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Hi, everybody.

Welcome to Love It or Leave

It's great to see everybody.

We've got a great show for you tonight.

Ken Jennings and Amy Schneider are here.

They're going to fight it out for Twitter dominance like two elephant seals.

Tim Heidegger and Vanessa Gonzalez are here.

And then we close it down with the return of Hot Takes.

But first, let's get into it.

What a week.

Donald Trump has finally met his greatest foe, reality,

and maybe dementia, but for now, we're saying reality.

Last Friday, the Department of Labor released a bleak monthly jobs report.

The U.S.

had added just 73,000 jobs in July and only 33,000 jobs in May and June combined, making this report the worst jobs performance since Ashton Kutcher.

Stupid.

Trump, for his part, took the news in stride.

It's a highly political situation.

It's totally rigged.

Smart people know it.

People with common sense know it.

And a lot of people like to keep their head under the covers.

And let's move on to this.

As always, we wish Biden appointees were even a fraction as scheming as Trump claims.

You think this woman was rigging the numbers?

This woman has gone to find a grocery store employee because she accidentally rang up an organic zucchini as a regular zucchini

at the self-checkout.

Trump, naturally, provided no evidence to support his claim.

He fired the labor commissioner because the numbers were bad and so they must be fake.

We're seeing phenomenal numbers.

I mean, really phenomenal numbers.

We'll be announcing a new statistician sometime over the next three, four days.

We had no confidence.

I mean, the numbers were ridiculous.

It's a scam, in my opinion.

Look at this tremendous number, Trump continued, turning the calculator around to reveal the word boob.

Lucky for Trump, there's a seasoned statistician who recently lost his job due to budget cuts.

The economy added a billion jobs.

I didn't commit.

The economy.

The economy added a billion jobs.

Ah, ah ah, ah.

That's it.

You got to...

Ah, ah, ah.

That's what it is.

It has to be short.

As usual, a fleet of intellectuals and bones were following close behind Trump to defend him.

Here's National Economic Council Director Kevin Hassett noting that if you just ignore the new, more accurate numbers, the old numbers were pretty good.

While the job stubbers had this big kind of mysterious revision, if they didn't have the revision, then the job stumbers were fully consistent with the 3% GEP growth we also saw last week.

In a sense, the play Our American Cousin was a huge success until the revision at the end by John Wilkes Booth.

And here's Hassett's evidence for the claim that the numbers were rigged, which is, once again, numbers bad.

Does the administration have any evidence that it was rigged, as the president said?

And will you be presenting that to the American public?

Well, the evidence is that there have been a bunch of revisions that could appear to partisans.

Oh, I mean, the revisions are hard evidence.

Claiming something's hard when it's not.

What is this?

J.D.

Vance on date night, still in his head over a Twitter fight with Chris Hayes?

This is, of course, nonsense because job numbers have always been revised as the Bureau receives more information.

And while the revisions seem big as a share of job losses, these adjustments are actually impressively small when you remember that the Bureau is keeping track of roughly 160 million jobs.

Impressively small, what is this?

J.D.

Vance marveling at a bonsai tree.

Here's Trump's Secretary of Labor, Laurie Chavez-DeReamer, riding for her boy.

And the president absolutely has the right to determine who is going to be

advising him.

And I support the president's decision in this replacement.

It is my job to support the president in this issue, and I do support him.

But it's actually not your job to support the president.

You're not the secretary of emotional labor.

William Beach, Trump's BLS chief in his first term, said that the decision to fire his successor made absolutely no sense.

It's impossible for the commissioner to do that.

The commissioner does not even see the numbers until the numbers are completely done and they're loaded and ready to be distributed.

So like most bosses, she did none of the work but gets all the credit.

Sorry.

It's not called producer or leave it.

I don't know.

That's how it is.

Meanwhile, Trump keeps getting caught up in the reality of his friendship with America's most probably dead sex trafficker, Jeffrey Empstein.

And look, we've all had friendships we regret.

If I could go back in time, would I go to Cabo with those four 9-11 hijackers?

Of course not.

But that's based on what I know now.

Trump's deputy attorney general, who was his personal attorney until late last year, went to meet with Ghelane Maxwell on July 25th.

During the meeting, Maxwell begged the deputy HE to throw her a rope, to which she replied, Oh, don't worry, we'll definitely have a rope for you.

Then on Friday, we learned that Maxwell had been transferred from her Florida prison to a minimum security federal facility for non-violent offenders in Texas, known as Club Fed, with no official announcement or justification.

Said one Trump administration official: There's nothing unusual about this.

Ghelaine Maxwell simply chose to end her life.

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.

That is for tomorrow's press conference.

Now, many are wondering: could her transfer be an inducement of some kind?

Yes.

Of course it is.

On Tuesday, ABC News reported that Ghulane Maxwell said nothing during her nine-hour interview that would be damaging to Trump and that the administration was considering releasing the transcripts, though officials are reportedly trying to figure out whether they can redact the part of the transcript that describes Maxwell doing a big wink.

According to CNN, Top administration officials, including Vance, Trump's Chief of Staff Susie Wiles, Attorney General Pam Bondi, Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche, and FBI Director Cash Patel planned to gather at the vice president's residence on Wednesday for a secret meeting to discuss their Epstein strategy.

Jeffrey Epstein, of course, planned to join remotely.

Vance's office denied the report, saying the CNN story is pure fiction.

There was never a supposed meeting scheduled at the vice president's residence to discuss Epstein's strategy, which is a very interesting way to slam a door closed so hard it stays a little bit open.

When Trump was asked about the reported Epstein dinner, he in Vance denied it.

It's completely fake news.

We're not meeting to talk about the Epstein situation.

And I think the reporter who reported it needs to get better sources.

Look, the whole thing is a hoax.

It's put out by the Democrats because we've had the most successful six months in the history of our country.

And that's just a way of trying to divert attention to something that's total bullshit.

Okay?

And I wasn't even excited about a dinner party because I'm invited to them all the time, said Cash Patel,

holding a bottle of Sancer Sauvignon Blanc he chose after a deeply vulnerable 15-minute conversation with a clerk at the wine star.

Also, how about Tim Cook standing between those two fucking guys?

He's there to present him with some sort of gold iPhone or something, just like kissing the fucking ring, and then you're standing there and you're like, I don't even know Epstein.

Epstein, who's Epstein?

He's like, Jesus fucking Christ.

Good.

Suffer.

Fucking suffer.

Stand there and you suffer, Tim Cook.

You made your bed.

You sleep in it.

That's right.

You're standing between J.D.

Vance and Donald Trump while they fucking yell at the press about some fucking bullshit.

It's what you deserve.

You stand there.

You fucking like it.

Tim Cook.

Too many cords for the fucking iPhone.

CNN reported Thursday that the Epstein meeting actually happened, but they moved it from the Naval Observatory to the White House, outsmarting us once again.

On Tuesday, Trump was on the roof.

No, stop, don't do it.

You got so much to live for.

At one point, Trump could be seen making the shape of a large boob with his hands and mouthing the words, it's going to be beautiful.

What the fuck is that?

It's gonna be beautiful.

What's gonna be beautiful, you ask?

Why, it's the $200 million ballroom that Trump plans to build.

The administration announced last week that the new ballroom would be 90,000 square feet, which is almost twice the size of the entire White House.

