Who Let the DOGE Out?

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. What are some of your relationship green flags? We often hear about red flags we should avoid, but what if we focus more on looking for green flags in friends and partners? If you're not sure what they look like, therapy can help you identify green flags, actively practice them in your relationships, and embody the green flag energy yourself.
Whether you're dating, married, building a friendship, or just working on yourself, it's time to form relationships that love you back. Here's a green flag.
If you're at a party with someone you're dating

and they can tell that you want to leave and don't

make you say, we got to get out of here. You know, maybe they want to go too, but they don't wait to

be, they don't, you know, they, that you read each other at a room, you kind of feed off each

energy at a party and you say, you know what? Hey, let's, do you want to get out of here? Yes.

Thank you for not making me come over and find you and beg to leave this God forsaken event. So there's an example.
If you've benefited from therapy, feel free to share your experience. For example, it's helpful to learn positive coping skills and how to set boundaries.
It empowers you to be the best version of yourself. It isn't just for those who've experienced major trauma.
BetterHelp is fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient, serving over 5 million people worldwide. Access a diverse network of more than 30,000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties.
Easily switch therapists anytime at no extra cost. Discover your relationship green flags with BetterHelp.
Visit betterhelp.com slash love it to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash love it.
Everybody needs therapy. You need therapy.
Get some therapy and you can get therapy with better help. When you listen to Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone, the comedy podcast, you learn stuff.
I've been learning to throw a boomerang because this is the kind of thing that really gets the listeners engaged. Interviews with people who will make you smarter.
Does the amount that you learn protect you from cognitive decline?

Can't people just listen to the show?

Can't they just enjoy a delightful tree house full of information? I think I'm

bleeding. Join us and be a

nobody. What's up, Los Angeles? Welcome to Love It or Leave It Live from Dynasty Typewriter.
The Super Bowl is on Sunday, which is the reason I ordered a six-foot sub. You can't prove I didn't know it was the Super Bowl.
It's a completely normal thing to order because I knew it was the Super Bowl. Tonight on the show, Jason Isaacs is here to give bad guys a good name.
Paula Poundstone and Andy Richter return to test their news knowledge, and then we all pour a nice crisp glass of champagne problems.

But first, let's get into it. What a week!

The second Trump administration is 17 days young, and it's clear that Donald Trump's overwhelming flurry of executive orders and firings and illegal budget freezes

amount to a total MAGA takeover of the federal government.

Sorry, I'm hanging by a thread. Instrumental in the effort is our South African billionaire co-president Elon Musk, who was granted a top secret security clearance and designated a special government employee, or in the lingo of Musk's online fanboys, retarded government employee.
They're bringing it back. It's not me.
You fucking pussies. On Monday, Trump confirmed that Musk and his Doge associates had gained access to the Treasury Department's payment system, which processes trillions of dollars of transactions for the entire federal government.
I miss the days when Musk only controlled several massive corporations, the fortune of a small country, one of the world's largest communications platform, and the satellites over Ukraine. Simpler times.
I will be so different than Joe Biden. All she had to say.
Crazy different, Whoop'll love it Oh well The top The top civil servant of the treasury David Liebrich resigned on Friday After reportedly pushing back on Trump officials Who were asking about the treasury's ability to stop certain payments And yet here we all are Sh are, shitting Liebrichs. Once Liebrich was gone, Trump's newly sworn-in Treasury Secretary, Scott Besant, relented.
This is Scott Besant, by the way. Great work, gay Jeb Bush.
And here's what's fucked up. I mean, a lot of things are fucked up.
But one fucked up thing is Scott Fesson is gay. He's married to a guy named John.
This is his house. How dare this man bring shame upon the gayest house I've ever seen? Magnificent.
A reporter asked Trump about the decision on Monday. Why is it important for Elon Musk to have access to the payment systems at Treasury? Well, he's got access only to letting people go that he thinks are no good if we agree with him.
And it's only if we agree with him. Hey, man, quick flag.
You just described why it's bad. Oh, well.
On Tuesday, Senators Elizabeth Warren and Ron Wyden called for the Government Accountability Office to open an investigation into Doge's takeover at Treasury. Oh, I'm sorry.
This just in, I'm receiving word that Doge has shut down the Government Accountability Office. Damn, those kids move fast.
Their little coder fingers can't keep up. Three federal employee unions have since sued the Treasury, accusing Besant of violating federal law when he shared sensitive data with Musk.
Wrote the lawyers, people who must share information with the federal government should not be forced to share information with Elon Musk or his doge. And federal law says they do not have to.
Exactly. The fact that I received a federal loan during the pandemic for my fledgling dildo company, which was called Shove It or Leave It, is not meant to be public information.
It's true that money could not overcome that the most upvoted comment on our subreddit said, this is a shape for no one. But like we used to say at Shove It HQ, no pain, nobody can know about this.
Democratic leaders said they would introduce legislation to stomp, George.

Here's Senator Chuck Schumer. So today, Leader Jeffries and I are joining together to push legislation to prevent unlawful meddling in the Treasury Department's payment systems and protect Americans across the country.

We call our legislation Stop the Steal. Look, this is what it's going to look like, all right? This is what part of the resistance is going to be for a while, proposing new laws that all boil down to, hey, stop that, which will not pass.
But the good news is some of them will have ditchy little names. He's out there.
He's trying. Wednesday, in response to that lawsuit, Justice Department attorneys said that they would temporarily restrict Doge staff from accessing the Treasury payment systems, which will be in place until a hearing in a couple of weeks.
Hey, enjoy the last couple of weeks with sole custody of your Social Security number. Do something fun with it.
Fill out some forms. None of none of this stops at Treasury.
Trump has dispatched Musk to at least half a dozen government agencies. He has sought to illegally shut down USAID, the agency charged with delivering humanitarian aid overseas.
And ultimately, that's on them for refusing to order even one child-sized submarine. In 2023, USAID handled some $40 billion in appropriations, less than 1% of the federal budget, to fund HIV prevention in Uganda, war relief in Ukraine, maternal health assistance in Zambia, and more.
In addition to often being the difference between life and death for aid recipients, these programs build goodwill around the world and help protect Americans from diseases. Just as a basis of comparison, if we extend the Trump tax cuts, that will cost $4.2 trillion over 10 years, most of which will go to the wealthiest people and corporations.
But let's be nuanced and careful in a way that our society no longer values and point out that some of that does go to working people. Let's pretend we live in a world where we still debate policy.
OK, according to the Treasury Department in a report earlier this year from before those bureaucrats were beheaded or whatever, if you kept the cuts for people making under $400,000 a year, which is what Biden and Harris supported, but didn't extend the estate tax cuts and corporate cuts and cuts for the wealthiest families, that would only be $1.8 trillion over eight years, which means that you are still saying that you want to increase the debt by $200 billion a year to make rich people richer while complaining about a rounding error that saves lives and projects American power and values around the world. And now having won the argument, we celebrate.
Ladies and gentlemen, Amanda Gorman has been arrested. Sorry.
On Monday, Secretary of State Marco Rubio told reporters that he was now the acting administrator of USAID, attempting to fold the agency into the State Department, even though Congress created it as a distinct entity over 60 years ago. Rubio, who used to believe in USAID before he put on that ring somewhere between Hobbiton and Isengard, said that USAID may be abolished consistent with applicable law.
It's like we're on an airplane that's been hijacked. And Air Marshal Marco Rubio stands up and said, don't worry, I'm going to make sure that we are only rerouted from Fort Lauderdale to Bratislava in a way that complies with FAA regulations.
OK, thanks. Glad we have an adult in the room.
After trying and failing to gain access to USAID headquarters, Democrats held a process outside the building alongside over 100 employees, calling Trump's funding freeze and potential elimination of the agency unconstitutional. There is no question that the billionaire class trying to take over our government right now is doing it based on self-interest.
We have not months. We have not weeks.
We have days to stop the destruction of our democracy. We have work to do.
Project 2025 was kind of a misnomer, really more like Project January. It was Senator Chris Murphy.
And then there are the buyouts. As of Thursday, of the millions of workers who were offered incentives to resign last week, 60,000 federal employees had accepted the offer, or about 3% of the workforce.
So they are on their way to their goal of hitting 5% to 10%. But come on, folks, take the deal and hit the road.
Where else is Undersecretary for Management Kyle Rittenhouse supposed to sit? On Tuesday, four employee unions sued the Office of Personnel Management over the buyout as basic information is lacking from the offer when Congress has appropriated no funds for this purpose and the statutory basis and appropriations for this promise remain unclear. Then on Thursday, a federal judge halted the buyout just 11 hours before the deadline set for federal employees by the Trump administration to decline or accept.
On the one hand, this is all terrible. On the other hand,

oh, the soothing feeling of a deadline extension. That little undiagnosed ADHD in here is just like, that feels good.
Now federal employees have a whole other weekend to feel like they are rolling the dice on a job they need to feed their fucking families. Meanwhile, the CIA on Tuesday became the first intelligence agency to offer buyouts to its entire workforce as Trump tries to shape it to its agenda.
Stay strong, woke spies. You know two things.
Trans women are women and Epstein didn't kill himself and we need that point of view inside of our government. What happened to this country? I remember when the CIA used to offer people buyouts.
They'd say buy as they pushed you out of a helicopter. The CIA also sent the White House an unclassified email listing all of the employees hired in the last two years, a move that one former CIA official called a counterintelligence disaster.
I remember back in the day, you had to sneak in a Langley disguised as a firefighter, make

some geek shit his pants, and then quietly dangle into a laser room without sweating

too much to get your hands on a list like that.

