Ep 515 - Lol @ The Unc (feat. Billy)

Speaker 1 Wow, wow, Wes

Speaker 1 fired up, dude.

Speaker 1 Guess who just got back today?

Speaker 2 Yeah, baby.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna do my best not to get fired up. Why?

Speaker 1 Because of the debate. That's white noise, dude.
I'm doing my best. That's white noise.
I'm trying so hard, dude.

Speaker 2 He kind of blew it there.

Speaker 1 I don't see it. Whatever.
I mean, you're a Texas winner, dude. You're turning Texas blue.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, dude.

Speaker 2 I thought it was going to be no no contest. He fell for all of her traps.

Speaker 1 Stevie, get over here. Yeah.

Speaker 2 He fell right into everything she was doing. And like, she would contradict her.
And I get it. Obviously, look, man in the arena, obviously, I get it.
But it's like.

Speaker 1 It was three on one, bro. It was crazy.
She admitted that COVID came from China. That was like a whole thing against Trump.

Speaker 2 I only caught the end. I only caught the end.
I didn't see

Speaker 1 all the wheels. You saw the wheels were off at that point.
Exactly.

Speaker 1 He had her in the first half. And then she didn't, I mean, I'm like a rape victim listening to her.
I disassociate. I'm like out of my body.
Once I hear a girl, like, let me explain something to you.

Speaker 1 I'm just like, oh, my God. Oh, my God.
This is the worst shit in the world.

Speaker 2 Just say you're a PTSD, dude.

Speaker 1 You don't need to use that. I can't stand that shit, bro.

Speaker 2 You're a male. You should specify you're not.
Same old thing.

Speaker 1 You're a man-on-man.

Speaker 2 You feel like a man-on-man rape. You should specify you feel like a man-on-man rape victim.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 The only part that I'll admit, I got triggered. I'm not above getting triggered.
I got triggered the whole time. I got triggered by the libs, dude.
I got triggered when she was like, he's so divisive.

Speaker 1 Are we

Speaker 1 done with the race?

Speaker 1 No, but I'm saying it's like the Dems being like, You guys are obsessed with race

Speaker 1 is crazy. Yeah, you guys literally started Black Lives Matter, you freaks.

Speaker 2 Dude, I was

Speaker 1 literally,

Speaker 2 I was, I was literally gripping my sheets in bed, being like, Are you fucking serious right now?

Speaker 1 We've all become our fathers. Yeah, I used to watch my dad watch Obama do the State of the Union and be like, fucking bullshit.

Speaker 1 You're better off than ever. And I'd watch him.
I'd be like, you fucking dumbass. What do you care? And now I'm doing, I'm the same guy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, that was egregious. I mean, for sure, but that was egregious last night.
That was crazy. And then she'd be like, let's just all like pump each other up.

Speaker 2 And then next sentence, she was like, he's such a fucking piece of shit.

Speaker 1 She was like, all he does is bane call. And then they're like, he's literally a threat to democracy.
We need to destroy him. He is the devil.

Speaker 1 Like, I'm here for you. It's like, dude, you gave people the maximum sentence for weed.
You're a bad person. No, she was, she was like,

Speaker 1 let's get it out. double D podcast.
Bro,

Speaker 2 she was a prosecutor for the people. All she cared about was the people.

Speaker 1 It's like, you're a fucking prosecutor. She's like, and even Dick Cheney, we have the great Dick Cheney on our side.
It's like, is anyone listening to this? Goldman Sachs and Dick Cheney promote me.

Speaker 1 It's like, yeah, that's the worst fucking ad you could possibly run for yourself.

Speaker 1 Whatever. Look, we got that out of our system.
I'm pissed off.

Speaker 1 Obviously,

Speaker 1 20,000 Haitians in a small town in Springfield, Ohio is crazy. It's a bad idea.
That's crazy. And then, dude, that shit's real.
We'll start soon. We'll start soon.
Let's just get it. That shit's real.

Speaker 1 No, shit. It's real.
And she did want gender-affirming care for illegal immigrants. Yes.
And she wanted to take guns, which she said she didn't.

Speaker 1 The other thing that pissed me off was they were fact-checking. Hold on.

Speaker 2 They were fact-checking. Can we start right now?

Speaker 1 Yeah, let's start over. December 9th, you know.

Speaker 2 Can we please start with gender?

Speaker 1 Dude,

Speaker 1 gender-affirming care for illegal immigrants is so fucking crazy. Give it a test.
She's a fucking one or or something. If you brought it up, people are laughing at him.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 They're like, what a fucking idiot.

Speaker 1 It's like, no, that's real. They invert the truth.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's all real. Imagine being a very stoic Mexican man, dude.
You're just like, dude, I've seen one before. Stoic as hell.
And you get into this country thinking you're going to live your dreams.

Speaker 2 And they take you in the room and say, bro, you're getting tits in a fucking bro.

Speaker 1 The lads.

Speaker 1 Some of those lads would be like,

Speaker 1 when I used to go to the dump, I saw that shit. There was one Mexican dude with monster tits, and they would unload the truck next to him.
You saw Kamala's Frankenstein? Literally. I'm not kidding.

Speaker 1 There's one. You saw Kamala's work.
There's one that Transitioned. And fucking the Transitioned.

Speaker 1 Dude, it was wild. I would look over and I would look at the rest of the Mexican.

Speaker 2 What? Who's at a trash dump?

Speaker 1 Who's at a trash dump? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like just bolt-ons, like not even trying to get like natural-looking tits. They were just fucking fake.

Speaker 1 You saw one of Kamala's abominations. Yes, yes.
One of her misfit toys. Hold on, dude.
They probably did it for a fucking commercial. Like, look, we're going to give you tits.
We'll give you 25,000

Speaker 1 commercial. No, I'm saying for like a Kamala commercial, they probably went up to some in Mexico.
We're like, we'll give you tits. We'll give you 50 grand cash.
She's probably just like,

Speaker 2 he was in one of those viral videos where he holds up a cardboard sign with like something mean somebody said so he's gonna trash dumps she'll make fun of my tits just dropped the card and huge double d's behind him it was crazy they were powerful tits i saw him like god damn bro

Speaker 1 huge tits.

Speaker 1 Well, that's it. I'm done.
That was five me up.

Speaker 1 I can't hide who I am, dude. It got me.

Speaker 1 I tried to fight it. Any chance?

Speaker 1 It was going to annoy you.

Speaker 2 It was dispiriting for sure to watch that.

Speaker 2 I was like, oh, shit, it's on. I turn it on.
I'm like, he's about to be crushing her. And I'm watching him just like.

Speaker 1 I knew he wouldn't.

Speaker 1 I knew going into it, he wasn't going to crush her.

Speaker 1 She clearly practiced speeches that she gave throughout the thing.

Speaker 1 They knew exactly what he was going to bring up. You don't know about the earring.
What earring?

Speaker 1 Oh, she had a microphone? She had an earring. That is.
There's ads. I mean, there's ads for the same exact earring.
That is a microphone in your ear, but it's an earring.

Speaker 1 You can look it the fuck up, dude. I swear to God.

Speaker 2 I assume she has.

Speaker 1 I mean, dude,

Speaker 2 she can get a little implant, an undetectable ear, like in.

Speaker 1 Biden had one on the last one.

Speaker 2 Damn, dude, he probably had fucking like five, dude.

Speaker 1 He probably was fucking out of his body. He might have had a dude in a moca.

Speaker 2 He might have had a dude in a mocap suit, like in the basement basement of the White House.

Speaker 1 Sorry, dude. I looked at the news.
No, Kamal Harris wasn't wearing one of those earpieces. Yeah.
All right. I'm debunked, I guess.
Debunked.

Speaker 1 Also, dude, they're fact-checking Trump in real time all day long. And Kamal brought that dumb shit with fine people on both sides.
And even Snope says

Speaker 1 that's misleading. Trump didn't just say there's fine people on both sides talking about how fucking racists and

Speaker 1 tiki torches.

Speaker 1 Hold on, though, before we go, you can't claim earpiece. That's conceding a loss.

Speaker 1 You can't claim audio earpiece. Why? Because it looks like sour grapes.
I'm not sour grapes. I know, but it just looks like if you're like, well, the reason she wants she has to do it.

Speaker 1 I don't think she wants.

Speaker 1 Well, then don't talk about the earpiece. All right, I'll shut up.
I'm just saying. Let me go.
She's cheating. She's got

Speaker 1 the next boat.

Speaker 1 Her and Michigan are in the same fucking boat. Yo, dude.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 I fucking forgot. I saw that.
What the fuck happened to you?

Speaker 1 We're looking good this year, and we got taken out by NIU, bro

Speaker 1 did you cry no but i

Speaker 1 i was uh i had a show that night in atlanta and notre dame lost in northern illinois at home this week and

Speaker 1 worst loss in i mean program history man it's up there is one of the worst what was the score

Speaker 1 they lost by two they lost by a field goal hey fucking northern illinois northern illinois bro the huskies that's a max school that came into south ben and beat notre dame in the home opener.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's a program crushingly. It felt good for the coach.
The dude was fucking crying.

Speaker 1 It was nice. That was nice.
Yeah, he's real pompous, guys. But I had a show that night, and I just leave as soon as the game ended.

Speaker 1 I literally sat at the edge of my hotel, my hotel bed dressed, waiting to go to the show. The car was downstairs.
I was like, hold on, I'm not leaving yet. I got to watch this game.

Speaker 1 Field goal goes in. I go, all right, fine, let's go to the show.
I had to. I didn't get into an arena.
My lady was with me. My lady was with me, and I had to pretend I wasn't.

Speaker 1 I was trying so hard not to spazz. Yeah.
I was

Speaker 1 gazing off

Speaker 1 fucking, I was dead silent. It was like I had a 45-minute drive to the arena.
I was silent the entire ride. I sat shotgun in the car, obviously.

Speaker 1 I saw that and I wanted to text you. I was like, God damn, that's fucking insane.

Speaker 1 I haven't played NCAA since. College football is dead to me right now.

Speaker 1 Why not us?

Speaker 1 Who can't we get? Why can't we?

Speaker 1 And then we get one against Texas AM. And what do I get? Northern Illinois next week.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 that sucks so bad. Man, I was talking shit to people after the AM win.
Were you actually? Yeah, I was going, yeah, you guys said no name sucked. Suck my dick, dude.
Pretty good.

Speaker 1 Pretty good, oh, suck my dick.

Speaker 2 Then here comes that might be good for their season, though. That might be one of those things.
It's like

Speaker 1 I hear you.

Speaker 1 No offense. This is a nice girlfriend take you're giving me.

Speaker 1 No offense.

Speaker 1 I know you're being a supportive friend. I know you're being supportive.
This could set the program back five years.

Speaker 1 This literally could mean my dad never gets to see a championship. One L? This type of loss.
You should just start with the test. You should group taxes.

Speaker 1 Everything has to start over.

Speaker 2 Oh, God.

Speaker 2 I thought they could all bond together under like a deep personal low point.

Speaker 1 Don't get me wrong. Don't get me wrong.
Florida Gators did that. Deep inside, I believe that is what's going to happen.
I hear you. Deep inside.
But you're thinking about

Speaker 1 the regime.

Speaker 2 You're thinking about the nuts and bolts of the regime.

Speaker 1 It was a disastrous loss. It affected my mood on Saturday in the show.

Speaker 1 I had to address it pretty early in the show. I say, guys, and they're all Georgia fans, so they're all going,

Speaker 1 damn. The whole arena was barking at me.
You're a bit of a motherhand, bro. What do you mean? The dogs are just kind of gravitating towards you.

Speaker 1 Maybe I am.

Speaker 1 I never see your soft side

Speaker 1 what i never see it what are you talking about

Speaker 1 he's a lover of animals dude he's a lover of animals and all creatures francis of sissy yeah especially you bro they're talking about fucking killing the cats what would you do if a haitian got tibble

Speaker 1 i'd be who's killing the cats the hands

Speaker 1 Some of the Haitians killed, but it wasn't a Haitian that ate that cat. That lady? Yeah, it was just a lady on fucking dash salts.
Yeah, I was dying.

Speaker 1 The fucking one girl is like, that's not a Haitian. That's just a black lady

Speaker 2 we don't care about race it's like that's technically not that type of black person well yeah she was saying it was uh yeah i mean well right now they're i watched a video on aurora colorado and the guy was trying to prove they were like venezuelan gang members and most people were like gee the gangs and then one guy came out and was like man it's not fucking gangs everyone they've been people have been shooting here forever He thinks that he's like, they're definitely being bussed in here, but he's like, he's like, there's more going on than we can ever put together.

Speaker 2 It's like, fuck yeah, dude. Nice deal.

Speaker 1 It's a government coup.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's like, yeah, I think there's something else is at mid, something else is at play here. It's like, nice.

Speaker 1 You can't get lost in the weeds. I don't know.
Overall, disastrous stretch of days for me. That's tough.
Are you sober? Yeah. How many days? Don't worry about it.
Two? No. One.
What day is it?

Speaker 1 Wednesday. Wednesday.
This is day four. Let's go, dude.
NBD.

Speaker 1 You're glowing, bro.

Speaker 1 Thanks, man. I hate it.
I'm getting drunk. When?

Speaker 1 Soon.

Speaker 2 How's it been leaving like a five-day stretch and then hitting like a hangover? Because I guess

Speaker 2 you have the clarity to juxtapose.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 How's that been?

Speaker 1 Same. Same as it ever was.
I mean, it's way easier to take five days off and get a hangover than drink for five days and get a hangover on the fifth.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Yeah. It's a significantly better experience.

Speaker 2 Yeah, true. That makes sense.

Speaker 1 Are you pissed they didn't take a little Toonchi as fucking the Super Bowl?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Kendrick in fucking

Speaker 1 in the dirty South. That's fine.
Do you know about that?

Speaker 2 No, what?

Speaker 1 Fucking, I think the Super Bowl's in St. Louis this year.
Or what's that? New Orleans. New Orleans, Louisiana, yeah.
And they could have got fucking Toonchie, but they didn't. They picked Kendrick.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Birdman's pissed.
kendrick lamar is doing halftime is he really he's gonna call drake a pedophile in front of the entire world

Speaker 1 man

Speaker 1 bird man stun is pissed

Speaker 1 birdman just tweeted this is some hate and shit for real it is some hate and shit dude and then i watched little wayne perform at wrestlemania and it was freaking horrible

Speaker 1 mania bro it's tough

Speaker 1 Mania is a tough crowd for a rap concert. Yeah.
Lim Biscuit rocked WrestleMania. Did he play? Yeah.
I think he did the Undertaker's intro.

