Ep 514 - Back Together Yay (feat. WARMODE)

Wow, wow, Wes.

Heads up. Heads up, we started.
What's up, guys? What up? Dude, you guys have no idea what it's like looking back on this from Texas, just trying to crawl through my computer screen. I wish I was there.
Come on. Let me through.
We needed you here. The brothership has not been strong.
The broship's been... What's up with the broship? I never even hang out with these guys.
We took a hit. Bro.
What happened to the broship? What's that? What happened to's that what happened to the bro ship well personally i want to get wings but this has been like for like three days talking shane literally said he wouldn't call you yesterday for three days dude for three days i've had this weird thing where all i think about in my head is like i should go get wings and i've like gained like 20 pounds in like three weeks i gained weight pretty quickly dude i got one like you know the ph the Philadelphia hoagies that are on sarcones rolls? I got one of those. You're only supposed to eat half of that.
And then I was like, dude, after 45 minutes, I was like, I'll just finish it. What are you doing after the pot? We're getting wings.
We're getting wings. All right, why don't we have wings and brewskis near helium? Yeah, sure.
Yeah, it's fine. I'll be buzzed up.
Dude, we went to a restaurant. a restaurant massive l's we went to a restaurant to go get wings the first one was closed no it was open it was fucking it opens at four we got there at 4 15 what the fuck well they were like we're not ready yet dude it was a fucking graveyard and then just one day walked out was like hey y'all's kitchen doesn't open for another hour they got got you.
Yeah. Why do they all say y'all too, by the way? Me and Spade were literally just talking about this.
They say y'all and cheers. The cheers in Fishtown makes me want to kill myself.
Then we went to a place that I thought for sure would have wings, but then they changed their menu up. They changed their menu up to like real fancy shit.
Like Bill got croquettes. They're table're table tots, bro.
I got hash browns from Dunkin Donuts.

Three of them for $11.

$11.

Three.

They fucked me.

Ah.

And then I got in a car accident yesterday.

What?

Russian.

Bill's my counsel.

I probably shouldn't speak on it.

Yeah, please.

The case is still.

I wanted to wear a suit.

Taking litigation.

Yeah.

I was just like,

fuck, I guess it's my fault.

And then Bill's like,

fuck this.

Oh, that's why you said Esquire

on the phone.

Yeah.

Bill's like, fuck this. I'm going to war.
You got attacked by a domestic terrorist? I got hit with a Russian Lyft driver. I shouldn't stop.
Dude, honestly, counsel, can I speak? Yeah, you can talk about it. Good advice.
You had an Israeli witness too. Not him.
I was banging a right in a one lane street and the guy hit the back of me. How is it not my fault? It's not your fault.
It is my fault.

No, if you get hit from behind, it's not your fault.

See, this is why I can't talk.

If you get hit from behind your car, it's not your fault.

It's literally...

That's why people pull in front of you and jam their brakes.

Exactly right.

You're innocent. Spud, are you ready?

Spade got hit with one state bar person who goes,

well, it's your fault. He goes, okay, I guess it's my fault.

No, it's not.

They're like, are you ready to begin the recording? I was like, oh, yeah. They recorded you? They got to make you a murder or whatever.
I was like, oh, no. Did you agree to it? I don't know.
Did you agree? Yeah, I didn't even. Nah, bro.
Yeah, see, I fucked up. You need to get your lawyer.
Call yo. Call C.
Breezy. William McCuskey.
Call him dog. Dude, Bill went to to the gym and then he went to the crime scene and videotaped it and sent it to State Farm.
That's a good lawyer. They don't know.
Call C. Breezy.
And then you harassed me on the street. Yeah, I harassed you.
After you knocked the case down. Also, I have good litigation against you.
You ran a red light. I did.
Dude, I made the biggest scene. Ran a red light while honking my horn, screaming, Shane! I was just carrying my coffees, dude.
I was just being a good guy. You're going to ruin your plausibility to represent what? Matt, I'm trying to use words.
Matt, you lost your plausibility. How? You ran a red light, and I got it.
It has nothing to do with the case. If you want to take me to court for running that red light, we can handle that.
Did you run that red light? Because you already said you ran it. You said you ran it.
Allegedly running a red light. No, you said it already.
You literally said you did. This has nothing to do with the case.
Don't talk about this. I have to stay with my current counsel.
What's the tort situation? What's the current tort? I don't know. I learned about that junior year of high school.
I don't remember the tort. We got to check into the torts.
Dude, there'sts. I had a guy, I got just crashed.
Some lady just nailed me.

Pause. Well, I'll take it.

Let me play. Some lady just nailed

my car. She had no insurance.

And I had like the worst

of the worst insurance. And I called a lawyer.
He's like, I checked

the torts. He's like, they're just going to write you a check

for $3,500. I remember this, dude.
This was when your car was

beached for like a year. Yeah, man.

That was crazy. Did I ever tell you the whole

situation with that? What? This is

a crazy story. Dude, so

Thank you. check for 3,500 bucks.
I remember this, dude. This was when your car was beached for like a year.
Yeah, man. That was crazy.
Did I ever tell you the whole situation with that? What?

This is a crazy story. Dude, so

the lady

just nailed my car, fucked me up, airbags

deployed. Oh, I forgot about that.

Came out of it like, I gotta get the license plate.

Yeah, totaled my Civic.

Came out, got the license plate off the lady

and she just... When was this?

This was like 2016, 2017.

You guys were doing the podcast.

18?

It would have been 18, I think.

You might have got CTE.

I did, dude.

You've changed.

Bro, I was fucked up.

I didn't sleep.

I didn't sleep after that.

Dude, I didn't sleep for real for four days, and I wasn't tired.

Don't buy a door flex, brother.

It was...

You're TBI, dude.

Yeah, it fucked me up pretty badly.

I wonder if that still stands.

Maybe get monetary. Dude, why? So...
Did you become retarded from a car accident? Call Billy. Call get a bill offer.
I'm going to get a billboard with Bill on it. But, dude, the whole story is kind of nuts because I got her license plate.
I got her license plate, so I used my police contacts. You're more in the law.
I'm more in the behind the shield. So I use my police contacts.

I got her address

and an officer I knew at the time.

That's literally legal.

That's BTS, bro.

As your counsel, stop talking about that.

You found her name.

I can't tell you the whole story.

But that's illegal.

It's literally against the law.

The police can do that, can't they?

Comedy podcast. The police can't do that for a friend.

Well, what about a lover?

It's abuse of power.

Is it abuse of power?

You know these comedians make up stories.

I can't tell the rest of the story.

The rest of the story is way more of an abuse of power.

What'd you do?

I got to go.

Okay, so let's say the story.

Legend has it, I heard of somebody who did this. Story time, y'all.
That's a joke. I'm not new.
Okay. So let's say the story.
Story, legend has it.

I heard of somebody who did this.

Story time, y'all.

We went to the house.

We went to the house.

And it was in not the best neighborhood.

So I just, I didn't want to get recognized.

So I just got to like sit there and chill while someone I knew who, you know, whatever,

went up to the door, knocked up and was like, yo, where's the person?

Like, oh, they're not here.

They're not here.

Blah, blah, blah.

And they're like, look, man, am I, we just want to like, you know, like you know there was a hit and run it's a serious incident just they should do the right thing and they went actually and they ended up did like going and turn themselves in they didn't get any trouble i didn't press charges but then later on the person who hit me called uh my police contact and literally told they're like how can we make officer officer my daughter suffered a terrible thing somebody videotaped her sucking their dick and put it on facebook what can we do they're like i can't help you i don't know what the fuck yeah i don't know it's like karma's a bitch y'all that's all i'm saying god damn karma's a bitch yeah it was bad i felt actually felt bad you were you were probably like i actually we should probably review the tape i said i was You make us, you make us whole lot. We can recreate.
Give me that tape and we're even. Pound of flesh.
Shit. That's all fictional.
That's just street justice. Yeah.
That's all fictional. Bowls.
That's crazy. I got to stop drinking water right into the microphone.
I'm sorry, y'all. I'm sorry, y'all.
No, cheers. I got CTs, bro.
I got hit. Dude, the airbag deployed.
And by the way, there was a scratch off your face. Dude, brother, most people would hit my forearm.
I was quicker than the airbag. Swear to God.
It came at me and I went like that and it scuffed my forearm. Not lying.
That's super healing, bro. You were probably covering up for the accident.
Did you see the accident coming? Dude, I saw the lady pull it out. I was listening to...
Fuck, what was the song? It's probably rapping. It's going to be so funny.
The what? Whatever song it was. Any song you're listening to, if you get in a car accident, it's so funny.
Oh, my God. Let me find the...
Fuck, it's by like... It's not like Jane's Addiction.
I think it's Jane's Addiction. I just put Rooster in your head earlier.
Getting an accent to Rooster would be sick. Let me see if I can find this because it's like it's kind of embarrassing.
I'll listen to it every now and again. I'm like Dan that was a serious accident.
I didn't know how bad it was. Dude my airbag deployed and I remember I saw the car.
I was like was like, fuck, hit it. It hurt, like, fuck.
What? Probably hurt having your arm. Dude, it fucking hurt like hell.
I lost consciousness. I was out, and I came to, and I was just like, what the fuck, and just saw that car and was like, bitch.
You could have become a paraplegic, bro. This is true.
Did your airbag deploy in your car accident with the tractor trailer when you were trying to get your game? No. You just went under? Yeah.
Damn, that's scary. Then he kept driving.
It was so scary. He kept driving.
Wait, what happened? During COVID. Remember Shane during COVID took his dad or mom's car? I borrowed my mom's car to go to Best Buy to buy a...
You went into a tractor trailer? All right. I needed...
Look, I needed my NCAA. I needed an HDMI cord for the Xbox 360.
I was like, Mom, can I please borrow the CRV to take the Best Buy to buy this cord? I pulled it in the right lane. I pulled it in the turning right lane.
A tractor trailer was making a legal right turn for the record. It's the opposite of space.
Literally a sign out that says no right turn. The tractor trailer didn't see me pull up next to him and just slowly turned.
So i just watched the the wheels come towards you the trailer just i was like yo yo i just watched it hit me and then he kept driving he couldn't see me so i was like oh shit i'm under your truck the wheels were right next to the door that could have been the end of you bro no it would have been a real slow death i wouldn't move i would have I would have been too lazy. I was just kind of like, oh, here it comes.
So then I drove the car home, and I was like, Dad, can I borrow your car? And we immediately got my dad's car and drove the best car. I needed dubs.
That's all you can do. There's all I can do.
I was thinking about getting a gaming system yesterday. I was watching, like, Call of Duty videos.
I was like, I'm really missing out on this. You're going to be furious.
I'm really missing out on this. You're going to be furious.
The new games. They're hard? No, they're just woke.
Oh, woke. Yeah.
They're rewriting World War II? Yeah, they did. Did you guys watch Drag? Black Lady's storming Dita.
Did you watch Dragon's House? I can do a Black Lady Dita. Many such cases.
What? You watch House of Dragons yet? No. That's kick-ass feminist Game of Thrones.
It was good for a while. And, dude, they got rid of all the dicks for some reason.
There's no dicks. Pussy? Barely any pussy.
Two girls kiss. Finally.
It takes, like, to the second season. I saw that.
Oh, dude, I was watching that, and Brittany was like, no. No.
And I was like, yes, here it comes. This is so unnecessary.
I was like, this makes sense, man. This is fine.
It was medieval times. These girls.
That's is fine medieval times these girls that was back then medieval times yeah it's the queen had like just making out with like a old prostitute well they used to be back then yeah true it's historically accurate it is no it is that it's all about like men being dumb and women it's about men just being like dumb and women being like let's really change history. It slowly morphs into it.

I haven't gotten to the end yet.

Everything fall apart.

I haven't seen the end.

The woman gets a dragon and burns down the entire city.

Yeah, probably.

How's the last one end it?

Did you see the whole thing?

I watched the original Game of Thrones.

Me too.

Yeah, that was good.

RR is pissed.

I saw that.

Yeah, I didn't see what he said.

What did he say?

He said he was going to and then I never followed it.

I never watched it.

Him and J.R. Rowling should team up.

J.K. Rowling?

Thank you. R.R.
is pissed. I saw that.
Did he get on Twitter? He said he was going to and then I never followed. Him and J.R.
Rowling should team up. J.K.
Rowling? J.K., my bad. That's a respect.
Him and J.K. Rowling should team up.
That'd be nice. Just write the ultimate book.
The ultimate straight magic book. Just straight as fuck.
No trains. What's it called? Game of Thrones does nothing on True Detective Season 4, whatever Night Country is.
That was tough. Just drafted a wide receiver.
My wide receiver in my fantasy leagues hurts. That was your day going.
You'd think they would stop after that. Did you watch it? Yes.
I want to watch it till the end. I watched the first four episodes.
It was just them being like, come in my pussy. Yeah.
The dude's sitting in the tub. Why don't you toss one of your come loogies in my pussy? The one dude's like huge sitting in a tub like, why are you going to leave? I'll come back from my toothbrush, brother.
That was that. To be fair, I'm not trying to sound real gay.
That was kind of turning me on watching him. Watching that guy sub that hard was kind of turning me on.
Wait, wait. When the Native American lady was riding him? Yeah, yeah.

Are we all going to pretend that wasn't hot?

Forced come.

Yeah.

It was hot as fuck.

Yeah, but when he would lay in like silk sheets, he'd be like, where are you going?

Dude, come on, man.

That's me all the time, dude.

Silk sheets, just use.

Bro, you're subbing so hard.

Wait, come back.

I need somebody.

You're going out of your dangerous night shift job? Yeah, I remember she took her toothbrush and rolled like it was some powerful thing. Yeah.
I'm not ready for this commitment. It's enough of that.
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Rated M for Mature. Yeah, I mean...
When she gets the DUI, then when she pulls the drug driver out, like, get out of the car, piece of shit! Come here! It literally sounded like South Park. It was so fucking dumb.
I just watched Silence of the Lambs, too. To see her go from that to that, it's like fucked up.
It's crazy they're trying to compare Long Legs to Silence of the Lambs. No, no, no, no.
Very close. Long Legs.
I was pumped for that. You guys know me.
I love a good spooky movie. Yeah, you do.
I was fucked in the ass on that movie. Are you serious? Yeah, I watched it.
They're like 25 bucks, too. I couldn't believe that movie.

What was up with it?

25 on Long Legs?

Dude, I'm just trying to watch flicks.

Right.

I hear you, dude.

I hit 20 on The Mule.

Amazon has The Mule.

The Mule.

Clint Eastwood.

Dude, have you ever seen The Perfect World?

Mm-mm.

It's a good-ass Clint Eastwood movie.

That's all my list.

