What a Weekday: $100 Million on Kamala, Please

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I may be confusing

but were Sacco and vanzetti gay does anybody know sacco excuse me and everyone look does anyone know does anyone know if we're gay oh sacco and vanzetti oh yeah would they have thought of it that way i feel like there was a time where it's like well they're really telling people they don't have like do they, like, TikTok. Do they know Teresa Giudice? Wait.
What? Did they? Who's that? An Italian who went to jail. I knew it was, I assumed it was Real Housewives.
Do you think if someone said You're all just making up names as far as I'm concerned. Alright, we're back.
I'm here with Sarah, Kendra, Hallie. Hi.
For another edition of What a Weekday. And every day a week of news.
Yeah, it's exhausting. And for the first time in some time, exciting.
Yeah. What a Sunday.
Am I right? Yeah. The Lord's Day, finally.
i cannot believe how much has happened since we recorded on saturday night in madison yeah we so we record saturday night in madison we uh uh head to to uh o'hare we get on the plane and then right as we're taxiing, we see the letter.

Well, one of our colleagues ran down the aisle of the airplane to tell you, which I think is very fun.

It was like I look to my right and I see David standing there and he goes, love it.

We may have to record when we let it was like we were doing the newsroom.

It was like the newsroom had come full circle.

And I'd gone from working on the newsroom to being like, should I?

I should probably tell the pilots.

I should probably get everyone on the pilots and to announce as, as I am a newsman starts crying. Yeah.
Coldplay kicks in pilot takes out, takes out a picture and it's, um, I'm done on Sunday. President Biden announced his decision to drop out of the 2024 presidential race in a statement posted to X.

It took him a minute, but he did the right thing.

Why was everybody rushing him, badgering this old, decent man for weeks?

You should all be ashamed of yourselves.

Joe Biden is an American hero.

Feels good to say that instead of the many ruthless jokes at his expense that we had planned.

Back to the drawing of everybody.

Joe Biden is a hero and Trump is too old. Yeah, way old.
It's also awesome that Biden did this on a Sunday. Pissed off at media elites? Make them sprint to the office in their little brunch outfits.
In fact, I was looking at Twitter as we boarded our flight. And even before the news broke, I happened to have seen this post by Wolf Blitzer.
It's the sweetest image. It's Wolf Blitzer at a local restaurant in DC.
It's called El Presidente. And he's he's smiling, holding a cocktail and has a menu.
And the menu says Wolf Spritzer. He says he's enjoying a Wolf Spritzer at the restaurant.
And it is so sweet. And then shout out to add bearded genius who posted this still of a blitzer back at work a few hours later.
Never check your work email on a day off. That image is so funny.
This is the the wolf blitzer. I'm going to enjoy a wolf spritzer happening now.
I love it. I love it.
Joe Biden also happened to drop out of the race on National Ice Cream Day, a national ice cream day to remember. How's that for a scoop? Okay.
For those listening at home, I just want you to know we did two takes of that. Oh, I think they could tell.

Wrote Biden, it has been the greatest honor of my life to serve as your president.

While it had been my intention to seek reelection, I believe it is in the best interest of my party and the country for me to stand down and to focus solely on fulfilling my duties as president for the reindeer of my term.

Lame duck?

No.

Heroic duck.

