Grand Theft Autocrat

Love to Leave It is brought to you by Sundaes.

Sundaes is fresh dog food made from a short list of human-grade ingredients.

Sundaes was co-founded by Dr. Tori Waxman, a practicing veterinarian who tests and formulates

every version of each recipe.

Sundae contains 90% meat, 10% superfoods, and 0% synthetic nutrients or artificial ingredients.

Dog parents report noticeable health improvements in their pups, including softer fur, fresher

breath, better poops, and more energy after switching to Sundaes. And there's some benefits for the dogs, too.
That's what I said. How do I get some of that? Leo really likes sundae for dogs, right? Yes.
Yeah, no, we're sick of that wet food. Needs some shelf-stable food.
Yeah. Unlike other fresh dog food, sundaes does not require refrigeration or preparation because of their air-drying process.
Just pour and serve. That's's great because sometimes there are these healthy dog foods, but they're in the fridge.
You got to defrost them. You always got to be one block of frozen dog food ahead.
Sucks. It sucks.
Sucks. You got to have shelf stable dog food like Sundays for dog.
When you start a Sunday subscription, you'll automatically get 20% off and free shipping on every reorder. Cancel or pause your subscription anytime with our 100% satisfaction guarantee.
Every order ships right to your door, so you'll never worry about running out of dog food again. It's incredibly easy to store and serve, as we just discussed.
Get 40% off your first order of Sundays. Go to sundaysfordogs.com slash love it or use code love it at checkout.
That's sundaysfordogs.com slash love it. Sundaysfordogs.com slash love it.
code for dogs.com slash love it. Code love it.
Hi, Georgia. Hi, David.
What do you think the world needs more of? Well, the world always needs more podcasts. Didn't you used to have a podcast? Not only did I used to have a podcast, Georgia, it's coming back.
David Tennant does a podcast with season three. It's coming at you.
Okay, and who are your guests? Who are my

guests? What about Russell T. Davis? What about

Jamila Jamil? What about Stanley

the Tooch Toochie? So it's really just you hanging out with your mates? Yeah. Come, join me.
David Tennant does a podcast with. Bye.
What's up, Los Angeles?

Welcome to Love and Relief It Live from Dynasty Typewriter.

Reports say European wine could be the next target of Trump's tariffs,

which is bad news for the Real Housewives who voted for him,

and even worse, for the alcoholics who didn't.

We've got a great show for you tonight. Tig Notaro and Stephanie Allen are here.
And get this, they're lesbians. If I'd known, I would have canceled.
We're talking about inspiring documentaries, charming podcasts, and relatable movies. And at the end, we wrap it up by looking on the bright side, which exists.
Exciting. But first, let's get into it.
What a week. Across the country, people have set fire to Tesla charging stations near Boston, fired shots into a Tesla dealership in Oregon, spray-painted Nazi on the side of a dealership in Colorado, and more, police have released an image of the lead suspect.
It's a Waymo for the audio first audience. The OGs.
I bet Musk regrets designing the Cybertruck so it could feel pain. Last Saturday, several hundred nonviolent protesters showed up at a Tesla showroom in Manhattan, with six getting arrested after entering the building.
The Tesla staff suspected something might be afoot when they noticed a woman inside the showroom. Tesla shares plunged 15% on Monday, erasing the company's gains since Trump won the election.
Still not as big of a plunge as Tesla's have taken in the resale market. I got fucking killed.
Getting rid of that Model Y, absolutely decimated on the resale fuck and you know what me saying tesla shares means it's time for the trump corruption roundup all right i guess yeah on monday trump announced on true social that he would be buying a new tesla as a show of confidence and support for Elon Musk, which is sweet and all,

except being affiliated with Trump is the main problem.

It's like a dog bringing you a bird

after going number two on the carpet.

One technicality we should all keep in mind,

the official White House Tesla is just a Model S.

It only becomes douchebag one

when the president is in it.

It's not the name of the plane.

It's not the name of the car.

It's the designation.

Wrote the president, the radical left lunatics, as they often do, are trying to illegally and collusively boycott Tesla, one of the world's great automakers, and Elon's baby in order to attack and do harm to Elon and everything he stands for. Radical left lunatic here, and I would just like to point out that if it was Elon's baby he wouldn't want anything to do with it.
Also choosing not to buy stuff is perfectly legal. I've never tried it personally but it doesn't seem it doesn't seem like something I'd enjoy but I do know it is allowed.
Then on Tuesday Trump turned the White House into a full-blown Tesla dealership selecting a red sedan in event that was live-streamed on X. This is a different panel than I've had.
Everything's computer. Everything's computer.
It's perfect. Can't be improved on.
It's like watching someone slip on a banana peel and accidentally carve a horse from a slab of marble on his way down. Am I upset that Trump is a brazenly corrupt clown? No, I am upset because he's funnier than me.
Also, everything is in fact computer and it's becoming a huge problem. Our car salesman-in-chief also said that he will label any violence against Tesla property domestic terrorism, but I would simply call it car apartheid.
Something Elon is familiar with. Car-part-tide? A-car-tide.
Anyway, excited to find out if doing terrorism now includes a tweet that says, cyber trucks look like a car designed for the specific purpose of plowing into your ex-wife's Pilates studio. Reporters snapped a photo of Trump's talking points, a Tesla sales pitch complete with pricing.
This is unbelievable. This is like when JFK stood before that McDonald's and intoned, Ich bin, I'm lovin.
Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what I can do to put you in a brand new Chevy Lakewood.
Mr. Gorbachev, try this, bro-yo.
We are the customers we've been waiting for. But of course, every quid needs a pro quo.
Elon Musk has reportedly made clear to Trump advisors that he plans to dump $100 million into Trump's political operation. Looks like someone just bought himself another few months of, we must cherish our high IQ patriots before the switch flips to the rockets.
They don't even work. A lot of people are saying the rockets, they blow up.
Plus his kid will not stop picking his nose. Disgusting.
Speaking of Elon, I am going to Wisconsin next weekend on March 22nd and March 23rd to make sure Elon Musk can't buy the Wisconsin Supreme Court race. A lot of people are going to hopefully come out.
Elon is dumping millions and millions of dollars to try to buy the Wisconsin Supreme Court race. Democracy is on the ballot and abortion is on the ballot.
It is the difference between a common sense, reasonable judge will uphold the laws of Wisconsin and one that will put back in place an abortion law from the 1800s. So go to votesaveamerica.com slash Wisconsin.
Sign up. Do what you can.
If you're in Wisconsin or near Wisconsin, come volunteer with me next weekend. Knock on a few doors, protecting abortion and democracy, foiling the plans of the richest dipshit in the world.
What a treat. In other federal infomercials this week, health secretary and guy who tried to ask a genie to have the greatest voice in the world, but it was a Twilight Zone situation, and the devil replaced his vocal cords with a cheese grater, Robert F.
Kennedy Jr. participated in a surreal interview with Sean Hannity at a Florida Steak and Shake on Monday, where he endorsed the fast food chain for switching to beef tallow to make its fries.
It's a completely different experience, and the customers are raving about it. Other companies, Steak and Shake has been great.
We're very grateful for them for RFKing the French fries.

They turned me into a verb.

The perfect spokesperson, a man who sounds like he just ate a fry with a razor blade in it,

said Kennedy, it's not roadkill, but it's a start.

And as Trump is selling Teslas and RFK Jr. is selling fries,

the government is approaching a possible shutdown.