That's next on my list.

I watched a good Churchill one last night.

Dude, if you have Amazon, you're fucking money. They have every movie ever.
They really do. Yeah, Amazon kind of does crush it, and they're like $12.
Twisters is still holding it number one. Twisters sucks, dude.
Twisters. It's number one on Amazon? Oh, the new Twister? What happened to it? Did ladies block the tornado? Dude, it's so bad.
A lady can just, she uses her fucking feminine intuition. She can tell which way tornadoes are.
It plays beautiful piano music. You're being serious?

Swear to God. Yeah, she tricks all the dudes too

while she's doing it. She's like, it's over there, dude.

Just so she, why are the dudes

going to like turn it into a global disaster?

They're storm chasers. It's a culture.

It's just their piggish nature. Just men's

piggish nature. We need women to step in.

Yeah. Kamala's going to do it.
Supposedly

that her hitting on things is a fucking lie. Yeah, I know.
Twisters. Kamala's a bitch.
Dude, I'm just saying, they came out with a thing saying that she got in a hit and run in San Francisco and they're saying it's Russian disenfance. That automatically makes me think it's true.
She got in a hit and run and what, hit somebody? In 2011 in San Francisco. I don't think so.
It's not real. That was Biden's brother who did that.
Biden's brother killed someone down in Florida or something and got away. Frank Biden.
Did he really? Yeah, 100%. Hunter just pleaded guilty to fucking...
Gats, you had that thing on him. No, he pleaded tax evasion.
What? Yeah. Is he going to go to jail? 17 years, but you know.
How the fuck do you tax evade when your dad's the president? Why? like dad can you erase my taxes please yeah true i didn't think of that what was he yeah who knows man that's crazy although he was smoking crack for a while so i could see him not having this is the least of a guy on cracks yeah yeah your life's a fog never like oh i gotta pay taxes to be fair that's probably really hard to pay taxes when you're like actively addicted to crack you're just kind of like well i gotta set aside 20 for the government or whatever probably he was like losing porsches places you like parking in parking garage and then be on crack and then go to california have no idea where his car is yeah he flipped the car yeah he flipped the car on crack yeah i the uh man i really hope she doesn't win. Waltz's son mentally disabled.
Yeah, dude. That sucks.
Everyone's making fun of him. That was so nice.
They were zooming in on him and all that shit. Everybody's crying.
Everyone, because he was crying. He was like, look at this bitch.
He was like a special man. You could have probably told that someone screaming, that's my dad at that age.
It's probably mentally retarded. There was a video of him tugging him in.
The video of Walls, it's not so beautiful once you watch the video of Walls. I thought he was trying to protect his head.
I thought he was going to hit his head on someone who's dad. No, he was on a fucking stage.
Yeah, I know. There was a thing hanging down.
That's what I heard it was. From the liberals? From the liberal elite globalists?

No, I think it might have been from Joey Rogies.

Really?

He yanked his, yanked the fuck out of him.

Saved his kid.

What?

I think everybody owes that boy an apology for making fun of him.

I know people were making fun of him.

Yeah, he was, it was funny looking.

That's dastardly, dude.

It was funny looking and screaming.

That's my dad.

They were memeing him next to Kyle Rittenhouse, the two of them crying.

Yeah, I bet.

I get memed next to that all the time, dude.

There's nothing wrong with that.

I support these bros.

Yeah, they're on an all-out assault.

Barron mogs that kid, dude.

Barron's a fucking...

Yeah, did you see Barron playing soccer, dude?

He's got feet.

He's good.

He's Peter Crouch.

He's fucking like six knots.

Yeah, that's what I've not contacted you yet.

Who, Barron?

Barron.

I wish Barron would contact me.

Thank you. He's fucking like six knots.
How has he not contacted you yet? Who, Baron? Baron. I wish Baron would contact me.
Guys, you gotta get Trump on. What are you doing with us? Everyone's getting Trump on right now.
We could. We could.
Yes. I want to get Kamala.
I need Kamala. Get Kamala Harris.
I want Kamala, bro. If we were her first actual interview.
That would be the funniest shit in the world. She won't do an interview.
She'll only do MS. She should sit down and do like an actual like two hours.
She's doing one where she sits down with. CNN was trash.
Tim Walz is going to do it with her. CNN was trash.
Yeah, she did that on CNN. That shit with the white guy tacos piss me off.
Yeah. Which one? She's like, oh, you guys have white guy tacos? What is it? Like no seasoning?

Bro.

She hit the no seasoning joke? Yeah.

Bro.

And then she's like, what is that?

Tuna fish and mayonnaise?

It's like, bro, that's not a taco anyway, bro.

Yeah.

I could say nasty things about you.

She's making fun of white people?

Yeah, man.

Obviously.

She's trying.

It's open season.

It's open season all the world.

We're fucked, dude.

White dudes, specifically.

No, it's not. She led the fucking...
She was part of the people that put 40% of black-end businesses out of business during COVID. Yeah, she was.
It's too much seasoning. Walls was involved in a $250 million scheme of stealing money for COVID.
Are you serious? Feed families, yeah. He was only an assistant coach? No, no, no, no.
No, no, no. Wait, was he a head coach? No, neither, because he had a DUI because he's a drunk.
He legally cannot be a coach. Literally, he might be Phil Gillis.
He might be Phil, and I might be the boy. In a parallel universe.
I found out he was a volunteer assistant coach. Volunteer assistant coach.
That's my dad. He cannot.
In a parallel universe. I found out he was a volunteer assistant coach.

Volunteer assistant coach. That's my dad.

He cannot be an actual coach because of his felony on his record.

What did he catch an effort?

He was going 96 in like a 30.

What?

He was fucking hammered.

It's Jimmy Waltz, bro.

He could do whatever he wants.

But yeah, he did that.

And then the only other person I know that was like an assistant like that is Larry Nassar. Larry Nassar was an assistant massage therapist for children.
Why are you comparing him to Larry Nassar? Because I think Tim Walz is a pedophile as a joke. A lot of those guys come back from Afghanistan, dude, and they're just not used to speed limits and stuff.
True. Oh, yeah, he was in Afghanistan.
Long time. Seasoned veteran over there.
Definitely didn't completely run once they actually went to war. I don't know anything about the man.
He did. He said he was a veteran.
And he did it. He claimed he held weapons war in war.
And then he said he misspoke. Oh.
Yeah, that's what that's about. He stole Valor? He stole Valor.
He also stole head coach Valor, which is way worse. You can't say you're the head ball coach.
Don't fuck around with that. He's a pep talk guy.
He's been caught fibbing a million times. I mean, he claims he does pep talks, but what assistant coach does that? It's a head coach.
Yeah, that's head coach. Unpaid assistant coach.
Dude, you've seen him. Unpaid pep talk.
You've seen it like that. By the way, I tried to give a pep talk this weekend.
How great was it? It's impossible. Where'd you give the pep talk? In Notre Dame's locker room after the win.
Holy shit, dude. That's the perfect stage for the pep talk.
I thought so. The likes were too bright.
Did you see Yak give a pep talk? No. Kodak Black gave a pep talk to a bunch of kids.
It was pretty great. What did you say? Come on, man.
It's locker room talk. That's all fair, bro.
I hear you. I hear you.
And then they all jumped around me and tried to make me dance. Did you? I did the same autistic dance I did at the Zach Bryan thing.
You just got it. I don't know what happens.
Hone it in, bro. I don't know what happens.
Trump has his dance. You're just giving it to your dance.
You got to own it. It's a good dance It's tough

Locker room speech is really hard

I thought I had one in me

You were a captain at one point though

So you've done it before

Let's post win, you might be more for adversity

I also felt like a weirdo

I felt like a fucking loser

Why?

I don't know

I mean dude it's insane

It's everything you've ever wanted No you get No, you get a little older, you go, what the fuck am I doing? It's all my children. I mean, they're like, good game, guys.
Good game. I fret how young they are.
They're so young. They're just kids, dude.
19. And then they, you know.
I was watching that Steve McNair thing, and Bill's like, why all the football players go to Dave and Buster's? I'm like, dude, they're like 20. Yeah, they're going to sell.

It would be funny if you just turned on them.

You're like, what the fuck's your problem, dude?

What are you being so funny?

Fuck you, dude.

After the speech, taking pictures of them, you know, his locker room, boys start.

Disrobed.

Disrobed.

That's it.

I got to get the fuck out of here. Dude, I just watched a homeless guy disrobe on Spring Garden Street and wipe his ass.

He had like a nub, too, dude. I felt bad for him.
I saw a guy peeing on the way here actually who nubbed out. It's power.
It is powerful. What about a nub in public is insanity.
It's crazy. Dude, you just got like this.
The locker room also had like office lighting. Yeah.
So bright. The nubs were out.
See the wrinkles in dude's dicks and shit? I wasn't looking. I wasn't looking, but...
Eyes up. Eyes up.
Me and my father had to get the fuck out of there. Phil was in there with me.
Did he cry? No. He was a little grumpy bitch this trip.
Why? I don't know. He was good during the game, but when he got to my house in Philly, he was like, Grumps.
This place is empty. Yeah, yeah.
Like shit like that. I was like, all right, man.
He probably wants grandkids. Out already has way too many grandkids.
He probably wants them out of you. Yeah.
His only begotten son. He's going to have to hurry up.
I'm going to have to hurry up. Don't talk like that, bro.
I was worried about that. Words are spells.
We were in the Texas heat. Words are spells.
You sent that to me, bro. We were tailgating in the Texas heat.
I was like, Phil, are you good? He's like, yeah, I'm fine. He's dark red.
I was like, dude, sit down. 90% blockage.
That would be a heavenly exit. I was hoping he might have died during the postgame.
Yeah. Just in the locker.
Amongst the nubs. Amongst the Notre Dame Irish nubs.
Buried under the stadium. Yeah, just let him die.
Leave him. Leave him for kind of nice.
Leave him for the next team. That'd be kind of nice.
Leave him in Aggieland. Leave him in Texas.
I don't have to block her in. Why was he fucking harsh in the vibe in your house? He was.
Player Hayden. It was also, we had a flight that day.
Was he Player Hayden? Or was it like. He was Player Hayden.
Shit. He had a PhD.
He was. He.
It was just the flight. It was the old man versus flight dilemma.
It's fast. It is 1230.
We got to get moving. And then I'm like, all right, the car's here.
He's like, I got to take a shit. We had to wait another 12 minutes.
Because I told him, I was like, you can't. Yeah, no flight shits.
Dude, I did it recently. What? I know.
Nothing, bro. Nothing.
You're up there. What do you mean nothing? If I have to shit on the plane, I take a shit on the plane.
There's nothing to be ashamed of. Oh, it's nothing.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You just rip it.
That's hell. You just rip it.
It's so small. I don't know.
It is small. It's cramped quarters.
And you tense up, but dude, once you let it. What's the move, though? Do you immediately hit the button once shit comes out so it doesn't smell? I've never had this happen.
You've got to sit in the open bowl. I'm not that long of a shitter, but I'll just let it rip.
Speed recycles his shit on planes. It goes back through his body.
Once you flush it, then you don't come out right away. Now everyone knows it was a shit.
So you just got to shit real quick. Get it out.
Everyone's going to know it's a shit once you open that door. Nah, dude.
It wasn't that bad. It's a good ventilation.
At smell too yeah it's not like i came out and it's like yeah you come out and you're just out it's not that bad i shit today at the airport and it didn't flush it didn't flush and i had to just cover the bodies dude i had to just lay toilet paper over the bodies close her eyes i put pennies on their eyes dude that's tough i just got I just walked i was out of there i felt for real i felt really bad about that i took a weird or in austin in austin i took a weird toilet i know all the i was up in the american i was up in the i left the sailors i left the sailors not up there this is the best that's the only point of having like delta lounge

yeah are they nice

you can take a fully walled call. Yes, that's exactly what it is.
What else do you get from it? What do you need to get there? Shitty catering food. You get the worst food.
You get coffee. Like, are you getting like served? No, you got to pick it up yourself.
It's like a cafeteria and you get high school cafeteria. Okay, I got you.
Yeah, and then like a Sudanese immigrant will come take your plate, which is kind of cool. Every once in a while they have a good grub out.
What do you need to access it? I don't know. It's a secret, bro.
I think you have to have American Express. Bill likes the finer things, bro.
You probably have it. Which one? I don't know.
I think you just need a wife to set it up. You just need a girl to set it up.
Yeah, you need a up. Just a girl set it up for you.
I have no idea how it works. I'll just forget everything.
It's a fine print on a credit card. Somehow a girl calls and they go, yeah, you can come in now.
Lost my wallet this week. That's crazy.
Fucking devastating. You lost your wallet? It's been years.
Yeah. I'm just going crazy with sobriety.
Just got my Texas ID. Lost my wallet.
Yeah, I have been going crazy on sobriety. He's a fucking maniac.
What's your soap kick right now? Well, I got drunk last night, but... Commit, slip, quit.
Commit, slip, commit. Five days at a time.
You can still keep your chip. Just working on it.
Yeah. I got my chip right now until right when we're done with this podcast.
But then we'll get another chip eventually. Yeah, true.
Are around or did you actually feel like amazing after five days? I swear to God on day five I was like I think I'm on Adderall. That's awesome.
Wow. It's ridiculous.
Oh dude you've been running with an absolute weighted vest on. You're just dimming the light inside you by drinking.
The light's too powerful. True.
Yeah but you know having a couple cold ones is top five. It's the best feeling in the world, bro.

It's the number one feeling.

Yeah, it's very nice.

Having two cold drinks is very nice.

It's just the next day sucks.

Even after, like, two drinks, I wake up and I'm like,

now that I live the aura lifestyle, dude, it's a total lie.

When they told us that having drinks was healthy for you,

like, yeah, have two drinks is actually good for you.

It's not true at all.

It's fucking alcohol.

It's so bad for you. They pushed that thing through was healthy for you.
Like, yeah, have two drinks is actually good for you. It's not true at all.
It's fucking alcohol. So bad for you.

That was, they pushed that thing through like it was nothing.

What? The fact that they were like, if you have two

drinks every day, it's actually good

for you. Not like it's not the worst thing

for you. They go, no, no, it's actually

for the best. I just need to stop doing cool stuff

during the week. Yeah.
That's the thing that

kills me. The power of no.