Speaker 1 Dude, I had a dream where I was sniping people, and every time I hit a headshot, the Undertaker intro started playing.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 It's pretty sick. That's all I got.
That's all I got

Speaker 1 this week. Hold on.
Keep talking. This dog whizzing? No, he's just fucking

Speaker 1 doing dumb because that's your chicken fuck.

Speaker 1 No, Lim Biscuit played Keep on Rolling, Baby. And Undertaker rode a motorcycle down the ramp at Mania.

Speaker 2 I mean dude, you can't really beat that.

Speaker 1 It's as good as it gets. That does fuck me up because that's like where I started off with what is cool.

Speaker 1 Like my whole entire foundation of what is cool is wrestling. So for a long time, I would just stone cold stunner.
My cousins be like, I'm the coolest guy on the planet.

Speaker 1 This is what you do to everyone.

Speaker 2 Pulling off a stunner is pretty fucking satisfying.

Speaker 1 It's really dangerous. It got so bad to a point where I came home from the mountains one weekend and

Speaker 1 went over and knocked up for Frank. I was like, yo, let's go play outside.
And he knew it was coming. He's like, dude, I know you're going to stunner me.
I was like, dude, I swear to God, I'm not.

Speaker 1 I fucking stunned him in the front yard.

Speaker 2 Did you kick him in the stomach?

Speaker 2 Yeah, dude.

Speaker 1 It's a stone-cold stunner.

Speaker 1 He's my fucking hero, bro.

Speaker 1 He knew it was coming. Dude, to have the retard cousin walk over to your house and knock on the door and be like, he's going to fucking stunner me.

Speaker 1 My other Mary just reminded me what I did to her when I was like fucking three. What the fuck are those socks? No show, so it doesn't stink.
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And I lose them all the time. That's why I use wired headphones now.
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Someone I have a hard time shopping for. I have a tough time finding Le Mer gifts.
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Speaker 1 And I like to spoil them.

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Speaker 2 What is it?

Speaker 1 I'm wearing fucking

Speaker 1 profile socks. So my fucking.
Let him get a profile of the side on this. My van.
Oh, I see her.

Speaker 1 I know you're doing it.

Speaker 2 Like a little ballerina slippers. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm like, sketch, bro.

Speaker 2 So what happened? What did you do to our cousin when you were three?

Speaker 1 Oh, she, I was like,

Speaker 1 doing something to Frank at the swing set. And she's like, Billy, stop.
And I let her just looked at her. I go, you're a fucking bitch.
And I ran home and she told Aunt Marsha.

Speaker 1 And then I got my mouth washed out with soap. I was like, I remember getting my mouth washed out for soap.
It's like, fucking three or four. She's like, fuck you, bitch.

Speaker 1 I had a baseball bat and blew my uncle's headlight out for no reason.

Speaker 2 Billy went on a spree. I saw you walking around with that thing and I was like, what the fuck? And I was like, whatever.

Speaker 1 And then you have a dog.

Speaker 2 Well, you hit our dog in the stomach. We had an elder dog.

Speaker 1 I don't remember that.

Speaker 2 He was a tiny, tiny, Billy was like very, very little, like, didn't know what was going on.

Speaker 2 i think you broke uncle jack's taillight and then you hit our like our dog was like dying you hit it in the stomach and it just pissed everywhere everybody

Speaker 1 i was watching fucking wrestling

Speaker 1 i was watching wrestling

Speaker 1 just gut i mean i should he was he was wasn't even like of a conscious age that's why i was just kind of like where'd you go with that bet it's like fucking hitler in art school dude they wouldn't let me skate you should just let the man into art school if you would have let me skate i wouldn't do this they would have skateboard competitions and not let me skate you were too too.

Speaker 2 Dude, you couldn't skate yet. You would have gotten hurt.

Speaker 1 You could have gotten hurt. I don't care.

Speaker 1 I would still go hard.

Speaker 2 No, you were trying to skip the normal process of things. You had to practice wrestling moves for so many years.

Speaker 1 Then you could do that. Yes, you have to practice.
Yeah. You have to do wrestling for several years.

Speaker 1 And dude,

Speaker 2 you weren't really a big skateboarder from what I remember.

Speaker 1 Some guys go straight from wrestling moves to football. I did.
Yeah. And that's a good progression.
Skater is a fucking deadly thing to put in the mix. Skaters that can fucking move.

Speaker 1 It's like all Navy SEALs are skaters. Or football.
It's one of the other things. Yeah, skaters are football surfer types.
Pretty much like Wes Watson. Skater, snurfer, snowboarder from Vago.

Speaker 2 Skater, surfer, snowboarder.

Speaker 1 Why do you have to make fun of me?

Speaker 1 You? Yeah. Why? He said, oh, look at your socks.

Speaker 1 You caught me off guard, honestly. Inferring that.

Speaker 1 I thought you were wearing your ladies' socks. Nah, these are just...
They just caught me off guard. That's all.

Speaker 1 I didn't mean to make fun of you. I'm sorry.
You always do it, though. Sorry.

Speaker 2 They're low profile they're low profile socks they wear they're good with like loafers and stuff yeah my t is high right now is it for real i've been playing warhammer space

Speaker 1 warhammer space marine 2 dude reggie's out

Speaker 1 bro don't distract from the warhammer discussion i got sorry what is that is that like some like rocks war of warcraft shit no this one's uh this one's like gears of war oh gears of wars was sick it's like a new gears of war all around me are familiar faces that's the greatest commercial for a fucking video game ever it was so nice.

Speaker 1 Xbox 360 came out. Oh, my God.
Do you remember that, Matt?

Speaker 2 No. So this isn't like goblins and stuff.
This is like,

Speaker 1 but I'm not controlling the goblins. I'm controlling one guy.
I'm controlling a space marine named Titus. And right now we're fighting the Tyranids.
We're trying to, we got to get rid of the Tyranids.

Speaker 1 Did you get the PS5? Don't laugh at the Tyranids. No, I do.
That would be.

Speaker 2 I would love to leave my reality and engage in like a fucking space battle with aliens right now.

Speaker 2 It'd be awesome.

Speaker 1 You can do it. Get a PS5.
It just came out.

Speaker 2 I know, dude. I just tell myself

Speaker 1 you fuck with this game, dude. I know I would.
In the future, it's just war, and the humans have resorted to like religion.

Speaker 2 It's pretty sick. Awesome.
That's awesome. Yeah.

Speaker 2 God enter a period of just, it's pure war now.

Speaker 2 We just have war.

Speaker 1 I was just talking to this last night with Spade. He was talking about 1984, the book.
There's a war that's just always going on and no one knows who they are, but it's just always happening. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's currently Russia and and the Ukraine. And also there's a fucking screen that you scream at for five minutes every day.
Yes. Debate standard.
It's pretty good.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he kind of nailed it.

Speaker 1 Orwell did nail it.

Speaker 1 He's a good socialist boy, though. Was he?

Speaker 1 Did not know that. Yeah.
Comrade? He did hate communism, though. He wrote Animal Farm.
Yeah, I heard about that book. Just a good socialist boy.

Speaker 1 Who was it that didn't know it was about communism?

Speaker 1 Me? Was it you? I don't know.

Speaker 1 I was just with someone that was like, animal farm's good i was like yeah it's about silent they're like what they thought it was like charlotte's web you thought it was just a story about animals like yeah

Speaker 2 that makes sense if you read that like in high school you don't know i mean i wouldn't have known about like yeah but in high school they would have absolutely told you this is about yeah

Speaker 2 russian communism fair enough otherwise the book fair enough the book's gibberish without that yeah true i honestly i didn't know until because i like skipped that one in high school i was like i'm not reading this fucking bullshit and then i never knew

Speaker 1 it's like 80 pages you could have touched that and been like i just nailed it that's kind of nice i got three under my belt i think all the time cabalion being one of them three total books oh yeah

Speaker 1 beast

Speaker 1 fucking i just lose it i'll start reading it same page over and over again same line over and over again then just start daydreaming

Speaker 2 Maybe you'll maybe you'll break through once you hemi-sync.

Speaker 1 I know. I'm going to try.
I'm going down to Virginia for six days

Speaker 1 by myself. For what? The Monroe Institute.

Speaker 1 It's a guy that teaches you to fucking lucid dream. And

Speaker 1 I want to beat sleep paralysis. That's my only thing, dude.
I get it a lot. Well, that makes sense.
And then also, Spade was like, dude, you should try this. You fucking dream and stuff like that.

Speaker 1 So I'm going to go and say if it actually works or not.

Speaker 2 That would be awesome, man. That'll be.

Speaker 1 They asked me how I'm getting there. I said, I'm fucking driving, motherfucker.
To Virginia. 26 here, yeah.
Yeah. Hauling ass.
Just got my hinges fixed. Where in Virginia? I don't know.

Speaker 1 I think it's out near Maryland, closer to Maryland. Do you think they're going to fucking telepathically tell you how to get there?

Speaker 1 Well, the CIA fucking is involved in it, so I'm a little weirded out by that. Oh, you're a CIA boy now.
No, no, no. They would funding us.
I was trying to sabotage us. Why would I try to sabotage you?

Speaker 1 He's a plant, dude. You think I'm fucking Ray right now? What's his name? What's that guy? Ray from January 6th.
Ray Epps. You're Ray Epps.
Let's storm the Capitol. Let's go in the Capitol.

Speaker 1 I'm excited to go to jail. There's guys in solitary confinement, and that dude just didn't go to jail.

Speaker 1 We're back. We're back.
He went on Oprah. Like, I can't believe I'm getting death threats.
It's like, dude, how are you not in solitary? They also gave everyone from January 6th re-education courses.

Speaker 1 And it tells them that Trump is a threat to democracy. You have to go through a legitimate re-education course in order to continue your rehabilitation.

Speaker 2 Where did they store them in women's prison?

Speaker 2 Sounds like some girl shit.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 2 I'm kidding. It's crazy how to go to a Trump is bad class.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Dude, you know, the Proud Boys started in Port Richmond.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I did hear that.

Speaker 1 That's weird as shit.

Speaker 1 You never know.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's not.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's not that weird, but I do. I didn't know.
When I found out, I was like, damn, that was like.

Speaker 2 Have you been to Port Richmond? It's all

Speaker 1 dude from Port Richmond. It kind of checks out.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's the Polish capital of Philadelphia.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 yeah it's all polish it's all polish dudes man the proud it's like pissed off and dude polish white trash is like another it's like kind of weird looking yeah

Speaker 1 those dudes there's those boys you spy those boys and you go the fuck it's like dudes just stand outside and they don't think all day it's literally you can tell you can you can visually see the difference it's like when you see an african and an african-american yes it's like you see a you see a polak and a white dude you're like that guy's from somewhere else yeah he's not of this world

Speaker 1 I didn't know there was a nice Polak, man. I like Polak.
Oh, yeah. There's good fucking restaurants and shit up there.
Cobasa, pierogies, you name it. Polak's rule.

Speaker 1 You can get some good celbasa up there. You know I like it.
You like cabasa? Yeah, bro. Oh, my girlfriend's dad gets fucking

Speaker 1 cheese-stuffed hot dogs, bro.

Speaker 1 Those are good as fuck.

Speaker 1 When's the last time you crashed? My girlfriend's dad? This is podcasting 101. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Laying down going, my girlfriend's dad gets cheese-stuffed hot dogs. And the spicy cabasas with jalapenos in them.
I can't believe you guys just brush past Warhammer. Fuck Warhammer.

Speaker 1 We're getting back to that.

Speaker 1 We're going to get back to that. Space Marines 2.
You're going to say that's... I don't know.
Is that part of Warhammer?

Speaker 1 I mean, I think you're just pumping it up because you can't stomp against EAA.

Speaker 1 Warhammer is actually the best.

Speaker 1 I'm about to download Madden because the birds are all right. Fuck, dude.
It's going to let you down. I watched that shit last weekend.
I was like, dude, everyone's going to Super Bowl.

Speaker 1 Fucking hurts if you just would like care about the team. It's the same thing every year.
Don't do it. It's the same fucking year.
Why can't I have stuff? Why is AJ Brown such a fucking diva?

Speaker 1 If you would just do it, we win the Super Bowl

Speaker 1 every fucking year. Quick question.

Speaker 2 With these. With cheese-filled hot dogs, is there a way you can squeeze them with a cheese scorching?

Speaker 1 Yeah. No, no, it's kind of cooked.
Is it American white cheese? No. Is it white cheese? Jalapeno check.

Speaker 2 Canadian yellow sperm.

Speaker 1 When's the last time we crushed a dog, dude?

Speaker 1 A baseball game a couple months ago.

Speaker 1 Dude, the Wawa hot dogs that are the biggest. Game O'Connor had nine hot dogs before the next one.
That's what I'm talking about.

Speaker 1 That's what I need to be talking to. Cheese-stuffed hot dogs are gooder than a mug.

Speaker 1 They are the best.

Speaker 1 My family got it like once, and I spent many,

Speaker 1 maybe six years being like, can we get cheese out?

Speaker 1 I never got it again. It's the same thing as stuffed crust.
It was one time.

Speaker 1 No one has ate stuffed crust more than one time. You get stuffed crust once, then you never get it again.

Speaker 1 If you're eating stuffed crust every fucking week for pizza night, your fucking mom's on drugs. But if you're, yeah, true.
But as a young man, you get that sweet cheese dog. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 You go, can we get the cheese? Put cheese on it, motherfucker?

Speaker 1 Every time we go to the giant, I go, can we get the cheese-filled dogs? Yeah. They're good.
Yeah, sure, Shane. What color?

Speaker 2 What was the reasoning for the not getting you the cheese dogs again?

Speaker 1 I think anything I suggested was completely out of mind within 10 seconds did you ever slip something into the cart

Speaker 1 uh

Speaker 1 that was my mood i usually left immediately when when i went with my mom grocery shopping or shopping i would go by myself to like the magazine section

Speaker 1 slam magazine i was pumped on slam magazine

Speaker 1 i remember

Speaker 1 there's an ad with uh

Speaker 1 Spike Lee on the he was selling Nikes and on the back he was like something about these damn shoes I saw saw the word damn and I was like, holy fuck, that's how you spell it? Yeah.