Mr. President, if you're listening, go ahead and pardon Hunter.
Go on. You've earned it.
Actually, I sincerely believe that. I kind of do.
Do you? I like it. I think he gets one.
He gets a freebie. I think he gets one.
I think. It's a gun crime, so I'm going to say no, but.
I just feel like, I don't know. Everybody gets one.
He should definitely go pardon crazy. I feel like from now on, I'd just be pardoning.
You know, the Supreme Court ruled these immune. Throw some pardons out there.
Biden's announcement and endorsement of Kamala triggered an outpouring of gratitude and endorsements from all or most corners of the Democratic Party, which is why we're going to, for the remainder of this episode, we're coconut-pilled. We don't do a lot of prop comedy, so this was a...
It's a special day. It's a special day.
Well, you know, you save it for one that you know is just gonna fucking kill, which is what this is doing. Crushing! Look at this.
LaCroix in a half coconut shell with little lemon slices on the straws. This really sums it up, I think.
I haven't seen the party this excited in United since we thought Trump getting impeached would mean something. California Governor Gavin Newsom and Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg endorsed Harris on Sunday, as did Congressional Progressive Caucus Chair Pramila Jayapal, friend of the show, and AOC, along with a slew of other progressives and moderates in Congress, wrote Newsom of Biden, he will go down in history as one of the most impactful and selfless presidents.
It's true. And we owe it all to the persuasive powers of those four ghosts who visited Joe Biden the night before.
That's right. Four ghosts.
There are four ghosts. Past, present, future.
And who? Jacob Marley. It's Jacob Marley.
There's another ghost. Wait, who'd you say? Christmas.
I haven't seen the movie. What? It's also a book.
I haven't read that either. Christmas past, Christmas present.
Oh, they're all Christmas. Yeah, they're all Christmas.
Christmas Past, Ghost of Christmas Past, Present, Future, and Jacob Marley running around with the chains, I believe. I do always forget about Jacob Marley.
Lazarus, you of all people would enjoy The Muppets Christmas Carol, and it's frankly shocking that you haven't. I think I've seen every other Muppets movie.
Have you seen Scrooged? No. The Bill Murray version of The Christmas Carol? It is awesome.
I've seen The Santa Claus with Tim Allen. The film Scrooged is a play on A Christmas Carol about a TV executive who forces the entire network to make a live Christmas show.
And my takeaway from it is we should do a live Christmas show on Christmas. No? Hawaii Senator Brian Schatz tweeted, Madam Vice President, we are ready to help with a photo of himself climbing up a coconut tree.
If you don't get this picture, then you need to go and look into the context of all in which you live and what came before you. I love this picture of Schatz in a coconut tree.
He's a senator from Hawaii. He gets up there.
Good for him. Love Schatz.
and Hillary Clinton wrote in a Sunday statement, we joined millions of Americans in thanking President Biden for all he has accomplished, standing up for America time and again, with his North Star always being what's best for the country. We are honored to join the president in endorsing Vice President Harris, and we will do whatever we can to support her.
The statement continued. And I'm just going to be happy for her and not give into any other negative emotions or patterns of thought that serve no purpose other than to ruin my day like I've been talking about with Dr.
Angela. Are you using Siri to transcribe this? She's talking to Dr.
Angela, you know? Do you think she feels bad? I wonder if, I wonder. I don't think she should.
Well, she definitely shouldn't, but I mean, she's a person. Must be complicated.
Must raise a lot of fear. Must be Kamala-complicated.
It's Kamala-complicated. You know, that's such an important...
It is. It's Kamala-complicated.
Kamala-plicated. It's Kamala-plicated.
Put that on a t-shirt. Kamala-plicated.
Flying off the shelf. Relationship status? Kamala-plicated.
It's Kamala-plicated. Former President Barack Obama, for his part, issued a statement on Sunday praising Biden's track record in love and country, but didn't immediately endorse Harris.
For his Harris endorsement, Obama invites you to subscribe to his Patreon. Wrote Obama, we will be navigating uncharted waters in the days ahead.
But I have extraordinary confidence that the leaders of our party will be able to create a process from which emerges an outstanding nominee. And that process, 78-year-old senators posting Kamala memes.
And we've got Ed Markey posting, Chicka Chicka Boom Boom, let's put Kamala in the Situation Room. Fantastic.
It's great. This feels like the one that he should have done.
You know what I mean? It's like it doesn't, he's not too, he's not reaching for it. No, no.
It's right in the sweet spot for where you want Ed Markey to be, which is where Ed Markey always is. I put himself in the coconut, too.
He's also there. He's all there.
But the Kamala momentum has only continued to grow with six more Democratic governors, including her potential rivals endorsing on Monday, like J.B. Pritzker of Illinois and Gretchen Whitmer of Michigan.
Pennsylvania Senator John Fetterman, who'd been a diehard Biden defender, also tweeted his support for Harris on Monday. Hey, girl, did it hurt when you fell out of the coconut tree? Harris also seemed to have earned the endorsement of Charlie XCX, who tweeted, Kamala is brat.
Stay out of this, limey. Go battle your hot dog finger king.
I'm just kidding. Kamala is brat.
Keir Starmer does sound like the name of a high-ranking trade federation member who later turns out to be SIF. that's not Charlie X, the ex's fault.
Lazarus didn't know who Keir Starmer was. And I took me a minute to get walked back to Sith.
I knew the Sith, but it took me a minute. It's just a sentence that I understood no part of.
We trusted you, though. We're like, this is his thing.
Thanks. Thanks for trusting me.
Just to add some fun context. I think also it's important that, you know, it's two Indian women like congratulating each other.
Yeah. I think we, some people forget.
I can't clap because I'm holding a coconut. Can't clap.
That's the famous saying, you can never clap with a coconut in your hand. Democratic voters across the country were fired the fuck up, donating more than $100 million throughout the blue since Biden's announcement.
The massive fundraising haul eclipsed the previous record holder, which was the day Ruth Bader Ginsburg died. I have to say, this one feels less bittersweet.
In a bizarre Sunday subplot, Aaron Zorgin published a New York Times essay titled How I Would Script This Moment for Biden and the Democrats. In it, he wrote, here's my pitch to the writer's room.
The Democratic Party should pick a Republican at their convention next month. The Democrats should nominate Mitt Romney.
Let that be a lesson to everyone who said replacing Biden with another Democrat was a ridiculous Sorkin fantasy. The real Sorkin fantasy was much, much worse.
Our hours after the essay was hours after the essay was published, Biden announced he was bowing out. And Sorkin emailed West Wing actor Josh Molina and said, I need to borrow your Twitter account again.
I take it all back. Harris for America.
So just just a couple. He thought he had thought it thought the thing would live into live through Sunday.
But it was going to be a brown banana either way. Are you upset that he didn't message you to use your platform? I'm just reminded of this, what it was like to be in a writer's room with Aaron Sorkin, who obviously is an extraordinarily talented person.

But there was a lot of argument.

Like, you know, you got to go through a lot of bad ideas to get to a good idea.

Oh, we're familiar.

