Ep 516 - Gloom Flower (feat. Sam Tallent, Lemaire Lee, & Shawn Gardini)

The wow wow Wes. Are we live? Alright, we'll start it now.
Hey! Hello. Hey everybody, welcome back to the motherfucking podcast.
Another week on this hellacious Gravitron we call on Earth. Twisted blue marble, man.
Can't stand up on this Gravitron. Sam Tallent, thank you for joining us.
LeMair Gardini. Thank you for having me.
Thank you guys, Les.

I thought me and Matt were just going to be in here and talking about men's stuff.

We can talk about men's stuff.

Men's table, boys' table.

I love my fellow man.

I'm not going to demean you guys.

You're wearing a Power Ranger shirt.

Boys' table.

Your uncle died and you got that shirt.

He's got the basic brand on. LaMare, thank you for the hookup, by the way, in Rhode Island.
Oh yeah the studio was nice well mayor i thought you designed it man yeah just fucking like action figures everywhere you were the goo gave shout out to the bros though they did they held it down i interviewed uh glenn larry yeah i'm a black conservative yeah dude did you meet uh beans yeah bobby beans yeah bobby beans rules that's your bro? White Bull right? I met that White Bull You got bros all over? Lameria's boys Bud was just marveling over your tentacles across the country United States of Lamerica I swear to god anytime I'm like Lameria I'm going to be here I'm somebody who has a studio over there. And your bros are solid, dude.
Yeah. Absolute beast.
Keep them tight. I assume that the walls are typically rubber, you know? I feel like some of these studios are just like this place.
They were former sex parlors. This place was a former...
This is probably where all the anal went down, by the way. We're in the back of the Black Rabbit.
That's why it smells like chicory coffee. Soon to be historic Black Rabbit.
Soon to be. Yeah, this is definitely the anal chamber.
Maybe just gay stuff, actually. This might have been the strictly gay dungeon.
This is the closet. That's why it's such a good podcasting space.
Yeah, because that's what we're doing. This is the gayest thing that's happened.
This is as close to gay as I get, goddammit.

Yep, it is. These labels we put on ourselves.
I do have a theory that every old man turns hopelessly homosexual at 65. I don't know why I have this theory in my head.
Every time an old man in an airport looks at me, I'm like, you don't want to fuck me, you old nasty. You old nasty.
It's giving you an up-down. I'm telling you, man.
I have a theory that every man at 60 turns, like, wildly, wildly gay. Uncontrollably gay.
It's like every man's fate at, like, 60 to be like, I can't take it anymore, dude. Yeah.
God damn. Yeah.
I tried this fucking bullshit for 65 years. Yeah.
Got me here. You know what? Why didn't I just fuck my boys? Yeah.
That's my brother's's my brother's logic true Jibs was just here he fucking almost hit us with a hot shot maybe that's not our business to dive on what happened well nevermind he almost got infected with HIV we were bug chasing with debris when he was here last week now that's a podcast bug chasing with Jibs you guys almost catch some fin no I don't He doesn't want this in a public forum You guys don't want to highlight all of your cocaine It's different It was just a job Like two days into the hang Right after we smoked a gin He was like bro you gotta let us know That's the worst. You can't get a cold sore passing the blunt.

No, no.

I don't think so.

No, it's not.

It's not a pass the blunt.

Us?

I don't think.

I know, but we were kissing a lot, too.

You just want to get them on your dick.

Getting a cold sore is nothing.

Yeah.

I was born, and I got cold sores as a child.

Did you really?

Yeah, because I think my mom bore the cross. My mom bore the cross as well, but I didn't get it.
I don't have them down south, but I'll pop one up and then everyone's like, oh, you were living. It's like, no, my mom was a child of the 70s.
My mother lived. She lived long.
She was living. I don't think it's necessarily sexual to get cold sore.
I think it just gets passed down through the generations. I hope not because I get them.
Yeah, I think if you're just like faces just puckered at misery for long enough. Just a gloom flower.
Oral herpes. Oh, here we go.
Of course you can get it from sex. Oral sex.
It does not. I think it's from kissing all your old aunties, dude.
Aunties are freaky. I might start seeing their tests.
Did you get tested recently before? I need to see the papers. You need the antibodies.
It's like you're in prison. You're checking people's passports.
That would be good, though. I might start a thing like a nonprofit where I start checking.
Free checking the aunties. Or like at the uh, you know, they're all fucking at the which one called the old ladies Oh, yeah, I might get them papers big bro.
You can totally cream pie this old lady. Yeah, I don't want to be graphic But I'm saying like it'd be nice We'll be there one day dude.
You want to know like let me just check the chart real quick Won't be needing this That must be great. Nobody talks the cp in the retirement dude just having your new balances on is being like in the retirement home you know the nurses can hear you yeah like an old haitian woman has to wheel you into the room to get fucked by some guy.
And then you ring a bell and she comes and retrieves you. An old Haitian lady can't do that.
She's too busy. Yeah, true.
Oh, my Lord. You can't say that that wasn't proven.
Just because you saw it on TV does not make it true. Just because you have those braids doesn't mean you can go crazy on the island violence i did uh i did hear what you call it jd vance came through they were like pressing him on that question he was like well here's the thing whether or not a haitian woman ate a cat there are still boots on the ground reality to the immigration crisis that you guys at cnn aren't whoever it was aren't covering he kind of definitely maneuvered around it yeah that's all it is now sticky move sticky move well whether or not people are eating cats is less the

point and it's like well it's pretty important it's cool to know my theory was to get it uh the pets to start eating the immigrants my solution the problem that I pitched this weekend.

Where'd you pitch at?

In the stand-up comedy show.

Alex, that was my funny joke show.

Did you say that within the context of stand-up comedy,

of lifting the spirits of yeah yeah yeah it was just yeah it was in jest but what if they are eating cats who gives a fuck they're street cats we don't need those cats i stand with la mer i would not be too mad if someone ate a stray cat i'd be like bro this is looking things are looking up in america yeah sick nasty little creatures walking around. Get these cats fired up.
Because I think there was, weren't the rats true? Weren't people spitting the rats? Like, barbecuing the rats out? I think they've been doing that in New York for a long time. There's a lot of rats.
The poor people in New York, I think they've just been munching the critters forever. It's a renewable protein source.
I don't either. That's why, dude with the original what is that it's rats on the on the spit those are big enough big rats huge bro those are like a capybara well dude here's the thing dude in America in America I think in like the colonial times people used to eat rabbit that's where it's the rabbit like it was nothing so it's like you know and apparently rabbits like like a very high source of protein and you can actually get sick because they have so much protein you're not getting any fat there's like a certain like illness you can get from just eating rabbit but you get shredded you gotta mix it with beef you gotta mix it with beef i think with vegetables and grains you can't just be crushing rabbits all day well you need a fat that's the problem if you're eating just rabbit you're not getting enough fat and you get so shredded that it becomes a medical problem yeah that's the big thing for bug out people is like the first thing you're supposed to do if like the bomb falls is go out and find two breeding pairs of rabbits that's i'm telling you yeah because then rabbits will procreate at a rate that will feed your family you'll have an abundance of rabbits if you lock them in your basement as like there's nuclear fallout out there yep you gotta find like an avocado too somewhere find an avocado yeah a single peach pit tater my uh one of my i was with uh i was with spud recently and he was speaking of taters we were talking about how important it is to just have like a bro crash your house into your marriage and just try to like fight your wife for you a little bit he was he was in his friend's house he was it's just it's just such a funny it's such a funny thing because he was like, yeah, I don't know.
I guess you got pissed because I was in there talking about bug out bags. No wife wants to hear bros talking bug out bags, dude.
Yeah, Spud's a fucking rock tumbler for a wife. Spud is the best, dude.
I was with him all weekend in Rhode Island. With Nick Rochefort.
Yes, with Nick Rochefort. What a triad.

