Ep 535 - Soft Girls (feat. Sam Morril)

Speaker 1 Wow, wow, Wes.

Speaker 1 Hey, we're live. What's up, everybody? Sam Murrell.
Thank you for coming, dude. Thanks for having me, man.
I mean, I hate to dig into what we were just saying, but you're absolutely right.

Speaker 1 The headset, that was one of the funniest things I ever heard. Oh, shit.
Why'd I burn it off air? I was the funny, just saying, what everyone says now, you show up to like, save it.

Speaker 1 Save it for the pod. But Sam was looking at my headset.
He said that

Speaker 1 just when you see a comedian with a headset on stage, you know what molestation story is going on. Yeah, it's going to get serious.

Speaker 1 That's the funniest thing I've ever heard, man. It's always something dark.
There was another guy in the 90s. I forgot his name, but he was like, the first half was really funny.

Speaker 1 And then he was like, anyway, my dad was murdered. And you're like, what? The fuck? But he had the headset.
You knew something was coming. It is.

Speaker 1 It does lend to like a gravitas towards the whole thing. Yeah.
And here is the secret to life. It will cause.
Or like a self-help person where they're just doing this a lot.

Speaker 1 That's where I got, remember. Do you ever see Vanilla Skies with Tom Cruise? Yeah.
That's where this made me laugh of him just being like, you want to get fucking pussy or not?

Speaker 1 Thank you for coming, dude. I fucking fucked it up.
I couldn't tell if that was a good movie or not.

Speaker 1 When they broke out and singing in the end, it pissed me off. Vanilla Sky? Am I thinking? No, I'm thinking of not vanilla sky.

Speaker 1 Magnolia or something. Yeah.
Oh,

Speaker 1 my bad. Yes, yes.
Yeah, that was annoying. That pissed me off.
That was like a really good movie till then. Started, it was awesome, and then it just ended pointlessly with him singing.

Speaker 1 And I was like, this is fucking pissed me off.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm bullish.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Dude, thanks for coming, man.
Thanks for having me, dude.

Speaker 1 I'm happy to be here. Dude, it's funny.

Speaker 1 The first time I ever saw you, i was a a pup in comedy i was a young pup and my friend chris o'connor was like dude samroe's going it was in philly you were doing some show i forget where it was we just watched and we're like you know when you just start and you see a guy who like actually can do it and you're just like oh dude where was it it's in philly i forget some theater it was like um it's like not a theater it was like a it was like a theater but it wasn't like a it was like a like a black box type thing yes i did a lot of those in philly because they were easy you know easy to get to train is like 90 minutes it's yeah people don't know it's like right there but yeah that was i was a young pup loved it i was a young comedy pub and we're going whoa dude that's so cool dude he has a whole hour this is crazy

Speaker 1 five minutes we're like oh dude that's so cool oh and then like if i look back at that hour i'd be like oh i suck that's how it works you know you feel good about it for a minute and then yeah but then i i don't like my new stuff either it's like you know yeah it's tough like how do you feel about your stuff uh i i go back and forth sometimes i'm like like the hour i'm doing now i'll be like this is great and then i'll like there's like chunks of it where i'm like this sucks i need to cut this all out but i I just I get to the point where I just want to be done with it I'm like I all right this is it is what it is I want to like release this and just go on to coming up with something else I know it's it's amazing how quickly it's like it's like just a new relationship and like the at first you're like oh my god this is amazing and then a few months in you're like what am I doing I know what the fuck am I talking about yeah I'll like I'll like laugh I'll not even laugh I'll be like as I there's like certain things I'll say from it in my head I'm like you fucking loser and I'm like all right come on man come on let's get through the hour brother let's get through this there's always that one chunk where you're like fuck why am I still doing but you know you're doing it to because you you believe you're like it'll get better yeah but you got it you got to do it enough that you hate it and then you're like all right i'll write new stuff it's time yeah it's time to chop this loose i'm excited i'm gonna try to do a special i don't know some point and then uh in the spring maybe and then just you're like one of the few successful youtube specials of recent Thank you.

Speaker 1 It had a moment and then it was like, it got oversaturated. And you, I, you, Ari, a few other people.
Dude, I thought, I was thinking for like maybe 40,000 views.

Speaker 1 So I was was like, I'll probably get 40,000 on it. And then like, I was like, I'll have to do a bunch of podcasts, promote it.
And then like the first week, I was like, oh, sweet.

Speaker 1 I don't have to do anything. Just sit back and chill.
I know.

Speaker 1 That is the dream to be like, no press.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You know, it's, I, I, I thought I was going to have to do it all.
And, you know, you know, whatever.

Speaker 1 But I always say, people always, people ask me, they'll always be like, like, what should I do for like. you know, like my podcast.
I'm like, dude, here's what you got to do.

