Ep 518 - Daddy's Home (feat. Steve Gerben & Chris O'Connor)

The Wild Wild West. Gerbys? Yeah.
The con man? It's good to be back. Matt's out of town.
Although I'm out of town, but Matt's, I think Matt's on, I think he's in Turks and Caicos. Really? Yes.
But. Wow.
In bigger news, the return of the gruel, the return of the gruel king, he's back. Yeah.
What the fuck? What took so long? Well, what do you mean? I asked you 9,000 times. No, you didn't.
No, no, no. But first of all, I retired twice.
I did retire twice. What do you mean? You retired from the podcast? Yeah.
You officially? There's literally... Yeah.
Because Matt... You can't.
He's got Gruul in the rafters. You can't retire.
I did. If you're allowed to.
If you're allowed to. Well, yeah.
Hiatus. I did the first time Matt titled a Gerby Swan song, I think.
And then when you were like, dude, I was like, I got nothing. I don't know.
You know what I'm going to say. That's how it works.
You got nothing. You thought we thought we had nothing.
And then in the car, Gerby's accidentally spilled the beans a little. What what he was telling me he was at Wawa and he was talking to Amy from the show about how he wanted to wear these nice pattern pants and he was like all right here I'll let you tell misrepresenting the story am I not allowed to address the okay yeah you can address the well no No, I won't do it.
Direct address. Out of the time, back talking to the camera, what a showman.
Well, no, because... So I had ordered a sweater off of eBay.
Because it was like a Lacoste sweater. It looks awesome.
I haven't worn it around Shade because I don't know what he's going to be there. Yeah.
You know? And then she was saying you should wear it with like patterned pants. Were you there for that? I was like, are you out of your fucking mind? I was on the other side of the room for this.
Yeah, yeah. I thought it was for golf.
I thought you were going to go golfing in it. Nah.
You were just wearing it. It's just casual.
Patterned pants. What type of pattern? No, I

didn't even want... That's what I'm saying.
I didn't

want patterned pants. Oh, it was being

thrust upon. And she couldn't comprehend

like the death sentence.

All right.

And before they think I'm

an asshole, it's like, that's good.

You need the checks and balances, which you acknowledge

because without me,

this is what started the conversation. He said, without

me, he'd be a jewelry man. Yes.

He'd be wearing rings. And now and then he admitted he would be wearing bracelets.
Car ride home. He spills the beans about what type of bracelets.
And he's thinking Johnny Depp style. He's talking tons of like leather bracelets, which insane.
And then he also spilled because we're in the car and I'm playing music. And I realize Steve, there's not one song I can play.
And then I realized Steve must not like music. And he was like, yeah, I'm not much of a music guy.
No, I have tried. I've got, tried to go through a fan.
I tried to be like, what do you listen to? I do the same thing. I get this guy in college, and he was really like fish and disco biscuits, and I tried to go to a jam band concert.
That sucks. It wasn't my scene.
No, that sucks. It's like a lot of that dancing like this.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
And the swing. But then I realized the only song I know he likes is Pirates of the Caribbean theme song.
Yeah wants to wear Johnny Depp bracelets he wants to be Johnny Depp so then it gets worse because I'm like you just want to dress like Johnny Depp and he's like no I don't second later he goes I did try the bandana wrist I didn't go out with it I just put it on just to see what it was this. This was like years ago.
Walk around the house. You tried to wear a bandana bracelet.
Exactly. But the thing about...
Insane choice. I feel like I'm not that far off from it.
From a bandana? Well, first of all, recently I almost decided to just listen exclusively to movie music, like theme song music. Yeah, I understand.
Rap takes a toll on you yeah you drive around it's literally talking about jizzing in your girlfriend's face all day and just like yeah i don't like it's as close as i can get to actually listening to classical music is just listening to thomas newman songs shawshank redemption soundtrack Well, listen. And I do think about jewelry every once in a while, but it's so not for me.
I've never put it on. I want to go back.
I do agree with the first statement that it's important to have a Shane in your life and for friends to, you don't want to. Yeah.
You know? Yeah. If you were out here in Westchester, all, all by yourself, if we weren't doing tires, you'd be wearing a bandana bracelet at this age.
No, I don't think so. I could, I know.
Be out of control. Yeah.
Without the fame and stardom has gone to your head. No, how's my head? What do I have on my wrist? You got that tattoo? You know that I had that.
That's 20 years old. How dare you? All I'm suggesting is it is true.
I remember, I think like at least the time that stands out in my mind was I had made a video. I put it on YouTube and then Shane was like, you wore that shirt because you think your bicep looks good in that shirt yeah i was like no but yes yeah it wasn't necessarily the shirt it was the way you were so he was sick fuck i don't want to go back hold on it's really great he was doing like a handyman youtube channel and then one of the shots was him laying on the bed.
Why was it laying? Oh, I wasn't. He was leaning on the bed, flexing his heart.
No, that wasn't the shot. I was sitting on the edge.
Shaking, flexing. I was sitting on the edge of the bed.
It wasn't a whole thing. It was a very funny show, though.
It was good. Don't try and throw me off Kilder.
No, I swear. But.
What was it?

Should I?

I think everything you do is good.

I really want my dad in his retirement to start a handyman YouTube channel.

Well,

it was like a joke.

I couldn't do it.

Just dropping screws.

God damn it.

Just leaving the camera rolling.

Beating off in the room.

It's a seven and a half hour video.

He jacks off twice.

