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What's up, Los Angeles?

Welcome to Love It or Leave It Live from Dynasty Typewriter.

We've got a great show for you tonight.

Martha Flimpton is here.

And she's going to answer two questions.

Was I in this and why am I here?

Jamie Loftus and Siri Dahl join to discuss the ins and outs of pornography and censorship

under the Trump administration.

Then we all come together at the end

and say I don't to some wedding traditions.

Hmm.

Hmm.

A lot to think about.

But first, let's get into it.

What a week.

Last Friday, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth ordered National Guard troops in Washington, D.C.

to start carrying weapons, and then three margaritas in a scorpion bowl.

Now a majority of those troops are armed.

But why?

What changed?

Besides Trump not wanting to talk about whatever the fuck is happening on his hand.

Have you seen the hand?

No, that's not.

That's not the hand.

Fuck.

Most of the coverage of the deployment has shown National Guard troops milling around DC's tourist areas, taking selfies with people near monuments.

Now let's do a silly one, said a National Guard soldier, taking the pin out of a grenade.

So what changed?

Nothing.

The question isn't why now, it's why didn't they have guns from the get-go?

Also, my question about the burglars in Home Alone.

And actually, come to think of it, anyone in Harry Potter.

Expect them baloney him?

Bang, bang, bang, dead wizard.

Where were we?

This was always about getting people comfortable with having armed soldiers on the streets of our cities.

It's like when you put a frog in a pot of cold water and then slowly surround it with armed soldiers.

It's also why on Monday, Trump suggested that maybe people want a dictator.

Not that he is one, but that if he were, maybe people would like it.

And they say, we don't need him.

Freedom, freedom.

He's a dictator.

He's a dictator.

A lot of people are saying, maybe we like a dictator.

I don't like a dictator.

I'm not a dictator.

I'm a man with great common sense and I'm a smart person.

And when I see what's happening to our cities, and then you send in troops, instead of being praised, they're saying you're trying to take over the republic.

These people are sick.

It's a soft launch, like when Taco Bell started serving breakfast or when Trump tries to see if it's just firm enough to shove it in.

Because for someone who doesn't want to be a dictator, he sure is acting like one.

On Friday, FBI agents raided the home and office of Trump's former National Security Advisor and fierce critic, John Bolton.

It's the kind of authoritarian overreach that Bolton has long opposed outside of South America.

On Sunday, Chris Christie suggested that Donald Trump may have directed the John Bolton raid.

Donald Donald Trump sees himself as the person who gets to decide everything.

And he doesn't care about any separation.

In fact, he absolutely rejects the idea that there should be separation between criminal investigations and the politically elected leader of the United States.

This is much different than it's ever been run before.

In response, Trump called him sloppy Chris and then threatened to reopen an investigation into the 2013 Bridgegate scandal, saying, do you remember the way he lied about the dangerous and deadly closure of the George Washington Bridge in order to stay out of prison?

For the sake of justice, perhaps we should start looking at that very serious situation again.

Pretty fucked-up bridge he got here.

Would be a shame if something nice happened to it.

And in other retaliatory bridge news, after Maryland Governor Westmore criticized the military deployment in D.C., Trump threatened to withhold federal funds to replace the collapsed Francis Scott Key Bridge in Baltimore.

The only collapsed bridge Trump will pay to fix is is the one inside Don Jr.'s nose.

The Francis Scott Key Bump Bridge, as it is known.

Trump also signed an executive order to stop flag burning, that huge problem.

But the Supreme Court repeatedly ruled that flag burning is protected by the First Amendment.

But why take my word for it?

Kennedy, bring out the kerosene-soaked American flag.

But you know what really complements this kind of nationalism around the flag?

Socialism.

As the U.S.

government lawlessly seized a 10% stake in the chip maker Intel.

You called Kamala Harris a communist, but the Biden-Harris administration, they never called for nationalizing a private company with the federal government like you're proposing with Intel.

Is this the new way of doing industrial policy?

Yeah, sure it is.

I want to try and get as much as I can.

The case of Intel was interesting, but I hope I'm going to have many more cases like it.

But it's pretty relatable.

Who can stop at eating just one chip company?

And then there's Kilmar Obrego Garcia.

On Monday, the Maryland father was arrested again when he appeared for a check-in at an ICE office in Baltimore.

He was presented with quite a bargain.

If he accepted a plea deal, they'd deport him to Costa Rica.

But if he refused, they threatened to deport him to Uganda instead.

He did refuse to accept the deal, thereby destroying any chance of Kilmar Obrego-Garcia merging with Skydance.

What's happening is brazen and obvious.

Trump lawyers reverse engineered the charges against Kilmar Obrego Garcia to justify having sent him to a foreign mega prison.

Now they want to take a plea deal because they are afraid of being embarrassed in court, which does raise an important question.

They have the capacity to be embarrassed?

That is shocking.

Before Obrego Garcia could be deported to Uganda, U.S.

District Judge Paula Zinnis told a Justice Department lawyer, your clients are absolutely forbidden at this juncture to remove Mr.

Obrego Garcia from the continental United States.

Can't even take him to Hawaii.

If that judge so much as sees one picture of Obrego Garcia in Olay, someone is in big fucking trouble.

There are two ways to look at this situation.

On one hand, the system is holding.

He was brought back from Sakant.

He hasn't been deported to Uganda.

And a judge's order is restraining the administration.

We are all dangling over the abyss on a flimsy rope bridge and the rats are gnawing at the rope, but the rope's a little thicker than it seemed and the rats would never admit it, but they're like, honestly, we thought this rope would taste better.

And we can see day by day that we do rack up small victories for the rule of law, for a democratic order where the secret police can't just snatch somebody off the streets and deport them to a gulag without so much as a hearing.

And now you're all dancing in the aisles.

Yes, so incredible.

On the other hand, even as Kilmar's case unfolds, it's unfolding in a country that looks different than it did just seven months ago.

Remember the meteor that hit the earth and killed all the dinosaurs?

That was in March.

We're all becoming inured to massed agents in the streets, armed troops in our cities, cracker barrel staying the same, and the FBI live tweeting the investigation of a mustachioed foe.

Again, John Bolton should not be targeted by the FBI.

He should be prosecuted by The Hague and maybe Sonic the Hedgehog.

I hate that hedgehog.

On Monday night, Trump announced he was attempting to fire Federal Reserve Board member Lisa Cook over mortgage fraud allegations concocted by Trump's funky at the Federal Housing Finance Agency.

Trump doesn't have the authority to fire Cook, just like he doesn't have the authority to take a 10% stake in Intel or hold back bridge funding approved by Congress because he doesn't like the governor.

But none of this matters because you have to believe in yourself.

Lisa Cook is now suing the Trump administration, saying she will not resign because no cause exists and Trump, quote, has no authority to do so.

Takes real courage to stand up to these freaks, like Ripley and Alien if the Xeno Morse had bad veneers and crypto wallets.

And the good news here is that Cook is not alone.