By the time you listen to this, of course, you'll know what happened. Democrats caved.
But we're recording this, probably. Hopefully not.
Prove me wrong, Democrats. But we're recording this in the past where we don't know shit.
It sucks here. You remember.
But probably the only thing worse is the future where you live. On Tuesday, House Republicans passed a bill that would fund the government through September 30th with more fiscally conservative GOP members putting aside their objections at Trump's behest.
They'd throw their own mothers down a well at Trump's behest, so take that with a grain of salt. Democrats are reportedly divided about whether or not to pass the bill.
If they vote it down, Trump might use the government shutdown to accelerate Doge's destruction.

If they vote it through,

they'll be funding an administration illegally picking and choosing

which laws to follow

and what money to spend.

In other words,

Democrats lose no matter what,

which is something Democrats are very used to.

Said Senator Mark Kelly about the situation,

I'm weighing the badness of each option.

Every Democrat just trapped

in their own private Applebee's,

scanning the menu over and over again for the high-protein harvest bowl they'll never find. Of course, there's only one way to distract people from your plans to get the government to pay for tax cuts as a reward for the wealthy backers who got you into office, thereby saving you from literal prison, pointing to the nearest trans person and saying, yuck.
On Wednesday, Trump told the press,

Everything's transgender. Everybody's transgender.
That's all you hear about.

Now, that's why we won the election in record numbers.

Hold on. Is everything computers?

Or is everything transgender?

Because transgender is kind of the opposite of computers.

Computers love the binary.

Yeah.

Nice.

If you consume conservative news, yeah, it might seem like that's all you think about.

According to Media Matters, in the months since Trump took office,

Fox News has covered trans issues more than CNN and MSNBC combined,

which makes sense as it is a network of angrily short men and angrily tall women.

Free yourself.

Gender norms are your prison too.

This week, Representative Keith Self misgendered Congresswoman Sarah McBride in a House committee

meeting, calling her Mr. McBride, which led to this confrontation with Congressman Bill

Keating.

I now recognize the representative from Delaware, Mr. McBride, which led to this confrontation with Congressman Bill Keating.
I now recognize the representative from Delaware, Mr. McBride.
Thank you, Madam Chair. Mr.
Chairman, could you repeat your introduction again, please? Yes, it's a, it's a, we have set the standard on the floor of the House. Mr.
Chairman, you are out of order. Mr.
Chairman, have you no decency? I mean, I've come to know you a little bit, but this is not decent. We will continue this.
You will not continue it with me unless you introduce a duly elected representative the right way. This hearing is a drunk.
Just to be clear, he'd rather not have the hearing than treat Sarah McBride with respect. What is ironic is both of these men instinctively respect that Sarah McBride is a woman because they interrupted her and argued as if she wasn't even there.
Even though her joke calling him Madam Chair was the best one. And I actually think that's progress.
I want to say also, Keating caught some strappnel on that joke. Keating did great there.
He did catch a stray, but he did good. Good for him.
Shantae, you stay. Speaking of Republican speech codes, on Saturday night, Mahmoud Khalil, a Palestinian activist who helped lead student demonstrations at Columbia, was arrested by ICE agents and now faces deportation despite being a green card holder.
If you loved I'm Still Here, the Oscar-winning Brazilian film about the forced disappearances under dictatorship, you're going to love I'm Still Here, too. Where? We really liked that.
we had a whole list of sequels to i'm still here and we chose where i just want you to know that that thought went into it all right on monday the white house used hebrew to taunt Khalil, writing Shalom Mahmood in an ex-post that quoted Trump's true social post about the arrest. Turning the Hebrew word for peace into a fascist taunt, I feel so seen in a doomed prisoner trying to run past the guard tower sort of way.
Deporting students and green card holders for protests Trump doesn't like proved to be a step too far for even some of the right's most stalwart scumbags. With Ann Coulter writing on X, there's almost no one I don't want to deport, but unless they've committed a crime, isn't this a violation of the First Amendment? Spot on, Ann Coulter, I said, immediately before lowering myself into a vat of molten metal.
Terminator 2 style. This seems to be as good a time as any to announce Coulter, I hardly know her, Ann's new show with Crooked Media.
Welcome to the network, our new progressive queen, and happy Women's History Month, everybody. While it was too far for Ann Coulter, it wasn't too far, disturbingly, for the Anti-Defamation League, which released a statement on Khalil's arrest that read, We appreciate the Trump administration's broad, bold set of efforts to counter campus anti-Semitism, and the action further illustrates that resolve by holding alleged perpetrators responsible for their actions.
There are a few phrases that should always make you pause and reassess when you catch yourself typing them into a social media post. My lawyer told me not to say this next thing, not to be a racist, but we appreciate the Trump administration.
The arrests and deportations of student protesters are part of a broader attack on free speech. How broad? Not so broad that we can't do this show, but broad enough that in the process of writing the show, I have said the words, let's not leave a paper trail.
Last Friday, the Trump administration abruptly canceled $400 million in grants and contracts to Columbia University, saying that the school had failed to adequately combat anti-Semitism on campus, withholding enormous quantities of money for important research in the name of the Jews. Why, this will stop anti-Semitism right in its tracks.
Trump has also continued to threaten

law firms that have represented people or groups he considers political enemies. First, they came for the lawyers, and I did not speak out because lawyers were always telling me to stop insinuating that Lindsey Graham is gay.
That swishing little swamp bottom. in an Oval Office ceremony last week, Trump signed an executive order barring the federal government from hiring the international law firm Perkins Coie, which represented the Clinton campaign and the DNC in 2016.
The week before, Trump signed an executive order punishing Covington and Burling, the firm that represented special counsel Jack Smith. The order could have a chilling effect, making law firms less willing to challenge the Trump administration in court.
And then who's going to stand up for this country? Non-lawyers who crossed the LSAT and would have been top in their class at a law school if their other career hadn't worked out? Like I say in that fantasy I had in high school where I'm at a Dave Matthews band concert and then Dave Matthews is like, our drummer is sick. Can anybody help? I'll do it.
Meanwhile, is that a sad one? Is it sad because it's Dave Matthews' band? Is it sad because I didn't actually get invited to the Dave Matthews' band concert? The other kids planned it around me in physics class? What? Just a little window for you. Just a little crack.

Speaking of our ongoing slide into superstition and darkness, the CDC will reportedly arrange a

large study to investigate whether there's a link between vaccines and autism, despite the many large

studies that have already proven there isn't. This is like OJ trying to find the real killer.

We already know what causes autism, trains being so cool. I just want to shout out Claudia for that one.
And in response to the measles outbreak in Texas and beyond, RFK Jr. claimed that it's very, very difficult for measles to kill a healthy person, which is not the case.
Healthy babies and children routinely died of measles before the vaccine became available. The health secretary also claimed that natural immunity after a measles infection can help protect against other diseases, which is also not true.
In reality, a measles infection might make the body more vulnerable to other infections. Anyway, that's where we're at.
Fact-checking the health secretary on getting measles is good for you. All right, enough of all this.
It's time for animal news. Meow.
Yeah, for sure. A body scanner alerted the TSA to a live turtle hidden in a man's pants at Newark Liberty International Airport.
That's just my grotesquely deformed penis, said the man. Oh, you mean in the back? Yes, that's a live turtle.
Forget what I just said. Take me to jail or whatever the punishment is for this.
Tennessee's Nashville Zoo welcomed a rare clouded leopard cub, which, according to the AP, is currently about the size of a small baguette.

The size of a small baguette. The size of a small baguette and just as delicious when slathered in warm butter.
Also this week, a Memphis man claims he was shot in the thigh when his dog, a pit bull puppy named Oreo, jumped up next to him on the bed and accidentally hit the trigger of his gun. Can't wait to share this with the woman at the dog park who's always trying to convince me that pit bulls aren't dangerous.
I also don't buy this story. According to NBC News, the police found a single spent shell casing in the front room, not the bedroom where the puppy is alleged to have pulled the trigger.
I think it's more likely that the man accidentally shot himself and then blamed the dog, which is already the policy for farts. In conclusion, Oreo innocent, and that's animal news.