It's basically the size of a Walmart.

Why so big, you ask?

Trump told reporters it's gonna take a pretty big gala to find all the Bennett sisters' suitable husbands for the Longbourn estate is inherited by that insufferable Mr.

Collins.

And look, as far as distractions go, this is a good try, but we can still shit on this dumb ballroom/slash warehouse and stay focused on Trump's failures and scandals at the same time.

A ballroom the size of a Walmart?

Think of how many unemployed workers, vaccine scientists, and dead pedophiles could fit inside there.

The White House also revealed the redesign of the Rose Garden, which Trump recently paved over, covered with Mar-a-Lago-style tables and yellow umbrellas.

All in all, a lot of construction for a four-year lease.

Meanwhile, Attorney General Pam Bondi ordered prosecutors to open up an investigation into Trump's Russia hoax and present evidence to a grand jury in South Florida.

Even though the five-year statute of limitations has expired, John Durham already did this investigation during Trump's first term and ended up with two acquittals and zero convictions.

And there is no evidence that any of these crimes, which never happened if they had happened, would have happened in Florida.

But Trump isn't the only one struggling with reality.

Here's Nebraska Republican Mike Flood addressing his constituents this week.

Why did you cut SNAP and health care research?

We do not have unlimited money in the United States.

Next slide, please.

And then the next slide answered everybody's concerns.

Kind of put the whole thing to rest.

Best slide anybody's ever seen.

Most Americans now hold Trump responsible for the rising cost of living as he obsesses over deportations and tariffs and culture wars, which has led Republicans to worry that they're courting disaster in the midterms.

And Republicans are doing that courting the only way they know how.

Being way too aggressive, blaming you for not liking it, and then trying to get their cup friend to scare you for not being willing to hang out again.

That's right.

On Sunday, dozens of Texas Democrats fled to Illinois to break quorum and prevent Republicans from passing a new congressional map during a two-week special session.

And that is why on this night we eat very, very thick bread.

For when the Democrats fled Texas, they went to Chicago,

where the pizzas take 40 minutes to cook.

Usually, redistricting happens once a decade, but Republicans have been emboldened by Supreme Court rulings that scrap part of the Voting Rights Act, rubber stamp partisan gerrymandering, and raised the threshold to challenge discriminatory maps.

And maps shouldn't discriminate, except against left turns on major streets when there's no light.

Under Texas House rules, each lawmaker is fined $500 for each day they fail to show up.

And that's a lot of money, said Illinois billionaire Governor J.B.

Pritzker.

Texas Governor Greg Abbott could call special session after special session, which Democrats could only stop by remaining out of state and racking up more fines.

And who knows how long they can keep that up?

People are going to start missing their dogs and kids or whatever.

So far, Texas Democrats have been undeterred, which has been deeply frustrating to Texas Republicans.

Here's the state's Attorney General, Ken Paxton.

And I think the governor is going to be forced into calling several special sessions.

Eventually, they're going to have to come back.

There's no doubt they'll come back.

They have to.

They have jobs, they have lives, they have families.

They're not going to live in Chicago, especially when it starts getting cold.

Why?

Because they'll hate having a power grid that doesn't conk out the first time it snows.

Abbott can't have state law enforcement arrest anyone who isn't physically in Texas, which is why we got Trump saying this.

Do you want the federal government and the FBI to help locate and arrest these Texas Democrats who have left the state?

Well, I think they've abandoned the state.

Nobody's seen anything like it, even though they've done it twice before.

Should the FBI get it?

Well, they may have to.

Also, stop giving him ideas.

Unless the idea is, you'll probably float to the ground like Mary Poppins.

Many Democrats have long pushed for independent nonpartisan redistricting, which is what we have in California, Colorado, and several other states.

Even as Republicans have grown more and more brazen in their redistricting schemes, it's led to an interesting political phenomenon called losing.

But the attention Texas Democrats have brought has led blue state governors to step up, at least rhetorically.

New York Governor Kathy Hochul called the redistricting fight a war and said this.

If Republicans are willing to rewrite these rules to give themselves an advantage, then they're leaving us no choice.

We must do the same.

The problem is, mid-decade redistricting in New York would require an amendment to the state constitution because of a ballot measure passed by voters in 2014 as part of the ice bucket challenge.

Gavin Newsom said that California Democrats would move forward with a new map of their own aimed at flipping five of the state's GOP House seats next year.

It was always going to come down to California versus Texas.

Tex-Mex, that's cute, you dust farmers.

We put french fries in our burritos on our way to the goddamn ocean.

The California legislature has to pass a proposal by August 22nd to have it before voters in November so the maps could be in place by the elections in 2026.

We got to move fast, California.

I know it's not our usual move.

There's been a four-year gap between seasons on euphoria, but still, a lot of us did come from New York.

Some of that muscle memory has got to still be in there.

Gavin's plan has angered former Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, who plans to lead the campaign against redistricting.

Schwarzenegger considers considers California's Independent Redistricting Commission his baby, and this baby he has claimed from the very beginning.

Which leaves us only one option.

Gavin Newsom must go back in time to kill Arnold Schwarzenegger's father,

who was a Nazi, so it's fine.

There is hope in all of this, in Republican arrogance and brazenness, because believing you can dictate reality to voters when voters will ultimately dictate reality to you is hubris.

Just ask two-term president and beloved national hero Joe Biden.

You can fire the bean counters at the Labor Department, but it doesn't change how many people are looking for work and you can claim tariffs punish other countries, but Americans will feel the average increase of $2,400 in costs.

And a lot of people will still be hurt.

RFK Jr.

announced the end of 22 mRNA vaccine projects based on nonsense.

nonsense.

This is real-life damage because the head of the HHS department denies reality.

Not only does this give up the promise of so many treatments and cures, it will mean so many people who would have otherwise been autistic will now just be fucking normal and boring.

I'll end with this.

NPR, RIP, reported on Monday that the Trump administration is looking to shut down a satellite mission called the Orbiting Carbon Observatories.

These are satellites that were designed to measure carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, but there was a happy accident, as one climate scientist described it.

In how those satellites were measuring carbon, they were also creating a high-resolution map of plant growth all over the world.

And that has allowed the government and private companies to use the data to map crop yields, analyze drought conditions, predict when you're masturbating, and a lot of other amazing science.

It costs shy of a billion dollars just to get these satellites into orbit.

It costs relatively little to keep them aloft while providing data for farmers, ranchers, and policymakers that has genuine positive benefits.

But now it looks like the Trump administration is going to purposefully burn up a satellite in the atmosphere rather than deal with the reality it describes.

And if that is what Donald Trump is willing to do to a satellite that says things he doesn't like, just imagine what he'd do do to a hypothetical pedophile with nothing to lose with whom he shares a secret, deep, and long-lasting friendship.

He might kill him and make it look like a suicide.

Hypothetically,

for legal purposes, a bit we're doing.

We've got a great show for you tonight.

Coming up,

it's a double Jeopardy with Ken Jennings and Amy Schneider.

Hey, don't go anywhere.

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And we're back!

Wait, who are, wait,

my favorite Jeopardy condescenses of all time.

Who are Ken Jennings and Amy Schneider?

I botched that a little bit.

Hi, nice to meet you.

Thanks for being here.

What a dream to have you both here.

Hello.

How's it going?

So good to see you both.