God damn it. Jesus is on himself.
Fuck. Just live streaming it.
Live streaming. Dad jacks off.
He's trying to build a birdhouse. Just keeps jacking off behind the shed.
It's a goddamn Phillips. Oh, man.
But Patsy! If you're going to tell me you don't want to wear a ring occasionally. I don't want to wear a ring.
It's never rings. It's never rings.
It's like I do, I think like a necklace for some reason. A necklace that's crossed my mind.
No wonder you did that. It'll be so hard.
If you ever wear a fucking necklace, I'll beat you. If you ever wear a v-neck.
What? You would wear a v-neck and have a... It'd be weird.
Neither of us have the body type for a chain. You don't have all the shoulders.
I have a hunched over neck. Half the chain would be laying flat on the back of my fucking neck it'd be bad it is funny without shoulders and wearing a bunch of stuff on your wrists i know i didn't want to bring up the shoulders but the shoulders with the fucking giant it wouldn't be cool it'd be like if you wore a bracelet like that I would think something happened to your wrist.
If you got super tan and shaved your head, you'd look like a, yeah, it doesn't work. The street fighter guy.
I tried that. Um, shaving the head.
Yeah. Yeah.
No, I've, I've like a, I've like an old St. Christopher medallion that my mom gave me when I was a kid and I want want to make a necklace out of it.
Every once in a while, I think. I will never.
But I do think about it. I think you could wear a nice thin necklace.
I know. But it's like it's a whole new guy.
You know what I mean? I know. I'm not that guy.
Yeah. And the thin necklace also on me looks crazy.
Yeah. I've gone swimming wearing a necklace.
I look insane. Yeah.
It's not good. I always think of really insecure dudes when I think of the chain with a medallion.
It sounds like we're the ones that are the actual insecure ones. I know.
I know. But I get to put it on.
Who do I think I am? I can never wear a fucking necklace. No one would care.
I never wore a watch in my life until I got this. Now I see what that's about.
I feel like I have a photo that it's like a breaking case of an emergency if I ever need to make something up to you. What photo? When I shave my head.
Let me see it. No, absolutely not.
Please. Absolutely not.
Why? Because I look first, I look at saying, but what the plan was, I was going to like, you this was like Facebook time era. Yeah.
Yeah. And I was going to like, say, put this post.
It's like, I'm done trying to fight the hair loss. Like, you know, and it was wearing a shirt that said real women suck dick.
Oh, my God. What the fuck? That's a joke.
And so I had that photo. And it's something like I'll show it to you.
Yeah. But my hair.
So just to. Because.
Who gave you a shirt that said real women suck? I bought it offline. He's such a pervert.
No. No.
It was a joke joke i know but um my hairline is like so thick right up front yeah and then it's thin yeah so when i shaved it i would get like a five o'clock shadow like here you get a little ronaldo yeah is that what it is well no it's just a soccer player that did that. Oh.
Yeah, look. It doesn't work for me.

I thought I could do it.

I've been on this podcast bragging for years.

I'll just go bald like a man.

Yeah.

You start staring it down.

Yeah.

You go, this is not going to be good.

I thought I'd get jacked or something if I was going bald.

I'd be like, you can't be bald and fucking fat.

There is no point to make a haircut the other day.

I got a haircut the other day, and lady like showed me my hair from the back not good I'm getting hair good for you I'm not going to just stop it where it's at I'm not going to get a hairline no go all the way back bald? no I'm just saying fill it all the way out. Get a lush head of hair.
I don't like when people do that. I like when people have fake hair and an old face.
Like a wrinkled face with a hairline. It's crazy.
No, no. But it looks so good.
No, it doesn't. Yeah, the pros.
Are you going to go to Turkey or whatever? Fuck no, I'm not. No matter what, I'm not going to Turkey.
Yeah, terrible idea. Why? That's crazy.
You were doing. That's crazy.
You would do it in a second. Would you go to Turkey? You don't leave fucking Pennsylvania.
Of course I wouldn't go to Turkey. No.
There's stuff around here. I heard the best guys are overseas, but how could that be? I think it's just the cheapest.
Oh, would yeah i would want yeah i had to yeah i don't know i'm not i i probably won't ever do it out of laziness yeah it's never too late right yeah it is you can't go bald and then get hair all of a sudden i mean you can but it's crazy it's tough now's wild to not have hair. I think that's what you should do.
Just be really ostentatious. Let it go all the way.
To my eyebrows. It'd be like if Louie got hair.
Yeah. It'd be fucked up.
It'd be sick, dude. I don't know.
If Louie came back. If Louie came back.
With a full head of red hair. That'd be awesome.
He's back. He's, yeah.
Well, Gerby's, it's amazing to have you come out of retirement like this. No, thanks.
Thanks for having me on. What have you been up to? Sexually, what have you been up to? Don't.
You know I bring you on here. I need to know about your sex life.
Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's exactly what you would imagine.
Same old tricks. Same old tricks.
Perhaps a few. Oh.
But no, I can't. But you were the only thing that I, you know.
What? Discovered? What did you discover? Just that different women have different sensitivities. Oh, in the scripts you included this.
It's real. That's real.
How did you find that out? Research or open communication? The better. Yeah.
So what did you discover through open communication and the better? Uh, that different, well, I mean, are we, so well, we'll just write something else, but different sides of the, we can. Yeah, that we can yeah that's fine clitoris are are sensitive for different women they'll be like one side some ladies are like I'm a lefty yeah this episode is brought to you by max welcome to your new American dream go inside the lives of the original influencers and now global sports and entertainment superstars Jake and Logan Paul as, as they launched their latest venture, a new family reality series, Paul American on Max.
Oh, yeah. See behind the curtain of fame and into the Paul's high octane lives.
High octane lives. With an up close and personal look at Logan and Jake, their partners and their parents.
I want to get a good look at their partners and parents. So do I.
Yep. Dude, Shane, love them or hate them, you won't be able to look away.
Stream Paul American Thursdays exclusively on Max. I didn't know this.
Yeah. And now I'm thinking about my own dick and whether it's lefty or righty.
Mine seems like a middle. Yeah, I'm a middle? Yeah, yeah, just an all-around.
Mine's a middle guy. It's pretty sensitive in general.
spread yeah yeah alright well good

we got that out of the way

you still talking dirty

do you have anything

you want to share about that

I don't want to share

but I did still talk

how do you like living

in Westchester

I love it

yeah this is very nice

it's incredible

it's so nice

it's actually a little

too nice

I know

it's so cozy

fucking Austin

I know

Thank you. It's so nice.
It's actually a little too nice. I know.
It's so cozy.

Fucking Austin.

It's hot.

I don't know.

It's hot.

Okay.

This doesn't exist there.

Interesting.

The rocks and dirty trees.

Yeah.

You don't realize how much of this is like a party until you leave it. Okay.
You know'm a northeast guy you are a pennsylvania obviously i'm a pennsylvania man i don't know this is like when i went to spain thinking i'd be hemingway yeah i went to texas and immediately was like nope i like it here but this is not for me i don't belong here could you imagine being someone who actually traveled by like horse and wagon down to texas then I go, fuck, I brought all my friends. Fuck.
And then that's probably why they just kept going. Yeah.
Just like, no, it's got to get better. It's got to get mauled by the dumbasses that got stuck in the Midwest.
They probably got there in like the spring or summer. They're probably like, this is great.
It's fucking 12 feet of snow three weeks later. Oh, man.
But no, obviously it's great too. Driving on the roads.
The roads are nice. I'm ready to get the fuck out of Philly though already.
Yeah.

I'm excited to get here.

Philly did take

the hit.

What's that?

COVID-wise.

Philly got it rocked.

Everything's closed.

And scary.

I tried to take

some people to coffee shops

that I always used to go to. I went to four different ones.
I just kept walking them around the city because they were all closed. They'd all just been shut.
I'm sad about bards and Irish pub. Yeah, those are staples.
Need bards. I need it back.
That's where you used to get after it. I did.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we would hang out after.
You used to be a party animal. Not a party animal, but, you know, you'd have a.
I remember one time we got a bill at Bards and it was it was it was Kent and Doogie and myself. And they called me fancy pants like on the.
That's totally. Were you wearing fancy pants? Yeah, I always just tuck in my shirt and sometimes wear a tie doing stand up.
You would have absolutely hated me. I've seen it.
I've seen pictures.