Speaker 1 I was like, just get a co-host to become supremely famous. And I was like, that'll work for sure.
So that's what you do. You got to be be like an agent now.

Speaker 1 You're like, I think that guy's got the goods right there.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 True. But yeah, people, it's funny when they always get like really disheartened when I'm like, I don't know.
I don't know what the fuck to tell you, man.

Speaker 1 I'm like, you just find someone who's super famous. You're holding up your end, though.
Yeah. Well, thank you, man.
Yeah. Thank you.
But yeah, it is,

Speaker 1 I don't know, man. It's just people get people get spun out, man.
Entertainment's the only thing, only like job I've ever seen where people make like as much as a doctor.

Speaker 1 They're like, I'm a fucking loser. And you're like, dude, you're killing it, man.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but if you saw other doctors like performing an operation, you're like, that guy's getting more likes than me on his

Speaker 1 operation. True, true.
You feel like there is that thing about, like,

Speaker 1 and also like, we do badly more than, like, a doctor's like, I'm sure they fuck up sometimes, but like,

Speaker 1 I've had like three bombs in a row. If a doctor fucks up three times in a row, I'm like, you got to get out.

Speaker 1 Just coming home, they're like fucking bombed on that brain surgery. That's dead.
It was an easy one. They were good.
He was good. And I blew it.
The other doctor went on. He crushed.

Speaker 1 And I came on and just killed the guy. True.
That's a fair point. Yeah, they don't have to deal with metrics.
I think just the comparing. We always compare.

Speaker 1 And like, it's different than it used to be. Like, you know, back in the day, you'd be trying to get something on Comedy Central, and there'd be like one spot.

Speaker 1 You're like, this is the, this is the white dude's spot. If I don't get this, I suck.
And you're like, shit.

Speaker 1 Then I'm on a lineup with like Norman, Dan Soder, Phil Hanley, all these like killer New York comics, you know, Joe List.

Speaker 1 And,

Speaker 1 but, you know, now it's it's like, it's kind of wide open. Yeah.
No, it's true. Yeah, it does.
And it sucks too, because I will say in comedy, the product is your like personality.

Speaker 1 So people are like, yeah, not for me. You're like, fuck you, dude.
It's not like you're just selling insurance. Like, I don't really need that right now.
It's like, yeah, I saw you. I'm good on you.

Speaker 1 And you're like, fuck. Yeah, that's not my act.
That's me. They said my name.

Speaker 1 That's when it would hurt when you're like, they don't just like, dislike you, especially when you told you, like, oh, I don't just dislike his act. I don't like him.
Yeah, I hate that guy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he sucks. Yeah, it's a weird, I don't know.

Speaker 1 It is funny. People like talking about the internet comments is always kind of, people are always like,

Speaker 1 but it is an interesting thing because you do have to deal with like the way you're, I don't know how to put it, but the way you're like your body has like cells.

Speaker 1 There's just like a million comments about you and you can start getting into them and it is, I don't know. I think it is funny.
It's a fun thing to like, I used to get real whacked out.

Speaker 1 I'd read them like, just like, fuck, this guy, fuck, who the fuck is this guy? Now I'm like,

Speaker 1 you never can tell because sometimes it'll be something that actually is accurate and you're like fuck that's actually true and that's painful to realize then it's like you get like

Speaker 1 you suck i love you and then you get like opposing views that you have to somehow just choose like which one do i actually believe i know it's like fuck i am a dumbass with one eyebrow he nailed it

Speaker 1 every once in a while yeah but you know you can if you believe the good stuff then you're crazy too i know that's a problem that's a problem dude i don't believe any of it i just wait till i find something negative and i feel the sting of that and i go that's enough for today and i just go about my day and i go fuck.

Speaker 1 You got to also, I mean, I know comics who are like, I remember a comic friend of mine got this like great write-up in the New York Times. And I called him, like, dude, this is amazing.

Speaker 1 And he was just like, nah, they're going to, this is like right before they turn on me.

Speaker 1 Like, he couldn't enjoy it at all. He was like, nah, they're going to fucking,

Speaker 1 this is like, they're calling me great. So it's like people are going to fucking be like, this guy sucks.
Yeah. Or they're going to dig out some skeleton from my past.
That'd be, yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't think this guy has any skeletons. I think he's like pretty well liked, this guy, but he just like, yeah.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 Damn, dude. Dude, I was, I did want to talk to you about this.

Speaker 1 So you know about the Diddy stuff, obviously. Sure.

Speaker 1 I was there. It was great.

Speaker 1 He sucked my dick.

Speaker 1 Do you, so he, Diddy's now crying that it's unfair that the owner of Abercrombie is not getting as much. He's out on bail while Diddy is not out on bail.

