Ronald Reagan, Welcome to the Resistance

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Speaker 1 And I was looking at the 100 highest peaks in the world. What percentage of them do you believe are contained in the Himalayas and the areas, the mountain ranges surrounding the Himalayas?

Speaker 3 51%.

Speaker 2 It's all of them. All of them.

Speaker 1 All 108 of the highest peaks. Though, it's actually interesting how you decide what is a peak versus what is just an ancillary smaller peak of a single mountain.

Speaker 1 And that's actually up for debate, which means that the mountains that are tallest in the world that are considered unclimbed is up for debate because it's unclear unclear at times whether you're talking about a separate mountain or a smaller peak of another mountain but you know what we'll never peak the savings at quince

Speaker 1 what are the underwater mountains well that's the question where do you start right it's i mean look there's a lot of people that have thought about where right where do you you got it measuring it from the base where is that base tommy where is that base you know is k2 a grower or a shower

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Speaker 1 What's up, Los Angeles?

Speaker 1 Welcome to Love It or Leave It Live at Dynasty Typewriter. We've got a great show for you tonight.
Seth Tolev is here.

Speaker 1 Daniel Webb is here.

Speaker 1 It's our Halloween episode, so we're going to have some thrilling debates, terrifying dates, and pleas from the great beyond.

Speaker 1 But first, let's get into it. What a week.

Speaker 1 In a recent interview with The Economist, of course, Steve Bannon let us know that we can put our anxieties about the 2028 presidential elections to rest for the future. His already written.

Speaker 4 Well, he's going to get a third term. So, Trump 28.
Trump is going to be president in 28, and people just ought to get accommodated with that. At the appropriate time, we'll lay out what the plan is.

Speaker 4 But there's a plan, and President Trump will be the president in 28. Trump is a vehicle.
I know this will drive you guys crazy, but he's a vehicle of divine providence. He's an instrument.

Speaker 1 Divine providence, providence, maybe, if God is named in the Epstein files.

Speaker 1 At first, speaking to reporters on Air Force One on Monday, Trump wouldn't rule out a third term.

Speaker 5 I would love to do it.

Speaker 5 I have my best numbers ever. Am I not ruling it out? You'll have to tell me.

Speaker 1 Thankfully, if we toss out the 22nd Amendment, Democrats' biggest problem will no longer be figuring out how to convince ourselves that we love our best option.

Speaker 1 Our biggest problem will be convincing Barack Obama that he actually loves working really, really hard.

Speaker 1 And here's what's crazier, he misses it.

Speaker 1 Alabama senator in the first recorded case of a person getting CTE from coaching football, Tommy Tuberville,

Speaker 1 suggested on Tuesday that if Trump has a secret plan to stay in office, he's into it.

Speaker 6 If you read the Constitution, it says it's not, but if he says he has some

Speaker 6 different circumstances that might be able to go around the Constitution, but that's up to him.

Speaker 2 That's up to him, huh?

Speaker 1 The whole point of having a Constitution is that it's actually not up to him. That's what the Constitution is, a document that says it's not up to him.

Speaker 1 But boy, try explaining that to Tommy Tuberville, a dumb asshole.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 The 22nd Amendment of the Constitution reads: no person shall be elected to the office of president more than twice. It does not have any loopholes.

Speaker 1 There is no cheat code that would install Trump for a third term. It would require defying the Constitution one way or another.
He could refuse to leave office.

Speaker 1 He could act as president behind a figurehead like the Queen's Regent for this baby queen.

Speaker 2 Photo of J.D. Mance for those listening.

Speaker 1 Or he could be installed as president through a backdoor if he's made, say, Speaker of the House.

Speaker 1 And while we're on the subject of House speakers who love a backdoor, even Speaker Mike Johnson knows that the writing is on the wall, specifically the wall of the Library of Congress.

Speaker 7 Well, there is the 22nd Amendment. I think the President knows, and he and I have talked about the constrictions of the Constitution.

Speaker 7 As much as so many of the American people lament that, I don't see a way to amend the Constitution because it takes about 10 years to do that. I don't see the path for that.

Speaker 1 Look, people are complicated. Every once in a while, just to mix it up, a bottom tries being a top

Speaker 1 and then holds a press conference to rebuke the president.

Speaker 1 That's two.

Speaker 1 A day later, Trump acknowledged that he can't run for a third term, though he's been talking out of both sides of his mouth for months now.

Speaker 2 If you read it, it's pretty clear. I'm not allowed to run, Mr.
Ben.

Speaker 1 He's actually referring to the latest MRI of his ankles, but

Speaker 1 also applies to seeking a third term. Bannon on this score is a perfect encapsulation of MAGA politics.
We're being trolled, and we're right to worry. It's a joke, and it's serious.

Speaker 1 But it doesn't matter how serious Trump is. What matters is how serious we are.
Trump will not be president in 2029. He will leave office.
Presidential terms are like martinis.

Speaker 1 One isn't enough, two is too many, and three makes you puke and hug strangers on the train.

Speaker 2 Besides, shut up.

Speaker 1 You're telling me that if Donald Trump is president in January 2029, you won't want to to puke and hug strangers on the train?

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 1 Sometimes the best jokes must be fully explained.

Speaker 1 I just thought, I'm going to take a moment, and this will just be between us. There's a joke coming up later that's really going to require you to believe.

Speaker 1 And I'm not going to tell you what it is. I'm just letting them know that it's coming, all right? And so far, I'm worried.

Speaker 1 I'm worried, given where we're at right now, that I'm not going to have you when we get there. And the problem is, I bet someone at the office a sandwich that it will work.

Speaker 1 Now, this, what I've just done, truthfully, what's cool is it won't, this is, this happening now. When we get to that joke later, it won't matter.

Speaker 2 It will work or it won't.

Speaker 1 It will live or it will die. But then we will remember what I said here and we will circle back to it to see if my energy about you.
We'll see.

Speaker 1 Besides, there's nothing about what Trump could do that should take our eyes off of what he's already doing right now. For example, he's continuing to abuse so-called emergency powers.

Speaker 1 Trump raised tariffs on Canada's goods by 10% because he didn't like a TV commercial that aired during the second game of the World Series, which is another one of those sentences that should open up a hole in the sky through which a giant arm comes down and hits a reset button of some kind.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 1 nothing yet.

Speaker 1 The ad, produced by the province of Ontario, quotes a 1987 Ronald Reagan radio address in which he criticizes tariffs.

Speaker 8 When someone says, let's impose tariffs on foreign imports, it looks like they're doing the patriotic thing by protecting American products and jobs.

Speaker 8 And sometimes for a short while it works, but only for a short time. But over the long run, such trade barriers hurt every American worker.
and consumer.

Speaker 1 I know I'm always saying it on this show, and I'm sorry to be repetitive, but go off, Ronald Reagan.

Speaker 1 The Ronald Reagan Foundation criticized the ad for using selective audio and video, which is true because it cuts off before Reagan says, anyway, aid schmades.

Speaker 1 But if you listen to the full address, the spot accurately reflects Reagan's pro-trade argument. And of course, Reagan was pro-trade.

Speaker 1 You can't get that much crack into black communities if you're blocking foreign imports.

Speaker 1 Speaking of presidencies dragged down by their own violent lawlessness in Latin America, on Monday, Pete Hegseth announced that 14 people were killed in strikes against several boats off the coast of Mexico, the deadliest attack in Trump's ongoing campaign against alleged drug traffickers in the Pacific and the Caribbean.

Speaker 1 Shall we toast to a job well done, said Pete Hegseth, to a four-star admiral who has a recurring dream about making Hegseth cry because Hegseth keeps falling off his tricycle and spilling eggs everywhere?

Speaker 1 Now, here's the question.

Speaker 1 You can say yes, and you can say no, and I want you to be honest. Did the person who bet me that that joke would fail, were they correct? Yes?

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Or no?

Speaker 1 No, I don't know. She gets a sandwich.
Let's face it. Let's face it.
Fuck.

Speaker 1 Senator Rampaul said Congress had not been briefed about the attacks, nor has Trump presented any evidence as to whether the people killed were involved in drug trafficking.