We know the process.

And just puts me back in that mindset of having to think like, how do I – how do you talk someone out of this?

Think about it. What's the best argument against Mitt Romney?

Meets him where he is, which is a place I've never been.

Now, it's unfortunate that he posted that op-ed just hours before Biden dropped.

If only there was somehow a way to know the news in advance when he's writing. If he could write something where he could say or predict what he needed to predict because he knew all the news, perhaps a year or two ahead.
But it's not possible. Never been done.
Republicans, for their part, spent the last few. That's about the newsroom.
Republicans, for their part, spent the last few days swinging wildly like a kid trying to find the piñata. Trump attacked Biden for a while, telling NBC News Joe Biden is the worst president in the history of the United States, by far adding he should never have been there in the first place.
He should have stayed in his basement. Trump also tried out his nickname for the vice president at his rally in Grand Rapids.
I call her laughing Kamala. You ever watch her laugh? She's crazy.
You know, you can tell a lot by a laugh. No, she's crazy.
She's nuts. First of all, absolutely insane thing for a person to say who has been in the public eye for basically nonstop 40 years, including 10 years as a national political figure.
And we have never seen him actually laugh. We've seen him mock people or smile or kind of jeer or do a little scoff or appreciate a joke or a line.
But we've never seen Donald Trump moved to laughter. That is chilling.
That is chilling. I feel like a challenge has just been issued.
We're going to make it laugh. Go find it.
No, I want to find. I want to know.
I think it would require. I think finding something funny requires a level.
It's a very shallow level of vulnerability, but he can't allow himself. He would have to allow himself.
Right, You are giving up something. Yeah.
I think he could. Laughter is a kind of, you relent.
I think he would be disgusted by his own laughter. And so we're never going to see it.
Also the, the mispronouncing of the name is none of them can say it. And I don't know what it, what's going on.
A deliberate. No, it's absolutely deliberate, but it's going to be a long, I think it is.
Right. I mean, it's just, it's a way of signaling that she's strange and odd and not worth knowing like it's like yes how dare she have a name we don't know already she should be named sarah or something of that nature yeah i'm sorry i'm just looking at you yes like boring yeah well just uh just uh just uh just a good old-fashioned white name the Bible, from the Bible.
Yeah. And like, sure, it's from it's from the Jewish parts, but it's not Jewy.
You know, you spell without the H, it's less Jewy. Right.
For sure. And we've always said that.
Meatball Ron, Sleepy Joe, Little Marco. And now, like, those are good nicknames.
Laughing Kamala. I think you lost it.
I think he's lost his touch, but that's common with aging. Oh, did you know that Donald Trump is 78 years old and the oldest nominee in the history of a major party? It's interesting.
It's interesting. I think it's a big liability.
And I think more and more people are going to start talking about it. I hadn't thought about it.
I honestly hadn't thought about it until right now, until right now. And realize how just how old he is.
Yeah. And I think he's lost a step.
Oh, and I'm concerned about it falling apart. He's.
He's losing a step. And I just think like I just think, look, it's too important a job to put in the hands of somebody who you feel like is maybe slowing down.
Couldn't agree more. There was that video yesterday of Kamala walking down the stairs of the airplane.
Could have watched it all day. Oh, yeah.
She goes right down the stairs. Wonderful video.
You know, you're not afraid at any point. No.
The GOP seems pretty committed to focusing on Kamala's reputation for laughing a lot as an angle of attack. Good.
Now that Kamala is fully joker-fied, she is unstoppable. Want to know how she got all these scars? She didn't fall out of a joker nut tree.
That's tough. That was a tough one.
A hundred days. A hundred days.
Gaffamala? Gaffah? Gafamala. See, these are all cute.
Do you ever see, like, where... This was Sacco and Vizeti, where I'm about to do it.
Where there's, like, these two shapes, the ones, like, a pointy shape and a round shape. Oh, Kiki and Boba.
Kiki and Boba. Kiki and Boba.
I feel like Kamala has this very, like, warm, positive, round feeling. That even, like, Gafamala, I'm like, that's fun.
Laughing Kamala, I like it. Like, it's like, you can't, he's not riffing in the right way.
Cause the actual name itself is, I guess that's why they have to mispronounce it. Yeah.
Like, cause the actual name is, it's a great name. Kamala.
Like, you can imagine on a shirt. Yeah.
Yeah. Said Nikki Haley, Milwaukee.
Kamala had one job, one job. And that was to fix the border.
Now imagine her in charge of the entire country. So first of all, it's nice to imagine Kamala in charge of the country.
It gives me a warm feeling. Oh, yeah.
But just as a reminder, the Biden administration now has put in place an executive action that is helping to reduce the chaos of the border. There's a bipartisan bill that Trump is currently blocking.
And I just, you know, they're going to try to throw throw this term borders are at her. And we should just not give an inch on it because it is Donald Trump and the Republicans that are currently responsible for what is going on at the border.
Meanwhile, other conservatives pumped out faux outrage over Biden's decision to step aside, a betrayal, they claim, of Democratic voters, tweeted Mike Johnson, having invalidated the votes of more than 14 million Americans who selected Joe Biden to be the Democrat nominee for president. The self-proclaimed party of democracy has proven exactly the opposite.
Invalidating the votes of 14 million Americans is supposed to be our job. Speaker Johnson also said that Kamala is responsible for the largest political cover-up in U.S.
history. She is known for as long as anyone of Biden's incapacity to serve.
However, here's the problem with this. Biden has been meeting regularly with both Democrats and Republicans.
Speaker Johnson has met with him, negotiated with him. Here's Speaker Johnson after an important and contentious meeting just this year.
Thank you all for being here. We had a productive meeting, I think.
So that's about a meeting he had with the president and a bunch of Republican and Democratic leaders. If there's a conspiracy, bud, you're part of it.
Like in a couple of years, Lazarus puts out a statement saying I should step down because