Speaker 1 This changes everything. I did the same shit with Real World and Lesbian.
There was on the Real World, there was a girl with a shirt, lesbian. That's when I was a Google image demon.

Speaker 1 And I fucking saw that. I was like, lesbian, lesbian, ran upstairs.
Fuck is lesbian. Google search les by announcing.
I was like, yo, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 These things kiss each other?

Speaker 1 Big boobs was a constant Google search. Nothing.
Big boobs did nothing. Does big boobs come up anymore? Hell yeah, bro.
Big boobs to literally nothing. Couldn't even jerk off.
I just looked at it.

Speaker 1 Big boobs. First ever porn site was bigsex.com.
It was immediate pop-out. Big sex.com.

Speaker 2 That's a nice porn name.

Speaker 1 I know. I fucking should buy the domain.
Don't Google big boobs. Let me see it.
First thing that comes up is a gremlin. Oh, man.
Why have they taken big boobs from us? Because, dude,

Speaker 1 now what comes up when you do that? Yeah, huge tets, dude. What comes? Exactly when you do Google search.
Martinez Biggs, big plans to have the world's biggest.

Speaker 2 I see. I see that.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Is she rocking? Okay, never mind. I thought for a second, I thought she was

Speaker 2 one of Justin Dudeau's many disguises. I was like, wait a second.

Speaker 1 Yeah, my fucking, all my Google search was just different adjectives and boobs.

Speaker 1 Yeah, this is, Bill, this is pretty.

Speaker 2 Do you love them this stuffed up? I'm looking at like the world's biggest.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. I was in like fucking third grade.
I just knew boobs existed. They would try to get me to look at fucking.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you what big boobs holds up if you google it oh yeah yeah if you scroll down

Speaker 2 here's that guy the trash dump you were talking about earlier

Speaker 1 literally that was what we're talking about it was like a stocky fucking mexican from like honduras with just c's

Speaker 1 it was wild i looked i was like dude why did you do that yeah freaking me out I mean, dude, imagine it was like

Speaker 1 a dog's piss. They pee? Yeah, definitely.
Fucker. You're supposed to be watching them.
Was it on the fucking, on this? Yeah. Fuck yes.

Speaker 2 The washable.

Speaker 1 Plan works. Well, it's not true.
I'm going to have to wash my hands.

Speaker 2 True. Take a breath.

Speaker 1 Cusker Brothers chat it up. I got to get the fucking cleaner.
God damn it.

Speaker 2 Dang it.

Speaker 3 Hello, everybody. Sorry for the interruption.
This is Sean Gardini. I'm in Tempe, Arizona right now, and I just wanted to remind you...

Speaker 3 Well, first, I wanted to thank you if you came to Tempe, Arizona. And secondly, I wanted to remind you that I'll be in Salt Lake City, Utah this weekend at Wise Guys Comedy Club.

Speaker 3 I'll be in Salt Lake City, Utah September 13th and 14th. Please come.

Speaker 2 I'm going there tomorrow.

Speaker 3 I'll be with our dear friend Aiden McCluskey.

Speaker 3 Salt Lake City, Utah Wise Guys Comedy Club. Link for tickets is below.
Thank you. God bless you.
Please come.

Speaker 2 I'm going to come.

Speaker 3 Also, our dear friend Matt McCusker will be in Providence, Rhode Island tonight throughout the weekend at the Comedy Connection.

Speaker 3 Matt McCusker will be at the Comedy Connection in Providence, Rhode Island, September 12th through September 14th. Link for tickets is below.
Please go see him.

Speaker 3 He'll also be in Cleveland, October 10th through the 12th. The Wilbur in Boston on October 18th.

Speaker 3 The Milwaukee Improv on October 24th through the 26th.

Speaker 3 in Capitol One Hall, Tyson's Virginia on November 15th, and Town Hall in New York on November 16th. And I'll be there with him.

Speaker 3 So go to mattmcusker.com for tickets, but go see him in Providence, Rhode Island tonight through Saturday. Matt McCusker, our dear friend.
MattMcCusker.com, MattMcCusker.com, MattMcCusker.com.

Speaker 3 Also, go see Shane Gillis everywhere at ShaneMgillis.com in Canada soon.

Speaker 3 And the Wells Fargo Center, go see our dear friend, Shane M. Gillis.
Shane Mgillis.com. Link for tickets is in the description and in in the comments.

Speaker 2 Thank you very much.

Speaker 3 God bless you. Now let's get back to the show.

Speaker 1 All right, everyone, tell your deepest secrets.

Speaker 1 Oh, shit.

Speaker 1 That was a fucking sweet shit we did in grade school. Sleepovers.

Speaker 2 Yeah, who do you like was nice?

Speaker 1 Yo, for real. Who do you like was nice?

Speaker 2 I told someone I would touch an electric fence if they told me, and they told me. I was like, damn, I didn't think you're going to tell me.

Speaker 1 Whatever happened, that dude said he's going to eat shit if FSU dies. FSU dies.
You know what I mean? Fucking loses.

Speaker 1 I don't know the cylinders.

Speaker 2 You're thinking of Warhammer right now.

Speaker 1 Warhammer, I'm telling you, you guys are going to, you're going to Matt, you would love it. I gave my fucking ice cream.
I know I would love it. I'd love it.

Speaker 2 Who'd you give it to?

Speaker 1 Mexican.

Speaker 1 Which one?

Speaker 2 Some dude.

Speaker 2 I think he might have sold it for a pair of knockos.

Speaker 1 I was doing my kitchen and fucking took everything out of my first horse. I was like, dude, just give this to your Nieno brother.

Speaker 1 Gave him a brand new Xbox.

Speaker 1 I mean, if I have that, I am fucking fucked. Yeah, new Call of Duty coming too? A duty, yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't do it because I'm just chasing a dragon. There's nothing better on this planet than Call of Duty during COVID.
It was the greatest shit ever. Nothing will ever come close to it.

Speaker 1 It was the most fun. Fucking, remember when we would go in there? Yes.
I can get in people's heads so good in Call of Duty and fuck with them. It's fucking amazing.

Speaker 1 Even if I'm losing, I can still make people lose fucking frame.

Speaker 2 Really?

Speaker 1 It's it's a very good fucking.

Speaker 1 I'm good with shit talking. I'm not that good at duty.
So I'll be like a fucking

Speaker 1 10 to 50 KD and be like, dude, you fucking suck. And then the people just spaz.
They're probably autistic. So

Speaker 1 maybe I'm not that great at getting into people. I got good.
I was getting good. You can get, dude, when you play it for a long time, you go to sleep like going around corners in your fucking head.

Speaker 1 I couldn't imagine having PTSD like a soldier.

Speaker 1 I'd play Call of Duty. I'm like, whoa, fuck.
I'd wake up real quick, picking up, shooting something. Yeah.
To do that shit in real life has to body your money. You play duty long enough.

Speaker 1 Then you walk outside and you check rooftops. Yeah.

Speaker 1 There's got to help that. I cannot imagine that.

Speaker 2 That would be absolutely terrible.

Speaker 1 Going live would be insane.

Speaker 1 I mean, what else is going on? No name loss, Trump loss,

Speaker 1 more hammer rules.

Speaker 2 I was trying to pull up a sick-ass fucking clip. I thought you guys would enjoy this, but my spazz and I think went on.
Hold on, let me say it. I wanted to see.

Speaker 1 The new Apple shit's fucking weird.

Speaker 2 It looks pretty smart. It gave you your

Speaker 2 heal you. Why don't you eat your?

Speaker 2 Maybe that's a bigger gift. I don't know, but

Speaker 2 your body is a miraculous thing. Yes.
So I would think it's by design. Hey, I'm picking out the toxins that I brought in.
Why would now that go back in? And if the case were true,

Speaker 2 why wouldn't it be longer so we can just drink it out of the hose? That's a great question. Because maybe you shouldn't be drinking your.

Speaker 2 It's meant to go away.

Speaker 2 yes i entertain that philosophy and that reason right that's good reason however that reason has been trumped by me enjoying drinking my

Speaker 2 you you just enjoy it like i like i enjoy a beer sometimes on a hot day i like the energetics of it so you feel different correct don't you think

Speaker 1 you're in therapy is no joke the music is so

Speaker 1 i couldn't hear the music yeah it was too low all we got was the

Speaker 1 my bad i liked the i liked

Speaker 1 but that's been trumped by the fact that I like drinking my own piss. Well, that's good reason.

Speaker 1 Good, good. Yes.
Flat Earth Dave fucking talks about this a lot, urine therapy, and how he like rubs it on his face, and there's plasma in it.

Speaker 1 So, like, if you piss, you have to let the beginning stream out. That's all the toxins.
And then you get the fucking midstream. And then at the very end, you let it go back in the toilet.

Speaker 1 And then you can use that for skincare, drinking it if you want, if you want to make a nice.

Speaker 1 You drink your own piss and rub it all over yourself? Yes, that's what he does.

Speaker 1 I haven't gotten into urine therapy. Me and Spade just listen to a whole thing on the guy who was doing dry fast and drinking his own piss.

Speaker 1 So, like a 10-day dry fast. He's going to die very, very soon.

Speaker 1 He's a beast. He does fucking extended DMT sessions with like John Hopkins.
So he does DMT for like 30 minutes. It's fucking crazy.
The intravenous DMT shit. Just absurd, dude.
Wait, the dry.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's

Speaker 1 first off.

Speaker 1 You want to see a guy on a dry fast ripping DMT? Go to the Beezer's house.

Speaker 1 He's been staying with me a lot. I've seen him drink like three sodas.
No water. He's a no water man.
Yeah, he must have solid piss.

Speaker 1 That shit has to come out like fucking slime.

Speaker 2 Yeah, or that orange stuff, that neon RNP, that stuff. You ever see someone who like is really, really not really taking like care of themselves at all? It's always like bright orange.

Speaker 2 You're like, dude.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I work with guys and they ooze in a bottle and I'd be like, bro.
Yeah. Oh,

Speaker 1 God.

Speaker 2 The fuck is that? They're like, what?

Speaker 1 I'm like, your piss is orange, dude.

Speaker 2 And they're like, yeah, what?

Speaker 1 Chug of water.

Speaker 1 Chug of water right now.

Speaker 2 Yeah, chug five. Yeah, I like how those guys got to that point where they're having like a serious sit down.
They're like, if you drink your pee, why don't you eat your poop?

Speaker 2 And he's like, come on, man. Don't be fucking ridiculous.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they've, they've intellectualized themselves all the way back to fucking second grade. Yeah.
Like, if you drink pee, why don't you eat poop? Whoa.

Speaker 2 He's He's like, well, they're playing Who Wants to Be a Millionaire Music Behind it. It's like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

Speaker 2 God would have made our dicks longer so we could drink right out of them like a hose. And he's like,

Speaker 1 yeah, the fucking

Speaker 1 thought of that. Instagram will make you want to put down a podcasting microphone for the rest of your life.
You see the people that rip shorts on there? You're just like, dude, what am I doing? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Is this what I am? I got some good.

Speaker 1 Do you see the ASU kids? Yes. They ruled.
It's crazy.

Speaker 1 So they're like, dude, who's the best frat on asu campus the asu campus probably sick kai but i don't know they're gonna get they're gonna get a hold of this shout out to those boys yeah keep it up dude never the youngsters too the youngsters every comment there's an even more sending hate from indiana yeah like keep it up fucking that is they have some perseverance because they just fucking blow through that i see a bad comment like dude what the i was watching it the kid the one guy the what the best the best guest on there is the dj kid with the spiked hair yes who's like he looks like he's in verb

Speaker 1 he's I've been seeing it. By the way, I love that he immediately, he, that's the one clip I saw, he was like, you get so many negative comments.
How do you keep, how do you keep going?

Speaker 1 It's like, bro, you get negative comments too. Don't put it all on the

Speaker 1 bottom. Don't put that on them, bro.

Speaker 1 That he was like, no, I honestly don't care. I was watching it.
I was like, yeah, right. Yeah.
There's no, there's no way.

Speaker 1 21 years old. If everyone was like, dude, you're a fucking loser.
Fucking stop doing this. I'd be like, what the fuck? No, ASC Pod rules.

Speaker 1 There's another one where it's like high school kids, Gardenia, always sends me. I forget what it's called, though.

Speaker 1 I got to check it out.

Speaker 1 I know you're talking about a movie.

Speaker 1 That's probably better than us. When's the last time you've been to church?

Speaker 2 Yeah, they're little podlings, dude. They got to grow.

Speaker 1 I enjoy it. Dude,

Speaker 1 I'm trying to get off the fucking net, though, for real.

Speaker 1 You're pretty online. You might be the most online.
I know. I'm fucking literally saying, hey, guys, I need help.
All right. I can help.

Speaker 1 I'm going to the fucking Monroe Center for six days. I'm just going to put my phone in a fucking drawer.
You're going to be in that little unit on the phone.

Speaker 2 You're going to be a little cranking your hog on your phone, dude.

Speaker 1 CIA guys are going to be watching you jack off the smart

Speaker 1 literally whenever.

Speaker 1 I asked for help, and this is what

Speaker 1 the lights are going to come on loudly. It's going to,

Speaker 1 and you're going to be in a room, the bright lights, glass window, where people are studying you. They go, we're going to,

Speaker 1 we're going to have to ask you to leave. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You've been in here for five minutes. You masturbated twice.

Speaker 1 Please get off Reddit.

Speaker 2 Send in the probe.

Speaker 1 No, Reddit. You're going to probe you.

Speaker 1 I got kicked off my own Reddit.

Speaker 1 Why?

Speaker 1 We got demodded. Me and Spade.
I have no idea. I don't go on the thing anymore.
There's a coup.

Speaker 1 Some dude fucking took it over.

Speaker 1 Have it. He can have that shit.
So I don't know. Billy literally has fucking schizophrenia.
This is what I've seen from listening to him on a podcast. I've figured out all of his mental disabilities.

Speaker 1 Somebody's got a Facebook for me. Are you serious? Yeah, and it sucks.

Speaker 1 They're you? They They literally, yeah, there's like a page for me on Facebook. That's got a lot of followers, and every day the guy posts pictures of grilled cheese.
Says I'm making them at night.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And people are like, shut the fuck up.

Speaker 1 We get it, dude. You had one good joke.
Shut the fuck up. Like, people are getting like aggressive.
My mom texted me about it yesterday.

Speaker 2 Is it a fan page or is it like the guy pretending to be, is he catfishing?