The actual defense offered by the people that did this was that the list only had the employee's

first name and last initial, which is literally from the fucking Simpsons. For privacy's sake, let's call her Lisa S.
No, that's too obvious. Let's say L.
Simpson. The fuck? Senator Bernie Sanders remained clear-eyed about our current situation.
This country under Trump is moving rapidly toward authoritarianism, but we cannot just play defense. We have got to be on the offense.
Please never forget that the agenda that we are fighting for is widely supported, widely supported by working families all across this country. And we must continue to fight for that agenda.
Yeah, man, of course. But right now, Elon Musk and a group of guys who didn't go to prom are trying to find the person responsible for the Sacagawea dollars.
On Wednesday, it was actually a great, you should check. Bernie put out this video and it's a great just sort of, hey, don't despair.
Here are some steps we can take. And I found it.
It's nothing revelatory, but it's worth watching. On Wednesday, the AFL-CIO, America's largest federation of labor unions, filed the lawsuit to block Musk from invading the Department of Labor.
Unfortunately, the only labor department Musk refuses to enter is the one where his kids are being born. Meanwhile, some of them questioned whether Democrats were falling into a trap by protesting outside USAID, with some strategists saying that fighting over foreign aid was a misstep because federal bureaucracy and foreign aid in particular are broadly unpopular, which is certainly true.
But it's hard to argue that a better tactic would be to let Trump dismantle USAID than speak up when he's about to dismantle something popular because they are targeting USAID to set a precedent that he's allowed to dismantle stuff. Democratic strategists argue that the USAID fight is emblematic of a larger trap that the party has fallen into defending institutions people despise rather than focusing on the issues that will most affect voters, like, say, Trump trying to eliminate the Department of Education.
But what should Democrats be doing in response? In a piece he wrote for The Bulwark on Tuesday, former New Jersey Congressman Tom Malinowski outlined five ways Democrats could fight back. Number one, appropriately enough, listicles.
House Democrats could fight Trump's illegal funding freeze by announcing that they're not giving Speaker Mike Johnson a single vote to fund the government or raise the debt ceiling until they have a solid guarantee that the Trump administration will spend federal funds as Congress directs. House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries seems to be thinking along the same lines, writing in a Monday letter to the caucus that he planned to use the March 14th federal funding deadline to block Trump from freezing appropriated funds.
Democrats should also fight Trump in the courts, countering his flood of executive orders and firings with a flood of legal challenges and giving the ways that social media has harmed kids and poisoned our politics. Malinowski writes, any Democrat who can't take advantage of this and run a populist campaign against our bond villain tech overlords should have their politician's license revoked.
And some of them should have that thing revoked because they're too old to have that license. I don't disagree that Democrats defending unpopular institutions is a trap, but I think it's worth asking why it's a trap in the first place, because we ought to hope and believe possible a world where politics is no longer so stupid and sensational that protesting the violation of the basic separation of powers in favor of aid that not only save lives, but antagonizes our adversaries and extends American influence isn't a trap.
Or more likely that we have Democrats who know it's a trap and see it's a trap, but also manage to spring that trap without getting their legs stuck in it. In the short term, yes, we have to have these legal fights, which we need to have everywhere.
We have public fights we need to fight in a way that draws attention to the absolute worst and least popular acts of this administration. But we also ought to be thinking, how do we build credibility as an opposition to reach enough people and to know we have the trust of enough people so that when we convey the threat, people believe us.
And to me, that starts with showing up.

More is more. That's why it was great to see Senate Democrats holding the floor this week

to try to draw attention to the OMB nominee and Project 2025 architect, Russell Vogt.

And it won't just be about these leaders showing up. It will be about all of us

showing up. We all have to show up just as soon as I get back from shooting traitors.
Got to put it into the universe. Just going to put it into the universe a little bit.
Speaking of, it's Survivor with food. Speaking of falling into traps, we also had this lovely exchange in the House oversight hearing where ranking member Jerry Connolly objected to Nancy Mace's endless demonizing of trans people.

The gentlelady has used a phrase that is considered a slur in the LGBTQ community and the transgender community.

Just from the beginning, gentlelady is very generous. I move we opt for treacherous wench or hell crow or bog clown.
Mays responded with this. Tranny, tranny, tranny.
I don't really care. You want penises in women's bathrooms and I'm not going to have it.
No, thank you. It's disgusting.
This is neither here nor there, but you know when you're out and you go to use the bathroom and you realize it's a situation where there are two one-person bathrooms with locking doors and yet they're still labeled men's and women's and there's a line at the quote-unquote men's room but the women's room is open? Yeah, I'm bringing a penis into that women's bathroom. Sorry about it.
Connelly went on to say this. To me, a slur is a slur.

And here in the committee, a level of decorum requires us to try consciously to avoid slurs. You just heard the gentlelady actually actively, robustly repeat it.
And I would just ask the chairman that she be counseled that we ought not to be engaged. We can have debate and policy discussion without offending human beings who are our fellow citizens.
It's a nice idea, isn't it? Here's the problem. Nancy Macy knows it's a slur.
That's why she said it. She was hoping Connolly would respond exactly how he responded.
Connolly's heart is in the right place here, but he should have figured out what was happening when before saying the slur, Nancy Macy set up a fucking ring light. We cannot be hall monitors blowing a whistle while the school burns to the fucking ground.
Declaring offense, declaring words as beyond acceptable, even if you are right. Even if you are right that if these people had any shame or compassion, of course they would not do this.
It's just not going to cut it. You brought a rule book to a knife fight.
Here's an idea, and this one's free. Next time Mace unleashes a torrent of slurs and screams about penises in women's bathrooms, you can just introduce a motion to make Mace the official penis sheriff.
If she wants a show, then sure, give it to her, but make sure the show is The Dark Knight.

I know you're going to enjoy this. I'm going to have to try and enjoy it even more.
Spoiler alert, he does exactly what the Joker wants and gets his whole police department exploded. Also, Slumdog Millionaire wins Best Picture instead of this.
And let's not forget, Jerry Connolly is in this job because he defeated AOC in the race for ranking member of the Oversight Committee. Here's AOC responding to Nancy Mace a few weeks ago.
What Nancy Mace and what Speaker Johnson are doing are endangering all women and girls. Because if you ask them, what is your plan on how to enforce this? They won't come up with an answer.
And what it inevitably results in are women and girls who are primed for assault because they want, because people are going to want to check their private parts in suspecting who is trans and who is cis and who's doing what. And so the idea that Nancy Mace wants little girls and women to drop trow in front of who? An investigator? Who would that be? In order because she wants to suspect and point fingers at who she thinks is trans is disgusting.
House Democrats decided to give Connolly the microphone, even though AOC knows how to use it. And now he's sitting in that chair instead of one of the best communicators in democratic politics.
All I'm saying is the days of begging Republicans for decorum are over. It's weak shit.
But hey, Jerry, if you don't grow a pair, at least you can use whatever bathroom you want. What are we fucking doing here? Point of decorum.
You call it, you're going to go to the teacher. You think that's going to work in 2025? You're going to the fucking teacher to complain that somebody used a bad word? Not going to work.
Not going to work. Wish it was.
Wish we lived in the world where that was something that could work. But it doesn't.
And in fact, James Comer, who is the chair of that committee, turned it into a fucking joke. He's like, I'm not really up on the latest slang.
I don't know what's a slur or not with these LGBT people. So you got fucking slapped in the face.
And now you look like a little bitch. Speaking of going down the toilet, on Tuesday, Trump held a press conference alongside Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and said that the United States will take control of the Gaza Strip.
The U.S. will take over the Gaza Strip and we will do a job with it too.
We'll own it. Have you been to Vegas? The U.S.
doesn't even have control of the Strip in our own country. Trump called for Palestinians to leave Gaza, calling it a demolition site and saying that they should get a good, fresh, beautiful piece of land.
Trump made clear that he wasn't talking about simply rebuilding Gaza in order for Palestinians to return, but something else entirely. One, where exactly are you suggesting that they should go? And two, are you saying they should return after it's rebuilt? And if not, who do you envision living there? I envision the world, people living there, the world's people.
I think you'll make that into an international, unbelievable place. I think the potential in the Gaza Strip is unbelievable.
And I don't want to be cute. I don't want to be a wise guy, but the Riviera of the Middle East.
God, I hate it when he's cute. Trump's plan sparked outrage around the world, even among some Republicans here at home.

