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What's up, Los Angeles?

Welcome to Love It or Leave It,

live at Fantasy Typewriter. We have got a great show for you tonight.
Michael Shannon is here.

He's in a new movie. He's Nuremberg, not a comedy.

It's very good. I watched it.
It's very good. Allison Tolman is here.

Love Allison Tolman. She's in St.
Dennis Medical. Great show.

Robin Tran is here.

Very funny comedian.

I'm mostly here.

And then at the end of the show, we're each going to share a love that people love to hate.

But first, let's get into it.

What a week.

The East Wing of the White House is no more.

Tonight's sources tell ABC News President Trump is aiming to tear down the entire East Wing of the White House by this coming weekend to make way for his new ballroom.

This is a metaphor, Trump yelled over the din of construction.

Not to get sentimental about the White House, but this hurts to watch. There's so much history being lost.
I mean, this is the building that inspired my one season sitcom.

So how did we get here? I remember when the idea of Donald Trump tearing down the White House to make way for a gaudy ballroom was a joke. In fact, I helped write it.

Say what you will about Mr. Trump.
He certainly would bring some change to the White House.

Let's see what we've got up there.

Oh my God.

How did we know?

How did we know?

So how did we get here? Like a commercial plane crash or that time you accidentally shit in your car. It wasn't just one mistake that led us here.
It was a cascade of failures.

Economic dislocation, the decline of community, the dismantling of unions and civil rights legislation, deindustrialization, phones with no home button, depraved elites, craven politicians, right-wing propaganda, Hannah Gadsby's Nanette, moneyed...

Moneyed interests, alienation and radicalization online, Disney adults, moral decay, classic bigotries, that imagine video, the ways in which nationalized and globalized society created a deficit in meaning and dignity that consumerism could not close.

But I want to add another cause that gets short-shifted because it seems less sophisticated. These people are fucking losers.

In their hearts and souls, they are losers. And they're mad they're losers and they have no one to blame but themselves and that is fundamentally unsatisfying.

This week we learned more about Paul Ingracia, Trump's nominee to lead the office of Special Counsel, after Politico reported that he had sent racist texts in a separate and new cursed Republican group chat.

At least the only group chat Rudy Giuliani is in is with several uncoordinated scammers all pretending to be different Ukrainian women.

Choose me, Rudy. Choose me.
No, choose me.

In January of last year, Ngracia wrote in the chat, MLK Jr. was the 1960s George Floyd and his holiday should be ended and tossed into the seventh circle of hell where it belongs.

A big Dante guy, huh?

Because you also like to watch?

Look at Dante and Virgil there.

Let's punch in on those two.

A couple of fucking pervs. Look at that.

And look at this bat guy that's also with a painting. Who's that guy?

The fuck?

Jesus Christ, replied another participant in the Ingracia chat. That participant, the Atlantic's Jeffrey Goldberg.

A month earlier, Ingracia whipped out an Italian slur for black people and said, from Kwanzaa to MLK Jr. Day to Black History Month to Juneteenth, every single one needs to be eviscerated.

Do you know how racist you've got to be to want to see paid federal holidays come off the board?

Unless you're trying to run a business

and then July 4th lands on a Wednesday and it blows the whole fucking week in February of 2024. Ngracia wrote of then presidential candidate Vivek Ramaswamy, never trust a Chinaman or Indian, never.

And I know what you're thinking. Is that pirates of Penzance? It's not.

Ngracia's lawyer said in a statement that the text could be manipulated or out of context, but if they are authentic, they're clearly self-deprecating and satirical.

A dry wit, that Paul Ngracia, very dry. A Sauvignon Blanc nationalist, if you will.

That's a great joke.

Sauvignon Blanc nationalist is a fucking great joke.

I'm not saying he didn't laugh the right amount.

It got what it deserved.

A great joke doesn't need to get a great laugh,

in my theory.

But then on Tuesday, Ngracia backed out of his confirmation hearing, writing on social media, unfortunately, I do not have enough Republican votes at this time.

This, in classic loser fashion, after his mother went to Congress on his behalf.

Yes, Ingracia's mom went to Jamie Raskin and Robert Garcia's office in person this summer to confront them after they expressed grave concerns about Ingracia's close association with anti-Semitic extremists.

But how can Ingracia be anti-Semitic when his mother is, at the very least, spiritually Jewish?

It's no wonder these guys seek hierarchies that grant status by default.

It's why the Trump administration declares war on DEI while filling virtually every leadership position with a bunch of 40th percentile whites.

Like defense secretary and guy who is fine to drive, Pete Hegseth,

who, according to the conservative Washington Times, has lost the trust and respect of military leaders, but he's gained something even more valuable, their contempt.

The turning point was when Hegseth decided to summon hundreds of generals and admirals from around the world to Quantico for an indulgent and pointless pep rally, extremely insecure behavior, in which he talked about appearance and facial hair.

It's like that time in college where you drove four and a half hours to Bowdoin to see your boyfriend perform in his a cappella group, Treble in Paradise,

and then watching him sing, you immediately got the ick.

Pentagon sources also describe chaos that's weakening the military. Said one officer, we are bleeding talent, talented generals, and flag officers for what appears to be the opposite of a meritocracy.

Bad for our national security, great for our newest four-star general, a gas station attendant who yelled, you got this, bro, while Hegseth was throwing up next to you, but for some reason, not in a trash can.

Speaking of wanting to puke, let's talk about OMB director and guy who doesn't understand why this trolley situation is being described as a problem, Russ Vote.

What happens if Moby eats pork after midnight?

Zatteo reported on Tuesday that during his 2024 campaign, Trump was obsessed with getting vote laid after his recent divorce and bragged about all the pussy vote would get with Trump as his wingman.

I'm also single.

I'm also single, boss. I know what voice to do.

I'm also single, boss, said Paul Ingracia, while checking to see if anybody left a little shrimp in those tails.

Sometimes people turn them, they leave a lot of good meat in those shrimp,

said Paul and Clarence. Said Paul and Gracia.

But it all makes sense. Vogt was one of the architects of Project 2025, and he's a smart guy.
But that wouldn't be enough.

He could only dismantle the government with this level of enthusiasm and vitriol with the power of divorced guy energy.

After all, if you love one person, you love the whole world. If your marriage falls apart, you destroy USAID.

Speaking of disgusting shit, over the weekend, Trump posted an AI video in which he wears a crown, flies a fighter jet, and dumps what sure looks like poop on Saturday's no-king protests.

You know, just like a king. Almost every point about this absurd video has been made, but I want to add one more.
This is content for losers.

If you get off on watching an AI video of Trump literally dumping on liberals, your life is not a rich one filled with friendships and bowling and shared apps.

Nobody who gets spinach dipped for the table found this funny.

This is for people that order spinach dip to their home to eat alone.

