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Okay, so I'm Tom Power.

I host the award-winning interview show Q.

And it's not just about art.

It's also a podcast that delves into conversations with artists as to why we create at all.

Like you'll hear boy genius member member Lucy Dakis open up about why she's dissatisfied with the way we talk about love.

You'll hear Kate Blanchett describe what it's like to forget the sound of your own voice.

And you'll hear how Coleman Domingo actually honed his acting skills in the circus.

Listen to Q with me, Tom Power, wherever you get your podcasts.

What's up, Los Angeles?

It's great to be back at Dynasty Typewriter.

Welcome to Love It or Leave It.

We have got an incredible show.

Patton Oswalt and Peppermint

are here to roll around in some summer slump.

It'll make sense.

Ashley Nicole Black and Alice Weddelin are back to give their

priceless thoughts on your free speech.

Then we wrap it all up with a spin of the rant wheel.

But first, let's get into it.

What a week.

Just six months into the second Trump administration and three and a half weeks into Epstein Gate, it's official.

We're all conspiracy theorists now.

That's right, the earth is flat and covered with elite pedophiles.

Now, let's all cast our minds back to 2008.

It's the Great Recession.

Carrie and Big got married in the Sex in the City movie, so we figured that was done.

And Jeffrey Epstein, who'd been accused of abusing multiple teen girls, just struck an unprecedented sweetheart deal with prosecutor Alex Acosta, who would later become Trump's Secretary of Labor.

But we didn't know that yet.

We didn't know Trump would ever have a cabinet.

Hadn't even heard a porn star's description of what his penis looks like.

We were innocent innocent and we were happy.

Now, under that plea agreement, Epstein served only 13 months in county jail, most of it spent on work release.

Back to the grind, said a newly freed Jeffrey Epstein, placing a compromising photo of Prince Andrew into an envelope, along with a greetings from Palm Beach postcard, blank except for a 12-digit account number registered to Banco Nacional de Panama.

It's a living.

Epstein is described at that time as a hedge fund manager, even though there aren't any SEC filings to prove a hedge fund ever existed.

And yeah, sure, you can claim your profession is what you believe you should be one day,

but not in New York.

That's an LA thing.

Now,

As a result of the plea, the depths of Epstein's depravity were not publicly known.

And even though he was a registered sex offender, he still used his wealth to keep his purchase in polite society, holding dinners, donating to academic institutions, mingling with celebrities and elites.

And he used those connections to enrich himself further.

Billionaire Leon Black, the founder of Apollo Global Management, paid Epstein at least $170 million,

according to an investigation in the Senate led by Ron Wyden, all years after Epstein pled in 2008.

This was, according to Wyden's investigation, ostensibly for tax planning purposes, even though Epstein had no tax expertise and most of the money was paid outside of any written contract or agreement, which isn't totally true because a lot of what Epstein sent Black was in a folder on his computer labeled taxes.

Now it's 10 years later, in 2018, we get to see those funky Obama portraits.

They were cool.

They're really cool.

Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson are giving us the feels.

The success of Crazy Rich Asians leads Hollywood studios to wonder: could we cast Asians?

And Julia K.

Brown's reporting in the Miami Herald identified at least 80 victims of Jeffrey Epstein and brought national attention to the Acosta plea agreement, which led the Department of Justice to reopen the investigation.

Now, 15 years since a 14-year-old girl's family went to the police in Palm Beach to say that she had been molested at Epstein's mansion, and police at that time found multiple girls who'd been victims of sexual abuse.

Now, all of this fed conspiracy theories and it was pretty justified.

Epstein had received special treatment.

His wealth was mysterious.

He did cavort with the wealthy and powerful.

He was Jewish.

But many went further, claiming Epstein was a spy for Mossad, that he amassed a vast trove of blackmail materials, which was why he remained free, and that his impunity was proof of a broader conspiracy between elites and the deep state to protect a vast global ring of famous pedophiles but all of that was about to be put to rest because in july of 2019 federal agents arrested epstein for sexual abuse and sex trafficking the truth would finally come out until just one month later well nettle breaking news sources tell cbs too that jeffrey epstein the billionaire financier and convicted sex offender has died by suicide

epstein didn't kill himself became a battle cry and his death meant we never got a public trial where we would have gotten much more of the truth plus probably one good podcast and three bad podcasts.

Now, personally, I think we should have gone ahead with the trial anyway, like when they exhumed the corpse of Pope Formusis and put him on trial in the year 897.

Every few centuries, the Catholics have like a really good idea.

Now,

Donald Trump and his MAGA influencers long recognized the usefulness of the conspiratorial mindset.

Back in 2016, an idiotic conspiracy theory claimed that, it was called Pizzagate, and it claimed that Hillary Clinton and other Democrats were sending coded messages in their leaked emails, which proved she was running a pedophile ring out of the basement of a DC pizza parlor in a building with no basement.

And as silly and fake as it was, a very real gunman showed up there firing at a door to release the prisoners.

And once I heard the commotion, I just like got mine to go.

Out of office, Trump and the MAGA establishment fanned the flames of all kinds of conspiracy theories, from Epstein to vaccines, to make sure that all of the red string would lead him back to the White House.

And it worked.

And once in office, he made conspiratorial podcast host Dan Bongino, deputy FBI director.

And he made Cash Battelle, who had praised the QAnon movement, he made him the head of the FBI.

It was so exciting.

This was like the end of the movie, Rudy, for people who think Jews have horns.

And then it all came crashing down.

In February, Attorney General Pam Bondi brought MAGA influencers to the White House to pose with binders of Epstein evidence labeled Epstein Phase 1.

But the binders actually turned out to reveal no new information.

She told a reporter that the Epstein list was on her desk to review, but a few months later said that no such list even exists.

Phase one, make a big promise.

Phase two, humiliate yourself.

Been there, girlfriend.

And then the New York Times reported that the Justice Department had roped in hundreds of FBI employees and federal prosecutors to comb through more than 100,000 pages of Epstein documents to flag any references to Donald Trump and other prominent people, which they then recorded recorded in a Microsoft SharePoint file.

In other words, the Justice Department created an Epstein list,

and they won't release it.

Now, I get it.

Sharing your work is vulnerable.

We all struggle

with imposter syndrome from time to time, but you made something really special, the Justice Department.

The world deserves to see it.

Next, we learn that Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche, who at this time last year was Trump's personal attorney, took the highly unusual step of meeting behind closed doors with Epstein accomplice Ghelane Maxwell, who is currently serving a 20-year sentence for sex trafficking.

But in the tradition of transparency, Blanche did provide the press with a low-res video feed of the meeting, shot from an unrelated hallway with approximately 62 crucial seconds missing.

Now, all of this raises an obvious question.

Is the Trump administration dangling a pardon for Maxwell if she'll say that Trump had no involvement in Epstein's misconduct.

And that raises an obvious answer: yes.

After all, seems like if Donald Trump wants to silence Ghelene Maxwell, he's got two options: he dangles a pardon or she dangles from the ceiling.

And if you came to this show because you like Patton Oswald and Ratatouille,

welcome.

Trump was asked about this clip on Monday.

Pardon for who?

For Khillain Maxwell.

Well, I'm allowed to give her a pardon, but nobody's approached me with it.

Nobody's asked me about it.

Hey, no one asked if you were allowed.

We're all allowed to do plenty of stuff we absolutely should not do.

I'm allowed to wear flip-flops to a funeral, but I would never, ever do that.

I would not do that a second time.

And here's the thing: Trump can't seem to get his story straight about why his friendship with Epstein came to an end, which is weird because explaining why you stopped being friends with a pedophile shouldn't be the hard part.

After Epstein's indictment in 2019, Trump said that he and Epstein had a falling out 15 years earlier around 2004 and said, the reason doesn't make any difference, frankly.

The type of thing you say when the reason 100%

makes a difference.

Last week, the White House said in a statement, the fact is that the president kicked Epstein out of his club for being a creep.

And that just doesn't track.

You can't kick out all the creeps from Mar-a-Lago.

That's like kicking out all the Pilates moms from Whole Foods or the virgins out of the gun stores.

You want to have a business.

Besides, the easy answer is sitting right there.

Trump should just admit that his country club doesn't accept Jews.

Now,

that's a third one.

That's a third one.

I'm hearing it now.

Anyway, this week we got a news story.

Trump explained that his friendship ended when Empsteed betrayed him by poaching employees from Mar-a-Lago.

You're saying that Jeffrey Epstein poached two of your staffers.

Who were they?

Were they young?

I don't want to say two, or I don't want to say any of them.

You're talking about many years ago, but yeah, he took people.

And because he took people, I say, don't do it anymore.

You know, they work for me.

