Ep 519 - Percs and Caicos (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)

The Wild Wild West.

Ha! We're here, guys. What's going on? Chillin'.
Welcome to my Ponzi scheme of a podcast. I'm gonna start doing coaching.
Coaching? Multi-level. Podcast coaching? $25,000.
Yeah, dude. Give me $25,000.
I'll tell you how to build a million dollars. If I could be any of them people, I'd be a relationship coach, but I just feel like I got it.
Twin flame expert? Yeah, I think I could do it. Just like simple advice.
just I do come to you

when I know be any of them people i'd be a relationship coach but just i just feel like i got it twin flame expert yeah i think i could do it just like simple advice just i do come to you when i need advice i come to both of you when i need advice is it ever actually good i be feeling like it's good and then i'll be like actually gonna work uh no you're just pretty good okay you're good at keeping people off of simp mode yeah that's what i try you You just make advice is always just don't answer her for like four days. It works.
It always works. It works.
Yeah, simp, yeah. Andy will tell this story a bunch when he first met his wife, when they were first dating.
He was telling me a story about her like always, and he said it on our podcast. This ain't like a secret thing or anything.
She would do this thing where she would like storm out his house and then he'd go out there after her and then he'd be like come on baby don't leave out blah and bring her back in and then one time he was telling me that I was like let her go next time and she left and she drove and he said like five minutes later he gets a call for her just like why didn't you come back for me and it was like he said it was like point. Yeah.
Flip the switch. Flip the switch.
I've seen the suitcase a couple times myself. You're like, oh, yeah.
You weren't long enough. My last apartment.
Catch those wheels. You're like, yeah, damn it.
Where the fuck do you think she's going? Yeah, that is the best. It's weird how that kind of stuff can happen, and then two days later, you're just like, what's up, dude? Yeah, that was wild back then.
It's amazing how hard it is to just keep that just two people in one house without fucking freaking out. Especially when you have a little bit of space.
You can get away. You have a second bedroom or whatever.
You have somewhere else to go. It feels weird, though.
Did you ever hit the second bedroom? Yeah, obviously, you just lay just kind of like, she'll come get me. Actually, I do the girl thing where I'm like, she'll come get me.
I just lay there. I can't get comfortable.
Putting yourself in time out. It's not as comfortable as my bed.
I'm like, where is she? I'm going to my room. You know what I did like five days in the opposite walks.
It was kind of long just damn yeah it's kind of boss yeah and i i we didn't speak and i was like she spoke first i was whole i did help hold i was like i can't speak because i'm paranoid in my head i was like if i speak first it's over because of me and it's like i don't want to give her her any satisfaction like a vinyasa silent retreat yeah it was like uh it was like just walking you know in the kitchen Whatever it's called, like don't want to give her any satisfaction. You guys did like a vinyasa silent retreat? Yeah, it was like just walking in the kitchen.
Whatever it's called. Like a minipasso.
I just co-sign like, yeah. You guys did a silent retreat.
That's a sick move. Did you ever live with an ex? Yeah.
That's a wild one. Or like when it's over, but you got to still share the house? Kind of.
It was because of- Berlin wall situation, dude. That sounds crazy.
It was when I was real young. This lady was like living with her mom.
Like her parents like kind of kicked her out the crib. She was just staying with me in my parents' house.
And then we broke up and it was like- You became brother and sister? It was only like two more weeks of it. That's still hell, dude.
It've done it it's fucking hell were you still did you still like have sex at all i don't think so i don't think so i honestly i don't remember i think i blacked out the memories of it i've done it multiple times it's like it's like literally the worst living condition you wake up and you're like he's like get out of the room as fast as you can. That's the thing too.
I'm not sleeping on a couch. I refuse.
I refuse. I'm sleeping in my fucking bed.
It's like, I like my bed. It's a comfortable bed.
You still lay like head to head. You flip it old school.
69. Just a resentment.
69. Platonic 69.
No, it's a. Man, it's really tough, though, because if you think about how hard it is for two people to, like, get along very well over a long period of time, like, what hope is there for the world? Yeah.
Like, if we ever decide on world peace. It seems like, I mean, maybe we'll just become, like, better equipped to do that, but it seems a pretty tough thing.

Yeah, I don't think it's possible.

Because even if all the nations were like,

we've actually agreed we're all going to stop fighting each other

and agree to cooperate,

I'd still be kind of pissed and be like, fuck.

What the fuck?

I'm fucking late.

Fuck!

I told you to stop fucking bothering me and do the podcast.

Oh, you're specifically still with you and your lady, no matter.

I might drop the nuke.

Dropping the nuke on my own house.

It is fun, though. Over the years,

it is like a... There's something

to, I can't explain it, but there's something to

living with a woman for a long period of time.

Yeah.

There's stuff that just pulls stuff out of your brain

and just parts of your character, and it does start

to... It's like water

to see. a woman for a long period of time yeah we're like there is i mean there's stuff it like just like pull stuff out of your brain and just like parts of your character and it does start to like it's like water just running over a stone eventually i think dudes oh i fought it for the longest time yeah but i think eventually you just become one of those like yep she's the boss happy wife it's like i was like i'll never give into that lately i've been kind of like dude That's too much, bro.
You're giving her the pants. I might just white knight simp it for the rest of my life.
It's ultimate simp. When the dude finally taps out and he's like, yep, just got to keep her happy.
She's the boss. And, you know, I have my little space I've carved out.
I don't think I've ever in my life seen the opposite at an old age. Like a dude who's like, I still run this show.
Shut the fuck up. I don't think i've ever in my life seen the opposite at an old age like a dude who's like i still run this show it's not worth it you know it also looks or you just have to deep state deep truth you have to just become deep state within the household you're like yeah no no you're the president and it's kind of like start tricking her just showing her your send her your shit so the algorithm's the same like oh y'all want to watch sabotage I've threatened that before I'll fucking quit doing all this shit dude I'll go back to doing construction You'll see how you like that I don't give a fuck Exactly Total trade embargo I've threatened that I'll fucking quit this shit right now dude I'll go back to being a laborer 33 bucks an hour dude not probably down in Tejas but I have to move back up I might dude I fantasize about picking up the broom on multiple occasions I'll go sweep dust on the construction site for fucking $32 I couldn't do it here though I don't think I was built for it back home here you gotta dress like a fucking Fallout character You gotta have like a hat, face mask And like long sleeves I've seen dudes like in the long sleeves That's the new swag now I'm just picturing a dude You ever play the game and you have all the different armor None of it matches That's what every landscaper out here looks like in Texas.

It's because of the burn.

It's full.

Yeah, exactly.

Sun poisoning.

Dude, I'm- Sunblock can't even stop it.

You think I-

It's a miracle I didn't get sun poisoning out in Turks and Caicos.

I know.

I'm very curious about Quay because-

That's what you just came back from?

Yeah.

It was sick as fuck.

I remember I got burnt to hell when I was like a young in there.

Bro, I don't know how I didn't, but it's like i think honestly i'm getting melanin i think i'm in like a melanated force field i think i just get i swear to god dude there's no way i'm not getting cooked to death i don't know what it is i also use black lady sunscreen oh what's the difference well because if it like the the new stuff that's like zinc it for the honkies it just makes our face look like braveheart, basically. It's just, it's just all white.
It doesn't soak in that well. So they have the Black Lady sunscreen where it just kind of disappears on your face.
You don't get hung up with that. And also, dude, Brittany was, I was like, what's in that shit? What's the ingredients? I'm big on reading it.
What is that? And what's in that stuff? And she's like, what? It's probably all the same good stuff you have in yours like you really think they put the bad stuff in black sunscreen i was like uh

yeah definitely did like have you learned nothing you should be reading this stuff it's black lady sunscreen like have you learned nothing from history like of course they're gonna put the worst shit ever crack in the black I might get tested.

Yeah, you might need it.

