Illinois Hold 'Em

1h 21m
This week, the White House hosts its first annual Epstein Cover-Up Dinner, Trump feels the Labor pains, and Texas Democrats leave the Lone Star State even more lonely. Jeopardy’s Ken Jennings and Amy Schneider stop by to answer our questions and question our answers, while Tim Heidecker and Vanessa Gonzalez hallucinate an LLM (Large Laugh Model). And we leave the stage sizzling with our Hot Takes about Texas, Jeopardy, and the Riyadh Comedy Festival.

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Runtime: 1h 21m

Transcript

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Speaker 1 Hi, everybody. Welcome to Love It or Leave It.

Speaker 1 It's great to see everybody.

Speaker 1 We've got a great show for you tonight. Ken Jennings and Amy Schneider are here.

Speaker 1 They're going to fight it out for Twitter dominance like two elephant seals.

Speaker 1 Tim Heidegger and Vanessa Gonzalez are here.

Speaker 1 And then we close it down with the return of Hot Takes.

Speaker 1 But first, let's get into it. What a week.

Speaker 1 Donald Trump has finally met his greatest foe, reality,

Speaker 1 and maybe dementia, but for now, we're saying reality.

Speaker 1 Last Friday, the Department of Labor released a bleak monthly jobs report. The U.S.

Speaker 1 had added just 73,000 jobs in July and only 33,000 jobs in May and June combined, making this report the worst jobs performance since Ashton Kutcher.

Speaker 1 Stupid. Trump, for his part, took the news in stride.

Speaker 4 It's a highly political situation. It's totally rigged.
Smart people know it. People with common sense know it.
And a lot of people like to keep their head under the covers.

Speaker 5 And let's move on to this.

Speaker 1 As always, we wish Biden appointees were even a fraction as scheming as Trump claims. You think this woman was rigging the numbers?

Speaker 1 This woman has gone to find a grocery store employee because she accidentally rang up an organic zucchini as a regular zucchini

Speaker 1 at the self-checkout. Trump, naturally, provided no evidence to support his claim.
He fired the labor commissioner because the numbers were bad and so they must be fake.

Speaker 6 We're seeing phenomenal numbers. I mean, really phenomenal numbers.
We'll be announcing a new statistician sometime over the next three, four days. We had no confidence.

Speaker 6 I mean, the numbers were ridiculous. It's a scam, in my opinion.

Speaker 1 Look at this tremendous number, Trump continued, turning the calculator around to reveal the word boob.

Speaker 1 Lucky for Trump, there's a seasoned statistician who recently lost his job due to budget cuts.

Speaker 1 The economy added a billion jobs.

Speaker 1 I didn't commit. The economy.
The economy added a billion jobs. Ah, ah, ah, ah.
That's it. You got to...
Ah, ah, ah. That's what it is.
It has to be short.

Speaker 1 As usual, a fleet of intellectuals and bones were following close behind Trump to defend him.

Speaker 1 Here's National Economic Council Director Kevin Hassett noting that if you just ignore the new, more accurate numbers, the old numbers were pretty good.

Speaker 1 While the job stubbers had this big kind of mysterious revision, if they didn't have the revision, then the job stumbers were fully consistent with the 3% GEP growth we also saw last week.

Speaker 1 In a sense, the play Our American Cousin was a huge success until the revision at the end by John Wilkes Booth.

Speaker 1 And here's Hassett's evidence for the claim that the numbers were rigged, which is, once again, numbers bad.

Speaker 1 Does the administration have any evidence that it was rigged, as the president said? And will you be presenting that to the American public?

Speaker 1 Well, the evidence is that there have been a bunch of revisions that could appear to partisans. Well, I mean, the revisions are hard evidence.

Speaker 1 Claiming something's hard when it's not. What is this? J.D.
Vance on date night, still in his head over a Twitter fight with Chris Hayes?

Speaker 1 This is, of course, nonsense because job numbers have always been revised as the Bureau receives more information.

Speaker 1 And while the revisions seem big as a share of job losses, these adjustments are actually impressively small when you remember that the Bureau is keeping track of roughly 160 million jobs.

Speaker 1 Impressively small, what is this? J.D. Vance marveling at a bonsai tree.

Speaker 1 Here's Trump's Secretary of Labor, Laurie Chavez-DeReamer, riding for her boy.

Speaker 8 And the president absolutely has the right to determine who is going to be

Speaker 8 advising him. And I support the president's decision in this replacement.
It is my job to support the president in this issue, and I do support him.

Speaker 1 But it's actually not your job to support the president. You're not the secretary of emotional labor.

Speaker 1 William Beach, Trump's BLS chief in his first term, said that the decision to fire his successor made absolutely no sense.

Speaker 9 It's impossible for the commissioner to do that. The commissioner does not even see the numbers until the numbers are completely done and they're loaded and ready to be distributed.

Speaker 1 So like most bosses, she did none of the work but gets all the credit.

Speaker 1 Sorry.

Speaker 1 It's not called producer or leave it.

Speaker 1 I don't, that's how it is.

Speaker 1 Meanwhile, Trump keeps getting caught up in the reality of his friendship with America's most probably dead sex trafficker, Jeffrey Empstein.

Speaker 1 And look, we've all had friendships we regret. If I could go back in time, would I go to Cabo with those four 9-11 hijackers? Of course not.

Speaker 1 But that's based on what I know now.

Speaker 1 Trump's deputy attorney general, who was his personal attorney until late last year, went to meet with Ghelane Maxwell on July 25th.

Speaker 1 During the meeting, Maxwell begged the deputy HE to throw her a rope, to which she replied, Oh, don't worry, we'll definitely have a rope for you.

Speaker 1 Then on Friday, we learned that Maxwell had been transferred from her Florida prison to a minimum security federal facility for non-violent offenders in Texas, known as Club Fed, with no official announcement or justification.

Speaker 1 Said one Trump administration official: There's nothing unusual about this. Ghelaine Maxwell simply chose to end her life.
Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. That is for tomorrow's press conference.

Speaker 1 Now, many are wondering: could her transfer be an inducement of some kind? Yes.

Speaker 1 Of course it is.

Speaker 1 On Tuesday, ABC News reported that Ghulaine Maxwell said nothing during her nine-hour interview that would be damaging to Trump and that the administration was considering releasing the transcripts, though officials are reportedly trying to figure out whether they can redact the part of the transcript that describes Maxwell doing a big wink.

Speaker 1 According to CNN, Top administration officials, including Vance, Trump's Chief of Staff Susie Wiles, Attorney General Pam Bondi, Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche, and FBI Director Cash Patel planned to gather at the vice president's residence on Wednesday for a secret meeting to discuss their Epstein strategy.

Speaker 1 Jeffrey Epstein, of course, planned to join remotely.

Speaker 1 Vance's office denied the report, saying the CNN story is pure fiction.

Speaker 1 There was never a supposed meeting scheduled at the vice president's residence to discuss Epstein's strategy, which is a very interesting way to slam a door closed so hard it stays a little bit open.

Speaker 1 When Trump was asked about the reported Epstein dinner, he in Vance denied it.

Speaker 1 It's completely fake news. We're not meeting to talk about the Epstein situation.
And I think the reporter who reported it needs to get better sources.

Speaker 7 Look, the whole thing is a hoax. It's put out by the Democrats because we've had the most successful six months in the history of our country.

Speaker 7 And that's just a way of trying to divert attention to something that's total bullshit.

Speaker 11 Okay?

Speaker 1 And I wasn't even excited about a dinner party because I'm invited to them all the time, said Cash Patel.

Speaker 1 Holding a bottle of Sancer Sauvignon Blanc he chose after a deeply vulnerable 15-minute conversation with a clerk at the wine star.

Speaker 1 Also, how about Tim Cook standing between those two fucking guys?

Speaker 1 He's there to present him with some sort of gold iPhone or something, just like kissing the fucking ring, and then you're standing there and you're like, I don't even know Epstein.

Speaker 1 Epstein, who's Epstein? He's like, Jesus fucking Christ.

Speaker 1 Good. Suffer.

Speaker 1 Fucking suffer. Stand there and you suffer, Tim Cook.
You made your bed. You sleep in it.
That's right. You're standing between J.D.

Speaker 1 Vance and Donald Trump while they fucking yell at the press about some fucking bullshit. It's what you deserve.
You stand there.

Speaker 12 You fucking like it.

Speaker 1 Tim Cook. Too many cords for the fucking iPhone.

Speaker 1 CNN reported Thursday that the Epstein meeting actually happened, but they moved it from the Naval Observatory to the White House, outsmarting us once again.

Speaker 1 On Tuesday, Trump was on the roof.