The power of no is difficult. You just keep getting forced to dance everywhere.
Yeah, people bring me out, make me dance. The only way to do that is absolutely obliterated.
I could never do it. Fucking sober.
I had a sober tailgate at the Texas A&M Notre Dame game. What? Yeah.
Why was that? Because everywhere I went, I was getting attacked. Oh, yeah.
It's crazy. I just had to walk around.
Oh phone every five seconds. Yeah.
Yeah, that sucks, man. It does actually suck.
I actually... It really does.
It really does. The list of things you're on the phone sucks.
Dude, I was in Jersey. I was in Jersey and I'm like walking up to check out at Walgreens and this dude's like fucking eyeing me up.
I'm like, what the fuck's this dude's problem? And then he waited outside for me. He's like, are you Andrew? And I was like, yeah.
He's like, I love you guys. But the whole time I was like pissed off.
Like, what the fuck is this dude's problem? Yeah, I hit the head nods. Thought he wanted to fight you.
Then I was like, I should have asked that dude what his name was. Like, I have zero people skills.
I just freeze up. I'm like, oh, all right, dude.
Cool. Later.
Today I got a good one. Today I was walking and a group of children started chasing me.
Like, sir, sir. And I thought they were like, so I got out of the way.
We were on the sidewalk. And then all came around they're like we're doing a scavenger hunt can we take a picture with you that's awesome and i was like i'm on a fucking scavenger hunt and i looked at it it was like guy in philly's jersey yeah yeah i saw john cena talk about this problem on the club shay shay podcast backshot king what doshot king he talked about how people come and approach him and he goes bro it's just part of the territory he's like I gotta do it sometimes I'm not the day you were saying I should have been better sometimes I'm just not the best at it I try to be the best someone's asshole opened one time they tried to take a picture of him John Cena just lays the fuck into The dude's being a douchebag.
John Cena just fucking lets him have it. Does he really? Is it Modine? What? It's Modine, right? Yeah, it's Modine.
Modine from London or whatever. Cena will do like 60 pictures.
If he goes anywhere, he's like, I do about 60 pictures. God damn.
Cena must get destroyed. Yeah.
And it's around the world, too. He can't get.
There's nowhere he can go. I think we went up to Boston to interview Shiva.
And there was the Monday after WrestleMania, bro. That must be insane.
I saw them all. They were all in the airport.
We drove by. All the LeMers.
Dude, they were going crazy. They were still dressed up like wrestlers on Monday going home it's a fun life dude it's so cool one of the best yeah completely letting go I only ever had one spaz what were you like the first show did I talk about this on here before it was the first helium back there's like autograph guys that come yeah and I was I just had it was 100 100 fucking degrees in the room.
I bombed. I was so mad.
I was like, I just want to fucking go home. Sign an autograph after you bombed.
And I had to walk outside and sign autograph. And most of the time, the autograph guys, they don't go to the show or have any idea who you are.
Yeah. Oh, I saw this.
So I just stand there. I'm like, sign autographs.
And then they need pictures with the autograph. And I was in a nasty mood.
I just bombed. And I was signing it.
And I was like, he was like, you were great in Billions. Because Soder was on the show with me.
He was like, you read the wrong fucking bio. I was like, you don't even know who I am.
Why are you doing this? They did that at the beginning of the new. That's not that bad.
No. And then he was like, can I get a picture? And I was like, no, I'm going home.
And he was like, oh, fucking puff guy, huh? You big fucking big shot.

That's how the new Adam Sandler thing starts out.

Really?

I was like, all right.

Whoa.

Yeah, the new Adam Sandler special starts out with that.

The Adam Sandler thing gets it right.

Yeah, yeah.

Because then they bring a kid.

They always have a kid.

That's crazy.

Most of the time, they're great.

But I did feel bad.

I should have just taken the fucking picture.

But so who are the autograph guys?

Are they like, just they're just selling autographs?

They're just paparazzi people now.

Like 50 or a billion.

They might get you tonight. Nah.
They might get you tonight.

Nah, they might get my ass.

I fly under the radar.

I walked by

when someone else was there and they started fucking

nailing me. Really?

Pause.

Do you know what I'm worried about right now?

Apparently there's a bunch of kidnappings in Texas.

Texas Killingfields?

No, just like apparently in Texas what can happen if the lady is with a kid by themselves? This could just be girl talk. But Brittany went out with her like Facebook groups.
Well, they went out with her like a bunch of her like mom friends went out together. It's funny because they all went out to dinner to scare each other.
I heard this and they all came back like. But they were saying like a dude, like two of them said they've either one did firsthand.
hand the other said they heard of like a friend had happened to or someone just came out of an SUV and was like coming towards them they had to like dip back into their car apparently they see women they snatch kids and like your kids are just gone this is the same shit as people like I know someone who died of COVID like oh yeah who is it it's my uncle's friend no the one person is her friend I've met this lady she was like yeah someone was like get back in your car and then she saw a guy with a ski mask helping out of a van i think she loved this stuff they do love it medication dude i was in my room all fired up being like dude if i see fucking any guy in the pocket i'm gonna but i just imagine just murdering mexican guys in a parking lot that's what like for like an hour and a half i was like speaking spanish, like, I couldn't sleep. I laid there for an hour.
It's just a cartel. It's just a bad need.
That wall's to keep them in America. They're in here with Matt.
They're trapped now. They don't go to Aurora, bro.
I was fully in my head being like, dude, could I fully battle the cartels? I'd probably get the military if I went down there. I just went nuts just laying there at night trying to sleep being like so the guy came then i jumped into a car there's a half an hour of like could i stop a guy driving a car like could i incapacitate him and then take over the wheel before i crash because obviously there's a kid in the car anything to anybody i'm just making it all up my head i'll do this for like 40 minutes i'll wake up in the middle of the night and be like could i if someone took my kid could i jump into a car his dad fight them at 60 miles an hour it was fun i did it for like the whole night to chicago what are they taking kids the venezuelans are shooting up oblox right now and saying fuck all of you they're just coming from venezuelan firing guns into oblox like fuck you guys yeah what are you gonna do you're not gonna come down here and the venezuelans immediately went there just started.
I mean, the rest of the world. And they're in Aurora, Colorado.
The rest of the world's pretty bad. That's the thing.
It's like, I predicted this years ago. I'm like, dude, we're going to get a heavy wave of immigrants and they're not going to be very sensitive to the black American plate.
They've been dealing with white people for too long. You get robbed.
No, no, it's fine. Just take it.
I don't need money anyway. I got got yesterday i was walking home and a group of teens doesn't matter yeah race indian uh group of yes and i saw him going we'll see how this goes yeah this will be fine and then one of the kids started talking to me and i had headphones so i was like what was that i couldn't hear you and he was like no no no and i was like i'm sorry i can't hear you and he's like i'd cream pie you i was like all what was that? I couldn't hear you.
And he was like, no, no, no. And I was like, I'm sorry.
I can't hear you. And he's like, I'd cream pie you.

I was like, all right.

Just kept walking.

He started to take your cheeks.

Yeah, in front of all his friends.

He said he was going to come inside of me.

That's tough, dude.

No, I just laughed and kept walking.

And then I think his one boy either called him gay or me gay.

I couldn't tell.

He's like, yeah, he gay.

Yeah, I watched a red little black kid.

That was just my Indian impression.

Little black kid.

So the cream pie.

Yeah, this is the most.

I had the most autistic walk home.

It was that.

And all I did was laugh.

He was just like, cream pie.

I go, oh.

And then just walk away.

And then this girl who lives near me has this dog I see every single day. And I was like, I see this dog all the time.
What's that dog's name? And she was like, I'm on the phone. That was a block down.
Yeah. You were told you were going to be cream pie? I see this dog every day.
I was like, this is a great dog. What's that dog's name? And she was like, all right, I'm going inside for the rest of my life yeah somebody outside that like works the park just hit me with your haircut looks nice and my response was like ah i just walked away like what the fuck did i say it's not words yeah some some dude came down my driveway the other day like you know indian dude had a fucking shin guard a soccer Shingard his arm what was he actually indian no crazy crazy person dude right and my my gut reaction was just whoa and he was like oh and just walked away i love the padding is kind of scary i didn't spring action at all i was doing that earlier today were you that's a good well that was the first step you would have won fear and then anger aggression.
Yeah. So you're just, you're charged.
I was in the beginning of it. Yeah, you're charged.
I thought of all the funny things I could have said to that young Indian boy after he said. Oh, yeah.
Fuck. So I could come in you.
I had kids. You can handle some really good comebacks.
Quickie comeback. But there's no comeback because you could get your ass.
Yeah. Or you get, you're going to be seen being like, I'll come in your little fucking ass.
You're fried. You're done.
Nobody's coming to you at all. No one ever watches the first half of the video, dude.
Some of you in a black teen's face and be like, I'll come in your fucking ass. And everyone's like, Ryan, it's because of you.
It's the last thing you need. I got harassed again.
I was getting harassed. I was pepper sprayed by a group of Indians on his first Tinder date he got pepper sprayed he was just walking on his first date and got fucking pepper sprayed for no reason then he hit the ground I was like dude that sucks and then they finished the date that's a good date they were on their way to eat and got pepper sprayed that shit fucking hurts man fucking probably did the baby get hit too both of them got pepper sprayed in the face by by fat black girls.
Damn. Evil pepper sprayed Natalia.
True. It was probably just regular pepper spray.
The white people just couldn't handle it. Please watch.
True, yeah. Probably tune in mayo.
It's probably just Taheen. It's probably just Taheen.
Did you watch A Curious Case Natalia, Grace? Not yet, no. I got to see it.
You have to watch it. I heard it's awesome.
It sounds like a pretty great premise it's unreal it is how much does this person really look like a little girl yeah yes do they have like the benjamin button set up or like what's just a midge nah oh they're a midget yeah it's dwarf you can fucking idea of midge dude oh yeah dude yeah but not if they're footies we can't we literally can't talk about it. It's a fucking roller coaster.
But it is sinister. It's sinister, bro.
What? You know the other true crime stuff? This one blew my mind. I've seen a ton of shit.
Have you seen American Nightmare? Yes. That was a good one.
That was a good one, yeah. We're going to have to have a spoiler.
We're going to ruin it. When she comes walking back in American Nightmare.
Yes, dude. And you're just like, this fucking lying bitch.
Yeah. That's how the episode ends.
Yeah. So then if you stop watching, you're like, yeah, that dumb bitch.
She got kidnapped and raped. I know.
It's kind of the same deal with this one, where the first episode, you're like, fuck this dwarf. And then it's like.
Fuck the dwarf. Yeah, it's crazy.
Fuck this dwarf. Shane started sending me fucking Instagram reels about withholding and how it is horrible for relationships.
There aren't only just physical forms of abuse. There's mental.
What do you mean? There's sexual abuse. Withholding.
Withholding it. So you're talking about withholding from your woman? No.
My boy Mike got withheld from his girl evil. Oh.
You're talking about how women withhold from you and how that's abuse. That is abuse.
It's commonly known as a lot of people oh yeah he got addicted to porn because of that yeah it's not his fault it's not his fault then she would use the porn against him oh like you're a pervert look what you're looking at it's a good rabbit hole i'm in that rabbit hole right now what that's on my algorithm what is that oh withholding i thought it's withholding and then christ couples being like, how we beat our husband's porn addiction. It's a guy like that.
Yeah, that's the name of the game is withholding. What? It's a challenge.
Never chase. Dan Bilzerian said that.
Yeah, for real. Dude.
Was that the Vegas shooting? Yes. Sure, he did.
Dude, you know what's fucking crazy? Who the hell was just talking about him? Someone was talking about Jason Aldean. I think it was Patrick Bet-David was saying, dude, Jason Aldean couldn't go out for like two years because of the fucking shooting and never talks about it.
And then Tuck just had him on talking about the shooting. Tuck's been having some rogue dudes on.
Churchill's the bad guy. Hear that? I like that dude's podcast.
I listen to that guy's podcast all the time. I haven't seen up your alley I love this dude's guy Hey man just hear the other side Speaking of numbers and stuff You ever look at Have you checked out the numbers over there In Israel-Palestine these days? What are they looking like? Not good bro 40,000 killed and like 10,000 children.

Now, how many were killed

on October 7th? Just curious real quick.

It's never eye for an eye. I'm not saying it's eye for an eye.

I think it was 1,700. 1,700 and that's like

20, how many?

That's like 20 something

9-11s in one day. So what's

40,000? 1,700

is one 9-11. No, no, no, no, no.

You're doing the math wrong. You're doing the

Israeli math per capita. It's about 20 some 9-11s.
This is like it's two lanes. Yeah.
And 40,000, I guess, their lives don't. I don't know.
I think I read a statistic that was like 70% of Palestinians lost a family member in this. You know what's crazy, though? If you start checking out the beginning of World War II, this is how it it rolls up.
Really? Like they got books. You can read a book and they'll start talking about like 1930s, like early 30s.
And it's like, this war's happening over here. This is happening over here.
And then like all the guys that are in power now, forget them. Then there's going to be other dudes and then you're going to get your Hitler.
You're going to get your fucking Stalin. All those dudes.
Yeah. He's the worst.
I'm just going to vote for whichever candidate in America. It seems seems like they're gonna de-escalate yeah yeah true you know i'll do my research you can do your research yeah i watch this movie on churchill where uh the dad from succession is it and he's fighting with his wife and his wife just slaps him dude it's nice wait what happened uh his fight like it's a movie about churchill on d-day and he's fighting with his wife and his wife just fucking slaps him, dude.
It's nice. Wait, what happened? Uh, his fight, like it's a movie about Churchill on D-Day and he's fighting with his wife the whole fucking time.
He's like losing his mind. Who's the actor in it? The guy, the dad, the dad from succession.
The old man. Oh yeah.
Yeah. He plays Churchill.
He's Churchill, dude. And he's like fighting with his wife and like, he just wants to be the man.
He wants to be a war hero and she fucking slaps him. It's hilarious.
Damn. Yeah, they hype up Churchill in some good movies.
Yeah. The Darkest Hour.
Never saw it. Fucking rules.
I just watched History of Violence. That fucking rules.
Viggo Morrison. I never saw it.
I heard it was good. Viggo's good.
Pussy eating on the steps scene? Oh, yes. Yeah, I heard about that.
Full out fuck on the steps. Yeah, I heard about that.
What movies is? History of Violence. That's Aragorn, brother.
Viggo Morrison. Aragorn needs some pussy on a staircase.
He's from Philly. Maria Bello.
How many steps? It's a whole full staircase. 12 at least.
It's funny if it's like a two-step porch. No, it was literally like a turn and 12 steps going on.
Like Joker steps? Full blown. No, no, no.
In the house. Oh, inside.
Wooden steps, yes. Winding staircase? He must have got so hard so fast because he's just right in there.
Oh, yeah. True.
The steps would be apparent. You'd have so much push off.
Yes, so much push immediately. Did you ever see the movie Little Children? What's that? Did you ever see Little Children? I don't remember.
He like bangs some lady's wife on a washing machine. Pretty sick.
Vigo? No, it's Little Children. You ever see that movie about like the pedophile in the pool? No.
I've never even heard of it. Dude, Little Children's a sick movie.
What? Yeah, there's this guy, he's a pedo, and he wears a snorkel and goggles in the pool, and everyone's like, get this motherfucker out of it. I think I remember this now that you're saying it.
The movie's really good. It's about a guy who's a stay-at-home dad and a stay-at-home mom, and they kind of have an affair.
Dude. They're running fucking ads on Born Hub right now.
Allegedly someone told me fucking. What are you doing on the Hub? If you're over 18, dude.
If you got fucking hurt by fucking fire extinguisher foam, you are likely to get a claim. Really? Have you been injured by fire? It's like some candle ofune shit.
It was insane. That'd be hilarious.
They start doing like old people ads on porno. They're going to 100%.
Yeah, it's coming. In fact, my arm has hurt since then.
We're all decked out in like copper bracelets. It's been nice being in Philly, having the hub back.
Having the hub? My old friend. What happens when try to get on it? If you've heard from other people There's a screen that says you gotta show your ID Do you? Ever? No, never I think in Texas you have to be a content creator Dude, join I'm gonna create some content R.A.
Cheast Hunter Biden's porn account Why don't you just read erotic literature? Literotica. Yeah, just read it.
Literotica. Read like a nice...
I do. I do.
Every single girl that reads a book does that. Yeah.
Any woman that is reading, dude, it's all erotica. It's most of the book market now.
Yeah, if you go to New York on the subway, black chicks will just openly read it. I'm like watching them read like erotic, a very big letter print.