And he took

beyond that, he took some others.

And once he did that, that was the end of him.

I didn't like when they steal people, I don't like it.

As I told Jeffrey, people should work at Mar-a-Lago till they die or be buried alive facing my pyramid.

And then, for the first time in this story, things took a dark turn.

Trump admitted that the stolen employees from Mar-a-Lago spa included Epstein victim Virginia Jufrey, who died by suicide earlier this year.

Mr.

President, did one of those stolen

persons include Virginia Effrey?

I don't know.

I think she worked at the spa.

I think so.

I think that was one of the people.

He stole her.

Goffri's family said in a statement Wednesday, it was shocking to hear President Trump say that he was aware that Virginia had been stolen from Mar-a-Lago.

It makes us ask if he was aware of Jeffrey Epstein and Ghelane Maxwell's criminal actions, especially given his statement two years later that his good friend Jeffrey likes women on the younger side.

And they're right to wonder because Trump's timeline doesn't work.

Jeffrey said in a 2016 deposition that Maxwell approached her at Mar-a-Lago in 2000.

Two years later, in 2002, Trump called Epstein a terrific guy in a New York magazine profile.

It was in their famous New York's 15 dating under 15 list.

It's a tough week for news.

It's a tough week for news.

All of this has led to a full-blown revolt among many who believe Trump really would expose the truth about Epstein.

The Epstein stuff is so crazy because when Cash Patel was on here and he was like, there's no, there's nothing.

And I was like, what are you talking about?

I didn't even know what to say.

He's like, well, we have a film.

We're going to to release that film.

And the film has a

minute missing from it.

Yeah.

Like, do you think we're babies?

Like, what is this?

Let's take a deep breath and not get ahead of ourselves.

Rogan

is incorrect that there's a minute missing.

Wired updated their report to say it was actually three minutes.

But hold on, before everybody starts spiraling out, CBS later found that the playback in that video was sped up.

So eight minutes are missing.

And the video doesn't actually prove what the government said it did, which is that no one could have gotten in or out of Epstein's cell, which is absurd on its face when you see that in the video, you cannot see the door to Epstein's cell.

And then we learned this week that in the video, there is a mysterious orange blur moving up the stairs towards Epstein's cell in the security camera footage from the night he died, which the government claims is a guard holding prison uniforms, but forensics experts say is more likely someone in a prison uniform.

Now.

Doesn't all of this more likely confirm that the government wasn't covering up a murder but their own incompetence, guards not checking his cell, rules not being followed, cameras not being functional?

No.

Regardless,

this story isn't going away because Trump has made the conspiracy theories true.

There is now a cover-up by a politicized Justice Department doing the bidding of a president who is dissembling about his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein, who dispatched his former personal attorney to talk to Epstein's key accomplice and who was informed by the Attorney General back in May that he is in the Epstein files.

And the best officials can do is try to distract everyone by pretending to have found some damning new evidence in the Russiagate conspiracy hidden in burn bags, which even Trump couldn't figure out.

He said what?

Burn bags of Russia gate materials that the guys supposedly found.

I don't know that.

I don't know what you mean by that statement.

Bags full of of Russian hate.

Burnbag, I thought you said appointed a man named Bernbang.

Fuck is he talking about

the fuck is that?

He Trump didn't even know that the question was trying to help him out because the claim here is that the Justice Department had damning evidence of its own corruption and then put it in a bag and hid it in the Justice Department for Cash Patel to find years later.

As a wise man once asked, like, do you think we're babies?

And that's not the only conspiracy theory we've come to believe.

In other corrupt autocrats clinging to power to stay out of prison news, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has been crying hoax, claiming that contrary to the images we've all seen with our own eyes, no one is starving in Gaza.

Israel is presented

as though we are applying a campaign of starvation in Gaza.

What a bold-faced lie.

There is no policy of starvation in Gaza,

and there is no starvation in Gaza.

This despite Israel tightening the blockade after the temporary ceasefire ended in March and aid into Gaza plummeting as a result.

But you can't get away with denying such an obvious reality.

You're not Hunter Biden or my dad bringing me to Hooters that time.

Netanyahu's claimed that reports of the IDF killing Palestinians at aid distribution sites run by U.S.

contractors are a fabricated smear against Israel, even though a former U.S.

Navy SEAL came forward to say he witnessed this firsthand.

I witnessed the Israeli Defense Forces shooting at the crowds of Palestinians.

I witnessed the Israeli Defense Forces firing a main gun tank round from the the Markava tank into a crowd of people.

And Netanyahu continues to blame Hamas for stealing aid, even as Israeli military officials told reporters they'd found no proof that Hamas had systematically stolen aid from the UN and that the UN aid delivery system was largely effective.

That doesn't mean Hamas isn't monstrous.

John Wayne Gacy didn't commit tax fraud.

Doesn't make him a good guy.

It's just the facts on the ground.

And while Netanyahu insists that Israel isn't to blame for the lack of aid reaching Gaza, we've repeatedly seen that Israel will allow more food and medicine into Gaza when international pressure ramps up.

And we all love ratatouille, but we have to talk about this.

Thank you.

Boy, can that rat cook.

Even Donald Trump can see what is happening here.

But we're going to be getting some good, strong food.

We can save a lot of people.

I mean, some of those kids are, that's real starvation stuff.

I see it.

And you can't fake that.

So we're going to be

even more involved.

Before we give Trump too much credit, he also demanded a thank you from Gaza.

You know, you really at least want to have somebody say thank you.

No other country gave anything.

We gave $60 million two weeks ago for food.

for Gaza.

Nobody gave but us.

And nobody said, gee, thank you very much.

And it would be nice to to have at least a thank you.

Sorry, man.

Hamas stole the thank you cards.

We've also been told it's a conspiracy to claim that Benjamin Netanyahu is prolonging this war for his own political purposes.

But we now have reporting by the Times from inside the room where Netanyahu was reportedly ready to accept a ceasefire a year ago until far-right ministers threatened to withdraw from his coalition.

I can't imagine wanting to keep a job this much.

If John and Tommy kicked me out, I'd be like, okay, cool, but can you pay me in Steam points?

Well, I'd be doing a lot of gaming.

I don't know what to do.

Netanyahu continued the war, even as his own commanders told him that there was no further advantage to be gained from the conflict.

It meant Israel left certain areas only to recapture them later.

Taking, giving up, and retaking Al-Shifa hospital in Gaza City led to its near total destruction.

Thousands of Palestinians and at least eight hostages have died in the year since that meeting.

Meanwhile, Israel's standing in the world hasn't been this precarious in decades.

European leaders have rightly begun a push to recognize a Palestinian state, which Israel claims would be rewarding Hamas for committing terrorism.

Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney announced that Canada would be open to joining Europe in recognizing Palestine as well.

Former Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau released a statement praising Kearney, saying, baby, you're a firework.

Come on, show them what you're worth.

And it's strange.

It's like a weird tone to take in it.

I don't know.

Recognizing a Palestinian state is not a victory for Hamas.

It points to a way out of a bleak and hopeless reality that empowers Hamas.

Hamas started this war.

Hamas could end this war.

Hamas is evil.

And in holding hostages and prolonging this conflict, it continues to be responsible for the suffering of the Palestinian people.

That is true.

But Israel's conduct of this war has been depraved.

Gaza is leveled.

At least 18,000 children are dead.

Israel is responsible for Gaza's suffering too.

That is also true.

And there's a lot of accusations of anti-Semitism and there's a lot of anti-Semitism.

But nothing true is anti-Semitic and nothing anti-Semitic is true.

Which is why

Jewish people like me demand Israel do what it can to end that suffering right now, because we hold Israel to a higher standard than we do a terrorist organization.

And if that makes me a conspiracy theorist, fine, because we're all conspiracy theorists now.

I do think Justin Trudeau is Castro's kid.

That is something I

genuinely believe.

But so is Katy Perry.

All right.

We've got a great show.

We've got a fun show.

Coming up.

It's Pat and Oswald, it's Peppermint, and only the fun news.

Only good stories, I promise.

We'll be back.

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And we're back.

Please welcome to the stage a duo I'm calling Peppermint Patton, even though they both begged me not to.

It's Peppermint and Patton Oswald.

Wow.

What an entrance.

Hi.

Hi,

good to see you.

Hi.

Please come in.

Patton, so good to see you.

Oh, bring it in.

Okay, okay, okay.

Nice to see you.

Thanks for being here.

Wow.

Ow.

You look ravishing.

Ahem.

And you're here as well.

Don't be jealous.

You know, just sort of like a statuesque, stunning, ravishing person.

And we're just two short short kings, you know?

Yeah, man.

We're schlubbing it up, baby.