And yes, I do that.

And in fact, it's because I have the soul of a loser and the lived experience of a loser that I feel I can speak on this.

Remember earlier when I told what sounded like a true story about traveling to see my boyfriend's a cappella group in college? I did not have a boyfriend. I had no one.

No one from the acapella group would sleep with me.

Paul,

please, I'm very successful.

Exactly what a fucking loser would say.

The point is, I didn't understand until we experienced it just how much the dangers of fascism as a political enterprise mirror the worst qualities of the people who implement it.

Domination and insularity and vengeance, a kind of guiltless, proud selfishness.

It is a movement for the insecure, for people unable or unwilling to process their private hurts and shames and furies, for those whose talents didn't match their ambitions.

And I'm not talking about voters. I'm talking about the functionaries and leaders and dedicates.
It's a movement of losers.

And yes, it calls upon those feelings and qualities in all of us and it spreads because we all have that in us and it can be fed.

But while we are governed by losers, we are not a nation of losers, not yet. Look at how many people turned out at No Kings.
Are some of us annoying and pedantic? Yes. Are some of our signs cringe?

No. All of our signs are cringe.

But what is cringe in defense of democracy if not someone who cares too much and wants too much for you to know how much they care? The price of liberty is eternal cringe.

Sure. There's no equivalent on their side.
They just don't have the gas. Their side couldn't hang a single puny Mike Pence.

Just look at the issues they've had with ICE recruitment.

Despite $75 billion in new funding, student loan forgiveness and a $50,000 signing bonus and advertisements blanketing the airwaves, according to The Atlantic, one-third of ICE applicants can't pass the physical exam, which consists of 15 push-ups, 32 sit-ups, and running one and a half miles in 14 minutes.

And sure, in the game, you can run so fast even while fully equipped, but to tackle someone for speaking Spanish outside a Home Depot you'll need to use your actual arms and legs and even though you wore an Under Armour t-shirt to your niece's baptism you haven't done cardio since fucking high school and you're gonna have to chase people who have been doing manual labor outside for 20 years

There's an entire digital manosphere built around selling a conservative idea to masculinity back to conservative men.

Meanwhile, any of these guys would lose a foot race to the average urban liberal who got up at 5 a.m. and hauled her ass to Pilates before a pre-work networking coffee.

Just as fascism mirrors the flaws in people, democracy calls upon their opposite, collaboration over domination, curiosity over inwardness, grace over revenge, seeing in the stranger a soul just like yours.

And we fail at practicing these virtues, even when we're reaching for them. But at our best, we marshal those qualities, which are just as much a part of us.

There are far more bloodless and tactical ways to talk about politics right now, but these are ultimately the lines of battle. Losers on one side, underdogs on the other.

Which brings me to Graham Plattner.

Plattner is the progressive oyster farmer and veteran who's running for Senate in Maine in a primary against the sitting governor, Janet Mills, and he's been in a massive controversy over his old Reddit post and a tattoo he got while serving in the Marines.

And I think it's fair to say that if you begin the week with an apology for minimizing sexual assault in the military and end the week with an apology for calling the British gay and in between do a shirtless interview to prove you've covered up your Nazi tattoo.

It's not a great week for your campaign.

In an interview with Tommy on Pon Save America, Plattner talked about why someone would post that kind of shit on the internet in the first place.

I do think explaining the fact that I struggled with alienation, isolation, and the effects of PTSD after my military service, and that's why I was on the internet, frankly, getting in fights with people and shitposting.

And it took about a year and a half, two years for me to settle back into, frankly, society. And I'm lucky.

I'm immensely lucky that I come from a small town, that I moved back to a small town, that I'm very connected with my neighbors, my community, and my family. I got to meet my wife.

I mean, like, life got good. There must be a way of pulling men out of a cynical downward spiral that doesn't hinge on them getting wives.
And I believe we will find it.

but until then keep up the great work ladies

in addition to those posts it also came to light that Plattner had a chest tattoo of a very specific skull and crossbones that was a symbol of the SS

but let ye without Nazi tattoos cast the first stone

it's so tricky You think you're just getting a normal skull and crossbones, then you accidentally get one that represents death.

Plattner said he had no idea he'd gotten a Nazi tattoo until very recently, saying in a statement, it was not until I started hearing from reporters and DC insiders that I realized that this tattoo resembled a Nazi symbol.

I absolutely would not have gone through life having this on my chest if I knew that, and to insinuate that I did is disgusting.

Now, I don't know if it's fair to call the insinuation disgusting. It might be wrong.
I hope it's wrong.

But if you have a Nazi symbol on your chest for many years, it's a little bit daunting until proven innocent. You know what I'm saying?

It's just hard to claim that you did not see this coming.

Stop it.

By Wednesday, Platiner had gotten the tattoo covered up with a Celtic design. And as is only fair, it does suck.

Look, it is.

It's totally reasonable to argue that Janet Mills is a better choice to take on Susan Collins. She's proven, reliable, less risky.

For example, her skull and crossbones tattoo is clearly an homage to Garfield's Halloween adventure.

And maybe Plattner's not the right guy. Maybe his story doesn't hold up.
Maybe there's a second worse butt-cheek tattoo we can't even conceive of yet.

Well, that would make Paul Angracia say, oof, too much.

There's plenty of time to sort out the politics. The primary is in June.

Trump will be watching the results roll in from his completed gold ballroom, or more likely, a giant pit the ballroom collapsed into because it was not built to code.

But what's not fair to me is to reflexively cast someone out or be unwilling to take an honest look at who he is now and how he got there.

Doesn't mean every apology is sincere, doesn't mean you have to accept every sincere apology, but at the very least, we ought to listen. Again, not trying to make excuses.
It was me. I did it.

And the things that I said that I do, I mean, there are things that I said, there are words that I use that I'm utterly horrified by. And I'm not blaming anybody else.
Look at me.

Last week I said the R word on this very show because it was inside of a joke in which it made sense and because Hallie dared me to do it.

And now here we are a week later and I'm back to saying R word because I listened and I don't want to get yelled at again.

Should Plattner be a senator? I don't know.

But if we're trying to build a movement that welcomes people, including people who have gone down dark roads and found their way back, then we actually have to do that.

It's not that hard to be consistent.

we ought to hold people accountable for their words and actions and have enough grace to give people a chance to change that depends on what graham plattner does and it depends on what we do like how we've all forgiven Hallie for using the R-word so much around the office but she's clearly sorry she even covered up that R-word tattoo

Yeah, now it's like a cartoon character named Captain Botardo.

I don't know about that. Is that good enough?

This is America. No one is born a loser.
Anyone could become a loser. And inside of every loser is a winner waiting to buy spinach tip for the fucking table.

And speaking of winners, coming up next, it's Michael Shannon and Allison Tolman.

Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

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And we're back.

