Speaker 3 Sweet, sweet Mu Deng, not a threat to anybody.

Speaker 3 Just brings joy wherever that little creature goes.

Speaker 3 But first, let's get into it.

Speaker 6 What a week.

Speaker 3 At a rally on Tuesday, Sarah Huckabee Sanders kicked things off by attacking Vice President Harris for not having biological children.

Speaker 7 So my kids keep me humble.

Speaker 7 Unfortunately, Kamala Harris doesn't have anything keeping her humble.

Speaker 3 Disgusting.

Speaker 3 It's just ridiculous. You don't have to have children to stay humble.
You can also go on survivor.

Speaker 3 That's also what Republican politics has become, saying Kamala Harris' name wrong on purpose while insulting her for not having biological children.

Speaker 3 Oh, is Kamala Harris not showing you, Sarah Hukabeah Sanders, enough gratitude and humility? That's how it's pronounced, right? Hukabea?

Speaker 3 You're not getting enough humble pie from fucking Kamala Harris? I'm like, your candidate? How many kids does Trump have to have before the humility kicks in?

Speaker 3 Once Donald Trump took the stage, he was ready to deliver. his pitch-perfect message about the economy.

Speaker 8 What the hell does COVID mean to China virus? And a lot of people think they did that because they were not happy with me as president.

Speaker 3 In the immortal words of Carly Simon, you're so vain you probably think this once-in-a-generation global pandemic is about you.

Speaker 3 Trump talked about President Biden calling him after the second assassination attempt.

Speaker 8 President Biden called me yesterday. He was very nice.
We had a very nice conversation. I appreciated that he called about what happened the other day.

Speaker 9 And he says,

Speaker 8 he's committed.

Speaker 8 He's committed.

Speaker 3 Of course, Trump supporters are baffled by a polite phone call between people who can't stand each other. They haven't heard from their own children in years.

Speaker 3 Trump also shouted out Vice President Harris for calling him as well.

Speaker 8 And today, a little while ago, I got a very nice call from Kamala.

Speaker 8 It was very nice.

Speaker 8 It was very nice.

Speaker 8 It was very, very nice, and we appreciate that. But we have to take back our country, we have to win, we're going to win, and we're going to make America great again.
That's all there is to it.

Speaker 8 Very simple, isn't it?

Speaker 3 Trump is a pretty simple guy. Just check in on him.
Some friends you can see once a year, and you pick up right where you left off. Trump is a check-in friend.

Speaker 3 He will never reach out to you, but he appreciates the call. Kamala should call Trump every morning.

Speaker 3 The only problem is his advisors would stop putting her through because he's basically madly in love with any person who is nice to him for about an hour after.

Speaker 3 Speaking of people Trump is madly madly in love with, Melania Trump's press tour for her forthcoming memoir rolls on.

Speaker 3 The former first lady posted a video titled, Why Do I Stand Proudly Behind My Nude Modeling Work?

Speaker 3 Said Melania, it's because if I stood in front of my nude modeling work, you wouldn't be able to see my bazankas.

Speaker 3 And you know what? Melania should stand proudly behind her nude modeling work. Nude modeling is not the shameful portion of Melania Trump's life.

Speaker 3 But let's find out why together.

Speaker 13 Why do I stand proudly behind my nude modeling work?

Speaker 13 The more pressing question is, why has the media chosen to scrutinize my celebration of the human forum in a fashion photo shoot? Are we no longer able to appreciate the beauty of the human body?

Speaker 3 She has a point. I'm sick of the double standard where Doug M.
Hoff can do nude modeling work and nobody bets an eye.

Speaker 3 Did I miss something? Has the media been talking about this lately? Feels like she brought it up. You know, like, why has the media chosen to scrutinize my perfect SAT scores?

Speaker 3 Are we no longer able to appreciate a student who excels in both verbal and math?

Speaker 3 Don't worry, there's more.

Speaker 13 Throughout history, master artists have revered the human shape, evoking profound emotions and admiration.

Speaker 13 We should honor our bodies and embrace the timeless tradition of using art as a powerful means of self-expression.

Speaker 15 Sure.

Speaker 3 No amount of nudity could be as offensive as this freshman compass writing. Throughout history, get out of here.
Since the dawn of time, man has longed to see a boob.

Speaker 3 Speaking of boobs,

Speaker 3 America's goblin, Rudy Giuliani, opened...

Speaker 3 Opened for Trump at a rally in Uniondale, New York on Wednesday, and he had this message for would-be assassins.

Speaker 6 No more attacks!

Speaker 6 No more attacks!

Speaker 6 No more!

Speaker 6 Stop it!

Speaker 6 If there's anybody behind it,

Speaker 5 I'll find them.

Speaker 3 I did it to the mafia. I can do it to them!

Speaker 3 If you're behind it, I'm looking at you, and I'm going to get you!

Speaker 3 Go ahead and laugh, but this is word for word what Giuliani screamed at the sky after 9-11. And you know what? There hasn't been a 9-11 since.

Speaker 3 You couldn't find your way to a chair at the Republican National Convention.

Speaker 3 He wasn't one of the world's biggest pricks. It'd be sad.

Speaker 3 Then, when Donald Trump took the stage, he made a bold promise. It hasn't been done for a long time, but we are going to win New York.

Speaker 3 Start spreading the booze.

Speaker 3 After the rally, Donald Trump broke out with the crypto crowd using Bitcoin to buy a round gathered at PubKey, Manhattan's unofficial cryptocurrency bar.

Speaker 3 Sick of going out in New York City and meeting gorgeous, interesting, single people? Try PubKey, Manhattan's unofficial cryptocurrency bar.

Speaker 3 Here's Trump handing out crypto burgers.

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 8 This is a crypto burger.

Speaker 5 No, it's a Bitcoin burger, actually.

Speaker 5 So you should name them.

Speaker 3 Name a Bitcoin and a crypto.

Speaker 3 They're like regular burgers, the crypto burgers, but instead of beef, they're made of Sam Bankman Freed.

Speaker 3 Earlier this week, Trump touted World Liberty Financial, the new crypto venture founded by Eric and Don Jr. Trump told the crowd it was Baron who encouraged him to embrace crypto, saying this.

Speaker 16 Baron's a young guy, but he knows it. He talks about his wallet.
He's got four wallets or something. And I'm saying, what is a wallet?

Speaker 17 Who's late?

Speaker 3 Donald Trump has made it very clear he has absolutely no idea what what cryptocurrency is. Here he is just a few weeks ago.
Have a good time with your Bitcoin and

Speaker 3 your crypto and everything else that you're playing with.

Speaker 3 But the beauty of Donald Trump is he knows a scam when he sees one. Game recognizes game.
Cryptocurrency and Donald Trump were made to go together. Look, could I be wrong? Of course.

Speaker 3 I just have this feeling there's going to be indictments related to the Trump family venture into cryptocurrency. I don't know why.
I don't know how. I have no evidence to support this whatsoever.

Speaker 3 I have a feeling.

Speaker 3 Speaking of game,

Speaker 3 recognizing game.

Speaker 3 When pressed for evidence that immigrants are stealing Ohio pets for food, Jingo Dingo Vance's spokesperson

Speaker 3 gave the Wall Street Journal a police report filed by Springfield woman Anna Kilgore, who alleged local Haitian immigrants might have stolen her cat, cat, Miss Sassy.

Speaker 3 Oh, so now Vance is standing up for childless cat ladies?

Speaker 3 However, when the Wall Street Journal followed up with Kilgore, she admitted she eventually found Miss Sassy alive in her own basement.

Speaker 3 That's always the thing with cats. Every day it's like, has she been stolen and eaten by Haitian immigrants or is she under the couch?