Yeah, yeah.

Brutal.

Embarrassing.

Sorry, I wore a blazer once to do an open mic.

I haven't forgotten that.

That was a decade ago.

Yeah.

It keeps me up at night.

What were you trying to do?

Just change it out?

Blazer.

I wore one of my dad's blazers.

I wore a blazer and jeans on stage at the Harrisburg Comedy Zone. Probably talked about, probably was racist as fuck.
Then got blacked out and went home. Not much has changed other than the blazer.
Yeah, yeah. It's still my night.
When did you guys first meet? 2012 or 13? Was it just at Helium? Yeah. Interesting yeah interesting yeah it would have been helium and medusa it was at uh yeah it was at helium you came up to me you said that was good nice wow yeah i'm just a nice guy yeah yeah yeah yeah you smashed I heard that you like won the Baltimore thing.
Yeah, the Magoos. Yeah, yeah.
And you smashed and I was like, holy shit. And I was too nervous to say anything.
I assumed you'd be like, fuck you. Yeah, you knew the real thing.
You knew deep down inside. But instead you came up and you were like, that was really good.

Yeah.

I knew you were a good guy.

You were wearing like a North Face.

I was like, that guy knows business.

He's got it together.

I'm not hanging out with the rest.

I mean, you were the best option.

Everyone else there was visibly retarded.

The open mic scene was insane.

Yeah, it was crazy.

You guys had a nice, you guys were before us. Yeah, yeah.
And that was like... You guys had some good guys.
Yeah, for sure. That was McKeever and Pope.
Yeah. And Doogie.
That's right, yeah. And I remember seeing Kevin Ryan Foley.
Pet House, Kevin Ryan Foley. Sure.
All those guys. All those guys.
And then there were some crazy boys on the... Who's that one dude? Kind of looked like Dave Chappelle.

He went nuts later.

He came back and threatened to shoot up.

Oh, nice.

I don't remember that guy.

Even if I know the name, I'm not saying it. Yeah, I'm not saying it.

Well, other than that, we're just all working on tires.

Well, you guys are.

I stop in. I say, how's it going? Has Steve tried to get you into golf yet? No, I've been in Philly.
Oh, yeah, true. When I'm out here, I'll give it a shot.
Okay. I don't think I'll be available.
I don't think there's going to be a day off. I know.
It's crazy. It's going to suck.
Well, what else we got? Yeah, I'm racking my brain trying to think of a story. That's all right.
You don't have to. Oh, you wrote something down? Well, I think from a long time ago.
I'm trying to, but I think I didn't see anything. I was looking through it earlier.
That's all right. Put my glass.
We'll think of something. Get your spectacles back on.
One thing I have enjoyed. Oh, what's that? What have you enjoyed?

I've enjoyed just like this is a particular type of like trash person around here that I feel safe around.

I agree.

You know, it's like I recognize the.

The homeless here.

They're pretty bad.

They're pretty wild.

Yeah.

I was going to say they're better than the Austin.

Oh, here.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.
Here's great. Here's the the woods we're in the woods yeah perfect where a white man should be out in the woods safe talking about clits with his friends uh no i was i was gonna say on uh i had i actually had a wild ass week on monday monday i, I went to the Monday night football game.
Chris was with me. The Kiss Man joined me to watch the Birds.
Crazy, yeah. Watch the Birds suffer a terrible loss.
But they look good. No, they didn't.
Yeah, they did. The Falcons suck.
That was bad. Well, they – yeah, whatever.
They win that game nine out of ten times. Yeah aj brown coming back would have helped there regardless i thought well you know it's like we got the table read the next day you gotta take it easy and then we're leaving and they're like do you want to meet jason kelsey i was like yes we're talking to him like why don't you come down to the bar i always go to he was like yes now he was pretty sober because he was working i was hammered and then we get to the bar and it's like let's chug beers who can chug faster and i lost so then obviously i was like rematch i lost again worse i got obliterated wow it was a bad dude he throws them back he can throw them back yeah and you were clean sheets.
I was right there. I'll get them next time.
How long did you guys hang out there? I don't know. After the first chug, I was kaput.
Have you talked about the other Bond story? Which one? Oh, no. We don't need to bring that one up.
Definitely not bringing that up.

That's not good.

So that was my Monday.

Tuesday we did the table read and I wasn't

that bad.

No. Not at all.

Entirely.

I would never have known that you were hung over.

And this is what I said to Chris.

I was like, he was perfectly pleasant. And Chris was like,

that's the problem. He's low battery battery yeah yeah he's not on your ass yeah yeah but then i was like all right we gotta slow down this week then the kneecap boys came to philly i had to meet up with them have to go yeah that became a night i was like Free Palestine that was a crazy night Irish fucking balaclava on like Free Palestine yeah so it was good and you know what are those guys like are they kind of three of the same or yeah yeah they're awesome they were exactly who

you'd hope they'd be they're just fun what do they have to say about philly were they that's where all right so i'm mr oh off the ira well the second someone any foreigner is like america you guys out of your minds fat the food's terrible you guys why don't you shoot up a school yeah i was like Why don't you guys do anything ever?

Your country's a dump.

Shut the fuck up. I'm Mr.
fucking Ireland. Yeah, you realize you're an American.
The second... Yeah, Ireland is an American colony.
Fucking right, dude. That's right.
Don't tell me, Captain. Don't bring that shit up.
They're our colony. No, no, no, no.
We send them goods and travel. Don't bring that up.
What? They've already got one oppressor. We got to get England.
No, we don't oppress. We support.
We need England out of there. Yeah.
Out of the north? Yeah. Did they get into that at all? You'd probably support them.
I don't. Honestly, I got to show my ass here.
I don't really know what's going on. None of us do.
You just gotta pick a side. Yeah.
Be obnoxious. Yeah I literally watched that movie Hunger or whatever and was just like this fucking British.
No if you that's another one. Always depressing me.
If you actually look into it it's yes. The British are awful over there.
And if you look into other conflicts throughout the globe the british not the british but just you look into it the people saying they're being oppressed sometimes they're actually being really really oppressed yeah by people of your heritage well let's get away from this let's get back to steve and his clitoris talk yeah well it is funny uh you showing up to the writers room because it is like when you're not there i'm very much like the cats away myself play like i heard you very much adopt your he tries out all your moves on the rest of the writing staff how do they they like it? They're probably off work. They get bodied.
It's so much fun. What are you doing over there? Nothing major, but just, you know, like cutting people off.
Shut up. It's fun.
It's so much fun. It's fun.
Why don't you try to give us a better idea stuff like that that's good i show up once a week i go are we done finish it i walked into somebody's office that works there and they were like uh you're not allowed in here i was like it's funny you bring that up because you're fired that's why i'm here pack up your shit uh yeah power i'm not handling the power. Do you think you'll fire one person? No, I'll probably never fire anyone.
Yeah. It's got to be fun to fire somebody.
No, it doesn't. What? No, I mean, I don't know.
We could send this monster in there to fire someone. Yeah, you would.
Yeah, he nodded at you. No, I'd buckle.
I'd fantasize. It's like the bracelet or the necklace.

