Lovett or Leavitt

Love it or leave it is brought to you by Factor. Ready to optimize your nutrition this year? Factor has chef-made gourmet meals that make eating well easy.
They're dietician-approved and ready to heat and eat in two minutes, so you can feel right and feel great no matter what life throws at you. Factor arrives fresh and fully prepared.
Perfect for any active, busy lifestyle. Lose up to eight pounds in eight weeks with Factor's keto meals.
Based on a randomized controlled clinical trial with Factor Keto, results will vary depending on diet and exercise. With 40 options across eight dietary preferences on the menu each week, it's easy to pick meals tailored to your goals.
Choose from preferences like calorie smart, protein plus, or keto. Factor can help you feel your best all day long with wholesome smoothies, breakfast, grab-and-go snacks, and more add-ons.
Reach your goal this year with ingredients you can trust and convenience that can't be beat i love factor it's awesome truly if you're trying to eat healthy and you're like busy add factor for us you can decide how many meals a week you want and just it's so nice knowing that in your fridge it's just a healthy easy meal that's really good ready to go and just like have it replace two or three takeout meals a week or two or three sandwiches a week, and you'll just be better for it.

Get started at factormeals.com slash lowly50off, L-O-L-I-5-O-O-F, and use code lowly50off to

get 50% off your first box plus free shipping.

That's code L-O-L-I-5-0-O-F-F at factormeals.com slash lowly50off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. What's up, Los Angeles? Welcome to Love It or Leave It Live from Dynasty Typewriter.
It's week two of the Trump administration. This is the week where we really, really miss Pete Buttigieg.
Each week's going to have a different feeling. That's this week.
Tonight, on the show, Kevin Smith is here. We're going to really nerd out.
Also tonight, I finally decide if Amelia shit the Bedelia Perez. But first, let's get into it.
What a week. On Sunday, ICE arrested nearly 1,000 people in raids across multiple cities, the most in a single day since President Trump returned to office.
It would have been over 1,000 arrests until they found out that most of the people on the Amelia Perez store are not from Mexico. Some of those raids were attended by none other than television's Dr.
Phil, who embedded with ICE officers in Chicago and live-streamed his adventure on Merit TV. Just for the time capsule, I want to say that sentence again because of how normal it seems to us.
Television psychologist Dr. Phil McGraw embedded with immigration officers as part of President Donald Trump's broad immigrant crackdown at the start of his second term.
When reached for comment, Dr. Phil said, sure, I tore families apart in the studio, but sometimes it's nice to get out there and see it in the real world.
Here's Dr. Phil getting recognized by a man under arrest who said he was born in Thailand.
But you've never been deported before? Yeah. How do you know me? No, I've seen Dr.
Phil. How do you know me? I saw you on Dr.
Phil. On Monday, Trump gave a speech to the House Republican conference saying this about the deportations.
300 people sitting in a plane. Every one of them, either a murderer, a drug lord, a kingpin of some kind, a head of the mob, or a gang member.
And you're flying that plane. It's not going to end well.
You ever see the movie Con Air? That's what, yeah, except here's the difference. The people in Con Air were actors.
Look, it's not gonna end well you ever see the movie con air that's what yeah except here's the difference the people in con air were actors look it's not important but we've got years to talk about what's important the moral of con air is not that con air was a good way to transport the criminals con air didn't work like sure steve buscemi didn't murder that little girl but other than that that, the whole thing went pretty much tits up. Con Air, the inspiring story about how transporting prisoners by plane is a good idea.
On Monday, Trump signed an executive order shutting down the military's DEI programs and reinstated service members who were discharged after refusing the COVID-19 vaccine with back pay. Just so we understand where we're at here.
Trump's position has always been clear. COVID-19 was created in a lab as a biological weapon to be used in war, and America's military should be as vulnerable as possible to it.
He also issued an order banning transgender people from military service, which is huge for Trump. He's just invented an exciting new way to dodge the draft.
People often forget this, but the trans ban is why the A-team went AWOL after Mrs. T made that big life change.
We debated people if people would know they'd admit the A-team. Enough of you did.
And then on Tuesday, Trump announced an executive order to make it harder for doctors and parents to provide gender affirming care to trans kids, including teenagers as old as 18.

Look, this is obviously awful. This is the government getting between parents and children, between doctors and their patients.
It is a group of right wing ideologues imposing their fears and hatreds on all of us. And worst of all, this may stop young people from accessing gender-affirming care that will help them become the best and truest versions of themselves, while doing nothing to stop those very same young people from choosing new weird names like Canopy or Bayou.
Everybody loses. Meanwhile, in a vaguely worded memo on Monday, the Office of Management and Budget ordered an abrupt pause on all federal grants and loans, causing widespread confusion with hospitals, schools and other organizations that depend on federal payments, unsure if they'd be able to provide basic services.
Oh, what? So now the White House Budget Office can't get loose and try stuff out? Creativity's illegal? Hey, hospitals, try a little more yes and and a little less we need insulin. It's jazz.
And the panic only increased when the Medicaid portal, where states accessed federal funding, stopped working on Tuesday. Trump's new press secretary, Caroline Levitt, said in an ex-post, the White House is aware of the Medicaid website portal outage.
We have confirmed no payments have been affected. They are still being processed and sent.
We expect the portal will be back online shortly. And let's just stop and review in case anyone is confused.
Caroline Levitt is the terrible press secretary. Jonathan Levitt is the podcaster who's weirdly looking youngerly.
Democrats pointed out that the freeze is unconstitutional. It's up to Congress to appropriate federal funds and up to the executive to spend those funds as Congress has directed.
That money is our tax dollars. It's already been allotted.
If we wanted to fund a study of whether mice can drive tiny Subarus, that's where the money should fucking go. And don't worry, I've been in touch with the Stuart Little Institute, and so far they've been unaffected.
The OMB subsequently issued a new memo telling federal officials that the pause was only meant to apply to programs specified in Trump's executive orders, including those that took aim at foreign aid, climate spending, and DEI programs. The initial memo, as written, went much further.
So did they do a bad job writing memos, or did they try to get away with something insane and underestimate the backlash? Either way, sure wish Kamala had a better answer on The View that time. A federal judge in D.C.
temporarily blocked the order on Tuesday before it was set to go into effect, siding with the activist group Democracy Forward. And then on Wednesday, The Washington Post broke the news.
Trump's Office of Management and Budget rescinded the order to freeze federal funding. Or did it? White House Press Secretary Caroline Levitt threw America back into uncertainty, writing on Twitter, This is not a rescission of the federal funding freeze.
It is simply a rescission of the OMB memo. What does it mean? Your guess is as good as mine.
I liked the government two weeks ago. The president at that time was also incomprehensible, but in a way that was much less terrifying day to day.
Also this week, the Trump administration sent a memo to every single federal worker, all two million of them, offering them an option to resign now and continue being paid through September. The subject line of that buyout offer email was fork in the road, the same line that Elon Musk titled his email to Twitter employees in 2022 when he told them to commit to extremely hardcore work or leave the company.

More like dork in the road.

Do you think we're all dead?

What if we're all dead? What if we're all dead? And where were the Democrats during all of this, you ask? Why, they were leaping into action. Here's Chuck Schumer.
People are aroused. I haven't seen people so aroused in a very, very long time.
You know, earlier this week, I said Democrats should stop wasting time workshopping their perfect message and just get out there and speak from the heart. Today, I feel like maybe a little more workshopping.
So I stand erected, corrected. Bernie Sanders said of the freeze, if President Trump wants to change our nation's laws, he has the right to ask Congress to change them.
He doesn't have the right to violate the United States Constitution. He is not a king.
Not a king? I don't know. Multiple wives, one of whom is buried in the backyard, casting off advisors the second they cross him, symptoms of syphilis in the brain.
None of us would be surprised to learn he had gout. There's a lot of red meat in that diet.
And on some level, on some level, we all know that if he started wearing a crown, a lot of people would be completely into it. Late Wednesday, an army helicopter carrying three U.S.
service members collided midair

with an American Airlines flight carrying 64 people near Ronald Reagan National Airport.

Both aircraft crashed into the icy Potomac River, said a spokesperson for Boeing, not ours.

With literally nothing known about the cause of the accident,

President Trump held a press conference on Thursday to blame, you guessed it, DEI.

We have a high standard. We've had a much higher standard than anybody else.

