Who Let the DOGE Out?

Speaker 1 This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Speaker 3 What are some of your relationship green flags?

Speaker 4 We often hear about red flags we should avoid, but what if we focus more on looking for green flags in friends and partners?

Speaker 10 If you're not sure what they look like, therapy can help you identify green flags, actively practice them in your relationships, and embody the green flag energy yourself.

Speaker 13 Whether you're dating, married, building a friendship, or just working on yourself, it's time to form relationships that love you back.

Speaker 16 Here's a green flag: if you're at a party with someone you're dating,

Speaker 16 and they can tell that you want to leave and don't make you say, we got to get out of here, you know, maybe they want to go too, but they don't wait to be, they don't, you know, you read each other at a room.

Speaker 16 You kind of feed off each energy at a party and you say, you know what? Hey, let's, do you want to get out of here? Yes.

Speaker 13 Thank you for not making me come over and find you and beg to leave this godforsaken event.

Speaker 11 So there's an example.

Speaker 10 If you've benefited from therapy, feel free to share your experience.

Speaker 11 For example, it's helpful to learn positive coping skills and how to set boundaries.

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Speaker 5 I think I'm bleeding.

Speaker 35 Join us and be a nobody.

Speaker 35 What's up, Los Angeles?

Speaker 36 Welcome to Love It or Leave It Live from Dynasty Typewriter.

Speaker 37 The Super Bowl is on Sunday, which is the reason I ordered a six-foot sub.

Speaker 19 You can't prove I didn't know it was the Super Bowl.

Speaker 38 It's a completely normal thing to order because I knew it was the Super Bowl.

Speaker 37 Tonight on the show, Jason Isaacs is here to give bad guys a good name.

Speaker 40 Paul Poundstone and Andy Richter return to test their news knowledge.

Speaker 37 And then we all pour a nice crisp glass of champagne problems.

Speaker 42 But first, let's get into it.

Speaker 43 What a week.

Speaker 46 The second Trump administration is 17 days young, and it's clear that Donald Trump's overwhelming flurry of executive orders and firings and illegal budget freezes amount to a total mega takeover of the federal government.

Speaker 47 Sorry, I'm hanging by a thread.

Speaker 37 Instrumental in the effort is our South African billionaire co-president Elon Musk, who was granted a top-secret security clearance and designated a special government employee, or in the lingo of Musk's online fanboys, retarded government employee.

Speaker 53 They're bringing it back. It's not me.

Speaker 54 You fucking pussies.

Speaker 37 On Monday, Trump confirmed that Musk and his Doge associates had gained access to the Treasury Department's payment system, which processes trillions of dollars of transactions for the entire federal government.

Speaker 37 I missed the days when Musk only controlled several massive corporations, the fortune of a small country, one of the world's largest communications platforms, and the satellites over Ukraine.

Speaker 58 Simpler times.

Speaker 59 I will be so different than Joe Biden.

Speaker 60 All she had to say.

Speaker 61 Crazy different, Whoopi. You'll love it.

Speaker 63 Oh, well, the tops.

Speaker 58 The top civil servant of the Treasury, David Liebrick, resigned on Friday after reportedly pushing back on Trump officials who were asking about the Treasury's ability to stop certain payments.

Speaker 24 And yep, here we all are shitting Liebricks.

Speaker 22 Once Liebrick was gone, Trump's newly sworn-in Treasury Secretary, Scott Besant, relented. This is Scott Besant, by the way.

Speaker 12 Great work, gay Jeb Bush.

Speaker 2 And here's what's fucked up. I mean, a lot of things are fucked up.

Speaker 3 But one fucked up thing is Scott Bessant is gay.

Speaker 66 He's married to a guy named John.

Speaker 67 This is his house.

Speaker 69 How dare this man bring shame upon the gayest house I've ever seen?

Speaker 3 Magnificent.

Speaker 46 A reporter asked Trump about the decision on Monday.

Speaker 70 Why is it important for Elon Musk to have access to the payment systems at Treasury?

Speaker 71 Well, he's got access only to letting people go that he thinks are no good if we agree with him. And it's only if we agree with him.

Speaker 39 Hey, man, quick flag.

Speaker 57 You just described why it's bad.

Speaker 39 Oh, well, on Tuesday, Senators Elizabeth Warren and Ron Wyden called for the Government Accountability Office to open an investigation into Doge's takeover at Treasury.

Speaker 25 Oh, I'm sorry.

Speaker 20 This just in.

Speaker 73 I'm receiving word that Doge has shut down the Government Accountability office.

Speaker 2 Damn, those kids move fast.

Speaker 75 Their little coder fingers can't keep up.

Speaker 76 Three federal employee unions have since sued the Treasury, accusing Besson of violating federal law when he shared sensitive data with Musk.

Speaker 12 Wrote the lawyers, people who must share information with the federal government should not be forced to share information with Elon Musk or his Doge, and federal law says they do not have to.

Speaker 22 Exactly. The fact that I received a federal loan during the pandemic for my fledgling dildo company, which was called shove it or leave it

Speaker 58 is not meant to be public information it's true that money could not overcome that the most upvoted comment on our subreddit said this is a shape for no one but

Speaker 37 but like we used to say at shove it hq no pain nobody can know about this

Speaker 83 Democratic leaders said they would introduce legislation to stomp Joge.

Speaker 44 Here's Senator Chuck Schumer.

Speaker 85 So today, today, Leader Jeffries and I are joining together to push legislation to prevent unlawful meddling in the Treasury Department's payment systems and protect Americans across the country.

Speaker 85 We call our legislation stop the steal.

Speaker 2 Look, this is what it's going to look like, all right?

Speaker 87 This is what part of the resistance is going to be for a while, proposing new laws that all boil down to, hey, stop that, which will not pass.

Speaker 90 But the good news is some of them will have bitchy little names.

Speaker 53 He's down there. He's trying.

Speaker 44 Wednesday, in response to that lawsuit, Justice Department attorneys said that they would temporarily restrict Doge staff from accessing the Treasury payment systems, which will be in place until a hearing in a couple of weeks.

Speaker 20 Hey, enjoy the last couple of weeks with sole custody of your Social Security number.

Speaker 47 Do something fun with it.

Speaker 91 Fill out some forms.

Speaker 49 None of this stops. At Treasury, Trump has dispatched Musk to at least half a dozen government agencies.

Speaker 46 He has sought to illegally shut down USAID, the agency charged with delivering humanitarian aid overseas, and ultimately, that's on them for refusing to order even one child-sized submarine.

Speaker 22 In 2023, USAID handled some $40 billion in appropriations, less than 1% of the federal budget, to fund HIV prevention in Uganda, war relief in Ukraine, maternal health assistance in Zambia, and more.

Speaker 20 In addition to often being the difference between life and death for aid recipients, these programs build goodwill around the world and help protect Americans from diseases.

Speaker 58 Just as a basis of comparison, if we extend the Trump tax cuts, that will cost $4.2 trillion over 10 years, most of which will go to the wealthiest people and corporations.

Speaker 89 But let's be nuanced and careful in a way that our society no longer values and point out that some of that does go to working people.

Speaker 20 Let's pretend we live in a world where we still debate policy.

Speaker 47 Okay, according to the Treasury Department in a report earlier this year from before those bureaucrats were beheaded or whatever,

Speaker 45 if you kept the cuts for people making under $400,000 a year, which is what Biden and Harris supported, but didn't extend the estate tax cuts and corporate cuts and cuts for the wealthiest families, that would only be $1.8 trillion over eight years, which means that you are still saying that you want to increase the debt by $200 billion a year to make rich people richer while complaining about a rounding error that saves lives and projects American power and values around the world.

Speaker 6 And now, having won the argument, we celebrate.

Speaker 39 Ladies and gentlemen, Amanda Gorman has been arrested.

Speaker 97 Sorry.

Speaker 79 On Monday, Secretary of State Marco Rubio told reporters that he was now the acting administrator of USAID, attempting to fold the agency into the State Department, even though Congress created it as a distinct entity over 60 years ago.

Speaker 21 Rubio, who used to believe in USAID before he put on that ring somewhere between Hobbiton and Isengard,

Speaker 79 said that USAID may be abolished consistent with applicable law.

Speaker 37 It's like we're on an airplane that's been hijacked, and Air Marshal Marko Rubio stands up and said, Don't worry, I'm going to make sure that we are only rerouted from Fort Lauderdale to Bratislava in a way that complies with FAA regulations.

Speaker 12 Okay, thanks. Glad we have an adult in the room.

Speaker 12 After trying and failing to gain access to USAID headquarters, Democrats held a protest outside the building alongside over 100 employees, calling Trump's funding freeze and potential elimination of the agency unconstitutional.

Speaker 102 There is no question that the billionaire class trying to take over our government right now is doing it based on self-interest.

Speaker 103 We have not months, we have not weeks, but we have days to stop the destruction of our democracy. We have work to do.

Speaker 12 Project 2025 was kind of a misnomer, really more like Project January.

Speaker 78 It was Senator Chris Murphy.

Speaker 17 And then there are the buyouts.

Speaker 49 As of Thursday, of the millions of workers who were offered incentives to resign last week, 60,000 federal employees had accepted the offer or about 3% of the workforce, so they are on their way to their goal of heading 5% to 10%.

Speaker 72 But come on, folks, take the deal and hit the road.

Speaker 22 Where else is Under Secretary for Management Kyle Rittenhouse supposed to sit?

Speaker 22 On Tuesday, four employee unions sued the Office of Personnel Management over the buyout as basic information is lacking from the offer when Congress has appropriated no funds for this purpose, and the statutory basis and appropriations for this promise remain unclear.

Speaker 78 Then on Thursday, a federal judge halted the buyout just 11 hours before the deadline set for federal employees by the Trump administration to decline or accept. On the one hand, this is all terrible.

Speaker 78 On the other hand, oh, the soothing feeling of a deadline extension.

Speaker 44 That little undiagnosed ADHD in here is just like, that feels good.

Speaker 22 Now, federal employees have a whole other weekend to feel like they are rolling the dice on a job they need to feed their fucking families.

Speaker 57 Meanwhile, the CIA on Tuesday became the first intelligence agency to offer buyouts to its entire workforce as Trump tries to shape it to its agenda. Stay strong, woke spies.

Speaker 39 You know two things.

Speaker 58 Trans women are women and Epstein didn't kill himself, and we need that point of view inside of our government.

Speaker 67 What happened to this country?

Speaker 57 I remember when the CIA used to offer people buyouts.

Speaker 106 They'd say buy as they pushed you out of a helicopter.

Speaker 57 The CIA also sent the White House an unclassified email listing all of the employees hired in the last two years, a move that one former CIA official called a counterintelligence disaster.

Speaker 66 I remember back in the day, you had to sneak into Langley, disguise as a firefighter, make some geek shit as pants, and then quietly dangle into a laser room without sweating too much to get your hands on a list like that.

Speaker 41 The actual defense offered by the people that did this was that the list only had the employee's first name and last initial, which is literally from the fucking Simpsons.