If you're both here,

who's feeding the thousand monkeys that write all the Jeopardy questions?

Amy.

Yes.

You're on the record as being very anti-AI.

Yes.

You're both smart, and you sort of cornered the market on it.

Are you maybe just worried that AI is going to be better at Jeopardy than you?

I mean, it might be better at Jeopardy, but it won't be better at anything useful.

Wow, Ken, shots fired.

I was the very first person to lose to an AI at Jeopardy.

So I'm sorry, I'll try to put in a good word for you with the machines when they take over.

I feel like we go way back.

IBM Watson back in 2011 or whatever that was.

Oh, wow.

So I've been an AI skeptic, by which I mean deeply resentful, broken person

for over a decade.

Amy, on July 23rd, Trump issued the executive order preventing woke AI in the federal government.

I don't know.

Two great things that taste great together, if you ask me.

It's trying to stop the incorporation of concepts like critical race theory, transgenderism, unconscious bias, and intersectionality into AI.

What?

Well, I mean, I think if you see what Brock is up to, you understand.

They want AI and they want it to be racist.

So that's what they're doing.

It's simple enough.

That's too bad.

Yeah, well.

Amy.

Yes.

You published a memoir called, In the Form of a Question, The Joys and Rewards of a Curious Life, which also has a young reader's edition titled, Who is Amy Schneider?

Questions on Growing Up, Being Curious, and Winning It Big on Jeopardy.

Yeah, that's all true.

You don't have either of those on stage, I'll note, but anyway.

You're right about that.

Yours sounds like a poignant exploration of your life, but this one's got little questions.

Fun little questions in it.

It's a fun one.

So many.

So many fun questions.

I'm going to put more fun little questions in my next book.

Now,

how many trans teens do you hope to recruit with the Young Adult Edition for you to consider the book a success?

I mean, I'm well on my way.

There's like about a thousand of us.

There's not that many trans people is the thing.

So

as many as I can get.

Nice.

Yeah.

Ken, you posted last month that you won't vote for Gavin Newsom for president after he made comments about trans athletes.

You said any candidate cynically triangulating on trans kids is a non-starter and now it's time to say so.

There's still so much time to advance candidates that don't suck.

I guess I'll stand by that.

Yeah, well, so you're both two very smart people.

At least one of you is trans.

What would you, what, you know, they're getting this question all the time.

And they're all struggling to grapple with a reality, which is while Americans remain broadly supportive of trans people and equal rights, there's a lot of skepticism around the issues that the right has been hammering, which is trans athletes and gender-affirming care for younger.

kids.

And you see a lot of Democrats struggling for how to be supportive of trans people while trying to figure out how to gain purchase with what is now two-thirds of people, including almost almost half of Democrats, that are deeply skeptical about trans athletes and deeply skeptical now about gender-affirming care for younger kids.

So what do you think about that?

First of all, I think that these polling numbers, these ideas,

there's a question of if you're just called on the phone and asked this question, will you say one side or the other is very different from how much it's actually motivating you for any purpose.

And the second thing I would say is, it would be one thing if they had not been supporting trans people when it was easy, but they did when it was easy.

And it's this exact sort of thing, this, oh, this is unpopular now, so we are changing our position.

That is why nobody trusts the Democrats.

So, like, that's really the issue.

Voters don't want you to do what the polls say because then they know if the polls change, you'll change.

They want you to have principles that you stand up for.

And, like, choosing to support trans people is a very good principle.

It's the one that the future is going to agree with.

So get on to it now.

Anything to add to that, Ken?

Agree 100%.

Like you can't act like these poll numbers are written in stone.

Well, I guess trans people are unpopular.

What are we going to do?

Those issues were made unpopular by like a never-ending decade-long propaganda campaign.

Like what you do is you you fight back against the misinformation.

You don't say, well, I wonder if we can get some middle-aged white men in the Midwest if we just sell out trans kids.

I mean, it's just awful to think about.

Yeah, no, I agree.

I agree.

Oh, good.

So you got me.

You got me.

No, well,

so here's what I struggle with, which is

what do I care about?

I care about broad trans acceptance, right?

Not just acceptance, but love and appreciation to see the value that trans people bring to our world and the way they challenge us to see gender in new and more interesting and diverse ways.

I want young kids to be free to express themselves and I want parents, kids, doctors to be able to get kids exactly what they need when they need it, carefully, thoughtfully, respectfully, whatever.

I also want kids who are trans to be able to play sports in school and just play with their friends that match their gender, right?

Like I just want that.

And I want adults who are trans to feel safe and be able to work and be able to access gender-affirming care.

And I don't give a fuck about what what happens at high-level NCAA tournaments.

I just don't care.

I really don't.

And

I feel like there is this

problem

where,

correctly, you are noting that there's some kind of a dark concession in this, right?

There's a kind of effort to capitulate.

And Republicans won't say, oh, thanks.

You met us in the middle.

We're good on trans people now.

They'll just keep fighting.

But at the same time, the issue of like high-level sports, which affects a tiny percentage of trans people who are themselves a tiny percentage of the world, kind of blows everything out of proportion.

And so, I honestly feel this conflict because part of me wants to say, you know what?

Like, when you know, Gavin Newsom gets a ton of shit for this, and I think that kind of went a little bit out of his way.

But, like, Pete tries to struggle with this, says trans people are vulnerable, says they're under attack, also says people have legitimate fairness questions.

He gets attacked for it, right?

Some people say fairly, some people say not.

But what makes me worried is I see us losing ground on the issue.

You can blame Democrats for that, but clearly there's some larger debate we're struggling with.

You know, one thing I'll say is that

I do,

and I think I try to in my public

life,

I once held every anti-trans position

that you can imagine.

I grew up a conservative Catholic in Ohio in the 80s.

Like, this is exactly what I was raised to believe, and I did believe it.

And, like, so it's, I, I'm not saying that anybody who has these concerns, like the people that you're talking about, are bad, irredeemable people.

And I am totally on board with

trying to communicate with them in a respectful way.

And it's understandable why they feel the way they do.

And the fears that they have are understandable.

But

The thing about it is, like, I understand, and I also understand that, like, trans issues are not the most important important thing they're not more important than the supreme court they're not more important than whether we have another democratic election in this country but i'm trans and i can't it it just is the most important issue to me and i can't help that and so like that's that's the thing i struggle with is is that like

i'm not trying to be dismissive and i'm not trying to be dismissive of the point of needing to win elections, but like

also this is real and it's happening to me and to people like me that don't have a way to talk about it.

And so I feel the need to talk about it for them.

Ken, I think we could sneak you into some pretty Republican places.

Is this a plan you've been thinking about?

No, it occurred to me now, just sort of, you know,

that Amy's transness is inescapable.

So is your general shape.

What about the host of Jeopardy in a suit

is Republican-coated?

I don't know what you're talking about.

So sophisticated.

I came straight from work.

Did you?

I did.

Wow.

We're not all podcasters, John.

Some of us have a day job.

I had to host five Jeopardys today.

Wow.

And where's Ken's parade?

So

when you're on Jeopardy number five

and you walk up to somebody and it says on the car, you're like, so it says here you like skateboarding.

Is your heart in it?

So I have to admit, as a kid, I found the Jeopardy interview so cringy that I would leave the room.

That's my Jeopardy origin story because these people mean well, but you make them stop playing Jeopardy for a second to talk about their cat or their trip to Thailand or something.