And there are things where you have to go by brainpower, you have to go by psychological

quality, and psychological quality is a very important element of it. These are various, very powerful tests that we put to use, and they were terminated by Biden, and Biden went by a standard that's the exact opposite.
DEI is starting fires in California. It's crashing planes in D.C.
Pace yourself, DEI. It's only January.
You're going to burn out. When asked whether he was getting ahead of the investigation, Trump shot on the reporter who asked the question.
We don't even yet know the names of the 67 people who were killed. And you are blaming Democrats and DEI policies and air traffic control and seemingly the member of the U.S.
military who was flying that Black Hawk helicopter. Don't you think you're getting ahead of the investigation right now? No, I don't think so at all.
They are a group of people that have lost it. I think that's not a very smart question.
Yeah, use your critical thinking skills. It wasn't a White Hawk helicopter.
Hey, how's everybody doing? Everybody hanging in there? Bill's in the aisle with a bottle of gin, and Kennedy's on the other side with a fistful of Ativan. Just raise your hand, and one of them will find you, or both of them, if you're nasty.
Whatever you need. But rest easy, Trump's new transportation secretary, Sean Duffy, is on the case.
Obviously, it is not standard to have aircraft collide. I want to be clear on that.
I'm glad he pivoted away from his earlier message of, uh, I think they're supposed to do that. Last week, Trump dismissed everyone on the Aviation Security Advisory Committee.
Air traffic controllers were also affected by Trump's federal hiring freeze. What Trump is doing is sort of like what surgeons do.
They take out all of the organs, then put them back in one by one until the patient is fine. That way, everyone can be certain that all the leftover organs were a waste of taxpayer money.
Of course, there's no evidence so far that Trump's freeze or dismissals had any role in the crash. But maybe we just say they did.
Should we try it? I don't know. You see a plane crash on the news the president blames diversity and a former real-world star as transportation secretary explaining that planes are not supposed to do that maybe we just try it nah it's not us it's never been us that's the shame of it we could we could be you want it to be us you want to just do it you want to get there i don't know i don't know no now you see there's that there's that little flicker there's that social studies student there are my there are social studies student.
They're my perfect sweet little front row angels. You know it.
You know you want it. You feel that pull.
You feel the devil on your shoulder. Like, let's do what they do.
Can we do what they do? But here's the problem. Here's the problem.
We can't do what they do. We can't pull it off because we have shame.
We do and it's really

it sucks. It sucks

but we're going to just we're fighting with one hand behind

our backs. That's just how it goes.

We're getting the absolute ever loving shit beat out of us

and well that's

it.

And it's like

what do we do? What do we do? You get fucking housed. Truth is, this is the first commercial crash to result in fatalities in the United States since 2009.
Flying is incredibly safe. And it is incredibly safe because of the federal government.
Trump's changes in all likelihood didn't cause this. But his attack on our government is going to lead to a world where crashes like this are more commonplace, bullying people out of their jobs, undermining these agencies.
He feels unconstrained in doing this because Americans take for granted the safety and reliability that aren't a given, but instead are the result of decades of hard, painstaking work to build inspection regimes and safety measures. And yes, bureaucracies that can be annoying and slow, but also made it to our biggest worry when we fly is whether that guy with the rotisserie chicken is sitting next to you.
And he is. And it's me.
You know, it's interesting. If Joe Biden had narrowly lost, there wouldn't have been an insurrection.
Donald Trump wouldn't have been radicalized against democracy. And he wouldn't have had the time to put in place the plans he's now implementing so thoroughly.
And we'd right now be saying goodbye to him as he was tarred with all the damage that came from inflation, that he would have had no ability to stop. No use thinking about that.
On Tuesday, Caroline Kennedy, daughter of JFK, heard of him, sent a letter to the Senate tearing apart her cousin RFK Jr. ahead of his Senate confirmation hearing.
Here she is reading from that letter. I've known Bobby my whole life.
We grew up together. It's no surprise that he keeps birds of prey as pets, because Bobby himself is a predator.
By the same token, it's no surprise that I keep a golden doodle as a pet, because I myself am a fussy, barfy princess. Imagine you're in the middle of a job interview for a new job you're excited about, and your cousin, your first cousin, barges in and says you used to do terrible things to animals.
Now imagine, now imagine the interviewers are like, we're on the fence. Anyway, nobody takes down a Kennedy better than a Kennedy or the CIA.
Caroline also described RFK Jr.'s bizarre behavior while dealing with addiction, writing, he enjoyed showing off how he put baby chickens and mice in the blender to feed his hawks. It was often a perverse scene of despair and violence.
Oh, sure. Y'all hate putting baby chickens and mice in the blender now, but every single one of you will pay $20 for it when Erewhon calls it a smoothie.

Try the new RFK Jr. smoothie at Erewhon.

It's got sea moss in it.

And blended bird.

You all fell for bone broth.

Which is a $7 upcharge on, what?

Broth. Fucking idiots.
She also pointed out that Kennedy has kept a financial stake in litigation against manufacturers of the HPV vaccine, despite being Trump's nominee to head the Department of Health and Human Services. Wrote Caroline, in other words, he's willing to enrich himself by denying access to a vaccine that can prevent almost all forms of cervical cancer and which has been safely administered to millions of boys and girls.
RFK Jr. cheated on his second wife 37 times, but it just wasn't spreading HPV fast enough.
You got to work smarter, not harder, people. But don't worry.
Kennedy's confirmation hearing got off to a reassuring start. President Trump has asked me to study the safety of Mephibosh Stone.
He has not yet taken a stand on how to regulate it. Whatever he does, I will implement those policies.
Continued Kennedy, if you want an abortion, you can do it the old-fashioned way way by having your children and then not vaccinating them here's Senator Bernie Sanders pointing out the anti-vax merch available from the organization Kennedy founded the Children's Defense Fund the products included baby clothes that said unvaxed unbothered and no vax no problem here's what Sanders said are you of this? I've had nothing to do with leadership.

Are you supportive of these onesies?

Exposed by your own

merch? Couldn't be me. I stand

100% behind everything in the crooked

store.

Seems to be wearing a shirt that says

Kamala has this in the bag and you can

quote me on that. I also would just like everybody

to know that we consider an alternative t-shirt that said, I heart Ezra Miller. I think either would have worked.
And then on Thursday, as the Kennedy hearing continued in the HELP Committee, Trump's pick for FBI, Kash Patel, appeared before the Judiciary Committee. Let's check in on how that went.
Your boss has said that General Milley, who served us with great distinction, I happen to have great admiration for, should be tried for treason. Do you agree with that? Senator, everybody's entitled to their opinion.
Is the dress blue and black or white and gold? Should we hang generals in the ellipse for displeasing the leader? Do you hear brainstorm a green needle? In other chest-clenching news, following Trump's announcement of $500 billion investments in AI, OpenAI founder Sam Altman raised some red flags by saying AI might require changes to the social contract. So what are we talking about? We're talking about no pants? Maybe we're talking about no pants.
Let's see him try to explain it. I still expect, although I don't know what, and this is over a long period of time, this is not a like next year or, you know, the year after that kind of thing.
But over a long period of time, I still expect that there will be some change required to the social contract, given how powerful we expect this technology to be. Talking about changing the social contract as we put more and more power in the hands of a single, unaccountable leader, Thomas Hobbes must be rolling over in his grave.
To give us two thumbs up. As for AI's effect on job creation, Altman said this.
I'm not a believer that there won't be any jobs. I think we always find new things to do, but I do think like the whole structure of society itself will, you know, be up for some degree of debate and reconfiguration.
Okay, cool. Thanks for the heads up.
Please keep us posted. Then this week, the Chinese company DeepSeek introduced its artificial intelligence, which experts say creates models nearly as good as those created by OpenAI, but much cheaper.
And yet they chose to call it DeepSeek when chat GP Timu was right there. Now OpenAI is accusing DeepSeek of using their models to train DeepSeek AI, which OpenAI says is a violation of their terms of service.
DeepSeek used someone else's work to inform and develop their own. Who would do such a thing? The Vatican released a document warning that AI will gradually undermine the foundations of society by destabilizing our connection to objective reality, which is our job, said the Pope.
So quit it, you frogachitos. I don't remember what the word was, but in my mind it's frogachitos.
Remember that? Remember that when the good pope talked about frogachitos? He was talking about fags. Now you remember.
But don't worry, it's not all bad. In dromedary news, camel milk might be the next big alternative to cow's milk, according to People Magazine.
Not sure why, but it is according to them, as it's easier to access in parts of the world where cattle farming is impractical. I know what you're thinking, camel milk, but it's actually very simple.
You just soak the camel in water overnight, you grind it into a fine paste, and then you strain it through a cheesecloth. Fresh, delicious camel milk.
All right, now, listen. Tonight, jokes aside, we're going to do a taste test.
Our producers are bringing out a glass of regular whole cow's milk and a glass of camel's milk. Kendra, everybody.
I need... We...
And I know you're thinking,

camel's milk, where could you get that?

You know where you can get it in Los Angeles

at like four weird stores.

And here's the thing about finding camel's milk.

There's only two answers when you call a grocery store

to ask if they have camel milk.

Of course, and are you insane?

We'd like one volunteer for a blind taste test to see which one you actually prefer.

We'll also hope you can guess which one is the camel's milk.

And I will say you will have to sign a milk waiver.

Would somebody like to volunteer and test the milk?

We have a volunteer right here in the front row.

Come on up.

Hi, what's your name?

Lori.

Lori?

Okay.

We have, I know which one is which. Okay.
All right. One of these is the cow's milk and one of them is the camel's milk.
All right. Why don't you taste one and see what you think? Okay.
Any reaction to the first one before we get the second sip? No. Okay.
What do you think? Which one do you think is the cow's milk? Which one do you think is the camel's milk? They're so similar. Interesting, interesting.
Can I do it again?