Speaker 3 Then the interview took a turn when Kilgore shouted wait, where's my phone? Have you seen it? Oh my god, the Haitians ate my phone. Probably in some kind of voodoo curry.
Ah, oh, never mind.

Speaker 3 It's in my hand. I'm talking to you on it right now.

Speaker 3 Meanwhile, jellical dad Vance

Speaker 3 absolved himself of any responsibility for the spate of bomb threats in Springfield and blamed the media for reporting on them.

Speaker 18 And you know what the governor of Ohio came out yesterday and said? Every single one of those bomb threats was a hoax, and all of those bomb threats came from foreign countries.

Speaker 18 So the American media for three days has been lying and saying that Donald Trump and I are inciting bomb threats when in reality, the American media has been laundering foreign disinformation.

Speaker 18 It is disgusting. And every single one of them owes the residents of Springfield an apology.

Speaker 3 Reporting on a bomb threat isn't disinformation just because a bomb didn't go off. The bomb threats happen and are newsworthy.

Speaker 3 Oh, you say you got a bunch of death threats because of something insane I said, and yet you're still alive? I'm ready for my apology.

Speaker 3 Also, and this is an aside, hey man, at least pretend to be a human being. When bomb threats turn out to be a hoax, that's the part of the speech where you sound relieved, not furious.

Speaker 3 All these fucking bomb threats, they're hoaxes. Thank God.

Speaker 3 That's the best case scenario for bomb threats.

Speaker 3 The latest anti-immigration news cycle really represents the fundamental change between Trump's first run for president and his third.

Speaker 3 Every Republican is a conspiracist now, and every liberal podcast host is hot.

Speaker 3 I don't make the rules.

Speaker 3 Prior to Trump's first term, there was at least some Republicans who could and would stand up to him. Now we're left with Republicans who don't even know how to stand.

Speaker 10 I'm sorry.

Speaker 3 Photo of Rob Sanders and Donald Trump.

Speaker 3 The January 6th hearings were essentially interviews with Republicans still willing to refuse Trump's unconstitutional demands. Now those Republicans might as well be in a museum.

Speaker 3 The most annoying museum in the world.

Speaker 3 Just suburban middle-aged moderates coming in to take pictures with wax statues of Adam Kinziger and Liz Cheney, a VR setup where you get tag-teamed by the Vindman brothers.

Speaker 3 Tag-teamed in a hearing, you freaks.

Speaker 3 Now those Republicans are gone or they have abandoned their integrity, reformatting themselves to fit the Trump-shaped mold all conservatives must cram themselves inside.

Speaker 3 And there's a distinctly unfuckable shape to that mold.

Speaker 3 So we've got Republicans spreading baseless conspiracies about Haitian immigrants, election fraud, ABC News sneaking the questions to Kamala, and social media is not only a vector for conspiracy theories, one major platform is now owned by a conspiracy theorist.

Speaker 3 Sarah Palin, running for office on 2024 Twitter, would have been a completely different person, the most monstrous possible version of herself.

Speaker 3 Instead, she was just quaintly awful in a way that no longer really exists, like a racist lawn jockey.

Speaker 3 Speaking of someone who would say, oh, geez, if a kid saw a racist lawn jockey and would do his best to explain it in a way that's age-appropriate, but also appreciative of how much children can actually understand if you give them the chance, Tim Walsh spoke

Speaker 3 at a rally in Asheville, North Carolina this week. In his speech, Walsh pointed out the obvious reason the GOP is spreading lies about immigrants because their policies are wildly unpopular.

Speaker 3 Here he is. They asked him if maybe it was an accident or he didn't mean it.
No, he said, I admit it. I'm willing to create stories to spread fear, to drum up support for us.

Speaker 3 The reason you do that is

Speaker 3 is because if you told what you really stood for, no one would vote for

Speaker 3 It's not just about the awful lies they're talking about. It's about the terrible policies they're afraid to talk about.

Speaker 3 You don't pull the fire alarm at a restaurant when you want your date to get to know the real you.

Speaker 3 You pull the fire alarm at a restaurant because you were trying to impress your date in order to see Food Tower, and then you saw the price and sweated through your clothes.

Speaker 3 And then when you were in the bathroom freshening up, you zipped your fly over a big chunk of your shirt, and now you're completely out of options.

Speaker 3 Speaking of self-sabotage, the head of the Teamster said Wednesday that the union won't endorse a presidential candidate, the first time they haven't endorsed the Democratic ticket since 1996.

Speaker 3 They've worked seven elections in a row. Read the contract.
They're on a break. You want to tell them they're not? You can fucking try.

Speaker 3 And I just want to say for the record as a traveling tour show, we love the Teamsters.

Speaker 6 We support the Teamsters.

Speaker 3 Speaking of trying, our patience.

Speaker 3 Senate Republicans blocked an IVF bill supported by Democrats for a second time in three months Tuesday, to which Senator Tom Cotton offered this.

Speaker 3 IVF is not at risk in any state, and the Alabama example proves the point. The legislature acted promptly to

Speaker 12 change what was an old law to ensure access to

Speaker 3 because a Supreme Court decision that happens all the time.

Speaker 3 What an embarrassing moment for Tom Cotton, probably the most humiliated anyone's been on television this week.

Speaker 3 John Dullinger Vance missed the vote, but did have time to complain about the bill at his rally Tuesday, saying this of Democrats.

Speaker 3 They shoved through a vote today, knowing it would have no chance of passing because they wanted to be able to say, we support IVF and the other guys don't. Yeah, you got it.

Speaker 3 Weird to have you say it's like that, but yeah, that's it.

Speaker 3 That was easy.

Speaker 3 We got him.

Speaker 3 And then, on Thursday morning, rumors began spreading that a major outlet was about to drop a damaging story about Mark Robinson, North Carolina's sitting lieutenant governor and the Republican candidate for governor himself.

Speaker 3 And the story was rumored to be bad enough that Robinson canceled two events and Republicans in the state were pressuring him to withdraw from the race.

Speaker 3 That story was hard to imagine in light of all the damning news that we had already learned about Robinson.

Speaker 3 Babe, something damning is about to come out about the Holocaust denier nostalgic for when women couldn't vote, who castigates gay and trans people for their filthy lifestyles while reportedly going to a porno booth five nights a week.

Speaker 3 What could the story be?

Speaker 3 Well, CNN finally published their report detailing online chats in which Robinson talks about liking transgender porn, peeping in a woman's locker room when he was 14, and wanting to own slaves.

Speaker 3 If a Republican can't run for office because he's misogynist, racist, and sexually objectifying of trans people, I don't know what the GOP is going to do.

Speaker 3 Lisa Murkowski is going to have to be eight senators and four governors at this point.

Speaker 3 In comments on the message board of this porn website, Robinson referred to himself as a black Nazi and wrote, slavery is not bad. Some people need to be slaves.

Speaker 3 I wish they would bring it, slavery, back. I would certainly buy a few.

Speaker 3 Again, these are comments on a pornography website.

Speaker 3 I go to the comments section of pornography sites for peace, Mr. Robinson, for harmony, to goon with my brothers and sisters of all colors and creeds across this great nation of ours.

Speaker 3 How dare you, sir? How dare you? Keep your politics out of the nude Africa message boards. What do you think this is? Facebook, read the room you're masturbating in.

Speaker 3 Speaking of beating, if you'd like to beat Mark Robinson and help make sure that we win in North Carolina, a state that is in play, part of the reason Republicans are starting to clamor for this guy to step down is because he's hurting them in North Carolina, both up and down the ballot.

Speaker 3 That gives us a chance we can win in North Carolina. This guy is still on the ballot, right? Republicans love this guy.
The only sin for these people is the fact that somebody might lose.

Speaker 3 That's the only sin that for these Republicans now. And there's a real chance that this guy can lose.
There's also a real chance that he can win.