Speaker 70 For privacy's sake, let's call her Lisa S. No, that's too obvious.

Speaker 110 Let's say L. Simpson.

Speaker 111 Senator Bernie Sanders remained clear-eyed about our current situation.

Speaker 112 This country under Trump is moving rapidly toward authoritarianism, but we cannot just play defense. We have got to be on the offense.

Speaker 112 Please never forget that the agenda that we are fighting for is widely supported, widely supported by working families all across this country, and we must continue to fight for that agenda.

Speaker 22 Yeah, man, of course.

Speaker 12 But right now, Elon Musk and a group of guys who didn't go to prom are trying to find the person responsible for the Sacagawea dollars

Speaker 41 on Wednesday.

Speaker 104 It was actually a great. You should check.

Speaker 88 it was, uh,

Speaker 12 Bernie put out this video, and it's a great just sort of, hey, don't despair, here's some steps we can take, and I found it nothing revelatory, but it's worth watching.

Speaker 78 On Wednesday, the AFL-CIO, America's largest federation of labor unions, filed a lawsuit to block Musk from invading the Department of Labor.

Speaker 24 Unfortunately, the only labor department Musk refuses to enter is the one where his kids are being born.

Speaker 12 Meanwhile, some have questioned whether Democrats were falling into a trap by protesting outside USAID, with some strategists saying that fighting over foreign aid was a misstep because federal bureaucracy and foreign aid in particular are broadly unpopular, which is certainly true.

Speaker 60 But it's hard to argue that a better tactic would be to let Trump dismantle USAID than speak up when he's about to dismantle something popular because they are targeting USAID to set a precedent that he's allowed to dismantle stuff.

Speaker 49 Democratic strategists argue that the USAID fight is emblematic of a larger trap that the party has fallen into, defending institutions people despise rather than focusing on the issues that will most affect voters, like say Trump trying to eliminate the Department of Education.

Speaker 79 But what should Democrats be doing in response?

Speaker 8 In a piece he wrote for the Bulwark on Tuesday, former New Jersey Congressman Tom Malinowski outlined five ways Democrats could fight back.

Speaker 96 Number one, appropriately enough, listicles.

Speaker 47 House Democrats could fight Trump's illegal funding freeze by announcing that they're not giving Speaker Mike Johnson a single vote to fund the government or raise the debt ceiling until they have a solid guarantee that the Trump administration will spend federal funds as Congress directs.

Speaker 49 House Minority Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries seems to be thinking along the same lines, writing in a Monday letter to the caucus that he planned to use the March 14th federal funding deadline to block Trump from freezing appropriated funds.

Speaker 79 Democrats should also fight Trump in the courts, countering his flood of executive orders and firings with a flood of legal challenges.

Speaker 46 And given the ways that social media has harmed kids and poisoned our politics, Malinowski writes, any Democrat who can't take advantage of this and run a populist campaign against our bond villain tech overlords should have their politician's license revoked.

Speaker 101 And some of them should have that thing revoked because they're too old to have that license.

Speaker 73 I don't disagree that Democrats defending unpopular institutions is a trap, but I think it's worth asking why it's a trap in the first place.

Speaker 83 Because we ought to hope and believe possible a world where politics is no longer so stupid and sensational that protesting the violation of the basic separation of powers in favor of aid that not only save lives but antagonizes our adversaries and extends American influence isn't a trap.

Speaker 50 Or more likely, that we have Democrats who know it's a trap and see it's a trap, but also manage to spring that trap without getting their legs stuck in it.

Speaker 54 In the short term, yes, we have to have these legal fights, which we need to have everywhere.

Speaker 49 We have public fights we need to fight in a way that draws attention to the absolute worst and least popular acts of this administration.

Speaker 19 But we also ought to be thinking, how do we build credibility as an opposition to reach enough people and to know we have the trust of enough people so that when we convey the threat, people believe us.

Speaker 23 And to me, that starts with with showing up.

Speaker 89 More is more.

Speaker 12 That's why it was great to see Senate Democrats holding the floor this week to try to draw attention to the OMB nominee and Project 2025 architect Russell Vogt.

Speaker 84 And it won't just be about these leaders showing up.

Speaker 59 It will be about all of us showing up. We all have to show up just as soon as I get back from shooting traitors.

Speaker 75 Got to put it into the universe.

Speaker 22 It's going to put it into the universe a little bit.

Speaker 14 Speaking, it's survivor with food.

Speaker 45 Speaking of falling into traps, we also had this lovely exchange in the House Oversight hearing where Ranking Member Jerry Connolly objected to Nancy Mace's endless demonizing of trans people.

Speaker 117 The gentlelady has used a phrase that is considered a slur in the LGBTQ community and the transgender community.

Speaker 76 Just from the beginning.

Speaker 22 A gentlelady is very generous.

Speaker 62 I move we opt for a treacherous wench or hell crow or bog clown.

Speaker 3 Mays responded with this.

Speaker 118 Tranny, tranny, tranny. I don't really care.
You want penises in women's bathrooms, and I'm not going to have it.

Speaker 119 Okay. No, thank you.

Speaker 119 Let's

Speaker 17 disgusting.

Speaker 25 This is neither here nor there, but you know, when you're out and you go to use the bathroom and you realize it's a situation where there are two one-person bathrooms with locking doors and yet they're still labeled men's and women's, and there's a line at the quote-unquote men's room, but the women's room is open.

Speaker 49 Yeah, I'm bringing a penis into that women's bathroom.

Speaker 101 No, sorry about it.

Speaker 77 Connolly went on to say this.

Speaker 117 To me, a slur is a slur.

Speaker 117 And here in the committee, a level of decorum requires us to try consciously to avoid slurs. You just heard the gentlelady actually actively, robustly repeated.

Speaker 117 And I would just ask the chairman

Speaker 117 that she be counseled that

Speaker 117 We ought not to be engaged. We can have debate and policy discussion without offending human beings who who are fellow citizens.

Speaker 12 It's a nice idea, isn't it?

Speaker 111 Here's the problem.

Speaker 83 Nancy Mays knows it's a slur.

Speaker 44 That's why she said it.

Speaker 12 She was hoping Connolly would respond exactly how he responded.

Speaker 37 Connolly's heart is in the right place here, but he should have figured out what was happening when before saying the slur, Nancy Macy set up a fucking ring light.

Speaker 14 We cannot be hall monitors blowing a whistle while the school burns to the fucking ground.

Speaker 54 Declaring offense, declaring words is beyond acceptable, even if you are right, Even if you are right, that if these people had any shame or compassion, of course, they would not do this.

Speaker 37 It's just not going to cut it.

Speaker 18 You brought a rule book to a knife fight.

Speaker 12 Here's an idea, and this one's free.

Speaker 39 Next time Mace unleashes a torrent of slurs and screams about penises in women's bathrooms, you can just introduce a motion to make Mace the official penis sheriff.

Speaker 50 If she wants a show, then sure, give it to her, but make sure the show is the dark knight. I know you're gonna enjoy this.

Speaker 50 I'm gonna have

Speaker 77 Spoiler alert, he does exactly what the Joker wants and gets his whole police department exploded.

Speaker 42 Also, Slum Dog Millionaire wins best picture instead of this.

Speaker 76 And let's not forget, Jerry Connolly is in this job because he defeated AOC in the race for ranking member of the Oversight Committee.

Speaker 84 Here's AOC responding to Nancy Mace a few weeks ago.

Speaker 122 What Nancy Mace and what Speaker Johnson are doing are endangering all women and girls.

Speaker 122 because if you ask them what is your plan on how to enforce this they won't come up with an answer and what it inevitably results in are women and girls who are primed for assault because they want because people are going to want to check their private parts in suspecting who is trans and who is cis and who's doing what and so the idea that Nancy Mace wants little girls and women to drop drow in front of who an investigator who would that be in order because she wants to suspect and point fingers at who she thinks is trans is disgusting.

Speaker 56 House Democrats decided to give Connolly the microphone, even though AOC knows how to use it.

Speaker 1 And now he's sitting in that chair instead of one of the best communicators in Democratic politics.

Speaker 107 All I'm saying is the days of begging Republicans for decorum are over.

Speaker 47 It's weak shit.

Speaker 84 But hey, Jerry, if you don't grow a pair, at least you can use whatever bathroom you want.

Speaker 69 What are we fucking doing here?

Speaker 15 A point of decorum.

Speaker 39 You call it, you're going to go to the teacher?

Speaker 105 You think that's going to work in 2025?

Speaker 50 You're going to the fucking teacher to complain that somebody used a bad word?

Speaker 67 Not going to work.

Speaker 56 Not going to work.

Speaker 20 Wish it was.

Speaker 22 Wish we lived in the world where that was something that could work.

Speaker 54 But it doesn't.

Speaker 50 And in fact, James Comer, who is the chair of that committee, turned it into a fucking joke.

Speaker 90 He's like, I'm not really up on the latest slang.

Speaker 20 I don't know what's a slur or not with these LGBT people.

Speaker 57 So you got fucking slapped in the face.

Speaker 11 And now you look like a little bitch.

Speaker 37 Speaking of going down the toilet, on Tuesday Trump held a press conference alongside Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Nanyahu and said that the United States will take control of the Gaza Strip.

Speaker 71 The U.S. will take over the Gaza Strip and we will do a job with it too.

Speaker 119 We'll own it.

Speaker 39 Have you been to Vegas? The U.S.

Speaker 15 doesn't even have control of the strip in our own country.

Speaker 12 Trump called for Palestinians to leave Gaza, calling it a demolition site and saying that they should get a good, fresh, beautiful piece of land.

Speaker 20 Trump made clear that he wasn't talking about simply rebuilding Gaza in order for Palestinians to return, but something else entirely.

Speaker 71 I think you'll make that into an international,

Speaker 71 unbelievable place. I think the potential in the Gaza Strip is unbelievable.
And I don't want to be cute. I don't want to be a wise guy, but the Riviera of the Middle East.

Speaker 13 God, I hate it when he's cute.

Speaker 113 Trump's plan sparked outrage around the world, even among some Republicans here at home.

Speaker 53 Democrats slammed the idea as horrifying and insane, with Maryland Senator Chris Van Holland, who sits on the Foreign Relations Committee, calling it ethnic cleansing.

Speaker 5 Chris Murphy warned that the whole debacle was a distraction, saying, I have news for you.

Speaker 24 We aren't taking over Gaza, but the media and the chattering class will focus on it for a few days, and Trump will have succeeded in distracting everyone from the real story the billionaire is seizing control to steal from regular people.

Speaker 11 Well, we're not taking over Gaza?

Speaker 101 Not with that attitude.

Speaker 3 Speaking of downward slides toward oblivion, on Wednesday, Mitch McConnell fell again.

Speaker 12 Tumbling down the Senate stairs after voting for Trump's HUD nominee, Scott Turner.

Speaker 56 And unfortunately, all the king's horses and all the king's men have been furloughed.