Dude, every book girls read now is

just fucking sexual situations. It's

fucking insane. Yeah.

Makes me sad. Nicole Kidman's in that new movie.

What new movie? Nicole Kidman's like bearing

it all again. She's doing like a crazy fuck scene

where like she has sex with her

husband, fakes an orgasm, but then she has to sneak

in her own little room where she like

watches BDSM porn and frigs off. The boomers are going to lose their shit when this comes out.
Would you bang Nicole Kidman? Are you kidding me? Days of thunder. Days of thunder, Nicole Kidman.
Yeah. Obviously, I would like to, yes.
Have sex with Nicole Kidman. Would you? Yes, obviously.
What the hell are you asking me for? It's funny. You might see her one day.
I was JK. Yes, I'd fuck her now.
That's not funny. Come on, man.
Yeah, it's kind of, actually. Gardog, edit out the part where I talked about autographs and photos.
Edit that out.

Cheerio, good call.

Dude, I

gotta tell you guys, I

absolutely bombed my

interview with 311.

It feels so bad as that sucked.

Are you not gonna put it out? I put it out.

I bombed it, dude. Show your mistakes.

Show your mistakes.

You gotta show your mistakes, bro. As an interviewer, I didn't have anything prepared.
I showed up and was like, we're going to hit it off right away. They were cool.
I had nothing to ask them. I would make up stuff to say to them.
They'd be like, right on, man. You're getting your bearings, dude.
Interviewers. It was making me laugh because Brittany called me because I had stayed home for a day to do it.
She's like, was it worth staying home?

I'm like, dude, I actually don't really feel great about this right now.

If you could please.

I fucked up my interview with 311.

If you could please just lay off me right now.

No idea the pressure I'm under.

They came to Philadelphia and we enjoyed oysters.

True.

But it was a very funny interview.

Very funny.

I'm serious.

I didn't do my 311 interview that well and I'd appreciate it if you got off my back.

You were all mixed up.

I was all mixed up. This episode is brought to you by Max.
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Tensions rise as Debra and Ava try to get their late-night show off the ground and make history while doing it. Starring Gene Smart and Hannah Einbinder.
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That's Shopify dot com slash tech. Did you talk about Amber? Yeah, he actually had a very sick line when I was asked.
I asked him, like, was there any song you had that, like, surprised you that took off? And he was like, Amber. And I was like, he's like, it was the first time we had a song that, like, got a almost overwhelmingly female kind of feedback.
Damn, dude. And I said, yo, how'd that work out? How'd you like that female fan base flaring? What about teenage boys, too? The dude goes, Amber's the color of my energy, bro.
And I was like, God damn, dude. You told me you took down all the babes, dude.
Rainstorm. Take me away from the norm.
Dude, rainstorm of stoner babes, too. They're the hottest, dude.
Stoner babes, yeah. Smell like patchouli.
Oh, I just heard a thing about an evil hippie. What? Speaking of evil hippies, I saw...
There was like that Alaskan Airlines pilot that tried to take that plane down. No.
I was listening to Tim Dillon. It was on Tim's podcast.
He was talking about... There was a guy that was like he...
You know how sometimes they sit on like the fold-down chair? Yeah. This guy just lost his mind while he was up there he was like nothing's right saw the black dog reach for a thing to try to hold a stewardess or the pilot he was a pilot there was two pilots on there he was just riding with him he's the plan to take down white pilots he saw the try to take down the pilot it's all black on the plane why but he he was talking about, I've been taking some mushrooms.
I've been working on stuff. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Oh, I remember hearing about this. You better chill on the psychedelics.
That's how you sit on a plane and go, I'm not here right now. Nothing's real.
The only way to find out. Everything is mental.
So he was on the mushies as co-pilot. He was calling them magic mushrooms, too.
Intrusive thoughts. I was in the the bar with my buddy Ricky and these two chicks came in.
I don't think this guy got any jail time. Really? He should be life in prison.
He's trying to better himself through microdosing. You should be in prison if you try to kill everyone.
Yeah, definitely. That's probably some dude hired by Pfizer to say all that.
Did he actually do it or he really pulled it? No, he went for it. Was a pilot like, whoa, what the hell? Yeah, you should should be arrested i'm fucking in jail for a very long time definitely yeah or at least deep he's deep hot they took his wings yeah but now he goes around and gives a bus driver what's his speeches what's he do about pilots mental health i mean this guy probably got paid bank from Pfizer.
Yeah, right. You know what I was on? Magic mushrooms.
Dude, there's a chance, though, he was kind of an unstable dude who kind of heard about microdosing from the internet. And like, dude, you take a little bit too much, and you're up in the sky, and you've never really done anything like that before.
I could see him being like, what's the point of this? Dude, I was telling Ricky at the bar, and these two chicks were all in there, like, like in their 40s and they were there for a divorce party and like they were boozing and like trying to hit on every dude in the bar and then they're like, we have chocolates. I'm getting the fuck out of here, dude.
That must be hell. You had two chicks at a divorce party on mushrooms, that's hell.
There's a divorce party? They throw a divorce party. Oh, they do them now, yeah, like bachelor parties.
Yeah, yeah. It's tough, brother.
It's tough, dude. Getting the groove back.
A bunch of fucking fools.

They're out of the game.

They're coming back in, you know, and it's like, dude, you guys should retire.

How are they looking?

Not good.

They'll just get mauled by some 23-year-old psycho on Tinder for three days.

I was going to say, I think we should work things out.

They got out of the other leg.

They came back and they're like, I haven't checked in on YouTube for a while. I was like, Jesus Christ.
Yeah, that's a... It's so dark, dude.
Yeah, they're entering a very different... All I keep thinking about, there's some dude out there that doesn't know this is going on.
What do you mean? Some dudes out there that doesn't know his ex-chicks having a divorce party. I think it's pretty common, man.
Whoa, really? Yeah, chicks get divorced now, and it's like divorce party with the girls.

Oh, fuck.

It's a big deal.

They advertise, like we throw bachelor parties, divorce parties.

I think it depends how divorce went.

Also, you're surprised how much that guy might not give a fuck either.

I was going to say, that guy's probably like, of course she is.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're a fucking bitch battle axe 40-something-year-old wife out there being like,

I'm celebrating at the Bennegan. That's exactly what it was.
Motherfucking dick straws. Yeah.
They all cry. Although that will get you on the plane.
If that's going on on the ground, you're on the fucking plane on the mushroom, just being like, I got to find this TGI Friday. So just fucking 9-11 it.
Me and 200 of my friends are crying. I mean, that means 200 me.
When you say it like that, it's crazy they didn't arrest that guy. He, I think he should be in jail for...
Yeah. That's crazy.
A little fucked up for a while. If you try to kill that many people.
Yeah. Yeah, no, you can't give talks.
At least that's... I mean, serial killers don't put up those kind of numbers.
Sure. And also, put them in the cooler, at least like a mental hospital for like a couple years,

dude.

Lock that boy up.

Like that Buffalo Bill house?

Yeah, that's sick.

You can say that's a big one, dude.

That was a terrorist attack.

It was.

Yeah, yeah.

That was a heavy bug out, though.

Maybe the judge is leaning and be like, were you fucking bugging, bro?

No.

I was talking mushrooms, really.

Was it chocolate, dude?

Because sometimes those batches are fucking weird. Penis heavy stuff, dude.
Oh, shit. You were bugging? It's all good.
Yeah, Matt, you can rent Buffalo Bill's house as an Airbnb. Dude, Rainy's into this.
Rainy stayed in the hotel room for the, you know a lady from Monster? Yeah, yeah. He like rented, he like stayed in that hotel room.
I never knew that was a real show. That was based on a real lady, yeah.

I never knew that.

No, that was a real lady.

Rainey and Del Calo and Matera stayed in her hotel

that she had shacked up on.

So that was terrifying, too.

It was a very, very good neighborhood.

Ex-pilot who tried to shut off engine mid-flight

on psychedelic mushroom trip

gets released from jail with orders

to keep away from aircraft.

Well, that's a good step.

That's his punishment. But that was his dream.
Keep away from those planes. I've been there in a trash truck.
Are you talking about the Sky King? Yeah. Sky King is such a nice video.
People hate that shit. I don't know why guys are obsessed with him.
Like, what the fuck is people's obsession? It's like, dude, it's the greatest audio recording. It's hilarious, dude.
So you think this thing can do a barrel? He's like, please don't do that. Is he going to land this? He's like, I'm going to try to hit a barrel roll and then probably nosedive it and call it a night.
It's a beautiful clip. How close did that guy get to killing? Was he actually pulling forward? Or was he like, I'm going to fucking kill him? I don't think he said he was going to do it.
Yeah, I mean, that's got to suck. He was just on his junior wheel and the real pilot was like, what the fuck are you doing, dude? He's like, I'm fucking crushing it.
No attempted murder charges for pilot. There can't be that easy of a kill switch on a plane.
I feel like there has to be some sort of two hands on both buttons on both sides. No way, because if one of them goes down, you've got to have one.
If one goes down, you can't put both the keys at the same time like a mystical thing. You get the stewardess in there.
I'm like, oh, my God. What am I doing? Oh, my God.
This is crazy. Flight 93.
That shit is insane and weird. Yeah.
Mr. Emerson acknowledged that in trying to wake himself from what he believed was a dream, he reached up in the cockpit and pulled on the planes two fire suppression handles, which are designed to shut down both engines in an emergency.
Damn. Well, he got inceptioned.
Yeah. He should have spun atop.
That was his. My totem's a violent plane crash.
The fuck? That is crazy. Lock her up.
That was a girl pilot? No, that was a man. I was going to say, sounds like some sick shit a dude would do.
Tripping on the plane. I'm going to fucking kill it.
I was reading that Nashville shooter manifesto and I was like, yo, this is a dude. Wow.
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Sorry for the brief interruption. This is Sean Gardini.
I just wanted to let you know that I'll be doing stand-up comedy in Tempe, Arizona this week, Wednesday, at the Improv, September 11th with Aidan McCluskey and Nate Marshall. Please come to that if you can, and then I'll be in Salt Lake City, Utah, at Wise Guys Comedy Club this weekend, Friday and Saturday, September 13th and 14th.
Please come to that if you can as well. Thank you very much.
The link for tickets is in the description. God bless you.
Now let's get back to the show. Oh, man, Jesus, man.
Anyway, have you guys seen any of the Paralympics? Bill, do you like the Paralympic video? Yeah, it's crazy. See the Brazilian guy fucking swimming? You watch any of this? Yeah, he has no arms.
Dude, he's like a fish, bro. His feet are huge.
He's just like a body. Does he just wriggle? Man, he's built like a frog.
He fucking dolphin kicks. He's flying.
He's built like a frog. And he has the towel bite to start.
Is that how he started? Yes. He was biting onto a towel and they let go and fucking fucking just back.
They unhook him? He's grabbed by the gills and catch a release. These guys are like legit crones.
They're having a whole Olympics for him. The guy who beat him is a dickhead for that.
What do you do? He won. No, that was the semifinals, dude.
Oh, that was the semifinals? What was the guy set up and beat him? The guy with arms fucking beat him by a fucking finger length. What? He has to fucking headbutt the wall.
Yeah. Does he just fucking leap up out of the water and then come back in? He had 50 meters underwater backwards.
What? Yeah, he's unreal. I'll show you, Matt.
This dude's unreal. That's crazy.
He's my kind of folk. That's pretty great.
Yeah, they did that. And then there's like, they're doing the backstroke and some of the dudes have like one fucking arm.
They just go in a circle? Bum rudder. Just watching you.
Yo. Just chill and check him out.
These are fucking champions there's nothing better you might have to fast forward to the towel grab but that's how they start towel grab with the mouth wild you'll see the king when you see him he's just feet in a shell 50 meters underwater to Unreal. Imagine him swimming up and scaring in the ocean.
He'd get me. Fake shark attack.
He'd get me. It's like a catfish.
Yeah, like this. That's the good Olympics.
Yeah, it really is, man. Do they do any satanic bullshit before the opening ceremony look like? Probably chills out.
Probably respectful. Loving.
Respectful. Who's mad dogging? No, they all got to plop in.
A lot of them can't do the flip. Yeah, they all have to just plop in.
It's like bobbing for apples. Bro, they're fucking cooking.
There he is. Yo! He fucking crushed me.
He would smoke you, Matt. He would smoke you.
He would destroy me in a fucking swimmer. You blacked out in your own pool.
Yeah, I can't. Well, the goggles are pretty tight on my forehead.
I cut off my blood supply. This guy is nasty, dude.
Yeah, dude. I might try that.
Bro, he's fucking... Bro, imagine him jackhammering, dude.
The motor on him. Oh, my God.
Imagine life with no arms, dude. Just nubs up here.
Haul ass. All you do is hit the pool.
And then you work. You work your whole life to get to Paris, and then some guy beats you by a fucking finger length.
That's fucked up. I would love to know his origin story, just how he got into swimming.
Just some nasty fucking Brazilians push him in the pool as a joke. He's like, oh yeah?

He swam in the Amazon.

He swam with the river dolphins.

These are the real X-Men.

That's how I learned how to swim, by the way. I was pushing the pool.

Really? Trial by fire.

