Ep 514 - Back Together Yay (feat. WARMODE)

Speaker 1 Wow, wow, Wes.

Speaker 1 Heads up, we started. What's up, guys? What up? Dude, I'm you guys have no idea what it's like looking back on this from Texas just going just trying to crawl through my computer screen.

Speaker 1 I wish I was there.

Speaker 1 Oh, come on, let me through. We needed you here.
The brothership has not been strong. The broship's been.
What's up with the broship? I never even hang out with these guys. We took a hit, bro.

Speaker 1 What happened to the bro ship? What's that? What happened to the bro ship? Well, personally, I want to get wings, but this has been like for like three days.

Speaker 1 Shane Luddy was saying he wouldn't call you yesterday. For three days,

Speaker 1 dude, for three days, I've had this weird thing where all I think about in my head is like, I should go get wings. And I've like gained like 20 pounds in like three weeks.

Speaker 1 I gained weight pretty quickly, dude. I got one.
Like, you know, the Philadelphia hoagies that are on like sarcones rolls. I got one of those.
You're only supposed to eat half of that.

Speaker 1 And then I was like, dude, after like 45 minutes, I was like, I'll just

Speaker 1 wings. We're getting wings.
We're getting wings.

Speaker 1 All right. Why don't we have wings and brewski's near helium? Yeah, sure.
Yeah, it's fine. I'll be buzzed up.
Dude, we went to a

Speaker 1 restaurant.

Speaker 1 Massive L's. We went to a restaurant to go get wings.
The first one was closed. No, it was open.
It was fucking. It opens at four.
We got there at 4.15.

Speaker 1 What the fuck? Oh, they were like, we're not ready yet. Dude, it was a fucking graveyard.
And then just one they walked out and was like, hey, y'all, kitchen doesn't open for another hour.

Speaker 1 They got you. Yeah.
I was like, bro, why did they all say y'all too, by the way? Me and Spade were literally just all.

Speaker 1 Yeah. The cheers in Fishtown makes me want to kill myself.
Then we went to a place that I thought for sure would have wings. Cheers, yes.
And they changed their menu up.

Speaker 1 They changed their menu up to like real fancy shit. Like, Bill got croquettes.
Yeah. They're table tops, bro.
I got hash browns, some dunk and donuts, three of them for $11. $11.
Three.

Speaker 1 They fucked me. Ah.
And then I got in a car accident yesterday. What? Roston.
Bill's my counsel. I probably shouldn't speak on it.
Yeah, please. The case is still.
I wanted to wear a suit.

Speaker 1 You're taking litigation. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I was just like, fuck, I guess it's my fault. and then bill's like oh that's why you said esquire on the phone

Speaker 1 yeah bill's like this they're going i'm going to you got you got attacked by a domestic terrorist i got hit with a russian lift driver oh shouldn't sound dude honestly counsel can i speak yeah you can talk about it

Speaker 1 good advice you had an israeli wisp witness too

Speaker 1 not him i was banging a right on in a one-lane street and the guy hit the back of me how how is it not my fault it's not your fault it is my fault no if you get hit from behind it's not your fault see this is why i paused off pause not your fault.

Speaker 1 If you get hit from behind your car, it's not your fault. This is why it's literally.
That's why people pull in front of you and jam their brakes.

Speaker 1 Bill, exactly right. You're innocent.
Spud, are you hitting? I got hit with one save bar person. It's going, well, it's your fault.
He goes, Okay, I guess it's the fault. No, it's not.

Speaker 1 They're like, Are you ready to begin the recording? I was like, oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 They recorded you? They got him to make you a murder or whatever.

Speaker 1 Did you agree to it?

Speaker 1 Did you agree? Yeah, I didn't even. Nah, bro.
Yeah, see, I fucked up. You got to be your lawyer.
You needed to. Call Yo.
Call C. Breeze.
William McCusky. Call Bill.

Speaker 1 Dude, Bill went to the gym and then he went to the crime scene and videotaped it and sent it to State Farm.

Speaker 1 He's a good lawyer. They don't know.
Call C. Breeze.
I know you harassed me on the street. Yeah, I harassed you.
After you knocked the case down.

Speaker 1 Also, I have good litigation against you. You ran a red light.

Speaker 1 I did.

Speaker 1 Dude, I made the biggest scene, ran a red light while honking my horn, screaming, shay!

Speaker 1 I was just carrying my coffees, dude. I was just being a good guy.
Hey, Colby. You're going to ruin your plausibility to represent what? Matt.

Speaker 1 Matt.

Speaker 1 You lost your plausibility. How? You ran a red light and I got it.
It has nothing to do with the case. If you want to take me to court for running that red light, we can handle that.

Speaker 1 Did you run that red light? Because you already said you run. You ran it.
You said you ran it. Allegedly running your red light.
No, you said it already. You literally said this has nothing to do with

Speaker 1 it. Don't talk about it.
I have to stay with my current account. What's the tort situation?

Speaker 1 What's the current tort?

Speaker 1 I don't know. I learned about that junior year of high school.
I don't remember.

Speaker 1 We got to check into the torts.

Speaker 1 Dude, there's I had a guy, I got just crashed. Some lady just nailed me.
Pause. Well, I'll take it.
Let me play. Some lady just nailed my car.

Speaker 1 She had no insurance, and I had like the worst of the worst insurance. And I called a lawyer.
He's like, I checked the torts. He's like, they're just going to write you a check for $100.

Speaker 1 Dude, this is when your car was beat for like a year. Yeah, man.
That was crazy. Did I ever tell you the whole situation with that? What? This is a crazy story.
Dude, so the lady

Speaker 1 just nailed my car, fucked me up, airbags deployed. Oh, I forgot.
Came out, dude. Came out of it like, I got to get the license plate.
Yeah. Total my civic.

Speaker 1 Came out, got the license plate off the lady, and she just. When was this? This was like 26, 17.
You guys were doing the podcast. 18.
It would have been 18, I think.

Speaker 1 You might have got CTE. I did, dude.

Speaker 1 Bro, I was fucked up. I didn't sleep.
I didn't sleep after that. Dude, I didn't sleep for real for four days, and I wasn't tired.

Speaker 1 It was CBI, dude. Yeah, it fucked me up pretty badly.
And if that still sands, maybe get monetary, dude. Like, so

Speaker 1 you might become retarded from a car accident. Call Billy.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 Bill offers. I'm gonna put it again a billboard with Bill on it.
But, dude, though, the whole story is kind of nuts because I uh I got her, I got her license plate.

Speaker 1 I got her license plate, so I use my police contacts. You're more in the law, I'm more into like the pine of the shield.
Right. So

Speaker 1 I used my police contacts, I got her address, and an officer I knew at the time That's literally illegal.

Speaker 1 That's BTS, bro. As your counsel, stop talking about that.

Speaker 1 You found her name. I can't tell you the whole story.
You can't. I mean, you shouldn't have to do it.
But that's illegal.

Speaker 1 It's literally against the law.

Speaker 1 The police can do that, can't they? Comedy podcast. The police can't do that for a friend.

Speaker 1 Well, what about a lover?

Speaker 1 What abuse of power? Is it an abuse of power? You know these comedians. I can't tell the rest of the story.
The rest of the story is way more of an abuse of power. What'd you do?

Speaker 1 I got to do it. I told you someone I knew.
Okay, so let's say the story.

Speaker 1 Legend has it, I heard of somebody who did this. Story time, y'all.

Speaker 1 We went to the house. We went to the house, and it was in not the best neighborhood.
So I just, I didn't want to get recognized.

Speaker 1 So I just got to like sit there and chill while someone I knew who, you know, whatever, went up to the door, knocked up, and was like, yo, where's? And the person was like, oh, they're not here.

Speaker 1 They're not here, blah, blah, blah. And they're like, look, man, I'm not, we just want to like, you know, there was a hit and run.
It was a serious incident. Just, they should do the right thing.

Speaker 1 And they went actually and they ended up did, like, going to turn themselves in. They didn't get any trouble.
I didn't press charges. But then later on, the person who hit me called

Speaker 1 my police contact and literally told, they were like, how can we make it? Officer, officer, my daughter suffered a terrible thing. Somebody videotaped her sucking their dick and put it on Facebook.

Speaker 1 What can we do? And they were like, I can't help you. I don't know.
What the fuck? Yeah. I don't know.
It's like the calmer's a bitch, y'all. That's all I'm saying.
God damn. Calm as a bitch.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was bad. I actually felt bad.
You were probably like, I actually should probably review the tape for legal purposes. I said, I was like, you make us whole.
We can.

Speaker 1 That was all, that's all fictional. That's just street justice.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That was all fictional.

Speaker 1 That's crazy. I got to stop drinking water right into the microphone.
I'm sorry, y'all.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry, y'all. No, cheers.
I got CTs, bro. I got hit.

Speaker 1 Dude, the airbag deployed. And by the way,

Speaker 1 there was a scratch. Shuff your face up.
Dude,

Speaker 1 brother, most people would hit my forearm. I was quicker than the airbag, swear to God.
It came at me and it went like that, and it scuffed my forearm. Not lying.
That's super shit. I believe.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it wasn't the airbag. You were probably covering up for the accident.
No, it was the accident. Did you see the accident coming? Dude, I saw the lady pull it out.
I was listening to

Speaker 1 fuck, what was the song? It's probably a rapper. It's funny.
It's going to be so funny. The what? Whatever song it was.

Speaker 1 What song you're listening to if you get in a car? Oh, dude. It's so funny.
Oh, my God. Let me find the.

Speaker 1 Fuck, it's by like it's not like Jane's addiction. I think it's Jane's addiction.

Speaker 1 I just put rooster in your head earlier.

Speaker 1 Getting an accident to rooster would be sick. What Allison changes

Speaker 1 dude. Let me see if I can find this because it's like it's kind of embarrassing.
So I'll listen to it every now and again. I'm like,

Speaker 1 damn, that was a serious accident. I didn't know how bad it was.
Dude, my airbag deployed. And I remember I saw the car.
I was like, fuck, hit it. And there was like hurt like fuck.
What?

Speaker 1 Probably hurt having your arm. Dude, it fucking hurt like hell your face.
I was, I was, I lost consciousness. I was out and I came to and was just like,

Speaker 1 what the fuck? And just saw that car and was like, bitch. You could have become a paraplegic, bro.
This is true.

Speaker 1 Did your airbag deploy in your car accident with the tractor trailer when you were trying to get your game? No. You just went under? Yeah.
Damn, that's scary. Then he kept driving.
It was so scary.

Speaker 1 He kept driving. Wait, what happened? During COVID.
Remember Shane during COVID took his dad or mom's car? Borrowed my mom's car to go to Best Buy to buy a. He went into a tractor trailer?

Speaker 1 I needed. look i needed my ncoua i needed an hdmi cord for the xbox 360.

Speaker 1 i was like mom can i please borrow the crv to take to best buy to buy this cord i pulled in the right lane card back i pulled into a turning right lane a tractor trailer was making an illegal right turn for the rest the opposite of space literally a sign out that says no right turn the tractor trailer didn't see me pull up next to him and just slowly turn oh so i just watched the the wheels come towards you the trailer just i was like yo yo i just watched it hit me and then he kept driving he couldn't see me so i was like oh i'm under your truck the wheels were right next to the door

Speaker 1 that could have been the end of you bro no it would have been a real slow death

Speaker 1 i wouldn't have moved

Speaker 1 i would have been too lazy i would have been like oh here it comes

Speaker 1 so then i drove the car home and i was like dad can i borrow your car immediately got my dad's car and drove the bus

Speaker 1 i needed dubs it's all you could do it's all i could do i was thinking about getting a gaming system yesterday i I was watching Call of Duty videos. I was like, I'm really missing out on it.

Speaker 1 You're going to be furious. I'm really missing out on it.
You're going to be furious. The new games.
They're hard? No, they're just... Woke.
Oh, woke. Yeah.
They're rewriting World War II.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they did. Did you guys watch Dragon? I was like,

Speaker 1 did you watch Dragon's House or

Speaker 1 many such cases?

Speaker 1 What? You watch House of Dragons yet? No, I don't. That's kick-ass feminist Game of Thrones.

Speaker 1 It was good for a while. And dude, they got rid of all the dicks for some reason.
There's no dicks. Pussy?

Speaker 1 Barely any pussy. Two girls kiss.
Finally, it takes like to the second season.

Speaker 1 Oh, dude, I was watching that and Brittany was like, no, no. And I was like, yes, here it comes.
This is so unnecessary. I was like, this makes sense, man.
This is funny. These medieval times.

Speaker 1 These girls.

Speaker 1 That was back then. Medieval times.
Yeah, it's the queen just making out with like an old prostitute. Well, they used to check it out then.
Yeah. True.

Speaker 1 It's historically accurate. It is.
No, it is. It's all about men being dumb and women.
It's about men just being dumb and women being like, let's really change history. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It slowly morphs into it. I haven't gotten to the end yet.
Everything fall apart. I haven't seen the end.
I haven't seen the end. The woman gets a dragon and burns down the entire city.

Speaker 1 Yeah, probably. How's the last one ended? Yeah.
It's fucking bull. Did you see the whole thing? I watched the original Game of Thrones.
Me too. Yeah.
That was good. It got ours pissed.
I saw that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I didn't see what I was doing. Did he get on Twitter?

Speaker 1 He said he was going to, and then I never followed it. I never watched it.
Him and J.R. Rowland should team up.
J.K. Rowland? JK my bad CT spec him and J.K.

Speaker 1 Rowland should team up that'd be nice just write the ultimate

Speaker 1 yeah book the ultimate straight magic book

Speaker 1 just

Speaker 1 straight as fuck no trans now the fucking um what's it called game of throne does nothing on true detective season four or whatever night country is that was tough

Speaker 1 just drafted a wide receiver my wide receiver my fantasy leagues hurt so that was your day going you'd think they would stop after that did you watch it yes i i had i want to watch it till the end i watched the first four episodes, and it was just them being like, come in, my pussy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the dude sits in the tub. Why don't you toss one of your cum loogies in my pussy?

Speaker 1 The one dude's like huge, sitting in a tub, like, why are you going to leave?

Speaker 1 I'll come back for my toothbrush, brother. That was, that, to be fair, I'm not trying to sound real gay.
That was kind of turning me on watching him sub it hard.

Speaker 1 Watching that guy sub that hard was kind of turning me on. Wait, wait.
When the

Speaker 1 Native American lady was riding? Yeah, yeah. Are we all going to pretend that wasn't hard? Forced come.
Yeah, we thought that was hot as fuck.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but when he would lay in like silk sheets, he'd be like, Where are you going?

Speaker 1 Come on, man.

Speaker 1 You can't

Speaker 1 silk sheets. Just use.
Bro, you're subbing so hard. It's good.
Wait, come back.

Speaker 1 Somebody's going out of your dangerous night shift. Yeah, I've ever seen it.
She took her toothbrush and rolled. Like, it was like some powerful thing.
Yeah. Yeah.
I'm not ready for this commitment.

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Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, When she gets the DY, when she pulls the drug driver out. Yeah, that was crazy.

Speaker 1 It literally sounded like South Park Plus. Yeah, it did.
It was so fucking dumb. I just watched Science of the Lamps, too.
To see her go from that to that, it's like fucked up.

Speaker 1 It's crazy they're trying to compare Long Legs to Science of the Lamps, dude. No, no, no, no.
Very close. Long Legs.
I was pumped for that.

Speaker 1 You guys know me. I love a good spooky movie.
Yeah, you do. I was fucked in the ass on that movie.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I watched it. They're like 25 bucks.
I wouldn't believe that, man.

Speaker 1 What was it five on Long Legs? Dude, I'm just trying to watch flicks. Right, I hear you, dude.
I hit 20 on the mule. That's a night at the theater, yeah.
The mule, the mule, Glenn Eastwood.

Speaker 1 Dude, have you ever seen The Perfect World? It's a good-ass Glenn Eastwood movie. That's all.

Speaker 1 That's next on my list. I watched a good Churchill one last night.
They're for, dude, if you have Amazon, you're fucking money. They have every movie ever.
They really do.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Amazon kind of does crush it, and they're like 12 bucks. Twisters is still holding it number one.
Twisters sucks. Twisters is number one on amazon

Speaker 1 oh the new twister what happened to it did like ladies block the tornado

Speaker 1 a lady can just she uses her fucking feminine intuition she can tell which way tornadoes

Speaker 1 plays beautiful piano music you're being serious i swear to god yeah she tricks all the dudes to while she's doing it she's like it's over there dude Just so she why are the dudes are gonna like turn it into like

Speaker 1 storm chasers

Speaker 1 something, bro? It's just their piggish nature just men's piggish nature. We need women to step in.
Yeah, Kamala's gonna do it. supposedly that uh her hit and run thing is a fucking lie yeah

Speaker 1 i believe that though because twisters kamal is a bitch dude i'm just saying they came out with a thing saying that she got in a hit and run in san francisco and they're saying it's russian disinfos that automatically makes me think it's true i think

Speaker 1 what hit someone in 2011 in san francisco killed someone drove i don't think it's not real that was biden's uh brother who did that Biden's brother killed someone, I think, down in Florida or something and got away with it.

