Ep 524 - Tricker Treat (feat. Steve Gerben & Chris O'Connor)

Speaker 1 The wow wow wes

Speaker 1 and we're starting now. Hello, everybody.
We're back, the three of us. I guess McKeever couldn't make it.

Speaker 1 No, he's working like crazy.

Speaker 1 I know. Yeah.
Busy as hell. Yeah, he's extreme.
I don't know how he's doing what he's doing. No.
He's doing a little bit of everything.

Speaker 1 He's he's now at that point where he can't get to there's always somebody that needs something yeah which that could be trouble because then you're gonna have to handle a lot

Speaker 1 oh dwight

Speaker 1 and then you need the office of dwight

Speaker 1 and then dwight gets his dick sucked constantly and uh he becomes the boss and is really cool and everyone thinks he's cool

Speaker 1 I did a cool thing. I went and got a mask made.
You got a

Speaker 1 show. You got fucking fucking silicone put on.
Yeah. Nice.
For when I blow your fucking head off.

Speaker 1 Exactly. Yeah, we caught you.
I wanted to give me that Terminator eye.

Speaker 1 How was that? That sucks.

Speaker 1 It wasn't that bad. It was kind of nice.
And also, my dad wound up being like 10 minutes away. They pulled my dad out of retirement.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? Yeah, my dad retired from engineering. Oh, and he's working.
Yeah, he's working today. So you got to see your father.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I got to have a little meal with him, which was nice. We ate hot dogs.
You and your dad ate hot dogs? Yeah, yeah. We shared a a hot dog yeah it was nice and some cheese curds

Speaker 1 talked about minor league or not minor league but like youth league hockey for a little bit talks about kids and ate hot dogs

Speaker 1 that's a good day it's a great day where'd you guys eat at the park no we went to this place called destination dog

Speaker 1 you went to this hot dog specific restaurant yeah yeah that's nice yeah it was great i'm not a big dog guy wow these are good hot dogs i hate hot dogs

Speaker 1 i just hate i obviously I'm munching. Yeah.
I'll grow up with the best, but hot dogs, I just fucking hate hot dogs. No, good hot dogs.
They're disgusting. Well, they are, of course.

Speaker 1 You're a terrible ally in this.

Speaker 1 You eat fucking chicken fingers. No, I do.
Which, by the way, chicken fingers obviously rule. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But no, it's more grilled chicken and rice and broccoli now.

Speaker 1 My diet affects how I feel. Of course.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 are you bulking up or is that trying to strategize?

Speaker 1 Okay. Yeah.
I did think I've only been because I did and I started to tell you this. Yeah.
And then I stopped, but I think I unlocked a new power source in the golf.

Speaker 1 Exactly where this power swing story was going. Yeah.
There was more to that story? No, there wasn't. It wasn't.
I wanted that to be done. There could have been.
That needed to be done.

Speaker 1 That was one of the worst stories I've ever heard in my life. Well, I don't think it.
You should tell everybody on the pod. I don't want to.
Everybody's just going to make fun of it.

Speaker 1 No one's doing it funny.

Speaker 1 Well.

Speaker 1 So we're in the middle of filming, which is, it's long.

Speaker 1 And then Steve's like, oh, that God. I saw him smiling.
He saw me say, that's all it was, by the way. I was literally,

Speaker 1 the tiniest little rings of the girl. You were literally looking at the floor going.

Speaker 1 He's imagining how bad the story is going to go. Yes.

Speaker 1 But also wanting to say it.

Speaker 1 Desperately wanting to say it.

Speaker 1 And the story was, you hit a golf ball far. Well, so

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 played both days. I played Saturday and Sunday.
This is our day. You're fucking so tired when we're filming.
No, I didn't know what energizes me. No, it doesn't.
Don't do that. No, it doesn't.

Speaker 1 I need it. Otherwise, I would have been one time.
We are at risk of losing you to injury.

Speaker 1 You're trying to go for the long ball.

Speaker 1 You're trying to go for the long ball.

Speaker 1 You were barely making it the other day. Did you say yesterday? God damn.
Well, we all got sick from

Speaker 1 one of the

Speaker 1 spread around.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 One of the guest stars. Yeah.
Maybe. It's tough to blame him.
Fair enough. Yeah.
It could have come from anywhere. Regardless, you're in close quarters with a bunch of people breathing.

Speaker 1 It's coming to me.

Speaker 1 We'll see. Dude, I'm, yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm a suspect.

Speaker 1 I had it. Yeah.
Yeah. I had something going on.
You brought it in.

Speaker 1 But anyway, he saw me smile. I had to tell the story, which is just that I,

Speaker 1 you know, had this feel in my back. So let's also, yeah, I know you're trying to get to this incredible story, but let's make sure everyone knows this is out of fucking nowhere.

Speaker 1 This isn't like we were talking about golf. We were talking about anything.
This is just all right.

Speaker 1 I think about it a lot. This is in a silent room.

Speaker 1 We were pretty quiet.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but we were also, you know, we see each other every day. There's a limited amount of stuff to talk about.
So I had this other thing to talk to you about. It's kind of the highlight of my

Speaker 1 so

Speaker 1 i

Speaker 1 made a few swing changes and then got this feel that gave me a lot more coil in my back swing and i hit a bomb like you know

Speaker 1 i hit a couple bombs frankly coming down the home stretch yes and my playing partner you know was like damn you cleared the bunker into the wind and i was like

Speaker 1 i never would have done that it's a good feeling

Speaker 1 yeah that's it that's that's the feeling but see this is the thing i think it's only most people who don't care about golf. It's whatever.

Speaker 1 If you love golf, that feeling of connecting with the drive and watching the ball sail,

Speaker 1 it's whatever you're supposed to feel when you listen to Beethoven. It's just this thing.
And I got to feel that and I love it.

Speaker 1 It is great. And we were feeling that a little bit at top golf.
Yeah, if you hit the golf ball far, it's fun. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 They have somebody pulling it out.

Speaker 1 You pump that. And I go, I did pump it.
And then I had 80 yards left. I hit a perfect 80-yard day fell shot, made the putt, birdie.
It played a bit. You had a birdie? I did have a birdie.
Nice.

Speaker 1 Thanks.

Speaker 1 That's good. That's it.
That was my boring-ass story that I thought of and then thought of his response to it. And then, of course, I have to tell it.
So just walk the plank.

Speaker 1 That was.

Speaker 1 I do really want to get good at golf.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it'd be fun. Golfing would be fun.
Yeah. Unless you're golfing with Steve and his buddies.

Speaker 1 Dead clean sober, enjoying the sport. Sober buddies, enjoying the sport, hitting a fucking 120 sober.
That fucking blows, dude.

Speaker 1 Although you said you hit it in the 80s, right? 86 something. Was that the day with the birdie? Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you're feeling it. I was feeling it.
Fuck yeah. How'd you feel when you got home?

Speaker 1 How'd you feel when you got home?

Speaker 1 Did your girlfriend catch the business?

Speaker 1 What? Did your girlfriend get the business?

Speaker 1 Came over and you said,

Speaker 1 incredibly.

Speaker 1 All right. What was that? I shouldn't have asked.
No,

Speaker 1 you carry it over. Do I carry what over? The confidence of a good golf game into

Speaker 1 the game. Yes, but

Speaker 1 I don't carry over the bad stuff.

Speaker 1 I don't carry over the bad stuff. I don't believe that.

Speaker 1 That's just fucking lies, dude.

Speaker 1 You don't take it out on her if you have a bad day?

Speaker 1 No. Come here.
No, but I won't.

Speaker 1 I go what? These golf stories make me really miss Matt's fucking dream stories.

Speaker 1 I'll listen to Matt's dream stories every day.

Speaker 1 I had some bad dreams last night. You had some dreams last night.
I was really

Speaker 1 bad dreams. You missed dream stories.
Because we went out and we had some dinner last night and I went home. But then in my dream, we stayed out and got fucked up.
That's fun. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 We got really fucked up. You might be the ticket.

Speaker 1 That's what it'd be like. You're actually sleeping in your head.

Speaker 1 I was. I was.
But then I got so shit-faced, somehow I woke up in my parents' parents' house.

Speaker 1 And in a drunken stupor, I had like started a variety of puzzles all over the floors of my parents' house.

Speaker 1 And I woke up and I was like, I don't know how I'm going to explain

Speaker 1 what happened last night. And like,

Speaker 1 what the fuck were you doing? You kept making puzzles all over the place. Like, what the fuck is wrong with you? Yeah.
Sure. So, how about the golf? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Golf's better than that because it happened in reality. There you go,

Speaker 1 it really fucked me up. I'm not gonna lie, the puzzle thing, yeah, yeah,

Speaker 1 my imaginary debauch tonight. We had a nice night, we did have we had a wonderful night.
I stood my ground, you did, you did,

Speaker 1 I did, I did,

Speaker 1 I wanted to get to sleep so I could get fucked up. We had dinner with our ladies, and we had a nice dinner, but we were discussing Halloween costumes.

Speaker 1 Okay, of course, the ladies are they want to go eat

Speaker 1 slutty, whatever, whatever. Sure.
And it's like,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 why not do that? Yeah, yeah. It's cool when I wasn't dating you.
Yeah, yeah. But now, you know,

Speaker 1 cover it up a little. I'm sitting there.
I'm in the middle of, I'm battling both girlfriends. Okay.
This one, silent. Judas.
Really?

Speaker 1 I did not.

Speaker 1 Not Judas. Peter, Billy.
Not Judas. That was Peter.
I said at the table, I would like to get some sleep tonight. I do not want to open this can of worms.

Speaker 1 I think that's fair. What do you think of that? I'm in the trenches doing battle.
He even said, I appreciate what you're doing.

Speaker 1 Wow, which was a mistake. So, what do you actually think though? It did come back to haunt me.

Speaker 1 Not in the moment. That was a slow burn, that fight.
Yeah, yeah. So, what do you actually think?

Speaker 1 I like when other people's girlfriends are dressed slutty. That's true.

Speaker 1 But, Chris, what do you actually think? So, what do I actually think? Yeah, and you were saying that. No, I wouldn't know.

Speaker 1 I was saying that we're going to have a Halloween party, and it's going to be a bunch of fucking people from my work

Speaker 1 and half of them are 40.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 this is not the time.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think it's going to wind up with you. So then I'm saying, what is your opinion? Yeah, I think it's going to wind up being like a bunch of just like our friends boozing

Speaker 1 and like being dressed super slutty is going to be a little weird. Yeah.
Yeah. But that's all.
Yeah. Yeah.
I agree. So that's, that's what I genuinely think when it's like,

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 1 What did the other side of that look like? What is the other side? What is their argument? Yeah. That you're an insecure controlling fucking pussy.