Speaker 9 And so far they have alleged that these people are drug dealers. No one said their name.
No one said what evidence. No one said whether they're armed.
And we've had no evidence presented.

Speaker 9 So at this point, I would call them extrajudicial killings. And this is akin to what China does, to Iran does with drug dealers.

Speaker 9 They summarily execute people without presenting evidence to the public, so it's wrong.

Speaker 1 I know I'm always saying this on this show, and I'm sorry to be repetitive, but go off, Rampa.

Speaker 1 Defense officials did give a classified briefing on the boat strikes to members of the House Armed Services Committee on Thursday, but said that they couldn't be sure exactly who the strikes had killed.

Speaker 1 Call me old-fashioned, but I've always felt that if you're going to execute someone, you should at least know their name.

Speaker 1 Like walking up to the bride at the rehearsal dinner and asking how she knows everybody, but for war crimes.

Speaker 1 All the while here at home, Trump continues to add more and more names to his long list of political enemies.

Speaker 1 On Wednesday, the Justice Department indicted progressive House candidate Kat Abu Ghazale, along with five others for allegedly conspiring to impede ICE officers during a protest last month in Chicago.

Speaker 1 This is Kat Abu Ghazale, by the way. There she is.

Speaker 1 ICE agents are probably 50 times more likely to be injured by chronic lower back pain than by Comrade Sabrina Carpenter.

Speaker 1 Abu Ghazali posted a video responding to the indictment.

Speaker 10 This is a political prosecution and a gross attempt to silence dissent.

Speaker 1 Say you can't sleep, baby. I know.
That's that me protesto.

Speaker 1 I don't know what kind of person

Speaker 1 you are waiting for Trump to arrest before you realize they will come for you too, but sound the alarm. we've reached the blondes.

Speaker 1 I interviewed Kat today for the Potse of America YouTube. Kat used to work for Media Matters.
Her job was watching Fox News all day.

Speaker 1 They have gone after one of the strongest, most resilient people alive.

Speaker 1 And I'm sure a lot of you have heard Kat on Terminally Online. Like, she doesn't deserve this.
And there are a lot of examples just like it.

Speaker 1 Last week, a federal judge dismissed charges against Jaime Alberto Quintanilla Chavez, who the DOJ accused of forcibly assaulting, resisting, opposing, impeding, intimidating, or interfering with a federal officer engaged in the performance of official duties.

Speaker 1 The DOJ was seeking a penalty of up to 20 years. The judge threw out the case because it turns out that the agent scraped his arm when he punched a hole in the defendant's driver's survivative stop.

Speaker 1 It's your fault that I hurt myself while punching through your window. Also, it's my wife's fault that I cheated on her, and that's why both of you are going to jail.

Speaker 1 Trump 2028.

Speaker 1 Along with targeting his enemies, deploying troops on our streets, and punishing nations for personally insulting insulting him, Trump also pardoned Zhang Pen Zhao, founder of the crypto exchange Binance and convicted money launderer whose network the Justice Department said allowed money to flow to terrorists, cyber criminals, and child abusers.

Speaker 1 Zhao backed the Trump family's efforts to build a vast fortune in crypto, and now he's receiving his reward. Or as the Justice Department put it in their statement, Zhao, you see him, Zhao, you don't.

Speaker 1 Tasteless.

Speaker 1 White House spokesperson Caroline Levitt said in a statement that the Biden administration's war on crypto is over.

Speaker 1 And with that, all the cyber trucks switched from war mode to peace mode, suddenly becoming very smooth and curvy.

Speaker 1 At root, the problem isn't just that Trump wants to be a dictator. We live under a contract that contemplates would-be tyrants.

Speaker 1 The problem is that Congress is filled with spineless little freaks, and Trump knows that too. During a speech in Tokyo on Tuesday, the president said this about his big, beautiful bill.

Speaker 9 I said, put it all into one bill, and if we get it done, we're done for four years. We don't need anything more from Congress.

Speaker 1 Well, other than to stand there while I make fun of their ugly wives during cocktail hours. According to the New York Times, Trump has privately joked, I'm the Speaker and the President.

Speaker 1 I can forgive a private joke, but what I can't abide is a joke about private, said Mike Johnson, trying to change the subject before withdrawing to his office to eat a whole banana in one bite.

Speaker 1 Three.

Speaker 1 Is it okay to keep calling him gay? I think so. And he is gay, but in the way 2021 Graham Plattner uses it.

Speaker 1 okay.

Speaker 1 You know what's really gay? The House hasn't met in weeks. Johnson is refusing to swear in Representative-elect Adelita Grijalva, who won a special election in Arizona over a month ago.

Speaker 1 And not just because you know Johnson would absolutely butcher her name and end up calling her Adelaide Granola.

Speaker 1 It's because Grijalva would provide the final signature needed to force a vote on releasing the Epstein files.

Speaker 1 And Johnson is hell-bent on protecting Trump and a ring of pedophiles, as Jesus would do if he were in the same situation.

Speaker 1 The Constitution explicitly grants Congress the power to enact tariffs, but they've allowed Trump to abuse a law that grants him emergency authority, which Congress could withdraw at any moment, even as Trump uses tariffs to punish allies, seek business favors, sow global chaos, and raise prices for American consumers.

Speaker 1 And I know from experience, screaming it's an emergency doesn't let you do whatever you want. It doesn't even let you cut the bathroom line a third time.

Speaker 1 Last month, the Department of Agriculture posted a shutdown funding plan on its website and said they had $6 billion in contingency funds to continue delivering SNAP benefits.

Speaker 1 That's food assistance for poor kids and families. In fact, that's exactly what Trump did in his first term during the longest shutdown of all time so far.

Speaker 1 And that was great news because according to experts, poor kids actually need food in order to live.

Speaker 1 The USDA has now taken that plan off their website and slapped up a new banner that reads, the well has run dry, blaming Democrats for its decision to suspend SNAP benefits starting November 1st.

Speaker 1 They are refusing to send food aid to families that rely on it as a means to pressure Democrats.

Speaker 1 It's yet another example of the administration doing whatever it wants, regardless of the law, and it only underscores why Democrats were right to draw a line in the first place.

Speaker 1 As the shutdown continues, low-income families will start losing access to Head Start. Rural airports may begin being forced to close.
Flight delays at major airports will only compound.

Speaker 1 The pain is going to get worse. And now you can't even take Tylenol for it without RFK Jr.
jumping out from the backseat to ask if you're pregnant. I'm not pregnant.
I just ate too quickly.

Speaker 1 Which brings us to Election Day.

Speaker 1 In California, we have Prop 50 on the ballot, which would allow our lived-out legislator to counteract Republican plans to redraw their maps mid-decade to rig the midterms.

Speaker 1 Trump was hoping he could win without cheating, but Plan A, blame autism on Tylenol, didn't move the polls like he was hoping.

Speaker 1 The Justice Department is dispatching federal election monitors to polling places in California and New Jersey ahead of Election Day. This is an obvious pretext to call the results into question.

Speaker 1 It's also a way to socialize us to election monitors when Trump sends federal agents to blue strongholds in 2026.

Speaker 1 But we've got to make sure Pam Bondi trying to intimidate voters in blue states is like paper straws or how every screen asks you to tip now. We'll never get used to it.
Bitch, I'm at the dentist.

Speaker 1 So make sure to get your ballots in if you are in New York, New Jersey, or California. There's a Supreme Court race in Pennsylvania and a public commissioner election in Georgia.

Speaker 1 We've got to win big in 2025. We've got to turn out in 2026 because there are many ways in which we can lose, even if we win.

Speaker 1 But the surest way for Trump and his allies to stay in power is to convince us that we cannot stop them. But that is just not true, at least not yet.
And sorry if it is true by Saturday.

Speaker 1 We recorded this on Thursday.

Speaker 1 Up next, we got stand-ups Daniel Webb and Steph Tolov, and they're here to sit down.

Speaker 2 Hey, don't go anywhere.