Woof.

And finally, I have some personal news.

I got engaged.

I got engaged.

Several years ago, and it didn't work out. And then I got engaged again.
After four decades on this earth, someone finally chose not to leave it. I, you know, oh, stop it.
You know, I've been doing this show for eight years now. And while the show has changed a lot, I've changed a lot.
But so much of what you see of me here is pretty consistent in the ups and downs of the news and in the ups and downs of my life. I do play a little bit of a character, a mad and beleaguered little imp, ill-equipped for polite society.
My gayness and weirdness, permission to say what I shouldn't. And it is very much me, but just a version of me.
A version of me much more willing to let you in on my struggles than my successes, because if I'm going to be a bully on this stage, I should probably be an underdog in the real world. But then I fell in love while the world fell apart.
And I don't know what the future holds, but you'll be pleased to know that as happy as I am, and I only realize now truly happy, maybe for the first time in my life, I'm as motivated by rage as ever. I seem to be getting angrier.
And maybe that's because my partner, in addition to being the funniest and kindest human being I've ever met, is trans. And I see the space between the beauty of a society that celebrates difference and one that would rather destroy the lives of strangers than untangle what is ultimately a tiny knot of discomfort and curiosity.
Or maybe that's just who I am. But either way, I'm excited to finally try sex.
For those asking, the reception will be in Los Angeles. The honeymoon will be in Guantanamo.
And to everyone on Reddit who had already figured this out, congratulations for your next challenge, crack a window. All right, up next, it's Tig Notaro and Stephanie Allen.
Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.
Love It or Leave It is brought to you by Factor. Ready to optimize your nutrition this year? Factor has chef-made gourmet meals that make eating well easy.
They're dietician approved and ready to heat and eat in two minutes, so you can feel right and feel great no matter what life throws at you. Factor arrives fresh and fully prepared, perfect for any active, busy lifestyle.
Lose up to eight pounds in eight weeks with Factor Keto meals. Based on a randomized controlled clinical trial with Factor Keto, results vary depending on diet and exercise with 40 options across eight dietary preferences on the menu each week.
It's easy to pick meals tailored to your goals. Choose from preferences like calorie smart, protein plus, or keto.
Factor can help you feel your best all day long with wholesome smoothies, breakfast, grab and go snacks, and more animals. They have great cookies, great keto friendly cookies as well.
Love those cookies. Reach your goals this year with ingredients you can trust and convenience that can't be beat.
John and I both have loved Factor. First of all, it's really fun to pick out the meals.
And then they're just in the fridge and a couple nights a week, maybe for a lunch or dinner, you pop one in and it's just like, you don't order takeout. You don't need fast food.
You don't need something unhealthy. You don't just make a peanut butter sandwich standing over the counter like a fucking animal.
And there's also, there's extras. You can get some breakfast stuff from them.
You can get some desserts. It's great.
Eat smart with Factor. Get started at factormeals.com slash Factor Podcast and use code Factor Podcast to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping.
That's code FactorPodcast at FactorMeals.com slash FactorPodcast to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. Instacart is here to keep you on the couch this basketball season.
With pregame rituals and postgame interviews, it's hard to find time for everything else. Let Instacart handle your game day snacks or weekly restocks with delivery in as fast as 30 minutes because it's bad luck to be hungry on game day.

Download the Instacart app today and enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders.

Service fees apply for three orders in 14 days.

Excludes restaurants.

And we're back!

Last week, and also earlier,

I made a callous comment about how Love It or Leave It does not like to feature lesbians.

By way of apology, joining me tonight

are two of the best to ever do it.

Please put your hands together for the hilarious Tig Notaro and the incredible Stephanie Allen.

Hi. Welcome.
Good to see you.

The best to do it.

Top lesbians. Here they are.
Good to see you both. Good to see you both good to see you congrats thank you congratulations i'm glad you're here for this show which is purely a coincidence why because we're um why uh because uh you are to me an example of a very smart, talented, interesting gay couple that I have learned through your various works have an exemplary and interesting and enviable relationship.

I guess that's all I wanted to hear.

But go on. You were saying something else.
Did you forget how much you love me? I don't. I never forget it.
I never forget it either. I never forget it.
I never forget it. I never forget it.
And what I was going to add. I never forget it.
I never forget it. Not once have I forgotten this.
Well, what I also was thinking is, Stephanie, it's the first time you've been on the show. Yeah, thrilled to be here.
And what I... And last.
It's her last also. But what I was also thinking is, well...
I forgot to tell you. That I actually was glad specifically to have you both, and especially not just Tig, for this.
Oh, yeah. Because I think you're both nurturing people, but yours is a warmer nurturing quality.
Like, there's a lot of love that comes in your direction, but I feel like, you know, on a hairdryer, you can set it to cool. Yeah.
No, today, Tig got a phone call from the dentist, and I overheard her answer the phone, and she went... How dare you.
She went, oh, hold on a second. Hello? Yeah, I'll be there.
Bye. And I truly watched going, it looks hard to do.
Like, to keep that energy with someone else, it's going, hi, we're just checking in, making sure you come to your appointment. Okay, you're making an assumption.
Yeah, I'll be there. Okay.
You're making an assumption that the woman was that excited about. Well, if she was the same as you, you'd have to offset it.
You can't both be like that. So your point is that your dental hygienist is like a huge cunt.
I guess, yeah, that's what I was trying to get at. And she's here tonight.
There she is. Fuck you.
But I will be there on Monday. Stop calling me.
My dentist texts. So does mine.
That's why I was like, oh my God, I'm getting texts and phone calls. It's a bit much.
So. Anyways.
So, Tay, you've produced a new documentary called Come See Me in the Good Light. Yes.
About the poet Andrea Gibson. Yes.
I've seen it. It's beautiful.
Thank you. Now, when did you decide that documentaries about queer people with cancer was going to really be your nation? My sweet spot.
You know, when things just feel right, you're like, this is it.

I don't have an answer.

This is your groove.

Yeah, it's my groove.

But I did, you know, somebody else, I didn't make the movie about myself.

I didn't know I had my CVS readers on.

But, yeah, I didn't make the documentary tig somebody else made that um and uh and then with andrea andrea and i have been friends for 25 years and is one of the greatest poets that you could possibly hear and uh has eight books out and toured the world and is the Colorado Poet Laureate and just a really incredible person. And our mutual friend, Steph Willen, who lives in Santa Fe, we were talking one day and Steph was like, I feel like this would be a really good documentary for this period of time in Andrea's life.
It was truly green lights from that second. Investors, the director coming on, getting into Sundance.
It got in unanimously at Sundance. It also won the top prize of Sundance this year.
That's great. And it's sold to a network, but we can't say yet.
Fox Business. It's pretty exciting.
It's going to feel a little weird for their audience. Fox.
It goes from Cavuto to Maria Bartiromo to a beautiful, touching, moving queer story. Fox was salivating at the festival when this came on.

We are top bid on this one here.

So this may be, maybe this is an inappropriate question,

but like Stephanie, you talked about watching it and seeing it.