Speaker 1 And he apparently, I didn't get a time, I didn't get enough time to look into it, like the details of it. But he was apparently running like a sex trafficking thing.

Speaker 1 I mean, you can tell by the stores, right? That dude, that's what I'm saying. He just just walked in there.
You're like, this should not be okay, right? These poor damn employees.

Speaker 1 Well, they used to have teenage, shirtless teenage boys outside of their store while running a, I think it was primarily a gay sex trafficking ring. Yeah.
Which is crazy, dude. In the open, baby.

Speaker 1 I mean, I remember walking in there and being like uncomfortable and having to leave. Yeah, dude.
I remember my

Speaker 1 high school girlfriends were like, we were going to Abercrombie and I like walked past like a fucking hot dude with his shirt off. He'd be like, fuck you, dude.
Walking.

Speaker 1 Like, I'm not buying any of this shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we were so mean to them, but like, looking back, that dude was probably getting railed. Yeah.
So we like, we were in the wrong. I thought they were getting a ton of pussy.

Speaker 1 Turns out, yeah, they were just like blowing old men. They were the pussy.

Speaker 1 But yeah, it was crazy. That guy is apparently running, he was running a thing like Diddy, where it was like all kinds of crazy manipulation and deception and sex trafficking and whatever.

Speaker 1 But that's the way to do it if you're doing that. Cause you're like, well, this is so out in the open.
You think I would just flaunt it if I were actually doing it. True.
But then

Speaker 1 he was. Because Diddy was more like, it was more like a VIP vibe.
Like you only, you know,

Speaker 1 and, you know, of course, someone with all these celebrities,

Speaker 1 you wouldn't be doing something like this. The word would get out.
Yeah, true. But, you know, I don't know how it works if they have like NDAs or something there.

Speaker 1 I think they just try to get dirt on you. I think that the deal is you try to get dirt on them first.
And then you're like, I don't know. Cause that is, I'd be so nervous.

Speaker 1 Imagine if you were running like a sex trafficking. Like you were drunk.
Imagine if last night you just drugged. I'm already

Speaker 1 like, fuck, I feel like shit. I'm on the road.
I can't imagine that guilt level where you're just like, fuck, I have a sex trafficking ring. You're like, yeah, you GHB'd the guy opening for you.

Speaker 1 You fucked him. And then you fucked like four ladies.
And you just woke up and like, all right, I got to do a beating for my fucking vodka.

Speaker 1 It's crazy. Damn, yeah, what's going to happen to Sirok? I think someone else bought it.
Ah. Yeah, I think someone else.
Is it tainted, though? I did think of Diddy when I think of it. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I would drink Sirock and have a good time, thinking about Diddy, having fun times.

Speaker 1 But now I'm just like, but no, I think I think they, some people try to say that that was the whole thing to get him off of the board because

Speaker 1 they were saying like there were like liquor billionaires who didn't want him, he wasn't like playing ball.

Speaker 1 It'd be like liquor ticket master being like, You're not playing ball, and they're trying to claim you're not playing ball, you have a sex trafficking ring.

Speaker 1 Back in the day, in like Hollywood, they would have morality clauses in the contracts for like these young starlets.

Speaker 1 So they'd be like, you know, a young actress would be like fucking a married guy, and they'd be like, Nope, you gotta, you gotta shut that down. We invested at you here at MGM or whatever.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, you know, it's like, it's really funny how, you know, back then it was like, don't, infidelity is bad. Now it's like, don't fuck kids.
Yeah, don't please. It's, you know, it's changed.

Speaker 1 That does ruin it. It does ruin a brand.
The Catholic Church was the only institution that was like, their adherents were like, come on. It's a branding error.

Speaker 1 Every big company has some bad guys.

Speaker 1 Subway.

Speaker 1 It's lost some luster. It has.
And they could have gone with that Clay Henry guy. Remember Clay Henry back in the day? No, who was that? He was the other one.
It was like Jared and Clay Henry.

Speaker 1 They brought in like a 1B character. Yeah, yeah.
Like he got real big on burgers and fries, but now he's down to a smaller size. They brought another guy in.
Yeah, he was a fireman, too.

Speaker 1 Like he could have made them. He could have made them look good.
Loved his wife. He was definitely a good guy.

Speaker 1 But then, yeah, they went Jared. And look, we can't deny Jared had an impact.
He had the sauce. In the story of...

Speaker 1 Just walking and eating. He's like, I walked to Subway and I ate sandwiches and I lost.
And you're like, that's not true, but we all bought it because we're idiots.

Speaker 1 Oh, even when he pulls those pants out, you're like, who can argue with that? That guy's pants were so much bigger. He was circling school zones.

Speaker 1 Shark, dude. Bury lost the weight.
Just getting his cardio and going from one

Speaker 1 kindergarten to the other. Did you see the documentary about him? I haven't.
Is it good?