I might need it I'm gonna call the bug From my black lady sunscreen It was just crazy She got like mad at me She was like You really think that And I was like It's a possibility I 100% think things That are like Geared specifically towards black Like I don't use cash yet Cause I'm like I I'm going to do something with my money if I use cash app. I stopped smoking.
I stopped smoking. Yeah.
No black in my eyes. I'm like, no, this can't be possibly good.
Yeah. Things that are a thing.
Yeah. Dude, you know what? Speaking of, well, kind of speaking of that, I saw a dude, so I was at Turks and Caicos, And I saw a bartender rocking Yeezys And he was like Like a younger kid was there And it was like the I saw a lot of this Like the prototypical horny teenage son At the resort They'd be with their parents But you'd just see this dude Just like jacked Like 18 year old kids Like yeah dude I can finally drink This is sick He was chanting at the bartender He's like I love sneakers too Oh fuck dude I fucking And they is sick.
He was chatting to the bartender. He's like, I love sneakers, too.
Oh, fuck, dude. I fucking.
And they're like going back and forth. And the bartender was kind of justifying his Yeezys, which is my favorite thing.
When people wear them, they're like, they're really comfortable, man. These are real comfortable shoes.
Like, oh, dude, they're fucking sick. Yeah, I've been there.
I go to Kanye. Here's my whole point.
Kanye is a fashion designer. It wasn't that crazy to say he loved Hitler as a fashion designer.
If you

think about it, every great fashion designer

has to say one unhinged thing.

Tommy Hilfiger. Hugo Boss.

I don't want black people wearing my stuff.

Hugo Boss, you know, he loved the Nazis.

The dude from Lululemon, nuts.

Oh yeah, that was so funny. He said he doesn't want fat ladies wearing

his stuff and also said he named it

because when he goes to Asia, he likes to

watch people try to pronounce Lululemon. He said it him laugh he might be the funniest guy he's too funny but that's that's kind of on that's like on um it's kind of on brand for like fashion geniuses to be like just for no reason to say the craziest thing wasn't coco chanel getting her like cheeks clap by nazis regularly That's right.
Coco Chanel? Yeah, the lady started.

What?

She was like just a whore for the Nazis.

What?

Where was she from?

I don't know.

Somewhere over there.

Yeah, not sure.

I fucked my mom.

Probably Italy.

That makes sense.

Damn, dude.

She was getting crushed by the Nazis.

Yeah, I'm surprised.

All the time.

Yeah, yeah.

She was a little slam piece for sure.

She was fucking with Hans Gunther von Dinklage.

Yeah, I mean, dude, that's crazy how much fashionistas love the Nazis.

They did have the swag, though.

Like, you know what I mean.

No, exactly.

It's 1910.

You're like, damn, here's some alt-right bad boys.

Trust me, I get it.

Just all meth fucking the shit out to these ladies. Yeah, true.
They probably invented the pink cocaine. Maybe.
Dude, but yeah, so I was in Turks and Caicos. Somehow, my lips got fucking scorched.
I'd wake up in the morning, and my lips felt like they were like a water balloon about to break. They were just, it was crazy.
I still have water in my ear. Dude, you just got back? I got back like two days ago.
Oh, dude, it's actually – it was very sick. It's one of those places, unfortunately, that doesn't produce like anything really.
Like the Dominican Republic has to import everything, which kind of sucks. When you go to an island, you want the fresh fruit.
They would joke about it, though. They'd be like, fresh from Walmart.
That's funny. But, dude, we went out snorkeling, which I think might be my new passion.
I think I love snorkeling now, man. I'm too scared to snorkel.
Dude, well, this is going to fuck you up. Did you go, like, deep, or you were still, like, when you snorkeled? Not scuba.
Well, snorkeling, you can go under. Like, you know, you just fucking hold the thing.
You know, trying to say the thing I'll say is you stick your tongue in a hole it's gonna block it i'm gonna say you plug the hole you gotta plug the hole with your tongue and then you can go down then you come up and just go and then it just goes and the water just flies on the top my dad showed me how to do that when i was little and i was so stoked to like show my how to do that dude we go on a boat and we went snorkeling and that right before we jump in i have my chloe they have like little life jackets so i jump in the guy was like oh you know there's some baby sharks in there and i'm like sick thinking there's gonna be like these teeny tiny baby sharks yeah dude i get in the water there's like five and i'm not exaggerating there was like five and a half foot sharks swimming around they were like probably 50 60 feet away yeah fuck that though but then like they started coming over and like i'm like floating on the surface and the water's probably 40 feet deep at one point they were right underneath me i'm looking down i'm like dude i like spaz and like put the kids out of the water and he's like oh man you'll be fine just don't touch them like dude i don't want to fucking come anywhere near these i would not go in the water i have a little teeny i like little kids i'm like dude the fucking fear was like so intense because you're in there and there was like one there one there one there and i'm just kind of looking around like where's that motherfucker and they start kind of like coming near you and it's like not again i'm not stealing shark valor but they would come closer to you i wouldn't even go close to that water well i pulled them out i put them out and then i like kind of like chilled for a second went back in and kind of investigated and then they started to go away so i brought them back in they could like see the sharks from afar but i was kind of like bro like what are you doing yeah i would never do that that sounds like some shit that has accidents constantly dude this guy was like oh dude i'm telling you you have nothing to worry about blah blah blah and i was like all right man and then like later that night the snorkeling was sick and we went to iguana island dude i mean the most iguanas I've ever seen I got charged by two iguanas. They charge you dude While they could they like run up to you and bucket you it's crazy It happens if you stay your ground.
I sit my ground. Yeah, I believe it dude.
They stop they stop they don't run away They just look at you like what the fuck you want? He got a couple he had a couple of standoffs with iguanas Yeah, but yeah, dude It was and then later that night we get back from all that and we went to like an outdoor like you know when they sell shit like purses and like got a big-ass conch shell and how to make the conch noise now it's harder than you think dude that's the one that you always see in like the movie yeah so I we bought one of those off a guy and the dude was like yeah missing arm and he goes check this out he lifted up his shirt huge shark bite scar and a missing arm and I'm like this motherfucker yeah this guy earlier today was like, yeah, missing arm. And he goes, check this out.
He lifted up his shirt, huge shark bite scar and a missing arm. And I'm like, this motherfucker.
This guy earlier today was like, oh, don't worry about it, dude. This other guy's like, yeah, I lost my arm to a shark.
I have a huge fucking, literally a bite mark in his body. That's crazy.
This guy could have got my fucking cheering, eating up in the ocean. I wonder if you like, because is there like a thing where over there, they just uh another shark bite sweeping under the rug like if he just is kind of i don't know man it's like and i i get what the guy was saying he was like he knows he's like he scuba dives he does all the shit he's like oh they won't bother you this episode is brought to you by true classic the number of times i've ordered what i thought were easy basics and gotten just terrible fitting terrible fitting crappy quality stuff when i'm shopping for clothes i'm honestly just looking for quality stuff that i can wear across a whole day work gym whatever and that's why we like true classic yep true classic makes premium clothes at affordable prices for all seasons their shirts This for example, really nicely accentuate all the good areas, like your arms and chest, while giving that midsection some breathing room.
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Oh, yeah.

So I'm guessing he's like kind of right.

Yeah.

But also it's like, bro, they were like, that's the closest.

Imagine if a shark was 40 feet beneath you and you just watched it swimming around it.

Dude, it was sizable, dude.

Yeah.

And if that's a baby, it's like, how big do the parents get?

And he was saying they get like 13 feet.

I'm like, well, are they anywhere near him?

Yeah. They gotta be.
What are we doing, dude? Let me see some fish. Yeah.
Fishing the fish snorkeling is nice. I did a cruise in Mexico and it stopped in Mexico for like five hours.
Like how cruises do. And we got to snorkel and just see like colorful fish and asses underwater.
Just look a little bit more around. It was very, a nice combo.
Penises look crazy. Did you ever catch your own dick? Did you ever look naked in a pool and you looked down at your dick in a pool? It looks crazy, dude.
It looks crazy, man. I've never had a pool situation where I could get naked.
I've got naked in a pool during the day. You glance down, check out your bird, and you're like, what the fuck? Does it look like one of those things on the reefs?

Dude, it's a total funhouse mirror.

It looks like you have a dog dick.

You look down, you're like, what the fuck is that?

So you're in the pool with, like, a babe, you're naked, and you're like, yeah, this is so freeing.

You look down, you're like, oh, my fucking fuck, dude.

Holy shit, my dick looks crazy.