On Wednesday, the administration announced that CDC Director Susan Monarez, who fought back against RFK Jr.'s war on vaccines, has been ousted.

It all started when RFK caught her picking the fur out of the homemade muffins he bought in.

Fired for doing her job correctly, that's like if I fired my writers for telling me that Schopenhauer reference won't get a laugh.

But that's why genius must rise above the will.

Monoraz's lawyers released a statement saying that she is refusing to rubber stamp unscientific, reckless directives.

And as a person of integrity and devoted to science, she will not resign.

Release the bats, said Dr.

Monoraz.

Just kidding.

Just kidding.

Don't release the bats.

At least four top CDC officials announced their resignations on Wednesday after HHS restricted the ability for people to get COVID vaccines.

Dimitri Doskolakis, the CDC official tasked with overseeing vaccine policy and, I presume, Baklovov for office events,

I think it's a lot, wrote in his resignation letter that the influence of Kennedy's appointees to a CDC advisory panel will result in death and disability for vulnerable children and adults.

Classic Scorpio, said one of RFK Jr.'s vaccine advisors, slathering a poultice on his open pox wounds.

Our health agencies are being purged of experts because they've dared to disagree with our dilettante whackadoo HHS secretary who said this on wednesday and i know what a healthy child is supposed to look like i'm looking at kids as i walk through the airports today as i walk down the street and i see these kids that are just overburdened with mitochondrial challenges with inflammation you can tell they're from their faces from their body movements

and from their their lack of social connection.

Hey man, you may not know this, but nobody is looking their best when they come off a frontier airline flight with a layover in Denver after grabbing a personal pizza off the warming rack while running between gates in the longest terminal in human history.

Not all of us have a personal assistant to make sure our bear meat jerky is in our valise with our red light mask and testosterone gel.

That's not a mitochondrial challenge.

It's called being tired, but at least you've cracked the code for what will put a pep in the step of the next generation, measles.

Mitochondrial challenges?

That is fucking nonsense.

What are you talking about?

We can't vaccinate these kids.

Their humors are out of balance.

There's too much phlegm and not enough bile.

And what's crazy about RFK Jr.

specifically is that like there is nothing endemic to the Trump project that includes having a liberal fucking nutcase.

running this department.

Like you could have done the National Guard in our cities and the mass ICE agents and all of these fucking anti-trans policies.

Like you can see all of it fitting together as part of Project 2025 and the ideological project of Trump and his fucking goons without this fucking lunatic Kennedy running around HHS.

It's not necessary.

Things were fucking bad enough.

What the fuck?

It was like, we needed also this challenge.

Like Trump is responsible.

He was president when they rolled out the vaccine, a miracle that like saved millions of lives.

He could be taking credit for it right fucking now.

But to get a little bit of the freak vote in 2024, he puts this maniac in charge of our fucking medical care.

That's insane.

It wasn't necessary.

Like, this shit is crazy.

Like, every part of the puzzle fits together, unfortunately, but this piece was not necessary.

A guy that hits a bear with his car and then eats it?

That's not even fascist.

That job belongs to a fascist.

And of course, what goes hand in hand with a purge of independence from our government is the increasing sycophancy of the Trump goons that remain.

Here they are taking part in a blue ribbon ass kissing contest at his cabinet meeting this week.

It's an honor to do this job under the president's leadership.

You are the single finest candidate since the Nobel Peace, this Nobel

Talked about.

Thank you for your leadership, for your boldness, for your clarity, for common sense.

This is just such a great opportunity, really, to recognize your leadership.

It's pretty great to celebrate Labor Day with a builder who loves labor.

You have saved this country by making it the best place in the world to do business again.

You are really the transformational president of the American Worker, along with the American flag and President Roosevelt.

Marco Rubio is not pictured because he was under the table.

Not since Tycho Barahe's bladder exploded because he refused to excuse himself from a dinner with the king of Denmark has a group of people so debased themselves to be in proximity to power.

And this podcast is not too niche for television.

People love my Schopenhauer and Tycho Barahe references.

His nose was blown off by a cannon.

He tried to commit himself to a geocentric model, but his little assistant Copernicus had other ideas.

Coming soon, Nahul.

Also, in that meeting, Trump once again mused about dictatorship and how many people are starting to come around to the idea.

So the line is that I'm a dictator, but I stopped crying.

So a lot of people say, you know, if that's the case, I'd rather have a dictator.

Though in Trump's defense, the people who disagreed were hard to understand while hugging their children and asking if their cell phones would have reception in Uganda.

The lesson of this week's soft launch is there won't be a final line that Trump crosses.

There won't be a single moment where we realize the transition is complete, like when Anakin puts on the helmet or when Caitlin Jenner showed up on the cover of Vanity Fair with those incredible Yabos.

And the sluice way of our descent into fascism is being greased by some of the most powerful people and well-funded institutions in our society.

Paramount, Intel, Columbia, Harvard, major law firms, storied media companies, not to mention Republican politicians, as corporate titans tell their legal departments to stand down while they line up at the White House with compliments and gifts.

It's like the Northrop Grumman float at the Pride Parade meant fucking nothing.

And it tells us a lot about what led us into this mess, that somebody like Kilmar Abrego Garcia with no power and everything to lose has shown more courage and understanding of America than America's elite.

Regardless of what happens here today,

in my ice-checking, promise me this.

Promise me that you will continue to pray, continue to fight, resist, and love, not just for me, but for everybody.

Continue to demand freedom.

And it's not that I'm surprised that our corporate leaders are craven, it's that they're also so short-sighted.

Economies based on the ego of one man do not ultimately produce great returns.

I may be hopelessly optimistic, but I'm still Jewish.

On Thursday, a crowd of supporters showed up at the CDC to show solidarity with the staff members who resigned as they staged a walkout from their Atlanta headquarters.

And while they gave a slightly chillier reception to the malaria chimp walkout, and I'm a little nervous about what was in those petri dishes they threw to the crowd,

it was a poignant reminder, nobody's coming to save us.

We're going to have to save ourselves.

And in that spirit, I encourage everyone to burn the American flag as soon as possible.

Uh-oh, here comes the joke police, or as they call themselves, the police.

Because here's what Trump also said in that cabinet meeting.

Not that I don't have

the right to do anything I want to do.

I'm the president of the United States.

I have the right to do anything I want to do.

I'm the president.

If you think that sounds bad now, wait until you hear it while you're being pushed out of a helicopter.

Too much?

Deal with it.

Welcome to it.

That's it.

Again, as I've said repeatedly from this stage, if you're not where I'm at, Bad news for you.

I'm not going to meet you.

You're going to be here.

I'm here now, so you'll be here in two weeks.

You get here faster, okay, or you keep being surprised by how bad it all is.

Here I am,

seeing what's happening and talking about it.

Here are you, not yet ready to hear it.

Doesn't change what's fucking happening.

So join me quicker so we can get to the other side of this, please.

Because

I'm going to keep making these terrible jokes.