Speaker 1 It's amazing. I got to watch it.
It is. Dude, he was way more sinister than you think.

Speaker 1 Like, he apparently...

Speaker 1 So the reason the whole story broke, he went to a school assembly. He was going to assemblies assemblies in schools and like at the height of his, you know, prime or whatever.

Speaker 1 And he would talk to kids like he's Barry Sanders in his prime. But he was in his school auditorium and he was with a lady who like was like the local news lady.
And they did like a little speech.

Speaker 1 He was like, kids, you got to eat healthy, blah, blah, blah. And she was doing her thing.
And then they went and sat down. He goes, God damn it, I'd love to fuck one of these kids just to the lady.

Speaker 1 And she was like, what? What? This is all according to her. She was the one who broke the story.
And then so she. That was a heat check moment for him.

Speaker 1 He was like, Man, I'm getting away with this for so long. Let me see it.
Let me see. Because that's what they do.
They like try.

Speaker 1 It's like serial killer shit where they're like, they'll go back to the scene of the crime. It's like that cockiness of getting away with it.
I mean, dude, yes, for sure.

Speaker 1 But it was like

Speaker 1 it's such a weird thing to do because then I guess he was putting a feeler out for her because then she this is where it's kind of suspect for her, but she was like, she was a journalist.

Speaker 1 So she's like, I want to kind of get, this is a huge story if this guy potentially really wants to fuck kids or if he's just like fucking around and is the funniest guy ever to like step down like dad one of these kids but then she started like pretending to be his girlfriend and they just drew all get stuff out of him get stuff out of him and i don't think she ever said she had sex with him but she would be like they would have like phone sex where she'd be like what were you talking about and he was like i just think i want to fuck you and he like admitted to doing it and like the other his manager and him were fucking kids like And then like it all culminates and she's having

Speaker 1 imagine finding you have that in common with your manager. That's such a weird

Speaker 1 because I was like pumped my agent's a Knicks fan.

Speaker 1 But like, I mean, you're like, you're into that? That's fucking great. Yeah, this is a funny icebreaker to like see kids.
Like, man, kids, man, they say the funniest thing.

Speaker 1 You see the switch on that kid, actually?

Speaker 1 Yo, bro, I was actually going to bring it up.

Speaker 1 You do really have to ease into that.

Speaker 1 Like, that's a good-looking kid. Yeah, the kid's cute.
If you were into that, you know, the kids.

Speaker 1 Really cute. And you're like, I think that kid's really cute too.

Speaker 1 Eventually you're like, I'm so glad we met.

Speaker 1 We should

Speaker 1 But dude, it all culminates in she has a birthday party for her own kids and uses them as bait. Yeah.
And is like, he's like, she's like, my kid's coming. I'm so into this.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 And he's like, I'm going to come fuck your kid at the birthday party. And she's like, sweet, perfect.
And she's working with. So she has a kid.
Yes. I think she had like two.

Speaker 1 And she was using him as bait. And she even went to the FBI.
He was using her for these kids. Worked both ways.
It was quite pro quo. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But he, uh, but she like went to the FBI, like, dude, I have this guy on tape saying he fucks kids.

Speaker 1 And they're like, you're not that's illegal you're not allowed to record him like that and that's why they set up the birthday party and she had like a wire on and everything she's like he was like basically wanted a kid which is monstrous on the kids birthday to be like i'm gonna come to his birthday party after he opens his presents and i'm gonna smash and it was like damn bro that is a bad birthday that is a bad birthday that's a bad man and then uh damn but yeah eventually like he kind of gets cold feet but then they get him anyway he like cops the crime he like dude he was a monster dude this episode is brought to you by zip recruiter matt i'm constantly looking for car keys phone chapstick glasses headphones there you go and i lose them all the time that's why i use wired headphones now oh uh what's the longest time you spent looking for something i usually give up pretty quick yeah true someone i have a hard time shopping for i have a tough time finding lemaire gifts really and i like to spoil him

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Speaker 1 Crazy. Yeah, he was that bad.

Speaker 1 And he claimed it was because he lost so much weight that then his appetite for food just like transferred to kids.

Speaker 1 That was his claim. He was like, it's not my fault.
When you lose weight like I did, you become hypersexual. And he's like, I just wanted to start fucking kids.

Speaker 1 Damn, so Subway really is bad. Yeah, Subway.
I mean, you're like, yeah. He should have been blaming it on the hoagies.
I'm like, this is fucking hoagies, dude. I never wanted to fucking bread, dude.

Speaker 1 Bread, fucked me. That's not real bread.
I knew Subway wasn't to be trusted when they claimed that was avocado, dude. True.
That was

Speaker 1 not avocado. Yeah, it made me want to fuck you.
Yeah, but dude, he got,

Speaker 1 yeah, he, I like explained that documentary at like a five, like someone brought it up like jokingly. I'm like, you know, the real story.