It was amazing, dude.

Johnny Del Calo, dude.

It was very good.

Dude, we were saying that's big for white culture.

It was huge for white culture.

This was the all-white party, bro.

Fuck the Hamptons.

White excellence.

Man, it was funny.

It was a very funny weekend. Having spun up there the whole time, it was unbelievable.
Nick Rochefort is honestly one of the funniest people in the world. Insanely funny.
It's ridiculous. I get mad how funny he is.
Yes, it's it's almost it almost hurts. We're sitting there at dinner and it's like, dude, you're literally saying the funniest stuff in 30 minutes.
Take a break. Need to recharge.
This is amazing. You see him on skanks.
No. Oh, yeah.
When he was mud veined? Yes. That was so funny.
He's so fucking funny, dude. Spud should supply that service to married men.
Bro. You should hire out Spud to, like, come stay in your house for a week and just confront all of your wife's most sacred ideals.
You want to send your wife on tilt? Yeah. 1-800-SPUD.
True. Just to, like, break her out of, of like the girl algorithm just a little bit

women need to know about bug out bags why they did like get girls against conspiracies they somehow tapped into the female hive mind like if someone's talking about conspiracies don't them women would have too many bug out bags they carry a bug out bag at all times they just bug out about the wrong stuff all of their bugs are just about their appearance.

They're micro-bugging the whole time. That's all they care about.

Micro-bugging the whole time. That's all they care about.
Micro-bugging? They're like, I don't need food. I don't need a gun.
I just need mascara. They're just constantly on the edge of an apocalypse at all times.
And they're peering over into it. Yeah, it's fucking crazy.
You know what's actually, to their credit, so I have my aura ring now, so I'm tracking my biometrics. Do you have two? Just one.
This is my wedding ring. Oh, okay.
Love of my wife. Love for the data.
Dude, she has one. And I got the glimpse, because I didn't know there's such a big part of them, or their big pitch to women, is they can track their cycle, which I was always like, you know when that shit's coming.
What the fuck do you care? Dude, so I get a readiness score every day i'm not bragging today i'm at like 91 readiness it's pretty sick she she gets the same amount of sleep as me when she was on her period i would peep her readiness score 51 dude it goes down that bad it goes down that bad dude i checked her sleep again eight hours getting like seven eight hours i check my sleep i have a problem with deep sleep i don't know why but it's like i'm everything's blue everything's looking good i have the little red bar for deep sleep hers was just red dude whoa everything their body temperature goes up a couple degrees they're in red is good or bad bad oh i see dude it's like they can sleep for eight hours and wake up as if i had been drinking all night that's their baseline they wake up like that and you know they're crushing the franzia too so it's like then they try to they're sla the bag. They're slapping the bag to try to hide from the pain of their period.
And that only makes it so much fucking work. Put the red in, put the red out.
They turn into like a tandoori oven for three days a month. My wife is so hot because they're trying to burn off the walls of their uterus.
It's fucked, man. I can tell when she's about to blow because she's like not using the top blanket batting the hatches boys i'll be in the crow's nest you can bake bread on the side of her uterus yeah for sure to slap it dude i didn't know i didn't know it was that bad i i told her this i was like i thought you guys were just fucking dickheads like i didn't know you're having like serious biochemical your period.
It's brutal, dude. Yeah.
A 49% drop is crazy. Bro, it's rugged, man.
I saw it, and I was like, oh. Like, their body temperature's elevated, their heart rate's elevated.
My heart rate at nighttime is, like, 53 beats a minute, bro. Whoa.
It's nice. That's good.
Dip down, dude. Mine's bad.
Mine's like a rabbit. I don't know, but I know it's bad.
You just have prey body? It's just... I wake up like I need to like scurry away.
They're going to hear that heartbeat and cook you, bro. Who? The fucking falcons that come through the window.
Those night predators. Owls banging off the window.
Although, and again, I'm saying this with all due respect. Do you think, how do you think Asians feel about the cat eating stereotype being shifted? They're probably pretty safe.
They were in the hot seat for a while. Yeah.
That's such a bum rap to catch. Yeah.
I understand you eat cats. It's like, no, I don't.
Yeah, everybody wants to be Jamaican. The cats and the doggy.
When it comes to eating cats. Jamaicans eat cats? No, Jamaicans don't eat cats.
I said they don't eat cats. They don't eat pun pun.
They eat delicious goats. Yeah, they eat delicious goats.
All mutton all the time.

Talk about pussy.

Yeah, they don't like the pun pun.

They don't like the taste of the pun pun.

Everybody wants to be Jamaican when it comes to eating cats.

You don't think they eat any pussy?

I have a theory that they do secret.

They're closet pussy.

No, no, no.

They wear a mask.

I think when white guys turn older, we become gay,

and Jamaican guys start thinking about eating pussy constantly. They're like, that lady comes so hard They're like oh this made all my problems go away.
I gratified well, I guess they're probably they're primed up though Because they've been in a dancehall night just like like daggering them. And then, you know, all you got to do is touch that thing.

That's probably pushed to start by the end of the night.

If you daggered your wife for like six hours in a dance hall,

all you got to do is just like pull her pants down.

The breeze is going to do the rest of it.

Just blow a kiss at it.

She falls to her knees.

If I was daggering my wife for six hours, she'd have to go to the hospital her hips would explode this episode is brought to you by true classic the number of times i've ordered what i thought were easy basics and gotten just terrible fitting terrible fitting crappy quality stuff when i'm shopping for clothes i'm honestly just looking for quality stuff that i can wear across a whole day work gym whatever and that's why we like true classic yep true classic makes premium clothes at affordable prices for all seasons their shirts for example really nicely accentuate all the good areas like your arms and chest while giving that midsection some breathing room. But it's not just the shirts.
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Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm actually, I'm going to be in the islands on a couple days.
I'm heading to Turks and Caicos. Nice.
I might dagger. I might dagger.
Yeah, I might dagger. I might dagger.
Yeah. You can't dagger on red, bro.
Huh? No daggering on the red. No, I think we're off.
I think the, uh. Dude, I think if you daggered her on red, they're so horny when that's going down.
True. You're probably going to make her fucking ears fall off of her head.

You would just see like a fine red mist.

She just turns to a cloud of steam.

That's the pink mist right there.

True.

That's cool.

I'm glad you're going down there.

I know.

I'm excited, bro.

I can't wait.

Wednesday, yeah, we're all heading down.

The whole fam, man.

It's going to be very sick.

I can't wait, dude.

Well deserved.