Speaker 108 Then, later in the day, he reportedly fell a second time, allegedly, while carrying a plate of food.

Speaker 22 Don't worry, I'm okay, said a chuckling Mitch McConnell, through what can only be described as a death mask of mashed potatoes.

Speaker 107 In other spill news, a big rig full of eggs crashed on the five freeway in Los Angeles on Monday, causing major delays through East LA.

Speaker 46 No word on the condition of each of the eggs.

Speaker 19 The truck had approximately $1 million worth of eggs inside, so it was about four dozen.

Speaker 111 And

Speaker 47 in other egg news,

Speaker 58 100,000 eggs were stolen from the back of a distribution trailer in central Pennsylvania.

Speaker 49 We got a lot of great merchandise today.

Speaker 12 We got omelets.

Speaker 12 We got quiche. We got Benedict's.
We got Ovarizi, Underzi, we got Shek Shook.

Speaker 39 Hey, come on, a gorgeous lady like you could use a frittata.

Speaker 12 Am I wrong? I can see it. I can see you in a frittata.
Meanwhile, this fucking guy is trying to kill me on the matzabrai.

Speaker 47 Ah, we got custard.

Speaker 116 All right.

Speaker 44 Because he's Jewish.

Speaker 18 And finally,

Speaker 22 striking a hard bargain.

Speaker 53 It's part of moving eggs.

Speaker 113 And finally, for a $15 donation, the Columbus Zoo and Aquarium will name a worm after your ex, feed it to a sloth, and send you a video of it.

Speaker 66 But doctor, my ex is the sloth.

Speaker 53 Also just, man, I don't know how you can lose a breakup harder than paying a zoo to name a worm.

Speaker 89 I can't think of anything that could prove to Jessica more that she was right than to find out there's a worm named Jessica being fed to a sloth.

Speaker 57 Up next, the virtuoso of villainy.

Speaker 87 It's Jason Isaacs.

Speaker 86 Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

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Speaker 48 And we're back.

Speaker 42 Please welcome to the stage

Speaker 17 the only part of the Harry Potter universe I need to hear about ever again for the rest of my life.

Speaker 87 It's the incredible Jason Isaacs.

Speaker 51 Thank you for being here.

Speaker 69 How you doing?

Speaker 121 I wish I looked. That's a very good photograph.

Speaker 74 That's a great photo. I wish I looked like that.

Speaker 116 Shit.

Speaker 87 Now, let me start with this.

Speaker 50 Go on.

Speaker 83 When you were asked about your experience filming White Lotus, which returns for a third season on February 16th, you told Time magazine, we're doing intimate scenes and you stink.

Speaker 40 By the end of each day, we're just caked in sweat and makeup.

Speaker 57 You can peel your clothes off with a towel.

Speaker 50 It melts your fillings.

Speaker 37 It would be churlish to complain.

Speaker 5 There are terrible things going on in the world, but we've all had enough.

Speaker 40 However, when you were at Cast and Harry Potter, you said, and I quote, I read the first four books in one sitting.

Speaker 50 You know, didn't wash, didn't eat, drove around with them on the steering wheel like a lunatic.

Speaker 40 When did you smell worse? And is smelling bad part of your process?

Speaker 87 It's a reasonable question.

Speaker 121 I just talk bullshit to journalists and then it comes back and haunts you years later, just trying to sound amute, get a smile out of someone.

Speaker 74 But that thing went viral.

Speaker 121 What I actually was talking about is how hot it was in Thailand, which was insanely hot.

Speaker 121 And I was just to illustrate it, I did that coming thing and going, it was so, you know, hot, we were all stinking by the end of the day. It went viral.

Speaker 114 It was in people and then saying we labeled.

Speaker 121 And then Mike White writes people goes, what, were you all stunk? And I went, for fuck's sake, Mike, I'm sorry. And I've just done about 500 interviews all day today.

Speaker 121 And sure enough, they want to know who smelled the worst. And I wish I'd never said any of it.

Speaker 49 I talked to Mike White once because I went on the show Survivor and he was on the show Survivor.

Speaker 21 I know.

Speaker 93 How did you do? I did terribly. And then I got advice from him and I was excited to get advice from him.

Speaker 12 And then I did terribly. And then I got a text from him saying, how did it go?

Speaker 27 And I haven't responded.

Speaker 26 He knew, by the way, he knew.

Speaker 74 He knew.

Speaker 69 I haven't responded.

Speaker 33 Oh, ha ha.

Speaker 38 I'll tell him tomorrow.

Speaker 54 Please.

Speaker 123 Now.

Speaker 77 You know what that sound means.

Speaker 125 Jason, you've portrayed yourself as...

Speaker 69 You've played a lot of villains.

Speaker 121 I thought you said you prostrated yourself really.

Speaker 89 You've prostrated yourself.

Speaker 126 Also true together to do that.

Speaker 89 First of all, is it, I'm sure you get asked about being cast.

Speaker 61 You've played

Speaker 19 great villains and great heroes, but you're known as someone who's a great villain.

Speaker 63 It's a part of you.

Speaker 27 It's a part of you.

Speaker 121 What it is, I've been in about 200 things, at least eight of them quite good, and a couple of them have been very high profile.

Speaker 121 So the Harry Potter things and The Patriot, which is on every July the 4th here for some reason, people think it's a Ken Burns documentary.

Speaker 27 And

Speaker 121 no, I'm not kidding. I swear to God, often basically people come out and they go, I've got to tell you, man, I love The Patriot.

Speaker 121 And my fourth grade history teacher showed us a movie, and I go, and then they told you what really happened. What do you mean?

Speaker 120 I go, that's not a...

Speaker 121 Harry Potter is more historically accurate than The Patriot, and they don't quite get that but those so a couple of the villains I've done have been very very high profile and so I'm thought of as villainous but you know I'm happy to be thought of as employed that's that's fine by me does it does it um what was that noise

Speaker 97 now

Speaker 121 being sort of known as someone who's a great villain did that affect your personality In my life, well, my wife is somewhere in the audience, and she will tell you.

Speaker 121 Sometimes I go, oh, Donnie, Pastor Salt.

Speaker 120 She goes, that's a really horrible thing to say.

Speaker 121 And I go,

Speaker 120 why? She goes, you really, you fade on like the food.

Speaker 121 I go, no, it's just that when I face somebody, obviously my default voice, I have a resting cunt face. That's what it is.

Speaker 126 Resting villain face.

Speaker 74 Resting villain face.

Speaker 87 That's a much better word in America. You're right.
Sorry.

Speaker 2 No, you can say whatever you want now.

Speaker 53 Actually, you could say more than ever.

Speaker 68 Now, we're going to play a game.

Speaker 3 And the game is called, Was I In This?

Speaker 80 Oops, All Villain Edition.

Speaker 15 Why am I in that?

Speaker 123 What are these? What are they pixelated?

Speaker 42 Because they're part of the, they're going to be quick.

Speaker 114 Perhaps.

Speaker 121 I thought it was just a shame to be seamless. Okay, fine.

Speaker 87 I will ask.

Speaker 100 Bill's going to. Those are your questions.

Speaker 116 Bill's going to be out there.

Speaker 12 Jason, I will ask you, the audience, whether Jason played a particular, particularly iconic on-screen Scienceopath.

Speaker 45 You tell us yes or no.

Speaker 2 Bonus points if you remember if he had long hair in the role, because he almost certainly did.

Speaker 114 Was it a wig or no?

Speaker 121 It's more. Never mind, Villa, no wig or no wig.
That's what you want to ask.

Speaker 27 Wig or no wig.

Speaker 5 Oh, let's find out.

Speaker 121 I actually had to wear a chest wig once.

Speaker 114 Oh, really?

Speaker 121 The bald director, he said,

Speaker 121 he's a Welsh guy, and he said, you know, you want a chest wig. He's not going to be manly.
Women love rudding their fingers, so you're, you know, your chest air.

Speaker 123 And I went, that's because you're bald, you idiot.

Speaker 38 But anyway, I did wear it because it was a big job for me.

Speaker 58 A chest wig.

Speaker 121 Yeah, it looked like a placenta. It was not good.

Speaker 27 It was not really good. It did.

Speaker 29 It's exactly what it looked like.

Speaker 38 It's not even funny. Yeah.

Speaker 96 And you were in a spacesuit, so it didn't really make sense.

Speaker 91 No, no.

Speaker 49 Just for the character.

Speaker 57 All right, did somebody want to play?

Speaker 38 Oh, hi. Hi.
Hi. What's your name?

Speaker 57 Sam. Hi, Sam.

Speaker 89 I'll start.

Speaker 24 Jason played a mad scientist who kidnapped and studied people who had near-death experiences on the unjustly canceled Netflix original, the OA.

Speaker 35 Yep. Hell yeah.

Speaker 29 That is true.

Speaker 34 He played

Speaker 3 all who it's just hat Percy.

Speaker 121 He's not a mad scientist because he's right. He was curing death.
They can jump dimensions in it. And if he'd cured death, no one would care about the five people in the basement.

Speaker 121 I'm just going to say it. So

Speaker 12 First of all, I love that because it's a beautiful part of a great villain performance that a villain believes himself to be the hero, which you seem to have internalized in somebody's frightening way.

Speaker 121 Somebody comes along and goes, I cured cancer.

Speaker 38 You go, wow, I don't care how you did it.

Speaker 121 You cured cancer. This guy's going to cure death for all of mankind for the future.

Speaker 114 So five people had a bit of a shitty time for a while. Yeah, no.

Speaker 57 And look, I just think, look, let's not play out how that's been used to justify other things.

Speaker 15 But wait.

Speaker 50 Now, yes, sure.

Speaker 46 He does in the show The OA, which none of you watch because you're, you know, you want to live in this horrible world where we don't get a third season of the OA.

Speaker 121 I was with the director just yesterday. No, no, no one's commissioned it, but we talk all the time, me and Brittan Zell, about what we might do.

Speaker 38 Yeah. I'm in.

Speaker 62 Yeah. Okay, fine.

Speaker 12 The OA was great. It was great.

Speaker 1 Anyone who watched the OA understands, and the less of you never clicked play on it.

Speaker 76 Because you're a bunch of sheep.

Speaker 18 Just buying sheep, clicking on, I don't know, I think this is a cake.

Speaker 72 What if it's a cake you're clicking on?

Speaker 73 Instead of, he's making art.

Speaker 3 He's making art in a basement.

Speaker 74 It is actually beautiful. It is actually beautiful.
It's beautiful.

Speaker 114 It is beautiful, sir.

Speaker 47 It's beautiful.

Speaker 18 And you're like, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I think the ladies are fighting in Salt Lake.

Speaker 38 Now, all right, I've got one. Okay.

Speaker 62 Oh, no, we can keep talking about the AAA.

Speaker 38 Boy, I've got one.

Speaker 121 I played spaceship designer Dr. William Weir, who succumbed to space madness in Paul W.
Sanderson's haunting event horizon.

Speaker 67 Raise your hand.

Speaker 1 That person, he's almost at it.