Speaker 1 No, stop. Don't do it.

Speaker 1 You got so much to live for.

Speaker 1 At one point, Trump could be seen making the shape of a large boob with his hands and mouthing the words, it's going to be beautiful.

Speaker 1 What the fuck is that?

Speaker 1 It's gonna be beautiful. What's gonna be beautiful, you ask? Why, it's the $200 million ballroom that Trump plans to build.

Speaker 1 The administration announced last week that the new ballroom would be 90,000 square feet, which is almost twice the size of the entire White House. It's basically the size of a Walmart.

Speaker 1 Why so big, you ask? Trump told reporters it's gonna take a pretty big gala to find all the Bennett sisters' suitable husbands for the Longbourn estate is inherited by that insufferable Mr. Collins.

Speaker 1 And look, as far as distractions go, this is a good try, but we can still shit on this dumb ballroom/slash warehouse and stay focused on Trump's failures and scandals at the same time.

Speaker 1 A ballroom the size of a Walmart? Think of how many unemployed workers, vaccine scientists, and dead pedophiles could fit inside there.

Speaker 1 The White House also revealed the redesign of the Rose Garden, which Trump recently paved over, covered with Mar-a-Lago-style tables and yellow umbrellas.

Speaker 1 All in all, a lot of construction for a four-year lease.

Speaker 1 Meanwhile, Attorney General Pam Bondi ordered prosecutors to open up an investigation into Trump's Russia hoax and present evidence to a grand jury in South Florida.

Speaker 1 Even though the five-year statute of limitations has expired, John Durham already did this investigation during Trump's first term and ended up with two acquittals and zero convictions.

Speaker 1 And there is no evidence that any of these crimes, which never happened if they had happened, would have happened in Florida.

Speaker 1 But Trump isn't the only one struggling with reality. Here's Nebraska Republican Mike Flood addressing his constituents this week.

Speaker 1 Why did you cut SNAP and healthcare research?

Speaker 1 We do not have unlimited money in the United States.

Speaker 1 Next slide, please.

Speaker 1 And then the next slide answered everybody's concerns.

Speaker 1 Kind of put the whole thing to rest. Best slide anybody's ever seen.

Speaker 1 Most Americans now hold Trump responsible for the rising cost of living as he obsesses over deportations and tariffs and culture wars, which has led Republicans to worry that they're courting disaster in the midterms.

Speaker 1 And Republicans are doing that courting the only way they know how.

Speaker 1 Being way too aggressive, blaming you for not liking it, and then trying to get their cup friend to scare you for not being willing to hang out again. That's right.

Speaker 1 On Sunday, dozens of Texas Democrats fled to Illinois to break quorum and prevent Republicans from passing a new congressional map during a two-week special session.

Speaker 1 And that is why on this night we eat very, very thick bread.

Speaker 1 For when the Democrats fled Texas, they went to Chicago,

Speaker 1 where the pizzas take 40 minutes to cook.

Speaker 1 Usually, redistricting happens once a decade, but Republicans have been emboldened by Supreme Court rulings that scrap part of the Voting Rights Act, rubber stamp partisan gerrymandering, and raised the threshold to challenge discriminatory maps.

Speaker 1 And maps shouldn't discriminate, except against left turns on major streets when there's no light.

Speaker 1 Under Texas House rules, each lawmaker is fined $500 for each day they fail to show up.

Speaker 1 And that's a lot of money, said Illinois billionaire Governor J.B. Pritzker.

Speaker 1 Texas Governor Greg Abbott could call special session after special session, which Democrats could only stop by remaining out of state and racking up more fines.

Speaker 1 And who knows how long they can keep that up? People are going to start missing their dogs and kids or whatever.

Speaker 1 So far, Texas Democrats have been undeterred, which has been deeply frustrating to Texas Republicans. Here's the state's attorney general, Ken Paxton.

Speaker 12 And I think the governor is going to be forced into calling several special sessions. Eventually, they're going to have to come back.
There's no doubt they'll come back. They have to.

Speaker 12 They have jobs, they have lives, they have families. They're not going to live in Chicago, especially when it starts getting cold.

Speaker 1 Why? Because they'll hate having a power grid that doesn't conk out the first time it snows.

Speaker 1 Abbott can't have state law enforcement arrest anyone who isn't physically in Texas, which is why we got Trump saying this.

Speaker 14 Do you want the federal government and the FBI to help locate and arrest these Texas Democrats who have left the state?

Speaker 11 Well, I think they've abandoned the state.

Speaker 7 Nobody's seen anything like it, even though they've done it twice before.

Speaker 1 Should the FBI get it? Well, they may have to.

Speaker 1 Also, stop giving them ideas. Unless the idea is, you'll probably float to the ground like Mary Poppins.

Speaker 1 Many Democrats have long pushed for independent nonpartisan redistricting, which is what we have in California, Colorado, and several other states.

Speaker 1 Even as Republicans have grown more and more brazen in their redistricting schemes, it's led to an interesting political phenomenon called losing.

Speaker 1 But the attention Texas Democrats have brought has led blue state governors to step up, at least rhetorically. New York Governor Kathy Hochul called the redistricting fight a war and said this.

Speaker 1 If Republicans are willing to rewrite these rules to give themselves an advantage, then they're leaving us no choice.

Speaker 1 We must do the same.

Speaker 1 The problem is, mid-decade redistricting in New York would require an amendment to the state constitution because of a ballot measure passed by voters in 2014 as part of the ice bucket challenge.

Speaker 1 Gavin Newsom said that California Democrats would move forward with a new map of their own aimed at flipping five of the state's GOP House seats next year.

Speaker 1 It was always going to come down to California versus Texas.

Speaker 1 Tex-Mex, that's cute, you dust farmers. We put French fries in our burritos on our way to the goddamn ocean.

Speaker 1 The California legislature has to pass a proposal by August 22nd to have it before voters in November so the maps could be in place by the elections in 2026. We got to move fast, California.

Speaker 1 I know it's not our usual move. There's been a four-year gap between seasons on euphoria, but still, a lot of us did come from New York.

Speaker 1 Some of that muscle memory has got to still be in there.

Speaker 1 Gavin's plan has angered former Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, who plans to lead the campaign against redistricting.

Speaker 1 Schwarzenegger considers considers California's Independent Redistricting Commission his baby, and this baby he has claimed from the very beginning.

Speaker 1 Which leaves us only one option. Gavin Newsom must go back in time to kill Arnold Schwarzenegger's father,

Speaker 1 who was a Nazi, so it's fine.

Speaker 1 There is hope in all of this, in Republican arrogance and brazenness, because believing you can dictate reality to voters when voters will ultimately dictate reality to you is hubris.

Speaker 1 Just ask two-term president and beloved national hero Joe Biden.

Speaker 1 You can fire the bean counters at the Labor Department, but it doesn't change how many people are looking for work.

Speaker 1 And you can claim tariffs punish other countries, but Americans will feel the average increase of $2,400 in costs. And a lot of people will still be hurt.
RFK Jr.

Speaker 1 announced the end of 22 mRNA vaccine projects based on nonsense. nonsense.
This is real-life damage because the head of the HHS department denies reality.

Speaker 1 Not only does this give up the promise of so many treatments and cures, it will mean so many people who would have otherwise been autistic will now just be fucking normal and boring.

Speaker 1 I'll end with this. NPR, RIP, reported on Monday that the Trump administration is looking to shut down a satellite mission called the Orbiting Carbon Observatories.

Speaker 1 These are satellites that were designed to measure carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, but there was a happy accident, as one climate scientist described it.

Speaker 1 In how those satellites were measuring carbon, they were also creating a high-resolution map of plant growth all over the world.

Speaker 1 And that has allowed the government and private companies to use the data to map crop yields, analyze drought conditions, predict when you're masturbating, and a lot of other amazing science.

Speaker 1 It costs shy of a billion dollars just to get these satellites into orbit.

Speaker 1 It costs relatively little to keep them aloft while providing data for farmers, ranchers, and policymakers that has genuine positive benefits.

Speaker 1 But now it looks like the Trump administration is going to purposefully burn up a satellite in the atmosphere rather than deal with the reality it describes.

Speaker 1 And if that is what Donald Trump is willing to do to a satellite that says things he doesn't like, just imagine what he'd do do to a hypothetical pedophile with nothing to lose with whom he shares a secret, deep, and long-lasting friendship.

Speaker 1 He might kill him and make it look like a suicide.

Speaker 1 Hypothetically,

Speaker 1 for legal purposes, a bit we're doing.

Speaker 1 We've got a great show for you tonight.

Speaker 1 Coming up.

Speaker 1 It's a double Jeopardy with Ken Jennings and Amy Schneider.

