Glazed and Confused (Live from Chicago!)

Speaker 1 Hey, Ryan Reynolds here, wishing you a very happy half-off holiday. Because right now, Mint Mobile is offering you the gift of 50% off unlimited.
To be clear, that's half price, not half the service.

Speaker 1 Mint is still premium unlimited wireless for a great price.

Speaker 6 So that means a half day.

Speaker 1 Yeah? Give it a try at mintmobile.com/slash switch.

Speaker 7 Upfront payment of $45 for three month plan equivalent to $15 per month required. New customer offers for first three months only.
Speed slow after 35 gigabytes of networks busy. Taxes and fees extra.

Speaker 5 See Mintmobile.com.

Speaker 5 Hello,

Speaker 5 Chicago.

Speaker 5 I just spent

Speaker 5 four days complaining about people not riding me pause.

Speaker 10 So shut the fuck up.

Speaker 11 We have business to attend.

Speaker 12 Welcome to Love Relieved.

Speaker 13 It is great to be back at the Vic.

Speaker 9 It has been a joyous week here at the Democratic National Convention.

Speaker 18 And that's not just because Obama patted me on the head and called me a good boy.

Speaker 20 Tonight, Kamala Harris returns and she has an optimistic hangover.

Speaker 18 Liz Winstead and Marcela Arguello dive nose first into Republican desperation.

Speaker 17 Then Mallort expert Josh Noelle Noelle helps us raise our spirits.

Speaker 9 But first, let's get into it.

Speaker 5 What a week.

Speaker 10 Yeah, look at this.

Speaker 10 You guys are pumped off.

Speaker 9 The DNC kicked off on Monday with high energy speeches that ran wildly behind schedule and an emotional send-off to President Biden.

Speaker 29 Personally, I thought pushing him into the Chicago River on that little wooden barge and then shooting flaming arrows into it was a little over the top.

Speaker 18 But ratings are ratings.

Speaker 9 AOC brought the house down with a barn burner of a speech.

Speaker 9 And I,

Speaker 35 for one, am tired of hearing about how a two-bit union buster thinks of himself as more of a patriot than the woman who fights every single day to lift working people out from under the boots debris traveling on our way of lives.

Speaker 19 What a speech.

Speaker 9 Can you imagine being Joe Biden, knowing you have to follow this?

Speaker 16 It's like if the 60s Rolling Stones opened for present-day Joni Mitchell,

Speaker 20 Vice President Kamala Harris made a surprise appearance.

Speaker 33 This is going to be a great week.

Speaker 38 And I want to kick us off by celebrating our incredible president, Joe Biden,

Speaker 38 who will be speaking later tonight.

Speaker 33 Joe, thank you for your historic leadership, for your lifetime of service to our nation, and for all you will continue to do.

Speaker 40 We are forever grateful to you.

Speaker 35 Thank you, Joe.

Speaker 41 Thank you, Joe, she said as she lifted the political pillow off the face of his presidency.

Speaker 42 Hillary Clinton stopped by to analyze Trump's treatment of Kamala.

Speaker 44 He's mocking her name and her laugh. Sounds familiar.

Speaker 35 But we have him on the run now.

Speaker 30 Just Picturing a giant Hillary Clinton chasing around a tiny Donald Trump with a net.

Speaker 32 Then Hillary Clinton's stare became as ice and she looked directly into the camera and intoned, Donald, it's time for you to poke him on go to hell.

Speaker 32 Meanwhile, over on CNN, Nancy Pelosi had this to say when Jake Tapper asked her about her reportedly strained relationship with President Biden.

Speaker 32 It does seem like there's some residual bad blood or resentment, and I'm wondering if you've spoken to him and what your response is to that.

Speaker 47 Sometimes you just have to take a punch for the children.

Speaker 45 Pelosi better be careful if she keeps this up.

Speaker 49 I just might fall in love with her.

Speaker 48 Nancy Pelosi is getting cooler with every passing day.

Speaker 50 I think she's in pussy right now.

Speaker 48 Is that possible?

Speaker 14 President Biden, of course, closed out the evening, reflecting on his legacy and passing the torch to Harris in the late-night address.

Speaker 51 I've got five months left in my presidency.

Speaker 52 I've got a lot to do.

Speaker 8 I intend to get it done to spend the honor of my lifetime

Speaker 52 to serve as your president.

Speaker 51 I love the job, but I love my country more.

Speaker 55 Joe Biden loves this country more than I love anything, except maybe my smoking-hot girlfriend, Nancy Pelosi.

Speaker 16 Biden then said that selecting Kamala as his VP was the best decision of his career, and he made a little joke.

Speaker 51 And like many of our best presidents,

Speaker 52 she was also vice president.

Speaker 58 That's a go

Speaker 56 when he's on, he's on, and when he's off, not our business anymore.

Speaker 27 Not my problem.

Speaker 59 Biden pledged his full support to the Harris campaign, promising that he'd be the best volunteer Harris and Waltz had ever seen.

Speaker 9 Continued Biden, sure, it's going to take me several tries to join the training Zoom, and then I'll be on there unmuted while Jill is using a juicer behind me.

Speaker 18 But after the host has manually muted me, best volunteer you've ever seen.

Speaker 30 Reflecting on his legacy, Biden capped off his speech by quoting a verse from the song American Anthem by Gene Shearer.

Speaker 51 The work and prayers of centuries have brought us to this day.

Speaker 52 What shall our

Speaker 51 legacy be?

Speaker 52 What will our children say?

Speaker 10 Let me know in my heart, when my days are through,

Speaker 52 America, America, I gave my best to you.

Speaker 27 You're the red, white, and blue.

Speaker 61 Oh, the funny things you do.

Speaker 43 America, America.

Speaker 9 This is you.

Speaker 49 Stirring stuff.

Speaker 55 On night two, second gentleman Doug Amhoff spoke about awkwardly calling the vice president after their first date.

Speaker 42 I got Kamala's voicemail and I just started rambling.

Speaker 64 Hey, it's Doug.

Speaker 5 I'm on my way to an early meeting.

Speaker 5 Again, it's Doug.

Speaker 52 I remember I was trying trying to grab the words out of the air and just put them back in my mouth.

Speaker 14 Ah, reminds me of the message I left for Jill, said President Biden.

Speaker 11 Jill, it's Joe. Stop.

Speaker 64 Are you free Friday?

Speaker 2 Stop.

Speaker 26 Sad news about the Titanic.

Speaker 5 Stop.

Speaker 5 Stop. All right.

Speaker 9 Meanwhile, Vice President Harris and Governor Tim Walsh held their rally in Milwaukee, packed out the same venue where the RNC was held last month.

Speaker 18 They did have to wake up Rudy Giuliani and shoo him out of there with a broom.

Speaker 32 And they think he may have had babies.

Speaker 5 But after that.

Speaker 5 I'm so tired. All right.

Speaker 41 But

Speaker 50 the stars of Tuesday evening were, of course, the Obamas.

Speaker 9 Here's President Obama hammering Donald Trump.

Speaker 52 There's the childish nicknames, the crazy conspiracy theories,

Speaker 52 this weird obsession with crowd sizes.

Speaker 14 That's the beauty of a great performance, which is Shakespeare, hundreds of years old.

Speaker 21 You can find something in the text.

Speaker 15 That was not on the page.

Speaker 69 He found that

Speaker 70 in the text.

Speaker 55 Incredible. What a performer.

Speaker 11 A subtle dick joke, a refined dick joke, a sophisticated

Speaker 21 dick joke. This man simply will not stop making history.

Speaker 41 Said the former president.

Speaker 65 It is one of the oldest tricks in politics from a guy whose act has, let's face it, gotten pretty stale.

Speaker 64 We do not need four more years of bluster and bumbling and chaos.

Speaker 65 We have seen that movie before, and we all know that the sequel is usually worse.

Speaker 11 Kate Blanchett angrily throws the strip for tartu against the wall,

Speaker 42 but not because she's angry at Obama.

Speaker 32 She's angry that he's right.

Speaker 55 And then there was Michelle Obama with an absolute blockbuster speech.

Speaker 9 Here she is praising Kamala while simultaneously humiliating Trump.

Speaker 35 She understands that most of us will never be afforded the grace of failing forward.

Speaker 35 We will never benefit from the affirmative action of generational wealth.

Speaker 54 A great line.

Speaker 9 Not pulling well with Mali and Sasha, but

Speaker 27 still a great line.

Speaker 60 Said the former First Lady.

Speaker 40 For years, Donald Trump did everything in his power to try to make people fear us.

Speaker 40 See, his limited, narrow view of the world made him feel threatened by the existence of two hard-working, highly educated, successful people who happen to be black.

Speaker 40 I want to know.

Speaker 40 I want to know.

Speaker 65 Who's going to tell him?

Speaker 40 Who's going to tell him that the job he's currently seeking might just be one of those black jobs?

Speaker 37 She is so good at this.

Speaker 18 It is such a shame she doesn't have the excruciating, bottomless inner void that makes people want to be president.

Speaker 18 And then on Wednesday night, former President Bill Clinton threw this bit of old man shade at Donald Trump.

Speaker 5 Two days ago, I turned 78, the oldest man in my family for four generations.

Speaker 5 And the only personal vanity I want to assert is I'm still younger than Donald Trump.

Speaker 73 Yeah, we are all so full of shit.

Speaker 56 Yeah, get his old ass.

Speaker 61 This convention was literally planned for an 81-year-old man.

Speaker 8 It's a lot of the same program.

Speaker 31 I mean, I'm for it.

Speaker 24 But you know, if this was still Biden, Bill Clinton's speech would have had the same folksy delivery, but about how we may be old, but you can trust an old dog to watch your porch.

Speaker 28 Or whatever.

Speaker 56 We were ready to turn Aegis on a fucking dime.

Speaker 57 Clinton noted that Trump primarily uses his platform to talk about himself, saying this.

Speaker 5 So the next time you

Speaker 5 hear him, don't count the lies.

Speaker 5 Count the eyes.

Speaker 56 Pokemon, go get his ass, babe, whispered Hillary.

Speaker 41 And then it was Oprah o'clock.

Speaker 49 Here she is.

Speaker 74 Soon and very soon,

Speaker 75 we're going to be teaching our daughters and sons about how this child of an Indian mother and a Jamaican father,

Speaker 75 two idealistic, energetic immigrants, how this child

Speaker 75 grew up to become the 47th President of the United States.

Speaker 75 Yeah.

Speaker 5 All right.

Speaker 55 I think we're up to 40% on forgiving her for Dr. Oz.

Speaker 5 No?

Speaker 5 Okay. All right.
All right.

Speaker 36 Never forget.

Speaker 28 So important.

Speaker 26 That's what that phrase is about.

Speaker 22 It's about the 1990s creation of Dr.

Speaker 39 Phil and Dr.

Speaker 49 Oz.

Speaker 18 And finally, it was time for your guy and mine, Minnesota Governor Tim Walls, formally accepting

Speaker 20 the vice presidential nomination and introducing himself to America.

Speaker 66 So, there I was, a 40-something high school teacher with little kids, zero political experience, and no money running in a deep red district.

Speaker 66 But you know what?

Speaker 66 Never underestimate a public school teacher.

Speaker 14 Coach, I will say, you know, talk to any of your friends that are teachers.

Speaker 36 They're completely overwhelmed and desperate to be underestimated.

Speaker 5 Please.

Speaker 5 Somebody.

Speaker 5 Will somebody, will anyone underestimate me?

Speaker 5 Can't take this anymore.

Speaker 14 Wallace also leaned into his coaching experience.