I've started commenting on too many of the jokes and not moving on to the next joke.

Bitch, you've been here and said nothing.

Saving it all up for when I need it.

I feel like there's some slack comments that say otherwise.

Never criticize me.

Never criticize me.

I don't want to hear it.

I only have criticism now.

I don't have anything else.

I don't want to hear it.

A benevolent criticism.

A positive criticism.

A critique.

No, I don't even.

I don't want to.

I don't want to hear i only have criticism now i don't have anything i don't want to hear it i would never like a positive criticism no i don't even i don't want i don't want destructive or constructive criticism i don't want anything even if it is in the 100% the spirit of making the show better only compliments okay all right that's fine steven miller threw a full-on tantrum on fox news they held a primary people they ballots. They filled out circles.
They went to the voting booths. They spent money on advertisements.
And as President Trump said, the Republican Party spent tens of millions of dollars running against Joe Biden. First of all, yuck.
But also, I can tell you from experience, most of us just went in there and filled out the bubble for fun. It was the only real option.
And I can also tell you from experience, most of us fully forgot we had to select him in the primary. Hours before Biden issued his announcement, Speaker Johnson claimed it would be illegal for Democrats to change their official candidate at this point, which is obviously a lie.
So it would be wrong, and I think unlawful, in accordance to some of these states' rules, for a handful of people to go in a back room and switch it out because they don't like the candidate any longer. That's not how this is supposed to work.
So I think they would run into some legal impediments in at least a few of these jurisdictions. So these guys are really scared of Kamala and that's more fun than I imagined it would be.
Actually, the rulebook says a dog must play basketball. Must, must, must.
Just to sum up their position. Joe Biden has to be the presidential nominee, even if it's non-consensual.
He has to do it even if he doesn't want to. But also, he must resign immediately, which means Joe Biden can be president next year, but not this year.
Kamala can't be president next year, but she must be president right now. That is their view.
Amazing. Amazing.
Trump's Make America Great Again pact launched an anti-Harris TV spot in Pennsylvania, Georgia and Arizona, which claims Kamala was in on it. She covered up Joe's obvious mental decline.
Kamala knew Joe couldn't do the job, so she did it. All right, so here's what we're thinking.
For the new attack head, Kamala Harris has secretly been a successful president for years. Former VP Mike Pence tweeted Monday, President Joe Biden made the right decision for our country, and I thank him for putting the interest of our nation ahead of his own.
After the assassination attempt on President Trump and President Biden's decision to end his campaign, now is a time for leaders in both parties to project calm and send a message of strength and resolve to America's friends and enemies alike that whatever the state of our politics, the American people are strong and our American military stands ready to defend our freedom and our vital national interest anywhere in the world. No, it's time to eat a hog's dick, said a guy dressed as George Washington with a sign that says Mike Pence goes here, pointing at an early 1900s electric chair, which is why I was thinking of Sacco and Vanzetti.

I'm so glad we got back there.

I loved it.

I thought of the image in my mind of a 1920s electric chair.

Put that in there.

We sit down here.

Sacco and Vanzetti pops out.

The brain.

The human brain. The human brain.
The human brain and its The brain. Huh? The human brain.

The human brain.

The human brain and its strange connections, huh?

It's a beautiful thing.

Absolutely.

It's a beautiful thing.

Hey, don't go anywhere.

There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

Spring's here.

Flowers are blooming.

Birds are singing.

And allergies?

Yeah, they're back too.

Sneezing.

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Look, we know things don't feel great right now, but we can equip ourselves for the unprecedented months ahead without letting the news overwhelm us. Join us each week at Strict Scrutiny as we break down the cases that will decide the rules we all have to live by.
We'll supplement your daily news diet with a dose of necessary legal analysis and a healthy serving of our Real Housewives takes, some pop music, and 90s throwbacks because we believe there's no better way to unwind after an oral argument than by watching a stupid reality TV argument. Subscribe to Strict Scrutiny wherever you get your podcasts, and don't forget to check out full episodes on YouTube.
A lot of people got out of jail. A lot of them are Italian.
Vanzetti gay. Can someone explain who these people are? They're anarchists.
They're a pair of murderers. Yeah.
You should take us through it. I absolutely should not.
You're out of your mind. Are there Chicago people who conspired to murder a child? I believe so.
Okay. I believe they succeeded.
That's what I needed. Wait, can you? Well, I don't think it was a child.
No. Oh, it wasn't a child? No, you're thinking of, I don't know who you're talking about.
Loeb. Leo and Loeb.
We can't use this. Leopold and Loeb.
That's who I'm thinking of. They were gay.