Speaker 1 He's catfishing. As you

Speaker 1 believe, yeah.

Speaker 2 That's fucking

Speaker 2 on Facebook too, which is, yeah, I haven't

Speaker 1 been back to Facebook for a while. Fucking shit.
Facebook is insane. You watch A Curious Case of Natalia Grace.
Oh,

Speaker 1 let's go.

Speaker 1 Let's go. This is why I get paid the big bucks.
I did watch it, bro.

Speaker 1 Wait, did you just acknowledge Facebook was crazy before you went to the next topic? Yes, yes. I thought it coincided with it.
Yes, that's what I'm saying. It reminded me of them on Facebook.

Speaker 1 Bro, it's the best. They were not lying.

Speaker 1 Spade told me about the whole thing, and I still was confused watching it as to who's the bad guy.

Speaker 1 It makes it pretty clear. That fucking maniac dude is the biggest piece of it.

Speaker 1 But in the beginning, when that fucking chick's like, all the neighbors, like, yeah, she pulled the little kid's pants down and tried to touch his dick.

Speaker 1 Hold on. So, just to the thing is about a lady, a Ukrainian woman.
Or

Speaker 1 I think we're just going to have to spoiler this. Spoil the whole fucking thing.
We're going to have to spoil her. So go watch.
We got a podcast to do here. We got a podcast.
We got to discuss this.

Speaker 1 Matt.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's crazy. This is about the biggest documentary I've seen.

Speaker 2 It was a midge, though, right? It was a midge.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Little person.
She had severe, like, her legs were fucked up. Her arms, like, everything.
Bow-legged as a mug. Yeah, she had, like, deformed legs.
Dwarf. From Ukraine.
Fingers fucked up.

Speaker 1 The whole nine. From Ukraine.
This couple drives down to Florida to pick her up at like a strip mall.

Speaker 1 So great.

Speaker 1 They get in. They get

Speaker 2 the plug. Who was the broker?

Speaker 1 It was a random fucking strip mall in Florida that was just hawking a chick.

Speaker 1 It's crazy. They were like,

Speaker 1 the dude is the biggest bullshitter in the world. And he's the type of liar that

Speaker 1 you've seen these types of liars before. I hate these dudes that lie this way.

Speaker 1 And then the officer came in after me and my wife had a domestic dispute. He said, I know you're entirely right.
Boom. Here's my card.
Call me whenever you want. Those are his exact words.

Speaker 1 He walked in within five minutes. He knew exactly who was right in the situation.
They grabbed his words exactly. He said, Sir, I know you're exactly right.
Here's my card. They fucking adopted.

Speaker 1 I knew that was true. They adopt this chick, and the guy's like, it was the best day of my life.
And then we brought her home, and my wife was ghost white. And she just said, look down.

Speaker 1 And there was pubic care. She's six years old.
This girl is not six years old. She's 20.

Speaker 1 So then they got a fucking chick in their fucking house who they're claiming is a grown woman pretending to be a six-year-old.

Speaker 2 Wait, so the wife went down to like changer and just saw a big old Ukrainian supposedly.

Speaker 1 Allegedly. So, dude, this is what I'm saying.
Definitely did not.

Speaker 1 Absolutely did not. After watching the whole thing, that was a crazy lie.

Speaker 2 It was an insane. Why? Was it like just like a landing strip or like,

Speaker 1 I don't know, but the fucking

Speaker 1 the dude is out of his fucking mind. And the whole time, he's just trying to throw wifey under the bus.
Because they're like,

Speaker 1 I don't know what what the fuck's going on there but

Speaker 1 what i mean we're jumping around but so then i so then after the discovery of the pubicare they're like allegedly maybe it's just a freak thing and we're gonna try to welcome her into our home and do all this but then

Speaker 1 allegedly the daughter keeps taking out knives and trying to kill all the other family members and is like She literally walks into their bedroom at night and stands there with a knife.

Speaker 1 And he's like, I was terrified. I said, what are you doing?

Speaker 1 And she just stared at me. And I said, You need to go back to bed.
It's the plot of the orphan. Yeah,

Speaker 1 he just, it's crazy. Instead, by the way, if you saw this kid who ended up actually being that age,

Speaker 1 it was literally a fucking seven-year-old girl, allegedly holding a knife in his bedroom, a

Speaker 1 disabled seven-year-old. 45 pounds.

Speaker 1 If that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The wife got overtaken.

Speaker 1 Reggie broke in your room. Yeah.
The wife got overtaken by her at a farm, and they said she tried to drag the wife to an electric fence to kill her.

Speaker 1 It's like, dude, she's literally a bag of fucking sheetrock or a bag of fucking joint compound. And that thing drags you over, like, you're lying.

Speaker 1 But they fucking, they shipped her off into a, well, before they ship her off, they keep saying, tell us that you're a fucking adult.

Speaker 1 And she just like has no idea what's going on because she's fucking six. And they make her stand with her head on the wall and she cannot move.
I didn't believe that story either.

Speaker 1 There's pictures in the video. There's the video of it for the two-minute one.
You don't

Speaker 1 have the guy. The guy's lying about everything.
True. The guy was like, this is what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 The guy was like, I came home from work. I said, how long has Natalia been sitting there? My wife looked at me and she said, seven hours.

Speaker 1 She soiled herself. She defecated.
And my wife wouldn't let her. She stood against that wall for 12 straight hours.
It's like, no, she didn't, dude. Yeah, that was a little bit of a lie.
He was lying.

Speaker 1 They also have an autistic son son in it, and they're like, should we talk about the staircase? And he's like, yeah, I mean, I didn't say that, but you know, I'm just guns blazing right now.

Speaker 1 So they're hot mic'd upstairs talking about how they booted this midget down the staircase.

Speaker 1 They hot mic themselves. They go upstairs and admit that they kicked a child with a disability down the steps.
Yeah. So they

Speaker 1 sex as shit. They, but they, they.
Bro, hold on. So then in order to, so she, they, child protective services is obviously on their ass because other neighbors can see them locking her outside.

Speaker 1 Putting her on the deck. They're locking out, dude.
And the whole time you're watching the documentary, you're like, maybe she is 20 and trying to kill the family and they're the victims.

Speaker 1 And then they legally, they go to a court. They go to the court and legally change her age to 22.

Speaker 1 All right. When she's, what, nine, 10? Eight or nine.

Speaker 1 So then now that she's 22, they don't, they can set her out into the world. So they get her an apartment in

Speaker 1 Like one of those apartments where you see, like, who the fuck lives here. They leave a disabled nine-year-old girl in an apartment to herself.

Speaker 1 And then the, how about the video of him coming over and harassing her? Like, where'd you get the donuts? Well, dude, there's

Speaker 1 videos from the neighbor, this like eight-year-old midget going up to like this dude's son and fucking playing with him. And he's like, dude, like, she smelled.

Speaker 1 like not like bad like her vagina like you could smell her fucking vagina it was just a child who number one, couldn't bathe

Speaker 1 or change her own clothes. They literally left the kid there.

Speaker 1 Oh my God.

Speaker 1 It fires me up so much.

Speaker 2 That's crazy.

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Find out more at drinknos.com. The guy acts out the wife fucking beating the kid.
There's multiple cameras in the room.

Speaker 1 He's like, point the camera to the ground. Point the camera.
He gets out of the couch and starts wailing on the floor. And then hurts him.
As hard as he can and cries. And he's like, ow.

Speaker 1 He's nuts. He's nuts, dude.
So they adopted.

Speaker 2 They adopted.

Speaker 1 You got to see it.

Speaker 1 There's a part where he, through the deposition with the court, he gets all of his wife's Facebook messages. And one of them is to another random midget

Speaker 1 that she fucks.

Speaker 1 She's sexting him. She's sexting a

Speaker 1 baller of a midget, dude. That guy is like, they interviewed the midget that had cheated on her.
He's a beast. And he's just like, yeah, I fucked him.
I've never seen a more chaotic house in my life.

Speaker 1 There's just everything everywhere. There's nothing is in its place.
And there's just random shit everywhere. And he's just on a fucking electric scooter.

Speaker 1 It's wild. He's talking about how he's a chow monster, too.
Love these

Speaker 1 bed sheets fling off, dude. He goes so hard on the box.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 That's what the midget said. The midget.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that kind of makes sense. Was he a middle with a monster?

Speaker 1 That dude got the deposition and all that shit and got all of her Facebook messages. And this chick's just banging everyone.

Speaker 1 He said he was reading shit, just falling on the floor because, like, the handyman would come over and she would bang him. He cries the entire second half.
Oh, that's crazy.

Speaker 1 Every interview he's in, he's sobbing. And he said, dude, there's, there's, oh, they fucking play.
They read the text messages on the screen. And he's like, you know, she would play with my head.

Speaker 1 So like, she would be like, dude, you got to fucking drop these charges against me or else I'm not giving you this. And send like a picture of her in lingerie.

Speaker 1 And then he would simp and be like, all right, I'll drop the charges. It would be like, I need custody of the kids, or you will never see this pussy again.
It's the greatest quote in the deal.

Speaker 1 Greatest quote in the world. He's like, not all forms of abuse are physical.
Some are from withholding. And I got in trouble because I got a wee date addicted to porn

Speaker 1 the dude is the most hatable guy in the world I've never seen anyone more hatable just grips up two black lawyers too on some like black people are cool shit bro the lawyers are horrible lawyers are horrible he got two black lawyers like when you're like 10 or 11 years old you're just like oh that's a black person they're cool So he just got two fucking black people and he goes there for two years and just chills with the guys and like sits there and like jokes around with them.

Speaker 1 How much do you think those dudes hated him? Oh, they they were looking at him like, dude, you are the worst. They're bringing this guy.
He's like, these are my best friends in the world.

Speaker 1 And he's just like, I just feel like myself anymore. He comes in like happy.
He's on trial for abusing a child. And he comes into the thing like, we're fighting for my life, fellas.

Speaker 1 And I got the best guys in the world fighting for me. Look at you.
You guys are so awesome. It makes you hate lawyers because

Speaker 1 the wife has another lawyer. And in the case, they legally change your age to 22.
So you can't talk about how it's it's a kid.

Speaker 1 And this, like, the, the child doctor was, like, on a Zoom with the other dudes or with the chicks, fucking lawyer. And it's like, well, it was a kid.

Speaker 1 It had like its growth plates weren't connected or anything. He goes, we will not talk about how this is a child.

Speaker 1 She is 22-year-old adult. And the guy's like, I mean, are you serious? And the fucking lawyer just leaves.
He's like, well, I guess we don't care about facts. Yeah.
He's like, excuse me. No, hold on.

Speaker 1 I'm not. You're talking to me.
You're telling me I don't care about facts. Where are they from? Indiana.
Yeah, somehow too, a couple in Indiana both grips up black lawyers.

Speaker 1 It's like there's lawyers, dude, and they're Jewish. That's who you need.
They're the best at it. They're LeBron James.
Either way, they did get LeBron James lawyers. True.

Speaker 1 They got the lawyer put the gloves on and beat the case. They beat the case entirely.
They're fine. They're fine.
They are totally innocent.

Speaker 2 Who has the kid?

Speaker 1 She's fucking 19 now. She's like 21.
According to the courts, she's like 58 now.

Speaker 1 For real.

Speaker 2 You can legally change someone's age.

Speaker 1 Yes. Yeah.
It happens supposedly a bunch with like Dominicans and shit that come up. So they'll be like, oh, he's fucking 12.
And in reality, he's like 18 playing Little League, just slamming homers.

Speaker 2 Yeah, damn. I might change my age to 16 and trap my wife.

Speaker 1 You could, dude. Sick.
Send her right to jail.

Speaker 2 You have sex with a minor. You're sick hell.

Speaker 1 That might, it might be the most hatable dude in the world. And his wife is my anti-bone.
It's like the chick that is just fucking brutal to be around. Yeah, it's awful.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it sounds like a clear-cut case of like they stink.

Speaker 1 It's a roller coaster, bro. When you're watching this shit, you have no idea what the fuck to think.
The more the guy talks, though, you realize. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You've seen this guy. You've seen this movie a million times.
You've met this type of liar.

Speaker 1 So the weirdest lies

Speaker 1 with full confidence.

Speaker 2 Does he have like the intense eye contact? A lot of intense liars will like lock in on your eyes and make, dude, I'm telling you. I'm just.

Speaker 1 Full eye contact, making up quotes and be like, hold on. This is exactly what they said.
I remember exactly what they said. He got cucked into oblivion.
So, I mean, he did get broken.

Speaker 1 The fact that he's still on this earth plane blows my mind. I would have killed myself like seven times if I was this dude.

Speaker 1 Cucked by a Midge is almost, though, kind of like, I mean, yeah, it's like cheating on you and leaving you for a woman. Yeah.
It could be worse. Yeah, it'd be like.

Speaker 1 No, we say that, but cucked by a midge is. Wow.
At least I would know I dodged a bullet because that's a crazy person.

Speaker 1 Yeah. This is like a real cool midge.

Speaker 1 That's like you were with him. He was.
His house was insane, though. His house was fucked up, but he was like a country singer.
Yeah, he was a star. He's kind of a fucking beast, honestly.

Speaker 1 He was swagged out. Oh, yeah.
And he said his fucking, his pepper is nothing to fucking sneeze at either.

Speaker 2 I bet.

Speaker 1 Maybe a midge, but not down there.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I've literally, I mean, I've, I've seen their work online.

Speaker 1 Midget porn's dying. I don't think I've ever seen one.
There's a few fucking like OlyFans girls that go on all those like LA podcasts. One's a midget.
I'm like, damn. Gotta hot.

Speaker 1 I've never watched one. Never seen seen midget porn? Never.
Really? I swear. I fucking

Speaker 1 liked all the time.

Speaker 2 The what?

Speaker 1 I used to be on eFuck.com all the time.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was one of those things where

Speaker 2 I was like, maybe this is something I'm into. I watch it.
And I was like, you know, and again, it's no disparaging to the community, but I was like, this is definitely genuinely not for me.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And there's a dude that, like, if you go down that roll, there's also like

Speaker 1 related search, like extra, extra, extra, extra small girl where you're just like, all right, that's, you're just trying to get like child porns of boxing.

Speaker 1 Probably turn that off. Oh, all right.
See a midge?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 A lot of it is dude midges bagging girls. These are all just short.
Oh, here we go. Found it?