Speaker 66 You know, you might not know it, but I haven't given a lot of big speeches like this.

Speaker 66 but I have given a lot of pep talks

Speaker 5 we're down a field goal but we're on offense and we've got the ball we're driving down the field

Speaker 5 and boy do we have the right team

Speaker 71 We've got the ball.

Speaker 22 We're driving down the field.

Speaker 71 John Lovett is throwing a perfect spiral. John Lovett is being lifted onto the popular kids' shoulders.
John Lovett is actually going to the prom.

Speaker 69 And not as some cruel joke, these kids have never considered dousing John Lovett in pigs' blood.

Speaker 37 It's a beautiful fantasy.

Speaker 57 The most memorable moments of the speech, maybe of the whole convention came when Walls opened up about his family's fertility struggles and his son Gus stood up applauding tearfully and said, That's my dad.

Speaker 66 It took Gwen and I years,

Speaker 29 but we had access to fertility treatments.

Speaker 66 And when our daughter was born, we named her Hope.

Speaker 5 Hope,

Speaker 81 Gus, and Gwen, you are my entire world, and I love you.

Speaker 81 I'm letting you in.

Speaker 27 Every time.

Speaker 76 Every time. That's my dad.
That's my dad.

Speaker 59 It's cool that for a lot of people watching the DNC, this was their first time seeing Tim Walls.

Speaker 32 Tim Walls is just a total stranger who appeared out of nowhere to make them cry.

Speaker 32 Republicans, of course, took immediately to mocking this public display of emotion.

Speaker 14 Broken, bitter Republican pundits mocking Kamala and Tim for having healthy and loving relationships with their families as they text their daughter during the commercial to see if they could meet their grandkids.

Speaker 32 What about a public place?

Speaker 59 As if also we didn't just watch the RNC in which Republican family boxes look like a bunch of hostages holding grenades with the pins pulled during a bank heist.

Speaker 55 Just clenched fucking jaws.

Speaker 43 Meanwhile, hundreds of pro-Palestinian protesters also demonstrated outside the United Center on Wednesday as members of the uncommitted movement held a sit-in after the DNC denied their request to have a Palestinian American speak at the convention.

Speaker 68 More like not quite United Center.

Speaker 26 What else? That's it. That's what I got.

Speaker 26 That's it.

Speaker 82 Moving on. I don't know.

Speaker 26 Seems like there was probably time.

Speaker 32 I don't know, somewhere between seven congressmen.

Speaker 41 I, a person who follows Congress for a living, have never heard of.

Speaker 77 They invented Congresspeople to speak at this convention.

Speaker 5 And then on Thursday,

Speaker 9 rumors started to fly on social media that a special guest was scheduled to drop in with speculation naming everyone from Taylor Swift to Beyoncé to Mitt Romney.

Speaker 60 Three equally exciting possibilities,

Speaker 80 said Mitt Romney.

Speaker 13 But then it turned out to be a completely made-up rumor fed by TMZ and a bunch of clout chasing accounts on social media.

Speaker 28 And we ate it up like the naive little hogs we are.

Speaker 45 Yum, yum, yum.

Speaker 41 Give me that slop.

Speaker 83 Maybe, maybe Tom Cruise will dive in from the ceiling.

Speaker 68 We have no idea what Tom Cruise's politics really are, and I'm sure they are disturbing.

Speaker 12 There's no way they're not. No way.

Speaker 9 In the end, there was no surprise guest. Sometimes you got to start a fake rumor to get that ratings boost, and that's why Dolly Parton has been rumored to be booked on Love It or Leave It since 2022.

Speaker 70 Except for next week.

Speaker 9 Next week, she's actually on the show.

Speaker 12 Rumor hasn't.

Speaker 5 And then after three nights in which primetime speeches were pushed past primetime as politicians hammed it up and went long, everyone got their shit together and Kamala took the stage right on on time.

Speaker 86 On behalf of every American, regardless of party, race, gender, or the language your grandmother speaks,

Speaker 84 on behalf of my mother

Speaker 35 and everyone who has ever set out on their own unlikely journey,

Speaker 86 On behalf of Americans like the people I grew up with, people who work work hard, chase their dreams, and look out for one another.

Speaker 86 On behalf of everyone whose story could only be written in the greatest nation on earth,

Speaker 86 I accept your nomination to be President of the United States of America.

Speaker 5 Pretty neat.

Speaker 17 And to think all we had to do to get here was relentlessly bully an old man.

Speaker 76 Weeks on end,

Speaker 9 said the vice president.

Speaker 86 And understand, he is not done.

Speaker 86 As a part of his agenda, he and his allies would limit access to birth control, ban medication abortion, and enact a nationwide abortion ban with or without Congress.

Speaker 86 Get this, he plans to create a national anti-abortion coordinator and force states to report on women's miscarriages and abortions.

Speaker 86 Simply put,

Speaker 86 they are out of their minds.

Speaker 32 So there was a bunch of fact checks and one of them said something like, actually, it's technically not an anti-abortion coordinator, it's a pro-life coordinator at the Office of Women and Families.

Speaker 18 It's an anti-abortion czar.

Speaker 26 Should really have that.

Speaker 32 It's one of the things I read of, it's like you read the fact check claiming to like debunk, and you get to the end of it, and you're like, This is more true than I could have ever hoped.

Speaker 5 I thought it was a little bit more bullshit.

Speaker 43 Harris went on to say this:

Speaker 35 It is now our turn to do what generations

Speaker 84 before us have done,

Speaker 84 guided by optimism and faith to fight for this country we love,

Speaker 86 to fight for the ideals we cherish, and to uphold

Speaker 86 the awesome responsibility

Speaker 86 that comes with the greatest

Speaker 5 privilege on earth.

Speaker 35 The privilege and pride of being an American.

Speaker 48 That was the part where I blacked out and accidentally joined the Army.

Speaker 37 I'm supposed to be at Fort Jackson on Tuesday, but it's fine.

Speaker 32 We get out of it.

Speaker 5 Concluded, Harris.

Speaker 5 So let's get out there.

Speaker 5 Let's fight for it. Let's get out there.

Speaker 5 Let's vote for it.

Speaker 35 And together, together, let us write the next great chapter in the most extraordinary story ever told.

Speaker 5 That's right.

Speaker 27 At noon, on Inauguration Day, there's a knock on George R.R.

Speaker 78 Martin's door.

Speaker 9 It's time to finish.

Speaker 18 By order of the president.

Speaker 68 The reaction to the speech at the United Center was electric, but not everyone was pumped after four days of Democratic excitement.

Speaker 83 Afterwards, Fox News got Trump's off-the-cuff reaction to Carmel Harris's speech at the DNC, and it was a lot of this.

Speaker 89 Beating Joe Biden in a Democrat primary, I have no doubt about it. And they made it absolutely impossible for him.
They made it that you have to get 60-70% of the vote just to get in.

Speaker 81 And you know what?

Speaker 89 In the end, the Democrats did the same thing to Joe Biden.

Speaker 45 Fox hosts bringing Trump on and then trying to end it when he starts rambling incoherently is like letting a feral raccoon out of his cage in the hopes that he'll do your taxes.

Speaker 69 Please, please, Mr.

Speaker 50 Bandit, it's April 15th and all you've done is destroyed my Ottoman.

Speaker 9 When even the Fox News hosts pointed out that Kamala is having some success with groups that Trump had been appealing to, Trump replied with this.

Speaker 34 Polls show that she's having some success in that at this point. So what are you going to do?

Speaker 12 What's your strategy to rebuild the momentum that you had with those voters?

Speaker 89 No, she's not having success. I'm having success.

Speaker 83 Oh, what's my strategy?

Speaker 11 Go fuck yourself.

Speaker 21 Sometimes it seems like Trump isn't trying to win, but just trying to save face.

Speaker 9 Speaking of which, someone should save his face. It looks like he's slowly transforming into one of those shitty Confederate bronze statues.

Speaker 18 Here he is at the border.

Speaker 56 During that Fox News interview, Trump was cool and collected as always, audibly hitting the buttons on his phone.

Speaker 32 Once in a while, I'll be on the phone with a friend while in line at like a Chipotle or something, and they're telling a story.

Speaker 32 I'll get to the front of the line to order, and I'll try to pause my friend because I think they're a podcast,

Speaker 32 and I'll just hang up on them.

Speaker 39 We were trying to figure out how Trump was, was he on a landline?

Speaker 9 Like, how did he accidentally hit the buttons?

Speaker 45 And so, we did do a test before the show where I called Hallie to see that if I opened the key fan on my phone and pressed the button, she would hear the dial tone, and indeed she did.

Speaker 9 But was it an accident, or was he so mad he was trying to yell at two different people at once?

Speaker 28 We'll never know.

Speaker 9 Speaking of cosmic mysteries, on Friday, a a giant rich human pickle named Robert F.

Speaker 28 Kennedy Jr.

Speaker 17 suspended his campaign and endorsed Donald Trump. He spoke from a place of humility.

Speaker 5 Now,

Speaker 81 in an honest system,

Speaker 81 I believe that I would have won the election.

Speaker 58 Sure.

Speaker 45 And in an honest system, everyone would have thought it was fucking hilarious to dump a dead bear cub in Central Park.

Speaker 11 But the system, alas, it is rigged.

Speaker 32 His speech was wide-ranging, hard to summarize really, but let's go ahead and just drop in at any random part.

Speaker 92 120 years ago, when somebody was obese,

Speaker 92 they were sent to the circus.

Speaker 17 He also says this line about the circus like it was federal policy, like there was a draft or something.

Speaker 30 Like any boilerplate withdrawal speech, Kennedy also included a section on when girls first get their periods.

Speaker 92 America's puberty rate is now occurring at age 10 to 13, which is

Speaker 29 six years

Speaker 92 earlier than girls were reaching puberty in 1900.

Speaker 22 At last, a much-needed injection of normalcy into the Trump Vance campaign.

Speaker 54 You know, I'm not a woman, though I have been told I run like one many times, mostly in middle school.

Speaker 32 On behalf of all women, though, I feel confident that I can ask all presidential candidates who are not women to refrain from sharing their concerns about the onset of Menses.

Speaker 14 Getting some agreement there.

Speaker 9 Speaking of causing women discomfort, Donald Trump and Jennifer Dopez Vance hit the campaign trail this week.

Speaker 83 And Don is still pissed about the whole weird thing.

Speaker 67 You know, he said

Speaker 29 we're weird.

Speaker 67 The JD and I are weird. I think we're extremely normal people.

Speaker 67 Like you, exactly.

Speaker 67 He's weird.

Speaker 12 Yeah, Walls is the weird one.

Speaker 9 He probably doesn't even have a chandelier in his documents bathroom.

Speaker 9 Trump also went after Pennsylvania Governor Josh Shapiro, who spoke on Wednesday night, writing on social media.

Speaker 24 The highly overrated Jewish governor of the great Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, Josh Shapiro, made a really bad and poorly different speech.

Speaker 43 Hey, I have a joke.

Speaker 5 Everybody ready?

Speaker 22 What's the difference between Donald Trump and a reformed Jew?

Speaker 55 Donald Trump's grandchildren are Jewish.

Speaker 37 That was for you, it was for you.

Speaker 28 The Trump train headed down to North Carolina, where he lamented not quite landing a nickname for Kamala.

Speaker 67 I think her name will be Comrade because I think that's the most accurate name. You know, I've been looking for a name.
People are saying, sir, don't do it. You know all my names.
They've all worked.

Speaker 67 They've all been very successful.

Speaker 67 And I really didn't find one with her.

Speaker 43 A peek behind the curtain.

Speaker 60 The fartist at work.