On screen, they couldn't be more different. In real life, they share one similarity.
They're my first guests of the evening.

Please welcome the stage: the wonderful Michael Shannon and the phenomenal Allison Tolman.

Thanks for being here. Nice to meet you.

Hi, hi, hi, hi. Thank you.
Good to see you, too. Hi, everybody.
Welcome to both of you.

Wow.

Two of my two incredible actors. Thank you.
Such different vibes in your roles, you know?

Between us? Yeah.

That's true. Have you ever...

I did a show with a talking dog for a while. Have you done one of those? No, I just had a talking dog.
It wasn't a show.

Just life.

Damn.

I would like to see you as a kind-hearted and sweet nurse

trying to have it all. I'd like to see you prosecute the Nazis at Nuremberg, huh?

I'm up for it. I'm going to start with tattoos.
Check them all. Yeah.
Got to check it carefully. You got to check all the tattoos.
You got to check your tattoos. Yeah.

It's be part of our screening process for candidates from this point forward.

So, Michael, you're in Nuremberg, which comes out on November 7th. I've watched it and I was really moved by it.
And I'm curious what led you to want to do it.

Like, what about Robert Jackson as a person or about the story?

Well, I didn't know anything about Robert Jackson. I had never even heard of him.
So

when I read the script,

I was a little embarrassed that I didn't know more about how this came to be, how the trials came to be. And

it seemed like an important story that

I assume a lot of people don't know much about it. And so I figured it would be worth telling.

So Robert Jackson was a Supreme Court justice. He was one of the people that dissented in Korematsu.
He was one of the nine votes

in Brown v. Board of Education.
But in between, he took a leave of absence from the Supreme Court to go do the prosecutions at Nuremberg.

which is a sort of fascinating thing for a Supreme Court justice to do. He also served in the Supreme Court, even though he had a heart attack and was sort of lying in the hospital.

And he had to leave the hospital to be the ninth vote in Brown v. Board of Education, part of a long tradition in this country of Supreme Court justices not leaving soon enough.

To what could you be referring?

And before you played, before you've also played General Zodd,

and you've played Supreme Court Justice Robert Jackson, who did you know about more before?

Be honest, please.

Well, I only knew about General Zod because I had seen Terrence Stamp's portrayal in the original film series. Yeah, Terrence.

So

that's what I knew about that. But

I was never a big comic book collector as a kid, so I didn't know that much about him. But if you saw two hours of Terrence doing the role, you seem to that it seems like you knew more about Zod.

True. Yeah, well, I mean, I didn't return to the question.
Sorry to. Yeah, no, I mean, you're trying to humiliate me in front of all of you.
Those are really a leading question. Jesus Christ.

Answer the question. You played a lawyer who prosecuted the Nazis.

I'm not that bad. You're not under oath.
You can lie, Michael.

Well,

when I was, see, I mean, frankly, one of the things I appreciate appreciate about my job is that, like, when I was a kid going to school, I didn't really find history that interesting, but it was partially because of the way it was presented, you know, in a very

in these really dull textbooks.

And

when you're acting and you get an assignment like this,

you dive into these historical situations in a much more

four-dimensional way where you're actually trying to imagine what it was like to be these people and do the things that they did. And so, I've actually learned a lot

from doing what I do. Allison, do you feel bad at all that St.
Dennis Medical doesn't do anything to kind of dive into the nature of evil

and the ways in which the machinery of bureaucracy and hatred can be combined to do unspeakable horror for which there is truly no

just punishment?

No.

But it's a fun, goofy show. It's a, listen, it's a, it's a loving, heartwarming show.
I do think, I mean, I think that, I think that we do get a little into, hey, our healthcare system is not great,

which is good.

But not a lot about Nazis anymore. No, no.

From what I've seen. I'm going to be honest.

Almost no Nazis in season two. You have to tune in to find out.

Russell Crowe plays a Nazi.

Yeah.

Hey, there's something funny about Russell Crowe I wanted to ask you about. He seems to have an implacable desire in film to play a big fat guy and go.

He does that a lot. I love it when he does it.

I'm not as familiar with his filmography as you are. I wasn't aware of that.

But you confront him.

He plays, is it Guring? He plays Goering or Goebbels. Goering.
Goering. And you confront him in it.
I do.

And I killed him in Man of Steel. Oh my God.
Of course.

Of course. You killed him.

That was a little bit more of an array of people. You can face him back off again.
Wow.

Yeah, I really got it out for him.

I didn't even make that connection. That's so funny.
You kill him in Man of Steel, and then you come back and you prosecute him as a Nazi. What are you going to do to get him next?

Maybe you could be in space, Allison. Wouldn't that be something?

Yes.

I understand my role here.

Allison.

In season one, episode 11 of St. Dennis, medical workers are pressured to upsell patients on non-critical procedures.
See? Topical. Nazis.

It's a very funny show, but you are diving into the actual realities of healthcare. And was there ways in which that, like, why did you want to do this?

Like, was there anything personal to you about it? Yeah, I, when I got this script, I had actually just spent like the longest stint of my life in the hospital system.

My dad had been sick for a few weeks, and I'd gone back to Texas to be there while he was in the hospital. He's better now.

Thank you. Way to go, Dave.

But yeah, so I kind of got the script at a time when I just had been spending some time in that space and was really like thankful to the professionals who took care of him. And

also when my dad was sick, my mom and I could only watch sitcoms. Like that's all she could like stomach at the end of the day.
And I hadn't been looking for a sitcom.

I was trying to get trying to get back to Fargo since I shot Fargo. I was like, Prestige TV is where it's at.

And then I got this sitcom script, and I was like, I think this is what I need to be doing right now.

I think this is where I want to spend my energy is just making something that feels good at the end of the day for people to let wash over them because things are rough.

But Nazi movies are great too.

Hey, hey,

so great.

Really great. Michael,

don't let that get to you.

You do such great work, and I don't want you to leave here thinking that we don't think that.

I think you're an amazing actor, even if your stuff doesn't do what her stuff does. Yeah.

Her stuff does something that your stuff doesn't, but your stuff does something that her stuff doesn't. I've done things that wash over people.

I will say I just re-watched Knives Out the other day, and you're very funny in Knives Out. Oh, yeah.
See? Yeah.

Very funny. You were in Bad Voice 2.

Yeah I was in Kangaroo Jack too. You want to fucking talk about that?

Now I'm a little scared.

That's so cool. Michael Shannon being intense with me and I love it.

So you also directed a film for the first time. I did.
And it just came out this year.

Can you just talk about that?

And why did you want to do that movie? I watched this film. Oh, Eric LaRue.

I loved this film. Well, thank you, Allison.
Yeah.

Judy was so great in that. Yeah, and she's something.
She's wonderful. Allison Pill.