Speaker 1 Freaky midget door fuck sexy German teen tight teeny on public toilet. Yeah, dude.
They get like sixth graders to fucking get all right. Yeah, it's fucked up.
That was a mistake. It's real fucked up.

Speaker 1 You tossing a toilet in there for no reason also. That's skibbity.

Speaker 1 Symbolically tossing a skibby toilet for some reason. Love a god, Dalt.
What? The fucking brain rod shit on Instagram is just getting to me. I can't hear it anymore, bro.
Those fuckers.

Speaker 1 We're down bad. They got it.
Double chunk chocolate cookie fucking pisses me off so bad. That's child abuse, dude.
What is it?

Speaker 1 They fucking have videos of this dude like other people are filming them doing their Instagram content and he's making the kid re-say stuff and like smiling in the camera. Like the dad's a lunatic.

Speaker 1 The Rizzler, bro. Not the Rizzler, it's the

Speaker 1 Rizzler. The Rizzler's back in school, he's back to his normal life.
The Rizzler's the only one I fucking give a pass to.

Speaker 1 That kid is just a kid who got famous on fucking Instagram this summer and now is back in fourth grade. So he just chilled with celebrities all fucking summer and now he's in fourth grade somewhere.

Speaker 1 It's fucking insane. Who the Rizzler? The Rizzler

Speaker 1 just going back to grade school. Who the Rizzler?

Speaker 2 So he, no, I don't know this guy. So he became like internet famous and now he's just

Speaker 1 a little, he's a little chubby boy grubbing. Is he the one who's grubbing Costco? Is he no, that's fucking, I don't know the name.
It's like AJ Justice.

Speaker 1 Big Justice. Big Justice, yeah.
Big Justice and his dad. Big Justice.
They're in Costco filming themselves eating chicken bakes and fucking double charging. They go to Costco.

Speaker 1 They go to Costco and eat the same thing over and over again and rate it. Yeah, it's fucking insane.

Speaker 2 It's hilarious, dude.

Speaker 1 And it never stops. It is funny.
That's why it's a smash hit, bro. They go to Costco with like ring lights and fucking film themselves eating.
It's fucking like you can see people in the background.

Speaker 1 It's like, dude, what the fuck's going on? Shit, it's confusing as fuck. It's like,

Speaker 1 Zora, go ahead. I'll shut up and listen.
No, that's all right.

Speaker 2 I'm still following the Hawkatua stuff. I've seen some of the things.

Speaker 1 Oh, she's a millionaire.

Speaker 2 She's doing it. She's really making the push.

Speaker 1 She seems actually very nice.

Speaker 2 I'm sure she is nice. Although it's,

Speaker 2 you know, it is one of those things. It's like to act.

Speaker 2 It sets a weird precedent where it's like, bro, just if a camera hits you, say something kind of slutty and you could become the next millionaire.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's a bunch of chicks that just went way overboard. It's like, I'll let dudes spit in my ass.
It's like, all right, you're not going to be able to do it. That's what we're saying.

Speaker 1 So we got to continue on. That got 5,000 likes.
Congratulations. Good luck getting the job.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 2 I have no feelings against her. It is, it's just the.
It's a very bizarre thing to like gather around. Like, yeah, this is perfect.
This is awesome.

Speaker 1 Dude, spazzn actually. I can't believe it.
I can. Big Justice and his dad are eating fucking chicken bakes and getting paid millions of dollars right now.
I can believe this. Makes complete sense.

Speaker 1 Big Justice is good at fucking baseball, though. Do you think he's better than Baby Gronk? Yeah, Baby Gronk just started off a new CD show for real.

Speaker 1 I don't need to know this. I want this taken.
I got all Bernie Gronk's highlights.

Speaker 1 He's nice. He fucking regulates, bro.
That was some good fucking

Speaker 1 pop warner. He's good, bro.
He's no, who's the kid that was the OG pop warner star? Yes. What is his name? I don't know.
He looked like Christian McCaffrey. Yes.

Speaker 1 He was so fucking good. Fuck, I got to look that up.
That's going to piss me off. What was his? It was like Colt or not Colt.
It was the McGuffey mixtape and then him.

Speaker 1 Who the fuck was that? This is good podcasting. I mean, it was the greatest.
It was a great mixtapes. That's all I did in fucking seventh and eighth grade was just YouTube, Noel Devine, highlights.

Speaker 1 Noelle Devine. Hoops fucking slam, or was it 2-5?

Speaker 1 Two fly when they were younger? No, it was just when they were in high school. Like, Noel Devine came out in high school.
Like, this is the greatest human at anything. Noel Devine and Sam McGuffey.

Speaker 1 The McGuffey mixtape was.

Speaker 1 That's one of my latest. One of the things I put on our Reddit before was this kid's highlight tape.
Pop Warner highlight tape. Cody Paul.
Cody Paul. Cody Paul.

Speaker 1 Literally, that's the best Pop Warner highlight tape of all time. Yo, here's the good internet.
Here's good internet. Yes.
We've been getting some shout-outs on Street Beefs, dude. What? Dude, yeah.

Speaker 1 How nice is that? It's awesome.

Speaker 1 you got a shout out on street beef yeah we've got multiple damn that's sick maybe we did too man i think you actually might have i think someone hit me up about that i think he did i think i got a shout out on street beef as well yeah that was

Speaker 2 compliment i was pretty stoked on that just having a dude finish punching some guy and be like i just want to say shout out to him i was punching completely out

Speaker 1 Yeah, I really want to extravagate. I shouldn't know a fucking thing about baby Gronk.
I should read a book or something. This is getting bad.
This is what it is, bro. This is where we're at.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but

Speaker 1 I'm sitting down. I'm warhammering 4,000 bros.

Speaker 1 I'm Warhammer and then pick up the phone with Baby Gronk's highlights.

Speaker 1 It's fucking back to war hammer. It's like, which one? Can we make all the sodas go in order the way they're at underneath of it? It's fucking absurd.

Speaker 1 I don't want to live anymore. This is taking my watch.

Speaker 1 I've been trying to improve. What? Went to the gym? No, for real.
Yeah, I told you.

Speaker 1 Sauna and Cold Plunge at the gym, which is nice.

Speaker 1 and then but then you got to hide your tiny penis in the locker room put a towel over yeah i did but i'm still you know wow wow wow oh i know this place i know what you're talking about now yeah remember that shane's with the blue bloods of philadelphia yeah i know what you're talking about i was just trying to go somewhere that you know everyone posts pictures you're like you are like fucking trump dude You like Eastern Block, tall women, model types.

Speaker 1 You remind me of fucking Trump that way. Thank you, bro.
That's sick. Thank you.

Speaker 1 You're going in to live for the wasps. Thank you, bro.
That's nice. Same thing.
You and Trump, same dude. But I do.
Jones also. Jones is the same way.
He likes big Eastern block women models.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Thank you.

Speaker 1 But I thought we could talk about hiding a penis in the gym locker room. I never do it.
You don't. I don't even let it get to that point.
I would have, but there's a sauna in a show or a coal plum.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's in the locker room? In the gym. So then it's like, there is a sauna in the locker room.
Just wear six fucking underarmor, fucking compression shorts. I mean, just get all out.
Stuff.

Speaker 2 Or dry your boxers in the sauna and just roll out.

Speaker 1 Take the boxers off while I'm in the sauna?

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no, no. I'm saying.

Speaker 1 Because if they're home, they're going to be soaked, bro. I'm in the sauna.
I'm sweaty.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Fuck.
I was saying they would dry from the cold moves.

Speaker 1 You're right. Were you pumping iron? Yeah.
What you hit? Don't worry about what I'm doing. No, I'm just curious.

Speaker 1 Byes, tries, back. You name it, brother.
You did full body? Yeah. I like that.
I want to work out.

Speaker 1 I'm crushed. What do you mean? I haven't worked out since I've been in Philly.
My shit is fucking destroyed from lifting. Are you sore? Yes.
Oh, that sucks. I lifted the last two days.

Speaker 1 I'm fucking dead. You got a jerk spot right next to you.
You can go to

Speaker 1 your house.

Speaker 1 There is a jerk spot right next to it.

Speaker 1 Shakey's got a lymph node massage placed next to him. Yeah, I got a lymph node.
They release my nodes.

Speaker 2 You guys know nothing about the lymph system right here.

Speaker 1 Right next to them. You guys are so seedy little place.

Speaker 2 You guys are full of fluids. I pray you guys release them.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they're going to release. They release your fluids right next to me.
Right next to his house. They're open all 24 hours, so you can get your lymphs.

Speaker 1 Has it ever called you? At 3 a.m. Somebody falls asleep upstairs.
You go,

Speaker 1 I could sleepwalk.

Speaker 1 I can head downstairs and get released. That's time to get an ambient prescription.

Speaker 1 No, I've never had my lymph nodes released once in my entire life. Damn.

Speaker 2 I pray your guys aren't full fluid, man. It can cause so many problems.

Speaker 1 For sure, but I'm saying I've never had a massage that ended with a lymph node release.

Speaker 2 Yeah, professional massage.

Speaker 1 I've never had a massage where at the end they go, do you want us to release your fluids? You're a hooker.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 1 they're definitely not.

Speaker 2 If you've made it this far, it's best to steer away from them.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I could see falling into that.

Speaker 2 As a young man, you don't know about

Speaker 2 the fact that they're probably like sex slaves.

Speaker 2 And you find that out and you're like, oh, that's fucking shitty.

Speaker 1 But I mean, I'm cool. You ever been to you ever ever?

Speaker 1 Not a full-blown wash. I've had old Asian women take a pass at my penis.

Speaker 2 Really? And you were in a wishy-washy then?

Speaker 1 Huh? Then you were in there. This was a fucking normal place.
There was like women in there and everything.

Speaker 2 Did it say open on the window and a neon sign?

Speaker 1 No. This was like fucking chicks in there, all sorts of shit.
Really? Yes. And a lady went for your penis.
A lady went for a penis. She goes, oh, so strong.
What?

Speaker 1 She grabbed your grace. No, you're good.
Yes. No, just grazed it.

Speaker 1 Hit me with the graze like three times. I was like, you're good.
Don't need to do that. You turned it down? Yeah, I had a fucking girl.
Every time I get a massage,

Speaker 1 I'm thinking it's going to happen. That's the only thing I fucking think about.
My penis gets smaller. Oh, yeah.
You get doctor's office. I get an absolute doctor's office.

Speaker 1 If I go, they're going to try to jerk me off at the end of this. Holy shit.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You shrivel. God fucking dog.
You're the smallest doctor penis possible.

Speaker 1 So even if I, even I'm not saying I'm morally superior for not getting jerked off.

Speaker 1 I couldn't even if I wanted to. If I wanted to, I'd still be too tenised up.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's crazy. During a massage, I become ridiculously engorged.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You have a history, though. Yeah, but you have

Speaker 1 history.

Speaker 1 You're like a fucking vet going into war. Like wishy-shaking in the middle.

Speaker 2 You were in a handed stone massage place.

Speaker 1 No, it wasn't a handed stone.

Speaker 2 Where was it?

Speaker 1 This was an eight. I'm not going to fucking disclose the information of the fucking.

Speaker 2 But you're like, this is a normal spot, dude.

Speaker 1 it don't it was a normal spot

Speaker 1 going oh so strong it's like bro you were in the wishy-washy i dude i can't i can't i don't want to put my source on spot but someone told me it's no bullshit got a good spot and then that happened to me and you call oh i know who this person was i know she's a liar you call her a liar and you're here you're lying i'm not lying you're a hypocrite bro this is you on the table dude i'm being honest this is you on the table there's a

Speaker 1 i just jacked your dog off

Speaker 2 i know who the mutual i know who the mutual link is and that's just that doesn't strengthen your case bro no it doesn't at all but i was fucking like 24.

Speaker 1 do i know the mutual yes

Speaker 1 no

Speaker 1 it wasn't my co-host

Speaker 1 i didn't guess that no

Speaker 1 it was it was so probably has some in the rollodex

Speaker 1 probably

Speaker 1 who doesn't i mean it's the oldest profession dude I mean, dude, if you got into whoring, you'd be like little finger in Game of Thrones because you get the best ones now.

Speaker 1 Imagine instead of going out on a date, chick just comes to your house, hottest one ever, you bang them, and then they leave. But I want love.
I just think it's funny. I know, I understand.

Speaker 1 But I just want love. I hear you.
I hear you. You can pay for that.
I think those guys have a different experience. I don't want to create them.

Speaker 2 I want love. I think those guys eventually comb the streets.
I think they go to like the top of the top and then they're like...

Speaker 1 Dude, I started watching porn Google imaging big tits.

Speaker 1 Then you know what I saw? A dude fuck a snake. That's what happens.
Those guys get the cream of the crowd. They're like, I kind of want want to.

Speaker 1 Thankfully, the dude fucking the snake hit me in my late 20s. Yeah, dude.
I got that when you got that when you were 12.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 yes. The guy fucking the snake is the most graphic.
It's the worst video that's outside of people being murdered. Yeah, that was.
I'll watch that. No.

Speaker 1 I can watch a train fucking killing before I watch a snake. Okay, a train hitting someone.
That's not that. What murder are we talking?

Speaker 1 The one that took me off. You know what? I can't do audio on the murder.
Yeah. Oh, God.
Listening to people scream. Unless it's like the kids.
The one that took me off murders was

Speaker 1 these two brothers in, I think it was in Ukraine, somewhere in Eastern Europe. They would walk around and they filmed themselves killing people.
Oh, with the fucking hammers and shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw that video

Speaker 1 in 2009.

Speaker 1 Yeah. 2010.
That set me back. I've never...
That was tough. I tried to stay away.
That was real fucking gross. I was at a party and I had to pretend that I wasn't really shooken up by it.

Speaker 1 Oh, I saw Bud Dwyer sophomore year.

Speaker 1 Oh, man, that's that's crazy. Bud Dwyer, sophomore year.
I was like drunk and high. I was watching.
I watched all the blood rush out of his mouth. And I was just like,

Speaker 1 is this Birdman that's on there right now? It's actually a pretty good song. I like this mixtape.
Yeah, you got to play it off. Yeah.
Oh, it's funny.

Speaker 2 While you guys, while I was out being a giant pervert, I missed all the murder stuff. I was just a sensuous guy that's going around trying to be touched.

Speaker 1 I have never

Speaker 2 seen any of these murder videos. Everyone talks about murder videos.
Like, I haven't seen you.