Speaker 16 Like the NBC reality star he is, Trump left it to the audience to decide.

Speaker 67 We're going to do a free poll. Here's the two questions.
Should I get personal? Should I not get personal? Ready? Should I get personal?

Speaker 67 Should I not get personal?

Speaker 67 I don't know. My advisors are fired.

Speaker 32 I love this.

Speaker 14 On one hand, he has his advisors pouring over, polling data and crosstabs, desperate to make the race about the economy, the border, the Biden administration.

Speaker 42 But the angriest baby boomer in Asheboro, North Carolina is demanding that I call Kamala the C-word.

Speaker 22 So, what's a candidate to do?

Speaker 43 Meanwhile, Joe Dirt Vance

Speaker 56 has somehow managed to outawkward himself this week on the campaign trail.

Speaker 63 Here he is, interacting with other human beings at a donut shop.

Speaker 94 I'm sorry, babe.

Speaker 94 Okay, yeah.

Speaker 94 She doesn't want to be on film, guys, so just cut her out of anything. I appreciate that, man.

Speaker 94 I'm Jeannie Ginns. I'm running for vice president can't see it.
Okay.

Speaker 30 Manages to go to a donut shop, and he's still the biggest hole.

Speaker 83 It continues to get awkward from there.

Speaker 94 A lot of glazed here, some sprinkled stuff, some of these cinnamon rolls, just whatever makes sense.

Speaker 76 Whatever makes sense.

Speaker 5 Relatable.

Speaker 30 I also hate it when my box of assorted donuts makes no sense.

Speaker 31 Like when they're inside out or all the donut holes have hard-boiled eggs in them.

Speaker 18 But wait, let's watch this Master of Small Talk at work.

Speaker 94 How old are you once again?

Speaker 94 I've been here since the game has your live. Okay.
Addition.

Speaker 94 channel server?

Speaker 94 Almost two years. Okay.
How long has this place been around?

Speaker 94 About four years. About four years? Okay.

Speaker 94 How long have you been here?

Speaker 94 A little over six months. Okay, good.

Speaker 32 Some stories that they're going to kind of park J.D. Vance in Pennsylvania because Pennsylvania is make or break for Trump, and I hope they do.

Speaker 20 I hope he wanders the countryside and rural Pennsylvania like a Yeti,

Speaker 32 making random people deeply uncomfortable.

Speaker 28 It's also, by the way, like, that is the perfect meeting of a terrible candidate in a terrible campaign.

Speaker 26 Because he's walking into this place, there's nobody there.

Speaker 64 No supporters created a little life around him.

Speaker 78 The person behind the counter doesn't want to be part of this, doesn't even want to be on camera, certainly doesn't like JD Vance.

Speaker 36 Fantastic.

Speaker 12 But then J.D.

Speaker 36 Vance walks in

Speaker 9 and he could charm the spots off a cheetah, that guy.

Speaker 14 It's a phrase I just made up.

Speaker 50 And it worked, because I could charm the spots off a cheetah.

Speaker 31 All right,

Speaker 5 stop it.

Speaker 76 Now let's compare J.D.

Speaker 9 Vance

Speaker 43 to Tim Walls.

Speaker 8 When Tim Walls

Speaker 59 went to an establishment in Nebraska.

Speaker 91 We really came just to go to Runza and then we did a little rally on the side, but we had a little extra time.

Speaker 91 If you don't know, the iconic Nebraska restaurant is the Runza.

Speaker 91 Don't call it anything else except a Runza. The bread consistency, all of it really matters.
I got the Swiss and mushroom is kind of a classic. The cheese is solid.

Speaker 91 You can be a little bit creative, but

Speaker 91 this is it. If you're going going to go to Nebraska, if you're going to go to a Nebraska football game,

Speaker 91 if you're just going to be a good person, you stop at Runza.

Speaker 91 I think it's the bread consistency.

Speaker 91 Get this guy on TV for Runza. Thanks for the work you're doing.
Of course. Matters.
My pleasure. Appreciate it.

Speaker 91 Thanks, everybody. Pleasure to meet you all.

Speaker 5 Wow.

Speaker 9 That's me.

Speaker 55 He's also just a a great example of happy people make people happy, right? He's just a happy guy. He made those people happy.

Speaker 20 JD Vance may be smiling, but he's not a happy person.

Speaker 30 J.D.

Speaker 55 Vance challenging Tim Walls to a normal person contest is like J.D.

Speaker 32 Vance challenging Simone Biles to a normal person contest.

Speaker 13 And finally, Sven, a gay penguin at a Sydney Aquarium who is in love with another male penguin named Magic, has died at age 11.

Speaker 16 And right before his speech to the DNC.

Speaker 49 All right.

Speaker 9 All right, when we come back, it's your next president of the United States, the completely sober Kamala Harris.

Speaker 77 Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

Speaker 7 OnDeck is built to back small businesses like yours. Whether you're buying equipment, expanding your team, or bridging cash flow gaps, ONDEC's loans up to $250,000 help make it happen fast.

Speaker 7 Rated A-plus by the Better Business Bureau and earning thousands of five-star trust pilot reviews, ONDAC delivers funding you can count on. Apply in minutes at on deck.com.

Speaker 7 Depending on certain loan attributes, your business loan may be issued by Ondeck or Celtic Bank. Ondec does not lend in North Dakota.
All loans and amount subject to lender approval.

Speaker 95 A BetterHelp ad.

Speaker 47 This November, BetterHelp is encouraging people to reach out, grab lunch with an old friend, call your parents, or even find support in therapy.

Speaker 47 BetterHelp makes it easy with its therapist match commitment and over 12 years of online therapy experience, matching members with qualified professionals.

Speaker 47 And just like that lunch with an old friend, once you do reach out, you'll wonder, why didn't I do this sooner? Start now at betterhelp.com for 10% off your first month.

Speaker 96 The 2026 Chevy Equinox is more than an SUV.

Speaker 2 It's your Sunday tailgate and your parking lot snack bar.

Speaker 97 Your lucky jersey, your chairs, and your big big cooler fit perfectly in your even bigger cargo space.

Speaker 97 And when it's go time, your 11.3-inch diagonal touchscreen's got the playbook, the playlist, and the tech to stay a step ahead. It's more than an SUV.

Speaker 96 It's your Equinox.

Speaker 97 Chevrolet, together let's drive.

Speaker 97 And we're back!

Speaker 59 Listen, I want y'all to know that anyone who's anyone was in town for the DNC this week, and we could have booked any one of them.

Speaker 55 No star of the Democratic Party would say no to us, no star of the Democratic Party would say no to us, and certainly none of them would agree to be on the show, but then cancel a couple days beforehand.

Speaker 9 They simply wouldn't dare. That's the kind of respect we command in these circles.

Speaker 17 But there was one DNC speaker we wanted, and folks, that's who we got. Please put your hands together for the woman of the hour.

Speaker 37 The next president of the United States, it's Vice President Kamala Harris. DNC, turn out the wood.

Speaker 37 Wow.

Speaker 25 Watch out for the table there.

Speaker 5 Okay, you're all right.

Speaker 5 Oh, my goodness.

Speaker 5 Why would you put that?

Speaker 32 I'm so sorry, Kier. Come around here.

Speaker 5 Oh, my God.

Speaker 25 Madam Vice President, are you okay?

Speaker 25 Do I look okay?

Speaker 5 John,

Speaker 98 I haven't been this hungover, okay,

Speaker 98 since my first perim with Doug.

Speaker 98 God, who keeps yelling? I can't have that right now.

Speaker 27 That was you, Kamala.

Speaker 5 Oh.

Speaker 5 Oh.

Speaker 98 God, I don't know why I even tried to keep up with Tim Walls this week.

Speaker 98 You know, there's no keeping up. with a middle-aged man from Minnesota.
You know,

Speaker 98 every morning he wakes up and starts pounding what he calls a morning beer,

Speaker 98 which is milk.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Milk with a hard L.

Speaker 98 And then the second it hits 5 p.m., he switches over to evening milk,

Speaker 95 Okay.

Speaker 98 Which is beer.

Speaker 64 So I'm just...

Speaker 64 So morning beer is milk and evening milk is beer?

Speaker 98 Why, you're white. I don't know.

Speaker 5 You tell me.

Speaker 98 Yeah, it doesn't matter how pumped up I am, John. I am just not.
built like that.

Speaker 9 Well, it sounds like you had a pretty fun week.

Speaker 98 No, I had a great week.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 98 We all did huge energy speeches that made me cry in private. A weird DJ with a fabulous hat.
Do you see the hat, John?

Speaker 20 Couldn't miss it if I tried.

Speaker 98 Yeah, oh, it was all so wonderful. It was like being at America's wedding, okay?

Speaker 98 But also, my wedding.

Speaker 98 Me and America are married, I guess.

Speaker 98 I guess we got married now.

Speaker 98 I'm toasted. This is crazy.
But seriously, no, I told Doug minutes after our real wedding, you know, the party's over. And it's time to get the hell back to work.

Speaker 9 You said that minutes after your wedding?

Speaker 98 That's right, yeah. I told my beloved, I cherish you, okay, more than life itself.

Speaker 98 Now put your pants back on and hand me my Blackberry.

Speaker 98 Yeah.

Speaker 98 Which is what brings me here today.

Speaker 5 Oh,

Speaker 43 I don't have your blackberry.

Speaker 98 No one has a blackberry, John. You have a blackberry?

Speaker 98 That sucks. John.

Speaker 98 What's wrong with you? No, I'm here to turn enthusiasm, okay, into action. We all enjoyed Lil John.

Speaker 5 Right?

Speaker 5 Right.

Speaker 98 We all enjoyed Lil John. Now it's time to do our little jobs.

Speaker 5 Okay.

Speaker 98 We got to see Oprah. Now it's time to go up and GoPra.

Speaker 5 Okay.

Speaker 98 We saw pink. Now we've got to work till we stink.
Fuck, I'm tired. I'm so, I'm so tired.
Do you see where I'm going with that?

Speaker 21 I think so.

Speaker 21 I think I see where you're going with that. Yeah.

Speaker 98 Look, here's what you need to know. There's a great organization called Vote Save America.

Speaker 53 Vice President Harris,

Speaker 8 that's our organization.

Speaker 13 We run that.

Speaker 98 I don't think that's right.

Speaker 32 Well, I mean, obviously, not me personally. The whole thing would fall apart at a long weekend if I ran it.

Speaker 16 But Vote Save America is the one-stop shop for political activism that we founded.

Speaker 5 I'm done.

Speaker 98 I'm pretty sure you're thinking of something else.

Speaker 15 I am not.

Speaker 5 Oh, sure.

Speaker 98 Yeah, go ahead and argue with the future president. See where that gets you.
Jail.

Speaker 98 Jail, immediate jail.

Speaker 98 Anyway, Vote Save America has set a goal to reach 75,000 sign-ups by national, okay, voter registration day, which is September 17th.

Speaker 9 September 17th.

Speaker 73 That's the goal that we have set.

Speaker 98 Okay, sure. Yeah, as it turns out, VSA just hit 40,000 sign-ups.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 98 And they need to reach,

Speaker 98 they need each and every one of you, okay, to make it to 75K.

Speaker 98 So if there was a speech that inspired you this week, if roll call got you hyped as hell, if you feel like you just did a key bump of hope in a bathroom stall called patriotism,

Speaker 98 it's time to channel it. into doing the work.

Speaker 98 You can sign up, okay, for the highest impact volunteer actions in your state right now at votesaveamerica.com

Speaker 98 slash 2024.

Speaker 9 Votesaveamerica.com slash 2024. Help us get to 75,000 volunteers.