Democrats slammed the idea as horrifying and insane with Maryland Senator Chris Van Hollen,

who sits on the Foreign Relations Committee, calling it ethnic cleansing.

Chris Murphy warned that the whole debacle was a distraction, saying,

I have news for you. We aren't taking over Gaza, but the media and the chattering class will focus

on it for a few days, and Trump will have succeeded in distracting everyone from the real story the

billionaires seizing control to steal from regular people.

Well, we're not taking over Gaza? Not with that attitude.

Speaking of downward slides toward oblivion, on Wednesday, Mitch McConnell fell again.

Tumbling down the Senate stairs after voting for Trump's HUD nominee, Scott Turner.

And unfortunately, all the king's horses and all the king's men have been furloughed. Then later in the day, he reportedly fell a second time, allegedly while carrying a plate of food.
Don't worry, I'm OK, said a chuckling Mitch McConnell through what can only be described as a death mask of mashed potatoes. In other spill news, a big rig full of eggs crashed on the 5 Freeway in Los Angeles on Monday, causing major delays through East L.A.
No word on the condition of each of the eggs. The truck had approximately $1 million worth of eggs inside, so it was about four dozen.
And in other egg news, 100,000 eggs were stolen from the back of a distribution trailer in central Pennsylvania. We got a lot of great merchandise today.
We got omelets. We got quiche.
We got Benedict's. We got Ova-Reezy.
I'm the Reezy. We got Shackshook.
Hey, come on on a gorgeous lady like you could use a frittata am I wrong? I can see you I can see you in a frittata meanwhile this fucking guy is trying to kill me on the matzo brai we got custard alright because he's Jewish and finally striking hard bargain it's bargain. It's part of moving eggs.
And finally, for a $15 donation, the Columbus Zoo and Aquarium will name a worm after your ex, feed it to a sloth, and send you a video of it. But doctor, my ex is the sloth.

Also just, man, I don't know how you can lose

a breakup harder than paying a zoo to name a worm.

I can't think of anything that could prove to Jessica more

that she was right than to find out there's a worm named Jessica being fed to a sloth. Up next, the virtuoso of villainy, it's Jason Isaacs.
Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.
Love It or Leave It is brought to you by Helix. I have a Helix mattress.
I have a Dawn Lux. It's super comfortable.
I always have, I have a little pain in the back of my neck, but it's been a huge improvement. I really like it.
Once I got the mattress right, I got the pillows right, I got the sheets right, everything was better. Everything was better.
Princess and the pea situation, huh? Yeah, that's right. So how will you know which Helix mattress works best for you and your body? Take the Helix Sleep Quiz and find the perfect mattress in under two minutes.

I took the Helix Sleep Quiz.

As I said, I got the Don Lux.

I wanted something that was firm because I was a stomach sleeper, but now I'm a side sleeper.

But it's still great.

It's still great.

Congrats for...

I'm working on it.

Congrats for the shift.

I'm now, I'm like trying new things, which is like having the, I'm like wrapping a pillow,

putting a pillow between my legs slowly.

I'm trying. I'm trying.
Here's the thing. I'm 42.
Helix lineup offers 20 unique mattresses, including the award-winning Luxe and Ultra Premium Elite Collections. Helix Plus mattress for big and tall sleepers.
Helix Kids mattress for little small sleepers. Helix knows there's no better way to test out any mattress than by sleeping on it in your own home.
That's why they offer a 100-night trial and a 10 to 15-year warranty to try out your new Helix mattress. Imagine calling them on year 12 and being like, I don't like it.
You know what? I'm out. It's been on my to-do list.
Plus, your personalized mattress is shipped straight to your door free of charge. Go to helixsleep.com slash love it for 20% off site-wide, plus two free dream pillows with mattress purchase, plus a free bedding bundle with any Lux or Elite mattress.
That's helixsleep.com slash love it for 20% off site-wide, plus two free dream pillows with mattress purchase, plus a free bedding bundle with any Lux or Elite mattress order. That's a great deal.
That's our best offer, exclusive to our listeners and only available by visiting helixsleep.com slash love it. I know every operating system like the back of my head.
I have 25 years of experience and have worked with several people from your company. I've been recognized for my passion.
My team is everything. LinkedIn delivers candidates who rise above the rest.
With an up-to-date view into shared connections, skills, and interests, you won't find anywhere else. See why 86% of small businesses who post a job on LinkedIn get a qualified candidate within a day.
Post a job for free at LinkedIn.com slash acquire. LinkedIn, your next great hire is here.
And we're back. Please welcome to the stage, the only part of the Harry Potter universe I need to hear about ever again for the rest of my life, it's the incredible Jason Isaacs! Thank you for being here.
How you doing? I wish I looked, that's a very good photograph. It's a great photograph.
Wish I looked like that. Shit.
Now, let me start with this. When you were asked about your experience filming White Lotus, which returns for a third season on February 16th, you told Time Magazine, we're doing intimate scenes and you stink.
By the end of each day, we're just caked in sweat and makeup. You can peel your clothes off with a towel.
It melts your fillings. It would be churlish to complain.
There are terrible things going on in the world, but we've all had enough. However, when you were cast in Harry Potter, you said, and I quote, I read the first four books in one sitting, you know, didn't wash, didn't eat, drove around with them on the steering wheel like a lunatic.
When did you smell worse and is smelling bad part of your process? It's a reasonable question. I just talk bullshit to journalists and then it comes back and haunts you years later.
Just trying to sound a mute, get a smile out of someone. But that thing went viral.
What I actually was talking about is how hot it was in Thailand, which was insanely hot. And I just illustrated, I did that comic thing and going, it was so hot.
We were all stinking by the end of the day. It went viral.
It was in people and then saying, we live. And then Mike White writes me, he goes, what, we all stunk? And I went, for fuck's sake, Mike, I'm sorry.
And I've just done about 500 interviews all day today. And sure enough, they want to know who smelled the worst.
And I wish I'd never said any of it now. Hmm.
I talked to Mike White once because I went on the show Survivor and he was on the show Survivor.

I know.

How did you do?

I did terribly.

And then I got advice from him and I was excited to get advice from him.

And then I did terribly.

And then I got a text from him saying, how did it go?

He knew.

By the way, he knew.

He knew.

I haven't responded.

I'll tell him tomorrow.

Please.

Now.

You know what that sound means.

Jason, you've portrayed yourself.

You've played a lot of villains.

I thought you said you prostrated yourself.

You prostrated yourself.

So also true.

First of all, I'm sure you get asked about being cast.

You've played great villains and great heroes, but you're known as someone who's a great villain. It's a part of you.
What it is, I've been at about 200 things, at least eight of them quite good, and a couple of them have been very high profile. So the Harry Potter things and the Patriot, which is on every July the 4th here for some reason.
People think it's a Ken Burns documentary. No, I'm not kidding.
I swear to God. Often people come out and they go, I've got to tell you, man, I love the Patriot.
My fourth grade history teacher showed us the movie and I go, and then they told you what really happened. What do you mean? I go, Harry Potter is more historically accurate than the Patriot and they don't quite get that.
So a couple of the villains I've done have been very, very high profile. And so I'm thought of as villainous, but, you know, I'm happy to be thought of as employed.
That's fine by me. Does it? Does it? What was that noise? Now, being sort of known as someone who's a great villain, did that affect your personality? In my life? Well, my wife is somewhere in the audience.
Sometimes I go, oh, darling, pass the salt. She goes, that's a really horrible thing to say.
And I go, watch, because you really don't like food. I go, no, it's just that my face, obviously my default voice, I have a resting cunt face.
That's what it is. Resting villain face.
Resting villain face. That's a much better word in America.
You're right. Sorry.
No, you can say whatever you want now. Actually, you could say more than ever.

Now, we're going to play a game, and the game is called

Was I in This? Oops, All Villain Edition.

Why am I in that?

What are these?

Why are they pixelated out?

Because they're going to be quizzed on it.

Perhaps. I thought it was just a shame to be seen with us.
Okay, fine. I will ask Bill's going to, those are your cards.
Bill's going to be out there. Jason and I will ask you, the audience, whether Jason played a particular iconic on-screen sensiopath.
You tell us yes or no. Bonus points if you remember, if he had long hair in the role, because he almost certainly did.
Was it a wig or no? It's more, never mind villain, wig or no wig.

That's what you want to ask.

Wig or no wig.

Oh, let's find out.

I actually had to wear a chest wig once for something.

Oh, really?

The bald director, he said, he's a Welsh guy, and he said, you know, he won a chest wig.