Allison Pill, a friend of mine. Yes, please talk about your movie.
But I did see it. I forgot you directed it.
Thanks for watching it. Yeah, absolutely.
Oh, yeah. Well,

it was written by, so I belong to a theater company in Chicago. And,

oh, yes, Chicago. Red Orchid Theater.
And we have a playwright in our company, Brett Neview,

and we've done a ton of his plays over the years. And this

Eric LaRue started out as a play that we did in 2002.

And it's a play about the parents of a boy who commits a school shooting. And then, you know,

20 years later, Brett hands me, he says, oh, I've written a screenplay of it. And I'm sitting there reading it and thinking, this damn thing's as relevant as it was 20 years ago.

That's really unfortunate. So

it's like nothing has changed.

So I thought, well, let's get it out there. And

I didn't want to play any one of the parts so much as kind of be a part of creating the whole community because I loved all the characters so much. And

yeah, so that's why I decided to direct it.

So there's something interesting to me that happens when renowned actors become directors, which is

like, I think acting gets short shrift as people know it's a magical and amazing talent, but

it's... It's not seen as like a hard skill in the same way being a cinematographer is or being an editor is.
And yet it's great actors that have often become a lot of great directors.

You see that over and over again. And I'm curious, like, what, like,

what you think an actor understands about directing a movie that maybe others wouldn't?

Oh,

well, that's interesting. Yeah.

Well, first of all,

I don't know the answer to that question in totality. I mean, I just, in my one little movie, I don't even know if I'll make another one.
But I think one thing that was very important to me is because

the story we were telling and the subject matter was so kind of scary and

dark and difficult,

I wanted the actors to feel very safe when they were on set.

And I don't think that's something that happens a lot of times when you're at work. that

people really take into consideration just how terrified all the actors are. Because most actors are in some state of, if not terror, at least

insane self-doubt, like all the time. So

like

I, for me, it's a very,

there's a common misperception of directing, I think, is kind of an authoritarian, you know, dictator.

position where you're just telling people what to do all the time. And for me,

I didn't care if anybody did what I told them to do. I just wanted to help them.
Like, are you okay?

Do you have a question?

Is there anything I can do? You want a cup of coffee?

I want you to feel okay, like, because I know this is really hard. So I guess that was a long way of saying empathy.
Like, I have a lot of empathy for what they're trying to do, you know.

Allison, do you find yours you're scared all the time?

I find that I think that good acting is always really vulnerable work,

which I think, yeah, can be very scary. And I think that can exist in like any medium.

You can be like doing good work that's really vulnerable because you're doing a gag where you're like throwing yourself on the ground or you're trying like an improv line that you didn't get vetted by any writers.

Or you're doing what Judy Greer did in your film and just kind of ripping yourself open

for the course of an hour and a half. Yeah, it just seems like a, I

always feel for actors because it does, it's such a hard thing. And then it's totally out of your hands once you're done.
You have no idea what's going to be used. It's so bizarre.

It's so, it is really truly, especially if you come from the theater, which both of us come from the theater, where you really are like, it's this little package deal.

You, you rehearse and you have it all down, and then you do a little performance and you have full control over and knowledge of like what happened that night.

And when on film, you just sort of surrender it over and you have no idea how it'll edit, how it'll fall out, how it'll come together, and how it'll play. It's very, very strange.
It's very different.

So, Michael, you do like a 20 or 25-minute scene, like 20 pages of dialogue with Russell Crowe, like you did with no cuts. You just did the scene all at one shot.
How did that feel?

Yeah, I mean, it's the final,

you know, I have him on the stand.

And he goes, You can't handle the dust truth. That's dust truth.
He says,

I cannot wait to see this.

I don't understand.

This is it. Speak in English.
We won, you fucking asshole. But I'm quoting it, but I don't know the rest.
No.

I mean, you know it as well as I did.

There was a lot of improv. Absolutely.

That's nice they kept it live. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, they had scheduled the scene to be shot over three days. And

idea being that it was too long and they they do the first part and then the second part and the third part and Russell and I both agreed that that sounded like a really shitty idea. So

we said, can we just do the whole thing?

And we wound up saving the

production a couple of shooting days, which the director was very grateful for. You get a little taste of that? You had your beatwag?

That's money in their pockets. You can't get anything for that.
Yeah, yeah. I don't know why they do that.

I mean, I guess there are some people that have never done stage, and so maybe the idea of learning so much dialogue throws them off. But I mean,

I've been learning entire plays for a long time, so I can handle even 20 pages of dialogue.

And I noticed Russell Crowe, as Gering, doesn't do a lot of singing in the film.

Is that a response to the criticism? No,

see, this goes to Allison's earlier point he did do a lot of singing you just didn't get to see it it all wound up on the cutting through

and that kind of vulnerability him putting himself out there deeply vulnerable nobody's even gonna see it

we have no control over the end product he and Rudolph has to do the sell block tango cut from the fucking film

time can you imagine the lyrics they wrote for that deeply disturbing they had it coming

That's the lyric of the song I mentioned. Follow the thought to its logical conclusion.
Ooh, in your own goddamn heads. I'm so sorry for that, Michael Shannon.

It's okay.

Vicious.

You should put like some barbed wire up here or something.

You should start throwing miracle pans at a honky-tonk? They forget their place.

Michael, are you having fun on this show? I am. Oh, thank God.

Allison, how are you doing? Man, I'll never do it again.

I'll come back if Michael comes back. We're a team.
Yeah, but. Where's the hand coach?

We're only doing this together.

I love that. That was beautiful.

And I don't want to spoil the end of Nuremberg, but we get them.

That's cool, right? Not all of them, right? I mean, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Well.

Yeah, that's. You know what I mean, John? That's a good point.
I guess the thesis of the film that if we try them here, that'll be that.

Hmm. But

did you take anything away from playing Robert Jackson now that once you got to know him because you were preparing for the role?

Take anything away. Like, like, you know, you learn about this guy to play the play him.
Yeah.

Well, I mean, I just think he's,

you know, a role model. You know, something I learned is I don't even think he went to law school.
No, he apprenticed. He was like an apprentice.
Yeah, yeah. And

I think

it's very easy nowadays to feel like there's nothing you can do. Like, oh, geez, there's all this terrible stuff going on, but there's nothing I can do about it.
But this was a guy who never did that.

He always said, no, there is something I can do, and I'm going to do it. And, you know, he met...
tremendous resistance to his notion of

the trials.

Because most

everybody in

all branches of government just said, well, if you catch a Nazi, you just shoot him and kill him, and that's the end of it. And he said, no,

that's not the right way to go about it. And

yeah, I just really admire him.

I got to play two significant American

Americans

because I also have this Death by Lightning thing coming out where I play President James Garfield. Oh, yeah.
Another example of someone who's actually living by the dictum that

if you're president or if you're in the Supreme Court or that you're a public servant, you're a civil servant. It doesn't mean you have all the power or you're the king.