And the only difference between the hell where you're laughing and the hell where you're not is that.

because the jokes are perfect the

the jokes crush

shut up

coming up next martha plimpton

hey don't go anywhere there's more of love it or leave it coming up

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Let's listen in on a live, unscripted Challenger School class.

They're reviewing the American Revolution.

The British were initiating force and the Americans were retaliating.

Okay.

Where did they initiate force?

It started in their taxation without representation.

Why is that wrong?

The purpose of a government is to protect individual rights, and by encroaching on individual rights, they cannot protect them.

Welcome to eighth grade at Challenger School.

Learn more at challengerschool.com.

And we're back!

Please welcome to the stage.

The queen of, oh my God, I love her, is the incredible Martha Plimpton.

A dog.

I didn't know we were getting a dog.

Hi.

Hi.

So nice to meet you.

I'll just say hi to the dog.

Hi.

Can I say hello to this guy?

So sweet.

Say hello.

His name is Walter.

Walter?

This is Walter.

Oh, he's got lipstick on his head.

I saw that.

I thought it was like, is that a

kissed him right before we came out for good luck?

And he's just got a little lipstick on his head, but he goes everywhere with me.

Hi.

Hi, nice to meet you.

Thanks for being here.

Thanks for having having me.

I didn't want to say that.

Hi, everybody.

Hi.

You know what's crazy about you?

What?

You're not related to George Plimpton.

Yes.

By him.

But like by many removed.

No, like he's my mother's second cousin.

Yeah.

So that's really.

That's just a person.

That's nothing.

That's related.

That's a stranger.

Not really.

I mean, they're related.

Yeah.

They're totally related.

Okay.

Or they were before he died.

I don't think you stopped being related when you die.

No, no.

Otherwise,

how would we know anything?

Yeah, that's actually true.

But like if we did like an ancestry thing, which I almost did, but then I gave someone my DNA to mail for me and

I don't know whatever happened to the package of my DNA,

but it never arrived.

Is that what we're calling it now?

Uh-huh.

But it never arrived at Ancestry Headquarters.

And then I just said, well, fuck it.

I'm not even going to bother because this was obviously, this is all a scam and they're just going to use it to just track us all.

And

anyway, I just forgot about it.

You know what's interesting?

Everyone's always like, they're going to use it to track us.

You don't use the particle app.

It's a conspiracy to track us.

And it's like, to know what

that

once in a while I go to a bar for a birthday party.

It's like, oh, no, now Palantir's on my trail.

Well, I don't really mind it either, just because

I live alone.

I'm a very solitary, isolated person, which I enjoy.

I don't have a problem with it.

But to be tracked or followed would kind of be exciting.

It would be fun.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

But I have a feeling that the DNA stuff, I don't know.

I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but there's got to be something.

If a corporation is doing it like a big corporation, there's got to be something wrong with it.

You know what I'm saying?

I totally agree.

Every once in a while, I'll go to Del Taco and get those tacos.

Yeah, there's definitely something wrong with that.

I don't know why I do that.

I don't know either, man.

I don't like them.

I don't like them.

They're not good.

Should go to Paquito Moss.

They're much better tacos.

Yeah.

Del Taco's not a good scene.

I know.

I have a sickness.

Yeah.

I have a sickness.

I have a real sickness, Martha Plimpton, relative of George Plimpton, kind of.

Second cousin was removed.

Yep.

Which is nothing.

No, it's totally related.

It is.

We even were at a family reunion once.

Right.

At the same time.

Plimpton Fest, 97.

If there are Plimptons in the world, we're related.

It's a beautiful name.

It's a very unusual, strange name.

Well,

people call me Dumpton or Pimpleton or Plumpton.

What's a beautiful thing about the word Plimpton is no part of it is a real word, but every part of it sounds almost like a word.

Plimpton, Plimpton, Plimpton, Plimpton,

Plimpton.

You say it enough times.

It's beautiful.

It starts to sound like a...

Yeah.

Say it enough times.

It starts to sound like another language.

And then you say it more times and more times.

Then you start to feel really silly.

It starts to sound silly again.

Oh, I know what I was going to ask.

What?

Did you have to do a Delco accent in this show you're about to be in?

No.

Because you're in a show that's from the mayor of East Town people.

Yes.

And you're, but do new characters.

Right.

Mayor of East Town.

Mayor, not mayor.

Mayor.

I know.

Mayor, not mayor.

Mayor.

Mayor.

Yeah, mayor.

Yeah.

A real thinker of a name.

Yeah.

But this one's not called that.

It's called something else, like go or think or task.

It's called task.

Oh, yeah, I got it.

Got it.

That's cool.

Yeah.

Wait, but you don't have to do the accent?

No, thank God.

But other people do it?

Yes, and very well.

And most of them are British.

Oh, wow.

Because, you know, the Mayor of East Town, they're doing this

accent, an accent that runs from Philadelphia to Baltimore.

You know, that one.

It's called, it's a Delco accent.

You're actually coming close to it with what you're doing right now.

Yeah, I'm trying to, I'm getting, I can only get close to it.

You know, water, water, wooder.

Yeah.

Delco accent.

It's like Delco.

Yeah, it's like that.

It's like you widen your your mouth a little bit.

It's like you widen your mouth, but then pretend you're doing a British accent almost.

It's hard.

It's really hard.

It's like the trifecta.

It's like

Philly or Delco, and then New Orleans, like deep, deep Cajun New Orleans accents, and then like deep South Africa Afrikaans accents.

Those are the three that are like, forget it.

Yeah, that's what I say too.

They are

like the major trifecta of impossibility.

So, yeah, no, I didn't have to.

Luckily, I just play a boss, and so I don't have to worry about accent.

It's like, oh, yeah, she's just the one from LA.

Yeah, yeah,

yeah.

Or you can, you know,

I'm like the special agent in charge of the Philly field office.

So you don't, there's no need to know my background or anything.

I'm just, you know, I'm just an FBI person.

And who did it?

Who did it?

On the show.

Who did it?

Oh, who did it?

I'm not going to tell you.

Smart.

Got to watch it.

Stupid of me to ask.

It's really good.

It's really good.

Actually, it's not really a who done it.

It's more of a.

How do you do it?

It's more of like a

sort of story-driven tale of desperate people in desperate.

Yeah, but somebody's dead, right?

Oh, a lot of people have died.

Okay, thank God.

A lot of people die.

Got to get them hooked on that part of it.

People like that part of it.

Lots of people die.

But you've been performing since you were a kid.

Yeah.

You've been in it, which is why it it is time for a second week

that we call for the one person in the background.

Nice.

It's time for a game we call.

Was I in this?

Here's how it works.

Martha and I will ask the audience questions, and you're going to shout yes or no if she was in it or not.

True.

Together.

True or false.

All right.

Okay.

Let's kick this off.

I'll kick it off.

Martha played Spitfire tomboy Steph in the 80s kid classic, The Goonies.

Yeah, that's true.

No.

No, yes, yes.

You're right.

You're right.

What was Sloth like on set?

Inaudible.