Speaker 3 There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

Speaker 1 Love It or Leave It is brought to you by Built.

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Speaker 2 And we're back.

Speaker 1 If I learned anything from Ellen DeGeneres' 2024 Netflix special, comedians are still our modern-day poet philosophers.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 1 And right now, I'll take all the help I can get, which is why I want to welcome Steph Tolov and Daniel Webb to the stage.

Speaker 2 Hi.

Speaker 2 Hi, hi, hi.

Speaker 2 Awkward, awkward. Yeah, all right.

Speaker 2 Come sit, come sit. Hi.

Speaker 2 Hi.

Speaker 1 Welcome to the show. Both of you haven't had you on the show before.
It's so nice to meet you.

Speaker 2 I'm so offensive.

Speaker 13 I was like, this is weekly. I've never been invited.
Rude, Bill.

Speaker 2 Hey, Bill. I know the book, man.
That's fucking rude, man.

Speaker 1 Hey, Bill, what the fuck, Bill?

Speaker 2 What the fuck, Bill?

Speaker 1 What the? Hey, Bill, what the? Hey, Bill, what the fuck?

Speaker 13 I accost you at one Comedy Central party years ago, and now I don't get booked.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. You stole the pillow.
I stole the pillow.

Speaker 13 We had a night.

Speaker 2 We had a night at that party.

Speaker 2 I ran barefoot through the sunset of San Francisco to escape the grasp of a very famous RuPaul's drag race drag queen

Speaker 2 because her six-foot bomb gave me the spins. And I was like, I can't have sex.
I have to run out of here right now.

Speaker 2 And then when I got home, Steph was at the hotel.

Speaker 2 Weren't you like, don't you have to center yourself? Like, she's in the bed.

Speaker 13 Yeah, when I'm two, we have the spins. If you put one leg down, it like centers you and you don't feel like you're spinning anymore.
But then someone told me, honestly, it helps.

Speaker 2 But then she had a comedy central pillow,

Speaker 2 just like under her. I was like, what the fuck? Somehow you were in worship.
I was bad.

Speaker 13 I went to the same, I went to the wrong hotel and didn't realize that there's a koi pond in it. I'm like, I would, I would, full koi pond, not in the hotel we're staying in, full koi pond.

Speaker 2 I go, hmm.

Speaker 13 I go up, I'm like, my key isn't working. I come down, the guy's like, there's two holiday ends.
I'm like, oh, I guess ours doesn't have a pond in it. It was nothing.

Speaker 2 It was very drunk. That was great.

Speaker 1 God, I never, whenever I am having a night where I drank too much and have too much weed, I'm never like, boy, what a crazy evening of running from a drag queen this will be. For me, it's always

Speaker 1 whoever I'm with, I shut down

Speaker 1 and then eventually they realize something is wrong and I say, we must leave this restaurant so that I can go home and write apologies.

Speaker 1 What's that about?

Speaker 2 Mental illness. That's mental illness.
Mental illness.

Speaker 1 Mental illness. Now it's time for a segment we call, is this good?

Speaker 13 There we are.

Speaker 1 So here's how it works. There are many confusing and confounding topics where it's hard to even know what to make of it.

Speaker 1 And so tonight, we're going to randomly assign each of you the pro and con of something that's in the news, and you'll help us debate whether or not it's good. Okay.
All right.

Speaker 1 And so first up, chat GPT erotica. We'll start.
This will be.

Speaker 2 That sucks.

Speaker 1 So we have a coin here. One side says yes.
The other side says no.

Speaker 1 Guess that yes we'll say is pro and no will be con. We're going to flip it for you, Steph, all right?

Speaker 2 Yes. Yes, I'm flip.
So

Speaker 1 you are going to argue.

Speaker 1 God damn it. You are going to argue that Chad GPT erotica is good.
Daniel, you're going to argue that it is not good.

Speaker 1 30 seconds, you have the floor. Well, as you've seen from that delicious photo,

Speaker 13 Chad GPT is good for people like Elon Musk. Nobody, no real human being wants to be with this man.
Look at this claymation human being.

Speaker 13 This is helping OnlyFans relax, take a weekend off. These gals can finally put their feet up and not be smothered by sick, disgusting, pervert pig men.

Speaker 1 Beautifully said.

Speaker 13 This is helping the greater good get off porn, let the women rest. They have to let their vaginas rest.

Speaker 2 The end.

Speaker 1 Danny, why is ChatGPT erotica not a good idea?

Speaker 2 It's bad because, first of all, it generates falsehoods like that is the shape of Elon Musk. What is, where's the dent in the man's decotage? The man is shaped like he swallowed a cyber truck.

Speaker 2 Where's that part?

Speaker 2 And that hair is inaccurate. That looks more like a wig than plugs.
Like, how am I supposed to come to that?

Speaker 2 And then, yeah, and Chat GPT is erotica, it's also bad because the minute I blow my load, I'm in immediate danger of electrocuting myself.

Speaker 2 What? You don't shoot a huge load? Fuck y'all.

Speaker 2 We're editing this, right? Okay. This is live.
We're live.

Speaker 2 Also, I think it's important when I'm on Grindr a lot and there's a lot of illiteracy when you're texting old and young people. I think I speak for lots of faggot pusses in the audience.

Speaker 2 And I think that ChatGPT erotica will help people learn to spell all the bad words.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's so interesting. It's educational because they'll sort of learn from it.
I guess I don't really understand whether the erotica is just text-based.

Speaker 1 I find it hard to believe that this culture of people are people that are enough with all this pornography. It's time for sexually enjoying the written word.

Speaker 1 You know, that doesn't strike me as the way it's going to go, but maybe I'm wrong.

Speaker 2 I don't know. Well, I mean, Gen Z doesn't even use vowels.
So how are they even going to be able to read anything?

Speaker 13 Phone sex is back.

Speaker 2 Huh?

Speaker 2 i don't know what i'm saying

Speaker 2 maybe i'll get another job again like facetime phone sex

Speaker 2 my friend i'm back in business my friend was a phone sex operator in new york city she uh and but she if you know if you want young and slutty if you want old and sassy if you're whatever the button you push one two three four they all went to jane

Speaker 2 She was all the categories, right? Like, so she changed your voice. Yeah, if you're like fucking old and crotchety, you're like, ah, you want to let me jerk your dick out.

Speaker 13 You know, she knew she had had to like young, like, should adjust.

Speaker 2 Well, whatever the kink was that you wanted, right? Like, if you wanted the housemaid or you wanted, you know, I could only do like ghoul or goblin.

Speaker 2 I want the goblin. Oh, I'm ready for you.
Woo!

Speaker 2 Welcome to the cemetery sex line.

Speaker 1 Spooky is spooky sex line. We want to be scared and horny.

Speaker 2 Let's do it tomorrow.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 Well, we have a shovel.

Speaker 1 Just one fact to share. OpenAI acknowledged this week that around 560,000 ChatGPT users exhibit psychosis or mania, and 2.4 million people are confiding suicidal thoughts to ChatGPT.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, I think it's good if they can have sex with it.

Speaker 1 I'm going to give the point

Speaker 2 to Daniel.

Speaker 2 I am.

Speaker 2 Fuck you guys. They don't like that.

Speaker 1 I am. I thought the point about not getting electrocuted was a good one.

Speaker 2 Next up,

Speaker 1 airing out your insane husband via song, i.e., Lily Allen's new album. Is it good? I'm going to flip it for Daniel, whether he'll take the pro or the con.

Speaker 1 He's the con. That stinks.

Speaker 2 Oh, because it's so good.

Speaker 1 But you'll have to, that's what makes it a challenge. Totally.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 1 Have you listened to it?

Speaker 2 I have. Yeah.
I have. All right.

Speaker 1 Daniel, tell us why

Speaker 1 that a breakup album like Lily Allen's is not good.

Speaker 2 It's not good because this man is an actor.

Speaker 2 And actors have no self-esteem. They barely know what to say without a script.
Have you seen this man? He's shaped like a hairy armoire. He needs all the confidence he can get.