Speaker 50 Help us win back the house, hold the senate, protect abortion at the state level, and make sure Kamala Harris wins this election.

Speaker 98 I love it. I mean, what are you going to do? Not sign up.
Michelle Obama gets up there and brings the house down and you tweet, I want to run through a wall right now.

Speaker 98 Then you're just gonna sit there and do nothing.

Speaker 98 Let the feeling pass.

Speaker 98 What are you, democracy edging?

Speaker 30 I don't love democracy edging as a turn.

Speaker 18 Look at these sickos.

Speaker 45 They'll all want to try it.

Speaker 98 Yeah, I get that vibe from this room.

Speaker 58 Bunch of freaks.

Speaker 98 Yeah, I don't hate it.

Speaker 5 All right.

Speaker 98 Now, if you'll excuse me, there's only one hangover cure that works for me, and that's an Ashkenazi Jew with Theater Tech Energy giving me a back rub while reading tweets about how presidential I look.

Speaker 8 Vice President Kamalaris, thank you so much for stopping by.

Speaker 12 What a week.

Speaker 8 Hit us with that URL one more time.

Speaker 98 Yeah, you know, votesaveamerica.com/slash 2024. Sign up right now.

Speaker 98 Okay.

Speaker 5 All right.

Speaker 5 Someone bring the car around.

Speaker 98 Dougie, start warming them hands.

Speaker 76 Ladies and gentlemen, the next president of the United States.

Speaker 8 All right. When we come back, Marcela Arguello and Liz Winsett do their best to rank our nation's worst.

Speaker 26 Let me ask this group of people a question right now.

Speaker 50 How many of you have signed up through Vote Save America?

Speaker 26 How many of you, Be Honest, have not?

Speaker 50 Oh, you bought a shirt?

Speaker 9 No, you can wear it in the camps.

Speaker 64 Please do me a favor.

Speaker 18 You can do it right now on your phones in this little break.

Speaker 9 You can go to votesaveamerica.com slash 2024 and you can sign up.

Speaker 20 There's two teams, East versus West, right?

Speaker 22 We'll give you very easy to follow actions, give you easy ways to donate.

Speaker 55 What about what?

Speaker 80 What about Mid, what about the Midwest?

Speaker 36 Well, that is...

Speaker 53 So if you're on this side of the Mississippi, if you're on this side of the Mississippi River, you're East.

Speaker 69 And if you're on this side of the Mississippi River, you're on the West.

Speaker 8 You might be saying, where does Louisiana fall?

Speaker 31 I don't remember.

Speaker 53 All right, when we come back, it's Liz Winstead and Marcel Arguello.

Speaker 53 And we're back.

Speaker 8 All right, please welcome to the stage.

Speaker 9 Two delicious Chicago hot dogs.

Speaker 64 Complimentary.

Speaker 79 It's Liz Winstead and Marcel Arguello.

Speaker 5 Come on out.

Speaker 5 Wow.

Speaker 12 It took me for a while to get back to the ground.

Speaker 5 All right, welcome. All right.

Speaker 9 So you both performed, and you had an abortion comedy show this Monday.

Speaker 42 Yes.

Speaker 18 The abortion variety hour, a cavalcade of cooch.

Speaker 5 Yes.

Speaker 85 It did not disappoint.

Speaker 44 There was a lot of cooch.

Speaker 5 A lot of cooch. A lot of cooch.

Speaker 85 A lot of cooch.

Speaker 85 The highlight of the show was the reason I'm in D.C.

Speaker 85 is because I feel like Democrats need to really learn about, since abortion's on the ballot, people are woefully ignorant about actually how it works.

Speaker 85 So in order to educate people, we created giant inflatable inflatable dancing abortion pills

Speaker 85 that have been all over the city. Protests, walking through the hotels, talking to delegates.
And we took the song I'm Just a Bill and wrote I'm Just a Pill.

Speaker 85 And it's fucking adorable.

Speaker 5 I love that.

Speaker 44 And they sing it live.

Speaker 95 They sing it live.

Speaker 5 Yeah, it's nice. They're not sinking.
Yeah, they're doing it.

Speaker 85 Remember, like the old Elka Selso commercial where the big, it's like that, but abortion. It's called Miffy and the Miso Misotones because, of course, it is.

Speaker 25 Oh, nice.

Speaker 95 Yeah.

Speaker 63 Have abortion jokes changed since 2022?

Speaker 55 Like, has like what people laugh at versus

Speaker 58 what they won't laugh at changed? Yes.

Speaker 44 Yeah, I did an abortion joke at the abortion show, and I was like, there's no way they're going to like this because people are usually uptight.

Speaker 44 I say this joke where I'm like, oh, people always tell me I look good holding a baby, therefore I should have a baby. And I'm like, I look good holding a baby because I look good, period.

Speaker 44 You should see me have an abortion breathtaking

Speaker 44 people didn't laugh at that before they're loving now they're like death

Speaker 85 yeah I mean because here's the thing for so long people just talked about abortion with the handbook given to them by the right we were constantly struggling with with the morality of abortion you know people didn't come into it on their own they would just say things that they thought sounded good like, well, nobody's pro-abortion.

Speaker 85 You know, it's like, yeah, people actually are. And I get trolled all the time on the internet.

Speaker 85 And I just like to shut it down because people will say things to me like, well, how many abortions have you had? I'm like, I don't know. I don't save receipts.

Speaker 85 And then they, and then they stop talking to me. Because I just, I can't have, I can't have it anymore.

Speaker 9 We simply can't have it anymore.

Speaker 85 We can't have it anymore. We're not going back.

Speaker 9 We're not going back.

Speaker 59 Marcella, what has been the funniest part of the DNC so far, in your opinion?

Speaker 69 Oh my God.

Speaker 5 Robert Fuggin Jr.

Speaker 44 That concession speech was hilarious. I want to hear him after he drinks some malort.
Does he have a voice?

Speaker 85 You know what's really interesting to me about RFK Jr.

Speaker 85 is the Kennedys have, I'm going to, I'm going to really drop some knowledge here, been riddled with people who've done shitty things in their family. right riddled

Speaker 85 a woman drowns inexplicably um there's sexual assault there's things the kennedy family has never issued a statement about someone being garbage until now

Speaker 85 take them when they say we have gone the extra mile to literally publish that

Speaker 85 our relative is literally dumpster juice.

Speaker 44 He's a groundbreaking Kennedy. That's groundbreaking.

Speaker 5 Yeah, for real.

Speaker 21 He is making history for that family.

Speaker 9 Yeah,

Speaker 17 he just does seem absolutely vile.

Speaker 9 And even the stories he tells that are meant to seem like relatable, he comes across as being completely vile.

Speaker 14 Like every aspect of the story that isn't about a dead bear cub he's leaving in Central Park is a terrible and embarrassing story.

Speaker 60 It's just not the terrible, embarrassing part because it also is a story about dropping a dead bear cub in Central Park.

Speaker 83 He's falconing, he's

Speaker 31 going to Peter Luger and then directly to the airport.

Speaker 61 That's gross.

Speaker 85 And here's the thing: I need Tim Walls to weigh in on this because anybody knows, I'm from Minnesota.

Speaker 85 If you get any, a deer or a bear like in the wild, you have to dress it in the field. We know this.

Speaker 85 You don't just pick it up and put it in the trunk like it's a fucking 12, 13 pack of like ketchup that you got at Costco.

Speaker 85 You know, you gotta do things to it.

Speaker 5 And you don't go to a, what kind of ghoul

Speaker 85 either mows down a bear or just goes, hey, that looks like good eating.

Speaker 85 And then puts it in the trunk and then goes to a steakhouse. That is just some weird meat fetishizing.

Speaker 27 Yes, he did not dress.

Speaker 19 Well, so

Speaker 25 I became obsessed with this in part because

Speaker 9 it's like it's such a bad story.

Speaker 32 Even his version of the story is quite bad, but his version of the story has lies in it to make the even worse version more palatable.

Speaker 50 Because in the version he told Roseanne Barr.

Speaker 69 American treasure.

Speaker 5 Roseanne Barr.

Speaker 55 Sometimes I think that if Hillary Clinton had won, I would have just been

Speaker 14 a staff writer on an unremarkable Roseanne Rebel.

Speaker 36 That was sort of the path that was ahead for me.

Speaker 85 The Connor?

Speaker 9 Yeah, the Connor.

Speaker 49 The single Connor.

Speaker 5 Singular Connor.

Speaker 16 But he said, I saw a woman hit the bear, but that doesn't make sense because she doesn't come up in the story again.

Speaker 85 Also, we know women always choose the bear.

Speaker 85 First of all.

Speaker 9 Anyway, he sucks.

Speaker 85 Can I just say one more thing about him, though? Like, you know, we talk about the bear story, the bear story, the person. So that bear story happened.

Speaker 85 Meanwhile, I don't know if any of of you saw his fucked up. So I am a big fan of not using pesticides in your garden, yada, yada.
You know, there's things you can do.

Speaker 85 So there's an Instagram video of him with ladybugs all over him. And while that's charming if you're four,

Speaker 85 when you're this COVID-denying weirdo, like having bugs crawl all over you after your bear story hits, it just doesn't work.

Speaker 7 He's interesting.

Speaker 5 He's an individual.

Speaker 32 An unvaccinated, bug-covered Kennedy with an incomprehensible voice talking about girls' Mensis.

Speaker 9 The user experience on this guy is fucking terrible.

Speaker 41 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 31 Sorry I said the word Mensis again.

Speaker 31 Are you 90?

Speaker 85 Are you the movie I saw in seventh grade?

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 95 Menses.

Speaker 85 We all know that movie.

Speaker 85 You didn't see it. You're a boy.
Fucking Catholic school, they sent the boys to the top of the playground playground and they made the girls watch the Mencies movie. So boys learned nothing.

Speaker 5 I was going to say, I don't think you're going to be able to do it. You heard his voice.

Speaker 28 The word figures very prominently in a game called Bloodborne, but that's for another conversation.

Speaker 85 I don't know, Bloodborne.

Speaker 20 So I'm going to the Minnesota Fair.

Speaker 5 Okay, okay.

Speaker 5 Yes, so.

Speaker 85 Yes,

Speaker 85 my friend, I am telling you, first of all,

Speaker 85 Tim Walls and I both have

Speaker 85 ribbon

Speaker 85 crop art portraits that have been at the fair. It is the highest honor in Minnesota.
Do you know this?

Speaker 21 I didn't know that.

Speaker 85 Am I wrong, Minnesotans?

Speaker 85 So

Speaker 85 crop art in Minnesota, you take crop that is indigenous to the state and people make incredible art, political art, radical art. And

Speaker 85 if an artist decides to do your portrait,

Speaker 85 It is like literally like, I can't even explain to you how great great it is. So it happened to me three years ago.
Tim Wallace also has one. I got a ribbon.
It was purple, but I got a ribbon.

Speaker 85 But my favorite story that you might not know about crop art. So the person that did my art, I said, has anyone ever been rejected to do crop art?

Speaker 85 And she said, one year, someone did a portrait of Bill Cosby.

Speaker 85 Wait.

Speaker 85 Did it entirely out of canola seeds.

Speaker 85 The other word for canola seed yes rapeseed it's genius and it got rejected

Speaker 85 isn't that amazing

Speaker 85 brilliant right wow crop art has so many levels to it you have no idea what is the crop they used to make you they used um they did use some rapeseed

Speaker 85 But just because it's pretty.

Speaker 5 Right, right, sure.

Speaker 85 They use white beans for my hair. They use black beans for my glasses or something like that.
I can't remember. I have them all listed on the portrait.
Yeah, it's fun.