He said, man, women love rubbing their fingers, so you're chest hair.

And I went, that's because you're bald, you idiot.

But anyway, I did wear it because it was a big job for me.

A chest wig. Yeah, it looked like a percentile.
It was not good. It did.
That's exactly what it looked like. It's not even funny.
And you were in a space suit, so it didn't really make sense. No, no.
Just for the character. All right, does somebody want to play? Oh, hi.
Hi. Hi.
What's your name? Sam. Hi, Sam.
I'll start. Jason played a mad scientist who kidnapped and studied people who had near-death experiences on the unjustly canceled Netflix original, The OA.
Yep. Hell yeah.
That is true. He played Dr.
Hunter Aloysius Hat Percy. He's not a mad scientist because he's right.
He was curing death. They can jump dimensions in it, and if he'd cured death, no one would care about the five people in the basement, I'm just going to say.
Sorry. First of all, I love that because it's a beautiful part of a great villain performance that a villain believes himself to be the hero, which you seem to have internalized in a kind of deeply frightening way.
Somebody comes along and goes, I've cured cancer. You go, wow.
I don't care how you did it. You've cured cancer.
This guy's going to cure death for all of mankind for the future. So five people had a bit of a shitty time for a while.
Yeah, no, and look, I just think, look, let's not play out how that's been used to justify other things. But wait, now, yes, sure.
He does in the show The OA, which none of you watch because you want to live in this horrible world where we don't get a third season of the OA.

I was with the director just yesterday.

No, no, no one's commissioned it.

But we talk all the time, me and Britt and Zell, about what we might do.

I'm in.

Yeah.

Okay, fine.

The OA was great.

It was great.

Anyone who watched the OA understands.

And the rest of you never clicked play on it because you're a bunch of sheep. Just sheep clicking on I don't know I think this is a cake what if it's a cake you're clicking on instead he's making art he's making art in a basement it is actually beautiful it's beautiful and you're like I don't know I think the ladies are fighting in Salt Lake now alright I've got one Okay.
I don't know. I think the ladies are fighting in Salt Lake.

Now, all right, I've got one.

Okay.

I don't know.

We keep talking about it.

But I've got one.

I played spaceship designer Dr. William Weir who succumbed to space madness

in Paul W.S. Anderson's haunting Event Horizon.

Raise your hand.

That person.

He's almost did it.

Right in front of you. I think he's picking his nose hold on go back can I go to the toilet no answer the question no what's your answer no that is that is correct that part was played by the fabulous Sam Neill I played DJ who was a doctor I that first of all, Event Horizon is on the list of movies I saw.
I was a little too young. You are, yeah.
It really fucks me up. You fucks me up in that movie.
That movie's fucked up. Shame on you.
I know, no, no, I agree. I agree.
I mean, I blame the parents, frankly, but still. Yeah, where were they? Yeah, but my parents? No, your parents I'm talking about.
How dare you impugn my parents? My parents. You're blaming your own parents.
Why are you bringing my poor parents into this? Kids watch The Patriot. I watched The Patriot when I was eight years old, and I go, what the fuck? I'm calling social services.
It's wrong. The Patriot is very funny.
It's very funny. Which version did you watch? What's funny about it is Mel Gibson turns the British into such...

You are the villain's villain in that movie.

It's a question of perspective when he's done on child killing.

I know what he's saying.

That's true.

That's true.

Hey, what was the OA about, do you think?

About 12 hours. That's true.
Hey, what was the OA about, do you think? About 12 hours.

Two seasons altogether, you know. Next up, Jason played one of the Knights of Walpurgis in the Harry Potter universe.
Wow. Fourth row.
You say? I said no. Well, you've not read the Harry Potter books in great detail

because Lucius Malfoy was, in fact, one of the Knights of Walpurgus, the original group name for the Death Eaters. But I'm objecting to call him a villain.
He's just a guy trying to make Hogwarts great again. That's all.
Nice. What? It is amazing to me.
It is amazing to me the lack of self-awareness that Harry Potter fans have moving through the world. Every other person who loves something as a kid knows that they loved it as a kid, and that is wonderful.
But that doesn't mean that it is not. I'm walking.
I can feel the buzzsaw approaching my eye. Moving on.
That's a wig, though, isn't it? Can I tell you, I went live on a talk show in Britain late night when we did the second or third one, and Jonathan Ross, who's a famous British talk show host, said, let's talk about the wig. Let's talk about the hair.
It looks fabulous. And I said, well, we style it differently every time.
And I said, on live TV, this time we tried to make it look like Madame Gaga and he went I think you mean Lady Gaga and I thought of so many good answers in the fucking car on the way home but that moment I just went bright purple and swallowed my tongue Madame Gaga Madame Gaga I'm so cool and down with the kids I don't know I think you can pull off Connor Madame, very charming and British. I think you can get away with it.
Okay. It's me.
I played a New York businessman who earns, who learns a terrifying eel related secret at a mountain sanatorium in a cure for wellness. That is a creepy film.
You seen that? No, I haven't seen that one. In fact.
Yeah. And you and no one else.
Sam saw it. I did.
like, weirdly, your biggest fan here. Yes, you did.
No, I did not. You were in it.
I played Dr. Vollmer who ran the sanatorium and forced eels down people and desiccated them all.
But can I tell you this? So we shot in the most haunted building in Europe. Oh, look, there he is.
And then I raped my daughter and I cloned her and it was all all bad. Anyway, but we saw it in the most haunted place in Europe.
It's this compound of buildings where Hitler recovered after the First World War, and that's where the Nazis were sent. And then when the Russians took it over, they used it as a sanatorium for their political distance, and they lobotomized them all.
And it's a place where there's been lots of serial killings, I was told, and all the buildings were haunted apart from when we renovated. So I kept my eyes down, terrified of ghosts.
I didn't want to see ever a silhouette at the window. But all these ghost hunters came all the time.
And I looked it up. I thought, is this true? And I look up, and there was a serial killing, many of them, but one quite recently in these buildings.
And it was a photographer killed a bunch of models on a shoot. And then I looked it up further, and he was shooting for a fetish magazine, and he'd killed him with a frying pan.
And I wanted to know, was it at lunchtime, or was the frying pan part of the fetish? And I never did find out. Yeah.
If anybody knows, I'd love to find out. Sorry.
We went down a dark cul-de-sac.

All right.

Next up, Jason played an arson-happy

British colonial soldier in 2000's

The Patriot. We've already covered this,

so you know the answer is yes.

So, I want to talk about

The Patriot. Okay.

I tried to

kill Mel. I did my best.

Now I like him. He's not.
It's a simple joke. You know, you'd still be ruled from England.
Wouldn't be such a terrible thing now, would it? I mean, it didn't look good for a while, but this week. Honestly, I...
God, it's close. It's close.
I still pick this. It's 50-50.
I still pick this.

49-51.

I choose this.

I choose this.

Yes, we're going to be run by the dumbest ones of ours.

But we picked them.

We elected them fair and square this time.

Yes, Joe.

And that's good.

That's the way you do it.

Not your hot dog fingered monarch.

Guys walking on.

Don't talk about the queen like that.

So I go...

I don't know. not your hot dog fingered monarch.
Guys,

guys walking.

Talk about the queen like that.

So I go,

uh,

do we have an image of Jason in the Patriot?

Oh,

come on,

come on.

So can I tell you about that photograph?

Cause I love a wig.

So that it's tied up or every single day.

And I said to roll in the director, I went, Roland,

when they put this wig on in the morning,

before they tie it up, it looks pretty cool when it's down.

And he went, yeah, so we should do something.

And all the other people went, no, no, no,

the British officers is tied up.

He went, shut up, let me see it.

And he came on the trailer and he went, yeah,

we do a scene with it down, sure.

And so we went, well, why would he have his hair down?

And they went, he's washing his hair in a stream.

They went, no, it's a little bit timid.

He's shaving.

So the whole scene happened just because when they put it on in the morning, I went, I want to have long rock star hair. So there's a whole scene where I kill...
It's very memorable. It's a very memorable scene.
And it was all about the wig. It's only about the wig ever, darling.
That's all it is. Interesting.
You want to do one more? Sure. I played...
I can't say that, but I played the hottest Star Trek captain, evil category. That's the whole question, in evil category.
I was in Star Trek playing someone. Wait, I'll come up.
I'll go to that person, but this person's freaking out. You got it.
You got it. You're in the right spot.
Okay. So my husband told me this on the way here, that you absolutely did that.
And I said, I didn't think so, but we're going to go with yes. Oh, good.
I'm sorry. So before you got here your husband said Jason Isaacs was a captain on Star Trek.
That's right. He texted me to ask Mr.
Jason this very question so I appreciate that it's here. And then you're asked that information.
So your husband says he's psychic. Your husband says he was in Star Trek.
You say I don't think so. Then I say, and we have this show where the question true falls is, was he that specific fucking thing? And you still aren't sure? What does your husband have to do to just get a...
I want it to be right. You want it to be right? Yeah, no.
I'm going to give Sean this one because he told me this on the way here.

