What a Weekday: A Good Walk Spoiled

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Speaker 5 I ordered Levain cookies and I ordered a, I was like, oh, I'm going to a funeral. I should bring something.

Speaker 8 I should eat a bunch of cookies before I go.

Speaker 5 And so I bought a box of cookies. And I didn't realize that.
I thought, I just said, oh, I'll buy this box. And I didn't realize it was like, you could fit any number of cookies in the box.

Speaker 5 So I thought I just clicked six because that was the minimum. And then this fancy box of cookies comes.

Speaker 5 And first of all, it's in a beautiful blue tin with like people on the outside and i was like i don't think this is appropriate it's too celebratory to bring and then i opened it just gonna draw sad faces on yeah extra sad and then i opened the box of cookies it's like so expensive for a box of cookies

Speaker 5 and because i had only ordered six it looked like i had eaten two

Speaker 5 and so it was like well now i can't bring this at all because there's nothing to be done like i there was no solution it's just like you can't i was like trying to rearrange the six cookies to look like more cookies but it was touching all of of them then.

Speaker 5 Well, they were in a little bag, but yes, I to your point. And so I'm rear, and I couldn't, so I just kept them.

Speaker 8 And you're not a man at all. You're not a man who has a decorative plate in the home.

Speaker 5 I do have a decorative plate in the home.

Speaker 8 You should have taken them and put them on the decorative plate.

Speaker 5 But without what I'm going, calling this bereaved people in a couple weeks and say, I'm coming back for my plate. Do I take the plate at the end of the day? I didn't can't bring them on a paper plate.

Speaker 13 It sounds like you just, it self-sabotaged a way that made you eat six gigantic cookies, which also sounds great.

Speaker 5 I also brought, I also had ordered a loaf of bread, so I brought that. And I got to keep the cookies.
In a way, maybe I'd always planned that. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And we're back.

Speaker 5 I'm John Lovitt. I'm here with writers Hallie and Lazarus and producer Kendra.
Let's get into it. What a weekday.

Speaker 5 A suspect is facing gun charges following a foiled assassination attempt against Donald Trump at his West Palm Beach golf course on Sunday. God isn't done with Donald Trump yet.

Speaker 5 The server keeps coming back to the table and God keeps saying, I'm picking at it. And Jimmy Carter actually still working on that too.
But you can take James Earl Jones.

Speaker 5 I'm done with James Earl Jones. Well, he died.
R.I.P.

Speaker 14 R.I.P. One of the best to ever do it.

Speaker 3 Had some real interesting opinions about black women.

Speaker 9 Oh. Oh.

Speaker 5 James Earl Jones. Oh, I don't think she means interesting in a good way.

Speaker 11 Let's leave that.

Speaker 5 Let's leave that unmined. 58 is dead.

Speaker 16 Remember the sand lot?

Speaker 8 Love. I love the sand lot.

Speaker 14 My mom always was of the opinion that when they revealed Darth Vader, it should have just been James Rearl Jones. And I remember it could be like, well, that wouldn't make sense.

Speaker 14 And now seeing all of the movies, I'm like, they could have written that.

Speaker 17 Oh my god, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 5 He should have been. Yeah.
Yeah. When they went back, by the way, and they put

Speaker 5 Hayden Christensen's face in the face of Darth Vader when he removes the helmet.

Speaker 13 Did they do?

Speaker 5 I believe so, yeah.

Speaker 6 Wow. Isn't it?

Speaker 5 Or no, no, they made him the ghost waving instead of

Speaker 11 the ghost.

Speaker 16 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Anyway, it could have been James R. Jones.

Speaker 14 But yeah, yeah, like, why would he be the ghost of that age when he died later?

Speaker 15 And he should have died James Earl Jones.

Speaker 5 Look, I think if love it or leave it, Colin, What a Weekday has ever been clear about anything is that we believe James Earl Jones' estate should sell the rights to Disney so that young James Earl Jones can be put into 1977 Star Wars.

Speaker 10 I haven't seen Star Wars.

Speaker 16 Come on.

Speaker 8 It's okay.

Speaker 16 What do you mean you haven't seen Star Wars?

Speaker 3 Can you imagine her sitting through Star Wars?

Speaker 5 Yes. She's very patient.

Speaker 5 She's the only person in this room that has any kind of recognizable attention span. I can picture her watching Star Wars.
I could picture Sarah Lazarus just sitting down and reading Middle March.

Speaker 5 So yeah, I think I can see her buttons. Yeah, of course.

Speaker 5 Middle March.

Speaker 20 Took all summer.

Speaker 19 I don't want that for you, FYI.

Speaker 9 Star Wars?

Speaker 21 Yeah.

Speaker 15 There's too many now. Don't say that.

Speaker 12 Yeah, it's over. Sorry.

Speaker 5 58-year-old Ryan Wesley Routh was arrested after the Secret Service noticed him with a rifle within 500 yards of Trump while the former president was playing a round of golf and opened fire.

Speaker 5 Routh fled without firing a shot. I hate to think what might have happened if Ralph hadn't shouted, for

Speaker 3 to have Ralph and rifle in the same sentence, I'm going to give you this. We stumbled a little.

Speaker 21 It's hard. Ralph and rifle.

Speaker 17 Really inconvenient for you.

Speaker 5 Ralph, the former roofing, Ralph, the former roofing, Ralph, the former Ruther with a... Ralph, the former roofer with a rifle.

Speaker 5 Ralph, the former Ruther with a rifle.

Speaker 5 Tom,

Speaker 5 him.

Speaker 5 Routh, the former roofing contractor from North Carolina, had voted for Trump, donated to Tulsi Gabbard, Andrew Yang, Tom Styre, Better O'Bourke, and Elizabeth Warren, and tweeted at Nikki Haley, urging her to join a Vivek Ramaswamy ticket.