Speaker 1 Frank Biden. Frank Biden, yeah.
Did he really? Yeah, 100%.

Speaker 1 hunter just pleaded guilty to fucking um gats he had the thing on him no he pleaded tax evasion what yeah

Speaker 1 is he gonna go to jail 17 years but you know how the fuck do you tax evade when your dad's the president and why just be like dad can you erase my taxes please yeah true i didn't think of that what was he yeah who knows man that's crazy although he was smoking crack for a while so i could see him not having

Speaker 1 is the least of a guy on crack's words yeah your life's a fall you're never like oh i gotta pay taxes to be fair that's probably really hard to pay taxes when you're actively addicted to crack.

Speaker 1 You're just kind of like, we've got to set aside 20% for the government or whatever. He was like losing Porsche's places.

Speaker 1 You like parking in parking garage and this be on crack and then go to California. You have no idea where his car is.
Yeah, he flipped the car. Remember?

Speaker 1 He flipped the car. Dude, where's my car?

Speaker 1 On crack.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 the, man, I really hope she doesn't want it.

Speaker 1 Waltz's son, mentally disgusted. Yeah, dude.
Damn, that sucks. Everyone's making fun of him.
That kid, that was so nice. They were zooming in on him and all that shit.
Everybody made fun of him.

Speaker 1 Who was making fun of him? Just everyone, because he was like crying. He was like, look, look, my dad, look at my dad.
And he was like a special.

Speaker 1 He could have probably told that someone screaming, that's my dad at that age. It's probably mentally retarded.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, there was the video of him kind of like, you see the video of him tugging him in? Like, dude, the video walls, it's not so beautiful once he watches. He's protect his head.
Nah, dude.

Speaker 1 Dude, I thought he was going to hit his head on something. He was pissed off.
No, he was on a fucking stage. Yeah, I know.
There was some like a thing hanging down. That's what I heard.

Speaker 1 It It was, I didn't

Speaker 1 liberals from the liberal elite gloveless. No, I think it might have been from Joey Rogie's.
Really, he yanked his yanked the fuck out of him, saved his kids.

Speaker 1 But I think everybody needs owes that boy an apology for making fun of him. I know people were making fun of him, yeah.
He was, it was funny, dastardly, dude. It was funny looking in the stage.

Speaker 1 They were memeing him next to Kyle Rittenhouse, the two of them crying. Yeah, I bet they get meme next to that all the time, dude.
There's nothing wrong with that.

Speaker 1 I support these bros. Yeah, they're on an all-out-assault.

Speaker 1 mogs that kid, dude. Baron's a fucking shit.
Yeah, did you see Baron playing soccer, dude? He's got feet. He's good.
He's being a crouch. He's fucking going to hit a robot.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's not contacted you yet.

Speaker 1 Baron. Baron.
Yeah. I wish Baron would contact me.
Guys, you got to get Trump on. What are you doing with us? Everyone's getting Trump on right now.

Speaker 1 We could. We could.
Yes.

Speaker 1 I'm going to get

Speaker 1 Kamala. I need a Kamala.
Yeah, it's a Kamala Harris. I'll fucking get a bunch of people.
I want Kamala, bro.

Speaker 1 If we were her first first actual interview, that would be the funniest shit in the world. She won't do an interview.
She'll only do MS.

Speaker 1 She should sit down and do like an actual two-hour. She's doing one where she sits down with CNN was trash.
Tim Waltz is going to do it with her. She already did it was track.
She did that one.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she did that insanely bad.

Speaker 1 That shit with the white guy tacos pissed me off. Yeah.
The which one? She's like, oh, you guys have white guy tacos? What is it? Like, no seasoning? That shit. Bro.
She hit the no-seasoning joke?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Bro.
And then she's like, what is that? Tuna fish and mayonnaise? It's like, bro, that's not a taco anyway, bro. She's, yeah.
I could say nasty things about it.

Speaker 1 She's making fun of white people. Yes, obviously.
She's trying. It's open season.
It's open season on the wall. We're fucked, dude.
White dudes, specifically. No, it's not.

Speaker 1 She led the fucking, she was part of the, you know,

Speaker 1 the people that put 40% of black-ended businesses out of business during COVID.

Speaker 1 Walls. Was involved in a $250 million scheme of stealing money for COVID.
I can't feed families.

Speaker 1 he was only an assistant coach.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, volunteer, no, wait, was he a head coach? No, volunteer neither, because he had a DUI, because he's a drunk.

Speaker 1 He said he literally cannot be a coach, so literally, he might be Phil Gillis, dude. He might be Phil, and I might be the boy.

Speaker 1 He cannot be in a parallel universe.

Speaker 1 I found out he was a volunteer assistant coach. I was like, volunteer assistant coach.
That's my dad.

Speaker 1 He cannot be an actual coach because of his felony on his record. And

Speaker 1 what did he catch an FBI?

Speaker 1 Dude, he's going 96 and like a 30. He's fucking hammered.
It's Timmy Waltz, bro. He can do whatever he wants, but yeah, he did that.
And then

Speaker 1 the only other person I know that was like an assistant like that is Larry Nasser. Larry Nasser was an assistant massage therapist for children.
Why are you comparing him to Larry Nash?

Speaker 1 Because I think Tim Waltz is a pedophile. That's a joke.
That's a joke. Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 A lot of those guys come back from Afghanistan, dude, and they're just not used to speed limits and stuff. True.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he was in Afghanistan. Long time.
Seasoned veteran over there. Definitely didn't completely run once they actually went to war.

Speaker 1 I don't know anything about the man.

Speaker 1 He said he was a veteran. And he did it.

Speaker 1 He claimed he held weapons of war in war.

Speaker 1 And then he said he misspoke.

Speaker 1 Oh. Yeah, that's what that's about.
He stole Valor? He stole Valor. He also stole head coach Valor, which is way worse.

Speaker 1 You can't say you're the head ball coach. Don't

Speaker 1 be caught Fibbing.

Speaker 1 He's been caught fibbing a million times. I mean, he claims he does pep talks, but what assistant coach does that?

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's head coach John. That's paid assistant coach, dude.
You've seen him. Unpaid pep talk.
You've seen like that. By the way, I tried to give a pep talk this weekend.
How great was it?

Speaker 1 It's impossible.

Speaker 1 Where'd you give the pep talk? In Notre Dame's locker room after the win. Holy shit, dude.
That's the perfect stage for the pep talk. I thought so.

Speaker 1 The lights were too bright.

Speaker 1 Did you see Yak give a pep talk? No. Kodak Black give a pep talk to a bunch of kids.
It was pretty great. What did you say?

Speaker 1 Come on, man. It's locker room talk.

Speaker 1 That's all there, bro. i hear you i hear you uh and then they all jumped around me and tried to make me dance did you i did the same autistic dance i did at the zach bryan thing you just got it

Speaker 1 i don't know what happens own it in bro i don't know what happens trump has his dance you're just i did it to your dance

Speaker 1 you gotta own it

Speaker 1 it's a good dance it's tough locker room speech is really hard

Speaker 1 i thought i had one in me you you were a captain at one point though yeah so you've done it before That's post-win. You might be more for adversity.
I also felt like a weirdo being in there. Sure.

Speaker 1 I felt like a fucking loser being in there. Why? Why? I don't know.

Speaker 1 I mean, dude, it's insane to win. It's everything you've ever won.
Yeah. No, you get a little older.
You go, what the fuck am I doing?

Speaker 1 They're all children. And they're like, good game, guys.
Good game. I've read how young they are.
They're so young. They're just kids.

Speaker 1 And then they, you know. I was watching that Steve McNair thing, and Bill's like, why did all the football players go to Dave and Buster? So I'm like, dude, they're like 20.
Yeah, they're younger.

Speaker 1 Funny if you just turned on him, you're like, What the fuck's your problem, dude? When you're being so funny, fuck you.

Speaker 1 After the speech, taking some pictures and stuff, then you know, his locker room boys start

Speaker 1 disrobed, disrobed.

Speaker 1 I gotta get the fuck out of here. Dude, I just watched a homeless guy disrobe on Spring Garden Street and wipe his ass.
He had like a nub, too, dude. I felt bad for him.

Speaker 1 I saw a guy peeing on the way here, actually. He nubbed out.
It's power.

Speaker 1 It is. It is powerful.
What about a nub in public? It's insanity.

Speaker 1 Dude, you just got it. The room also had like office lighting.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So bright.
The nubs. You see the wrinkles and dude's dicks and shit? I wasn't looking.
I wasn't looking, but.

Speaker 1 Eyes up. Eyes up.
Me and my father had to get the fuck out of there. Phil was in there with him.
He was in there with me. Did he cry? No.
Damn.

Speaker 1 He was a little grumpy bitch this trip. Why? I don't know.

Speaker 1 He was good during the game, but when he got to my house in Philly, he was like, crumpy?

Speaker 1 This place is empty. Ah, yeah, yeah.
Like shit like that. I was like, all right, man.
He probably wants grandkids.

Speaker 1 out

Speaker 1 of you way too many grandkids yeah he probably wants them out of you yeah

Speaker 1 his only begotten son he's gonna have to hurry up is i'm gonna have to hurry up because

Speaker 1 don't talk like that bro i was worried about words are the texas heat words are spells you sent that to millgay in the texas heat i was like phil are you good he's like yeah i'm fine he's dark red drenches

Speaker 1 i was like dude

Speaker 1 90 block

Speaker 1 that would be my dad haven't seen that exit i was hoping he might have died during the post-game Yeah. Just in the locker.
Just

Speaker 1 bad.

Speaker 1 Amongst the nubs, amongst the node mires nubs.

Speaker 1 Just dead. Just buried under the stadium.
Yeah, just let him die. Leave him.
Have you got the next team?

Speaker 1 Leave him in Aggie Land. Leave him in Texas A ⁇ M's locker room.

Speaker 1 Why was he fucking harsh in the vibe in your house? He was player hayton. It was also, we had a flight that was he player hayton or was it? He was player hayton, for real.

Speaker 1 He had a Ph.D.

Speaker 1 It was just the flight. It was the old man versus flight dilemma.

Speaker 1 It is 12.30. We got to get moving.

Speaker 1 And then when I'm like, all right, the car's here. He's like, I got to take a shit.

Speaker 1 You delayed another 12 minutes.

Speaker 1 I told him, I was like, you can't. Yeah.
No, no flight shits. Dude, I did it recently.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 Nothing, bro. Nothing.

Speaker 1 You're up there. You're up there.

Speaker 1 If I have the shit on the plane, I take a shit on the plane. It's nothing to be ashamed of.
Oh, it's nothing. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
You just rip it. It's hell.

Speaker 1 You just rip it in. It's so small.

Speaker 1 It is small. It's cramped quarters.
And you tense up, but dude, once you let it. You move, though, do you immediately hit the button once shit comes out so it doesn't smell?

Speaker 1 I've never had this happen. You gotta sit in the open bowl.
I'm not that long of a shitter, but I'll just let it rip. Everybody recycles his shit on planes because it goes back through his body.

Speaker 1 Once you flush it, then you don't come out right away. Now everyone knows it was a shit.
So you just got to shit real quick, get it out. Everyone's going to know it's a shit once you open that door.

Speaker 1 Nah, dude, it wasn't that bad.

Speaker 1 At least I think I was used to the smell too. Yeah, some came out.
And it's like, yeah, you come out and you're just out. It's not that bad.
I shit today at the airport and

Speaker 1 it didn't flush. It didn't flush.
And I had to just cover the bodies, dude. I had to just lay toilet paper over the bodies, close their eyes.

Speaker 1 I put pennies on their eyes, dude. That's tough.
I just got, I just

Speaker 1 walked out.

Speaker 1 I was out of there. I felt real.
I felt really bad about that. I took a weird

Speaker 1 in Austin. I took a weird.

Speaker 1 I know all the turtles. I was up in the American.
I was up there.

Speaker 1 I was up in the Admiralty.

Speaker 1 I left the Sailor's not.

Speaker 1 I left the Sailor's not up there.

Speaker 1 It was the best dump.

Speaker 1 It's the only point of having Delta Lounge right there. Yeah.
Oh, they know. You got to take a fully walled

Speaker 1 fish.

Speaker 1 What else do you get from it? What do you need to get that? Shitty catering food. You get the worst food.
You get coffee. Like, are you getting like served?

Speaker 1 No, you got to pick it up yourself. You get cafeteria and you get high school cafeteria.
Okay, I got you. Yeah.
And then, like,

Speaker 1 a Sudanese immigrant will come take your plate, which is kind of cool. Yeah.
Every once in a while, they have good grub out. What do you need to access it? I don't know.
It's a secret part.

Speaker 1 I think you have to have American Express. But like some finer things, bro.
You probably have it. Which one? I mean, spade the I don't know.
I think you just need a wife to set it up.

Speaker 1 You just need a girl to set it up. You need a girl.
Just a girl set it up for you. I have no idea how it works.
I'll just forget everything.

Speaker 1 It's a fine print on a credit card. Somehow, a girl calls and they go, yeah, you can come in.

Speaker 1 lost my wallet this week that's crazy devastating you lost your wallet it's been years yeah i i'm just been going crazy with sobriety just got my texas id lost my wallet oh yeah i have been going crazy on sobriety he's a maniac what's your soap what's your soap kick right now well i got drunk last night but

Speaker 1 commit slip quit just commit sit commit slip commit five days at a time you can still keep your chip working on it yeah i got right now yeah i got my chip right now until right when we're done with this podcast but then we'll get another chip eventually.

Speaker 1 Yeah, true.

Speaker 1 Are you fucking around or did you actually feel like amazing actually? I swear to God, on day five, I was like, I think I'm on Adderall. That's awesome.
Wow. It's ridiculous.

Speaker 1 Oh, dude, you've been running with an absolute weighted vest on. You're just dimming the light inside you by drinking.
True. The light's too powerful.
True.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but, you know, having a couple cold ones is top five. It's the best feeling in the world, bro.
It's the number one feeling. Yeah, for, yeah, it's very nice.
Having two cold drinks is very nice.

Speaker 1 It's just the next day sucks. Even after like two drinks i wake up and i'm like now that i live the aura lifestyle dude i it's a total lie

Speaker 1 when they told us that having drinks was healthy for you like yeah have two drinks is actually good for you it's not true at all

Speaker 1 it's so bad for you that was they they pushed that thing through like it was nothing What? The fact that they were like, if you have two drinks every day, it's actually good for you.

Speaker 1 Not like it's not the worst thing for you. They go, no, no, it's actually for the best.
I just need to stop doing cool stuff during the week. Yeah.
That's the thing that kills me. The power of no.

Speaker 1 The power of no is difficult. You just keep getting forced to dance everywhere.
Yeah, people bring me out and make me dance. The only way to do that is absolutely obliterated.
I could never do it.

Speaker 1 Fucking suck. I removed Tailgate at the Texas AM No Damn Game.
What? Yeah. How was that? Because everywhere I went, I was getting attacked.
Oh, yeah. It's crazy.
I just need to walk around.

Speaker 1 Talk to you on the phone. Oh, like celebrity attack? Yeah.
True. Yeah, that sucks, man.
It does actually suck. I actually, it really does.

Speaker 1 The listening to it on the phone sucks. Dude,

Speaker 1 I i was in jersey i was in jersey and i'm like walking up to check out at walgreens and this dude's like fucking eyeing me up i'm like what the fuck's this dude's problem and then he waited outside for me he's like are you andrew and i was like yeah he's like i love you guys but i was the whole time i was like pissed off like what the fuck's this dude's problem

Speaker 1 i thought he wanted to fight you then i was like i should have asked that dude what his name was like i have zero people skills that frees up i'm like oh all right dude cool later i got i watched today i got a good one today what I was walking and a group of children started chasing me.

Speaker 1 Like, sir, sir. And I thought they were like, I was, so I got out of the way.
We were on the sidewalk. And then they all came around.
They're like, we're doing a scavenger hunt.

Speaker 1 Can we take a picture with you? That's awesome. And I was like, I'm on a fucking scavenger hunt.
And I looked at it. It was like guy in Philly's jersey.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah, I saw John Cena talk about this problem on the Club Shea Shea podcast.

Speaker 1 Backshot King. Backshot King.
What do you mean? He talked about how people come and approach him and he goes, bro, it's just part of the territory. He's like, I got to do it.

Speaker 1 He goes, sometimes I'm not the day. You were saying, like, I should have been better.
He goes, Sometimes I'm just not the best at it. I try to be the best.

Speaker 1 Dude, he ripped someone's asshole open one time. Like, they try to take a picture of him, John Cena just lays the fuck into him.

Speaker 1 Dude's being a douchebag, and like John Cena just fucking lets him have it. Does he really?

Speaker 1 Yeah, he wasn't Modine.