She's got to take a peek at this thing. We did do the, they were at the place, they had, gym and then outside of it, they had like an outdoor hot tub and a cold plunge.
And that was very sick. Taking your wife into a cold plunge.
It's so funny. Watching them like, ah.
Then I was in my boxers. I had my workout shorts.
I just got in my little sheath skibbies. So I was like, I was like getting out of the cold tub.
I was like, yo, grab me a towel. Because we're outside.
She's like, just get in the hot cold tub i was like yo grab me a towel because we're outside so just get in the hot tub i was like yeah give me a towel i towed up and then i got out of the hot tub and was just presenting dude i got a hot tub and stand there like yo she was like dude what a fucking towel what are you doing because we had a nice little moment we're in the cold tub i'm like dude that was so cool you did the cold tub i didn't think you'd do it and then we're in the hot tub a little you know a little cuddling instantly became so engorged. I just got out of the cold tub.
I'm like, dude, that was so cool. You did the cold tub.
I didn't think you'd do it. And then we're in the hot tub.
A little, you know, a little cuddling. Instantly became so engorged.
And I just got out of the hot tub. We're like outside.
So I get out. I'm like, yeah, I'm going to chill out here.
Put a fucking towel on now. I was like, all right, man, what are you wearing? That was my body.
That was my face. Yeah, my body, my choice.
Taking my body. That was, but dude, I came out of the cold plunge.
I was just like, yo, bro, hide me. Don't look at me.
Hide me. I've said it before, but that is the worst.
When you're fighting with your babe and you're naked, and you're all shriveled up, and you're going to walk by, you're like, you know you're wrong. You know you're wrong.
T-ness stuff. Nipple, cover your nipples in your face.
I'd never walk. You've walked out t-ness mid-fight man or like post fight I walk into the wasteland dude and I just fucking walk out out of the shower T-ness and be like you know you're fucking wrong about that I'm like fuck yeah I guess you can't pivot back to shower cause then it looks like you're like being a cat not shower a towel exactly I meant like you can't be like look like yeah, he's hiding his teen is from me because of what we just went through.
Exactly. Yeah.
You got to assert and just be like, yeah, what the fuck? It's also baiting. I'm baiting.
I'm like, say something. Say something about my teen is.
I fucking dare you. That's over, dude.
If a babe hits you with some sort of teen is comment, it's a wrap. Blow for blow.
Actually, I've've gotten crushed before I've got like I've literally I've come out of the shower and have her be like oh my god you look so cute I'm like yo bro shut the fuck up nothing cute about this shit you ever been sitting in that way where it's like not it's like it's like in a little bit like you know what I mean oh yeah I know and it's just like you see them glance at you just it's like why'd you we were having a good conversation now derail because you fucking i know you looked dude me and when me and britney damali together i it that shit gave me like adderall tinnis and we were having like the nicest beautiful heart to heart and then like i got up with the craziest dude it was it was you know you have bowling the shower? Where, like, the hot water freaks it out and it's just, like, fat up top. I had a micro bowling pin, Dean.
It was weird. We both had a good chuckle about it, but I was like, bro, this is bad.
I might go to school and just do Molly and show them just

Fucking love you kids so much

You love your wife more than ever have a tiniest penis in the world for hours you think that's cool kids

Look at this I'm fucking sweating my ass off

Doing doing Molly and giving like a presentation to kids would be so funny. I love you kids.
I fucking love you kids so much. I don't want you guys walking around with tiny bowling pin penises.
I've never done mine. It doesn't make you want to touch shit though.
Yeah. It does.
It's like. So you got to have somebody to keep you from getting too close to the kids.
Even though it's just strictly, you don't want to be like,

I'd have like a bungee belt.

Exactly.

It'd be nothing sexual.

But yeah, you might be like, you little fucking angel.

We went to the after.

You touched their cheek.

Just something that feels innocent in the moment.

You see the diddy bit.

Your innocence is beautiful to me as you touch the side of the cheek. I'd have a bungee.
I'd be like a kid on a leash. I would just get like yanked back.
You know what I'm saying? This is fucking cool. Come here.
Keep your hands tied down to your side. Your skin will never be this soft ever again.
Yeah. I've heard now.
My brother has been telling me that the ultimate, what people, whatever. He said people should, with MDMA, take it by themselves.
You just lay in a room and just let it kick in and just vibe out. LaMare dosed me the other day.
What? He dosed you? No, but he just underestimated the power of the capsule he was giving me. And I think there might have been something different in there than he was telling me.
Yeah, dude. Because he came from a concert, and he was and i was like yeah i was expecting a nice 0.7 gram of mushroom mushroom hello as i was already on the brewskis i was like oh nice i'll take this and ride off and it was just molly instead i was sweating like crazy and i was really thirsty and i was tripping my fucking balls off after like an hour.
I was tripping like crazy. You just had like one capsule? I had one little capsule.
He was like, it's a microdose, and then I was like. Yeah, you can only fit so much.
I started shitting. I had the mushroom shits where I was just shitting weird, and I was like, I have to get out of here, and I left.
And I just sat in my garage until like four in the morning and chain smoked. There's also, I might might have fucked around and got addicted to nicotine by the way for real how yeah i mean i'm fine it's not bad but i just was crushing cigars dude i can't stop smoking them i was always like i don't understand why people like nicotine and then once you start getting a nicotine buzz you're like yeah this is kind of the best feeling in the world i get i kind of get the hype around this especially with cigars it's like that heavy nicotine buzz yeah it kind of and it is nice It's.
I kind of get the hype around this. Yeah, I love it.
Especially with cigars. It's like that heavy nicotine buzz.

Yeah.

And it is nice.

It's really just kind of like, it's like the opposite of weed, where you're like confused

from weed.

It's the opposite.

You get like completely sure and you're like, man, this is great.

Everything.

And it's like kind of subtle.

You're like, everything's great.

And you have that thing in your head that like makes you more confident.

Just like, I know this is sus a little bit.

But you just like, you hold a cigar and you're like, yeah, I know what I'm talking about. It is Tony Soprano mode.
I like to smoke them while driving. I'm like, dude, I might be the fucking coolest.
I'm listening to Tom Petty. I'm like, this is pretty great, man.
I love this guy. This guy's great.
It's very subtle, I've noticed. It's like, you don't get like whacked, but you're just kind of like, I'm in a good mood.
Yeah. I'm really, right now, I'm really into like tastefully deteriorating myself.
Just because I do a lot to like bolster my life force, but you also have a death force within your body as well. That's always good.
Your body's trying to die as much as it's trying to live. So it's like, you got to kind of honor the death force in you as well.
So the body is literally instinctively trying to return the inorganic material that it arose from. That's what I've been saying.
Just as hard as you're trying to. You guys keep telling me to quit smoking.
No, now I'm addicted, dude. Now it's like, yeah, I get what you're doing.
All of the cigs are another thing. The cigs are no good.
I'm curious to see if I actually will get addicted to nicotine. I know cigars is probably harder to get addicted to them.
It will happen to you, though. It happened to my older brother.
It's happening, dude. It is happening.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like just Jones since you've been back? Well, it's like I'll be like, yeah, I just don't like the taste of it the next day.
Now I'll wake up with that taste, and I'm like, eh, it's not a big deal. Oh, yeah, I used to be like that I might start having to honor that with just some sort of slightly deleterious activities.
That would be it? Cigars? Yeah, maybe just cigars. Maybe, you know, we'll see.
Maybe I'll start choking myself while I beat up. I don't know.
We'll see. I am going to get back on the microdosing regimen.
That's something I decided. Don't get them from me.
I've microdosed LSD before. I didn't like it as much as mushrooms.
It was too strong and overbearing. Did you ever do it before? Never done an LSD at all.
I have one thing, but I don't know what it says. It's like says it's a micro dose,

but I don't know.

Like I just got it from someone.

Are they like little capsules?

It's not even a capsule.

It's like a, like a Jolly,

not a Jolly Rancher,

like a,

like a Tootsie Roll.

But it's like that same kind of like texture

as like a Tootsie Roll,

but it's like a flavor,

like a candy.

Oh, cool.

And it's supposedly a micro dose of LSD.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Where'd you get that from?