Speaker 5 Routh also had expressed support for President Biden. When a man on Hinge lists his political views as moderate,

Speaker 5 this is what he means. I missed when would-be assassins had simple, clear motives that made sense, like, I love Jodi Foster.

Speaker 5 In an interview with the New York Times in 2023, Routh said he had traveled to Ukraine and wanted to recruit Afghan soldiers to join the fight.

Speaker 5 One problem, Routh was in his mid-50s and had no military experience. And I know we're all thinking this, but why the fuck was this guy interviewed by the New York Times in 2023?

Speaker 5 Well, he and his wife, an anthropology professor, had recently opened their marriage after she had met a museum docent named Annabeth at a friend's book launch. No, that's not why.

Speaker 5 It was a piece about randos trying to fight in Ukraine, even though they were unqualified and or nuts and or full of shit.

Speaker 5 Ralph also appears to have been arrested in 2002 after barricading himself in a Greensboro, North Carolina building with a fully automatic machine gun. And the ticket for that is $72,

Speaker 5 which doubles if it's your second offense. So they take it pretty seriously.
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis said Florida would be conducting its own investigation into the FOIL plot. Thanks, FBI.

Speaker 5 But these alligators with magnifying glasses will take it from here. DeSantis cited the investigations into Trump as the reason.

Speaker 22 I look at the federal government with all due respect to them. You know, those same agencies that are prosecuting Trump in that jurisdiction are now going to be investigating this.

Speaker 22 I just think that that may not be the best thing for this country.

Speaker 5 I mean, what are these agencies supposed to do? Investigate two criminals at once? We haven't seen Ron DeSantis in a while.

Speaker 5 And I just forgot how charming he is and his great stage presence.

Speaker 14 Let me say, whoever is advising him about his hair color, it's too harsh. His hair color? Whoever's dying it, they've thought it's made too much of a decision.

Speaker 14 It's too harsh.

Speaker 3 It needs more,

Speaker 3 not highlights, but it needs more of the gray that we know.

Speaker 2 Gray, a variety.

Speaker 13 Yeah, this is, we're going, this is how Trump's begins.

Speaker 14 I mean, it's like, I got to cover the gray. And it's like, no, no, you look, you're starting to look cartoonish.
Yeah. But I guess that's what he wants anyways.

Speaker 14 To be a cartoon of a man.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I just, you know, I don't think

Speaker 5 they have the best taste, and I don't think they have access to

Speaker 5 the best talent when it comes to. Not like us.

Speaker 11 Not like us.

Speaker 9 Not like us, baby.

Speaker 5 Not like us. When I look at some of what's going on with the looks

Speaker 5 on the right, there's just, they're just, they're not sending their best.

Speaker 13 They're pressing the same button and the button's all fucked up.

Speaker 17 You know what I mean?

Speaker 13 Like, it's all sticky when you touch it.

Speaker 5 Republican lawmakers very quickly decided to blame Democrats with Florida Congressman Mike Walls saying this on Fox News.

Speaker 23 This rhetoric against President Trump,

Speaker 23 this narrative that he will be the next dictator, that he is the next Hitler coming, it has got to stop. Enough is enough.

Speaker 23 And when you have this narrative coming from the left, from media, from elected officials even, that Trump has to be stopped by any means necessary, it shouldn't surprise anyone that these people are being radicalized and taking action like this.

Speaker 5 Of course, the person most famous for saying Trump could be America's Hitler is J.D. Vance.
So take it up with that freak. And of course, Democrats aren't saying to stop Trump by any means necessary.

Speaker 5 I've literally not heard a Democrat say that. They are saying stop him by the one legal means available.
That's it. That's our plan.
The one legal means available. That's what we're all focused on.

Speaker 5 Donald Trump is a threat to democracy in part because he encourages political violence, which is a threat to democracy. Our problem is not with even Donald Trump as a person.

Speaker 5 It is the threat that he poses, which is the same threat that any form of political violence poses.

Speaker 5 It's a threat to democracy when some narcissistic whackadoo takes a shot at Donald Trump, and it's a threat to democracy when Donald Trump encourages the overthrow of the U.S. Capitol.

Speaker 5 It's all part of the same big fucking threat to democracy, and we're allowed to talk about both of them.

Speaker 5 It's frustrating to me. Oh, no, a crazy person did something awful.
Now we can't tell the truth about Donald Trump. Nice try.

Speaker 5 In a now-deleted post, Elon Musk wrote on Sunday, and no one is even trying to assassinate Biden Kamala, followed by a thinking face emoji. For the first time in my life, I don't nothing.

Speaker 16 We'll just do it a week.

Speaker 5 For the first time in my life, I feel like saying, go back to Africa. Jesus Christ.

Speaker 9 I didn't write it.

Speaker 6 Whatever I'm doing.

Speaker 5 I don't know if I can, even in this guy, it feels strange saying it.

Speaker 5 Anyway, it's interesting that Elon included the thinking emoji. It's like, oh, so he does know about thinking.

Speaker 5 Musk deleted the post and said, well, one lesson I've learned is that just because I say something to a group and they laugh doesn't mean it's going to be all that hilarious as a post on X.

Speaker 11 Damn. Yeah.

Speaker 5 I guess not everyone has as awesome a sense of of humor as the people who need to get through this Elon Management 101.

Speaker 5 Everybody is a replaceable cog in the machine that serves me meeting without getting fired.

Speaker 7 That is

Speaker 5 one of the most revealing and depressing

Speaker 5 things I've ever heard anybody say. I'm glad I've never had to say anything like that.

Speaker 5 The people I pay to hang out with me are actually the least likely to laugh at my jokes because of how much they respect me. Isn't that right?

Speaker 15 Kind of.

Speaker 5 I actually think it is kind of true.

Speaker 12 Yeah, we're past that point. We're not going to laugh just to make you happy.

Speaker 8 What would that even look like?

Speaker 13 What's crazy about that isn't even work.

Speaker 11 I wouldn't even work.