Speaker 1 And I gave it, like, and they were like, people's wives are like, dude, please stop. I don't want to talk about this kid getting just batten down at his birthday party.

Speaker 1 It is tough when you bring that to.

Speaker 1 You got to know the audience for that. I know.

Speaker 1 It was like a nice campfire setting. We're all sitting around.
People were having like Sangria. And I'm like, you know, he was going to fuck a kid at his birthday party.

Speaker 1 And they were like, all right, that's enough of that. I was like, I'm sorry.
But it's tough because it's been pushed into the mainstream. Like it is a Netflix thing or HBO.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And so it is tough when you're like, you know, you're just hanging out at like a nice little party.
You got a skewer in your hand. You're like, Jambon A.
Ramsey, you see that?

Speaker 1 It's crazy. Yeah, true.
Yeah, it has been pushed in. Like the heinous murders are, they're like great.
That stuff never ends. Heinous murder footage is like, people love that.
It's endless.

Speaker 1 I i mean the the the ceo from uh

Speaker 1 fucking uh united healthcare you saw that yesterday what happened with that i mean a guy with a silencer talk about bad branding they got him in starbucks right before what yeah he's have they got him on camera in starbucks ordering a coffee true what do you get i don't know definitely not tea yeah no not a tea drinker that's you need some caffeine to pull out an execution yeah he it's like a caramel macchiato or maybe a refresher maybe got like a watermelon citrus refresher just carried out a mouth he went to Starbucks before he murdered her?

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's run with that if you're dunking. True.
Run with that story. Like, hey, we don't

Speaker 1 sell shit to guys like that. We don't like that.

Speaker 1 That's bad stuff. That would be funny to just call it like murder juice.
Like, yeah, you get your murder. We don't sell murder juice.
Well, they had the murder ball, remember? Or the medicine ball.

Speaker 1 I'm fucking it up. That was, by the way, we're such idiots.
We're like, it's a secret menu thing. The medicine ball when you're sick.
It's just sugar. It's just like.

Speaker 1 Probably awful for you when you're sick, but it's like tarred enough that you're like, oh, it's helping my throat. Wait, Starbucks has a secret medicinal beverage? Yeah, it's called the medicine.

Speaker 1 Is it in the medicine ball? They don't call it that anymore. What do they call it now? Something herbal, something.

Speaker 1 But it's just like lemonade and a shitload of honey, and it's probably just an insane amount of sugar. And you think it's helping because of all the honey, but it doesn't do shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm going to go puke on a Starbucks counter and be like, I need the

Speaker 1 medicine ball.

Speaker 1 It's,

Speaker 1 yeah, that's, you got to be pissed if you're, if you're, if you're Howard Schultz. Bad for Starbucks.
I mean, they definitely,

Speaker 1 they had their scandal, I think like three years ago, they like kicked a black guy out of there. Oof.
Yeah, Starbucks, the employee, kicked the black. He didn't buy anything.

Speaker 1 He was having a business meeting. It's talking business, and they fucking kicked him out.
They never kick anyone out. It's a joke.
I know. It was pretty nuts.
That feels personal.

Speaker 1 It does feel personal. I go in there all the time to pee, and I don't get anything.
I'm in there. You're in there trying to sign someone up to a pyramid scheme.
They're like, get the fuck out of here.

Speaker 1 We're talking about a business opportunity. And they fucking kicked him out.
And it was like a huge deal. It was in Philly.
Damn.

Speaker 1 That Starbucks came under massive fire and they had to come out and be like the you know the ceo has to come out like we don't we don't like that at all it's so stupid too because they would do they did that thing years ago at starbucks where they're like let's have a talk about race remember that ad campaign they did and we're like what are you what are you doing because they kicked out a black guy they had to do it that's so stupid now they have murderers yeah that's what happens they're like oh they're kicking out black guys i'm gonna get a coffee before i murder someone this is a perfect place for me coffee does it really is great Drinking a coffee and murdering somebody would be pretty sick.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I think it'd be pretty nice.
You see like heart rates pouncing as you go away. You're like, God damn, I shouldn't have had that second shot of espresso.
That was too much. That was way too much.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm freaking out.

Speaker 1 I also, I feel like just murdering someone would wake you up, though. True.
That would probably get your heart rate up. I also think, you know,

Speaker 1 I was a little annoyed that New York's getting bad PR. They're like, told you New York's dangerous.
I'm like, oh, we have to answer for this fucking psychopath. Yeah.
I don't know where he's from.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and that's also not like, you know, that's like a weird high-level hitman crime. That's what they say, but then it doesn't look that professional because they find him on camera.

Speaker 1 And if you're a high-level hitman, you're not going to Starbucks before. True.
That's a weird move. True, Apple Pay.