Speaker 1 That's the argument.

Speaker 1 Which is

Speaker 1 tough to

Speaker 1 you can't break out of it. You gotta go.
I don't find no

Speaker 1 big missile in Mario. I don't know.

Speaker 1 I would disagree with that argument. I would say it's not about being insecure.
It's about making my friends maybe a little uncomfortable because they don't want to look at you sexually because

Speaker 1 me, their friend, is dating you. Yeah.
But yet you're sort of forcing.

Speaker 1 You're going Trial on this.

Speaker 1 You're going, you're mine. You're mine.
Let's cover you up a little bit. No.
And I agree. No.
No, I agree. I'm not saying because you're mine.
My enemy's enemy is my friend.

Speaker 1 I'm saying because my friend, yeah, my friends. It's like they.
Yeah, don't give Brian Six a boner at the Halloween.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 But yeah, that's never an argument you can win. I've been down this road, obviously.
We all have. Well, because you get, once you start getting to specifically like how

Speaker 1 long or short a skirt, you're just you're. I did that at the table.
I was like, stop me. Stop me where the dress,

Speaker 1 up your knee, tell me where the dress stops.

Speaker 1 And if, you know, when you say it, like I'm saying it right now, it does come off a little bit controlling and abusive, but it was not.

Speaker 1 It was a fun, friendly conversation that ended up not being friendly, but at first seemed friendly. I was trying to suggest a variety of costumes that maybe, you know, shouldn't require.

Speaker 1 I was going to go with Frankenstein. Yeah.
Bride of Frankenstein. Yeah.
It's like a turtleneck. Full gown.
Full sleeves.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, that was passed upon. Princess Leia.
Princess Leia was nice. You wanted to hurt Quitting, Princess Leia.

Speaker 1 I'm all Cloud Cities, Princess Leia.

Speaker 1 Slave Leia

Speaker 1 was what was settled upon. Was just metal bikini, Princess Leia.

Speaker 1 That's an idea. For real.
And I was just like, no. Yeah.
It's going to be 40 degrees. Don't.
Miss Frizzle was in the mix.

Speaker 1 That's a big dress. I knew where that was going.

Speaker 1 The scuba got in the episode. They editorialized Miss Frizzle a little bit.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And what are you? You're still playing on the referee costume.
No, no.

Speaker 1 Because I don't, I don't, I'm shy. And I know that that doesn't sound, I was thinking about this.
You're shy, man. Yeah, I am shy.

Speaker 1 And I think to make this costume funny, when the idea behind the costume was I'd be like, why are you laughing? Nothing, nothing. Keep going.
Okay, we'll come back to that. Okay.

Speaker 1 The idea behind the costume is I'm an NFL referee. I do have like a little mini.
Yeah, you're throwing party fouls. Right.
And I'm hitting people with the flag and calling party fouls. Yes.

Speaker 1 And I will say this has been done. It has? It's probably for 30 years.
Okay. Then

Speaker 1 that's okay.

Speaker 1 It's original to you. But I'm not going to do it because, again, I just don't have the,

Speaker 1 frankly, balls to like go around and... I think you do.
No, I don't. Well, this fucks me because I bought a referee outfit i was going to be wearing it when you got there no

Speaker 1 you're going to be so funny when it is chris's idea to get a white hat so i'd be the head official

Speaker 1 maniac bro you're a power hungry thing

Speaker 1 that's all you look at me

Speaker 1 you know it's just we were laughing so hard last night and you showed up in the black hat just white

Speaker 1 picking up flags going there's no flag on the

Speaker 1 overruled

Speaker 1 I literally have it in my checkout thing. I think I'm just gonna come as like Ben Franklin or something.

Speaker 1 That's not bad. Yeah, that's pretty good.
Yeah. It's good.
It's a good way to mix in the spectacles. Oh, yeah.
You get some glasses on. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So yeah. I thought of that.
I thought that there was a George Washington one on Amazon. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But then I felt like that might be kind of cunty to invite people to your house and then wear a fucking general's uniform and be like, welcome to my party. I'm the coolest guy of all time.

Speaker 1 I'm the most powerful man ever. I invented America.

Speaker 1 I like the idea of going all

Speaker 1 revolutionary. Yeah.
All ever revolutionary clothing. I like it too.
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Speaker 1 Headphones. There you go.
And I lose them all the time. That's why I use wired headphones now.
Ooh.

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Speaker 1 And I like to spoil them.

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Speaker 1 What were you laughing at earlier? I was laughing at that. Oh,

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 1 Picking up the flag, picking up the flag is so funny. You know, all fairness,

Speaker 1 I did, I saw that referee. It's not like an original thought I had.
I was in Maniunk, and this was like, this is going back 15 years. And you thought of it then? No, even a guy ran down the street.

Speaker 1 It was like, oh, you saw someone do it? He pelted a guy at a Spider-Man, crossed you with a flag 15 yards from being an F.

Speaker 1 And it was just so funny. Yeah, that's cool.
Yeah. It was back when you could say it.

Speaker 1 We're bringing those back, dude.

Speaker 1 It's going.

Speaker 1 Unless Chris has anything to say about it in 30 days, you fucking.

Speaker 1 What are you talking about? You know what I'm talking about. I know what you're going to say.
You know, we're on the same side of that issue. How many votes are you going to put in this year?

Speaker 1 You got about 20,000 last year. Yeah, yeah.
I'm going to request. I've requested 20, the whole downstairs is full of ballots.
Full of ballots. Yeah.
And I'm filling them out.

Speaker 1 Cat's name, putting one in for May. Nice.
Which is funny. But hey, that was

Speaker 1 so crazy at the show. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Chris standing up.

Speaker 1 Chris killed. The show was sick.

Speaker 1 That was the coolest thing ever. Watching you walk out in that place.
Yep.

Speaker 1 It's uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 It's too cool.

Speaker 1 I mean, from our vantage, the way that people saw you moving

Speaker 1 in the beginning and just started rising up. Yeah, that was crazy.
It was so sick.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I had fun. It was surreal to watch.

Speaker 1 You were right. You told me that the round is better.
Way better. It's so much better than a stage.
Because all the sound hits you at the same time. Yeah, sometimes it can trick you.

Speaker 1 You're like, oh, damn, I'm killing.

Speaker 1 And then you get on stage and people are like, that was good.

Speaker 1 How do you think it went?

Speaker 1 Dude, that bothers me so much. How do you think it went? Yeah, how did you feel about it? I thought it was the best night of my life.
I guess I was wrong.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that was awesome. That was a fun fucking night.
That was great. And Little Girby Babies.
I got to meet a pitcher. Yeah.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 That was awesome. You guys got to discuss pitching from the mound.
Yeah. And then one of your buddies sold him like a gas tank.
What?

Speaker 1 One of your buddies that was there? Yeah. From home? Yeah, yeah.
Apparently, like.

Speaker 1 Made a business deal with a pitcher from the Phillies? Yeah, yeah. Nice.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 they were just talking for a while and Strom was talking about going on some big drive. And uh, he was like, oh, you're gonna need a bigger tank for that, you're gonna need a bigger gas tank.

Speaker 1 I'll hook it up

Speaker 1 for a oh, oh,

Speaker 1 driving a truck, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was one of the guys that was a mechanic at Ardmore, Ed.

Speaker 1 Nice, yeah, it was awesome. I don't know if we should cut that out.
No, that's totally fine. Look at that fucking cat, dude.
What are you looking at? Yeah, he's firing up. That's firing up.

Speaker 1 That's nice.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, oh,

Speaker 1 where's your gay cat at my gay house

Speaker 1 is it doing anything gay imagine outdoors yeah no she's an outdoorsman oh she's indoor outdoor she's got like a whole backyard i made her a garden and uh this guy needs to go outside very badly they'd keep him in he's a giant he can't he'd be a fucking problem out there he'd he'd get fucked up by the groundhog outside would decimate him no he could run away from a groundhog

Speaker 1 He thinks he's ready for outside, but he's not. You guys are

Speaker 1 ruining this boy's life. No.

Speaker 1 All he has to do is he has a chair to play with. Let him go outside.
He's a big dog. All day he wants to go outside.
He's full.

Speaker 1 Yeah. James is the best ever.

Speaker 1 Let him out.

Speaker 1 I could watch that all day. Instead of podcasting.
I could watch Chris play with the cat.

Speaker 1 What time? You got to be in early tomorrow. I do.

Speaker 1 What time do you have to go in tomorrow? I think 6:45. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 What time are you?

Speaker 1 11. Dang.
Yes, brother. I'm still going to try and go to the Y tonight and work out.
Really? Yeah. You've been working out during this.
I have. Yeah.
Yeah. Occasionally.
Did you work out yesterday?

Speaker 1 You better not have. No.
All right, good. No.
Because

Speaker 1 I would have a problem with that. Yeah.
I was under the weather yesterday. I knew you were sure.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I thought you were going to die. Little dizzy spell.

Speaker 1 We were laughing so hard last night because your face, like, you lost all your blood in your face. Yeah.
Your face was ghostly white. And you had that shit on.
I got so scared.

Speaker 1 At one point, you looked at me.

Speaker 1 And I was like, holy shit. Like, I was even watching you during a scene and be like, he's going to hate the way this one comes out.
It's going to look fucking terrifying.

Speaker 1 I don't know if anybody's had this where you're just like your hearing cuts out and it's like, pop. And then, and that's normal.
I've had that happen before.

Speaker 1 And I was just, and typically I'm standing up. It happened when I was sitting down and then I just got got crazy vertigo.
And I was like sitting next to John, like squeezing his arm, like

Speaker 1 scared. It was scary.
Yeah. No.
And yeah, then I didn't. Well, it looked like you, it was because you were upset about what you were wearing.
That's what made it so funny.

Speaker 1 Like the way you walked in, it just was like, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, it's a lot of like,

Speaker 1 first of all, the wig is very hot. And then

Speaker 1 it takes a long time to put it on. And a lot of like fussing about it.
And, you know, some. Does that bother you? I thought you'd like getting fussed over.
I love the makeup chair, bro. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm not a big fan of all that because it's also like they put in, you know, you've got it.

Speaker 1 It's just not the most comfortable thing. But the fuck.
It's in your hair. You're constantly eating fake hair.
It's in your mouth. No, it's not even fake hair.
It's real hair. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 It's another person's hair. Yeah.
That grosses you out?