Speaker 14 It's like, no, they didn't.

Speaker 24 Like, it's like, he did not say that out loud to anyone. He's not around anyone.

Speaker 15 He's just doing can of meat in a windowless room in the middle of Twitter.

Speaker 24 He's like, everyone laughed. I'm like, are they there? Who's they?

Speaker 6 It's like,

Speaker 5 I don't, both are pretty sad, but I like, let's take him at his word. The, the, the pathetic yes men goons surrounding Donald Trump, Elon Musk at this point, are just like, of course they're laughing.

Speaker 5 They're just trying to get through the day. You pay them all.

Speaker 14 They're just going to drive home in their cyber truck and their foot's going to go down a little bit farther.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 17 A little heavy.

Speaker 5 I hate those cyber trucks.

Speaker 10 I just, I laugh every time I see one.

Speaker 25 It never gets less funny.

Speaker 14 I take the bus.

Speaker 17 Yeah. We're bus buddies.

Speaker 10 I've never seen a movie and I can't drive.

Speaker 5 Yeah. Listen, I don't know if you know this, but stay tuned to Sarah Lazarus' new Trad Life YouTube channel.

Speaker 5 So anyway, after he tweeted his excuse that people in the room laughed, he also posted, turns out, this is a quote, that jokes are way less funny if people don't know the context and the delivery is plain text.

Speaker 5 For those who don't understand, the context was assassination.

Speaker 5 Yeah, man.

Speaker 5 No one's ever written a joke in text before.

Speaker 10 Yeah, there's never been a funny tweet.

Speaker 16 Never been a funny treat.

Speaker 5 Can't be done.

Speaker 5 In a Monday interview with Fox News Digital, Trump himself blamed Biden and Harris for the attempt on his life, saying of the Palm Beach gunman, he believed the rhetoric of Biden and Harris and he acted on it.

Speaker 5 Their rhetoric is causing me to be shot at when I am the one who's going to save the country and they are the ones that are destroying the country, both from the inside and out. Trump is right.

Speaker 5 Routh seems to be only the latest violent extremist to be radicalized, some would say activated, by Harris's call to cut taxes for first-time homebuyers and restore the earned income tax credit.

Speaker 5 Trump then added of Democrats: quote, they use highly inflammatory language. I can use it too, far better than they can, but I don't.
That's right, everybody.

Speaker 5 The Trump who jokes about gun owners killing Hillary Clinton, refuses this week to condemn threats of violence in Springfield, Ohio, encourages and now says he'll pardon the January 6th insurrectionists, promises a bloody mass deportation, threatens to deploy troops against protesters on American soil, and who asked his defense secretary if they could just, quote, shoot protesters in 2020.

Speaker 5 The guy that said all that,

Speaker 5 that guy, his phaser is still set to stun.

Speaker 5 I do think Trump is telling the truth that he could be more inflammatory.

Speaker 5 Sure, it's kind of hard to picture, but when Simone Biles says she can do an even crazier flip that no one's ever thought of, you take her at her word.

Speaker 5 Speaking of inflammatory language, J.D.

Speaker 5 Vance spoke to Georgia's Faith in Freedom Coalition on Monday and had the stones to say this after rallying every racist in America against immigrants in his home state.

Speaker 26 I do think that we should take this opportunity to call for a reduction in the ridiculous and inflammatory political rhetoric coming from too many corners of our politics.

Speaker 26 We cannot tell the American people that one candidate is a fascist, and if he's elected, it is going to be the end of American democracy.

Speaker 5 Yeah, man, totally. Here's Trump.

Speaker 27 You know all about that. Take away our energy, if you can believe it.
No fossil fuel. Destroy our Second Amendment, attack the right to life, and replace American freedom with left-wing fascism.

Speaker 27 Left-wing, we're going left-wing all the way. Fascists, they are fascists, some of them, not all of them, but some of them.
But they're getting closer and closer. We have to win this election.

Speaker 5 Here's some more of J.D. Vance.

Speaker 26 While we're disparaged by the media and disparaged by the Democrats as people who want to force our faith on other people, I think I speak for every single person in this room saying we don't want to force our faith on anybody.

Speaker 26 What we want is to recognize and to have motivate us the faith that is, I think, the source of all great truth in human history and especially in this country.

Speaker 26 That we want our public policy to be motivated by the wisdom of loving thy neighbor.

Speaker 5 Yeah, no, totally a loving thy neighbor vibe from J.D.

Speaker 5 Vance over the past week as they make up a racist conspiracy theory about legal immigrants whose only crime is going to a town in Ohio because the businesses said, hey, come to our town.

Speaker 5 We have jobs for legal immigrants like you. They did it.

Speaker 5 They did what he asked them to do. And now he is making up a story about how they are eating neighborhood pets.

Speaker 5 I don't like this guy.

Speaker 14 This is white Christian supremacy.

Speaker 13 Like we just, like, this is just like a bald example of their hypocrisy where he's like, love thy neighbor.

Speaker 14 And also, I DV Vance, should be in control of who you consider your neighbor, including your actual neighbors.

Speaker 14 Like, I should be, I will tell you to turn against your actual neighbors in your town while I speak on the other side of my mouth about these Christian values. It's embarrassing.

Speaker 14 And at least I'd be sure everyone watching this, you already know that. It's just so insane to see it so clearly.

Speaker 14 And again, I'm from Ohio, so this doesn't shock me in any way, but it's, yeah, it's disgusting.

Speaker 5 You ate cats, right?

Speaker 13 Well, yeah, that's none of anyone's business.

Speaker 24 I would eat a cat if I had to.

Speaker 17 I'm not, it just didn't come up.

Speaker 5 Well, you never have to. I never had to.

Speaker 3 They didn't make you do that on the island.

Speaker 5 Let's keep going.

Speaker 29 Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

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Speaker 31 What is the secret to making great toast?