I'd fantasize about it.

In what way?

Just getting in there and actually doing it would be terrible.

But I don't know.

What does the fantasy look like?

Just to have someone do that.

You're not allowed in here and be like, fuck you.

You're gone.

Self-righteousness.

Yes.

Well, yes.

They were joking.

If they were serious, I would have actually fired them.

I would have done everything I could. I don't think I have the authority to just fire anybody.
So how do you like that NA beer right there? I do like it. I'm on Chris's side here.
Yes. Can I get a sip of that? Yeah.
You had one of these, I think. I was just spitting it.
Yeah, it's's good I feel like one day

you're gonna break

and enjoy the

and those aren't bad

yeah yeah

those taste like Heinekens

yeah

Oprah

we were talking about Oprah

there we go

now we get some topics

well

I mean

does anyone else follow her on Instagram

she looks great

no

what is Oprah hot

yes

they're doctoring the photos

probably

airbrushing the shit out of them

there's no way

there's no way

I'm sorry. She looks great.
Is Oprah hot? Yes. They're doctoring the photos.
Airbrushing the shit out of them.

Oprah?

There's no way when she gets up in the morning, she's looking good.

It just can't be.

How old is Oprah?

Do you think she is?

No, you are right.

I bet it's all...

She's looking good in the...

I don't see it too much. There's a good picture.
Yeah. How old is she? You know, it's weird.
I don't know anything about Oprah. I don't either.
I know that she. I have no idea.
She Gail's her best friend. She dated Stedman for a while.
Who the hell is Gail? Her best friend. Oprah's 70.
She looks what I was saying. Holy shit.
But so does Dolly Parton. It's got to be the same Dolly Parton.
Dolly Parton is like... By the way, this is the funniest podcast.
Just be like, Oprah Winfrey. I don't think any of us know anything about her.
I don't. And all three of us are like, I don't know anything.
I don't know anything. I don't know a single thing about Oprah, what she's done, her life, other than she has that show.
I don't even know what makes her popular. Like, I don't understand how she's any bigger than the people on The View.
Like, what does she do? Well, she interviews people. She put together a show.
She hit Oprah. I'm not listening to any of that.
I mean, did you never watch Oprah growing up?

No.

No, I watched like Sally.

I watched Sally.

You guys were watching those?

Sally, Jerry Springer.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Sally.

Donahue.

Springer is different.

That's not like.

Yeah.

Springer is its own thing.

He was in the same rock block, though. Damn.
Win Winfrey rules she was born into poverty in rural Mississippi to a single teenage mother whoa nice yes she stated that she was molested during her childhood and she became pregnant at 14 what oh my goodness her son was born prematurely and died in infancy. This could all be like this.

That's how little I know about her.

This could all be.

This is like Lord of the Rings.

Yeah.

Made up.

She's lying about being molested.

If anyone's going to do it, it's Oprah.

Bro.

She was then sent to live with a man she calls her father, Vernon Winfrey,

a barber in Nashville, Tennessee, and landed a job in radio while still in high school.

By 19, she was a co-anchor for the local evening news. Whoa.
She's a beast, dude. She is a beast.
Look at me at a podcast topic. Yes, it's on great.
What's up, man? Yeah, no, it's fantastic. Oprah Winfrey at 19? Yeah.
That's when radio was still big, too. I just always remember she was like on diets, off diets.
Yeah, that was back when everybody was like, fat bitch. She was like, barely fat.
Everyone was disgusting, fat bitch. She was like the first black person anybody had ever seen.
And they were like, fat ass, black bitch. She was incredible.

She was barely overweight. Yeah.

I remember Jenny Craig.

You remember that being a joke?

That was a big joke to everybody.

He's like, why don't you go on Jenny Craig, Oprah, you fat bitch.

And she, who's the doctor, you know, the bald guy gets a lot of.

Dr. Phil.
Dr. Phil.
I think he guy gets a lot of Dr.

Phil. I think he got his star on Oprah.

I don't think she's lying.

That checks out. I feel like

Oprah is a, yeah. Her first name was spelled

Orpah, O-R-P-A-H

on her birth certificate.

But people mispronounced

it regularly and so Oprah stuck.

Oh, so that's her. Orpah is a biblical,

yeah. And that's her production company name, I think.
Har's just oprah backwards i think oh fuck hmm wow this is who would have thought yeah is she still with stedman this is a personal life section who's dead take a look stedman yes she is still a sitcom stedman graham good for them it's dude. What did Stedman do? How did he earn Oprah? He was just always sort of in the background as her guy.
He's just been a long-term partner since 1986. And now they're worth $3 billion.
Good for her. Good for her.
She did it. She did do it.
Rural Mississippi did that. It was pretty good.
I was telling Trina,

I always had fantasies about being on Oprah.

What would you say?

Just being interviewed as an actor.

I'm not going to lie about it.

I just did.

I'm saying, what did you imagine saying?

You won't do interviews.

You won't do interviews now.

If Oprah was like Stephen...

But I'm a different person now. You beat all the life out of me.
There's no time that I'm talking that I'm not like, what a shame here. That's crazy.
I'm so supportive. Of course you are.
So when we put out tires, they're going to make us do like a press run.

Yeah.

And I've turned down everything unless I can bring you.

I tried to bring you to hot ones.

That would have been fun.

I tried to everything.

Yeah.

We're going to get you on these.

It's just for me.

It's not for you.

I just need.

It'd be fun to make fun of him on like Jimmy Fallon.

I just feel like this guy loves dirty talk and he knows which side of the clit is sensitive.