Speaker 32 Right there in front of you.

Speaker 121 I think he's picking his nose. Hold on.

Speaker 114 Go back.

Speaker 121 Can I go to the toilet?

Speaker 29 No, you answered the question.

Speaker 119 No.

Speaker 67 What's your answer? No.

Speaker 66 That is correct.

Speaker 82 That is correct.

Speaker 121 That part was played by the fabulous Sam Neal.

Speaker 131 I played DJ, who was a doctor.

Speaker 5 That movie, first of all, Event Horizon is on the list of movies I saw.

Speaker 61 I was a little too young. You are.

Speaker 126 It really fucks me up.

Speaker 17 She fucks me up in that movie.

Speaker 67 That movie's fucked up.

Speaker 105 Shame on you. I know, no, no, I agree.

Speaker 38 I agree.

Speaker 121 I mean, I blame the parents, frankly, but still.

Speaker 69 Yeah, where were they?

Speaker 114 Yeah, but my parents, nowhere.

Speaker 29 Your parents, I'm talking about.

Speaker 67 How dare you impugn my parents?

Speaker 43 My parents.

Speaker 68 You're blaming your own parents.

Speaker 36 Why are you bringing my poor parents into this?

Speaker 121 I'd say kids watch the Patriot. I watched The Patriot when I was eight years old, and I go, what the fuck? I'm calling social services.
It's wrong.

Speaker 89 The Patriot is very funny because

Speaker 121 very funny. Which version did you watch?

Speaker 65 What's funny about it is

Speaker 58 Mel Gibson turns the British into such villains.

Speaker 69 You are the villain's villain in that movie.

Speaker 128 I see a question of perspective.

Speaker 121 Where do you stand on child killing?

Speaker 121 I know who you say.

Speaker 47 That's true. That's true.

Speaker 69 Hey, what was the OA about, do you think?

Speaker 121 About 12 hours.

Speaker 130 Two seasons altogether, you know.

Speaker 3 Next up,

Speaker 3 Jason played one of the Knights of Walpergus in the Harry Potter universe.

Speaker 33 Wow.

Speaker 3 Fourth row.

Speaker 92 You say...

Speaker 70 I said no.

Speaker 32 Well,

Speaker 121 you've not read the Harry Potter books in great detail because Lucius Malfoy was, in fact, one of the Knights of Walpergis, the original group name for the Death Eaters.

Speaker 127 But I'm objecting to call him a villain.

Speaker 121 He's just a guy trying to make Hogwarts great again.

Speaker 110 That's all.

Speaker 64 Nice.

Speaker 84 It is amazing to me.

Speaker 3 It is amazing to me the lack of self-awareness that Harry Potter fans have moving through the world.

Speaker 12 Every other person who loves something as a kid knows that they loved it as a kid, and that is wonderful, but that doesn't mean that it is not.

Speaker 93 Oh,

Speaker 67 I'm walking.

Speaker 47 I can feel the buzzsaw approaching my eye.

Speaker 43 Moving on.

Speaker 74 That's a wig, though, isn't it?

Speaker 121 I can't tell you, I went live on a talk show in Britain late night when we did the second or third one. And Jonathan Ross, who's a famous British talk show host, said,

Speaker 121 let's talk about the wig. Let's talk about the hair.
It looks fabulous. And I said, well, you know, we style it differently every time.

Speaker 121 And I said on live TV, this time we tried to make it look like Madame Gaga. And he went, I think you mean Lady Gaga.

Speaker 121 And I thought of so many good answers in the fucking car on the way home, but that moment I just went bright purple and swallowed my tongue. Madame Gaga.
Madame Gaga.

Speaker 121 I'm so cool and down with the kids, aren't I?

Speaker 61 I don't know.

Speaker 111 I think you could pull off calling her Madame Gaga.

Speaker 22 Very, very charming and British.

Speaker 47 I think you can get away with it.

Speaker 127 Okay, it's me. I play the New York businessman

Speaker 121 who learns a terrifying eel-related secret at a mountain sanatorium in a cure for wellness. That is a creepy film.
Seen that?

Speaker 5 No, I haven't seen that one, in fact.

Speaker 121 Yeah, you and no one else.

Speaker 105 Sam saw it. I did.

Speaker 132 I'm like weirdly your biggest fan here.

Speaker 94 Yes, you did.

Speaker 127 No. No, no, I did not.

Speaker 43 These are in it. I played Dr.

Speaker 121 Varma who ran the sanatorium and forced eels down people and desiccated them all.

Speaker 74 But can I tell you this?

Speaker 18 So we shot in the most haunted building in Europe.

Speaker 43 Oh look, there he is.

Speaker 121 And then I raped my daughter and I cloned her and it was all about it. Anyway,

Speaker 121 but we shot in the most haunted place in Europe. It's this compound of buildings where Hitler recovered after the First World War.
And then that's where the Nazis were sent.

Speaker 121 And then when the Russians took it over, they used it as a sanatorium for their political distance and they lobotomized them all.

Speaker 121 And it's a place where there's been lots of serial killings, I was told, and all the buildings were haunted apart from when we renovated. So I kept my eyes down.

Speaker 121 I'm terrified of ghosts, so I didn't want to see ever a silhouette at the window. But all these ghost hunters came all the time.

Speaker 63 And I looked it up. I thought, is this true?

Speaker 121 And I look up, and there was a serial killing, many of them, but one quite recently in these buildings. And it was a photographer killed a bunch of models on a shoot.
And I looked it up further, and

Speaker 121 he was shooting for a fetish magazine, and he'd killed them with a frying pan.

Speaker 120 And I wanted to know, was it at lunchtime or was the frying pan part of the fetish and I never did find out

Speaker 121 if anybody knows I'd love to find out

Speaker 43 sorry

Speaker 98 we went down a dark colour

Speaker 72 sorry all right next up Jason played an arson happy British colonial soldier in 2000s the Patriot We've already covered this, so you know the answer is yes.

Speaker 26 So I want to talk about the Patriot.

Speaker 116 Okay.

Speaker 121 I took it to Killome L. I did my best.

Speaker 74 Now I like him.

Speaker 114 He's a simple joke.

Speaker 121 You know, you'd still be ruled from England. Wouldn't be such a terrible thing now, would it?

Speaker 121 I mean, it didn't look good for a while, but

Speaker 73 honestly,

Speaker 123 God, it's close. It's close.

Speaker 128 I still pick this.

Speaker 128 I still pick this. 49.
I choose this.

Speaker 50 I choose this.

Speaker 56 Yes, we're going to be run by the dumbest ones of ours.

Speaker 2 But we picked them.

Speaker 2 We elected them fair and square this time.

Speaker 3 And that's good.

Speaker 99 That's the way you do it.

Speaker 87 So I am.

Speaker 39 Not your hot dog-fingered monarch.

Speaker 27 Guys, welcome.

Speaker 82 Talk about the queen like that.

Speaker 27 So we go.

Speaker 62 Do we have an image of...

Speaker 125 Jason and the Patriot?

Speaker 33 Oh, come on.

Speaker 61 Come on.

Speaker 74 So can I tell you about that photograph?

Speaker 114 Because I love a wig.

Speaker 121 So, it's tied up every single day. And I said to Roland, the director, I went, Roland, when they put this wig on the morning, fully tied up.
Looks pretty cool when it's down.

Speaker 114 And he went, yeah,

Speaker 121 we should do something. And all the other people went, no, no, no, they're British officers.
It's tied up. He went, shut up, let me see it.

Speaker 121 And he came on the trail and he went, yeah, we do a scene with it down, sure.

Speaker 114 And so we went, well, why would he have his hair down?

Speaker 121 They went, he was washing his hair in a stream. They went, no, it's a little bit Timite.

Speaker 121 He's shaving. So the whole scene happened just because when they put it on the morning, I went, I want to have long rock style hair.

Speaker 87 So there's a whole scene where I killed her.

Speaker 38 Very memorable.

Speaker 67 It's a very memorable scene.

Speaker 121 And it was all about the wig. It's only about the wig ever, darling.
That's all it is.

Speaker 58 Interesting.

Speaker 38 You want to do one more? Sure.

Speaker 114 I played, I can't say that momentum.

Speaker 126 I played the hottest Star Trek captain, evil category,

Speaker 121 in, that's the whole question, in evil category.

Speaker 87 I was in Star Trek playing someone.

Speaker 38 Wait, I'll come up.

Speaker 18 Oh, we'll go to that person, but this person's freaking out.

Speaker 87 Give me, you got it, you got it. You're in the right spot.

Speaker 133 Okay, so my husband told me this on the way here, that you absolutely did that, and I said I didn't think so, but we're going to go with yes.

Speaker 38 Oh, good. I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 So before you got here, your husband said Jason Isaacs was a captain on Star Trek.

Speaker 109 That's right.

Speaker 133 He texted me to ask Mr. Jason this very question, so I appreciate that it's here.

Speaker 43 And then, okay. Then

Speaker 109 you asked that information. So your husband says, psychic.

Speaker 114 Yes, yes.

Speaker 106 Your husband says he was in Star Trek. You say, I don't think so.

Speaker 88 Then I say, and we have this show where the question, true balls, is, was he that specific fucking thing and you still aren't sure i want

Speaker 133 hey how does your husband have to do to just get up right i want it to be right but how many

Speaker 133 yeah no i'm gonna give sean this one because he told me this on the way here so well done yeah

Speaker 121 i'll tell you one thing about star trek so the future is very diverse but not in terms of weight we all wore these unbelievably tight kind of super mega spanks things underneath our costumes and And if you remember, Patrick Stewart very had the Picard had this famous thing where he pulled his jacket down, the Picard maneuver.

Speaker 121 They didn't want us to do that, so they zipped the jackets to the pants, which is all very well, except when you lift your arms up and you give yourself a very visible front wedgie.

Speaker 121 And suddenly there were camel toes and veggie and potatoes appearing everywhere. And so then we all had to wear these dancer supports so that you couldn't see what gender we were in the future.

Speaker 121 And said, can you keep your arms down?

Speaker 120 I went, no, I can't keep my fucking arms down.

Speaker 115 You're trying to act.

Speaker 87 Yeah, I'm trying to act. You need your arms down.

Speaker 123 Nobody ate anything.

Speaker 121 You couldn't take them off.

Speaker 121 You'd lie there in the morning and be covered in whale blubber to get those clothes on.

Speaker 121 It was like a sausage skin.

Speaker 33 Wow. There we are.

Speaker 121 The troubles in space.

Speaker 121 And Jonathan Freaks, who's Riker, who's one of my friends, a fabulous guy, is a director now and directs lots of Celtic movies.

Speaker 121 He came on one of the first episodes and he went, okay, who's having trouble with their hands? And we went, yeah, he goes, you don't know where to put them. Yeah.
He goes, there's no pockets in space.

Speaker 121 Let me give you a tip. Whoever gets to fold their arms first wins the scene.

Speaker 43 Don't Don't ever put your hands on the hip.