Speaker 2 And I believe he has a new film or movie or creative project coming out. And like all of us, the industry has turned on its head and we're all scrambling for work.

Speaker 2 So I think in the decent, and he is a white, straight guy and I think all those guys need a lot of grace and patience and understanding.

Speaker 2 And I actually know someone who knows someone who banged him while he was dating Lily Allen.

Speaker 2 I do. I do.
I do. Not in real time.
I just found this out. I would have spilled the beans.

Speaker 2 And frankly, if any, like, it should have just been done as a Torrey Amos album. They should have collaborated and then she really would have sank that guy.
See, y'all like that idea.

Speaker 2 That's like i did right yeah like a gundam you know leave him alone

Speaker 2 yeah leave you leave leave britney and david harbor alone alone

Speaker 1 steph why do you you have to take the opposite view here uh-huh

Speaker 13 why why is it good yeah this guy can suck our whole assholes are you crazy i'm sick and fucking tired of these white straight men cheating on all these fucking hot babes that are bringing in all the fucking money suck our fucking dick if you want to be a fucking pig it should be public every fucking woman on the planet should be smearing a man who puts them down and cheats on them.

Speaker 13 Fuck you. You want to cheat? Fucking break up.
Get a fucking divorce. You disgusting fucking pig.
You fucking deserve it all. I hope his career is fucking ruined.

Speaker 13 Let's all go out and fucking buy Billy Allen merch.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 Just to reiterate,

Speaker 2 my perspective was chosen for me. And now

Speaker 2 it wasn't an honest feeling. I was just playing the game.

Speaker 1 You know what's crazy?

Speaker 1 There was a study. And even if people know that your that your position was randomly assigned, they will still retain like animosity towards you for having argued a position they don't agree with.

Speaker 2 Yes. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I know. I just remembered it.

Speaker 1 I just remembered that study. David Harper and Lily Allen did an architectural digest tour, which I really recommend people go back and watch.

Speaker 1 Please, it is, first of all, it was, it was cursed from the, it wasn't like people were like, I couldn't have known when you watch that fucking thing, it is a cursed text.

Speaker 1 Every frame of it, you know, it is edited to try to look, to make them look good, right? Like, it's not like the architectural digest is like, we're going to really fuck these two, right?

Speaker 1 It's a house tour. It's not an expose.
And yet, the energy of the two of them walking around, every individual item, you're like, that's a beautiful thing.

Speaker 1 Like, this is a home, a fancy, beautiful home. And yet, all together, it's like screaming, like, not good, bad, bad vibes, bad vibes, pulsating with bad energy.

Speaker 2 Okay,

Speaker 2 have you seen it? No, I haven't seen it.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's so good.

Speaker 1 They have a carpeted bathroom.

Speaker 2 What is it going to work?

Speaker 13 P-drips everywhere.

Speaker 2 Are you serious?

Speaker 13 That's a piss-soaked rug.

Speaker 2 Sick.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, it's a mold thing.

Speaker 2 There's a Ruby Wax interview with Liza Minelli and David Guest. Was that her weirdo husband? It is the strangest interview you've ever seen.

Speaker 2 And he takes her to Cartier and buys her, buys her, like a $30,000 necklace, but she has to like make out with them before, and they're on camera, like David Gaston,

Speaker 2 it's so well. He's like, Do you love, like, it's a gross little, like, it's so gross.
And

Speaker 2 Liza plays the game, it's so crazy. She kissed that gay man on the mouth.

Speaker 2 Disgusting.

Speaker 2 Couldn't even think about it.

Speaker 1 It's hard to trust.

Speaker 2 Okay, next one.

Speaker 1 Oh, I think, um, I think Daniel won that one again.

Speaker 2 I clearly won that one. No, not him alone.
Leave him alone.

Speaker 1 It was such a hard position that he was.

Speaker 2 Whatever, mine was good. It was really good.
I was heated.

Speaker 1 It was really good.

Speaker 1 You were invested in it. You were invested in it.

Speaker 1 Those songs are good. They are good.
I like the parts of the songs where she's just like, and

Speaker 1 here's the voicemail and I'll just read it to you.

Speaker 1 And you're like, okay, I guess, with a melody behind it. Sure.

Speaker 2 The You Don't Stop Talking. That song.
It's just this little sing-songy insolo like you don't stop talking. So good.
Yeah.

Speaker 13 I've actually never heard it, but I guess we'll go home and listen to it.

Speaker 2 You have a lot of content to consume. I really do.

Speaker 13 I'll get on ChatGPT the second I get home.

Speaker 1 Let's do one more.

Speaker 1 This week, the Palo Alto company 1X Technology revealed their new humanoid for the home, NEO. Let's take a look.

Speaker 14 Neo is a humanoid companion designed to transform your life at home. It combines AI and advanced hardware to help with daily chores and bring intelligence into your everyday life.

Speaker 1 The Neo Home Robot, available now for $20,000

Speaker 1 or $499 per month, reportedly combines AI and robotics to automate your home housekeeping, do your chores like Siri can, and wash dishes.

Speaker 1 Let's see. Steph, see, let's see if you're going to get pro or con.

Speaker 2 Pro,

Speaker 2 take it away.

Speaker 13 I mean, clearly we all need one of these in our home. I'm sick and tired of bending over and picking up a dish out of the dishwasher.
You know, all these LA houses, all these dishwashers we all own?

Speaker 13 I'm too busy editing my own clips. I don't have time to do housework.

Speaker 2 I have to edit my podcast and my Instagram clips.

Speaker 13 I would like to come home and have somebody in the companion. Nice.
Put a wig on him.

Speaker 13 Couple googly eyes. Maybe put on a strap on.
Who knows what I'm going to do with the guy? I might have my way with him if he's in my house. Train him to walk my dog.

Speaker 13 Gives me more time to relax my vagina, just like those OnlyFans.

Speaker 2 See? Applause, Brink! That was beautiful.

Speaker 1 Just one note, and just, I just, I want, and I think the argument you made is fantastic.

Speaker 1 But just one thing that you should just keep in mind is that at first, Neo will be remotely operated by human engineer.

Speaker 2 There's a man in my house operating this.

Speaker 1 Well, no, no, the man is remote, but looking out through the eyes of the road.

Speaker 2 That's even better.

Speaker 2 It's cool.

Speaker 13 Oh, that making that guy. I would be the worst person he had to do it for.
I'd be like, it's me again.

Speaker 2 I would be so awful.

Speaker 13 That guy would hate his job. Oh, that's good.
That makes it better, actually.

Speaker 2 Daniel.

Speaker 1 Why is this not good?

Speaker 2 Okay, enough with the meta. Is it ice? What the fuck is that?

Speaker 2 Is it a sea of music video? What am I watching?

Speaker 1 He fences.

Speaker 2 He obviously fences, but does he clean?

Speaker 2 Yeah, listen. I'm all about letting faceless, unidentified men into my apartment.

Speaker 2 Never with this kind of lighting, though. It would never be

Speaker 2 this lit.

Speaker 1 How often are they doing the dishes, do you find?

Speaker 2 What was your question?

Speaker 1 Are they helping with the dishes often?

Speaker 2 The dishes are later. You got to earn the dishes.

Speaker 2 You don't kink your clean? That's what you got to do.

Speaker 2 Anyway, that's a good idea. Kink you're clean?

Speaker 1 No, it's just a good be like, my kink is you coming over and cleaning my house.

Speaker 1 Does that work?

Speaker 2 Can you come all over my dishes and then clean them?

Speaker 2 Okay, long story short, I don't want this person in my house because I think that they're ice. And also, I don't really see a hole.

Speaker 13 Oh, I'd make one.

Speaker 13 Oh, that's an easy fix.

Speaker 2 And honestly, what the fuck was that song playing? Why is Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone playing in the advertisement? This should clearly be a daft punk song. Like, what are we doing wrong?

Speaker 2 Anyway, if this guy started telling jokes, I'd let him clean my house. But other than that, get out.

Speaker 1 Here's what I don't understand. And I think you made some really important points, but here's what I don't understand.