Speaker 1 Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

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Speaker 1 And we're back!

Speaker 1 Wait, who are, wait,

Speaker 1 my favorite Jeopardy condensants of all time. Who are Ken Jennings and Amy Schneider?

Speaker 1 I botched that a little bit. Hi, nice to meet you.
Thanks for being here.

Speaker 1 What a dream to have you both here.

Speaker 1 Hello. How's it going? So good to see you both.

Speaker 1 If you're both here,

Speaker 1 who's feeding the thousand monkeys that write all the Jeopardy questions?

Speaker 1 Amy. Yes.
You're on the record as being very anti-AI. Yes.

Speaker 1 You're both smart, and you sort of cornered the market on it. Are you maybe just worried that AI is going to be better at Jeopardy than you?

Speaker 1 I mean, it might be better at Jeopardy, but it won't be better at anything useful.

Speaker 1 Wow, Ken, shots fired.

Speaker 10 I was the very first person to lose to an AI at Jeopardy. So I'm sorry, I'll try to put in a good word for you with the machines when they take over.
I feel like we go way back.

Speaker 10 IBM Watson back in 2011 or whatever that was.

Speaker 1 Oh, wow.

Speaker 10 So I've been an AI skeptic, by which I mean deeply resentful, broken person

Speaker 1 for over a decade. Amy, on July 23rd, Trump issued the executive order preventing woke AI in the federal government.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Two great things that taste great together, if you ask me.

Speaker 1 It's trying to stop the incorporation of concepts like critical race theory, transgenderism, unconscious bias, and intersectionality into AI.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Well, I mean, I think if you see what Brock is up to, you understand. They want AI and they want it to be racist.
So that's what they're doing. It's simple enough.

Speaker 1 That's too bad. Yeah, well.

Speaker 1 Amy. Yes.
You published a memoir called, In the Form of a Question, The Joys and Rewards of a Curious Life, which also has a young reader's edition titled, Who is Amy Schneider?

Speaker 1 Questions on Growing Up, Being Curious, and Winning It Big on Jeopardy. Yeah, that's all true.
You don't have either of those on stage, I'll note. But anyway.

Speaker 1 You're right about that.

Speaker 1 Yours sounds like a poignant exploration of your life, but this one's got little questions. Fun little questions in it.
It's a fun one. So many.

Speaker 1 So many fun questions.

Speaker 1 I'm going to put more fun little questions in my next book.

Speaker 1 Now,

Speaker 1 how many trans teens do you hope to recruit with the Young Adult Edition for you to consider the book a success?

Speaker 1 I mean, I'm well on my way.

Speaker 1 There's like about a thousand of us. There's not that many trans people is the thing.
So

Speaker 1 as many as I can get.

Speaker 1 Nice. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Ken, you posted last month that you won't vote for Gavin Newsman for president after he made comments about trans athletes.

Speaker 1 You said any candidate cynically triangulating on trans kids is a non-starter and now it's time to say so. There's still so much time to advance candidates that don't suck.

Speaker 1 I guess I'll stand by that. Yeah, well, so you're both two very smart people.
At least one of you is trans.

Speaker 1 What would you, what, you know, they're getting this question all the time, and they're all struggling to grapple with a reality, which is while Americans remain broadly supportive of trans people and equal rights, there's a lot of skepticism around the issues that the right has been hammering, which is trans athletes and gender-affirming care for younger kids.

Speaker 1 And you see a lot of Democrats struggling for how to be supportive of trans people while trying to figure out how to gain purchase with what is now two-thirds of people, including almost half of Democrats, that are deeply skeptical about trans athletes and deeply skeptical now about gender-affirming care for younger kids.

Speaker 1 So what do you think about that?

Speaker 1 First of all, I think that these polling numbers, these ideas,

Speaker 1 there's a question of if you're just called on the phone and asked this question, will you say one side or the other is very different from how much it's actually motivating you for any purpose.

Speaker 1 And the second thing I would say is it would be one thing if they had not been supporting trans people when it was easy. But they did when it was easy.

Speaker 1 And it's this exact sort of thing, this, oh, this is unpopular now, so we are changing our position. That is why nobody trusts the Democrats.

Speaker 1 So like, that's really the issue. Like, voters don't want you to do what the polls say because then they know if the polls change, you'll change.

Speaker 1 They want you to have principles that you stand up for. And like, choosing to support trans people is a very good principle.
It's the one that the future is going to agree with. So get on to it now.

Speaker 1 Anything to add to that, Ken?

Speaker 10 Agree 100%. Like you can't act like these poll numbers are written in stone.
Well, I guess trans people are unpopular. What are we going to do?

Speaker 10 Those issues were made unpopular by like a never-ending decade-long propaganda campaign. Like what you do is you...
You fight back against the misinformation.

Speaker 10 You don't say, well, I wonder if we can get some middle-aged white men in the Midwest if we just sell out trans kids. I mean, it's just awful to think about.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, I agree. I agree.

Speaker 1 Oh, good. So you got me.
You got me. No, well,

Speaker 1 so here's what I struggle with, which is

Speaker 1 what do I care about? I care about broad trans acceptance, right?

Speaker 1 Not just acceptance, but love and appreciation to see the value that trans people bring to our world and the way they challenge us to see gender in new and more interesting and diverse ways.

Speaker 1 I want young kids to be free to express themselves and I want parents, kids, doctors to be able to get kids exactly what they need when they need it, carefully, thoughtfully, respectfully, whatever.

Speaker 1 I also want kids who are trans to be able to play sports in school and just play with their friends that match their gender, right? Like I just want that.

Speaker 1 And I want adults who are trans to feel safe and be able to work and be able to access gender affirming care. And I don't give a fuck about what happens at high-level NCAA tournaments.

Speaker 1 I just don't care. I really don't.
And

Speaker 1 I feel like there is this

Speaker 1 problem where,

Speaker 1 correctly, you are noting that there's some kind of a dark concession in this, right? There's a kind of effort to capitulate, and Republicans won't say, oh, thanks. You met us in the middle.

Speaker 1 We're good on trans people now. They'll just keep fighting.

Speaker 1 But at the same time, the issue of like high-level sports, which affects a tiny percentage of trans people who are themselves a tiny percentage of the world, kind of blows everything out of proportion.

Speaker 1 And so I honestly feel this conflict because part of me wants to say, you know what? Like when, you know, Gavin Newsom gets a ton of shit for this.

Speaker 1 And I think that kind of went a little bit out of his way.

Speaker 1 But like Pete tries to struggle with this, says trans people are vulnerable, says they're under attack, also says people have legitimate fairness questions. He gets attacked for it, right?

Speaker 1 Some people say fairly, some people say not. But what makes me worried is I see us losing ground on the issue.

Speaker 1 You can blame Democrats for that, but clearly there's some larger debate we're struggling with. You know, one thing I'll say is that

Speaker 1 I do, and I think I try to in my public

Speaker 1 life.

Speaker 1 I once held every anti-trans position

Speaker 1 that you can imagine. I grew up a conservative Catholic in Ohio in the 80s.
Like this is exactly what I was raised to believe, and I did believe it.

Speaker 1 And like, so it's, I'm not saying that anybody who has these concerns, like the people that you're talking about, are bad, irredeemable people. And I

Speaker 1 am totally on board with

Speaker 1 trying to communicate with them in a respectful way. And it's understandable why they feel the way they do.
And the fears that they have are understandable.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 The thing about it is, like, I understand, and I also understand that, like, trans issues are not the most important important thing. They're not more important than the Supreme Court.

Speaker 1 They're not more important than whether we have another democratic election in this country. But I'm trans, and I can't,

Speaker 1 it just is the most important issue to me, and I can't help that. And so, like, that's, that's the thing I struggle with: is that, like,

Speaker 1 I'm not trying to be dismissive, and I'm not trying to be dismissive of the point of needing to win elections, but like, also, this is real, and it's happening to me and to people like me that don't have a way to talk about it.

Speaker 1 And so I feel the need to talk about it for them.

Speaker 1 Ken, I think we could sneak you into some pretty Republican places.

Speaker 10 Is this a plan you've been thinking about?

Speaker 1 I just know it occurred to me now, just sort of, you know,

Speaker 1 that Amy's trans is inescapable. So is your general shape.
I don't know.

Speaker 10 What about the host of Jeopardy in a suit

Speaker 1 is Republican-coated?

Speaker 10 I don't know what you're talking about.

Speaker 1 So sophisticated.

Speaker 10 I came straight from work.

Speaker 1 Did you? I did. Wow.

Speaker 10 We're not all podcasters, John.

Speaker 10 Some of us have a day job. I had to host five Jeopardys today.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 And where's Ken's parade?