Speaker 1 Matt, first time I ever met you what'd you do i showed you the guy jumping off the roof that was a suicide all right all right come on man true technically

Speaker 1 i'm telling you i'm talking about war footage i have never like i'm telling you just never hit my thing i bme pain olympics was i tried and i was like nope not watching thankfully i never got that rip that 12 years old i heard about it i never saw it bro that's rough i saw the glass bottle in the guy's asshole once glass ass yeah it's a tough one that's really tough mr hand was kind of funny two kids in a sandbox because you find out what happened.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I don't think I saw that.
Two kids in a sandbox is a dude screaming while a girl shoving a dildo into his dick hole. Holy fuck, dude.
It's fucking brutal, dude.

Speaker 2 Yeah, BME Pain Olympics, they like flay themselves.

Speaker 1 Supposedly.

Speaker 2 Give themselves like sub-incisions. They like cut their D's in half.

Speaker 1 Body modifications.

Speaker 2 Bro,

Speaker 2 I tapped it. I made seven seconds in BME, and I was like, this is not for me.
I'm not doing this.

Speaker 1 I used to sit there smiling, showing all them this. Like, dude, check this out.
It's fucking crazy. No idea what real pain was.

Speaker 2 It was terrible. We fed him, like, we fed the young man porn.

Speaker 1 That was funny. We just incubated a gremlin.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 2 You feed your little brother porn. We just absolutely incubated a gremlin.
He came down. He's like, look at this.
We're like, where the fuck did you get that out?

Speaker 1 Now he's stuck on baby drunk. Yes.
He's reached the ultimate level.

Speaker 1 I've lost as a human. I might as well try again.

Speaker 1 Scott King.

Speaker 2 It'll be nice in my life.

Speaker 1 Crazy. Owning Owning a gun's nuts.
Every time I go upstairs, I see my gun on my dresser, I just go,

Speaker 1 good, not good.

Speaker 2 Kamala's got a gun. Why the fuck is this gun?

Speaker 1 Crazy. Kamala's dead.

Speaker 2 Kamala and that dude,

Speaker 1 Mike Pence, or whatever. Yeah, Kamala's Mike Pence.
Ball Balls Walls. What's her pervert husband's name? Kamal Harris? Yeah.
I forget, Doug or some shit. Yeah.
Is it Doug? Doug, the pervert.

Speaker 1 Yeah, fucking faking Tourette's.

Speaker 2 They're strapped as hell, bro. She's all, she's been about that forever.

Speaker 1 Tim Walls is a freak, bro. I do have one

Speaker 1 political prediction. I think she'll turn down any moderate, any, like, I think she'll turn down a Fox debate.
If the moderators are not on her side. Really going out on a limb?

Speaker 1 I don't think she'll do it. Well, I think it's scheduled.

Speaker 1 I think it's scheduled. For Fox?

Speaker 1 I thought Fox was scheduled.

Speaker 1 She'll fucking girl boss out and just say, I ain't doing that shit. See her fucking accent in Pittsburgh? Yes.
You better thank a union worker.

Speaker 1 That was in Detroit, and then she went to to Pittsburgh and was like, You better thank a union worker. Oh, yeah.
She fucking just coached. Three hours earlier.
She was in Detroit.

Speaker 1 You better thank a union worker. It makes complete sense what she is.
She just sounds like an Indian who's trying to do a black voice. And it's exactly right.

Speaker 1 When she hits that like preacher shit, it's like, dude, what the fuck is good with you, lady?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's awkward. It is awkward.
When she gets into, like, I watched her kind of switch a little last night and was like, oh,

Speaker 1 girl boss.

Speaker 1 That's a girl boss, dude. What about you?

Speaker 1 I was looking to see if they had the Fox one schedule. Do they?

Speaker 1 I decided to get off my phone. I decided to unplug.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 That's face down if you can't notice. That's why I got the dogs, and I got a fucking guitar, and I'm trying as much as I can to just learn shit that'll help me.
Warhammer. Warhammer will.

Speaker 1 It won't keep you off your phone. No, it won't.
Yeah, it will.

Speaker 1 You're going to be locked in. You're Titus.
You need to fight the fucking Tyranids. Is it story mode? Yes.
Campania. Is there all online? Yeah.

Speaker 1 what we're talking about is it first person shooter haven't gotten in there yet first person shooter what are we talking uh it's like uh metal third person

Speaker 1 so you're third person really it's exciting times for me i love that things are looking up i'm still waiting for the video games to get good graphics what are you talking about they're still not there that fucking you know what i'm talking about madden 99 or 98 had an image that was so sick of like almost like a video game like the green bay packer diving into an end zone catching a ball and i was like that's what video games are are going to look like at some point

Speaker 1 and they're close but they haven't got there yet no cigar also remake blitzer league best video game of all time blitz the league is the best video game of all time yes or no blitz is the shit no no no no no blitz the league is laying here

Speaker 1 crazy what does it want me to do it's good it's just funny have you played blitz the league I love blitz the league it's so good you can give your fucking guy steroids you play it against the Aztecs the one guy who's just Tony Gonzalez but not played against Ron Mexico yeah Ron Mexico you can play as as Michael Vick Ron Mexico yes dude Blitz League is the greatest game ever I don't know why they fucking took it down

Speaker 1 probably the NFL yeah but dude they weren't the NFL it was just a football game I think Blitz League came out when Playmakers playmakers was on ESPN well that was wild yes you remember playmakers Matt no I got I got it under armor skull cap

Speaker 1 after watching playmakers and it kept going into my forehead so I was taking it off I wore a skull cap

Speaker 1 yeah I I wore it for one game and it just kept going into my fucking brow line. So I was like, I got to stop this.

Speaker 2 Like the Ray Lewis?

Speaker 1 Yes. Yes.
I wore a black skull cap. Playmakers was wild because I was just on the hunt for TVMA.
If I saw a fucking show come out and it said TVMA, in my head, it was like tits.

Speaker 1 So I would just sit there and try to watch Playmakers with like Nickelodeon on return on the remote. And if someone came in, twink,

Speaker 1 hit return real quick. That was a good ass show.
I see why you like this canine. It's a good dog.
It's a fine canine. Fucking Stevie's whoreass over there pissing on the couch.

Speaker 1 You stay in the cage, bitch. She's Natalia Grace.

Speaker 1 Stevie's my Natalia Grace.

Speaker 1 I'm Mike Barnett. You're Mike Barnett.

Speaker 1 Stevie is Natalia Grace.

Speaker 2 I love how he's on her head all day.

Speaker 1 Mike Barnett,

Speaker 1 the guy who he finally gets exonerated in court and he calls his son, he's like, this whole thing's behind us. Literally while a documentary crew is in front of him.

Speaker 1 And the civil case is still in the way. This thing's about to get way worse for you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he has a son that was like a fucking genius and now he's just sleeping down his basement in like a chip paint fucking center block room that part's real sad yeah that is very good boy he's a good boy feel bad for the barnetts honestly yeah that not evil though i will only call her evil i won't say her real name where did they get this the son was at like did they on thursday they made them they had three sons yeah and then adopted a daughter

Speaker 1 and then said the daughter was actually not eight she was 30 and they dropped her off off.

Speaker 1 Dude, the other thing that's real weird at the fucking end is like they slightly allude to the fact that the mom was whoring out Natalia Grace. Really? I didn't get to the end.

Speaker 1 Fell asleep.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's wild.

Speaker 1 You want this computer backhand? How many pieces?

Speaker 1 They show fucking Mike Barnett, the midget saying that the mom was trying to whore out Natalia to the midget, and Mike Barnett acts like he didn't know about it and freaks out.

Speaker 1 Wild shit.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's scary thinking about it.

Speaker 1 Imagine adopting a midget and be like, I could have people beta. The guy was evil too, though.
The guy was just dumb. For sure.

Speaker 2 An evil woman who's like, you know, they can like, they can easily go have sex with a midget. Yeah, it's like.

Speaker 1 You have sex with whoever you want.

Speaker 2 They can really, like, they can slide into just like kind of, they have like no roadblocks to sliding into like horrible behavior where like a dude has to like, you can't just go, you can even want, you could want to have sex with a midget, but it's like, it's not automatic.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's automatic.

Speaker 2 You'd have to court them for a while.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you couldn't do it right way but you have to nervously go walk by them 17 times and then finally go hey like that uh shirt i've never approached someone at the gym what ever approach a human like out in public no same hair oh i've i've done that i've done one approach like a lady girl yeah definitely not dude if i approach someone at the gym i was crying you tell me chick hey with i'm on the phone dog i wasn't even she acted like i was trying to approach her i was just trying to ask about the dog

Speaker 1 she lives lives right next to me. I go, What's that dog's name? I see it all the time.
I'm on the phone right now.

Speaker 1 All right. God, dude.
Yeah. Well, see you later.
Big gulps, huh?

Speaker 2 What was your approach, bro? What was the nature of your, like, how did it go down?

Speaker 1 It was my last girlfriend. She was a yoga truck there.
I was like, dude, I got a bad bag. What's up?

Speaker 2 True.

Speaker 1 That's pretty easy.

Speaker 1 I let you know. I know you did.
I was thinking about the whole time.

Speaker 2 How many classes did you take before you made the approach?

Speaker 1 It was three weeks. Okay, that's pretty cool.
I sat there. I went to class three times a week for three weeks, And every time I was like, oh, that's hilly.

Speaker 1 Just sweaty with a headache. Like, oh, that's hiller.

Speaker 2 I did restaurant depot parking lot one time.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? Went down. Yeah.
Really? You asked a lady for like her number or something?

Speaker 1 Get it?

Speaker 2 Yeah, we had a brief tryst during that period.

Speaker 1 Damn. I got approached by an Asian woman in a Home Depot parking lot one time.

Speaker 2 They won't leave you alone, bro. The massage place.

Speaker 1 No, no, no.

Speaker 1 This was

Speaker 1 maybe like a year ago. I was just in Home Depot parking lot working on the house me and Spade did.
And this lady's like, excuse me. I was like, what's up? I think she was insane.

Speaker 1 And she just, she's like, call me sometime. And then gave me her number, if you want a blowjob, and then drove away.

Speaker 1 It was fucking crazy. Yeah, it was crazy.
Never called her.

Speaker 2 He tore it up.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 2 You tore the number up. He said, what the fuck? Yeah.

Speaker 1 You kept it. I looked at it like it was the ring.
I looked at it like it was the ring. I could have a blowjob and maybe an STD, but maybe a blowjob.

Speaker 2 I don't think you get STDs from blowjobs.

Speaker 1 I could not match her freak, as they say. Yeah, if you get her job.
You could get herpes very easily from a blowjob. You could.
I think that's a tough one, dude. Still, it could have.

Speaker 1 I mean, it could. You could get an STD from head, but being single is the worst thing on the planet.
I don't know how dudes do that shit. Like, oh, I fuck chicks all the time.

Speaker 1 I have sex with one girl. I'm like, I have an STD.

Speaker 1 That's fucking chlamydia.

Speaker 2 I was watching Jordan Peterson. He had this guy on fucking Matthew.
I forget his name, but he did that documentary where like the first one was like, what is a woman? What is the name?

Speaker 1 Matt was like, yeah, Matt Wallace. He's got

Speaker 1 an

Speaker 1 extra loop.

Speaker 2 But then they started talking about like, he's like, yeah, well, like, you know, you're married or Jordan Peterson was like, you're married.

Speaker 2 Like, you know, what's to stop you from like cashing in and all your fame? And like, you know, it was like, he wasn't asking him seriously. He just wanted to hear his answer.

Speaker 2 But the whole time, he's like, I don't understand what even the appeal would be. And it's like, dude, it's not bad.

Speaker 2 Like, I understand being like, I wouldn't sacrifice my family, but to be like, dude, I don't even see why people would do that. It's like,

Speaker 1 yeah, I'm talking about dude. He's playing life on easy, just sits there and argues with trannies and college kids.

Speaker 1 It's the easiest shit in the world, dude.

Speaker 1 Wow, you owned a bunch of mentally unstable fucking people that are confused as shit right now. You're sitting there fucking wrecking them in HD.
Like, congratulations.

Speaker 2 No, when I was at home, Bill Maher did Religulous with like truckers,

Speaker 2 I was like, What do you think about the Bible? And they're like, What, man?

Speaker 1 This is all we have, bro. This is all I have.
He's like, So, I went into a truck stop church and I said, Fuck yeah, same shit Ben Shapiro does.

Speaker 1 Like, Ben Shapiro will go to like Oxford and fucking destroy kids. Like, dude, congratulations.
Shit's not that hard.

Speaker 2 What, Oxford? Isn't that like a prestigious English university?

Speaker 1 College kids,

Speaker 1 and you're going in there with like they run fully on emotion. Yeah, the college kids, even at Oxford, I watched that.
Yeah, like, yeah, and he still gets clipped by them like he some of them get him

Speaker 2 dude i'll get destroyed at oxford if i came in i was just like actually this is what i think about the president they'd be like dude shut the up yeah obviously

Speaker 1 venture as well actually this is the thing that's why you're wrong and i'm gonna he talks so fast that it's like you're just like sure man you know what you win i don't he's motor mouth like destiny

Speaker 2 but dude the it was just king motor mouth he's the number one motormouse i've never i don't think i've

Speaker 1 brutal dude oh dude don't don't what's he hit what's he what side is he on he's liberal as fuck nice he's a

Speaker 1 constant but he's like a liberal it says like retard and faggot

Speaker 1 you know what i mean yeah one of those so he's an edge lord but a liberal was in an open relationship with his girlfriend his girlfriend his wife or girlfriend left him for a sissy boy

Speaker 1 that would push you to be doesn't even bother me

Speaker 1 and then immediately fucking all that israel and palestine shit happened and he went on israel's side so i don't know what the fuck's going on that guy's brain i think he's just grasping at something to hold on to.

Speaker 1 I can't figure it out. I'm ruined.
What? All of it. What? Like Ukraine and Israel.
Yeah, I mean, they're out. They're trying to get you to pick a side.

Speaker 1 You ever see that meme where it's like, oh, you don't support Israel? So you must support Palestine. It's a fucking kid in Star Wars just staring at the girl.

Speaker 1 It's like, dude, you don't have to support either of them. They can both have whatever.

Speaker 2 My thing is like, maybe I'm just minding my own business.

Speaker 1 This is the beeswax party. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's what we mind over here. It's the hardest part about business.
Minding your own, brother.

Speaker 1 Leave me alone. Speaking of which, 9-11.