Trial by fire. At least that's how it could be a false

memory, but I swear to God, I was in the Caracong Swim

Club. My brothers pushed me in the pool.

Definitely. Definitely happened to you.

I wouldn't mind having a good diving board. I remember being like, oh sweet,, I can swim and just pull myself out of the pool and be like, right on.
What size diving board you ever took? Dude, the fucking, I think there was a, I swear I think it was a 30 meter. I could be wrong about that.
60 feet? Or no. At Hidden Hollow.
Hidden Hollow. How high was the third platform? I think 10 meters.
10, my bad.

Okay.

30 feet.

I was getting meters and feet confused.

100 feet deep.

It was getting meters and feet confused.

It was high, though.

Bro, the third platform at Hidden Hollow was high as fuck.

Second platform was scary.

Maybe at 14 feet.

The second platform was scary.

I honestly don't know if I ever went on the third.

The second was like kind of nuts.

The third was like, you got to be fucking crazy. Look up.
I'm telling you the hidden hollows. Remember the hell high that was? I couldn't even climb up to it.
Bro, it was. I don't know.
It's got to be closed down now. You could climb up.
It probably was 30 feet. I think it was about 30 feet high.
Damn. It was crazy.
Whatever the high dive is. I think it's just a, it was at Bucknell.
Whatever there. Platform or board? Like a platform.
Damn, dude. That's high.
It was whatever the collegiate one is. Yeah, Matt, you know Jason Statham used to do this? Statham? Statham was a professional diver.
Oh, yeah. Actually, I did hear that before.
It's crazy. Is he a dancer? Yes.
Did you ever see the video where he's dancing in the background? So is Sam Selleck. Who's that? Big bodybuilder kid.
Oh, he was a swimmer. Oh, he was a swimmer.
Swimmer and diver, yeah. That's pretty sick.
I never hit a high dive. I've been hitting the lanes pretty hard myself.
You never hit a high dive? I've never hit one. Once I was like fucking around the pool.
Oh, you're part of the safety generation. I just had the pool in the backyard.
It's all nerfed up for him. We used to drink out of the hose.
Tune the guitar.

We're no streetlights.

We're just out there.

Yeah, man.

I used to literally walk up and down the highway as a child. I used to be on the highway all the time.

Scranton Joe.

I, for real, used to walk up and down the highway as a child.

Where?

202.

Yeah.

Oh.

We would walk to Wawa and just pillage candy bars and sit outside.

Not nerfed. Not nerfed.
That's what I got to say. Youwear to God, Sam.
I saw your trophy case in here. Nothing but participation.
Hustle. Hustle.
Hustle. Hustle.
I used to constantly get hustle. Dude, I would dive.
Basketball, I would dive into the fucking bleachers to save a ball out of bounds. All the fucking time, bro.
Don't do that to me. Did you like when our parents came to the games or did you not care i told him i could give a fuck less because i had one catch with daddy threw it underhand i was like all right this is fucking stupid i was he gonna have a catch and his shoulder's absolutely fine i was like dad you want to have a catch and he's like yeah sure and then i threw one to him and he fucking went like this i don't know he was he was like a curvy lefty he was left he's in my homes he was a dog flutie, dude.
Anytime I went lifting, he goes, what are you doing with Hans and Franz? Dude, I literally have to go lifting. And he's like, why do you have to go to lifting? Just go to work.
They say I have to go to these workouts. Yeah, he would crush you.
He would lift weights. He'd be like, what are you trying to hook up with dudes? He'd be like, why do you think I'm trying to engage? He might have been on to something.
Well, in his day, they all collected those magazines. Yes magazines yes well if you wanted to lift weights back when your dad was a kid you're kind of collect those men's fitness magazines these guys and speedos yeah i could see that from that generation being like what are you what are you trying to get your muscles bigger what do you want to kiss that's what made dorian big though yeah true one of the greatest true true i mean i i'm absolutely impervious to him.

I'm like Trump where it's just like, dude, the hate's going to come.

Everyone used to be.

What if two gay guys kissed on camera and said, take that, Bill?

That wouldn't hurt your feelings?

Spade.

Spade wasn't that into it.

And then he got in the gym and he saw all that fucking hate

and there's just people who are scared to walk in.

Dude, the judgment stops right at the door.

Once we're in there, it's just two guys trying to

make each other better. True.

Make each other feel better. Yes, literally.

Yes. Nothing wrong with it.

I mean, you keep asking me to, but, you know.

Have you guys pumped together?

No.

Matt takes his shoes off for

squats. Yeah.

Matt has a fucking good firm base

when he squats.

Taking your shoes off the squat 135 is wild. You got it, man.
I have high cushion running shoes. You're not supposed to lift in those things.
Really? Yeah, you're not supposed to lift in hocus. Then you got the Yeezy socks the one time.
Yeezy socks was nice, bro. I rolled up in the 3M.
They look like work gloves. City fitness.
Dude, I was telling Shane dude I ran four miles And I think 45 minutes Yeah me and Throw up Me and Bill did legs My knees are fucked up Me and Bill did legs The other day I almost threw up On fucking Bulgarians Bulgarian split squats Will shoot your fucking heart Right out of the fucking room Out of nowhere My heart just started going I'm like dude I could have a heart I started thinking I could have a heart Dude I lived I lived in that sick and twisted realm for like two years where if my heart went up above like 100 i'd be like it's a young boy he's just pumping i'm like i'm getting worried like i could go down i watched the guy fucking delete himself from you i went to hot yoga last week and this dude rolled in and it was no joke six minutes in you're doing this stuff where like you bend backwards and you go forward and grab like the back of your ankles but you want a compression with your chest and stomach and your thighs you have to do two sets second set dude packs it up fucking rolls the mat up and everything goes like you're right yeah I just have to go to the bathroom but like if you have to go to the bathroom yeah you know go back to your mat was he having the big one dude rolled it up. Left, and it smelled like a dog shit the room for like five minutes.
And I was just like, this dude shit himself. I just peaced out.
Never came back. I mean, obvious move.
He's never coming back, dude. He had to leave the city.
Insane. Oh, in front of the yoga bans? It smelled like dog poop.
He shit the yoga bans? No, not in front of the yoga bans. Yeah, dude.
That was insane. I just held my head down the next day.
Oh, man. He should have been like, yo, I think this guy fucking shit himself.
I'm out of here. What a freak.
I gotta go. What kind of place is this? People just shit themselves? I'm leaving.
Yeah, that's like just starting to sweat. I have a feeling, though, because I ate fucking a bunch of ground beef and rice before I went.
i was like god damn bro this chest this stomach compression kills he set you off like goonies dude yeah oh shit there's another thing where you gotta like let on your back squeeze your fucking knee into your chest do you ever when you do that like look at your penis just poking out your shorts all the time it's like a triangle it's devastating this can't be You sound like a 60-year-old woman's camel toe. What the fuck is that? You got an Alaskan Airlines.

Yeah. triangle.
It's devastating. It can't be big.
It's devastating. You sound like a 60-year-old woman's camel toe.
What the fuck is that? I love it, dude. You got Alaskan Airlines that.
You go, this is not real life. We all have to die.
So turn off the yoga music. I got to see if I'm dreaming.
My dick can't be this small, dude. This is crazy.
This is bullshit. This is not my dick.
Also, somebody shit themselves. I'm out of here.
I know my dick's not this small. Somebody their pants I'm leaving this whole studio's a joke what are you saying? I've seen some of those old ladies fart oh yeah there's like old yoga ladies that think it's cool yeah just let it go it is cool their farts just smell like mothballs though it smells terrible dude nothing's been in their hands for fucking years smells like broccoli yeah it's definitely weird diets I can't believe I forgot about this liberal diets sport Ukraine So, dude.
Nothing's been in their hands for fucking years. It smells like broccoli.
Yeah, it's definitely weird diets.

I can't believe I forgot about this.

Liberal diets.

Sport Ukraine.

So Joe Joe.

So liberal.

I think I went through a genuine humiliation ritual recently.

Dude, this is going to sound, and this sounds infinitely worse than hot yoga,

but I'm real into lymph right now.

Just my lymphatic system.

Get my lymph drained.

Get jerked.

Apparently, I mean, bro. Maybe one day.
It's the ultimate node. Come on, man.
You know where that node is? I know exactly where that one is. You got two down there.
The final node. Literally, in your pubes, you're getting rough.
Yeah, it's close. That's why you're going.
No, it's not, dude. I'm telling you.
I'm just trying to be well. No, I'm not.
No, I'm not.

Dude, I would say it if I was.

I would. I would say, dude, that's nothing.

That's nothing.

The nodes down there.

What is going through your body?

Blood flow, totally natural.

Would you stop her if she kept going?

What are you talking about?

I would say this isn't part of the lymphatic massage.

Are you healthy? Are you chubbed up when it's happening? I'd say so. You got a show dog.
It's a Texas heat. It's nothing crazy.
No, it's nothing. I'm telling you, it's for real like my favorite thing.
A little ghost draped on the closet. Dude, I'm telling you, that's nothing.
So then, apparently they say when you fly, you're supposed to be wearing compression stuff. Yeah.
Because apparently your circulation is just trash when you're flying. You can get these things that are basically tights that you just wear under your pants that keep you all compressed on your body.
So Brittany was getting them. She's like, do you want them to make them for you when you fly? I'm like, yeah, have them make me a pair.
And they have to come in like measure they're measuring me i have to measure you i'm like no yeah whatever like yoga pants dude i didn't know what the fuck it was bro so then this fucking french lady comes by our house i thought it was gonna be a dude this is a nice there was a dude there was a dude taylor there uh comes by the house and they're like measure britney they're like oh you like toss on these spandex pants real quick and come back out of here? And I was like, this is some elite shit. Dude, I want the fucking compression.
I'm all about the lymph. So I go in.
It was very funny because I go in, put the spandex on. You're taking this jackal off parlor pretty seriously.
No, she's very serious about your jackal. It's pretty legit.
Dude, I'm telling you, it's pretty legit. But this is a whole different person.
I'm like, I just want the want the compression i want to fly and feel great they're like dude it's night and day you're gonna feel fantastic so i'm like i love that so they like i put them on but i'm kind of low i'm kind of sagging the front a little bit you're nothing crazy but you know where i'm still like i'm monitoring the whole time like come on man give me something yeah give me now not now trying to get brinny maybe like rubble ball me i wanted something decent. Shrimp.
Was it just dead? I just did it. I had to stand there.
Yeah, totally. And I had to stand there just with a fucking micro bulge for like 20 minutes, dude.
What the fuck are you doing? As if it wasn't bad enough, Brittany goes, you got to pull your pants off and just hikes them up on me, dude. I'm like, no.
This isn't kind of an embarrassment. This is the most embarrassing thing ever, dude.
One of the measurements was, I'd rather shit in yoga than that. Hold it in your center line.
I'm like, what's that? You shouldn't tell Britt to work you up before they came in, dude. I didn't know this was happening.
And then they take the one measurement is they kind of like, just kind of like wedgie you with your tape. They just kind of like work it from behind and front and like come up your front and I was just sitting there like, come on.
I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop.
Once it started, you got an old man compression socks. Just get the knee high socks and wear a fucking cargo.
I know. But dude, apparently if we're working out they're really good if you're compressed while you're all like, apparently like they do all the athletes in the NFL do this.
They wear like compression while they work out. Dude, you got to get an R ring for the nose.
They probably just get fucking the tights. No, no, no, no.
No, dude, a French woman has to come out. You guys don't know about lymph.
It's not your fault. You don't know about lymph, but it's for real.
It's like a serious thing. I thought they were just here.
No, dude. We have like hundreds of them.
I thought when you get sick, they're like, let me feel your lymph. No, they're like all around all around your butthole no they're all around your joints every joint you have lymph nodes in your neck i think right here down here on every joint so if you don't move

that they get like how often do you get this well every couple weeks whenever i can get it fitted in

and then they do zero point it's basically uh what it's like not acupuncture but it's acupressure

where they just every knot in your back they just hold into it until it releases and they go knot by knot dude it's for real the best thing in the world but yes i had to stand there in spandex in my kitchen and get a melvin and just get a melvin the whole time i was just like dude this will be over soon i was gonna go to the bathroom just put a cucumber in my fucking pants what this is what it was gonna be like normally. Well, no, I was just like, dude, this will be over soon.
I gotta go to the bathroom and just put a cucumber in my fucking pants. What? This is what it's going to be like normally.
Well, no, I was trying to. I was like a French lady.
I'm like, this is like normal. I should, you know, this French lady doesn't care.
It's just like, you just eat microbial just all the time. They got in the car and laughed.
They could have, bro. I've never seen anything that small.
That's all nurses talk about.

Technically, is that micro?

That is all fucking nurses talk about.

What do you mean?

Bullshit.

They ever hang out with nurses?

They say the nastiest shit.

Nurses are the dark.

That's the darkness.

They are the darkness.

Then they make TikToks.

And it's like, I want them, the scrubs.

If they can fill out the scrubs, I want it so bad.

I hear these stories about them in the fucking closet.

Scrubs going wild.

Oh, yeah.

There's a video of this fucking nurse that literally looks like one of our,

like it could be an aunt of ours.

And I think that's on Twitter. Yeah, they're making videos.
It's like a fucking video. You got cuck video.
Like the one where it's like, your girl's in Miami. That is kind of weird just to be like, it's not even like a pornographic thing.
You're just sitting there. You're in the chair.
Cuck chairs. You're in the chair.
You can't go to Miami. You got to break out with a girl.
She goes, Miami. Everyone's really supportive in Miami, dude.
All the content creators just like push each other to be better and get like cooler cars. Everything on Twitter is just like, this is an unsolicited advertisement for an only fans.
I want it to fucking end. It's either that or what's better.
The chicken bake or the double chong chong. I need to read a book.
You are chill on the internet, man. I am like, dude like, dude, I'm fucking I'm just going to read a book.
If I find it, I'm barely on it. If I find something, he's like, I saw that.
I saw that. What's your screen time? You can't show Bill anything.
Bill is the internet right now. You're totally plugged in.
I'm plugged in, but I'm unplugged. Now playing guitar and stuff, I can just chill the fuck out and not go on it.
But you know, I just. It is funny.
I like getting clips for the intros. I like sending chains on stuff.
You know how you're like, oh dude, check this out. And then every time the dude's like, yeah, I saw that.
Yeah. After a while, you're defeated.
Just stop showing. It's funny to think of you just practicing arpeggios and being like these motherfucking piece of shit shooting a trans bitch.
A real right wing guitarist. When I'm playing guitar, it's all gone.
Yeah, true. Something crazy is fucking coming.
I know something's going to happen. Something will, too, but it calms the soul.
That's how I started doing it, so I could just relax and stop looking up stuff. And you look really handsome when you're playing.
You get called a racist. What are you called a racist for? When you look up stuff like that, they say you're an alright racist or you're a Russian bot.
You see Tim Pool got fucked. Dave Roof and Tim Pool.
What are you talking about? Lauren Southern. This is what I'm talking about.
He knows everything that happens in the internet. No, I don't know Tim Pool.
I know who he is. I know who he is.
He just fucking tried to sue Kamala Harris for defamation and now just came out that they're all getting paid by Russia for their shows.