And this is going to be a little glib sounding,

but like Tig is a story about the documentary. You're Tig is a person.
That's you. That's me.
But it's also the name of the film. That's right.
But you have cancer in that film. I did, yeah.
And it has a beautiful happy ending. It sure does.
And you learn a lot and you grow and you find happiness in this relationship. But this film is about finding good and happiness and joy in a story that's ultimately more of a tragedy.
And I'm just wondering, you must feel that when watching it. You have seen both of these stories.
Yeah, I mean, that's what I think, shockingly, they're both life-affirming. And when you watch Come See Me in the Good Light, it's like, oh, this is what presence looks like.
Of course, you can look for a happy ending, but a happy ending doesn't end there. It continues.
So in this, you go, oh, it's the same thing. And I don't think this is in the documentary, but Andrea was like, it feels like I've been caught being mortal.
And they're looking around going, no, we're all mortal. It's just that right now I have the spotlight.
So what I love about it so much is going, oh, what does life really mean right now? What are you so happy that you have and that you want to keep? And you can talk about gratitude and you can talk about all of those things, but when you watch this documentary and you go, God, this is what you have right now. Yeah.
There's a moment in the film when Andrea had just gotten some bad news and she just starts whispering, like, this happens to everyone. Like this happens to everyone.
In one way or another, we all, whether you know what's coming, you don't know what's coming, this happens to everyone. This happens to everyone.
In one way or another, whether you know it's coming, you don't know it's coming, this happens to everyone. And I feel like stories about people grappling with cancer are often about really trying to get people to see that.
And I wonder what you wanted people to take away from this, why you felt like this person really struggling. This is a person, round after round, of really painful treatments while trying to find the joy in the daily life.
What made you think this was something you needed to share? I mean, I was just... Andrea lives in Colorado, and like I said, our mutual friend, Steph, lives in Santa Fe, and I I'm in Los Angeles and Steph and I have been in constant conversation about you know between Andrea's medical appointments to trying to get Andrea's podcast edited and maybe up and going and just always checking in trying to you know brainstorm how we can be helpful in Andrea's life.
And also, the film is very much about their relationship with Meg, their partner as well, who is also a poet. But I think that what struck us and what obviously strikes everybody watching the film is just how andrea is moving through this and with this and and it's not to say that andrea is you know forcing positivity or anything like that it's it's very real like the the ups and the downs.
But there's just something when Andrea puts their experience to words in the way that they do. I remember one of my favorite things that Andrea ever said, and it's not in the film, and it's that, you know, what kind of poet would I be if I could only make things beautiful on the page? And I was like, God, I love that.
And it's so, so very true about Andrea. It's very real, like the ups and the downs.
But there's just something when Andrea puts their experience to words in the way that they do. I remember one of my favorite things that Andrea ever said, and it's not in the film, and it's that what kind of poet would I be if I could only make things beautiful on the page? And I was like, God, I love that.
And it's so, so very true about Andrea. Yeah, there's also something I appreciated, which is I think often finding the joy.
Andrea makes a decision, which is to make her life a little bit worse or a lot worse by continuing to pursue treatment, to get as much life as possible, even though there's a lot of pain, there's a lot of side effects. And I appreciated that because I think oftentimes there have been stories that equate finding the good in the moment with like, no, I'm going to accept what's happening, right? And she doesn't accept what's happening.
And I wonder if you felt like there was a tension there at all or anything that like, that here's someone saying, I want to make the most of my time, but also I'm going to try to get more time by pursuing experimental treatments that'll hurt my voice, that'll make things even more painful. You're not going to believe this, but I, what did you ask me? I was listening, but I was also really focused on your your face um i this is inappropriate we're talking about um cancer a beautiful film beautiful film someone dying of cancer yeah that process of like when you it's andrea doesn't go i'm just gonna not do treatment and i'm gonna enjoy my time yeah but is going i'm i'm gonna be in the present i'm gonna enjoy my time but also i'm gonna do every experimental thing.
I'm going going to not do treatment and I'm going to enjoy my time. But is going, I'm going to be in the present.
I'm going to enjoy my time, but also I'm going to do every experimental thing. I'm going to, like, ultimately they're trying to live.
Yeah, for sure. Why did you not hear it when I said it? She's seen my face.
I travel with an interpreter. I like your face.
I got lost in it for a moment. You got lost in it? Yeah, I got lost in it.
Wow. I think he has a cute face.
I got lost in it. You got lost in it?

Yeah, I got lost in it.

Wow.

I think he has a cute face.

I mean.

Stephanie, let's turn to you.

Oh.

No, I want to know.

No, no, no.

Stephanie has much better answers than I do.

So you directed Hello Again.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, I was like, what is that?

That sounds familiar. That was my latest comedy special.
What the hell is that? Yeah, I was like what is that that sounds familiar that was my latest comedy special what the hell is that hey I just listen we don't have to talk about it I want you to keep in the back of your mind I am a professional and I know I don't always seem like it but I No, I know. I don't know the title of your special that I directed.
I didn't know it either. I named the special Hello Again.
Yes, I directed that. And this is a good working relationship? Yeah.
So Ari and I work together. Right.
And I'm wondering if you have any strategies or tips because what we do is pretend we're strangers until 5 p.m. We shake hands at the end of the day.
Do you work well together? Yeah, we do. But we don't really work that much together.
Like our work doesn't overlap. We work together, but they work on the business side of things and I work on the stupid side of things.
Do you ever have conflicts when you're working together? We've had conflicts, and I feel like, and correct me if I'm wrong, but we'll be on, you know, a TV or movie set, and maybe we have a little bit of an argument, and then we just ignore each other the entire day. We do our jobs and nobody notices because why would anybody be looking? I feel like it's happened twice.
Yeah. But we've never gotten, I don't think, in an argument about work.
No. It's usually something happened at home where we're bothered by the other person.
Something happened at home. Something happened.
At home. It was in our home.
Where it happened. Our home.
We were as surprised as you are. In our home.
Driving to work in silence. Something happened at home.
So that's interesting, though. That's interesting.
So are you like I am. We need to resolve this now.
Like, I don't I can't move on. I'm like that.
And Tig isn't. You need time.
Do you need time? I need a beat. I need a beat because Stephanie will throw a curveball.
And I'm like, wow. Well, what Tig recently said, which I feel like is really accurate, I mean, I don't think you made this up.
I don't know if you read it. But that you like, like, we like 99.
I didn't read this. You made it up.
Yeah. Okay.
I wasn't like, this is good. I wasn't sure if this was like a relationship thing no but we like 99% of the other person and then the 1% we loathe and that's what well that's what I had originally said to you is I was like I love you 99% of the time and then 1% I cannot stand you when things happen in our house.

At the home.

And then we silently drive to work.

Two times this happened.

And then, yeah, we're just doing our job and then we head home for the day.

But at some point it's resolved. Presumably before tonight.
Yes, definitely. But I don't think that we've ever had conflict about work, like Stephanie was saying.
I feel... So you work really well together.
We work really well together. And then occasionally the minor thing that happens in our home will happen.

Whatever that might be.

Oh, my gosh.

It's tough when it happens inside.

And it is in-of-door.

It's not yard stuff.

No, no, no.

It's an indoor problem.

It never rolls out into-

We have indoor problems. We have indoor problems.
But they're workable. We also get through our conflict with things like there was a meme or something.
Is that what it is? Like a picture? So there was a meme of a person driving and then the person's dog was in the passenger seat and had its paw on the shoulder and so now oh and the meme was like and the meme said i'm sorry how you show you're sorry yeah like when you're mad at your partner but you're sorry and so now we'll like when we're driving highly we'll be like and we'll put a paw on the shoulder. And so that means I'm mad.
I'm still currently mad. That means you were wrong.
You're wrong, but I still love you. Usually when someone does that, the other person usually goes, oh, you're sorry.
Uh-huh. That's sweet.
Yeah, but we're not really saying we're sorry.