So, well done.

Yeah.

I'll tell you one thing about Star Trek.

So, the future is very diverse, but not in terms of weight.

We all wore these unbelievably tight kind of super mega Spanx things underneath our costumes.

And if you remember, Patrick Stewart, Picard had this famous thing where he pulled his jacket down, the Picard maneuver. They didn't want us to do that, so they zipped the jackets to the pants, which is all very well, except when you lift your arms up and you give yourself a very visible front wedgie.
And suddenly there were camel toes and veg and potatoes appearing everywhere. And so then we all had to wear these dancer supports so that you couldn't see what gender we were in the future.
And so can you keep your arms down? I went, no, I can't keep my fucking arms down. You're trying to act.
Yeah, I'm trying to act. You need your arms to act.
Nobody ate anything. You couldn't take them off.
You'd lie there in the morning and be covered in whale blubber to get those clothes on. It was like a sausage skin.
Wow. There we are.
The Trouble's in Space. And Jonathan Frakes, who's Riker, who's one of my friends, a fabulous guy, is a director a director now and directed lots of Star Trek movies he came on one of the first episodes and he went okay who's having trouble with their hands and we went yeah he goes you don't know where to put them and he went yeah he goes there's no pockets in space let me give you a tip whoever gets to fold their arms first wins the scene don't ever put your hands on the hip you can't get them off you're stuck the whole scene mincing around with your hands on your hips well You can't get them off.
You're stuck. The whole scene, mincing around with your hands on your hips.
Well, I can't say more because I think that I'm technically not supposed to have seen it. But I saw the first episode of White Lotus in an illicit way, which you will get no more details of.
And it's great. And you're great in it.
I'm very excited for the new season of White Lotus. Jason Isaacs, thank you so much for being here.
This was so fun. Thanks so much.
It was great. Jason, we'll be back for the end game.
When we come back, Andy Richter and Paul Poundstone. Hey, don't go anywhere.
There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Hey, guys.
Have you heard of Gold Belly? It's this amazing site where they ship the most iconic, famous foods from restaurants across the country. Any nationwide.
I've never found a more perfect gift than food. Gold Belly ship Chicago deep dish pizza, New York bagels, Maine lobster rolls, and even Ina Garden's famous cakes.
So if you're looking for a gift for the food lover in your life, head to goldbelly.com and get 20% off your first order with promo code GIFT. That's goldbelly.com, promo code GIFT.
Love It or Leave It is brought to you by Lumen. Did you know that when your metabolism is working properly, you will feel the benefits in literally every aspect of your life? Lumen is a valuable tool that gives you insights to create a healthy metabolism for your body.
Lumen is the world's first handheld metabolic coach. It's a device that measures your metabolism through your breath and on the app, it lets you know if you're burning fat or carbs and gives you tailored guidance to improve your nutrition, workout, sleep, and even stress management.
All you have to do is breathe into your Lumen first thing in the morning and you'll know what's going on with your metabolism, whether you're burning mostly fats or carbs. Mine just is siren.
No sound they've never heard it make before. Then Lumen gives you a personalized nutrition plan for that day based on your measurements.
You can also breathe into it before and after workouts and meals so you know exactly what's going on with your body in real time. And Lumen will give you tips to keep you on top of your health game.
A lot of people at Crooked love their Lumen. They get their personalized nutrition plan for the day.
They take quick measurement at any point during the day to check their metabolism. It only takes a few seconds.
Your metabolism is your body's engine. It's how your body turns the food you eat into the fuel that keeps you going because your metabolism is at the center of everything your body does.
Optimal metabolic health translates to a bunch of benefits, including easier weight management, improved energy levels, better fitness results, better sleep, and so on. Take the next step to improving your health.
Go to lumen.me slash love it.

That's L-U-M-E-N dot me slash love it

to get 20% off your Lumen.

Thank you, Lumen, for sponsoring this episode.

And we're back.

Please welcome to the stage two legends.

It's the one and only Andy Richter

and the one and only Paula Poundstone. Come around.
Come join us. Hi.
Hi, everybody. I love you, too.
Thank you so much. I'm here, too.
Andy. And I'm much needier than her.

Hey. I love you, too.
Thank you so much. I'm here, too.
Andy. And I'm much needier than her.

Hey, come on.

You're both pretty needy people.

I was going to say, come on.

Right up here, there's enough need to power a small city.

Yeah.

Just all that's wafting off this stage is need and sexual charisma.

Yeah, it smells like Fritos.

Yeah, it's a flowery corn. Hi, Paula.
Hey, how are you? Good to see you. You look fantastic.
Oh, thanks. You're a little sweaty.
You look a little sweaty. I would have said dewy.
You think I look dewy? Yeah, yeah. Is it because we're working so hard? Is that what it was?

You were, like, telling your jokes and...

Yeah, I'm sure that's part of it.

Yeah.

I'm sure that's part of it.

Maybe I'm...

I don't know.

I didn't know.

Is it because you're drinking liquid death?

That doesn't sound like a good idea.

You're the kind of person that would then, like, check your metabolism.

You think?

Yeah.

You think?

Yeah.

You think I check my metabolism?

Yeah, I think you're the kind of person that would then check your metabolism.

You think? Yeah.

You think I'd check my metabolism? Yeah, I think you're the kind of person that would pay attention

to that sort of thing. Meanwhile,

you drink shit called liquid death.

But I think there's a compliment

inside of there. Do I look healthy to you

in some sense that I'm measuring things?

No, that's not how I meant it.

No, I meant it. I think she means you're a crazy contradiction.
Yeah, something like that. You're about wellness, but then not.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
No, it's just that, you know, the kind of person that would be concerned about their health, but then drink something with such a spot on name. Do you see what I'm saying? It's just water.
It's just water. Annie and Paul, there's so much news this week.
Oh, boy, is there. Boy, is there, yeah.
And every subsequent week until the concept of weeks no longer exists, which may happen by mid-March. Are they getting rid of weeks? Is that what they're going to do? They're going to...
The weeks went woke. Yeah.
Yeah. Weeks are nine days now.
Yeah, they're going to get rid of weeks. They're going to get rid of...
Calendars will only be... They're no longer going to have actual days.
It's just pictures of Trump. That's all calendars can be anymore.
With maybe one Melania just to keep her office back. Yeah.
You know this whole fucking thing? Do you know if, okay, if Vogue had just put Melania on one goddamn cover, we wouldn't be where we are right now. You really think it was that easy? I think that was a big part of it, yeah.
She just wanted to be on the cover. He would say something about it every so often.
It really offended the whole family. Well, look, I've often said Vogue is responsible for most of the world's problems, and I'm fine to add one more to the list.
I don't think that's a reach. I don't think it's a reach.
Okay, so why are you sweaty? Because you were... Were you sitting at that desk earlier? So, I'm not sweaty.
Okay, I wasn't watching. Is it Jason? Did he have like a flower that squirted water or something? Because I listened a little bit, but I wasn't watching.
So, if that had happened. So, no.
So, you're basically looking at this and you're saying there's two possibilities. Either he's out here working too hard.
Yeah. Or Jason Isaacs, dressed as some kind of 1970s era clown.
Yes. Asked me to smell his flower.
And me thinking this is just a beautiful lapel, just a beautiful corsage or whatever. A boutonniere.
There you go. Yeah, yeah.
I leaned in. Yeah.
None the wiser. A fool.
A perfect fool. And boom, Jason Isaacs squeezes the little balloon in his pocket.
And boom, I'm in the face with a bunch of water. And it's kind of smooth and it left a kind of dewy and sweaty impression.
That's what I thought could have happened. And it's funny that you go back to like a 1930s clown.

Is that what you said?

I did.

Because I'm thinking we've all gone to look for America.

Oh.

Thank you.

Simon and Garfunkel.

Simon and Garfunkel.

And, you know, there was a squirting flower.

Was there?

There was a camera, like something about the spy with a camera.

Was it a camera? The man in the spy with a camera. Was it a camera?

The man in the something has a camera or something.

It's a spy.

Oh, my God.

Well, this is going great.

I'll tell you something.

I was this close to being like the Heather Cox Richardson of the show.

And then my history is that far off.

I feel like such an idiot right now.

Hey, you know what?