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 yeah it's disgusting what are you talking about other people's hair in your mouth of course yeah it's never really bothered me how often does that happen not a ton but if i get like hair in the food i i just take it out and keep it

Speaker 1 yeah i take it out i keep eating it's some people will lose their minds over that stuff

Speaker 1 like the whole thing do you would you i thought for sure you'd fought love the hair and makeup. Ah, no.

Speaker 1 I don't know. You loved like the photographers coming in? I might be over it.
I don't know. I don't know.
I change. I change.
I didn't used to be a shy person. And you beat that out of me.
Why?

Speaker 1 You're great.

Speaker 1 I'm just kidding. I'm trying to make you less shy.
Yeah, no, I know you are. You are.
Trying my best to let you. I can show you the world.

Speaker 1 How great. He would have killed it.
Well, it's for me. No, no.
I don't have it yet. I'm working on it.

Speaker 1 You would have enjoyed it. You would have really enjoyed it.
You would have had fun. Yeah.
I had fun watching you guys. That was so cool.
It really was. Yeah.
It really was.

Speaker 1 And even just, you know, you're like, wow, you know, we were driving, like, Julie and I were driving down, and we were just like driving that. She's like, there's like teams of guys coming to watch.

Speaker 1 She's going to be in a van drinking beers. Yeah.
And we're like, this is all shame. Like, we are in shame traffic.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
I got there and people were tailgating. And I was like, oh, fuck.
That was cool. This crowd's going to be fucking out of control.
And they weren't. They were.
They were good. Good guys.

Speaker 1 They were great. Yeah.
I've been surprised by all the shows.

Speaker 1 I mean, I haven't been to that many, but the ones that i have been in that size close to that size everyone's like in their seats and ready to go yeah it's crazy

Speaker 1 like a minor league hockey arena in some small town dudes get rallied there's some fights up in the balconies and yeah

Speaker 1 yeah you'll see that that's fun

Speaker 1 a fight up in the balcony yeah that's just old-time hockey it's fun That was the first time I ever saw that.

Speaker 1 I remember when I was in hockey camp in Toronto, going into the like whatever skating rink we were doing this, whatever.

Speaker 1 At it was like a goalie camp, and there were just dudes fresh off of just beer league.

Speaker 1 Just, and it was like me and my dad walking in, and they were just chirping at us and talking shit and just rushing beers sitting on the back of their cars and stuff. Yeah, throwing beer cans at us.

Speaker 1 Nice. It was crazy.
They could sense, too.

Speaker 1 They could sense the Connecticut dandies.

Speaker 1 The Connecticut dandies are here for hockey.

Speaker 1 That was the old Canada. That was a big wake-up call.

Speaker 1 Oh, apparently they're still up there. They've been there.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I found them.

Speaker 1 Yeah. They formed that big wagon train.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 What else is going on? Anything cool?

Speaker 1 Unfortunately, all the cool stuff is like the show. That's so much of a life.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's like 14 hours a day.

Speaker 1 And then you're just going to come home.

Speaker 1 It's true. You've been good, though.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? Thank you so much, man. You've been good.
You haven't been grumpy on set yet?

Speaker 1 Not really. Not really.
It was one day. That was nothing.
There's some times, though. Like, last year, I think we'd be done by now.
Yeah. Basically.
Yeah. Fuck.
We should have gone back with that.

Speaker 1 What the fuck are we doing? We had it. We just do a month.
Yeah, just get done like we did last year.

Speaker 1 We'd be done. We could be done.

Speaker 1 Just churn it out.

Speaker 1 Fucking forever. Yeah, we do.
We've got a long ways to go. But

Speaker 1 you have been less grumpy. You've been less grumpy.

Speaker 1 Hey,

Speaker 1 I think I don't think I was super grumpy last time. You're a bit of a power-hungry pig again.
Power-hungry pig?

Speaker 1 You stop saying that. Everyone's going to think it's totally true.

Speaker 1 No one believes it. Okay.
Thank God. No, they don't.

Speaker 1 What was I going to say? I'm not wrong.

Speaker 1 Oh, what was I going to say? You were going to say this year is better. No, I was going to say, yes.

Speaker 1 Obviously biased, but we saw a cut. Yeah.
It's, I'm so excited for everybody to see this. Yeah.
Yeah. I really am.
I know that that's like a thing that people say, but

Speaker 1 boy, is this fun.

Speaker 1 I think it has fun. What is your question?

Speaker 1 I just like your enthusiasm. It's fun.

Speaker 1 I would never talk that way. It's nice to hear that.
Okay. Yeah.
I'm not trying to be, you know. I'm going to get you on a late night TV show this year.
I'm going to pants you on Jimmy Fallon.

Speaker 1 That's fine.

Speaker 1 You know what? I've decided what I'm going to do. If you do that, I'm just going to say compliments about you.
That's effectively pants of you. I'm going to be like, you stop.

Speaker 1 He put me in this show. Just with your pants? You could have been an end show you wanted to.

Speaker 1 You're going to make me cry on you.

Speaker 1 That would be a good revenge. Just with your pants around your ankles? Yeah.
Just complimenting you. You ever see that? I think it's Mark Summers and Burt Reynolds on a late-night show where they...

Speaker 1 I forget. Mark Summers is like a Nicola.
It's literally you and me on a.

Speaker 1 Okay. He's like, it starts.

Speaker 1 He's talking about his marriage, and Burt Reynolds is like, shut the fuck up. And he's like, me and my wife are still together.
And the crowd's like, oh, and he like throws his water on him.

Speaker 1 Anyway, they get in a fight.

Speaker 1 Burt Reynolds throws his water on Mark Summers. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then they're like, all right, fellas, let's settle this with a pie contest. They're like, they turn around and pie each other.
Burt Reynolds hooks him in the face as hard as he can. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's pretty crazy. Anyway, that's what's going to happen.

Speaker 1 And Mark Summers is like a hypochondriac, isn't he? I don't know. He's probably terrified of that pie.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think he's like a real neat freak. How do you know about Mark Summers? I met him once.
What? Yeah. I tried to shake his hand.

Speaker 1 Oh, is that how you came up with that? He blew by and your dad was like, he's afraid of germs.

Speaker 1 The guy from Nickelodeon doesn't hate you. I met him as an adult, and I tried to shake his hand.
Where?

Speaker 1 He did a show at Goodgood once. Nice.
Actually, no, it wasn't. Yeah, it wasn't there.
It was at some other show. One of their

Speaker 1 very famous golf channel.

Speaker 1 Good, good.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Yeah, YouTube.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's it. I ruined that.
My bad. Hey, golf.
Damn it. No, we love golf.

Speaker 1 It's good. Billy's talking about doing some of those things.
Billy goes out there, yeah. I mean, that could really, you know.
Unite the clans.

Speaker 1 Golf's fun. We all agree golf's fun.
He's got a cool vibe to him. Billy? Yeah.
Yeah, he's a cool guy. Cool clothes.
You wish you could wear those cool clothes? Of course I do.

Speaker 1 You could wear those cool clothes. He's got the amount of necklaces that I would like to wear.

Speaker 1 I would like you to wear those necklaces. No, I sent Shane a picture of me wearing the Jewish one that we talked about last time.

Speaker 1 Oh, I want to see it. He was like, I'm going to kill you.

Speaker 1 You're not even Jewish. No.

Speaker 1 I know. I know.
You're a fraud. Yeah.
When are you going to get back into Judaism?

Speaker 1 Like I said, maybe deathbed. I don't know.
Really? You think you're going to put up a a Hail Mary? Yes. Did you? You did.
You got like, did you get the mitzvah and all that stuff?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. All right.
So you've done all the things. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're in that.

Speaker 1 Chris is looking at the photo now. Damn.

Speaker 1 Looks pretty good on it. It does.
It does make you look actually extremely Jewish.

Speaker 1 I never think of you as Jewish until I responded with that.

Speaker 1 I was like, my bad, that was a little too much.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's a good pro-Israel, like, yeah, Twitter bio pic.

Speaker 1 And you are very pro-Israel. Excellent.

Speaker 1 That's too complicated for me to have an opinion on. I want everybody to be safe.

Speaker 1 Yep. Yeah.

Speaker 1 World safety. World safety.
World safety.

Speaker 1 I'm for that too.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So

Speaker 1 how did the rest of Friday night go?

Speaker 1 How was the show? Oh, it was good. Just kind of hung out.

Speaker 1 Went to Bonner's, drank some more. Brian Regan showed up.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Brian Regan showed up. That was cool.
He's fantastic. It was an exciting time.
And then I realized I was too drunk.

Speaker 1 I got the wobbles a little, and I was like, all right, I need to leave. But I would still like to argue with Chris in front of everyone.

Speaker 1 I'd be like, all right, I'm going to go home. I got to go home.
And I'd be like, Chris, just admit Russian collusion.

Speaker 1 Just admit collusion was wrong. Just say it.
And I'm also fucked up, so I took a bait.

Speaker 1 Oh, we had a good battle, except Chris was outnumbered 10 to 1. Yeah.
Wow. I was bringing all Billy was there.
I got to just summon Billy.

Speaker 1 Like, Billy, handle this because I can't really talk. Billy.

Speaker 1 Billy wound up going, I don't give a shit about any of this.

Speaker 1 It's interesting because I called him on the way over here and he was like, Chris is a pussy for that.

Speaker 1 In your driveway, that's what he was saying about you. Oh, that's so nice, dude.
Why would he say that? Because I was like, yeah, I got nothing. You got to give me something to talk about.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He was like, CEO of Abercrombie and Fitch is a fucking pedophile. I was like, all right, nice.
I got that.

Speaker 1 That almost goes without saying.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I guess it was, what's his name? Lex Wexner was his money guy.

Speaker 1 Same as Epstein. I don't know.
Oh, yeah. Wexner.
Is he the Victoria's Secret guy? Yeah, I think so. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, anyway, the next time. I was saying that the other day.
Where is ghislane maxwell no one knows

Speaker 1 i was saying it because i was listening to tim dylan oh yeah which is one of the best

Speaker 1 listen to tim dylan he's hilarious he's so good so good

Speaker 1 i told you like the one thing i think it was with um but let's go back to the collusion thing though because that was the other topic

Speaker 1 can you just admit that that was kind of a false narrative

Speaker 1 no i stand by that you think that was real uh well it depends which version you think they were accusing him of But I think everything in the Mueller reports that ended up getting the Clintons got fired.