Speaker 1 What? It's Modine, right? Yeah, it's Modine. Modine from London or whatever that is.
Cena gets like 60. Cena will do like 60 pictures.
If he goes anywhere, he's like, I do about 60 pictures. God damn,

Speaker 1 it must get destroyed.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And it's around the world, too.
He can't get it. There's nowhere he can go.
I think we went up to Boston to interview Shiva, and it was the Monday after WrestleMania, bro. That must be insane.

Speaker 1 I saw them all. They were all in the airport jumping up.

Speaker 1 All the Le Mares. Dude, they were going crazy.

Speaker 1 They were still dressed up like wrestlers on Monday going home.

Speaker 1 How's it doing? It's a fun life, dude. It's so cool.
One of the best. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Completely letting ever had one spaz. What?

Speaker 1 It was at the first show. Did I talk about this on here before? It was the first Helium back.
There's like autograph guys that come. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 And I was, I just had, it was 100 fucking degrees in the room. I bombed.

Speaker 1 I was so mad. I was like, I just want to fucking go.
Sign an autograph. I'm going to walk outside and sign autographs.

Speaker 1 And most of the time, the autograph guys, they don't go to the show or have any idea who you are. Yeah.
Oh, I see. So then I just stand there and I'm like, sign autographs.

Speaker 1 And then they need pictures with the autograph.

Speaker 1 And I was just in a, I was in a nasty mood. I was just bombed.
And I was signing it. And I was like, he was like, you were great in billions because Soder was on the show with me.

Speaker 1 He was like, you read the wrong fucking bio.

Speaker 1 I was like, you don't even know who I am. Why are you doing this? They did that at the beginning of the new.
Is it all that bad? No. And then he was like, can I get a picture?

Speaker 1 And I was like, no, I'm going home. And he was like, oh, fucking tough guy, huh? You big, fucking big shot.
That's how the new Adam Sandler thing starts off. Really? I was like, all right.
Whoa.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the new Adam Sandler special starts out. The Adam Sandler thing gets it right.
Yeah. Then they bring a kid.
They always have a kid.

Speaker 1 Most of the time, they're great, but I did feel bad. I should have just taken the fucking picture.
But so who are the autograph guy? Are they like just there?

Speaker 1 They're just selling autographs. There's pop routes people now.
50

Speaker 1 helium. They might get you tonight.
Nah, they're not getting my ass. They will.

Speaker 1 Easy up. I fly under the radar.

Speaker 1 I walked by when someone else was there and they started fucking nailing me. Really? Pause.

Speaker 1 Nah, my, do you know what I'm worried about right now? Apparently, there's a bunch of kidnappings in Texas. Texas Killing Fields?

Speaker 1 No, just like they're apparently in Texas, what can happen if the lady is with a kid by themselves. This could just be girl talk, but Brittany went out with her like Facebook groups.

Speaker 1 Well, they went out with her, like a bunch of her, like, mom friends went out together. It's funny because they all went out to dinner and just scared each other.

Speaker 1 Like, oh, I heard this. And they all came back like,

Speaker 1 this is good.

Speaker 1 But they were saying, like, a dude, like, two of them said they've either one did firsthand, the other said they heard of like a friend it happened to, or someone just came out of an SUV and was like coming towards them.

Speaker 1 They had to like dip back into their car. Apparently, if they see women, they snatch kids, and your kids just gone.
This is the same shit as people.

Speaker 1 Like, I know someone who died of COVID-like, oh, yeah, who is it? It's my uncle's friend. No,

Speaker 1 the one person is her friend. I've met this lady.
She was like, Yeah, someone was like, Get back in your car. And then she saw a guy with a ski mask galloping out of a van.

Speaker 1 I think she loved this stuff. They do love it.
Medication. Dude, I was in my room all fired up, being like, Dude, if I see fucking any guy in a parking lot, I'm gonna fuck.

Speaker 1 And I just imagine just murdering Mexican guys in a parking lot. That's where, like, for like an hour and a half, I was like speaking Spanish.
Like,

Speaker 1 just, dude, it was like, I couldn't sleep. I lay there for an hour.

Speaker 1 It's just a cartel. It's just a bad need.
That wall is to keep them in, America. You're in here with Mexico.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I want to go to Aurora, bro. I was fully in my head being like, dude, could I fully battle a cartel? I was like, I'd probably get in the military if I went down there.

Speaker 1 I just went nuts just laying there at night trying to sleep. Being like, so if the guy came, then I jumped into a car.
There was a half an hour of like, could I stop a guy driving a car?

Speaker 1 Like, could I incapacitate him and then take over the wheel before i crash because obviously there's

Speaker 1 anything to anybody i was just making it all up my head i'll do this for like 40 minutes i'll wake up in the middle of the night and be like could i if someone took my kid could i jump into a car it's dead and fight them at 60 miles an hour

Speaker 1 it was fun i did it for like the whole year go to chicago what are they taking kids venezuelans are shooting up oblock right now and saying fuck all of you They're just coming from Venezuela and firing guns into Oblock.

Speaker 1 Like, fuck you guys. What are you going to do? Yeah, you're not going to come down here.
And the Venezuelans immediately went there and just started spraying bullets into their fucking street.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, the rest of them are in Aurora, Colorado. The rest of the world's pretty bad.
That's the thing. It's like,

Speaker 1 I predicted this years ago. I'm like, dude, we're gonna get a heavy wave of immigrants, and they're not gonna be very sensitive to the black American plight.

Speaker 1 They've been dealing with white people for too long. You get robbed.
No, no, it's fine. Just take it.
I don't need money anyway.

Speaker 1 I got got yesterday. Really? I was walking home, and uh, group of teens, doesn't matter their race or

Speaker 1 Indian, uh, group of, yes, Indian boys. And I saw him coming.
I said, all right, well, we'll see how this goes. This will be fine.

Speaker 1 And then one of the kids started talking to me, and I had headphones in, so I was like, what was that? I couldn't hear you. And he was like, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 And I was like, I'm sorry, I can't hear you. And he's like, I'd cream pie you.
And I was like, all right.

Speaker 1 He's starting to take your cheeks.

Speaker 1 Yeah, in front of all his friends. He said he was going to come inside of me.

Speaker 1 That stuff, dude. No, I just laughed and kept walking.
And then I think his one boy either called him. His hilarious.
His one boy either called him gay or me gay. I couldn't couldn't tell.

Speaker 1 He's like, yo, he gay. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I watched a red little black dog. That was just my Indian impression.

Speaker 1 Little buck kids.

Speaker 1 I had the most autistic walk home. It was that.
And all I did was laugh. He was just saying cream pie.
I go, oh.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 this girl who lives near me has this dog I see every single day.

Speaker 1 And I was like, I see this dog all the time. What's that dog's name? And she was like, I'm on the phone.

Speaker 1 It was a block down. Yeah, you told you were told you're gonna be cream pudding.

Speaker 1 She's like, This is a great dog. What's that dog's name? And she was like,

Speaker 1 I was like, All right, I'm going inside for the rest of my life, dude. I can't go outside.
Yeah, some lady outside that like works the park just hit me with, Your haircut looks nice.

Speaker 1 And my response, she's like, Ah,

Speaker 1 and I just walked the window. I'm like, What the fuck did I say?

Speaker 1 It's not words. Yeah, some dude came down my driveway the other day, like, you know,

Speaker 1 Indian dude had a fucking shingard, a soccer shingard on his arm. What? Exactly.

Speaker 1 Crazy, crazy person, dude, right? And my gut reaction was just, whoa!

Speaker 1 And he was like, oh, and just walked away. I love it.

Speaker 1 I didn't spring action at all. I was doing that earlier today.

Speaker 1 Well, that was the first step. You would have went fear and then anger and then aggression.
Yeah. So you're just, you're charging up.
I was in the beginning of it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you were charging up and going, oh, super solid. I thought of all the funny things I could have said to that young Indian boy after he said, Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Fuck. So I could come in, you know.
I had a kid,

Speaker 1 you can handle some really good comebacks, quick comebacks.

Speaker 1 But there's no comeback because you could get your ass, yeah. Or you get you can be seen being like, I'll come in your little fucking ass.
It's like, you're fried, you're done. Nobody comes.

Speaker 1 No one ever watches the first half of the video, dude. Some of you in a black teens face be like, I'll come in your fucking ass and every riots because of you.

Speaker 1 It's the last thing you need. I got harassed again.
My mother was getting pepper sprayed by a group of Indians on his first Tinder date.

Speaker 1 So he was just walking on his first date and got fucking pepper sprayed for no reason. Then he hit the ground.
I was like, dude, that sucks.

Speaker 1 And then they finished the date. That's a good date.
They were on their way to eat and got pepper sprayed. That shit fucking hurts, man.
Fucking probably. Did the babe get hit too?

Speaker 1 Both of them got pepper sprayed in the face by like fat black girls. Damn.

Speaker 1 That hurts. Evil pepper sprayed, Natalia.
True, dude. It was probably just regular pepper spray.
The white people just couldn't handle it. Please watch.

Speaker 1 True, yeah. Probably tune in Mayo.
It's probably just Tyheen. It's probably just Tyheen.

Speaker 1 Did you watch A Curious Case Natalia Grace? Not yet. No.
I got to see it. I'd say I have to watch it.
You have to watch it. I have to.
I heard it's awesome. It sounds like a pretty great premise.

Speaker 1 It's unreal.

Speaker 1 How much does this person really look like a little girl? Yeah. Yes.
Do they have like the Benjamin button setup or like what's just a midge? Nah. Oh, they're a midget? Yeah.
It's dwarf.

Speaker 1 You can fucking idea of midge, dude. Oh, yeah, dude.
Yeah, but not if they're in footies. If they're in footies,

Speaker 1 we literally can't talk about it. It's all rollers, but it is

Speaker 1 sinister, bro. You want me to do that? Like, you know, all that true crime stuff? This one blew my mind.
I've seen a ton of shit. Have you seen American Nightmare? Yes.
That was a good one.

Speaker 1 That was a good one, yeah. Yeah.
Half to spoiler.

Speaker 1 We're going to ruin it. When she comes walking back in American Nightmare.
Yes, dude. And you're just like, this fucking lying bitch.
Yeah. That's how the episode ends.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So then if you stop watching, you're like, yeah, that dumb bitch.

Speaker 1 She got kidnapped and raped. it's kind of the same deal with this one where the first episode you're like this dwarf and then

Speaker 1 it's crazy

Speaker 1 shane started sending me um instagram reels about withholding and how it is horrible for

Speaker 1 there aren't only just physical forms of abuse there's mental other forms of sexual abuse

Speaker 1 withholding it

Speaker 1 So you're talking about withholding from your woman?

Speaker 1 No. My boy Mike got withheld from his girl Evil.

Speaker 1 Oh. You're talking about how women withhold from you and how that's abuse.
It is abuse, commonly known as dead bedroom. Happens to a lot of people.
Oh, yeah. He got addicted to porn because of that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we use it. That's not his fault.
That's not his fault.

Speaker 1 Then she would use the porn against him. Oh, like you're a pervert.
Look at what you're looking at. It's a good rabbit hole.
I'm in that rabbit hole right now. What? That's on my algorithm.
What?

Speaker 1 Is that withholding? I thought it was a little bit of a horse. It's withholding and then

Speaker 1 Christian couples being like, how we beat our husband's porn addiction.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's the name of the game, is withholding. What? It's a challenge.
Never chase Dan Bolsarian said that. Yeah, for real.
Dude, was that the Vegas shooting? Yes. Sure, he did rest of the week.

Speaker 1 You know what's fucking crazy? Who the hell was just talking about him? Someone was talking about Jason Aldean.

Speaker 1 I think it was Patrick Bett David was saying, dude, Jason Aldean couldn't go out for like two years because of the fucking shooting and never talks about it.

Speaker 1 And then Tuck just had him on talking about the shooting. Tuck's been having some rogue dudes.
Oh, yeah. Churchill's the bad guy.

Speaker 1 Hear that? I looked at that dude's podcast. I listened to that guy's podcast.
I can see it right up here, Alex.

Speaker 1 I love this. Division history.
Hey, man, just hear the other side. Speaking of numbers and stuff, you ever look at...

Speaker 1 Have you checked out the numbers over there in Israel-Palestine these days? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Not good, bro. Poor dead.

Speaker 1 40,000 killed in like 40,000 killed. 40,000 children.

Speaker 1 How many were killed on October 7th? Just curious.

Speaker 1 It's never eye for an eye, but I'm not saying it's eye for an eye. I think it was 1,700.
1,700. And that's like 20, how many? Net and the other's like 20-something 9-11s in one day.
So what's 40,000?

Speaker 1 1,700 is one 9-11. No, no, no, no, no.
You're doing the math.

Speaker 1 You're doing the Israeli math per capita. It's about 20-something 9-11s.
This is like it's two lanes. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And 40,000, I guess, their lives don't. I don't know.
I think I read a statistic that was like 70% of Palestine. Yes.
children lost a family member in this. You know what's crazy, though?

Speaker 1 If you start checking out like the beginning of World War II, this is like how it rolls up. Really?

Speaker 1 Like, they got books where you could read a book and they'll start talking about like 1930s, like early, early 30s. And it's like, this war is happening over here.
This is happening over here.

Speaker 1 And then, like, all the guys that are in power now, forget them. Then there's going to be other dudes.
And then you're going to get your Hitler. You're going to get your fucking Stalin.

Speaker 1 All those dudes. Yeah.
He's going to vote for whichever candidate in America seems like they're going to de-escalate. Yeah.

Speaker 1 True.

Speaker 1 You know, I'll do my research. You can do your research.
Come on. Yeah, I watched this movie on Churchill where

Speaker 1 the dad from Succession is it, and he's fighting with his wife, and his wife just fucking slaps him, dude. It's nice.

Speaker 1 Wait, what happens?

Speaker 1 It's a movie about Churchill on D-Day, and he's fighting with his wife the whole fucking time. He's like losing his wife.
Who's the actor in it? The guy,

Speaker 1 the dad from Succession. The old man.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
He plays Churchill. He's Churchill, dude, and he's like fighting with his wife, and like, he just wants to be the man.

Speaker 1 He wants to be a war hero, and she fucking slaps him. It's hilarious.
Damn.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they hype up Churchill in some good movies. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The Darkest Hour. Never saw it.
Fucking rules. I just watched History of Violence.
That fucking rules. Vigo Morrison? I never saw it.
I heard it's good. Vigo is good.

Speaker 1 Pussy Eating on the Steps scene. Oh, yes.
Yeah, I heard about it. Pull out fuck on the steps.
Yeah, I heard it. What movie is this?

Speaker 1 A History of Violence. That's Aragorn, brother.
Vigo Morrison. Everyone eats some pussy on a

Speaker 1 staircase. He's from Philly.
Maria Bellow. How many steps? It's a whole full staircase.
12 at least. It's funny if it was like a two-step porch.
No, it was literally like a turn and 12 steps. Got it.

Speaker 1 Joker steps? Full-blown. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 In the house.

Speaker 1 Oh, inside. Wooden steps.
Yes. Winding staircase?

Speaker 1 He must have got so hard so fast because it all switches right in.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. True.
The steps would be a power. You'd have

Speaker 1 to have so much push-off.

Speaker 1 So much push immediately. Did you ever see the movie Little Children?

Speaker 1 What's that? Did you ever see Little Children? I don't remember. He like banged some lady's wife on a washing machine.
Pretty sick. Vega? No, it's Little Children.

Speaker 1 Ever seen a movie about like the pedophile in the pool? No. I've never even heard of it.
Dude, Little Children's a sick movie. What? Yeah, there's this guy.

Speaker 1 He's a pedo, and he's just like, he wears snorkel. He wears like a snorkel and goggles in the pool, and everyone's like, get this motherfucker.
I think I remember this. Now you're saying that.

Speaker 1 This movie's really good. It's about like a guy who's a stay-at-home dad and a stay-at-home mom, and they kind of all they see, they have an affair.

Speaker 1 They dude, they're banging. So they're running fucking ads on Bornhub right now.
Allegedly, someone told me, fucking. What are you doing on the hub? There's

Speaker 1 if you got

Speaker 1 if you got hurt by fire extinguisher foam you are like likely to get a claim

Speaker 1 really yeah when you're beaten it's just have you been injured by fire like some campaign junior

Speaker 1 it was insane that'd be hilarious they started doing like old people ads on porn they're going to 100

Speaker 1 yeah it's coming in fact my arm has hurt since then

Speaker 1 we all decked out in like copper bracelets

Speaker 1 it's been nice being in philly having the hub back having the hub hub, my old friend. What happens when you guys try to get on it? You gotta just

Speaker 1 there's a screen that says you gotta like show your ID. Do you? Ever.
No, I think. No, never.
I think in Texas, it's like you have to be like a content creator. Oh, dude, join.
Like,

Speaker 1 you create some content.

Speaker 1 RH East.

Speaker 1 Hunter Biden. R.H.
East. Hunter Biden's porn account.
Why don't you just read it? Why don't you just read erotic literature?

Speaker 1 You could.

Speaker 1 Literatic.