Speaker 3 So please go to votesaveamerica.com/slash vote to sign up now. We are past National Voter Registration Day.
We have less than seven weeks until the election.

Speaker 3 If you haven't signed up, and most of you listening haven't, please do me a favor and sign up.

Speaker 3 What a place for that kind of a discourse. The comments section of a porn website,

Speaker 6 it's a lot of politics.

Speaker 3 I don't appreciate the comments really in any forum, but that forum, it's never the place, but it's not the time.

Speaker 5 Also,

Speaker 3 sir, this is a porn website. This is

Speaker 3 a place to get in, get out.

Speaker 3 To drive through, my friend. It's not a Michelin restaurant.

Speaker 3 I've brought a book. What?

Speaker 3 An eight-year-old girl in Bedford, Ohio, stole her family's mid-sized SUV and went on a joyride to Target on Sunday, a crime known as granddaughter theft auto.

Speaker 3 She was found in the store nearly two hours later after successfully getting herself a drink from Starbucks. Weird that they served her, even though she had driven an SUV through the front door.

Speaker 3 But it's pumpkin spice season, so anything goes.

Speaker 3 The police department wrote in a Facebook post, this is real. There's a real post.
They said they finally found someone who, quote, is in more of a hurry to shop at Target than my wife.

Speaker 3 So just so we're clear, the entire police department of Bedford, Ohio shares one wife.

Speaker 3 Little girl drives a car into a mailbox and to a Target and you're like, women be shopping?

Speaker 3 That's crazy.

Speaker 3 That's just not appropriate.

Speaker 3 Zoo in Thailand is begging attendees to stop harassing and throwing water at Mu Deng, their baby pygmy hippo, after she went viral globally on social media. Hey, leave her alone.

Speaker 3 She's not a flight attendant.

Speaker 3 And finally,

Speaker 3 shoppers in a Northern California Costco were surprised and delighted to find Michelle Obama there promoting her new healthy beverage, Pleasy Fizz.

Speaker 3 Said the shoppers, I didn't even realize you could be back here without a membership.

Speaker 3 When there's a crowd on the floor at Costco, it's one of two situations.

Speaker 3 An adult man is boxing out a group of people waiting for a rotisserie chicken, or the former first lady has clogged denial promoting her new health soda.

Speaker 3 Shoppers were somewhat less surprised to see Hillary Clinton since she was just there to buy a hot dog for the third time that day.

Speaker 3 Something lost, the White House, something gained, hot dog time.

Speaker 3 Please Fizz is, of course, Italian for please.

Speaker 12 Take a piss.

Speaker 3 Sure, the soda's good. I'm sure the soda's good.
All right. Up next, Kamala Harris is here to take down the Republican Party and she is not kidding around.

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Speaker 29 And we're back

Speaker 3 In an effort to distract from their various unpopular policies, Republicans have spent the last two weeks spreading vile, dangerous, untrue rumors about Haitian migrants in Ohio, eating local pets.

Speaker 3 They know these claims are baseless, but they're doubled and tripled down anyway, and Springfield has been inundated with bomb threats as a result.

Speaker 3 With liars as cruel and reckless as these, fact-checking and debunking only gets you so far. At a certain point, you have to go for the jugular.

Speaker 3 Here to do that tonight in a segment we're calling Rumor Has It, it's Vice President Kamala Harris.

Speaker 3 Madam Vice President, it's great to see you again.

Speaker 11 Well, well, well.

Speaker 11 If it isn't Survivors, John, love it.

Speaker 3 Did you watch?

Speaker 11 No.

Speaker 3 Of course not. Of course not.
You could. You're incredibly busy.
Yeah.

Speaker 11 You know, last night was actually pretty quiet. You know, Doug and I were just hanging out.
We watched Maiden Manhattan. Jennifer Lopez.
Heard of her?

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah. I mean, okay.
I mean, that

Speaker 3 sounds like you could have

Speaker 11 watched it. And Doug was like, babe, you want to watch the new season of Survivor? I think John Lovitz is on it.

Speaker 11 You know, from The Wedding Singer.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah, no, I know who John Lovettz.

Speaker 11 And then I corrected him, and I was like, and then he was like, oh,

Speaker 11 never mind then.

Speaker 3 We can just jump into the segment now.

Speaker 11 John, the right-wing lie about Haitian immigrants eating cats and dogs is unconscionable.

Speaker 11 I, for one, have had enough. It is time for these creeps that they got a taste of their own medicine.

Speaker 3 And that's exactly what they'll get. Tonight, we're starting the kind of false, nasty, conspiratorial rumors that the ghouls on the right would spread about themselves if they were us.

Speaker 3 You get what I'm saying? You get what I'm saying?

Speaker 3 I get it. Yeah, we get it.

Speaker 5 All right.

Speaker 3 Madam Vice President, take it away.

Speaker 11 America.

Speaker 11 Did you know

Speaker 11 I have it on good authority from a number of concerned citizens on Next Door?

Speaker 3 Great, perfect start.

Speaker 11 The good people of Next Door say they have inside information that Donald Trump and J.D. Vance want want to poison the national food supply and expose your children to deadly foodborne illnesses.

Speaker 11 I've heard from reliable, okay, anonymous sources

Speaker 11 that just thinking about a multi-state listeria outbreak gets them rock hard.

Speaker 3 Madam Vice President,

Speaker 6 rock hard.

Speaker 11 Oh, sorry, was that too far?

Speaker 3 I mean, I don't know about the rock hard part, but the rest of that is basically true. Trump's 2018 budget proposed cutting food safety funding for the FDA by $117 million.

Speaker 3 His EPA administrator Scott Pruitt reversed a ban on a pesticide link to brain damage in children and weakened school nutrition standards.

Speaker 3 And Project 2025 calls for regulatory rulebox that would increase the risk of food contamination and make outbreaks harder to trace. Look it up, dear listener.

Speaker 3 So yeah, maybe this is some kind of kink. Not sure how else to explain it.

Speaker 11 Damn, you're right. You know, I really thought I was making that up.

Speaker 3 It's okay. It's okay.
You'll find one. You'll find one.
Let's try again. Okay.

Speaker 31 America.

Speaker 11 Did you know they're saying over on Pinterest

Speaker 11 that Donald Trump was hypnotized by big oil executives at a Bach Nellian Coke orgy and will do anything they command up to and including sucking their big oily dicks.

Speaker 3 Gonna stop you right there.

Speaker 11 No, I'm sorry for saying big oily dicks, John. That was off-brand.

Speaker 3 No, no.

Speaker 3 For sure, but the big oily dicks are fine. It's just, aside from the hypnosis and the fellatio, you're kind of just describing reality again.

Speaker 11 Girl, what?

Speaker 3 Yeah, so Trump gave big oil $25 billion in tax breaks in his first term.

Speaker 3 At a Mar-i-Lago dinner earlier this year, he straight up told more than 20 oil executives that he would shred the Biden administration's environmental regulations and block any new ones if they gave his reelection campaign $1 billion.

Speaker 11 No, this is impossible, John. I'm pulling the wildest conspiracy nonsense I can think of straight out of my beautiful ass.
And it's all just the truth.

Speaker 11 How am I supposed to start a vicious, viral rumor, okay, about a bunch of freaks who are doing all of it for real?

Speaker 3 Hey, come on, Madam Vice President, you've got this. You've risen to every challenge so far.

Speaker 2 America,

Speaker 11 did you know Republican elected officials are walking around murdering adorable puppies with guns?

Speaker 3 Christy Nom.

Speaker 6 Fuck.

Speaker 3 All right, I'll do one. All right, all right.

Speaker 11 Take it away, Island boy.

Speaker 6 America.

Speaker 3 They're saying on the Subaru app that the GOP wants to kill your beautiful wife.