Well, you got to ask. It's so funny to give you the worst version of your dream.
I'm going to get you on. I'm going to pants you on Jimmy Fallon.
You're going to be just sitting next to Jane on Oprah, just getting bodied. Yeah.
But Oprah, she gives you like, at least from what I remember, I haven't seen, but she gives you such good energy to respond and makes you feel good. Yeah.
I think she just had your girl Kamala on. That's why we got Oprah on the brain.
She just did a sit down with Kamala. How did it go? Obviously a disaster.
Kamala is out of her mind. No, it probably went great.
She was like, if you come into my house, you're going to get shot. She said that.
What? She was like, I'm a gun owner. Oh, yeah, I have a gun.
Sounds like she did a good job. Sounds like she did a great job.
You're going to come into my house, you're going to get shot? That's gold, Jerry, gold. You love Kimbala.
I do love Kimbala. I'm so excited she's in the race.
Are you a hottie for Harris? No, I haven't looked into it at all. That's a Trump supporter.
No, he's Kimballa. That's a Trump supporter.
He's Kimballa. There's no way Gerbys votes for Kimballa Harris.
Gerbys 100% is in on Kimballa. I don't.
Listen. Gerbys? Make an endorsement.
Yeah, this is your Oprah moment. Oprah the truth is if you're afraid to make a presidential endorsement we know what side you're all yeah I find I'd rather not comment on this issue yeah so you're I was trying to he's a white dude for Harris Which is fine, he's always been a lifelong Democrat And you're entitled to your own opinions I support that It's just where I live, that's my zone I walk around Kambala That was my favorite Trump quote Recently He's like, I called her Kambala.
I was just joking around, but they're acting like I mispronounced it. We like that nickname, Kambala.
It is. Anyway, the commie, comrade Harris is a disaster.
He goes right back to his speech. It is so fun being around you for all of this.
I love that his next line is, comrade Harris is a disaster. Because whenever he gets sidetracked off the teleprompter, he'll be reading a speech.
He does that when he's reading. He does that.
He's just working out his shit. And then he breaks from the teleprompter and talks shit.
Yeah. It was funny that the teleprompter line seemed to be Comrade Harris.
So he's like, Gambala. They thought I was saying it wrong when I said Gambala.
I was not. Anyway, Comrade Harris is a complete disaster.
Right back to his speech. He does do a good job, though, of even when he's riffing, looking like he's reading it off the teleprompter.
I've watched a lot. I know when the breaks.
you can tell when he frees because he'll read the line he'll read the last line of teleprompter and repeat it he'll be like and the economy is a disaster and it is a disaster i know you hate compliments but just really please don't all right fine. I want to hear your Kimbala Harris impression.
I don't even know. Give it a shot.
Prompt me. How does she sound? Okay.
Madam versus president. Madam versus president.
What would you do to lower costs for everyday Americans? I don't even have her in my head right now. That's exactly pretty good.
That's exactly what she would say. This is actually really good.

She hasn't answered

that yet. She broke the fourth

wall that she's just a complete act. She's like,

I don't even have her in my head right now.

Oh, wait, I do have that. The only

friend of Roberts is like,

you better thank a union member.

You better thank

a union member.

That's fun. I wish I was

Let's fun. I wish I was a little bit black so I could run for politics and just adopt a 1950s preacher whenever I wanted.
And have all the white people go, I like it. This is a good speech.
Something about it. It's so good.
That was one of the most painful Obama videos is him saying what up to all the NBA guys. Did you ever see that? It's pretty fun.
Yeah. You're like, oh, man.
Dang. No, he gets a pass for that.
I don't know. I do that.
Do you? Sometimes, yeah. Let me hear a little bit of that.
No, no. Sometimes you hit it.
It's white guy, white guy, black guy. You go, what's up? Hello, brother.
That's not good. What else you got? What would Matt say right now? We need to channel Matthew.
Yeah. If I go into that, they give me the distance.
Oh, yeah. The wrist turn to keep you away.
Like they're dabbing you up out there. Creams.
You think he'd be talking about creams? Yes. No, that's more of a throwback, Matt.
That's out of a while ago. This is new Matt.
What is Matt on to right now? What do you think he's on to? He's got to be channeling some type of vibration we haven't heard of yet. I just saw him recently at Helium.
Yeah. He's fantastic.
Oh, man. I told him.
His hour right now, I think it's the best. I think it's the best hour.
Incredibly. His current hour.
It's so good. And also just like a, such a fun person to be around.
When we were in Los Angeles, it was, you are so much fun to be in a pool with. That's a compliment you have to take.
I am. I'm blessed.
It's like the right amount of like relaxation. And then like, I'll come over and grab it.
yeah balls of faces it's a ditty party i'm gonna get you but yeah matt also just such a like pleasure to be here yeah yeah wonderful human being and i miss him dearly last time i talked to him he was tracking he had the ring and he was tracking his uh his stress levels yes that would be a very legitimate way for me to start wearing jewelry. No, it wouldn't.
It's not good. I don't like it on Matt.
I don't like it on anyone. Matt is seemingly doing it for real research.
I know. I'll allow it.
But yeah. You want to see how stressed you are? I agree completely.
It's mostly it's not even that. I don't want a reading.
Yeah, no. but he's also getting information about when he's operating at his highest level.

And I want some of that.

What do you mean?

I want to see if I ever get up there. I know exactly when I'm at the best.

Yeah.

Four.

Four beers.

Four beers.

Don't you want some data to confirm that?

I've run all the tests.

I've done 10,000 shows.

I've done a bunch of them on 10 beers, a bunch of them on no beers. Four.
Four is the magic number. Three or four Bud Lights.
Three or four Bud Lights? I'd love to see like a Rocky four level fucking lab montage. Ah, fuck, I had 12 again.
It was when I filmed the special. That was a real harsh reminder.
I did the first show. The first show wasn't good and I did it totally sober.
The first show was great. Turns out the first show was most of the special, but I wasn't excited about it.
I wasn't even upset. I got off stage.
I was like, give me a case of Bud Light. I know what I need to do for the second show.
You limber up. You do need a little distance from reality in order to.
Be able to do that? Yeah. Tomorrow is going to be the most insane thing I've ever done.
What's that? Tomorrow I'm doing Scotiabank Arena in Toronto. Oh, my God.
In the middle. It's going to be the whole arena.
And do you not get panic attacks? I forgot about it until right now, but yes. Now I'm nervous again.
Fuck. Dude.
Yeah. Because he came back like he's seen a ghost, Chris.
Oh, yeah, yeah. That was a scary show.
Yeah. In Atlanta.
Yeah. What's it like? What do you see? You see only the exits.
Yeah. The tunnels.
So it looks like everyone's leaving. That's all you see is people coming out to go to the bathroom.
Yeah. There's thousands of people, but you get to see 150 people leave to go to the bathroom at least.
So the whole time. It does look like a mass exodus.
And if there's an ever an ever ever a quiet part of a bit you're just a sea of black and people walking out and dead silence from like god knows how many thousands of people with a hawk's blood and i hadn't done stand-up in two weeks and i like i just hadn't been on the road with shane in a while so it's just like i just got airdropped into like, oh, my God. It's a tough time to jump back in.
Yeah, just walked right back up with my little parlor bits. You're doing it.
No, no, because he scared the shit out of me. No, you're doing Philly.
I don't want to ruin the surprise. I don't know about that.
I need you to do it. Look at the camera and tell the people you're going to be there.
You're not going to break their hearts. I'm going to be at the show backstage for sure.
You're going to be there. It's a terrifying.
You're going to be on stage. You either endorse Kamala or you.
Or you're a hottie for your hair. If you don't do the show, you're silently a hottie.
If you don't do the show, you have to wear a bandana neck. You have to wear a bandana bracelet.
Three minutes? Can I just take out that one little thing and then just do a little... Three or five? Three? Five.
Three or five? Three's too fast. It's literally going on stage and saying hi and leaving.
You can do five. We'll talk about it.
He scared the bejesus out of me, though, with that. The Philly show's going to be way scarier.
That was a stage. This is in the middle again.
Oh, in the middle. Forget it.
No, I need you in the middle. You're doing in the round in Wells Fargo? Yes, but here's what I need from you.
Because you're sitting here saying you're going to have a panic attack. Yeah.
That's also a plus for me. It'd be better than stand up.
If you go out there and collapse, that's good. No, it's not good.
It's like the Coliseum. You pay to watch a Christian, a good Christian die.
No, we're still shooting that day. No, the people want you to go in there and die.
And just have a full-blown mental breakdown. Yeah, it'd be awesome.
I would also like to see you try to go in the other direction and just be like, I would knock it out of the park. I can't do that to you.
Don't start that. I also need that energy.
Don't start that. You see, we got a lot of first pitches this week.
Ian Fidance threw one, Stavi Baby threw one.