Speaker 1 Yeah, just read it. Literature.
Read like a nice book.

Speaker 1 Girls, every single girl that reads a book does that. Yeah.
Any woman that is reading it, dude, if you go to New York, to most of the book market now, fucking.

Speaker 1 Yeah, if you go to New York on the subway, black chicks will just openly read it. I'm like watching them read like erotica, very big letter print.

Speaker 1 Dude, every book girls read now is just fucking cultural situations. It's fucking insane.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Makes me sad. Nicole Kibbens in that new movie.
What new movie? Nicole Kibbons, like bearing it all again.

Speaker 1 She's doing like a crazy fuck scene where like she has sex with her husband, fakes an orgasm, but then she has to sneak in her own little room where she likes to watches BDSM porn and friggs off.

Speaker 1 The boomers are going to lose their shit when this comes out. Would you bang Nicole Kidman?

Speaker 1 Are you kidding me?

Speaker 1 Ace of Thunder. A's of Thunder, man.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I would say I would like to, yes, have sex with Nicole Kidman. What do you would you? Yes, obviously.
So, what the hell are you asking me for? Why?

Speaker 1 You might see her one day.

Speaker 1 I was JK. She's a comedy podcast.

Speaker 1 Yes, I'd fuck fuck her now.

Speaker 1 Say a legend. That's not fun.
Come on, man. Yeah, it's kind of actually.

Speaker 1 Guard dog, edit out the part where I talked about autographs and photos.

Speaker 1 Edit that out.

Speaker 1 Triogu call.

Speaker 1 Dude,

Speaker 1 I got to tell you guys, I absolutely bombed my 11 with three or bombed my interview with 311. Oh, so bad as that shit.
Are you not going to put it out? I put it out.

Speaker 1 But I bombed it, dude.

Speaker 1 Show your mistakes.

Speaker 1 Show your mistakes. You got to show your your mistakes, bro.
As an interviewer, I didn't have anything prepared. I showed up and was like, This is rubber, we're gonna hit it off right away.

Speaker 1 They were cool, yeah. But I would just ask them,

Speaker 1 I had nothing to ask them, and I was like, make up stuff to say to them. They'd be like, right on, man.
It's so hard, dude. I'd be like,

Speaker 1 you're getting bearings, dude. Interviewer, I know.
It was just

Speaker 1 making me laugh because I was like, Brittany called me because, like, I had stayed home for a day to do it. She's like, was it worth staying home?

Speaker 1 I'm like, dude, I actually don't really feel great about this right now. If you please, I fucked up my interview with 311.
If you could please do this layoff of me, no idea the the pressure I'm under.

Speaker 1 Dude, they've been in Philadelphia and we enjoyed oysters. True.
But it was very funny.

Speaker 1 Very funny. I'm serious.
I didn't do my 311 interview that well, and I'd appreciate it.

Speaker 1 We were all mixed up.

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Speaker 1 I'm not going to make you say it's just premium wireless service on the nation's largest 5g network ready to say yes to saying no make the switch at mintmobile.com slash drenched that's mintmobile.com slash drenched upfront payment of forty five dollars required equivalent to fifteen dollars per month limited time new customer offer for first three months only speeds may be slow above thirty five gigabytes or on unlimited plan taxes and fees extra see mint mobile for details did you talk about amber Yeah, he actually had a very sick line when I was asked.

Speaker 1 I asked him, Was there any song you had that like surprised you that took off? And he was like, Amber.

Speaker 1 And I was like, he's like, it was, it like was the first time we had a song that like got a almost overwhelmingly female kind of feedback. Damn, dude.

Speaker 1 And I said, yo, what were the uh, how'd that work out? How'd you like that like female fan base? What about flaring?

Speaker 1 The dude goes, Amber's the color of my energy, bro. And I was like, God damn, dude.
Tell me you took down all the babes, dude. Rainstorm.
Just rainstorm.

Speaker 1 Dude, rainstorm of stoner babes, too.

Speaker 1 They're the hottest, dude. Stoner babes, yeah.

Speaker 1 He just got smelled like patchouli. Oh, I just heard a thing about an evil hippie.
What? Speaking of evil hippies,

Speaker 1 I saw,

Speaker 1 there was like that Alaskan Airlines pilot that tried to take that plane down. No.

Speaker 1 I was listening to Tim Dylan. It was on Tim's podcast.
He was talking about there was a guy that was like, he, you know how sometimes they sit on like the fold down chair.

Speaker 1 This guy just lost his mind while he was up there. He was like, nothing's right.
Saw the black dog reach for a fucking thing to try to

Speaker 1 take down the pilot.

Speaker 1 Stewardess or the

Speaker 1 he was a pilot. There was two pilots on there.
He was just riding with them.

Speaker 1 He's the plan to take down white pilots. He saw the pilots.
He tried to take down the pilots. Saw the black dogs.
On the plane. Why? But he was talking about it.

Speaker 1 He's like, I've been taking some mushrooms. I've been working on stuff.
Oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, I remember hearing about this. Yeah.
Chill on the psychedelics.

Speaker 1 That's how you sit on a plane and go, I'm not here right now.

Speaker 1 Nothing's real. The only way way to do it is that it's not real.
Everything is mental.

Speaker 1 So he was on the mushies as co-pilot. He was calling him magic mushrooms, too.
Intrusive. I was at the bar with my buddy Ricky and these two chicks came in.
I don't think this guy got any jail time.

Speaker 1 Really?

Speaker 1 He used to be life in prison. Well, he's trying to better himself through micro-dosing.
You should be in prison if you try to kill everyone. Yeah, definitely.

Speaker 1 That's probably some dude hired by Pfizer to say something.

Speaker 1 Did he actually do it or did he like really? He went for it.

Speaker 1 Was a pilot like, whoa, I wanted to hold him back. Yeah, you should be arrested.
On fucking training. He used to be in jail for a very long time.
Definitely, yeah. Or at least deep.
He's deep.

Speaker 1 They took his wings. Yeah, but now he goes around and gives.

Speaker 1 He's a bus driver.

Speaker 1 He's a bus driver just every day.

Speaker 1 What's his speeches? What's he doing? About pilots' mental health. I mean, this guy probably got paid bank from Pfizer.

Speaker 1 Yeah, right. You know what? I was on magic mushrooms.
Dude, well, there's a chance, though, he was like kind of an unstable dude who kind of like heard about micro-dosing from the internet.

Speaker 1 And like, dude, they shouldn't be piloting. You take a little bit too much and you're up in the sky and you've never really done anything like that before.

Speaker 1 I could see him being like, what's the point of this? Dude, I was chilling with Ricky at the bar, and these two chicks rolling. They're like in their 40s, and they were there for a divorce party.

Speaker 1 And like, they were boozing and like trying to hit on every dude in the bar. And then they're like, we have chocolates.
I was like, I'm getting the fuck out of here, dude. That must be.

Speaker 1 You had two chicks at a divorce party on mushrooms. That's hell.
There's a divorce party? They throw divorce parties. Oh, they do them now.
Yeah, like bachelor parties. Yeah, yeah.
It's tough.

Speaker 1 It's tough, dude. And they grew back.
There's a bunch of fucking four. How are they?

Speaker 1 They're out of the game they're coming back in you know and it's like dude you guys have you guys should retire how were uh how are they looking not good they'll just get mauled by some like 23 year old psycho on tender for three days

Speaker 1 i think we should work things out they got they were like they came back and they're like i haven't checked in on youtube for a while i was like jesus christ yeah that's a uh get common so dark dude yeah they're entering a very different all i keep saying about there's some dude out there that doesn't know this is going on yeah what do you mean they're like cheering like some dudes out there like doesn't know his ex-chick's having a divorce party at all.

Speaker 1 Oh, dude, dude. I think it's pretty common, man.
What? I think, yeah, chicks get divorced now, and it's like divorce party with the girls. Oh, fuck.
It's a big deal.

Speaker 1 They like advertise, like, we throw bachelor parties, divorce parties. I think it depends how

Speaker 1 you're surprised how much that guy might not give a fuck. Yeah, I was going to say, that guy's probably like, yeah, I have no experience.
Of course, he is. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Got your fucking bitch battle axe 4 something-year-old wife out there being like, I'm celebrating at the Benigan. She's like, you have funny motherfucking dick straws

Speaker 1 yeah that all cry although that would get you on the plane if you if that if that's going on on the ground you're on the fucking plane on the mushrooms just being like well i gotta find this tji friday so just fucking 9-11 it me and 200 of my friends are caught

Speaker 1 i mean

Speaker 1 200 souls with me when you say like that it's crazy they didn't arrest that guy he i think he should be in jail for yeah

Speaker 1 That's crazy, but men don't put him up for a while. If you try to kill that many people, Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, you can't give talks.

Speaker 1 I mean, serial killers don't put up those kind of numbers. True.
And also, put them in the cooler, at least like a mental hospital for like a couple years, dude. Lock that boy up.

Speaker 1 Like that Buffalo Bill house? Yeah, that's sick. You can say Buffalo Bill.

Speaker 1 That was a terrorist attack. That was.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 That was a heavy bug out, though. Maybe the judge was leaning.
He'd be like, were you fucking bugging, bro?

Speaker 1 I was talking about mushrooms. Was it chocolate, dude? Because sometimes those batches are fucking mushrooms.
Penis heavy's tough, dude.

Speaker 1 Oh, shit. You were bugging? It's all good.
Yeah, Matt, you can rent Buffalo Bill's house as an Airbnb.

Speaker 1 Dude, Rainy's into this. Rainey stayed in the hotel room for the, you know, a lady from Monster? Yeah, yeah.
He, like, rented, he, like, stayed in that hotel room. I never knew that was a real show.

Speaker 1 Like, that was based on. Oh, that was based on a real lady, yeah.
I never knew that. No, that was a real lady.

Speaker 1 Rainy and Del Calo and Matera stayed in her in her like hotel that she had shacked up on. So that was terrifying, too.
It was like an ex-pilot neighborhood.

Speaker 1 Ex-pilot who tried to shut off engine mid-flight on psychedelic mushroom trip gets released from jail with orders to keep away from aircrafts. Well, that's good.

Speaker 1 That's his punishment. But that was really good.

Speaker 1 I've been there in a trash truck. Are you talking about the Sky King? Yeah.
Sky King is

Speaker 1 such a nice video. People hate that shit.
I don't know why guys are obsessed with him. Like, what the fuck is people's obsession? It's like, dude, it's the greatest audio recording.

Speaker 1 It's hilarious, man. So you think this thing can do a barrel roll?

Speaker 1 Like, please don't do that.

Speaker 1 You're going to land this. He's like, I'm going to try to hit a barrel roll and then probably nosedive it and call it a night.

Speaker 1 It's a beautiful clip. How close did that guy get to killing? Did he, like, was he like actually pulling for it? Or is he like, I'm going to fucking kill it?

Speaker 1 I don't think he said he was going to do it. Yeah, I mean, I.
That's got to suck. He's just on his junior wheel, and the real pilot was like, what the fuck are you doing, dude?

Speaker 1 He's like, I'm fucking crushing it. No attempted murder charges for pilot.
There can't be like that easy of a kill switch on a plane. I feel like there has to be some sort of like

Speaker 1 two hands on both buttons on both sides. No, No way, because if one of them goes down, yeah, you can't, you got to have one, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 If like one goes down, you can't put both the keys at the same time, like a mystical thing. You get the stewardess in there and be like, oh my God, what am I doing? You go, oh my God, this is crazy.

Speaker 1 Play 93.

Speaker 1 That shit is insane and weird. Yeah, he Mr.

Speaker 1 Emerson acknowledged that in trying to wake himself from what he believed was a dream, he reached up in the cockpit and pulled on the plane's two fire suppression handles, which are designed to shut down both engines in an emergency.

Speaker 1 Kill your dad.

Speaker 1 Well, he got inception. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He should have spawned the top. That was his.
Yeah, that was his killer.

Speaker 1 My total was a violent plane capacity.

Speaker 1 What the fuck? That is crazy. Fuck her up.
You know what I mean? That was a girl pilot? No, that was a man. I was going to say.

Speaker 1 Sounds like some sick shit a dude would do.

Speaker 1 Tripping on the plane. I'm like, oh, I'm going to fucking kill her.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I was reading that Nashville shooter manifesto, and I was like, yo, this is a dude. Wow.
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Speaker 2 Hello, everybody. Sorry for the brief interruption.
This is Sean Gardini.

Speaker 2 I just wanted to let you know that I'll be doing stand-up comedy in Tempe, Arizona this week, Wednesday at the improv, September 11th.

Speaker 2 with Aiden McCluskey and Nate Marshall. Please come to that if you can.
And then I'll be in Salt Lake City, Utah, at Wise Guys Comedy Club this weekend, Friday and Saturday, September 13th and 14th.

Speaker 2 Please come to that if you can as well. Thank you very much.
The tickets, the link for tickets is in the description. God bless you.

Speaker 2 Now let's get back to the show.

Speaker 1 Oh, man, Jesus, man. Anyway, have you guys seen any of the Paralympic videos?

Speaker 1 Bill, do you like the Paralympic video? Yeah, it's crazy. See the Brazilian guy fucking swimming? You watch any of those? Yeah, he has no arms.
Sorry,

Speaker 1 dude, he's like a fish, bro. His feet are huge.

Speaker 1 He's just like a body.

Speaker 1 Does he just wriggle? Man, he's built like a frog. He fucking dolphin kicks.
He's he's built like a frog, dude. And he has the towel bite to start.
Yeah, is that how he started? It's crazy.

Speaker 1 He was biting onto a towel. Some dude out and fucking fucking jumped back.
Look at that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they hold on.

Speaker 1 He's grabbed by the gills and catch and release. These guys are like legit crumbs, dude.
They're having the whole Olympics for him. The guy who beat him is a dickhead for that.
No one beat him.

Speaker 1 He won. No, no, that was semi-finals, dude.
Backstroke. Oh, that was the semifinals? Fuck.

Speaker 1 What was the guy who said he was a fucking beat him by a fucking finger length? What? He has to fucking head butt the wall. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Does he just fucking

Speaker 1 leap up out of the water and then come back in 15 meters underwater backwards to start it? Yeah, he's unreal. I'll show you, Matt.
This dude's on. That's crazy.
He's my kind of foot.

Speaker 1 It's pretty great.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they did that, and then there's like they're doing the backstroke, and some of the dudes have like one fucking arm.

Speaker 1 They're going a circle,

Speaker 1 bum rudder, just watching, yeah, just chill and check him out. These are the fucking champions, dude.

Speaker 1 Check this out.

Speaker 1 There's nothing better. You might have to fast-forward to the towel grab, but that's how they start.
Towel grab with the mouth. Wild.
There we go.

Speaker 1 You'll see the king when you see him, dude. He's just feet in a shell.

Speaker 1 50 meters underwater to start. That's crazy, bro.
Unreal. Imagine him swimming up and scaring us in the ocean.

Speaker 1 He'd get me. Fake shark attack.
He'd get me. It's like a catfish.
Yeah, I like this.

Speaker 1 That's the good Olympics. Yeah.
It really is, man. Do they do any satanic bullshit before their opening ceremony look like?

Speaker 1 Probably chill as hell. Probably respectful.

Speaker 1 Loving, respectful. Out of the water.

Speaker 1 Who's mad dogging? No, they all got to plop in. Yeah,

Speaker 1 they get mad dog Olympics.

Speaker 1 A lot of them can't do the flip. Yeah, they all have to just plop in like bobbing for apples.
Bro, they're fucking

Speaker 1 cooking. There he is.
Yo, he fucking crushed me. He would smoke you, Matt.
He would smoke you. He would destroy me.

Speaker 1 You blacked out in your own pool. Yeah, I can't.
Well, the goggles are pretty tight on my forehead at the cut off my blood supply. This guy is nasty, dude.

Speaker 1 I might try that.

Speaker 1 Bro, he's fucking bro. Imagine him jackhammering.
The motor on him.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Imagine life with no arms, dude.
Just nubs up here.

Speaker 1 Haul ass. All you do is hit the pool.
And then you work. You work your whole life to get to Paris, and then some guy beats you by a fucking finger length.
That's fucked up.

Speaker 1 I would love to know his origin story. Just how he got into swimming.
Just some nasty fucking Brazilians pushing him in the pool as a joke. He's like, oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Check them all out. Amazon.
He swam with the river dolphins. These are the real X-Men.

Speaker 1 That's how I learned how to swim, by the way. I was pushed in the pool.
Really? Trial by Fire. Trial by Fire.

Speaker 1 At least that's how it could be a false memory, memory, but I swear to God, I was in the Carrakong swim club. My brothers pushed me in the pool, and I definitely definitely happened to you.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't mind a good diving board. I remember being like, oh, sweet, I can swim, and just pull myself out of the pool and be like, right on.
What's the highest diving board you ever took?

Speaker 1 Dude, they fucking. I think there was a

Speaker 1 I swear, I think it was a 30-meter. I could be wrong about that.
60 feet? No,

Speaker 1 at Hidden Hollow.