Yeah, sure. You're sure they're different? One of them is camel's milk and one of them is cow's milk.
They're both camel's milk. They are? No.
They're both cow's milk. Get out of here.
Great job. And finally, the blue man group has ended after 34 years of performing in New York two members of the trio were released into the Hudson Valley sadly after biting Bernadette Peters outside Balthazar the third was humanely euthanized and that is a lie he begged for his life or at least that's what we think he was doing by banging on those pots and pans.
Up next, he let the dogma out. It's Kevin Smith! Hey, don't go anywhere.
There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Love It or Leave It is brought to you by Policy Genius.

How do you plan for the new year?

Is your favorite time to start fresh, John?

Yeah, it is.

Do you prioritize getting your finances order after the holidays?

No.

How has your approach changed through the years?

My approach to what?

Your plan.

How's your plan? I don't know.

For if I croak?

Is that what we're talking about here? Yeah. This is life insurance.
You go up or you go down. Policy genius.
Swimming with the fishes. Makes finding and buying life insurance simple.
You know, I actually for the first time was doing my own planning for the event of my unfortunate and untimely demise. I hated it.
But you have to do it. It's not that fun.
You have to do it. It's not a fun thing.
But you have to do it. Policy Genius makes it a lot easier.
They make it so much easier. You can find life insurance policies that start at just $292 per year for $1 million of coverage.
Some options are 100% online and let you avoid unnecessary medical exams. I had to decide where Pundit goes.
You know? Someone's got to take Pundit. Stay tuned to find out to the end of the episode.
Policy Genius compares quotes from America's top insurers side-by-side for free with no hidden fees. Their licensed support team can help you get what you need fast so you can get on with your life.
They answer questions, handle paperwork, and advocate for you throughout the process even if you already have life insurance through work. It may not protect all of your family's needs or follow you.
If you leave the job, join thousands of happy Policy Genius customers who left five-star reviews on Google and Trustpilot. Secure your families tomorrow.
So you have peace of mind today. Head to policygenius.com slash love it or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save.
That's policygenius.com slash love it. Worried about what ingredients are hiding in your groceries? Let us take the guesswork out.
We're Thrive Market, the online grocery store with the highest quality standards in the industry.

We restrict 1,000-plus ingredients, so you can trust that you'll only find the best high-quality organic and sustainable brands all free of the junk.

With savings up to 30% off and fast carbon-neutral shipping, you get top-trusted groceries at your door.

And you can stop worrying about what your kids get their hands on.

Start shopping at thrivemarket.com slash podcast for 30% off your first order and a free gift. And we're back.
Please welcome to the stage. He stole my original podcast title, beardless dickless me.
It's Kevin Smith. Hi.
Thanks for being here. Come on out.
It's Kevin Smith, everybody. Hi.
How you doing? I'm fucking good. I was enjoying, oh, Dogma Figures.
I was enjoying the show from backstage. I had this moment on the way over.
Like every once in a while, the universe reminds you like where you are and what you and, like, to let go of stupid shit and whatnot. So I was driving over.
There was a lot of traffic. And so I got off the freeway.
I jumped on to Hollywood. But then, you know, I got to get down to Sunset.
Got to get down to Sunset. Got to get down there.
So there's a pileup of cars getting to Western where I'm like, fuck, I'll turn on Western. and I couldn't, for those who are, you know, not from around here, like 6.30 to 7.30, you can't fucking move traffic-wise.
It probably is similar to like downtown Albuquerque. Yes.
Just for a basis of comparison. 100%.
So I saw up ahead someone who was standing in the thoroughfare. We got a green light, but nobody can progress because there's a person who's like dancing, swaying in the intersection.

And like, I'm never somebody to judge like anybody, particularly like I went on a mental health journey two years ago.

I was in a booby hatch and stuff.

So I would never be like, that guy's fucking crazy.

So I don't think he was crazy.

But let's just say it's safe to say he was set adrift in memory bliss of meth.

Thank you. be hatching stuff so i would never be like that guy's fucking crazy so i don't think he was crazy but let's just say safe to say he was set adrift in memory bliss of meth so he was he's up there holding up traffic for two fucking lights john and i'm like oh my god like i like i'm glad you're feeling it but i gotta go to a show i'm gonna be late and shit and so i start getting impatient and i start just getting like fucking god damn it man like handle your fucking high.

You know what I'm saying? Like I got none against

getting high but like fucking

shit like this, people like this.

I get right up to Western about to

make the turn. The dude's still in the intersection

and whatnot. He's wearing

a hoodie, has my face on it.

That's calm. Rolled down the window window i was like have at it man that's awesome i love that so i i i fancy my you're a writer right yeah you still fucking sure i'm a writer i mean as i sat back there i was like he did a lot of writing yeah it's it's editing.
So, you know, we're fucking writers.

Sure.

Can you pinpoint the fucking worst thing you've ever written?

A lot of people for me would be like, yoga hosers.

I'm like, fuck you.

But do you know the worst thing you've ever written where you can go like, I know it.

I can crystallize it.

I'll write this date down forever.

That's interesting.

It's an interesting question because I wouldn't think that way. What I would say is I can look back and

I think that if you don't look back on

your earlier writing

and cringe, it means you haven't

really grown. Well, you're talking to

a guy who made three clerkses.

Right. No, yeah.
I looked

back at my earlier writing. I was like, let's do that

shit again.

But this isn't about old writing.

I want to share with you. I literally

tonight backstage waiting

to go on wrote

Thank you. shit again but that's like this isn't about old writing i want to share with you that i literally tonight backstage waiting to go on wrote i think the worst thing ever written in my life certainly something that i never imagined that i i words that i would never put together i have a lot of respect for words as a wordsmith and whatnot and i never thought i'd arrange words in this particular fashion and And when I wrote it, oddly enough, it is a text.

When I wrote it and sent it, I read it and I was like, fuck, I'm so sad.

This is what I wrote. I really wish we'd fucked before I left instead of watching Matlock.

Like, I'm old, I'm 54, but i never imagined i'd put those words together first of all yeah i don't i think that that is don't judge you've seen the new matlock right because kathy bates is fucking talking about that old school matlock no no we know what i knew you meant kathy bates matlock uh first of all, I just think I appreciate that that was a concise,

I think that was like a strunk and white approved text.

It was concise.

It was to the point.

You conveyed the information.

It was clear.

I think that was excellent writing.

That's coming from a writer.

All right.

So let me, you've judged my thing.

Let me, you could judge her response.

So I said, I really wish we'd have fucked before I left instead of watching Matlock. And she wrote, well, Matlock makes me feel good.
That's excellent. That was pretty good.
As previously mentioned, I did some time in a mental hospital and whatnot,

and they told me that I'm codependent and a people pleaser and shit.

And I came home and I told my wife, they tell me I'm codependent.

She goes, no, you're just fucking married.

Get rid of that shit out of your head.

So I wrote as a codependent, I was like, I don't make you feel good.

And she wrote, Matlock makes me feel good for an hour straight.

Wow, you're, you know, she's the writer.

Well, hold on, because here's the closer.

At least I think it's the closer.

When I get home, you're getting Matt cocked.

She hasn't written back. I think I won.
We'll find out tonight when I don't get laid can I share a fucking story with you it's about time you'll love this I feel like I'm carrying this whole fucking conversation I feel so fucking bad I'm real reticent to say anything this is fucking this is something for the reason I travel a lot like you. And that's before I get out of here, I'm going to like, I mean, on stage, like I'm going to, I want to ask you all about your podcast financials and shit.
Okay. Yeah.
We'll get, we'll get out there. We'll get out the visors.
We'll get into it. I want to know how to get podcasts rich.
So this is, I spent a lot of time on the road. I've seen you guys like as a pod save america in venues that i'll never play at but i've seen you in the same cities and shit like that so i know you know we live life on the road sometimes i i spent a lot of time on the road i'm a vegan i don't say that to convert anybody i had a heart attack seven, and after that, I went vegan to thin the fucking cholesterol out and stuff like that, and it wound up helping me lose a lot of weight.
So, you know, I used to be happy, now I'm fucking vegan. So I, whenever I travel, like, if I go to a city and shit, I gotta find vegan food to eat, and, you know, most people are like, well, fucking, they got vegetables everywhere, bitch.

I don't eat vegetables.

I ain't that kind of vegan.

Like, if you gave me a kumquat,

I'd be like, ew.

But if you turned it into a meatball,

I'd be like, give me nine, you know?

So when I get there,

there's an app.

There's this Happy Cow app.

And you enter your coordinates

and it'll tell you

where, like, the nearest vegan restaurant is.