Because he had all that prosthetic makeup and that whole mask on his poor, the poor man was sweating.

You know, it was that wonderful actor.

Well,

huh?

No, no.

I'm sorry.

John Matusak.

Did you just shout out

the wrong name

of a person at Martha Plimpton who was in the film?

Yeah.

Filling the brief silence before she said the correct name, which she was always going to do.

Where do you get off?

Where do you get the gumption?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, no, it wasn't Lyle Alzedo.

It was John Matusak.

Rest his soul.

Bless him.

He was a lovely guy.

Don't you think it's a weird movie to have become a cult classic?

Like, of all the movies you see as kids, you're like, that one?

The one with the monsters underground?

And the ship?

I know.

It's very strange, but it is.

I don't know why.

Something about it.

It's just got some crazy magic thing about it.

I don't know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And that lady from Throw Mama from the Train.

I know.

And Ramsey.

And Ramsey.

Ann Ramsey.

Yeah.

She was also lovely.

May she rest in peace.

Yeah.

And they both died by murder-suicide.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, wait, Martha, you're up.

All right.

So I played Celia, the lobbyist singer, and the voice of Lizzie Borden in Dante's Inferno.

There's two, like everybody's saying different things.

True or false?

It's true.

It's true.

It's true.

I was in 2007's Dante's Inferno, a feature-length puppet movie about Dante's journey through the underworld.

So what happened?

Had you like hit Domert Moroney with your car or something?

And he had something over you?

No, that was a different movie.

Oh.

Was he not involved in this?

Oh, he might have been.

I think he might have been, actually, because,

yeah,

it's been a while since I've seen it.

Dante's Inferno.

Yeah, but I did another movie with Dermot.

Yeah, it was called Samantha.

Yeah.

Martha plays FBI agent Kathleen McGinty in HBO's upcoming Trime Series Task.

Well, we did that.

Yeah, it's coming out September 7th.

We just want to make sure we hit the plug.

Thank you.

Isn't this a silly show?

You wouldn't know it, but I've done this hundreds of times.

It's wild.

It's wild.

I feel, surprisingly, I feel like I'm doing it for the very first time, which I am.

You are raising hope.

I was.

I love that show.

With Shannon Woodward, who's a friend?

Yes, Shannon Woodward.

She moved away.

Yeah, she moved to New York.

I know.

I know.

I love her.

What a show that was.

It was amazing.

It feels like a show that danced between the raindrops because it was so insane that it existed and survived for as long as it did.

And it should have kept going.

Really should have.

It got hit by a raindrop at some point.

Yeah, it got hit by a raindrop.

I'm going to see Shannon when I go to New York for the task premiere.

She's coming with me.

That's sweet.

Yeah.

Give her my regards.

I will.

I will.

Oh, oh, next.

Oh, you do the next one.

Okay, so

I made my feature debut in 1971's Klute with Jane Fonda and Donald Sutherland, for which she won the Oscar for Best Actress.

True or false?

True.

It's false.

No, I was born in November 1970.

So I would have been.

Do you remember the scene with that toddler and Klute?

Remember Klunt, that scene with the fucking little baby?

Do you remember the tiny

30-month-old infant?

No.

I made my feature debut in the 1981,

10 years later, film Rollover with Jane Fonda and Chris Christopherson, for which he won the Razzie for worst actor.

There you are.

Chris Christopherson's cool.

But the most erotic thing in their world was money.

John.

He is relatable.

Yeah.

Wait, I'm throwing out the format.

You were in a John Waters comedy called Pecker.

Yes.

Wow.

Yes.

But what was your John Waters experience?

It was great.

I loved it.

Now, that was another hard accent, the Baltimore accent.

Yes, it's all in that.

That is really tough.

It's really tough, that one.

And I don't think I pulled it off that well.

No, come on.

But doing the movie was a lot of fun.

And the wig that I wore in that movie was Ricky Lake's wig from.

Serial mom or hairspray?

Crybaby.

Crybaby?

Is she in Crybaby?

Or maybe maybe it was hairspray anyway she was i wore her wig in pecker yeah and i also went to high school with her so

that was fun she's very positive super positive wow yeah that's not my are you positive as a person day to day

you posted on instagram asking actors to speak up about what's happening in the country yeah uh is that where you're at in some of the roles you're picking out you're in a uh sovereign with with uh nick offerman and jacob Tremblay.

Yeah.

He was in Room.

Yeah, he was in Room, that really beautiful movie.

Well, scary, terrible movie.

It's about a terrible subject, but it's a really beautifully done film, really beautifully performed film.

And though, Sovereign, we did, and I hope people will go and see it or get it on Amazon or wherever the hell people watch movies nowadays.

It's a really, really beautifully written movie, really, really well done.

And it's about this, a person who calls himself a sovereign citizen.

You know, these people who don't believe that there's any sort of government, that, you know, it's all fake, that you don't need a driver's license, that, you know what I mean?

I've seen them on TikTok where they're like, you can't arrest me.

I'm a sovereign citizen.

I'm like, all right, tell to the judge.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's about one of those people and his son.

And it's sort of like the struggles of them.

I don't know how to say it without getting really serious, but it's a really beautiful movie.

But that's not why I decided to do it.

It was just a a really lovely small part.

And I know Nick for many years, and I loved the screenplay.

So that's why I did it.

But it wasn't because of any, I'm not going out there looking for political content to act in or anything.

I just do what seems fun.

And a film about a sovereign citizen who loses his shit and goes on the run from the law seemed like a lot of fun.

Martha Flimshin, everybody watched TAS.

It's on September 7th, when we're back.

Siri Dahl and Jamie Lomp just make us uncomfortable.

Hey, don't go anywhere.

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And we're back.

Joining me now to discuss my least favorite topic after my clothes, my posture, and my gait.

It's Siri Dahl and Jamie Loftus.

Come on.

Thank you both for being here.

Hi, hi, hi.

Welcome.

Welcome.

Hello.

Hi.

Siri.

Hi, hello, yes.

You're a porn star.

I am.

Jamie, you wrote a book about hot dogs.

And I'm a porn star.

Nah, you wrote a book about horn stars.

I wrote a book about hot dogs.

Jamie, you have the spirit of a porn star.

I don't know what I mean by that, but it's a vibe.

Thank you so much.

Ultimately, I did write a book about hot dogs.

Which is what made this a natural pairing.

So, Siri, you're hosting an upcoming 12-hour corn telethon

to benefit Swap and Suede, which is a mutual aid and outreach project for sex workers.

Why do you do the telethon?

So, what we want to do is not only just raise funds for these really important mutual aid nonprofit orgs, but we want to entertain people while also educating people.

And last year, which was the first telethon we did, it was all about warning people about the threat of Project 2025.

And now we're here.

We are where we are.

And the immediate threat as far as in my industry, in like the adult industry, and with a lot of people who work in creative art in any way, the threat immediately is censorship and like deplatforming and the threat of losing our access to free speech.

So that's the message of this year's telethon is free speech is for everybody.