How'd they do?

Both bounced it.

They bounced it.

Just saying, it's not as easy as it looks.

It isn't.

Where did Fidance do the first pitch?

Cleveland.

Oh, nice.

Yeah.

Not that easy.

I'm just saying.

It's not that easy.

You know, we don't have to relitigate it.

We worked on your old man throw, dude.

Just lob it in there.

You can lob it in for a strike.

Oh, that's part of the criticism.

Hold on a sec.

That's part of the criticism.

You don't think I backed myself into a corner here?

Why'd you do this to me?

To you?

Yes.

I was playful banter.

It was playful banter.

Shane, it was playful banter.

And then, you know. I acknowledge that it was a strike it's on a tops cart what a type of sexual adventures have you been getting into lately oh I got a good one yeah what type of porn have you been jacking off to uh you know honestly the same it's I think you're back on that girl shit you never left the girl no I am.
No, I am off the gruel. You're off the gruel.

Because I learned information about it that kind of, you know, I think gruel is present when ovulation is happening.

And that's not an indicator.

Well, I thought it was like an indicator of how turned on she was.

Okay. Yeah.
But other than that, you researched your way out of a fetish. So you're retiring as the gruel kid.
You're no longer the king of the gruel. I don't think so.
I haven't been to our gruel. So what are you the king of now? Our hot wife? Red or hot wife? Oh, I choked on.
No, no, no. I choked on a spit.
But. Reddit hot wife? no no I choked on spin but reddit hot wife no well yeah our hot wife yeah that's reddit right yeah so it's hot wives getting fucked by other guys cucks well it's mostly no it's like it's mostly just like a if you are looking for I want a porn right now on reddit you go there and it's just videos.
It's mostly OnlyFans people just hawking. Do you have to see them leave their husband? He's filming.
I've seen Hot Wife shit. The guy's filming the whole time.
Sometimes the guy comes in and sucks the cum out of his wife's pussy. What? That's like the hardcore cuck porn.
I don't watch that. No, if you watch that, you're a fucking pedophile.

Yes.

No, first of all.

Second of all.

That's disgusting.

Listen, it's not the hot wife fetish.

Time out.

I don't have a hot wife fetish.

It's just an easy access if you're looking for something on Reddit.

Okay, so that's just your page you like.

Yeah.

That's not a fetish.

That's correct.

But what's the thing you like when you get in there?

What's your favorite?

It's no different from like regular. You're just regular now.
I thought you were a freak bull. I am a freak bull, but never in like a...
But sometimes you just come back to the basics. I've been stuck on the basics.
Then you venture back out. Yeah.
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Rated M for Mature.

My basics are probably...

I don't like deviating from the basics.

I feel like a bad person.

That's when I experience some shame.

If I'm watching like a gangbang. Then I go, what have I become here? Then you roll over.
Don't worry, I like them. Yeah, occasionally.
But as soon as you jizz, you go, what the fuck was that? You know, I go through phases. Yeah, I know.
That's what I want to talk about. Oh, I want to hear about some phases.
You ever break? Glory hole. What? Glory hole.
Yeah. That's regular stuff.
That's a regular phase. Yeah, we've all gone through.
I think I've talked about it. I apologize for all that.
That's all right. Drinking that bullshit.
Jeez Louise. There was a subreddit for a while.
it is now abandoned or shut down or whatever i think i talked about but it's our unexpected sex it's not it's not like uh rapy or anything like that but it's it would be like uh outer course so like the the object was like only a hand job yeah yes yes yeah i never turned on that you know slips it in a little bit oh yeah exciting stuff it's so exciting you'd be pulling your little pod to this yeah i love it if that were a porn category i can't stay mad at you and you find a good one like it's the psychological thriller of the porn world yeah yes and and like every time i see something like that pop up on Reddit, it's a little bit, but like I'm probably like top 2% in the world. Knowing what those videos are out there.
You know? Yeah. Like anytime somebody's like, look at this.
I'm like, yeah, yeah. You know, like I got a digital library.
Anyway. I didn't know you were this horny.
Well, no, I'm not. But I mean, you know, for a while I didn't ever go.
So, but yeah, that would still be like my favorite. If you find a good one.
Yeah. Yeah.
What do you do when you find a good one? You cherish it? You do cherish it. Do you worship it for like a week straight? No, I don't worship it.
Yeah. Should I give one to the listeners? Should I give one to the listeners? It sucks when you get tired of it.
Give one to the listeners. Yeah and yeah now i don't want to get castigated some of these are like obviously you know planned you know what i mean yeah like i'm not but there's an elevator one it's like hot blonde elevator tease fuck is what i This might be a mistake

For tires. This might be.
We might have fucked up here. Oh, yeah.
Well, don't sex shame us. But it's true.
We're allowed to be sexual. Yeah.
Don't sex shame Steve. Yeah.
He's allowed to be sexual. We're not.
So what do you type in? Well, blonde elevator tease. Fuck.
Yeah. Probably something like that.
Oh, yeah. You ever search that and it's not there and you go, no shit.
What was I jacking off to? Oh, shit. They took it down.
It's what was her name? Yep. Yeah.
Yep. I actually just recently had a scare.
Yeah. What happened? I was trying to find a particular, because you have your spectacles on.
Now I also have to ask you have a device that holds your phone up above. I don't, I don't use that.
You have a phone device that goes above, right? Yeah. It's like a whole thing.
I didn't know. The other day.
The other day. The other day.
The other day. The other day.
The other day. hook.
Yeah. Yeah.
Over the top of his bed so he can lay down and watch his phone. Golf.
Yeah. Yeah.
To scroll and. Yeah.
Just like watching it and hurting your shoulder. But do you talk into it? Do you go, Siri, find blonde elevator.
Surprise. No.
Well, it is funny. Literally everyone in our apartment like broke their shoulder over COVID because we

didn't have that.