So here in Los Angeles,

you enter your coordinates

and every place is a vegan restaurant. But on the road, it getsder like you know i heard somebody mentioned texas before and they're like we think there's a potato somewhere down the road exactly if you drive for a while you might see a loose potato some places though you'd be surprised like i was in i was prejudging the city i was in salt lake city and i was like fucking you know because sometimes it's a milk town exactly you see we're thinking the same thing and like i thought i'd enter in Salt Lake City.
And I was like, fucking, you know, because sometimes you'll enter. It's a milk town.
Exactly. You see, we're thinking the same thing.
And, like, I thought I'd enter, like, Salt Lake City in the app would just laugh at me or something like that. But I entered a lot of fucking options, including one that was a satanic vegan restaurant.
And it was called Mark of the Bistro. Now, I found this fascinating.
I was talking about it when I was there on stage. And somebody in the audience goes, you got to come to my coffee shop.
And I was like, I don't drink coffee. And she goes, it's in a desanctified church.
And I was like, you have my attention. And I said, what is that all about? And she goes, it's a satanic coffee shop.
I was like, what's in the fucking water out here, man? And they they explained they're like it's so much mormonism like counterculture swings hard in the other direction and shit so she's like will you come i said fuck yeah i'll come man and i the next morning because i was doing gigs two nights in a row i got up and i was like you know fucking i can't wait like a satanic fucking coffee shop there's gonna be like cocks and vaginas and like cum everywhere i'm like it's gonna be an orgy this is gonna be so fucking desanctified probably a pretty dark roast the name of the shop promised that it was called hallowed grounds so when i get there i can't wait to see fucking satan nothing like it was just a name all they sold was coffee that was the gimmick and i was like well i don't even fucking drink'll buy something because I want, you know, I made the trip. I bought a t-shirt for my daughter that said, hollow grounds on it.
And then I bought a mug for my wife. Cause I thought it was funny.
They had a coffee mug. It's a coffee place.
Now, if you've been alive on the planet, as long as I have been alive, and even if not that long, you have encountered this sentiment on a coffee mug uh don't talk to me until i've had my coffee sure is one of the oldest fucking jokes i'm sure when somebody said the first time somebody was like oh absolutely not like oh shit fucking do hit me again but definitely like that's very very witty wild very witty and then they put it on coffee mugs. Now it's like, you know, when Garfield's like, I hate Mondays.

Like, we fucking get it.

You've been saying that for decades and shit.

This coffee mug sentiment, everybody fucking knows.

It has lost its punch, but it still gives a smile, people.

I saw their coffee mug.

On one side, it said, hallowed grounds.

On the front side of the mug, it had in Gothic lettering,

it said, don't talk to me until I've had my abortion.

So I was like, oh my God, I'm totally getting that for my wife.

And I brought it home and she was like, that's hysterical.

I was like, isn't it fucked up?

That was funny, man.

Like, fuck it.

You could put any word in they chose abortion.

That was fucking nuts and shit like that.

Took that old joke and made it fucking fresh and shit.

And she was like, that's funny.

I think I'm going to be a little bit more. I was like, isn't it fucked up? That was funny, man.
Like, fuck it. You could put any word in they chose abortion.
That was fucking nuts and shit like that. Took that old joke and made it fucking fresh and shit.
And she was like, that's funny. I said, I should put a picture of me drinking on Instagram.
What a fucking terrible idea that was. Holy shit, dude.
My whole fucking world went on fire, man. I put a picture of me drinking from this mug and on the front of it.
And it said, you know, don't talk to me until I've had my abortion. And, you know, I said, I found this funny mug.
It makes me laugh. That was it.
I wasn't out there going like, fucking, here's how I feel about shit. It was not a political statement.
I'm like, look at this fucked up mug. Holy fucking shit, man.
The kindest thing I got was somebody going, I can't believe my favorite director from the 90s would make fun of religion. And I was like, I made Dogma.
Like in the 90s. Like, how do you know me otherwise and shit? That was tame.
Then it went to shit like that heart attack should have killed you. What are you drinking out of that mug? Dead babies.
And I wrote back, I'm vegan. That's interesting.
But that's the fucking weirdest one this is the worst one because i i on the mug it says like abortion right there loud and clear and they wrote your daughter should have been one and i wrote back my daughter should have been a coffee mug fuck you they didn't think that was funny at all that's a good the politics of that joke are kind of confusing explain well, just that presumably they're mad at you to get fucking criticized and shit. I did want your writing advice on the text.
That's it. And I want you to know something.
But suddenly I'm getting a clinic on like, well, let me tell you why your joke failed. Not your joke.
I'll get that shit at home. Their joke.
Not your joke. You didn't make the joke about your daughter being an abortion.
They made the joke about the daughter being an abortion. I don't have a problem with your joke.
I have a problem with their joke. Your jokes have been great.
I'm nothing if not a consummate host. I felt like I was getting fucking preached to.
I was like, now you sound like those people on Instagram. But don't you think, here's the thing about feedback from the internet, which is usually great.
To me, like the, you should kill yourself, you should have been an abortion, blah, blah, blah. That doesn't affect me.
It's the ones that it's the smarter criticisms that get at the part of the criticism that you might believe. Like, like you could, but your father might not have liked you as much as you think.
Sure. That's what springs to mind for you, which is really interesting.
But like...

Because I can't disprove that.

Like my mom's alive.

I can call her and be like,

Ma, you like me as much as I think.

She'd be like, oh, tiger.

Of course I do.

My father's dead 22 years.

Who the fuck am I going to call?

My mother?

Of course she'll lie on his behalf.

Right.

You'll never get the truth.

I gotta go.

What a real existential moment that was.

But the...

What is the thing someone would say

that would cut you to the core?

Oh, I can't tell them.

If they have it, they'll kill...

This is like...

It's like Superman doesn't go around

Thank you. what a real existential moment that was but the what is the thing someone would say that would cut you to the core oh i can't tell them if they have it they'll kill this is like like it's like superman doesn't go around explaining kryptonite that's stupid the stupidest thing how'd they ever find that out hold on and you're superman in the equation in this analogy yes not because of my strength because of my weakness i love's even better.
I am invincible. Yes.
To your point, I am invincible unless anyone finds out what my insecurities are, which are impossible to know. Have they in time and all the time you've been doing shows and whatnot, has more and more of yourself gotten out there where people know your weak points? Yeah, I would say it was a quicker process than you'd think.
It was pretty much an open book. Yeah, because other people would be like, oh, it's weird because people come up on the street and they feel like they know me.
And it's like, yeah, I know. I hate that.
They think they know me. That's pretty good.
They know me. So Dogma is being re-released.
What do you think God would think of what's happening?

With the re-release of Dogma?

I think he'd be happy for me.

Oh, good.

That's good.

I got to imagine God.

Look, I'm praying to God.

God loves Dogma.

I would hate to fucking get to the great beyond and have him be like, very funny, burn in hell.

That's what I thought, man.

I thought like when I had the heart attack seven years ago, you know it it never occurred to me to like pray and i was raised catholic and shit i mean obviously you've seen dogma fucking it tells the tale but while i was at death's door and they told me like you're you know the doctor was like you're having a widow maker i was like what's that he's like really you have to ask and he, 80% of the cases where the patient has what you're having, the patient always dies. You're going to be in like the 20%.
So as he, he, he went to work, he disappeared into my crotch and made magic. That's how they fix your heart.
They go in from the bottom. It's amazing.
Everyone's like a man, way to a man's heart is stomach bullshit right next to the balls. Apparently that's the right.
So my man was fucking down there trying to save my life and shit and i was you know staring up at the hospital ceiling i was like this may be the fucking last ceiling i look up at and stuff and you know i my life flashed before my eyes but not in that dire way just where i was like well like the man was honest with you about your odds of getting out and shit and i figure every day you wake up it's 50 50 chance you're not going to make it to the end of the day, right? But those odds, like 20%, I'd never fucking heard odds that low. I mean, the 50-50 is too low.
Even that's pretty bad. But like fucking 80-20, I'm like, I am fucked.
So I started thinking about life. It never occurred to me to pray because I figured I'd be like, oh, Lord, fucking help me.
And he'd be like, you made dogma. No.
So instead, I just thought about the journey. And I was like real, like unabashedly appreciative.
And I used to be like real scared of dying. And don't get me wrong.
I don't want to die and shit. But like that used to be anathema to me.
When you're creative for a living, like death is their kryptonite. Like what? I'm going to stop and fuck it.
I have all these things to say and the world's going to go on without me. What are you fucking nuts? So after I almost died, suddenly I was like, oh, death ain't like, I get it now.
Death is like graduating high school. Like as much as I enjoyed high school, they're like, you got to go.
Like there's more out there and shit. And maybe there's not more out there.
You know, I used to believe, you know, beyond belief in the faith I was raised in, given to me by my parents, what would happen after all this. And that's what dogma comes from.
It's a movie written by a person whose faith is in deep crisis. And I wrote it when I was like 22 years old and stuff.
And so at this stage in the game, like, you know, we took a lot of shit on that movie. We got 400,000 pieces of hate mail and three bonafide death threats.
One of which I memorized because it captivated my imagination. It said, you Jews better take that money you stole from us and start investing in flak jackets.
Cause we're coming in there with shotguns. This was a movie with a rubber poop monster in it.
Right, right. Yeah.
It was weird. I wonder what the Jew that it was intended for.
Yeah, because I was like, I'm Catholic. I don't know if you saw the movie.
So I've met many people over the years, like people of faith who work in the faith business, priests and spiritual counselors, who now are like, oh my God, I fucking love that movie. And I was like, where the fuck were you when they were trying to fucking kill me and shit like that? Like when we went to Cannes to show the movie in 99, they had to install metal detectors at the theater and shit.
And the weirdest moment of the dogma experience as far as that, as far as the looming death threats and shit, was we went to show the movie at the New York Film Festival. And I, you know, Harley was a baby, man.
She was like under four months at that point. And we found like these angel wings and we're like, oh, we'll put the angel wings on the kid because dogma and angels and who.
And so we get out of the car at Lincoln center and there's a thousand fucking people lined up protesting, holding a giant statue of Mary and praying the rosary at me. And like, I grew up with the rosary, rosary.
So I could pray it back if I wanted to. I didn't know you could, I didn't know you could pray it at people.
Literally like hail Mary full of grace the Lord. Blessed art thou amongst women and shit.
I thought it was supposed to go internal. No, I ducked it.
I went this way. Um, so as we came out, like with the kid in my arms of the angel wings and shit like that, people really, uh, yelling very unchristian shit, but whatever, you know, they got their beef.
So we go inside and, uh, Gina Gardini, she was a publicist, uh, back in the day at, at Miramax. I said, she goes, Kevin, she saw me with the kid.
She goes, what are you doing? I said, I'm going to bring the kid up. Like when I intro the movie, I was like, you know, fucking I got this living prop.
Like fucking if I walk out and be like, I got a child, maybe they'll like the movie more and shit. I said, so I'm going to go out there.
And she goes, I don't want to, I don't know how to say this, but I feel like I would be remiss if I didn't say that anybody can buy a ticket to tonight's screening. I was like, I know that's why it's sold out fucking rocks and shit.
Alice Tully hall. And she was like, no, no, no, you're not hearing me.
Anyone can buy a ticket for the screening tonight, including people that don't want this movie to happen. And I was like, uh, oh, all right.
And she goes, well, I feel I need to tell you that because you're about to walk out on stage with your baby in your arms. And I was like, don't, why'd you put that in my head? And she was like, it's my job to think about the unthinkable and stuff.
And I just, I couldn't, in good conscience, I had to say that what you do next is your decision. And I was like, um, well, you know what, don't do it, like if I leave the kid behind, like the fucking terrorists win, whatever.
So I definitely went out on stage with the baby. But I'll be honest, I was using it like a human shield the whole fucking time.
It's like, welcome to dogma, motherfuckers. But it's nice.
Now we're coming back out like at a time when maybe it's not like that. Like the movie's aged well it's like 25 years old this is the 26th year of uh since it was released when we hit november and shit so things have calmed down people are outraged about other things like i remember when that was an outrage in 1999 i would say i would lovely to imagine that people have calmed down i would would say more...
Based on that abortion mug, I think things are going to go