Speaker 1 How high was the third platform? I think 10 meters. 10, my bad.
Okay. 30 feet.
I was getting meters and feet deep.

Speaker 1 it was getting meters and it was high bro that the third platform at hidden hollow was high as fuck second platform second platform was scary i maybe at 14 feet the second platform was scary i honestly don't know if i ever went on the third the second was like kind of nuts the third was like you got to be fucking crazy look up i'm telling you the hidden hollows remember how high that was i couldn't even climb up to it bro it was i don't know it's got to be closed down now i've never you could climb up it was it probably was 30 feet i think it was about 30 feet high damn it was crazy.

Speaker 1 Whatever the high dive is, I think it's just a, it was that Bucknell, whatever they're platform or board, like a platform. Damn, dude.
That's high. It was whatever the collegiate one is.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Matt, you know Jason Statham used to do this?

Speaker 1 Professional. Statham was a professional diver.
Oh, yeah. Actually, I did hear that before.
He's crazy. Is he a dancer? Yes.
Did you ever see the video where he's dancing in the background?

Speaker 1 So is Sam Sullock.

Speaker 1 Who's that? Big bodybuilder kid. Oh, he was a swimmer.
Oh,

Speaker 1 swimmer. Swimmer and diver, yeah.
That's pretty sick. I never hit a high dive.
I've been hitting the lanes pretty hard myself.

Speaker 1 You never hit a high dive? I've never hit one.

Speaker 1 Once I was like fucking fucking around. Oh, you're part of the safety generation.
I just had the

Speaker 1 pool in the backyard. It's all nerfed up for me.
We used to drink out of those.

Speaker 1 Tune in the guitar.

Speaker 1 We're no streetlights. We're just out there.
Yeah, man.

Speaker 1 I used to literally walk up and down the highway as a child. I walked down the highway all the time.
Screaming, Joe.

Speaker 1 For real, I used to walk up and down the highway as a child. Where? 202.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 We would walk to Wawa and just pillage candy bars and like sit outside. Yeah.
Not nerfed. Not nerfed.
I swear to God, Sam. You're nerfed.

Speaker 1 I saw your trophy case in here. Nothing but participation.
Hustle. Hustle.

Speaker 1 Hustle. Hustle.

Speaker 1 I used to constantly get hustle a little bit. Dude, I would divesmanship.
Basketball, I would dive into the fucking bleachers to save a ball out of bounds. All the fucking time, bro.

Speaker 1 Don't do that to me. Did you like it? Did you like when our parents came to the games or did you not care?

Speaker 1 I told him I could give a fuck less because i had one catch with dad he threw it underhand i was like all right this is stupid

Speaker 1 was he gonna have a catch and his shoulder's absolutely fine i was like dad you want to have a catch and he's like yeah sure and then i threw one to him and he went like this on no he was he was like a side army left

Speaker 1 he was a left he was a mahomes he was a dog fluty thing

Speaker 1 anytime the one lifted he goes oh what do you with hans and franz like dude i literally have to go lifting and he's like why do you have to go to lifting just go to work

Speaker 1 they say i have to go to these yeah he would crush he would crush if you lift away it's like, what are you trying to hook up with dudes? You're like, why do you think I'm trying to engage?

Speaker 1 He might have been on the song.

Speaker 1 Well, in his day, they all collected those magazines. Yes.

Speaker 1 Like, if you wanted to lift weights back when your dad was a kid, you're trying to collect those men's fitness magazines. Make the speedos.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I could see that from that generation being like, what are you trying to get your muscles bigger? What do you want to kiss? That's what made Dorian big, though. Yeah.
True. One of the greatest.

Speaker 1 True. True.

Speaker 1 I mean, I'm absolutely impervious to them. I'm like Trump, where it's just like, dude, the hate's going to come.

Speaker 1 Everyone's going to come. What if two gay guys kissed on camera and said, take that, Bill? I would throw it.
That wouldn't hurt your feelings.

Speaker 1 Spade wasn't that into it. And then, you know, he got in the gym and he saw that all that fucking hate and it's just people who are scared to walk in, dude.
Judgment stops right at the door.

Speaker 1 Once we're in there, it's just two guys trying to make each other better. True.
Make each other feel better. Yes, literally.
Yes. Nothing wrong with it.

Speaker 1 I mean, you keep asking me to, but, you know, have you guys pumped together?

Speaker 1 Me and Shane? No.

Speaker 1 Matt takes his shoes off for squats. Yeah, yeah, Matt has a fucking good firm base when he squats.
That's good.

Speaker 1 Taking your shoes off the squat 135 is wild. You got them, man.
I have high-cushion running shoes. You're not supposed to lift in those things.
Really? Yeah, you're not supposed to lift in hocus.

Speaker 1 Then you got the easy socks the one time. The easy socks.

Speaker 1 Easy socks the one time. I rolled up in the 3M.

Speaker 1 They look like work close. City fitness.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you gotta, dude. I was telling Shane, dude.
I ran four miles and I think 45 minutes.

Speaker 1 Throw up. Me and Bill did legs.
My knees are fucked up. Me and Bill did legs the other day.
I'm just threw up on fucking Bulgarians.

Speaker 1 Bulgarian split squats will shoot your fucking heart right out of the fucking room, dude. Out of nowhere, my heart just started going.
I'm like, dude, I could have a heart attack.

Speaker 1 I started thinking I could have a heart attack. Dude, I lived in that sick and twisted realm for like two years.
Where if my heart went up above like 100, I'd be like, he's a young boy.

Speaker 1 He's just pumping. I'm like, I'm getting worried.
Like, I could go down. I watched a guy fucking delete himself from you.

Speaker 1 I went to Hot Yoga last week, and this dude rolled in and it was no joke six minutes in.

Speaker 1 You're doing this stuff where like you bend backwards and you go forward and grab like the back of your ankles, but you want a compression with your chest and stomach and your thighs.

Speaker 1 You have to do two sets. Second set, dude packs it up.
Fucking rolls the mat up and everything. Goes like, you're right.
Yeah, I just have to go to the bathroom.

Speaker 1 But like, if you have to go to the bathroom,

Speaker 1 go

Speaker 1 back to your mat. Was he having the big one? Dude rolled it up.
Shit himself, bro. Left, and it smelled like a dog shit the room for like five minutes.
And I was was just like,

Speaker 1 this dude shit himself.

Speaker 1 He just peaced out. Never came back.
I mean,

Speaker 1 obvious move. He's never coming back.
He had to leave this city. Insane.
Oh, in front of the yoga base. It smells like dog base.

Speaker 1 He shit the yoga base.

Speaker 1 Yeah, dude.

Speaker 1 I just fucking, I just held my head down the next second. Oh, man.

Speaker 1 He should have been like, yo, I need this guy fucking shit himself. I'm at it.

Speaker 1 Anyway, I gotta go.

Speaker 1 What kind of place is this? People just shit themselves. I'm leaving.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's like just starting to sweat. I feel them, though, because I ate fucking a bunch of ground beef and rice before I went.
And I was like, God damn, bro.

Speaker 1 This chest compression, this stomach compression kills. He sets you off like goonies, dude.
He was like, oh, shit.

Speaker 1 There's another thing where you got to like on your back, squeeze your fucking knee into your chest.

Speaker 1 Do you ever, when you do that, like look at your penis just poking out your shorts and talking about it? It's like a triangle.

Speaker 1 It's devastating. It's campy, man.
It's devastating. You just have like a 60-year-old woman's camel toe.

Speaker 1 You got Alaskan Airlines that

Speaker 1 you go, This is not real life.

Speaker 1 This is, we all have to die. Start turning off the yoga music.
Like, I stay at home dreaming. My dick can't be this small, dude.
This is crazy.

Speaker 1 Also, somebody shit themselves. I'm out of here.

Speaker 1 I know my dick's not this small. Somebody shit their pants.
I'm leaving. This whole studio is a joke.

Speaker 1 I've seen some of those old ladies fart. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 There's like old yoga ladies that think it's cool. Yeah, you just let it go.
I mean, it is cool.

Speaker 1 Their parts. They just smell like mothballs, though.
It smells terrible. Nothing's been in their hands for fucking.
Smells like broccoli. Yeah, it's pretty weird diets.

Speaker 1 I can't believe I forgot about this.

Speaker 1 Support Ukraine. So trojan.
So liberal.

Speaker 1 I think I went through like a genuine humiliation ritual recently. Dude,

Speaker 1 this is going to sound, and this sounds infinitely worse than hot yoga, but I'm real into lymph right now. Just my lymphatic system.

Speaker 1 Getting my lymph trained. Getting jerked.
Apparently, I mean, bro, maybe one day. It's the old man node.
Come on, on, man. You know where that node is.

Speaker 1 I know exactly where that one is. You got two down there.
The final node.

Speaker 1 That's literally in your pukes. You're getting rubbed.
Yeah, it's close.

Speaker 1 No, it's not, dude. I'm telling you.

Speaker 1 I'm just trying to be well.

Speaker 1 No, not all.

Speaker 1 No, I'm not. No, I'm not.
Dude, I would say it if I was. I would.
I would say, dude, this is nothing.

Speaker 1 When they're in the nodes down there, you don't want to go to the middle of the node. What is going through your mind? Blood flow, totally natural.

Speaker 1 Blood flow, totally natural. I'm just, my mind is.
Would you stop her if she kept going? What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 I would say this isn't part of the lymphatic museum. Are you like healthy when it's happening? Are you chubbed up when it's happening? I'd say so.
I'd say, oh,

Speaker 1 you got a show, dog.

Speaker 1 It's a Texas heat. It's a Texas heat.

Speaker 1 It's nothing crazy. No, it's nothing, dude.
I'm telling you, it's for real. Like, my favorite literary ghost draped on the clothes.
Dude, this is not. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 But, dude, I'm telling you, this is, that's nothing. So then, apparently, they say when you fly, you're supposed to be like wearing compression stuff.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because, like, it apparently your circulation is just like trash when you're flying.

Speaker 1 So, if, like, you can get these things that are like, basically like tights that you just wear under your pants that keep you all compressed on your body. So, Brittany was getting them.

Speaker 1 She's like, Do you want them to make them for you when you fly? I'm like, Yeah, have them make me a pair. And they're like, Well, they have to come and like measure.
They're measuring me.

Speaker 1 They have to measure you. I'm like, No, whatever.
For like yoga pants, dude. I didn't know what the fuck it was.
I thought that was like spandex pants.

Speaker 1 Bro, so then this fucking French lady comes by our house.

Speaker 1 I thought it was going to be a dude. This is what I said.
There was a dude. There was was a dude Taylor there comes by the house and they're like, measure Brittany.

Speaker 1 They're like, oh, can you toss on these spandex pants real quick and come back out here? And I was like, this is some elite shit.

Speaker 1 It is pretty, dude.

Speaker 1 I want the fucking compression. I'm all about the lymph.
So I go in.

Speaker 1 It was very funny because I go in, put the spandex on. You're taking this jack off parlor pretty seriously.

Speaker 1 No, she's really funny. She's like a P.E.
Claire. Pretty legit.
Dude, I'm telling you, it's pretty legit. But this is a whole different person.

Speaker 1 So I'm like, I'm like, I just want the compression. I want to fly and feel great.
They're like, dude, you're it's night and day, you're gonna feel fantastic. So, I'm like, I love that.

Speaker 1 So, they like, I put them on, but I'm kind of low, I'm kind of sagging the front a little bit. You know, nothing crazy, but I'm you know, where I'm still like, I'm monitoring the whole time.

Speaker 1 I'm like, Come on, man, come, give me something, yeah, give me now, not now, trying to get Brittany, maybe like rubble on me. I wanted something decent shrimp, was it just dead?

Speaker 1 I just dude, I had to stand there, yeah, totally, and I had to stand there just with a fucking micro bulge for like 20 minutes, dude. Are you doing as if it wasn't bad enough?

Speaker 1 Brittany goes, You got to pull your pants off and just hikes them up on me dude i'm like no this is not this is a kind of uh embarrassment ritual this is the most embarrassing thing ever dude one of the measurements was i'd rather shit in yoga

Speaker 1 like hold it in your center line i'm like what's that and they have to like tell brittin to work you up before they came in i didn't know this was this was happening and then they take the one measurement is they kind of like just kind of like wedge you into

Speaker 1 they just kind of like work it from behind in front like come up your front and i was just sitting there like

Speaker 1 come on.

Speaker 1 I couldn't stop. I couldn't swear.

Speaker 1 Once you started, you're true Jesus.

Speaker 1 You got an old man compression socks. I get the knee-high socks.
Sam Talent has a lot of fun. I know shinsplants.
But, dude, apparently, for working out, they're really good.

Speaker 1 If you're compressed while you're all like, apparently, like, they do, all the athletes in the NFL do this. They wear like compression while they work out.
Dude, you got to get an R-ring for the nose.

Speaker 1 They probably just get fucking the tights for the night. No, no, no, no, no.
No, dude, apparently. You guys don't know about Lymph.
It's not your fault.

Speaker 1 You don't know about Lymph, but it's like a for real. It's like a serious thing.
I thought they were just here. No, dude, you have like hundreds of them.

Speaker 1 I thought like when you get sick or like when you feel your lymph. No, they're like all around your butt hole.

Speaker 1 No, they're all

Speaker 1 around your joints. Every joint, you have lymph nodes in your neck.
I think right here, down here, on every joint. So if you don't move, they get like just.
How often do you get this?

Speaker 1 Well, every couple of weeks, whenever I can get it fitted in. And then they do zero point.
It's basically

Speaker 1 what? It's like not acupuncture, but it's acupressure where they just, every knot in your back, they just hold into it until it releases, and they go, not by not, dude.

Speaker 1 It's for real the best thing in the world.

Speaker 1 But, yes, I had to stand there and spandex in my kitchen. And get a Melvin.
And just get a Melvin.

Speaker 1 It was sit the whole time. I was just like, dude, this will be over soon.
Honestly, I got to go to the bathroom and just put a cucumber in my fucking pants.

Speaker 1 What? Well, this is what he was going to be like normally. Well, no, I was trying to, I was like a French lady, so I'm like,

Speaker 1 I'm like,

Speaker 1 this is like normal.

Speaker 1 You know, this French lady doesn't care. It's just like, you just see microbules all the time.

Speaker 1 They got in the car and laughed.

Speaker 1 They could have, bro.

Speaker 1 Like, I've never seen anything that small.

Speaker 1 That's all nurses talk about. Technically, is that microbules?

Speaker 1 That's all fucking nurses talking about. It's insanity.
What do you mean? Dudes do. Do you ever hang out with nurses? They say the nastiest shit.

Speaker 1 Nurses are the dark. That's the darkness.
They all stop, man. Then they make TikToks.
And it's like, I want them, the scrubs. If they can fill out the scrubs, I want it so bad.

Speaker 1 I hear these stories about them in the fucking closet. Scrubs going wild.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, there's a video of this fucking nurse that literally looks like one of of our like it could be an aunt of ours and there's just a black dude hugging her from behind and she's on the phone with her husband like yeah i'm just gonna work the night shift and this fucking like black nurse's assistant just kissing her neck and she's like yeah it's all right i'll just take the night shift and they both smile at the camera i was like oh what video is it it's like a video that's on twitter yeah they're making like a yeah

Speaker 1 this is you you got cuck video like the one where it's like your girl's in miami that is kind of weird just to be like it's not even like a pornographic thing you're just sitting there let your girl go to miami you're in the chair

Speaker 1 you're in the chair you can't go to miami you got to break out with a girl if she goes everyone's really supportive in miami dude all the content creators just like push each other to be better and get like cooler cars for sure

Speaker 1 everything on twitter is just like this is an unsolicited advertisement for an only fans

Speaker 1 I want it to fucking end. It's either that or what's better? The chicken bake or the double chong chong on shit.

Speaker 1 There is always like, I need to read a book. There is like.
I'm just you are. You're chilling the internet, man.
I am. I'm like, dude, I'm fucking, I'm just going to read the guy.

Speaker 1 He's not.

Speaker 1 If I find any, I'm barely on it. If I find something, he's like, I saw that.
I saw that. I saw that.
What's your screen time? What's your screen time? You can't show Bill anything.

Speaker 1 No clue. Bill is the internet right now.

Speaker 1 You're totally plugged in. I'm plugged in, but I'm unplugged.
Like now, playing guitar and stuff, I can just chill the fuck out and not go on it. But, you know, I just.

Speaker 1 It is funny to be thinking of you. I'm going to put clips for the intros.
I like sending chains. Yeah, you're like, oh, dude, check this out.
And then every time the dude's like, yeah, I saw that.

Speaker 1 Yeah. After a while, you're defeated.
You just stop showing it. Well, it's funny to think of you just practicing arpeggios and being like these motherfucking piece of shit shooting a trans bitch

Speaker 1 that when i'm playing right wing guitar

Speaker 1 when i'm playing guitar it's all gone yeah true oh yeah zone out something crazy is gone i know something's gonna happen something will too but it calms this whole that's how i started doing it so i could just relax and stop looking up yeah and you look really handsome when you're playing you get called a racist well what are you called a racist for when you look up stuff like that they say you're an all-right racist or you're a russian bot You see, Tim Poole got fucked.