No. We're just putting a paw on the shoulder.
It's as simple as that. We're not great with conflict resolution.
Well, another, like when we first got together in our first year when we had a problem indoors, I think it was our first big indoor problem. and we were arguing

and I just walked over to the window in our kitchen, and I just started making up a musical. I was like, there was a time.
And I started singing all of our problems. And then Stephanie chimed in, and we had a duet.
And so we'll just sing our problems out. Wow, that's beautiful.
And no therapist has been involved or anything. I was just going to say our therapist at one point said, have you guys ever heard of sad clowns? You got to I'm afraid I am Pagliacci.
Can I tell you something unrelated? Stephanie, yesterday was the first time... Clap if you've ever heard of Houdini.
Stephanie had never heard of Houdini. Anyway, go ahead.
What were you saying? He's Jewish. Houdini was Jewish oh never got to me Henry Houdini it's the first time I've ever had that experience where I'm like I've never heard of that person and everyone's like what and why do you think you brought that up tonight yeah Tig, Tig.
I was trying to bring our indoor problems.

But that was one of the kind of conflicts you have.

What did it represent?

Why is it so good?

That's an indoor problem.

Okay, here's the thing.

I don't follow a lot of pop culture and things like that.

Right.

And so...

Like that?

You'd be like, yeah, I mean, it was pop culture at some point.

Tig recently referred to the Olsen twins as Mary-Kate and Olsen. I'm almost 54.
I didn't watch the show, but that was in reference to the movie, Come See Me in the Good Life, because Andrea and Meg are renaming constellations, and Meg says, oh, that's Amy Ol or um amy amy amy olsen no um mary kate and

ashley olsen and then um and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and

and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and

who that is and stephanie's like how is that possible and i was like andrea is like a hairy armpit queer person in the mountains like you know like fighting in the streets like

andrea is not following the uh olsen twins and a hairy armpit queer person in the mountains, like, you know, like fighting in the streets.

Like Andrea is not following the Olsen twins. And then I accidentally called them Mary Kate

and Olsen. And then I was like, see, that's what I called him.
Why would Andrea know these people?

It's about where you are on the mountain lesbian spectrum. Yeah.
I'm sorry.

I took this very...

Just like steamrolling show, flying down the tracks.

You think that's what this was?

No.

As I never got to.

You both directed the 2022 comedy, Am I Okay?, which I loved,

in which Dakota Johnson comes out as a lesbian. I don't know if she ever actually uses the word.
I don't think she does. I don't think she ever uses the word lesbian.
Good. You know, but she likes girls, you know, in it.
Here to give her completely honest review, am I okay? Is Dakota Johnson.

Is Love It or Leave It's Own

late in life lesbian,

our head writer,

Hallie Kiefer.

The people's Dakota Johnson.

Okay.

This is my totally honest review.

Okay, first of all,

I'm supposed to buy

Dakota Johnson as a late in life lesbian. Well, first of all, I'm supposed to buy Dakota Johnson as a late

in life lesbian.

Well, I do.

I thought she did a great job with the role.

She's not my go-to, but she's like Scarlett Johansson

for the right part. She's the right gal.
It's just my opinion.

Second of all,

you're supposed to tell me in 2020s

in Los Angeles, everyone and their mother

is fine with a little casual bisexuality,

but then Dakota Johnson has a mini

breakdown of a coming out as a lesbian.

And I do think they use the word, and if not,

I'm not going to the bone, but that's just my opinion. And then third of all, you're trying to convince me that, spoiler alert, Dakota Johnson is pursued by a work colleague played by the endlessly charming Kiersey Clemens and is so uncomfortable with her newfound sexuality, the show is fumbles the bag entirely.
Well, obviously, yeah, because that's what happens in real life. It's humiliating.
The accuracy was uncomfortable to watch and isn't that what art is supposed to do to disturb the comfortable and comfort of the disturbance is my And then, finally, you're going to look at me in my gay little eyes

and tell me that, in the end,

the movie's really about the power of friendship

and how the pain of self-growth gives birth

to deeper, more meaningful relationships,

which is one of the many often-ignorers,

and that way, deeply lesbian benefits

of having queer people in society that we can all enjoy.

Well, you couldn't be more right. It's an invaluable observation, so go watch Am I Okay? Available downstream.
It's just my opinion. It couldn't use more Sean Hayes.
It couldn't use more Sean Hayes. Hallie Kiefer, everybody.
Thank you. All right.
Thank you, Tick and Stephanie. Everybody should watch Hello Again, which is really funny, by the way.
And I

saw I went and I actually incredible. And I I want to do a compliment for Hello Again, which was a beautiful special.
But I'll take it now that I know what the project is. You I was like struggling to articulate this after.
But like, there is nobody I think right now that is better able to have one of, to be incredibly funny without ever making you feel like you're watching someone tell a joke. And there's just, there, there are a lot of people who can tell a joke, but there are so few people who can make you laugh without ever telling a joke, which makes you feel like you're watching someone just tell a story, which is so difficult to do.
And you make it look like it is not. And I just want you to know how much I appreciate how difficult it is to do what you do and make it look so easy.
And I think there's nobody that does it better. And so everybody should see Hello again.
Listen to Handsome wherever you get your podcasts. Also, Stephanie was nominated for an Emmy Award directing my special.
I didn't know that. What is it? It's called Hello Again.
Oh, they love you on Star Trek Discovery. Well, my character popped over to Starfleet Academy starring Holly Hunter and Paul Giamatti and myself.

So that'll be coming out soon.

Wow.

Yeah, right here in the flesh.

All right.

And everybody can check out Howie's Podcast Ruined with Alison Levy.

Next up, we're going to the chapel

and we're getting competitive.

We'll be right back.

Hey, don't go anywhere.

There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

Love It or Leave It is brought to you by Haya.

Typical children's vitamins are basically candy

in disguise filled with two teaspoons of sugar,

unhealthy chemicals, and other gummy additives

growing kids should not eat.

That's why Haya created a super-powered

chewable vitamin. Haya's made with zero

sugar and zero gummy additives, growing kids should not eat. That's why Haya created a super-powered chewable vitamin.

Haya's made with zero sugar and zero gummy additives,

yet it tastes great and is perfect for picky eaters.

Haya fills in the most common gaps in modern children's diets

to provide the full nourishment our kids need

with a yummy taste they love.

Charlie Favreau was using it,

and now he can see murders before they happen.

Yeah.

He's one of the three.

It's just an unexpected benefit.

Which is incredible. Which is incredible.
We're proud of him. But then it's like, well, the government abused this power, right? You know, with great power comes great responsibility.
We're keeping an eye on it. Formulated with the help of pediatricians and nutrition experts, Hyatt is pressed with a blend of 12 organic fruits and veggies, then supercharged with 15 essential vitamins and minerals, including vitamins D, B12, C, zinc, folate, and many others to help support immune system, energy, brain function, mood concentration, teeth, bones, and more.
It's non-GMO, vegan, dairy-free, allergy-free, gelatin-free, nut-free, and everything else you can imagine. Every single batch is third-party tested for heavy metals and microbials in a qualified GMP-compliant lab using scientifically validated testing methods, so you know the product.
It's safe and nutritious. Haya is designed for kids two and up and sent straight to your door so parents have one less thing to worry about.
Charlie Faber, no jokes aside, takes Haya. Yeah, oh, he does.
Yes, no, he does. And he enjoys it, which is important because otherwise he's just eating spaghetti.
Just spaghetti. Just spaghetti for now.
Are you tired of battling with your kids to eat their greens? Hiya Now has kids' daily greens plus superfoods, a chocolate-flavored green powder designed specifically for kids packed with 55-plus whole ingredients to support brain power development and digestion. Just scoop, shake, and sip with milk or any non-dairy beverage for a delicious and nutritious boost your kids will actually enjoy.
We've worked out a special deal with Haya for their best-selling children's vitamin. Receive 50% off your first order.
To claim this deal, you must go to hyahealth.com slash love it. This deal is not available on their regular website.
Go to H-I-Y-A health, H-Y-A-H-E-A-L-T-H.com slash love it and get your kids the full body nourishment they need to grow into healthy adults. Instacart is here to keep you on the couch this basketball season.
With pregame rituals and postgame interviews,

it's hard to find time for everything else.