Schlubbing it up.

Schlubbing it up.

Schlub lovers.

Thanksgiving came early.

Sounds hot.

A schlub in every pot.

Yeah, it's right.

I didn't mean anything.

Now,

all right.

What am I going to say here?

I know.

So obviously, a lot of the news is heavy, but not all of it.

Because a lot of times.

Hello?

the summer is also a time where you get a lot of silly stories because, you know,

it's a time for what we're calling here summer slop.

Which is why we're doing a segment we call News It or Lose It Summer Slop Edition.

Summer Slop!

Oh my gosh.

We're in the slop.

I like it.

Been there.

That is not how a head connects to a torso.

I hate to break this to you, Mr.

Lovitt, but I'll explain after this.

All right.

That looks like

my failed audition for the substance.

Or a human centipede.

What's going on in this picture?

Here's how it works.

I will announce a pulp culture story that makes you say, all right, fine, okay.

And you will tell us, is this story real or is this story fake?

Oh.

It's as simple as that.

Peppermint, I'll start with you.

One, JoJo Siwa debuted her new veneers.

Totally fake.

No, wait, go ahead.

Sorry.

Her new veneers in a borderline, not safe-for-work photo shoot with Big Brother boyfriend Chris Hughes.

Did you say new veneers?

New veneers.

In her mouth, presumably.

Did you hear the Rolling Stones are dropping new veneers today?

We're really excited.

Let's get down to Tower Records.

And this is a photo.

I think that is.

I think that could be

true.

It's fake.

Okay.

Damn.

This headline, however, is real and from just last week.

JoJo Siwa has Betty Davis eyes for Chris Hughes's testicles, names them Jimmy and Timmy.

That's not real.

That's real.

What?

That's Summer Slot.

That's Summer Slot.

No, no, I'm sorry.

That's fake.

What did she name the third one?

Now, how about this Bictarvi ad?

Oh.

You don't have Betty Davis eyes for something.

That's not how Betty Davis eyes work.

You just have them or you don't.

Betty Davis.

She invented being what?

Queer?

Or what did she say?

She invented like bisexuality.

Whatever.

But also, Betty Davis, her whole thing, her eyes were, it was about being aggressively indifferent and judgmental towards someone.

Her whole look was so, you don't want someone to have Betty Davis' eyes for you.

That means you're going, ugh, not for me.

You suck.

Do you know what I mean?

That's interesting.

Well, I picture this.

I'd like Lauren Bacall eyes at me, but not Betty Davis' eyes.

We should start the song.

Play the song, Betty Davis eyes.

I'll lip-sync it.

Ladies and gentlemen, Kim Carnes.

Let's bring her out.

Have you seen those ads where Lauren Bacall sells decaf coffee in the 70s?

Yes.

My God, she makes that coffee.

I want to fuck that coffee.

She, in the ad, it looks like she just fucked the coffee.

It was like, listen while he's asleep.

I just want to let you know.

Is that the one?

Is she coming from behind a door or something?

She does.

She filmed a dozen of the fucking ads.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

She's just always coming around the corner being like, I'm wide fucking awake.

I need decafs.

But this decaf doesn't taste like dog shit.

But she has a beautiful mid-Atlantic accent.

It's

the end of that mid-Atlantic accent.

Patton, over to you.

Nancy Pelosi danced with her fellow little monsters at Lady Gaga's San Francisco show.

Wait.

Come on.

Nancy Pelosi danced with her fellow little monsters at Lady Gaga's San Francisco show.

Real.

I think it's real.

It is real.

These softballs.

I didn't know that.

I believe we have a video.

No.

That's not her.

Oh, there she is.

Whoa.

She's being very careful with that hip.

She's just dancing.

She's dancing.

Bye, so.

Bye.

so.

Peppermint.

Yes.

Steve Jobs' daughter, Eve Jobs, snuck into her own wedding through a secret door.

Steve Jobs' daughter, Eve, snuck into her own wedding through a secret door, real or fake.

Into her own wedding while she was getting married through a secret.

Secret door.

Into her own wedding.

He named his daughter a name that rhymed with his.

Wait till I tell my daughter fatten.

Because that was the thing I was just making fun of.

Fatten.

Fatten.

I think if she's okay, yeah, I'm going to say it's true if it was an entrance

you got it okay work

she sneaked into her UK wedding to Olympian Olympic equestrian Harry Charles to avoid paparazzi

we can't get enough of that Eve Jobs news I know it's yeah I would press is clamoring for Eve Jobs news yeah

My son wants some pics of Eve Jobs.

Get down there.

Oh, that's the worst accent I could have done.

Holy moly.

As it left my skull,

I wanted to punch my own mouth to stop it coming out.

I should just say that Pataniz has a chimney sweep

and a little hat.

Hello, Govner!

Let's go get a couple of doggerotypes of Ave Jobs.

Nods as good as a wink.

Jesus.

Sorry.

No, I thought I liked it.

Now, Peppermint, I saw photos of you in the second season of Survival of the Thickest, which is on Netflix, and I thought they were your actual wedding photos.

Can we see them?

Whoa!

Did anyone call you thinking they were real?

Yes.

Huh.

Were they mom?

I was like, mom, I would have invited you to my wedding.

Yeah, lots of people thought they were real.

I mean, the photos are real photos, but it's not like, you know, digital or whatever.

And

what,

how does one one judge the thickest and what happens when you survive?

You have to see the video from the wedding night.

Oh.

I think it's kind of confusing because my name's Peppermint and I play

Peppermint on the show.

And so that's why it kind of got confusing.

Oh, people thought it was.

Oh, people didn't realize it was like a scripted show.

Yeah, which is like, watch the fucking show, y'all.

Yeah.

Let me know very quickly who was a supporter and who wasn't, darling.

Again, mom.

She's got to watch.

Now, you're also in an all-trans N9 Bon Airy performance of the drowsy chaperone at Carnegie Hall.

Oh, me too.

Yes.

Come on, Dan.

I was like, oh, that's cool.

Wait, you're not.

You're not.

I thought maybe you were coming out.

Hey, drum roll, please.

please.

I would not come out with dresses this.

My God, I'd have a little bit of a break.

Go back in.

Go back in.

Yeah.

I look like the guy that built the closet.

I don't look like the guy coming out of it.

You could come out as a lesbian who's given up.

There you go.

Hey, hey.

Yeah.

Touche.

Ever since the pit bull died, I just can't.

Sorry, I'm blowing up your spot.

Carnegie Carnegie Hall.

Carnegie Hall.

Yes, don't be so jealous, Patton.

Yes, Carnegie Hall, my first time performing there.

I'd be very excited to do so with a fabulous cast starring Laverne Cox.

Cool.

They say you get there with practice.

Okay.

I was more interested in the accent.

What was it?

Who was it?

I'm sorry, I don't know.

I don't know what accent that was.

I was scamp.

Hang on.

It's a musical?

It's a musical.

So, but the acoustics in Carnegie Hall are incredible.

Do you need to adjust?

Obviously, you've been rehearsing.

Did people have to adjust their singing?

Or maybe not.

Maybe you're going to go out and just wing it.

We're just going to see what happens.

There you go, man.

I love it.

I mean, have you seen the world lately?

Who gives a fuck?

You can also get there without practice.

So there's two ways to get there.

Patton, J.D.

Vance defended Sidney Sweeney from critics of her American Eagle Good Jeans campaign.

Tweeting the left is just jealous because their skinny jeans are all baggy and stretched out.

Buying five pairs for Usha right now.

What a bitchy eighth grader he is.

First off, I don't know why.

I can't believe we're in 2025.

Ads for blue jeans and donuts are flirting with eugenics.

Wait, what's the donut one?

Oh, you haven't seen the Dunkin' Donuts one?

Oh, Lord.

The guy comes out.

He's like, I have this summer glow about me.

You know, some people say it's my genetics.

And

it's a Dunkin' Donuts ad that invokes genetics.

Is he like Aryan?

No, he's like, he's very kind of Mediterranean looking.

Like, I have this, but it's still about, I have strong genes.

And that is what.

And that's, and enjoy your Dunkin' Donuts.

Like,

what?

Maybe, maybe, like, listen, maybe Adolf Hitler just needed a little bit of vocal fry and some nice tits.

He really could have gone a little farther, you know?

Listen, anything that like with J.D.

Vance and Trump, it's just, you're just looking at eighth graders.

That's the mentality you're looking at.

And they're just,

they're there to sell merch.

He's trying to sell merch.

Now, here's the thing.

J.D.

Vance didn't actually make that post, but the official White House accounts.

Wait, lies and deceits.