fine with dogma. See more that it's harder

to get... I'd say that our

outrage has kind of

taken off its uniform and distributed itself

amongst the civilian population. You know what I'm saying?

It's like everywhere all the time.

We'll be right back with Kevin Smith.

Hey, don't go anywhere.

There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. love it or leave it is brought to you by helix i love my helix mattress i have a super comfortable dawn lux you know we had the holidays and we were traveling and we were in new york and it was so great to come back to my helix mattress my super comfortable bed so nice to get back to a helix mattress how so how do you know which helix mattress works best for you in your body? Take the Helix sleep quiz.
Find your perfect mattress in under two minutes. I took the Helix sleep quiz and I was matched with a John Lux because I wanted something that was firm.
The Helix lineup offers 20 unique mattresses, including the award-winning Lux and Ultra Premium Elite Collections. Helix Plus, a mattress for big and tall sleepers.
Helix Kids, a mattress designed for growing bodies. Endorsed by child sleep experts.
Helix knows there's no better way to test out a new mattress than by sleeping on it in your own home. That's why they offer a 100-night trial and a 10-15 year warranty to try out your new Helix mattress.
Plus, your personalized mattress is shipped straight to your door free of charge. It's helped my sleep.
It's made my life better. I highly recommend it.
A new Helix mattress, plus some new sheets, change your whole fucking life. Go to helixsleep.com slash love it for 20% off site-wide plus two free dream pillows with mattress purchase.
That's helixsleep.com slash love it for 20% off site-wide plus two free dream pillows with mattress purchase. Helixsleep.com slash love it.
Worried about what ingredients are hiding in your groceries? Let us take the guesswork out. We're Thrive Market, the online grocery store with the highest quality standards in the industry.

We restrict 1,000 plus ingredients.

So you can trust that you'll only find the best high quality organic and sustainable brands all free of the junk.

With savings up to 30% off and fast carbon neutral shipping, you get top trusted groceries at your door.

And you can stop worrying about what your kids get their hands on.

Start shopping at thrivemarket.com slash podcast for 30% off your first order and a free gift. And we're back.
Wait, I want to hear one Ben Affleck or Matt Damon story from Making Dogma.

Hit us with a story.

From, let me see.

It can be from Dogma.

It can be from other times. Just give us.
I mean, they were, it's not so much a story, but it's true. We were making Dogma in Pittsburgh at the time that Good Will Hunting was up for Oscars and stuff.
So the boys, before we even went out to Pittsburgh to shoot, that year, like Chasing Amy, Joey, Lauren Adams was nominated for Chasing Amy. And Ben and Matt were nominated for Good Will Hunting for screenplay.
Robin was nominated for actor and stuff like that. So a bunch of cats went to the Golden Globes, who I was close with.
And Ben and Matt won. And they got up there and they thanked a zillion people and then got off.
And Joey saw Ben because she was there for Chasing Amy. And she walked by and flipped him a quarter.
She's like, there's somebody you better call. And he called me up and he was like, I can't fucking believe I forgot to thank you and Scott.
Me and Scott Mosier, my producing partner at the time, got Good Will Hunting made. We were the ones that brought it into Miramax, got it set up.
We had co-executive producer credit on it and shit. So he's like, we feel like fucking assholes, dude.
The fact that we didn't thank you. Like you, without you, nothing would have happened.
Like, I swear to God, if we get nominated for Oscars and shit and we ever win, if I'm ever on a stage again, I swear to you, we're like, we're so much and I was like right on right on I said don't worry about it it's just the Golden Globes you know so they got nominated for a fucking Oscar and I was like fucking hey you know because the chances of my name being said on TV are fucking huge and shit and so we're shooting Dogma uh And we're doing the airport scene with Ben and Matt.

Like the very first scene they are in the movie and stuff.

Betty Aberlin's in it as well. He used to be on Mr.
Rogers' Neighborhood.

And she plays the nun who Matt talks

out of faith and stuff. So when we're done

shooting the scene, we put the

boys, we're shooting at the airport in Pittsburgh.

We put the boys on the fucking

plane to go back

to Los Angeles for the Oscars.

You know, fucking just finished

shooting with him, gave him a big hug. I'm like, fucking, you're

I agree. Pittsburgh.
We put the boys on the fucking plane to go back to Los Angeles for the Oscars. You know, fucking just finished shooting with him, gave him a big hug, man, like, fucking, you're going to do it.
This is fucking amazing. We wish we could go with you, but we were shooting still.
The boys took off and left. Spoilers, they won an Oscar.
And they were very charming when they did. They got up and did a very fucking exuberant speech where they literally thanked everybody on the fucking planet except for me and scott and me and scott were watching the oscars with all of the dogma casting crew in pittsburgh and shit like that we're like whoo this is our boys and then they fucking won we're like holy shit everybody's fucking going and then everyone's like quiet quiet quiet he's going to thank Kevin and Scott.
And the whole fucking speech happens and then they play him off

and they're like,

and they're literally going,

who are we forgetting?

We're forgetting somebody.

I was like,

they're working a bit.

They're about to say our names.

And suddenly they were,

it was like a commercial

and I was like,

oh shit.

And so me and Scott

like excused ourselves

and you know,

in the room we were like,

hey man,

it don't fucking,

we didn't do it for that

and shit like that.

Like,

it's so cool.