Speaker 1 No, yeah. When I say high-level, I mean, just like killing a CEO is like a high-level murder.
You would think there was like some powerful interest behind it, or maybe it was just a psycho attacking.

Speaker 1 I don't even know. I don't even know that guy.
Who knows? I mean, it could be a guy who just got, who's fucked over more than a health insurance company.

Speaker 1 You know, I mean, it's like, I feel like that's why Joker resonated with so many people because in the beginning, he's getting fucked over by his insurance.

Speaker 1 So you're like, all right, whatever he does is kind of fine. That's true.
No, that's true. You get a surgery the day before, like you, like your thing lapses.

Speaker 1 I'm like, you got to pay fucking $90 million. You're like, you motherfucker.
We've all been on hold with an insurance company. Like, what the fuck? Like, that's where you lose it.

Speaker 1 Because, you know, they always, I mean, also, it's like, it's a tough.

Speaker 1 I would, that's a job I would not want. CEO.
You're making a shitload of money at the expense of a lot of people who are suffering. Yeah.
And that's the whole point of insurance.

Speaker 1 You're taking in more money than you're paying out. So you have to make sure you have to try to pay out as little as possible.
And it does feel like they're trying to fuck you sometimes. They are.

Speaker 1 They have to. Their whole thing has to be a lot of those places are like, they have like research about this.

Speaker 1 There's just like 40% or whatever of people, if you're just like, yeah, sorry, no, they'll just be like, well, I guess I'm fucked then.

Speaker 1 And then there's like another percentage of people who will actively follow up, but then you can be like, well, all right, we're going to sue you. And like, all right, I'm not doing that.

Speaker 1 So there's like only a small percentage of people will like know the steps to be like i got to get a lawyer now like nobody thinks about that or like can afford a lawyer and it's exhausting they tire you out if you're sick you don't want to deal with making all these phone calls anyway i mean yeah i think about all the time the ways they they pretend they're hooking you up i was at a dermatologist once and like you know your insurance covers you like a free chemical peel And I was like, why the fuck would I want a chemical peel?

Speaker 1 And they're like, well, you get it for free. And I was like, maybe I want one.

Speaker 1 It's free. But then they didn't cover the fucking medication I needed.
What? So it's like they cover shit you don't need. It's like they know how to fuck you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they do. They're very good.
Again,

Speaker 1 it's the whole point of their operation is to take in more money and pay out less. And they're supposed to pay you out if bad things happen.
But the way they can make more money is to not pay you out.

Speaker 1 And then if you don't know the steps, it's like, yeah, that guy's fucked. This feels political now.
We're like standing back and forth. We're just agreeing.
I'm telling you, we are.

Speaker 1 Well, that's a great point.

Speaker 1 That's a great point. I actually agree with that.
We do have to do something about these healthcare companies. True.
Yeah, that one guy, you know, did it. Not that much.

Speaker 1 That's too much. That was too damn loud.

Speaker 1 A silencer too is like, it also makes you realize how desensitized. That's pretty pro hitman, dude.
Silencer, too. But you could just buy a silencer.
Can you?

Speaker 1 I'm sure somewhere.

Speaker 1 In America, you're telling me you can't true, true. It's not that hard to get a gun here.
I thought they're, yeah, I guess so. I guess silencers aren't that illegal.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 I mean, they have to be illegal. You can't wear a bulletproof vest.
If a cop sees you in a bulletproof vest, you can get like pulled, they can stop you. What the fuck?

Speaker 1 I feel like if you're a CEO of a health insurance company, you should get to wear a bulletproof vest for a while.

Speaker 1 Like a little while. That's how they say that's that's the best way to get away with killing somebody is opening the door.
And as soon as they open, just blast them and walk away.

Speaker 1 Because you don't enter the house. You don't leave DNA evidence.
But all the cities now are gridded with cameras. Like you really can't do that.
Yeah, it's weird.

Speaker 1 Like we're like close to living in like a minority report type of world where, you know, it's like, how are you? It's amazing when people get away with murder.

Speaker 1 Like that's why that John Bennett thing was so shocking.

Speaker 1 In my head, I was like, whoa, I wonder who did it. I forgot they didn't solve it.
Oh, yeah, they didn't, did they? They didn't solve it. It's so shocking.
You watch watch forensic files.

Speaker 1 I like the ones where they solve it too. I don't like the true crime where they're just like unsolved murders.
It's so unsatisfying. You're like, there's a piece of shit who got away.

Speaker 1 But then you watch forensic files and they're like, thanks to DNA, we caught this guy. Got him every time.
Yeah. Also, too, whenever I watch that, they don't catch the guy.

Speaker 1 I'm like, he's definitely right outside my house right now.

Speaker 1 Fucking rape me and kill me.