But I'm a dry idiot. You're...
Why are you... Why are you so sweaty? I'm not...
He's not sweaty. He's just a little shiny.
Just a little shiny. Here's the thing.
It's moist out. It's humid out.
It is wet out. Yeah.
I just wondered if the audience was more challenging than I... You know, if you were like just up here working and working and just, you know.
Sometimes when I'm in a theater, they'll, you know, I ask them to put a stool on stage for me to sit down, and they'll put like a towel on it as well. And I always feel so bad, like, and I'll say to the audience, you know, I'm going to do my very best tonight.
But the odds of me sweating enough that I'll need to towel off are very, very slim. Andy, do you often find that you get wet enough to need a towel on stage? I am good at sweating.
Yeah. And I have felt dewy all day.
It's been moist out today today and you wear the raincoat, which doesn't really breathe. And then you take it off and you're kind of damp.
You wear a raincoat? Yeah. When it's raining outside, some of us leave our houses.
No. You know.
I watched my dog today, but I, I didn't wear a raincoat. I wore a raincoat.
It wasn't like coming down. It wasn't like, you know, like diagonally through.

It was a little bit drippy and misty.

Did you forget your robe and judge's gavel before coming out here?

Yeah, no shit.

Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ.

Anybody else want to come out here and be judged by Paula Poundstown?

You know what?

Yeah, and especially like on such solid ground as on a rainy day, you wore a raincoat? Are you mad, sir? Did you have an umbrella as well? No. I had a lot of things to do today.
I was all over town. Who knows when the rain's coming and going? I wore a raincoat, and I will not apologize for it.

Which is why it's time for a segment we call.

Why is John so moist?

That could be a new regular segment.

Go ahead.

So I'm going to quiz Andy and Paula on the week's news.

We didn't have time to cover the monologue because there's too much fucking happening in a segment we're calling That's That News Depresso. Oh, look at us.
Look at you. Look at us up there.
You look bone dry in that picture. Yeah, you sure do.
I'm sure, I'm sure. I need, you know.
Wow, that's that news. Are you both ready? Yeah.
Yes. Oh, born ready.
I don't have a raincoat, but... Well, we're in...

I'm not prepared for

all weather, but...

Except the fucking scarf.

Oh, it's really fucking freezing out.

Yeah. Get her, Andy.

I am cold.

I am cold.

You're cold? I am cold.

Oh, really?

You're cold or are you just Charlton Heston? Boom. Boom.
Andy Richter. What is that thing that you wore? A cravat.
Thank you, a cravat. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
No, no, it's that I was cold. Oh, I was cold.
Are those going to be the kind of questions you were answering?

Are you cold or are you chum-husting?

You reacted to the environment by changing your wardrobe?

You fucking asshole!

What a moron!

I just...

I didn't...

Was it raining harder than I realized? Hey, Paula, it'd be fine to wear a raincoat, even if it wasn't raining harder than you personally realized. Right.
It's an acceptable thing to wear at the slightest fucking drizzle. Right.
It's a raincoat. You don't go to jail for wearing it if it's not even raining.
Also, in Los Angeles, I'm getting my fucking money's worth. Yeah.
You know, here's what I'm getting from our whole interaction. We're all on edge.
All right. Paula, first question is to you.
After President Trump announced that he'll be attending this week's Super Bowl in New Orleans,

the NFL announced he would remove what phrase from the end zone?

What phrase from the end zone?

Yeah.

I didn't know there was a phrase.

Like written in the end zone?

Yes, written in the end zone.

I think Andy knows.

Andy, go ahead.

And racism.

That's correct.

The phrase was on the Super Bowl field since 2020. It will be'll be replaced by the phrases choose love and it takes all of us to do what not end racism and racism wow i didn't even know i think the point is racism's over it's it's evident it's over it's resolved oh yeah yeah that's that's the whole you know you know of course i don't believe that folks i know it's You know, yeah, it's over.
It's resolved. Oh, yeah, yeah.
That's the whole, you know. Of course I don't believe that, folks.
No, it's crazy. It used to say right on the end zone.
And I think it was on helmets for a while, too. Really? Yeah, and racism.
I had no idea. Yeah, yeah.
It's a good suggestion, honestly. You know, just on a to-do list, a floating one that you keep going.
Andy stole that one, so I'm going to go back to you, Paula. After the white supremacist group, the Proud Boys, defaulted on a $2.8 million settlement against them, a judge awarded the Metropolitan African Methodist Episcopal Church of Washington, D.C., the trademark to what? The name the Proud Boys, wasn't it? That's correct.
Yeah. I don't know why they'd want it.
Oh, wow. Now they can give it to the Onion or something.
Andy, which one of these was not an action taken by Google this week? Was it A, abandon their diversity hiring goals? B, remove their 2018 pledge not to use AI in the development of weapons, surveillance, or any technologies that cause or are likely to cause overall harm? C, give Elon Musk an honorary non-voting seat on their board, or D, all of the above? Oh, boy. Well, I know it's the first one, but the other two I'm not sure of.
Because the news is too painful to really focus on it these days. How was the question phrased? Which thing did they not do? Which did happen.
Which didn't happen. Oh, didn't happen.
Oh, didn't happen. Oh, golly.
I think the Elon Musk thing. That's correct.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. They did not give Elon Musk an honorary board seat.
Good thing you clarified, because I was going the wrong way. Yeah, I saw that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is from...
It's the raincoat. Thecoat and blocks my vision.
The visor.

Yeah, yeah. The Groton's fish sticks hat came down over your eyes.
When you see someone wear sunglasses at night, you must just shit a brick. This is from the memo announcing the end of Google's DEI goals written by the chief people officer of Google's parent company, Alphabet, as reported by Reuters.
Here's the quote. In 2020, we set aspirational hiring goals and focused on growing our offices outside

California and New York to improve representation.

But in the future, we will no longer have aspirational goals.

Tough quote.

Yeah, yeah.

Tough quote.

Paul, over to you.

According to a study conducted by researchers at the University of Richmond and published

last week in Science Advances, rising temperatures associated with climate change reportedly caused an explosion of what in cities? An explosion of what in cities? Heat, explosion of, I don't know, pigeons. Ah, so close, so close, so close.
Rats, rat births. Rising temperatures and increasingly dense urban populations seem to boost rat populations.

Yeah.

So it's not all bad news.

So it's not all bad news.

No.

Yeah.

No, but the prices are going up for a lot of those rats.

Yeah, yeah.

Rat eggs, man, through the roof.

Yeah, this is a kitchen table issue for a lot of rat families.

The garbage. I can't afford garbage anymore.
Yeah. Sitting at their little spools.
It's a kitchen spool issue for the rats. Their cute little homes.
They're gross. Andy, as reported by the Washington Post, which of the following words was not a word reportedly flagged to the National Science Foundation by the Trump administration to trigger a review if present in an active science research project?

Was it A, historically, B, disability, C, woman, or were all of those words on the list?

I'm going to say all of them.

They were.

They were all on the list of suspicious words. Historically, I mean, i mean the other two are like of course those dum-dums did that but historically it's just that's just stupid but okay yeah they probably yeah because history is problematic i just um if you i just would like if you studying anything, it's probably in the past.
Yes. Cause it is very difficult to conduct research in the future.
Right. And the present is infinitely short.
Yep. Do you think there's going to come a time? Like, I think like kids in school now, uh, like history is so much longer than it was when we were in school.

It is.

Don't you think there's going to come a time where you just have to go, okay, we're going to turn over all the cards.

Don't, maybe they're right.

Maybe they're right not to want to gather history and study history anymore.

You mean like clean slate?

Yeah, exactly.

Just too fucking much.

Trump presidency is day one. Yeah, like we're renewing our vows.
Yeah. You know, fresh start.
Yeah, sort of like that. Yeah, yeah.
Paula, since April, H5N1 has killed millions of hens, driven up egg prices, reduced milk output, and killed 70 people nationwide. This week, cattle in Nevada were diagnosed with yet another concerning illness, an illness never before seen in cattle.

What was that illness?

I believe it was bird flu.

It was. It was a second strain of bird flu.
A second bird flu

has hit the cows.

Oh my God.

Sorry.

Just skip breakfast. That's what I say.
I don't understand the whole egg thing. You mean just enjoying them? I don't eat eggs anymore.
I stopped eating eggs a while ago. Just because I don't want to bother chickens.
They're not bothered. They leave them behind.

They get rid of it, and then they're like, I'm done with that, and I'm on my way, you know?

No, but they're not on their way very far.

It depends.

They're in captivity.

If you pay more money for the chickens, ideally, they get a little bit away from them.

Do you eat chicken?

No.

Oh.

I try not to eat anything that were it alive would rather I didn't. Right.
That's an interesting question. I think that's philosophically.
Which do I not eat first, the chicken or the egg? I think I heard on the radio coming in, by the way, great location here.

This is the part of the show where you talk about how you happen.

You might want to see if you could get some sort of a theater in California.

That's all I'm saying.

Paula.

Why, do you live next door to here? I just want to be clear.

You don't eat eggs, so you don't understand how anyone eat eggs.

You don't live here.

No, no, no. That's not what I mean.
I can see how you interpret it that way. That's not what I mean.
No, the location thing I'm right on. But the eggs.
No, but the eggs. No, what I don't understand is why, if eggs are so expensive, don't people just stop eating eggs? That's what I don't understand.
Just don't eat them.