Speaker 1 I don't stand by the Steel Dossier. But everything in the Mueller report, I stand by.

Speaker 1 But do you think it's okay for a political candidate to use the intelligence agencies to accuse another candidate of being a Russian spy and then using that, putting it in the media and letting them talk about it for four years unchecked with almost no edits?

Speaker 1 No fucking sorry we made a mistake. Couldn't help that.

Speaker 1 What's his name? You think that's okay? Trump Jr. Trump Jr.
was. I was just wondering if you think that's okay.
Can you answer the question?

Speaker 1 I actually grew up middle class. That's how you answer questions.

Speaker 1 You are Kambala.

Speaker 1 No, Trump Jr. admitted it during the campaign.
He said we are.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they were like, you guys tried to meet with Russia to get dirt on Hillary, and he released the emails. Oh, they tried to or they did?

Speaker 1 They tried to, yeah. Well, they wound up not being, they wound up not having the meeting.
meeting oh that's good but so they didn't do it with the Trump no no no no because

Speaker 1 so wait he ended up not killing his wife so he is not a murderer

Speaker 1 not doing that crime now now now

Speaker 1 he

Speaker 1 yeah no they kind of we're out of topics we can just talk politics

Speaker 1 or Steve's jacking off

Speaker 1 habits

Speaker 1 I don't have anything new about the dragon it's all right you don't have to you can think of something new Okay. What do you think about this whole Russian collusion thing here?

Speaker 1 I, you know, don't know nearly enough about it. I think somebody was arrested, though, from hey, if somebody gets arrested, then they're definitely guilty.
That was another argument.

Speaker 1 But wasn't the person that was claiming that there was Russian collusion was actually colluding with Russia? Yeah. Yeah, there's a couple of those.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 yeah. It's ridiculous.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't know. They got, yeah.
To me, the most alarming thing is the,

Speaker 1 and not that I know nearly enough about it, but the prosecution of Trump in New York for

Speaker 1 trying to get a loan and claiming that his building was worth more than what, I guess

Speaker 1 it was. Was it the Mar-a-Lago one and the government was like, that's worth $5 million.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 The Mar-a-Lago one.

Speaker 1 I guess there was a bunch. Yeah.
I didn't see the Mar-a-Lago one. Even though, if you're understanding, I don't keep track of it.

Speaker 1 You can conveniently stop paying attention.

Speaker 1 Well, how would you do that? You're the little kid that quits when he's losing in Xbox. No, no, no, I'm not.
You turn the game. No, I'm not.

Speaker 1 Actually, you were winning, and you go, all right, we're done. Turn it off.

Speaker 1 Turn it off. Biden won.

Speaker 1 Trump's going to jail. Turn the game off.
Biden did win.

Speaker 1 You don't think Biden won? I think he did win. Yeah.
I mean, he won. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You think there was malfeasance? Who knows?

Speaker 1 Do I think, no.

Speaker 1 I think there was

Speaker 1 some unrest in the country that seemed to be beneficial to one side.

Speaker 1 I was thinking about this the other day.

Speaker 1 I will say this about Trump. I do

Speaker 1 the thing that I really do like about Trump is that if he's kind of doing exactly what you'd actually want a candidate to do,

Speaker 1 which is,

Speaker 1 which is like

Speaker 1 he's

Speaker 1 his campaign and all the stuff that he does hasn't been affected at all by like the like some of the trivial bullshit that can normally nuke someone's campaign yeah and he is like in spite of his party hating him like for the most part

Speaker 1 just going to the people and using them to obliterate anyone who just disagrees yeah it's almost like a democracy

Speaker 1 people the people i just disagree with everything else that he's doing but it's like it is what you'd want a guy it's what a politician i guess yeah

Speaker 1 no i feel like i don't use his votes i don't like no but it feels like there's more deal making

Speaker 1 usually and then like the kind of the powers that be sort of like align around a person and like and build them up and funnel money into them versus this really does feel like he's with those powers that be just get rid of the current president and say you're out we're not even going to have a primary you are the president it's advice president's next man up if the president's dead yeah yeah Well,

Speaker 1 he's pretty close. Yeah.
He's pretty close. I think they're going to threaten

Speaker 1 the 25th, 26th. What is the amendment where the president's unfit?

Speaker 1 23rd, 25th? Something the 25th.

Speaker 1 I guess they were 20s. Apparently they threatened him with that if he didn't agree to stop running this year

Speaker 1 and let Kamala run. I have

Speaker 1 interesting because he's still the president. Right.
So I guess they didn't believe it.

Speaker 1 Who knows? He's doing, yeah. I'm just going to go with whoever Dick Cheney and Liz Cheney would be,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 1 They brought us through the darkness once before.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 they picked us up out of 9-11. Where are you, coward? You're going to let me do all this.

Speaker 1 I was on the whole. You got a 9-1-0.
You tossed one of them. That was a miss.
Yeah, I can't.

Speaker 1 I wasn't even done. I was going to go to the whole shark tank guy.

Speaker 1 What's the shark tank guy? He was like, if we prosecute for people like this,

Speaker 1 New York's going to come to a total standstill

Speaker 1 because this is like common practice, yeah, like inflating the value of your property for loans and then deflating them for taxes, yeah.

Speaker 1 And the but the bank also ran their own, whatever you would call it, appraisal of that building, so it wasn't even like they just took what he said, it's just what he was saying, yeah, and they still gave him a loan, he paid it back, and then you're gonna arrest him.

Speaker 1 And that that feels like

Speaker 1 maybe a political prosecution

Speaker 1 in a

Speaker 1 real scary way. It is the hard part that I am dumb and don't know anything.
That is the hard part. That's also the real hard part.
I'm sure there's somebody that's

Speaker 1 fun to art right now.

Speaker 1 They don't know anything either. They're listening to this.

Speaker 1 They're listening to dumb guys that don't know anything.

Speaker 1 We could be on some. You never know.
That's just what I feel like is the pushback.

Speaker 1 to Democrats, which is like this, the idea that you've got to let smart people just handle it. it's like but then you create a precedent for

Speaker 1 something that you won't like down the road like for instance with obama sort of the bombing the indiscriminate bombing i suppose

Speaker 1 everybody was like there's that jewish son yeah yeah it's just him

Speaker 1 discriminate bombings i suppose yeah i think he's uh violating laws and it's like well it's obama It's like, yeah, sure. Okay, fine.
I might trust him.

Speaker 1 But then you're setting a precedent that anybody else can be, you know. Yeah.
Yeah. And Kimbambla,

Speaker 1 Kimbambla is coming, World War III is coming.

Speaker 1 Those are my favorite like memes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's like Call of Duty footage, and it's like me and the boys in the Battle of Beijing 2027 because Taylor Swift told our fucking dumb girlfriends to vote for Kamala

Speaker 1 Taiwan.

Speaker 1 Fuck.

Speaker 1 Is he saying Kimbambla? No,

Speaker 1 that's just you. That was me.

Speaker 1 He liked that one.

Speaker 1 Stop giving me credit for your average shit.

Speaker 1 You know what I was talking about you today? I was like, you know, who is incredibly good with puns and you hide it, even though I know you know it. I can see you smiling.
It's crazy. Your pun game.

Speaker 1 No, cut it out.

Speaker 1 Okay. Gobies, cut it out.
All right. About that.
Chris, do you acknowledge that? Do you acknowledge that happens?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Chris has been around it. Chris has been around a long time.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. I've been on the receiving end of quite a a few of them.

Speaker 1 But I was about the us being dumb thing.

Speaker 1 I was thinking about that in the car today where

Speaker 1 I was like, man, I wish people thought I was really smart.

Speaker 1 And then I was thinking about how bad it would be if people thought I was really smart.

Speaker 1 If people were coming to me with real problems and being like, you're the only one who can solve this.

Speaker 1 You got to set that death ray up in my house. I can't set the death ray up.

Speaker 1 That's the kind of problem I see.

Speaker 1 If you got a death ray, I can set it up. We'll get over there.
I'm going to need you on that. We'll use a death ray.
I bought a 10-foot-tall fucking skeleton robot for the party.

Speaker 1 It's going to be exciting. Yeah.
Giant alien that looks around. I'm never going to put that thing together.
Right. So.

Speaker 1 Do you need a ladder for it? No.

Speaker 1 Pause. I'll get on my hands and knees.

Speaker 1 Stand on my back. We'll be good.

Speaker 1 There's no way.

Speaker 1 No, you got to build it on the ground and fucking set it up. Or it's like one of those things where you like it.
No, fuck. So they built the pyramids.

Speaker 1 You and me came and figured out the logistics of the

Speaker 1 Spirit Halloween death ray.

Speaker 1 People are going to be, they're going to watch this. Spirit Halloween death ray sales are going to go through the roof.

Speaker 1 I walked into Spirit Halloween. I said, I have to have it.

Speaker 1 And then I got to the register and I found out how much it cost. It was not worth bringing it back.
I was like, oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 This This is a terrible purchase. Dude, it makes galactic terrifying galactic.
Yeah, it turns out it's more of an alien than a

Speaker 1 spooky ghost, but that's fine. Yeah, look at this guy.
10 feet tall. Whoa, that's cool.
You're going to like it. Yeah.
You're going to like what's going on over at my house. Okay.

Speaker 1 That's going to scare the goats. It is.
I am worried about the goats.

Speaker 1 They're going to get hit with the galactic death ray. The neighbor's goats are going to.
They're going to. They're going to have a.
Oh, there's so much to put together on the fucking death ray, dude.

Speaker 1 Look at this.

Speaker 1 We're ruined. Oh, man.

Speaker 1 You're gonna do great. And you don't need a ladder? It's 10 feet tall.
I am gonna basketball. I'm gonna bring my mountain bike over to your place at one point.
You told me this. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're not gonna be riding it around on my property. All right, fine.
Please. There's a park across the street.

Speaker 1 You don't want to see that? Obviously, I want him riding around.

Speaker 1 You don't want to see

Speaker 1 it. No, you're right.
I know. I was running around on it.
It

Speaker 1 ran up that one hill.

Speaker 1 There's some holes. I don't want to hurt myself.

Speaker 1 I would wear a lot of protection. You would make fun of it.
It's something that, like, again. What kind of protection do you wear? When I'm mountain bike, I wear like knee and shin.

Speaker 1 It's a great exercise.

Speaker 1 Like hockey shin guards? Yeah, because if you the pedals, if you have like a pedal stroke,

Speaker 1 if your foot slides off, it slams your shin. It happened once.
That happened. What about it? That hurts.
It really hurts. What about upper body?