And they're not there for that.

They just want to answer the little questions.

So I try to make it good.

I try to make it the least bad it can be and get out of there.

My promise to you, the viewer.

What percentage of the time do you have to say, no, I'm sorry, you can't also talk about trains?

My version of that joke would be cats.

It is 100%.

You would not believe the crazy thing my cat does.

And I'm like, I bet I can.

Does it sit on top of the couch?

That's nuts.

I have to say, as somebody who has seen Ken work up close, his ability to laugh at the end of any story is remarkable.

I've spent my whole life trying to get out of conversations in 25 seconds.

That's why the Jeopardy host is the job for me.

Maybe I should have been that too.

Well,

what is it when your specialty is having other people try to get out of conversations with you?

Something to think about.

Okay.

This show,

what am I going to do?

I'll transition.

Which is why it's time for a game.

We're calling Connections with Schneider Effects.

We've been inspired by Ken's book and Amy's book.

Oh, good.

Here's how it works.

I'm going to read you three trivia questions.

You can buzz in and try to answer.

And at the end,

you have to tell us what the connection is between the three answers.

This is my trivia format.

Yeah, that's why, as I referenced, I love that it's catching on.

I guess you maybe don't listen to the answers.

No, I'm kidding.

But yes, this is based on your book.

And to a lesser extent, Amy's book.

All right, first question.

What superstar musical protagonist did Cynthia Arrivo portray across from Adam?

Oh, I was waiting until the end, but go ahead.

Wow.

Should I not?

No, no, you joves in.

There's no rules.

I hope it's Jesus Christ superstar.

You got it.

Next question.

The Coast Guard released their findings this week revealing that the 2023 implosion of what submersible was preventable.

Titan?

You got it.

Wow.

They're both so smart.

You can feel it in the room.

You can feel the energy.

It's intimidating.

Ken's darting, intelligent, shark-like eyes.

That has never been a compliment in the history of the language.

You know what I love about him is his shark-like eyes.

Shark-like eyes, famously intelligent-looking shark eyes.

That's exactly what I'm talking about.

I got to stay on my toes blowing it.

What American radio host did Trump call a racist sleaze bag this week after he criticized Trump on his daughter-in-law, Laura Trump's Fox News show?

A radio host?

Are there still radio hosts?

There are.

Is Howard Stern still on?

It's not Howard Stern.

It was Charlemagne the God.

Oh, right.

I saw that.

So

Jesus Christ the Titan and Charlemagne the God.

What is the connection?

The connection?

They're all gods?

Yeah.

That did get easier at the end.

Yeah.

Next question.

This week, the White House Historical Association exhibit in D.C.

revealed a full-size replica of what room before Trump added gold trim to it.

The Oval Office.

Correct.

Scientists announced that they'd identified the bacteria behind the death of 5 billion of what sea creature over the last 10 years.

I actually don't know.

Oysters.

No.

Oh, I think I've got to do it.

You could steal it.

Sea stars?

Yeah, I'll give it to you sea stars.

Oh, that's a correct answer.

Sea stars are starfish.

I'm glad you'll give it to me.

Gotta stay on my toes.

I never heard them called sea stars.

I always called them starfish.

I read a lot of the New York Times this week in preparation for the show.

So thank you for that.

And finally, what federal department jumped into the Sidney Sweeney American Eagle fray with a photo of their secretary's great jeans as he got off the plane?

Who looks good in jeans?

HHS.

That's incorrect.

State?

No, it was the Pentagon.

It was Defense.

It was the Pentagon.

What?

Can we just,

this is an aside about jeans.

But, and I really am not making this about, I don't care about Pete Hagseth's pants.

But these are the genes that have this sort of faux weathering or whatever you call it, or what's that called when the jeans are weathered?

Distressed, distressed.

And I think things really went wrong as a society when we started artificially distressing things.

I think it spoke to something deeply wrong in us.

Like when all the restaurants proved how authentic they were because their signs had the letters painted, but printed, but as if they had been printed long ago and then worn, and all the and they got reclaimed wood so the tables looked old, like they'd been made from what was around.

It's real decadence.

It's decadence.

Like things used to be shitty just because things were actually shitty.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, I definitely think that that's what's wrong with America.

Now, what is the

shapes?

They're shapes.

They're shapes.

Ken's connection.

I guess the Pentagon.

I was like, what cabinet department is a shape?

I don't know.

Only that Pentagon one.

I feel bad.

Not exactly a department, but anyway.

I know, it's not the name.

It's the building the department is housed in.

We're doing our best.

Let's do one more.

This week, the USDA admitted to playing an argument scene from what Scarlett Johansson Adam Driver drama to scare wolves away from livestock.

I assume marriage stories?

Yes.

I did not hear this.

Yes.

A USDA district supervisor from Oregon told the Wall Street Journal, I need the wolves to respond and know that, hey, humans are bad.

I never clicked play on that movie because it was always like, I don't want to

watch them fight.

They're such good actors, but I don't want to watch them fight.

Is that really the one movie that convinces wolves that humans are bad?

Like,

Battlefield Earth, or I mean,

I don't know what my pitch would be here, but it would not be Noah Baumbach.

Ken, how long do you think you would need to learn to fly

a Harrier jet?

I'm not one of these overconfident guys.

Like, I love when they ask men, hey, could you beat Serena Williams?

And they're always like, yeah, probably.

I don't know if I could ever learn to fly a Harrier jet.

Who knows?

Come on, I think you could do it eventually if you had the time.

I guess I saw the rehearsal.

Nathan Fielder can fly a commercial airliner now.

And

it took him, I don't know, a year?

So I think, yeah, a year.

Nathan Fielder time scale.

In Battlefield Dirt, they just kind of sit in one and go, like, I got it.

And they're not even like, they're like, they don't even have technology.

They like put their sticks down and they get in the fucking Harrier jet and they're like, woo.

It's like Independence Day.

Like, well, we're going to fly a saucer.

We just need to put a diskette in it.

Yeah.

And then it'll have a virus.

Yeah, the aliens are on iOS.

Yeah.

Luckily.

USA.

USA.

This week's episode saw South Park toying with Director of Homeland Security, Christy Noam, also known by what nickname?

Gestapo Barbie?

We'll give it to you.

We'll give it to you.

It's Ice Barbie.

I'll take Gestapo Barbie.

I think we'll take it.

We'll take it.

On Jeopardy, I take Gestapo.

We have a hard time judging.

If we didn't, yeah.

Hey, never mind.

Struggling to fall asleep, TikTok users recommend you try green noise, which contains mid-range frequencies of about 500 hertz, unlike what?

More common sleep supporting sound, which contains all frequencies at the same intensity.

White noise.

You got it.

Here are both.

This is white.

Pretty good.

Let's hear some green noise.

Ooh, that's nice.

That's nice.

Better, right?

That is better.

We have white noise going in my office.

Call Fox News.

Woo!

Sorry, Ken.

All right, it's time.

What's the connection?

We got white noise.

We got ice Barbie.

We got whatever the first one was.

Marriage story.

Marriage story.

They're all extremely white.

You're warm.

Oh.

I'll say this, they have a writer in common.

Writer.

White noise.

Oh, it's

your face kind of made the word.

Well, I

well, then I thought of other people.

I don't know.

Greta Girlweck.