Speaker 1 I used to watch those. They'd be marathoning them on the road on like headline news and just be like 40 forensic files in the road.

Speaker 1 I'd be watching, you know, in some fucking motel on the side of the highway, just like opening my, like, oh, fuck, why am I doing this to myself? Opening that dumb little curtain. You see meth heads.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, I still get scared. I get scared in hotels all the time.
Really? Yeah. Like, I'll just hear like someone else's door bang, and I'm half asleep.
And I'm like, someone's in my room.

Speaker 1 And I was like, I look around. I'm like, dude, you're such a fucking pussy.
I was leaving a hotel in Omaha a couple years ago, and there was a guy. It was like 4 a.m.
early flight.

Speaker 1 You know, it's like a 6 a.m. flight out.
And there was a guy just sitting on the floor in the hallway, just like crying. Oh.
And I was like, ah, you just don't want to even see.

Speaker 1 You just like, something bad happened. No, man.
Yeah, you don't want to see that at all. That sucks.
Would you just walk right by, just wheel your hands? Of course, I'm not dealing with that guy.

Speaker 1 Anything I'm going to chat about, what happened, buddy?

Speaker 1 Best case scenario, there's a dead hooker in that room. Something bad happened.
Yeah, true. Oh, God.
Or a live one, and he needs, I don't know. Something bad happened, though.

Speaker 1 Yeah, San Diego was like, go in your room, dude. Don't fucking, this is what they're for.
Go cry like everyone else does in your hotel or don't sit in the hallway. Oh, no.

Speaker 1 The public crying is, and like in New York, I don't mind it as much because that city is supposed to break you.

Speaker 1 But when you see it in like a smaller town, you're kind of like, something sinister just occurred. Oh, my.
Yeah, true. True, yeah.
Oh, man. Oh, man.

Speaker 1 Ryan Hamilton, my friend, has a joke where it's like, New York's the only city where you just see people openly weeping. Did you see it a lot there? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I could see that.

Speaker 1 I guess other cities. I guess Philly, too.

Speaker 1 Austin. I think big cities, you'll see it.
I did a month sublet in New York because I like thought about moving there a long time ago. And I was like, man, get the fuck out of here.

Speaker 1 I went right back to Philadelphia. Really? Oh, man.
I couldn't do it. But how do you, the Philly to Austin is an interesting move because it is, it's such a different pace, you know? Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I just, for me, I had kids. And once like, when I had the kids, I'm like, I wanted to get out of Philly anyway.
And then I was like thinking about moving to like the outside of Philly suburbs.

Speaker 1 I had this like whole, it was a, it would have been a bad plan. I was looking at this like plot of land that turned out to be like a floodplain.
It was bad.

Speaker 1 And I was like, I'd be an hour from every airport. And like, there was no way I could do stand-up there.
I was like, I'll make it work. And then I was talking to Shane.

Speaker 1 He's like, you want to go to Austin? I was like, yes, please, that would solve all my problems. Thank you.
That'd be the best thing ever.

Speaker 1 Because Because that way it's like a decent quality of life and for like kids and stuff. And you can just do stand-up every night if you want.
Yeah, the club is good, man. The mothership's cool.

Speaker 1 It is good. It's a good ship.
It makes me a little nervous how many people are always there. I don't like to, because I want to do new stuff.

Speaker 1 And I don't want to just like, you see these people every few months for me because I'm visiting. I'm like, I don't want them to see me

Speaker 1 bombing. Yeah.
Yeah. It is.
I like the bomb in the shadows. It's true.
True. It is an intimidating green room, too.
It's like, it's just that long oak table. There's 40 fucking people.

Speaker 1 And it's like, yeah, I was silent for the first like five months. I would sit there and it's like, bro, it's hardcore.

Speaker 1 It's like a weird health movement, but also everyone's smoking cigarettes in there. I know.
I did the smelling salt. I, dude, I don't understand why.
I don't know why I did it.

Speaker 1 Rogan's like, oh, yeah, they're good. They'll help you.
No one tells me not to put them right to my face. I thought I was dying because I've had allergic reactions before.

Speaker 1 And I was like, I was like, oh, oh. And Joe's like, he's like, are you okay? I'm like, oh.
I'm like, God, I'm such a pussy. No, it's ammonia.
That's right. Your body, you're just smelling ammonia.

Speaker 1 And I don't know why everybody does it. I saw it.
I think I saw Josh Allen or some football player do it on TV. And I was like, oh, I should fucking get me jazzed up for a set.
And I tried it.

Speaker 1 And I was like, yeah, if you're like a pro athlete, it seems kind of cool, but I'm not.