Speaker 11 Abortion bans, John.

Speaker 30 You're right.

Speaker 3 This is impossible.

Speaker 11 Fuck it. Should we just say they're lizard people wearing human suits?

Speaker 3 Have you seen RFK Jr.

Speaker 11 recently? Well, I refuse.

Speaker 12 All right.

Speaker 11 Well, I give up. I'll just stick to telling the disgusting, godforsaken truth, I guess.

Speaker 3 Hey, we gave it our best shot. It's Vice President Kamala Harris, everybody.

Speaker 3 You know,

Speaker 11 they're saying on Goodreads that Donald Trump eats corn on the cob vertically.

Speaker 3 Oh, my goodness.

Speaker 32 Oh, no.

Speaker 11 Yeah, I did it.

Speaker 3 She did it, everybody.

Speaker 11 She did it, Joe.

Speaker 3 Vice President Kamala Harris, go to hooksyandamerica.com slash vote to double check your registration. Everybody needs to double check their registration.

Speaker 6 All right.

Speaker 3 Tell your friends to use it to double-check their registration and then sign up. Has anyone here not signed up? Be honest.
You can be honest. It's dark.
One person fell right in the trap.

Speaker 3 You shouldn't have been honest.

Speaker 3 When we come back, Uzo Aduba and Guy Brannam weigh in on my newfound reality TV stardom. Will they vote me off the podcast? Find out on Survivor.

Speaker 3 And we're back.

Speaker 3 I don't know if you guys saw, but I was on Survivor.

Speaker 3 Here to help roast my sandy ass to my sunburned face. Please welcome to the stage: the hilarious guy Branham and the incredible Uzo Aduba.

Speaker 3 Come on in.

Speaker 3 Hi, thank you for being here.

Speaker 12 Oh, my, my, oh, you brought

Speaker 3 You brought the Emmy. Emmy award winning.

Speaker 6 Oh, I'm so sorry.

Speaker 33 I forgot that I had this in my hands.

Speaker 17 It just.

Speaker 30 Uzo, you won an Emmy, didn't you?

Speaker 15 I did.

Speaker 6 What was it for?

Speaker 2 It was for a guest

Speaker 34 actor in a comedy.

Speaker 26 Oh, John, you'll be up for that this season because you were in less than four episodes of a season and it was hilarious.

Speaker 3 Is that a fucking loophole?

Speaker 3 I'm gonna get my

Speaker 3 crooked lawyers on that.

Speaker 3 All right, let's get right into it.

Speaker 3 I'm gonna show you several clips from last night's Survivor from Here, which is also my last episode of Survivor.

Speaker 3 You're gonna rate my performance in a segment we're calling The Tribe Has Misspoken.

Speaker 3 All right, that's funny. In the first clip, I introduced myself to my teammates and find out if we have any fans on the island.
I started a podcast called Pod Save America.

Speaker 10 I grew up in the name.

Speaker 3 Well, have any of you listened to it?

Speaker 10 I haven't.

Speaker 37 I feel like your podcast is huge, right? You're right.

Speaker 21 That's super cool. John grabbed Andy and took him away, and I'm like, okay.
And they're great vibes, but I'm just saying, I just think, you know, we just have that.

Speaker 10 We don't need to try. You know what I mean?

Speaker 34 Did you talk a lot about your podcast?

Speaker 3 No, Uzo Aduba. I talked about it one time and they put it in.

Speaker 3 We were together all the fucking time. You really never break off.
And it was a moment where we were, it was like, that's one little flash of time before everybody was doing tasks.

Speaker 3 And it was like we were all breaking off to do things. And it just sort of, I was, I went in so, like, truly never wanting to be not in the big group.
And that was maybe one moment, one moment.

Speaker 3 All right, next clip: I'm old.

Speaker 3 Wait, I was older than that.

Speaker 36 Do you know that one?

Speaker 10 Okay, I'm not bad. Oh my god,

Speaker 36 I know I love Vine.

Speaker 21 I remember Vine was 30 when Vine was popping.

Speaker 36 That's right, I was still a young person.

Speaker 3 Looking at my tribe, I'm realizing I'm not getting to know a group of people, I'm getting to know a group of young people being 41 years old.

Speaker 3 Okay, so I'm old now.

Speaker 6 That is rough.

Speaker 17 That is rough to show up to Survivor, imagining yourself Twink adjacents, and

Speaker 6 realizing.

Speaker 39 No, wait, I'm supposed to be the cop on this season.

Speaker 12 I'm the dad.

Speaker 32 You are a real housewives person.

Speaker 2 Love.

Speaker 3 Do you, are you, thank you.

Speaker 3 Do you feel any similarities between the real housewives universe to the survivor universe?

Speaker 34 Yes, the only difference is you can't get voted off.

Speaker 3 Oh, that seems right for me.

Speaker 2 Well, no, there's Andy can vote you off.

Speaker 6 Well, and has.

Speaker 2 Yes, yeah.

Speaker 3 Guy, where are you with reality TV right now?

Speaker 12 Oh, I'm watching a lot of Alone.

Speaker 4 Alone is an amazing program where they drop nine men and one woman in the Canadian wilderness, and they survive with only 10 items and their wits.

Speaker 33 And then in the 10th episode, somebody carves their children's name into their shelter and you realize uh-oh he probably has very strong feelings about immigrants

Speaker 6 because the names are like Thor and Freya and stuff like that, you know

Speaker 3 Let's roll the next clip

Speaker 36 I'm on the bottom

Speaker 36 I see it in their eyes when They know I crack open a coconut and they didn't cheer for me.

Speaker 10 They cheered for John

Speaker 36 They don't like me. I don't think.
My best friend out here is John.

Speaker 36 And as they were finishing the puzzle, I was

Speaker 36 thinking I was going to throw him under the bus to try to stay.

Speaker 5 You're...

Speaker 39 No, Uzo.

Speaker 34 You're so unimpressed by your best friend.

Speaker 22 Like,

Speaker 2 did you realize that Andy was reality show gold before that moment? Yeah.

Speaker 3 It was, you know, you say, hey, what if I went on Survivor? And then the next thing you know, you're pushing a rowboat up the sand of a beach filled with incredibly heavy objects. You're winded.

Speaker 3 You're exhausted. You've lost.
And then the person you're playing with

Speaker 3 has an implosion in front of everyone. And you literally, like, you've watched basically all of Survivor.
You've never seen this happen before.

Speaker 3 You've watched it. I can't think of a moment like this.

Speaker 17 No, I mean, the thing is, is if Andy had been voted off this episode, him whining about people not being impressed that he opened a coconut would still go down in survivor lore.

Speaker 17 Like, it was amazing and iconic. And I have never seen anybody like gestalt meta throw someone under the bus like that.

Speaker 34 Her head snap, yeah, because it was so wild.

Speaker 3 It was amazing. Yes, it is a sort of like in my reverie, I imagine doing something bad, and now I'm doing it.

Speaker 3 That was so strange.

Speaker 3 It feels like a lifetime ago. This, you all saw this yesterday.
This was for me months ago.

Speaker 3 Do you know what it's like to put on your calendar, like in May, that in or like in June, that in September, there's going to be a night where people make fun of you?

Speaker 3 Like, you've never done that. I want you all to open up your calendars right now and put in

Speaker 3 February.

Speaker 3 Everyone I know will text you, ah, buddy.

Speaker 17 I texted John. I texted John.

Speaker 33 Who amongst us has not been drawn into a cute bisexual's instability?

Speaker 3 Happens to the best of us.

Speaker 3 How far do you think you'd make it on Survivor?

Speaker 34 I would not to the rowing the boat up the sand.

Speaker 12 I know that much.

Speaker 2 Not that part.

Speaker 17 Do you at this point think it is a well-constructed game, John?