Speaker 1 Dave Rupin, Tim Poole. What are you talking about? Lauren Southern.
That's all I'm talking about. He knows everything that happens on the air.

Speaker 1 No, I don't know who Tim Poole was.

Speaker 1 I know who he is. I know who he is.

Speaker 1 He just fucking tried to sue Kamala Harris for defamation, and now it just came out that they're all getting paid by Russia for their shows for 100 Gs a week, 100 Gs a week. No.
No way.

Speaker 1 But they're saying it's fake.

Speaker 1 So they're saying it's Russian dissent. Like the Russians are using them the different.
Well, the right-wing YouTubers have completely, they've completely collapsed on themselves. 25G is an app, dude.

Speaker 1 Whatever you want. Yeah, I don't need 20G's.
Whatever you guys want. We'll talk about the Rhineland.

Speaker 1 Biden is sick, dude. He's like KGB.
Dude, you ever watch an interview with him? He is kind of sick. He just endorsed Kamal Harris.
Putin did? Yes.

Speaker 1 He says she has a fascinating laugh and everyone in the Russian fucking crowd's laughing.

Speaker 1 Or a joke. He's so funny, dude.
I love when dudes do that on Twitter. Oh, dude, this is so embarrassing.
Biden's our our president. We are getting laughed at by global leaders.

Speaker 1 Just like a dude who worked for Swiss farms.

Speaker 1 That's just where the elevator stops on that one.

Speaker 1 Yeah. We are an embarrassment to all fucking countries.
Yeah, thinking about like the foreign NATO councils being

Speaker 1 fucking laughing at us.

Speaker 1 The closer we get to Russia, the fucking more they're going to do, dude. NATO should know that.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's right.

Speaker 1 These are the thoughts I had. I had fucking, I had lack of sleep because Stevie keeps diarrhea in the bed and fucking

Speaker 1 Stevie Nick.

Speaker 1 Tom flamed you in the family group chat. Why? Because you had the diaper on the dog and Tom was like, yo, Bill, I'm cool with whatever fetish you have.
But like, she also agreed to do that.

Speaker 1 The Doug Road dog is psychotic, bro. I knew you were going to deal with the weirdo with the apology.
It's just when it goes to sleep. It's just when it goes to sleep

Speaker 1 the bed. There's a clear backpack you can buy and you can walk around with two of them in it.
It's literally just when they can get to sleep.

Speaker 1 It's just when they go to sleep, so I have to keep fucking cleaning shit out of my bed. You're going to start wearing briefs.
You're going to start wearing briefs, dude.

Speaker 1 You're going to start wearing briefs too. Do you mean Pomeranian diapers? No, it's fucking

Speaker 1 wearing colored griefs. Every time they shoot, I gotta wipe their ass.

Speaker 1 Dude, you start wearing briefs, dude, dude. Don't wear briefs? Tiger King, dude.

Speaker 1 What the fuck are you doing, dude?

Speaker 1 Dude, this is the beginning. He's gonna get into exotics.
He's gonna get into like exotic pets, dude. Right, I was dreaming my new beach out

Speaker 1 right now to my Miami beach house.

Speaker 1 Were they asking her about like draftics? Yeah, they're asking her the phone about Cincinnati Bengals. Oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I knew those dogs. But I also knew you took it personally.
We were on the phone.

Speaker 1 I was making fun for the dogs. He's like, they're good animals.
I like them. I was like, I'm just fucking with you.

Speaker 1 It is crazy how by the way. He loves them immediately.
I didn't even know he had a heart, dude.

Speaker 1 Immediately he gets done. He's a sensitive boy.
I love the dogs. There's a bluebird in there.
He tries to keep hidden from everyone. True.

Speaker 1 Wow, wow.

Speaker 1 Stevie, stop shitting off the diary.

Speaker 1 We need to get Stevie a diaper. I just keep calling, Red.
How'd you get dog diapers? You got Amazon, those? Amazon. Did you say size? Super small.
XXS.

Speaker 1 XXS. Teniest diapers.
How funny was that video? I said you have her walking in them, though. It's great.
It's a funny video. It's a good video, and you have good dogs.

Speaker 1 I'll stop making fun of your dogs. It's okay.
Hold on. Buffalo Bill.
You got to swear. I guess I had the dogs here.
I'd like to take a look at the dogs.

Speaker 1 You got to get like a little steeplechase count for them and teach them. Eventually, they're too busy pissing and shitting all over the place.
Are they in the house?

Speaker 1 No, they're at my girlfriend's parents' house right now.

Speaker 1 That's where they eat mulch, dude. Yeah, what are you enjoying? They're gonna throw it up, man.
Yeah, mulch fucks my mulch fucks dogs up. I saw a dog drink a beer yesterday.

Speaker 1 My pop-up used to feed one dog

Speaker 1 at the bar. It's not good.
It's not Gennis. Yeah, it's not Gennis.
And then it immediately looked it up. It's like, never give a dog alcohol.
Dude, it'll kill the dog.

Speaker 1 My uncle had a boxer and it would hold it in its lap. Him and my pop-up would do it.
They grab a Budweiser and put the bottle in his mouth and it was go.

Speaker 1 I mean, dude, they'll say, but it's not. You would slam it, dude.
They're not built for it. They're not built for the Brewskies.
What about like Seltzer's? This dog seemed built for the Brewskies.

Speaker 1 Dude, I'm telling you, Churchill.

Speaker 1 It had purple. The guy who owned it dyed its long hair on the side purple.
That's sick. It was crazy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the dog's name was Churchill, and it would just chug Budweiser's. It was fine.
Churchill lives. Churchill lives fine.

Speaker 1 It was a boxer named Churchill. Lived down the street from my pop-up.
It would leave my cousin Pat's house every morning and run down to his house and chill there for the day.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he was getting slammed. He's slammed brother.

Speaker 1 Half a brisky. I love when dogs just have their own life.
Yeah, it's great. You know,

Speaker 1 they're like, oh, he comes around here. They don't do that anymore.

Speaker 1 Nerfed up world, dude.

Speaker 1 God damn it. I had my dog.
I was free-ranging my dogs, and they attacked two dogs in the middle of the house.

Speaker 1 I was like, oh, fuck. My dogs will live.

Speaker 1 Dogs now? I was free-ranging them in Texas. I was like, you know, let them just run, do their thing.
And yeah, there was these Huskies. They rang them down in Texas.
Yeah, they ran right up to him.

Speaker 1 I had to break it up. I was like, God damn it.
Huskies in Texas? I know. I know.
Who's the real criminal here? Yeah, for sure. True.
Who saved who? True. She rescued dad.

Speaker 1 They won't ever imagine. True.
I'm just looking for people in the parking lots, really. I'm not really worried about my daughter.
Matilda and Jackson. Yeah, I should bring them.
Sick them.

Speaker 1 It's going to be time for me to get a cat. Dude, I love cats.
I don't know. Tybalt was a good black cat.
Yeah. Yeah.
I might get an orange boy. The internet's firing me up on them.
Let them go here.

Speaker 1 Dude, the internet's nothing but a sick ass.

Speaker 1 Indoor, outdoor, city cat.

Speaker 1 You can't have an outdoor city cat. Dude, I had one.

Speaker 1 It gave me, I think, a terrible disease, but I had one. You can't have an outdoor city cat.
Look at cream pods so fast. Yeah, that's what we need.

Speaker 1 We need that.

Speaker 1 Who's a new sheriff? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you should get a cat.
There's no reason not to get it. You gotta get a dog.
You gotta start.

Speaker 1 Dogs are too high maintenance. You gotta start memeing Reggie and Stevie, dude.
Dress them up. I have a dog.
Get a cat, and when you're gone, just cryogenically freeze it. Le Maire fucking.

Speaker 1 Put him in Cairo. I just asked him the other day, does Le Maire still live at your house? Like, yeah.
Yeah, he's putting it. He's gonna live there forever.

Speaker 1 His dickhead brother having like parties he had a birthday bash yeah insane

Speaker 1 he's really enjoying himself he's like I think you should leave or

Speaker 1 he had a birthday bash and he texted me about it living it up dude he was like can I have a party and I was like no dude I was I was in a grumpy I was being a grumpus yeah it's like no I was like, why do you have to go to the house?

Speaker 1 Why can't you just go to a fucking bar for your birthday? Yeah, right. I was like, yeah, I actually said it sarcastically.

Speaker 1 I was like, yeah, you can have a party at my house instead of just going to a bar. And he was like, great, thank you.

Speaker 1 Did they fuck it up?

Speaker 1 No, I don't know. I think there was only, it was, it wasn't.
I thought me and my family were going to be down there for the Texas A ⁇ M game, but I had to stay here. It was probably a fucking

Speaker 1 R for R. I had a cleaning lady come

Speaker 1 before we got down there to clean up Le Maire's fucking slop.

Speaker 1 He thought I did that because of the party he had. He thought I hired a cleaning lady.

Speaker 1 He texted me. He's like, Thanks for the cleaning lady, dude.
I was dying to clean it up. I was like, I just hired a lady to come clean up after this party.

Speaker 1 Are you guys almost done working on the show?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Okay.
We're done writing it. How's it going to film it? What? How's it end? Oh, you're just writing crazy? You still have to make it? You still have to make it? Yeah, you're throat.

Speaker 1 Holy shit.

Speaker 1 It's a writer's room. Writer's room.
How many girls are in your writer's room? A couple. Damn, bro.
Billy's not going to like the show.

Speaker 1 Never ends well, bro. Bill hates girls in the writer's room.
I think it should just be the guys.

Speaker 1 I don't know what to tell you.

Speaker 1 Your hands are tied here. I don't know what to tell you.
We did a table read, which was very fun. Yeah.

Speaker 1 We got to have everyone in the room because when you're writing it, you're like, I don't know if this is funny. Well, it's not like I'm fucking writing it.
It's literally John. Yeah, right.

Speaker 1 I show up every three days. I'm like, how's it going?

Speaker 1 This would be funny if this happened. Just leave through the script.
It's pretty thick right there. It's looking good.

Speaker 1 Can you read this script? I'm like, yeah, for sure. That's awesome.

Speaker 1 But then we did the table read. It was great.

Speaker 1 Kylo was in it. How long is that? It's very funny.
It's just four episodes of a show. How long does it take? So, an hour and a half, two hours.
Damn. It's like the show.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you read the whole show, but Kyla, we were doing the Kyla's line was to call Gerbin a pedophile, and she's going through it. Like, she couldn't find where she was in the, she got lost.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Her turnaround, she was like, oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 Will, you look like a pedophile.

Speaker 1 A big pop.

Speaker 1 Skyla rules.

Speaker 1 It's awesome. It's been pretty neat.

Speaker 1 It's been such a wonderful experience. Back in Philly.

Speaker 1 Still no top golf. I've really enjoyed my time here in Philadelphia.

Speaker 1 We might not be able to chill with him. I've literally been begging you to go to Top Golf, and you say we never go.
But he's going to get hound. I'm trying to do my sobriety.
I hear you. I understand.

Speaker 1 You can go to Top Golf and drink water like an animal.

Speaker 1 That's psychotic. Yeah, he just doesn't enjoy himself, bro.

Speaker 1 I love going to Top Golf. I can't.

Speaker 1 Can we have some Brucekis a season?

Speaker 1 there's just a few like brewskies there's no no but like not right here not now there's some like what are what are what are some non-brewski activities uh we can just dial up the phone top golf vidges yeah video

Speaker 1 walks vidges

Speaker 1 lifting lifting you could lift drunk nah don't give up king

Speaker 1 uh

Speaker 1 you can do anything but top golf is clearly a brewski activity yeah that makes sense no that's there's regular activities and then there's clearly designed for brewski activities. No, top golf scene.

Speaker 1 Top golf is a bar. Bill was telling me to get fucked up in real golf.
I was surprised. Oh, people fucking hammered.

Speaker 1 That's why every single dude loves golf. I didn't know this.
Yeah, dudes get like a bunch of people. Is that video of the fucking chick who hit the dude on the golf course? No.

Speaker 1 My buddy's friend saw it happen. This fucking girl comes on a Bronco and just hops up onto a golf course and nails this fucking golf course.
I see that. It was in Deerfield.
Deerfield, Delaware.

Speaker 1 Trump golfs. He doesn't drink.
True. Never drinks because of his older brother.
What happened to his older brother? He's a drunkard. He died of drugs.
Oh, damn.

Speaker 1 Trump's dude, the one they interview about Kamala in the golf cart's the funniest thing. She's so fucking pathetic.
And Baron's

Speaker 1 the one where he's with him. No, no, he's just driving somebody.
Someone secretly filmed it. Someone secretly filmed it.
I told someone secretly filmed that. The hot mic?

Speaker 1 Yeah, and he's like, she's so fucking pathetic. It's called 40 chess.
When dudes hit 30, it's time to hit the links. Yeah, that's what Bill's like, dude, you got to go.
Just start.

Speaker 1 I've been out with the bros.

Speaker 1 You're outside for three hours driving golf carts. I like this.

Speaker 1 I think golf, what it is, is you're spending hours creating an alibi to eventually split a hooker with your friend in the Pokénones. Then you're like, yeah, we're on a golf trip.
We're on a golf trip.

Speaker 1 You spend like 20 years.

Speaker 1 Your phones are together. You spend 20 years just doing this thing.
And eventually you're like, let's split a hooker.

Speaker 1 Check the metadata. We were together.

Speaker 1 It's the whole point of the game. I actually am jealous of my pals back home.
Golfing.

Speaker 1 It is a good life.

Speaker 1 You don't have to be good. Work Monday through Friday, and then you go, it's Friday.
Links. We're hitting the links.
I'm jealous of everybody. I was talking about some dude.

Speaker 1 He was like talking about some kind of how the team is so stacked. And

Speaker 1 this guy's the best quarterback we've ever had. I'm going to say that till the Lord takes me from this plane.
All this shit.

Speaker 1 I'm just sitting there getting coffee being like, I wish I was this dude, man. What do you mean about just like that was my game? That's just that was what I was on, man.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, get on the Notre Dame training. It's like, this guy's.
They have the best draft in the entire NFL. Are you surprised to hear that? This is old, yeah.
Certainly not.

Speaker 1 The first year we took it to the limit.

Speaker 1 And I was in Miami with my new beach house. Well, it was a couple minutes ago.

Speaker 1 It's been 20 years since then. We haven't been too strong in the last few years.
Oh, we've been strong. We're just playing by the rules.
You can't have a newcomer come in

Speaker 1 and steal a show.

Speaker 1 That's a great one. No, I get jealous of that of like having like a team.
Being in an office, you have like your team, your team leader.

Speaker 1 All day long, I'm like spinning out just in my own head for no reason. You need it's like, I need like this guy is literally like on the phone, just chilling.

Speaker 1 Like, the whole world is the fucking ball. You need football, yeah.
You just need to add to this guy. Isn't it? And you got, you have those thoughts get nuked by

Speaker 1 fire too.

Speaker 1 When I was like 21, it's all I did. I had fantasy and then it was hockey.
Yes. And this is, this was my fucking deal.
Join a Roman.

Speaker 1 It was Philly's just, you know, in case nothing was going on. Yeah.
I think the Chiefs Ravens is tonight. Is it? Kickoff 820.
Is that the first game? We're back. Was that the first game? It's profo.

Speaker 1 Now I have my college. Now I have my pro.
It's Bruski.

Speaker 1 Gabe says the NFL is illegal. I was taking it easy.
I was being sober. Now it's drinking time.

Speaker 1 What? Gabe says fucking NFL is the only real thing to watch. Is that a college? Yeah.
I'm kind of with him on that. Who, Gabriel? Yes.

Speaker 1 Did you see the Pete Rose thing?

Speaker 1 It's a pretty good one. What is it? It's the Netflix thing on Pete Rose.
He had that gambling job. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 That's a good one. He was throwing the games and stuff.
No, he was betting on himself. He's betting on himself.
Well, that's what a champion does. Next to my new beat.
You can bet on yourself.

Speaker 1 Although, I guess if you could, if you kind of Charlie Hustle, bro. He wasn't betting against himself.
No,

Speaker 1 I agree. What the hell's a big deal about that? There's definitely a few nights where they're like, dude, Thursday's game.
Who gives a fuck? It's the middle of the season.

Speaker 1 They kick him out of the Hall of Fame. I know.
They won't let him in.

Speaker 1 I know. But his name lives on.
His name is. Pete Rose way, dude.
Yeah, I always know Pete Rose. It's fucking bullshit.
I didn't realize. What do you like for the Super Bowl this year?

Speaker 1 Oh, Chargers are the first people to come in my head. Whoa.
What's going on with NCAA? That's a rare, bro. NCAA.
NCAA, who would win it? Who's winning it this year? Obviously, the Colorado Buffalo.