And if we don't defend it like with everything we have, we will lose it.

We are in the process of losing it right now.

And

porn can often be the canary in the coal mine because it's easier to target and it quickly expands from there, especially when you see in Project 2025 that they explicitly say their goal is to go after pornography because they believe that the first amendment doesn't protect it and they consider

what they're calling you know gender ideology or some version of that they consider that a form of pornography so you can quickly see yes where this leads now i didn't know that there was pornography on the internet so i educated myself for this event i'm so glad to help you learn about this and i would love to hear about the research process well i just here's my question

how are these stepmoms getting stuck in the dryer what's going on with the dryer Look, have you never just accidentally leaned too far into the dryer?

Constantly getting stuck in the dryer.

I mean, it's just a lot of simulated sex because none of these people seem to be married.

It is, though.

It's right there on page five of the foreword to Project 2025.

The pornography should be banned.

It should be made illegal.

Everyone who produces or assists in its distribution should be thrown in jail.

And they also, in that same paragraph, classify quote-unquote transgender ideology as pornographic.

Right.

So they're very explicit about what they're trying to do.

And Jamie, you've been part of the Corn Telethon in the past.

Yes.

As a hot dog expert, what makes you so passionate about the Corn Telethon?

Well, I, I mean, I'm passionate about the Corn Telethon because I'm passionate about Siri and I'm also passionate about all of the incredible advocacy work she does.

And most importantly, I'm passionate about appearing in public dressed as corn, which is what Siri let me do last year.

We wore corn suits.

We wore corn suits, the kind of suit that has a little bit, a little like inflator in it.

Now, one thing the telethon has been talking about is a bill called COSA.

It's called, it's the Kids Online Safety Act.

Now,

this is a bipartisan bill.

It's sponsored by some Republicans and by Democrats, including Richard Blumethal, Chuck Schumer.

who everyone here loves for a whole variety of reasons.

It passed the Senate.

It was actually stomped in the House by Republicans, including, of all people, Mike Johnson of

that app that we remember about the porn app.

So something interesting's happening.

Covenantized.

Covenantized.

Covenantized, yes.

But it was stopped because Republicans had concerns about censorship and freedom of speech, which was an interesting development, though.

augers poorly for its future given that they can be brought on board because the bill has been changed a bunch.

Now, this is ostensibly to do something that a lot of people consider common sense, which is, hey, the internet is very dangerous for kids.

It just is.

Social media is dangerous.

There's a lot of stuff that kids should not see.

There's pornography that should be free for adults to find and make and, you know, enjoy and cry after, whatever they do.

But kids shouldn't see it.

And this is a bill to try to get it out of kids' hands, but you're worried about the unintended consequences of it.

Could you talk about that?

Yeah, I mean, there are many unintended consequences.

So, first of all, there have already been eight versions of age verification laws passed in 24 states in the U.S.

And there's several more that are in the works currently that aren't in effect yet.

And so, COSA is also kind of just like a national level version of one of these bills.

So, but we have enough AV laws in states around the U.S.

that we can already kind of start to see the effects because the first ones went into effect in 2023.

So, we know enough now to generally see kind of the effects of these.

And overwhelmingly, they're just just not effective at protecting kids in the way that they claim that they want to do.

First of all, we have VPNs.

So people who want to find the content without having to verify their age are just going to use a VPN.

In the example of like Louisiana, because Louisiana actually has a state ID wallet app that makes it really easy.

It's like the easiest possible version of doing an ID verification if you live in Louisiana and want to look at porn.

Most people still don't do that, even though they have the easiest way of doing it that actually is like technically safer than like a third-party third-party verification system.

Like for example, Pornhub has stated that they lost 80% of their traffic in the state of Louisiana, even though it was still really easy for people to verify.

And when you see that statistic, it's like, well, we know, I mean, I, come on, it's 80% of people didn't just stop watching porn like in Louisiana.

They're going to a different website.

They're going to another website that is not based in the U.S., that has no duty to comply with U.S.

law.

They don't verify uploaders.

They don't have any moderation practice at all.

And so what these laws are doing is literally driving traffic to far worse places than what any of us want to imagine.

And it's just a nightmare situation.

And then also, when it comes to the specific ways that bills like COSA want to force age verification on a bunch of websites, including in many cases, like social media websites.

They're requiring like some sort of third-party, typically third-party age verification system.

And what we just saw a couple weeks ago with the T-App data breach, even though the specific circumstances around that were like slightly different, or from years ago, the Ashley-Madison data breach, like, do we really want to have to give our biometric data and our government ID to an adult-oriented website just to prove that we're of age to look at it when

all that's doing is creating the perfect storm of like surveillance and data leak risk, essentially.

And would any of these rules apply to gay porn?

Unfortunately, yes.

And because I recently found out about that, and I was like, oh, wow.

Cool.

Oh, my God.

Wow.

I guess they must use some kind of a glue to shoot these things.

I know what the alternative would be.

Back to the topic at hand.

So

I actually was like reading about the bill and actually reading some of the proponents, Democratic proponents' response to these criticisms.

And I came away feeling not conflicted about the danger that this specific bill poses.

But you look at this bill and you say, okay, some things are obvious.

We should not give the Trump administration tools to go after.

speech it doesn't like, even if the authors claim that there are enough guardrails in place.

Like I worry that that will be exploited.

And I have have the same concern that this will just push people to even less regulated sites.

And smart kids can get around anything using technology that their parents don't understand.

Like there's a lot of ways around this, sure.

But this is speaking to a genuine problem, right?

Like, which is the internet, parents feel out of control.

They feel a lot of pressure for their kids to have phones because the other kids have phones.

They feel it's really harmful.

The evidence is clear.

It is harmful.

Forget anything related to pornography.

Like social media is really harmful.

Like, do you see people advocating for a positive way to answer these concerns?

So, you're not seeing something pushed like COSA?

Absolutely.

Yeah, there's been a lot of message.

So, the Free Speech Coalition, which is a like trade group representing the adult industry, they've fought in many, they've been in multiple Supreme Court cases since they formed in like the early 90s, some of which they've won.

And they recently lost one that was them challenging the age verification law in Texas, which is really a bad arbiter of things to come.

But

so, for example, the Free Speech Coalition has been really vocal about arguing in favor of device-based age verification.

And it's kind of wild that more people aren't aware of this like being an option because it's readily right there.

The problem with device-based age verification, and to clarify on what that means, it's like, look, we all have our smartphones.

There could be a step.

in the setting up of the device where you are verifying your age and that information is staying private within the device itself, but then it just sort of like age gates everything you access within the device.

The technology to do this exists.

And the only reason it's not being used in a way that it could be is because to do device-based age verification the right way, you have to have device manufacturers on board.

It has to be literally like built into the software of like Android and iPhone and et cetera.

So it essentially would come down to regulating big tech.

Yeah.

And Apple recently came out for COSA.

And maybe that has to do with this, but that's also in part because a patchwork of state rules is also very difficult for these companies to deal with.