Well, they're in a lot of stuff.

Yeah.

And they're also wonderful.

Right?

Yeah.

Boy, somebody's working for the old egg lobby, aren't they?

I just believe in hope and potential.

Yeah, it is.

And it's a symbol of such.

Yeah, yeah.

No, I love eggs.

Eggs are great.

Yeah.

I recognize you now. You're that guy from the commercial, the guy in the raincoat with the egg in his head.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, right, right.
That's right. A wonderful egg.
The egg perv. That's my character name.
Sneaking in. Yeah, yeah.
You'll never guess where this has been. I can't believe.
In a chicken. That's the punchline.
It was actually like a lot of people thought the egg council wouldn't go for that character. Oh.
But they were pretty cool people. They really did.
They were edgy. They were edgy.
They are not paying me for it, which I find odd. And I've got my lawyer on it, but I'm still doing them.
I'm still doing those ads. Yeah.
Well, you know what? It's where your heart is.

It sure is.

Andy, the question is to you.

Yes. And finally, just weeks out of office, former President Joe Biden signed an important new

deal.

What was that deal?

Oh, he signed with an agency.

Was it UTA?

No.

CAA?

CAA.

He signed with CAA.

Here we have a clip with Trump Responding.

You got to be kidding.

He signed on with a talent agency?

I think he's got bigger problems than that.

I really do.

I think he's got much bigger problems than that, but I wish him well.

Oh, yeah.

Well, why is signing on with CAA a problem?

I don't think it's a problem. I do think the moment seems a little dissonant as we slowly descend into fascism.

Oh, absolutely.

And he's like, I'm getting a talkie game.

Yeah, yeah.

It's not the best call, you know.

I think it's fine.

He did, you know what, he worked his ass off.

He did what he could.

And why should he have to, I think it's fine.

Yeah.

Why not get a reality show?

Yeah. The Real House a reality show? Yeah.

The Real Housewives of Rehoboth.

Yeah, I don't know why he shouldn't, you know, people do speaking things.

Well, I know, but I mean, but he could have waited.

Well, I guess the clock is ticking.

But no, but it does seem a little undignified.

What? Why? They all do speaking things. This is where you're not judging? What an experience it's been.
Andy puts on a raincoat. You can't make sense of it.
Joe Biden signs with CAA, and you're like, checks out. I just think it's fine.
He can do it for his face to go make speeches. You know, I think that's fine.
Are you deciding not to ask a lot of these questions? Well, I've actually gone through a lot of them, but I was trying to think of one question to end this segment on, and here's my question. What is your favorite Super Bowl snack, Paula? I don't watch the Super Bowl.
But if you were, what would be your favorite snack during it? Okay. Probably Ruffles potato chips.
Okay. Like the Ruffles, like the Ridges.
Andy, what's your favorite Super Bowl snack? Nachos. Yeah, the best.
Oh, nachos. I could live on them.
I mean, I wouldn't live long on them, but I could live on them. Hey, we're here for a good time, not a long time.
Yeah, that's right.

I like nachos.

Thank you so much, Paula and Andy.

Paula is at the Alex Theater on February 8th, and you can stream Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone and the Three Questions with Andy Richter wherever you get your podcast.

Plus, the Andy Richter Call-In Show is every Wednesday on SiriusXM at 1 o'clock.

We did it together.

I joined you.

It was such a blast.

He was a guest host, and it was a blast.

He had such a good time.

Yeah. When we come back, we're more than just a petty face.

Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of

Love It or Leave It coming up.

Love It or Leave It is brought

to you by Armrod Colostrum.

Every day, it seems like we're being told to worry about

something new like gut health or metabolic

optimization or living forever, which

no thanks. Armrod doesn't want to live forever? I'm in.
I'll keep going. Quite an answer to give you.
Quite an assumption to make. Yeah, I'm here for a long time, not a good time.
And now there's so many supplements to choose from, it would even make Gwyneth Paltrow's head spin. Wow.
Wow. But it doesn't have to be that difficult.
If your new year, new me resolve is starting to wane, give your immunity and gut health their best chance with Armra Colostrum. Probiotics and other supplements are touted as a gut health solution, but most products on the market are dead before they even reach your gut.
Armra Colostrum naturally fortifies your entire gut wall system and optimizes your whole body microbiome, which helps guard against irritants that can trigger digestive issues and compromise your immune system. Research has shown that colostrum helps to enhance nutritional absorption.
Armra colostrum can help stabilize blood sugar levels, modulate hormones, ignite your metabolism. The bioactives in Armra colostrum have been shown to aid in reactivating hair follicle stem cells and activating collagen production.
Wow. That's cool.
We've even worked out a special offer for my audience. So move over to their previous offer.
Get 50% off your first order when you go to tryarmra.com slash love it or enter code love it at checkout. That's T-R-Y-A-R-M-R-A.com slash love it.
Hey guys, have you heard of Gold Belly? It's this amazing site where they ship the most iconic, famous foods from restaurants across the country, anywhere nationwide. I've never found a more perfect gift than food.
Gold Belly ships Chicago deep dish pizza, New York bagels, Maine lobster rolls, and even Ina Garden's famous cakes. So if you're looking for a gift for the food lover in your life, head to GoldBelly.com and get 20% off your first order with promo code GIFT.
That's GoldBelly.com, promo code GIFT. And we're back! And come see us next week.
We'll be at the Lodge Room. You can get tickets at Crooked.com slash events.
Thomas Lennon will be there with some other great guests coming. Also, Crooked Media Reads is publishing Woodworking, the fantastic debut novel from Yellow Jackets writer and culture critic Emily St.
James out March 4th. It's a fantastic novel.
You can pre-order Woodworking wherever you like to get books. And if you're in LA, join me and Emily for a conversation and book signing at Skylight Books on Friday, March 7th, crooked.com slash books.
And please welcome Jason Isaacs back to the stage. He's back.
I brought this. You're looking a little shiny on the monitor.
Oh, my God. I don't know.
Unbelievable. He's over there.
Hello, hello, hello. I don't care.
Just mop it down. I got it.
Jason Isaacs, you are a villain. You said he was looking a little dewy before, I thought.
Is that right? No, I didn't say that. No, I thought he said that.
That's what it sounded like back there. No, that's what I heard too, right? Andy and Paul were like, that guy looks a little dewy.
And I was like, what? Yeah, they're like, yeah, you're a sweaty little Jew. That was what I heard.

Am I crazy?

Now it's time for a segment we call

Petty is the Head that Wears the Crown.

Look, this is a moment of big complaints

and big problems.

But in this segment, each of us is going to share

for one minute a tiny, tiny complaint.

The goal will be to share the smallest complaint because the pettiest complaint will win.

We will rank them.

Okay?

Okay.

And so let's see who has.

And it's a complaint.

Just in general in life.

About whatever you want.

Hmm.

The smaller the better.

Okay.

First up, Jason.

Oh.

There's so many things that bother me.

So I'm English.

You may not have noticed that.

But when I'm in America, when I order tea, as I do in a restaurant, I go,

can you put the bag in the water before it boils?

And they go, sure.

And then they always bring the fucking water with the bag next to it.

And they go, we have a choice of bag, sir. And I go, I taught you to put the water in the bag.
And it makes me want to actually stick a fork in their eye, always. Wow.
It's a source of tremendous fury for me. So I'm a coffee person.
It's a coffee country. So they're a coffee country.
No, it's just a reality. I don't know tea culture.
You need to put the bag in the water when it's hot, not when it's lukewarm when it comes to the table. It's got a steep in the water.
But it just never gets as good? No, it's not tea. It's some kind of urine-colored dishwater.
Do you put cream in your tea or milk? No, because I'm a vegan. How do you know someone's a vegan? Because they tell you.
You're a vegan? That's why. I'm a vegan.
Paula doesn't eat eggs. I know.
The whole egg debate I heard about that. More from me, I say.
That's right. You make French toast, too.
Do you ever have French toast? That's all I got. I do.
I'm just now thinking of the eight million other funnier things I could have said other than teabag, but I'll get them in the car on the way home. Go ahead.
Come on. Our suitcases were around forever, and somehow in about 1990, someone went, you know what? Let's put two wheels on a suitcase.
Yeah, yeah. Fucking great.
And about 10 years later, someone went, fuck it, let's put four wheels on a suitcase.

What took so long?

It's a wheel.

I know.

Isn't that shocking?

Ridiculous.

When I was a kid, I just remember it was like,

suitcases, you got to buy a little crate,

a little pull thing when you go on a family trip. You got to get one of those things

because that had wheels on it.

A porter.

Yeah, like one of those things.