Let Instacart handle your game day snacks or weekly restocks with delivery in as fast as 30 minutes

because it's bad luck to be hungry on game day.

Download the Instacart app today

and enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders.

Service fees apply for

three orders in 14 days excludes restaurants and we're back

i'll just note that this is actually the second time i've played this game on the show so let's

hope this one sticks i gotta point make a joke about it take the air out of that balloon uh

That's it. Take the air out of that balloon.

Please welcome to the stage my future spouse and the person whose wet towels I can't wait to pick up off the bathroom floor every single day until I die. It's the wonderful Ari Schwartz.

All right, all right.

All right.

Hi.

Hi.

Are you glad we did this?

I'm, yeah.

You don't regret doing this?

No. Doing what? Being on the microphone.
Oh, yeah. I thought you meant engaged.
Oh. I was like, uh-oh.
Well, now would be the time to kind of hash that out. Anything you'd like to share about the engagement? It happened.
And now I'm on a microphone because of it. Tell us the engagement story.
Well, so we planned it to within an inch of its life to the point where there was zero surprise. None.
To the point where we discussed not just when we would do it, not just that we would do it at a dinner, and not just that we would do it during dessert. But what dessert? I don't even remember the dessert.
But we decided that we would do it. There was some cookie, I guess.
But we decided we would do it when the dessert was placed, but before we ate it, because then we wouldn't face a... We had an overly attentive waiter, which we love, we love, but we were nervous that it would be interrupted.
But are you talking about this the whole time you're at this? Essentially, yes. But about before you got there? The whole day.
And honestly, weeks before. So it was, yeah, it kind of took over.
And that was romantic in its own way. Sure.
Yeah. But then we had a really nice day together.
And then we decided on the moment. And then we each had set, we decided we would each say something really nice about why we wanted to be engaged, and then we made it official.
And then we exchanged rings. Sure did.
Can I make my joke? Yeah, you sure can. And it turns out there's no amount of testosterone that can kill the part of a Jewish woman that wants a big diamond.
That's true. That's true.
That is amazing.

All right. I really like, can I make my joke? And then real quick, how far into your relationship

and did you decide, I want to be married to this person, and who brought it up and was like, I want to be married to? Well, it involves the television program Survivor. I assumed.
As all engagements should. Because I went on the television program Survivor.

And... For what?

To be a...

To survive.

To survive.

Okay.

And we had only started dating not soon before,

like pretty close to when I had to leave.

Wait, you were actually a cast member on there?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You don't know that.

You don't know that I was on the CBS.

I don't follow.

I only know who Houdini is.

Right.

I don't follow pop culture.

No, no, for sure.

And so I was on Survivor, which meant I was gone and away from my phone for five weeks or four weeks.

Oh, my God.

And when I got my phone back, so we had talked about we'll see where we are at the end of the year. This is May of last year.
And when I got my phone back, I called you from Fiji. But we basically, when I called, having been away for five weeks, we're like, when I get back, this is it.
And we moved in right then.

You said that. Well, I had already moved in,

obviously, because he had left the property.

So I moved in.

And so

you called saying,

when I get home, it's just me

and you, kid. Basically.

Forever. That's it.
And you said

you were, it wasn't like it was like you weren't surprised by that. But you were kid.
Basically. Forever.
That's it. And you said you were, it wasn't like it was

like you weren't surprised by that.

But you were a little hesitant.

Were you like, how long?

No, I think I was like

basically like, yeah, I've pretty much

already moved all of my stuff in.

Yeah, so that's a little bit of the old

lesbian jumping out in that

it was a very practical thing.

Well, my stuff is already here, so I guess

Thank you. moved all of my stuff in.
Yeah, so that's a little bit of the old lesbian jumping out in that it was a very practical thing.

Well, my stuff is already here, so I guess

we should spend the rest of our lives together.

That's how it works.

To be fair, I used to have a loft

downtown, and Stephanie came

over in, like, what, the first month?

And she was like, I am so

sick of trying to find parking down here.

Should we just move in together? I was like, sure. Anybody else before Stephanie, I would have been like calling a friend and being like, no, she couldn't find parking.
And she's like, should we move in? But with Stephanie, I'm like, that makes sense. Yeah.
No one came off Survivor, but... Yeah.

Also, the plumbing did break at your apartment.

Yeah, my apartment flooded,

which is also obviously a part of it.

And did you call, and were you like,

so my plumbing exploded?

Well, I had ripped the pipe out the wall the day before.

All right.

How much?

And now it is with deep regret

that I hand over control of this segment to Hallie. Welcome, everyone, to a segment we're calling the SUNYWED game.
Thank you, Kennedy, for the title. We are going to pit one married couple against two spouses-to-be.
However, since being married for a decade definitely puts a thumb on the personal trivia scale. We try to balance out the relationship deep dives with a more philosophical view of your partner.
Did we succeed? It's too late to worry about that now because it's time to play the SUNY wed game. When I ask a question, I will be directing it either to Tig and Lovett or Stephanie and Ari.
I paired you guys up based on how much I liked your vibe. Let us begin.
Ari and Stephanie, what is the single most annoying thing your partner does? Now, Lovett and Tig, you're going to write what you think they're writing right now. So this is not what you personally think the most annoying thing is.
You're like, what is the most annoying thing to Stephanie in her eyes or Ari in their eyes?

I think this is, oh, that's a tough one.

Wow.

This is going to be devastating.

All right.

I gave Ari some suggestions backstage.

I'm not going to lie.

Okay.

Okay. What if I can't think of anything?

Oh, wow.

God.

That's longevity.

That's practice. That's practice.
That's practice. Stephanie's just erasing wildly.
List. All right.
How are we doing? Are we still working on it? Nope. Okay.
Right. A lot down there.
Love it. Great.
Okay. I'm ready.
All right. Great.
Everyone. So then who reveals first? Ooh, I don't think we thought that through.
I think Ari and Stephanie reveal, and then you, I love it, and Teg, you reveal and see if they match. Okay.
All right, so Ari and Stephanie, please turn your boards around, and I will read them out loud. Ari has written, doesn't know how to pick up dog poop.
That's a great one. Stephanie says, her love of air conditioning, okay? Love it, let's turn yours around first.
I said, uh, constantly says let's deal with this task tomorrow until we die. Yeah.
Okay. These seem related and then take, I said, okay, great.
A lot of laughs. Let's turn this bad boy around.
And we wrote, wow. That's 10 years.
Wow. How they got it.
How's temp too cold?

Wow. I'm a lot of air conditioning.

That's how we do it.

12 years.

And to me, that's amazing.

Fucking freezing.

That's one point for you.

Just to be clear, when Ari says I don't know how to pick up dog poop, it's not that I don't

pick it up.

It's that they believe my technique is wrong.

It's wrong.

Do you guys want to smell the dog poop?

He holds it up to his nose.

No.

He opens the bag up here.

No.

Defend it.

I'm sorry. wrong.
It's wrong. Do you guys want to smell the dog poop? He holds it up to his nose.