This warped, moronic, and dense liberal liberal thinking is a big reason why americans voted the way they did in 2024 they're tired of this bullshit

wait a minute what bullshit are you tired of the bullshit is the saying that the the sidney sweeney ad is bad they're saying that the the the white house is taking sidney sweeney's side no one is the white house is teen sweeney on this one no one is saying that the ad is evil they're saying it's fucking lame there there's two different things they just uh they just want something to be pissed off about that's the only way, the only oxygen they breathe is being pissed off about something.

Yes.

That's it.

I think that's right.

I think that's right.

I should, you know,

it just seemed like it was probably mostly about a pun on the word genes.

Yeah.

That's all it was.

That's probably, I don't think they started by being like, these are genes for the fatherland.

Yes, exactly.

They weren't doing like, will the people that know will get the message?

No, it was just some, it wasn't some copper to going, can we make this 14 words long?

Wink, wink.

No, they were just

wait a minute.

Did you see the thing from the

I don't know who the people who like the marketing agency that the conversation between Sydney's team and the marketing agency.

Did you see that?

No.

Someone

did.

And he was like,

I guess it was a person recounting what happened on their Zoom meeting when they were like booking it.

And they were like, well, Sydney, like, how far do you want to push it?

And she was like, let's go all the way, baby.

So, well,

I don't think she meant all the way to Nazism.

All the way.

I think she probably meant maximum hotness.

And also.

Now, have you seen her ass, though?

Okay, sorry.

But it's also, if you watch the ad, it's clearly like, how much boob can we get away with showing on this commercial?

It's tit under the.

Yeah.

There's side boob in the commercial.

Which we haven't had since the Lauren McCall

Coffee Ad.

Strangely enough.

Yes, we're bringing that back.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Those ads with the coffee, she's wearing, she's wearing full sweaters, so sexual.

They should be taken down.

Not an inch of skin in sight.

We only take the purest coffee beans.

The weaker ones are loaded onto trains and taken away to be disposed of because we can't have

we can't weaken the

strength of the coffee beans.

We must.

You could enjoy your Folgers today, but tomorrow belongs to Sanka.

Sanka will reign for a thousand years.

Heavy.

Peppermint.

Online weirdos are trying to drum up controversy over Pedro Pascal being physically affectionate with his fantastic four co-star Vanessa Kirby.

Real a fake.

That's real.

It is real.

That's real.

And also, she's the one doing all the effects.

He's not.

She's all over him.

She is.

And by the way, why wouldn't you be?

It's Pedro Pascal.

It's Pedro Pascal.

I'd be a show.

Oh.

It's the Fantastic Four.

Oh, Fantastic for the movie.

Yeah.

And what the hell?

Okay.

And I don't.

I haven't seen the film.

Is he the stretchy one?

Yeah.

He is

Dr.

Something, right?

Excuse me.

He plays Mr.

Fantastic.

The original Fantastic Four, it's Reed Richards, Sue Storm, her brother Johnny Storm, and Ben Grim.

Now, they, this is their first issue.

Just give me, how long is this podcast?

Take your time.

Okay, so.

Yeah.

Oh, but that's from the actual movie.

No.

No.

Puts them on the red carpet.

That's.

Is it his baby?

No.

Is there there a baby in there?

A baby in the movie.

In the movie, yeah.

Oh, no, she was pregnant in real life.

And a real thing in real life.

If you get pregnant in the movie, you have a baby in real life.

Mom, I did get married.

Patton, one final question on the topic of Dr.

Fantastic.

Missed.

Oh, my God.

He's not even a doctor.

You are turning me into a Trump voter.

Does he not have a PhD or anything?

Huh?

He doesn't have a PhD or anything?

He has a a PhD, but he calls himself Mr.

Fantastic.

Well, that's cool.

Very down to earth.

I like that.

Very down to earth.

I know, but you know what?

All these PhDs call themselves Dr.

Farth.

He's humble.

That's why he calls himself Mr.

Fantastic, not Dr.

Fantastic.

He's humble.

There was a show on in the 90s that was basically

a night rider on a boat.

Friends.

Yeah, I saw it.

And the show had a kind of a dramatic challenge, which is

something the boat, you had to have the final conflict needed to be at the dock

or by the bay.

You really have to come up with, it's hard to come up with reasons.

You need a stretchy man all the time.

It's not that hard.

I defer what Peppermint said.

Exactly.

Did the show end at the Dock of the Bay or the sound?

I don't really remember.

I would always try to find Knight Rider.

Let's sell this cocaine at the end of the pier near Crime Boat.

Crime Boat.

Knightrider was cool because it was a car.

It could go more places.

Pretty cool.

And the car was just AI.

Yeah.

Huh?

Kit!

It was AI.

It wasn't a person in there.

I thought that they...

I just assumed they put the the butler, the guy from Magnum PI under the hood, and he just talked to Hasselhoff the whole time.

Well, I don't know how they made it, but I do think that it was Mr.

Fink, Mr.

Who is the teacher in Boy Meets World?

Mr.

Feeney was the voice of Knight Rider.

Oh, it was Mr.

Feeney.

I think.

In real life?

Wasn't it also?

Isn't the guy who played Higgins on Magnum PI?

Wasn't he also the voice?

Was he also Higgins?

Oh, no.

I'm mixing up.

Never mind.

God damn it.

Got him.

Got him.

Higgins was under the hood of the General Lee, but they didn't let him talk.

And he was under there for other reasons we're not going to go into right now.

Patton, Dean Kane called the new Superman film woke over its bimbo supergirl and badly trained crypto.

Said Kane, liberals cannot train their dogs.

True or false?

Wait a minute.

His whole issue with the movie was that Superman

didn't adequately teach his dog obedience.

Seems like it could be true, but is it?

I know he's been running his neck about that movie.

I don't think that was one of his complaints.

You're right.

You're right.

You're right.

You're right.

You're right.

He did wonder aloud how woke is Holly was going to make this character

and thought, and I think it was a mistake by James Gunn to say it's an immigrant thing.

Superman's an immigrant, face it, it's a fucking fact.

A Jewish immigrant.

Okay.

Somebody send him some donuts and jeans.

Patton, I'm glad you're here.

Why does the whale have to be white?

Sorry.

Patton.

Yeah.

I have been reminded often of an essay you wrote for Wired magazine in the year 2010 called Wake Up Geek Culture Time to Die

I really recommend people go back and read this essay because you could not have known how right this essay from 2010 was going to be do you remember writing this I very much remember writing it and struggling with it with the editors and going back and forth about I just thought that

I just I could I could feel only and only because I know this world once I saw that the special effects um were at the point where they could basically do anything that was in comics.

And once I saw the money that Iron Man made,

I could sense the, oh, this is going to spread like a virus and then collapse in on itself, which is what has happened, which that's what we're seeing happen right now.

And in the essay, you write about the fact that we were heading towards a future where because

even things that once took kind of nerdy enthusiasm to find would be available to everyone, that slowly but surely everything would become a remix.

And suddenly, you'd see all kinds of characters stuck together

and in all kinds of genres suddenly mixed.

And then all of a sudden, you have ChatGPT and all of these AI programs have people are making this.

Like there's, I think, Amazon has just announced that they're planning to do some kind of a streaming service where you can just ask it to make what you want it to make for you.

Dear God, it is at this point where we have lost the thrill of the search and also the thrill of the waiting.

It used to be a thrill to wait for someone creative to drop something you had never heard before.

Now it's like, if I had this idea, it should happen right now.

By the way, I have all kinds of first draft ideas that suck and shouldn't come to light.

That's why you rework something until it's good.

But now, and by the way, this, what you just described is happening.

on every level of society.

There's cookies now where the cookie is, but it's got pretzels in it and potato chips and gummy worm bits.

It's like, why choose between eight snacks?

We just crammed them all together and you can just have them.

Like it's weird.

You are losing me.

Don't nobody say nothing about my everything cookie.

Yeah.

Okay.

That's the only thing I have left.

I'm just saying we are drifting into this realm of

the eternal first drafts.

Oh, wow.

The first draft idea, and you can just immediately spit it out.

But But speaking of not doing that and working on something until it's good, your new audio special

is today's version of a comedy album.

When does it come out?

Is it out right now?

Did it just come out?

It will come out in a few more.

We'll announce the date in a few weeks, but I recorded a comedy album.

You can listen to it on Spotify or on your thing.

It's not a visual thing.

It is walk around, listening to it.

That's the way I experienced albums.

And if this is a cranky old man thing to do, I I don't care.

I'm doing it.

I don't care either.

I'm glad you're doing it

because

I remember finding the old Bob Newhart records.

Oh, yeah.

And I remember listening to your albums

as albums

when I was growing up and an adult.