Speaker 1 It is 9-11. In an unrelated term.

Speaker 1 Today? Oh, shit. Dude, Twitter's crazy right now.
If you want to get fucking active. You actually forgot?

Speaker 2 I literally forgot. You guys can see it.

Speaker 1 Be quiet for 10 seconds. Quiet for 10 seconds.

Speaker 2 Yes, and beat my ass if you want.

Speaker 1 Matt, Bill, don't make light of it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, dude.

Speaker 2 What's going on with Twitter?

Speaker 2 Bill, I'm not playing your sick and twisted game, dude.

Speaker 1 I'm not either, dude. I like to respect the phone, you fucking piece of shit.
On Twitter, they're all saying Israel did it.

Speaker 1 That's the whole thing.

Speaker 1 What about building seven? Good question.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 I saw some of that stuff the other day.

Speaker 1 Now, Candace Owens, dude, that's your girl. She's going hard as fuck.
She's a waste queen. Rabbi Schmolly.
What's that? Rabbi Schmolly? I don't know what that is. The fucking disgusting looking dude.

Speaker 1 Hold on. He's brutal.

Speaker 1 You need to stick to Baby Gronk. Candace Owens.
No, Candace Owens and Rabbi Schmoolie went on Pierce Morgan. And Candace Owens is like, dude, you guys are a synagogue of Satan.
You killed MJ.

Speaker 1 The guy's like, what are you talking about?

Speaker 1 He made the book Kosher Sex.

Speaker 1 He's a brutal to look at. Wait, is Kosher Sex the one with his daughter? No, he's the dude who has a butt plug shop with his daughter.
And he constantly comes at people saying.

Speaker 1 Well, these are all freaks. I know.
It's hilarious.

Speaker 2 He's just Jewish Candace Owens. He's like, you know, he's just a fucking maniac.

Speaker 1 Out of one. Candace Owens.

Speaker 2 I mean, dude, here's the thing. Unless she's right about Macron's wife having a penis.

Speaker 1 She could be right. She's really dressed up as that for a Jewish holiday.

Speaker 1 Who is this? That's Shmoolly. It's him having a goof.

Speaker 2 No, I saw it. I saw it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's a fucking freak, dude.

Speaker 1 He's a he's got a shave the beard, dude. That thing's like pubes.

Speaker 1 He's got a wispy beard.

Speaker 2 You just, dude, you just hate kosher sex. That's your fault.

Speaker 1 I don't hate kosher sex. I still have a lot of people.

Speaker 2 I use the double-read Jewish sex. I love Jewish sex.

Speaker 1 That's all he says to Candace. I love Jewish love.
You got it. You're just obsessed with the Jewish bedroom.

Speaker 1 Wait, I don't even understand the dynamics. Are they on the they're against each other? Oh, so yeah.
So Candice Owens. Candice is free pals.
Watch a few fucking documentaries I've seen before, bro.

Speaker 1 She couldn't keep a lid on it. Holy shit.

Speaker 1 She's going fucking.

Speaker 2 Well, I think she sent, I think she sent Yay the Floyd doc. And Yay was like, I got a couple docs you should watch.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Doc for Doc.
Yay. I think he went doc for doc.
Yeah. The Candace doc fucked him up.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the Candace Doc, yeah, he was just citing White Lives Matter. Yeah, he went off and hit the White Lives Matter shirt.

Speaker 2 You called that pretty well when you saw that.

Speaker 1 Because I just watched the Candace Doc, and I was like, oh,

Speaker 1 he's saying everything from the documentary.

Speaker 1 Doc for doc. Yeah, dude, they're with the treacherous hole to go down with your friends.

Speaker 2 Well, dude, the viral right is in a sorry state. They've completely turned on each other every day.

Speaker 1 That's what I noticed about Twitter today was the left is winning the meme war, dude. No.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Every video is a video of Trump talking about eating cats. I know.
That's the. It's not a meme.
It used to be the... They can't meet.

Speaker 1 Bro, I know you want to hold on to the fact that the right...

Speaker 1 Dude, I'm unaffiliated. Look, I'm a Notre Dame fan, dude.
I remember the glory days. I need help.
I remember the glory days.

Speaker 1 Last night, Trump lost the NIU. That was NIU.

Speaker 1 Trump's losing the fucking NIU. Yeah, that shouldn't even be a game.
Shouldn't have been a game.

Speaker 1 But, dude, I'm watching it. Like, dude, you should say this.
Like, how do you not know? Trump just keeps hitting the border, the border. It's like, dude, we fucking get it.
Yeah. Exposed your ass.

Speaker 2 How old's Trump now?

Speaker 1 He's old as shit. He's 80, dude.

Speaker 2 I mean, don't fall to the old sauce that Democrats fell for. He might be geezed up, dude.

Speaker 1 He is geezed up. He's geezed, but he's not.
Still good at it.

Speaker 1 He's not fully geezed.

Speaker 2 No, he's not Biden for sure, but he's for sure. He's been geezed.
The last few years.

Speaker 1 He actually was all geese-wise, he was all right. He's getting a little fired up, dude.

Speaker 2 He just got shot in the fucking, he's not as sharp, though. Like, talking, he used to just murder people.
I guess now they've studied his game and they're like kind of crafting questions.

Speaker 1 I think they're just trying to get him to chill the fuck out, and also they didn't give him any of the fucking debate, all the debates. Like, it's weird as shit that they're doing no crowds.

Speaker 2 I know, it is creepy.

Speaker 1 You're the president of the United States, but you can't do a debate in front of a crowd. That's what you want to do.

Speaker 1 They, the one thing I also noticed is, how the fuck is homeless people not a topic?

Speaker 1 Why is that that way like they're totally ignored obviously we we Matthew and I travel quite a bit yeah every single city in this country oh it's crazy you think it's just New York or Philly or whatever no it's every single city they're giving the fucking no one cares the yeah true they're giving the uh the Haitians and the Venezuelans three g's a month and food stamps and then vets are just getting nothing

Speaker 1 Now you're Trump.

Speaker 1 That's the facts of life, bro. I hear you.
I agree. I agree.
It is wild. But

Speaker 1 what are we doing with the homeless, bro? Put them somewhere. Can we do that as a topic? Next debate.
Can someone go, what are your plans with the homeless people? Put them in.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's...

Speaker 2 I do like when Trump was like, what's your plan? He goes, I have a concept of a plan. Yeah.
It's not a full fledged plan.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you.

Speaker 2 That was actually a sick answer. Like, dude, if I were president, I have a plan.
Like, I kind of know what I'm going to do.

Speaker 2 But also, dude, she just takes all of his plans.

Speaker 1 Anything he's like, I'm going to do this.

Speaker 2 She's like, yeah, this is my plan. Now, I get why he's like, yeah, I'm not fucking telling you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she's taking joking.

Speaker 2 She's mine, Mancia.

Speaker 1 She is Mancia. She also said some dramatic ass shit, like, he doesn't care about you.
He only cares about himself. And Trump just goes, That was for a sound bite.
You don't actually believe that.

Speaker 1 He had some good ones. No, he did have some good ones.
But they cut his mic so he couldn't hit her with.

Speaker 1 They cut the mics in between so he couldn't hit her. They could never have a because you'd be in jail ever again.
It's the greatest clip of all time. I know.
That was so funny. Senator Clinton.

Speaker 1 Also, today marks the same day that Hillary Clinton came out of that black van and passed down that secret service had a carrier back in it remember that video you know that video how about where is she they don't they don't like bring her a boiler

Speaker 1 i don't see her at all like i know like obama's come out and they're like yeah we love kamal harris but you don't see like hillary clinton a boiler clinton's they know that's bad bro they know that's bad options yeah meanwhile they're still touting dick cheney that's wild that's where i'm confused like what the's going on i'm confused how does a confused person get a resolution i'm going back to waterloo yeah they fucking are like oh yeah

Speaker 1 I'm sitting over here hitting them with gibberish.

Speaker 1 I know what you're talking about. What are you talking about?

Speaker 2 You know, you guys are talking about how do you, you know, Dick Cheney, I don't know the Waterloo reference, but I will say,

Speaker 1 I will say, I'm going back where the vampires stay. How do you kill someone when you're already dead? The Indian guy on Toronto fashion time.

Speaker 1 This place looks like New York, Manhattan. We're all the bums.
We're all the bums.

Speaker 2 I don't know, dude.

Speaker 1 They're creating bums. They created bums.

Speaker 2 I think next year we're not going to be able to have

Speaker 2 the

Speaker 2 artificially stitched together like media personality that like I think Kamala Harris is. I don't think we'll be able to have them anymore.
They're going to have to have this.

Speaker 1 This one's working, bro.

Speaker 1 This one's working like crazy.

Speaker 2 They're going to crack it, though. It's like it needs this whole infrastructure to support it.

Speaker 2 If you have guys doing three-hour conversations on like, you know, gigantic podcasts, it's going to start undercutting that.

Speaker 1 Like us, bro.

Speaker 2 Exactly. Like we are the fucking terrorists.
But if it's like, she can do that all she wants. It looks awesome on TV, but then it's like, I don't know, maybe if she really pulls.

Speaker 1 So you're a racist.

Speaker 2 I think this might be the last time you can do that. I think she might be like the death rattle of being able to just completely prop a person up artificially.

Speaker 1 I would have thought that until I saw how successful this has been.

Speaker 1 I mean, this is

Speaker 1 a good thing. She doesn't do interviews.
She doesn't have to do interviews. She literally just shows up, did recited speeches during the debate.

Speaker 1 You better think a union worker.

Speaker 1 I really don't think. I mean, this will be the end of if Trump loses.
That's the, Trump's gone.

Speaker 1 And now the Republican Party is going to have probably like five or six guys trying to imitate him, and the rest of them are going to go back to like Mitt Romney shit. Neocons.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't know. Yeah, maybe some of the people.
What are you going to do?

Speaker 1 Back to the Uniparty, bro.

Speaker 1 What's Uniparty?

Speaker 1 They're the exact same party. Yeah, true.

Speaker 1 It will go back to that. Trump Dog is kind of the only outlier.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, true.

Speaker 2 RFK, Vivek, Tulsi Gabbers. I don't know, dude.

Speaker 2 Fucking.

Speaker 1 You know, Tulsi got that gray streak from Warspade. Told me that last night.
What? Yeah, it's so hot.

Speaker 1 How? I don't know.

Speaker 1 That's all I got. Yeah, like anxiety.

Speaker 2 Probably anxiety.

Speaker 2 I do like the gray streak, I'll be honest.

Speaker 2 I was trying to focus on the merit and policy, but yes, I don't know.

Speaker 1 Same here. Gray streak's nice.
Dude, who was I just thinking about? It's hot as shit. Dude, Carly Simon's hot as fuck.
You ever see her old album covers?

Speaker 1 Maybe. We have no secrets by Carly Simon.
Look up her old album covers, dude. She's hot as fuck.

Speaker 1 Really? Anything for her? Yeah, do we mean really? You seem to fuck my bro. She looks like Mick Jagger, bro.
No, she doesn't fucking

Speaker 1 talk. Exactly like Mick Jagger, you fucking bro.
Stop.

Speaker 2 Bro.

Speaker 2 This is one I don't really.

Speaker 1 Oh, he sure is.

Speaker 2 Topango from Boyd Meats World crushes Carly Simon. She looks like her.
I know, but the Pango is

Speaker 1 like a nipple. Yeah, look at those.
You look at the nipples.

Speaker 1 No, Carly Simon's obviously hot. Yeah, you fucking hate her.

Speaker 2 I mean, yeah, you're painting her as like absolutely power, babe. I'm like, she's

Speaker 1 a power babe. She's not pretty lady.

Speaker 1 She's no Julia Roberts. That's what I'm saying.
That's classic. That's timely.

Speaker 1 Julia Roberts is hot as fuck. Obviously, I like 13 going on 30, but she's not fucking hotter.

Speaker 2 Bro, you're going to put Prime versus Prime, Julia Roberts versus Carly Simon.

Speaker 1 Carly Simon's hotter. She's a little fucking crack, bro.
Maybe it's just what what I'm into. I mean, what you guys are into, but we can have differences.

Speaker 1 These are both two big-mouth beauties. Let's make a change.
It's time to make a change. These are two large-mouthed bass.
They are. They are.
They are huge mouths.

Speaker 1 It's time to make a change for real.

Speaker 1 Can't be locking up cheetah.

Speaker 1 That was.

Speaker 1 Yo, I'm with him on that, dude. Dude, he handled that poorly.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 1 Not even. Or 100.

Speaker 1 Hold on. Not even close to as poorly as those fucking cops.
Oh, obviously. I'm not cops.
This This is Israel and Palestine, dude. I don't also like cops because of this.

Speaker 1 No, those cops handled that like shit. Obviously, dude.
Cop attitudes are the worst, bro. And the white cop, all right.
So the cheetah. Tyree kill.
Tyree kill was on his way to the game on Sunday.

Speaker 1 Before the game, he got pulled over. I didn't know he was going 100 and a 50.
155 or like 80. He was going.
All right. 80 and a 55 is perfectly legal.
That's. You know that you do 80 and a 55.

Speaker 1 I would never. Don't lie right now.
Bro.

Speaker 2 Dude, 95 is 55.

Speaker 1 If he was not going.

Speaker 1 If he was going 100, all right. Yeah, I forget what it is.
If he's going 80, that's well, whatever. Either way, they pull him over for speeding, knock on his window.
He rolls his window down.

Speaker 1 This is the only time he handled it wrong. He was like, yo, don't knock on my fucking window so hard.
And then roll. That was after they came and talked to him.
He kept rolling his window back.

Speaker 1 And then he rolled his window back up. But it was, I think it was two Cuban cops that was motorcycle boys in Miami that were going fucking crazy.
Cocaine cowboys. They went nuts, dude.

Speaker 1 Locked,

Speaker 1 pulled him out of the car, held him down.

Speaker 1 Those dudes just had a lot of money. Are they like leather boots, like highway patrol guys? Yes.

Speaker 2 Those guys apparently are like psychos.

Speaker 1 They were every black dude that's ever picked on them in grade school. God taken out on Tyree.
Tyree chill.

Speaker 1 And then his teammates are stopping by because they're on the way to the stadium. They're right next to the stadium.
And they're like, get the fuck back in the car. You listened to me.

Speaker 1 They're fucking going crazy. Scarface.

Speaker 1 They scarfaced out. What? And they fucking put him in cuffs, cuffed him up.