Speaker 1 So this is going to be a robot that lives in your house, potentially constantly operated by some stranger watching your home through a camera because it can help you with chores, including loading and unloading the dishwasher.

Speaker 2 And laundry.

Speaker 1 And laundry. Now,

Speaker 1 I would, would, does everyone agree that as a, in terms of piece of technology that's almost good is the dishwasher, right? Like it's like,

Speaker 1 like it's, it's like almost good. Like it's like kind of good.
Like it doesn't totally, it's like, not totally reliable, like does often breaks, like drawers never, nothing.

Speaker 1 It's like, how is it that we're already at robot to load the dishwasher but not at good dishwasher

Speaker 2 you guys all have dishwashers I have not had one over here in time I am the dishwasher yeah look the fuck that's me I would if that robot could clean the space between my refrigerator and my stove I would hire that son of a bitch in a heartbeat but also who's cleaning in all white I'm really confused with the concept of this.

Speaker 2 Like, where's the, the design team is clearly heterosexual.

Speaker 1 I have a feeling that the ideas behind it are are not sort of

Speaker 1 home cleaners, like really thinking through it all.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Hey,

Speaker 1 wait, your special Filth Queen is on Netflix.

Speaker 13 Wait, did I win that one?

Speaker 1 Yeah, you won.

Speaker 13 So competitive for no reason. I've already lost, but I'm like, did I win?

Speaker 1 No, I like that. You got to have that.
You got to have the red in your eyes. Thank you.
In this business. Filth Queen on Netflix.
Yes. And the Keeping Amended.
I've seen it.

Speaker 2 It's great. Two views.
Thank you. Wow.

Speaker 13 This is, I need more views.

Speaker 2 All of you go home and watch it tonight.

Speaker 1 And the Keeping American comedy tour dates are at Steph Tolov on Instagram.

Speaker 1 And Daniel has live dates at thedanielweb.com.

Speaker 2 Hey.

Speaker 1 And he doesn't mean that about the Lily

Speaker 2 Album. We'll be right back.

Speaker 3 Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

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Speaker 2 And we're back!

Speaker 1 It's the week of Halloween, and since there's nothing scarier than opening one's heart to love, we wanted to plumb the most desperate depths of romance in a segment. We're calling 28 Dates Later.

Speaker 1 Here's how it works. We have a board here with 13 terrifying date scenarios, the spookiest number, 13.

Speaker 1 We will each pick one that we think is actually kind of manageable compared to the other and explained why. And we'll go until we arrive at the final dating horror boss.

Speaker 1 Daniel and Steph, before we start, what's your most bone-chilling dating experience?

Speaker 2 Not on this, right? Not on the board.

Speaker 2 Ideally.

Speaker 13 A man bit my neck mole off during sex.

Speaker 13 Yes, it's no longer there. I had to get it certainly.

Speaker 2 I knew the mole.

Speaker 13 You knew them all.

Speaker 1 You knew me pre-mole.

Speaker 13 Launched in squishy. It was the size of a junior man, very large.
And I felt blood drizzling down my neck.

Speaker 13 You asked.

Speaker 2 You asked.

Speaker 13 And

Speaker 13 I went to the bathroom and it was was like gushing blood, and I was like, you have to leave. And it was like dangling off.

Speaker 13 And then when he tried to leave, I was like, you have to go. And he's like, why? And I'm like, get the fuck out of here.
You're digesting my mole.

Speaker 2 Go.

Speaker 13 And then when he went, this is the worst part. When he went to leave, he went to put a tans around my neck.
I'm like, goodbye, choke. I'm like, get the hell out of my house.

Speaker 13 You're eating my mole, man. Go.
And then I went to go to the mole doctor the next day because it was like flittering off. And then they had to get it surgically removed.
Mole, money, mole problems.

Speaker 13 Am I right?

Speaker 1 Hey, and when you say mole doctor, you mean a dermatologist?

Speaker 13 Yeah, I guess it's Nicole, but I did put mole doctor into my Google Maps.

Speaker 1 Because there's three things it could be to me. It could be one, a doctor, like a dermatologist.
Two, it could be a mole. That's a doctor.

Speaker 2 Like a big cartoon mole that treats like, like,

Speaker 1 you know, kind of like, ah, it's so bright, but I'll help.

Speaker 2 And then,

Speaker 1 or it could be like a doctor of moles. And like, I guess I'll treat a person.

Speaker 2 Oh, you mean like a professor of moles?

Speaker 1 Yeah, sure. Like a, but I'd be like a vet.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 1 It does, I guess it could also be like a PHA.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like, you know, you know,

Speaker 1 like a unit of stuff, like a mole of carbon. I don't remember what that is.

Speaker 2 But a mole is a number.

Speaker 1 Have you heard it? Six times 10 to the 23rd. Shut up.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Too slow, bitch.

Speaker 2 Mole is a number.

Speaker 1 Have you heard it? Six times ten to the 23rd. Much larger number to comprehend.

Speaker 2 Wait, that's all I heard was, I went to the mole doctor. I heard a mole doctor.
Right? That's all. He told me what to do.
He said,

Speaker 13 Anyways, the mole's gone, but the hair still grows.

Speaker 13 Oh, shut up. Nobody's a hairy mole.
Turn on the fucking house lights.

Speaker 2 You know when like you swallow a penny and you have to make sure it gets out? Yeah. No.
I hate that. Yes.
But it's like, it happens a lot.

Speaker 2 God, I hate when that happens. Well, I would just wonder if he was worried if he expressed the mole.

Speaker 13 No, he didn't even notice.

Speaker 2 Is that too much? No one's wondering what happened to the mole.

Speaker 13 No, the mole, they sent it in to get tested.

Speaker 2 No cancer. You got it back?

Speaker 13 No, they sent it. No, I needed it.

Speaker 1 Oh, it was dangling.

Speaker 13 Yeah, but they took it off and then sent it to a lab.

Speaker 2 Why is the taking it off the grossest part? I don't know why.

Speaker 13 And then the funniest part was, the guy, I was trying to be really funny in the doctor's office, and I go, can I get a mole mint alone?

Speaker 2 And he, he,

Speaker 13 no, he thought I was serious and went to leave. I'm like, I don't need to be alone with my mole and say goodbye to it.
Like, he thought I was fucking deranged.

Speaker 13 Like,

Speaker 13 I already was like, oh man, bit it off. And he was like, what? Like, Like, the whole thing was already strange.
And then I just kept adding on to it.

Speaker 2 But you said molement? I said molement. And

Speaker 13 he literally went, oh, I'm sorry. I went to close the door.

Speaker 13 Yeah. I didn't get the laugh it deserved in the room.

Speaker 1 So I think like when you're bitten by a person, you have to make sure you know where that person goes because you need to check their brain for rabies.

Speaker 13 He could be dead, this man. I don't know.
I never, we never, there's no follow-up. I never spoke to him again.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and that's right. I mean, I feel like let's part.

Speaker 2 Ways like so interesting.

Speaker 13 Let's try our second date.

Speaker 2 I'm good. I'm good.

Speaker 2 I have no more moles, but I'll find stuff you can nibble off. Like, I don't know.

Speaker 2 Disgusting.

Speaker 2 I didn't want this.

Speaker 2 Daniel, do you have a dating story like that?

Speaker 2 I hope not. I don't know.

Speaker 1 I mean, as

Speaker 2 lots of gross things have like certainly entered my mouth, but I've never swallowed like a, my current boyfriend, I didn't realize it at the time, but I found his earring his hoop earring in my bed later because I had ripped it out in the in the yes and we had only hooked up like once or twice so he didn't say anything

Speaker 2 ripped it out oh my god no I work hard

Speaker 2 but that's not my story uh

Speaker 2 my story is one time I invite sometimes when you invite a a gay man over to the house, some things have to happen before the happening happens, right?

Speaker 2 What? What? Like,

Speaker 2 hygiene, but I'm a top. Surprise, surprise.
I know. Fuck you.
Anyway.

Speaker 2 And this guy, it's not unusual for someone to come over and ask to use the go in the restroom, right, for a minute or whatever.