It is Greta Girlwick.

No, well, close.

It's Noah Baumback.

Yes.

Oh, he's wrong.

He wrote Barbie with

a lot of the same thing.

Driver White Noise, right?

So always, this is such a classic Hollywood thing of giving a woman credit

for something a man.

When will people finally stand up for Noah Baumbach?

I'll do one more.

What summer month contains this year's sturgeon full moon?

Ty.

Where are you going to sit?

You got it.

Okay, very nice.

In May, the New York City Planning Commission okayed a casino project proposal for what Brooklyn landmark

casino?

Coney Island.

You got it.

Wow.

Ghelaine Maxwell is staying in the same Texas prison at white-collar criminal Elizabeth Holmes.

What's the name of author John Carrie's non-fiction expose on Holmes' fraudulent testing startup?

Bad Blood.

You got it.

What is the connection?

What are they again?

August.

Bad Blood.

Something else.

And a third connection.

Coney Island.

Coney Island.

Bad Blood.

August.

Coney Island.

What is the connection?

The Kennedy.

Taylor Swift.

Yes.

Is that right?

You got it.

You got it.

I didn't buzz, though.

I feel like.

You got it.

You also didn't phrase any of these in the form of a question.

That is not what I'm going to be in trouble with for Jeopardy after this show.

Ken had no idea what this was.

We grabbed him off the fucking street.

He said, please, I have to get home to my family.

And I said, you have to do this podcast.

Don't change out of that suit.

Don't change out of that suit.

What a great tie.

Thank you.

Steven Zimmelman used to dress Alex Trebek, and now this might be an Alex-era tie.

It is.

Look, when they say, look, this is fun.

When the ties have this little code AT, that's like an Alex-worn game tie.

I know, right?

It's like a game-worn baseball jersey, or something.

I always feel an extra power when I inherit an Alex tie.

There are videos that go around of Alex Trebek just ripping on contestants.

Every once in a while,

there's that one famous clip where he said, it's called a loser.

That's not your speed.

Have you ever really given anybody the business?

I don't think I would.

That clip is somebody explaining Nerdcore rap to Alex.

Yes.

But I feel like that's what you should expect when you explain Nerdcore rap to Alex Trebek.

Like, in other words, losers.

But no, I'm from a different generation.

We're participation trophy jeopardy, at least in the interview segments.

Like, all these stories are winners to me.

I would also say, ask Ken about that in like 20, 30 years.

Yeah, that's right.

Maybe it's, you know.

I'm still the fresh-faced new guy.

I'm sure Trevek used to care about the stories, too.

Good for you.

I want to talk more about this, but we're going to have to leave it there for now.

Thank you, Ken and Amy.

The Connections trivia book and memoir in the form of a question, plus the Young Reader's Edition, Who Is Amy Schneider, are all available now.

Next up, Tim Heidegger and Vanessa Gonzalez, Rage Against the Machine.

Hey, don't go anywhere.

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And we're back!

Please welcome to the stage two comedians no AI could replicate yet.

It's Tim Heidegger and Vanessa Gonzalez.

Come on out.

Hi to you both.

Welcome.

Good to see you.

Hello.

You can come through any way you want.

It's not really good.

You can go around or I guess go maybe all the way around.

Yeah, I guess.

You're right.

It's a weird amount of space.

It's a weird amount of space.

I'm sorry.

It's a weird amount of space.

Okay.

No skin off my back.

It's a podcast.

With a big video presence growing, growing.

Hi.

Hi, Tim.

Thanks for being here.

Yeah, you're welcome.

Thanks for having me.

Hi, Vinessa.

Hi.

Thank you both for being here.

Cool to meet Ken Jennings backstage.

Right?

Throwing around a lot of slurs.

Yeah.

I pretended not to notice.

No.

It's this sort of classic thing.

You come to LA and you just never meet your hero.

Never meet your heroes.

Because they're going to throw out a lot of slurs.

Every time.

Every time.

Every time.

Every time.

On Thursday, OpenAI released its latest model, ChatGPT-5, which OpenAI's co-founder, Sam Altman, described as PhD-level.

Meanwhile, as AI-generated videos become more realistic, they're becoming more difficult to spot, which makes this a perfect week for a segment we call, okay, stop, colon, AI Karumba.

Carumba.

Oh, that's us.

It is.

Oh, I look snatched.

I love it.

I love the game already.

Tim and Vanessa, we'll play you the AI videos that sent a shutter up our souls this week.

And whenever we've got thoughts we need to share, we'll say, okay, stop.

Wait, say that again?

What?

We're just going to watch videos that we act to it.

It's fine.

Video number one.

First up, we have an AI Muse Boosh, if you will.

A little viral video of bunnies jumping on a trampoline.

Many TikTok users reported with horror that this was the first AI video they'd actually found for.

Let's take a look.

That's it?

That's it.

That's it.

Hey, Tim, why do you think we're doing this?

Because it's cool, and there should be more videos like this.

Yeah, I agree.

It's cool.

It is cool.

That's a cool video.

I got fooled today.

I saw this video,

a picture of Rita Wilson with Tom Hanks, and she was holding a birthday cake, and it said 69 on it.

And I was like, guess what?

These two are doing this weekend.

That was my little joke.

But

it was an AI picture of the two of them.

But it looked really real.

And I felt stupid for sharing that.

Hey.

I also felt stupid for telling that joke.

No, no.

No, no.

The joke's fun.

The joke's great.

Yeah.

It's great.

Can you imagine Rita Wilson and Tom Hanks 69ing?

Yeah.

Yes.

Clearly.

I can imagine anyone 69ing.

That's like a talent of mine.

You name two people.

I can do it.

You put your head on my face.

Yeah.

And uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You go down on me.

Oh, is this where you want me?

I don't know what she sounds like.

Is it something like this?

Sure.

Wow.

It felt like it was happening in front of us.

Vanessa, what do we do?

I don't know.

I'm like, because I'm going to be 40.

One day, one day.

No, soon.

Yeah, like in a month.

And I'm like, is it AI is getting better?

Is it my brain?

Is it both?

Like, all of them, I'm like, I can't tell anymore, and I'm getting scared.

Yeah, I mean, it's both.

It's both.

Yeah,

your brain is going to slowly get worse.

You're going to gain more experience and wisdom, but the actual, the software is going to improve.

The hardware is going to keep getting worse.

Isn't that interesting?

That's what getting older is.

Software gets a little better.

Hardware keeps getting worse.

Yeah, that's.

It's like a Seinfeldian take.

Oh, thanks.

They should make the whole plane.

Oh, it's getting worse.

I guess I'm just doing impressions on this show.

Bad impressions.

No, they're really good.

Thank you.

You're putting yourself down too much.

They're so good.

I just wish I, like, I do.

There's one part of AI that I want, which doesn't exist, I think.

I mean, like, at home, I do a little podcast, and I do the stupid things of, like, I have to press all these things with my mouse and send things places and do these stupid things.

I want to go into my little studio and be like, computer, how are we doing?

Let's go.

And then does all the dumb shit that I don't want to do.

But I don't give a shit about bunnies on trampolines, right?

That's such an important point.

In Star Trek, The Voyage home.

Scotty has the mouse.

Computer.

Yes.

He's so annoyed.

He shows up and he's like, all right, I got to make some transparent aluminum.

Thank you.