And, you know, look, whatever Mike Johnson's reasons for opposing this bill, part of it is that COSA was also opposed by Google and some of these big companies.

It's a non-ideological fight.

It doesn't look like a lot of other political fights because there's a lot of different

interests involved here.

Okay, Jamie.

Yeah.

Hi.

Hi.

I wanted to ask you, you also have a podcast called We the Unhoused.

You produce it with iHeart, right?

Yes, I do.

And I imagine your recent episodes have been like a laugh riot.

Oh, yeah, no, no, everything is getting much better.

Uh, but just tell people about it because I think it's a great show.

Oh, thank you.

Um, yeah, We the Unhoused is a show that I've been producing for the last couple of years, but it's existed since uh 2019.

It was started by uh host and creator, uh, my friend Theo Henderson.

Um, he started it on the streets of LA when he was unhoused in the late 2010s.

And it is still, I mean, kind of shockingly, kind of the only podcast of its kind where it's

a formerly unhoused host talking to unhoused people and unhoused advocates directly instead of talking to people speaking on behalf of them, most of who have never actually spoken to or have a vested interest in unhoused people.

So

Theo has been making this show for years.

Yeah,

I talked to him for the show.

He's wonderful.

And

more recently, I mean, particularly in the last year since Grants

passed in the Supreme Court, which basically makes it effectively illegal to be unhoused anywhere in the U.S.,

there has been a severe escalation

in police state brutalization of unhoused people.

It used to exist sort of in more localized ways, but now you can have, you know, Gavin Newsom walk out and just be like, hey, here is this unhoused encampment.

And on television, I am going to throw an unhoused person's belongings away and be like, we did it with absolutely no understanding.

I mean, even the mayor of this city, Karen Bass, does very, very similar actions.

And so Theo's show is very much about pushing back against that and seeing what are the circumstances that lead to one becoming unhoused and pushing back against all of the stereotypes that exist.

So most recently, we went to Coachella Valley a couple of weeks ago with a bunch of incredible organizers with primarily Polo's Pantry, but all of these other great local orgs.

Because there are so many migrant farmers in Coachella Valley who have been directly under attack continuously, because about 40%

of the folks that are being serviced in these mutual aid groups who are migrant farmers or are families of migrant farmers are unhoused or at risk of being unhoused.

And so, while these mutual aid efforts have existed for a long time, now there is this really escalated feeling of a fear to even receive aid.

And so that was why we went out there to talk to organizers and to talk to

recipients and current or former farmers about, like, you know, not only what is the direct fear that so many people are experiencing, where, you know, during lockdown, at very least, people felt comfortable going to get aid as long as they were masked.

But now there is no comfort in getting aid.

And where you used to see, you know, full families coming and it became this big community event, now there is sort of this anxiety and there's like sort of representatives for families and there's a drive-through system and

there are U-Hauls organized by mutual aid organizations to go to neighborhoods directly for people who don't feel comfortable.

going to these community events because they're afraid that ICE agents are going to be there.

But it is cool to talk to organizers and sort of figure out how people are

constantly sort of working around the state to make aid happen.

I'm really sorry for what's about to happen.

Mm-hmm.

You know what that sound means.

Wait a while.

You know what that sound means?

Well, everyone and their stepbrother might be.

I claimed to only fapped in the most conventional conventional beauties in the most socially acceptable scenarios.

Actual user data reveals another reality entirely.

So let's turn over the rock and see what these little porn potato bucks are up to in a quiz.

We're calling porn save America, of course.

Based on porn ups 2024 year and review search data, are you both ready?

Jamie, Siri, here we go.

Question one.

Speaking of conservative, porn up says in 2024, one search term spiked to whopping 122%.

Was it A, Modest MILF, B, Tradwife, or C, Mormon threesome?

Siri.

Trad wife.

That's wrong.

No.

It was Mormon threesome.

Trad wife spiked 72% and modest MILF a mere 45%.

Wow.

It was Mormon threesome at number one.

Trad wife must have been 2023 then, because I swear to God, that was one that had a spicy.

Tough year for modest MILFs.

Next question.

According to Pornhub's Global Porn Map, what's the most viewed category in France?

No options?

No options.

We just have to guess.

Just guess.

Nothing?

Yeah.

It's actually, when you hear the answer, you'll understand why you could get it.

American.

Close.

Kind of mean.

Correct, except the answer is just French.

Their number one search term was French or Française.

French, yes.

Canada, it's lesbian.

That trap.

In Brazil, it's Brazilian.

In a lot of South America, it is anal.

Wow.

I don't know.

I don't make the rules.

All of, yeah, Russia is anal.

Mongolia is searching for Japanese.

All of Russia.

But it's interesting.

What unites the Norwegians and sort of East Central Asia is love of the MILF.

Isn't that interesting?

Finnish people.

But are they modest is the question.

question.

Are they trad wife wolves?

Right, right.

Ought to think about.

Australian Canada searching for a lesbian.

I do feel like this map could heal the world.

I think.

In a sense, a little bit every day it does.

Yes.

Next up, red states might look at California as Gemara to New York, Sodom, but they're just as big of freaks as we are.

At least the red states we still have information about since Pornhub is now blocked in 21 of them.

But as part of their fact fighting, the site identified some really interesting popular state-specific searches.

I'm going to give you the search terms.

You guess which state is disproportionately searching for them the most.

Are you ready?

Yes.

First up,

who's searching for Cubana?

Florida.

Correct.

Whoa, that was fast.

Next up,

it's Harry Bush.

And I'll give you a hint, it's in New England.

Massachusetts?

No.

Maine.

Yes.

Yeah, of course it's Maine.

Of course, it's Maine.

That makes makes sense.

I've really cleaned up in Maine in the past.

Which date is searching for naked women?

Oh my god.

Oh God, Utah?

It's on the East Coast.

Okay.

Ooh.

Who is just like in Maryland?

Close.

Pennsylvania.

Okay.

Pennsylvania is just like naked women.

Naked women, that's

their first day at sex.

And

which state's searching for queef?

I'll give you a hint.

They consider themselves to be very refined, very wealthy, very, very sophisticated.

Connecticut?

Correct.

Connecticut

Connecticut Kweeif.

Wow.

I'm going to tell you a porn category.

And you tell me if it was more or less popular than the category of threesome.

Okay?

Lesbian.

More.

Correct.

Cartoon.

Less.

Correct.

Female orgasm.

Less.

Much less.

Transgender.

More.

More.

More popular.

It's the seventh most popular category, dropping a spot over being overtaken by mature.

But an interesting data point about our country being so riven by trans people everywhere.

Meanwhile, people get on those keyboards.

There's some unity there.

Yep.

Now, the top category for Gen Z was, of course, vertical video.

But what?

Got them.

Got them.

But what was the most popular relative category for baby boomers?

What is a greater preponderance for them versus other generations?

Either something really twisted or really boring.

I want to say it's going to be like really uncomfortable, like teen or like barely legal or something.

Wow.

That's because you're in it.