Like in a moment like that,

like fucking, it's totally all right. It seems seems like it seems like it was cool with you shit happened 28 years ago um we went upstairs and we were just like you know fucking once fool me once shame on you fool me twice like shame on me and shit and the boys came home like you know two days later they won their oscar and shit they got off the plane in pittsburgh and came to the offices and they had these hang dog expressions and they were like we know we know and you know so it's again wasn't necessary i was the way i was raised you don't do something nice hoping for somebody to be like you're fucking nice.
You do it because it's nice. And that's the reward right there.
But, you know, I'd be lying if I, let me see, Dogma was 1999, uh, is now 2025. I've made a few movies and the boys have been in those movies, uh, for years, even movies that are probably, you know, they're at the height of their careers and they're fucking doing cameo in a Kevin Smith movie and shit like that.
And I think that has everything to do with any time I ask. And they're like, you know, fuck, I don't want to go to Jersey and shoot something.
They're like, but we forgot to thank this asshole. And so they fucking come out but they're sweet they're very sweet kids i like that in pittsburgh they put um french fries in the sandwiches at promonties yeah is that the only thing you know about pittsburgh is that your go-to pittsburgh fact it's the one that's most important to me because i really do genuinely love those sandwiches they're good but i like pittsburgh a lot it's a good feeling in pittsburgh it's a good vibe i really like the energy you ever go to, there's a great place got pierogies and it's in a desanctified church.
I'm real big into desanctified churches. We shot Dogma into desanctified church.
Like Dogma has that giant, beautiful church in it, but it wasn't like the Catholic church was like, yeah, go ahead. Like we got it from some guy who had bought it from the Catholic church and like a sale.
Hey, you know what I noticed when I was looking through your oeuvre? Your oeuvre? It was, I didn't realize this, that you do a lot of your own editing, that you are the editor on a lot of your movies. The only time I haven't edited my feature that I've directed was Mallrats.
The studio wouldn't let me. So Paul Dixon was our cutter on that movie.
I was curious why that's important to you. Because directors, even when they're not the official editor, play obviously a a huge role in editing.
And I do feel like edit, but, but to be, they watch the cuts and give lots of notes. They get very involved, but you're the editor.
You're on the ones and twos and I'm just, and I'm curious why and why that's important to you. And because I do think sometimes that editing is the kind of least under one of the least understood and respected or at least publicly kind of thought about aspects of making a movie? And I just want to hear about that for me.
I'll be honest with you. I get so, so rarely do I get a chance to speak about editing that I'm turgid right now.
Wow. Pause Matlock.
He's on his way home. Good news.
I've got good news or bad news. I'm not sure based on the previous text.
I love it. Can't leave it.
I love editing because I love writing. Directing is fun because I like being around actors.
I love the lie that tells the truth and people who can suspend the window of disbelief. I think that to me is just, I like being around that.
And that's why I think I direct. I'm a writer first and foremost.
And that's what I thought I would die a writer only or something. And then directing.
Curse worse than death. Die a writer only.
But the editing thing was nothing i ever intended but something you do because you didn't have money to hire an editor so it's like all right me and scott cut clerks ourselves and stuff but clerks is a series of very long takes so there's not much editing involved so for me it's like getting to do another draft of the script my two favorite parts parts of the filmmaking process, and hopefully this doesn't paint me in an antisocial light, are writing and editing. So those are the two times I'm alone in a room and the game is on my stick.
It rises and falls on me, and it has nothing to do with whether somebody else is good at their job. I have to be adept at my job or everything fucking falls apart.
And as an editor, you get one more bite as a writer because you can reshape the story. You can reshape, you can make them say things they didn't intend to say and stuff like that.
So I like that very much. But it's very easy to edit a Kevin Smith movie because I shoot a Kevin Smith movie, like one of them kids' puzzles you buy at a brainarium or something where it's like 12 pieces, you know? So even a child can put it together.
I don't overshoot and like, we'll figure it out in editing. I only shoot like, Oh, I got these three lines here.
I don't need anything else in this angle. Let's jump over here and stuff.
So it, I, you know, I, I think because of that, I often question if I can really call myself an editor. I know how to edit a Kevin Smith movie.
That being said, my friend Logic made a movie this year or just last year. It's coming out this year called Paradise Records.
And I was an exec producer on it. But I said, look, where I could be really useful to you because he's a first time director is editing.
Like I'll hang out while you shoot the flick. I'll edit on set and whatnot, and I can tell you if you're missing any shots or blah, blah, blah.
So I edited somebody else's movie, and granted, I was close to the material. It wasn't like somebody just gave me a bunch of footage cold and I had to figure it out.
But I was delighted to see that I could edit something that wasn't mine. After 30 years, I was convinced, like most things things in life, I've carved myself a lane where I can just do me and not be judged for anything else.
I slowly gravitated from being one thing from making art to trying to be the art myself. If I'm a director, they can judge me against other directors who do the job far better than me.
But if I'm Kevin Smith for a living, there's no other comparison. They can't be like, well, this Kevin Smith's way more Kevin Smith than you and shit.
So slowly over time- Like Heinz Ketchup in a sense. Exactly, exactly.
I don't want to be catsup. I want to be the OG ketchup.
Because if you're Heinz Ketchup, you don't need to worry about someone making a better ketchup because you are ketchup. You are the thing.
You are the archetype. And you live in anticipation.
Yeah. That is somebody who saw that commercial in the 70s many times.
And you know what that sound means? What does that sound mean? Now I'm getting the anticipation thing. I'm remembering because it's the bottle and over the edge.
Anticipation. Kevin, before we let you go, now originally you're here.
Oh, what the fuck? Well, it's before we let you go. But then we're i well it's before we let you go but then we're gonna let you go but right now you're here i you know what i'm my bad they taught me that in the fucking booby hatch and i should have remembered that right you see me seize up because i was like what in the future we're not going to be together what the fuck but i should really appreciate the now that's what they told me in the fucking nut house they were like human beings don't live in the present we're physically in the present at all times of course but most of the time we spend in the past where we judge ourselves and relitigate the mistakes we've made and that's a complete waste of time because you can't do anything to change it's already happened you can learn from it perhaps that's about it.
Then the other place we spend all our time is in the future worrying about anxiety, worrying about what may happen, fretting about the fucking thing that gives us terror and keeps us awake at night. And you can't do anything about that.
Nobody knows what the fucking future is, man. And if you're going to write a fictional future where everything goes bad, it's 50-50 shot goes well, so you might as well flip the script, write something fucking positive or, Oh my God, everything's coming up millhouse for me and shit.
Still, that's unhealthy. The best place for you to be is in the present because in the present, that's where everything happens.
The things you worry about in the past, they were the present ones. And the things you're worried about happening in the future, they're going to be your present once you get there and shit.
But you don't know what they're going to be. The things you're imagining probably aren't going to happen.
Only one of the futures is going to happen. That's why you meet so many people and they're like, oh, I'm not creative like you.
I'm like, fuck you. You're Shakespeare when it comes to predicting your own doom, I guarantee you.
You'll be the most creative motherfucker in the world when you can talk yourself out of a good future and shit. Best place to be is the fucking here and now, man.
The present. You can't control it, but you have the best possible chance

of understanding and riding that moment, man,

than you do in the past and in the future.

And that, if somebody had told me,

look, I just saved y'all $40,000 fucking dollars.

I'm sorry I didn't meet you until now

because there's a YouTube you could have watched

that would have given you a lot of that.

100%.

Weren't we playing a game or some such yet?

And here's how it works.

Now, originally your daughter was going to join us.

Yeah.

But she's not here, but Kennedy is going to be our representative of Gen Z.

Producer Kennedy, come on out.

Can I tell you?

Hello, hello.

Can I tell you a quick story about Kennedy? How is that possible? I would love to hear it. I would love to hear it.
We just met, right? Yeah. So I was backstage.
Is Bill the guy? Yeah, Bill's over there. Bill's the man.
He wasn't invited. I had a breakdown with on the phone the other day where I was like, I don't know anything about politics.
You got the wrong guy and shit. So I come backstage and Bill's giving me the lady.
He's like, where's your daughter? And I was like, she don't want to be here. She wants to be in Boston.
So he goes, all right, we're going to have Kennedy sit in for your daughter and be the voice of Gen Z. And I was looking at him real perplexed.
And I was like,

Kennedy from Fox News?

And he was like,

no, no,

Kennedy works on the show.

And I was like,

oh, because I know y'all are political and shit.

No, no, no, no.

I said, but I didn't know

you were that political.

It's Kennedy from Moreno Valley.

Right, that's it, man.

Nice to meet you.

I met the other one once.

I think this is actually

a good pairing

because my dad's name is Kevin.

The fuck out of here.

Yeah, we don't talk. But that is his name.
When you did, did you call him Kevin? No, I just called him. And you know what that sound means? All right.
First job. All right.
Here's how it works. Yes.
Finally, the fucking game show I was promised. Kevin and Kennedy, you represent two incredible generations, Gen X and Gen Z.
I'm going to give you a topic that was around in the 90s and is even more relevant today. You're going to give us a final verdict on that topic in a segment we're calling Smithbusters.
Oh, my God, man. I'm in the Kevin Smith business.

That never occurred to me.

Well, you know what?

Stealing it.

Take it with you.

Thank you.

Take it with you.

Look at, oh my God, there's a graphic.

There was.

Oh, I forgot.

It's a visual show.

It is.

It's on YouTube as well.

I should have been sucking in my gut the whole time.

First up, huge jeans.

Huge jeans.

Huge jeans.

Jorts.

Jorts.

They're not going to it dipped to 50 degrees. And I was like, ooh, it's chilly in LA.
Um, but yes, this photo is, uh, um, something I literally talked about when I was in a group session. Glad we could bring it up here.
They saved my life and stuff, but I remember being in a group session going like, I remember at one point they took a photo of me at a gas station.

And it was a really unfortunate angle.

The kid was with me and shit like that. Years later after I lost weight, I went back, retook

the photo looking way slimmer

and put them side by side. But

this photo really haunted me

and it is very

triggering and traumatizing. Let's get off the screen.

Next photo.

Next photo.