Lay in the ocean and just try to see if it'll take me away. You're going to write weird, like, Mariner poetry while you're there.
Dude, you'd be a sick castaway. Like, Tom Hanks, you'd be sick at that.
Oh, you would solve that problem immediately. I don't know.
I would have put a girl wig. I was kind of gay.
He had a dude wig on the volleyball. Or, like, a dude the volleyball.
That would have been a beautiful woman's face, the volleyball. Also, that volleyball's face would have been wrecked after like three weeks.
I'd be fucking my buddy. I love fucking my poem.
Can you imagine singing on the fucking volleyball? Oh, LeMay. That's a good point, LeMay.
I like when it's reasonable. Fucking the volleyball from behind.
Daggering the volleyball. Dude, I for real, I flirted with the idea now of getting a totally virtual road setup where it's like Oculus, Fleshlight, and just going.
No. On the road.
Are you going to enter the Matrix? I don't know. I don't think so.
I don't think I can pull the trigger, but it's something I've been like. That've been that's your bug out bag bro you gotta keep that thing in a chamber in the garage i was i was telling this about this weekend i want to get a separate uh just a separate like suitcase that's just like a torso and an oculus buy the seat on the plane me and the missus are going on a trip buy your seat for the the torso.
Have you ever stumbled across a torso in your buddy's house? Never in real life, though. Bro, I did.
Have you seen him? It changed our relationship forever. Yeah, dude.
I was like, dude, this is what you're up to? And he's like, that's not what I'm all about, man. That's not my whole thing.
They're never life-sized either. They're always a little too small.
Yes, exactly. Tiny heines, bro.
Tiny heines? That's what I heard. I heard they're tiny heinis, man.
I got a BBL heinis. True.
I would like a big noisy one. You got a what? BBL heini? No, I don't have a one.
You would think. Two beach balls.
Two huge ones on the kitchen counter. Put a flower in the vase.
You need that, man.

Dude, I'm proud.

You don't need that, dude. I don't need that.
I don't want to do it,

but it's, again, it calls me. You gotta put it in a briefcase, though.

True. Just be all business about it.

Like a rifle

for an ass. You should get one that's the exact same

dimensions as your wife, and then

anytime you argue, you're like, you know what?

I don't need you. Brittany, too.
Brittany, too Britney too yeah I gotta go to Britney Tron real quick true just old home video I'm not cheating honey just videos of us dancing got it growing out of Josh we're in business dude Josh josh as always thank you i mean i am in a wicked mood right now i'm in a good i'm in a good cranky mood too but a nice bro pulled up to me at the red light and was like guard dog i was like yo what's up and i had a solid three minute conversation with him through the window yeah that's awesome he's like where are you guys podcasting and i was like i've almost told him our exact location location's been blown i've seen so many bros outside i've been like i do a podcast right in here yeah i did i did that today too he was a good bro shout out to him yeah there are i do i do encounter a lot of good bros in the wild dude there's a lot of just whipped up right next to me i was at a place uh recently in austin where we're line waiting for a drink. It was just a bro talking.
He's like, oh, I love the cast. And we just talked for five solid minutes while we're waiting.
It really was. It felt like I was just talking to an old buddy.
Yeah. I was having a good time chatting around.
It was really nice. Yeah.
I like that. I like it too.
Rarely ever is it a Punisher. Every now and again you get a Punisher.
You get a Punisher. But it's always just a hammer.
It's just a blacked out guy. Sean got punished in Tempe.
I got in Tempe? Oh, no. I got punished in Salt Lake.
You deserve to be punished. Yeah.
He was a beautiful man. And he was so, not like, spiritually he was a beautiful man.
He was a little bit too drunk. And he came to both shows, sat sat right in the front and i just kept taking away his ends when he would say weird stuff take away his pellets shout out to jeremy i hope jeremy jeremy i love you man you know i love you yeah man just had a little bit too much to drink it's always the booze the booze is home that's when they tip over i was at i was at the last show in uh rhode island there was this bro in the row and he was just chillin like rocking jean shorts and he just and he was just having so much fun he wasn't trying to be a dickhead he just couldn't he's wouldn't stop you're trying to get the interaction going and it was like the security came up to him and he genuinely was like what's going on I'm like brother and kick you out he was like why he's I've never been fun.
He was having so much fun. I think I'm winning the comedy show right now.
Can you stop doing the worm? He was having a good time. He chilled out.
I was like, I have zero faith, and you're not going to get kicked out. I hope you don't.
I was like, please don't kick me. Give him one more shot.
Jeremy would chill, too, but then I would bother him, and I would bring him right back into it. That often happens, too, where if it starts to suffer, I'll be like yeah you fucking asshole and just fire him back up yo man what the fuck have some respect for live comedy yeah exactly jeremy saved me on the second show i brought him up on stage and we took a bow together i talked to really 30 minutes whoa you're filling the time huh yeah well yeah it would have been 30 it a 20-minute set.
I'm also furious right now. What's wrong? I mean, just being married to a strong woman has its pitfalls in navigating that minefield.
My wife's like Isis, so she hates the books in our house, and she destroyed my favorite painting on accident. Yeah, so she's just trying to fucking burn the libraries and the museums.
And I was like, oh, so this was the one you accidentally destroyed as you're putting together an end table? How did it wind up exactly where you were building the end table? And she's like, well, it shouldn't have been on the ground. Oh, yes, it shouldn't have been on the ground.
You should have moved it if you cared. Can I ask you a question? Does she have any of her crap on the ground? And by chance, do you ever tell her to pick that up? And she spaz if you do just curious how long has the sephora bag been on the stairs it's actually a tripping hazard by the way there's a fucking tripping hazard oh yeah i love logic try to get reasonable with them the last message of a desperate man The points of egress are blocked.
Can I have an OSHA sign? It is pathetic, man. When you start to be like, I got to win this argument.
You're like, this is a fire hazard. You're trying to kill us.
You want us to die, don't you? You want me dead. I do say, I think there is something very beautiful I was on the way over it I might be a country music guy by the way I'm just on the ride over here I was like I like it too I might just be I was sitting here driving just and I was puffing my cigar now just being like puffing a nice little cigar a little soggy dude I'm just I'm an old man now I like, dude, I'm just an old man now.
I just need to tastefully deteriorate now and just kind of become gay. Become gay.
You gotta get a chair. Huh? You gotta get a chair.
I know, I do. I do.
I got my sights set on a rocking chair. My dad's got it pretty much figured out.
He has portable rocking chairs. My dad has the same chairs.
Oh, dude. I think they just think about dudes.
I think they sit guy dropped off that dumpster today looks so I dropped off that 30 yarder my god who's your porch and garage garage hang like my garage is so that i would die um but what do you say like your hang who would you hang out with on the porch like in the rocking chairs with you my goddamn self anyone anyone who wants to hang out i'm pretty lonely dude anyone who wants to hang i feel you i'm not so hard i sat in my backyard at the new house in Michigan for like four hours yesterday. Oh, yeah, you moved.
I moved to Detroit. Yeah.
Outside of Detroit. Wow.
Hey, shut up. Oh, wait.
What are you doing? Yeah, timestamp. Oh, my bad.
You psycho. I'm sorry.
I get it. You're getting hyper-spaceted.
No, I appreciate it. Well, I do.
There is this whole stolen valor thing about saying you live in Detroit. Yeah.
Anyway, so that's why I pointed at LaMere. I didn't point at you so you could say the exact address of where I've desperately been trying to hide from the dead-eyed ghouls.
Dude, did you meet the black squirrels yet? Oh, have I met the black squirrels? The black squirrels rule. They're my only friends, LaMere.
I sit surrounded by black-eyed Susans and consider where I'm going to put the hot tub, and there's just black-eyed squirrels, but're my only friends look I sit around in my black-eyed Susan's and consider where I'm gonna put the hot tub