Speaker 120 You can't get them off.

Speaker 3 You're stuck.

Speaker 114 The whole scene mincing around with your hands on your hips.

Speaker 104 Well, I can't say more because I think that I'm technically not supposed to have seen it, but I saw the first episode of White Lotus in an illicit way, which you will get no more details of.

Speaker 22 And it's great.

Speaker 116 And you're great in it.

Speaker 12 I'm very excited for the new season of White Lotus.

Speaker 107 Jason Isaacs, thank you so much for being here.

Speaker 59 This was so fun.

Speaker 82 Thanks so much. It was great.

Speaker 65 Jason, we'll be back for the endgame.

Speaker 67 We come back.

Speaker 27 Andy Richter and Paul Poundstone.

Speaker 27 Hey, don't go anywhere.

Speaker 86 There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

Speaker 135 Hey, Ryan Reynolds here, wishing you a very happy half-off holiday because right now, Mint Mobile is offering you the gift of 50% off unlimited. To be clear, that's half price, not half the service.

Speaker 135 Mint is still premium unlimited wireless for a great price.

Speaker 116 So that means a half day.

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Speaker 137 Upfront payment for $45 for three-month plan, equivalent to $15 per month required. New customer offer for first three months only.
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Speaker 27 See Mintmobile.com.

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Speaker 7 Thank you, Lumen, for sponsoring this episode.

Speaker 7 And we're back.

Speaker 76 Please welcome to the stage

Speaker 38 two legends.

Speaker 17 It's the one and only Andy Richter and the one and only Paul Poundstone.

Speaker 96 Come around.

Speaker 96 Come join us.

Speaker 30 Hi.

Speaker 27 Hi, everybody.

Speaker 30 I love you too. Thank you so much.

Speaker 35 I'm here, too.

Speaker 64 Andy.

Speaker 131 And I'm much needier than her.

Speaker 22 Hey, come on. You're both pretty needy people.

Speaker 43 I was going to say, come on.

Speaker 123 Right up here, there's enough need to power a small city.

Speaker 26 Yeah.

Speaker 37 Just all that's wafting off this stage is need and sexual charisma.

Speaker 131 Yeah.

Speaker 131 Smells like Fritos.

Speaker 47 So yeah,

Speaker 91 it's a flowery

Speaker 136 corn.

Speaker 129 Hi, Paula. Hey, how are you?

Speaker 30 Good to see you.

Speaker 30 You look fantastic.

Speaker 128 Oh, thanks.

Speaker 30 You know, a little sweaty. You look a little sweaty.

Speaker 131 I would have said dewy.

Speaker 35 You think I said dewy? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 30 Is it because we were working so hard? Is that what it was? You were like

Speaker 30 telling your jokes and.

Speaker 65 Yeah, I mean, sure, that's part of it. Yeah.
I'm sure that's part of it.

Speaker 88 I don't know why.

Speaker 132 I didn't know that.

Speaker 30 Because you're drinking liquid death. That doesn't sound like a good idea.

Speaker 30 You're the kind of person that would then check your metabolism.

Speaker 68 You think?

Speaker 116 Yeah. You think?

Speaker 67 Yeah. You think I check my metabolism?

Speaker 30 Yeah. I think you're the kind of person that would, you know, pay attention to that sort of thing.
Meanwhile, you drink shit called liquid death.

Speaker 12 But I think there's a compliment inside of there, which is, do I look healthy to you?

Speaker 40 In some sense, that I'm measuring things?

Speaker 30 No, that's not how I meant it.

Speaker 30 No, I meant.

Speaker 131 I think she means you're a crazy contradiction.

Speaker 30 Yeah, something like that.

Speaker 131 You're about wellness, but then not.

Speaker 30 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're, yeah.
No, it's just that, you know, the kind of person that would be concerned about their health, but then drink something with such a spot-on name.

Speaker 30 Do you see what I'm saying?

Speaker 48 It's just water.

Speaker 57 It's just water.

Speaker 52 Andy and Paula, there's so much news this week.

Speaker 27 Oh, boy, is there.

Speaker 132 Is there? Yeah.

Speaker 115 And every subsequent week until the concept of weeks no longer exists, which may happen by mid-March.

Speaker 30 Are they getting rid of weeks? Is that what they're going to do? They're going to get, they're going to, yeah.

Speaker 114 Weeks went woke.

Speaker 131 Yeah. Yeah.
Weeks are nine days now.

Speaker 30 Yeah, they're going to get rid of weeks.

Speaker 30 They're going to get rid of calendars will only be, they're no longer going to have actual days.

Speaker 30 Every, it's just pictures of Trump.

Speaker 30 That's all calendars can be anymore. With maybe one Melania just to keep her off his back.

Speaker 116 Yeah.

Speaker 30 You know this whole fucking thing? Do you know if, okay, if Vogue had just put Melania on one goddamn cover, we wouldn't be where we are right now.

Speaker 87 You really think it was that?

Speaker 107 Was that easy?

Speaker 30 I think that was a big part of it.

Speaker 94 Yeah.

Speaker 30 She just wanted to be on the cover. He would say something about it every so often.
It really offended the whole family that.

Speaker 111 Well, look, I've often said Vogue is responsible for most of the world's problems, and

Speaker 53 fine to add one more to the list.

Speaker 94 I don't think that's a reach.

Speaker 116 I don't think it's a reach.

Speaker 30 Okay, so why are you sweaty? Because you were.

Speaker 30 Were you sitting at that

Speaker 30 desk earlier?

Speaker 43 So

Speaker 3 I'm not sweaty.

Speaker 34 Which is...

Speaker 30 Because I wasn't watching.

Speaker 30 Is it Jason?

Speaker 30 Did he have like a flower that squirted water or something?

Speaker 30 Because I listened a little bit, but I wasn't watching. So if that had happened.

Speaker 50 So, no, so you're.

Speaker 12 So you're basically, you're looking at this and you're saying there's two possibilities.

Speaker 1 Either he's out here working too hard or Jason Isaacs, dressed as some kind of 1970s-era clown.

Speaker 25 Yes.

Speaker 47 Asked me to smell his flower, and me thinking this is just a beautiful lapel, just a beautiful corsage or whatever.

Speaker 27 They're here.

Speaker 14 I leaned in, none the wiser, a fool, a perfect fool.

Speaker 107 And boom, Jason Isaacs squeezes the little

Speaker 3 balloon in his pocket, and boom, I'm hit in the face with a bunch of water.

Speaker 12 And it's kind of smooth, and it left a kind of dewy and sweaty impression.

Speaker 30 That's what I thought could have happened.

Speaker 30 And it's funny that you go back to like a 1930s clown. Is that what you're saying?

Speaker 30 Because I'm thinking we've all gone to look for America.

Speaker 38 Oh.

Speaker 30 Thank you. Simon and Garfunkel.

Speaker 128 Simon and Garfunkel.

Speaker 43 And,

Speaker 30 you know, there was a squirting flower.

Speaker 38 Was there?

Speaker 131 There was a camera, like something about

Speaker 62 it.

Speaker 131 Yeah.

Speaker 132 Was it a camera?

Speaker 131 Something has a camera or something.

Speaker 94 Oh, my God.

Speaker 48 You know what?

Speaker 30 I'll tell you something. I was this close to being like the Heather Cox Richardson of the show.

Speaker 30 And then my history is that far off.

Speaker 126 I feel like such an idiot right now.

Speaker 116 You know what?

Speaker 30 But I'm a dry idiot.

Speaker 43 Why are you so sweaty? I'm not.

Speaker 30 He's not sweaty.

Speaker 132 He's just a little shiny.

Speaker 34 Just a little shiny. He's just shiny.

Speaker 132 He's moist out.

Speaker 131 It's humid.

Speaker 27 It is wet out. Yeah.

Speaker 30 I just wondered if the audience was more challenging tonight. You know, if you were like just up here working and working and just, you know,

Speaker 30 sometimes when I'm in a theater, they'll, you know, I ask them to put

Speaker 30 a stool on stage for me to sit down. And they'll put like a towel on it as well.

Speaker 30 And I always feel so bad. Like, and I'll say to the audience, you know, I'm going to do my very best tonight.

Speaker 30 But the odds of me sweating enough that I'll need to towel off are very, very slim.

Speaker 128 Andy, do you often find that you get wet enough to need a towel on stage?

Speaker 131 I am good at sweating.

Speaker 131 Yeah, and I have felt dewy all day. It's been moist out today.
And you wear the raincoat, which doesn't really breathe, and then you take it off.

Speaker 34 You wear a raincoat?

Speaker 131 Yeah, when it's raining outside.

Speaker 38 Some of us leave our houses. No.

Speaker 30 I walked my dog today, but I didn't wear a raincoat.

Speaker 116 I wore a row.

Speaker 43 It wasn't like coming down.

Speaker 30 It wasn't like, you know, like diagonally through. It was a little bit pumpy and misty.

Speaker 69 Did you forget your robe and judge's gavel before coming out here?

Speaker 139 Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ.

Speaker 36 Want to come out here and have their hat and be judged by Paula Poundstone?

Speaker 30 You know what?

Speaker 131 Yeah, and especially like on such solid ground as on a rainy day, you wore a raincoat?

Speaker 132 Are you mad, sir?

Speaker 30 Did Did you have an umbrella as well?

Speaker 116 No.

Speaker 131 I had a lot of things to do today. I was all over town.
Who knows when the rain's coming and going? I wore a raincoat, and I will not apologize for it.

Speaker 115 Which is why it's time for a segment we call.

Speaker 30 Why is John so moist?

Speaker 30 That could be a new regular segment. Go ahead.

Speaker 80 So I'm going to quiz Andy and Paula on the week's news.

Speaker 108 We didn't have time to cover the monologue because there's too much fucking happening in a segment we're calling That's That News Depresso.

Speaker 38 Oh, look at us. Look at you.

Speaker 3 Look at us up there.

Speaker 131 You look bone dry in that picture.

Speaker 78 Yeah, you should. I'm sure.
I'm sure.

Speaker 25 I need, you know.

Speaker 30 Wow, that's that news.

Speaker 114 Are you both ready? Yeah.

Speaker 131 Yes. Oh, born ready.

Speaker 129 I don't have a raincoat, but.

Speaker 125 Well, we're in sun.

Speaker 11 Just

Speaker 30 I'm not prepared for all weather, but yeah, except the fucking scarf.

Speaker 38 What?

Speaker 47 Oh, it's really fucking freezing out.

Speaker 119 Yeah. Get her, Andy.
I get it. Yeah.

Speaker 43 I am cold.

Speaker 116 You're cold.

Speaker 94 I am cold.

Speaker 132 Oh, roast this bitch.

Speaker 34 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 42 You're cold or are you just Charlton Heston?

Speaker 27 Boom, boom, Andy Rigder.

Speaker 30 What is that thing that he wore?

Speaker 43 A cravat.

Speaker 129 Thank you a cravat.

Speaker 62 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 30 Yeah. No, no, it's that I was cold.