Speaker 13 Everyone should. It doesn't matter who you are, who you're with.
Go rinse your fucking.

Speaker 2 Yeah, fuck it. Wash your ass.

Speaker 2 Clean your mole.

Speaker 2 So he goes. And I have a small apartment, very small apartment with very thin walls.
So it's hard to ignore when someone's in the bathroom.

Speaker 2 And he wasn't in there for like a normal, I don't know, what does it take you to do?

Speaker 1 Five?

Speaker 2 Sure. Four? anyway, sure.
What just is 40, 30, yeah, five in and out, right? In and out,

Speaker 2 the guy's in there for like 10 minutes. I've I've set a playlist to fuck to, and I'm running out of the hits, so I'm trying to put more, add more because he's taking so much time.

Speaker 2 And it's like 15, somewhere in the 15 to 20 minutes, is when he finally, and you know, you, I have respect for him, he's preparing, so I want to give him his time.

Speaker 2 And then he comes out and he has clearly cut bangs. What?

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 He cut Daniel bangs.

Speaker 2 I had long hair. This is worse than the mole.
He had long.

Speaker 2 And the weirdest, the worst part is the scissors I had in my bathroom are the tiny, they're manicuring scissors. They're the little those.

Speaker 2 He cut bangs. Like maybe they were here and he trimmed them to there because all of a sudden that was, he was Cher.

Speaker 13 It was nuts. That's crazy.
Yeah.

Speaker 13 That's grosser than the mole, I swear to God. A man with bangs is hideous.
No offense.

Speaker 2 So do you,

Speaker 1 Do you say,

Speaker 1 hey, did you get a haircut?

Speaker 2 So you want to bang?

Speaker 2 But here's the thing. He didn't clean the hair out of the

Speaker 2 way.

Speaker 2 It wasn't like...

Speaker 13 But was his butt clean?

Speaker 2 Well, that was the other thing. He also, yeah, he...

Speaker 1 Did you trim back there?

Speaker 2 Well, they both had the same part.

Speaker 13 It also had bangs?

Speaker 13 He cut bangs on it?

Speaker 2 But it was really hard.

Speaker 1 Is there a generous reading of it where it's like, he walks into the apartment, blown away by your handsomeness, says, I feel self-conscious. I got to do something to spruce it up.

Speaker 1 I'm going to go in the bathroom and give myself a dairy.

Speaker 2 No, I think he was like, I don't think I can fuck this dude. And he cut bangs to blind himself so that he could just

Speaker 2 without having to look at me. Oh.

Speaker 2 And that's your current. I'm not laughing at that because you can't think.

Speaker 2 And you're still in touch.

Speaker 2 Yeah. No, that's the one time I didn't go the whole way.
I was like, you're just going to have to, well, whatever. You know, you're going to have to.

Speaker 2 We just did like a couple bases and then I kicked them out.

Speaker 13 Get your bangs out of my head.

Speaker 2 Get your bangs out of my head. Well, the thing is, it was just like the apartment was too small for bangs.

Speaker 2 You need higher ceilings for that kind of thing.

Speaker 13 And that's a statement. Like, you wouldn't have matched with him if he had the bangs.

Speaker 2 Well, it would be like, what if I just went, excuse me, I'll be right back and I came out with a mustache on. You'd be like, whoa.

Speaker 2 What are you doing?

Speaker 2 It was nuts.

Speaker 13 You sued a mustache.

Speaker 1 I did. Slowly changing your look throughout the evening would be such a fun idea to really throw someone off.
All right.

Speaker 1 Steph, why don't you kick us off?

Speaker 1 You can choose something from the board you think you can, that isn't as bad as future things to come.

Speaker 2 Okay. Please tell us why.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 13 Oh, I guess this isn't bad. Offers you 25 buck gift certificate to chilies after sex.
What's wrong with that?

Speaker 2 This fucking slaps. What are you talking about?

Speaker 13 Are you kidding me?

Speaker 1 I'd love this. So that's great.

Speaker 13 This is great. So I'm saying that.

Speaker 2 That's actually my story, also.

Speaker 2 That is.

Speaker 13 It is.

Speaker 13 I'd be like, thank you so much. I fucked it all dude.

Speaker 2 It was in Austin, Texas. And at the end of it, you know, when you're, you have like the table by the with all your mail on it? He goes, oh, hey, your birthday's coming up, right?

Speaker 2 Because for some reason, we were fucking, I mentioned my birthday.

Speaker 1 He goes, oh, here.

Speaker 2 And he pulled out a $25 gift certificate to Chili's and goes, there, enjoy.

Speaker 2 And did you enjoy it? Spent it. Yeah, of course.
That's an awesome blossom.

Speaker 2 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 100%.

Speaker 1 That's good. And what's interesting about that is it is psychologically different than if he had handed you $25.

Speaker 2 I mean, I earned it either way.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 1 for sure, and did not mean to imply otherwise. But if someone were to say, if you're like, oh, it's your birthday, here's $25 in cash.
You'd be like, this is weird.

Speaker 1 I'm not saying a Chili's gift card after fucking someone isn't a little strange, but it has a joy to it. No, I see

Speaker 2 fun to it. I see, because like $25 Chili's dollars is enough.
But if you just gave me $25 cash, that is not enough for the work I just did. It's also silly.

Speaker 2 So goofy. It's goofy.

Speaker 13 This is a goof. This is a funny goof.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Chilies? I never went back. Yeah, he usually drove my buck.
Oh, no, I mean to chilies. I fucked that dude a bunch, but I never, I never went to chilies again.

Speaker 1 All right, Daniel, you pull something from the board. Okay.

Speaker 2 I.

Speaker 2 Okay. Says their ex is crazy is, it's a red flag.
It's not scary, but that's a red flag. For sure.

Speaker 2 Are we just talking about fucking or a date?

Speaker 2 Sure. So sorry.

Speaker 1 It's whatever you want it to be.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're never supposed to bring up an ex on a date. That's insane.
But that's just that's what is the game? We're trying to see what's not

Speaker 2 pulling things off to say why we think other things on the border are worse. We're just pending things because it's not so bad to get to the worst words.
That's not that bad.

Speaker 1 To get to the worst thing possible.

Speaker 2 All right. That's just sad.
Yes, yes, yes. All right.

Speaker 1 I'm going to go to.

Speaker 1 I'm going to go to.

Speaker 2 Oh, wait, there's a.

Speaker 1 That's your story.

Speaker 2 That's me.

Speaker 1 Oh, I'll do this one. Doesn't believe in sunscreen.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 1 Doesn't believe in sunscreen.

Speaker 1 How many people here wear sunscreen today?

Speaker 2 I worry, you can't really. How many?

Speaker 1 Oh, you reapplied five.

Speaker 13 That guy in the front has to.

Speaker 2 That guy. How many people?

Speaker 1 This guy better be wearing it right now.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 How many people here didn't apply sunscreen today? Most people here. So here's my question.

Speaker 1 Everybody in here who oodina said, you don't believe in sunscreen, but doesn't wear sunscreen, do you believe in sunscreen?

Speaker 1 I know you say you do, but there's a lot of people who say all kinds of things, and their behavior is the opposite. So really ask yourself if you actually believe in sunscreen.

Speaker 1 I don't think you actually do. Because if you did, you'd wear it every day, but you don't.

Speaker 1 I also have questions about it. It's so gross when you put it on.
I don't like how it feels. That's why I don't like reaching into bags or having, you know.

Speaker 2 Reaching into bags.

Speaker 2 I don't like the feeling of things.

Speaker 1 When you touch it, when you put your hands in a bag and it touches the top of your hand, it sucks.

Speaker 2 What's in a bag? You talk about that?

Speaker 1 Any bag.

Speaker 1 Any bag.

Speaker 1 Any bag.

Speaker 1 I don't like reaching into any bag. Like a suitcase? I rip every bag open.
If I get delivery food, I rip the bag open.

Speaker 1 I rip every bag open. Spill it out.
Don't reach in. Bad feeling.

Speaker 2 Bad feeling.

Speaker 2 Sunscreen greet.