But also, would they have described it in that way?

Like, do you think, are they gay?

It's like, that would imply that they're the same.

What's the rom-com?

It sounds like Leopold and Leopold.

Conversation written by the men wrote on Tanya.

Kate and Leopold and Loeb.

On Monday morning, Vice President Harris spoke publicly for the first time since President

Biden stepped aside.

And I wanted to say a few words about our president.

Joe Biden's legacy of accomplishment over the past three years is unmatched in modern history. In one term, he has already.
Yes, you may clap. In one term, he has already surpassed the legacy of most presidents who have served two terms in office.
At the you may clap part, I found myself involuntarily clapping alone at my computer. The power of Mamala.
Losers say please clap, but winners say you may clap. These are the subtle distinctions that decide elections.
How nice. Oh, just not to watch it like, oh, go.
Make it through and land the plane. Also, what was really nice in the lake before when they were doing the intro and everything and there was a wide shot, all those kids were like geeked to be there.
Oh, I know. They're all smiling.
Standing there with her. It was kismet that her first time speaking as the new and youthful candidate compared to the alternatives happened to be an event with student athletes.
So we got to see Kamala Harris standing in front of just a group of youth. Just the message was so the message was the event itself.
And it's not a political event. So she just spoke lovingly and complimentary.
But she just spoke in a complimentary way about Joe Biden. And she did an event in Delaware later that was also great.
But it was so nice to see. And but up at gay news that is a fucking kick-ass outfit it is just it's a simple suit that shirt is so cool yeah you know it's like the perfect she like actually has a style it's like it's like it's not it's special it's but it's but like simple it's beautiful i was like i loved it it's she looks like a danish queen so for me yeah okay it looks very sci-fi and i think that there is like something very there is something where like when you look into various like science fiction futures of like utopias a lot of the times people put black and brown women as leaders in those utopias and i think that they're let's do this no genuinely that is like stacy abrams is the president of what is she the president of earth federation and star trek discovery but like you it's just it is it's a very nice messaging to have that well we were talking about um the the zoom call of 44 000 black women who um kendra did not get on it even though she got the link i was like kendra you gotta be on that zoom call but there's something it's like i was napping i was napping yeah it's important for me to nap but there's something it's like i do trust 44 000 black women does that make sense like you're all like 24 000 black women working at something like thank god thank you so much for doing that and here's the thing while we're on that topic i love this again and i've said it before yes it is good that we are all excited about black women working and rallying behind her.
White women, you need to be concerned about your people. That's absolutely, completely, yes.
I saw some people saying, I'm going to organize a call only for whites. I was like, well, hold on, back up a little, but I love where your head's at.
I see where you're going with it. Just listen, think about it.
And that is what white people do. We do go that to the other side.

To give black men their due. They also they had a call, I believe, last night where they raised another like one point three million dollars.
So they're they're on it.

Right. Yeah.
No, we got to step up. There was a there was a clip going around of Gerald Ford.

And I don't know exactly when it's from, but it's clearly between when he leaves office in 1976 and Geraldine Ferraro is selected to be the Democratic VP candidate in 1984 because he's speaking to a group of children. And a little girl raises her hand and says, you know, will we ever have a female president? And Gerald Ford says, oh, what a great question, little girl.
I hope we do have a female president. And I can't tell you when it's going to happen, but I can tell you how it's going to happen.
There's going to be a male president. He's going to select a female vice president.
And then that man is going to die. I mean, it is truly like a bananas way to address a child.
And basically he's like because then she'll become

president without having gone through the electoral process

but then America's going to really let... He's trying to

say that once America has a female president

they'll never go back. That's what he gets to

that once we have a female

president the men will have a hard time

becoming a nominee again which is the kind

of I think the grandpa sweet way

he was trying to address it. But the root there is absolutely insane.
Side note, Geraldine Ferraro does sound like Gerald Ford's drag name. Oh, that's so interesting.
True. Yeah.
So interesting. I believe that one of the attacks on Geraldine Ferraro in 1984 was that either she or her husband had committed the sin of having therapy.
And it was like, well, you can't have a woman who had therapy. You fact check that.
There's something about electroshock treatments in there, but that may have just been a right-wing attack. Anyway, we've been here before.
We've been here before. Some people still do it.
Some people it helps. So there's something to think about for all of us.
Speaking of people that maybe want to get shock therapy, West Virginia Senator Joe Manchin said Monday that he wouldn't run against Harris for the nomination after considering re-registering as a Democrat on Sunday. Yeah, same.
I also won't run against Kamala. Hallie, Kendra, Sarah, you gonna run? I'm gonna get on the next Zoom call.
That's all I can promise. Yeah, I'm gonna take a nap.

That's my plan.

I thought this was the part of the race

where everyone announces

that they won't run against Kamala

even though no one on the planet

thinks they should.

Colorado Governor Jared Polis

was asked Monday

whether he'd serve

as Harris's vice president

and said this.

If they do the polling

and it turns out

that they need a 49-year-old

balding gay Jew

from Boulder, Colorado,

they got my number.