Speaker 43 Canola was a good rebrand.

Speaker 85 Yeah,

Speaker 85 it's an all-around bean.

Speaker 5 Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 85 Soy is also soybean. Very popular.
Farm steak.

Speaker 9 Hey, has anyone ever made art using plants out of your face?

Speaker 5 No.

Speaker 5 That sucks. I will.

Speaker 5 I'll do that for you. No, I will.

Speaker 85 No, I will.

Speaker 9 Marcel, have you ever been to a state fair?

Speaker 44 Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 44 I'm from California. We have the fucking best state fair in Sacramento, California.

Speaker 5 It's fucking huge.

Speaker 44 Oh, sorry, I answered a question.

Speaker 5 My bad.

Speaker 44 It's fucking huge because we have a lot of land and it's fucking, it's overwhelming. You can't finish it in one day.
You have to go multiple times

Speaker 44 to finish it.

Speaker 28 I've noticed over the years that it really bothers some of these Midwesterners when they find out that the thing that they do that's very important and special and unique to them is something California also does, but it's like 15th on our fucking list.

Speaker 53 Because we're so big.

Speaker 5 They're like, oh, you have milk?

Speaker 18 We make milk too. Yeah.

Speaker 44 I also eat corn dogs.

Speaker 5 Sorry.

Speaker 31 My bad.

Speaker 21 The Democratic National Convention

Speaker 85 is not at the Minnesota State Park.

Speaker 13 It is not.

Speaker 28 The Republicans have been trying to come up with a non-bullshit line of attack against the Harris Walls campaign, and after four days of unobstructed,

Speaker 36 uncut Democratic excitement and enthusiasm, they've been failing.

Speaker 9 The desperation, it wreaks a bit, which is why we're going to play a game called Rank the Stank.

Speaker 90 Nice.

Speaker 5 Yeah, that's right. This is great.
What a great graphic.

Speaker 49 It's a great graphic.

Speaker 18 Here's how it works.

Speaker 50 I will read you a desperate quote said by a conservative this week.

Speaker 55 You have to rank it on a scale from five to one, with the one being the stinkiest.

Speaker 80 The most ranked, desperate quote.

Speaker 9 And the catch is, you will not know the melodious quote that comes next.

Speaker 36 It's a blind ranking.

Speaker 85 I love this game. I listened to you guys do this game.
I love this game.

Speaker 5 It's gonna be fun. It's one of my favorites.
Here we go.

Speaker 9 First up, we have JD Vance taking a stinky little swing at Tim Walls.

Speaker 88 I'd like to know how you were prepping for debating Tim Walls who has described himself as a bad debater.

Speaker 5 Who's helping you, and how are you prepping?

Speaker 54 Well, I found a good friend from back home who embellishes and lies a lot, and I'm having to then stand in for Tim Walls.

Speaker 5 So,

Speaker 64 so embarrassing.

Speaker 61 First of all,

Speaker 9 it's a strange sentence, right?

Speaker 26 Like, oh, you have a good friend.

Speaker 9 What's something we should know about him?

Speaker 26 He lies and embellishes a lot.

Speaker 70 So not a, do you have a better friend?

Speaker 61 Do you have a worse friend?

Speaker 53 What a way to talk about your friend.

Speaker 44 But also, how do you know that's your friend if he lies about things?

Speaker 15 Right.

Speaker 49 That's not your friend. That's not your friend.

Speaker 95 He says she's your friend.

Speaker 85 Okay, so I'm going to, it was a terrible joke. It wasn't like we know some of the shit that's happened this week.

Speaker 44 Yeah, I don't think it was very.

Speaker 85 Did you put it at a four?

Speaker 95 I would put it at a five because it just

Speaker 5 didn't take that. Yeah, because it doesn't strike me as something.

Speaker 5 It's five.

Speaker 44 It's like something that he would say at a bar.

Speaker 5 Five.

Speaker 85 I agree. That's right.
Yeah. It's just like more lame trying to

Speaker 5 be human. How are you going? Can you go?

Speaker 17 That is the energy he has.

Speaker 5 It's so awful.

Speaker 5 I'm super nervous. This is so weird.
Like, okay, can I tell this joke? Like, hey, I saw you through the thing. And I have a thing.

Speaker 5 That's it. That is.

Speaker 5 Actually, it would actually be funnier if he was dressed in drag when he delivered it.

Speaker 44 Well, Marcella. Moscow, my best friend, lies and steals and cheats.

Speaker 5 You're right.

Speaker 35 Everybody'd be like, work it.

Speaker 5 Right?

Speaker 5 Everything works better in context.

Speaker 32 I think he is in drag is the thing.

Speaker 5 Next up.

Speaker 5 Okay.

Speaker 36 Ron Johnson, taking his own stab at Walls over, of all things, Walls' wedding anniversary.

Speaker 46 Again, the mainstream media is not going to cover his background. The house is going to investigate it now.
It's very strange. You know, he got married on the anniversary of Tiananmen Square.

Speaker 46 He's gone to China. He's taught in China.

Speaker 85 I don't know if you saw the wedding photos. They are standing in front of a tank.
It's really beautiful.

Speaker 5 Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 85 The flowers on the tank. It was sort of an homage to Kent State.
And

Speaker 5 beautiful one.

Speaker 85 Just one big commie wedding

Speaker 5 I just love the ideas like well he's been to China so you know what that means he was a teacher there he taught yeah I know

Speaker 85 okay so so what do you think Ron Johnson Tiananmen Square wedding I mean Ron Johnson's always just like pulling shit out of that weird ass of his so um

Speaker 44 I don't know I mean that's pretty inexplicably like digging from the bottom it's not it is it's also hyper-specific yeah which strike me as like he he pre-wrote it, like was ready, was waiting.

Speaker 44 That tells me there was a little more thought to it, which makes it a little more offensive.

Speaker 95 Yeah, I mean, Marilyn Monroe died on my birthday.

Speaker 82 It's not like, you know what, Ginny wins to

Speaker 85 fucking had a baby the day that she was murdered.

Speaker 61 It's quite an accusation.

Speaker 21 Like, so Tim Walls taught in China, I guess became some kind of Manchurian candidate, comes back,

Speaker 50 teaches in high school, coaches, spends two decades in the military, runs for Congress all on his plan, which is to wait for the president to get too old.

Speaker 23 Then have that president step aside, then have the vice president choose him.

Speaker 62 It's all going according to President Xi's plan.

Speaker 5 But

Speaker 85 have we ever seen what happens to Tim Walls when presented with the Queen of Diamonds?

Speaker 32 Something to think about.

Speaker 44 My guy said well thought out,

Speaker 44 therefore more offensive.

Speaker 5 You know, I mean, here's the deal.

Speaker 85 When you decide in the 90s that you're the football coach who's going to be the, you know, counselor for the gay kids club, you're not thinking about your presidential future at that point.

Speaker 5 Right.

Speaker 85 You're just thinking about the gay kids.

Speaker 76 Which is not. He's just being a good guy.

Speaker 85 He's so good.

Speaker 15 You know him.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Not to brag

Speaker 85 but let me

Speaker 85 so i celebrated my 40th year in comedy uh in december of last year

Speaker 85 and tim walls declared it liz winstead day in minnesota so december 18th is liz winstead day in minnesota wow that deserves a better day very exciting what day very exciting december 18th december 18th yeah

Speaker 9 Also the day that the Archduke Ferdinand was killed

Speaker 9 makes you think. I don't know if that's true.
I just tried to think of something that took place in the day.

Speaker 5 I liked that. That was good.

Speaker 12 It was plausible, right?

Speaker 16 It's not associated with a specific day in your mind.

Speaker 85 If the day that I did comedy was synonymous with World War I starting, I'd be super excited about that. So thank you for associating me with that.

Speaker 37 Because you both killed.

Speaker 23 We both killed!

Speaker 5 All right. We need a ranking.

Speaker 27 We need a ranking on Ron Johnson.

Speaker 31 Yeah, Ron Johnson.

Speaker 5 What do you think? What do you think?

Speaker 85 I think it's a three, because there was some bullshit this week. I'm giving it a three.
Do we feel good about three? Do you feel good about three?

Speaker 5 I love three. Three.

Speaker 82 Up next.

Speaker 55 human dumpster reeking in the humid heat of Chicago, August.

Speaker 25 Ann Coulter went after Tim.

Speaker 27 Pretty good.

Speaker 51 Pretty good.

Speaker 27 Pretty good.

Speaker 27 Oh.

Speaker 85 I've written some shows for a living.

Speaker 32 Yeah.

Speaker 85 Here's the problem. I can't get up.

Speaker 5 But we're doing great.

Speaker 71 I can't believe you saw the other side of this segment from this show, which is basically a low-rent podcast daily show

Speaker 5 uh yes

Speaker 5 yeah number one

Speaker 80 made fun of basically it was a it was a tweet uh making fun of uh walls's son who is a teenager and has a non-verbal learning disability with the comment talk about weird

Speaker 5 uh

Speaker 5 Coulter

Speaker 57 Did eventually delete it after everyone on the internet screamed at her.

Speaker 42 So you want to make that number one?

Speaker 44 Absolutely. I was just really appreciating that there was a lot of clips coming up of all the times people insulted her over the years.

Speaker 44 Yeah, did you see like all the other roasts compilations? I was like, yes,

Speaker 44 I'm glad we all as a nation agree that she's a piece of shit.

Speaker 44 Yeah.

Speaker 85 And it also goes to the point that, like, you know, you create a group of people that's a fan base, right?

Speaker 85 And so you want to to make sure that like you've got this fan base, they kind of vibe on what you say, and that you've created a fan base that you were like, they would love it if I said this, right?

Speaker 85 And that's the part for me that makes me fucking sick to my stomach because it's like, don't play dumb.

Speaker 5 And also,

Speaker 85 like, there are a lot of people that fucking like that shit, right?

Speaker 5 So

Speaker 5 one.

Speaker 14 It is the, um, it is like a, it is sort of a double-edged sword in that they have over the last decades built this sort of radicalized group of voters that they can kind of electric shock into voting in great numbers

Speaker 32 every time they're told to vote.

Speaker 43 You know, better work.

Speaker 36 And in 2018, he turns out every voter he's supposed to turn out, but Ted Cruz manages to

Speaker 36 outperform anyone's expectations.

Speaker 32 Like the Republican machine does work, but I do think that one thing that they're paying for in this election, that the reason

Speaker 55 the weird criticism is sticking, is that they are strange.

Speaker 36 They are in a bubble talking to themselves, thinking that you can make fun of a child like that, thinking that it's strange that these people have healthy relationships, thinking that any sign of masculine vulnerability or emotion is somehow something that will bother most Americans when it's been a long time

Speaker 37 since that was true.

Speaker 44 But the problem is that they can. The problem is that they like it.
That's the problem is that they like it and they want it and their fan base appreciates it.

Speaker 44 And there's often times when their fan base goes, oh, we're not supposed to say that. Oh, shit.
Everybody, oh, we didn't even know that.

Speaker 44 Because that's how fucking neurodivergent those motherfuckers are.

Speaker 5 Like,

Speaker 44 they don't clock that shit. It's fucked up.
But that's why they feed into it because their fan base does like that shit.

Speaker 44 That's why it's hard to get people to listen to Kamala and understand that when she speaks, she's speaking from a place of sincerity

Speaker 44 because she does believe the things that she says. and so does Tim, and so does their children.

Speaker 44 And so they're not used to realizing that the things that people are saying is actually true to who they are. And that's why when you see something like that and they react,

Speaker 44 they are so

Speaker 44 warped in their minds and they agree with each other. And that's what is so depressing.
And there's no joke here.