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 when you're on Jeopardy number five

Speaker 1 and you walk up to somebody and it says on the car, like, so it says here you like skateboarding. Is your heart in it?

Speaker 10 So I have to admit, as a kid, I found the Jeopardy interview so cringy that I would leave the room.

Speaker 10 That's my Jeopardy origin story, because these people mean well, but you make them stop playing Jeopardy for a second to talk about their cat or their trip to Thailand or something.

Speaker 10 And they're not there for that. They just want to answer the little questions.

Speaker 10 So I try to make it good. I try to make it the least bad it can be

Speaker 10 and get out of there.

Speaker 10 My promise to you, the viewer.

Speaker 1 What percentage of the time do you have to say, no, I'm sorry, you can't also talk about trains?

Speaker 10 My version of that joke would be cats. It is 100%.
You would not believe the crazy thing my cat does. And I'm like, I bet I can.

Speaker 10 Does it sit on top of the couch? That's nuts.

Speaker 1 I have to say, as somebody who has seen Ken work up close, his ability to laugh at the end of any story is remarkable.

Speaker 10 I've spent my whole life trying to get out of conversations in 25 seconds. That's why the Jeopardy host is the job for me.

Speaker 1 Maybe I should have been that too.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 what is it when your specialty is having other people try to get out of conversations with you?

Speaker 1 Something to think about.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 This show,

Speaker 1 what am I going to do? I'll transition.

Speaker 1 Which is why it's time for a game.

Speaker 1 We're calling Connections with Schneid Effects.

Speaker 1 We've been inspired by Ken's book and Amy's book. Oh, good.

Speaker 1 Here's how it works. I'm going to read you three trivia questions.
You can buzz in and try to answer. And at the end, you have to tell us what the connection is between the three answers.

Speaker 10 This is my trivia format. Yeah, that's why, as I referenced, I love that it's catching on.

Speaker 1 I guess you maybe don't listen to the answers. No, I'm kidding.
But yes, this is based on your book. And to a lesser extent, Amy's book.

Speaker 1 All right, first question.

Speaker 1 What superstar musical protagonist did Cynthia Arrivo portray across from Adam?

Speaker 1 Oh, I was waiting until the end, but go ahead. Wow, you gotta.

Speaker 10 Should I not? Should I not?

Speaker 1 No, no, you doze in. There's no rules.

Speaker 10 I hope it's Jesus Christ superstar.

Speaker 1 You got it.

Speaker 1 Next question. The Coast Guard released their findings this week, revealing that the 2023 implosion of what submersible was preventable.

Speaker 1 Titan? You got it.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 They're both so smart. You can feel it in the room.
You can feel the energy.

Speaker 1 It's intimidating.

Speaker 1 Ken's darting, intelligent, shark-like eyes.

Speaker 1 That has never been a compliment in the history of the language.

Speaker 10 You know what I love about him is his shark-like eyes.

Speaker 1 Shark-like eyes, famously intelligent-looking shark eyes.

Speaker 1 That's exactly what I'm talking about.

Speaker 1 I got to stay on my toes blowing it. What American radio host did Trump call a racist sleazebag this week after he criticized Trump on his daughter-in-law Laura Trump's Fox News show?

Speaker 1 A radio host?

Speaker 10 Are there still radio hosts?

Speaker 1 There are.

Speaker 1 Is Howard Stern still on?

Speaker 1 It's not Howard Stern. It was Charlemagne the God.
Oh, right. I saw that.
So

Speaker 1 we have Jesus Christ the Titan and Charlemagne the God. What is the connection? The connection?

Speaker 1 They're all gods? Yeah.

Speaker 10 That did get easier at the end.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Next question. This week, the White House Historical Association exhibit in D.C.
revealed a full-size replica of what room before Trump added gold trim to it.

Speaker 1 the Oval Office correct

Speaker 1 scientists announced that they'd identified the bacteria behind the death of five billion of what sea creature over the last ten years

Speaker 1 I actually don't know

Speaker 10 oysters no

Speaker 1 oh I think you could steal it sea stars yeah star stars give it you sea stars oh that's a correct answer sea stars or starfish I'm glad you'll give it to me

Speaker 1 gotta stay on my toes I I never heard them called sea stars. I always called them starfish.

Speaker 1 I read a lot of the New York Times this week in preparation for the show. So thank you for that.

Speaker 1 And finally, what federal department jumped into the Sydney-Sweeney American Eagle fray with a photo of their secretary's great jeans as he got off the plane?

Speaker 10 Who looks good in jeans? HHS.

Speaker 1 That's incorrect.

Speaker 1 State? No, it was the Pentagon. It was defense.
It was the Pentagon. Oh.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Can we just,

Speaker 1 this is an aside about jeans.

Speaker 1 But, and I really am not making this about, I don't care about Pete Hagseth's pants.

Speaker 1 But these are the genes that have this sort of faux weathering or whatever you call it, or what's that called when the genes are weathered? Distressed, distressed.

Speaker 1 And I think things really went wrong as a society when we started artificially distressing things. I think it spoke to something deeply wrong in us.

Speaker 1 Like when all the restaurants proved how authentic they were because their signs had the letters painted, but printed, but as if they had been printed long ago and then worn,

Speaker 1 and they got reclaimed wood so the tables looked old, like they'd been made from what was around. It's real decadence.
It's decadence.

Speaker 10 Like things used to be shitty just because things were actually shitty.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. No, I definitely think that that's what's wrong with America.

Speaker 1 Now, what is the

Speaker 1 shapes? They're shapes. They're shapes.

Speaker 10 Ken's connection. I guess the Pentagon.
I was like, what cabinet department is a shape? I don't know.

Speaker 1 Only that Pentagon one. I feel bad.

Speaker 1 Not exactly a department, but anyway. I know, it's not the name.
It's the building the department is housed in. We're doing our best.

Speaker 1 Let's do one more. This week, the USDA admitted to playing an argument scene from what Scarlett Johansson Adam Driver drama to scare wolves away from livestock.

Speaker 10 I assume marriage stories? Yes. I did not hear this.

Speaker 1 Yes. A USDA district supervisor from Oregon told the Wall Street Journal, I need the wolves to respond and know that, hey, humans are bad.

Speaker 1 I never clicked play on that movie because it was always like, I don't want to

Speaker 1 watch them fight. They're such good actors, but I don't want to watch them fight.

Speaker 10 Is that really the one movie that convinces wolves that humans are bad?

Speaker 1 Like

Speaker 10 Battlefield Earth?

Speaker 10 I don't know what my pitch would be here, but it would not be Noah Bombach.

Speaker 1 Ken, how long do you think you would need to learn to fly

Speaker 1 a Harrier jet?

Speaker 10 I'm not one of these overconfident guys. Like, I love when they ask men, hey, could you beat Serena Williams? And they're always like, yeah, probably.

Speaker 10 I don't know if I could ever learn to fly a Harrier jet.

Speaker 1 Oh, come on. I think you could do it eventually if you had the time.

Speaker 10 I guess I saw the rehearsal. Nathan Fielder can fly a commercial airliner now.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 it took him, I don't know, a year?

Speaker 10 So I think, yeah, a year. Nathan Fielder time scale.

Speaker 1 In Battlefield Dirt, they just kind of sit in one and go, like, I got it.

Speaker 1 And they're not even like, they're like, they don't even have technology. They like put their sticks down and they get in the fucking Harrier jet and they're like, woo.

Speaker 10 It's like Independence Day. Like, well, we're in a flying saucer.
We just need to put a diskette in it. Yeah.
And then it'll have a virus.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the aliens are on iOS. Yeah.
Luckily.

Speaker 1 USA. USA.

Speaker 1 This week's episode saw South Park toying with Director of Homeland Security, Christy Noam, also known by what nickname?

Speaker 10 Gestapo Barbie?

Speaker 1 We'll give it to you. We'll give it to you.
It's Ice Barbie. I'll take Gestapo Barbie.
I I think we'll take it. We'll take it.

Speaker 10 On Jeopardy, I say Gestapo.

Speaker 1 We have a hard time judging.

Speaker 1 If we didn't, yeah. Hey, never mind.

Speaker 1 Struggling to fall asleep, TikTok users recommend you try green noise, which contains mid-range frequencies of about 500 hertz, unlike what?

Speaker 1 More common sleep supporting sound, which contains all frequencies at the same intensity? White noise. You got it.
Here are both.

Speaker 1 This is white.

Speaker 10 Pretty good.

Speaker 1 Let's hear some green noise. Ooh, that's nice.
That's nice.

Speaker 10 Better, right?

Speaker 1 That is better. We have white noise going in my office.
Call Fox News.