Speaker 14 Oh, you're just going to go in with the hard-hitting questions.

Speaker 31 I'm Dan Pashman from The Sporkful. We like to say it's not for foodies, it's for eaters.
We use food to learn about culture, history, and science.

Speaker 31 There was the time we looked into allegations of discrimination at bon appetite, or when I spent three years inventing a new pasta shape.

Speaker 29 It's a complex noodle that you've put together.

Speaker 31 Every episode of The Sporkvol, you're going to learn something, feel something, and laugh.

Speaker 5 The Sporkful, get it wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's shockingly nasty, and I did not remember this.

Speaker 3 Insomnia cookies, not good.

Speaker 15 No, I ordered them the other night.

Speaker 18 Bad.

Speaker 14 I would say, and I believe, I don't know, there's one that just opened near us. Crumble cookies.

Speaker 24 Oh, they're too damn sweet. They're disgusting.
God damn it.

Speaker 3 There is no distinction between the flavor of any of those cookies. It's just sugar cookies.

Speaker 8 It's straightforward.

Speaker 5 Anyway, ahead of his second brush with an assassination attempt, Donald Trump had his mind on important national matters, lashing out at Taylor Swift over her endorsement of Kamala Harris.

Speaker 5 Trump wrote, in all caps, on True Social on Sunday, I hate Taylor Swift.

Speaker 8 What?

Speaker 5 Oh, guys, guys. Hey, hey, we don't need the alarms.

Speaker 5 I'm just quoting Trump. I'm not saying that.

Speaker 6 I'm not saying that.

Speaker 12 Stand down, Swifties.

Speaker 5 Swift hadn't responded to the post, but then the Swifties had been activated. The hashtag, I love Taylor Swift, was trending by Monday morning.

Speaker 5 Said Travis Kelsey, I hashtag love spending time with Taylor Swift.

Speaker 5 I hashtag could see myself loving Taylor Swift, but I'm not there yet, but want to get there.

Speaker 5 I don't know if he loves Taylor Swift if you're not, but it's funny to think about not being at the point of saying it while people are hashtagging it on the internet.

Speaker 5 I wonder if they're there yet.

Speaker 24 Do you think they're in love?

Speaker 19 I mean, let's all go around.

Speaker 5 Do you think they're in love? You know, I don't presume to know people's private lives.

Speaker 14 I'm going to go no. What do you guys think?

Speaker 17 I

Speaker 3 think Ben Affleck and J-Lo

Speaker 21 have more. Okay.

Speaker 9 Yeah, I can see that.

Speaker 10 I think they've said it. I don't know if there's substance behind it.
Oh,

Speaker 8 wow.

Speaker 7 Wow. That's an interesting take.

Speaker 5 That's an interesting take.

Speaker 5 Yeah. Isn't that a funny thing?

Speaker 5 It's a funny thing that

Speaker 5 like in a culture where people say, I love you all the time in ways that are like pretty embarrassing and not true and silly, like

Speaker 5 people that have just met will say it as they're leaving a party. People will say it at the end of a Zoom, you know? But inside of relationships, it is, there's a, it has such importance.

Speaker 5 And even in times where it would be easier to say it, people still don't.

Speaker 5 There's this real like kind of ethic, I think a lot of people have around saying the word, even if they would say lie to get around things in small ways, like we all do in other settings.

Speaker 5 I think it's interesting.

Speaker 14 I think it's like we all have this feeling and desire for what feels like real love.

Speaker 14 And I think a lot of us have the, like, yeah, like love is used so frequently that it's like when you're in a relationship, it's like you want it to mean something more than when you're leaving a party.

Speaker 18 Yeah.

Speaker 12 It's sacred.

Speaker 5 I think that's beautiful.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I hope they are in love or will fall in love.

Speaker 7 I do too.

Speaker 5 I do too.

Speaker 12 And I hope she turns the American.

Speaker 14 I hope it turns all her fans against Donald Trump while she's at it.

Speaker 5 And then.

Speaker 5 Do you see that Billie Eilish endorsed Kamala today and directed people to?

Speaker 12 What about Phineas?

Speaker 5 Phineas too. Thank God.

Speaker 17 Phineas too.

Speaker 12 All the Phineas heads out there.

Speaker 5 We got Phineas, everybody.

Speaker 5 Meanwhile, the Springfield woman responsible for posting the fake rumor to Facebook accusing Haitian immigrants of eating pets admitted she had no evidence of the claim.

Speaker 5 Guess that cat's finally out of the bag. The to-go bag.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 5 In Lee's original post, she alleged her neighbor's daughter's friend

Speaker 5 had seen Haitian immigrants eating her missing cat in the neighborhood. Who's laughing now? said Nikki Minaj's cousin's friend.

Speaker 6 He added, ow, my testicles, my giant testicles.

Speaker 5 Springfield's Clark College closed its campus and will hold classes virtually this week after it received threats of a shooting and a a bomb threat over the weekend.

Speaker 5 Police also responded to bomb threats against two local elementary schools as well as City Hall. Even if you believe the racist lie Trump and Vance are spreading, walk me through the logic of this.

Speaker 5 I don't understand. I do not understand.

Speaker 5 Even in a broken, fucked up world where people believe this bullshit enough to be motivated to support Donald Trump and J.D.

Speaker 5 Vance, I do not understand the mindset of someone who sees this on the news and then tries to ruin a bunch of kids' days. Like, who wins because of that? I don't,

Speaker 5 like, I can't get in the head of a person who would do that.

Speaker 14 It's just racism. It's just raw racism that's being activated.
Like, there is no coherence to it because it's like, yeah, it's a dead ideology they're trying to awaken. And this is it.

Speaker 14 It just comes out like in this horrible way.

Speaker 5 But do they believe the kids at the school are Haitian?

Speaker 3 No, that's the thing. It's racism.