You have to name names. Yeah, yeah.
Somebody, I was at the stand, so like a comic was like, take this. They're pretty chill.
I mean, it's kind of nice. It's just, it's like strong, dude.
It doesn't go away. Like the mushroom microdose hits you, and then there's like two or three hours, but it kind of like subsides.
The LSD microdose is just there for like eight hours. You're just bopping around, and you're like, damn, my chest is vibrating still.
It's just fucking weird. And I feel like LSD, the first time I do it, I want to be around someone who's done it before, and I've never been in time.
It'll just be me and my girl, and I'm like, now's the day, and I'm just freaking out. It's nothing worse than freaking out and having to be like, babe, help.
I had a Tootsie Roll Ace with 10 micrograms of LSD. Can you rub my back? Yeah.
No, that's what i did my brother was here so i was just like let's i was like let's just do it yeah y'all did the pot yeah we did the pot we did panties in the mouth podcast i did two podcasts that day yeah they're great for podcasting that makes sense i would just talk talk talk and all of a sudden just stop and be like all right jump right back is it visual one of the microdose of, not at all. I think, I don't know.
Maybe I feel like my brother told me it was 10 micrograms, but I'm like, dude, if this is a micro, I'm also a sensitive machine, so I'm like, I didn't feel like a micro. I was like, I feel kind of fucked up all day.
That's what happened when I did it. Meezy dosed my ass.
Again? No, just that time I keep thinking about it. Yeah, you were tripping, dude.
That's different. If you're, sweating and yeah it wasn't shitting and stuff how was he when you saw him perfectly fine yeah fucking but he champs it yeah he does and he's much larger than i am yeah i was talking about that today about the rv we both they're all on an rv on their way to vegas right now who's in an rv la mare andy pat george and all the other bros where they got the uh rv from like rented it uh justin from uh creek he does like their podcast stuff he rented it and it's like a bunch of them just driving from here to vegas for skinks it's about 10 big units in the rv that thing's gonna have a fucking explode it's gotta be stinky someone's gonna go to light a joint the place is only just the fart fumes I feel like the slimmest person in the RV.
That thing's gonna fucking explode. It's gotta be stinky.
Someone's gonna go to a lighted joint and it's only just the fart fumes are excited.

I feel like the slimmest person in it

is, besides Justin, is Andy.

Like, that's the crew

that's in that car.

It's just big dogs.

They're mad at us for not going on the big dog.

Yeah.

I feel like it's a horse trailer.

You got an open air horse trailer the mayor's head hanging out that's basically what that thing is right now there's a layer of manure on the bottle damn I didn't know they're in the RV right now it has to smell crazy they're stopping for like barbecue and shit. Yeah, they're going in the fucking desert, too.

It's going to stink.

They were mad at us for not going.

And I do not regret the decision.

I haven't heard from them since they left.

Andy and LaMare definitely pissed at me.

They're like, we'll record without you while we're doing this.

But I had to bail.

Yeah, that's a stanked up RV.

That's a super stanked RV.

It's going to be like every white castle is going to be going to stop that.

Nobody's going to sleep.

I guarantee nobody brought water.

No one thought about water.

It's a bunch of weed, some booze.

That's it.

Maybe some shrooms.

That's got to be kind of fun, though, honestly.

Yeah.

Once you get acclimated, it's going to smell like a mushroom farm. Once you get acclimated and the smell, you're like, what smell? It's fucking just fine.
Damn. Oh yeah, you got Skunk Fest.
We got Skunk Fest, yeah. It's going to be sick.
Yeah, I'm excited for it. Damn, you guys are going to be so high on drugs there.
You're going to get COVID? I think I'm going to be taking it. Yeah, I do get COVID every single time.
Every time you leave Skanks. Well, I'm only gone.
I've only done it the once, but ruined when I got back. Past three, I've gotten COVID.
Do you really? Yep. And I'm probably going to get it again.
Are you going to do a bunch of drugs when you get down there, so you're going to take it easy? I'm going to try to take it easy, but you know me. It's going to be impossible.
The party never ends. I don't find it.
Everyone's like, I'm going to do acid down there. I'm like, no way, dude.
Yeah, it's scary.

And yeah.

Yeah.

After like the 40th dude, like sweating his nuts off in cargo shorts in the desert being

like, oh, which is fine.

But when you're on mushrooms, the last thing I want to do is like talk to anybody.

So I'm like tripping on mushrooms and dudes are like coming up in my face.

I'd be like, I have to go back.

And you go back.

Yeah.

Vegas is like, man, sick.

It's a sick thing they put together.

I just the vibe in Vegas, man, is a city I don't like at all. Certain times, especially that area, can be real sad.
Like once you get up, because you're up until 5 a.m., and then that little area, it gets dark. Yeah, super dark.
Well, there's nothing there for me. It's just literally vice.
And I'm like, dude, I can't partake in anything. If you don't partake in vice and you go to Vegas, you're just like, this sucks.
You could just go smoke cigars, though. I could smoke cigars.
You could just light up stogie stuff. I could light up cigars.
I mean, dude, there's so, it is something so kind of gay and cornballish about smoking cigars, but I can't help it. I genuinely love them.
I'm a gay cornball. I know.
There's something kind of cornballish about cigar culture. It's like, yeah, dude.
It can be, yeah. Yeah, I love lighting up a stick, dude.
Don't tell me not to light up a stick, but I'm like, you hear about Ulysses Grant smoking like 50 cigars a day, and you're like, yeah, that's cool. I kind of want to do that.
Wolverine likes him, too. I've been watching X-Men.
Hugh Jackman loves him? Yeah. No, just Wolverine.
Just Wolverine. Yeah, Hugh Jackman does musicals and shit.
Really? Yeah, dude.

He's been on Broadway for a while now, right?

Yeah, bro.

I forget what was the play he was doing.

I don't remember, but I just...

I don't know.

I don't know what the fuck play he was in.

Wolverine?

I think he was in...

Fuck, I don't know.

I heard the Deadpool Wolverine flopped.

I heard it was really good, though.

I didn't see it.

What was he in?

There he is, bro. Yeah, dude.
That's the bro. That's Wolverine, man.
He's an actor. He's an artist.
He's a true thespian. I mean, dude, I could see if you're a Broadway performer.
I thought he was in The Sound of Music or something. If you're a Broadway performer, I could see that not scratching your itch.
He probably does Wolverine like, oh there's no pageantry this beastly movie barbaric wolverine is the best i do like extending my claws though yeah i'm not that is wolverine was the guy when you were like little kids you're like all right let's play x-men your boy i'm wolverine you're like dude i quit what the fuck am i supposed to do i did like cyclops dude cyclops rule i my friend would try to make me be cyclops and i'd be like no thank you i thought he was a dork compared to wolverine chet hanks was the man though chet hanks was cyclops no just gambit gambit is that's not no not actually but he was he was like a dude who taught like he talked like a jamaican dude. No, yeah, sort of.
That's what I mean, as a person. Did he really? Yeah.
His whole thing. He's like a Louisiana guy.
Yeah. Oh, I got you.
A Bayou guy. Got you.
Remy Labo. Yeah.
The Gambit. I always just thought he was a white dude who sounded black.
Never heard the man speak. No, it's Cajun.
True. I heard a little Creole.
There's some Creole going on in Turks and Caicos. They also got the...
Haitians speak French? Do they speak a little Creole? I think they speak a lot of French. I think Creole is French.
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Let's get back to the show. But yeah, dude, I, man, dude, those, because Turks and Caicos is right near Haiti.
It's right near Dominican Republic. Dominican Republic and Haiti are on one island, I think.
Yeah. Bro, every time I've been to, like, a resort, Dominican Republic and now Turks and Caicos, you see the Haitian bros, and they're, like, scary, man.
Like, for real. Like, I'm not, like, obviously, if it's, like, you're, like, second generation or whatever, like, the dudes that come, because they're coming from fucking hell, dude.
Yeah. It's like a fallen state.
You're, like, the riz necessary to live on an island is crazy dude everyone you see is just like riz on 40. you bump into a hajan guy and they just kind of just like stare at you like they'll be like sitting on a pallet and you're like hey man what's up they're like oh my bad bro just thinking about cutting just trying to practice my riz i'm just trying to big up you mom and like This dude is just fucking staring at me with cat eyes,

and I'm like, yo, bro, my bad.

Back to sweeping up rocks in 110 degrees, I guess.

I'm going to go have a sugary drink.

Dude, the place didn't let people tip either.

It didn't let people tip at that resort.

It was against the rules.

You couldn't tip.