Speaker 1 Woo! Sorry, Ken.

Speaker 1 All right, it's time. What's the connection? We got white noise.
We got ice barbie. We got whatever the first one was.
Marriage story. Marriage story.

Speaker 1 They're all extremely white.

Speaker 1 You're warm.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 I'll say this. They have a writer in common.

Speaker 1 Writer. White noise.
Oh, it's.

Speaker 1 Your face kind of made the word. Well, I, I.

Speaker 1 Well, then I thought of other people. I don't know.

Speaker 1 Credit Gorweck.

Speaker 10 It is Credit Gerwick.

Speaker 1 No, well, close. It's Noah Baumback.
Yes. Oh, he's a driver.
He wrote Marby Wick. He's driver.
Yes.

Speaker 10 And he wrote that in driver white noise, right?

Speaker 1 So always, this is such a classic Hollywood thing of like giving a woman credit

Speaker 1 for something a man.

Speaker 10 When will people finally stand up for Noah Baumbach?

Speaker 1 I'll do one more.

Speaker 1 What summer month contains this year's

Speaker 1 sturgeon full moon?

Speaker 1 It's Ty. What are you going to say?

Speaker 1 You got it.

Speaker 10 Okay, very nice.

Speaker 1 In May, the New York City Planning Commission okayed a casino project proposal for what Brooklyn landmark.

Speaker 1 You got it.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Ghelaine Maxwell is staying in the same Texas prison at white-collar criminal Elizabeth Holmes. What's the name of author John Carrie's non-fiction expose on Holmes' fraudulent testing startup?

Speaker 1 Bad Blood. You got it.

Speaker 1 What is the connection? What are they again? August.

Speaker 1 Bad Blood.

Speaker 10 Something else.

Speaker 1 And a third. Coney Island.
Coney Island. Bad Blood.
August. Coney Island.
What is the connection? The campus. Taylor Swift.
Yes. Is that right? You got it.

Speaker 1 You got it.

Speaker 10 I didn't buzz, though. I feel like.

Speaker 1 You got it.

Speaker 1 You also didn't phrase any of these in the form of a question.

Speaker 10 That is not what I'm going to be in trouble with for Jeopardy after this show.

Speaker 1 Ken had no idea what this was.

Speaker 1 We grabbed him off the fucking street.

Speaker 1 He said, please, I have to get home to my family. And I said, you have to do this podcast.

Speaker 1 Don't change out of that suit. Don't change out of that suit.
What a great tie.

Speaker 10 Thank you. Steven Zimbelman used to dress Alex Trebek, and now this might be an Alex-era tie.
It is. Look, when they say, look, this is fun.

Speaker 10 When the ties have this little code AT, that's like an Alex-worn game tie.

Speaker 1 I know, right?

Speaker 10 It's like a game-worn baseball jersey or something. I always feel an extra power when when I inherit an Alex tie.

Speaker 1 There are videos that go around of Alex Trebek just ripping on contestants.

Speaker 1 Like every once in a while, every once in a while, he would, there's that one famous clip where he said, it's called a loser.

Speaker 1 That's not your speed.

Speaker 1 Have you ever really given anybody the business?

Speaker 10 I don't think I would. That clip is somebody explaining Nerdcore rap to Alex.
Yes. But I feel like that's what you should expect when you explain Nerdcore rap to Alex Trebek.

Speaker 10 Like, in other words, losers. But no, I'm from a different generation.
We're participation trophy jeopardy, at least in the interview segments. Like, all these stories are winners to me.

Speaker 1 I mean, I would also say, ask Ken about that in like 20, 30 years. Yeah, that's right.
Maybe it's, you know.

Speaker 10 I'm still the fresh-faced new guy. I'm sure Trevek used to care about the stories, too.

Speaker 1 Good for you.

Speaker 1 I want to talk more about this, but we're going to have to leave it there for now. Thank you, Ken and Amy.

Speaker 1 The Connections trivia book and memoir in the form of a question, plus the young reader's edition, Who is Amy Schneider, are all available now.

Speaker 1 Next up, Tim Heidecker and Vanessa Gonzalez, Rage Against the Machine.

Speaker 1 Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

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See your local Toyota dealer for hybrid battery warranty details.

Speaker 1 And we're back.

Speaker 1 Please welcome to to the stage two comedians no AI could replicate yet.

Speaker 1 It's Tim Heidegger and Vanessa Gonzalez. Come on out.

Speaker 1 Hi to you both. Welcome.
Good to see you.

Speaker 1 You can come through any way you want. It's not really.

Speaker 1 You can go around or I guess go maybe all the way around.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I guess.

Speaker 1 You're right.

Speaker 1 It's a weird amount of space. It's a weird amount of space.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. It's a weird amount of space.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 No skin off my back. It's a podcast.

Speaker 1 With a big video presence growing, growing.

Speaker 1 Hi. Hi, Tim.
Thanks for being here.

Speaker 15 Y'all, you're welcome. Thanks for having me.

Speaker 1 Hi, Vanessa. Hi.
Thank you both for being here.

Speaker 15 Cool to meet Ken Jennings backstage.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 15 Throwing around a lot of slurs.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I pretended not to notice. No.
It's this sort of classic thing. You come to LA and you just never meet your heroes.
Don't meet your heroes. Because they're going to throw out a lot of splurs.

Speaker 1 Every time.

Speaker 1 Every time. Every time.
Every time.

Speaker 1 On Thursday, OpenAI released its latest model, ChatGPT5, which OpenAI's co-founder Sam Altman described as PhD level.

Speaker 1 Meanwhile, as AI-generated videos become more realistic, they're becoming more difficult to spot, which makes this a perfect week for a segment we call, Okay, Stop, colon AI Karumba.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's us.

Speaker 1 It is.

Speaker 1 Oh, I look snatched.

Speaker 1 I love it. I love the game already.

Speaker 1 Timmy Vanessa, we'll play you the AI videos that sent a shutter up our souls this week. And whenever we've got thoughts we need to share, we'll say, okay, stop.

Speaker 1 Wait, say that again? What?

Speaker 1 We're just going to watch videos and react, but it's fine. Video number one.
First up, we have an AI muse bouche, if you will.

Speaker 1 A little viral video of bunnies jumping on a trampoline many tick tock users reported with horror that this was the first AI video they'd actually found for let's take a look

Speaker 1 that's it that's it that's it

Speaker 1 hey Tim why do you think we're doing this

Speaker 15 because it's it's cool and there should be more videos like this

Speaker 1 yeah I agree it's cool it is cool that's a cool video I got fooled today.

Speaker 15 I saw this video,

Speaker 15 a picture of Rita Wilson with Tom Hanks, and she was holding a birthday cake, and it said 69 on it.

Speaker 15 And I was like, guess what? These two are doing this weekend. That was my little joke.
But

Speaker 15 it was an AI picture of the two of them. But it looked really real.

Speaker 15 And I felt stupid for sharing that.

Speaker 1 Hey.

Speaker 15 I also felt stupid for telling that joke.

Speaker 1 No, no. No, no.

Speaker 15 The joke's fun.

Speaker 1 It's great. Yeah.
It's great.

Speaker 15 Can you imagine Rita Wilson and Tom Hanks 69ing? Yeah. Yes.

Speaker 1 Clearly. I can imagine anyone 69.

Speaker 1 That's like a talent of mine. You name two people.
I can do it.

Speaker 15 You put your head on my face.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 15 You go down on me.

Speaker 1 Oh, is this where you want me? I don't know what she she sounds like.

Speaker 1 Is it something like this?

Speaker 1 Sure.

Speaker 1 Wow. It felt like it was happening in front of us.

Speaker 1 Vanessa, what do we do? I don't know.

Speaker 1 I'm like, because I'm going to be 40.

Speaker 1 One day, one day.

Speaker 1 No, soon. Yeah, like in a month.
And I'm like, is it AI is getting better? Is it my brain? Is it both? Like, all of them, I'm like, I can't tell anymore, and I'm getting scared.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, it's both. It's both.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 your brain is going to slowly get worse. You're going to gain more experience and wisdom, but the actual, the software is going to improve.
The hardware is going to keep getting worse.

Speaker 1 Isn't that interesting? That's what getting older is. Software gets a little better.
Hardware keeps getting worse. Yeah, that's.

Speaker 15 It's like a Seinfeldian take.

Speaker 1 Oh, thanks.

Speaker 1 They should make the whole plane. Oh, it's getting worse.

Speaker 15 I guess I'm just doing impressions on this show. Bad impressions on this show.

Speaker 1 No, they're really good. Thank you.
You're putting yourself down too much. They're so good.