And there's just black-eyed squirrels, but their their flesh is falling off their body What yeah, there's like long like missing fur straps on these black squirrels. Oh, they're fighting they fight the black squirrels fight They're me you don't say You know they're only about 30% of the population.
Did you see that on the TV too? That's Trump propaganda, man. Don't let them tell you the black squirrels are fighting.
A trupper. They have less resources.
The black squirrels eat ribs. All right.
I'll tell you what I've seen. I've seen them.
The black squirrels, they get around, man. I've seen those guys in action.
It's pretty awesome. But the loneliness of, you know, being mildly successful.
I wish I had nothing and I was still sleeping in a house with 16 people. Those were the days.
Yeah, true. Yeah, there was a certain loneliness to be mildly successful, too, because it's just like, it's just you hanging out.
You're like, damn, I have made a decent amount of money. Right.
But not enough for, like, you know, the Jonah brothers to be like, come hang out. Or for you to even know their names.
There's the Jonah brothers. Oh, you mean Fred Jonah? Can I give you a lonely guy tip on vacation? Yeah.
Because I just went to Cyprus with my wife for a week. And I like, I was with her and it was great.
But then day two, I saw this guy at the buffet who was doing crazy stuff with halloumi that like cheese and i went up and i was like what are you doing and he like walked me through his process for like grilling halloumi and then i'd see that guy out and by day three at breakfast we ended up hanging out like i made a vacation friend that's all and i think that's going to be important for you oh yeah because you know you can fuck off and just go sit in the water but you got your beautiful daughters they're going to occupy you they go to bed, you can hang out with your old lady but if you can bring in another couple not in a sexual way I know, trust me, we've done vacation friends are really fun because you're never going to see them again so you tell them everything about yourself and then they do the same and then you're like, alright, enjoy life in Ecuador we'll hang out if you ever, you know, and you just never see them you'd never see him again. I'd never want to see you again.
Vacation friends do rule, though. It is fun to meet vacation friends, and I think we'll probably meet some.
And it's an island, too, so I, like, can really get down on the island, too. I got a real island vibe.
I had my first kiss in Turks and Caicos. You had your first kiss in Turks and Caicos? Yeah, I had my vacation friends.
What was his name? Oh, Sam. Don't put it on the tee unless you don't want to whack it over the fence.

So how did it go down?

You were just like on the resort?

Did you ever see, by the way?

I might have been 16 or 17.

So you were like the kid from a...

No, no, I was younger than that.

I was going into high school.

What's that show on HBO?

It has two seasons.

It's always like a horror.

You were like the dude from White Lotus.

Did you see that season of White Lotus?

The little brother?

The horny little brother is always jerking off. Yeah, yeah, me i was gooning and then i found love i found love with a lovely lady that was from new jersey like i was what so we bonded over that she's melted on you we had we shared a kiss in uh turks and quiet coast and uh and now she's a lesbian MMA fighter.

That's awesome, bro.

You flipped her.

Yeah, I flipped her.

She is a beast, yeah.

You filled her with feminine rage.

I think she's just waiting for you.

Yeah, maybe.

True.

Can I come with you?

You got to take her out of the octagon.

Put her in the coctagon.

Yeah, that was just a little – I forgot about that. first female ufc fighters do you think are lesbians at least half 30 30 percent 30 dude but there's some that are so beautiful muscle mommies man dude did you see do my tabitha richie so beautiful do my she's a beautiful muscle mommy yeah brazilian beautiful muscle mommy tabitha richie that's pretty tight they might not even be lesbians, just men are afraid to fuck them.
That's true. Not me.
Not you, no. You're not afraid of anything.
You and LaMare are very adventurous. Yeah, we're not scared.
No. Tabitha Richie, she's beautiful.
Shout out to her. Huh, the divine feminine.
And then Alexa Grasso, she lost this weekend. She's pretty beautiful.
I think they're hotter when they lose, honestly. Was that lady who lost the one who had a fucking pussy wound on her forehead? That was a different lady.
That was the Dumont match. The other girl.
The red French girl. The French lady.
Come on, man. Damn, okay.
She's that French. She's Brazilian.
Did these ladies get, like, CTE? Yeah. Well, they probably already have.
They're starting it. Have you seen anything Ronda Rousey has said? They're down 49%.
Yeah. Well, they probably already have.
They're starting it. Have you seen anything Ronda Ralfi has said?

They're down 49%. Yo, the cut this lady had was crazy.

And they were in the spears.

Oh, no, dude.

Irene Elliott.

Is she catching elbow?

No, they headbutt it, and then the lady she was fighting just kept fucking her up.

I can't believe the other lady scratched her that bad.

I'm just being nasty.

I'm kidding.

Those guys are athletes, bro.

Thank you. And then the lady she was fighting just kept fucking her up.
I can't believe the other ladies scratched her that bad. I'm just being nasty.
I'm kidding. Those guys are athletes, bro.
That's like the physical manifestation of when I confront my wife with logic. That's what it does to her forehead.
It's open and it opens up like a mouth and it swallows me. It is tight.
It is good. i think there is something to be said about just like, you know, confronting confronting the feminine over time.
Dude, we used to be able to hit him. Yeah, I mean, that was the thing.
Shut up. Mayor, historically, you are accurate.
I'd be now. I just want to drive your.
What are you going to say? I don't know. I mean, here's the thing.
Here's the thing. Lemons with a D.

God.

I mean here's the thing here's the thing I mean no times use yes dude Sean Connery was like on that yeah that's just so slap yeah you slap a gets to a point where they won't listen to reason yeah yeah I get when they're born and it's like it's you know probably here's the thing you obviously obviously can't do that. And it's a shame because I think a lot of bad guys ruin that.
With great power comes great responsibility. I mean, again, there are those dudes that do that.
They get a girlfriend and they like slowly are like, give me your cell phone. Oh, yeah.
And they just like trap a lady in an apartment. It's like, yeah, those guys are definitely burning hell.
But a tasteful gentleman like Sean Connery just like putting down a cognac glass and be like, shut up. Doing it with a velvet glove.
Sometimes you have to slap them. They're tricky.
They are tricky. I'll give you that.
They are tricky little vixens, man. Tricky little things.
I always try to understand, man. That is weird.
Those are wild, bro. We're joking, right? But if you ever meet a guy who hit a girl, they have a different type of darkness to them.
Oh, yeah. Like a guy who actually would hit a woman.
You're like, dude, chill out, bro. I do think that happens.
You get the tap out tattooed and tears in your body. No fear shirt on.
Because I feel like I... And look, I've never really really considered it but i think that if you break the seal on that if you hit them once she's then going to retaliate my wife would retaliate for sure and then i'm not going to hit her again i'm going to be so fucking you know it's like when the bomb goes off in the bunker and you just hear like that buzzing noise that's me after hitting her and then a barrage of blows land upon me i'm undefended yeah just like take me yeah it's like, take me.
Yeah, it's like, I earned this. Take me.
Just do it. I'm sorry.
I bet that that fucking makeup sex is wild. Yeah.
You're beating the shit out of it. That's why you do it, though.
All right. That's why you do it.
Okay. Well.
That's like, it'll make them appreciate. Dude, it's, I don't know.
It's bad. No, you're talking about very dark corners of the female psyche that, you know, it's like, you don't, in play conversation, you're not supposed to talk about.
And again, not advising anybody to do that. No, no.
It's one of the worst things you can do. Literally, it is the worst thing you can do.
Criming is the child's worst. What is it? Criming is the child's worst.
Yeah, it's true. Yeah, it's true.
Good work, LaMere. Look where we are.
I'm sorry, guys. I've been listening to a lot of Patrice O'Neal recently.
Oh, yeah. You came into the green room last night, fired up on Patrice.
I was like, all right, rumble, young man, rumble. I'll let you have the space.
Yeah, definitely standing for the record. I mean, we are just doing freedom of speech and exploring the darker corners of the mind.
We're on the cutting edge. But, yes, it is a horrible crime to commit against any lady.
Yes. It's good that we don't do it.
I just wish they'd show some appreciation for the fact that we stopped beating the fuck out of us you know i seem to be a little cocky these days and uh i love video games and i've broken a controller for every console i've ever had you know and i love video games i'm not hitting you at all LaVer, your analogy is... That might be one of your best analogies.
I wish we could frame this moment. But that also made me think that you do like playing fighting games as the women characters.
So maybe that's why this is in your head. That's interesting, actually.
I don't know. If I'm going to look at a character, I've got to see an ass.
True. I mean, you are about to jerk off.
You're not playing video games. You might as well prime yourself up.
Dude, nothing's better than jerking off after you win at video games. There's nothing better than that.
The spoils of war. There's nothing better than that, dude.
You have a good day of NBA 2K, you're like, I've got to be off. I.
I got to go to the bathroom. I got to calm down.
Pardon me. You're going to go powder mine.
Your parents come in, you're like, get out. I earned this.
Get out. You see that trophy on the screen? I earned that.
This is my space. See that digital confetti? Spilling from the fucking thing.
Yeah, your parents just hear

flawless victory. Okay, don't knock

on the door.