Classic.

Yeah.

And he goes into the place where he's going to

hold the whale.

To bring back the future.

To bring back the future whales.

Because the whale aliens only want to talk to our whales.

And our whales are fucking dead.

They go back to 1984.

Something.

Yeah.

The 80s.

And Scotty is trying to use the computer, and they say, You got to use the mouse.

We talked about this today.

Really?

Yeah.

And he picks up the mouse and he goes, Computer.

Computer.

Yeah, that's what we want.

This is from the news.

Video number two.

Up next, we have Rod Stewart's Forever Young concert video.

Oh, this was bad, yeah.

Featuring AI renderings of deceased musicians, including the very recently dead Ozzy Osborne.

This is from North Carolina.

Let's take a look.

It's Ozzie going through his bono phase.

Seen a Turner.

Oh.

Oh, no.

Tupac.

I hadn't seen this.

It's Ozzie with everybody.

Wow.

Where's Selena?

Oh, that was Celina.

That was.

Oh,

wow.

It's clean.

That's so cool.

George Michael.

Is that George Michael?

Okay, I think we've had enough of this.

For those listening, it was Ozzy Osborne holding a selfie stick with Prince, Tina Turner, Bob Marley, and Tupac.

He also took selfie with Michael Jackson, Freddie Mercury, George Michael, Kirk Cobain, Whitney Houston, and others.

So everyone who's ever died.

Jeffrey Epstein.

Jeffrey Epstein did make an appearance.

Vanessa.

I'm so glad as comedians we have a new guy to say.

Yeah.

Because it was OJ for a while.

You know, like, there's just a name now we can just say and get a laugh.

Yeah, what is this?

Fuck it.

Fucking shit.

Was this Jeffrey Epstein?

Sarah Epstein didn't kill himself.

You know, it works.

You're right.

Vanessa.

Yes.

Is this disrespectful?

I don't know.

He looked pretty happy.

Ozzy?

Yeah.

He's having fun.

I feel like my mom does similar things.

She's not in heaven, though.

I don't know.

But shouldn't Ozzy be in hell?

Like, I mean, like...

Isn't that his whole vibe?

Like, he's the Prince of Darkness and everything.

Right.

Didn't he bite the head off a bat?

Yeah, she should be like with flames behind him and everything like it's cool to be in hell maybe god's lower in the bar

maybe no i just think it would be his preference to be in hell like that's his whole identity right unless hell is just

you know a godless place and we're in it

in a sense

uh you talk Vanessa you talk about being Catholic and raised Catholic and you're stand-up yes um on some level

is this demonic?

Are we experiencing demons?

Yes.

Yes.

Yeah, that's the devil for sure at work.

I'm just trying to cover my basis.

But yeah, I mean,

this is hell.

I think you're right.

It's not getting any better.

If that's what heaven is, us just going...

in a circle with a with a selfie stick.

I'll take it.

It's better than this shit.

Right?

Yeah, why would you got one?

Shouldn't there be a photographer in heaven?

Right?

Like, a selfie stick is inherently

a practical kind of solution, best of bad options.

Yeah.

So heaven is a place where there's no one who can help you take a picture, so you just do it yourself.

Heaven, I mean, heaven is hell.

Like, this idea that you'd like see these old aunts and stuff.

Old aunts and uncles.

Like, I don't want to hang out with these old fucking people that I never knew.

You're You're right.

You know what's unsolvable?

There's a lot of people who have died who were in love with other people who died who did not love them back.

Right.

And you run into them up there.

So that means there's got to be a heaven where the unrequited person

doesn't have to deal with it, but the person who loved gets them.

This is heavy shit, man.

So it's a lot to think about.

You know?

I hope heaven's all dogs.

What a mess.

That's it.

That's what dogs are.

I do impressions.

That's a good dog.

I'm a comedian.

I do dog impressions.

I'm still Rita Wilson.

Like when you're playing a video game, if it's too easy, it's not fun.

And it's too hard, it's not fun.

It's got to hit that right amount of difficulty to to like endorphin serotonin

Mario Kart.

So heaven has to be like that too, right?

Because if it's just super easy, that gets boring.

But you don't want to be too hard, because that's what hell is, I guess.

Yeah.

So it seems like it has to be right in the middle.

Seems like what being alive mostly is.

Yeah.

It's a lot to think about.

Tim, speaking of being alive, him.

Him.

You're in a, it's a football horror movie.

Yeah.

Called him.

I'm in it.

It's from Jordan Peale's company.

It looks like it's about two very real horrors:

being famous and getting CTE.

Yeah.

Doesn't it sometimes feel like we have CTE, all of us, in some sense now from the internet and so forth?

We were talking about this backstage.

Our attention span has gone down the toilet, right?

Oh, yeah, it's real bad.

And that's the worst thing about having CTE, I think, is just a short attention span.

Or does it

lead to murder-suicide?

I don't know.

I never finished the article.

Okay.

I think you can't find your keys.

Right.

Yeah.

Elon Musk just rolled out Grok Imagine this week, which allows users to request AI images under the categories custom, normal, fun, and spicy.

People immediately started to make deep fake nudes of famous people.

No.

Are you, either of you, worried about people gooning out to your spicy AI deep fakes?

No.

You made one of me in a vest right now.

That's a cheap fake.

We cut your face out and put it on a thing.

I like it.

Y'all can go if you want.

Remember when there was that phishing scam or whatever it was where they're like, we found, I have video of you masturbating.

Remember that?

Yeah.

That was going around?

Yeah, I'm finding out now that that was not, that was a scam.

But like, I was thinking, like, what would that picture be of me?

It would just be like this, this pic, because it's my, you know what I mean?

Yeah.

I'm not filming.

No, we know what it means.

It would just be this picture of me like.

Because you're not composing the shot.

You know, you're not framing it up.

Right.

In my previous relationship,

I was dating a journalist, and he

got some people that were following him because of a story he was reporting, and they followed me.

And there was all these fake blackmail emails, and then they followed followed me around, and then the former Mossad people that were following me sent a note to HQ saying, he's so boring.

We can't keep following him.

But as part of that, there was like an email that accused me of something, and it was so awesome because I hadn't done it.

Right.

It was like, ha ha,

nothing.

Next up.

Here's an AI video of AOC talking about the Sidney Sweeney Good Genes ad.

Despite the fact that it is a watermark saying parody 100% made with AI and is so clearly fake, Chris Cuomo retweeted it Wednesday thinking it was real.

Let's see it.

Sidney Sweeney looks like an Aryan goddess and the American Eagle Jeans campaign is blatant Nazi propaganda.

Okay, so Cuomo retweets that video and wrote, nothing about Hamas or people burning Jews' cars, but Sweeney Jeans ad deserved time on the floor of Congress.

What happened to this party?

Fight for small business.

Not for small culture wars.

AOC replied, This is a deep fake dude.

Please use your critical thinking skills.

At this point, you're just reposting Facebook memes and calling it journalism.

Like, Chris Cuomo was a mainstream journalist.

He is a mainstream journalist.

He fucking fell for that.

His brains.

That's HGH going on in that brain.

I got to try that stuff.

I want to live in that world real like this.

Should we be on HGH?

Let's do it.

Let's get big.

Let's get it.

Let's get big and strong.

Let's get big.

Like Sasha Baron Cohen.

Do you see him?