Speaker 3 Yes.

Speaker 3 Look,

Speaker 3 I think that I paid the price for what makes the modern seasons more interesting, which is

Speaker 3 shot in the dark, beware advantages, small tribes.

Speaker 3 You never feel comfortable and you never feel safe. And

Speaker 3 the challenge I face that, so there's something called shot in the dark, which means that if you think you're going to be voted out, you can play your shot in the dark, which means you give up your vote, but you have a one in six, basically a roll of the dice to whether or not you'll be safe.

Speaker 3 So basically, if you really think you're screwed, you do your shot in the dark and you got a one in six chance of staying.

Speaker 3 What that means is in the old era, people would just be like, guy, we're sorry, but we're voting you the fuck out of here. And you'd be like, damn, and then you'd go and it would be uneventful.

Speaker 3 Now they look at you and they're like, we're voting for Uzo, but they're not. And so everybody is telling me they're voting for Andy.

Speaker 12 No.

Speaker 3 And this is a, this was a circumstance. I truly hadn't considered this.
I really didn't, which is it's one thing to knock on somebody's door and say,

Speaker 3 hi, we're here to try to get a vote for Kamala Harris. And they're like, well, we're supporting Trump.
You can have a conversation. But what if they're supporting Trump, but tell you it's Kamala?

Speaker 3 You're like, I think you should have a Kamala. Well, I am.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah. And then what? No, but I mean, really.
really. So that was a really interesting challenge that I had to.
I didn't believe it? No. From the first time.
No, no, not even for a second.

Speaker 3 Not even for a second.

Speaker 17 Who was the guy who called himself a wolf in wolf's clothing?

Speaker 20 Sam.

Speaker 33 Were you as turned on when he said it as I was?

Speaker 40 Like, I think that Sam, Sam and was her name, Annika?

Speaker 30 Annika. Sam and Annika were both alphas.

Speaker 40 And I think that...

Speaker 33 When you started strategizing far too well, far too quickly, when you started strategizing, I think both of them were like, there can't be three of us here.

Speaker 3 No, well, what's interesting is they don't, that's interesting that that's what you get from this because in one of the ways, the edit is very fair, but they actually couldn't show that, like, really, I had built a very good relationship with Annika in the first day.

Speaker 3 The reason that the vote kind of turned to her was in part because her name had been thrown out for complicated and boring reasons.

Speaker 6 But

Speaker 3 if Andy hadn't melted down or if we hadn't lost, there was a natural thing happening where

Speaker 3 Annika and I were talking. Annika would pull in Rachel.

Speaker 3 I'd pull in Andy and we had a four that was the direction I thought we were heading and why I wasn't as maybe as nervous I wasn't it wasn't until Andy implodes that for a couple reasons that path closed I mean and the edit gives you none of that because while watching it I was just like why is John not girlfriending the girls and because what I said I would do is I would be working Annika so so I was I was I was in good stead with Annika and I was in good stead with Annika and then Andy kind of had pulled me in just like, this is like, we're talking about one or two conversations, very soft, very early relationships.

Speaker 3 But basically,

Speaker 3 I had, I thought, oh, this is the natural four. It wasn't until watching the episode that I realized how much Andy had alienated Rachel.
Yeah. And so once

Speaker 3 Andy alienates Rachel, you have not seen any of this.

Speaker 34 No, but let me tell you, I'm super in because I watched the first season of Survivor when it came. I know.

Speaker 2 I watched the first

Speaker 2 time.

Speaker 34 Like, religiously, we, like, we had a family that we could not watch it. And my best friend, Crowley, we could not watch an episode without every single person being present.

Speaker 34 So I'm clear on the rules of the game and the world. So I am, like, diving in

Speaker 34 so fascinated. Here's my question, though.
So, after the vote, what happened with you and Andy?

Speaker 34 Like, did you genuinely, were you like, he's like my bestie, but are you like, whatever?

Speaker 3 There was a moment in there.

Speaker 3 I have have no ill will towards anybody in the game because it's just a game and if any anyone takes it too seriously while you're in the game I think you've lost the plot like this is a competition everybody anything is fair game who cares

Speaker 3 but there was a moment they didn't there's a moment where Andy where I think Andy's like

Speaker 3 Like where he says he's by and you can see in my face. I'm like, okay and

Speaker 3 And like it was like what Rachel said, I think was kind of true, which is like you just feel someone coming on a little bit strong, but it's like he wants to work together. Great.

Speaker 3 But I was really trying to like have something with Andy, something with Annika, something with Rachel. That felt like the path for me, not realizing that the Rachel Andy thing was happening.

Speaker 17 Because having a somewhat unstable, goofy person is a good, solid strategy.

Speaker 37 Many people have had that person there to sort of like take the arrows, take the attacks on their behalf. Like he was, I think.

Speaker 33 I understood why they kept him around, even though he was clearly a weakness to the team.

Speaker 3 I just think it wasn't that complicated in the end, which is

Speaker 3 Sam was very strong in the challenge. We would need him for the next challenge.
Sam was tight with Sierra. Annika and Rachel were kind of in the middle.
Sam and I were on the other side.

Speaker 3 Andy breaks down

Speaker 3 because Rachel was down on Andy, and I would either have to pull in Andy or pull in Sierra. And this is getting too much.

Speaker 3 I'll just say, let me say it faster.

Speaker 3 By the time we got, once we got off the mat, what Andy had done, whether inadvertently or on purpose, was basically say, I'm no longer a threat, and John continues to be one.

Speaker 3 He just sort of went prostrate. He just like laid himself out in front of the whole entire season.
And so from that point forward, it's like, of course, he's, you know, bring him on, bring him along.

Speaker 17 Uzzo, do you think there was some real housewives wine-throwing strategy that John could have done as a hailmary?

Speaker 34 I mean, like, let's talk about the husbands.

Speaker 6 Yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 17 I think the great Sandra Diaz Twine once overturned a bucket of fish

Speaker 35 to upset attention.

Speaker 33 I think it might have been a time to shit in the rice, John.

Speaker 26 You should have considered shitting in the rice.

Speaker 3 I want to address that point, but before we do, Uzzo,

Speaker 3 you know, so Uzo, you just wrote a memoir about your mother.

Speaker 2 The road is good.

Speaker 3 And I presume it was mostly about

Speaker 3 this

Speaker 3 reality TV.

Speaker 34 Fully centers the entire book.

Speaker 3 What would your Real Housewives tagline be?

Speaker 6 Ooh.

Speaker 3 And can you relate it to the book?

Speaker 34 And can I relate it to the book? You don't need Nigerian pepper for all this spice.

Speaker 5 Ooh.

Speaker 3 I like that. I like that.
Well, Uzo, we have to let you go. You have to go.
Yeah. I'm so sorry that we had such a brief time.

Speaker 34 This is amazing.

Speaker 12 Congratulations.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah, that's what's the word.

Speaker 3 It was so lovely to meet you. Thank you for being here.
Congrats on the book.

Speaker 12 Thank you so much. Thank you.
All right.

Speaker 3 The book is The Road is Good.

Speaker 12 The Road is Good.

Speaker 22 All right.

Speaker 3 And it is good. Thank you.
Uzo Aduba, thank you so much. Guy's going to stick around.

Speaker 3 Watch out for the Emmy.

Speaker 3 Guy, can we pick this up and put this on a table?

Speaker 39 Emmys are so pointy.

Speaker 3 They are pointy. They are.
Look at that beautiful Emmy.

Speaker 3 Oh, man

Speaker 3 i don't know what's harder for me to get i'm an immunity idol or a fucking emmy um i'm sorry to be second guessing you it's just it's how you watch the game no no of course and we'll edit it out so it's fine uh

Speaker 3 no i uh

Speaker 3 let's roll one more clip right now it's either me or andy

Speaker 3 or i can try to vote onika if i'm gonna be on this show for one episode one glorious and perfect episode i'd rather go out swinging and ha and and and making some kind of a move rather than just hoping for the best.