Let them have this.

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What have you guys been up to? I haven't seen you guys in a while. I've been traveling, rambling, man.
I think you guys have been as well. You've been moving around.
I've just been here recently. Oh, really? How was your B-Day party, bro? It was nice.
It was cool. It was fun.
It was nice. We just hang out.
We barbecued. My brother grilled.
He put on some ribs. Yeah, that was good.
That's awesome. Swam.
It was a good time. Yeah, we swam.
What did we do? I can't even really remember. We got a chill vibe.
Drank the whole week. Yeah, we drank a lot.
Did you do your birthday week? Yeah. Are you a birthday week guy? No.
How old were you turning, if you don't mind me asking? 34. Ooh, that's nice.
Ripple we each. Time to give it up.
For your 30th, I remember we got. What the fuck, dude? Dude, we set this up, and I thought it was going to pay off so much harder.
That was pretty great, actually. Were you drinking out of the rig? I really thought he was just ripping that.

I thought that was your new thing.

I was supportive of it.

I was just going, man, that really took me by surprise.

That's awesome.

Before you got here, he was poking holes in it.

I was like, are you making a water bong?

And he says, no.

And then he just squirted it in.

And we were like, okay.

Save this for about 40 minutes in.

Because they're going to think you're so strong that you just squeezed water through the lid. That's pretty sick though.
That does seem kind of nice. ASMR.
Although I'm just a gay old man. I don't know why.
I love that. I've been hitting it.
I'm off porn, but I'm back on. I'm off I've deleted my bad Reddit, and I've deleted my OnlyFans, but I still have my Twitter list.
You know what I mean? So I'm, like, off, but I'm still, and I've been, I don't know. What was the OnlyFans tab before you get into the list? What do you mean? How much was the monthly fee? It wasn't much.
How much of an allowance were you giving the girls? I was giving myself, like, $30 a month. Yeah, it's not bad.
That's not for you. Yeah.
Do you feel like it was worth it for $30? Again, I might be one of those guys like, oh, I'd never pay for that. No.
I've thought about it several times. My credit cards are unmonitored.
If it's a girl who posts frequently and it's the stuff you like and it's like $5, it's worth it. For sure.
But there's some girls who post infrequently

and then it's like $15 and it's like, come on.

True.

Come on.

You start hitting them like,

where, I pay the bills around here.

I put a roof over your fucking head.

And I hate it.

I got rid of OnlyFed because all the girls,

they all message the same thing.

They're like, send me a picture of your cock

so I can give you a dick rating for free. And it's like, no, I don't.
It's the last thing I want. Yeah, no.
And then you say, send me a picture of your cock. You first.
How's it feel to be free of the OnlyFans? The shackles. It's nice.
It's nice. But I can still get got.
Not by OnlyFans, but like know how so i don't know you know you just see you see a lady yeah sometimes you get sent to your knees dude yeah true it's talking out here too yeah yeah we were actually uh where the fuck was i i was somewhere i don't remember the exact place but i was there me and britney came with me we're at a show afterwards we're at like a bar and there was like for sure prostitutes sitting next to us like in like a fishnet dress basically supple young lady and uh yeah it's pretty funny man she was just sitting there and like it just women love seeing prostitutes by the way britney was like fucking like i think she's a prostitute Yeah, she is. Get out of the way.
Let's switch seats. Let me protect you.

I'll be the shield, hon.

No, it was... She's a prostitute.
Yeah, she is. Get out of the way.
Let's switch seats.

Let me protect you.

I'll be the shield, hon.

No, it was very funny.

She was a hooker.

I was like, yeah, I think she was.

Duh.

Where the fuck?

Dude, I'm sorry.

I'm not trying to globetrot everybody.

I don't remember what series I was doing.

I was just in Tempe, and they have some of the finest snow bunnies I've ever seen. Tempe's snow bunny heaven, man.
Apparently, that's where they are. If it ain't snowing, I ain't going.
What about Salt Lake? Dude, have you heard? Salt Lake has good snow bunnies, too, but the Mormons were crazy. I like the Samoans the best, though.
I couldn't stop talking about the Samormans. They're all Mormons.
They're tier one Mormons. They're Samormans? Samormans, yeah.
Oh, they're numerous, dude. Whoa.
Because the missionaries got out to Hawaii and Tonga and Samoa and planted those seeds. And now that's why BYU and Utah have the best offensive lines.
You did it for the program. I kept doing another funny joke.
The Mormons and the Samoans bonded over their mutual love of pineapples. That was one of my funny jokes from my funny joke show, too.
That was one of the funny ones. Well, that was one of the funny ones.
Sean will hit me up on the road and be like where are you and i'll tell him and then he'll be like uh i hate it here i'm like what dude you're living the dream you're out there you're moving tickets i was happy this weekend yeah i mean i texted you i was happy i'm so proud of you and i think a lot of people are and i think you need to reflect on what's going on for you I'm trying to be I was in a funk for a while

It's cool to be mired in doom and gloom as a young man

I understand that but once you break through that and you realize that every moments a gift you're gonna live a lot Richer life. I'm getting there.
Yeah, you're about to be 30 grow up. Yeah You gotta shave your pubes Yeah, it was weird too, especially when you fart you start fart excuse me you start it's a comedy show when you start headlining there is that weird like it's like a crazy loneliness to go from doing a show to go like back in your hotel room alone you feel like oh josh man this is why you're the fucking best brother money uh it is weird to like go from like being around hundreds of people to like just sitting in a hotel room by yourself feels crazy yeah people who are screaming your name and losing it and then you do the merch line afterward and they're all so stoked and they tell you how you know how the impact their shit's made on their life then you just go back to that room and you're like, okay, what do I do now?

Besides self-harm.

Time to watch Comics Unleashed.

Yeah, dude.

Oh, Mario Cantone's back.

Every time I sit there and I just eventually fall into just like studying various rat beefs.

Like I'll just watch a video for three hours about like young thugs beefs before he that dude that trial is so fucking funny have you seen any of the compilations he's gonna get off i think he will do you see little woody no the guy who doesn't snitch yes yeah oh he snitched he's he's dude and i was on uh i was on butterly's podcast recently and he was he was like playing clips and yeah it's funny as as fuck. But I started, like, that was, like, fresh in my mind, so I started looking at the guy Little Woody.
And, like, dude, they're impossible to interrogate. Because they'll just be, like, they'll be asked a question, and they'll be, like, well, I'm a liar, so anything I tell you, anything I said before was probably a lie.
But so I can tell you, I'll tell you something, but it might be a lie. That way they're not perjuring themselves and they say they are a lot it's crazy that rules dude and you have like da's or prosecutors trying to like crush these guys and it's just like but wait i feel like i'm watching if i was in the jury i think this guy's winning did they sign did they like do the bible thing the oath yeah but he little woody had little woody had uh immunity so like he couldn't get in trouble for anything.
They wanted him to go, like, testify. Because he was originally saying, pinning everything on Young Thug.
But then he said, he goes, yeah, that's just because I wanted to get out of trouble. He's like, so, yes, I did testify saying he did those stuff, but I did lie.
And I already went to jail and he can't. I have immunity, so I can't get in trouble for it.
Wow. Dude's kind of a legal genius.
It's like reverse Socratic logic.