You're actually more of a servant than you would be if you're just some person walking down the street minding their own business. So, Allison,

you don't prosecute, as we said, any Nazis in this show, but not yet, no. But there is a...
We haven't read the finale yet, though. So it's possible that's coming.

be a real left turn, but I'm looking forward to it. But there are needles about.
Yeah.

There's like, it's a real, you know, like you're, you're like, people are pretending to be doctors left and right doing chest compressions and so forth. Yeah, we're doing real nurse stuff in there.

Wait, we can curse real nurse shit in there.

You know, because that can go wrong on you, Candid.

Yeah, we had

a blood

visual effects go

wrong just this season, November 3rd.

Tune in to find out why. But yeah, we had

a blood gag where I had to get sort of was in a trauma room. I had to get sprayed with blood, but in a very, it had to be like right here for reasons.
You'll find out about on November 3rd.

But so they have like a little pump and a thing where there's like fake blood in there and they squeeze it at the right time and like they did it and it didn't go in the right place.

And then they were like, oh, we're going to move it like this. And Allison, you have to like lean at this angle.
And I was like, great. And they did it again and it didn't go in the right place.

And they were like, okay, we're going to add a little bit more. We're going to move it up.
We're going to do it. And I was like, okay.
And they're like, you got to stand at this angle.

And I was like, got it. And I'm like saying medical terms while I'm doing all these things, you know? And then they did it.
And it went just right in my face, like,

like Carrie, like the end of the descent.

And we're mid-scene.

And all of my co-stars are there. And we all have this split second where we're like,

and then we're all like, ah, a cardiogram. And five CC.
We like just dove right back into it because no one called cut. So I'm just like, drip.
I'm like, this is absolutely unusable. There's no way.

There's no way they can use it.

I mean, I look like I'm in a horror film. It's so gory.
You know, Michael, you played James Garfield.

And in a sense, he was in a medical mishap because he got shot, but he might have lived had the doctors not, you know, jammed their fingers in there and been like, the humors are out of whack.

Bring in the leeches. That kind of thing.
Well, it's pretty insane to think in the late 1800s, many doctors in America still didn't believe that germs existed.

A lot of our cabinet secretaries

are believing it less and less.

I could have saved him, I think. My character could have saved your character.
I'm pretty sure.

I mean,

yeah,

it's mind-boggling. And it's funny because

we shot the whole thing in Budapest, which is where one of the fellows who discovered germs and hygiene was from. Simmelweis.

It was Joseph Lister and this guy, Simmelvise.

Why don't we have Simmelviserine? That's not fair. Right.

Fuck, man. They were pasteurized.
Yeah. Listerine.
Listerine. But that's all European.

Yeah, over here in America. We're like, no, no germs.
No germs.

We're just a very clean country. Yeah, yeah.
Obviously. Michael Shannon, Allison Tolman, thank you so much.
Thank you. That was really fun.

Thank you to Michael Shannon for being here. Everybody, go check out Newburgh.
Genuinely a moving, a very timely film. We'll be right back.

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And we're back.

Hi, Allison. Hi again.
Thanks for being here. Absolutely.
Joining us now. Our next guest is considered the Michael Shannon of Trans Stand-Up Comedy.

Please welcome to the stage with hilarious Robin Tran.

Hi, good to see you. Thanks for being here.
Good to see you.

Thanks for having me. Yeah, equal status is Michael Shannon, you know.
I can't wait to find out what I'm saying. Equal amount of

equal amount of fame, me and Michael Shannon, right? I think so. Robin, you have a podcast called Trans Talk.
Yes.

The description of which reads, comedian Robin Tran thinks that it's absurd when comedians call themselves modern-day philosophers unless she's talking about herself.

It's true. Yeah, I am pretty.

I'm arrogant and only in comedy and podcasting. Oh, yeah.

I do it everywhere. Yeah.

How's that working out for you? It's okay.

But is he happy? Yeah.

And you have.

And

very little about Nuremberg and your work.

Well, you haven't seen my stand-up yet. Yeah, the news special.
No, I have no jokes about Nuremberg and my stand-up.

Not yet. Her news special is completely about Nuremberg Trials.
She's a weird choice.

It feels like it watching it is what. All right.
No, I'm sorry.

Oh, no. Oh, my God.
Sorry.

I'm sorry.

You guys wouldn't watch the Nuremberg Trials 24-7 if that was on Core TV. Come on.

John, isn't it like, I like watch you walk a tightrope every week. You have to

balance between being edgy and ethical.

Does that kill you you inside? Like, they'll, they'll, they'll hate you if you say the wrong thing, right? Like, this audience in particular, you guys, are you just turn on him?

Like, you guys, like, because I don't have that, but my audience is insane.

So, like, they'll let me say that's why I have so few of them. Because, like, my audience is legitimately insane people.
Yeah, you've self-selected to the real freaks for sure.

That's an interesting question. I, I do, I don't feel it from the audience.
I think we, one of the fun parts of doing this show is thinking about how to

talk about what's happening, which is quite serious, but be like unabashed in trying to find the funny in it and direct it at Republicans, which can be easier to be honest, and also at ourselves and the ways in which I think we need to take ourselves down a notch.

And

the hard part, I think, is

like, what's the right level?

I think there are a lot of, there are jokes that are unethical that are funny, and there are jokes that are ethical that aren't funny. And

there are jokes that I think are defendable, but they're too dark for the moment. And like sometimes I fight for those and I'll try them.
And sometimes we'll keep them and sometimes we won't.

And that to me is the moments where I'm not exactly sure what exactly, like how to strike the balance, because

is it that that means we should keep it in? Because it means like we should be pushing on this? Or is it because people are right to feel like, hey, like you're being a bit insensitive?

It's maybe ethical, but insensitive, I guess. Right.

Yeah, I empathize with this i used to go through all this stuff you know when i used to care about ethics i mean like i mean if you let it go i mean that was a rough rough couple of years i'm saying i missed laughing too much you know

that's why i chose laughter if i was a straight white guy saying this you would kill me but i mean i look like this i can say anything i want like literally i can say anything

And I will. No, I'm sorry.
I'm not going to say.

I'm sorry, but Captain Bertardo was very funny. I laughed backstage.
That's really funny. Because I'm glad you didn't say the word.
That's what I like. You didn't say the word this time.

I don't think like saying the words are funny just because it's cheap. It's easy, you know? Not because I'm offended, but I say them all in private all the time.

I'm saying like in public, they're not fun to say because it's like, okay, now it's awkward. But Captain Bertardo, like you, you skipped over all the lines.
That was, it was really good.

I'm impressed by you. Oh, thanks for saying that.
I'm loving this so far.

Allison, you're an open and empathetic, sensitive star of stage and screen.