Speaker 1 When I was a little boy, my family went to Club Med. You know what? Do you know Club Med? I don't know how familiar people are with Club Med.

Speaker 1 And whenever we went on one of these to these places, they would try to put me in the camp with the other kids. And there are joyful, wonderful children that can make friends anywhere.

Speaker 1 I am not among them. And so I would just sit by myself all day until it was time to get picked up.
And they would always give you ham. And ham, I don't eat that.
So

Speaker 1 there was one day where they were going to put on a show for the other parents. And they dressed up all the kids as little clowns, little tiny clowns.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 they were like, We're going to put makeup on all the kids. And I said, Please don't do that.
And they said, it'll be fine.

Speaker 1 And they started applying makeup onto my face. I lose touch with reality, come to

Speaker 1 screaming, crying,

Speaker 1 demanding help because I had thought that makeup was poison, and I would lick my lips and then die of poison from something being on my skin.

Speaker 1 And so they washed off all the makeup, but I still had to do the little clown performance with the other children.

Speaker 1 And so there is a video that exists of 10 to 12 children in full clown makeup, except for me, who looks like Heath Ledger's Joker

Speaker 2 dancing.

Speaker 13 And they're like, put both your hands in these bags.

Speaker 2 You're like,

Speaker 1 and my point is,

Speaker 1 how could not believing in sunscreen be a red flag when these are the kind of stories I'm telling on a fucking stage?

Speaker 2 All right, Dan, you're up.

Speaker 2 Being ghosted is not scary. I think it's a compliment.
I love when people don't want to waste my time. It's great.
If you think it's wrong and you're going to disappear on me later, it's efficient.

Speaker 13 At this point, too, it's also like,

Speaker 13 it's so done. Now, like

Speaker 13 when I first was on the dating apps, it was so upsetting now it's like this is just common practice yeah so it's not even like it's like who cares also gay men do that you come you leave you know what i mean that's it you ghost almost immediately it's like you were never it's just a vapor it's also that person that you don't want them in your life that's a fucking pathetic loser so it's like do you ghost

Speaker 13 i never ghosted i always text even if it was awful a big hey nice meeting you yeah i didn't feel a vibe ta-ta like dating like dating except the mole man except the mole man wow no if i was dating someone no i've never done that yeah no no no all right let's get to the worst ones let's pick what do we think is like the weak Someone just put backsicle on there.

Speaker 2 That's disgusting. I have a worst one.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Let's pick.

Speaker 13 And I'm going to win right now.

Speaker 2 Okay, let's win it right now. Win it right now.

Speaker 13 Getting matching tattoos because you're head over heels.

Speaker 2 I've had this matching taco on my leg.

Speaker 13 This is me getting it removed. This is 10 sessions.
Take a fucking look, audience. That's 10 fucking sessions of my skin getting fucking grilled off and I can't get fucking rid of it.

Speaker 13 I've had this for two fucking years, this tattoo. Never get a matching tattoo with anybody in your life.
It's hell on earth.

Speaker 13 If you've got a tattoo removed, it looks like fucking meatloaf for two weeks. They like drill it off.
It's a nightmare.

Speaker 1 Can I ask you a question? Why would you, so you're often.

Speaker 13 Mental illness. That's why.

Speaker 2 No, for sure.

Speaker 2 That's why. That's right.

Speaker 1 But did you consider turning it into something else?

Speaker 13 I can, but it's not light enough yet. So I'm at the point where I'm like, I, because it's like stupid.

Speaker 2 It's a taco.

Speaker 13 It's so stupid.

Speaker 13 Fucking hate. Yeah, it's stupid.

Speaker 2 But like in one session, instead of ten sessions just do one and make it an empanada or something like just change it like no it's getting it's like two years in and I can't feel it.

Speaker 1 It's like numb there if they like drill like you could like slice that right now Do you think it would feel different enough if you added rice and beans and called it the platter?

Speaker 1 Make it a combo plate. Put a chimichanga next to it.

Speaker 2 Oh god.

Speaker 1 Wait, let's wait. Just last

Speaker 1 note.

Speaker 1 Let's call this one the last one and the worst one. Makes you hold their gun after sex.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Did that happen to one?

Speaker 13 Yeah.

Speaker 13 Yeah, yeah. There was a guy.
Yeah, yeah, no, no. It was bad.
It was bad. I had a bad.
I have a nice boy for now who loves me.

Speaker 13 He's also shooting McAvan's nephew. Hot stuff.
Anyways, happy Gilmore. Nobody cares.

Speaker 2 It looks exactly like him. That's why I'm mentioning it.
I'm fucking shooting McGavin. That's what I'm saying.
That's cool.

Speaker 13 Yeah, he, after sex, he's like, hey, check this out. Goes under his bed, brings out this box, opens it up, and he goes, hey, check.
And I was like, naked. Just like,

Speaker 13 this man's gun and is like rundown apartment. It was terrifying.

Speaker 1 It's so, it's so interesting. And I think this is where we have to leave it because

Speaker 2 we simply

Speaker 1 because it's like, I'm sure

Speaker 1 Daniel's horror stories from Grinder would take the paint off the walls of this theater.

Speaker 1 But at the end of the day, these are gay men. They are not straight men.

Speaker 1 And I just, it is inconceivable to me to bring a straight man into my bedroom without a background check, putting in a quick call to the fucking precinct to just say, well, then call check on me.

Speaker 13 Again, I do have a boyfriend who loves me. We've been here for two years.
It's very nice.

Speaker 1 And you get more of a race. It could be just sort of like a curly-haired cartoon person you're taco.

Speaker 2 It's it's it's it's giving pita. It has a lot of

Speaker 2 rose. It's giving grilled cheese or it could be a goldfish.
That would be good.

Speaker 2 We're getting it covered up.

Speaker 1 We're getting it. You know, I think it's beautiful.
And let me tell you why. No, I do.
I do. Because when I was a kid and I saw people that had tattoos, I thought, wow, how could anyone get a tattoo?

Speaker 1 Life is so long. And the older you get, you're like, of course you get tattoos.
Life is so short. And I think that's kind of interesting because it was a moment in time.
And that's who you were.

Speaker 1 And it's nothing to be ashamed about. You made your choice.

Speaker 2 I don't have any tattoos, but the one I am going to get as soon as I find it, I want a Dooney and Burke purse, you know, with the mallard.

Speaker 2 And I want it on my hip with the strap going over, but I have to find the actual physical matching bag so I can take it on and put it off and it's still there.

Speaker 1 So I'm going to get a tattoo. My friends and I are going to Croatia this summer and

Speaker 1 to Provne?

Speaker 1 And there's this little place that has all these really interesting sort of skull tattoos. We're going to get a little skull tattoo.

Speaker 2 We'll be right back.

Speaker 2 Hey, don't go anywhere.

Speaker 3 There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

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Speaker 15 October brings it all. Halloween parties, tailgates, crisp fall nights.
At Total Wine and Moore, you'll find just what you need for them all. Mixing up something spooky?

Speaker 15 Total Wine and Moore is your cocktail central for all your Halloween concoctions.

Speaker 15 With the lowest prices for over 30 years, you'll always find what you love and love what you find only at Total Wine and Moore. Curbside pickup and delivery available in most areas.

Speaker 15 See TotalWine.com for details. Spirits not sold in Virginia and North Carolina.
Drink responsibly. B21.

Speaker 2 And we're back.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 1 Crooked Con is less than one week away. CrookCon is your chance to join some of the smartest organizers and politicians in America to strategize, debate, and commiserate about where we go from here.

Speaker 1 There will be panels, conversations, workshops, live tapings of strict scrutiny, hysteria, and our friends of the pod favorite terminally online.

Speaker 1 I am hosting a panel with Hasan Piker, Simone Sanders, Townsend, Tim Miller, and Jessica Tarlov called Are We Having Fun Yet? about how Democrats can lose their downer image.

Speaker 1 I'll also have a one-on-one conversation with Senator Ruben Gallego about how Democrats can win on immigration, how to run a local race when all politics can feel national.