Speaker 3 I don't want to hope for the best. I want to try to figure something out.

Speaker 19 I look good there.

Speaker 6 You look.

Speaker 3 That's the truth.

Speaker 4 You look real fucking good.

Speaker 17 You got to name the episode.

Speaker 3 I know, I know. And what's funny is

Speaker 3 Travis, friend of the show, texted me when he saw the episode title and said, I know you.

Speaker 3 I know what happened now.

Speaker 6 Oh, wow.

Speaker 3 Because he saw one perfect and glorious episode and he thought, well, I know who said that. And that's not a good sign.

Speaker 17 It's beautiful to be known.

Speaker 3 It is beautiful to be known. It is beautiful to be known.
And then sometimes beautiful to not be known, to never have been known.

Speaker 3 Like, one thing people want to know is, why did I wear Todd Snyder knits?

Speaker 2 Sean, let's be fair.

Speaker 26 This is not a show for stars, okay?

Speaker 17 Some people shine so bright that everyone notices them.

Speaker 20 And that's not what you're supposed to do on Survivor.

Speaker 3 Is that what you're supposed to do on Traders?

Speaker 17 It is what you're supposed to do on the Traders.

Speaker 3 Watch the Space.

Speaker 3 Hey, guy, you won an Emmy.

Speaker 6 I won an Emmy.

Speaker 37 Thank you.

Speaker 39 Along with like 10 other people who worked on hacks, but still.

Speaker 3 Great night for hacks. A great night for hacks.

Speaker 6 A great night for comedy.

Speaker 39 It was a great night for hacks. It was a great night for friend of the show, Travis.

Speaker 3 Yes, it was a good night for a friend of the show, Travis.

Speaker 33 I talked to Jodi Foster, Ricky Martin, and I got quality time with Connie Britton. I drunk, I drunk, said, you know, I never watched the football show.

Speaker 39 To which she replied, to which she replied, why?

Speaker 2 It's the best one.

Speaker 35 And I was like, good for you, Connie Britton.

Speaker 20 Oh, and political news, I asked Ricky Martin, are you going to be governor of Puerto Rico one day?

Speaker 17 And he said, fuck yeah.

Speaker 3 What a night. What a night.
It's TV's biggest night. Do you think it was worth it, me going on Survivor?

Speaker 17 I'm stunned that you took a month off of work

Speaker 2 for what could have been done on like a summer Friday half day.

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 3 This was a source of,

Speaker 3 I would say, discussion today with John and Tommy.

Speaker 37 No, I think it is very beautiful because you have had some success in your life and it would be very easy for you to insulate yourself from challenging experiences that push you out of your comfort zone.

Speaker 40 You got pushed out of

Speaker 12 like

Speaker 33 you went and you did this thing.

Speaker 2 Essentially, other than like a really, really bad MRSA, the worst thing that could have happened happened.

Speaker 2 And it's fun and awesome. Like I am so proud of you.

Speaker 39 And also, usually, they come back and they can never eat coconut again because they had to eat coconut for 30 days.

Speaker 2 Not me. You probably didn't eat eat that much coconut.

Speaker 6 Nope.

Speaker 3 I'm just a guy that missed three dinners.

Speaker 6 Can we retitle the episode?

Speaker 38 I think that is a better episode. That's funny.

Speaker 30 What was, okay, no, here's the real question.

Speaker 20 What was your time in the Ponderosa like?

Speaker 3 So this is interesting.

Speaker 32 So, okay, so all joking aside, I really tried.

Speaker 6 So

Speaker 3 you talk about having a difficult experience. Part of what was interesting to me about it was the competition, but also like

Speaker 3 the fact that like I am so, I put a lot of insecurity into how I look, into how I seem. And so I, and, you know, I get to host this show and I get a lot of control over what I sound like.

Speaker 3 There's parts of it I can't control, my talent level, but there's, but like, I do this.

Speaker 35 Because you can't control the infinite.

Speaker 3 That's right. Thank you.
Beautiful.

Speaker 3 But I really like, and like some things I just let go, even though on some level, I kind of wish I didn't, because I like, I want everything to be exactly how it looks.

Speaker 3 And I'm really sensitive about how I look physically, just my physical appearance. I have a lot of anxiety tied up in that.
And there was something about seating over control. Like

Speaker 3 I could not.

Speaker 3 I don't think, do some of these challenges just for the physical effort of it. But if you tell me this is going to be on television, whether you like it or not, I'll do what is demanded.
Right.

Speaker 3 Like, I will have given over myself to this process and I'll have given up the right to edit. Like, even when we were in the run-up to shooting it,

Speaker 3 they took pictures of us and I was like, can I see them? And the photographer was like, this is survivor.

Speaker 3 Like, you don't know what's going on. You don't know what's happening.
It's a really fascinating process.

Speaker 3 But so I was really trying to enjoy that experience. You hand over your phone and then all of a sudden you're kind of like kind of no longer knowing what's going to happen next.

Speaker 3 And I just tried to be at peace with that. Like, I don't have the ability to connect to the internet.
I have the books that I brought. I don't even really know what time it is.

Speaker 3 And so the days leading up to the game are fascinating. You're not really allowed to talk.
All these things have been publicly talked about before.

Speaker 3 And then after the game, you get to this place called Ponderosa and

Speaker 3 you're like kind of shocked. You try to parsing, you're alone, kind of going over what happened.
Though they have really great people there.

Speaker 3 And then one by one, other people have the experience you had two days before. And what's really interesting about it is

Speaker 3 everybody who gets voted off of Survivor or any reality show, myself included, you tell a story of it.

Speaker 3 That's the truest thing you can get away with that makes you feel as good as you can feel about the experience without exception. I'm doing that right now.

Speaker 3 But for the first couple of hours, you haven't done that work yet. You're still surprised.
And so you're sitting in this place, and one by one, someone's coming down the stairs and they're just raw.

Speaker 3 And they're talking about what they did right, what they did wrong. How could I have done this? How could I have let this happen? How did this person pull one over on me?

Speaker 3 I thought I could trust that person.

Speaker 3 And that experience of being there for every single person who was voted out was one of the most fascinating experiences. I learned more about

Speaker 3 the show from those moments than from any viewing of it or even even like podcast about it or information i could gather in the run-up that was fascinating do you like having only missed three dinners do you feel connected

Speaker 37 no but like but like do you feel connected to this community now like because the the people who have been survivor on survivor are a really interesting community they are bonded by uh a strange a very strange experience Yes, I mean, look, I am sure, like, I do in part because it's less that I feel like I don't think I would feel like,

Speaker 3 like, boy, poverty, survivor. We get it.

Speaker 4 But,

Speaker 17 but I do know.

Speaker 2 She went out relatively early on season 13, Cook Islands.

Speaker 3 Good point. Such an important point.

Speaker 3 But I do, it is sort of like, no, you... You don't understand until you've been in it what the experience is like, especially the parts that are never on television, right?

Speaker 3 The boat rides between challenges, the moments of silence,

Speaker 3 the time before and after in Ponderosa. Like those are very

Speaker 38 memorable experiences. Just the boat ride in.

Speaker 2 I was like, how is John not terrified?

Speaker 6 Like, how is John not terrified?

Speaker 3 There was a moment where I saw the mud. I just like saw the mud.

Speaker 3 And it's the kind of thing where like, you just think there's, you just think there's going to be more time. You think like this is a, this is a TV set.
So there's going to be a lot of time.

Speaker 3 And it's just like, all right, mud, let's go.