Speaker 43 Oh, it was cold.

Speaker 30 Are those going to be the kind of questions you were answering? So, are you cold or are you charging?

Speaker 131 You reacted to the environment by changing your wardrobe.

Speaker 82 You fucking asshole.

Speaker 82 What a Mora.

Speaker 48 I just...

Speaker 30 I did it. Was it raining harder than I realized?

Speaker 69 Hey, Paula, it'd be fine to rain coat, wear a raincoat, even if it wasn't raining harder than you personally realized.

Speaker 111 Right.

Speaker 95 It's an acceptable thing to wear at the slightest fucking drizzle.

Speaker 11 Right.

Speaker 9 It's a raincoat.

Speaker 50 You don't go to jail for wearing it if it's not even raining.

Speaker 38 Also, it's just on the market.

Speaker 131 You might not have my fucking money's worth.

Speaker 38 Yeah.

Speaker 30 You know, here's what I'm getting from our whole interaction.

Speaker 30 We're all on edge.

Speaker 48 All right.

Speaker 59 Paula first question is to you.

Speaker 22 After President Trump announced that he'll be attending this week's Super Bowl in New Orleans, the NFL announced it would remove what phrase from the end zone?

Speaker 30 What phrase from the end zone? Yeah. I didn't know there was a phrase.
Like written in the end zone?

Speaker 5 Yes, written in the end zone. I think Andy knows.

Speaker 129 Andy, go ahead.

Speaker 131 End racism.

Speaker 96 That's correct.

Speaker 115 The phrase is on the Super Bowl field since 2020.

Speaker 40 It will be replaced by the phrases, choose love, and it takes all of us to do what?

Speaker 111 Not end racism.

Speaker 27 End racism. Wow.
I didn't even know that.

Speaker 131 I think the point is racism's over.

Speaker 131 It's evident. It's over.

Speaker 38 It's resolved.

Speaker 131 Oh, yeah, yeah. That's the whole,

Speaker 27 you know.

Speaker 131 You know, of course I don't believe that, folks.

Speaker 131 No, it's crazy. You know, yeah, you just say it's right on the end zone.
And

Speaker 131 I think it was on helmets for a while, too.

Speaker 35 Really? Yeah, end racism.

Speaker 30 I had no idea.

Speaker 123 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 110 It's a good suggestion, honestly.

Speaker 131 You know, just on a to-do list that you just cut a floating one that you keep going.

Speaker 83 Andy stole that one, so I'm going to go back to you, Paula.

Speaker 72 After the white supremacist group, the Proud Boys, defaulted on a $2.8 million settlement against them, a judge awarded the Metropolitan African Methodist Episcopal Church of Washington, D.C., the trademark to what?

Speaker 30 The name the Proud Boys.

Speaker 94 That's correct. Yeah.

Speaker 110 I don't know why they'd want it, but. Wow.

Speaker 75 Now they can give it to the onion or something.

Speaker 46 Andy, which one of these was not an action taken taken by Google this week?

Speaker 104 Was it A, abandon their diversity hiring goals?

Speaker 11 B, remove their 2018 pledge not to use AI in the development of weapons surveillance or any technologies that cause or are likely to cause overall harm?

Speaker 46 C, give Elon Musk an honorary non-voting seat on their board, or D, all of the above.

Speaker 110 Oh, boy.

Speaker 131 Well, I know it's the first one, but the other two I'm not sure of.

Speaker 131 Because the news is too painful to really focus on it these days.

Speaker 30 How was the question phrased? Was it which thing did they not?

Speaker 131 Which did happen.

Speaker 93 Which didn't happen.

Speaker 34 Didn't happen.

Speaker 110 Oh, didn't happen.

Speaker 131 Oh, golly.

Speaker 131 I think the Elon Musk thing.

Speaker 53 That's correct. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 77 They did not give Elon Musk an on-right board, Steve.

Speaker 131 Good thing you clarified because I was going the wrong way.

Speaker 126 Yeah, I saw that.

Speaker 131 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 This is from

Speaker 131 the raincoat. The raincoat blocks my vision.
The visor.

Speaker 132 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 30 The Grotten's fish sticks hat came down over your eyes.

Speaker 24 When you see someone wear sunglasses at night, you must just shit a brick.

Speaker 104 This is from the memo announcing the end of Google's DEI goals written by the chief people officer of Google's parent company, Alphabet, as reported by Reuters.

Speaker 45 Here's the quote.

Speaker 100 In 2020, we said aspirational hiring goals focused and focused on growing our offices outside California and New York to improve representation.

Speaker 62 But in the future, we will no longer have aspirational goals.

Speaker 43 Tough quote. Tough quote.

Speaker 51 Paul, over to you.

Speaker 67 According to a study conducted by researchers at the University of Richmond and published last week in Science Advances, rising temperatures associated with climate change reportedly caused an explosion of what in cities?

Speaker 30 An explosion of what in cities? Heat,

Speaker 30 explosion of, I don't know, pigeons.

Speaker 57 So close. So close.
So close. Rats.

Speaker 64 Rat births.

Speaker 44 Rising temperatures and increasingly dense urban populations seem to boost rat populations.

Speaker 131 Yeah. So it's not all bad news.

Speaker 65 So it's not all bad news.

Speaker 110 No.

Speaker 131 Yeah.

Speaker 30 No, but the prices are going up for a lot of those rats.

Speaker 129 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 34 You know, that eggs

Speaker 38 through the roof.

Speaker 30 Yeah, this is a kitchen table issue for a lot of rat families.

Speaker 131 The garbage. I can't afford garbage anymore.

Speaker 34 Yeah.

Speaker 74 Sitting at their little spools.

Speaker 123 It's a kitchen spool issue for the rats.

Speaker 129 Their cute little homes.

Speaker 26 Yeah,

Speaker 91 they're gross.

Speaker 57 Andy, as reported by the Washington Post, which of the following words was not a word reportedly flagged to the National Science Foundation by the Trump administration to trigger a review if present in an active science research project?

Speaker 66 Was it A, historically, B, disability, C, woman, or were all of those words on the list?

Speaker 29 I'm going to say all of them.

Speaker 27 They were.

Speaker 64 They were all on the list

Speaker 64 of suspicions.

Speaker 131 Historically, I mean, the other two are like, of course, those dumb-dums did that. But historically, it's it's just, that's just stupid.
But, okay, yeah, they probably, yeah.

Speaker 86 Because history

Speaker 131 is problematic.

Speaker 43 I just know.

Speaker 2 I just would like,

Speaker 54 if you're studying anything,

Speaker 74 it's probably

Speaker 55 in the past.

Speaker 136 Yes.

Speaker 42 Because it is very difficult to conduct research in the future.

Speaker 87 Right.

Speaker 42 And the present is infinitely short.

Speaker 86 Yep.

Speaker 30 Do you think there's going to come a time?

Speaker 30 Like, I think like kids in school now

Speaker 30 Like history is so much longer than it was when we were in school

Speaker 38 It is

Speaker 30 don't you think there's gonna come a time where you just okay, we're gonna turn over all the cards

Speaker 30 don't maybe they're right. Maybe they're right not to want to gather history and study history anymore.

Speaker 123 You mean like clean and slate?

Speaker 132 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 30 It's just too fucking money.

Speaker 131 My presidency is day one. Yeah, like

Speaker 66 like we're renewing our vows.

Speaker 110 Yeah.

Speaker 76 You know, fresh start.

Speaker 30 Yeah, sort of like that. Yeah.

Speaker 19 Paula, since April, H5N1 has killed millions of hens, driven up egg prices, reduced milk output, and killed 70 people nationwide.

Speaker 72 This week, cattle in Nevada were diagnosed with yet another concerning illness, an illness never before seen in cattle.

Speaker 90 What was that illness?

Speaker 30 I believe it was bird flu.

Speaker 89 It was.

Speaker 50 It was a second strain of bird flu.

Speaker 59 A second bird flu has hit the cows.

Speaker 59 Oh my god.

Speaker 89 I'm sorry.

Speaker 30 Just skip breakfast. That's what I say.

Speaker 30 I don't understand the whole egg thing.

Speaker 39 You mean just enjoying them?

Speaker 30 I don't eat eggs anymore. I stopped eating eggs a while ago.

Speaker 30 Just because I don't want to bother chickens.

Speaker 131 They're not bothered. They leave them behind.

Speaker 131 They get rid of it, and then they're like, I'm done with that, and I'm on my way, you know?

Speaker 30 No, but they're not on their way very far.

Speaker 30 They're in captivity.

Speaker 131 If you pay more money for the chickens,

Speaker 131 ideally, they're

Speaker 47 get a little bit away from them.

Speaker 11 Do you eat chicken?

Speaker 30 No.

Speaker 30 I try not to eat anything that word alive would rather I didn't.

Speaker 55 Right. That's an interesting question.

Speaker 72 I think that's philosophical.

Speaker 30 Do I not eat first, the chicken or the egg?

Speaker 30 I think I heard heard on the radio coming in, by the way, it's a great location here.

Speaker 50 This is the part of the show where you talk about how you happen to be. You know what?

Speaker 48 I want to see

Speaker 30 if you could get some sort of a theater in California. That's all I'm saying.

Speaker 62 Paula.

Speaker 123 Why do you live like this? I just want to be clear.

Speaker 50 You don't eat eggs, so you don't understand how anyone eats eggs.

Speaker 30 You don't live like... No, no, no.
That's not what I mean. I can see how you interpret it that way.
That's not what I mean.

Speaker 30 No, the location thing, I'm right on. But the eggs.

Speaker 30 No, but no, the eggs. No, what I don't understand is why, if eggs are so expensive, don't people just stop eating eggs? That's what I don't understand.

Speaker 57 Just don't eat them. Well, they're in a lot of stuff.

Speaker 126 Yeah.

Speaker 131 And they're also wonderful.

Speaker 116 And they're right.

Speaker 129 Yeah, boy.

Speaker 132 Somebody's working for the old egg lobby, aren't they?

Speaker 131 I just believe in hope and potential

Speaker 86 as a symbol of such.

Speaker 126 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 132 I love eggs.

Speaker 127 Eggs are great. Yeah.

Speaker 30 I recognize you now. You're that guy from the commercial, the guy in the raincoat with the egg in his hand.

Speaker 34 Yeah.

Speaker 27 Right, right, right.

Speaker 132 That's right.

Speaker 43 Wonderful egg.

Speaker 131 The egg perv. That's my character name.

Speaker 123 Sneaking in.

Speaker 131 Yeah, yeah. You'll never guess where this has been.

Speaker 132 Paz.

Speaker 100 I can't believe this is.

Speaker 131 In the chicken. That's

Speaker 131 the punchline.

Speaker 100 It was actually so true.

Speaker 2 A lot of people thought the egg council wouldn't go for that character oh but they but they they were pretty cool people they really did they were edgy they were

Speaker 131 not paying me for it which is i find odd and i've got my lawyer on it but i'm still doing them i'm still doing those ads yeah well you know what it's it's where your heart is it sure is andy the question is to you yeah and finally just weeks out of office former president joe biden signed an important new deal what was that deal oh he signed uh with an agency was it uta no c aa yep c aa sign ca here we have a clip from trump with Trump responding.