Oh, he opens the bag up here. No, I...
Defend it.

Ari claims the bag is open

too long. Well, because it's open.

That I don't

try to close it on the ground, that I come up

and then I close it.

What a nasty fight.

Don't worry,

they have... I'm worried about you, too.
They have eternity to resolve it. Moving on.
All right, so this question is for Tig and Lovett. Tig and Lovett, your partner is faced with the infamous trolley problem.
I think we have an image. Thank you.
Oh, yeah, that's a good one, too. The ethical conundrum in which a person must consciously choose to pull a switch and direct an out of control train away from a track with five people onto a track where one person will be killed but it would require them to throw the switch.
Would your partner throw the switch? A simple yes or no? I'm sorry, the switch kills the person? So you're going to kill a person either way. Unfortunately, that's the trolley problem.
The question is, now you could throw it. I'm sorry, it's just that this is an outdoor problem.
That's a good point. The trolley is heading towards those five people.
If you do nothing, those five people die. If you proactively...
I'm sorry, Stephanie's head was... I didn't see the five people.
That's okay. I was like.

That's totally fine.

I don't understand what's happening.

Yeah, this isn't about whether or not Stephanie would callously murder a stranger.

To save five people.

To save five people.

Would you interfere?

I totally get it now.

It's just, because of her head, I could not see the five people.

Points deducted, Stephanie, I'm sorry. I didn't know where the five people were.
I'm new to the biz. All right, everyone, having written yes or no.
All right, Tig and Lovett, if you wouldn't mind turning your boards around. Tig, you still working on it? Sorry, that's on me.
Okay, yes, well, go ahead. We'll start with you guys.
And the answer is yes. Okay, well.
Oh, just one answer. Yes, well, okay.
And I'm sorry, the answer is... It's if, would she kill...
It's not about killing. You pull the lever to save five but kill one.
You do nothing.

Five die.

Does Stephanie pull the lever?

You already saw the answer.

Where? I do want to say that this graphic.

Where on the board?

This graphic does seem to be in a loop, though.

Right, and that's a good question.

I saw it.

I didn't see that.

All right, you got it.

Well, there we go.

All right.

All right.

I think I already know the answer, at least for one of our couples. And this is a question for Ari and Stephanie.
Ari and Stephanie, tell me, in your opinion, who is more likely to ruin a vacation? And take that however you want to take it. You know what I'm talking about.
And is this just yes or no? No. This is...
If it's possible, it is yours or Stephanie's name. And am I doing this? Yes.
You're doing all of them. Okay.
Alright, great. I see a big old answer on Ari.
So we'll start with you guys. Ari, would you mind turning your board around? Yeah, obviously.
Come on. I obviously said love it.
Yeah. Very big, John.
I wrote me, not even close. Yes.
Love it, of course. Obviously.
All right. Okay.
Tig and Stephanie. It's happened many times.
Tig says Stephanie. Stephanie says Tig.

Many times.

So many.

Many trips.

No points awarded or involved.

Sounds like some indoor vacations.

Are you guys having fun?

Yeah.

What is the most likely thing to get you in trouble on a vacation?

I was thinking...

Do we write it on the board here?

We've had some hospital detours.

Well, my body has failed me a few times.

Yeah, I don't know if those count.

That's what I was thinking you were going to think.

Well, I think... You want to know the way I've ruined vacations?

Stephanie and I really differ on what time to leave for airports.

In fact, we went through that getting here tonight, calling the car.

Stephanie wanted to call the car to where we would arrive

40 minutes early. Not interested in that.
I'm not, I'm not interested in that. Whereas I like to just roll in.
40 minutes late. 40 minutes late.
No, I'm not. No.
Don't you start pulling indoor problems.

I was...

Next question.

This one is for

Love It... pulling indoor prom.
I was.

Next question.

This one is for Lovett and Tig.

Ooh.

What do you think

was your most memorable date?

Something stands out

in your mind?

Romantic evening?

An unromantic,

a terrible fight?

Whatever sticks out

in your mind

was your most memorable date?

A neutral word, I suppose. All right.
Are your board remains blank? This one. It doesn't have to be a good date.
It just sort of like, what's the first date that comes to mind? Like, oh, remember we did that one thing. Bungee jumping.
I don't know what you guys do at home. We fight.
Okay, good.

Our first harrowing fight.

Indoor versus outdoor.

All right.

I will have... Love it, if you'll turn your board around first.

I said, pick a Brandi Carlile concert.

Okay, great.

No, that's good.

Love.

Okay, and here we go.

Ari turned around to Brandi Carlile.

That's what I'm talking about.

Wow.

I don't think...

I'm talking about. Wow.
I don't think we're going to be on the same page. I don't think we're going to match.
I know we're not. All right.
I've gone all over. But that's why we're so connected.
We know we're not going to connect. Incredible stuff.
Can I go first? No, Tig, if you wouldn't mind turning around first, whenever you're done, adding to the elaborate evening you must have spent together so hard enough words to describe it one might argue well okay i turn it around yes let's see it dinner the night we first said i love that's good i should have done that i, somewhat similar. Dinner at Bruges.
Was it the same dinner? No. All right.
We didn't say I love you. Because you ruined the vacation.
We got there late. We got to wrap it up before love it collapses here final question aria and stephanie what is your weirdest habit obviously the one that you'd be okay revealing tonight in front of all these people i'm not trying to end your relationships so again aria and stephanie what is your weirdest habit and then love it then Love It and Tig, just what you think is their weirdest habit.

Oh my gosh.

All right, Stephanie, I'll have you start first.

What is your weirdest? This just sounds so weird.

Ooh, okay, great.

My cup in the bath, yes.

Weird.

My cup in the bath.

And then Tig, I'll have you turn it around.

Please be cup in the bath, money on. When Stephanie I'll have you turn it around.
Please be cupping the bath. Money on.

When Stephanie points at all...

What?

I didn't finish writing it.

Where she points all of her fingers up

at the water faucet in the bathtub.

So, similar.

Same thing.

It's the same thing.

She either...

When the water comes out of the faucet,

I notice, because I go sit on this stool

next to the bath and talk to her while she's...

I drank a cup, yep.

Yeah, and the water comes out.

She's in the tub.

The water's coming out of the faucet

and she makes a cup with her hand for the water

or she does this to the water.

So I hadn't finished writing the whole thing,

but it's the water. Wow.
We'll give her the point. Testing the water.
So it's, I hadn't finished writing the whole thing, but it's,

it's the water.

Wow.

And we'll give them the point.

We'll give them the point.

We'll give them the point.

We'll give them the temperature.

But come on,

that's pretty impressive.

That's crazy.

That's amazing.

That's amazing.

That's not even that weird.

12 years.

This is why,

this is why when I say

I thought it was serendipitous

that you were here.

Yes.

What an interesting

and exemplary couple.

Thank you.

My little cup.

All right, Ari.

So we have also, aside from indoor problems,

we also have indoor weird habits too, you know, right?

I love that.

Right?

Am I right?

Right, ladies?

Save it for the bathtub.

Ari, would you mind revealing your weirdest habit?