Does he get strong now?

Do you see the picture of Sasha Baron?

Does he get strong?

Oh, you got to look that up.

It's crazy.

Is it real?

Can you find that?

I don't know what's real.

You're not going to believe this.

He's on the cover of like men's health or something, and he's like ripped.

Cool.

Like shredded.

And it's like, funny, dude.

Let's get shredded, you and me.

All right.

I'm good.

We'll take HGH.

We become guys that those guys on the, we've got a podcast where we talk about it and get really intense and like super intense.

How's everything going for you?

Just that.

Just doing that, I hurt myself.

Yeah.

I did.

I'm a Pilates girl.

All right.

Now, Chris Cuomo fell for this.

Look at what AOC is made to say in the the rest of this video.

I mean, fuck.

Watching that sultry little temptress squeeze into a Canadian tuxedo, three sizes too small, with her bouncy little fun bags on the screen, staring at you, piercing through the core of your soul with those ocean blue eyes that could resurrect the Fuhrer from his grave in Argentina.

Okay, all right, that's enough.

Why is she talking about me like that?

So,

Vanessa,

Chris Cuomo got got pretty badly.

What do you think he said about it when he was addressing the confusion on air?

What do you think he did to kind of make this right?

How contrite do you think he was about this?

I'm sure he admitted he was wrong

and took full responsibility for posting something that he didn't look into.

Sounds like the Cuomo way.

Yeah,

yeah,

Let's see what he did.

AOC tweeted back and said, dude, that's a deep fake that Sidney Sweeney had.

You suck in so many words.

And she was right.

They got me.

AI.

It was really good and it did seem like something she would say.

But it wasn't.

So I thanked AOC for correcting me.

But I then reminded her.

She ignored the part of the tweet that mattered, okay?

Why will you not address my question based on a fake video of you?

Why are you only replying to tell me that I've fallen for some fucking dumb bullshit?

Incredible.

Yeah, go eat a sandwich.

Yeah.

Is that a good burn?

I mean,

it's a little mean-spirited, but I like it.

I'm sorry,

I get it.

That's a fun one because you can say it any way you want.

Hey, go eat a sandwich.

You You know, because it could be just be a nice thing to say.

Yeah.

You know?

But I don't mean it nice.

Hey, here's a dolphin on a trampoline.

What is going on?

That's really good.

That's really good.

That's real.

That's real.

That's real.

That's real.

That's real.

That's real.

That's not okay.

It's real and it's not okay.

Tim, are you recording office hours?

That was recording.

Not right now.

No, no.

We did this morning.

This morning, yeah, yeah.

Another part of the day.

Another part of the day.

Yes, office hours every Thursday morning on YouTube and Patreon.

And you take questions?

Yeah, we take calls and everything.

Is it like a call?

You didn't tell me that I'm a bully today.

I got a big conversation about, and that I should think about when we have guests and people, do they leave feeling more loved than they did when they came in?

And that's...

Pretty good advice.

Now it's become a joke.

Do you think it's true?

Do they not leave more love than they came in?

I think they generally either leave the same feeling or maybe a little more loved.

I don't know.

That doesn't sound like you're a bully.

I don't feel like I am, but you know, I come from the tradition of, you know, Letterman or people like that, where you're trying to keep the show moving.

And if someone calls in and they got nothing to say, you go, bye-bye.

Right.

Which is not very bullyish.

Do you find me to be a bully backstage?

I was being pretty rude, but.

No, that's

fine.

You know, just the slurs, but that's it.

it

he was just trying to fit in with ken though yeah yeah he was just trying a real boys club back then oh yeah real locker room talk

it was pretty ass

i'm sorry that happened vanessa it's fine you can find office hours with tim heidecker on youtube and wherever you get your podcast him

hits theaters in september 719 and you play a quarterback I play the cornerback.

Cornerback.

No, I play, yeah, I play a sports agent.

Oh, you don't play football in the movie?

No, no, not me.

Oh, that's good.

I was confused.

You were.

I could.

I mean, in the olden days, I'd be probably a pretty good football player.

Hell yeah.

With the breakfast,

I don't think there's any era for you.

Really?

No.

I'm a six-foot-tall guy.

You want to go?

Oh, shit.

I'm not.

Yeah, let's...

No, I'm

saying you're not better than me.

Okay.

But not like a professional football player, right?

I mean, I guess back when it was just like they let anybody do it.

Yeah, like when the three, like when the three Stooges were playing football in their movies.

When tryouts were like they put a sign up in Grand Central and you're like, I'm going to go for it.

Yeah.

Well, I'm in the movie nonetheless.

That's great.

I have lines, too, in the movie.

Oh, there you go.

Oh, a speaking role, they call it.

Wow.

That's cool.

Oh, my God.

Memorizing your lines must be so nerve-wracking.

I'm not good at it.

Because of your brains.

Yeah, my CTE.

Yeah.

And you can follow Vanessa on socials at Vanessa G Comedy.

And you've got shows at the Lyric this fall, Lyric Hyperion, where we've done this show as well.

When we come back, we turn up the heat.

Uh-oh.

Hey, don't go anywhere.

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And we're back.

In case you missed it, the folks at Crooked Media and Vote Save America, we're hosting our first ever Crooked Con.

It's the first ever event where we're going to bring together organizers and all the amazing people that are part of the Friends of the Pod community and the least annoying politicians.

We're going to have really interesting conversations and events.

We'll be in Washington, D.C.

on November 6th and 7th.

We're going to have a Pod Save America live show at the Warner Theater on Thursday, November 6th.

And on Friday, November 7th, we'll be at the Wharf.

The Wharf.

The Wharf.

Sounds like you're about to say the Wharf.

The Wharf.

It's just the Wharf.

It's just the Wharf

for a full day of workshops, conversations, live pods, all about figuring out how to build the big pro-democracy movement we need before

or maybe after it's too late.

Tickets are on sale now.

Crookedcon.com to get some tickets.

Use the code FREEDOMINCONT.

That's all one word.

We also have great new merch at the crooked store.

Crooked.com slash store.

20% off everything.

All right, please welcome back to the stage.

Ken Jennings and Amy Schneider.

Come on back.

Ken, you go over here.

You go right there.

I'm going to sit here.

It's a little messy here.

We're in my seat.

Okay, well, why don't you put a comment card in the fucking box on your way

I like Ken Jennings.

It's fun to kind of razz you.

Yeah.

But like, sweetly.

That's kind of what the host of Jeopardy is.

Like, he's in on the joke.

He's a figure of fun, even though Jeopardy is real.

But like, Alex was kind of always in on the joke.

Yeah.

You know, like when Will Farrell would do him on SNL or whatever.

Who's the host of Jeopardy now?

Like, like when I'm here.

All right.

Now it's time for a segment we call hot takes.

Here's how it works.

That's new.

I didn't know that was going to happen.

Here's how it works.

We're each going to be given a hot take to defend.

If the take is just too hot to the touch, we're each allowed one skip, but the next one could be worse.

I sincerely, I have not seen these.

Whatever I get, I am not in charge of.

This is all done by the producers.

So let's kick it off.

This is for Vanessa.

Texas is doing everything right.

30 seconds on the board.

Texas is doing everything right.

You know,

it's real hot there.

You know, it's,

we got breakfast tacos.

Yeah, can't fuck with it.

Selena's from there.