Speaker 71 You got to be kidding.

Speaker 71 He signed on with the talent agency? I think he's got bigger problems than that. I really do.
I think he's got much bigger problems than that, but I wish him well.

Speaker 131 Oh, yeah. Well, why is signing on with CAA a problem?

Speaker 3 I don't think it's a problem.

Speaker 113 I do think the moment seems a little

Speaker 54 dissonant as we slowly descend into fascism.

Speaker 43 You know what?

Speaker 80 And he's like, come again, the talkie game.

Speaker 131 It's not the best call, you know.

Speaker 30 I think it's fine. He did, you know what? He worked his ass off.

Speaker 30 He did what he could.

Speaker 30 And why should he have to? I think it's fine.

Speaker 27 Yeah.

Speaker 131 Why not get a reality show?

Speaker 61 Yeah.

Speaker 87 The Real Housewives of Rehoboth.

Speaker 30 Yeah, I don't know why he shouldn't. You know, people do speaking.

Speaker 131 Well, I know, but I mean, but he could have waited a little. Well, I guess the clock is ticking.

Speaker 131 But no, but it does seem a little undignified.

Speaker 131 Why?

Speaker 30 They all do speaky things.

Speaker 66 This is where you're not judging.

Speaker 134 What an experience it's been. Andy puts on a raincoat.

Speaker 125 You can't make sense of it.

Speaker 13 Joe Biden signs with CAA, and you're like, checks out.

Speaker 34 I just think it's fine.

Speaker 30 So he gets paid to go make speeches.

Speaker 30 You know, I think that's fine.

Speaker 30 Are you deciding not to ask a lot of these questions?

Speaker 95 Well,

Speaker 19 I've actually gotten through a lot of them, but I was trying to think of one question to end this segment on, and here's my question. What is your favorite Super Bowl snack, Paula?

Speaker 43 Um, I don't watch the Super Bowl.

Speaker 69 But if you were, what would be your favorite snack during it?

Speaker 64 Uh, um, okay.

Speaker 30 Uh, ooh, probably

Speaker 30 uh, Ruffles potato chips.

Speaker 111 Okay, like the ruffles, like the ridges.

Speaker 47 Andy, what's your favorite Super Bowl snack?

Speaker 131 Nachos.

Speaker 91 Yeah, the best.

Speaker 131 Oh, nachos. I could live on them.

Speaker 27 I mean, I wouldn't live long on them, but I could live on them.

Speaker 5 Hey, here for a good time, not a long time.

Speaker 91 Yeah, that's right. I like nachos.

Speaker 65 Thank you so much, Paula and Andy.

Speaker 40 Paula is at the Alex Theater on February 8th, and you can stream Nobody Listens to Paul Poundstone and the three questions with Andy Richter wherever you get your podcast.

Speaker 52 Plus, the Andy Richter Collins shows every Wednesday on Sirius XM at one o'clock.

Speaker 57 We did it together. I joined you.

Speaker 89 It was such a blast.

Speaker 131 It was a guest host, and it was a blast.

Speaker 93 We had such a good time.

Speaker 1 When we come back, we're more than just a petty face.

Speaker 27 Hey, don't go anywhere.

Speaker 86 There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

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Speaker 135 Hey, Ryan Reynolds here, wishing you a very happy half-off holiday because right now Mint Mobile is offering you the gift of 50% off unlimited. To be clear, that's half price, not half the service.

Speaker 135 Mint is still premium unlimited wireless for a great price.

Speaker 30 So that means a half day.

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Speaker 137 Upfront payment of $45 for three-month plan, equivalent to $15 per month required. New customer offer for first three months only.
Speed slow at your 55 device. If networks busy, taxes and fees extra.

Speaker 94 See Mintmobile.com.

Speaker 94 And we're back.

Speaker 65 And come see us next week.

Speaker 68 We'll be at the launch room.

Speaker 52 You can get tickets at crooked.com/slash events. Thomas Lennon will be there with some other great guests coming.

Speaker 12 Also, Crooked Media Reads is publishing Woodworking, the fantastic debut novel from Yellow Jackets writer and culture critic Emily St.

Speaker 50 James out March 4th.

Speaker 77 It's a fantastic novel.

Speaker 68 You can pre-order woodworking wherever you like to get books.

Speaker 41 And if you're in LA, join me and Emily for a conversation and book signing at Skylight Books on Friday, March 7th, crooked.com slash books.

Speaker 40 And please welcome Jason Isaacs back to the stage.

Speaker 3 He's back.

Speaker 126 I brought this.

Speaker 38 You're looking a little shiny on the moment.

Speaker 27 I don't know.

Speaker 119 Oh no. Oh, there he is.

Speaker 97 Hello. Hello.
Hello. Hello.

Speaker 111 I don't care. Just mop it.

Speaker 11 Just mop it down.

Speaker 53 I got it.

Speaker 12 Jason Isaacs, you are a villain.

Speaker 74 You said he was looking a little dewy before, I thought.

Speaker 82 Is that right?

Speaker 123 No, I was insane now. No, I thought he said that.

Speaker 114 That's That's what it sounded like back there.

Speaker 65 No, that's what I heard too, right?

Speaker 100 Andy and Paul were like, that guy looks a little Jewy.

Speaker 121 And I was like, what?

Speaker 1 Yeah, they're like, yeah, you're a sweaty little Jew.

Speaker 93 That was what I heard. Is that crazy?

Speaker 24 Now it's time for a segment we call, Petty is the head that wears the crown.

Speaker 26 Look,

Speaker 56 this is a moment of big complaints.

Speaker 58 and big problems.

Speaker 44 But in this segment, each of us is going to share for one minute a tiny, tiny complaint.

Speaker 58 The goal will be to share the smallest complaint because the pettiest complaint will win.

Speaker 36 We will rank them.

Speaker 87 Okay? Okay.

Speaker 54 And so let's see who has.

Speaker 94 It has a complaint.

Speaker 30 Just in general in life. But whatever you want.

Speaker 2 The smaller, the better.

Speaker 76 First up, Jason.

Speaker 33 Oh.

Speaker 121 There's so many things that bother me.

Speaker 121 So So I'm English. You may or not have noticed that.
But when I'm in America,

Speaker 121 when I order tea, as I do in a restaurant, I go, can you put the bag in the water before it boils? And they go, sure.

Speaker 87 And then they always bring the fucking water with a bag next to it.

Speaker 121 And they go, we have a choice of bags, sir. And I go, I talk to you, to put the water in the bag.
And it makes me want to actually stick a fork in their eye, always.

Speaker 121 Wow. It's a source of tremendous fury for me.
So

Speaker 56 I'm a coffee person.

Speaker 22 It's a coffee country.

Speaker 29 So

Speaker 74 they're a coffee country.

Speaker 100 No,

Speaker 87 it's just a reality.

Speaker 18 I don't know tea culture.

Speaker 121 You need to put the bag in the water when it's hot, not when it's lukewarm and it comes to the table. It's got a steep in the water.

Speaker 90 But wouldn't it? It just never gets as good?

Speaker 126 No, it's not tea.

Speaker 121 It's some kind of urine-colored, I don't know what, dishwater.

Speaker 39 Do you put cream in your tea or milk?

Speaker 121 No, because I'm a vegan. How do you know someone's a vegan? Because they tell you.
And

Speaker 121 you're a vegan?

Speaker 116 That's why. I'm a vegan.

Speaker 27 Paula doesn't eat eggs.

Speaker 116 I know.

Speaker 27 The whole egg debate I heard.

Speaker 123 Fascinating.

Speaker 7 That's right.

Speaker 58 You can make French toast, too.

Speaker 121 Do you ever have French toast? That's all I got. I do.

Speaker 121 I'm just now thinking of the eight million other funnier things I could have said other than teabag, but I'll get them in the car on the way home. Go ahead, come on.

Speaker 123 Suitcases were around forever.

Speaker 80 And somehow, in about 1990, someone went, you know what?

Speaker 114 Let's put two wheels on a suitcase.

Speaker 121 Fucking great. And about 10 years later, someone went, fucking, let's put four wheels on a suitcase.

Speaker 128 What took so long?

Speaker 29 It's a wheel.

Speaker 131 I know.

Speaker 66 Isn't that shocking?

Speaker 128 It's ridiculous.

Speaker 108 When I was a kid, I just remember, it was like, suitcases.

Speaker 104 You got to buy a little crate, a little

Speaker 56 pull thing when you go on a family trip.

Speaker 12 You got to get one of those things because that had wheels on it.

Speaker 74 A porter.

Speaker 83 Yeah, like one of those things.

Speaker 88 And you just traveled with that.

Speaker 52 And then somebody was like, there's a better way.

Speaker 17 But why did it take until the late 90s?

Speaker 121 Why did they put two wheels on? And then sometime later, someone else went, Oh my god,

Speaker 74 let's put a third wheel on.

Speaker 128 And then five years later, someone, you know what, stick a fourth wheel on the other corner, and they'll fucking stand up by themselves.

Speaker 119 I, I, I

Speaker 131 think that has something to do with the wheel finally coming into the public domain.

Speaker 34 Yes, you could be right.

Speaker 17 Paula, you're up next.

Speaker 44 What's this?

Speaker 41 What's your tiniest complaint of the day?

Speaker 64 Oh, boy.

Speaker 63 Well, there's a lot.

Speaker 30 When the Ziploc bag, bag, you know, which I try, you know, I reuse my Ziploc bags. I rinse them and reuse them.
But

Speaker 30 if you get the kind that aren't quality, the Ziploc is not quality,

Speaker 30 and you have to

Speaker 30 keep redoing it, redoing, then you go to put the thing in the freezer and it's still not right. And then you re, just that really gets you.

Speaker 27 It gets you.

Speaker 80 Have you seen the ones that have the slider now?

Speaker 22 You got to get the ones with the slider.

Speaker 5 You know about that, right?

Speaker 87 Yeah. Has that hit you?

Speaker 30 I think we, I occasionally do have that kind. It's the better kind.
It's a higher quality kind.

Speaker 30 The other thing, okay, wait, I know,

Speaker 30 but along the same lines of plastic bags, when

Speaker 30 because you know, I sift my litter boxes and

Speaker 30 I sift them into a you know a trash bag, and sometimes when you can't open, like there's no way of separating

Speaker 30 the two halves of the trash bag,

Speaker 30 that can take hours.

Speaker 96 That stinks.

Speaker 94 I'm sorry that's happening to you.

Speaker 43 You know,

Speaker 30 the most effective way of doing it is having like damp fingers. Right.
And so you may never have struggled with this.

Speaker 110 Unbelievable.

Speaker 26 Unbelievable.

Speaker 110 Unbelievable.

Speaker 130 Wow.

Speaker 22 I have a big complaint about tonight.