Speaker 44 It's just fucking depressing because we can sit here and talk shit about it, but these people are real and they sit amongst us and they live amongst us.

Speaker 44 And it's very frustrating to know that these people love

Speaker 44 that shit.

Speaker 5 They love it. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 89 But

Speaker 22 I do think that it is

Speaker 43 a minority view.

Speaker 32 And I think that what has to happen is we need to defeat this brand of

Speaker 45 Republicanism so thoroughly that the leadership of the Republic, the craven leadership, the ambitious, valueless leaders of the Republican Party realize that this version, it's not just morally reprehensible, it's just bad business.

Speaker 60 They got to figure out it's bad business.

Speaker 85 The question I have is, though, I think I hear your point and I think it's right, but I also think too that

Speaker 85 when I, when you say that, you know, they need to write that,

Speaker 85 there's a group of people, and I would say, as a woman, queer folks, black and brown folks, we know that

Speaker 85 this goes a little bit deeper than, because when they attack like just attacking Hillary Clinton for her weird pizza thing and all you know the political shit but

Speaker 85 how is it if a group of people make fun of Gus that's not political that's shitting on a child and that's a different moral framework for me right

Speaker 5 and so

Speaker 85 It's sort of twofold. The humanity of the Joe Roganization of America, which I think is different.

Speaker 85 I think there are two lanes that feed the same beast, but I think that that Joe Rogan beast creates that kind of shit on top of the other thing, right? So

Speaker 85 it's a two-pronged ugliness for me.

Speaker 27 Yeah, I think that's true.

Speaker 32 I think, yeah.

Speaker 5 It's just bigger than that.

Speaker 32 Yeah, I think that there's like a cult, there's like a permission structure for when you can be cruel, when you can be,

Speaker 57 when you can, like there's a kind of like masculinity defense thing happening.

Speaker 36 It relates to why they go after trans people, why they go after women.

Speaker 32 And I think like these,

Speaker 21 they're responding to the same thing, which is a changing culture.

Speaker 9 And by the way, like the

Speaker 41 victory of

Speaker 18 progressivism in the culture, right? Like that is what they are responding to.

Speaker 21 They are responding to decades and decades and decades of defeat.

Speaker 5 Yes.

Speaker 32 So I do think that's that's a big part of it.

Speaker 44 But I will also say that it does feel like it's like just even her deleting it, it's like slowly crumbling because watching Rhonda Rousey apologize for sharing Sandy Hook conspiracy theories.

Speaker 44 I feel like we're getting just like they're finally cutting, you know,

Speaker 44 they're, you know, like the ice, they're just kind of getting off a little bit, a little bit, and we're finally getting like what they're really about.

Speaker 44 And I don't think they know what they're really about.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 58 Yes, it's about consequences. Consequences.
Yes. There need to be political consequences.

Speaker 14 We have to, whether it's Ronda Rousey, whether it's Donald Trump, we just got to show them that it's bad for business.

Speaker 25 And finally, we have this wild swing from Donald Trump who said this about Kamala Harris.

Speaker 89 But I say that I am much better looking than her.

Speaker 5 I think I'm much better looking.

Speaker 5 Much better.

Speaker 51 I'm a better looking person

Speaker 89 than Kamala.

Speaker 83 I think we found the perfect place for that.

Speaker 74 So in fifth, we have J.D.

Speaker 26 Vance.

Speaker 28 I know that.

Speaker 54 I know how to...

Speaker 9 I can remember five things.

Speaker 61 In fifth, I'm not sure. In fifth, we have J.D.

Speaker 80 Vance

Speaker 9 saying that.

Speaker 22 In fourth, we have Donald Trump saying he's more beautiful than Kamala Harris.

Speaker 22 In third, we have have Ron Johnson saying that he's been to China.

Speaker 69 That makes me suspicious.

Speaker 9 In second place,

Speaker 5 we have

Speaker 13 in second, no, no, in second place,

Speaker 53 we have Jesse Waters.

Speaker 27 And in first place, we have Ann Coulter.

Speaker 60 So those, that's, we have now

Speaker 5 ranked sixth.

Speaker 5 I think that's great.

Speaker 8 Thank you to Marcel and Liz when we come back.

Speaker 53 Thank you for helping. It's time for Malord.

Speaker 95 Kate don't go anywhere.

Speaker 77 There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

Speaker 96 The 2026 Chevy Equinox is more than an SUV.

Speaker 2 It's your Sunday tailgate and your parking lot snack bar.

Speaker 97 Your lucky jersey, your chairs, and your big cooler fit perfectly in your even bigger cargo space.

Speaker 97 And when it's go time, your 11.3-inch diagonal touchscreen's got the playbook, the playlist, and the tech to stay a step ahead. It's more than an SUV.
It's your Equinox.

Speaker 97 Chevrolet, together let's drive.

Speaker 7 Need to restock inventory, cover seasonal dips, or manage payroll? OnDeck's small business line of credit provides immediate access to funds up to $200,000 exactly when your business needs it.

Speaker 7 With flexible draws, transparent pricing, and full control over repayment, you can tackle unexpected expenses without missing a beat.

Speaker 7 Apply today at on deck.com and funds could be available as soon as tomorrow. Depending on certain loan attributes, your business loan may be issued by ONDEC or Celtic Bank.

Speaker 7 OnDeck does not lend in North Dakota. All loans and amounts subject to lender approval.

Speaker 95 A BetterHelp ad.

Speaker 47 This November, BetterHelp is encouraging people to reach out, grab lunch with an old friend, call your parents, or even find support in therapy.

Speaker 47 BetterHelp makes it easy with its therapist match commitment and over 12 years of online therapy experience, matching members with qualified professionals.

Speaker 47 And just like that lunch with an old friend, once you do reach out, you'll wonder, why didn't I do this sooner? Start now at betterhelp.com for 10% off your first month.

Speaker 47 And we're back.

Speaker 71 Before we get

Speaker 42 to the toasts, we have some big live shows coming up.

Speaker 17 On September 12th, Love It or Leave, it has a special show show at the Bourbon Room in L.A.

Speaker 57 It's a bigger venue in LA for us.

Speaker 26 So it'll be bigger laughs or echoes of silence, depending on

Speaker 14 how the writing process goes.

Speaker 60 Jane Fonda, Louis Vertel, Zachary Quinto, and more very special guests will stop by.

Speaker 5 Pretty great.

Speaker 53 And more guests to come.

Speaker 60 After L.A., we're heading to Pittsburgh on October 4th, with it just one month out from the election.

Speaker 28 Plus, Pod Save America is headed to swing states with a show in Phoenix on September 7th, Ann Arbor on October 5th, and Philadelphia on October 6th.

Speaker 9 If you want to see our faces smile and our cringe in real time as we witness the most consequential election of our lives, get tickets to all of these events and more at crooked.com/slash events.

Speaker 17 Also, this week we went out for the Democratic National Convention at Crooked Media.

Speaker 9 We're giving Friends of the Pond subscribers access to a ton of behind-the-scenes content and community events, including a DNC subscriber live chat, a new subscriber exclusive segment with me, John, Tommy, and Dan, four back-to-back ad-free episodes of Pod Save America recapping the biggest convention news of the night.

Speaker 36 It's been been a week for content.

Speaker 93 All right.

Speaker 83 Get all of our exclusive content and more when you subscribe to Friends of the Pod.

Speaker 9 A lot of people signed up this week.

Speaker 59 Made the right decision.

Speaker 9 Head to crooked.com slash friends to sign up now.

Speaker 36 All right.

Speaker 9 Chicago.

Speaker 27 Here in Chicago, I've indulged in your deepest pizzas.

Speaker 16 I've devoured your most Italians of beefs.

Speaker 9 But it wouldn't be a Chicago Love Relieve It episode without a few drops of that magic elixir, Malort.

Speaker 53 This time around,

Speaker 37 we've brought an expert to join us.

Speaker 78 Please welcome to the stage all of our wonderful guests and the author of Malort, the Redemption of Revered and Reviled Spirit, Josh Noel.

Speaker 53 And Allison Reese, come on out.

Speaker 37 Allison, for the first time.

Speaker 69 For the first time.

Speaker 69 For the very first time.

Speaker 99 Oh, I just fall out of a coconut tree.

Speaker 5 Now,

Speaker 13 Josh, you've written a book about Malort.

Speaker 31 I did.

Speaker 4 And can I say, I know you've all been waiting for the Malort,

Speaker 64 and I appreciate that.

Speaker 87 I have never had Malort.

Speaker 5 Everyone have Malort. All right.

Speaker 5 Virgin.

Speaker 44 I love that you guys are so negative to me, and it's hilarious because I'm very excited to try it. And I thought that was going to get a better excited response.

Speaker 44 No, I don't do second chances. No, no, no.

Speaker 5 You fucked it up.

Speaker 44 I was ready for it. You guys put me in a bad mood.

Speaker 55 So, the last time we were in Chicago, or maybe the previous time, I had just turned 40.

Speaker 9 And we were doing a segment where they would surprise me with a topic. And the topic was about how

Speaker 68 my personality only works in a younger man.

Speaker 31 At which point I blacked out and wandered amongst the crowd.

Speaker 53 So Josh,

Speaker 31 now,

Speaker 62 Mallor, does the dog have to die in the vat of grain alcohol to achieve the signature taste, or can you just put in a dog that had recently died?

Speaker 4 You actually put the dog in the bottle as the final step.

Speaker 64 Oh, like the worm.

Speaker 5 Exactly. But this is Malord.

Speaker 22 Shall we all try it?

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 26 I know this seems like a bit.

Speaker 101 That tastes like Trump's boob sweat.

Speaker 80 With a little hint of Anise.

Speaker 80 Are you getting notes of Anise? I like it.

Speaker 5 I like it.

Speaker 8 We like it. Do you like it, Marcelo?

Speaker 5 It's interesting.

Speaker 26 It's floral.

Speaker 10 It's herbaceous.

Speaker 85 It's happening in your mouth.

Speaker 95 Yeah.

Speaker 95 There's a lot of like after experience.

Speaker 61 Yeah, no, it doesn't.

Speaker 26 It's all bad.

Speaker 37 It sticks with you.

Speaker 50 Josh, how did Mallor become associated with the city, or how did the city become associated with Mallor?

Speaker 79 Well, dude,

Speaker 17 somebody in the audience shouts, because they make it here.

Speaker 60 That's why it's an interview.

Speaker 44 That's the difference between an expert and a heckler.

Speaker 64 Well, and actually the heckler is only partially right.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 64 They made it in Florida for about 30, 35 years.

Speaker 73 This would start in Florida.

Speaker 5 A lot of America's biggest mistakes. It's like DeSantis blue sweat?

Speaker 26 Yeah, it's DeSantis blue sweat.

Speaker 18 A lot of America's biggest mistakes begin in Florida.

Speaker 13 So how did it come here?

Speaker 4 So it's called Jepson's Mallort is the actual name. And it was in fact started by a man named Carl Jepson, who was is a Swedish immigrant.

Speaker 4 And we don't know what year he actually started peddling it here. It was probably in the 20s or the 30s.

Speaker 4 And then a man named George Brody bought it in 1935.

Speaker 4 You're still dealing with the aftertaste there?

Speaker 5 It's even worse. It's getting to ourselves.

Speaker 44 Like the shot itself is fine.

Speaker 5 Exactly. It's an after flavor.

Speaker 74 Even if we took those shots with nothing to chase it with.

Speaker 5 It's abusive.

Speaker 10 Yeah, that's funny.