Those are my talking points. That's right.
Robin, you do stand-up comedy, the devil's art. Yep.

And so together, you will offer our audience all the advice they could possibly need in a segment we're calling High Road or Demon Mode. Okay.

Wait, so you're making the trans person the devil on this show? Yeah, that's right. I'm sorry.
I thought.

Am I on this? Was a liberal, love it or leave it or turning point USA, John?

I should update that reference right guys

oh I'm evil so I can say anything I want

I've been in character the whole time

for years now for years or years and years before I met you

Fair point the other

As we flagged our audience earlier, we'll be reading your moral quandaries ethical conundrums secret requests for permission to unleash the beast and Robin and Allison will give you the advice we all know we should give you and the advice we shouldn't.

All right, here is the bucket of quandaries. Okay, I'm ready.
First up, I'm finishing an environmental science PhD and want to-

Yay! Pushy!

And I want to know if I should just say, fuck the climate and do like consulting. Let's start with the devil.
Yeah, no, fuck

the climate. And also, fuck consulting.
What are you doing either of those things for? You should just quit and commit crimes.

That's difficult. That's difficult to argue with.
Go. I mean, whatever, you know.

I mean, yeah, I guess like if you're in environmental into studies and you do consulting, then you're just kind of selling yourself out per profit for big companies. So that's probably

bad. It's a lot of schoolwork to end up doing that.
You could have just skipped right to this. Listen, this I truly do believe.

I think we are at a moment in history where we could really use some altruism.

I don't know how long we're going to be here.

You know, like in what iteration will we be here in five years.

I think you should just go the altruistic route. That's what I think.

What are we doing? Now is the time. I'm going to sting lame Miz now.

I really do believe in climate change for real, and I think it's going to wipe out. all humans but also like what's great about humans yeah but well but till when you know, like, and in the meantime,

what are you gonna do about that? Climate change is that's a that's a rare position. Climate change is real, and I'm for it.

Can't stop progress, John.

Next up,

when your dad is divorcing his wife, that no one in the family likes or liked at all,

how honest should you or can you

be?

Oh,

wow. that's

tough.

Great job.

I find that when someone you love is going through a breakup, you have to wait until like six months after it's final before you even join in on being like, that person's a piece of shit.

Because in the beginning, they're so tender and they're like, one day they're like, I miss them. And when they're like, fuck them.
And you just have to be like, yeah, yes to that too.

Like, it's really, I think it's really hard to be like, I never liked them. I've hated them forever.
Because they're like little live wires in the beginning, you know? Yeah.

And you can get a surprising reaction to that too, which is it can be run the gamut. Like it can be don't say that.
You know, we had a lot of good years together. Yes.

It can be, how did you not tell me? Why did you let me do this? Yes.

It can be, you're right. And I was stupid.
And now I feel even stupider. Yeah, what's the point of it? I think that, I think in the early days, you should just be a mirror to the person that you love.

And then you got to give it a good grace period. And then you can be like, they fucking sucked.

In the meantime, hopefully you've got siblings you can talk to about it. Yeah, yeah, that's right.
That's right. Robin, what do you think? Are you sure you wanted to hear?

Oh, now I'm nervous. No, no, no.
I think that, yeah, you should tell him that she sucked. And you should also say, and also you sucked for

having bad taste. And then you should disown your father

because having a dad is for pussies.

So I don't even know why you're talking to your dad. It's a good time to bring up all past grievances.
Like, you missed my T-ball game. Yeah, yeah.

Even good fathers. I'm saying not just bad ones.

Rake them over the coals. What have they done for us lately? Exactly, right.
I love my dad. Hi, dad.

My dad doesn't speak English, so I hate you, dad.

You'll never see this ever.

Next up. My mom just moved into our small town and lives five blocks away.
Despite a few conversations where we've asked for a text or call before she pops by, she still shows up unannounced.

Do we let this slide? How many times do we let it happen before letting slip the dogs of war?

This woman carried you in her womb for nine months, or paid a lot of money for surrogacy, or

did a lot of paperwork for adoption,

and you can't let her just drop by to see her grand dogs

of war?

Shame on you. You won't let your mother visit Cerebus?

Cerberus?

Cerebus? Cerebus.

That's a good pull either way. Cerebus is like a computer program.

Robin?

Well, I think that you should like let her come, but don't let her know that you put like electricity on the doorknob. Oh, so that when she like touches it, she's like,

You're gonna hold aloner. You're gonna hold alone.

Like a dog shot caller. Oh, yeah, you're gonna get her like she's the wet bandits.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'll fucking teach her.
That would. That would, yeah.
That's right.

You have a the Pavlovian thing. Yes, right.
My jokes have no logic to them.

I'm just trying to be evil. I don't know what else you want from me.

Next question. Do I honk at bad drivers?

What are you going to do with that, devil?

you should say fuck you you should write them a strongly worded letter

that's right you want to ram them with your car or something i do i actually do want to ram them with my car run them run them off the road i i do struggle with a little bit of road justice uh that is such an interesting word i love it it's i don't i don't do anything in extreme but for example to today i was driving home from the office um while driving and watching nuremberg on my phone.

No, I wasn't.

Between this

on 2X.

But

as the author intended, and

basically the woman behind me honked me, unearned. And so then we turned right and she turned right together.
And I will go a little slower.

You know, I'll just chill out just a little bit. It's like, oh, you're in a rush.
The world isn't bending to your will.

What a shame.

And now the person thinks that you're Asian. You're going to go around like, why is this? Oh my God, it's John Lovitt.

Damn it. I didn't know John Lovitt was Asian.
Yeah, I had no idea.

I have the same issue with road justice, which is what I'll be calling it from now on.

And my thing is that, I mean, I'm in character as an angel. My thing is that I don't feel like other drivers get to tell us how we get to drive.

Like, I understand if you're like, like, Honk Honk, the light is green now.

But I don't like, if I were at the front of the line, I would have already turned. I'm like, well, you're, I don't know.
Yeah, you don't know where I'm at today, my friend. You don't where anybody is.

You don't know what I'm seeing in front of me. There's a pedestrian you can't see.
I just don't like it. I think it's rude.
I think it's rude.

Yeah, that's going on. Because I guess I mean, like, what constitutes a bad driver?

I think if I hunk at people if they're doing illegal things, but I don't hunk at them if I'm just like, I wouldn't do that if I were you. Yes, I tried to be fair.

like, I really try to like I road justice comes with road mercy, right?

You have, and so you know, there's an angel and devil on my shoulder every time I'm driving home. Uh, you know, I honk my car if I'm seeing a pedestrian and they're like really ugly.

I just honk my horn, I just go, What's going on here? And I drive off.