It's great, dude.

It's crazy, man.

And he'll like, and they'll like keep firing him up,

and they'll be like, why'd you shrug your shoulders?

He'll be like, because they're my shoulders.

He can't argue.

He's like, yes, they are your shoulders.

He's like, what does 357 mean?

He goes, numbers.

Is it a gang?

He's like, I don't know.

If you think it is, it might be, but I don't think it is.

It might be.

Who knows?

It's like, it's true. It might be a gang.
It's like quicksand know if you think it is it might be but i don't think it is might be who knows it's like it's true it might be a gang it's like quicksand it dude these guys it's impossible to nail these dudes down it's so funny and as soon as you do kind of get them they'll literally be like why are you being all negative man i don't want to be thinking about all this shit you're so good it's so man i hope this i wish this guy the best i hope little woody has a uh just gets out this puts us all behind. That's how you fill the hours of your night, Sean.
Watch. Get to the bottom of Little Woody.
Is it Woody and not Wody? That's Woody. Little Woody.
Yeah. Yeah, it's not Wody.
Little Wody? He's out from the 504. Although, yeah, Young Thug did have a significant beef with Little Wayne, which he went to the Magnolia area And also got booed Lil Wayne is mad that Kendrick is doing the halftime show I know Birdman said that's some BS Yeah I kind of agree I think so too I would love a wheezy halftime show It would be nice But they don't really do rappers They're having Kendrick Lamar I'm fucking They're having fucking Kendrick Lamar, dude.
Kendrick Lamar's like the first rapper.

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Progressive Casualty Insurance Company. Coverage provided and serviced by affiliated and third-party insurers discounts and covered selections not available in all states or situations yeah who did that's not true fucking 50 cent 50 cent and all like eminem and all that they had the expendables of rap they had the expendables of rap dude They had the expendables of rap, dude.
They had Royce the 5'9 in the game. It was a shady aftermath Super Bowl, but that was like three years ago.
Okay, well, dude. But rap doesn't happen often.
It doesn't happen often. It doesn't.
It doesn't. Kendrick Lamar was on that one, too.
He was on that one. The Black Avengers Super Bowl.
Half-time show. And Eminem.
True. It's not common, but I think it'll become more and more.
It's because Jay-Z runs it now. He picks all the Super Bowl stuff.
Right. I forgot he became the official.
Because it's Apple Music. Well, the NFL was racist, and they paid Jay-Z to be their official black guy.
It all went away. It's all forgiven.
Just like H&M. Just like Papa John.

And, yes, Shaq with Papa John.

It's a classic technique.

When are you going to get the racist apologist bag?

You could definitely get that.

Me?

Yeah, if some big corporation goes down,

jump in and be like, guys, I can make this all right.

I'll smooth this over for you.

Because what is Jay-Z's position?

His position is like a liaison.

Yeah, he's definitely just a liaison.

He's like black culture liaison. No, I think that is.
He's the fixer for the streets. Yeah.
Because that's the big things. But I do think, what did they give him? Is it like an ownership type position? Or is it like.
Well, in what? H&M or like in. I think they give him a.
What is it? I don't know. In the NFL, he might have a stake.
He might have a small share in that, I think. That's pretty nice.
Probably in some team, though. He's like the black union boss.
He's like, get these guys in line. He's the Pinkerton, but not pink.
Yeah, that was, nobody's kneeling right now, right? No, kneeling's over. Kneeling's done.
Yeah. Taylor Swift fixed everything.
Black people are done kneeling. We're standing up now.
True. Can I tell you, you guys thought about this? You know Tua? Yeah.
Demar Hamlin. So Demar Hamlin lived.
Hawk Tua. I thought you talked about the lady.
I was like, have you guys heard about this? You seen this? You heard about this? Can you believe it? Talk Tua. Yeah, that's a guy who just got knocked out, right? Yeah, so Tua's brain was put in the paint shaker by a guy who died on the field.
So that guy lived to kill Tua. Yeah.
This is a strange, strange cosmic coincidence. Yeah, a bit of a Highlander situation.
Yes, indeed. He took his soul.
I saw him lower his head, and it was like, dude, what do you do? I mean,, obviously beast move. That's how I play Madden, but it's like, you didn't have to do that, man.
He fully just like no reason already had the first down. He went Hawaiian battering ram.
He did. Yeah.
He did. He was like the Dole Corporation on the islands.
That's crazy. He was fucked, bro.
He came up public. What's his status? Is he all right now? I think he's going to have to retire.
I was texting Soder because he knows the head coach of the Dolphins and he's like, it's not looking good. That sucks, bro.
They changed the concussion protocol because he got two in one game last year. And then they're like, oh, it's fine.
And now he's out there. It's a bad state of affairs.
What if what if we Like fixed every player to like bumper car strings love it that way

They kind of like we could like pull back a little bit or yeah

Like attach like a tether from the back of their head to their shoulder pads that they can't lower their head true

Try to lower your head. It just yanks you back up.
I think we've shot collars. Maybe it maybe like knight's armor

Maybe like stiff metal armor

Mech suits would be great

Awesome Mexico football would rule finally the Japanese can have a place in the game. There's a kicker on the Falcons, but that's about it.
Dude, the Tokyo Gundam would fuck everybody up. Yeah, that guy's done, though.
And it's brain. Usually it's like knee or this.
It's like, dude, fucking. That sucks, dude.
He was good, too. He was great.
He was starting for one of the most explosive offenses in the game. It's a shame.
I hope he makes it back. I mean, at that point, what do you do? I do, too, because I took the over on total yardage for the year.
I was like, he's going for over 3,500. You think he'll really retire now? I hope so.
Yeah, he probably has to. He can retire and go to Hawaii and coach high school football

and be a king for the rest of his life.

That's true.

Again, what took him out is playing like an absolute

beast. He would get ruined by all those

other Samoans, though.

You go to the NFL and you quit because

of your head? Because Samoans have hard heads.

Yeah. But he's Hawaiian.

You gotta...

There's a whole scene over there. They're different? You know the easiest way to get your ass kicked by a Samoan call him a Tongan or tell him that their cookies are banging dude those cookies are banging dude I can't believe you gave those to the Girl Scout cookies why can't I get those year round player they changed the name of those things by the way they're called Caramel Delights.
Now they named them after Puerto Ricans. Touchdown.
I think it's location-based. Regionally, in some places, it's still Samoa on the box.
Really? Yeah. I didn't know that.
You might be getting some swaggy swaggy girls it might be like the old stuff. That's like last year's outdoors dude.
I think you're getting some really old weed. You're getting fucking trim.
Remember getting trim back in the day and you'd be like I'm rich. You get a fucking trash bag full of leaf matter and it's all moldy and you'd be like I'm going to be smoking hash forever.
this was not that long ago i i had a lot of trim at one point i had a little uh i was buying dry ice from this place in south philly and i was just i had these hash bags and i would just sit in my basement and just shake i mean pounds and pounds of trim yeah so nice it was the best but yes it does it did feel so sick to have like literally trash bags full i'm like i have literally trash bags full of weed.

There were some nugs in there.

There were some popcorn nugs.

Yeah, you'd be digging through those popcorn nugs like a black squirrel.

This guy doesn't even know what he gave me.

This is crazy.