Speaker 15 I just wish I, like, I do. There's one part of AI that I want, which doesn't exist, I think.

Speaker 15 I mean, like, at home, I do a little podcast, and I do the stupid things of, like, I have to press all these things with my mouse and send things places and do these stupid things.

Speaker 15 I want to go into my little studio and be like, computer, how are we doing? Let's go. And then does all the dumb shit that I don't want to do.

Speaker 15 But I don't give a shit about bunnies on trampolines, right?

Speaker 1 That's such an important point.

Speaker 1 In Star Trek, The Voyage Home. Yeah,

Speaker 1 Scotty.

Speaker 1 Computer. Yes.
He's so annoyed. He shows up and he's like, all right, I got to make some transparent aluminum.
Thank you. Classic.
Yeah. And he goes into the place where he's going to

Speaker 1 hold the whale. To bring back the future.
To bring back the future whales because the whale aliens only want to talk to our whales. And our whales are fucking dead.

Speaker 15 They go back to 1987.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 The 80s.

Speaker 1 And Scotty is trying to use the computer, and they say you got to use the mouse. We talked about this today.

Speaker 1 Really? Yeah. And he picks up the mouse and he goes, computer.

Speaker 1 Computer. Yeah, that's what we want.
This is from the news.

Speaker 1 Video number two.

Speaker 1 Up next, we have have Rod Stewart's Forever Young concert video. Oh, this was bad, yeah.
Featuring AI renderings of deceased musicians, including the very recently dead Ozzy Osborne.

Speaker 1 This is from North Carolina. Let's take a look.

Speaker 15 It's Ozzy going through his bono phase.

Speaker 1 Sina Turner. Oh.

Speaker 1 Oh, no.

Speaker 1 A two book. I hadn't seen this.
It's Ozzie with everybody. Wow.

Speaker 1 Where's Selena? Oh, that was Selena. Oh, no.
Oh, no.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 wow. It's queen.
That's so cool.

Speaker 1 George Michael. Is that George Michael? Okay, I think we've had enough of this.

Speaker 1 For those listening, it was Ozzy Osborne holding a selfie stick with Prince, Tina Turner, Bob Marley, and Tupac.

Speaker 1 He also took selfie with Michael Jackson, Freddie Mercury, George Michael, Kirk Cobain, Whitney Houston, and others. So everyone who's ever died.

Speaker 1 Jeffrey Epstein. Jeffrey Epstein did make an appearance.

Speaker 1 Vanessa.

Speaker 15 I'm so glad as comedians we have a new guy to say.

Speaker 15 Yeah.

Speaker 15 Because it was OJ for a while. You know, like, there's just a name now.
We can just say and get a laugh.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what is this? Fuck it. Fuck it.
Was it Jeffrey Epstein?

Speaker 1 Sarah Epstein didn't kill himself.

Speaker 1 You know, it works. You're right.
Vanessa. Yes.

Speaker 1 Is this disrespectful? I don't know. He looked pretty happy.
Ozzy? Yeah,

Speaker 1 he's having fun. I feel like my mom does similar things.

Speaker 1 She's not in heaven, though. I don't know.

Speaker 15 But shouldn't Ozzy be in hell? Like, I mean, like... Isn't that his whole vibe? Like, he's the Prince of Darkness and everything.

Speaker 1 Right. Didn't he bite the head off a bat?

Speaker 15 Yeah, she should be like with flames behind him and everything. Like, it's cool to be in hell.

Speaker 1 Maybe God's glower in the bar.

Speaker 15 Maybe he's in hell. No, I just think it would be his preference to be in hell.

Speaker 1 Like, it's his whole identity. Right.
Unless hell is just,

Speaker 1 you know, a godless place and we're in it.

Speaker 1 In a sense.

Speaker 1 Vanez, you talk about being Catholic and raised Catholic and your stand-up. Yes.

Speaker 1 On some level,

Speaker 1 is this demonic? Are we experiencing demons?

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Yes. Yeah, that's the devil for sure at work.

Speaker 1 I'm just trying to cover my basis.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I mean, we're, yeah, this is hell. I think you're right.
It's not getting any better. If that's what heaven is, us just going in a circle with a selfie stick.
I'll take it.

Speaker 1 It's better than this shit.

Speaker 1 Right? Yeah, why would I? I got one. Shouldn't there be a photographer in heaven? Right?

Speaker 1 Like, a selfie stick is inherently

Speaker 1 a practical kind of solution, best of bad options. Yeah.
So heaven is a place where there's no one who can help you take a picture, so you just do it yourself.

Speaker 15 Heaven, I mean, heaven is hell. Like, this idea that you'd like see these old aunts and stuff.

Speaker 1 Old aunts and uncles.

Speaker 15 Like, I don't want to hang out with these old fucking people that I never knew.

Speaker 1 You're right.

Speaker 1 You know what's unsolvable?

Speaker 1 There's a lot of people who have died who were in love with other people who died who did not love them back.

Speaker 1 Right. Then you run into them up there.
So that means there's got to be a heaven where the unrequited person

Speaker 1 doesn't have to deal with it, but the person who loved gets them.

Speaker 15 This is heavy shit, man.

Speaker 1 So it's a lot to think about.

Speaker 1 You know? I hope heaven's all dogs.

Speaker 15 What a mess.

Speaker 1 That's it. That's what a dog's like.
I do impressions. That's a good dog.

Speaker 15 I'm a comedian. I do dog impressions.

Speaker 1 I'm still Rita Wilson.

Speaker 1 Like when you're playing a video game, if it's too easy, it's not fun. And it's too hard, it's not fun.
It's got to hit that right amount of difficulty to like endorphin serotonin

Speaker 1 right? Mario Kart. So, heaven has to be like that too, right? Because if it's just super easy, that gets boring, but you don't want to be too hard because that's what hell is, I guess.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 So, it seems like it has to be right in the middle. Seems like what being alive mostly is.
Yeah. It's a lot to think about.

Speaker 1 Tim, speaking of being alive, him,

Speaker 1 him, him. You're in a, it's a football horror movie.
Yeah. Called him.
I'm in it.

Speaker 1 It's from Jordan Peale's company.

Speaker 1 It looks like it's about two very real horrors:

Speaker 1 being famous and getting CTE. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Doesn't it sometimes feel like we have CTE, all of us, in some sense now from the internet so far?

Speaker 15 We were talking about this backstage. Our attention span has gone down the toilet, right?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, it's real bad.

Speaker 15 And that's the worst thing about having CTE, I think, is just a short attention span.

Speaker 1 Or does it

Speaker 15 lead to murder-suicide?

Speaker 1 I don't know. I never finished the article.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I think you can't find your keys. Right.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Elon Musk just rolled out Grok Imagine this week, which allows users to request AI images under the categories custom, normal, fun, and spicy.

Speaker 1 People immediately started to make deep fake nudes of famous people. No.
Are you either of you worried about people gooning out to your spicy AI deepfakes?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 You made one of me in a vest right now. That's a cheap fake.
We cut your face out and put it on a thing. I like it.
Y'all can goon if you want.

Speaker 15 Remember when there was that phishing scam or whatever it was, where they're like, we found, I have video of you masturbating.

Speaker 1 Remember that? Yeah.

Speaker 15 That was going around?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm finding out now that that was not, that was a scam.

Speaker 15 But like, I was thinking, like, what would that picture be of me? It would just be like this, this pic, because it's my, you know what I mean? Yeah. I'm not filming.

Speaker 1 No, I mean, no way to beads yeah because it's me you gotta take this picture of me like

Speaker 1 because you're not composing the shot you know you're not framing it up right

Speaker 1 uh

Speaker 1 in my in my previous relationship uh i i was uh dating a journalist and he was uh got some people that were following him uh because of a story he was reporting and they followed me

Speaker 1 um And there was all these like fake blackmail emails, and then they followed me around, and then the former Mossad people that were following me sent a note to HQ saying, he's so boring.

Speaker 1 We can't keep following him. But as part of that, there was an email that accused me of something.
And it was so awesome because I hadn't done it. Right.
It was like, ha ha,

Speaker 1 nothing.

Speaker 1 Next up.

Speaker 1 Here's an AI video of AOC talking about the Sidney Sweeney Good Genes ad.

Speaker 1 Despite the fact that it is a watermark saying parody 100% made with AI and is so clearly fake, Chris Cuomo retweeted it Wednesday thinking it was real.

Speaker 1 Let's see it.

Speaker 16 Sidney Sweeney looks like an Aryan goddess and the American Eagle Jeans campaign is blatant Nazi propaganda.

Speaker 1 Okay, so Cuomo retweets that video and wrote, nothing about Hamas or people burning Jews' cars, but Sweeney Jeans ad deserved time on the floor of Congress. What happened to this party?