Last,

that's cool. Last question.
That's cool. That's cool.
That's cool. I think that's cool.
My, All right. Last

conundrum. My kid was 100% in the wrong at the playground and another parent yelled at him.
So I lost it. Right or wrong.

Oh, this is hard.

The angel would say, I don't know, we all deserve grace.

So I am a big believer in

Godfather style. Never, no, hey, don't, don't, what's the line? Don't disagree.
Don't show a disagreement in front of you, you know, what's, what's it? Never just, never, anybody? Come on.

Are there any guys that I dated in my 20s in the audience who

none of you are here? It's like, never disagree in front of the, in front of straight,

never go against the family, right? In front of, in front of somebody. And so,

and so, like, I

long time no see.

I, like,

I think that like whatever the situation, you should be able to deal with it. And you should be able to talk to your own family member.

It's very uncomfortable when spouses don't take each other's sides. You're always like,

not a good sign. Even if one is wrong and everybody knows, like, the good, you know, the cool move is just like, we're going to talk about this in the car.
Yeah. But right now I got your back.

But Jesus Christ, you're fucking wrong. Yeah.
You know? You got to be a good team member. You got to be a good team member.

Devil.

I don't think there's anything like wrong with like losing it on the other person. I think what the problem deep down inside underneath it is that like you shouldn't care at all about your kid.

So I think that's actually the issue here.

Why did you have children in the first place? Exactly. You should be apathetic about what your kid did and what somebody else did to it.
And

I'm saying it.

I'm saying it. Because that's what they deserve to be called.

Their pronouns are it, it, it. Yes.

Catch Robin at the Elysian Theater on Sunday, November 23rd, and watch her special. Hear me out on YouTube and listen to Trans Talk wherever you get your podcast.
And everybody can check out St.

Dennis Medical. You should watch.
It's on Peacock right now, but the new season's coming out in like two weeks. November 3rd.
November 3rd. It's really funny.
It's really great.

David Ellen Greer, we didn't even talk about how great it is. What a, what a, uh, he's a legend.
Oh, I love he's our elder statesman.

Singing into a warm bath with you and David Ellen Greer, you know, on the show, watching it. That sounded weird.
I thought you were over last night. I was like, just so weird.
And drew the curtains.

You two are so great together. I love watching you with David Angrier.
It's a pleasure. We'll be right back.

Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.
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See your local Toyota dealer for hybrid battery warranty details.

And we're back.

Couple notes. In our unrelenting media environment, the news moves quickly and it can feel like we're watching our country whiz past us.

The car is moving so fast we can't possibly see the individuals being left behind.

Or worse, on her new podcast, Runaway Country veteran journalist Alex Wagner talks to the voices at the center of the headlines from the fringes of the resistance to the marrow of MAGA to the many people who found themselves smack dabbed in the middle of a fight they didn't ask for.

If you want to understand our unreal times, you've got to talk to the real people who are experiencing it firsthand.

Join Alex as she brings together the stories of everyday Americans trapped in her national car with no brakes, alongside conversations with some of the smartest thinkers in politics.

Tune into Runaway Country with Alex Wagner every Thursday, wherever you get your podcast or subscribe on YouTube. It's a great show.
We're grateful to Alex for doing it with us.

Everybody, please, please subscribe right now. Let's get this thing to the top of the fucking charts.

And Crooked Con is just two weeks away. As you may have heard, there are a ton of new speakers added to the November 7th lineup.

Adam Mockler, Tim Miller, Pramila Jayapal, Jen Saki, Simone Sanders Townsend. But we are also finally announcing the schedule.
I'm going to be hosting a panel called Are We Having Fun Yet?

which is about why Democrats have become downers and how we

that's right.

And how we can get out of it with Ahsan Piker, Simone Sanders, Townsend, Tim Miller, and Jessica Tarlov from Fox News. I'll also be interviewing Senator Ruben Gallego.
Vote Save America.

We'll have an action hub with all the condoms you'll need. No, it's not.

It's just for chit chat. Just for chit-chat.
But stay tuned for more details. Take a look at the full schedule.
Be sure to grab tickets you haven't yet at crookedcon.com. There aren't many left.

We sold it out. We moved to a bigger space.
Have a bunch of tickets, added a bunch. Most of them are gone.
So if you're going to come, buy the tickets.

Also, last note, our next episode of Bravo America with Dorinda Medley

drops on Tuesday, November 11th. In the meantime, catch up on my conversations with Terry Dubrow, Olivia Plath, and Poverty Shallow.

And of course, go to cricket.com slash events for tickets to upcoming shows right here at Dynasty Typewriter. A lot of plugs.

Good plugs. Thank you.
All right. Good plugs.
Thank you, Bob.

For enduring the commerce portion of the show.

I love commerce.

There are several things I love that people just don't understand. And I used to care, but now I don't.
And neither should my guests.

So we're each going to share a yum that people love to yuck all over in a segment we're calling, I don't care, I love it. I don't care.

I love it.

All right, let's spin the wheel.

Allison, it has landed on you. What is something you love that people love to hate? Okay, listen, you guys.

Banana candy. Okay.

Listen!

I have the floor. I just stand up and start pacing.

Okay.

I love banana candy. I know it doesn't taste like bananas, but the thing that it tastes like, I like it.
And nothing else tastes like it, but does grape candy taste like grapes? No, that's insane.

I recently, we had like a bowl of candy on set the other day and I found a banana

now or later, now and later. Now and later.
When did you find it, though?

This is going to go on forever. I found a banana candy and I was like, yes, my childhood.
And I unwrapped it as best I could.

I don't know if you've had one of those in a while, but the paper does not come off.

And I had a memory come back to me fully formed that I would just pop them in my mouth with most of the paper off when I was a kid

and then eat some of the paper.

I ate a lot of paper as a kid, John. I'm not going to lie.

Some oral fixation going on. Anyway.
The point is, I think banana candy still snaps.

And it's great that no one else likes it because then I get all of the bananas from the runts and I get all of the bananas now or laters or now and laters.

Is there any other banana candy I'm forgetting? Laffy, Laffy Taffy. Laughy Taffy! Delicious and easier to unwrap.

So yeah, give me all your banana candy. I don't care what you think.
I think it's delicious.

Thank you. Thank you.

When I was very young, like under five years old, I did not like bananas. I am also a stubborn person.

I did not try a banana until I was in, I believe, my late 20s. Wow.
That's right.

And the reason was because I kept on having like Charlie horse in the middle of the night.

You know, the thing where you're like, your leg seize up, and if you don't jump up in time, it's a crazy thing.

Like, it's like a weird little kind of like 24-style ticking clock that pops up in your brain in the middle of the night. You're like, all of a sudden, you feel it happening.

And if you don't jump up and walk around really quickly, you're fucked.

And everyone's like, have you eaten a banana? And I was like, I haven't eaten a banana since 1988. I know, they say bananas are good for that.