And I love them.

And they were audio.

It's always been great to have albums as audio.

I love listening to albums, especially a comedy album, because

the crowd starts to take on a personality.

You begin to recognize someone's laugh and you're like that person really dug this way more than anyone else in the audience I wonder what that person's story is why they connected so much like I especially if you listen to Jonathan Winter's old albums there are jokes some jokes he does the whole audience laughs other jokes he'll do and you'll hear like two or three people losing their minds like oh my god i got what he's talking about no one else does and that's also part of the thrill and yeah that's sometimes the most you've like you'll tell if you have a joke and it works works for just, like, it's worth it.

It was worth it.

Yes.

It was worth it.

Because if that person got it the right amount, that's good feeling.

There's a, okay, there's a moment in

The Last Jedi,

Ryan Johnson's Star Wars film, where he does a visual reference to the most obscure bit of Star Wars lore.

I can't believe he got it into the movie, but there was a little parody film that was made back in the day called Hardware Wars.

I don't know if anyone knows what Hardware hardware was.

It was this little short film that got really, really popular.

It was a parody of Star Wars where like the spaceships were irons flying around.

So there is a shot in The Last Jedi where it's a guy, it's a machine that is ironing the Imperial uniforms, but the first shot is the iron against like this black background.

It looks like it's flying through space.

And I, and I'm in

the, um, oh my god, where did they used to do the Oscars downtown, the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion?

I was at the premiere, and the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion is packed.

And when that scene happened, me,

one guy way down there, and one guy way up in the balcony were like, ah, like you could hear us

getting the reference.

It was such an amazing moment that that happened.

Just imagine this giant space and it's actually quiet, but you hear this all, ah, that's a thing.

I went to the premiere for the third one, and the head of the studio came out and said, well, they've made a dynamic film.

And I was like, oh, no,

this is going to be rough.

And it was, then everybody walked out in silence.

That's the equivalent of like when your friends band, if you're in a band and you come off stage, your friend's like, you guys look like you're having a lot of fun up there, man.

You guys were having fun.

That looked fun.

You guys were really enjoying yourselves.

Like,

that's when you know it's not good.

And if you want to have fun, you can check out Patton's audio special, Black Coffee and Ice Water on Audible in November,

November 20th and you can catch Peppermint and Survival of the Thickest on Netflix her documentary a deeper love and in her upcoming performance of the drowsy chaperone at Carnegie Hall

next up it's Ashley Nicole Black and Alice Mutterland

or Leave It coming up Love It or Leave It is brought to you by Civitec.

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what's the word, losing them.

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a third of the time, and it's better.

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hi there it's andy richter and i'm here to tell you about my podcast the three questions with andy richter each week i invite friends comedians actors and musicians to discuss these three questions where do you come from where are you going and what have you learned new episodes are out every Tuesday with guests like Julie Bowen, Ted Danson, Tig Nataro, Will Arnett, Phoebe Bridgers, and more.

You can also tune in for my weekly Andy Richter Call-In Show episodes, where me and a special guest invite callers to weigh in on topics like dating disasters, bad teachers, and lots more.

Listen to the three questions with Andy Richter wherever you get your podcasts.

And we're back.

Please put your hands together for the amazing Ashley Nicole Black and the astounding Alice Wetterland.

Hi.

Welcome, welcome, hello, hello, hi, hi.

Hi.

Good to see you again.

You too.

Ashley, you were a longtime correspondent for Full Frontal with Samby.

It's not a great moment for a late night.

Yeah.

15 people remember it.

The late show was canceled.

What was your reaction to that?

I mean, instantly, because, you know, obviously I'm like in the community.

So we heard about it minutes before you did.

And

I was instantly like, something's not right because I know the show is good and I know the ratings are good and I know what it costs to make a late night show, which is roughly three pieces of popcorn and like

a Diet Coke if your boss is fancy.

So it's like something's not adding up.

And then of course like the news comes out and you're like, oh, it isn't.

It isn't adding up.

And what was, I'll say, silver lining about it is that this has actually been happening for a while.

Shows getting canceled for like weird political reasons.

But they always come out and they go, it was about money.

And then everybody goes, it was about money.

Thanks, CEO, for telling us what it was about.

And then like us weirdo artists were like, it wasn't about money.

money, guys.

That's not what it is.

There's a weird political thing happening.

And so, this one, I think, because the show got canceled so soon after Stephen said the thing, you just couldn't deny that something strange had happened.

So, it's almost like the first time everyone was like, That is weird, which was exciting for me, a person who always sees the weird.

Alice, what do you think?

But it

I'm going to disagree because it is about money.

I mean, my show was just canceled.

Like, you saw it.

Are you putting it in quotes because it wasn't canceled?

Yes, I am putting it in quotes because it wasn't canceled.

So we wrote an ending to our series that we were all really proud of.

It was Resident Alien.

Resident Alien.

Coming to your TV when?

No one knows.

That's part of the problem.

Our show, we wrote an ending because we were sick of them nickel and diming us on everything.

And we were making the show for less and less money each season.

And we were like, let's get out of here.

If they want to pick us up, they have to spend this amount of money.

Otherwise, we're out.

And we wrote an ending.

We're all proud of it.

We all got to say goodbye to our show.

And then they were like, we went to Comic-Con and they were like, we're going to tell everybody that it's ending this season so that you can promote the show.

And then

this article came out.

It was like, Resident Alien canceled.

Like, well, is that really what happened?

Or did it sort of like, you know, like, don't tell anybody about the breakup.

I think we should roll it out together.

It's like, she got dumped.

Like, that's not what we talked about.

She didn't break up with me.

I broke up with her.

Yeah.

That's so interesting.

It's so interesting.

Why would they do that?

Because the company that we work for, and I don't know what it is,

so I can't name names.

They're the kind of company that they'll call you and they'll be like, hey, I just want to make sure, do you have everything you need?

Because we want to make sure you don't.

That kind of thing

where it's almost like that would they do it for sport to make our lives worth it worse and that's why I say it is about money too we didn't get canceled for for political reasons except for the political reason that the machine that we all make this stuff within has become a money-making endeavor for shareholders that it's not supposed to be it was never about you know telling stories on TV and movies was never about making money for shareholders.

It was like, you know, some people got rich, but now it's about David Zaslav making $250 million while the writers, they beg for $10 million over three years.

It's like there's people whose whole job it is to squeeze money out of a thing that was never supposed to make money.

That kind of money, you know?

And now we're fucked.

Yeah, it was, there was like, it was like Hollywood was built to make people like,

hey, check out my boat money.

And then it was like, wow, if you're really good at Hollywood, you get boat money.

And if you're really good at it, you get to be like a highfalutin, like, you know,

Robert Evans type.

You know, this kid stays in the picture.

Everybody in the hot tub kind of a thing.

Yeah.

And

it wasn't supposed to be NASDAQ money.

No.

You know, but then it's like, actually, with Iron Man, there's NASDAQ money in it.

And it was like, NASDAQ money?

Holy fuck.

Let's get some of that NASDAQ money.

I don't think sketch comedy is going to make us that NASDAQ money.

I don't know if this little show

about a kind of befuddled alien is going to make us NASDAQ money.

I don't know if these sketches by black women are going to make us NASDAQ money.

Certainly it's not.

It's also though like the boat money, money has become removed from labor, right?

So even the people who are making a ton of money and you're like, that person's making too much money to like look hot in a movie.

She still had to show up to work and look hot in the movie.

You know what I mean?

Like she clocked in.

Even the execs who were like green lighting pictures or giving writers notes or whatever, they clock in, they do a job.

And in exchange for that, they got their boat and and cocaine money.

And

even if you think it's too much money, it was in exchange for labor.

Now money is flowing out and it's not going to labor and it's not going to promo and it's not going to buying props and drugs anymore.

It's going elsewhere.

We had an idea for doing something on this show that would involve

like a candy glass vase.

Remember that?

And we didn't do it because it was like, this is stupid.

And you thought of it 15 minutes for the show, you dumb idiot.

But at at like 4.30 on the day of the show, we like called around and this, one of the places that does props in LA was closed.

And I like called and I was like, oh, I missed them.

They closed.

And then the guy called me back and is like, hey, we just missed a call from you.

And I was like, oh, I was thinking about doing this.

And he was like, well, you could do it with this.

You could do it with that.

He was like so excited because he was like,

I love props.

I'm a prop guy.

I got all kinds of props.

You need glasses.

I got vases.

I got cups.

It was nice.

It was like, oh, right.

This town used to fucking make shit.

It And now it doesn't because they make things in Atlanta and Vancouver.

Our show, Resident Alien, had a,

we rated in the Nielsen ratings.