Speaker 1 No, the

Speaker 1 Coach Prague. Colorado Buffalo.
Don't fire me up.

Speaker 1 They almost lost to North Dakota State. They sold his spinal cord.

Speaker 1 Who would win the

Speaker 1 Gamecocks a few years ago to go? I'm going to say Oregon. That's a good pick, man.
Yeah, I would say Oregon. You like the Oregon Ducks this year.
I do. I like the Duck Ducks.

Speaker 1 I think somebody's going to have to beat the Georgia Bulldogs.

Speaker 1 FSU is fucked.

Speaker 1 FSU is absolutely. What about Alabama? Are they not? Alabama will still be good.
They'll be good, but they're not. Who's their head coach man?

Speaker 1 A guy from Washington, DeBoer. Motherfucker, Deborah, yeah.
I heard they were going to give him headsets now because of that signal. Because Michigan stole

Speaker 1 thieves. Thieves.
The quarterbacks don't have any headsets at all. College used to not have it.
You have a microphone. This time, yeah.
Give it up. Give it to them.

Speaker 1 Who do you think is going to win? Who do I think? Yeah. I'll tell you what.
When I saw those Georgia Bulldogs take the field, I said, those boys look different. Better than the Fightings?

Speaker 1 They look better than the Fightings. But we'll see.
I mean, the Irish look tough, dude. The Irish look tough.

Speaker 1 I still have a full-blown hex on all Temple sports. No dame good? Rotten hell.
No name good sports. They won at the same name.
Stole my bet on my laptop. Oh, yeah.
True, true, true, true, true.

Speaker 1 Temple, the university will never win another championship as long as I'm on this earth. I think we can all agree.
Yeah, I think

Speaker 1 I think you're safe.

Speaker 1 They D1.

Speaker 1 Oh, wow. Yeah.
Stole my laptop when I was upstairs. I never would have rolled.
I was opened against somebody tough this weekend. They probably got hopefully got rolled.

Speaker 1 It's basketball who I have a problem with, but it's just on the whole fucking place. Is it Drexel D1? You know what happened when they steal my basketball? Temple opened against Oklahoma.

Speaker 1 They fucked up. 51-3.

Speaker 1 You know what? That's a field goal. That's fucked up.

Speaker 1 They steal my laptop. A year later, they're losing all the funding for their sports.
Had a fucking close-up softball across. You lost a laptop, you little hunter bucks.
My laptop from hell.

Speaker 1 I remember I point manned. I did a little law work on that case as well.
That was my representation.

Speaker 1 I point manned a little bit. Dalton.
I was a little more. I was double on the cover, actually.

Speaker 1 You're still my counsel, but I might have to just

Speaker 1 openly admit to doing a crime in the beginning of episode. Fixer.
I'm more of a mistake.

Speaker 1 What? You ran a red light. Yeah, I did not.

Speaker 1 You said I ran a red light. You said I blew through a red light, B part Warner.
The guy from Russia said you were in case I need you. True,

Speaker 1 true.

Speaker 1 Edit out that I said I ran the red light. No, I'm stopping you.

Speaker 1 Mine was purely theoretical from the legal code books. I'll fight like hell.
Will you really? Yeah. He's a bull.
Do what it takes. True.

Speaker 1 It's the only place I feel at home anymore hanging out with you guys. It's true.
I'll fight like hell for you guys. You mean it? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'll fight like fucking hell for you guys. What kind of wings do you want to get for real? I don't know.
Let's go somewhere near Helium. Something nice.

Speaker 1 I just hope that they have them and it's not the same situation. No, they got that one.
I took the wind out of myself.

Speaker 1 He knows where the the wings did you see the thing i've been fasting all day by the way have you really yeah you should have been slightly fasting yeah i had a gay little i've had a nice little gay day nice try to lose weight i gain weight so fast bro you ate antonios i had antonio dude ever since they got a legendary new

Speaker 1 it's official sponsor

Speaker 1 Antonio's De Leon, Lancaster have. I told him for weeks, bro, that place looks sick, go in.
Never did. Got Grubhub.
It's awesome. I got lost.
Classic Italian.

Speaker 1 Dude, I thought I figured it out and I was going to be 181 for the rest of my life. I stopped like paying attention.
Two weeks later, I'm like 190. I was like, what the fuck happened?

Speaker 1 I'd kill for those nights. I fucking flew up.
Airbnb at Texas A ⁇ M had a scale.

Speaker 1 Hello, little girl.

Speaker 1 It's Undertaker's DVS dog. I was like, yeah, let's give it a shot.
It's got to be that. I went, oh,

Speaker 1 I did the same thing. I was like, I can eat whatever I want.
I popped on. I was like, God, fuck.
You got you only weigh yourself

Speaker 1 first thing in the morning. I'm going to trim down for season two of tires.

Speaker 1 First thing in the morning after a piss. That's the only true weight you got, bro.
Yeah, no? Anything else, it's fucked. No, I did hit a midday, had a couple of scale.

Speaker 1 That's a tough time to get out of here. Yeah,

Speaker 1 that's water weight a certain way. You'd be surprised how much water weights in your body.
When you get a good lymph massage, bro. Spade fucked it.
I'm telling you. How much jizz weight inside?

Speaker 1 Your little jack check.

Speaker 1 I'm telling you, it's so important. It's totally overlooked.
The only thing is that your balls are nose.

Speaker 1 You ever see those videos, like porno videos, where the dude's balls go up on the side of his deck, dude? Did you ever see this? I just saw this.

Speaker 1 I always thought they were like steroid nuts. Like, dudes are fucking, but then their balls go on the sides.

Speaker 1 That's planned.

Speaker 1 They look like steroid nuts for some reason.

Speaker 1 They look like what you want to call it. Starlings.
That's the first time I saw it. It was like a plane.

Speaker 1 It was one of my first beats busting out my butt. It's like landing here.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Bro, Spade fucked me up with this fact. How much do you think clouds weigh?

Speaker 1 Whoa. Aren't they heavy as fuck? 1.1 million pounds.

Speaker 1 Some cloud, yeah, clouds.

Speaker 1 Me and my father had a good cloud debate. Really? On the plane.
I was like, what the fuck are clouds? Yeah. Water.
I stare at them all the time. They're far out looking.
What the fuck are they?

Speaker 1 And my dad was like,

Speaker 1 fucking, they're frozen. What?

Speaker 1 And then I look it up.

Speaker 1 I was like, Philly, you're kind of right. Yeah.
It's just frozen. Good thing O'Connor wasn't on that plane.

Speaker 1 They don't fucking break when we go through them if they're frozen. Give us ice particles.

Speaker 1 it's density they do shake the plane up a little bit they do it's funny i know that although he gets pissed off he's like me and bill started talking about

Speaker 1 me and bill like stopped believing in gravity but then if the plane if the clouds are a million pounds what's gravity yeah are they water vapor aren't they water vapors or something it's a density issue i think it's it's water vapor and then it gets so high in the air freeze it freezes yeah that's also my

Speaker 1 fuck don't they break when you fly through them what the it should shatter that would be pretty sick yeah i have the same argument with spade like fucking I did. Yeah, talked to a Halo John.

Speaker 1 I did reconsider my theory on the global floods. Maybe there's some water that's up in the atmosphere, but how is sea level going to rise if you got a glass of water and you have ice in it?

Speaker 1 It doesn't go over the top. All the ice that's on the planet is up there.
If they melt, it doesn't matter. How's it going to go up? It's already as fucking high as it's going to get.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I was thinking about it.

Speaker 1 Think about that.

Speaker 1 What if the ice was sitting above the the water? Exactly.

Speaker 1 The ice cubes do, too. It's still in the functionality.
No, it don't sit above.

Speaker 1 They're on

Speaker 1 some ice cubes sit above the water, then the water would rise. Did you ever get into North Pole? Yes, they do.
Conspiracies? Yes, dude. Big time.
It's called the Black Rock. Yeah, dude.
Mountain Egg.

Speaker 1 You can't.

Speaker 1 Nate told me about this. You can't, like, nobody can go there.

Speaker 1 There's no imaging. If you Google image North Pole, it's just like there's nothing.
You can't zoom in on it. It's totally restricted.
What do they call the Neger something? Mountain Egra.

Speaker 1 Mountain Egger. Now we're talking.

Speaker 1 not playing by the rules but it's all it translates to black rock yeah you can't you literally can't like go near it you like nobody can go anywhere near the north pole they don't give a fuck about the other ones

Speaker 1 they all have dibs on the south pole they have documentaries about the south pole russia south pole so teeny tiny though i think you got these backwards okay i'm again i might be getting confused so article and antarctica's huge bro the ice wall one's huge which one's off limits

Speaker 1 The South Pole, I think, is off limits. Is that because that's where they're filming True Detective for?

Speaker 1 North Pole is like this magical place where Santa is. Think about it.
Where are the penguins? Where are the penguins? Are they in Antarctica? Where are the polar bears? Antarctica. Nope.
They're not.

Speaker 1 Where are the polar bears? They don't want to hang out with the penguins. North Pole.
They're in the North Pole? Yeah. Damn.
Did you see that one video, the albino one?

Speaker 1 They don't even hang out with Penguins. There was a crazy idea.

Speaker 1 There was this albino grizzly bear, and they kept catching him because they thought he he was a lost polar bear, and they kept sending him up there, but he's just albino. He just went back.

Speaker 1 He kept trying to get back, and it happened like four times the same day. Real shitty bear come out of that.
Never mind. The what? I'll show you this good shitty bear.

Speaker 1 Well, the one coming out of hibernation.

Speaker 1 That's amazing. He's like, what's all the bears coming out of hibernation? They're all fucked up.
I wish we hibernated. He's so sweet.

Speaker 1 Imagine like once a year you come out of the cave and all your boys are like, we're back. Yeah.
That'd be awesome. They had a ton of time.

Speaker 1 Look at this boy coming out. Going into hibernation.
This man is fucking.

Speaker 1 If you had like

Speaker 1 a big night in the cave, you're like, all right, dude, we're going out.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. He's total bedhead.

Speaker 1 Dude, that's crazy. Don't talk to me unless I got my coffee.
You got a total bedhead.

Speaker 1 That's Winnie the Tuesday. That's Spade after a few dream wells, bro.

Speaker 1 You fucking with drugs.

Speaker 1 Spade's been doing drugs. What you been up to? They had this shit called fucking drugs all the time.
Gas station drugs. Drugs scammed.
They got this shit you can get on Amazon called Dream Well.

Speaker 1 What is it? So like it's a sleep aid. So I was like, first of all, I started vaping, which is a bad idea.
Yeah, yeah. Keeps me up all night.

Speaker 1 So then I started drinking these dream wells, but you're only supposed to have one, but I ripped like three of these things. What's in it, though? Some like.
It's all natural shit, and I think five.

Speaker 1 Tell me milligrams of melatonin. A very small amount of melatonin.
But dude, it gives me 15. You did 15.
Dude, I mean, look at the ingredients.

Speaker 1 I'll be chilling, watching TV, and I'm like awake, but I'm like, dude, I'm starting to get fucked up. I'm starting to drink.
Dude, that stuff's uncomfortable when he kicks in.

Speaker 1 It's like lemon balm and all sorts of stuff. But I sleep like a baby.
You have thoughts that are not.

Speaker 1 I start going to sleep and getting spooked out because I'm having dream thoughts, but my eyes are awake. Yeah.
Whenever I take melatonin, I'll be like, I'm just going to read a book.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, shit's not even working. I'll go to like put a book down.
I'm like, oh, my arm's heavy as fuck. Yeah, I do like audiobooks on like World War II or like mescaline.

Speaker 1 And it's like, I fucking wake up and the book's finished. Yeah.
No idea what happened. Listen to Rogan while I fall asleep.
That motherfucker will be right in your dreams.

Speaker 1 I'll fall asleep to Rogan on. Rogan's always in my dreams.

Speaker 1 What do you mean you didn't bring the podcast? I was like, I thought you fucking brought it.

Speaker 1 Joe, what do you mean?

Speaker 1 Did you fall asleep? The Rogan? I fell asleep, right? And I was on the dream wells, and on my YouTube, it was going into him in action Bronson working out. And then that was like in my dream.

Speaker 1 And they're like doing fucking. That's good.

Speaker 1 And Rogan in the dream, in my in Rogan in the video, goes, you're just fat cause a pasta. And then in my dream, it was like, you're fat cause a pasta.
You're fat cause a pasta.

Speaker 1 Pasta said good, though.

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 it was a Trump fucking tweet, and I woke up in my head, just kept saying, many such cases. Did you ever see that tweet? Many such cases are good.

Speaker 1 Perfectly normal kid goes to the doctor, gets vaccine, comes out with autism. Many such cases.

Speaker 1 Every morning I woke up. Is that when he talked to RFK and they leaked it? No, that's just a random ass fucking thing.
But I'm going down Virginia way. Fucking MD.
So you're going.

Speaker 1 Why are you going down Virginia? He's going to the CIA gateway process. Oh, yeah.
You're doing the Monroe incident. Heavy sync.
What is that?

Speaker 1 They play fucking binaural beats and it syncs your brain brain waves like men who's there a good show he could travel through consciousness what are you gonna be able to read minds what amende viewing

Speaker 1 eating wings nope try again that was a good guess

Speaker 1 you're me naked

Speaker 1 close you're going what am i doing to you while you're naked fondling me nope i'm gonna come in you yeah

Speaker 1 good remote view that was good to hear try again

Speaker 1 I can't say that out loud.

Speaker 1 Try it again.

Speaker 1 I can't say that. No, I was talking about, I was thinking about cream pie spud.

Speaker 1 Yo, Matt, I've got to go see Jones live. Dude, go with

Speaker 1 Redding, P.S. Reading P.S.
That'll be nice. Talk with Jones.

Speaker 1 23rd. Bro, get him backstage.

Speaker 1 I'm already fourth right now. What are you doing? Is it a Saturday?

Speaker 1 That'll be nice.

Speaker 1 Huh? What day is it? I don't know. I'll coming back for a while.
I Sperg bought it under Dreamwells. Dude.
I was like, I'm going to see Alex Joe. You do Airbnbs?

Speaker 1 That'll be good. Oh, yeah.
It might be weird, though. I've been to a couple of these things around like, well, yeah, we went to the one person.
That was kind of uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 I thought it was good. We went a while back, and it was like,

Speaker 1 but we were

Speaker 1 there. We were way too close.
It was good when he talked. We were right up front, and it was just like Ruben.

Speaker 1 And then the crowd work was again me weird where it was like, oh, you fucking all Republicans? But Jones is probably going to be like in Reading. They're going to fucking roar.
Jones will cry.

Speaker 1 He's going to be a lion. Do it.
He's a lion. I could do it, but that's it.
See, these are the type of cool things I'm trying to avoid during the week. Why? It's not the week.

Speaker 1 The flood are not hitting. What day is he? Bill, he's working.
The 23rd. He's got a TV show.
December 23rd. Bro.
He's got a TV show. Being turreted.
Dude,

Speaker 1 on a Monday.

Speaker 1 No, I'm there that Saturday. Sunday, I'll be coming back from Toronto.

Speaker 1 I'm going to put you on to the type 2 cannabis. I'm all about it right now.
They make, now they sell. Is it illegal? Can you fly with it? It's totally illegal.
Yeah, I do. But they have

Speaker 1 to do it. Dude,

Speaker 1 they're starting to dial it back down now. They're starting to dial it back down now, where you can get weed that's low THC.
This is the kind of weed I can smoke. It's George Washington weed, dude.

Speaker 1 You can literally smoke a joint of it and you're chilling. If it's impossible, this is what I've been asking for.
I'm telling you, dude, and you can get it legal because they measure it in THCA.

Speaker 1 Last time I took one hit of weed, I had to have him come pick me up. Bro,

Speaker 1 you could blaze to George Washington and just chill. George Washington.
I'm telling you. Drink the Brewskies.
No, dude. I'm telling you, just die.
Did you get off the Bruskies?

Speaker 1 Take a few days off the Brewskies. Just fucking you.

Speaker 1 George Washington.

Speaker 1 I was when we went out the other day on my sleep i wanted a third beer so bad and i was gonna be like bill kind of want more beer you could have said but then i was like no i'm a known sitter what a pig what are the george washington activities what do you do anything you want you could chill that could be

Speaker 1 that's what i'm saying for jones

Speaker 1 you could blaze to george washington go to joneski activity the jones getting hammered

Speaker 1 it would that could get

Speaker 1 won't think about the speech you're just gonna be in there going holy

Speaker 1 jones and then like the alcohol wears off, you're driving all the way home, I could just be like, What the fuck, man?

Speaker 1 Yeah, true. If we, if I go to Redding with you, we're getting a hotel, that's a slumber party with the other freaks in the hotel.

Speaker 1 What's up, brother? You guys noticed that the shooter was transferred that's a meetup, that's a meetup, dude. That's the ultimate meetup,

Speaker 1 Tony. Do you guys start puffing? Just try puffing at George Washington.
I brought, I brought like

Speaker 1 a name of the different parts of the George Washington. I mean, dude, dude, it's TM that yellow.
I will. I should.