Jared, you've been elected the vice president of my heart.

I love that.

When asked about a potential VP run on Morning Joe,

Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear said,

I think if somebody calls you on that, what you do is at least listen.

Beshear also took a swipe at J.D. Vance over his book Hillbilly Elegy

and the fact that he grew up in Middleton, Ohio.

And I want the American people to know what a Kentuckian is and what they look like, because let me just tell you that J.D. Vance ain't from here.
This is the left's birtherism. And to be clear, I 100 percent support it.
Harris spoke at the campaign's Wilmington headquarters on Monday after walking up to Beyonce's freedom, which was awesome. Which was awesome.
That a song for this moment. Like it was so fucking cool just hearing that song.
And that apparently like she has the permission of Beyonce to use it. She did once before, right? I'm trying to remember.
Like there was something before, before, before Biden. I mean, I know there was something recently where she came out to that song and it was like, oh.
Yeah, Beyonce personally gifted her tickets to the show in D.C. Like they are definitely connected.
And Miss Tina has been posting nonstop since the announcement. Harris had this exchange with President Biden, who was on speakerphone.
We love Joe and Jill. We really do.
They truly are like family the next 100 days, Joe's voice booming from the ceiling about warning during every Kamala campaign event.

No one able to figure out how to end the call.

Harris then previewed what her presidential campaign against Trump might look like.

Before that, I was a courtroom prosecutor.

In those roles, I took on perpetrators of all kinds.

Predators who abused women. Fraudsters who ripped off consumers cheaters who broke the rules for their own gain so hear me when i say i know donald trump's type does anyone else feel like doing a standing backflip right now? Or is that just me?

Meanwhile, J.D. Vance traveled to his hometown of Middleton, Ohio,

on Monday, where he had this to say about Democrats.

Well, they say it's racist to do anything.

I had a Diet Mountain Dew yesterday, and one today.

I'm sure they're going to call that racist, too.

Nice. Good one, J.D.

No, Diet Mountain Dew isn't racist.

It is a disqualifying beverage choice. Yeah, I'm sorry choice because diet Mountain Dew isn't an option when there are five options.
It isn't an option when there are a dozen options. It is only an option when every soda on earth is also available.
It is only available in a wall of capitalistic orgiastic carbonated excess. You're turning down diet Coke.
You're turning down diet Pepsi, Coke Zero, Pepsi Zero. You're turning down Diet Coke, Diet Pepsi, Coke Zero, Pepsi Zero sugar, Diet Root Beer, Diet Iced Tea.
What are we doing here? And he says he had one yesterday and one today, so that's his go-to. I don't think I've had a Mountain Dew since middle school, like genuinely.
Part of me thinks he's saying this to like activate the incels. I feel like part of me is like, is Diet Mountain Dew like, it is like a phrase that people are like, ah, you're connecting to me.
It's like the it's like what activates the mentoring candidate. Is it that same neon color? I can't even imagine what a diet Mountain Dew tastes like.
I kind of do want to try it now. But I am disgusting.
You got to keep that in mind. I love diet Mountain Dew.
I mean, I'm sure it's great. Just to be clear.
Oh, no, I'd enjoy it. We'd love Mountain Dew.
But come on. But come on.
It's just so far down the list. It's like if it's hot in the back of the bus, you're like, I guess I'll drink it because there's something else here.
It's like the Wario of Fresca, I feel. Yes.
Dianne Mountain Dew as a kid, it was the drink of the kids that just didn't give a fuck. They're just like, yeah, I drink Mountain Dew.
I don't really care about my grades. I don't care what happens.
It was one thing if you were drinking a Code Red. Code Red was very popular.
Well, Diet Mountain Dew is interesting because the diet implies that you do care about something. You are being thoughtful about nutrition to some degree, but then it's a Mountain Dew.
So who are you? I think he's trying to be relatable, but also, yeah, he's keeping it tight for the campaign trail. That is interesting, right, to talk about having a diet soda in this context.

It's just, look, I— That's the Yale of him coming out.

Yeah, Yale jumped out.

The Bulldog jumped out.

There's the JD and the JD.

If he was drinking full-flavored Mountain Dew, it would make me trust him a little bit more.

Because it's like, okay, well, you're—something's deep wrong then. deep wrong then okay maybe i gotta stop drinking all this diet soda yeah for sure dude i think definitely gotta stop yeah we all have talked about it gotta stop like i just can't imagine turning down a full fat coke for for a diet coke or even better a mcdonald's sprite to me it's a diet cherry Coke with a cherry Coke floater at the

movies like the fountain drink.

Untouchable.

I like a diet Coke.

I just think the thing about real Coke which does taste

good but then afterwards there's like you feel the

film on your teeth.

And diet Coke you just feel the chemicals burning through your body.

Which I like. I love it.