We were in the top 10 in Nielsen for our third season.

And they came back and told us we weren't making them.

It was not profitable.

And it's like, yeah, it's not profitable if you want to rent Capri for your wedding.

But if you just want a boat and some cocaine,

which is what you should want, you fucking monster.

And the thing is, A24, after the writer's strike, after the actor's strike, they were just like, what are your demands?

Okay, we'll meet them.

Okay,

you want to make these movies?

Okay, we'll make them.

And we'll get on our boats with our cocaine later.

And no one hates us.

So the model exists, right?

I might change my LLC name to boat and cocaine.

I think that's what we're doing.

Because I will tell you, like all of of my friends who are comedy writers, we are just trying to make boat and cocaine shows.

Like,

I was telling you, XH, I go home every single time I go home, whether it's once a month, three times a week, when I arrive at my mother's house, my family is watching Martin.

You would think

Martin was being produced today.

They're watching Martin, okay?

You could not convince a studio in Los Angeles to make a show like Martin, which is one set, a bunch of actors who weren't super famous at the time, boat and cocaine budget TV show.

People are watching them.

We have the data of what people are watching on streaming.

We know they're watching them, but they won't make them.

They only want to make giant, expensive stuff.

It's a genuine, like it's an actual mania.

Like there is nothing inherent to streaming.

Happy Gilmore 2 is out.

And I haven't seen Happy Gilmore 2.

I'm sure it's not good, but I haven't seen it.

Maybe it's great.

I should be less pessimistic, but it's like, oh, wow, they made Happy Gilmore 2.

That makes sense.

Everybody loved Happy Gilmore.

Think about a world before Happy Gilmore.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, yeah.

No, I'm

a world without Happy Gilmore.

And someone said, I think there can be a world with Happy Gilmore in it.

Like the 90s was an era of boat and cocaine shows and boat and cocaine movies.

There are multiple movies where witches cast spells on Jim Carrey, and it's like you can no longer do lies.

You now have to say, yes,

there's a mask on your face, can't get it off.

Billions, billions.

Ash, I understand you're writing Ma too?

Yes.

Nice.

Yes, I am.

That's cool.

I think we have a picture of Ma.

Ma?

Ma Ma.

Is that what it's called, Ma Ma?

A lot of great names were suggested on the internet, and I'm going to have to comb through them.

Oh, we're not calling it Ma Ma.

No, not yet.

That's too bad.

We'll see.

I thought of a good name for Ratatouille 2 for Patton, which is Ratatouille.

Yeah.

And then I thought of an even better name for the sequel of Ratatouille 2.

Ratatouille 3.

Why'd I do this with Patton on here?

All right.

Then Ratatouille 4, Tokyo Drift.

Yeah.

Three rats and a little lady.

A rat could never make sushi.

Speaking of free speech.

Sure.

Sure.

We all have things we wish we could say, but dare not speak aloud.

Like how Paramount and Skydance have all kinds of things they can't say anymore.

Yep.

You know, like them.

Ashley used to host an advice podcast called Sip on This.

Alice, you're funny.

I have a podcast as well.

And you do about Star Trek.

I've been on it.

Yeah.

Treks in the City.

Yeah.

Oh.

Thank you.

We watch episodes that talk about them.

We do.

Tonight, we invite you in attendance to share something you want to tell your coworker, your spouse, your neighbor,

your co-conspirator.

And we'll weigh in whether or not you should speak your truth or sense yourself.

Okay?

So if you have something you're not sure whether or not you should speak the truth about, raise your hand and we'll take a couple and see what we think.

In a segment called

First Amendment, Second Thoughts.

Wow.

Thank you for using a good picture, Pete.

That's like a major work.

That's cool.

That's cool.

Hi.

Hi.

What do you want to tell somebody?

So, my former director, I just got a new director, and he brags about how great the team is, and they're not.

And my old director has a team that is great, and she doesn't brag about them.

So, I'm wondering if I should tell her she needs to be more confident and talk up her team, or just keep my head down.

That's not the question I thought you were going to say.

I either think that.

I thought you were going to say, Should I tell this new guy?

You know, you don't need to say it if it's true.

Why wouldn't you?

Because she kind of has a history of like, if you piss her off, she goes for for you

and and what kind of director like of of of film of of no

director of like business stuff business director a director of business stuff yeah no so we're talking about a lean-in queen here yeah i got it

um

i'm gonna just spoiler alert i'm always team say it that's why i single um

you know what i'm the same way

so i was going i would say you should tell her because we should always tell women to big up themselves like i think that every woman should be bragging on herself 300 times more than she is just like has a blanket it's just true like i before i did this i was getting a phd at northwestern and i would get into cabs

And every single time I got in a cab and the cab driver would be like, what do you do?

And I'd be like, oh, I'm a PhD candidate in Northwestern.

Every single time they'd go, I could do that.

The fuck?

I was doing it, and I didn't think I could do it.

I was in a cold sweat every day for four years.

So, in general, I'm like, every woman should be telling every other woman, like, bitch, talk your shit.

However, you said she's not nice to you, so she can figure her shit out.

I'm not team business lady, but I do think you should tell the boss who does brag that his team sucks.

I think we should be telling people they suck more.

If there's nothing

worse than watching someone walk around thinking they're good at something, and we are all doing a disservice to them.

This is not an opportunity to raise their hands and tell me what I'm bad at.

Right.

You should tell them.

But I think it sucks at work that everyone will look around and make eyes at each other and snicker and laugh, and no one,

hopefully their boss, will just say, Hey, maybe you could try this.

I think we should tell people when they're bad.

But it might be hard for her at work if she says something like that.

Oh, it will be.

Might be.

Maybe.

I was thinking

for this specific thing, maybe you could, I could tell them.

I'm free right now.

My show got canceled, and I

it's like a singing telegram type thing.

Okay.

First one's free.

All right.

That was good advice.

Let's see if we got a question over here.

What's the truth you dare not speak?

All right.

So I'm in a community that's a whole bunch of queer women and a few token straight women, one of whom repeatedly refers to her friend as her girlfriend.

Do I just let it lie or do I say something like, girl, what are you doing in this face talking like that?

Can I ask a follow-up?

Yeah.

Is the girl who's saying girlfriend black?

No.

Okay.

That's a white lady.

That changes.

It's a straight white lady.

I'm just, I want to live in a world where this was a question about you saying, can I tell a black woman to stop saying girlfriend?

Oh my God, no.

That's why I had to check.

I mean, it would have been awesome.

God, what a moment that would have been.

I'm not an asshole, I swear.

I'll tell you what my honest reaction is.

Nobody's hard.

People say girlfriend.

What do you gotta do?

You're the word police now.

That's our word, girlfriend.

We took it back from who?

Because it's confusing, I think, for people.

The space.

So like, oh, yeah.

Oh.

Is it a big problem if people think she's fucking that girlfriend?

Is she?

What if she is?

What if she's not?

Maybe she is.

So there you go.

There you go.

Answer.

Problem solved.

I think the problem is just that there aren't enough words because it is, once you pass 35, girlfriend is tough.

Like that's your woman friend.

And

I do call my friends my girlfriend.

And I think we need, we just need more words.

We need words for adults who are dating.

We need words for adults who are going to date forever and never get married.

Like we just need a lot more words.

Blue sky pitch, friend.

Whoa.

I don't know.

Maybe it might work.

I don't know.

Is that crazy?

Yeah, we do need more words.

Boyfriend, girlfriend, partner.

That stinks.

I call my partner my sweetie.

That's cute.

Yuck.

All right, let's do one more.

So, my girlfriend,

her ex of six years has been in town and the musician he, or artist he was playing for asked if he could stay at our home.

And we both were kindly said yes and prepared the space for him and he didn't show up.

And I really just want to confront him and say, you're a pussy.

Okay.

Okay, so I know this person.

So So actually, and this is, I can't say to your boss, but I can tell that guy.

And I heard about this from my sweetie.

So this is my sister-in-law's girlfriend talking now.

And I know this ex.

And I get to tell him, okay?

Thank God.

I get to tell him.

That was fucked up.

I've been waiting for something to tell.

I've been waiting for something to come up where I could get nail this guy.

And this is it.

Happy ending.

I have to disagree.

I think you thank this man.

There's nothing someone can do better for you than not show up again.

That's true.

That's a good point.

I do agree.

You had a reason to clean your house.

The house is clean.

Go home, put your feet up, watch Leanne.

Enjoy it.

Thank you, sir, for not being in my house.

I would like to thank all of you for not being in my house.

Yeah,

wow.

I never thought of it that way.

Having a house guest is right.

One fewer house guests is just having no one on earth in your home.

Interesting, a lot to think about.