Speaker 131 Can I piggyback on that?

Speaker 18 Yes.

Speaker 131 Just on trash bags and plastic bags. The times in my, I think

Speaker 131 the times in my life when I have wanted to murder someone

Speaker 131 the most were after I get home after buying trash bags and then find out they're scented.

Speaker 30 Oh, that is the worst.

Speaker 34 Yeah.

Speaker 47 Oh my, who's fucking, what evil fucking monster

Speaker 131 thinks like, you know what?

Speaker 131 I want your garbage to smell like a nursing home. You know?

Speaker 59 I'm so glad you brought this up.

Speaker 101 It's so important.

Speaker 60 The fucking scented garbage bags are disgusting.

Speaker 94 They're disgusting.

Speaker 3 I don't think I want my garbage to, even if it smelled good, I think it's a bad idea.

Speaker 47 I would like nothing from this bag.

Speaker 3 Yes.

Speaker 93 Because if I'm, because it's like, how are things so bad right now in this garbage situation that it's not so bad that you're taking it to the street or to the to the fucking chute?

Speaker 67 But but but also

Speaker 37 uh you need to have a scent coming out of it to hide the stench of the garbage in where you're going on.

Speaker 69 What is the point of time where you need the scented garbage bag?

Speaker 67 Because you put the fucking garbage bag in the garbage can.

Speaker 99 The idea is you get it out of your way.

Speaker 51 Yes.

Speaker 95 Then you briefly experiencing it when you're taking the garbage out, and then it's on the fucking street or wherever you take your garbage.

Speaker 50 You're never living around these fucking bags.

Speaker 76 No.

Speaker 131 It's stupid. And also, stupid.

Speaker 38 What if it's raining?

Speaker 127 What if it's a horrible rainy day?

Speaker 121 You don't want to take it outside. You don't have a raincoat, you know.

Speaker 121 and you go, I'm going to put up with it for a little bit longer until the rain stops, but I can't stand the smell. I wish I had some kind of sickening strawberry thing over the top of it.

Speaker 131 Guys, I think we have ourselves a scentee.

Speaker 64 That's absolutely right.

Speaker 62 That's right.

Speaker 121 I'm quite excited.

Speaker 114 I'm going to buy some state bags. I'm nauseating.

Speaker 43 Oh, my God.

Speaker 30 You can't find ones that aren't sentient.

Speaker 35 I think that

Speaker 111 a garbage bag should be

Speaker 131 like a blank slate, a blank canvas on which your weeks' experiences can be relived on the way to the trash.

Speaker 43 That's right, that's right.

Speaker 62 Oh, right.

Speaker 114 We had Casadillas.

Speaker 131 And you get the smell of decay, which is like regret, you know, over so many ways. You don't, I don't want glad to tell me what to feel.

Speaker 129 Well, if they had

Speaker 30 regret-scented bags, I would get those.

Speaker 27 I'd wear them. I'd wear them.
Yeah.

Speaker 116 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 131 I'd have a whole suit made out of them. Oh, these?

Speaker 51 Andy, do you have a...

Speaker 99 Do you want to have, do you want to have another complaint to you?

Speaker 131 Well, I did have one loaded up, and

Speaker 131 it's not, I mean,

Speaker 116 let it out. Yeah.

Speaker 131 I'm a dog owner. I live in Pasadena.
You know, people leaving dog shit

Speaker 131 around, like, that's, of course, that's infuriating and should be punishable by something. And I do,

Speaker 123 it's the only reason.

Speaker 131 It's the only reason that I'm for like CCTV everywhere, just to get people leaving dog shit. Like, and I just think there should be a whole part of city government just focused on that.

Speaker 131 But the thing that gets me beyond that is that you go to the trouble of picking it up. And I'm not one of those people that says, don't put dog shit in my trash can.

Speaker 1 It's a trash can.

Speaker 131 Put your dog shit in there.

Speaker 131 I don't care but then they put it in the recycling yeah or the yard waste well hold on might as well throw it in the street can i i'm gonna ask a question yes okay and you're passionate yes and i love that if i have compostable

Speaker 56 poop bags which i do And it's filled with poop, can I not put that in?

Speaker 131 The carnivore's poop is not compostable.

Speaker 107 It doesn't go in the yard waste?

Speaker 87 It does not.

Speaker 121 Really? It's not manure. It's not great on soil?

Speaker 123 No. No.

Speaker 131 It's the same way that you can't put human shit in there. Wash nothing.

Speaker 123 Oh, Nihil.

Speaker 132 Now we get why he needs scented bags.

Speaker 68 Now, Andy, in fairness, you're making a point to apologize to all of my neighbors now.

Speaker 132 He's out there again.

Speaker 132 How does he prop himself up?

Speaker 47 Yes, I would say that the reason I wasn't putting human waste in the yard waste bin is not because I knew I couldn't.

Speaker 12 It's just simply that I wouldn't.

Speaker 17 But when I thought, I genuinely am learning this from you on this stage, that I thought because I went to the trouble of buying compostable bags, that that meant that green and black were both acceptable places.

Speaker 131 No, that poop is not. I mean, of course, when it's mixed in with everything, it's, you know, it's...

Speaker 1 But it's, but it's not supposed to be.

Speaker 131 It's not supposed to be compostable. If you had a compost pile in your backyard, you know, you could, like, I used to live in an equestrian equestrian area of Burbank, and

Speaker 131 there would be horseshit on the street, and I'd put it in our compost pile because that's fake.

Speaker 11 They eat hay, because they eat hay.

Speaker 27 They eat hay, it's an herbivore.

Speaker 131 But dog shit, you don't want to do it.

Speaker 123 I'm a vegan, so I'm fine.

Speaker 43 That's right.

Speaker 123 That's right.

Speaker 123 All right. Just see him.

Speaker 34 I'm a vegan.

Speaker 132 It's okay.

Speaker 48 The alert is off. Good.

Speaker 129 Yeah, boy,

Speaker 30 you want to get that information out to the neighborhood? Watch.

Speaker 73 What a fascinating thing to learn.

Speaker 79 All right. Here's my complaint.

Speaker 41 My tiniest complaint. It's this.

Speaker 2 Nyquil

Speaker 74 and Dayquil in the bottles.

Speaker 49 Dayquil, you can take it every four to six hours.

Speaker 22 Take it three times.

Speaker 58 It'd be four times if you're nasty.

Speaker 52 Nyquil, max once, Max once.

Speaker 40 They are the same size bottle.

Speaker 41 That does not make any sense whatsoever.

Speaker 66 You never need the same amount of NyQuil as Dayquil.

Speaker 121 I'm not, look, maybe there are sickos out there that when they're Dyquil, it's not about need. Sometimes it's about desire.

Speaker 82 Well, that's what I was going to say.

Speaker 3 Maybe there are sickos out there that midday are just like, I want to go to La La Land, taking a midday Nyquil.

Speaker 2 But for the most part, you go Dayquil, Dayquil, Dayquil, Nyquil. Dayquil, Dayquil, Dayquil, NyQuil.

Speaker 76 Which means you end up buying the fucking two-pack because it is $3 cheaper cheaper to buy a two-pack.

Speaker 88 Exactly.

Speaker 79 And then, and then you go into your drawer where you've reorganized to put all this stuff together because you realize during the pandemic that you had six or seven years' worth of this stuff, most of which was expired once you all got it in one place.

Speaker 66 And what do you end up with?

Speaker 47 You have half a bottle of NyQuil, half a bottle of Nyquyquyquyquy.

Speaker 100 You have like three-quarters of bottle of Nyquil, half bottle of Dayquil, three quarters of a lot of Nyquil, half bottle of Dayquil.

Speaker 62 Well, it's just a small complaint.

Speaker 123 It's reasonable.

Speaker 131 The only thing is, is that NyQuil is the only one that's a mixer. That's your motivation.
Dayquil is not a

Speaker 139 ice,

Speaker 62 a little vodka, a little ice.

Speaker 36 Right, exactly.

Speaker 64 Some marachines.

Speaker 12 Yeah, something nice, maybe something bitter just to kind of call some friends around, have a NyQuil party.

Speaker 29 Sure.

Speaker 30 But NyQuil just puts you to sleep. And then

Speaker 30 going to sleep.

Speaker 131 NyQuil's, it's just a little bit of anihistamine. It's baby anihistamine.
Gug, goog, glug. I'm fine with it.
I'm on it right now.

Speaker 21 All right, time to vote.

Speaker 77 Who had the smallest complaint?

Speaker 42 I'm gonna take myself out because I'm the host we have Paula who complained about the Ziploc closure we have Andy

Speaker 86 who also complained about the Ziploc closure no I complained about scented garbage bags scented garbage bags that was really just an add-on yeah that was just a piggy bag so we have ziplock bags scented garbage bags no mine I want the dog shit oh yours was the dog

Speaker 99 the dog shit in the recycling or the yard with yes which was also educational And then we have Jason, who I'm going to let you choose whether you thought tea or the wheels not being invented until the late 90s was pettier.

Speaker 116 All right.

Speaker 57 Who thinks the smallest complaint was Paula's?

Speaker 115 Who thinks it was Andy's?

Speaker 62 Wow. Totally sucks.

Speaker 131 I cannot come up with small complaints.

Speaker 131 Every issue I have is huge.

Speaker 121 You carry such authority, whatever you say.

Speaker 114 It was. It was powerful.

Speaker 3 It changed hearts and minds.

Speaker 76 Or is it Jason wondering why the tea isn't hot and and the wheels weren't present till the second combo?

Speaker 87 It's never going to be small, is it?

Speaker 98 You just multiply.

Speaker 26 Yeah.

Speaker 130 Wow.

Speaker 66 I have to say, I think Jason takes it.

Speaker 128 He takes the petty crown.

Speaker 69 And that's our show.

Speaker 52 Thank you to Jason Isaacs, Paula Poundstone, Andy Richter.

Speaker 95 We'll see you next week here at Dynasty. There are 633 days until the midterms.

Speaker 61 Have a great night and have a great weekend.

Speaker 61 Street shoots.

Speaker 61 Love it or live it. It's lovely for you then.

Speaker 8 Rob It or Leave It is a crooked media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg.
Kendra James is our executive producer. Bill McGrath is our producer.

Speaker 60 And Kennedy Hill is our associate producer.

Speaker 13 Hallie Kiefer is our head writer.

Speaker 130 Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Elaine Pierre, Will Miles, and Mohanad El-Shigi are our writers.

Speaker 20 Evan Sutton is our editor.

Speaker 1 Kyle Seglund and Charlotte Landis provide audio support.

Speaker 57 Stephen Cologne is our audio engineer, and Milo Kim is our videographer.

Speaker 23 Our theme song is written and performed by Sure, Sure, thanks to our designer Sammy Koderna-Reeves for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast, and to our digital producers, David Tolas, Claudia Shang, Mia Kalman, and Matt DeGrode for filming and editing videos each week so you can.

Speaker 53 And our production staff is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America East.

Speaker 129 Hello, hot people who vote.

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