Speaker 5 Why did you do that to us?

Speaker 43 I like it.

Speaker 5 He is mentally ill.

Speaker 5 I do.

Speaker 5 I do. Paul is sick.

Speaker 64 I think it's delightful.

Speaker 5 Do you guys like it?

Speaker 5 Okay.

Speaker 19 So

Speaker 62 an evil Swede,

Speaker 22 an evil Swede like from the girl with the dragon tattoo is sort of

Speaker 62 moving through the countryside of

Speaker 39 the Midwest and and then how did it become sort of a Chicago special?

Speaker 64 Well, a hundred years ago,

Speaker 4 and even currently, Swedes like it.

Speaker 4 This is not a punchline in southern Sweden. It should be noted.
It just is sort of shocking to our palates, though less so than it was.

Speaker 4 So, Carl Jepson started it, and it just sort of hung on in Chicago thanks to this one man, George Brody, who owned the brand for about 65 years.

Speaker 4 It was for most of that time, it was the only liquor brand he owned. He was working as a lawyer, and he did that.
He just kept this weird thing alive as basically his life's hobby, a passion project.

Speaker 98 That's interesting that it's, you said Swedish? Swedish. So like,

Speaker 98 isn't that chef from the Muppets Swedish? Is like that? Is that why he talks like that? He's just that fucked up on Mallor. I feel drunk in a bad way.

Speaker 4 Every time someone talks shit about Mallor up here, I'm going to take another shot.

Speaker 4 Wow.

Speaker 5 Is this a Josh? Would you say that you've written the book or issued a cry for help?

Speaker 5 No. The Swedes have some...

Speaker 85 Aquavit also. There's not, right?

Speaker 5 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 85 Yeah, I'm Swedish. I'm a Swedish.

Speaker 18 They also bury fish in the ground and dig it up in the spring to eat it.

Speaker 22 They're fucking freaks.

Speaker 5 Oh, wait. Can I just hold the phone on that?

Speaker 85 You left out a very important part. We cure it in lie and then we bury it in a burlap bag in the ground, bitch.

Speaker 5 Yeah, it's a troubled group.

Speaker 9 It's a troubled group of people. It's dark six months a year.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 22 The ones that survive it are strange.

Speaker 5 Now Lutvisk.

Speaker 26 Lutvis.

Speaker 69 Lutvisk.

Speaker 44 I feel like I'm on drugs, bro.

Speaker 5 It keeps getting weirder. These lights are crazy.
I feel like you're swallowing it. It's chunky.
We're ready. That's what I think.
More. There you go.
There you go.

Speaker 85 Cheers, baby. Well, I'm not going to be the death hole.

Speaker 95 Yeah, do we know?

Speaker 5 I'll do more.

Speaker 85 Can I get a ride back to Minneapolis?

Speaker 85 Oh my god, it tastes like

Speaker 5 there's a heat to it. It tastes like an RFK speech.
There's a heat to it.

Speaker 61 It's like an RFK speech.

Speaker 13 It's like you found an orange in your car.

Speaker 5 And I like it.

Speaker 10 Now,

Speaker 60 we're not just here in Chicago to raise our spirits.

Speaker 55 We are here in the words of Michelle Obama to do something.

Speaker 61 Let's roll the clip.

Speaker 35 It's up to us to remember what Kamala's mother told her. Don't just sit around and complain.

Speaker 5 Do something.

Speaker 71 Yeah, damn right.

Speaker 25 So here's what we're going to do to finish out the show.

Speaker 28 We're going to each have our malor.

Speaker 85 And we're going to each. Wait, I can't have another one.
I got to do another one. I just did two.

Speaker 37 It's a podcast.

Speaker 61 You can fake it.

Speaker 61 I'm very literal.

Speaker 5 I'm a person who's very literal.

Speaker 5 Oh my God.

Speaker 93 I didn't know there would be a test.

Speaker 71 Here's how it works.

Speaker 18 We're each going to toast something. We're going to do something.
It could be political.

Speaker 25 It could be personal.

Speaker 55 It could be whatever you want to do.

Speaker 16 But we're going to resolve to do something as we toast malorate.

Speaker 23 the what let's let's spin the wheel of resolve

Speaker 23 of course

Speaker 5 give it to me marcella give it oh marcella's doing it

Speaker 44 Now, before the show, they said we can say whatever we want.

Speaker 44 And I look, I'm trying to be a better person.

Speaker 44 It's hard, it sucks, it's not easy.

Speaker 87 But I'm also trying to work on my impressions more because I really appreciate your common impressions.

Speaker 87 So funny.

Speaker 44 And the last time I was on Love It, they posted a clip of me doing my Beyoncé, and the comments were brutal.

Speaker 82 What?

Speaker 44 They were so unkind.

Speaker 44 And so

Speaker 44 I intend to work on my Beyoncé impression more, but also I think it's hilarious that everyone tuned in last night to watch maybe Beyoncé.

Speaker 44 So I want to give a toast to everybody who fell for TMZ or whoever

Speaker 44 because we got to start paying attention.

Speaker 44 Misinformation

Speaker 5 is fucking our heads up.

Speaker 85 But also, it would have been cool if she was there.

Speaker 5 So let's pre-we're in Chicago.

Speaker 44 Hey, shit was popping last night.

Speaker 44 And so I just want to do a quick Beyonce impression.

Speaker 44 That kind of makes it feel like she was there last night.

Speaker 5 Okay?

Speaker 99 Are you guys ready?

Speaker 12 Look around, everybody, home mute.

Speaker 12 Bitch, you're supposed to do a bigger laugh.

Speaker 44 But hey, look around, everybody, home mute.

Speaker 44 That's what we wanted last night, right?

Speaker 77 No.

Speaker 5 That's what I wanted. Cheers to that.

Speaker 77 Nice.

Speaker 26 All right, let's see who's next.

Speaker 44 Hey, that third one was not a charm.

Speaker 5 Liz,

Speaker 9 what is something you'd like to do?

Speaker 26 You have to do something. What will it be?

Speaker 85 Take back those Malortsa drinks.

Speaker 80 No, you can't take those back. Those are in, those are done.

Speaker 35 I would like to...

Speaker 82 So,

Speaker 85 you know, I'm not a big sportball vibe.

Speaker 5 I love Tim Walls.

Speaker 85 The sport ball, if you're all the olds here, remember Jack Kemp and his really bad sport ball vibes. But I feel like Tim Walls is bringing like Friday Night Lights sport ball vibes.

Speaker 85 So I feel like I'm going to do like a Coach Walls like pep thing from Friday Night Lights, but change it.

Speaker 5 Okay.

Speaker 85 But first, I'm going to say what I want all of you to do is fucking do the Vote Save America. Crucial.

Speaker 85 And then also

Speaker 85 go find Abortion Access Front on your socials. And we are doing incredible work around abortion access and ballot initiatives.
So find us.

Speaker 85 But, okay, let's ready, ready to like.

Speaker 5 Coach.

Speaker 85 Okay, you're gonna repeat after me?

Speaker 85 Who's Friday Night Lights people? Where are we at? Okay, we know where we're going.

Speaker 85 Clear your eyes.

Speaker 37 Full hearts. Full hearts.
Can choose.

Speaker 53 Can choose! There we go!

Speaker 5 Yeah!

Speaker 85 That's for my Friday Night Lights, people.

Speaker 44 She did a shot.

Speaker 49 And she did a shot.

Speaker 85 I'm a lightweight. I can't.

Speaker 37 I gotta stop. I gotta pack after this.

Speaker 85 I have people just staying with me in an Airbnb who don't need me barfing Malort

Speaker 85 and ruining their neck.

Speaker 18 If you barf Malort, it burns through the floor like alien blood.

Speaker 61 It'll get right to the the hull.

Speaker 85 Exactly. I won't get my damage deposit back on the Airbnb.

Speaker 56 Let's spin it again.

Speaker 56 All right.

Speaker 12 All right, Josh Noel, who wrote a book about Ballort.

Speaker 83 Now, as of right now, I have no proof that there are words in here.

Speaker 31 What are you going to do?

Speaker 31 I love how drunk you are.

Speaker 5 Hey, I'm drunk as fuck right now, Player.

Speaker 13 What are you going to do, Josh?

Speaker 4 I am going to be a one-man wrecking crew dedicated to getting RFK Jr. back on the ballot.
Who's with me?

Speaker 64 Just kidding, just kidding.

Speaker 4 You know what I'm doing? I am

Speaker 4 tapping into my inner Michelle, and I have been trying to do something for the last month, and I'm going to keep doing it every day until November 5th and I'm writing postcards to swing states

Speaker 4 that's great it's a little thing but it feels like the thing I can do

Speaker 4 you know I just want free and fair elections and everyone to vote and I think things will turn out just fine if we have those two things so

Speaker 53 please join me

Speaker 4 see there are words and now I'm gonna drink my shot of malort yeah

Speaker 5 also

Speaker 85 buy the book I'm gonna be your publicist publicist. Buy the book on Malort.

Speaker 95 Friend, buy the book on Malort.

Speaker 5 Yeah, buy the Malort book.

Speaker 4 Actually, can I do a quick plug? I have a bunch of events coming up around town. A lot of Malert cocktails, Malert shots.
My website is joshnoel.net.

Speaker 73 It's all there.

Speaker 56 And you know how to say your name.

Speaker 80 Let's spin it again.

Speaker 85 Let's spin it again. It's Allison.

Speaker 5 Let's just make it.

Speaker 75 I don't want it to be.

Speaker 31 Or John.

Speaker 98 I don't want it to be John.

Speaker 5 It's me again.

Speaker 37 Allison.

Speaker 5 Allison.

Speaker 98 Okay, what am I doing? I don't know.

Speaker 5 I just want everybody to listen to what she said.

Speaker 26 You just have to do something.

Speaker 98 I have to do something.

Speaker 4 Do an embrace. No.

Speaker 98 I already did one.

Speaker 98 Okay, no, no. Here's to

Speaker 5 a high kick.

Speaker 62 Hey, no more suggestions, you animals.

Speaker 26 No, no, I like it.

Speaker 85 What else?

Speaker 5 What changed from?

Speaker 44 Yes, and hey,

Speaker 98 my first day in Chicago, I had Malord. What do you guys want from me?

Speaker 98 All right, here's to never again accidentally burning my nipple with nair.

Speaker 5 I love that.

Speaker 27 That's lovely.

Speaker 5 All right.

Speaker 101 So good.

Speaker 81 So good.

Speaker 81 So So good.

Speaker 37 Let's.

Speaker 98 I'm normally a good drunk and this sucks.

Speaker 85 This is bad.

Speaker 5 This is wild. Who's the dog?

Speaker 26 Where's... Oh, that's my dog.
That's just my dog.

Speaker 44 But John, hey, you need to do a do something. I'm gonna.

Speaker 50 That's what's about to happen.

Speaker 78 Well, what is about to happen?

Speaker 5 Something.

Speaker 5 All right.

Speaker 5 All right.

Speaker 43 Here's what I'm going to do. I've been thinking about this.

Speaker 37 We've been talking about this.

Speaker 49 Here's what I'll resolve.

Speaker 43 If we get to 100,000 sign-ups, the Votes Ave America, it can happen.

Speaker 13 I will, with the permission of crooked lawyers,

Speaker 11 based on safety concerns, I will set up a dunk tank.

Speaker 56 At some place, I would like it to be a Trump rally, but that does seem intense.

Speaker 69 In which

Speaker 55 which Republicans can dunk me, but unbeknownst to them, every time I'm dunked, there's a donation to Vote Save America.

Speaker 5 But I will only do that.