Speaker 1 There aren't many tickets left, really are about to sell out. So go to crookedcon.com, please.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 1 Bruce Springsteen fans are up in arms following the release of the new biopic, Springsteen, Deliver Me from Nowhere, which depicts the singer saying his favorite hot dog condiment is mustard.

Speaker 1 However, Springsteen publicly hates mustard, as seen in this post by Twitter user Gen Z Bruce fan.

Speaker 9 And so I used to go into that luncheonette

Speaker 2 and I used to order a ham sandwich with cheese and lettuce

Speaker 2 and a lot of mayonnaise

Speaker 2 but no mustard.

Speaker 2 Don't give me no fucking great coupon.

Speaker 2 I don't like any mustard.

Speaker 2 I don't like it on my hot dog.

Speaker 2 I don't like it on my sandwiches.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 13 This guy sells out. That's what he's saying.

Speaker 2 Also, first of all, if you've never been to a Bruce Springsteen concert, they're four hours long. And they're ending that.

Speaker 1 It's so funny that there is a video of him talking at length about how much he hates mustard in the movie. He's like, hot dog with mustard, please.

Speaker 2 I got him.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's what a Bruce show is.

Speaker 2 It's that. I think he needs to have the same cognitive test that Trump just did.

Speaker 2 That didn't make sense. Draw a clock, Bruce Springsteen.
All right.

Speaker 13 So you need, if you have ham, you need mustard.

Speaker 2 Here's it. I'll say this.
If you have enough mayonnaise, you don't need anything.

Speaker 2 Who said ew? Who said amen? I'm going to meet you in the alley. Amen.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, ew. Grow up.
Mayonnaise is great.

Speaker 2 Don't pretend that I don't know. Also, somewhere in my early 30s, I decided to just intentionally start pronouncing it mayonnaise.
Mayonnaise. Mayonnaise.
See? Look how happy that made people.

Speaker 1 How old were you? How old were you when you found out you could dip fries in it?

Speaker 2 Oh, late. Oh, late.
I was so old.

Speaker 1 I was so old. And I was like, what? Well, here's the thing.
Where are you even hiding this?

Speaker 2 As a kid, I learned early that you could dip your French fries in the Wendy's Frosty.

Speaker 2 See? So, who needs mayonnaise after you've crossed that bridge?

Speaker 1 So, it's time for a segment we call. Actually, Bruce Springsteen hates mustard.
Here's how it works. We're going to share one minor detail that they ought to get fucking right in our biopics.

Speaker 2 Okay. All right.
To the wheel.

Speaker 2 Let's spin it.

Speaker 1 Steph, what's one detail that the biopic needs to get right about you?

Speaker 13 I don't actually hate my big labia.

Speaker 13 I talk a lot about it in my act.

Speaker 2 You've seen my Phil's queen special.

Speaker 13 And people, because I talk about it a lot, a lot of women tell me after like about labia plasty and like women like come at me and like, you know, and I just, you know, my boyfriend doesn't mind it.

Speaker 13 I don't mind it. Men have never complained.

Speaker 2 Guess what?

Speaker 13 I'll slap it across. You have no idea what I'm talking about.

Speaker 1 What's your name?

Speaker 2 You're like, I don't know what she's referring to right now.

Speaker 2 It's sort of like a prolapse. Yes.

Speaker 2 Wait, wait. That is a medical term.

Speaker 2 That is a medical term.

Speaker 2 Putting the hell in hell, man. No, what I was actually.

Speaker 1 What was really interesting about it, honestly, is the way that

Speaker 1 your whole demeanor and energy changed. And then it was like, it was like.

Speaker 2 You thought it was going to be Syria. No, it wasn't.
It was that.

Speaker 1 It was that the whole kind of goblin thing you do fell away. And then the real person was there being like, actually, it's cool.

Speaker 2 And I like that. Yeah.
I like that.

Speaker 1 I feel like that was, I appreciated the.

Speaker 13 Thank you. Two women applauded it.
It was on you.

Speaker 1 They were like.

Speaker 1 Now I force that. They were like, they're like, disagree, be ashamed.
You're wrong. Do not be ashamed.

Speaker 1 Let's spin it again.

Speaker 2 I just wanted to keep landing on Steph. I know.

Speaker 1 Daniel, what's a detail you'd like your biopic to get right?

Speaker 2 I want my biopic to get right. The fact that I am actually on Lily Allen's side.
Can we please make sure people know that? That I don't like her fucking gross cheating husband.

Speaker 2 Don't look at me like that. You don't believe me either.
Put that. That's a chapter title.
That's not just a site. I want that to be.
Daniel. You love Lily.
We're just going to cut this, I I think.

Speaker 1 The whole thing? We're just going to let it. We're going to let what you said earlier stay.

Speaker 2 I love Lily. I love Lily.

Speaker 1 Sleeping all those.

Speaker 2 I love Lily. I'm going to say it over everything you say.

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 1 we're going to really just have to.

Speaker 1 You're a huge David Harbor fan, I heard, yeah.

Speaker 1 Big Stranger Things person.

Speaker 1 Isn't it crazy that Stranger Things still happens every, I don't know, like two to three years? It's crazy. I've never seen an episode.

Speaker 2 Oh, really?

Speaker 13 I watched the first season. I thought it was done after that.
I think it's the monster came and the monster left. And I was like, it's over.

Speaker 2 Do you remember in COVID they had the immersive experience where you could go to the Stranger Thing in a parking garage? Did no one else do that? I did.

Speaker 1 I think you fell for something.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 There were actors and they were acting, but I hadn't seen a single episode. So I didn't know what the fuck was going on.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm okay with it. The only thing that needs to still be on television is designing women.
That's the only thing that needs to still be on television. Thank you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I love designing women.

Speaker 2 Delta Burke. She's the one.

Speaker 1 Everybody, check out Steph's special on Netflix.

Speaker 13 Thank you.

Speaker 13 Jesus Christ! Hey, Daddy!

Speaker 1 Yes! Go to thedanielweb.com to check out Daniel's days. We will see you next week at Dynasty Type Bradder.
There are 367 days until the midterms. Have a great night.
Have a great weekend.

Speaker 1 If you're already scrolling endlessly, which we know you are, don't forget to follow us at Crooked Media on Instagram, TikTok, and all the other ones for original content, community events, and more.

Speaker 1 You can also find Love It or Leave It on YouTube for videos of your favorite segments and other YouTube-exclusive content.

Speaker 1 And if you want to type our praises or rip us a new one, consider dropping us a review.

Speaker 1 Finally, you can join Crooked's Friends of the Pod subscription community for ad-free Love It or Leave It and Pod Save America episodes, subscriber-exclusive pods, and more.

Speaker 1 Sign up at crooked.com slash friends. Love it or leave it is a crooked media production.
It is written and produced by me, John Lovett and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer.

Speaker 1 Bill McGrath is our producer, and Kennedy Hill is our associate producer. Hallie Kiefer is our head writer.
Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre, and Suba Agarwal are our writers.

Speaker 1 Jordan Cantor is our editor. Kyle Segmund and Charlotte Landis provide audio support.
Stephen Cologne is our audio engineer. Our theme song is written and performed by Schersher.

Speaker 1 Thanks to our designer, Sammy Koderna-Rees, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast.

Speaker 1 And thanks to our digital producers, David Tolles, Claudia Shang, Mia Kalman, Delan Villanueva, and Rachel Gaeski for filming and editing video each week.

Speaker 1 Our head of production is Matt DeGroote, and our production staff is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America East.

Speaker 1 It's love it or leave it.

Speaker 15 October brings it all. Halloween parties, tailgates, crisp fall nights.
At Total Wine and Moore, you'll find just what you need for them all. Mixing up something spooky?

Speaker 15 Total Wine and Moore is your cocktail central for all your Halloween concoctions.

Speaker 15 With the lowest prices for over 30 years, you'll always find what you love and love what you find only at Total Total Wine and more. Curbside pickup and delivery available in most areas.

Speaker 15 See TotalWine.com for details. Spirits Not Sold in Virginia and North Carolina.
Drink responsibly. Be 21.

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