And you just traveled with that. And then somebody was like, there's a better way.
But why did it take until the late 90s? Why did they put two wheels on and then sometime later someone else went, oh my God, let's put a third wheel on. And then five years later someone went, you know what, stick a fourth wheel on the other corner and they'll fucking stand up by themselves.
I think it has something to do with the wheel finally coming into the public domain. Yes, you could be right.
Paula, you're up next. What's your tiniest complaint of the day? Oh, boy.
Well, there's a lot. When the Ziploc bag, you know, which I try, you know, I reuse my Ziploc bags.
I rinse them

and reuse them. But when

they, if you get the kind that aren't

the Ziploc

is not quality,

and you have to, like, keep

redoing it, redoing it, then you go to put the thing

in the freezer, and it's still not, right?

And then you, just, that

really gets you.

Have you seen the ones that have

the slider now you got to get the ones with the slider you know about that right yeah has that hit you i've i i think we i occasionally do have that kind it's the better kind it's a higher quality kind uh the other thing okay wait i know but but along the same lines of plastic bags when because, you know, I sift my litter boxes

and I sift them into a trash bag. And sometimes when you can't, there's no way of separating the two halves of the trash bag.
That can take hours. That stinks.
I'm sorry that's happening to you. You know, the most effective way of doing it is having, like, damp fingers.
Right. And so you may never have struggled with this.
Unbelievable. Unbelievable.
Unbelievable. Wow.
I have a big complaint about tonight. Can I piggyback on that? Yes.
Just on trash bags and plastic bags. The times in my I think the times in my life when I have wanted to murder someone the most were after I get home after buying trash bags and then find out they're scented.
Oh, that is the worst. Yeah.
Oh, my. Who's fucking, what evil fucking monster thinks, like, you know what? I want your garbage to smell like a nursing home.
You know? I'm so glad you brought this up. It's so important.
The fucking scented garbage bags are disgusting. They're disgusting.
I don't think I want my garbage to, even if it smelled good, I think it's a bad idea. I would like nothing from this bag.
Yes. Because it's like, how are things so bad right now in this garbage situation that it's not so bad that you're taking it to the street right or to the to the fucking shoot but but but also uh you need to have a scent coming out of it to hide the stench right of the garbage in your house going on what is the point of time where you need the scented garbage bag because you put the fucking garbage bag in the garbage can the idea is you get it out of your way yes.
Yes. Then you briefly experience it when you're taking the garbage out.
And then it's on the fucking street or wherever you take your garbage. You're never living around these fucking bags.
No. It's stupid.
And also, it's stupid. What if it's raining? What if it's a horrible rainy day? You don't want to take it outside.
You don't have a raincoat. You know.
And you go, I got to put up with it for a little bit long until the rain stops, but I can't stand the smell. I wish I had some kind of sickening strawberry thing on top of it.
Guys, I think we have ourselves a scente. Yeah.
That's absolutely right. That's right.
I've never heard of a scente go. I'm quite excited.
I'm going to buy some to take back to England. Oh, they're nauseating.
Oh, my God. And sometimes you can't find ones that aren't sent.

I think that a

garbage bag

should be a blank

slate.

A blank canvas on which

your week's

experiences can be relived

on the way to the trash.

That's right. Oh right.
We had

quesadillas.

And you get the smell of decay,

which is like regret,

you know,

over so many ways.

I don't want GLAD to tell me what to feel.

Well, if they had regret-scented bags,

I would get those.

I'd wear them.

I'd wear them. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. And they have a whole suit made out of them.
Oh, these? Andy, do you have a... Do you have another complaint? Well, I did have one loaded up, and it's not...
I mean... Let it out.
Yeah. I'm a dog owner.
I live in Pasena you know people leaving dog shit on around like that's of course that's infuriating and and should be punishable by something and I do I it's the only reason death is the only language it's the only it's the only reason that I'm for like CCTV everywhere just to get people leaving dog shit like I and I just think there should be a whole part of city government just focused on that. The thing that gets me beyond that is that you go to the trouble of picking it up and I'm not one of those people that says don't put dog shit in my trash can.
It's a trash can. Put your dog shit in there.
I don't care. But then they put it in the recycling or the yard waste.
Well, hold on a second. You might as well throw it in the street.
Can I, I'm going to ask a question. Yes.
Okay. And you're passionate.
Yes. And I love that.
If I have compostable poop bags, which I do, and it's filled with poop, can I not put that in there? A carnivore's poop is not compostable.

It doesn't go in the yard waste?

It does not.

Really?

It's not manure?

It's not great on soil and stuff?

No, it's the same way that you can't put human shit in there.

What?

It does not.

Oh, no.

Now we get why he needs scented bags.

Now, Andy, in fairness, you're making a point that I...

I have to apologize to all of my neighbors now.

He's out there again.

How does he prop himself up?

Yes, I would say that the reason I wasn't putting human waste in the yard waste bin

is not because I knew I couldn't.

It's just simply that I wouldn't. But what I, I thought I genuinely am learning this from you on this stage that I thought because I went to the trouble of buying compostable bags, that that meant that green and black were both acceptable places.
No, that, that poop is not, I mean, of course, when it's mixed in with everything, it's, you know, it's, but it's, but it is not supposed to be not supposed to be compostable if you had a compost pile in your backyard you know you could like i used to live in an equestrian area of burbank and i would there would be horseshit on the street and i'd put it in our compost pile because that's they eat hay because they eat hay it's an herbivore but you but dog shit you don't want to do it. I'm a vegan, so I'm fine.
That's right. That's right.
All right. Just see him.
I'm a vegan. It's okay.
The alert is off. Good.
Yeah, boy, you want to get that information out to the neighborhood? Watch. What a fascinating thing to learn.
All right. Here's my complaint.
My tiniest complaint. It's this.
NyQuil and DayQuil in the bottles. DayQuil.
You can take it every four to six hours take it three times

maybe four times if you're nasty

NyQuil

max once

they are the same size bottle

that does not make any sense

whatsoever

you never need the same amount of NyQuil

as DayQuil

look maybe there are sickos out there

NyQuil is not about need

sometimes it's about desire

well that's what I was going to say

maybe there are sickos out there

I'm taking a midday NyQuil. But for the most part, you go DayQuil, DayQuil, DayQuil, NyQuil.
DayQuil, DayQuil, DayQuil, NyQuil. Which means you end up buying the fucking two-pack because it is $3 cheaper to buy a two-pack.
And then you go into your drawer where you've reorganized to put all this stuff together because you realized during the pandemic that you had six or seven years worth of this stuff most of which was expired once you all got it in one place and what do you end up with you have half a bottle nyquil half bottle that you have like three quarters bottle nyquil half bottle day quill three quarters bottle nyquil half bottle day quill well it's a small complaint it reasonable. The only thing is that NyQuil is the only one that's a mixer.
That's true. Dayquil is not a mixer.
That's true. A little ice, a little vodka, a little ice, a marasheen.
Something nice. Maybe something bitter just to kind of call some friends around, have a NyQuil party.
Sure. NyQuil just puts you to sleep and then going to sleep.
I, I, I can tell a NyQuil party. Sure.
But NyQuil just puts you to sleep and then... I don't know if you fight it.
Going to sleep. NyQuil, it's just a little bit of antihistamine.
It's baby antihistamine. Glug, glug, glug.
I'm fine with it. I'm on it right now.
All right, it's time to vote. Who had the smallest complaint? I'm going to take myself out because I'm the the host we have paula who complained about the ziploc closure we have andy uh who also complained about the ziploc closure no i complained about scented garbage but that was really just an add-on yeah that was just a piggyback so we have ziploc bags scented garbage bags no I want the dog shit.
Oh, yours was the dog shit. I want the dog shit in the recycling or the yard waste.
Yes, which was also educational. And then we have Jason, who I'm going to let you choose whether you thought tea or the wheels not being invented until the late 90s was pettier.
All right. Who thinks the smallest complaint was Paula's? Who thinks it was Andy's? I cannot come up with small complaints.
Every issue I have is huge. You carry such authority, whatever you say.
It was powerful. It changed hearts and minds.
Or is it Jason wondering why the tea isn't hot and the wheels weren't present until the second... Well, it's a combo.

It's never going to be small, is it?

You just multiply.

Yeah.

Wow.

I have to say,

I think Jason takes it.

I think so. He's inched the petty crown.

And that's our show.

Thank you to Jason Isaacs,

Paula Poundstone,

Andy Richter.

We'll see you next week

here at Dynasty.

There are 633 days until the midterms.

Have a great night and have a great weekend. Love it or leave it.
Sutton is our editor, Kyle Seglin, and Charlotte Landis provide audio support. Stephen Colon is our audio engineer, and Milo Kim is our videographer.

Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure.

Thanks to our designer, Sammy Kodurna-Reeves, for creating and running all of our visuals,

which you can't see because this is a podcast.

And to our digital producers, David Tolos, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroat

for filming and editing videos each week so you can.