What an idiot.

There's a lot of ladybugs in this bag.

That's good for me.

I would remember literally smoking spider webs in a pipe. this is free.
I'm the smartest man alive. Yeah, getting trim is so sweet, dude.
Although I will say the cursed PA medical program, man, don't get me started. They sell trim to patients.
Oh, I remember you pissed about that. It's crazy, bro.
And mean, you know, God obviously has a plan because I smoke so much trim in my day.

Yeah.

So I bought Shake from the PA dispensary.

Shame on you guys, by the way.

And it hit my lungs and I went, that's fucking trim, dude.

That is not ground nug.

Yes.

And I was like, motherfuckers.

And I confronted them and they were like, well, you know, the dude literally looked

at me and goes, that's just the game, dude.

I'm like, get the fuck out.

The game?

It's acting like a fucking kingpin behind the counter. You're a state-sanctioned entity.
The game. Dude, it killed me.
I was just like, brother, you have no fucking idea what you're talking about. But yeah, shame on the Pennsylvania Medical Marijuana Program.
You guys are a fucking joke compared to every other state I see. Every other state's fucking chill.
Dude, in Oklahoma, you can just get a grow permit. Oklahoma rules.
Their weed's good, too. oklahoma rules mb had good weed that used to be the scariest place to drive through with weed when i'd be driving from denver into the greater midwest you go through oklahoma and they would just have if you had denver colorado plates and you go to oklahoma you're getting pulled over yeah and uh yeah i've been i've had the car dumped out various times yeah they'll get they see them they see them plates they say hold on Good thing you stick your joints in your asshole.
Well, I used to. We would fucking put them right on our taints.
The grundles? You'd take your bag and you'd put it on the taint and you'd sit on it. And the issue with that, though, is you get fucking hot when you're nervous.
Can I have one of those right now? Smoking. Hopefully you get a 65-year-old cop.
Oh, fuck. He's definitely going to check.

Nobody has to know about this.

I remember getting pulled over and sitting on the weed.

And then as you're sitting there nervous, your body temperature rises.

So all of a sudden, you're fucking making hash in your shorts.

So scary.

Lay an egg.

I'm glad they figured it out, though. Dude, now, though, state of weed's crazy.
Now with the now with the thca do you like i mean i've talked about this before i it's it's just it's actually i don't even talk about it but it's like you literally get you can just get weed now it's thca and it's legally totally legally on board it's thca until it. Which is not illegal because THCA is not psychoactive.

Yeah.

But if you subject it to the heat of a flame.

Interesting.

I don't know.

Whenever I smoke that kind of stuff, I don't like it.

I was in Rome and they had that THCA show. Well, maybe I'm talking about Delta 9.

I'm talking about Delta 8.

Delta 9 and all this other stuff.

Delta 8.

Delta 8.

Delta 8.

Mm-hmm.

You ever heard of THCV?

I hate Delta 8.

No.

THCV is like the more psychoactive version of THCA. Really? Yeah.
I'm sure it would spin me out. I had to just start smoking live rosin because it has all the terps stripped out of it.
But I don't think it does though. I think live, you told me that and I thought about it.
I was like, I think you might be smoking a distillate. I'm smoking.
Distillates have terps stripped. Rosin keeps, if it's live, the whole point of live rosin is they kept the terps.

It's cold water.

It's just cold water is all this is made from.

It's pretty much just like bubble hash from back in the day.

Terps intact.

But my scientist told me that there's no terps in there, and that's why I can smoke it.

You're a scientist?

Yeah, I have a scientist who, like, you know, educated himself.

Yeah, he totally could be right, but I guess maybe there's less terps.

Is it Becker?

No, it's not Becker.

Becker's not a scientist.

I thought he would be funny. Becker was walking into these fucking dispensaries in rome and buying like you know some like he he came out literally of a fucking thca dispensary in rome with his thumb just with a big ball of goo on it and he's like they hooked it up they hooked it up they couldn't put it in a bag for you yeah that's my scientist They hit him with the booger.
They gave him the booger. Way to go, buddy.

That was so fun. We should have asked you about your travels.
Yeah, dude. Oh, no, the travels were fun.
It's just great to be going on a trip with your boys to a beautiful city. And we brought the wives this time.
Yeah, nice. So we had Bitch Planet and then we were just fucking...
We were a satellite of We were just a moon to that Vacations usually that's the highest spirits a lady if you take a lady in a different place man the spirits all the war and also It's like hey ladies. We're gonna go do some fucking boring shit.
Aka go to a soccer game Yeah, but hey we set you up with spa. We got your spa treatment, you know It's it's very easy to negate their need.
True. No, I feel like they do.
They need more. They just need to be rubbed down and just squeezed.
Yeah. To help them off.
Because that will, you can really put a lady at bay if you send her into the spa, man. They love that.
And if you set it up, if you thought about them, and you say, hey, tomorrow at 3 o'clock, you're pampered. Yep.
I can finally finish this Japanese crime novel. Yeah, they do love the spa.
I mean, Vacation Bay is the best version. It's the best version of me, too, I think.
For sure. Maybe that's why they're doing better is because I'm better in that moment.
I don't know. I don't know.
You can be a pretty nice guy sometimes. I still punish you.
I've never been on a vacation. Oh, dude, it's crazy, bro.
I mean, it's... Imagine if you could somehow give the pussy a Mario star.
It's crazy, bro. It goes...
It goes... Just, it's nuts.
Yeah, it's like pre-breakfast. I haven't had any coffee yet.
You're not going to brush your teeth? Let's go. Yeah, it's it's nuts man i've literally like looked into just becoming a coconut farmer multiple times why do i live in america i could just stay here and it's pretty nice get tons of pussy all the time why do i live over there oh yeah because i love you great i'm saying with her i'm like i might as well just bring you here we can just be like peasants in the Dominican Republic.
Well, I guess because you're not. You're living there.
When you're living in the all-inclusive, it is kind of like king life. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Let's try this place to say it's just four restaurants are all the fucking same.
I'm a thing. You could just move to Moldova, though, or like one of these Balkan states.
And buy like what was once a feudal castle and you just live in there.

I mean, there's just there's so many fucking that's my bug out bag.

Wi-Fi is bad in the castle, though.

OK, yeah, that's true.

Thinking about kind of like getting hit and stuff.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

I'm trying to tap out of the digital realm.

Not you.

It would be funny to be in a castle like on Instagram.

Like, what the fuck?

Trying to go live hey guys i think bono lives in a castle doesn't he bono for real lives in a castle next to um fucking enya enya lives in a castle she never leaves she's just fucking sealed herself in that castle yeah bro exactly i think bon has taken her down. She doesn't have like a long...
She doesn't have a family or anything. She's just dedicated to making like wild...
Binaural beats. She's dedicated her life to beautiful binaurals.
Yeah, dude. Check out Enya's house.
Enya has like Bono's castle. Sick as fuck, dude.
E-N-Y-A. That was tough.
Enya's got a fucking nasty place, too. Look at this.
Yeah, Enya's got, like, a rival castle. You need Wi-Fi in there, LaMere? Yes.
Fair enough. She looks ghoulish.
You're just playing your Switch by, like, a torchlight. You're lighting candles.
All of your games are like sealed with wax. You have your own stamp.
I'm still so mad you told me I had to grow up. You have all been wrong.
I've been seething silently over it for the past 20 minutes. You've been putting up there for a while.
Yeah, I was cranky. I had to get it off my chest.
I was going to be so nervous to say nasty things to you, and I just bit my tongue for 20 minutes. Yeah, there's been blood running out of your mouth.
I'm glad I got that off my chest. Now I can love you again like a brother I know I love you that was shrapnel I've been trying to grow I'm trying to go on walks it was so I realized I was depressed for a while because I went on a walk and I like left my phone at home and I was like I've never walked around my neighborhood and I felt like institutionalized as I was walking on I, kind of, like, glancing.
It was really embarrassing. I was like, dude, I haven't lived like a human since I've moved here.
I've just been on my computer all day, and then I leave at night when the sun goes down. It's also been – how long have you been here now? Almost a year because you got here in October.
I got here in November. I was crab swirled for the first, like, seven months.
I usually don that much. I was drinking like a lot.
For me, I was drinking a lot personally when I was down here. I remember you were drinking tequilas.
I was just like crushing tequila, like nonstop movement. And yeah, eventually I just like was like, all right, I got to chill the fuck out.
Yeah. I think I'm finally getting out of my swirl, which is nice.
I've been trying to reduce the screen time. Walking around the neighborhood is...
Go outside. That's nice.
I had never walked around my neighborhood once. It's so nice walking.