Speaker 3 It's racism, but also combined with the intrinsic laziness of the GOP, where we're not going to look up like a church, a Catholic church maybe that Haitians frequent.

Speaker 3 We're not going to look up the community center. We've seen the name of this college.
Let's just go with that.

Speaker 15 Yeah, just Googling what's in Springfield calling them, unfortunately.

Speaker 5 Despite Springfield's mayor and Ohio's governor denouncing this bullshit, on Sunday, Vance reposted a video that he claimed to be African immigrants in Dayton, Ohio, grilling a cat, which is fucking disgusting.

Speaker 5 I hate when people post a cooking video without the recipe.

Speaker 19 Boom.

Speaker 20 Boo!

Speaker 5 By the way, like, I do think there's something

Speaker 5 serious happening here. There's always been conspiracy theorists.
Obviously, the internet and social media helps inflame and metastasize that.

Speaker 5 And there have always been right-wing, kind of paranoid, delusional, or just mendacious people preying on the racism and fears of the right to spread bullshit and help their side.

Speaker 5 It is.

Speaker 5 shocking to see the kind of barrier between the kooks and the actual leaders of the GOP completely breaking down.

Speaker 5 Like, it is, it, it is inconceivable to me that Paul Ryan, who I did not like, would participate in this, right?

Speaker 5 Like, if you go back and look at the rhetoric, even of Sarah Palin in 2008, even at her worst, doesn't compare to this. And she was fucking terrible.
Like, something really is breaking down.

Speaker 5 Like, Ted Cruz is sharing completely manufactured fake affidavits accusing ABC News of giving the questions to Kamala Harris because obviously she won the the debate because she knew in advance they were going to ask about immigration.

Speaker 21 Because it was moderated by her sorority.

Speaker 12 Oh, yes, as we all, yeah, who went to a different school 12 years later, whatever.

Speaker 5 But like to just spread a baseless rumor and then to try to prove that you're not full of shit, even though you have admitted you're full of shit by posting a random video of random people purported to be a video of a cat, which, by the way, it's not from a different part of Ohio.

Speaker 5 Immigrants from a different part. Like it's just all despicable.

Speaker 5 Vance also made the press rounds on Sunday. And boy, was was he on message if his message was, I'm an unlikable, insane person.

Speaker 26 I trust my constituents more than I do the American media that has shown no interest in what's happened in Springfield until we started sharing cat memes on the internet.

Speaker 5 Yes.

Speaker 5 The national media refused to spread a rumor pasted to Facebook, which we now know is untrue. Let's take a look at what other things people are posting on Facebook.
My God, they crucified a minion.

Speaker 5 Why is the media not talking about the fact that this minion died for our sins?

Speaker 5 This minion. Have you heard the good news?

Speaker 8 The minions are dead.

Speaker 5 The minion died and was reborn.

Speaker 3 It's hard to crucify a minion because part of the whole part of crucifixion, what makes it work, is you have to break the kneecaps.

Speaker 11 Okay, nope, Kendra.

Speaker 9 Wow, I did not know that's where you were. I was like, I'm not sure if I'm doing this right.

Speaker 2 I don't know if you're a fucking

Speaker 8 soul.

Speaker 2 What the fuck?

Speaker 6 Kendra resurrection.

Speaker 5 What the fuck was that?

Speaker 9 It's a harmless image image of a minion.

Speaker 5 That's the problem.

Speaker 21 Yeah.

Speaker 9 Well, it means that.

Speaker 6 Yes.

Speaker 5 Also, by the way, canonically.

Speaker 2 I'm not speaking it.

Speaker 17 Yeah.

Speaker 5 What the?

Speaker 11 Unbelievable.

Speaker 5 Actually, the reason we know that minions can't be crucified is that there's actually clear differences between the gospel of Matthew and the Gospel of Luke on this question.

Speaker 6 Unbelievable.

Speaker 3 Just immediately jumped out at me.

Speaker 21 I'm sorry.

Speaker 6 No, I listen, Kendra.

Speaker 5 I say this with love and affection. You are the strangest person I know who is allowed to walk around.

Speaker 21 Yeah.

Speaker 11 Xena got crucified. Does anyone disagree with me? No.

Speaker 17 Xena got crucified and it really stayed with me.

Speaker 7 Xena the warrior princess.

Speaker 21 Zena the warrior in the 90s. Okay, we got it.

Speaker 9 No, we were all there.

Speaker 21 We're all there and it really stayed with me.

Speaker 2 I didn't

Speaker 15 get crucified in that show.

Speaker 19 Yeah.

Speaker 8 Yeah,

Speaker 21 there's a whole Jesus subplot on that show.

Speaker 3 Let's move on.

Speaker 25 I'm trying a little bit.

Speaker 5 While on CNN, Vance also showed a little too much leg. Not metaphorically, metaphorically.

Speaker 9 But it wasn't just a meme.

Speaker 26 Create stories so that the American media actually pays attention to the suffering of the American people, then that's what I'm going to do, Dana.

Speaker 5 We tell ourselves stories in order to live. A quote by Joan Diddy and Vance.
The idea, too, that he is using this to draw attention to the suffering of the American people.

Speaker 5 The Haitian immigrants who are in Ohio are there on temporary protected status, which is a legal form of immigration. That status has been in place since the Haitian earthquake in 2010.

Speaker 5 It is an immigration policy that was included in, as we all know, the 1990 Immigration Reform Act bipartisan bill signed by George H.W. Bush.
Now, of course, we all know that because J.D.

Speaker 5 Vance has been drawing attention to that very issue over the past two weeks.

Speaker 5 We all know that when he's talking about alleviating the suffering of the American people, what he'd want to do to make life better, the reforms he'd make to the actual immigration system at stake, the ways in which he'd help build affordable housing, the way in which he'd cut the taxes and make life more affordable for the middle-class people in Springfield, Ohio.

Speaker 2 Oh, wait.

Speaker 5 He hasn't said a fucking word about any of it.