Bringing up to-do list items right before we fall asleep for things months away. Great.
Excellent. Wow.
First of all, I feel very seen by that answer. Oh my God.
Don't tell me it's the cup in the bathtub. No, it's a similar, I would say this, it is connected.
You will see how it is connected. If Ari leaves the house, they must shower when getting home.
No exceptions. Even if it was just like 10 minutes.
That once you're outside, you are unclean. Yeah.
I like your style, Ari. Yeah, I'm real clean.
I'm going to do it. Love it.
But yes, that does happen. But that relates to my item earlier where I said I like to put off little tasks forever until we die and I like to talk about them as I fall asleep and I think weird is annoying annoying is weird so really it is the same question we just reworded it and that somehow was the game thank you thank you so much everybody Holly Keeper everybody Ari Schwartz hey don't There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.
Love It or Leave It is brought to you by Prolon. Do you love going out and hanging with friends? Yes.
Does all this eating and drinking start to take a toll? Also, yes. If your body is desperately craving a reset, Prolon by El Nutra can help with just that.
Prolon's five-day program gives your system a break. It's fasting, but with food, and is pretty much a game changer.
Prolon's Fasting Mimicking Diet is a revolutionary plant-based nutrition program that nourishes the body while making cells believe they're fasting. Researched and developed for decades at USC's Longevity Institute and backed by leading U.S.
medical centers, Prolon helps support healthy blood sugar, enhanced skin appearance, fat loss, and improved energy and focus post-fast. It all starts with their five-day program.
Snacks, soups, beverages designed to keep your body in a fasting state, no guesswork or planning required. You get everything prepackaged, ready to go.
Each order of Prolon five day program comes with five boxes labeled by day. So you know what to eat each day.
Three consecutive cycles of Prolon have been shown to reduce your biological age score by an average of 2.5 years and your waist circumference by 1.5 inches. To help you kickstart a health plan that truly works, Prolon is offering Love It or Leave It listeners 15% off site-wide, plus a $40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their five-day nutrition program.
Just visit prolonlife.com slash love it. That's P-R-O-L-O-N-L-I-F-E dot com slash love it to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift.
Prolonlife.com slash love it. If you don't know about our flyer deals on Instacart, this message is for you.
Flyer deals are like strolling through your favorite store looking for deals, but instead you're scrolling on your phone. Because getting delivery doesn't mean you have to miss out on in-store deals, like the creamer that doesn't upset your stomach, or the pasta sauce that you can't not buy when it's on sale.
Download the Instacart

app, shop flyers, and never miss a deal. Plus, get delivery in as fast as 30 minutes.
And we're back. Here's a sentence I haven't said once all year.
Something cool is happening in DC. Love It or Leave It is returning to the swamp for a live show on Thursday, April 24th.
We're back at the Lincoln Theater. It's our what we're doing, a White House Correspondents Weekend show again.
So we thought we'd celebrate the First Amendment while we still have it and bring some gay chaos right to the heart of the regime. Friends of the pod subscribers will have exclusive pre-sale access to the best tickets on Tuesday, March 18th at 12 p.m.
Eastern. So please make sure you're subscribed at cricket.com slash friends.
If you're subscribed through Apple Podcasts, listen to Terminate Online to hear the code. Tickets will then go on sale to the general public on Wednesday, March 19th at 12 p.m.
Eastern.

So come join me and special guests who will be announced soon, but rest assured, they'll be great.

Learn more at Crooked.com slash events.

Also, at the Crooked store, we have some, we have DEI Hire t-shirts.

Get a t-shirt that says DEI Hire on it. They're great.
Crooked.com slash store. I think it's a funny shirt to wear around.
And basically everybody can wear it, but not everybody. Almost everybody.
But not everybody. Crooked.com slash store.
All right. I don't know if it's pre-matrimonial bliss or the majestic beauty of your new documentary, but I've got a pep in my step that I need to share with the world.
So in the spirit of finding the light in a sea of Marco Rubios, we're going to close things out with a game we're calling Silver Linings Gay Book. I have a hat filled with ostensibly annoying things,

and we're each going to fish one out

and then share one upside of it.

That's part of the club.

Oh, we love this.

Stephanie, you want to kick us off?

Yes.

Oh, my gosh.

That is very similar to the hat that,

well, was it a hat or a bucket that we buried my father in? This is that hat. It was a straw hat.
It was a straw hat. We thought we got, this is it.
Thank you. We dug it up.
Thank you. It's a crazy thing to do.
Thank you. Okay, so read it.
Yes. Okay, people who pick up dog poop, put it in a plastic bag, then leave that bag on the ground anyway.
Okay, people who pick... See the good in them.
Well, it's nice to know that someone's out there with a friend and hanging out with their dog. That it shows that, you know, they were out there with their companion.
It's, no. That person said yay as they fell into a hole.
Did you hear that? Yay. I didn't know people did that, that they pick up the poop and then they just leave the bag on the ground.

Yeah, people do.

They do do that.

I'm trying to think of another positive.

That's tough.

That's tough.

It's tough.

Slittering.

That's rough. Huh? That's tough.
It's tough. Slittering.
That's rough. Slittering.
Thank you. Thank you.
That's what I was talking about earlier. Yeah.
Number one. Yeah.
It's like I don't even write jokes. Do you want to do one? Oh.
And I'm sorry. I don't understand the game.
It's a negative. You have to find the good in it.
Well, the positive to that is that they're clearly in the process of being cleaned. Because, yes, and they smelled terribly before.
And so had to dunk them in the water right before uh right before i we put soap on them you know gotta clean them it's really positive what i'm telling you absolutely what i'm telling you is really good news yeah yeah no totally yeah and it took me like a year to come up with that.

But I feel like I...

I'm going to make them applaud.

I like that.

I like you too.

I said that.

Yes.

I said you.

All right.

Mine is loud chewing. Here's the thing.
It's gross, you know, because for whatever reason, chewing of food evokes something primitive in us that we don't like the sound of it. I don't totally understand why.
But if you take away that kind of gut, that sort of instinctive revulsion, which isn't really based in anything, doesn't do anything to you.

Someone chewing loudly isn't bad for you, doesn't hurt you.

Really what you're just experiencing is somebody really enjoying their food.

And they're just having a good time.

You know, they're eating as if they're alone.

And let's all be honest, we do some of our best eating alone.

Some of the most fun we have eating is eating we do by ourselves when we're in the privacy of our own little home, you know? And sometimes you realize you've eaten most of what you're supposed to eat before you even chose something on Netflix, you know? And then you say, stop it, John, stop it. The part of the fun of this is that you choose something great to watch, but you're still cycling through different YouTube videos about college entrance exam math questions that you're almost done with this Lebanese chicken rap.
Can I... I feel like we need to rework our answers.
Would you like to go again? No. Mine is someone had a friend.
That's a dog. I know.
Mine's like, oh, it'll be clean. They already know.
Tig, Stephanie. Is it over? It is.
Oh. This is so fun.
I love you, John. I love you.
I love both of you. This was such a pleasure.
It was such a pleasure. I'm excited you were here for this episode.
I know. I'm so happy for you guys.
Truly. Yeah, we're good.
Truly. We're actually really good.
It's really exciting to be in love and want to fight indoors. I can't wait to see what our fights indoors are about.
That is our show. Thank you so much to Tig Notaro, Stephanie Allen, Ari Halle.
We'll see you next week at Dynasty Typewriter. There are 598 days until the midterms.
Have a great night and have a great weekend. Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production.
It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer.
Bill McGrath is our producer. And Kennedy Hill is our associate producer.
Hallie Kiefer is our head writer. Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre, and Will Miles are our writers.
Jordan Cantor is our editor. Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support.
Stephen Colon is our audio engineer. Our theme song is written and performed by Schercher.

Thanks to our designer, Sammy Kodurna-Ries,

for creating and running all of our visuals,

which you can't see because this is a podcast.

And thanks to our digital producers,

David Tulls, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman,

Dilan Villanueva, and Rachel Gajewski

for filming and editing video each week.

Our head of production is Matt DeGroat.

Our head of programming is Madeline Herringer.

And our production staff is proudly unionized