I was like, what's the matter with me, dude?

No, that makes sense.

I can see...

I can see...

I never took you for a long walk, guy, but it's the best.

It's the best for you.

It's fantastic.

It's good, and I've been having ideas again.

I was having zero ideas, and I was feeling like I was in such a rut.

And then once I started walking, I've just been having ideas again.

I was like, oh, thank God. Have you met your neighbors? I know a couple, but I've known a couple of them for a while.
I see. Yeah, yeah.
No, I'm telling you, those walks are like, it's the best thing in the world, just taking a nice long walk. I love it.
Yeah, that's my new jam. I think that's the problem with the phone, is that it becomes easy to offload all your thoughts onto the phone.
It's instant content. Yeah.
I use it, I think, to have zero thoughts. Yeah, completely dead.
I feel like it deadens. Yeah.
I'm having no ideas. Yeah.
I'm always like, I'm doing research. I'm going to get something out of this.
I get nothing out of it. I just stare at it.
Someone told me about dopamine stacking. I would watch videos on my phone or YouTube.
I was watching entourage on my phone for a while and I would play call of duty. It just like, while you're playing call of duty while watching, while just like listening to entourage, dude, I know a guy who used to do that.
Dopamine stick to Huberman. Someone told me that the other day.
Huberman advises against the dopamine stack. Yes.
It says it just, uh, dulls your, dude, whatever. I used to go into a, uh, you know, I'm looking, I'm, I'm pausing pausing myself up i'm just like i used to go in this guy's room i'm selling weed and dude well like i would go in there to drop the sack and like he would that's crazy but dude he would have music on on like a speaker have his like laptop going and have like vidges or like a,

or a movie at the same time.

And I'd always be like,

God damn, dude, that is,

I never, that's a dopamine stat.

Yeah, so keep yourself

from having any thoughts.

Yeah.

So I'll try to stay away from that.

Yeah, you're just shaking digital keys

in front of your face all day.

It was bad.

And I was like,

why am I so sad all the time?

I don't think I think at all. We've covered this before.
Yeah, I could have told you that, brother. I don't either that much, but I've been trying to get off it.
What happens when you eat a lot of mushrooms? What is the... What's going on? I don't eat a lot of mushrooms.
Okay. I always go...
I'm never going past like an eighth. Okay.
That's that'll get your thoughts moving. Like what happens? Just like it goes straight to my shoulders and I just have to move.
It's like giving up to a dog. Just want to run around.
I know that's my dog. My dog had a fucking mushroom one time.
Unfortunately, I can tell he just wanted to get out there and just move around did i get to zoom you've never had like profound like when you're on mushrooms like uh no there was one time i got one i got i had a mccusker chocolate and i had just had to lay down with my eyes closed and i just like visited aliens yeah there you go that's what i'm talking about you have a lot of thoughts man yeah i think i think you're yeah exactly that's kind of my point i think you're a very curious person like when my buddy came in last night he was that physicist yeah you immediately hit him with if you're a physicist why don't i float okay tell me you're not having any thoughts get the fuck out of here bro answer the question I? Sean, grow up Explain gravity No, he tried to say gravity I don't believe in that shit He does believe in gravity? That's a good point, but again Don't give me that bullshit about gravity Why don't I float? Scott, I don't know, dude I'm on the side of the earth Why don't I stand standing like this? No, just like in the air. It should be floating.
True. Well, yeah, I guess we are, but we're not floating, but the orb we're on is floating.
Yeah. It's kind of sick.
Yeah. Flying monkeys in space.
True. Where are we at time-wise, Josh? We're at an hour God damn it, just like that You feel the hour hit a podcast You go, what the fuck happened? I'm all out of ideas Sam, thank you so much for doing this, bro Dude, thank you for having me This is like the only time we could have hung out I know, unfortunately, dude I gotta fucking go to the beach And lay in the water I have to go cook cook fava ganoush with Tommy Pope.
Oh, you're doing the cooking show? Yeah. Licka dish.
Ever since Chris O'Connor abdicated his role. He's not the one cooking anymore? I don't know what's going on.
Maybe this is no one's business. But Chris, yeah.
He doesn't want to cook. Maybe, you know.
Tommy featured in the club, and he was spilling tea. Anyway.
Chris doesn't want to cook. He doesn't want to cook.
Yeah, exactly. Well.
Thank you for having me. Thank you, brother.
Appreciate you. Hey, come see me in Philly, by the way.
Oh, now. Come to Denver.
I'm doing Helium the first weekend in November. Come to Denver for Thanksgiving weekend.
Listen to Chubby Behemoth. Thank you, guys.
I really love hanging out with you guys. I love hanging out with you.
It sucks we have to monetize our chill time. It does suck.
Come on. Does it, though? Hey, I always say, does it? People say that and I go, does it?.
Hey, I always say And also we fucking actually had good in-depth conversations. That's what you know, it wasn't me being like so how was your Providence? Dude imagine if prostitutes could all hang out with each other and get paid they do Imagine if we needed someone just like coming on us the time.
We don't even have to get cummed on. We don't have to get cummed on.
Guys, guys, October 10th, I'll be at Hilarity's Comedy Club in Cleveland, Ohio. The Wilbur in Boston, Massachusetts.
That is October 18th. Milwaukee Improv, my God.
And, guys, the big one, the New York City Comedy Festival. They won't shut the fuck up about me bringing a video.
Guys. I'll be there.
I'll be there with you. 11-16.
I'll be in Town Hall, New York, New York, part of the prestigious New York Comedy Festival. I'm excited.
I can't wait. And also Capital One Hall, Tyson's Virginia.
I booked two, I think theaters prematurely, so please fill the room. I'm going back to clubs after that.
Please come, guys. I'm coming with you.
I'm going to Bridgeport Stress Factory prematurely. Oh, no.
Have you been there before? No, dude. I've heard it's a fucking meat grinder.
So, hey, tickets are very available for that weekend. October 1st, first Tuesday of the month.
The Creek in the Cave. Me, LaMaria, Nate.
Ari Matty will be there. Dylan Sullivan will be there.
He's lost to me. And all of our good buds will be there.
Really? And Nate Marshall, of course. October 9th.
Oh, get it. Helium Comedy Club, Indianapolis.

I'll be there in the red room.

And then at the Comedy Cabin in Janesville that weekend.

11th and 12th.

You're going to have a fun time.

Jamesville where?

Jamesville where?

Wisconsin.

Okay, cool.

Wisconsin.

Okay, cool, cool.

You're like the mayor when you do that.

Yeah.

When you do that room, they like come and give you a key to the city.

Thank you so much for coming to Janesville.

What happened?

Is everything okay?