So you had to, like, if you did it,

I wouldn't want to incriminate anybody of the force there. If you did it, to do it like super lucky it was like a drug deal you had to like hide it under a plate and be like yo i uh a little something under the plate and then have to like take because there's like cameras and shit if they're caught taking tips they get fired that's crazy yeah bro i don't understand well i mean i the only thing i can think of is like i guess you don't want them like hounding people for tips yeah i don't think people would dude i mean that's the move just say don't hound them but if you get one yeah if you're annoying and people complain but it's like dude if they if the people i heard again i don't want to slander the place but i i someone was trying to tell me they pay them seven dollars an hour and turks and caicos is usd and i looked it up yeah dude and eggs are eight dollars a dozen there if you're getting if you're for real which i dude i'm like is it really seven bucks an hour that's crazy devastating and it's fucking so hot dude it was 93 degrees 75 humidity every day with like a glaring tropical sun he's not allowed to dip in the pool or the hell no dude if you're in the pool.
Polo and slacks. Yeah, it's like a polo and slacks or a fucking wedding, like a vest and dress pants.
And it's so hot. And they're like, you couldn't slip the bro like five, ten bucks after them.
You couldn't put it under the plate. Again, I don't want to get anyone in trouble.
Maybe I slipped a couple of Lincolns around. That's fucking bullshit, though, man.

It's like, dude, if everyone gave them like $2 a day.

They could leave this shit.

That's the other thing, too.

They probably want to trap them in.

Once they get that tip money, they might be like, man, fuck sweating in this shit.

Yeah, just save just your tips for like a year.

Get out of there.

But then it's like, where are you going to go?

There's like, it's tourism.

That's the main export or whatever it is. But it's like, I looked it up.
Turks and Caicos is a collection of 40 islands, too. I didn't know this.
That was one place. It's 40 fucking, one of them is Iguana Island, which I'm like, if you're counting that one, it's kind of like.
It's literally just, nobody lives there. It's just iguanas.
And you just get out and you're like, yeah, this is pretty sick. I wonder if all the iguanas went there or they moved all the iguanas there.
I feel like it's they moved all the iguanas there out of the hotel area. Just let them grow out.
They're just like, all right, let's give the iguanas this island so they don't bother all the hotel people. I don't know, but they had a big stray cat problem.
You'd be on the resort and there'd be these stray cats. I'd call the Haitians up.
True. Kind of just proves the theory.
Yeah. Because there was a lot, dude.
There was many stray cats. And you would see, like, you would see, like, people's kids just, like, start petting them at dinner.
And I was like, yo, bro. And, like, mangy, mangy cats.
These look crazy looking. Yeah.
Do you feel bad for them, though? Yeah. That was, I forgive him.
My wife made a terrible racist remark because my daughter was like, I want to pet the cats. And my daughter was like, yeah, why can they do it? And my wife was like, because they're white people.
Said, hey, Brittany, all right? Knock it off. And I was like, it's kind of on point, though.
It was like, it would just be like these white kids just grabbing these, like, flea-ridden cats. And I was like, yeah.
That's probably something I would do, too, if I was a kid. My mom would yell at me about it but i i would sneak it down some fish i would like i'd get a little meat off my plate and toss it down and i was doing it on the low and britney was like she was so not allowed because they just started coming over don't feed the cats don't tip the weight yeah you couldn't do anything can i do anything nice here no so i stuff my fat fucking face and sit in the lazy river the full experience of like yes i have people serving me yeah yeah true lordship yeah i should get more into that might be nice yes and leave me immediately yeah it's uh it was sick though man it's like i i just like i got down there i was like i'm not gonna drink any of these sugary fucking bullshit drinks.
I was crushing it. Fired of Bahama Mama.
Bro, pina coladas. I had a Bahama Mama.
I had a mudslide, dude. Maya cried.
I had a mudslide. She wanted it so bad.
I was like, you can't have this. But it's like a milkshake, right? Like with alcohol.
I don't think there was even alcohol in it. It was so fucking good.
You get her the virgin drinks. That's what I always used to want when i was a kid i used to need the virgin shirley temples or the virgin pina colada or the strawberry daiquiri yeah i was giving her the i was in the virgin pina coladas i would hit the kids with them they would just lose their fucking minds they're so good dude yeah i only got one good sesh of a pool bar and it was i mean it was everything i wanted it was so cool bar is awesome oh my god dude i was just every day i would just kind of crush like these five milligram edibles i had these little mints that is sorry to the turks and caicos authorities i did smuggle them into your country you know they're gonna be so mad at you dude you're gonna be you smuggled drugs you tip their syrup get me breaking all the rules come get me bro you go back in a year like We heard what you did.
We know what you did, man. Breaking all the rules.
Come get me, bro. You fed the gas.
You go back in a year and they're like, we heard what you did. We know what you did.
Nah, they're chill. They didn't give a fuck.
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hour paypal can pay for your purchase the great paypal checkout no purchase necessary ends july 18th the official rules at paypal.com slash the great paypal checkout slash terms participating merchants only must use paypal checkout online coverage of up to 100 dollars in eligible purchases per cart but apparently it's like you can't have like cbd you can have anything there they say i don't know if that's just to kind of like jam you up but you know i'm not looking i'm not gonna get into it they didn't really check anything thank you but uh it's not an island vibe it's kind lame. They're like that against the fucking ganj.

But they also, again, I'm not telling anyone to bring weed into Turks and Caicos,

but it's pretty fucking easy if you really want to.

I have no idea what it is, certain people.

Yeah, I mean, dude, my shit was just, they were mints.

So I had this little mints.

I had whatever I had, the can switched up.

It was just simple.

You wouldn't bring flour in there, would you?

That seems terrifying.

I would be too scared. I'd be shook.
There was some flour there. I won't get into it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe someone else.
I don't know. I don't know what happened.
Maya had it. Yeah, man.
I tossed it in the frozen suitcase. Maya, you smoking weed again? God damn it.
I told you to knock it off. Dude.
But yeah, it was sick, man. I would just crush these little five milligram mint edibles.
That's nice. Smoke stogies all day and just fucking just every meal just pound like pina coladas.
It was literally, I was absolutely in heaven. Hell yeah.
Until I got back and had a, dude, I had a for real. I haven't spazzed this hard in public in a long time, but I almost got in a fight with an African dude in customs on the way back.
And we were both fellow travelers. He wasn't working there.
We were like, you know when you're traveling and like, when you go through customs, you go through customs coming off the flight, and then you got to reclaim your luggage and then put your luggage back through the TSA security. It's fucking so annoying.
So we do that. So we're like, I'm with Brittany.
We're all kind of broken up. It's likeney and chloe chloe's in the stroller i have maya with me and i'm like try i have like a ton of suitcases i'm trying to bring up in this like african dude it's pretty he was like old too the guy's probably his 50s like cuts in between us and then starts like pressuring like kind of like push in front of britney and she's obviously not for that kind of stuff she turns around like bro you fuck like what are you doing i man it's fine we got our bags on I'm like that shit's so fucking annoying then we get the line was just like you put your bags in a little machine and then you got to go to another line to get through like some other fucking TSA bullshit and the guy like so we're standing there and I'm like behind Brittany and the guy starts doing this like side assault where he's trying to cause there wasn't like a demarked line it was just like a mob of people like slowly funneling into like a one person line so he starts doing that shit where he's like oozing past her and he bumps the stroller and Brittany's like yo sir if you could not like bump into my kid again you already did it back there if you could not do that that'd be great and the dude was like shut the fuck up and he does like African spaz and it's like you know like Brittany was like yeah I guess like you know if you're from Africa, some lady starts mouthing off.
I can see him just fucking. He's short-circuiting.
He fucking blew a lid, dude. I for real think.
He was waiting for you to grab her. He didn't know we were together.
I was kind of a person behind her because I was like, you know. He probably just thought it was a solo lady.
Thought it was a solo, single mother. He's probably disgusted, bro.
Yeah, yeah. So she was like, sir.
And she obviously is no no stranger for conflict so she was just like yo sir if you could not do that that'd be great you're literally bumping into my kid and he was like get the fuck open he like just started spazzing out and i'm like and then like i'm like yo bro then like the um the guy the tsa agent was like yo dude what the fuck are you doing man relax like what do you like it's not worth it man don't get you know you're like I think he's like go ahead get the fuck out of here like come on man when he's like I'm a father he starts spazzing out so I'm just sitting there and the guy's like yo man it's not worth it man it's nothing you know I think go to jail over I'm like yeah yeah for sure and as soon as we like get in line next to each other I'm like what the fuck is your problem he like said something and I like screamed spaz and like because we're you know when you're in a line that like snakes from here it goes like boom boom boom boom yeah so he was on one side of the divider i was on the other side and i like leaned over i was like i'm gonna fuck you up i like blacked out because he said something to me because i was like dude could you for real like chill the fuck out yeah and then he said something to me and i just blacked out and i was like and i leaned over the thing i was like i'll fuck you up right now and he just was like what the fuck because then he put it together he's like oh i didn't he's i didn't i guess he didn't realize like we were together and then uh so he thought you were just out of nowhere leaned over and was like i'll beat the shit out of you i'm like dude i'm flying with kids i'm like whacked on caffeine that was just this guy it was just like bro that's he caught the wrath dude it was and i felt bad i real like embarrassed. I was like, oh, fuck, that was kind of ugly.
And then and then like he was there was another black. There was like a black dude in front of him, American black dude.
And then they were like close together. And the dude like the other guy looked back at me kind of like, yeah, like it's all good.
And I was like, dude, I'm sorry. And he's like, I don't know this fucking guy.
And then I started thinking he might have been kind of slow. I was like, bro, I think he might be kind of like autistic or something.
But then I got it. I was like, no, this guy's just a fucking dickhead.
We for real almost fought in the airport. If he had like lunch forward, we would have fought.
I was ready to go to jail. Guys, you don't want to go to jail.
I'm like, yeah, you're right, dude. You're right.
And I went up. I was like, fuck you, pussy.
I'll fuck you up. Were you still in Churks and Kako's customs? This was in Miami airport.
Okay. I was in Miami.
You know how I get in the 305.