And I will say if that were the answer, I wouldn't have put it on the card.

Okay, good.

I think what's interesting is...

I've been 16 being 18 and 19.

Of course, of course.

Yeah.

Twisted but normal is kind of right

in a sense.

Okay.

In a sense.

Huh.

I'll just tell you, it's strap-on.

The baby boomers are searching for strap-on.

That's right.

That's their biggest relative search.

There it is.

There it is.

You can see it.

Boomers.

So boomers are searching for strap-on.

There it is.

Wow.

There it is, right there in the data.

They're probably searching it because they're trying to Google what it is.

Yeah.

You can tell that they're old heads too because they're the only people that are putting fingering on the chart.

Yeah.

Old-fashioned, in a sense.

Fingering numbers up it was this like for last year 2020 that's it's 2024 so i bet once the 2025 data comes out we'll see the boomers having educated themselves on what a strap-on is then the next top one will be probably pegging right i think such an such an important point the last thing you learn before you die is

Here's the relative search map, top map of the states.

So we have, oh, geez.

So these are the ones that are searched for more, not the most popular searches in those states, but the ones where this state is searching for it much more than other states are searching for it.

So a lot of really interesting things seem to rise to the top about.

Oh my God.

Wisconsin P is jumping out to me.

I would say Colorado Foot Job, which is

Oregon Furry is calling to me.

There's a million band names on the board here.

Colorado Foot Job sounds something like, uh-oh, the Denver mob is up to their old tricks again.

Pennsylvania, again, searching for what?

Naked women.

Rhode Island, very sweetly, searching for wedding.

Oh.

Those freaks.

That, you know what?

It's that clear broth in the chowder.

It's a clear broth.

There's a soft, sweet, you know, peppers in the...

Come on, all right.

Wait, Alaska, though, not just anal, but anal dildo.

And Missouri grandma.

Serious.

There's a serious point in all of this, which is

there is something revealing about the truth people tell when they're searching.

And I'm wondering if you've just felt that in now being advocating against censorship publicly to rooms full of people that are in their hearts

you know freaks yeah but in but you know it's covet and eyes in the streets it's uh grandma dildo in the sheets you know what i'm saying it 100 what's that like what do you do you feel that when you're advocating for that like what what have you learned like in in sort of trying to convince people to to be honest about this in public Well, one of the most notable things that I see from just, it's kind of like coming from trolls, but it sounds, it's a lot of times coming from people who are just like normal folks.

It's like the opinion of like, well, I'm not worried about this because like maybe it's the best in the end if we just ban porn anyway.

Like this is just bad for our brains.

So I think that's the most like kind of alarming take that I do regularly encounter that seems to have really captured so many people is like this fully buying into the not very accurate information that porn is like changing your brain chemistry.

It's melting your brain.

And it's that's been debunked so many times scientifically.

But beyond that, I do think that like part of that attitude is coming from this, this, just kind of the way that media has

portrayed porn as this thing that's like, in some way,

like exploiting people's attention, which to be fair, yeah, maybe it is doing that, but so are all of the other things that we're looking at all day.

There just needs to be more education about tools that people can use, for one.

And then overall, this is maybe the biggest one in the in the gap between these two things is

we don't have any sex ed in this country.

So if we're wondering why younger people are looking, trying to find porn gee, maybe it's because they're like, what's happening during sex?

I would like to know.

Because no one is telling me.

I think Mr.

Pappas, the gym teacher slash coach slash sex ed teacher,

I think he helped us plenty.

Yeah.

And I mean, just people who work an adult, we don't want kids to see our stuff.

Like this is, it's, it's really frustrating to work in the industry.

And I've been making my living doing this for like well over a decade now.

And like, you know, yeah, once in a while I get someone being like, oh, you're, you want kids to see it?

I'm like, no, that's the most horrifying thing I can think of.

I don't want anyone who's underage to ever have access to my content.

I would prefer that we don't have to pass overreaching anti-constitutional laws in order to achieve that end.

But I think the moral panic essentially about kids having access to this online content is really stemming from the fact that like we know kids are curious.

We know they're going to look for this stuff.

So can we just get our shit together like and like be a little more realistic about it?

You know, the puritanical approach is not doing anyone any favors.

Final question.

What was the most popular search term the world over?

Number one global porn search term according to Pornhub

Is it A hentai, B A I Milse or C Hoctua?

Oh no, is it Hoctua?

It's a hentai for the fourth straight year.

And here, I didn't even know you could have sex with a car.

I thought it was Hoctua.

I was going to say it.

Look, the world is still normal in some ways.

Hentai is still number one.

I did take advantage of the Hoctua search thing on Pornhub and upload a video with Hoctua in the title last year.

I'm so sorry.

Look, SEO, baby.

SEO works for podcasts, works for other stuff.

We'll be right back.

back.

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And we're back.

Breaking news.

Love it or leave it is coming back to New York City on Wednesday, November 5th.

I'll be at the Crown Hill Theater in Brooklyn.

How many times will I attempt a Brooklyn accent?

Stay tuned.

You can also expect an unhinged recap of the previous night's mayoral election.

So that'll be an interesting timing.

Tickets go on sale September 6th, but to get the best seats, you have to join the Friends of the Pod community for access to the pre-sale code.

And to get your tickets early, sign up through the link at crooked.com slash events.

Also, we have a new podcast out called Shadow Kingdom Coal Survivor.

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It's the rise and fall of this union and one of the most powerful labor leaders in the country in the height of America's Cold War.

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All right.

Now it's time.

Thank you.

Now it's time for a segment we're calling Something Old, Something Ew.

Here's how it works.

Oh, we're getting married.

Jesus.

Inspired by.

Oh my God.

Everybody is incredibly excited by the recent announcement of the engagement of Jamie Loftus.

Thank you so much.

Yeah, that's the one.

I will say we had better engagement photos and it wasn't hard to clear.

I'm sorry, if we're talking about the Taylor Swift engagement photos, I could have done that at my high school.

Come on.

What do you mean?

What's wrong with them?

I'm just saying that they are there.

Well, part of the appeal of Taylor, right, is that she is just like us and but but I I'm like you're a billionaire you're a billionaire and I need like a golden arch like I don't understand it was it was a room full of flowers I'm just saying they're okay someone's gonna shoot me

yeah this was the night Jamie died but at this point it is like suicide by cops if you tempt the Swifties

When I'm ready to go, I'm just going to say something a little bit mean about Taylor Swift in public.

In honor of yours and Taylor Swift's engagement, we're going to share one wedding tradition we'd like to do away with.

This is actually helpful because I'm trying to figure out a wedding and I would like advice on things we shouldn't do that are part of the traditions.

All right, so let's see who's up first.

Jamie, you're up first.

Okay, so this is, I was looking through

the

traditions, the trends.

There's so many of them.

My approach is I'm going to do everything and the things that don't apply to me, I'm going to be extra aggressive about.

For example, my dad is dead, right?

And I was like, oh, you want him to walk me down the aisle?

Oh, you want us to dance?