I do think the diet Coke the first time you have

it as a kid you're like what are you people doing? This tastes like a tire. Yeah.
How do you think it's good? And somehow you're like, second sip, last tire, third sip, perfect. And that's the beauty of Diet Coke.
An acquired taste. JD wasn't done riffing it's good i love you guys 100 days look jd vance is a guy you'd really like to go get a beer with but only because he's still in your house an hour after the party ended and he refuses to take your hints to leave and you don't know what else to do.
Oh, and before anyone asks, what's RFK Jr. up to? You probably won't be surprised.
That's right. He finally ate Commander Biden.
According to The Washington Post, Kennedy met with Donald Trump to discuss a role in his administration overseeing a portfolio of health and medical issues. Oh, in the end, I mean, first of all, that is just like that is a big deal look we all stare into the abyss we took a good two weeks to pretend donald trump wasn't there and stare in the abyss and we got a good look at the abyss and we know how dark it is down there and we're scared of it and we don't want to go in the abyss now we got to turn around again and like blow these things up because holy shit they're gonna're going to play Fauci with RFK Jr.?

It won't be safe

anywhere.

He's only doing

what the worm commands him to.

Obviously.

It's the worm's world

in that case.

We're going to live in it.

We're living in the worm law.

You want to live under worm law?

In the end,

the post says,

this is so rich,

that Trump's team

declined to offer RFK Jr. a job out of concern that Kennedy was effectively seeking a quid pro quo of his endorsement for a position under Trump.
Trump, who famously hates quid pro quos, who famously was impeached for seeking a quid pro quo, who loves quid pro quos, wants to be a part of what this is all like the layers of bullshit that go into the statement. Trump declined to offer of K junior a role because it seemed like a quid pro quo.
Don't believe he declined. Don't believe it's because of a pre quo.
Believe he would get the job. Believe maybe he's already been promised a job.
I think that they told him that it's kind of like in Hollywood, like sometimes like they tell people white men like they're not hiring white men right now. I think they're like RFK would be a quid pro quo.
Rather than like we're terrified of you. Even you, even even you, our voters would say not this.
You came to this meeting with two ravens on your shoulders. And they're holding you up.
They carry you in by your suit jacket. And you keep one.
You keep asking in a terrified way if anyone's going to pour salt on your belly. And that is a strange thing.
We just can't make sense of it. You're like, don't pour salt on my belly.
I can't survive. It's like that's something I don't think a person would say.
It's something like a worm. I don't know.
Anyway, Secret Service Director Kimberly Cheadle. Meanwhile, lest we forget, the president was also the former president.
Lest we forget, the former president was almost assassinated like two weeks ago. And it's like it never happened.
That was a week and two days ago. A week and change.
A week and change. It was a week and change.
It was a week and a half ago. Yeah.
Meanwhile, Secret Service Director Kimberly Cheadle was grilled on Capitol Hill Monday over potential lapses in protocol that nearly led to Donald Trump's assassination. Said Cheadle to the committee.
The Secret Service's solemn mission is to protect our nation's leaders. On July 13th, we failed.
It's tough that any Secret Service failure is inherently very public. When I fail at my solemn mission, Kendra sends me a stern text reminding me that I have a meeting.
I don't text. She hasn't text.
The secret. Meanwhile, right wing talking heads have latched on to calling the director a DEI hire because she is a woman.
Hallie, Kendra, Lazarus, what are the DEI hires think about this? Sometimes things happen. You know what I'm saying? Bullet grazes my ear.
And if you don't that joke You're proving my point It was written by my exclusively DEI writers Except for Peter Who is now vice president Congrats to Peter for becoming vice president After her testimony Republican committee chair After her testimony Republican committee chairman Representative James Comer And the committee's Democrat, Jamie Raskin, issued an uncommon unified message calling for Director Cheadle to step down. And by Tuesday morning, she was out.
Cheadle announced her resignation as director of the Secret Service. She says she plans to spend more time with her family, not checking the roof.
Strange. What sucks is she had these terrible two weeks.
She gets home. It rains.
All the gutters run over because she forgot to check the roof. The Secret Service director taken down by her nemesis.
The roof. None of these are totally working.
We just went over. None of us own houses.
What? None of us own homes. To me, it's like I've just heard this joke so many times when we were writing it.
And the whole back and forth about roofs versus roofs. We had a whole back and forth about whether you would say roofs or roofs or I suppose roofs.

Catherine Hepburn.

Very Catherine Hepburn.

There's a cheetah in here.

There's a cheetah on the roofs.

I can't do it.

That was a dead on.

Cheetah.

Roofs.

Has anybody ever seen Bringing Up Baby?

Of course not.

You've seen Bringing Up Baby. It's good good it's a great criterion bring a baby

it's like carrie grant is wearing a nightgown and um

it's one with like the marabou feathers on it because it's katherine

and then an older roman walks in the door and

asks what's going on he goes i just went gay all of a sudden he jumps in the air

it's a great movie and i believe that that is

an example of for the for. It's a great movie.
And I believe that that is an example of

for the squares

it could mean happy. Yes.

But people would have known he meant

gay. Double entendre for you.

How fun is that?

Back in the...

We got a political out there. Hayes code?

Hayes code.

One note.