I haven't spazzed like that.

It was bad.

And then we all had to just all stand in line for like 30 minutes.

It was bad.

I apologize to the people in line at the Miami airport.

It wasn't my best showing.

I feel like.

The American black people in line were tickled about the whole thing.

One dude just kept laughing. Every time he saw me, he just started.

We were like meet again in line. He'd be like, bro at this guy they go fuck that guy yeah it was bad people had to be there was uh people were kind of like giggling themselves about it because we all had to stand together for literally 30 more minutes and then me and him would come we would like look at each other again across the dividers the lines would match up again and he'd be like so he was certainly saying something like bro it's fine man it's already squash bro beef squash just let it go you kind of bitched i'm like you bitched out man it's fine i would it's all right just beefs over i won i literally won stop talking about it yeah dude fucking get over bro i fucking basically i basically beat your ass in the tsa i'm very, though, he didn't do anything because I would have went to jail.

That would have been nuts.

If I get a certain level of angry, I'm not like a big badass.

I'll literally black out and I just lose sense of everything going on.

The guy could have, like, beat my ass.

He was, like, big?

He was, like, a short African king.

He was, like, a stocky bald.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

A stocky bald.

He was also a bit of an elder, though.

He was a bit of an elder.

Jeans, polo, sandals. Pretty much.
I'm picking up what you're putting down. I got a perfect mental image of this.
But now that I think about it, you don't want to fight that guy, though. Exactly.
I don't know. The guy could have fucking killed me.
I don't know what the hell that guy. He could have hit me with some African wrestling dude.
He could have hooked my eye yeah so he could have a little sand in your eye yeah it was the closest i've come to fighting an old african man hopefully that's the closest i ever come because that was that was it was just not a good look for anybody involved especially a fucking glass barrier he literally in front of the whole crowd was like fuck you to my wife and i was like bro i can't let that ride bro especially with the kids there like can't have that memory kids were there bro i was like can't it was just instinctual dude it was funny too for the guy to be like yo bro for real just let it go don't worry i'm like oh yeah dude for sure i'm already over it just fuck you pussy like classic kid in high school like i don't even care anymore he started it i'm not even the one. Yeah, dude.
He did start it.

And then we got out of line.

Fuck you.

I'll fuck you.

Dude, it was bad.

And then I like inched over to his side of the thing and he kind of was like, what the fuck is going on?

Why is this white man so mad at me right now?

This Yakubian devil.

He just did nothing.

In his mind, he did nothing wrong five minutes ago.

He just put a woman in her place.

Yeah, yeah. He doesn't have words a day.
He tells a woman to shut the fuck up. At least.
What do you shut the fuck up? Yeah, I can't do his voice. I'm on an island time right now.
He thought he was doing your job for you. He thought he was helping you out.
He was like, don't raise your voice to me. He had a woman raising her voice to him in public, and he just fucking, he snapped.
And then I was like, bro, I can't. I just can't let it ride.
We should all have a little more of that in us. Yeah.
He's probably like, where's this spaz? Shut the fuck up, bitch. This is what LaMare was on the other day, too.
Was he really? No, we were talking about how he should, never mind. Yeah, yeah.
We already covered it. You covered it.
We covered it motherfucking bases. Oh, very curious.
One of LeMaire's many hot takes, dude. It was so funny.
It was actually very funny, his thing about how he loves, what did he say? He loves Xbox. He loves video games and he breaks controllers all the time.
It's like, if you love a woman, why would you? Funniest thing ever. LeMaire also was cracking me up the other day.
Remember when he like I don't want to be autistic Everyone wants to be autistic And I don't want to But I am Yeah he can claim A lot of people are out here posing autism LeMaire's got the secret sauce He's got the secret sauce Yeah you can try to attack, man. It's like, bro.
I think it was since we were down.

Was it since we were down here when he had the realization?

I remember being with him when he was like, I'm autistic.

And this couldn't have been more than a year ago.

It for real hit him.

I'm actually autistic, aren't I?

And it was like, wait, you're just putting that together, bro? Yeah, yeah man you have fucking wrestling figures in your room i have wrestling figures of course you like he he knows like deep cut characters of everything he's into it's it was so funny watching him be like i'm autistic and everybody i think it was like me you think we're at the stand it, Ali being like, bro, I don't think you remember this. You don't look like you remember me.
Probably not, no. But you're fucked up.
He dosed you again. I might have been in touch.
He might have dosed me again. Yeah, he's for sure.
He's kind of autistic. I vaguely remember this.
He's the king of noticing things so long after everyone else has noticed them. Yeah.'s just another prime example i forget some other ones he said to me and you before where he'll just notice something that everyone's been talking about for months i mean dude he might have the wildest takes every take he spits i'll be like dude you want to uh you want to rescind that right now? You want me to delete that? That's the craziest shit I've ever heard in my life.
He'll be like, no. I do kind of admire that, though, how he will die on the weirdest hills.
But he'll change his mind. And then he's like, well, I'm not going to say it publicly, though.
Like, I'm not going to tell anyone that I think I'm wrong now. He'll keep dying on it.
Stubborn as a mule. Yeah, dude, the trip was sick, though.
Nice. I was so happy to be back, man.
Dude, it's crazy how nice America is. The airport at Turks and Caicos was like...
It's like a bus stop. It's crazy, dude.
They don't have the fucking extend-y things. That's what I was just about to ask.
No, dude, you just got to walk out into the blistering sun. And it's not like it was like, I get it if you're on a little plane, it's like, yeah, you just kind of walk out.
These are like full-size planes. You got to just walk into the blazing heat and like walk up the steps.
It's like, damn, you guys can't get the fucking extendee things. Was it the same planes that we like to say, like Boeing and shit like that? Yeah, dude.
It was like, yeah, it was like regular American Airlines. They're only like an hour from Miami.
Oh, okay, okay, okay. Also, dude, the fucking fake ladies in Miami, it's crazy.
The BBL. Dude, I'm telling you, man.
There were so many women that I was like, the level of artificial enhancements in women now, I've said it before, they're going to become virtually unrecognizable. That's a weird arms race for ladies to enhance themselves.
And once you go over the brink, it's like you're just a mutant. I mean, it's teetering now and being too close.
Because I think I'm an all-natty guy. This is strictly off internet shit.
You know what I mean? For sure. But you see something, you're like, that's real.
And it takes way longer than it used to to be like, that ass got a weird bounce to it. Or the thighs.
It's like they're doing it. It's masterful.
I'm for it. But I, you know, I would love it to be perfected by the time my lady's, like, 55.
Yeah. I would cop her out.
It's kind of their, yeah, it's their, whatchamacallit, like, testosterone therapy. Yeah.
If they can kind of just, like, bring their ass back up and pop those titties back out. I get it, man.
You know, you fault them for that no i actually want like i want it i want my lady when we're old i want her to get the enhancements especially if i'm going to stay and be faithful and shit like pick them titties up yeah get that ass like yeah exactly we'll be happy you can go on t too you can go on t i'm gonna go on t as As soon as it stops working right, I'm figuring out T.