All right, thanks everybody for your advice, questions.

Thank you, Ashley and Alice.

Ashley's also writing on Shrinking.

I am!

And you can check out the final season of Resident Alien airing now on Syfy USA and of course Peacock.

When we're back, time for the Rant Wheel.

Hey, don't go anywhere.

There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

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Hi there, it's Andy Richter, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast, The Three Questions with Andy Richter.

Each week, I invite friends, comedians, actors, and musicians to discuss these three questions: Where do you come from?

Where are you going?

And what have you learned?

New episodes are out every Tuesday with guests like Julie Bow and Ted Danson, Tig Nataro, Will Arnett, Phoebe Bridgers, and more.

You can also tune in for my weekly Andy Richter call-in show episodes, where me and a special guest invite callers to weigh in on topics like dating disasters, bad teachers, and lots more.

Listen to the three questions with Andy Richter wherever you get your podcasts.

And we're back.

Before we get to the Ramble, we have some news to share.

Crooked Media and Vote Save America are hosting our first ever Crooked Con.

Cricket Con.

That's cool.

It's a chance to join America's smartest organizers and least annoying politicians to strategize, debate, commiserate about where we go from here, which is hopefully up.

We will be in Washington, D.C., November 6th and 7th, and it's going to be great, starting with a Pod Save America show live at the Warners Theater on November 6th.

Then on Friday, November 7th, we'll be at the Wharf, joined by some of the most influential names in politics for a day of conversations, workshops, live pods, as we all figure figure out how to build the big pro-democracy movement we need to defeat rising authoritarianism before or maybe after it's too late.

We have talked about doing CrookedCon for a very long time.

We're finally doing it.

Very proud of the team that's been putting together what is going to be an amazing event.

We have some very exciting people that we'll be announcing soon who are participating.

It's taken a lot to get to the point where Crooked is able to put together something like this.

We've always said we believe we need to help build a coalition that runs from the anti-Trump, pro-democracy, center-right, all the way to the far left.

The most important thing we can do is remember that even when we disagree and even when we don't even see each other,

always in the best light that we are ultimately on the same team.

And that starts by coming together and starting to talk through some of the ways we have to rebuild a progressive movement that can take on Trump and defeat MAGA and help give people an image and an idea of something better.

And so we're excited that look,

we said

right from the very beginning that we started Crooked because we didn't think we had all the answers and nobody did, but we wanted to build a place where people could come and bring what they knew and that nobody would have all the solutions, but we'd figured out together.

And so, CrookedCon is sort of an evolution of that.

So, go to crookedcon.com for tickets, crookedcon.com.

We have a discount code that you can use to buy your November 7th ticket early.

It's freedom and content.

Freedom and content, because the slogan of our conference is freedom and content for all.

Freedom and content.

Discounted tickets are limited.

CrookedCon.com.

Thank you.

Okay.

Crooked Con!

That sounds so cool.

CricketCon.

Again, I'm also picturing there's like all these incredible pro-democracy things, and then there's like one old-timey crook with the like mask on at a little table being like, oh no, I should have googled it.

I'm going to cosplay as Tommy.

Nice.

I'm going to go cosplay as Tommy.

That's so sweet.

Yeah, we got the hamburgler doing a panel with Andy Bashir.

Please welcome back this age, Patton Oswald, and Peppermint.

Come over here.

Peppermint, you can go here.

I'll slide over.

Patton, welcome back.

Thank you for having me back.

So the sequel to Ratatouille would be called Ratatouille.

I was thinking two rat tutouille.

And then the third one is Ratatouille 3.

Huh.

Ratatoul3.

Ratatou3.

Ratatou3.

Hey, I'm up for any sequels they want to do.

I cannot be happier.

I don't know if you know what's been going on in Showbiz, but I'm,

you know,

I will do a...

I'll do a...

Oh, God, my riff gun just jammed.

I was trying to combine two other things that I did, and it absolutely did not work.

Riff jam.

You were trying to give me some riff energy?

No, I'm giving off riff jam.

Oh, you're

oh my god, getting that

riff jams.

Wetterlund.

That's a great name for like a police commissioner to scream at a cop.

Wetterlund!

Get in here!

I'm gonna pitch that next week.

There you go.

Wetterlund with an exclamation point.

I want some riff jam.

Yeah.

Go family show, please.

Drat.

Hey, I'm a married woman.

Okay.

All right.

Okay.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We all saw the trades.

When you have a lineup this good,

you don't need much.

So we're getting back to basics of closing out the show with our beloved rant wheel.

We'll spin the wheel and wherever it lands, we'll each share a rant about one thing bothering us.

Now to the wheel.

Oh my God.

Get it.

And it's lying on Patton.

What's something you'd like to rant about?

What would I like to rant about?

Well,

I would like to rant about how

Instagram has become a way for my wife to win arguments with me half an hour after we have them.

When we when I will like we'll argue about some minor domestic thing.

Sweetie, could you not leave the sponge in the sink?

Put it in the drying rack because it will grow fungus and bacteria.

And I say, well, every time I use the sponge, I put hot water and soap on it to wash the dishes.

I don't think it matters.

It kills anything on it.

And then half an hour later, I get some Instagram video sent to me, some weird, wiry hippie with, and it's like 9,000 edits.

Here's the nine reasons your sponge will be killing you.

I fucking know that guy.

Yeah, there is

any argument you lose, there there is an overproduced video that will take your side that you can send to people and we're losing our ability to close arguments you you know there's a concerned mom or a someone sitting in a car going is here's the four reasons why you should be able to eat crackers in bed like there's no

I fucking hate that dishwasher guy.

Yeah.

He's like, are you using your dishwasher?

Are you cleaning it every three days?

No, you're going to die.

Right.

Yeah.

Everybody knows that according to the instructions of your dishwasher, you can't use it.

Yeah.

It has to remain untouched.

There's no safe.

A dishwasher can never be safely used.

And they've also, they've all learned the algorithm like they've got to grab you in three seconds.

They're like, an apple a day keeps a dock in the way.

I don't think so.

Like, they just want you to stop swiping.

So that's bothering me.

I agree.

Thank you for sharing that.

That's horrible.

I hate that dishwasher guy.

It's like, your plates are covered in the soap forever.

Are you using soap in your dishwasher?

You fool.

What?

You can only use one kind of soap, and it's only on the Costco, but you got to go very high up.

It's not where you can see it.

It's up.

Bring climate here.

The longer it takes me, the funnier it will be when you get into a fight with your wife and what she sends you is a video I have personally made telling you you're wrong.

I'm gonna bide my time.

I'm gonna wait till you've forgotten that this happened.

Oh, wow.

Look, if I wanted to, I could start gaslighting her and sending her videos of people going, here's the five signs of early onset dementia.

And then she'd be like, why did you send me this?

I'm like, half an hour ago, you told me that

you don't remember this?

We got in this whole argument.

Look at number three on the list.

This is the thing he was talking about.

I'm just saying if I wanted to.

But I wouldn't.

But he wouldn't.

Really turning the tables.

Let's spin it again.

Alice.

What do you got?

I'll go.

Okay.

So I was at the gym a while ago, and I go all the time.

Well, I go all the time.

I go all the time.

Likely story, okay.

I lift and I was at the gym and do you guys know what ovulation is?

Yes.

Ovulating is.

No.

I have an Instagram video I can do.

Hang on.

Could you send it?

So you, yeah.

Okay, so I was at the gym.

I was ovulating.

This is important to the story.

And there was a guy

working out next to me.

He was wearing Birkenstocks and fuzzy socks.

And those people with, he's like a ginger, you know.

And those people who ovulate will know that my next thought when I saw this guy, I thought immediately like, who is this fucking Ron Weasley motherfucker lifting way less than me?

And what is he doing later?

Because that is the secret of ovulation.

Ovulation is a time of month when people who have uteruses will just, just, whatever's next to us, it's good and we'll fuck it.

And it's a good thing.

It's evolution's thing.

Gosh, I must have a uterus.

Okay.

You might.

You might.

It's just, it happens.

And so when I started comedy back in New York, the year that I started it,

I was in, there was like this stigma.

about women telling period jokes.

It was like girls are just going to tell period jokes.

And it was so stigmatized that none none of the women that I came up with did period jokes.

We like eliminated the idea of period jokes entirely.

And because we didn't get to do our period material, we didn't get to get to our ovulation material.

And because we didn't do that, a bunch of comics from New York in about

the year that it was

didn't get laid.

Because they didn't know the secret, which is just stand there.

It's a numbers game.

You just hang out next to someone for as long as it takes and eventually, yeah, that'll work.

And so they didn't get laid.