Speaker 1 Elbow pads, and then I wear wear like a full face helmet.

Speaker 1 You wear the full face helmet? Yeah. I'm bad.
With the goggles? Yeah. I have to because otherwise my contact dries out.
It's too much, but you know what? I have fun, and I haven't gotten hurt yet.

Speaker 1 No, that's awesome. Yeah, it's really cool.
Shut up.

Speaker 1 No, I swear.

Speaker 1 Please.

Speaker 1 When I go to Harvey Hill, I would like bike there. And a lot of times guys will be like,

Speaker 1 where are the jumps? And I'm like, there's no jump. It's just, I'm bad.
Because full face, you're typically going over. Yeah, they think you're catching catching air.

Speaker 1 You just got to tell them, go back. You got to go deep into it.

Speaker 1 Oh, shit. Oh, get him a cat on your lap.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 that's very adorable. Yeah.
Have you ever discovered that? He likes the pillow.

Speaker 1 Not like,

Speaker 1 not formally. I've had a mountain bike and I've gone on some trails.

Speaker 1 That got Tito up here. Yeah.
Hi, buddy. Hi.
That's good. Good to see you.

Speaker 1 I do want you to bring that. All right.
Yeah, that'd be nice. Just find some pads.
I've heard skewing pads riding a bike around my property.

Speaker 1 Did I tell you that last Halloween?

Speaker 1 You're going to do a lap pretty quick. Yeah, I guess.
It'll be very fun. I was like, I did, I liked sort of practicing in my street right outside my driveway.
You know, like I have cone set up.

Speaker 1 Set up what? What? Go and set up. Yeah, like cone set up to do slalom to like practice your weight shift on the bike.
On your bike. Yeah.
Your neighbors see you.

Speaker 1 And so last Halloween,

Speaker 1 i was handing y'all candy and then these like kids come in like how's the bike going i'm like good good

Speaker 1 you're ashamed of it they're trying to be nice so ashamed they're so embarrassed but yeah i'm committed so the kids see it which means them and their parents sit in the window and laugh yeah and watch me yeah

Speaker 1 have you fallen off the on the cone no not on the cone

Speaker 1 no yeah how fast are you going

Speaker 1 to feels fast it's probably incredibly messy

Speaker 1 i bet you're flying. I showed you that picture of me trying to bunny hop.
I barely get off the ground because I think you got to go in the video. Yeah.
Yeah. I don't have the skill.

Speaker 1 I could never bunny hop. I could never ollie.
I could never ollie either. I could never feel.
Yeah, it was

Speaker 1 sucked. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It sucked. It was really because you know, you wanted to bully skater kids and then not being able to ollie.

Speaker 1 I just wanted to be able to ollie.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you didn't want to bully anyone. No.
You're a sweetheart. Thanks.
I bet, yeah.

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Speaker 1 I meant more likes. What do you got? Nothing.
I was just thinking about this podcast.

Speaker 1 It's been a long day.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I had a long drive. I had a fight about Halloween costumes.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 There's nothing wrong with that.

Speaker 1 How many more times do you think you'll have that fight before?

Speaker 1 We'll see how Halloween goes.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 I genuinely actually don't care. Yeah.
It's just more of a.

Speaker 1 It might be weird. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You might want to have a backup. Yeah.
Which I think they're going to because it's probably going to be cold. Yeah.

Speaker 1 sweatpants, hoodie. I'll be there, yeah.
So, here's a cloak,

Speaker 1 we got a quarterback jacket on the sidelines.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 we'll all go as mages.

Speaker 1 What do you've got to have something? I got to have fun Halloween stories, you go trick-or-treating. I told you, I went trick-or-treating the one year

Speaker 1 when I was a Philadelphia Eagle, yeah, and

Speaker 1 I saw,

Speaker 1 and then uh, I saw it was, you know, like a a split house, you know, the way the stair, well, whatever.

Speaker 1 Door opens up.

Speaker 1 Guy is coming down the steps. He's in a full gorilla costume.
And I remember seeing his hand go into like the glove of the costume. And I was just telling myself, like, it's a man.

Speaker 1 It's not a real gorilla. It's a man.
And then he started walking at me. And I just like turned around and started crying and rolling.

Speaker 1 Fool Eagles.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Sprinting away. Yeah.
How old are you? I don't know. That was, I was probably five.
My brother was Urkel that year. Whoa.
Oh. Did he go the distance?

Speaker 1 He went the distance. No, not the distance.
No, no, no. But he would like perform it.
You know, you had the little UNICEF things and he'd be like, yeah. They put it in.
He'd be like, Damn, hey cheese.

Speaker 1 Carl.

Speaker 1 Did he want the face paint? No. Did you get it? That never even came up.
Damn. Thank God.
Because that could have easily happened. It could have.
Back then, people would be like, yeah, fuck it.

Speaker 1 Of course. Yeah.
You could do the whole concept.

Speaker 1 I was dice man that one year that was the superhero i created oh i thought you meant you went as dice clay i was like no no no no you went as dice man that's right i one year went as a prisoner that was second grade i had a did you go the distance on the prisoners

Speaker 1 because then it might be racist

Speaker 1 i just got that you got to make it believable yeah And I had a big crush on my second grade teacher. And she was also dressed as a prisoner.
So we walked around the school. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And that was incredible. She, one time,

Speaker 1 I came in in the morning.

Speaker 1 She was like, I drove by your house, I guess, your house the other day because I saw you outside shooting baskets because I was like playing basketball with my brother after school.

Speaker 1 And for like a month, I just played basketball every day. Just waiting for it.
Just hoping she'd drive by and see. It's just like total Huck Finn stuff.

Speaker 1 You know, like doing cartwheels in front of the.

Speaker 1 Did you ever have a crush on a teacher? Um,

Speaker 1 yeah,

Speaker 1 uh, what was her name?

Speaker 1 We had an Australian exchange teacher and I loved her.

Speaker 1 Fourth grade. I spoke with an Australian accent the entire school year.
Really? I loved her. Oh my God.
Did you ever have a like share a moment with her?

Speaker 1 I mean

Speaker 1 we got ice cream. That's nice.
But there was a couple other fucking cockbox.

Speaker 1 There's a couple other fourth graders trying to cockbox me.

Speaker 1 I i feel like i was so bad at school i like knew better like a teacher was unattainable for me i never had a crush like i always every interaction i had with a teacher was a fight or just you know bad news i never like

Speaker 1 yeah yeah you were bad in school terrible like you're the whole time the whole time you were dumb in like fifth grade yeah that's tough not even dumb just i just never did any of the work

Speaker 1 yeah yeah i just i like i couldn't do it i couldn't be in class i couldn't like the whole fucked up yeah the whole thing would just bothered me and then every once in a while i would like really like when i really got in you know back against the wall i put together like a good semester or something but it was always my entire life was just terrible it's kind of surprising yeah you're not dumb yeah yeah but maybe you are dumb

Speaker 1 this has been our entire friendship i'm like chris was smart

Speaker 1 And I hear shit like this. I'm like, you were dumb in fourth grade? You know how you have to actually be dumb? I just don't.
It's a lack of discipline. You have to actually be dumb.

Speaker 1 That's crazy. Well, I was never like at risk of failing out or anything like that.

Speaker 1 I'm not doing that. Yeah, I just couldn't.

Speaker 1 Dude, I remember taking just like the multiplication tests. Yeah.
You know what I mean? Where you just do like as many as you, 60 problems, do as many as you can in a minute. Yeah, the mad minute.

Speaker 1 The mad minute. And I like, I just remember by number two, I was like, you're going too slow.
You're never going to get to 60. And then it was just like, it just took

Speaker 1 it just turned into like, I would just beat the living shit out of myself until 15, 20.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 It was like, it was that thing.

Speaker 1 I feel like I have the same problem too when I like, when I try to remember something and like my, if it doesn't come to me right away, I start going like, oh my God, you can't remember anything.

Speaker 1 You're going to like, and all I'm thinking about is not remembering. oh well like lines in a show yeah yeah that's impossible but even just people's names yeah people's names

Speaker 1 you're like what the fuck i get

Speaker 1 all right i'm i'm good

Speaker 1 it's so embarrassing

Speaker 1 the worst is doing something you think you you're like in your head you're like i got that yeah walking into a room be like hey yeah then you have to do it i mean i guess that's what acting is but i know it's hard dude.

Speaker 1 You walk in. You're like, hmm.

Speaker 1 Fucker.

Speaker 1 Start over. I'm sorry, everybody.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry, everyone. I suck.
Yeah. And you're like thinking about how you're going to be reacting to their mind, but instead you're just thinking of what your mind is.
You just.

Speaker 1 Or you react way too early.

Speaker 1 We should put together that instead of a blooperoo, just how bad we all are at acting. There must be insane fucking clips.

Speaker 1 John constantly have have to say, slow down.

Speaker 1 Do you hear what they're saying? It's the worst feeling. When, like, this person's not even done their line yet, and you're looking at the other person ready for them to talk.
Yeah, that sucks.

Speaker 1 God, it's also funny how much better John is at acting than all of us. I know.
I'm like, John, how do I do it again? He's like,

Speaker 1 I'm like, all right, I'll do it.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And it's the first thing that pops into my head the moment I fuck up is like, I just imagine John, like, behind that, just like,

Speaker 1 what the fuck?

Speaker 1 yeah, Kirby's, what else is going on there? Ah, not much. Again, I apologize for being so boring.
Don't

Speaker 1 we're all boring. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's you know, kind of wake up. I go to my trailer.
Oh, so.

Speaker 1 Oh, God.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 as a joke-ish, kind of.

Speaker 1 No. A joke to yourself, by yourself.
No, okay, it wasn't a joke. I do like the song.
But a big van. I put on that, you know, the trailers have Bluetooth.

Speaker 1 So you could put on, you could put your, you know, music on. Yeah, yeah.
So I was listening to, I hadn't figured that out yet. I didn't know that.

Speaker 1 I've been there eating a bucket of scrambled eggs. Dude, I asked the guy, he was like, what do you want for breakfast? I was like, scrambled eggs.
I was on the menu. He gave me every

Speaker 1 side with scrambled eggs. It was all scrambled eggs.
There was no like potatoes or like. I thought it was a meal.
Right. It was, he put, they put scrambled eggs in every pocket of the

Speaker 1 tray. Yeah.
I got 10 pounds of scrambled eggs with nothing, no ketchup. Just

Speaker 1 anyway, that was funny. Yeah, that was worse than a golf story.
I had a lot of eggs once.