Speaker 5 Nothing, not one policy proposal, just a bunch of mendacious bullshit attacks on Kamala Harris and Joe Biden in order to whip up an anti-immigrant, xenophobic, racist fervor.

Speaker 5 He offers absolutely like he has been bloviating about this for two weeks. He has not said a fucking word about what he would do to make life better for people in Ohio.

Speaker 5 And by the way, he has been their senator. Their governor is a Republican.
It is a Republican-run state. He discovered this problem in the last two weeks.

Speaker 5 Oh, there's this massive problem that nobody's paying attention. You weren't fucking paying attention to it until you started sharing memes two weeks ago.

Speaker 5 I'm sick sick of talking about this. They're going to ban abortion.

Speaker 14 Here's my, I don't think there's a conspiracy. I just think that's just where I think we're at.
I think that he knows they're not going to get elected.

Speaker 14 And so this, from here on out, it's just going to be opening as many doors as he can rhetorically for white supremacy. Anyway, sorry to say that.

Speaker 13 I'm just sort of like, yeah, this is, it's just going to be this.

Speaker 5 I just don't think he thinks they're losing. I think he is a mad, angry, terminally online person.

Speaker 5 Like the fact that the last time he did a round of Sunday Sunday shows, it was after his misbegotten launch, which ended up being focused on his previous comments about childless cat ladies, which again, they didn't understand how detrimental it would be because they are so online and so broken.

Speaker 5 He now has two weeks where he introduced this incredibly

Speaker 5 stupid and vile storyline, which made Trump a joke when he used it in the debate. And so now he's trying to do cleanup again on the Sunday shows to try to spar with reporters.

Speaker 5 I do think for him, he's not good at rallies, can't buy fucking donuts to save his life. He is actually like combative interviews with mainstream journalists, is probably one of his best settings.

Speaker 5 He is a very smart person. He is a very sophisticated operator.
He knows what he's doing.

Speaker 5 He can be like an intellectual Zamboni for Trump, coming up behind him and cleaning up the scrapes and the mess and the ice. And so, like, I do think they're trying to use him in this way.

Speaker 5 I just, they're also, I think, trying to, I think they're also trying to convince themselves that

Speaker 5 this has now shifted the topic away from Trump failing at the debate and onto the ground they want to be arguing on, which is immigration.

Speaker 5 But like, I think like the idea that like, oh, we're not talking about abortion as much. We're stuck in this immigration conversation.
I think is there's some truth to it.

Speaker 5 But like, this is not the immigration topic they want. This is not about the border.
This is about legal immigration. It's about a made-up and racist conspiracy theory.

Speaker 5 Like, I think they have an argument they could be making on the border, but he doesn't get to make it here. He's trying to pivot back to it over and over again.

Speaker 5 So I do think we just have to be calling it out and saying this is despicable. They like the chaos at the border.
And by the way, the reason J.D.

Speaker 5 Vance wants to talk about all this weird stuff is because they know that their agenda is deeply unpopular.

Speaker 5 And we just have to get, like, I hope, I hope in the, I'm sure we will see this, whether it's Walls at a rally or Kamala Harris at a rally or in interviews starting to like, because they haven't really been out there on this yet.

Speaker 14 Yeah, I had a question about that because I was like, I understand the value of just letting this play out to a certain point, but like they do have to go to Springfield at this point.

Speaker 14 Like, to me, it's like you, one of them or both of them have to show up and make a statement and do something just because this seems like it's going to continue perhaps for another week.

Speaker 14 And it's already so dangerous.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I think you want, I think, whether or not they go there. I mean, Trump is going to go to Springfield.
I don't know what the exact right way to do it is and whether you need to go there or not.

Speaker 5 I do think they need to be up at rallies basically calling out the game, like basically saying, this isn't true. This is a vile way to drum up chaos and hate.
That's what they want to do.

Speaker 5 But we actually want to solve the crisis at the border. We actually want to reform our immigration system.

Speaker 5 And by the way, we want to do all this other stuff to help not just people in Springfield, but people everywhere. And they do not, they do not have an agenda for you.
So that's why they're out here

Speaker 5 drumming up all this bullshit. If you're sick of this bullshit from Donald Trump and J.D.

Speaker 5 Vance of this endless noise and fighting and chaos and cruelty and arguing and divisiveness and trying to pit people against each other, and you'd like some middle-class tax cuts and abortion protections, got a great candidate for you.

Speaker 5 And let's, let's put all the, let's get away. We're all sick of this.
We're exhausted by it. I think, I think that's what we'll start to hear.

Speaker 5 And I think that actually is the thing that will move us on from this. Like J.D.
Vance can't move on from this job. He's lying and he has to defend it.

Speaker 5 The thing that'll close it is Kamala Harris and Tim Walls kind of mocking it and putting it in context. And then we can get to the next fucked up insane news cycle coming our way.

Speaker 5 It's going to be night.

Speaker 14 Every week it's going to be a new nightmare.

Speaker 15 Yeah.

Speaker 5 And that's the latest political headline.

Speaker 5 On Sunday, the stars turned out for a moderately entertaining evening at the Emmys, hosted by Eugene and Dan Levy.

Speaker 5 The ceremony may have been shot for a television audience, but the host made sure their eyebrows played to the back of the room. And I say that with so much love as a fellow big-eyebrowed American.

Speaker 5 And by the way, you know what? Canadian?

Speaker 11 Well,

Speaker 5 are they still Canadian?

Speaker 3 I think they're still Canadian.

Speaker 10 Well, I'm a fellow big-eyebrow Canadian, so I'll say

Speaker 19 they look great.

Speaker 5 They do look great. I also think it's, I'm also really happy that Eugene Levy and Dan Levy and myself and Sarah,

Speaker 5 we made it through the thin eyebrow years. Yeah.
Which, no, no, no, there was the thin eyebrow years. It was a dark time for the big eyebrow community.
And we made it through. We held it together.