400 G's a week.

100 G's a week.

No.

No way.

But they're saying it's fake.

So they're saying it's Russian dissent.

The Russians are using them to do it. The right wing YouTubers have completely collapsed on themselves.

25 G's ineptitude.

Whatever you want.

Yeah.

Whatever you guys want. We'll talk about the Rhineland.
Putin is sick, dude. He's like KGB.
Dude, you ever watch an interview with him? He is kind of sick. He just endorsed Kamala Harris.
Putin did? Yes. He said she has a fascinating laugh and everyone in the Russian fucking crowd is laughing.
Poor joke. He's so funny, dude.
I love when dudes do that on Twitter. Dude, so embarrassing Biden's our president we are getting laughed at by global leaders it's like a dude who works for Swiss Farm shut the fuck up that's just where the elevator stops on that one we are an embarrassment to all fucking countries yeah thinking about like the foreign NATO council they're fucking laughing at us the The closer we get to Russia, the fucking more they're going to do, dude.
NATO should know that. It's right.
These are the thoughts I had. I had fucking...
I had lack of sleep because Stevie keeps diarrhea in the bed and fucking... Stevie...
Stevie Nicks. Tom flamed you in the family group chat.
Why? You had the diaper on the dog and Tom was like Yo Bill I'm cool with whatever fetish you have But like The diaper on the dog is psychotic bro I knew you were going to be a weirdo with the fucking dog It's just when it goes to sleep It's just when it goes to sleep So it doesn't chip the bet There's a clear backpack you can buy And he can walk around with two of them in it It's literally just when they go to sleep So I don't have to keep fucking clean shit out of my bed. You're going to start wearing briefs.

You're going to start wearing briefs, dude.

You're going to start wearing briefs.

Pomeranian diapers?

No, it's fucking throwing out.

You're going to start wearing colored briefs.

Every time they should, I got to wipe their ass.

Dude, you're going to start wearing briefs, dude.

You're going to wear briefs.

Tiger King, dude.

What the fuck are you doing, dude?

Dude, this is the beginning.

He's going to get into exotics.

He's going to get into exotic vets, dude. Right.
I'm going to show you from my new beach house. Right now to my Miami beach house.
He's doing crazy. That's so good.
We were just playing by the rules. They asked her about, like, draft picks.
Yeah, they asked her about Cincinnati Bengals. Oh, fuck.
Yeah, I knew those dogs, but I also knew I, you took it personally. We were on the phone making fun for the dogs.
He's like, they're good animals. I like them.
I was like, I'm just fucking with you. It is crazy how he loves them immediately.
I didn't even know he had a heart, dude. He's a sensitive boy.
I love the dogs. There's a bluebird in there.

He tries to keep hitting from everyone.

True.

Stevie, stop shitting on the dog. We need to get Stevie a diaper.
I just keep calling. How'd you get dog diapers? You Amazon those? Amazon.
Did you say size? Super small. X, X, X.

X, X, X.

Teeniest diapers.

How funny was that video?

It's not you of her walking in it, though.

It's great.

It's a funny video.

It's a good video, and you have good dogs.

Don't stop making fun of your dogs.

It's not even her walking in them, though.

It's great.

It's a funny video.

It's a good video, and you have good dogs.

Don't stop making fun of your dogs.

It's okay.

I'm Buffalo Bill.

You got to start.

I wish I had dogs here.

I'd like to take a look at the dogs.

You got to get a little steeplechase going for them and teach them how to run it.

Eventually.

They're too busy pissing and shitting all over the place.

Are they in the house?

No, they're at my girlfriend's parents' house right now.

That's where they eat mulch, dude.

Yeah.

What are you doing?

They're going to throw it up, man. Yeah, mulch fucks dogs up.
I saw a dog drink a beer yesterday. My pop-up used to feed one dog, a boxer Churchill.
It's not good. It's not good.
Immediately looked it up. It's like, never give a dog alcohol.
Dude, it'll kill the dog. My uncle had a boxer and it would hold it in its lap.
Him and my pop-up would do it. They'd grab a Budweiser and put the bottle in his mouth and it would just go.

I mean, dude, they'll drink it, but it's not good for them.

Yeah, you would slam it, dude.

They're not built for it.

They're not built for the brewskis?

Yeah.

What about like seltzers?

This dog seemed built for the brewskis.

Dude, I'm telling you, Churchill.

It had purple.

The guy who owned it dyed its long hair on the side purple.

That's sick.

It was crazy.

A little Churchill.

Yeah, the dog's name was Churchill and he would just chug Budweiser's.

It was fine.

Churchill lives.

Church of the guy who owned it dyed its long hair on the side purple. That's sick.
It was crazy. A little Churchill dog.
Yeah, the dog's name was Churchill and he would just chug Budweiser's. It was fine.
Churchill lives... He had an English bulldog named Churchill? It was a boxer named Churchill.
Lived down the street from my pop-up. It would leave my cousin Pat's house every morning and run down to his house and chill there for the day.
Yeah, he would slam probably half a brisky. I love when dogs just have their own life.
Yeah, it's great. You know what I mean? They're like, oh, he comes around here.

They don't do that anymore.

I know.

Nerfed up world.

I was free ranging my dogs and they attacked two.

Am I in your name?

I was like, oh, fuck.

My dogs were literally getting stalled. You're dead dogs now?

I was free ranging them in Texas.

I was like, you know, let them just run, do their thing.

And yeah, there was these Huskies.

Free ranging them down in Texas.

Yeah, they ran right up to them.

I had to break it up.

I was like, god damn it. Huskies in Texas? I know.
I know. Who's the real criminal here? Yeah, for real.
Who saved who? True. You're a rescue dad.
They won't ever imagine. True.
I'm just looking for people in the parking lots, really. I'm not really worried about my dog.
With Matilda and Jackson? Yeah, I should bring them. Sick them.
Yeah, it'll be time for me to get a cat. Dude.
I love the cat. I donibble was a good black cat yeah yeah might get an orange boy the internet's firing me up on them let them go the internet's nothing but sick ass dude indoor outdoor city cat can't have an outdoor city cat dude i had one it gave me i think a terrible disease but i had one you can't have an outdoor city look at cream pie it's so fast.
Yeah, that's what we need. We need that.
There's a new sheriff. Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, you should get a cat. There's no reason not to get one.
I can't get a dog. Dogs are too high maintenance.
You gotta start memeing Reggie and Stevie, dude. Dress them up.
Get a cat, and when you're gone, just cryogenically freeze it. La Mer fucking.
Put him in Cairo. I just asked him the other day.
Is La Mer still living at your house? Yeah like yeah yeah he's posting videos of his dickhead brother having like parties he had a birthday bash yeah insane he's really enjoying himself he's like I think you should leave he had a birthday bash and he texted me about it he's living it up dude he was like can I have a party and I was like no dude I was in a grump I was being a grumpus yeah no. I was like, why do you have to go to the house? Why can't you just go to a fucking bar for your birthday? Yeah, right.
I was like, yeah, I actually said it sarcastically. I was like, yeah, you can have a party at my house instead of just going to a bar.
And he was like, great, thank you. Did they fuck it up? I was like, you motherfucker.
No, I don't know. I think there was only, it wasn't.
I thought me and my family were going to be down there for the Texas A&M game, but I had to stay here. It was probably a fucking R4R Austin.
I had a cleaning lady come before we got down there to clean up LaMare's fucking slop. He thought I did that because of the party he had.
He thought I hired a cleaning lady. He texted me.
He was like, thanks for the cleaning lady, dude. I was dying to clean it up.
I was like, I just hired a lady to come clean up after this party. Are you guys almost done working on the show? Yeah.
We're done writing it. We still have to film it.
How's it end? You still have to make it? We haven't filmed it. It's a writer's room.
How many girls are in your writer's. Damn, bro.
Billy's not going to like the show. Never ends well, bro.
Bill hates girls in the writer's room. I think it should just be the guys.
I don't know what to tell you. Your hands are tied here.
I don't know what to tell you. We did a table read, which was very fun.
Yeah. We got to have everyone in the room.
Because when you're writing it, you're like, I don't know if this is funny. Well, it's not like I'm fucking writing it.
It's literally John. Yeah, right.
I show up every three days. I'm like, how's it going? This would be funny if this happened.
Just leaf through the script. It's pretty thick right there.
It's looking good. Can you read this script? I'm like, yeah, for sure.
That's awesome. But then we did the table read.
It was great. Kylo was in it.
How long does that take? it's just four episodes of a show how long does it take? so an hour and a half two hours it's like the show yeah you read the whole show but Kyla we were doing the Kyla's line was to call Gerbin a pedophile and she's going through like she couldn't find where she was and she like got lost She was like, oh, fuck. Will, you look like a pedophile.
Big pop. Like Skylar Rules.
That's awesome. It's been pretty neat.
It's been such a wonderful experience. Back in Philly? Still no Topgolf.
I've really enjoyed my time here in Philadelphia. We might not be able to chill with him.
I've literally been begging you to go to Topgolf and you say we never thought. But he's going to get hounded the whole time.
I'm trying to do my sobriety. I go to Topgolf and drink water like an animal.
That's psychotic. Yeah, he just doesn't enjoy himself, himself.
I love going to Topgolf.

It's so fun. Can we have some brewskies?

Yes, please.

There's a few light brewskies.

Not right here.

What are some non-brewski activities?

We can just dial up the phone.

Topgolf.

He's like walks.

Vigges.

Lifting.

You could lift drunk. Don't give up, King.
You can do anything, but Topgolf is clearly a brewski activity. Yeah, that makes sense.
There's regular activities, and there's clearly designed for brewski activities. Topgolf is a bar.
Bill was telling me to get fucked up in real golf. I was surprised.
That's why every single dude loves golf. I didn't know this.
Is that video of the fucking chick who hit the dude on the golf course? No. My buddy's friend saw it happen.
This fucking girl comes on a Bronco and just hops up onto a golf course and nails this fucking golf cart. I see that.
It was in Deerfield, Delaware. Trump golfs.
He doesn't drink. True.
Never drinks because of his older brother. What happened to his older brother? He's a drunk.
Died of drugs. Damn.
Trump's dude. The one they interview him about Kamala in the golf cart.
It's the funniest thing. She's so fucking pathetic.
And Barron's. What, with D-Camp out? They're soaking it in, bro.
Huh? The one where he's with D-Camp out? No, he's just driving. Somebody secretly filmed it.
Someone secretly filmed it. Oh, I saw that.
Someone secretly filmed that. The hot mic? Yeah, and he's like, she's so fucking pathetic.
It's called 4D chess. When dudes hit 30, it's time to hit the links.
Yeah, that's what Bill's like, dude. You got to go.
You just start. I've been out with the bros.
You're outside for three hours driving golf carts. I like this.
Yeah, I think golf, what it is, is you're spending hours creating an alibi to eventually split a hooker with your friend in the Poconos.

You'd be like, yeah, we're on a golf trip.

We're on a golf trip.

You spend like 20 years.

Your phones are together.

You spend 20 years just doing this thing,

and eventually you're like, let's split a hooker.

Check the metadata.

We were together.

It's the whole point of the game. I actually am jealous of my pals back home.

Golfing.

It is a good life. You don't have to be good.
Work Monday through Friday and there you go. It's Friday.
Links. We're hitting the limit.
I'm jealous of everybody. I was talking about some dude.
He was like talking about some kind of like how the team is so stacked and this guy's the best quarterback we've ever had. I'm going to say that until the Lord takes me from this plane.
All this shit. I was just sitting there getting coffee and being like, I wish I was this dude, man.
What do you mean about loving the game? That was what I was on, man. Get on the Notre Dame train, man.
He's so fun. You have the best draft in the entire NFL.
Are you surprised to hear that? Certainly not. The first year, we took it to the limit.
And I was in Miami with my new beach house it's been 20 years since then we haven't been too strong in the last few years oh we've been strong we're just playing by the rules you can't have a newcomer come in and steal a show that's a great one no i get jealous of that of a team, being in an office, you have like your team, your team leader. All day long, I'm like spinning out just in my own head for that reason.
You need football. Like this guy is literally on the phone just chilling.
The whole world is the fucking ball. You need football.
You just need to get nuked. Those thoughts get nuked by by.
When I was like 21, it's all I did. I had fantasy, and then it was hockey.
And this was my fucking deal. It was Phillies just in case nothing was going on.
I think the Chiefs Ravens tonight. Kickoff 8-20.
Is that the first game? We're back.

Is that the first game of the season? Now it's time for pro football.

Now I have my college.

Now I have my pro.

Now it's Brewski.

Yeah.

I was taking it easy.

I was being sober.

Now it's drinking time.

What?

Gabe says fucking NFL is the only real thing to watch.

Instead of college?

Yeah.

I'm kind of with him on that.

Who, Gabriel?

Yes.

Did you see the Pete Rose thing?

It's a pretty good one. What is it? It's a Netflix thing on Pete Rose.
He had that gambling joke. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He started. That's a good one.
He was throwing the games and stuff? No, he was betting on himself. He's betting on, well, that's what a champion does.
Exactly. You can bet on yourself.
Although, I guess if you, well. It's Charlie Hustle, bro.
He wasn't betting against himself. No, I agree.
What the hell's the big deal about that? I don't a few nights where they do a Thursday game. Who gives a fuck? It's the middle of the season.
They kick him out of the Hall of Fame. I know.
They won't let him in. I know, but his name lives on.
His name is Pete Rose. Pete Rose.
Pete Rose. Yeah, I always know Pete Rose.
It's fucking bullshit. I didn't realize.
Who do you like for the Super Bowl this year? Chargers are the first people to come to my head. How about NCAA? That's a rare, bro.
NCAA? NCAA, who would win it? Who's winning it this year? Obviously the Colorado Buffalo. No, the...
Coach Prah? Colorado Buffalo. Don't fire me up.
They almost lost to North Dakota State and they celebrated there. I saw your spinal cord just...
Who would win the... You know who's the cool...
I took the Gamecocks a few years ago to go... I'm going to say Oregon.
That's a good pick, man. Yeah, I would say Oregon.
You like the Oregon Ducks this year. I do.
I like the Ducks. Somebody's going to have to beat the Georgia Bulldogs.
That's true. FSU is fucked, aren't they? FSU is absolutely fucked.
What about Alabama? Are they not going to... Alabama will still be good.
They'll be good, but they're not... Who's their head coach now? The guy from Washington, DeBoer or something.
Motherfucker DeBoer, yeah. I heard they were going to give him headsets now because of that signal thing.
Because Michigan stole... Yeah.
Thieves. The quarterbacks, they don't have any headsets at all.
College used to not have it. You have a microphone.
It's time. Yeah, give it up.
Give it to them. Who do you think is going to win? Who do I think? Yeah.
I'll tell you what. I saw those Georgia Bulldogs take the field I said those boys look different.