Speaker 1 You can just fucking die now. Like, you're good.

Speaker 1 The yellow guy just sitting there in his deathbed. He's like, just fucking die.
You're good. I'll take it.
I'm going to hate you. I'll take care of the kids.
Just die. He's like, all right.

Speaker 1 See you later. Can you get my Bitcoin out of his mic?

Speaker 1 That was a fucked up one. That was good, though.
That was like one of those movies where you watch it again. You're like, oh, yeah, that's coming.
Every swing of the scene, the guy's like, woo!

Speaker 1 I'm never going to

Speaker 1 This guy was housing liquor. Oh, yeah, it's crazy.
He freed himself from the matrix, obviously. Liquor is the fucking legit serious.
Beer, you'd have to. You work your way up, though.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 did you see the Tate tweet where he talks about how he lives in a house that's like no gay stuff at all? It's just

Speaker 1 work. No, it's just work.
He's making these structures come back where he's like, dude, my house is just a podcast studio. Same place I lay down.
No, he goes, no gay stuff.

Speaker 1 No, like statues, no artwork. He's like, it's just work 24-7.

Speaker 1 He's podcasting. Yeah, he's

Speaker 1 running OnlyFans. This is a funny thing to be like, what do you have a picture in your house? There's a picture of Andrew Tate on a fucking couch, and it literally looks like he has no cock and balls.

Speaker 1 That's great. Yeah.
Andrew Tate. He's in a speedup.
But he got turned on Tank. No, I mean, I've never been too hard about the game.
Yeah, Ike was saying that he's a fucking sex trafficker.

Speaker 1 Sex trafficker. Ike's not with him.
It's no good. Sorry.
But Ike's your guy. Ike's the guy.
Ike's, yeah, obviously. Who's better? Ike or Jones.
Ike. I was about to ask the same question.

Speaker 1 Jones is more of an entertainer. Jones is also a watch.
Ike is the god. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 He came first. Jones is a prophet.
It's like trying to compare Jesus and Moses. Yeah, true.

Speaker 1 I'm not getting into any who's the best. Jesus by a mile.
True. All right, you got a fucking crush on guitar.
Cry babies, dude.

Speaker 1 Dude, fucking Panthera Blows. Ike's probably more of a Noah.

Speaker 1 I can't understand what you're saying. They got mad because I was saying who my favorite guitarists were.
He's in the comments, babe. Yeah.
That's all one.

Speaker 1 You're online, bro. He's so online.

Speaker 1 It's that water in Lord of the Rings when they're going to fucking Mordor. You look in, you see the one dead person like, you suck.
You just fall into the water.

Speaker 1 Try to fight my way out. How do you figure that, actually?

Speaker 1 Yeah. The elves from the hospital.
The other guy comes up like, man, you're fat and gay.

Speaker 1 You need to gain weight.

Speaker 1 You need Samuels to pull you out.

Speaker 1 Gamji's white dude for Harris right now.

Speaker 1 Who is? White dude for Harris. Gamgee.
Who's Gamji? Samwise Gamgee. He's a white dude for Harris? Yes.
Fuck, Rudy's a white girl. He's a big Hollywood guy.

Speaker 1 White dude. Never forget.
He was on Goonies with Steven Spielberg. God knows what that motherfucker's up to.
Yeah, I still can't wrap my head around the whole appeal. What whole appeal?

Speaker 1 She's a kick-ass woman. Ben Stiller already talked about it.
I don't see. They got a lot of momentum, Matt.
I just feel the change happening.

Speaker 1 It's real. That's about Joy.
Could you let it in? It's true, dude. That was nice.
joy

Speaker 1 did you watch uh i already talked about that as one of their things joy what freedom of bread one of their like one of kamala harris's slogans is literally a nazi slogan what is a it's like joy with something i forget what the it's called

Speaker 1 oprah came out and said it oprah went joy really

Speaker 1 dude lowry was he's with john of god john of god yeah what's your problem john of god's a guy

Speaker 1 he like ran a trafficking thing in brazil and then went to jail for it opra was like oh he's the best use my magic he's like this dude that like hypnotizes people. I'll cut your eyeball open.

Speaker 1 He could put a needle in your eye and then people don't even freak the fuck out. How would he do this? He's like some kind of a healer.
And it's Oprah's bro. So Oprah had him on.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they were like boys.

Speaker 1 What did the guy do? Was he like a religious? He called him John of God. Yeah.
Gotcha. But then he was, I think he was trying to make babies with little girls.
Strength through joy.

Speaker 1 Strength through joy. That's a joy.
That's a Nazi thing? It's a Nazi thing, yeah. Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 Interesting.

Speaker 1 What are you going to do?

Speaker 1 I'll be curious, curious, man. Sometimes we're just in the matrix, honestly.
It's just weird to me that people are for real being like, nah, dude, she's chill.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you rape someone if you're saying that.

Speaker 1 On the drive here, I saw a nice Kamala next to a Ukraine flag. Yeah.
It's just very funny.

Speaker 1 I'm all medication. The joy people,

Speaker 1 their party line is like, we need the war in Russia. Also,

Speaker 1 get this Indian black joke in, please. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's like, why don't we slow down on wars?

Speaker 1 Yeah, dude.

Speaker 1 Have you ever seen any of these videos? I watched a guy. It's like, his whole bottom half was out, but he was like, his butt was like pulsing.
It was like trying shit. And he was still awake.

Speaker 1 He was like, oh, no. He's like, he's like throbbing.
And they're like fucking $75 drones that just drop dirty bombs on him. It's the worst.
That's what I'm saying, dude. These guys are.

Speaker 1 They throw the kid with Down syndrome in the fucking track. Stop the violence.
Yeah, true. Hashtag stop the violence.
My line got killed, something like that, bro. Justine.
Yep. Please stop.

Speaker 1 And stop being mean on the news. They're also really mean on the news.

Speaker 1 Yeah, fucking your boy. who's your boy from star wars my boy mark hamill man mark hamill sit there too skywalker bro

Speaker 1 nothing hurts more than this bro skywalker came down from the top of the map skywalker was always a turd yeah you know

Speaker 1 i was even when i was a young man i was a solo boy he never got uh he never turned into anything else he just does voices for video games you just sit there on like he's a damn he's a hard damn yeah he's like there's a picture of like something he's obsessed with trump's dick i swear yeah he starts too small isn't he bangs stormy daniels mark hamill mark hamill's probably like my size and Why is Mark Hamill?

Speaker 1 They're obsessed with this people. They're obsessed with dicks, dude.
They're obsessed with the way Trump looks, but you can't say anything about the way they look or else they'll freak.

Speaker 1 Tell you what, I watched that DeShambeau thing. That motherfucking can golf.
They use some of Trump's shots.

Speaker 1 Trump's a very good golfer. There's a video where he's golfing with a bunch of people.
You don't think Biden's a better golfer than him? Bro, did you see Biden coming out on the tiny desk?

Speaker 1 Shouldn't have brought up that fucker Bod.

Speaker 1 Did you see Biden come out? On what? He just came out in a little tiny desk. He did a tiny desk.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no, no, no. He just came out in a small ass desk and started like talking.
Hey, folks, did a fireside chat? Dude, he's so gone. That's insane.

Speaker 1 Dude, they started asking questions and he just moved like really slow to try to avoid it and they had to get him out of the room. Yeah, they just like, Mr.

Speaker 1 President, what do you think about your son? And just,

Speaker 1 all right, all right, they said I can't answer questions. Back into the liquid tank.
It is crazy to think about it because, like, we don't have a president right now. You see the Trump mosquitoes?

Speaker 1 Yes. That was nice.
Wait, what was that? We hate mosquitoes. A mosquito flu in his face.

Speaker 1 Mosquitoes. We don't like mosquitoes.
We don't want them anywhere around.

Speaker 1 Mosquitoes. Democrats who like mosquitoes.
Oh, my God. Did you see that hit piece they did on Trump where they're like, he's got PTSD and all he talks about is how he was shot?

Speaker 1 All he does is sit at home and re-watch the footage of him getting shot at. Almost dying, yeah.
Yeah. That's crazy.
They tried to pull this thing like he's not fit for it.

Speaker 1 It's nuts how hard that faded. That faded soon.

Speaker 1 Joy took it over, bro. Now you know what took it over.
Haktua. Hoctua, yeah.
Hoctua had more Google searches than Trump's assassination. Yeah, but Hoctua was before Trump's assassination.

Speaker 1 Anybody can fall into that. First of all,

Speaker 1 she doesn't want to go by that anymore. Please.
You guys should get her on. Yeah.
October. But that was way before Trump.
We don't put celebs on, bro. Okay.
Paul,

Speaker 1 no.

Speaker 1 Who's the other Paul? Jake Paul just signed her to his company.

Speaker 1 Of course. They're getting signed, bro.
What are they doing? Of course.

Speaker 1 Bill's got the handout. Ross.
He feels like the best. Let me see your phone.
I got

Speaker 1 to get you.

Speaker 1 You're the MSSP umbrella, dude. You're taking care of that.
Rossa.

Speaker 1 More.

Speaker 1 I'll give you some wings tonight.

Speaker 1 Split wings. Your compensation.
Thank you very much. Chicken wings.
Some Bruce, but you have to have a couple Bruce.

Speaker 1 I have a few, dude. I'm not having too many.
You know that feeling you had after five days? I like that. I'm like the end of the day.
That's a fucking good feeling. I hate, dude.
I hate

Speaker 1 that life feeling. You know, life feels good.
I couldn't believe it. I hate to be feeling hungover so much.
I sometimes think about how good Matt must feel because he also isn't addicted to coffee.

Speaker 1 so it's like matt's just on body coffee's too nice especially with the fall coming around with the fall it's not

Speaker 1 just wake up in 70

Speaker 1 still stay cold brew dude yeah i'll stay cold brew too you're a cold ass motherfucker break icy dude's not hot well ice man i'm telling you you guys don't obviously won't do this but you can still drink coffee and start dialing down the caffeine by doing a blend of decaf yeah i'm not really ready to give up coffee but i mean you feel you feel

Speaker 1 rips caffeine i push i push all these little drugs i push them them to the limits. Do you get super tired?

Speaker 1 You get super

Speaker 1 600 milligrams. I've seen him fucking bait that.
Do you get really tired in the afternoon? Is it just like completely? I just had, dude, he never sleeps. I know.

Speaker 1 This never shuts off. And then

Speaker 1 it does.

Speaker 1 Your aura world does not make sense. Like the wind will blow, and then there'll be no thoughts.
And then I'm like, I want to get wings. And then that'll be like the fucking thing for like, wow.

Speaker 1 Hell yeah. Just a balloon that's getting fucking freezed everywhere by the wind.
It's kind of like a storm, and then it's like, shh, wing.

Speaker 1 Like in the fall, this is my time because I like to wear hoodies. Falling.
I don't have to worry about the sweating. Yeah, having a hot beverage.
Sweating pants. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I love it. I wish everybody liked football.
I'm hot all the way through. You have no idea how nice this is.
Yeah, true.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 I wish. I've tried to watch it.
I just don't. I can watch it.
I just, I can't get that into it. It's the best.
I like, if you're chilling, we're watching football, I get into it.

Speaker 1 I'm like, oh, that's fucking sick. But, you know, I get PTSD.
So excited.

Speaker 1 Paul's dead. I mean, all you do is watch your old tapes.
Yeah, that's all counting. Do you have any of your old tapes? Hell no.

Speaker 1 I didn't make a highlight. Not even a thing.
I had a couple brewskies and asked one of my boys for a high school tape last night.

Speaker 1 Dude, please put it up.

Speaker 1 That might hit a million views. If I hit it.
If you're a highlight tape, did you make a highlight tape? Hell yeah. You got fucking recruited.
And you didn't? No, dude.

Speaker 1 He wasn't trying to play college ball. Here's a bad boy on the team, too.
Cease Adam would not pass the ball, brother. Problem with coach.

Speaker 1 Problem with coach. Sharp coach.

Speaker 1 politics in high school. It's crazy.
You know, yeah, it's always people who didn't play always blame the coach. I played fucking both ways also.
So, why'd you pose? Why'd I quit? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I watched a black dude run a 4-3-40, and I was like, all right.

Speaker 1 Were you only playing football to go to the league? No. So who cares?

Speaker 1 I stopped playing in college. What do you want me to do? Play fucking D3 in college? You could have.
Fuck that. Bills care.
I thought you didn't play your senior year. Yes, I did.
Oh, never mind.

Speaker 1 Come on, bro. You should have.

Speaker 1 You think I leave the guys behind like that? I thought you did. Hell no.
Oh, my bad. No, he's not walls, man.
This whole time, I thought you quit after your junior year. Does that change things?

Speaker 1 Junior year, one state titles. Changes things entirely.
Junior year, one state titles. At the end of our senior year time, I thought you were for real, gay Bill.

Speaker 1 Saying the state with Delaware is crazy, dude. What? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, is it a state? Yeah. It's a state, but I know.
So it's a state championship.

Speaker 1 That's how you stump the counter.

Speaker 1 Damn. I got to watch that one.
Is this the original music? That was exciting. No, this isn't his holiday.
It was just guys from Notre Dame.

Speaker 1 The naked guy Shane was looking at. No, I did not see his penis.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 so

Speaker 1 they just take their pants off, they don't even give them

Speaker 1 a locker room, dude. It's crazy to be that.

Speaker 1 Did they do that to you in college? They knew I was straight, they could tell I was a straight man just by looking at me. They said, We can take our pants.

Speaker 1 You just tighten your lips when they pull their pants down.

Speaker 1 The first time a guy took his pants on it,

Speaker 1 just like this, the next guy,

Speaker 1 down. It's a good game.
Don't be shy,

Speaker 1 tick dog.

Speaker 1 Ring the bells, son.

Speaker 1 We should probably. Yeah, I got a fart.

Speaker 1 Matt has to do a show.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Shit.
My bad.

Speaker 1 I got to perform for my mommy and daddy. They're coming to the early show.
That's crazy. What time is the early show? Seven, something.
I should probably get ready. Oh, man.

Speaker 1 I'm having like poop cramps. Do you ever want to have to poop me like a weird cramp? Oh, yeah, dude.
Go upstairs to my third floor.

Speaker 1 I got the good PA up there. He has a royal toilet upstairs.
It could just be gas paint. Oh, just have to sit and eat all day, and then I wolf down a bunch of food.

Speaker 1 Fart with the safety on. Roll around on the ground.

Speaker 1 No, I'm like, I won't. Don't shit the sectional, please, for the love of God.
I mean, if you have a dog ducker,

Speaker 1 it is a washable couch. You can wash any section for real.

Speaker 1 Dog duckers are like Manhood Canada. Like, for real, that size.

Speaker 1 Well, let's do it. It kind of reminds me of the monkeys that go like this.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 There's a rat for the fucking boy. I won't put it on, Reggie.
I'm not cutting his balls off either. That's good.

Speaker 1 You should have him sire a litter, dude. Oh, I know.
I would. True.
Get paid. You could have 50 Pomeranians.
Not here. You could be the king of the Pomeranians.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Imagine walking and like you couldn't not step on them. They're just everywhere.
The lady I got them from has 15 in her house. Damn.
Must smell weird. In Arizona way.

Speaker 1 They gave me a fucking ticket there. 310.

Speaker 1 What? 310. Yeah, I think we were.
Or no, what were we on? What's that highway? What's that highway that goes from?

Speaker 1 Let him go. Let him go.
Oh, oh,

Speaker 1 real stop. Oh, that hurts.
Oh, dude, it's going to be, oh, stop.

Speaker 1 Well, actually, you got to work. You got to work clockwise.
Yo, that's all he feels. I literally

Speaker 1 work clockwise. No, I was working clockwise.

Speaker 1 That's what she's doing, dude. Oh, no.

Speaker 1 Dude, I have a guy of a vicious fart cramp. We just drop apart to end the cast.
It's not. Get it in the mic.
It's like, dude, put the mic down.

Speaker 1 Put the mic down. Get it up and drop a fart to end the cast, dude.
The boy's backing down.

Speaker 1 What is going on?

Speaker 1 Dude, he's in pain, bro.

Speaker 1 Get that mic down, man. Stand up.
I can't, dude. It hurts.
Stand up. Oh, fuck.
Right into the microphone, like a man.

Speaker 1 Do you ever see little kids get this? Dude, it's hilarious.

Speaker 1 It's about that guy yoga.

Speaker 1 Hold on. You have to wash that mic.
Be careful now. Bro, pause.
I have to work it out, dude. This is like little kids do.
This is hilarious. Take a shit.
I can't. Work it out the other way.

Speaker 1 Still, dude. This is your brother.
You ask me this face.

Speaker 1 I just.

Speaker 1 I can't even stand, dude. It hurts.
All right. Let's wrap it.
You're not going to bust us? There's no fart. It's like for real.
It's just pain. I would fart.

Speaker 1 If this was a hard fart, I would let it out.