So I started taking maca again, not even realizing it.

I was taking melatonin to fall asleep, and then I saw the brand I take is like a daytime thing.

It's just like Lion's Mane and whatever else, but they had maca in it.

And I was like, whatever.

Dude, I've been waking up brick, dude.

No, the maca is another level, dude.

I was waking up brick.

Oh, this is new.

Yeah, dude.

I might have to get the maca.

I'll see you next time. I've been waking up brick, dude.
No, the maca is another level, dude. I was waking up brick.
Oh, this is new. Yeah, dude.
I might have to get the maca. I don't know.
Maca's the same shit that a maca tea and all that shit? Yeah, it's like a maca root. It's not bad for you.
You take it like they say it has a lot of iodine in it, which apparently Americans are low on iodine because they took it out of the salt. It used to be in the – well, if you get pink Himalayan salt or whatever, any sea salt, there's no iodine.
So a lot of Americans stop fucking with the regular table salt that did have iodine. If you eat out, though, it's probably in all that stuff.
But a lot of people have a deficiency in iodine, and then it has a lot. So if you take too much of it for too long, they say you can get too much iodine.
But, dude, if you go on it for a couple months at a dude it's crazy i've been i've been rocking like i i didn't think i even like had anything to worry about but like now i'm getting like my full boner back and i'm like yo where you been hello buddy yeah it's crazy my old friend yeah it's pretty wild dude i i suggest mocking to pretty much anybody yeah again i will say for the record i'm not the T. If I was on the T, I wouldn't even be worried about mocking.

But it's like, dude, it's, yeah, it's pretty sick.

When you go on T, is it like a, I don't even know, is it a pill pop?

Are you pill popping T?

I think they give you a shot.

Oh, I don't like that.

The problem, though, is I think, and again, I could be wrong,

but I think what a lot of those little, like, T centers do is they give you a readout.

And I think they tell everybody, like, yeah, you got low T.

No matter what. Because they told our one friend he had low tea egan oh that's right yeah i don't know if egan wants that out but it's like he went to the t-shirt he's probably talked about it yeah i think so but he uh yeah dude he he's a young boy he's a young dude he's a young stocky strong young man the problem is if you don't get good sleep one night and go to a tea center your tea T will be low on the readout.
But, yeah, dude, I honestly wouldn't go on that stuff until you're, like, old and, like, you don't need your, like, reproductive system at all anymore.

Because once you start, you're, like, stuck.

I think once you start putting that shit in your body, I think you can come off of it, but it's, like.

You're going to get soft.

It might be kind of weird.

I don't know.

It's, like, would you want to roll those dice?

I wonder what it'll feel like, though, to, like, be 45 boosting your T. Amazing.
Probably. No, probably great.
But then you come off, and then you can just feel. You can't come off ever again.
Can you come off and go back? Can you go like, can you be like, you know what? I need to be. My daughter's having a daughter.
I need to be a little more sensitive. You come off the T.
She gets it back in high school. You're like, all right, I need to be ready to slap some people around tee up again yeah you could actually you probably could do that that might be it but i think it like fucks with your balls after a while i think if you're on it for a while your balls are just kind of like no good and raisins huh raisins well yeah i think like your sperm's all fucked up so i think you just gotta wait i i really do want to wait till i'm like 60 yeah Try to keep it together as much as I can and then smash the glass and just become an absolute monster.

And I'll be like disrespectful with it, too.

I'll take like way too much and just become an absolute monster.

Just mean to people.

Such a dick.

I don't know.

We'll see.

It is.

It's tempting, though, because I heard you do.

You feel like a teenager, basically, from what I've heard.

That'll be nice.

But again, they give it to you in pellets now. Is it pellets, not the shot? It's a shot, and the pellet is in the shot.
And they're like little tiny pills. Weird.
And then over six months, it just melts in your ass. Yo, bro, pause.
Pause. So it is a little pellet.
It just sits in your skin. Wait, are they giving the shot directly to a butt cheek? Sometimes, or your leg.
Yo, look, that guy's, they drew his nutsack on the back of that medical photo. Totally unnecessarily.
Look at the diagram of the guy's body. I don't know if it's his helmet or what.
No, go to the other one. Go to the one to the right of that.
Next to it. It's like the cross-sectional.
Yeah, they just saw YouTube, but they showed his scrotum. His little scrotum.
Why do they do that? They don't need to show that. We get the guy's laying on the side, and he has a penis.
You don't have to show his fucking nose. A little bit of balls.
And that's how they insert it with this thing right here. Oh, man.
I wouldn't even see it. Weird, weird.
Why is that better? Because you don't have to give yourself a shot every week. Oh, when you're on T, it's like every week you hit the doctor going, damn, forever? That stinks to just have a doctor visit as part of the weekly.
Yeah, but you charge up. Yeah, I mean, it's definitely worth it.
But, yeah, I don't know, man. I'm really hesitant about that.
Because I feel like once you start that, it's like worth it but yeah i don't know man i'm hesitant i'm really

hesitant about that yeah because i feel like once you start that it's like it'd be hard and you might be like i i could be a maybe a menace dude if i went on t i might be a menace it's gonna bring back like that childhood like i'll fuck anything like if like who knows what that's like once you're like in a married committed thing like those are demons you don't even need back.

You just start drinking.

But it's like you can get her totally enhanced, and then you just go on the sauce and just let it all just fall apart.

She starts cheating on you in Holiday Inn.

You're just out fucking like, yo, what's your name, little lady?

I think you just predicted my future.

I think there's a future of many, dude. It's my favorite place to eat breakfast And you're really pretty Fuck I'm hard as hell Celebrating my 63rd birthday by myself I'm rock fucking hard And I'm jacked Check out my wife's tits Dude apparently there was a Did you see It was like a really weird thing to about.
I saw it on Twitter. But there was a Bridgerton convention.
You know the show Bridgerton? Yeah. It's like porno for ladies.
It's just like the English society, and it's just literally just sex scenes the entire time. I think you might have fallen asleep.
We were sitting next to a lady on a plane. She was sitting between us just watching Bridgerton.
Oh, bro, yeah. Just like the sex scenes while I just on a plane was crazy.
It's insane. But, dude, there was a...
You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Dude, this shit is the funniest.
Oh, no. A bunch of ladies cosplayed as Bridgerton.
They got scammed by this dude who, when they went in there, all their... Wait, what? Dude, this made me laugh so hard.
as much of Big Fat Ladies just to go to what they thought was like a Bridgerton inspired like classy ball and it was for some reason they'll be dancing there so they put like a bullshit buffet that ran out and then there was a pole there was a pole dancer somewhere yeah true unks back there though there's one unk oh there's a Bridgerton unk he's probably cleaning up Oh, true. True.
Unks back there, though. There's one unk.
Oh, there's a British unk. He's probably cleaning up.
Oh, dude. But they hired a pole dancer for some reason, so in the corner there was just a stripper lady dancing on a pole.
It was crazy, man. It was a whole Twitter thread about it.
It made me laugh so fucking hard to see a bunch of ladies show up and be like, this stinks. I was just say i guarantee the next one is gonna be dude heavy because words gonna get out that this was like like just fat bitches who were just like trying to cosplay and shit yep and next time it's gonna be like 10 women and a thousand dudes a bunch of just a bunch of ucs dressed up yep with coattails gentlemen like milady.
Milady. Milady, would you like to have this dance? Dude, that would be going home, pulling someone from the Bridgerton ball, and just, I mean, dude, look at that, bro.
Having to hike up that giant dress. They thought, dude, that was for real.
That's like a girl brain terrorist, dude. To throw the Bridgerton ball for $300 and just have the worst buffet, and just a pole dancer for no reason just a lady pole dancer yes it was a pole it was a lady pole dancer but it's like i feel like women are dressed up for the bridgerton ball they don't need to see a lady like yeah in a bikini kind of doing pole dance she wasn't like in blooms like those those no dude no she was just fucking just a lady just like a modern day pole dancer i'm gonna see if I can find the fucking thing.
I won't find it. It was on Twitter.
It made me laugh. That made my morning, man.
That is nice. Yeah, dude, that was a...
I wish I could pull it up. That shit made me laugh.
There we go. Yeah, the food was raw.
Shit. Oh, the view was probably all over it.
Yeah. Yeah, let's see.
There, that's the best picture. That's the funny, the lady who just gave up on standing.
The lady who sat on the floor. It was in a hotel conference.
And she's sitting like she slid down the wall, like she did slowly. Nah, it was just ladies, dude.
Ladies at the Bridgerton event and like a Holiday Inn.