Speaker 1 It was a comedical

Speaker 1 eggs, yeah. There's a crazy amount of eggs.
And he knew it was crazy. He said it.
Yeah. He's like, he said scrambled eggs.

Speaker 1 When I went to the catering thing, everyone's like, that's a ton of eggs. You got to feel for that guy too.
For shame. He's eating fucking 20 eggs before he films.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I like the idea that he's like screaming at the runner. What the fuck am I supposed to do? Oh,

Speaker 1 you might have handed a bucket full of fucking eggs. Yeah, he'll eat it.
Look at him.

Speaker 1 He'll eat a box of eggs right now.

Speaker 1 I was late one day.

Speaker 1 I get a call. Oh, hold on.
What were you listening to in that trailer? Big time.

Speaker 1 Big time by Peter Gabriel. Yeah.
Yeah. Wearing his robe.
No, that's, I was not wearing the rope. And when they put the robe in there, I said.
Did you dance a little? Dun, dun, dun, dun, dance.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, I like that song. But

Speaker 1 I grew up in a small town. Everybody has small town ideas.
Not me. I'm I'm big time.
That was you.

Speaker 1 You're big time my way. Yeah.
I just imagine you sliding around like Tom Cruise in that trailer. That's what I'm saying.
I kind of am a little big time right now. I'm with, you know, Shane.

Speaker 1 Whatever. Okay.
So, so anyway, I get a call and she was like, oh, just checking to see where you are. And I'm like, I'm on my way there.
I thought I was supposed to be there at 8.30.

Speaker 1 She's like, no, or it was like 7.30. She's like, no, you're supposed to be there at like 7.
I was like, shit.

Speaker 1 And then I'm just thinking, I hope Shane isn't there.

Speaker 1 You know? Yeah. And I pull in, I see his car.
I'm like, fuck. So then I ran.
It wasn't like a far-away run. I ran just to like, he can't even see me walking at this hour.
Everything's out of me.

Speaker 1 And I come into the makeup, hair and makeup trailer. And the first thing Allie says, she's like, oh, she was like, yesterday Steve came in here.
He was like, I'm having such a good hair day.

Speaker 1 I was like, Allie, shut up.

Speaker 1 I had to tell everybody. You were having a good hair day.
We're having nothing but private conversations when I talk to you. These don't get really.
I don't like hearing these stories about you.

Speaker 1 That you're this confident. Like, what are you doing? I like to have a good time.

Speaker 1 What? You hate having a good time. No, I like to have different times of good times than you have.
You know what I mean? He hates a good time. He hates a crowded good time.

Speaker 1 And I love a good time during the day outside.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you sneak.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's funny. Guys that don't talk a lot.

Speaker 1 I would love to see Steve forcing you to mountain bike.

Speaker 1 Can't happen.

Speaker 1 I mean, a bike could be.

Speaker 1 That'd be fun.

Speaker 1 But I will say,

Speaker 1 I would like to join.

Speaker 1 I would like to go out with you and some strangers. And golf? And golf.

Speaker 1 I'd love to go with you. Are they my.
Hey, there is a lady you could go out with. She's so

Speaker 1 at the country club. What do you mean? At the country club.
Wait, you say there's a terrible woman?

Speaker 1 There is one terrible woman. Everybody's told me this person is terrible.
And I had a run-in with her. Yeah.
And she was just like really aggressive and rude.

Speaker 1 There was a frost delay. So everybody was kind of in the clubhouse.
And she's like, oh, you're that guy from Netflix. I saw you in a golf cart playing too slow, parked too close to the green.

Speaker 1 I was like, what are you talking about? Really? Yeah. I was like, I play faster than you.
And then she's like, no, you don't. And she's just rude.
You're getting country club fights. You are Mr.

Speaker 1 Big Type. Well, apparently this one has been kicked out of previous country clubs.
Really? Yeah. So anyway,

Speaker 1 you don't have a permanent record? Why are they excited? This one is corporate-owned. So the other one was like owned by its members.

Speaker 1 This one's corporate-owned, so it's apparently harder to remove her.

Speaker 1 But anyway, this one guy was overhearing it and we were talking. And then went up to the driving range, and he comes up.
And I'm telling everybody about this woman.

Speaker 1 Everybody's piping in with their own stories about her. And then he goes, Yeah, Steve had that interaction.
Then he asked for her number and it just crushed.

Speaker 1 Everybody was laughing.

Speaker 1 Just the guys at the country club.

Speaker 1 But yeah, she's something else, man. She's a battle act.
She is a battle axe. Me and her are going to join forces.

Speaker 1 Burn that country club to the ground.

Speaker 1 They're going to be so happy if you come. I'm just going to come and ruin your.
Let's get a foursome. No, I don't want you to ruin it.
Two strangers. Who are your buddies? Yeah, I have two buddies.

Speaker 1 Get your best buddies to come with us. Okay.
I'm going to drink an entire case of beer.

Speaker 1 Puke on the country club.

Speaker 1 On the green. Puke everywhere.

Speaker 1 That's funny. Breaking.
Did you park too close to the green? No.

Speaker 1 No. Not even a little? Not even a little bit.
She's just making stuff up now. She definitely is making stuff up.
She just out of nowhere accused you, made up stuff. She accuses everyone of stuff.

Speaker 1 Does it matter? No, I don't park too close to the green. No.

Speaker 1 I'm rules-oriented.

Speaker 1 Was it paths only that day? Chris, was it paths only? How do I know what? Was it paths only? No, I don't know what day.

Speaker 1 She's everywhere if it's paths only. She's a crazy person.
I have no idea what day she was talking about. Were you on the path?

Speaker 1 Again.

Speaker 1 What day? I don't know.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 She didn't sign a day. No.

Speaker 1 She just said she saw you the other day.

Speaker 1 Parked. Hey, Netflix.
I saw you.

Speaker 1 She hates me with Mr. Big Time.

Speaker 1 She said, Hey, Netflix. And you chirped back.
I did, and I regretted it immediately. Nice.
Yeah. I mean, I'm proud of you for chirping back.
Thank you. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You should do a staggered start.

Speaker 1 You start first, or she starts first. I don't care.
Just be on her ass. And just, yeah.

Speaker 1 And see who plays.

Speaker 1 See who plays fast. Try to hit her with a golf ball.

Speaker 1 I'll send her a message.

Speaker 1 Dust her off the plate a little.

Speaker 1 Little gym music. Tell her.

Speaker 1 You want to go?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Can you do that? Can you find a particular slot after her and try to play through her just to demonstrate that you are paying to play? I've never thought about that. Have you seen her? What's it?

Speaker 1 Can she hit the wall? I have never seen her. Physically.
She's probably good, dude. She's been getting kicked out of country clubs.

Speaker 1 She's obviously playing a lot.

Speaker 1 She's probably nice.

Speaker 1 What's she look like? Is she older?

Speaker 1 she is how old uh if you had to guess i would i'd have to guess 60 60 not enough old enough to be yeah not like i thought given the stories i thought i was gonna see like a very old demented woman and it was like 60-ish

Speaker 1 put together no damn big dog big dog hell

Speaker 1 yeah i would have if she was hot this would be nice

Speaker 1 she was hot this would have a totally different vibe yeah Yeah, you would have gone. Yes.
Yes, mommy. I'm sorry, mommy.
Yeah. You want to play together?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And you're saying the cart girls are ugly. You said that cart girls are.
I didn't say they were ugly.

Speaker 1 I didn't say they were ugly.

Speaker 1 No. You told me all the cart girls were ugly.
No, I did, you stupid. Dude, I didn't do any of that.
Time out. This lady.
Wait, hold on a second. Go ahead.

Speaker 1 You said the cart girls left a lot to be desired and i said what do you mean you said that they're not hot oh my god

Speaker 1 you said all the guys at the country club laugh they said the girls are ugly i didn't say anything they said they gathered why are you acting like this if you because did i say it that's i don't know maybe that's the problem with corporate ownership are the cut are the cart girls out there i don't know i don't you've never seen them i try not to look too much because you know i'm 41 now

Speaker 1 you know and i don't want to i don't like being that guy that's like oh did you see that snapper or whatever it is You know, the fuck calls it snappers. This guy that used to run Chuckles Comedy Club.

Speaker 1 He's like, I like

Speaker 1 to see your snapper. If she wants, you know, because she's up there.
So you don't, you respect the cart girls. Yeah, I try and just.
You don't even look at them. I look at them.

Speaker 1 I just go like this, you know. But when you look at them, you would tell pretty quickly if they were attractive or not.
Yeah. Are they attractive?

Speaker 1 I don't have great vision.

Speaker 1 No, no.

Speaker 1 I really don't know. You're trying to get out at the country club.
No, don't do that. Fuck.

Speaker 1 I would love to take this country club from you.

Speaker 1 You're gonna. It has to get me into a real nice one.
They're gonna have a meeting at the club. The big dog's gonna be there and the ugly car girls.

Speaker 1 We gotta get the big dog out. That's what I'm saying.
It's a country club full of attorneys. We can't get this person out.
I like the idea that you should. There's a lot of attorneys there.

Speaker 1 I like the idea that you show up on Saturday and all the cart girls are hot.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we heard Mr. Big Time doesn't like

Speaker 1 how attractive the girls are. We're about to lose them.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 They never have uncrustables.

Speaker 1 They don't have uncrustables.

Speaker 1 Never. Have you ever had one? You've never had one.
No, I've had them. They never stock them.
At the country club? At the country club.

Speaker 1 I regret saying that. Are they horses?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I thought it was all just like nuts and pretzels and stuff. No, no, no.
They have uncrustables, so they never stock them. Oh, so the uncrustables are gone.
It's probably the big dog.

Speaker 1 The big dog gets there early.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you what.

Speaker 1 If you come, we get paired with the big dog, I'm drinking with you. Yes.
That I would do. How come you can't drink? Because I love golf.
It's just like I don't want to, I love it.

Speaker 1 And I don't want to be buzzed doing it. Yeah, you don't want to disrespect the game.
It's not even disrespected. It's just like, you just want to play your best.
Yeah. And it just, I feel like a kid.

Speaker 1 One or two might loosen you up. I know.
I've heard that from a lot of people.

Speaker 1 A lot of fucking alcoholics.

Speaker 1 There's a frost delay and people are like, well, I guess I'm having a long island ice tea. It's like, damn, yeah, you will, you gotta at nine at the turn, you gotta reevaluate.