I mean, you say that, but I literally feel like Billie Eilish could wear that tomorrow. 100%, man.
I like George. I don't think I could pull them off myself, but I did go to a club and I did see this girl with him and then she had boots on and I was like, who wears George to a club? But if you're hot enough, you can wear whatever you want.
And she was. I got news here.

You don't have to be hot to wear jorts.

You have to be fat as well.

I've been wearing jorts my whole life because I have my mother's thighs,

childbearing hips and stuff.

But I got killer fucking fire calves so I can show them off in the jorts.

Back to you.

Yeah.

I love that this is my first experience here. I mean, I think I had calves.
I could have calves to pull off jorts. But it's not for me.
I'm more like full length. Like, I don't want you to be able to see my ankles that well.
They're always covered. Actually, right now I feel kind of exposed.
Because I'd expect to sit cross-legged in front of a full house. Next up, flannel.
I love a flannel. There's no picture.
No, it's just flannel. It's like I forgot what it looks like.
Show me. Yes or no on flannel.
There are photos of me from the 90s wearing flannels. A lot of my characters wore flannels.
Randall wore flannel in Cler clerks uh t.s wore flannel around his waist in uh um mall rats uh chasing amy was covered in flannel all my stuff in the 90s very really you're you the look of your films in the 90s really was like a it both i think like how how old are you i am 42 all right so i I remember it was, well, it's interesting. Cause I remember I saw dogma when it came out and they were adults and now they're kids.
Yeah. And that's a strange thing.
That's a strange thing. Like in clerks, clerks, I remember seeing clerks.
They were the, they were cool, older kids. And I, and I now they're kids.
They're just children in that movie. It's a strange thing to those movies.
You go back and look at them. Um, but you, the, the looks of those movies was like kind of the gen X look and it's back.
How cool that, how cool is that? Oh, I've, I got so lucky, man. Like at one point the culture shifted toward comic books and like, I was, you know, I was, I've been there forever and shit, but like like in 95 we made mall rats and it was about like brody bruce the character that jason lee plays was the internet before the internet happened and shit like that so i was well positioned i would have been more well positioned if i actually made a comic book movie but for somebody who doesn't have the talent and never had the uh opportunity not that he ever wanted it to make one of those gigantic book movies.
I love comic book culture. And the fact that those movies became popular and the culture shifted away from my perspective, sports towards fucking pop culture and comic book culture.
Like, I got another 10 years of free ride, even though I haven't made a comic book movie, because in Mallrats, my characters were very well-versed. Chasing Amy takes place with comic book professionals and shit.
So at a certain point when the culture shifted, they were like, oh, you know about this shit. And I was like, oh my God, I'm happy to talk about comic books.
You were involved in the almost Nicolas Cage Superman movie. I wrote the Superman.
You wrote that. Superman Lives.
Superman Lives with Nicolas Cage. We even got him in a costume.
There's photos of him in the get up. And then they did that Flash movie last year.
There was a little mini sequence with him fighting a giant spider and shit. I was like, oh my god, it happened.
When Superman didn't work out, is that when he did Ghost Rider instead? Oh no, it was years after. He was talking about doing, we were making Dogma when they were about, when Tim Burton

was going to direct the Superman Lives movie.

And my script they had gotten rid of and they had a whole new script and stuff, but we were

shooting in Pittsburgh and they were also going to be shooting in Pittsburgh because

there was a building we wanted to use, but they're like, that's going to be Lex Corp.

They've already called that.

And then one day Chris Rock came in on Dogma on set and he goes, guess who's playing Jimmy Olsen? And I was like, get the fuck out of here. He was hired to play Jimmy Olsen.
I didn't know that. Yeah.
And then the whole movie got, they pulled the plug on it like shortly after dogma wrapped. Uh, it was, uh, I guess they felt like the budget was out of control and they didn't have a script that they were a hundred percent on.
And so the whole thing went away. And they were pretty unhappy that in your version, Superman worked at a record store.
They were like, in your Superman script, he talks about Star Wars a lot. Yeah.
Next up, we have sequels. Sequels are back.
We're seeing lots of sequels. Where's your head at on sequels? I'm about to make a Jane Silent Bob sequel this year.
Hell yeah. Still fucking, still gassing that tank.
Blows my mind. I mean, honestly, like from the guy who made those characters, they're a Cheech and Chong ripoff.
But fucking 30 years out of this shit. Like, if I get here, man, I'll be honest.
Like, we recently had fires here in Los Angeles. I'm sure.
I don't know if you're, anybody's aware of this. We kept it out of the news.
Um, we had to relocate at one point, running Canyon went on fire. They evacuated us.
And in that moment or a few moments before they finally, or officially evacuated us naturally as fires are breaking out, we're like, we should put some stuff together and just the bare things we need and whatnot. Bring in the dogs, of course, but like grabbing a few things.
And, you know, I'm a real pack rat and a hoarder of sorts. So I have like fucking memorabilia from like my entire life, my childhood, all the movies I've made.
And I was like, what do I grab and shit? And I didn't grab any of that. Two things that I was baffled, like when I left, I grabbed.
One, I grabbed my father's ashes, which I was like, what's the fucking point? If the house burns down. It's the one thing that can't be ruined by fire.
Exactly. You just scoop them back up.
It was fireproof. And I was like, I have to fucking take this.
But the other thing I brought was my Silent Bob costume because I was like, I have to work. That's beautiful.
Kennedy, what would you save in a fire? I packed two pairs of hoop earrings. Wait, wait, wait.
The brilliance of that is two pair. Two pairs because they are slightly different sizes.
It's a marginal difference, but it really changes the outfit depending on how high the neck I'm wearing that day.

So two pairs of hoop earrings

and then... What a fucking story

that tells. It's amazing.
I know so

much about you without knowing anything now.

I feel like we're going to be very close by the end of this.

No doubt. It's already you and me

against this fucking guy. In my

mind, I wanted to get all

of the money I had because I was like, oh,

what if this all burns down?

And I still have the $20 Cerubi's Diner in my dresser.

I'm going to miss that.

So I grabbed all the gift cards that I have.

Didn't grab a lot of panties.

I just, I wasn't thinking.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Two sizes of earrings, no panties.

And the gift cards.

And the gift cards.

And the gift cards.

Yeah. Yeah.
That Mel's Diner doesn the gift cards. And the gift cards.
Yeah.

Yeah.

If that Mel's Diner doesn't burn down, I'm going to get a BLT.

I was in crisis, right?

We all were.

We all were.

Okay.

Priorities.

Kevin Smith, you won the game.

Yeah!

Okay.

All right.

I didn't do well enough.

Everybody, give it up for Kevin Smith.

Thank you.

This was so fun.

Thank you, Chris.

Really good to see you. This was very fun.
Give it up for Kevin Smith. Thank you.
This was so fun. Really good to see you.

This was very fun. Give it up for producer

Kennedy. Thank you.

We'll be right back.

Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It

or Leave It coming up.

Love It or Leave It is brought

to you by Monucora. Breakfast tea,

protein shakes, salad dressings,

etc. I put in a salad dressing just last night.
I made a vinaigrette, like a balsamic Dijon vinaigrette, threw in some honey in there. But guess what? I used Manukura honey.
So it had all these important ingredients. Let's hear about them.
It's ethically produced by Manukura's master beekeepers in the remote forests of New Zealand. Cont contains powerful nutrients that can help support immunity and gut health.
The bees collect the nectar from the Manuka tree in New Zealand. Its nectar is packed with bioactives, and the honey that is produced has three times more antioxidants and prebiotics than your average honey.
I've always thought that my honey doesn't have enough antioxidants. Or what about the bioactives? You've got to get them bioactives.
They sure do. The Manuka tree produces

a special antibacterial compound

in its nectar. Manukura third-party

tests every single harvest for

this compound and makes the results

available through their QR system.

Which has not been affected by the freeze.

Nope. Nope.
That's still working.