There's the pole dancer, yeah.

My man in the corner

just chilling.

Yeah, they said a fucking pole dancer.

Yo, ladies beware.

Scam alert.

You're at the Bridgerton ball.

There'll be you and a bunch of other very lonely ladies.

You're disappointed

in your coolest dresses. Yeah, man, that's just absolutely criminal poor ladies yeah dude that's uh it's not like safe no it doesn't that's the thing like the guy who put they showed the promote like it was like a club promoter who put it together beast such an animal tricks i mean he He must have made, so he probably made like 20 grand.
Tricks. With like no over it.

That guy is such a vibe, though. He's security.
True. He's making sure nobody puts their hands on the merchandise.
Yeah, that's security. But yeah, there's a young tutor right there.
Yeah, he looks like Baron. True.
I love Baron. Yeah, you're right.
The next Bridgerton ball. Someone's going to throw one.
It's going to be so nice. Why is Will Smith trending? Why is he trending? It's trending in sports, too.
That's never good. I don't know.
I don't give a fuck. Probably something with Diddy.
Oh, no, dude. Okay, they're accusing him of a...
Oh, this is what I was talking about with you the other day Nate how a lot of the Diddy allegations are purely criminal but then some of them are just black dudes being like hey yo Yeah true. Like the only one I saw one that was like Diddy had his shirt off with so and so at the pool I feel like that's totally I'm supposed to rock the beater I know.
Just doing the bro just One of y'all got to rock the beater. I mean, dude, there were probably, he was having wild sex parties and if you're in that sphere of celebrity, that level of celebrity, it's probably like, yeah, we can do whatever we want.
You come up and it's like, yeah, Diddy throws the coolest parties. There's probably levels to it too.
There's probably the inner sanct. And once you get into that, it's probably like, what the fuck? Because they were all those guys were like all.
Did you see the video of them all like laying in a bed together? Yeah. Dame Dash got in that and he had to come out and be like, I didn't do shit, dude.
Yeah. Aaliyah was in it, I think, in that same picture.
He dated Aaliyah. Dame Dash dated Aaliyah for a while.
I think a lot. I think there was like a lot of how like.
Dame J, R. Kelly, Marry.

R. Kelly Marry.

She was young.

She was 15.

I don't know if she told R. Kelly she was 15.

Because they did fake her on the marriage certificate.

They said like 18.

I saw that.

But that doesn't mean he ain't.

He ain't, no.

Yeah.

No, that was.

Yeah, Jay-Z is.

He's kind of. People are dying to get him fucking dragged down.
They want it so bad. Yeah.
That would actually... I think that would actually hurt my feelings.
Just how much I fucked with Jay-Z as a kid. Like, seeing him go down or something like this.
Why do you think him and Beyonce had to do that DNC stuff? Why would they do that? They're billionaires. I mean, do they really...

Maybe they love the DNC or maybe they're really

sexual blackmail.

That's a theory on Oprah. It's like Oprah was

all... Spud was saying the

Diddy stuff came out. Next thing you know,

Oprah's at a DNC convention being like,

we will prevail. Interviewing Kamala.

Yeah, man. And they do sexual

blackmail. That was the whole Epstein operation.

So you think that was the only one? It's possible, dude. It's possible.
I wonder what Oprah was doing. I don't know, dude.
Who knows? Nothing anybody wanted to watch. Maybe nothing.
Maybe nothing. But it's like, who knows, dude? You guys know how it gets.
The one thing they were saying is- You guys know how the parties get. Is those things are like, you bring the celebs to lure in the politicians.
I did see that online. You bring in the celebs, you get them coming, and you tell all the politicians, like, Diddy's going to be, you know, and then they show up.
Celebs leave early, but the politicians are chasing the dragon. Yeah, dude.
That's how you say that. That's how the move works.
That's what I'm going to tell myself. It's possible, dude.
JC didn't do nothing. You never know.
It's Hov. We'll see.
That would be a devastating for the black community if Hov gets locked up on some Epstein stuff. Yeah.
Although, I know so many black people are like, yeah, dude, he worships the devil. He's in Illuminati.
It's fun to say. Yeah, true.
It's fun to say. But it's true.
You're like, oh, i think the barber shop will be silent just for like two days just like no the barbershop's gonna go nuts haircuts are gonna take two hours because your barber gonna keep stopping them like saying no point dude the barber shop's probably crazy right now it's going yeah it's definitely crazy i got my hair cut this morning they were talking talking about the day. Really? Yeah.
Can I come? I mean, my barber, there's no barber in Austin that I've come across as a black barber shop. They all have black barbers.
It's like Mexicans, but I have a black barber, but it's not a black barber shop. Yeah, yeah.
It's not enough of us down here. Too much soccer talk in the barbershop? Yeah.
No, they were going nuts. There's this one boy in my barbershop, he goes

nuts on conspiracies every time

I'm there. That must be his

whole day. He's just

talking everyone in the shop's

ear off

conspiracies. I gotta

go and start introducing some white conspiracies

to the barbershop. They're in there.

They are. At least here.

You gotta go back. You gotta go to Houston.
Yeah, true. I might travel to H-Town just for a black barbershop they're in there they are at least here you gotta go back you gotta go to houston yeah true i might travel to h-town just for a black barbershop i've had like two black barbershop experiences one was great the other one was not so great what happened i dude the one it was like somebody someone i knew brought me to a barbershop in like in west philly they're like nah dude come when i was like selling pills, they're like, dude, it was like my connect basically.

He's like,

bro,

we'll go to the barbershop now.

And it was kind of chill. He was like, there was one time I just went to one because I leaked the place I was trying to go was closed.
And I went in, I was, it was just like dudes chopping it up, having the barbershop experience. And I was like, uh, guys, I hate to break this up.
I really need a haircut. I'm about to go to the beach.
Can we just like, can we just do this real quick? I don't, I don't want to like ruin the vibe here just like you shaped me up

and the dude was just like

yeah yeah

and he fucked

literally

he fucked my

the haircut was so good

then he just like

butchered this one side

and I believe

I think he might have

fucking like

get the hell out of here

like don't come back

yeah I was just like

dude

just want a haircut

am I trying to get in here

and like kind of horn in

on the black barbershop experience

it's just

the haircutter is closed right now

I have to go to the beach

can we just please

strike a deal right now

to go to a barbershop

like the haircutter

is closed right now

Thank you. and like kind of horn in on the black barbershop experience it's just my hair cutters closed right now i have to go to the beach can we just please strike a deal right now to go to a barbershop like the hair cutters closed right now i had to get in here it's so funny the white barbershop experience is you to like just have just get like yapped at by like a divorced lady yeah for like an hour and it's like yeah oh man oh that's a picture of your daughter wow she's beautiful thanks can you please let me the fuck out of here so like and they were having a good lively time and i walked in it was like hey yeah it was on probation i gotta go to the beach with my friends guys please give me a nice can you line me up give me a buzz please but either way well dudes i think we made a fucking hour yeah um dude so what's next what do you guys have to do? Nothing.
Going to Vegas, Sin City, baby. True that.
Skunk fest. Well, if you guys feel like it, go to mattmccusker.com for tickets.
I'll be in. Where am I going to be? Oh, dude, the New York Comedy Festival, guys.
Quit fucking playing around. I'll be at Town Hall in.
Let me see. Let me see.
Let me see. When am I going to be at Town Hall? Oh, my God, there it is.
11-16-2024. 11-15-2024.
I'll be in Capital One Hall in Tyson's, Virginia. And then October 24th, Milwaukee Improv.
I'll be at the Wilbur in Boston. Let's go.
There's a late show. There's a couple spots left.
You can get them. That's 10-18.
And then 10-10, October 10 october 10th hilarity's comedy club cleveland ohio and i have a bunch of other dates coming up to round out the year and then i'm going to film a special and take off from touring for maybe six months to a year to come up with a new hour of stand-up comedy that'll be awesome yes that'll be very fun so you know where you're taping it i have no idea yet my show is fantastic thank you guys it's been fun i'm excited to

tape it and be done flying every morning very nice thank you guys thank you thank you god bless you