Speaker 1 Yeah, every time you go, this thing's not going anywhere.

Speaker 1 65 through nine, you gotta mix it up.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she was like hit. She's saying something.
I forgot. No one talked about her game at all.
Like, she doesn't know what she's doing. No, she's not gonna hit a full game yet.

Speaker 1 Apparently, she plays fast. So she can play.
She's gonna hit it if they're not. They're all calling her a piece of shit.
And now one person was like, yeah, and she sucks.

Speaker 1 She's not good. Do you guys have a tournament? Yeah.
When? I don't know. I think it's past, but yeah, we do.
Oh,

Speaker 1 give me the date. I'm going to turn that into the waste management.

Speaker 1 Bring 2,000 dudes. Waste management for anyone.

Speaker 1 People are getting so much. We're bringing 2,000 dudes and scream

Speaker 1 the whole tournament. Holy shit.
I keep forgetting how popular the podcast is. Like, yeah, you could bring people out.
We could have a nice meeting.

Speaker 1 We could have a dogs meet up at your country club tournament. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Is it going to be... Make it public.
All right. Next.
Just the ugly fucking car girls serving us. They're not ugly.
I would not know. I don't even know if they were.

Speaker 1 You don't know about car girls. They're pretty great.
I didn't know. I didn't know about these.
These are the beautiful queens. I always thought the pros just handled the girl.

Speaker 1 Beautiful queens, I mean very young.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. High school kids.
Yeah, now that I'm saying it, I take it back. Now that I'm saying it, I take it back.
Yeah, as lots of they are like high school. Yeah.
Oh, man.

Speaker 1 You're calling high school girls girls ugly.

Speaker 1 That is impressive. No, I'm saying I don't even know if they're

Speaker 1 you know attractive or ugly, given yeah, you know what you look. Yeah, I nod, I say whatever.
You don't have to excuse me, do you have uncrustables?

Speaker 1 No, you're

Speaker 1 ugly.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna tell everyone you guys are ugly.

Speaker 1 Bitch doesn't even have an uncrustable. Oh, fuck, I shanked it.

Speaker 1 Great.

Speaker 1 Oh man, I'd love to see you out there. I'd love to go with you.
Because I'm going to fuck it up for you. And you're going to get unreasonably angry.

Speaker 1 I would be reasonably angry if you fucked it up for me.

Speaker 1 You know, it's fun to make a score. I love like the tension of it.
I don't take gimme putts. I love like making everything.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I understand the thrill of it. Yeah.
You're like, ooh, I could almost beat my best score. When I was playing with those old ladies, I was about,

Speaker 1 I was coming. If I had parred the last hole, I was going to to shoot an 80.
That would be good. And the 90 was the quadruple bogey two weeks ago.
Oh, really? Yeah. You joked.
I joked so hard.

Speaker 1 I know. I talked to that briefly.
Did they know? Did they know the statement? They knew. I tell everybody that I'm playing with what's going on.
So it builds the tension.

Speaker 1 What did they say to you after you triple quadruple bogey the last hole? Oh, you couldn't find it. Because, like, you know, I obviously hit one OB.

Speaker 1 It was just you and old women golfing? Yeah. You were charming them, weren't you? They were charming me.
You were charming me. We were having the time.

Speaker 1 That's your type of funk. It was so great.
They were so nice. They would just like keep poking the ball forward.

Speaker 1 I love that. And then just worm burners.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
And

Speaker 1 this one hole that's like really hard. I got on the green too.
And she turned to me. She was like, where'd you go? I was like, I'm on the green.
She's like, woohoo. I was like, yes.

Speaker 1 They were just.

Speaker 1 Isn't that nice? That's wholesome fun. I think it's great.
That's wholesome fun. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then you went home and pounded your cock.

Speaker 1 Slot porn you find on Reddit, you fucking deviant. I like porn.
It's the duality of man. It really is the duality.
You're out there like, oh, wahoo, I got a nice score.

Speaker 1 I found a new genre on fucking subreddit.

Speaker 1 Do you ever look at like thumbnails and think, oh, that's for later? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Hold on, I'll try it there. Yes.
Because usually

Speaker 1 you might have that idea of like, oh, that's for later. Like you're saying next beat or we're going to keep this beat going.
I'm going to start with this and go to that. No, I'm saying for later.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
But then you come and you're like, I'm never going to jack off again. Oh.
No, I was saying if, well, I don't remember it. Oh, you're saying you see.

Speaker 1 Wait, you're looking at porn when you're not jacking off and you're like, I'm keeping this. Yeah.
Which is crazy.

Speaker 1 Sometimes.

Speaker 1 Do you know X V.

Speaker 1 It's rare. It's rare.
But it is. That's all we have down Texas.

Speaker 1 Oh, is that right? Yeah, they took our porn in there. Well, see, I'm not a big porn hub guy because to me, that's all like, you know what you're getting.
And X-Videos. Throws a wild card in there.

Speaker 1 X-Videos throws a wild card. And I'm into all that.
Yeah. So sometimes.
But yeah, they'll have

Speaker 1 some thumbnails that you go, that. And you're just, when are you doing this? What do you mean? So you're not jacking off.
You're just looking at porn. Correct.

Speaker 1 Where would you be in the world while you're doing something like that? Sometimes it'll be like

Speaker 1 in my

Speaker 1 lawn chair recliner watching golf or something on TV. You toss some porn on.

Speaker 1 I don't toss it on. I go to the website.
So, you know, and you just see what's new. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Sometimes you're not in it. You know, when you're not in the mood, you let it get you.

Speaker 1 It's not like I'm checking it, like, I'm checking for messages.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? I know, but I just like the idea of sitting in a lawn chair. I mean, like, yeah, I am going to jack off later.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right. We've got that settled.
Yeah, because sometimes the search is so frantic when you're in the midst of it that you want. Sometimes you want a detached, objective appraisal of what's going on.

Speaker 1 And you're doing this too. Yeah.
It's almost like a mental joke. What? What? Yeah.
Yeah. You know what?

Speaker 1 You remember when Matt was on his joking kick?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
And you're edging. Edging is more than you're thinking more edging.

Speaker 1 What's jelking? Jelking, I think, is pulling your dick to try to make it bigger. over like

Speaker 1 actually stretching edging it. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And you do this.

Speaker 1 Definitely. Yeah, every once in a while.
Where do you do it? Just like while you're hanging out on the couch or something? Yeah. I mean, I haven't done it.
You guys better not be doing this in public.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 I haven't done it recently. Definitely.
I used to. I used to like, when I was totally not in the mood, just be like, let's see.
I'm going to be in the mood. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And you would find a bit.
Get in the mood perfectly. Let me look at the menu.
Yeah. Because Because I got reservations later.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 My girlfriend's going to leave the house for 30 minutes or five hours. That is

Speaker 1 a lot of times what'll. Of course.
Yep. I know she's going to be out.
She's going to be gone tonight. Yep.

Speaker 1 No, it's me time.

Speaker 1 I haven't had me time in a while. I've been in me time fucking forever.
This is going to be great.

Speaker 1 That is nice when you're in a relationship and you get to catch a beat. Yeah.
Brings back the fun. Yeah.

Speaker 1 No pressure. Man, I remember this.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You don't have to watch someone be disappointed.

Speaker 1 It's nice.

Speaker 1 God, that, yeah.

Speaker 1 You don't like when you disappoint your lover. No.

Speaker 1 Why? That's just a funny thing to ask.

Speaker 1 That's all. It was just a funny question to ask.
Yeah, no, I don't like it. The way I look at it is she better get hers.

Speaker 1 Because I'm going to get mine.

Speaker 1 The Bernie Mac said on that is as funny as it gets.

Speaker 1 In his Kings of Comedy, said he has like a cuck joke, which I didn't even know they were making those back then.

Speaker 1 I don't even. He does it at one part of the set.
He's like, He's like,

Speaker 1 Y'all fucking for 45 minutes? What you got to prove?

Speaker 1 Three minutes. Yeah.
That's all it takes. And she better get hers because I'm going to get mine.

Speaker 1 She's like, I'm going to go get a younger man. Go get a bitch.

Speaker 1 Go get a bitch. I'll watch.
I'll be in the corner.

Speaker 1 That is hilarious. God damn it.
Yeah, the Kings of Comedy. He's the best.
Bernie Mac sets

Speaker 1 the Dev Jam one. No, it's Kings of Comedy.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you remember the one his set from the Apollo?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm not afraid of you. I ain't scared of you.
Yeah, I ain't scared.

Speaker 1 That could be a fun thing to re-watch. It's just the Bernie Mac show.
Yeah, I'm sure it's great. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Did that come? Did that come? Wait.

Speaker 1 Oh, man, I miss Matt. We need Matt.
Yeah, he's

Speaker 1 so best. I wonder what he's up to.

Speaker 1 I wonder what he's got going.

Speaker 1 You know, he is. I'm good to guess.
What do you think he's up to? He's up to something.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's always like working on something. He's working on like

Speaker 1 learning instruments.

Speaker 1 I can't believe how good he is at instruments. I don't know when he picked that up.
Was that late in life?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. He's like, it's time to get out of the house a little bit.
Yeah, yeah. Where do you find the time? And then he's always, I like, I was dabbling a little bit.
I like to talk to him.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Oh, really? Like, since he was a kid? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I was dabbling a little bit in the

Speaker 1 that Jungian psychology stuff.

Speaker 1 I meant to talk to him about it. Like the dark your shadow self.
Yeah, I don't.

Speaker 1 I don't like that stuff. You would.
If you read it. I like some of the stuff.
If you read it. Of course, I just like the ones that affirm my beliefs.
Yeah, yeah. Not anything that questions it.
No,

Speaker 1 i was reading this is a good healthy way to live

Speaker 1 nothing challenging yeah but this it is they're like uh

Speaker 1 i was reading a book that i guess young had like put together with his some of his students or whatever and it's just it's just page after page of it's like locker room pump-up speeches nice about just battling inner demons it does get you fired the fuck up that's good yeah it's it's fun to

Speaker 1 that's how you get hooked in because they don't really make arguments that they're right. They're just like here's a thing.
Here's a thing. Here's a thing.
This thing. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Whatever happened with you two. You guys were intellectuals for a while.
Yeah. You guys were like Sam Harris guys.
Yeah. Weren't you guys like space, Elon Musk space guys? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Whatever happened. Oh, you turned on him because he bought Twitter.
I didn't turn on him. Sure.