Speaker 20 I will only do that if two things happen.

Speaker 54 One,

Speaker 9 I figure out body dysmorphia over the next 30 days.

Speaker 56 And two, we hit 100,000 sign-ups.

Speaker 5 Okay?

Speaker 8 That is what I resolved to do.

Speaker 5 All right?

Speaker 83 To Malord, to Chicago, to Josh Noel,

Speaker 78 thank you for being here.

Speaker 8 When we come back, we're going to end on a high note.

Speaker 64 And we're back.

Speaker 17 And because we all need it this week, here it is, our high note.

Speaker 88 Hi, Lovett. This is Lauren calling in from the Democratic National Convention in Chicago.

Speaker 88 I'm ending today on a high note, not only because Governor Wallace gave an incredible speech, but because it is just after midnight, and that means that it is my boyfriend John's 40th birthday.

Speaker 88 John, you are the most incredible dad, son, brother, and boyfriend. We are all so lucky to have you, and I can't wait to get home to see you on Friday.

Speaker 5 Happy birthday.

Speaker 26 Love you. Hi, what's your name?

Speaker 102 My name is Pam.

Speaker 25 Pam, what's your high note?

Speaker 44 It's my birthday today.

Speaker 10 Happy Happy birthday, Pam. Thank you.

Speaker 5 Was that it? Yeah, that was it. All right.

Speaker 13 What's your name? What's your high note?

Speaker 6 My name is Mary. I'm from here in Chicago.
And I don't, I volunteered with the DNC this week.

Speaker 6 And I got to drive around some VIPs, and they gifted me on Tuesday with a pass to the floor, or not to the floor, but to the actual DNC.

Speaker 6 And I walk in, and if you walk around and just act like you belong places, you just, they'll just let you walk in. And I'm walking around and I walk into this area that's very well lit.

Speaker 6 And there's like a glass box that I think people like yourself were broadcasting from.

Speaker 6 And

Speaker 6 I see Chuck Schumer and Ayanna Presley. And I turn around and all of a sudden, fucking JJ Abrams is standing right there.
And I see him and I go, J.J.

Speaker 5 Abrams?

Speaker 6 And he goes, yes. I think he was surprised and excited that somebody recognized him.

Speaker 5 And I mean,

Speaker 6 he's famous, but I think in that environment, there's other people that want to be seen. So I go, I was like, hi.
And he goes,

Speaker 6 who are you? Why are you here? And I'm like, well, I volunteer with the DNC and I'm driving around these dignitaries. And I bought them a glue gun to like fix a hat.

Speaker 6 And I think they gifted me the pass because

Speaker 95 I got a glue gun. And

Speaker 5 he's drunk.

Speaker 8 What is your high note?

Speaker 75 My high note is that I met J.J. Abrams

Speaker 5 because of a glue gun.

Speaker 10 Yes.

Speaker 12 And I love that.

Speaker 98 Hi.

Speaker 31 Hi, what's your name? What's your high note?

Speaker 102 Melissa. It's my 10-year wedding anniversary.
And this.

Speaker 98 Thank you.

Speaker 102 My husband is here with me. He's the only one that will tolerate listening to your podcast in the car.

Speaker 37 Thank you. Who is next?

Speaker 102 We lost my dad this week.

Speaker 62 And sorry.

Speaker 102 It's okay. In the hospital in Omaha, I was wearing my blue chucks and a woman across the way from me saw my blue chucks and said, you're wearing Kamala's chucks.
And I said, absolutely fucking I am.

Speaker 5 Nice.

Speaker 27 Hi, what's your name? What's your high note?

Speaker 72 I'm Tim, and my high note was getting to go to the Milwaukee rally and experience the joy and enthusiasm in person.

Speaker 5 That's great.

Speaker 5 I love that. Thank you.

Speaker 13 Hi, what is your name?

Speaker 28 What is your high note?

Speaker 74 My name's Nick, and my high note is that I signed up for Vote Save America during your call to action and I learned that Chicago's in the East, not in the West.

Speaker 82 Yeah.

Speaker 37 That's right. That's right.

Speaker 31 Mississippi,

Speaker 25 which is on

Speaker 37 this side.

Speaker 56 It's the Mississippi is on stage left.

Speaker 5 Right.

Speaker 45 What's your name? What's your high note?

Speaker 41 My name is Matt.

Speaker 101 And the first week of the pandemic, my best friend and I moved in together so we didn't have to be alone. And the last week of Omicron 1, we fell in love.
And

Speaker 45 because of his job, we couldn't get married.

Speaker 101 So we eloped in secret on an island. And it was beautiful and because we did that I have never gotten to say to him in front of a room full of people that I love you so

Speaker 101 that's very sweet Jay Blanker Yell I love you

Speaker 9 That's a beautiful high note.

Speaker 24 Thank you for sharing that.

Speaker 9 I think it's so lovely when two Catholic priests can find love.

Speaker 30 What do you think the job is?

Speaker 22 2024. He

Speaker 25 could be a sergeant.

Speaker 28 Would be fine.

Speaker 61 But military is allowed now.

Speaker 49 What's the job?

Speaker 5 All right.

Speaker 53 What's your name? What's your high note?

Speaker 6 My name's Kelsey.

Speaker 95 I'm originally from Springfield, but Chicago is my home.

Speaker 7 And this week, the DNC is reminding me, why?

Speaker 5 This is my home. I love this city so much.

Speaker 5 I love that.

Speaker 9 It's a good week for Chicago.

Speaker 77 Bad week for Trump.

Speaker 3 Hey, my name is Bradley. Some tough.

Speaker 45 Bradley, that was good.

Speaker 54 You're doing the right thing.

Speaker 37 What's your name? What's your high note?

Speaker 45 It's Bradley.

Speaker 80 What's your high note?

Speaker 3 Some tough acts to follow. I've really got an audience of one in 15 days.
I'm getting married to the love of my life. Love you, Kelly.

Speaker 2 I'm sweet.

Speaker 61 Hi, what's your name? What's your high note?

Speaker 95 Yeah, my name is Andrew.

Speaker 103 And

Speaker 103 in 15 days from now, it'll be 15 days since we eloped to Chicago. And I married the love of my life today, Jenny.

Speaker 53 Are you a time traveler?

Speaker 8 15 days from now, it'll have been 15 days.

Speaker 69 15 days ago.

Speaker 78 Have you always been married?

Speaker 78 Fuck.

Speaker 37 What's your name? What's your high note?

Speaker 99 My name is Rachel, and my high note is last last year. I was here on my birthday, and you gave me a high note.

Speaker 99 And today, I am here after 16 years at a painfully toxic job that told me I wasn't good enough.

Speaker 5 I quit. Hell yeah.

Speaker 50 Take this job and shove it.

Speaker 27 What's your name? What's your high note?

Speaker 104 Hi, my name is also John J-O-N.

Speaker 5 Great name.

Speaker 104 But my high note is that after a long time of being in close proximity, my boyfriend and I, Gabe, just moved in together a couple months ahead of our five-year anniversary.

Speaker 104 Gabe, you're amazing. I'm so happy, and I love you so much.

Speaker 5 I'm all loving the air tonight.

Speaker 27 What's your name? What's your high note?

Speaker 73 Hey, my name is Eric. I'm from Georgia where I'm running for state representative.

Speaker 103 And my high note is that I'm also a DNC delegate from Georgia, and I got to participate in nominating Kamala Harris for president.

Speaker 5 Yes.

Speaker 9 What's your name? What's your high note?

Speaker 100 You're doing great. My name is Teddy.

Speaker 77 Teddy. Teddy.
Yeah.

Speaker 100 And my high note is that I'm the cross-country team captain.

Speaker 8 You know what?

Speaker 50 Honestly, growing up, the cockiest fucking kids were those cross-country kids just running in a pack.

Speaker 61 It's like gazelles.

Speaker 23 It's the worst.

Speaker 65 Yay.

Speaker 27 Great, Teddy.

Speaker 5 That's cool.

Speaker 27 Love, Teddy.

Speaker 61 Hi, what's your name? What's your high note?

Speaker 87 My name is Jackie, and I am a public school teacher.

Speaker 87 And we just started school. This was the seventh day with students.

Speaker 87 And we probably shouldn't have started. Multiple schools in the district didn't have air conditioning.
They didn't have the school supplies they needed.

Speaker 87 But we did start, and officially, the district is a Title I district now. So all of our students were able to get free lunch and free breakfast.

Speaker 5 That's great.

Speaker 83 That's cool.

Speaker 19 I, you know, growing up, we started school after Labor Day.

Speaker 11 These August start dates.

Speaker 8 It's bullshit. It's bullshit.

Speaker 5 What?

Speaker 45 It's new here.

Speaker 10 Okay.

Speaker 13 We'll self-education later. What's your name?

Speaker 27 What's your high note?

Speaker 100 My name's Alan, but my wife and I's son turned one this week, and she really wanted to see you as first time we left home without him.

Speaker 100 So we're here to celebrate him and her for being the best mom she could possibly be.

Speaker 12 Nice.

Speaker 53 That's great.

Speaker 27 And you crack the window.

Speaker 18 You just love to make sure the air gets in. It's nice.

Speaker 9 It's probably not so sunny. It's car cracked the window.

Speaker 73 She also wanted to do a shot of malort with you.

Speaker 100 So

Speaker 54 we're done.

Speaker 22 Do you want to do a shot of malort with me?

Speaker 43 Come on.

Speaker 27 Stay right right there. Hold on, hold on, hold on.
You hold this.

Speaker 5 Fuck.

Speaker 5 Congrats.

Speaker 14 I'm getting out of here. I will more.
That's not a real shit.

Speaker 27 Ready? One, two.

Speaker 31 Oh, yeah, me too. Hogo.

Speaker 8 All right.

Speaker 8 Do what? You know what?

Speaker 61 We're going to leave it it there.

Speaker 8 If you want to leave us a high note, you can email the email that I've said before and I can't remember.

Speaker 60 You can also leave it on the Discord, which is also there.

Speaker 79 That is our show.

Speaker 12 Thank you to everybody.

Speaker 8 Thank you to Allison Reese, Marcel Arguello, Liz Winstead, and Josh Noel. Thank you to the Vic and this sold-out crowd.

Speaker 8 There are 72 days until the 2024 elections.

Speaker 27 Have a great night and have a great weekend.

Speaker 5 Thank you, Chicago.

Speaker 18 Love It or Leave It is a crooked media production.

Speaker 39 It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg.

Speaker 24 Kendra James is our executive producer.

Speaker 13 Chris Lord is our producer, and Kennedy Hill is our associate producer.

Speaker 16 Hallie Kiefer is our head writer.

Speaker 39 Sarah Lazarus and Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre, Will Miles, and Mohanad El Shiki are our writers. Evan Sutton is our editor.
Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support.

Speaker 25 Stephen Cologne is our audio engineer.

Speaker 13 And Milo Kim is our videographer.

Speaker 25 Our theme song is written and performed by SureSure.

Speaker 37 Thanks to our designer, Bernardo Serna, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast, and to our digital producers, David Tolles, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroat for filming and editing video each week so you can.

Speaker 90 Being an American right now is a wild ride. The headlines come fast, but what do they actually mean for people's lives?

Speaker 90 I'm Alex Wagner, and on my new crooked media media podcast, Runaway Country, I'm talking to people across the nation to uncover how political chaos is shaping their everyday realities.

Speaker 90 Join me and some of the smartest thinkers in politics to ask how we take back the reins of a runaway nation.

Speaker 90 Listen to Runaway Country with Alex Wagner every Thursday, wherever you get our podcasts or watch full episodes on YouTube.