Better than the Titans? They look better than the Titans. But we'll see.
I mean the Irish

look tough dude. The Irish look tough.

I still have a full

blown hex on all Temple sports.

Notre Dame good? Rotten hell. Notre Dame's good.

They won at Texas A&M. Why?

Stole my laptop. Yeah.
True.

Temple University will never

win another championship as long as I'm on this earth.

I think we can all agree. I think

you're safe.

I think you're going. Are they D1? Yeah.
Oh, wow. Yeah.
Stole my laptop when I was upstairs. I never would have thought.
Temple was open against somebody tough this weekend. I didn't think they were D1.
Hopefully got rolled. It's basketball who I have a problem with, but it's just on the whole fucking place.
Is Drexel D1? You know what happened when they steal basketball? Temple opened against Oklahoma. Damn, dude.
51-3. Ooh! That's fucked up.
They steal my laptop. A year later, they're losing all the funding for their sports.
Had to fucking close up softball lacrosse. You lost a laptop.
You little hunter. My laptop from hell.
I remember at Point Man, I did a little law work on that case as well. That was my representation here.
I point manned a little bit. I was a little more

double on the cover actually. Dude, you're still my

counsel, but I might have to just

use my experience. Dude, you literally openly meant to do a crime

in the beginning episode. Fixer.
I'm more of a fixer.

You ran a red light. Yeah.

I did not.

You said I ran a red light. You said I blew through a red light

and beat my horn. Matt, the guy is Russian

in case I need you. True.
I was Russian. I said I ran through a red light The guy is rushing In case I need you True

Edited out that I said I ran the red light

No

Mine was purely theoretical

From the legal code books

I'll fight like hell

Will you really?

Yeah

He's a bulldog

True

It's the only place I feel at home anymore

Hanging out with you guys

It's true

I'll fight like hell for you guys

You mean it?

Yeah

I'll fight like fucking hell for you guys

What kind of wings do you want to get for real?

I don't know

Thank you. home anymore hanging out with you guys.
It's true. I'll fight like hell for you guys.
You mean it? Yeah.

I'll fight like fucking hell for you guys. What kind of wings do you want to get for real?

I don't know. Let's go somewhere near helium.

Something nice. I just hope that they have them

and it's not the same situation.

I took the wind out of my sails.

He knows where the wings are.

I've been fasting all day, by the way.

Have you really? I've been slightly fasting.

I've had a nice little gay day.

I'm trying to lose weight. I gain weight so fast.
You ate Antonio's. I had Antonio's.
They got a legendary new fucking, it's official sponsor. Antonio's De Leon.
Lancaster Ave. I told them for weeks, bro, that place looks like go in.
Never did. Got Grubhub.
It's awesome. I got locked in.
Classic Italian. Dude, I thought I figured it out and I was going to be 181 for the

rest of my life. I stopped like

paying attention. Two weeks later, I'm like 190.

I was like, what the fuck happened? I'd kill for those. I

fucking flew up. Airbnb, Texas

A&M had a scale.

Hello, little darkness.

My old friend. Undertaker's TV.

I was like, yeah, let's give it a shot.

It's got to be.

I did the same thing. I was like, I can eat whatever I want.
I popped on. I was like, yeah, let's give it a shot.
It's got to be that. I did the same thing.
I was like, I can eat whatever I want. I popped on.
I was like, fuck. You got you only weigh yourself first thing in the morning.
I'm going to trim down for season two of tires. First thing in the morning after I pissed.
That's the only true weight you got, bro. Yeah, no.
Yeah. Anything else, it's fucked.
No, I did hit a midday. Had a couple of brewski.
Step on the scale. That's a tough time to get on.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Step on the scale.
That's water weight. Don't feel a certain way.
You'd be surprised how much water weight's in your body. When you get a good lymph massage, bro.
Spade fucked it. I'm telling you.
See how much jizz was inside of you. The old jack jack.
You use a quart of jizz every time you lymph. I'm telling you, it's so important.
It's totally overlooked. The lymphatic system.
All I'm thinking is that your balls are nose. You ever see those videos, like porno videos, where the dude's balls go up on the side of his deck, dude? You ever see this? I just saw this.
I always thought they were like steroid nuts. Like dudes are fucking, but then their balls go on the sides.
Oh, yeah. That's classic.
I thought they were like steroid nuts for some reason. They look like, whatchamacallit, Starlink.
It's the first time I saw it. It was like a plane gun.
It was one of my first beats. B was like landing gear.
Bro, Spade fucked me up with this fact. How much do you think clouds weigh? Whoa.
Aren't they heavy as fuck? 1.1 million pounds on average. Some clouds.
Yeah, clouds. Me and my father had a good cloud debate.
Really? On the plane. I was like, what the fuck are clouds? Water.
i stare at them all the time they're far out looking at my dad was like they're frozen i was like phil you're kind of right yeah it's just frozen good thing o'connor wasn't on that they don't fucking break when we go through them if they're frozen? It's density. They do shake the plane up a little bit.
They do. Me and Bill started talking about this.
Me and Bill stopped believing in gravity. But then if the clouds are a million pounds, what's gravity? Aren't they water vapors or something? It's a density issue.
I think it's water vapor and then it gets so high in the atmosphere. It freezes.
Yeah. That's also my fucking...
Fuck, don't they break when you fly to them? It should shatter. That would be pretty sick.
Yeah. I have the same argument with spades.
Like, fucking... I did...
Yeah, talk to a halo genre. I did reconsider my theory on the global floods.
Maybe there's some water that's up in the atmosphere, but how is sea level going to rise if you've got a glass of water and you have ice in it? It doesn't go over the top. All the ice that's on the planet is up there.
If they melt, it doesn't matter. How's it going to go up? It's already as fucking high as it's going to get.
You know what I mean? I was just struggling with clouds, so I'm not going to criticize. Think about that.
Hold on a minute. What if the ice was sitting above the water? Exactly.
It's still in the fucking water. They don't sit above.
They sit in. Some ice cubes sit above the water.
Then the water would rise. Did you ever get into North Pole conspiracies? Yes, dude.
Big time. It's called the Black Rock.
Yeah, dude. You can't go.
Nate told me about this. You can't like, nobody can go there.
There's no imaging. If you Google image the North Pole, it's just like, there's nothing.
You can't like zoom in on it. It's totally restricted.
What do they call the Negra something? Mount Negra. Mount Negra.
Now we're talking. Whoa.
That's racist. Not playing by the rules.
But it translates to Black Rock.

Yeah, you literally can't go near it.

Nobody can go anywhere near the North Pole.

They don't give a fuck about the other ones.

They all have dibs on the South Pole.

They have documentaries about the South Pole.

The South Pole is so teeny tiny, though.

I think you got these backwards.

Okay, I might be getting confused.

Antarctica and Antarctica.

Antarctica is huge, bro.

The ice wall.

One's huge.

Which one's off limits?

The South Pole.

Thank you. I think you got these backwards.
Okay. I might be getting confused.
Antarctica and Antarctica. Antarctica is huge, bro.

The ice wall.

One's huge.

Which one's off limits?

The South Pole, I think, is off limits.

Is that because that's where they're filming True Detective 4?

North Pole is like this magical place where Santa is. Think about it.

Where are the penguins?

Where are the penguins?

Are they in Antarctica?

Where are the polar bears?

Antarctica.

Nope.

They're not?

Where are the polar bears? They don't hang out with the penguins. North Pole.
They're in the polar bears? Antarctica? Nope. They're not? Where are the polar bears?

They don't hang out with the penguins.

North Pole.

They're in the North Pole?

Yeah.

Damn.

Did you see that one video, the albino one?

They don't even hang out with penguins.

That's kind of crazy.

There was this albino grizzly bear, and they kept catching him because they thought he was

the lost polar bear, and they kept sending him up there, but he's just an albino grizzly

bear.

He kept trying to get back, and it happened like four times, the same bear.

You ever see that real shitty bear come out of that?

Never mind.

I'll show you this good shitty bear.

What, the one coming out of hibernation?

That's amazing.

That's all the bears coming out of hibernation.

They're all fucked up.

I wish we hibernated.

It'd be so sweet.

Imagine like once a year you come out of the cave

and all your boys are like, we're back.

That'd be awesome.

It's time to get it. Going into hibernation.
Oh, man. You had like a big night in the cave and you're like, alright, dude, we're going out.
Oh my god. He's total bedhead.
Dude, that's great. Don't talk to me unless I got my coffee.
He's got total bedhead. That's Winnie the Pooh, bro.
That's Spade after a few Dreamwells, bro. He's been doing drugs.
Spade's been doing drugs. What you been up to? They have this shit called...
He's doing fucking drugs all the time. Gas station drugs.
They got this shit you can get on Amazon called Dreamwell. What is it? So like it's a sleep aid.
So I was like, first of all, I started vaping, which is a bad idea. Yeah, yeah.
Keep idea yeah yeah keeps me up all night so then i started drinking these dream wells but you're only supposed to have one but i let i ripped like three of these things what's in it though so i'm like it's all natural shit and i think five milligrams of melatonin a very small amount okay but dude it gives 15 you did 15 dude let me look up the ingredients i'll be chilling chilling, watching TV, and I'm awake, but I'm like, dude,

I'm starting to get fucked up. I started dreaming.
Dude, that stuff's

uncomfortable when it kicks in. It's like lemon balm

and all sorts of shit. But I sleep like a

baby. You have thoughts that are not.
I start

going to sleep and getting spooked out because I'm having

dream thoughts, but my eyes are awake. Yeah.

Whenever I take melatonin, I'll be like, I'm just going to

read a book, and I'm like, shit's not even working. I'll go to

put a book down, and I'm like, oh, my arm's

heavy as fuck. Yeah, I do audiobooks on World War II or Mes mescaline and it's like I fucking wake up and the book's finished no idea what happened listen to Rogan when I fall asleep that motherfucker will be right in your dreams I'll fall asleep to Rogan Rogan's always in my dreams what do you mean you didn't bring the podcast I was like I thought you fucking brought it Joe what do you mean David Joe's in your in your dream? Did you see? Did you fall asleep to Rogan? I fell asleep, right? And I was on the Dreamwells.
And on my YouTube, it was going into him and Action Bronson working out. And then that was like in my dream.
And they're like doing fucking. That's good.
I'm going down. And Rogan in the video goes, you're just fat because of pasta.
And then in my dream, it was like, you're fat cause of pasta. You're fat cause of pasta.

Pasta's so good though.

I saw a Trump fucking tweet and I woke up

in my head, just kept saying many such cases.

You ever see that tweet?

Many such cases are good.

Perfectly normal kid, goes to the doctor, gets vaccine,

comes out with autism, many such cases.

Every morning I woke up.

Is that when you talk to RFK and they leak the phone call?

No, that's just a random ass fucking thing. But I going down Virginia way why are you going down Virginia he's going to the CIA gateway process oh yeah you're doing the Monroe Institute heavy sync they play fucking binaural beats and it syncs your brain waves like men who stare at good he could travel through consciousness what are you going to be able to read minds? Remote viewing.

Eat wings.

Nope.

Try again.

That was a good guess.

You're me naked.

Let me see it.

Close.

Keep going.

What am I doing to you while you're naked?

Fondling me.

Nope.

I'm going to come in you.

Yes.

Wow.

Get a remote view.

That was good to hear.

Try again.

I can't say that out loud.

Try it again. I can't say that.
No, I was talking about I was thinking about cream pie and spud. Yo, Matt, I've got to go see Jones live.
Dude, go with him. Get him backstage.
Where? Reading PA. Reading PA.
That'll be nice. 23rd.
Get him backstage. I'm already fourth row.
What are you doing? Is it a Saturday? Already fourth round. That'll be nice.
Huh? What day is it? I don't know. I'm coming back from...
I Spurg bought it under Dreamwells. I was like, I'm going to see Alex Jones.
You do Airbnbs? He does Jones. That'll be good.
Oh, yeah. It might be weird, though.
I've been in a couple of these things. I'm like, what the fuck? Yeah, we went to Peterson one time.
That was kind of uncomfortable. I thought it was good.
We went a while back and it was like... I was there at that one.
We were way too close. It was good when he talked.
We were right up front and it was just like Ruben and then the crowd work was getting me weird where it was like, are you fucking all Republicans? Jones is probably going to be like in Reading. They're going to fucking roar.
Jones will crush. He's going to be a lion.
Let's Do it. He's a lion.
I could do it, but that's it. See, these are the type of cool things

I'm trying to avoid during the week. Why?

You think me and Spud are not hitting the whiskeys?

Bill, he's working, dude. It's the 23rd.

He's got a TV show to me. September 23rd?

Bro. He's got a TV show to me.
I'll be in Toronto.

Dude, on a Monday?

No, I'm there that Saturday.

Sunday, I'll be coming back from Toronto. Go to Redding.

I'm going to put you on to the type 2 cannabis.

I'm all about it right now.

Is it legal? Can you fly with it?

So, we'll be coming back from Toronto. Go to Reading.
I'm going to put you on to the type 2 cannabis. I'm all about it right now.
Now they sell it. Is it legal? Can you fly with it? It's totally legal.
Yeah, I do. But they...
Esquire? Dude, they're starting to dial it back down now. They're starting to dial it back down now, or you can get weed that's low THC.
This is the kind of weed I can smoke. It's George Washington weed, dude.
You can literally smoke a joint of it and you're chilling. This is what I've been asking for.
I'm telling you, dude. And you can get it legal because they measure it in THCA.
Last time I took one hit of weed, I had him come pick me up. Bro, you can blaze to George Washington and just chill.
Don't smoke to George Washington. I'm telling you.
Drink the brewskis. No, dude.
Take a few days off the brewskis. Just fucking die.
George Washington, dude. When we went out the other day.
I had the data on my sleep. I wanted a third beer so bad, and I was going to be like, Bill, can I have one more beer? You could have.
But then I was like, no. I'm a known sitter.
I'm a pig. What are the George Washington activities? What do you do? Anything you want.
You can chill. That could be.
He was a surveyor. That's what I'm saying.
For Jones, you could blaze to George Washington and go to Jones and come back. That's not really a brewski activity, the Jones.
Getting hammered. You're not going to fucking think about the speech.
You're just going to be in there going, holy fuck. Yeah.
And then the alcohol wears off. You're driving all the way home.
I could just be like, what the fuck, man? I mean, mouth tastes like change. Yeah, true.
If I go to Reading with you, we're getting a hotel.