All you need is one heaped teaspoon each

morning to get the most out of the amazing bioactives

and Manukura honey. Additional usage throughout the day is completely fine, especially in helping to cut out other sweeteners.
It's honey with superpowers. Now it's easier than ever to try Manukura honey.
Head to Manukura.com slash love it to get $25 off their starter kit, which comes with an MGO 850 plus Manuka honey jar, five honey travel sticks, a wooden spoon, and a guidebook. Which you can use for the honey or whatever.
Whatever, yeah. That's Manukura.com slash love it for $25 off your starter kit.
Worried about what ingredients are hiding in your groceries? Let us take the guesswork out. We're Thrive Market, the online grocery store with the highest quality standards in the industry.
We restrict 1,000 plus ingredients, so you can trust that you'll only find the best high-quality organic and sustainable brands all free of the junk. With savings up to 30% off and fast carbon-neutral shipping, you get top-trusted groceries at your door, and you can stop worrying about what your kids get their hands on.
Start shopping at thrivemarket.com slash podcast for 30% off your first order and a free gift. And we're back.
And we're back. As you may know, the fires in LA have been devastating, as we just talked about.
But we want to do everything we can to help those affected. So we have Friends of Los Angeles merch in the Crooked Store with 100% of the proceeds going to Vote Save America's Action Wildfire Relief Fund.
so show.A. pride with a new hat or tee to pair with your favorite Dodgers merch or those athleisure pants you wear exclusively everywhere.
All while supporting organizations like the L.A. Regional Food Bank, the Los Angeles Fire Department Foundation, and the Latino Community Foundation.
Crooked.com slash store. And you can donate directly to the fund at votesaveamerica.com slash relief.
This message has been paid for by vote, save America. You can learn more at vote, save America.com.
This ad has not been authorized by any candidate or candidates committee. Also, we're just asking everybody to do us a favor and sign up for friends of the pod for our subscription service.
We're building an incredible community. We're also building a sustainable, progressive media company.
Uh, a great place to keep up with what's happening, to get content that you can't find anywhere else. Dan makes a great, super informative show there.
We do Terminate Online, where we talk about the stuff we're obsessed about online. There's a great community of people in the Discord.
So go to crooked.com slash friends. And finally, last note, if you're in LA, also come see this show at Dynasty Typewriter next Thursday, February 6th.
We have an incredible run of shows lined up. We're having fun of the live show, aren't we? Crooked.com slash events.
All right. We wanted to close out the show and bring down the lights for an intimate conversation between you and me about the one thing weighing heaviest on the nation's mind, the movie, Amelia Perez.
That's right. I finally saw French director Jacques

Adiard's inexplicable musical about a Mexican drug lord who undergoes gender confirmation

surgery. The film garnered 13 Oscar nominations, including best picture and currently sits at 21

percent on Rotten Tomatoes. Fascinating.
Fascinating. So I'm going to open the floor

to any questions you have about anything, but especially Amelia Perez in a segment we're

I'm going to open the floor to any questions you have about anything, but especially Amelia Perez in a segment we're calling a million little

things. Nice.

Does it, does anyone have any questions about the film?

Amelia Perez?

There's an out of control show tonight what is this segment yes you have any questions what's your question sir I just want to know if it's changed your opinion of Ron Perlman at all it being his favorite movie of the year of the year not of all time of the year I'll tell you I'll tell you what it's done for me alright are you ready buckle up ready? Buckle up. Are you buckled in? Is everybody buckled?

It only heightened my respect for Ron Perlman.

Why?

Do I think Amelia Perez is a perfect film?

It is not.

And if anyone tells you Amelia Perez is a perfect film, you tell them, shut up.

But it's good. Yeah.
Are you with me? Are you with me? Applaud if you think Amelia Perez is good. Yeah, that's about right.
I will say this. We live in a fucking commoditized, algorithmic, tested, data-driven, conformist, capitalist society.
And the fact that a group of French maniacs could make a film about Mexico, a place it seems they may never have been, and decide the story they want to tell is about a drug lord who goes through gender affirming care. And it is a musical.
If you don't want to live in a world where that happens, fine. I do.
And a lot of people are like, well, you know, it's a Spanish actor in the lead. And it's's the French and it's culturally appropriate.
People in Mexico are debating whether or not this movie makes a caricature. This is a French movie.
These are French people making a movie. It's going to be fundamentally silly.
The French are a group of people who are at core deeply silly, pretending to be serious. The British are serious people pretending to be silly.
The Germans are serious people and they're straightforward about that. But that is why the French do not have comedy because they on some level know that if the French ever start to laugh, they will not stop and then they will die.
And so, yes, this is a ridiculous, silly, fantastical, dumb movie. Did you think the movie about the drug Lord who sings about having gender affirming care was going to be like a deeply grounded slice of life? So no, my respect for Ron Perlman has only grown.
Thank you for your question. What else you got? Never seen.
Never seen. Never heard of the pod.
Never heard of the pod? Let's get in there. Hello.
Hello. Where are you from? I'm from London, but I live here.
you agree with my my my my about europe about europe yeah nailed it yeah yeah that's right that's right like if you have i heard that like british people made a a film about uh a mexican drug lord who's transitioning and it was a musical i'd say disgusting yes that should never see the light of day but you tell me the French are doing it. It's like, let them have at it.
It's a ridiculous society. It's a cheese based culture.
Did you see Amelia Perez? No, I, I made a noise. My question was going to be like, sounds kind of good.
Like, yeah. So listen, I watched an hour and 15 minutes of it last night with my partner and they

were like, I can't watch any more of this.

And they are trans.

And I said, do you have to stop watching this because you're trans?

And they're like, no, I just don't like this.

Is it all upsetting because of trans?

No, not upsetting because of trans? No.

Not upsetting because of trans.

But I still felt guilty about making them watch this whole fucking movie.

So I had to watch the rest over the course of today

in 10 and 15 minute increments

as the director surely intended.

What else?

I saw an interview with James Cameron.

I'll see you then. what else i saw an interview with james cameron uh-huh where he said that um not only had he said no film like this has ever been written or like filmed like the cinematography is singular as is the writing and i wanted you know and that's what made it one of his best films of all time.
And I just wanted to get your take on that. So, incorrect, James Cameron.
I will say that like, it is a really interesting, like the way people are making fun of the way it goes into song, that it feels like kind of haphazard and strange. And it is.
Everybody pulls out that one line where it is, very nice to meet you. I'm here to talk about sex change operation.
And that is terrible. It's inexcusable.
It's simply inexcusable. Because it's like, for a lot of the rest of it, it feels like camp.
And I actually think sometimes people don't like things because the movie doesn't ever say, don't worry, we know this is a joke. Like people now need to have it.
They need to have the subtext be text. And so because the movie never declares that it's campy or never declares that it's in any way in on the joke, it can't possibly be smart enough.
As the viewer, we're all trained to be narcissists by the internet. And so the only way to experience it is to assume you're the only one that, that is smart enough to know when something is camp, if not told.
So you assume that, that you've cracked something they didn't intend. That's what happens.
And then, then you end up, that's why you end up seeing things where, uh, uh, you'll, you'll see a movie that's about climate change. And then at some point, like the actor, like two thirds of the way through the movie, we'll be like, this is about climate change and then at some point like the actor like two-thirds of the way through movie be like this is about climate change you know uh do i think that it is singular that's such a classic james cameron thing right like he can't just compliment it he has to have

the best compliment freak if you were to rewrite it and make it better what would you do

Thank you. compliment freak.
If you were to rewrite it and make it better, what would you do? Oh, wow. What a question.
Uh, so, Hmm, I would say this, uh, it is exactly what it seems to have intended itself to be. I don't think it can be changed and be made better.
It can only be made less Amelia Perez on some level. And you know, I also will say this, Zoe Zaldana fucking crushes it in this movie.
She's excellent in this movie. I thought Selena Gomez was awesome in it.
And I'm always watching, uh, uh, what's the, what's with the murders in the building. And I'm always like, do something.
And then in this movie she does, you know, cause sometimes you watching Only Murders in a Building and it's like, you got Martin Short doing backflips, you got Stephen Martin doing pirouettes and then she's just there and it's like, do something. And here she's doing so much and she's great.
Everyone's great in it. The lead is great in it.
And everyone's like, oh, they cast a Spanish trans actor to play the Mexican drug lord in the film. And it's like, I guess, I don't know.
I mean, and then they, and then the trans actor, uh, who is like, everyone's like kind of like getting ready. We're going to give an Academy Award to a trans actress.
It's awesome. I think that's, it's a very good thing.
And then it's like, oh my God, the anti-Muslim tweets, we got anti-Muslim tweets, anti-Muslim and then apparently. And then apparently she's deleting the anti-Muslim tweets as the anti-Muslim tweets are finding their way into various articles on the internet.
She can't delete the anti-Muslim tweets fast enough. And it's like, what are you supposed to do with that, liberals? Nothing.
Nothing. I wouldn't change a frame of it.
And that's our show.

Thank you so much to Kevin Smith.

Thanks to Kennedy for coming out.

Thank you to everybody here at Dynasty Typewriter.

There are 639 days until the midterms.

Have a great night.

Have a greatoked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg.
Kendra James is our executive producer. Bill McGrath is our producer.
And Kennedy Hill is our associate producer. Hallie Kiefer is our head writer.
Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Elaine Pierre, Will Miles, and Mahana del Shiki are our writers. Evan Sutton is our editor.
Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support. Stephen Colon is our audio engineer.
And Milo Kim is our videographer. Our theme song is written and performed by SureSure.
Thanks to our designer, Sammy Kodurna-Reeves, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And to our digital

producers, David Tolis, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroat for filming and editing videos

each week so you can. And our production staff is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America

East. It's love it or leave it.
Love it or leave it. It's love it or leave it.
This is an ad for Roundup for Lawns. It kills weeds down to the root without harming your lawn.
It works on crabgrass, dandelions, clover. It works on weeds with names you can't even pronounce.
It's Roundup for Lawns. When used as directed, always read and follow pesticide label directions.
Tax Act can think of a million things more fun than filing taxes. Tax Act is going to name some now.
Sitting in traffic.

Folding a fitted bedsheet. Listening to your co-worker talk about his fantasy team.

Digging a hole. Digging an even larger hole next to that original hole.

Unfortunately, TaxAct's filing software can't make taxes fun, but TaxAct can help you get them done.

TaxAct. Let's get them over with.