I do want to reference a mistake that I made on this weekend. Oh, thank God.
Thank God. I know everyone's been worrying.
Truly, I'm pins and needles. In my conversations with Thomas Lennon, I thought that Chris Christopherson, who stars in the 1989 sci-fi film Millennium.
Which we all remember, I know, and definitely has a lot to do with Katherine Hepburn, has passed away. But I wanted to provide an editor's note.
The reason I thought Chris Christopherson was dead was because Chris Christopherson had beef with Toby Keith. And when Toby Keith died in February, people were posting links to awesome stories about Chris Christopherson, including when he shamed Toby Keith and when he stood up for Sinead O'Connor.
This was all very good. However, my wires got Chris Christopherson.
Yes, 100%. And that's why, because I, upon the occasion of Toby Keith's death, did a deep dive into Chris Christopherson, thereby thinking that he had passed away when, have you heard the good news, Chris Christopherson lives.
And I hope he lives many years to come. Because he's a legend.
An icon. And a cool dude.
My version of that is Tim Curry. Yes.
He's alive. But I incessantly think.
Well he must have already passed away. I's had some medical challenges.
Yes, yeah. So I think he's been out of the limelight.

But when he does die, I will know because I'm such a huge fan.

And everyone will be posting about it. Anyway, to those

in the comments

reminding me that Chris Christopherson is alive,

thank you. Get a life.
Thank you for

holding me accountable. That's what I said to Chris

Christopherson. And he said, I'm alive.

He said, I am. I will.
And I do.

He said, how did you get in here? Please get

out of here.

And finally, researchers I'm alive. He said, I am.
I will. And I do.
He said, how did you get in here?

Please get out of here.

And finally, researchers captured 13 sharp-nosed sharks off the coast of Rio de Janeiro, and

all 13 sharks tested positive for cocaine, thereby dashing their hopes of swimming for

Russia at this week's Olympic Games.

Olympics are coming up.

Yeah!

Russia is still banned.

No one's joining.

I'm alone.

Not even helping a little bit.

Never.

Okay.

We're supporting.

We'll be very supporting of it.

That is our show.

We did it. What an our show.
We did it.

What an exciting time.

To be alive.

To be alive.

We have a great show lined up for this Thursday night that'll be out Saturday, including a special guest that we've added based on the news.

So you have that to look forward to.

And I just want to say that it's nice to be hopeful. Oh, yeah.
It feels great. That, yes, there are real challenges and real uncertainty.
I'm sure we will have plenty of polls that come in the coming days that pop from one to several of our balloons. And that's fine.
But being too hopeful is not less sophisticated than being too cynical. And we have to fight, we have to work really hard.
But it is much easier to be part of a group of people that are excited and motivated to do what we need to do than it is to be part of a team that's just trying to do the best they can under circumstances that make them terrified. So we don't know what the future holds, but I think the fact that the last 72 hours have energized and excited so many people, our reminder of like what politics can be, and we should hold on to this, even though the next 100 days are probably not going to feel as good every day as the last week has felt.
And by the way, also that like is a testament to the campaign around Joe Biden and to the Democrats running up and down the ballot that we're in a position where we can have a strong candidate step in, take over a working and excellent organization staffed with really smart, good people and hit the ground running and make use of the hundred million dollars they've raised in a way that is smart and effective. And we've had a very contentious couple of weeks.
But despite the efforts to, you know, paint Joe Biden as whatever they want to paint Joe Biden as, like we're also running on a record of success that is like incredible. And as much as this race will be about the future, like if we win, it will be because of how successful Joe Biden was.

And like, I just feel I don't like all the all the angst and ambivalence and worry has like made way for a lot of gratitude.

And I just want to say that.

I hope you feel the same way.

Bratitude. Cheers.
To Bratitude. And Bratitude.
Bratitude.

Cheers.

To Bratitude.

To Bratitude.

See you sluts Saturday.

Living or living, it's loving or living.

Straight, shoot, time.

Living or living, it's loving or living.

Respect it on all sides. Living or living is living or living Spreading all those sides Living or living is living or living

Straight, straight, tight

Living or living is living or living

Spreading all those sides Love it or leave it. It's love it or leave it.
Stay on the outside. Love it or leave it is a Crooked Media production.
It is written and produced by me, John Lovett and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer.
Chris Lord is our producer. And Kennedy Hill is our associate producer.
Hallie Kiefer is our head writer. Sarah Lazarus and Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre, Will Miles and Mohamed Elshiki are our writers.
Evan Sutton is our editor. Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support.
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Our theme song is written and performed by SureSure. Thanks to our designer, Bernardo Serna, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast, and to our digital producers, David Tolles, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroat, for filming and editing video each week so you can.
Leopold and Loeb were gay and murdered. Oh, cool.
Great. Okay, we figured it out.
They thought their superior intellect would make them possible to commit the perfect crime. And then Sacco and Vanzetti.
I think killing a child is proof positive you don't have a superior intellect. That's pretty fucking scary.
They also were murderers or convicted, I believe. Wait, what are we talking about? They were executed by electric chair.

Cool!

I guess for legal reasons,

I should say Teresa Giudice did not murder anyone.

Thank you.

It doesn't look like couples who do crimes together

do stay together.

Yeah, that doesn't mean that.

There is something bonding about it.

You stay married so that you can't testify against the spouse.

And that's just smart.

Use the legal system.

Um, let's trim this down.

Don't do nothing!

Let's delete it!

It's none of our business.