Well, guess what?

We're going to dance.

So options.

Here's what I float.

I've got...

some ashes

so we've got so there is i have a pitch i have a pitch when you're done i have a pitch Okay, because it was like, we could, you know, have the jar on a little like butler thing and take it down.

Or cardboard cutout, I think, is fun.

So here's what I think we do.

Okay.

Go down to

UCLA or USC.

You flirt with a lab technician, somebody that works in the biological department.

He leaves a door unlocked Friday.

You grab that skeleton that they hang in the classroom.

It'll be back Monday.

It'll be back Monday.

They won't know.

It's just a favor.

And what an interesting way for your donation to be used.

Then it's time for the father-daughter dance.

And you dance with a fucking skeleton.

And like, are you happy?

Are you happy?

And then I start crying in the middle of the dance, and no one knows what to do.

But then you just take the bones and you caress your own cheek with them.

Weddings are ultimately a social experiment, I feel.

And like that is another option, if I could find one, is like an actor who looks like my dad, but 20% hotter.

That would scare everybody.

Especially my mom.

That would be awesome.

Like if it was a slightly hotter version of my, not like bombshell my dad,

but like hotter my dead dad.

And these are all great pitches.

I think they don't exist, not to roast him, but they're, you know, they're out there i think the bones thing is the winner

uh let's spin it again

siri what's a tradition you think we should do away with okay so let me start by saying i'm i'm permanently engaged i'm not gonna no one needs to cop for me it's not a recent thing My partner and I got engaged.

We started planning a wedding and then we were like, never mind.

So we canceled it.

And we're never just, we're still engaged.

It's fun.

It's really fun.

You should try it.

I do.

I recommend it.

It's a good time.

So that being said, when at the point that we were planning the wedding and I was actually thinking about all these things, it was like the one thing that really annoyed me was the custom of like the dress is a secret.

you know, until you walk out during the ceremony.

And I think the reason that this bothered me, because I really had to like have a good think about it.

And I think it's annoying to me because it feels too heteronormative.

Like I'm not, I'm not straight and my partner's also not straight.

And so it felt real weird to have this, and not just in the dress sense, but also the whole process of like the day of the ceremony where you're getting ready and it's completely gender segregated.

Like why?

Because we have the same mutual friends for the most part.

And when we toured a venue that we were looking at getting, they were like, here's the groom's getting ready area and the bride's getting ready area.

And I was like, where's the combo area?

I just want to like get ready together.

Well, it's also silly to be like, oh, no, we're going to jinx the wedding.

Like one out of two weddings are jinxed.

There's like, yeah, I don't think it's the fact that he saw you in your dress.

Yeah, that's not it.

The thing I like, I didn't know this was a thing until my friends started getting married.

The like picture that some people do where before they see each other, they hold hands from around a corner and they whisper to each other.

I love you so much.

Like,

I saw my cousin doing that and I was like, what is she up to?

And they're like, no, that's a sacred moment.

And I was like, and I told, I asked her later, I was like, what, like, what did he say to you?

She's like, I don't know.

I couldn't hear.

He was probably like, what's your dress look like?

There's such a like language of

photography and style and all those kinds of things.

We got engaged on vacation and the hotel had a photographer.

And we were like, oh, we want to do some pictures because we look nice and we'll take.

And

he was putting us in these different positions.

And at a certain point, I'm like, oh my God, these are silhouettes.

He's doing silhouettes.

And I was trying really hard to just be a person on vacation and not what I am in this world, which is an extremely specific.

boss

with a lot of very strong opinions about how things are supposed to sound and look.

And then, so, and I was being really cool about it.

I was being so cool.

I was was like, oh yeah, sure.

Yeah, we'll jog on the beach.

Fuck.

And then, and then finally I like broke.

I broke.

And I was like, no, no, center it.

You stand over there.

We're going to sit right here.

Frame it up.

Closer, closer, closer.

No, no, no.

Middle.

Move to the center.

Move to the center.

Right there, right there.

Lower yourself down a little bit more.

Give us a second.

Great.

Thank you.

And it got very intense just at the end.

And those are like, we got one or two pictures out of it because I was just like, I can't take this anymore.

You got usables, though.

Yeah, I got to get some usables, as they say.

Yeah.

I didn't know.

This is something that I don't know if it exists, but if it doesn't, I want it to.

I keep trying to get my fiancé to propose to me again at restaurants I want free stuff at.

Just to see.

If I was like, just propose me.

I'll take the ring off before we go in and then I'll give it to you.

You can propose to me again.

And then maybe we'll get free dessert.

I don't know.

You're giving me ideas.

Right?

Let's spin it one more time.

It has landed on me and I am really,

I feel like so.

So Guy Branham, who's a friend of the show, has been on, he put something in my head a couple years ago,

the first time.

And

that has stuck with me for years and has haunted me.

And what he said was,

we're we're in the first generation of like legally recognized gay and queer weddings.

The way you start these traditions now will set the tone for hundreds of years of culture because you're part of the group of people that's getting to change things for the first time.

Powerful.

Paralyzing.

And I'm like, I don't know.

So many hot dogs?

Yeah.

Yes.

Right?

We could still have the mini hot dogs.

Okay, that's great.

But then you were talking about the father-daughter dance.

And I'm sorry if I was glib about a painful part of the planning process for you when I brought up the bones.

The skeleton.

No, I mean, I brought up the ashes first.

Right.

I think there was an opening to it.

Yeah.

I welcomed it.

But my fiancé is trans, and so it's like, okay, it's time for the dance.

I'll dance with my mother.

Where do they go?

Their dad's been, you know, I'm sure had an idea of being part of a dance at the wedding since they were a little kid, but that doesn't totally feel right.

But then it's like, well, mom's over there, let's bring mom in.

But what about dad?

The whole tradition is gendered and silly.

What if we all dance together in a circle?

What if we do some kind of a like a

square dance or the macarena?

Or remember when there was the electric slide?

Yes.

And then they were like, the electric slide is dead.

We've updated it and made it a little bit harder.

Remember the media?

Remember the second electric slide?

That was like a little bit harder?

Mm-hmm.

No?

That's our show.

Thank you so much to Martha Plimpton, Siri Dahl, Jamie Loftus.

We'll see you next week at Dynasty.

There are 430 days until the midterms.

Have a great night and have a great weekend.

If you're already scrolling endlessly, which we know you are, don't forget to follow us at Crooked Media on Instagram, TikTok, and all the other ones for original content, community events, and more.

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You can find us.

Love it or Leave It is a crooked media production.

It is written and produced by me, John Lovitt and Lee Eisenberg.

Kendra James is our executive producer.

Phil McGrath is our producer.

And Kennedy Hill is our associate producer.

Hallie Kiefer is our head writer.

Sarah Lazarus.

Jocelyn Coffin, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre, and Suba Arguall are our writers.

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Thanks to our designer, Sammy Kaderna-Reeves, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast.

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Our head of production is Matt DeGroote, and our production staff is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America East.

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