Speaker 1 Fight for small business.

Speaker 1 Not for small culture wars. AOC replied, this is a deep fake dude.
Please use your critical thinking skills. At this point, you're just reposting Facebook memes and calling it journalism.

Speaker 1 Like, Chris Cuomo was a mainstream journalist. He is a mainstream journalist.
He fucking fell for that. His brains.

Speaker 15 That's HGH going on in that brain.

Speaker 1 I got to try that stuff. I want to live in that world Real like this.
Yeah.

Speaker 10 Should we be on HGH?

Speaker 1 Let's do it. Let's get big.
Let's get it. Let's get big and strong.
Let's get big.

Speaker 15 Like Sasha Baron Cohen.

Speaker 1 Do you see him? Does he get strong now?

Speaker 15 Do you see the picture of Sasha Baron Cohen?

Speaker 1 Does he get strong? Oh, you got to look that up.

Speaker 15 It's crazy.

Speaker 1 Is it real?

Speaker 15 Can you find that?

Speaker 1 I don't know what's real. You're not going to believe this.

Speaker 15 He's on the cover of like men's health or something, and he's like ripped.

Speaker 1 Cool.

Speaker 15 Like, shredded.

Speaker 15 And it's like, funny, dude.

Speaker 1 Let's get Let's get shredded, you and me. All right.
I'm good.

Speaker 1 We'll take HGH. We'll become guys that those guys on the, we'll get a podcast where we talk about it and get really intense and like super intense.
How's everything going for you?

Speaker 1 Just that.

Speaker 1 Just doing that, I hurt myself. Yeah.

Speaker 15 I did.

Speaker 1 I'm a Pilates girl.

Speaker 1 All right. Now, Chris Cuomo fell for this.
Look at what AOC is made to say in the rest of this video.

Speaker 16 I mean, fuck, watching that sultry little temptress squeeze into a Canadian tuxedo, three sizes too small, with her bouncy little fun bags on the screen, staring at you, piercing through the core of your soul with those ocean-blue eyes that could resurrect the Fuhrer from his grave in Argentina.

Speaker 1 Okay, all right, that's enough.

Speaker 1 Why is she talking about me like that?

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 Vanessa,

Speaker 1 Chris Cuomo got got pretty badly.

Speaker 1 What do you think he said about it when he was addressing the confusion on air? What do you think he did to kind of make this right? How contrite do you think he was about this?

Speaker 1 I'm sure he admitted he was wrong

Speaker 1 and took full responsibility for posting something that he didn't look into.

Speaker 1 Sounds like the Cuomo way. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Let's see what he did.

Speaker 17 AOC tweeted back and said, dude, that's a deep fake that Sidney Sweeney had. You suck in so many words.
And she was right. They got me.
AI.

Speaker 17 It was really good and it did seem like something she would say.

Speaker 5 But it wasn't.

Speaker 17 So I thanked AOC for correcting me. But I then reminded her, she ignored the part of the tweet that mattered, okay?

Speaker 1 Why will you not address my question based on a fake video of you?

Speaker 1 Why are you only replying to tell me that I've fallen for some fucking dumb bullshit?

Speaker 1 Incredible. Yeah, go eat a sandwich.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Is that a good burn?

Speaker 15 I mean,

Speaker 15 it's a little mean-spirited, but I like it.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry,

Speaker 1 I get it. That's bound up.
That's a fun one because you can say it any way you want. Hey, go eat a sandwich.
You know, because it could be just being a nice thing to say. Yeah.
You know?

Speaker 1 But I don't mean it nice.

Speaker 1 Hey, here's a dolphin on a trampoline.

Speaker 1 What is going on? That's really good. That's really good.
That's real. That's real.
That's real. That's real.
That's real.

Speaker 1 That's real. That's not okay.

Speaker 1 It's not. It's real and it's not okay.

Speaker 1 Tim, are you recording office hours? That was recording. Not right now.
No, no. We were this morning.
This morning, yeah, yeah. Another part of the day.
Another part of the day.

Speaker 15 Yes, office hours every Thursday morning on YouTube and Patreon.

Speaker 1 And you take questions?

Speaker 15 Yeah, we take calls and everything. Is it like a call? I was just going to tell me that I'm a bully today.

Speaker 15 I got a big conversation about, and that I should think about when we have guests and people, do they leave feeling more loved than they did when they came in? And that's pretty good advice.

Speaker 1 And now it's become a joke.

Speaker 1 Do you think it's true? Do they not leave more love than they they came in?

Speaker 15 I think they generally either leave the same feeling or maybe a little more loved. I don't know.

Speaker 1 That doesn't sound like you're a bully.

Speaker 15 I don't feel like I am, but you know, I come from the tradition of, you know, Letterman or people like that where you're trying to keep the show moving.

Speaker 15 And if someone calls in and they've got nothing to say, you go, bye-bye.

Speaker 15 Right. Which is not very bullyish.
Do you find me to be a bully backstage?

Speaker 1 I was being pretty rude, but. No,

Speaker 1 it's fine. You know, just the slurs, but that's it.

Speaker 1 He was just trying to fit in with Ken, though. Yeah.
Yeah. He was just trying to fit.
He became a real boys club back then. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 15 Real locker room talk.

Speaker 1 It was pretty ass.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry that happened, Vaneza. It's fine.
You can find office hours with Tim Heidecker on YouTube and wherever you get your podcast. Him hits theaters in September 7, 19th.

Speaker 1 And you play a quarterback. I play the cornerback.
Cornerback.

Speaker 15 No, I play, yeah, I play a sports agent.

Speaker 1 Oh, you don't play football in the movie?

Speaker 15 No, no, not me.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's good. I was confused.
You were.

Speaker 1 I could.

Speaker 15 I mean, in the olden days, I'd be probably a pretty good football player.

Speaker 1 Hell yeah.

Speaker 1 With the pressure. I don't think

Speaker 1 I don't think there's any era for you. Really? No.
I'm a six-foot-tall guy. You want to go? Oh, shit.

Speaker 1 I'm not. Yeah, let's...
No, I'm a hustle. I didn't say you're not better than me.
Okay.

Speaker 15 But not like a professional football player. Right.

Speaker 1 I mean, I guess back when it was just like they let anybody do it. Yeah, like when the three, like when the three Stooges were playing football in their movies,

Speaker 1 when tryouts were like they put a sign up in Grand Central, and you're like, I'm gonna go for it. Yeah,

Speaker 15 well, I'm in the movie nonetheless.

Speaker 1 That's great.

Speaker 15 I have lines too in the movie.

Speaker 1 Oh, look at those

Speaker 1 speaking roll, they call it,

Speaker 1 that's cool. Oh my god, memorizing your lines, it must be so nerve-wracking.

Speaker 1 I'm not good at it

Speaker 15 because of your brains, yeah. My CTE.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 And you can follow Vanessa on socials at Vanessa G Comedy. And you've got shows at the Lyric this fall, the Eyric Hyperion, where we've done this show as well.
When we come back, we turn up the heat.

Speaker 1 Uh-oh.

Speaker 1 Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

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Speaker 1 And we're back.

Speaker 1 In case you missed it, the folks at Crooked Media and Vote Save America, we're hosting our first ever Crooked Con.

Speaker 1 It's the first ever event where we're going to bring together organizers and all the amazing people that are part of the Friends of the Pod community and the least annoying politicians.

Speaker 1 We're going to have really interesting conversations and events. We'll be in Washington, D.C.
on November 6th and 7th.

Speaker 1 We're going to have a Pod Save America live show at the Warner Theater on Thursday, November 6th. And on Friday, November 7th, we'll be at the Wharf.

Speaker 1 The Wharf.

Speaker 1 The Wharf. Sounds like you're about to say the Wharf.
The Wharf. It's just the Wharf.
It's just the Wharf

Speaker 1 for a full day of workshops, conversations, live pods, all about figuring out how to build the big pro-democracy movement we need before

Speaker 1 or maybe after it's too late.

Speaker 1 Tickets are on sale now. Crookedcon.com to get some tickets.
Use the code FREEDOMINANCONT. That's all one word.
We also have great new merch at the crooked store.

Speaker 1 Crooked.com/slash store. 20% off everything.

Speaker 1 All right, please welcome back to the stage. Ken Jennings and Amy Schneider.

Speaker 1 Come on back. Ken, you go over here.
You go right there. I'm going to sit here.

Speaker 10 It's a little messy here. We're in my seat.

Speaker 1 Okay, well, why don't you put a comment card in the fucking box on your way out?

Speaker 1 I like Ken Jennings.