Speaker 2 Because he was like, don't knock on my window.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he was all he said. He was literally, they were like, We're gonna pull you out of the car.
He was standing to get out of the car when they yanked him out of the car.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was, it was genuinely bad. Damn, it was actually bad.

Speaker 1 I went into it, I'll be honest, I let my bias take over. I went into the before the body cam going out, I went into it going, I'm sure he was being an asshole.
That's what I thought.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm not proud of that.

Speaker 1 I'm not proud of that. No, he's not really.
He's fucking Tyreek Hill, dude. I know.

Speaker 1 It's the funny thing the body cam came out from the the white cop who was like, holy shit, do you know who that is?

Speaker 1 And both the Cuban cops were like, what?

Speaker 1 It's not Cristiano Ronaldo and Messi. They're like, he's a dolphin star player.
He's like, oh, really? Goes back to fucking spasm. I don't give a fuck, bro.

Speaker 1 Yeah, those cops sucked, bro.

Speaker 1 Not our problem, bro. Come fucking racist-ass Cuban pigs.
Us white cops don't do that.

Speaker 1 They learned their lesson. Oh, contraer.

Speaker 1 They learned it in prayer.

Speaker 1 But no, yeah,

Speaker 1 I'll be honest. I don't know.

Speaker 1 I was relieved when I saw that that was Cuban

Speaker 1 Sebastian. It's everything.
I just wait. Yeah, what's this going to be? Not our problem.

Speaker 2 Were they like Pit Bulls complexion or like, no, they were a little darker.

Speaker 1 They were like Jose Consenco types. Jose Consenko.

Speaker 1 You know, they were. Guy reminded me of Conseenko a bit.
Conseco.

Speaker 1 Is that not how you say his name? Conseco.

Speaker 1 How do you say his name? It's Conseco. Fuck it.
It's not Conseco.

Speaker 1 Jose Consinko. Conseenko.
Concinco de Mayo

Speaker 1 is what it is. Damn.
So

Speaker 2 did he get like Phil get his ass beat on the side of the road?

Speaker 1 They're shoving him around. They're a rough one.

Speaker 1 Rough, dude. Cry, baby.
Plays in the NFL.

Speaker 1 Also,

Speaker 1 you don't have to be a tough dude. It was very funny on Twitter where he's like, dude, we got to end the police brutality.

Speaker 1 And this one dude just comments, you literally broke your kid's arm and gave your wife a black eye.

Speaker 2 To be fair, he's talking about police brutality specifically.

Speaker 1 True, true. Nothing to have to do with the CTE specs.

Speaker 1 He's just a nasty devil, dude. It made me laugh.
Matt, Matt, is this your brother? I can't believe Matt's on. He's been online.
He's been corrupted by you. Matt's a racist.

Speaker 1 Yeah, dude. I know that.
Yeah, impossible.

Speaker 2 Prove it. Impossible.

Speaker 1 Take this whole podcast down. Matt beats black people.

Speaker 1 What the fuck? All right. Well, the podcast is just having fun.
Just get around.

Speaker 2 Dude, what the hell?

Speaker 1 Literally, I read a CNN CNN article.

Speaker 1 I read a CNN article that said that. What did it say? Matt's racist.
Oh, true. True.

Speaker 1 There's a CNN article that says you guys are racist. What am I to believe?

Speaker 2 But you literally lied on me and said you have incriminating tweets or texts.

Speaker 1 Not yet.

Speaker 2 Is that a Simon Rex?

Speaker 1 No way, that's your fault.

Speaker 2 No

Speaker 2 is that the new record?

Speaker 1 Holy shit. He sent me that.
He said, My boy, oh, that's his boy.

Speaker 1 My boy beat my frack. Fuck.

Speaker 1 Holy shit. Simon Rex and his boys fart like that.
How do you fart? Fart that long.

Speaker 2 That's crazy.

Speaker 1 How the fuck? How do you do that?

Speaker 2 I don't know. I don't know, man.

Speaker 1 You like hold it in for a while?

Speaker 1 Girls do that.

Speaker 2 Maybe, maybe like maybe they're eating like vegan or something.

Speaker 1 I feel like if you ate like just beans all day.

Speaker 2 That's that's the fact that there's another guy out there who's his friend that also farts like that is crazy.

Speaker 1 It's pretty sick swap.

Speaker 2 What's your world-class farters?

Speaker 1 You got high-pitched ones, yeah. I can let out some shit.
You got a tight-ass whistle.

Speaker 2 Hell yeah, yeah, he does got a tight-ass whistle on it.

Speaker 1 Thank you, fellas. No problem.

Speaker 2 I appreciate it. Mine's like a tropical jungle.

Speaker 1 Mine sounds like a dog whistle, honestly.

Speaker 1 You know, right. Shit barely comes out of the way.
Come on, man. Swear to God.
They go.

Speaker 1 Looks like I shit out tape worms every time I think Bill farts. Oh,

Speaker 1 Sounds like a yawn.

Speaker 1 Dude, that is fucked up. You ever see the porn stars that get anal prolapses? My sweet.

Speaker 2 I haven't seen that, but I've seen some ones with miles on them where I'm like, it's time to get some sort of surgery or something.

Speaker 1 They have chimpasses.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you get older.

Speaker 1 Do you watch chimp crazy? No. No, it's good.
It's good. It's very good.
Does the lady get ripped up by a chimp at the end? I haven't got to that point yet.

Speaker 1 That's what I'm, I'm not hoping that that happens because I I haven't seen it. No, she's getting interviewed.
Oh, okay. So I guess she's the girl who lived.

Speaker 1 But PETA hates when you fucking have fun with chimps. Matt, what time did you have to go?

Speaker 2 I'm good. Oh, I have a, no, I'm good till like 5 p.m.

Speaker 1 I literally have no clue how long this is

Speaker 1 for.

Speaker 2 No, it's three o'clock here.

Speaker 1 Oh, I'm dumb as shit. I do that every time.
Idiot. I always think it's.

Speaker 2 Oh, you advanced an hour. Yeah.

Speaker 1 4.30. We started at 2.30, dude.

Speaker 2 I don't think, is there a time zone that would be one hour more eastern than the east coast? I I feel like it jumps to like England.

Speaker 1 South America. Always thought it was Brazil, but it's not.
It's not? No, Brazil's behind us. No, it's not.
Brazil is an hour behind us. Oh, they're way back.

Speaker 1 I think the time zone might be, but geographically, they're not. What?

Speaker 1 The latitude? I swear to God.

Speaker 2 Maybe Iceland. Maybe Iceland's like.

Speaker 1 Brazil's behind us, right? Not geographically. I think they are.
Not geographically. They're way in front of us.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they're kind of sticking out.

Speaker 1 We're like with Chile. We're on the same side as Chile.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Yeah, Brazil. Oh, yeah, my bad.
I had the opposite way. I always thought fucking Brazil was under Texas for some reason.
I still do, obviously. That's me.

Speaker 1 That is caked into my brain.

Speaker 1 Well, I hear you.

Speaker 1 It makes sense. What are you going to do? Well, there's nothing we can do about it.
By the way,

Speaker 2 not bragging, guys, but have you seen my strain library?

Speaker 1 What the fuck is all helicops?

Speaker 1 Illegal in Texas helicops. What is that stuff?

Speaker 2 It's my strain library. It's all my weed strains.

Speaker 1 Oh, shit.

Speaker 1 And you got cool cases for them?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I got these cool metal cases. You know, the ball is the best.

Speaker 1 Dude, is that your is that our paintball picture at the top there?

Speaker 2 Oh, you know it is.

Speaker 1 Damn, that's sick. That is sick.

Speaker 2 You ever get a fucking, you ever get a glimpse of this thing?

Speaker 1 Try to find a billion picture of Billy and Spud.

Speaker 2 Oh, there's baby Billy right there.

Speaker 1 Grizzled vets. Grizzled vets.

Speaker 2 Front and center, dude.

Speaker 1 Horrified from what he saw. No, this is old, dude.
This This is a fairy. Horrified from what he saw.
What year is that? Oh, I was like fucking eight with the American flag.

Speaker 1 My dad was like fucking 280 in that picture. Wait, was that your dad next to you? Yeah, show the fucking camera better, man.
I can't see. I can see zoom in.
Damn, your dad was

Speaker 1 a unit, dude. And he looks exactly like trigger discipline on my finger, too.
Did he really? No, there's the rooster right there.

Speaker 2 There's a rooster right there.

Speaker 1 Caught the killing rooster.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was was awesome. That was great.

Speaker 1 That was a great paintball trip. Core memory.

Speaker 2 It really was. I remember

Speaker 2 two people got in a big fist fight. It was awesome.
All the dads really passed out.

Speaker 1 Who got a fist fight?

Speaker 2 Huh?

Speaker 1 Who got in a fist fight?

Speaker 2 I don't want to say their names, but there was two people who got a fist fight in a hotel room, which was like the craziest venue for a fist fight.

Speaker 1 That's like world star shit.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I know. It was pretty sick.

Speaker 1 Dude, how old were the gentlemen in the fist fight?

Speaker 2 Like

Speaker 2 eighth graders. Like

Speaker 2 our friends got it. It was like two eighth graders fought in the hotel room.

Speaker 1 Dude, the hotel had a bowling alley. I was mind fucked.
I must have bowled seven games. So we can just keep playing.
Like, yes, okay.

Speaker 1 I'm going to glow bowl until I can't fucking see straight in. You're a four-skunk with the Dr.
Peppas. I love it.
You're going to wait. These are just unlimited games of bowling.

Speaker 1 My one cousin got fucking kicked out of the hotel for what? Fucking DC sniper. He was in the hotel room shooting out the window.

Speaker 2 He brought his own cake ball gun.

Speaker 1 He brought his own rig. I didn't have one.
I wasn't allowed to. Psycho.
That's crazy.

Speaker 1 That would have happened now. That would be on the news.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Instead of just a hotel guy, like, dude, you got to leave the president. Did he get kicked out of the hotel or did he just get out of the hotel?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think. Oh, that's right.
Because then at the end of the night, yeah, yeah, I remember.

Speaker 1 Because then he was gone.

Speaker 2 That was the night we woke up my little cousin. He was asleep.
And

Speaker 2 we were all just like smoking weed and drinking. We were like, bro.
He was out past out from drinking and smoking weed as like a little kid. And we were like shaking him.

Speaker 2 We're like, bro the building's on fire we got to get out of here and he just chased us around the hotel

Speaker 2 not the lobby like the floor we're like the third floor and we just ran and lapsed around the third floor and eventually he came to and was like what the fuck are we doing my brother tom did that to us in dublin where were you guys for the the

Speaker 1 same place

Speaker 1 yeah Yeah, Tom told me and my cousins in Dublin, Ireland, that there's a pool in the fucking hotel. We were walking around the whole thing in bathing suits, asking everyone, where's the pool?

Speaker 1 And they were just like, there's no pool here.

Speaker 1 completely prank oh come back canoe i just produced one of tom's podcasts no biggie i heard no big deal i heard just like i'm doing right now true

Speaker 1 yes

Speaker 1 look at that you need a palm dude

Speaker 1 people sit there oh it's a gay dog it's like dude it's the best it is a gay dog it's the best reg

Speaker 1 lay down boy

Speaker 1 you're a good lay down boy good trainer look at that what are you guys getting up to the rest of the night what's funny i have no plans. Might need some chicken bake.

Speaker 1 Obviously, Warhammer, chicken bake. I gotta finish this campaign.

Speaker 1 What's the campaign?

Speaker 1 Right now, the Tyrannids are

Speaker 1 a million? I think it's 40,000.

Speaker 1 40,000? I think. That's fucking.
I think that's why it's called Warhammer 40 or 20, I don't know what the fuck it is. 20, 40?

Speaker 1 No, it's

Speaker 1 way in the future, bro. 4,000.
Not here. 40,000 is great.
Warhammer 40K. It's 4,040.
Are you serious? Yeah. It's a fucking crazy name for a video game.
I could have 4,000.

Speaker 2 I got to be on my Jocko type shit tomorrow. I got to wake up at 4.30 in the morning.

Speaker 1 Why? What for?

Speaker 2 Early ass. I'm taking a super early flight.

Speaker 1 Why do you keep taking these flights?

Speaker 2 Providence.

Speaker 2 I like getting out early so I can catch a nap before the show.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you have to nap if you're waking up at 4.0. You can

Speaker 1 front-load your nap. Bro,

Speaker 1 add it to the sleep. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 It's tough to sleep with the children.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you got to put them down. They wake up in the middle of the night.
That way, and it's like if I leave when they're still there, like they get spun out.

Speaker 1 So you're hitting at 4:30 a.m. Like, I got to go.
Jack.

Speaker 1 You're getting out as long as

Speaker 1 a trip as you can get.

Speaker 2 Well, dude, you have to. Otherwise, if they're like getting ready for school and I'm like rolling out with a suitcase, they're going to fucking spazz.
Like, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 Oh, you got to sneak out like a sneak out before them.

Speaker 2 And I got to sneak out. Like, actually, yeah, I just write them a little letter.
I say, you guys, be good and listen to your mama.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Then I take the

Speaker 1 back in two days.

Speaker 1 And spades going with you.

Speaker 2 Spades coming. Spades don't fight.

Speaker 1 sick open it up you're lying yeah no damn

Speaker 2 i might have a master of ceremonies like not even host a speak ladies and gentlemen you know welcome to the show just have a guy so dude your bro glenn lowry is coming too i'm going to interview him when i'm out in providence he's coming to the show yeah he's he works at brown university so

Speaker 1 yeah i'm excited

Speaker 1 to the comedy connection yeah that's a fun that's a fun little venue yeah it's a good that's a good time in there those province people roger furt going yeah invite i'll probably i'll probably i rolled in them last time i want to see him and Spade meet.

Speaker 2 They will. They absolutely, most likely will.

Speaker 2 It's the Manhattan Project.

Speaker 1 Awesome.

Speaker 1 All right. Well, I think we're good enough.

Speaker 2 Yeah, man.

Speaker 1 419. When is this? Oh, fuck yeah.
God damn. Yeah, we've been renting it.
2.30. 2.30, 3.30, 3.30.
All right. Good mess.
2.30, 3.30, 3.30.

Speaker 1 Not two hours. I mean, dude, it's good.
It's your product. It's good stuff.
It's your product. All right.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 2 Love you guys. Goodbye.

Speaker 1 See you later.

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