Speaker 3 Jeff's hands are up. We're doing this.
How can that possibly be? How could it possibly be that it's time to go in the mud? And yet it is. And then you're in the mud.
And then you're out of the mud.

Speaker 3 And there's a challenge happening around you. And it's all going to be on television.
It's.

Speaker 2 It's amazing.

Speaker 38 So you lived that.

Speaker 37 And you gave that to your life. And I'm so proud of you.

Speaker 20 Yeah.

Speaker 3 And like, I guess like what I...

Speaker 3 What's funny too is it's like I was dreading not dreading dreading is not the wrong I was very anxious about the coming of this day because I didn't didn't know what the episode was gonna look like.

Speaker 3 You don't know, I fell out of a boat. It's not in the episode.

Speaker 3 Fell right out. Just

Speaker 3 could have been in there, isn't, thank you.

Speaker 3 So I was really, I knew what was gonna happen, but I did not know how I would feel about how I was portrayed, even though on some level I went in saying, I trust this, on some level, I trust that

Speaker 3 You know, the good you do and the bad you do in the ledger of the edit, you come out, I think, fairly compensated.

Speaker 3 But then I saw it and I was reminded of actually how much fun it is. Like there was one period of time that's not captured in the show, which is

Speaker 3 I was really trying to have fun and kind of be a little bit self-aware about like how strange and unique this experience was and reminding myself over and over again that like you caught this car.

Speaker 3 You ran, you, you, you, you ran full speed across the world to catch this car. You are in Fiji to catch this car.
You cannot

Speaker 3 like, do not be upset about this experience. And there was like one period of time, like an hour, where after the immunity challenge, I felt the walls circling, getting closer.

Speaker 3 And I started getting really like kind of

Speaker 3 like anxious and in my head and kind of panicked about it. And then I kind of like caught it.

Speaker 3 And I had like one or two conversations that I probably wouldn't be particularly proud of if they were in the episode. Thankfully, there was so much that they couldn't use it.

Speaker 3 And then I like had a moment where I thought,

Speaker 3 chill the fuck out.

Speaker 3 Do not, like, don't forget that this is 100% optional.

Speaker 3 This is a, this is an extracurricular.

Speaker 3 And that was very helpful. But other than that, it was, it was an absolute blast.
When we come back, the runt wheel.

Speaker 3 Don't go anywhere.

Speaker 23 Love it or leave it. There's more on the way.

Speaker 12 What's poppin' listeners?

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Guys that will wine and dine you and then steal all your coins.

Speaker 41 Oh, you know they are represented because representation matters. I'm joined by guests like Nicole Beyer, Ira Madison III, Conan O'Brien, and more.

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Speaker 6 And we're back

Speaker 3 before we get to the runt wheel, if you want to sound smart when you talk to your friends by whipping out a term like crosstabs, tune in to tomorrow's episode of Polar Coaster as Dan Pfeiffer and fan favorite Elijah Cohn dive deep into the latest post-debate polls.

Speaker 3 They're breaking down both national landscape and key battleground states like Pennsylvania and I guess now Iowa because there was a poll that showed Iowa pretty close. I think that's a joke.

Speaker 3 And taking a closer look at the Senate races that could shake things up this cycle, go to cricket.com/slash friends to get access to this exclusive subscription series and more. All right.

Speaker 3 And everybody, if you are not listening to Stacey Abrams' show, show, Assembly Required, everybody check out Assembly Required.

Speaker 3 Great episode on tenants' rights this week. So everybody should go check it out.
Please welcome back to the stage to join Guy and me. It's Allison Reese for the first time.
Wow!

Speaker 3 Hello.

Speaker 5 Hello.

Speaker 11 Jason also here. Great.
I'll sit next to the Emmy.

Speaker 3 Sit next to the Emmy.

Speaker 6 Wow.

Speaker 11 It's so pretty.

Speaker 12 Hi, Allison.

Speaker 11 Congratulations. Hi.

Speaker 3 Like everyone else on the internet, we here at Love or Leave It are obsessed with Mu Ding, Thailand's adorable celebrity baby pygmy hippo. Let's see her.

Speaker 3 We all love a viral animal, even more so when it's miniature, which got us thinking, what other small things deserve some big love. So tonight we're spinning the runt wheel.

Speaker 3 We'll spin the wheel and when it lands on one of our adorable faces, we will get one minute to open our hearts to something we love that is literally or figuratively small

Speaker 3 or both. I don't give a shit.

Speaker 3 Let's spin the wheel.

Speaker 3 Uh-oh. And it's Landon Allison.

Speaker 11 That's not good.

Speaker 11 I actually think Mu Dang is disgusting.

Speaker 6 No. Oh, wow.

Speaker 3 Hot takes.

Speaker 11 So sorry. I think that is gross.

Speaker 32 It's gross.

Speaker 11 I think that and baby pandas. I don't know.
Something about that too phallic for me. I don't get I don't get it

Speaker 11 Something that's small that I do like is Bjork's voice.

Speaker 6 Oh Yeah, that's good.

Speaker 3 It is small.

Speaker 10 Yeah, it's very

Speaker 31 Yeah, there's an alien in the television

Speaker 31 It's so small.

Speaker 5 So tiny.

Speaker 11 Yeah, so small so good

Speaker 6 So small so small so little

Speaker 3 Not like that.

Speaker 6 Not like this like that.

Speaker 3 It does Bjork does have a small voice. It's interesting, right?

Speaker 11 But then when she sings, it's big.

Speaker 3 Right. So, what is small about it?

Speaker 6 Hmm.

Speaker 3 It just does feel like it's little.

Speaker 31 It's very little. It's very.

Speaker 31 It's small. It's here.
There's. Have you opened your television?

Speaker 31 And inside the television is not static.

Speaker 31 It's a little man.

Speaker 3 You know? Yeah, yeah, no, yeah.

Speaker 11 But then when she sings, it's like,

Speaker 3 you know. Yeah, but there are no choruses.
Okay.

Speaker 3 Something to think about. Something to think about.

Speaker 38 Something to chew on.

Speaker 3 Oh, there are choruses. They're just subtle.

Speaker 22 Are there choruses, guys?

Speaker 37 I know one Bjork song. It's Oh So Quiet.

Speaker 26 Me too. It has a chorus.

Speaker 6 Yeah. That's cool.

Speaker 32 It goes ding-dong a lot. So

Speaker 3 quiet.

Speaker 31 It's oh, so still.

Speaker 11 You're all alone.

Speaker 11 Shh.

Speaker 12 Shhh.

Speaker 6 And so peaceful until

Speaker 6 you fall in love.

Speaker 11 Some people are singing it.

Speaker 11 Zing Boo.

Speaker 3 I went to a Bjork concert once with an ex

Speaker 3 and

Speaker 3 it wasn't for me.

Speaker 3 And I just was like, I'm sorry. I'm sure this is excellent.
It actually is. It reflects poorly on me.
This is above me.

Speaker 3 This is too sophisticated for my taste.

Speaker 11 My dad has a really eclectic taste in music, and he introduced me to Bjork. And now it's what I show people if I want to know if they can hang with me.

Speaker 6 Oh, well, I can't.

Speaker 5 No,

Speaker 3 that's too bad.

Speaker 11 The Bjork cat music video?

Speaker 11 Nobody here knows it. Sorry.
We can't be friends.

Speaker 3 Let's spin it again.

Speaker 3 It has landed on Guy.

Speaker 35 Some game shows are big,

Speaker 2 like Millionaire or say Survivor.

Speaker 37 But my favorite game show on the entire planet is extremely small.

Speaker 40 It is a BBC2 game show called Only Connect that is so hard it is insufferable.

Speaker 40 It's just a lady, my favorite person on the planet, Victoria Corin Mitchell, showing you four things and you have to figure out how they connect.