And then they started doing material about how women are shitty or whatever because they won't have sex with them.

And then they all started podcasts.

Cut to male loneliness epidemic.

Cut to Trump.

So we...

If we want to have nice things in our society, we need to deal with our misogyny problem.

Right?

And if we're we're going to deal with our misogyny problem, we're going to need male podcast hosts to talk about it a lot more than they're doing.

Straight male podcast hosts, you're in the clear.

You're doing the Lord's work over here, okay?

Thank you.

We try, you know, we try.

I appreciate that.

Because men listen to other men.

That's who they listen to.

And so do women, right?

So the men who are doing the podcast, because now we're being told we have to welcome Andrew Schultz into the movement.

We have to welcome the male.

We're going to welcome him into the movement.

The movement that is run by women who those guys dehumanize, right?

So see how that doesn't really make ten tung tunnels.

So we're going to make space for them in the movement.

I need the male podcast host to remember that they need to make sure they're not just rubber stamping rape culture, right?

And make sure there's a space for us first and foremost.

And how do they do that?

They talk about, now I had, it was ovulating, I had a sex dream about Tommy, so he's in the clear for at least a month.

Everybody else, I'm watching you, Pfeiffer.

I'm watching you, Pharaoh.

I didn't think that was really aimed at them.

A lot to think about.

So glad I went first.

I just can't believe we both had sex dreams about Tommy on the same night.

Let's

Pepper, what would you like to rant about?

Well, you both took my

stupid people.

I mean, not just like unintelligent people.

I mean, like, we are in the middle of all of this that we're dealing with, an epistemicide,

the killing of actual knowledge.

For some reason, we don't listen to experts anymore on anything.

And I just, I didn't think I'd wake up after

waking up and going back to sleep and then trying to wake up again and then realize that Trump is actually the president.

That we would be in a world where someone like you know, RFK is in charge of health and human Department of Health and Human Services and Linda McMahon is running the Department of Education that they're trying to cancel anyway.

And now we get people like you know, children's book authors telling us what trans people should be able to do with our bodies from across an ocean.

Yes, louder boo.

Exactly.

Fuck Harry Potter.

And yeah, so that pisses me off that we're in a world that this is what we have to do.

I hope that we can get back to listening to doctors and healthcare professionals about what is good for people's bodies.

Trans people, women, femmes, people who can have children, people who can get pregnant, and people who ovulate about our own bodies rather than, you know, wrestling moms.

That's it.

I agree with them.

Yeah.

It would be good to start listening to the doctors again.

Remember when everyone was like, ah, Fauci, he's good.

And they're like, nope, some of us have decided he's not.

Let's spin it again.

Ashley, what do you got?

Happy to be here today.

I needed to get this off my chest.

Nothing works anymore.

Nothing works.

Okay?

You know how you like, you go to a website to buy something and then there's like a little box and it's like, do you want us to send you more emails?

And you unclick the box and then you know what they do?

They send you a fucking email because the box doesn't work.

When was the last time you tried to make an appointment for something?

You go on the website, the website doesn't work.

You call, a robot answers the phone, the robot can make your appointment.

No, it can't.

It doesn't work.

So then you finally get a human being on the phone and you're like, why didn't this bitch just answer the phone in the first place?

And do you know why?

Because the only people who think AI is a good idea are people who are too rich to ever have to talk to the robot.

Their assistants do it for them.

So you finally make your appointment.

It's a doctor appointment.

They say, great news.

We now have an AI that'll read your test results, but don't worry.

A doctor will read them too.

Then what is the AI for?

Just give the money to the doctor so that I don't have to subscribe to the doctor.

Doctors are subscription services now.

And I don't know if this is an LA thing, but we are out here subscribing to doctors, y'all.

We are subscribing to doctors.

Not

doctors the experts?

Yeah, no, I'm happy to pay.

I just, it shouldn't be like, oh, I have my Spotify subscription and my subscription to Dr.

Hunt.

Like, I'm happy to listen to the doctor.

I just think we should pay per appointment.

Yes.

Yes, we are.

Like, nothing is working.

And do you know what the worst part of all of this is?

I sound so old right now.

I'm like, gather around, children.

Let me tell you of the days when shit used to work.

And when something was broken, you would call someone and the company would just give you your money back for the broken thing.

But now, nothing works.

I sound old.

And I'm not old.

I'm hot.

Such an important point.

Such an important point.

It's when you, you know,

when you try to read the news.

Everyone's like, oh, nobody's reading the news anymore.

What's up with these kids not reading the news?

If you try to read the news on your phone, you click on a website it's fucking insane it's it's it's there's like you're like kind of like it's like your phone

binoculars you can see three words at a time like slide it it's like and and you kind of like and then like an ad pops up and then like you kind of scroll halfway down and then all of a sudden you bounce back up you're all the way back up at the top god i thought it was just me

Do you remember back in the day when I was young, when those ads would pop up, there was a little X.

You could click, there's no more fucking X anymore.

No, there was separate windows

It was a separate window.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, and then and then it's like there's like 17 X's all of which sign you up

Except for just you gotta like it's like it's like the the it's like there's a whisper of an X

and if you do sign up then you have to log in

And if you log in, then your password from last time isn't working.

And you're like, oh, good thing I'm safe with this two-factor authentication for this news.biz website.

No, girl, they don't even do that anymore because now when you leave something in your cart, you get an email saying you put something in your cart.

And I have because I'm a shopaholic.

However, there have been times where I was like, I ain't buying that.

I'm not putting it in the cart.

And they email you saying that it was in the cart anyway.

And they trick you into getting it.

And I don't have a password.

I feel like we drifted into something that's more like your problem.

Let's spin it again.

All right, it's landed on me.

I have just two quick things I need to say.

One is about a video game that I think probably should be stopped by the government, and the other is about Gwyneth Paltrow.

First,

the video game that should be stopped by the government is called Bellatro.

I'm sorry to even say it out loud because don't do it.

Don't play it.

Stop it.

It's not great.

It sucks you into its fucking vortex.

It is like a drug.

It is whatever Solitaire was.

Solitaire was a strong coffee to what Bellatro is to crack.

This game should not.

be legal.

You open it, you think, I'm going to play for two minutes before I go to bed.

Suddenly the sun is out.

Fuck that.

Fuck that.

And everyone's like, it's great.

Fuck you.

Not going to spell it.

This is not pro-bilatro.

Second point I want to make.

I want to apologize to Gwyneth Paltrow.

I was obviously deeply on her side during the whole ski thing, but I'll be on, I was and remained.

But I will be honest, I did turn my nose up when anything goop came up.

Like, oh, goop this, goop that.

There are a bunch of little goop restaurants that have opened up around Los Angeles, and I thought, I'm not going to order from goop.

That couldn't be for me.

That witch is doing amazing things with salads.

Those salads are,

I don't understand what they're doing with those salads.

Try the pizza.

And that's our show.

Thank you so much to Patton Oswald, Ashie Nicole Black, Alice Rutter, and Peppermint.

We'll see you next week at Dynasty Typewriter.

You know, 458 days till the midterms.

Have a great night.

Have a great weekend.

If you're already scrolling endlessly, which we know you are, don't forget to follow us at Crooked Media, on Instagram, Instagram, TikTok, and all the other ones for original content, community events, and more.

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Love it or Leave It is a crooked media production.

production.

It is written and produced by me, John Lovett and Lee Eisenberg.

Kendra James is our executive producer.

Bill McGrath is our producer and Kennedy Hill is our associate producer.

Hallie Kieper is our head writer.

Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Coffin, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre, and Will Miles are our writers.

Jordan Cantor is our editor.

Kyle Segmund and Charlotte Landis provide audio support.

Stephen Cologne is our audio engineer.

Our theme song is written and performed by Schersher.

Thanks to our designer Sammy Koderna-Rees for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast.

And thanks to our digital producers, David Toles, Claudia Shang, Mia Kalman, Delan Villanueva, and Rachel Gaeski for filming and editing video each week.

Our head of production is Matt DeGroote, and our production staff is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America East.

Hi there, it's Andy Richter and I'm here to tell you about my podcast, The Three Questions with Andy Richter.

Each week I invite friends, comedians, actors, and musicians to discuss these three questions.

Where do you come from?

Where are you going?

And what have you learned?

New episodes are out every Tuesday with guests like Julie Bow and Ted Danson, Tig Nataro, Will Arnett, Phoebe Bridgers, and more.

You can also tune in for my weekly Andy Richter call-in show episodes, where me and a special guest invite callers to weigh in on topics like dating disasters, bad teachers, and lots more.

Listen to the three questions with Andy Richter wherever you get your podcasts.

Did you know 39% of teen drivers admit to texting while driving?

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