Speaker 5 And now everybody's jealous of our big bushy eyebrows.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Andy Rooney, table for one.

Speaker 8 Me.

Speaker 19 I'm Andy Rooney.

Speaker 12 Once.

Speaker 12 Timely reference.

Speaker 5 Shogun

Speaker 5 won the most Emmys of any show in any single year with 18. Fine Jesus, I'll watch Shogun.
Didn't realize Shogun was short for show you have to watch or the Emmys will shoot you with a gun.

Speaker 5 I haven't seen it, but thankfully, my years in the industry have honed my ability to fake it. I'll show you right now.
Hallie asked me a question about Shogun.

Speaker 14 Well, what do you think of them starting the finale with a fan?

Speaker 5 I gotta go to the bathroom.

Speaker 19 Listen,

Speaker 5 little showbiz behind the scenes. We did three takes of that.

Speaker 5 The bear won four awards in the comedy categories and was anticipated to take best comedy. But in the end, the bear got clowned by hacks, which snatched the award for best comedy.

Speaker 5 In the end, hacks just had that special something that set it apart. And that special something was jokes.

Speaker 5 A shout out, by the way, Jen Stansky,

Speaker 5 Travis Helwick,

Speaker 5 former Hallie of this show.

Speaker 12 She's part of the Extended Crooked Universe.

Speaker 5 Yeah, Jen's part of the extended crooked universe with paul and lucia so congrats to them hell yeah

Speaker 5 i loved i thought i was very happy like i think the bear is great but i think it's time that comedy like stands up for us

Speaker 5 we need hard jokes like i love the bear but like just because 30 minutes doesn't make it a comedy and like like comedy is really fucking hard yeah we show that i think we make it look pretty hard

Speaker 5 that it's twice a week but like this season of hacks was so good so i was just really glad to see it to see it win i think it's great baby reindeer also took home four wins for limited series included the coveted emmy for babyest reindeer

Speaker 5 uh i haven't seen the show sounds cute though i actually have seen it and it's not cute but it's good it's really good it's good it's dark and i really like that the the creator of baby reindeer pointed out that like

Speaker 5 it's the opposite of formulaic like i like people say that like oh you got to take a chance on risky stuff and then what they're talking about is like a procedural but get this woman you know it's like not that risky but like

Speaker 5 baby reindeer is genuinely not formulaic. Like, even once, even you watch the first episode and think, boy, this is a strange premise.
You buckle up.

Speaker 5 That's like, it gets, it goes, gets so, it's really interesting and where it goes. And what?

Speaker 14 Their TV shows are better.

Speaker 9 The Brits. Yeah, the Brits.

Speaker 14 They're just doing it.

Speaker 5 Hey, hey, now. I don't, I, I don't, listen, we do okay.

Speaker 5 We do okay. I haven't seen a single dragon coming out of that country.
We got dragons up the yang.

Speaker 3 That entire show was filled with Brits.

Speaker 6 I know, but it's an American fingerprints all over.

Speaker 5 Yeah, it's got American vibes.

Speaker 6 Yeah, American vibes.

Speaker 17 I'd love it.

Speaker 5 Jelly Roll

Speaker 6 performed I Am Not Okay for the Immemorium segment.

Speaker 5 An appropriate choice since those featured in the segment are not okay. They are, in fact, dead.

Speaker 5 Fans noticed some late, great, noticeable absences from the reel, including Shelley Duvall, though she's used to getting the acts.

Speaker 9 Boom, boom.

Speaker 9 Jeez.

Speaker 5 Love Shelly Duvall.

Speaker 5 I'm Shelly Duvall. She's been a hard life.

Speaker 5 Presenter Candace Bergen jabbed Dan Quell of his famous critique of her character Murphy Brown for being a single mother.

Speaker 5 He joked, joked, Bergen, today a Republican candidate for vice president would never attack a woman for having kids. Pretty good one.

Speaker 5 But JD Vance responded, hey, I won't suffer these insults from you coastal elites before ordering a Philly cheesecake al dente and asking the cashier if she and the other workers are synced up.

Speaker 5 Weird guy. And finally, this Wednesday, I, John Lovett, will be making my reality TV debut on Survivor.
Spoiler alert, I didn't drown. Yay!

Speaker 5 I haven't been this nervous for something to come out since the thing coming out was me.

Speaker 5 Never referred to myself as a thing before.

Speaker 17 But you thought it.

Speaker 6 And

Speaker 5 we have a clip. A lot of people think of survivor as a test of endurance, as an experiment in deprivation.

Speaker 5 but in the end it comes down to a vote

Speaker 5 and you call it a jury

Speaker 5 but really that's an election yeah and so for me I think of survivor

Speaker 20 more than anything

Speaker 5 as an experiment in democracy

Speaker 14 now are those real skulls

Speaker 5 yeah previous previous contestants that didn't make it previous contestants

Speaker 3 I don't know if I believe that you believe that Holspiel or if you just knew that you needed to come up with a real good excuse to be away for seven weeks and make it sound excellent.

Speaker 9 Oh,

Speaker 5 why, Kendra? Yeah. What an easy thing to not say.

Speaker 5 No, I do genuinely believe that. I really did.
That was part of why I wanted to go on. And it's been really fun.
Like I, I, this morning I did.

Speaker 5 a bunch of interviews with like affiliates all across the country talking about survivor and democracy and vote save america and pod save america so like i do think there's something to it which is like especially since the pandemic i think like

Speaker 5 there's something about survivor that's so like

Speaker 5 unabashedly earnest and

Speaker 5 positive and like not cynical that I think is really nice and that I really liked.

Speaker 10 You can't ironically crawl through the mud.

Speaker 5 Yeah, you can ironically crawl through the mud.

Speaker 19 Coop in the ocean. Nope.

Speaker 5 Nope. There's only one way to do that with your whole fucking heart.