And they're like, well, you should probably have a banana. Then I had a banana.
They're great.

Let's spin it again.

Oh, good. Robin.
That cute picture of you. Oh, yeah, I know.
That was when I was cute.

That bow.

Yeah. By the way, before I begin, when you said the ticking time 24, 24 reference, I actually mentioned the show 24 in my special Hear Me Out on YouTube that you should check out.

And also, I do an eight-minute bit about the show Survivor.

Have you ever heard of that show, John?

Oh, now you know this is a tender subject.

No, no. You know.

Listen. I'm sorry.

I had a great experience on Survivor. Brief.

Brief experience on survivor, but in the grand scheme of things, did I really need to succeed at one more thing? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, no

What a masterful answer. No, I actually was like, no, no, I was really mad when you got eliminated.
Like, it was really pissed, but just wanted to plug my special. Oh, thank you.

Um, thanks for saying that.

Um, well, okay, so my, I have like three, but I'll just narrow it down to one. Um, I'm a huge M ⁇ M fan.
Um, been an M ⁇ M fan. That is the correct reaction, by the way.

Um, MM was like the first troll that I knew, you know, and obviously I'm a fan of trolls based off of what you've seen tonight.

But I think it might be a little bit of an autism thing because like M ⁇ M, Weezer, and Wrestling are like the three things that I liked as a kid. And I like never stopped liking those three things,

even when they got really bad. Like, like, like, I listened to...
Like, when I say I like Weezer and M ⁇ M, people try to be nice.

They go, oh, yeah, like Pinkerton and the, like, Pinkerton and the Marshall Mallor's LP.

I'm like, no, I listen to like new weezer and new minem like that's that's crazy that's crazy you know that loyalty is inherently autistic i think yeah but now i don't but i don't listen to them because they're good i listen to them because like i just want to see what they're up to you know like i listen to eminem like i'm like are you still with kim how's your mom doing you know oh how old is haley now who do you want to kill this year you don't want to kill this year and like minem has like um like i'm i know way too much about eminem like i like he talks about like four things for 20 fucking years now you know?

Um, but I, I liked him because when he first came out, he was making fun of everyone.

And remember, he was making fun of the gays and the Christians on the same album and watching gay people and Christians who hate each other join up to protest this piece of shit was so fucking funny to me.

But then, but then on his next album, the M ⁇ M show, he realized that he had a lot of homophobic fans that he didn't like.

So he had, he made a song where he like, he blows up the World Trade Center.

He's fucking Dr. Dre inside of a closet.
Like, he's just like, so he's like fuck those people.

And if there's the only thing I think is funnier than gay people being offended is straight people being offended that someone's gay. I think those are my two favorite topics.

And then and then Eminem got really like into drugs, you know, and he got really bad. And then he got

sober. And now he's obsessed with puns.

That's all he does now. He does puns.
I don't know him in his pun era. So he so he has these puns that are terrible.
He's like, I'm the butt police. I'm looking at your rear, rear, rear.

Like, this is the kind of shit he says now.

It's crazy. Okay, but the rear, rear, rear is a siren, right? I mean, it's layered.
Yeah, like a shepherd having sex with a sheep. Fuck what you heard.

This is who he is now. What I love about it's like a guy who does stuff, like movies for his kids when he gets older.

I just like that there's like inside of every boy, uh-huh,

there is an uncle. Yeah,

that that, and and you can be one of the the like most famous musicians in the world. You can have albums that freak the squares.

You can be edgy and like go through like a phase where you're like considered like not safe for the kids, but you'll hit a certain age and then it'll be like, uh, got your nose.

That's his next album. It's called Eminem's next album.
Got your nose. But like, by the way, I don't think he's good anymore.

So when people, well, people will tell me compelling evidence on why he sucks. And I'll be like, yeah, I know, I know he sucks.
They're like, Well, here's more evidence.

I'm like, I know, I agree with the evidence that you're giving me. They're like, Why do you still like him? And I'm like, What does Lee? It's not my choice, you know.

And I feel like, I feel like this is the way straight women feel who are attracted to men.

Who is like, Do you think I chose this? Like, I get like offended, you know. Like, if I had a choice,

I wouldn't be into these people, you know.

You just peered into my fucking soul. I know.

Let's spin it again.

What will happen?

You know,

I want to dive into something. I mentioned it briefly and received some flack over it, so I'll just reiterate it with more detail.

I want to recommend to you something that I do, and I call it my secret burgers.

And these are my secret burgers. And I go through the McDonald's drive-thru and I get a McDouble or a double cheeseburger.
And this is the part where I think people will not like it.

No ketchup, no mustard.

Dry.

Oh, no, that's good. I love no matter what.
No veggies? Yes, veggies.

I usually say fine to pickles and onions, but I will sometimes just say nothing.

Meat and cheese. Meat, cheese, bread.
Meat, cheese, bread. Meat, cheese, bread.
And I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why.

Okay, one.

I'm in my car.

It's safe. You are free.
You are free. Meat, cheese, bun, you are safe and free.
You're not trying to do what never works, which is laying a napkin across your lap.

And that as a second layer of protection, the paper, which somehow doesn't work.

I don't understand how the physics of it, but if you're driving and eating a burger, like the way ketchup and mustard can move physically, it's like, it's like how like, maybe it's not a conspiracy, how Kennedy died, you know?

like things move weird in a car

and it's like how did ketchup get under into my pockets and it's like that's not a second shooter it just fell weird you know

so

so that's one and then two

do you like burgers or do you like ketchup oh

I know that I like burgers. Do you?

Do you? I don't know that you do. I think you might like ketchup

with some meat.

I like burgers.

Dry burgers.

No, I'm not even. I completely agree with this.
I love dry burgers. This seems insane.
I mean, I really, I very much agree with it.

I mean, we might disagree with everything politically, but I mean, with the burger, in terms of burgers, I'm like borderline a fascist, but when it comes to burgers, you and me, we're like in sync, dude.

Like, for real.

I did a picture of the. Robin was having a dry burger at the insurrection.
Yeah.

I did a play with a guy in Chicago who didn't have a car, and so I would drive him to rehearsals, and he would eat in my car, and he would eat a burger from Wendy's, and then he would always have in the other hand an open ketchup packet that he called a suck pack.

And he would go, hump, and then he would.

Honestly.

And I was like, that's fucking weird, but thank you because I just got this thing washed, you know. A suck pack, that's like the Republicans, right? Like instead of C-PAC? Like a super pack.

It's like a suck pack.

That's a political joke, right?

I haven't watched the news in like 10 years, so I don't.

A dry burger

lets the meat speak.

And that's our show.

Thank you so much to Michael Shallon, the great Allison Tolman, Robin Trand.

We will see you next week at Dynasty Typewriter. There are 374 days until the midterms.
Have a great night and have a great weekend.

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