Speaker 1 Sure. I still watched the SpaceX launches.
I saw them land the

Speaker 1 super

Speaker 1 fucking

Speaker 1 thing on Elon Musk worked a little. People that don't know him at all are like, yeah, fuck that guy.
It worked. The hippies.
The media. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
They did a good job of tarnishing his.

Speaker 1 I mean, not that he's out there doing a single side. He picked a side.

Speaker 1 He's out there doing a single side. But he got pushed to a side, but he certainly picked a side.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's out there doing some wacky stuff. But I still like the eyes.
I like when he, whenever he tweets that Tesla's doing well, I get excited. Whenever he tweets about SpaceX, I get pumped.

Speaker 1 You guys are intellectuals, though. You're a big Sam Harris, man.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's just, yeah, if you're asking like what happened it's the same thing i think with comedy where you're just like i'm not good at this

Speaker 1 honestly like i think you have to

Speaker 1 uh to try and have an actual an opinion on something like you have to be educated is really hard yeah

Speaker 1 and not turn into

Speaker 1 like a douche it's just like

Speaker 1 That's what you guys were up against. Yeah.
You guys were about to be going toe-to-toe with that. Yeah.
Because that's where the intellectual thing eventually goes. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Matt does a good job with it because Matt's very funny about it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But if you pursue the intellectual,

Speaker 1 what are you going to give a fucking speech? Yeah, it's brutal. And also,

Speaker 1 yeah,

Speaker 1 your whole identity sort of kind of gets wrapped up in it to where it's really difficult to

Speaker 1 getting focused on trying to change other people's minds sucks.

Speaker 1 I think.

Speaker 1 Getting worried about, yeah, you're basically worrying what's going on.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 Worried about, like, yeah, trying to change someone's mind sucks. That's why I like Matt's, Matt's intellectual stuff is personal, is a personal journey.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Especially because he's telling me most of the time, and I'm always like, yeah, I don't like that. And he's like, that's fine if you don't like it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't. Just talk about football.
That's what people want on our podcast. They want football.
Yeah, but you do a little bit of the same thing.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? I feel like you're like a historical intellectual.

Speaker 1 I thought I was until I opened my fucking mouth on a podcast and then read comments.

Speaker 1 Turns out I don't know shit. Yeah, but yeah, do they know anything? No.
Yeah. They're commenting on the internet.
Yeah. Sometimes you got to read a story about a guy and then you.

Speaker 1 Some people do, yeah. Yeah.
Every once in a while, a dork will fucking drill you on YouTube. You'll be like, fuck.

Speaker 1 They'll put a link in there. They'll be like, damn, I was wrong.

Speaker 1 Way out of line. Way out of line.
But But then you get to be right once you read the thing. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, you change your mind. You admit you were wrong.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You grow. You can change.

Speaker 1 I'm still waiting for that day.

Speaker 1 I'm still waiting for that day. Well, I think we've probably hit a wall on this one.
Yeah. We're deep.
Girby, you got any gross shit you're up to? I don't. I do like to hear about your sexual ways.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 It's okay if you don't have any. You've been busy.
You're probably tired from work. It is.
That's why I feel so bad.

Speaker 1 you haven't been able to pleasure your woman as much because you've been tired it's yeah there's just not a lot do you just lay on the bed and

Speaker 1 let her have at it

Speaker 1 no

Speaker 1 do you lay down no i can do some groundwork

Speaker 1 do what you will

Speaker 1 uh

Speaker 1 yeah apologize uh stop dude you're there's nothing to apologize about i feel that you hit it

Speaker 1 right on the head.

Speaker 1 Our whole day is doing something that we shouldn't be talking about. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then the rest of the day, I just

Speaker 1 stare vacantly. I've been watching Harry Potter.
That's it. That's fun.
It is fun. Harry Potter.
Double Door dies, and Snape's the fucking man.

Speaker 1 I know that. I know that going into it.
As soon as Sadie told me, she was like, we're watching Harry Potter. He's Chris has never seen it.
I was like, Double Door dies.

Speaker 1 And you actually did not know that.

Speaker 1 You knew Snape was a good guy. I knew Dumbledore.
I think it's like all the stuff I've sort of seen on one level and another, but I haven't actually watched the movies.

Speaker 1 Harry Potter fucking rules. Yeah, they're really good.
Order of the Phoenix was fucking awesome. And fucking Dumbledore fucking hitting the

Speaker 1 turn, just disappearing with the Phoenix. I don't remember which ones are which.
I remember I farted real loud during a Harry Potter.

Speaker 1 My friends loved Harry Potter. So we would go to like the midnight showings.
Yeah. And in Harry Potter, I hit a nice fart on a silent moment.

Speaker 1 It became a thing I liked to do: fart as loud as I could during. And this is back when movie theaters are packed, you know? Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And yeah, it's very fun.

Speaker 1 It's hilarious. Silent moment for it.
Yes. Did you get a laugh? You got crushed.
You get a big laugh.

Speaker 1 That's one of my favorite videos ever.

Speaker 1 Were you at all at risk of shooting your pants? No. You know.

Speaker 1 I hit farts, bro. What were you saying?

Speaker 1 My favorite video is a guy farting during Oppenheimer.

Speaker 1 And when they press it, it's like three. Dude, it's just silent before the bomb goes off.
There's a video of a guy farting. And like six people are at the theater.

Speaker 1 There's a guy in the front, all the way by himself, like, ah.

Speaker 1 But it's just, it's wonderful because they wasted. That movie's 90 hours long, and they finally got to the most important part.
And a guy's like,

Speaker 1 yeah, it's great.

Speaker 1 It's fun stuff. Me and Soda went to a Down syndrome movie theater once when we were on the road.
I always thought those were fiction. They exist.
Everybody, everyone working their head down.

Speaker 1 So like popcorn guy, ticket guy, everybody.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 which was great. They were bumped.
You go in, they're like, what movie are you going to see? I forget what it was. They're like, it's fucking incredible.

Speaker 1 He's going to win best picture, I think.

Speaker 1 But we got in there. The guy farted real loud.
And we were fucking dying laughing. Like for hours.
The whole movie laughing. Because it was just, it was an empty.

Speaker 1 We were in like Albany, New York, or one of these places on the road. And just during the day, you saw a movie.

Speaker 1 So the theater is empty other than us and like a guy like three rows behind us, and he farted. So we were howling, laughing.
The rest of the movie, we couldn't stop laughing.

Speaker 1 And then at the very end, I looked back up when we were all getting ready. I was like, who did this? I can't wait to see this man.
And he also was mentally disabled.

Speaker 1 He was zipping up and down in the jacket like 10 times. I was like,

Speaker 1 shouldn't have been making fun of that guy. Yeah.
Dude, I bet that place ran smoothly. It did.
Yeah. They were hyped.
Yeah. Everybody was happy to work there.
Yeah. It's That's heaven.

Speaker 1 Popcorn soda. Popcorn soda stoked on every movie.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You get to see every movie for free.
They kept coming in to watch the movie. Kyle would be just a mop coming in.

Speaker 1 He'd sitting there for 45 minutes. Be like, oh, shit.

Speaker 1 Got to go back to work.

Speaker 1 It's a good gig for this fellow. Damn.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 that's good. Yeah.
We'll get some more. We'll get fired up.
We'll get a daytime one coming up. Yeah, where we're a little more.
Yeah. We'll think of something funny.
We could get Kyle on.

Speaker 1 We could get Kyle on. She's under the weather.
Everyone's fucking sick. Yeah.

Speaker 1 There's gonna be some rough takes this week.

Speaker 1 Kylo is sick as fuck. There's gonna be some lines in the show where she's like,

Speaker 1 This is not usable.

Speaker 1 All right. Well, we'll be back.
Yeah. We'll get it.
We'll get it next one. We'll get a daytime one.
Maybe a weekend one. Weekend one would be nice.
You threw a couple brewskies.

Speaker 1 There's a coureskis in there. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 you can have three.

Speaker 1 I'm out. My gun's just slinking.
I don't know how you guys do it. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 It's pretty easy. All right.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're going to have the best time of your life.

Speaker 1 You take four days off and go, what the fuck? Bean sober sucks. I'm going to get fucked up as soon as Friday is done.

Speaker 1 And then it's also a help if politics comes up. You don't look at the floor and go, yeah, it is complicated.
Yeah, you stand here. Right.
You go, hey, listen, you're a fucking dumbass.

Speaker 1 You don't know shit.

Speaker 1 i actually know i listened to tim dylan yeah

Speaker 1 uh no it's i i was jealous before it's it's almost like uh when you're single jacking off is kind of sad the same way like drinking when you don't have really work during the day is kind of like god damn what am i doing yeah now you worked monday through friday you go i gotta be sober friday is gonna fucking rule yes you know what i mean It's back.

Speaker 1 The thrill is back. And Saturday can rule.
Saturday is going to rock. The Halloween party.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I might kill you at the Halloween party. Yeah, you got to kill me.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Sunday is the real. That's the question.
Sunday,

Speaker 1 I almost fell on Sunday. I was just sitting by myself watching the Eagles.
I had that fridge full of beer for the night before.

Speaker 1 I could.

Speaker 1 I could have a couple.

Speaker 1 And I got a text that was like 7 a.m. call time.

Speaker 1 I can't have one or I'll quit the show. That's this.
Yeah, the scary. Sunday is the scariest because you, you go, I'm so hungover.

Speaker 1 One would actually help. Just one.

Speaker 1 One would actually level me up. Oh, shit, I'm back.
Two is going to make me feel even better.

Speaker 1 Man, we're rolling.

Speaker 1 All right. We got to stop.
Kirby's, you got to be, you got to go to bed. I got to go to the gym.
Nice. Oh, you jacked this season.
No, I'm not jacked. Getting your clothes, Taylor.

Speaker 1 You're going to be the most handsome. I'm going to feel so much better if I

Speaker 1 of course. I'll leave you alone.
All right. Thank you, Stephen.
Thank you. You seem really sad about this.
I, because I know how much you're carrying here, and I don't want

Speaker 1 carrying anything. Yeah, this is, you know, we'll get another one going.
All right. Yeah, what are you talking about? You carry this with your golf stuff.
I gotta, I gotta come prepare with a list.

Speaker 1 Really? Yeah. I gotta do better for you.
I gotta do better for you. You'll be able to think of some stuff.
All right. We'll, but we'll make you and I will make a list next time.
All right.

Speaker 1 All right. We'll compare notes.
Thank you, everyone. See you.

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