Everyone's left shoulder got like a pinched nerve.

Yeah, from that fucking couch.

Yeah.

And just laying on your side with your phone.

Should we not be talking about it?

Because I have one more.

We can talk about it.

Yeah.

I need one more from you.

There's way worse out there already.

I was doing a pretty intense Kamala Harris impression a minute ago. She's beautiful.
Anyway, no, it's not a porn. It's not a porn.
Kamala Surprise Fuck Elevator. Come Twice.
Yeah. Yes, I got you.
There's no shame in this. That's what got me last night.
Oh, last night? And then you came to work with us? Jacking off to come twice? And then I'm shaking your hand in the morning? Halftime? You know? And then I was like, what? Halftime of the Jets game? I just talked to you. We were on the phone.
I was like, why did you relax? I'm kidding. No, no.
I wasn't on the phone with you while I was searching that. When were we on the phone? We were on the phone at halftime to the Jets camp.
It was around that, but I was on a delay. You were on a delay.
While we were on the phone, you're like, look at him go! I was watching the game. I was like, oh, he's way back.
But I said, so I couldn't remember her name. The ladies and what? Middle of the conversation, I think Aaron Rodgers had like a seven-yard run.
He was like, oh, he looked great. He did look great.
If he's listening to this, he might be listening. You're doing great.
Aaron Rodgers rules. He is.
Oh, my God. So much fun.
It is really fun watching you play. It's so fun.
I feel like a crazy person. No, you get to talk to him.
Go ahead. You're on with Aaron Rodgers.
Good for you. It is so much fun.
Wow, I already said it. Yeah.
We're so excited to watch you keep going. Best of luck to you.
After In Between Come Twice, you're back to watch the JTS. How quick does he look, but he was running.
There's also something. It's like him being on the Jets, too, really does put in stark contrast how much better he is than any other quarterback they've ever sniffed.
It's fun watching him throw the pigskin. It's unbelievable.
Quick release, laser. Come on, man.
Because that was their previous game where they changed it up. It was like that West Coast.
When that thing just started coming out, it was like, uh-oh. Daddy's home.
I regret that. Take that back.
Who's deleting this? Cardi. Put it in the intro.
I need that in the intro. Daddy's home.
That's the name of the episode. You're back.
The girl king has returned. But nothing's changed.
You're the same guy as you were the last time you were on the pot. A little bit, yeah.
How has success gone to your head now that you're... Well...
The country club. Yeah.
Oh, you joined the country club? I did. You can't get...
Yeah. Yeah.
I eat enough privacy at the country club. No.
Oh, why not? Because they. Everybody likes you.
And they. They like you.
Yeah. They like me a lot.
They're always like, is shade coming? Yeah. But everybody there is so nice.
I guess. But I was searching for.
Come twice. A starlet.
A starlet. Yeah.
yeah. You know, well.
A starlet. Yeah, yeah.
Just a porn actress. A starlet.
Well, I couldn't remember. Right.
My search was broad. With those glasses.
Yeah. Yeah.
With those glasses, rope around the back of your head going, what was the name of that starlet? What was the name of that starlet? Your glasses at your nose. Are you at a desktop or are you using your cellular phone for this? Cell phone.
Over the sink. That hasn't changed.
Over the sink. Cell phone.
Searching for a starlet over the sink. I forget how tall you guys are.
It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter about height on that.
That's nuts. I've never never done into the sink those slugs must be insane they're not you just rinse them down and slugs it up I you know break them up it's not a lot anymore I'm sorry I'm doing this I have no shame about yeah everybody does you're fine.
Everybody stirs their own jizz into their sink. Evil witch.
Well, you can make anything bad sound like that. You know, in a toilet paper or what have you.
Just wipe it up. I have started wiping it up, but I don't want to get that.
I don't want to get out on the wipe off the road because of the whole. You can.
It does. sometimes the sink clogs, but I don't want to get that.
I don't want to go down the wipe off the road because of the whole. You can.
It does sometimes the sink clogs, but I don't know if it's. I don't know.
Shane, I don't know if it's a six clog generally, but, you know, it's like a reasonable. It's going to be a ball of hair and jizz.
I'm not going down. I'm just.
Drano it. Anyway, I looked up.
Don't put that on the bottle. The Drano bottle.
I really thought we were going to finish that sentence with don't put that on the podcast. I was like, thank you.
You're an open book. This is fine.
You're a good guy. Sun setting here in the woods.
Yeah. What time? How long have you been doing? Talking about clogging sinks.
Almost an hour, 55. We're close to an hour.
That's great. Yeah.
It is great. It's a cool jacket.
Thanks. Brian Six loves it.
I told you that before. He immediately accused me.
He pressure tests anything. What? The moment I said, he's like, oh, that's what you're doing? Now you're a big, big famous guy with that new jacket.
He's 15 years old. 15 years old.
Nothing's changed. But it still worms around in the back of your head.
You're like, am I

doing this because I'm... Of course.
You're popping

that collar a little. A little Top Gun.

I do like the collar pops.

I know you do. You look good in the golf outfits

too. Thank you.
Yeah. I love

golf wear. You love golf now.

I do. That's

something that's changed. You've become a much more

avid golfer. I have.
I went through a

phase in high school where I was just

absolutely obsessed with it and then went to

city schools and did comedy. So I didn't

I'll see you, Francis. Francis rules.
Yeah. Yeah.
Him. I would have never guessed that you could be good at golf.
You're great. Yeah.
McKeever also. McKeever might have the ugliest swing I've ever seen.
Very fluid. It's not ugly.
It's like that should not work. Right.
He swings like a cartoon character. Yeah.
It's like Jim Furyk. It's crazy.
Yeah. Yeah.
And then I went after telling everybody, let's go to Topgolf for a week and literally couldn't hit the ball. I can't.
I can't. I was over it by a foot every swing.
And then there's like the women had sort of congregated to like one of the stalls, the Topgolf. And they were all like so supportive and cheering.
And I remember being like, I got to hit one in front of them. And so I went there and I hit one and they were all like chanting my name.
And I was like, shut up. And then you just see Shane's head pop out from behind the door.
And then I went in front of all the women and barely hit the ball and they all fake cheered. And one of the girls that I didn't even know was going to feel this way.
It was like, we have to clap. It's our boss.
I was like, oh. Ew.
What the fuck? You ruined the whole experience. I'm having fun.
I was going to pay for this. I can't make contact.
I can't. We'll get you there.
You are a natural athlete. Chris throws a football incredibly.
Yeah, Chris is very athletic. And you are insane.
I can't do anything. I'm trying to D-line against you.
The only thing I can do is stand in people's way. Yeah, you're lying.
You're lying. You're lying.
You're lying. You're lying.
You're lying. You're lying.
You're lying. Chris, he hit me with books.
I watch tutorials. I'm sorry.
Can I talk to you? No, no. Yeah, of course.
I watch like D line tutorials on how to like, you know, swim. Yeah.
Rip. Swim.
Rip. Apparently like leg and arm stay attached like you got strength.
Anyway, I tried to do that on him. And he went like half speed.
Half the time in the office there's nothing going on. So I'll be pass blocking Steven.
And then i didn't know unbeknownst to me in between come twice he fucking he youtube d-line methodology and tried out his swim technique when we got to the office and he went slightly above 50 percent it was terrifying just fucking through like the speed that the hands come up yeah it's cool i You're cool. Because you he didn't even have a chance it happened before i even got and think about it i was terrible yeah in college but you were there were guys that were those guys would get you yeah johnny rubitone in atlanta you saw that boy dancing oh yes he was good yeah dude one.
One of my friends from Elon came to Atlanta for the show, and then we went out and got