Speaker 1 It's fun to kind of razz you.

Speaker 1 Yeah. But like sweetly.

Speaker 10 That's kind of what the host of Jeopardy is. Like he's it, he's in on the joke.
He's a figure of fun, even though Jeopardy is real. But like like Alex was kind of always in on the joke.
Yeah.

Speaker 10 You know, like when Will Farrell would do him on SNL or whatever.

Speaker 15 Who's the host of Jeopardy now?

Speaker 10 Like when I'm here.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Now it's time for a segment we call hot takes.

Speaker 1 Here's how it works.

Speaker 1 That's new. I didn't know that was going to happen.

Speaker 1 Here's how it works. We're each going to be given a hot take to defend.
If the take is just too hot to the touch, we're each allowed one skip, but the next one could be worse.

Speaker 1 Sincerely, I have not seen these. Whatever I get, I am not in charge of.
This is all done by the producers.

Speaker 1 So let's kick it off.

Speaker 1 This is for Vanessa.

Speaker 1 Texas is doing everything right.

Speaker 1 30 seconds on the board.

Speaker 1 Texas is doing everything right.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 it's real hot there

Speaker 1 you know it's uh we we got breakfast tacos

Speaker 1 yeah can't fuck with it um selena's from there can't fuck with it

Speaker 1 uh let's see oh shit it's uh yeah go texas

Speaker 1 nice really good

Speaker 1 Eat a sandwich if you don't like it.

Speaker 1 Got him. Got him.
Let's see what's next.

Speaker 1 Putting the answer in the form of a question is dumb.

Speaker 1 Ken, 30 seconds, defend it.

Speaker 10 It's going to get me in so much trouble. But this is actually true.
Like if I came up to you on the street and said, hey, John, who is Grover Cleveland?

Speaker 10 And you said something like, this 19th century Democrat, formerly of Buffalo, New York, like you would sound like a crazy person. The syntactic reversal of Jeopardy just doesn't work.

Speaker 10 And when Jeopardy goes to other countries, they're like, what is up with the what is thing? That doesn't even make sense. But it's just part of our culture now.
It's part of our heritage.

Speaker 10 So you have to have a carve-out for this weird, weird historical relic.

Speaker 1 I like that. I like that.

Speaker 1 It ties us to the past. It's like how the rules of being kosher don't make sense.
Yes. But there's something.

Speaker 1 In following them, you demonstrate your care for something, in a sense.

Speaker 10 Yeah, it's like it's what Torah is based on, basically.

Speaker 1 It's about Torah.

Speaker 10 Jeopardy is

Speaker 1 Torah coded.

Speaker 1 Torah coded. Let's see what's next.

Speaker 1 They never found the right person to replace Alex Trebek.

Speaker 1 Amy, that's yours to defend.

Speaker 1 Yeah, all right.

Speaker 1 They never found the right person to replace Alex Trebek. You know, they tried a lot of different people.

Speaker 1 And, you know, the one they came up with was the one who had no previous television experience, which is an odd choice.

Speaker 1 And, you know, also, you know, I really think that they should have gone with, you know, like I get that they went with the Jeopardy champion.

Speaker 1 They maybe should have gone with one who was more popular.

Speaker 1 So I don't know. I'm just saying.
I'm still open to taking a call if they want to check that out. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 15 Ken Jennings has no talent.

Speaker 15 You got to get rid of him.

Speaker 1 More impressions. More impressions.
They're so good. They're so good.
I'm freaking out.

Speaker 10 You people could have had Aaron Rodgers.

Speaker 1 You could have had an unvaccinated Jeopardy host.

Speaker 1 A super spreader.

Speaker 1 And you're complaining?

Speaker 1 Don't compare him to the Almighty. Compare him to the alternative.

Speaker 1 Let's see what's next. For Tim, I wouldn't mind hopping on the Riyadh Comedy Festival lineup.
Tim,

Speaker 1 you wouldn't mind hopping on the Riyadh Festival Comedy Festival lineup. Take it away.

Speaker 15 I wouldn't mind hopping on the Riyadh Comedy Festival lineup. There's a million dollars in it for me, and

Speaker 15 I'm looking to end my life.

Speaker 1 So I'm

Speaker 15 looking to end up in a black duffel bag in a dumpster somewhere in Saudi Arabia.

Speaker 1 You were telling me before the show that you don't care that they cut up a journalist. Money's money.
That was what you said backstage.

Speaker 1 Hey, you know, the cash didn't cut him up. That just goes in my bank account.
That's what you said.

Speaker 15 I'm going to give credit to Doug for this joke, but he says they've got the bone saws ready for the funny bones over there.

Speaker 1 It's horrible.

Speaker 15 And it's a horrible thing to say.

Speaker 1 It's a horrible thing to say. It's a horrible thing because it's a serious topic underneath it.
Because what happened? And yet.

Speaker 1 We got to laugh. We got to laugh.
We got to laugh about it. That's what they're going to say at the Riyadh Comedy Festival.
Hey, look, we know it's a series. It's a crazy time out there.

Speaker 1 But you know what brings people together? Laughter from all over the world. Comedy is dangerous.
Comedy is dangerous. Not as dangerous as, say, a fucking bone saw

Speaker 1 at the business end of an autocracy. But

Speaker 1 isn't there a progressive take for the festival?

Speaker 10 Like, what if we could get them off fossil fuels and into

Speaker 10 delightful stand-up?

Speaker 10 Think of the environmental benefits.

Speaker 1 Wow,

Speaker 1 that's going to be some quality stand-up. They get the Saudis.

Speaker 1 Those are some good jokes.

Speaker 10 Men be driving like this, and women don't be driving.

Speaker 12 Really good.

Speaker 1 That was really good. You know, that set from Kevin Hart last night really made me think.

Speaker 15 No one's ever said.

Speaker 1 All right, let's do one more. This is for me.
I don't agree with RFK Jr. on much, but he's right about eating roadkill.

Speaker 1 You know what? Of all the things he's ever done, that is not a problem for me. It's not something that I personally would do, but like, if you hit an animal with your car, it's fresh.

Speaker 1 It's right there. It's right there.
When you want to make a chicken cutlet, you hit it with a hammer.

Speaker 1 So what do you think happens when you hit a deer?

Speaker 1 You're just starting the process.

Speaker 1 I also just don't think vaccines work. So there's like a lot.

Speaker 1 You can't see it. It's invisible.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I still got COVID. Thank you.

Speaker 15 He didn't eat the bear.

Speaker 1 Well, he couldn't eat the bear.

Speaker 15 He's got a line.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he does have a line, but because his story doesn't fucking make sense. His story never checked out about the bear.

Speaker 1 He couldn't eat the bear because the bear was dead when he found it. Oh, right.
Because he was like, oh, some other woman hit a bear, then I took it. What woman? What? What? What? Ken, what?

Speaker 10 Kennedy's explaining car accidents implausibly.

Speaker 10 Name a more iconic pair.

Speaker 1 Well, that's a great place to leave it. That is our show.
Thank you so much to Ken Jennings, Amy Schneider, Tim Heidegger, and Vanessa Gonzalez. We'll see you next week at Dynasty Typewriter.

Speaker 1 451 days till the midterms. Have a great night.
Have a great weekend.

Speaker 1 If you're already scrolling endlessly, which we know you are, don't forget to follow us at Crooked Media on Instagram, TikTok, and all the other ones for original content, community events, and more.

Speaker 1 You can also find Love It or Leave It on YouTube for videos of your favorite segments and other YouTube-exclusive content.

Speaker 1 And if you want to type our praises or rip us a new one, consider dropping us a review.

Speaker 1 Finally, you can join Crooked's Friends of the Pod subscription community for ad-free Love It or Leave It and Pod Save America episodes, subscriber exclusive pods, and more.

Speaker 1 Sign up at crooked.com slash friends. Love it or leave it is a crooked media production.
It is written and produced by me, John Lovett and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer.

Speaker 1 Bill McGrath is our producer, and Kennedy Hill is our associate producer. Hallie Keeper is our head writer.
Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre, and Suba Agarwal are our writers.

Speaker 1 Jordan Cantor is our editor. Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support.
Stephen Cologne is our audio engineer. Our theme song is written and performed by Schersher.

Speaker 1 Thanks to our designer, Sammy Koderna-Rees, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast.

Speaker 1 And thanks to our digital producers, David Toles, Claudia Shang, Mia Kalman, Delan Villanueva, and Rachel Gajewski for filming and editing video each week.

Speaker 1 Our head of production is Matt DeGroote, and our production staff is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America East.

Speaker 13 My uncontrollable movements called TD, tard of dyskinesia, felt embarrassing. I felt like disconnecting.

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