That's a slumber party.

With the other freaks in the hotel.

What's up, brother?

You guys noticed that the shooter was trans?

That's a meet-up, dude.

That's the ultimate meet-up.

Tony, do you guys start puffing?

Just try puffing to George Washington.

I brought, like... Is that, like, the name of the, I call it George Washington.
I mean, dude. TM that.
You can just fucking die now. Like, you're good.
That's my favorite part of Anarchapoco. The yellow guy just sitting there in his death face.
Just fucking die. I'll take care of the kids.
Just die. He's like, see you later.
you later. Can you get my Bitcoin out? That was a fucked up one.
That was good, though. That was like one of those movies where you watch it again.
You're like, oh yeah, that's coming. Yeah.
Every single scene, the guy's like, whoo. That was housing liquor.
Oh, yeah. It's crazy.
Fuck. He freed himself from the matrix.
Obviously liquor Liquor is legit serious. Beer...
You'd have to... You work your way up, though.
Did you see the Tate tweet where he talks about how he lives in a house that's like, no gay stuff at all? It's just work? He's making an instruction to come back where he's like, dude, my house is just a podcast studio. Same.
The place I lay down. No, he goes, no gay stuff.
No, like, statues. No artwork.
He's like, it's just work 24-7. He's podcasting.
Running OnlyFans. It's just a funny thing to be like, what, do you have a picture in your house? There's a picture of Andrew Tate on a fucking couch.
It literally looks like he has no cock and balls. That's great, yeah.
Andrew T taint. He's in his speedo.
Have you guys turned on taint?

No, I mean,

I've never gotten too hard about the guy.

Yeah, Ike was saying

that he's a fucking sex trafficker.

Sex trafficker.

Ike's not with him.

It's not good.

Sorry.

But Ike's the guy.

Who's better, Ike or Jones?

I was about to ask the same question.

Jones is more of an entertainer.

Jones is also in a watch.

Ike is the god.

You know what I mean?

He came first. Jones is a prophet.
It's like trying to compare Jesus and Moses. Yeah.
I'm not getting into any who's the best. Jesus by a mile.
True. I already got a fucking crush on guitar.
Cry babies, dude. What do you mean? Fucking Pantera blows.
Ike's probably more of a Noah. I can't understand what you're saying.
They got mad because I was saying who my favorite guitarists were he's in the comments I saw one you're online bro it's the fucking it's that water in Lord of the Rings when they're going to fucking Mordor you look in and you see the one dead person like you suck you just fall into the water try to fight my way out. The L's from the high age.
There's another guy who comes up like, yeah, you're fat and gay. Dude, you need to gain weight.
You need Samwise to pull you out. Gamgee's a white dude for Harris right now.
Who is? White dude for Harris. Gamgee.
Who's Gamgee? Samwise Gamgee. He's a white dude for Harris? Yes.
Rudy's a white dude for Harris. He's a big Hollywood guy.
White dude. Never forget, he was on Goonies with Steven Spielberg.
God knows what that motherfucker's up to. I still can't wrap my head around the whole appeal.
What whole appeal? She's a kick-ass woman. Ben Stiller already talked about it.
They got a lot of momentum, Matt. Let's just feel the change happening.
Matt, it's about joy. Could you let it in? It's true, dude.
That was nice. Joy! Do you watch a Nazi slogan? It's one of their fucking things.
Freedom of bread? One of Kamala Harris' slogans is literally a Nazi slogan. It's like joy with something.
I forget what the fuck it's called. Oprah came out and said it.
Oprah went joy. Really?

Dude, Lowry was there. She's fucking with John of God.
John of God, yeah.

What's the problem? John of God's the guy who

ran a trafficking thing in Brazil

and then went to jail for it. Oprah was the best.

He's my magic man. He's like this dude that hypnotizes

people. He'll cut your eyeball open.

He can put a needle in your eye and the people

don't even freak the fuck out. Why would he do this?

He's like some kind of a healer. And it's Oprah's bro? So Oprah had him on.
Yeah, they were like boys. What did the guy do? He was like a religious.
He called him John of God. But then he was, I think he was trying to make babies with little girls.
Strength through joy. Strength through joy.
That's a Nazi thing? It's a Nazi thing, yeah. Oh, wow.
Interesting. What are you going to do? I'll be curious, man.
I feel like sometimes we're just in the matrix, honestly. It's just weird to me that people are for real being like, nah, dude, she's chill.
Yeah, you rape someone if you're saying that. On the drive here, I saw a nice Kamala next to a Ukraine flag.
Yeah. It's just very funny.
I'm on medication. The Joy people, their party line is like we need the war in Russia also.
Get this Indian black joke in, please. Yeah, it's like why don't we slow down on wars? Have you ever seen any of these videos? I watched a guy, his whole bottom half was out, but his butt was pulsing.
He was trying to shit. And he was still awake.
He was like, oh no. He's like throbbing.
And they're like fucking $75 drones that just dropped dirty bombs on them. That's what I'm saying, dude.
These guys... They throw the kid with Down syndrome in the fucking trenches.
We gotta stop the violence. Yeah, true.
Hashtag stop the violence. John Lennon got killed talking like that, bro.
Please stop. Yeah, stop being mean on the news.
They're also really mean on the news. Yeah, fucking your on the news who's your boy from Star Wars Mark Hamill Luke Skywalker nothing hurts more than this Skywalker was always a fucking turn even when I was a young man I was a solo boy he never turned into anything else he just does voices for video games he just sits there on like he's a damn He's a hard damn.
Yeah, he's a young man. I was a solo boy.
He never got a... He never turned into anything else.
He just does voices for video games. And you just sit there on like...
He's a damn. He's a hard damn.
Yeah, there's a picture of like some thing. He's obsessed with Trump's dick.
I swear, yeah. He's too small.
He bangs Stormy Daniels. Mark Hamill.
Mark Hamill's probably like my size. Why is Mark Hamill from his dick? They're obsessed with his penis.
They're obsessed with dicks, dude. They're obsessed with the way Trump looks, but you can't say anything about the way they look Or else they'll freak Tell you what I watch that DeChambeau thing That motherfucking can't golf They use some of Trump's shots Trump's very good at golf There's a video where he's golfing You don't think Biden's a better golfer than him? Bro do you see Biden coming out of the tiny desk? Shouldn't have brought up that fucker bod Did you see Biden come out? On what? He just came out in a little tiny desk.
He did a tiny desk. No, no, no, no.
He just came out in a small ass desk and started like talking. Hey, folks.
Did a fireside chat? Dude, he's so gone. It's insane.
Dude, they started asking questions and he just moved like really slow to try to avoid it and then to get him out of the room. Yeah.
Mr. President, what do you think about And just, all right, all right, they said I can't answer questions.
Back into the liquid tank. It is crazy to think about it because, like, we don't have a president right now.
You see the Trump mosquitoes? Yes, that was nice. Wait, what was that? We hate mosquitoes.
A mosquito flew in his face. Mosquitoes.
We don't like mosquitoes. We don't want them anywhere around.
Democrats who like mosquitoes.

Oh my god.

You see that hit piece they did on Trump

where he's got PTSD and all he talks

about is how he was shot. All he does is

sit at home and re-watch the footage of him

getting shot at. He's almost dying, yeah.

That's crazy. They're trying to pull this thing like

he's not fit for it. Well, it's nuts how hard

that faded. That faded so fast.

Joy took it over, bro.

You know what took it over? Haktua.

Haktua, yeah. Haktua had more Google

I'm sorry. He's not fit for it.
Well, it's nuts how hard that faded. That faded so fast.
Joy took it over, bro. You know what took it over? Hawk Tua.
Hawk Tua, yeah. Hawk Tua had more Google searches than Trump's assassination.
Yeah, but Hawk Tua was before Trump's assassination. Anybody can fall into that.
First of all, she doesn't want to go by that anymore. Please respect me.
You guys should get her on. Yeah.
Hawk Tua. That was way before Trump.
We don't put celebs on, bro. Okay.
Paul. No.
Who's the other Paul? Jake Paul just signed her to his company. They're getting signed, bro.
Bill's got the handout. Let me see your phone.
You're the MSSP umbrella, dude. You're taking care of it.
I'm getting some wings tonight. Split wings.
It's your compensation. Thank you very much.
Chicken wings. It's all brewskis, but you have to have a couple brewskis.
I have a few. I'm not too many.
You know that feeling you had after five days? I like that. I'm like the universe.
That's a fucking good feeling. I hate, dude.
I hate life. You know, life feels good.
I couldn't believe it. I hate feeling hungover so much.
I sometimes think about how good matt must feel because he also isn't addicted to coffee yeah so it's like matt's just on body coffee's too nice especially with the fall coming around with the fall this is my wake up at seven this is my season i still stay cold brew dude yeah stay cold you're a cold ass motherfucker bro it's not hot well i'm telling you guys obviously won't do this but you can still drink coffee and start dialing down the caffeine by doing a blend of decaf. Yeah no problem.
I'm not really ready to give up coffee but I mean you feel you feel I push I push all these little drugs I push them to the limit. Do you get super tired? Do you get super what? 600 milligrams I've seen them fucking big down.
Do you get really tired in the afternoon is it just like completely Dude you never sleep This never shuts off Your aura world Does not make sense The wind will blow and then there will be no thoughts And then I'm like I want to get wings And then that will be like the fucking thing For like a while Just a balloon that's getting fucking Breezed everywhere by the wind it's kind of nice storm and then it's like wing like in the fall this is this is my time because like i like to wear hoodies i don't have to worry about the sweating yeah having a hot beverage sweating pants yeah i love it i wish you guys liked football i'm hot all the way through you have no idea how nice this is yeah true i know i wish i wish i it. I just don't...
I can watch it. I just can't get that into it.
It's the best. If you're chilling or watching football, I get into it.
I'm like, oh, that's fucking sick. But, you know, I get PTSD.
So excited. All state, I mean...
All you do is watch your old tapes? All state, Delaware. Yeah.
That's all counting. Do you have any of your old tapes? Hell no.
Are you serious? I didn't make a highlight tape or anything. I had a couple of brewskis and asked one of my boys for a high school tape last night.

Dude, please put it up.

That might hit a million views.

If I hit it.

If I find it. Your highlight tape in high school.

Did you make a highlight tape?

Yeah.

Hell yeah.

He got fucking recruited.

And you didn't?

No, dude.

Fucking.

He wasn't trying to play college ball.

He was a bad boy on the team, too.

Sleazy Adam would not pass the ball, brother.

Problem with coach. Problem with coach.
Shut up, coach. There's a lot of politics in high school.
It's crazy. You know? Yeah.
People who didn't play always blame the coach. I played fucking both ways.
So why'd you call? Why'd I quit? Yeah. I watched a black dude run a 4-3-40.
I was like, all right. Were you only playing football to go to the league? No.
So who cares? I stopped playing in college. What do you want me to do? Play fucking D3 in college? You could have? Fuck that I thought you didn't play your senior year Oh never mind I think I'd leave the guys behind like that I thought you did Oh my bad This whole time I thought you quit after your junior year Does that change things? Junior year won state titles At theanges things entirely.
Junior year won state titles at the end of our senior year. This whole time I thought you were for real gay, Bill.
Saying the state with Delaware is crazy. What? Yeah.
Well, is it a state? It's a state, but I mean. So it's a state championship.
That's how you steal the counter. Damn.
I got to watch that live. Is this the original music? That was exciting.
No, this isn't his holiday. It was just guys from Notre Dame.
The naked guy Shane was looking at. No, I did not see his penis.
Okay. They just take their pants off.
They don't even give a fuck. It's a football locker room, dude.
Did they do that to you in college? They knew I was straight. They could tell I was a straight man just by looking at me.
They said, we can take our penis off. You should just tighten your lips when they pull their pants down.
The first time a guy took his pants down, I went, oh. Just like this, the next guy.
Ooh. Down.
It's a good game. Don't be shy.
Tick-tock. Ring the bell, son.
We should probably do this. Yeah, I got to fart.
Matt has to do a show. Oh, yeah.
Shit. My bad.
I bad I gotta perform for my mommy and daddy they're coming to the early show that's crazy what time's the early show seven something I should probably get ready oh man I'm having like poop cramps everyone you have to poop and you have like a weird cramp oh yeah dude go upstairs to my third floor I got the good guy up there he has a royal toilet upstairs it could just be gas panes oh just I didn't eat all day and then I wolfed down a bunch of food. Fart with the safety on.
Roll around on the ground. I'll try.
Don't shit the sexual please for a loving guy. You have a dog diaper.
It is a washable couch. You can wash any section.
Doggy diapers are like manhood canon. For real, that's hot.
Well, let's do it. It kind of reminds me of the monkeys that go like this.
Yeah. There's a rat for the fucking boy.
I won't put it on Reggie. I'm not cutting his balls off either.
That's good. You should have him sire a litter, dude.
I know, I would. True.
Get paid. You could have 50 Pomeranians.
Not here. You could be the king of the Pomeranians.
No. Imagine walking and like you couldn't not step on them.
They're just everywhere. The lady I got them from has 15 in her house.
Damn. Must smell weird.
In Arizona way. It's a weird place.
They gave me a fucking ticket there. 310th? What? Yeah, I think we were.
No, where were we going? What's that highway? What's that highway that goes from... Let them go.
Let him go. Oh, stop.
Oh, that hurts. Oh, stop.
Well, actually, you got to work clockwise. That's what she's doing, dude.
Dude, I've got a vicious fart cramp.

It's like...

Please drop a fart

to end the cast.

It's not...

Get it in the mic.

It's like...

Dude, put the mic down.

Put the mic down.

Drop a fart

to end the cast.

The boy's backing down.

What is going on?

Dude, he's in pain, bro.

Get that mic down there.

Stand up.

I can't, dude.

It hurts.

Stand up.

Oh, fuck.

Right into the microphone

like a man. Did you ever see little kids get this? Dude, it's hilarious.
This is going to be dumb, dude. It's going to be like that guy in yoga.
Hold on. You're going to have to wash that mic.
Be careful now. Bro, pause.
I have to work it out, dude. This is like little kids, dude.
This is hilarious. I have to just take a shit.
I can't. Work it out the other way.
You're just a brother. What are you asking? I just.
I can't even stand it hurts

alright let's wrap it you're not gonna

bless us there's no fart it's like for real

it's just pain I would fart if this was a hard fart

I would let it out