drunk, and he was dancing around.

It was very fun to watch.

They should do like a lineman Olympics.

He was really good at dancing.

Yeah, he's incredible.

It was hilarious.

And he's huge.

Yeah.

They're all sneaky good.

You've said this, and it's cost me a lot.

It's like, Shane's a good dancer.

Now people are like, dance, and we want to see you dance. I'll never dance.
Well, yeah, because you practice all those moves. I've never practiced moves.
You fucking practice moves, dude. I do practice moves.
You practice moves. Yeah, there's another all day.
We haven't had you on in a while. Can you please, just right here, show the people a little MJ for us? No, no, no.
It was absolutely... Please, please.
No, no, no. And I...
No, no, no. All right.
All right, we'll close out. I'll get up and I'll do that.
Oh, thank you. Yeah, at the gonna uh but and there's there's no i'm just gonna break something we'll just move the chair and you can hit a nice mj right there okay um i what was i saying oh yeah the because you know i got terrible vision just generally it's but when i lived in new york so well i say that because like when i go to sporting event, you don't like see clearly what's happening.
Yeah. So I when I was living in just responding to sound.
Yeah, it's just like kind of fuzzy. And I went down to the I guess it was like the East River.
It's like going to a baseball game with Beezer. He can't see shit, I guess.
Every single time the ball goes off the bat, he's like, oh, pop fly, infield flies. Like it had the height, though.
Yeah, yeah. Shut the fuck up.
I think you were, I remember being at the game and being like, I saw that. It was the first home run I actually saw.
The one that was right in front of us? Yeah, yeah. That was cool.
It was cool. It was right in the foul pole.
It was awesome. But Beezer hasn't gotten new glasses in 12 years probably, right? Beezer's his own man.
Beezer was with the kneecap boys. He had a good time.
Yeah, he was off the raw. I go down to the East River.
They had a track, and I'm like jogging. And then I guess like one of the college's track teams was set up on the inner track and somebody got up to full speed and was like one lane over blowing past me and it was the first time i apologize if i told this from the podcast where it was the first time i was like whoa like had that feeling of like watching a human high level athletic performance yeah it's fucking awesome yeah it's like somebody fast fast yeah yeah like see the body move if i saw somebody sprint like an actual track awesome.
Yeah. Like somebody fast? Fast.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like see the body move like that?

If I saw somebody sprint like an actual track runner, that'd be crazy.

Being on the track, my slow ass trying to run, it'd be comical.

You like move with the wind when they go by.

Yeah.

I'd be mad at them.

Yeah.

If they ran by, I'd go, what the fuck is that guy's problem?

Yeah, is that a car going fast?

Slow down. Fucking piece of shit.
There's kids in the state road. Did we do it? We did do it.
Oh, we did it. I really appreciate it.
You appreciate it. We appreciate everything that you've done for us.
I need Matthew, but I hope the listeners can understand we're working on tires. and i'm trying he you're busy in a way i'm trying my best yeah but it is your schedule is utterly insane to help all your friends but then i fuck around did monday night football in a concert during the week i could have you know i know but you gotta be seen what's the point i do not need to be seen What you got to be out there in the world you got to do something for yourself every once in a while exactly you got to take a vacation there's no reason to make money if you can't do the things you're doing and get hair I agree with the hair I'm going to get the hair I'm probably going to be too lazy I'm going gonna be too lazy to get the hair, dude.
I'm gonna be too lazy. We'll go together.
Are you gonna get it? Whoever you go to, I'm going to. I want in on it.
The whole crew. Season three, we're all gonna have a fucking whiz.
I already look like I'm wearing one. Just fill me in a little bit.
I was thinking about it because it's gone, dude. And it's season three.
Season two is going to be. I'm going to be a bald motherfucker this year.
Yeah, I know. What can you do? It's so funny.
It is what it is. Normally, you watch a cast like age over like 10 seasons.
All of us are going to get young as shit you're getting a beard I know what you want I can't I even tried putting minoxidil on my face I know that's how you fix your hair right did you know that he was trying to grow a beard so he was putting shit on his face and it was over COVID and I was like well I might as well put it on my scalp too and minoxidil and propitia is like how i got a little he's got a wig yeah yeah it does look good yeah you got a ton back i did get a ton back yeah that was gone it was and you were hanging on i was i was gonna pull you aside it was getting close to be like all right dude we gotta pull the plug on this yeah you were throwing some powder in the powder in there looking crazy getting the powder is not good crushed in the comments we can't do the powder no the powder's bad i had a friend one of my i didn't even know that existed yeah this is like eight years ago and we were at a party and my friend started sweating and i just noticed like shit coming down the side of his face and i was like oh no and we all noticed his power we knew he had powder we just never brought it up to him because it was it would be mean but then he was dripping powder down the side of his face we had to go bro brother just get rid of it yeah well we've done it we have that's a good episode now let's just top little Gerbys. Send them off.
Man of my word. Hit them with a little MJ.
The boys have, the dogs have missed you. It's terrible.
Every day. Every day of my life, I get a message, where's Gerbys? That's incredibly sweet.
He made me do this. We went out to a business dinner.
Was it Netflix? Yes. And like high powerful

agents in the industry.

You're like, do an MJ dance right here.

It's good.

How can I deny you?

Yes. Are you alright?

Yeah, we're fine.

No, you're not going to break. If you break something,

that'll help.

Alright, here we go.

Oh, there you go.

I saw it.

Here it comes. Oh, there you go.
I saw it. I saw it.

Here it comes.

Ew.

Beautiful.

You grab your penis.

All right.

Thank you.

We miss you, Matt.

Yeah.

God bless you.