Speaker 14 I have a question and you don't have to answer this if you want to, but why did you pack mitts?

Speaker 9 Yeah, badly.

Speaker 8 Like, why didn't you go live

Speaker 13 hot tins? I was like, you're going to be sweating.

Speaker 3 The sand's going to stick.

Speaker 8 Mitts on an island.

Speaker 5 Such an important point.

Speaker 5 And something to think about for the next time. Yes.

Speaker 11 I go on survivor.

Speaker 5 Anyway, that footage you saw was the last piece of footage they had before I, January 6th, the tribal council.

Speaker 5 Look, obviously, I can't talk about what happened in the show, and you will see it as it airs.

Speaker 5 But I will say that I did great in the challenge where we had to track down and kill the enigmatic Colonel Kurtz.

Speaker 17 That seems like a book reference, Lazarus.

Speaker 16 You know that. It's both.

Speaker 5 Well, one is a reference to the book Heart of Darkness. The other is a reference to Apocalypse.
Now, I can't remember where he's a Colonel. I think it's Mr.
Kurtz in the novel.

Speaker 5 So Colonel Kurtz would be a reference to Apocalypse now.

Speaker 21 I've not seen that.

Speaker 19 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Vietnam's not my thing.

Speaker 5 Yeah, it was no one's thing.

Speaker 8 Famously.

Speaker 5 Famously, no one's thing. Of course, there is an election coming up that is almost as important as the tribal council.
Today, Tuesday, is National Voter Registration Day, September 17th.

Speaker 5 So please go to votesafamerica.com slash vote. You can get information about your polling place, how to get a mail-in ballot, how to get out and be part of the Democratic process.

Speaker 5 Again, 49 days, at least sign up, do a couple of shifts. I'm going to do some shifts this weekend for some candidates in California.
You can come say hi to me.

Speaker 5 I'll talk about that. I'll post the details on

Speaker 5 Elon Musk's health site or perhaps Instagram. If you're one of the people that's been volunteering and helping to reach 3 million voters this election cycle already, thank you.

Speaker 5 But I know a lot of you have not signed up because this podcast is surprisingly popular.

Speaker 13 And it still makes no sense to us.

Speaker 5 It makes no sense to us, but it makes sense to you. So please do me a favor.
Pause right now for one second. Go to votesaveamerica.com slash vote.
Sign up. We just, we, we just, I can't look.

Speaker 5 Imagine looking at J.D. Vance's fucking face for the next four years as your vice president, who has already said if he were in Mike Pence's shoes, he would not have certified the election.

Speaker 5 So everybody, we got a couple more weeks to

Speaker 5 put these people behind us. So that's votesaveamerica.com slash vote, just to check if you're registered or to send to somebody in your life to make sure they're registered.

Speaker 5 And everybody go to votesaveamerica.com and sign up. I can't keep asking, and you can't keep not doing it.
So just fucking do it. Votesaveamerica.com.

Speaker 5 This ad has not been authorized by any candidate or candidates committee, obviously. And that's our show.
This was a fun one. Yep.
Sarah, Kendra, Hallie, thank you so much.

Speaker 5 As always, see you on the other side of the premiere.

Speaker 3 Tune in. It's going to be a whole new world.

Speaker 5 Yeah, because now you'll actually know what happens.

Speaker 2 I've got my suspicions. Okay.

Speaker 6 No, no, no, no, no. No guessing.
No guessing.

Speaker 9 No guessing. Oh, right.

Speaker 5 See you sluts on Saturday.

Speaker 5 Lemon or living, it's coming, or leaving.

Speaker 5 Spectre

Speaker 5 sacks

Speaker 5 Lemmin or leaving, it's not been believing.

Speaker 5 Straight shoe tie

Speaker 5 Love it or leave it. It's lovely or leaving.

Speaker 5 Straight up all ties.

Speaker 5 Love it or Leave It is a crooked media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg.
Kendra James is our executive producer. Chris Lord is our producer.

Speaker 5 And Kennedy Hill is our associate producer. Hallie Kiefer is our head writer, Sarah Lazarus and Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre, Will Miles, and Mohanad El Shiki are our writers.

Speaker 5 Evan Sutton is our editor. Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support.
Stephen Colon is our audio engineer. And Milo Kim is our videographer.

Speaker 5 Our theme song is written and performed by SureSure. Thanks to our designer, Bernardo Cerna, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast.

Speaker 5 And to our digital producers, David Tolles, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroat for filming and editing video each week. So you can.

Speaker 5 Just love it or leave it.

Speaker 10 You know what holds up? I was in Chicago this weekend for a wedding and I was craving Entamin's chocolate doughnuts.

Speaker 25 Oh yeah. Which I haven't had since I was like 10 probably, but we got a box and they are still so good.

Speaker 5 Do you mean the, there's the chocolate frosted. Chocolate frosted white donut.
Yes. Oh yeah.
Because they have those.

Speaker 5 When I was a kid, they had the box of six that had the

Speaker 19 perfect for a funeral.

Speaker 5 They had

Speaker 5 like the vanilla with the little crumbs

Speaker 5 and the chocolate with the little crumbs. They were so good.

Speaker 2 They rock.

Speaker 5 And then they had the soft-baked ones.

Speaker 8 Oh, wow.

Speaker 5 That takes me back.

Speaker 32 What's poppin' listeners? I'm Lacey Mosley, host of the podcast Scam Goddess, the show that's an ode to fraud and all those who practice it.

Speaker 32 Each week, I talk with very special guests about the scammiest scammers of all time. Want to know about the fake heirs? We got them.
What about a career con man? We've got them too.

Speaker 32 Guys that will wine and dine you and then steal all your coins. Oh, you know they are represented because representation matters.

Speaker 32 I'm joined by guests like Nicole Beyer, Ira Madison III, Conan O'Brien, and more. Join the congregation and listen to Scam Goddess wherever you get your podcasts.