Speaker 33 And it's so hard, you will only get like one of them the entire episode, and like a third of the questions are about British things that you would never understand.

Speaker 33 And the season just started, and it's so good, and it is a reason to live for the second half of the year. So, I would encourage everyone who does not find it frustrating to be stumped by things

Speaker 39 to go to YouTube and watch the episodes of Only Connect that have not been pulled down for IP rights violations.

Speaker 3 And this is like a game show version of the New York Times game?

Speaker 12 No, no, no.

Speaker 2 The New York Times game is a theft of IP that was then watered down for American audiences.

Speaker 17 My joke is always that

Speaker 17 New York Times Connections is like, those were for computer words.

Speaker 40 And OnlyConnect is like, those are the nicknames of the Stuart King's mistresses in order of BMI.

Speaker 5 Like,

Speaker 6 it's always just how on earth could a person figure that out?

Speaker 20 But if you figure it out, you're like, I'm the smartest person on the planet.

Speaker 11 It's wait, it's a game about connections, and there's four things, and it is not called Connect4.

Speaker 39 No, it's not, because Connect4 is an American board game, and OnlyCollect, Connect is a hilarious reference to the works of E.M.

Speaker 2 Forster, and the BBC has to be much higher brow than Connect 4.

Speaker 3 Wow, what a country.

Speaker 3 Their talk shows are so much more sophisticated than ours.

Speaker 35 I didn't tell you the most important thing.

Speaker 39 Would you like to know what the people on OnlyConnect are competing for?

Speaker 32 Yes.

Speaker 6 Nothing, because it's the BBC.

Speaker 15 Nothing. You cannot give any prize.

Speaker 3 There's no prize. On the Great British Bake Off, it's just like, wow, job well done.
Right-o. Great baking.
See you next time.

Speaker 22 Doesn't give them anything for you.

Speaker 3 They get flowers

Speaker 3 and a plate.

Speaker 3 They get a plate that says, wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 2 They get a plate on OnlyConnect too.

Speaker 3 Wow. That's, you know what? That's why they lost.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Right. Like, they are like, there are game shows who wants to be a millionaire? And their game shows like, who wants to have a nice time?

Speaker 3 Who wants to get a handshake from their dad when they get home?

Speaker 3 Let's spin it again.

Speaker 12 It has landed on me.

Speaker 3 Here's something small that I would like to celebrate.

Speaker 3 The one onion ring in the fries.

Speaker 5 Oh!

Speaker 6 Oh!

Speaker 3 Praise be to the one onion ring in the fries. Praise to any restaurant or food conveyance that gives in to our primal demand, which is not one big thing,

Speaker 3 but an infinite supply of everything.

Speaker 3 That on some level, when we go to the Cheesecake Factory, what we want, but know for some logistical and hard to comprehend reasons,

Speaker 3 we know we can't even ask for what we want. We know that there's no place on earth that can give us what we want, which is we want one bite of everything on this menu.

Speaker 3 And we've even had moments, either in the privacy of our mind or among our friends, where we say, what about a restaurant where every single thing, you just get one fork of it.

Speaker 3 We've all had a version of that conversation, like every single thing, but it's really small. It's a la carte.

Speaker 3 You get, it's like a dollar each and you can get anything you want, but it's just one bite of everything. It's like an hors d'oeuvre style restaurant.

Speaker 3 Now that I say it, I do realize it exists in the form of dim sum.

Speaker 3 But back to the single onion ring in the bag.

Speaker 22 No, no, no.

Speaker 35 Because dim sum requires you to get four of the things.

Speaker 39 What you are proposing is dim sum for one.

Speaker 3 Lonely dim sum.

Speaker 3 One onion ring in the bag. Oh my God, it's beautiful.
Do you eat it right at the beginning? Do you save it to the end? Do you take a bite of it, eat the fries, then finish that onion ring?

Speaker 3 Do you wonder how it got there sometimes? Do you wonder if it's an accident? How?

Speaker 32 How?

Speaker 3 What's the process? Or is it on purpose? Is it someone doing a little kindness in a broken world for you in this moment? Maybe it doesn't matter.

Speaker 3 Maybe it doesn't matter because there was one onion ring in that bag and you wanted onion rings but you knew that you wanted fries more because really what you wanted was one onion ring

Speaker 3 and i hope we all get it i simply hope we all get it all right that is the runt wheel when we come back we'll end on a high note

Speaker 3 and we're back Here it is because we all need it. The high note.

Speaker 14 Hi, Loli.

Speaker 14 My high note is that I just beat my personal best time for finishing the Sunday crossword and the mini and I got the Wordle and I hit Queen Bee, and I got Strands Hard Mode, which is when you find the Spangram first and you don't use hints,

Speaker 14 and most thrillingly, the Mount Everest of NYT games, a perfect connections hard mode, which is when you find the categories in reverse order, purple to yellow.

Speaker 14 And I did all this while cackling through the Sweets episode with Jane Fonda. A plus.
It's just a banner day.

Speaker 41 Thanks!

Speaker 9 Hey, I love it. This is Brittany in Seattle, Washington.
And my high note is the love of my life took the big brave leap to leave a job where he had been underappreciated for far too long.

Speaker 9 The day that this airs will be his first day of freedom, and I couldn't be more proud of him. And today, as I record this, is our eight-year wedding anniversary.

Speaker 9 I can't believe this is possible, but I feel even more excited for our future together today than I did the day we got married. I love you so much, Parks.

Speaker 9 There is no one I'd rather be doing life with. I am so happy to be entering this next chapter with you.
Thanks. We love the pod.

Speaker 3 Thanks to everybody who's on a high note tonight. If you want to send us a message about something that made you hopeful, send a voice memo to lowlyhighnotes at gmail.com.

Speaker 3 One day we'll have a crooked address for that. One day we'll crack that code, but not this day.

Speaker 3 Got a big company now.

Speaker 1 Gmail.

Speaker 3 It's fine. And if you're a friend of the pod subscriber,

Speaker 3 that'll be my high note when we switch this to a official corporate address.

Speaker 3 A domain I bought when Paul Ryan was around. All right.

Speaker 3 If you're a friend of the pod subscriber,

Speaker 3 You can also leave us a message in the Love It or Leave It channel or the High Notes channel. That's our show.
Thank you so much to Uzo Aduba, to Alison Reese, to Guy Branham.

Speaker 3 There are 44 days until the 2024 elections. Have a great night and have a great weekend.

Speaker 3 Love it or Leave It is a crooked media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg.

Speaker 3 Kendra James is our executive producer, Chris Lord is our producer, and Kennedy Hill is our associate producer.

Speaker 3 Hallie Kiefer is our head writer, Sarah Lazarus and Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre, Will Miles, and Mohanad El Shiki are our writers.

Speaker 3 Evan Sutton is our editor, Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support. Stephen Colon is our audio engineer, and Milo Kim is our videographer.

Speaker 3 Our theme song is written and performed by SureSure.

Speaker 3 Thanks to our designer, Bernardo Serna, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast, and to our digital producers, David Toles, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroote for filming and editing video each week so you can.

Speaker 3 It's love it or leave it.

Speaker 3 It's love it or leave it.

Speaker 21 Hey, weirdos! I'm Elena, and I'm Ash, and we are the host of Morbid Podcast.

Speaker 44 Each week, we dive into the dark and fascinating world of true crime, spooky history, and the unexplained.

Speaker 21 From infamous killers and unsolved mysteries to haunted places and strange legends, we cover it all with research, empathy, humor, and a few creative expletives.

Speaker 44 It's smart, it's spooky, and it's just the right amount of weird.

Speaker 21 Two new episodes drop every week, and there's even a bonus once a month.

Speaker 44 Find us wherever you listen to podcasts.

Speaker 11 Yay! Woo!