Can't fuck with it.

Let's see.

Oh, shit.

It's

yeah, go Texas.

Nice, really good.

Eat a sandwich if you don't like it.

Got him.

Got him.

Let's see what's next.

Putting the answer in the form of a question is dumb.

Ken, 30 seconds, defend it.

Or you can.

It's going to get me in so much trouble.

But this is actually true.

Like if I came up to you on the street and said, hey, John, who is Grover Cleveland?

And you said something like, this 19th century Democrat, formerly of Buffalo, New York, like you would sound like a crazy person.

The syntactic reversal of Jeopardy just doesn't work.

And when Jeopardy like goes to other countries, they're like, what is up with the what is thing?

That doesn't even make sense.

But it's just part of our culture now.

It's part of our heritage.

So you have to have a carve-out for this weird, weird historical relic.

I like that.

I like that.

It ties us to the past.

It's like how the rules of being kosher don't make sense.

But there's something

or baseball or kosher.

In following them, you demonstrate your care for something, in a sense.

Yeah, it's like it's what Torah is based on, basically.

It's about Torah.

Jeopardy is

Torah-coded.

Torah-coded.

Let's see what's next.

They never found the right person to replace Alex Trebek.

Amy, that's yours to defend.

Yeah, all right.

They never found the right person to replace Alex Trebek.

You know, they tried a lot of different people.

And, you know, the one they came up with was the one who had no previous television experience, which was an odd choice.

And, you know, also, you know, I really think that they should have gone with, you know, like I get that they went with the Jeopardy champion.

They maybe should have gone with one who was more popular.

So I don't know.

I'm just saying, I'm still open to taking a call if they want to check that out.

Yeah.

Wow.

Wow.

Ken Jennings has no talent.

You got to get rid of him.

More impressions.

More impressions.

They're so good.

They're so good.

I'm freaking out.

You people could have had Aaron Rodgers.

You could have had an unvaccinated Jeopardy host.

A super spreader of Jeopardy host.

And you're complaining?

Don't compare him to the Almighty.

Compare him to the alternative.

Let's see what's next.

For Tim, I wouldn't mind hopping on the Riyadh Comedy Festival lineup.

Tim,

you wouldn't mind hopping on the Riyadh Festival.

Comedy Festival lineup.

Take it away.

I wouldn't mind hopping on the Riyadh Comedy Festival lineup.

There's a million dollars in it for me, and

I'm looking to end my life.

So I'm looking to end up in a black duffel bag in a dumpster somewhere in Saudi Arabia.

You were telling me before the show that you don't care that they cut up a journalist.

Money's money.

That was what you said backstage.

Hey, you know, the cash didn't cut him up.

That just goes in my bank account.

That's what you said.

I'm going to give credit to Doug for this joke, but he says they've got the the bone saws ready for the funny bones over there.

It's horrible.

And it's a horrible thing to say.

It's a horrible thing to say.

It's a horrible thing because of the serious topic underneath it.

Because what happened?

And yet.

We got to laugh.

We got to laugh.

We got to laugh about it.

That's what they're going to say at the Riyadh Comedy Festival.

Hey, look, we know it's a series.

This is a crazy time out there.

But you know what brings people together?

Laughter from all over the world.

Comedy is dangerous.

Comedy is dangerous.

Not as dangerous as, say, a

fucking bone saw

at the business end of an autocracy.

Isn't there a progressive take for the festival?

Like, what if we could get them off fossil fuels and into

delightful stand-up?

Think of the environmental benefits.

Wow,

that's going to be some quality stand-up.

They get the Saudis.

Those are some good jokes.

Men be driving like this, and women don't be driving.

Really good.

That was really good.

You know, that set from Kevin Hart last night really made me think.

No one's ever said.

All right, let's do one more.

This is for me.

I don't agree with RFK Jr.

on much, but he's right about eating roadkill.

you know what of all the things he's ever done that is not a problem for me it's not something that i personally would do but like if you hit an animal with your car you it's fresh

it's right there it's right there when you want to make a chicken cutlet you hit it with a hammer

so what do you think happens when you hit a deer it's you're just starting the process

I also just don't think vaccines work.

So there's like a lot.

You can't see it.

It's invisible.

Okay.

I still got COVID.

Thank you.

He didn't eat the bear.

Well, he couldn't eat the bear.

He's got a line.

Yeah, he does have a line, but because his story doesn't fucking make sense.

His story never checked out about the bear.

He couldn't eat the bear because the bear was dead when he found it.

Oh, right.

Because he was like, oh, some other woman hit a bear, then I took it.

What woman?

What?

What?

What?

Ken, what?

Kennedy is explaining car accidents implausibly.

Name a more iconic pair.

Well, that's a great place to leave it.

That is our show.

Thank you so much to Ken Jennings, Amy Schneider, Tim Heidegger, and Vanessa Gonzalez.

We'll see you next week at Dynasty Typewriter.

451 days till the midterms.

Have a great night.

Have a great weekend.

If you're already scrolling endlessly, which we know you are, don't forget to follow us at Crooked Media on Instagram, TikTok, and all the other ones for original content, community events, and more.

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Love it or Leave It is a crooked media production.

It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg.

Kendra James is our executive producer.

Bill McGrath is our producer, and Kennedy Hill is our associate producer.

Hallie Keeper is our head writer.

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Our head of production is Matt DeGroote, and our our production staff is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America East.

Big announcement.

Dan's in the Epstein files.

You got to get ahead of that.

No, that's not it.

We're here to announce something.

It's called Crooked Con.

In November, it will have been a year since Donald Trump won again.

Everyone has had some time to sit and think about what we've all done and what we haven't done.

And we wanted to get everyone together who doesn't want Donald Trump or someone like Donald Trump to be president again to talk about the path forward.

Truthfully, Republicans have been really smart about this.

And they gather everyone together.

And sure, at the beginning, it seemed like a bunch of fringe crazies, but guess who's now running the government?

Those fringe crazies.

We need to get together, talk about what's going on, get smarter, get better.

Maybe trying to figure out how we screwed up so bad in the past.

Move forward.

Get people together in person, have a bunch of conversations with organizers, strategists, politicians, the cool ones.

If you work in politics at any level, from Capitol Hill to in your community, this is the place to go to learn what's happening in this country, to learn from some of the smartest people out there, and meet the people who are on the front lines trying to beat MAGA.

And in case you guys think it's going to be just us neolib Obama shills, we're going going to have

people from across the political spectrum.

If that political spectrum is from the left to the center right, it'll run from the left to Tim Miller.

Basically, that's the, and Sarah, that's that's really the bounce.

We're going to get everyone together and we're going to have some fun.

We're also going to do a Pot Save America show the first night just to kick things off.

And then the next day, we're going to all get together and get down to business.

Yeah, get down to business.

And fun.

There'll be alcohol.

Yeah, Dan's going to do shots.

Anyway, get your tickets.

Crooked Con Joe.

Is it crookedcon.com?

Yeah, hey, great job getting crookedcon.com.

Crookedcon.com.

Stay tuned for more information, but we're going to be announcing our lineup soon.

November 6th and 7th, Washington, D.C., Crooked.com.com.

I can't believe we're getting CrookedCon.com.com.

CrookedCon.com.

CrookedCon.com.

It's going to be wild.

It's going to be wild.

It's going to be the wild.