Speaker 1 I'm a fucking, I'm a, you know, I'm a whiny fuck who just was like,

Speaker 1 there's better ways to get lightheaded. It's all getting lightheaded is cool, but it's like, you're just, I don't understand.
I see dudes be like, they're just ripping them.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, dude, you guys are telling me you love smelling ammonia like that. Like, just fucking drink some coffee.
Do anything else. Coffee is the move.
Yeah, do anything.

Speaker 1 I saw a bartender once say to someone, she goes, Do you have any Red Bull? He goes, We don't carry Red Bull. You want to, you want caffeine buzz? We'll give you coffee.

Speaker 1 And I was like, Wow, the way he said it was so cool.

Speaker 1 I think about it all the time. Just keeping the caffeine buzz.
He's like, fuck Red Bull. Bullshit out of my fucking face.
I drank Rockstar last year because I was like tired.

Speaker 1 And I was like, I just, I was at the Super Bowl with Shane. I was like,

Speaker 1 I don't drink that much. So I was like hungover from the day before.
I'm a total pussy. Oh, with him, it's impossible not to be hungover.
Dude, I was dying. You can't be a casual drinker around Shane.

Speaker 1 You can't have, you either are sober or you have 14. You can't have two.
There's no middle ground.

Speaker 1 That night I had a lot. And the next day, I'm just struggling.
I'm like, oh, so I was like, let me get a rock star. Dude, I thought I felt like I was on meth.
I drank like half a rock star.

Speaker 1 And I was like, I got to go home, guys. And I was like laid in my hotel room, like, oh, I felt terrible.
Oh, dude, I hate that.

Speaker 1 I wish somebody stopped me and said, do you want a fucking caffeine, Buzz? Have a coffee.

Speaker 1 There's shit in that stuff. I don't know what it is.
Even gas station coffee, I like. I just like coffee.
I like the ritual of the coffee, the, the, you know, the, the energy drinks.

Speaker 1 I remember drinking, you know, when you're young comic barking and stuff. It was, I need energy.
I'll drink a seven-hour energy.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, even then, you're like, this is, we haven't heard from them in a while. Lord knows what the fuck was in that shit.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The five-hour where they do the shot real quick.

Speaker 1 But then it turned into like seven-hour. Oh, okay.
It was like that something about Mary's scene where he's like six minute abs. And he's just like, what if someone did five? And he's like, no.

Speaker 1 But they went the other way. damn they bumped up seven minute energy yeah that shit

Speaker 1 i think it was seven wasn't it seven hour energy i think they kept bumping it up that makes sense it's also it is uh

Speaker 1 it is funny to just like the term energy just got like appropriated into being like you're just rattling you're just like hitting yourself with stimulants it's like no i have energy right now it's like no dude you're just your fucking brain's wired on stimulants Yeah, well, I was listening to your podcast where you're talking about,

Speaker 1 you know, just sleep and how important sleep is. And you're like, oh my God, we do, we'll do anything but the thing we're supposed to do.
I know. Sleep is the thing.
Dude,

Speaker 1 I fought it for a long time because I would get into coffee. I'm like super sensitive to caffeine.
So if I drink caffeine in the morning, I for real have seven-hour energy.

Speaker 1 But do you take naps during the day ever? If I drink caffeine, I can't take naps.

Speaker 1 So what I try to do, I like just white knuckle through a morning, then I won't have coffee, but I will take a nap in the middle of the day. And it's like, dude, you feel so good.

Speaker 1 I've never been able to do it. Oh, I love it.
I can't. Sometimes I'll just, like, I'll be so tired that I just just fall asleep early or something.
But, like, I, dude, I can't nap.

Speaker 1 I drink too much caffeine. That's the problem.
If I have caffeine, no nap, or I'll take a fucked up nap where I wake up like, oh, like, oh, fuck. But it's like, yeah.
How about the melatonin stuff?

Speaker 1 I hate that shit. Dude, I tried it, and then someone told me it shrinks your balls.
And I'm like, really? They hit me with the yellow five. They're like, yo, you're that stuff shrinks your balls.

Speaker 1 And I was like, nah, I'm not doing it. So I was taking it on the road.
Why does it shrink your balls? I don't know. Andrew Huberman said it.
Someone said Andrew Huberman said that.

Speaker 1 And I was like, all right, fair enough.

Speaker 1 He's just got to be right.

Speaker 1 Dude, he's got to know about that. He seems like he knows a lot of stuff.
He's using them, bro. So he's got to know.
He's using his balls a lot. So that guy knows.

Speaker 1 He's keyed in on the fucking ball research. Yeah, the melatonin gives you nightmares.
I feel like.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I would take it. I started fucking around with it on the road because I'd be like, you know, I'd be different time zones.
I'd get off stage.

Speaker 1 And as soon as I get back to my room, I just swallow melatonin. wishing it was just cyanide just right into my throat.

Speaker 1 And I would like sit there and read a book and all of a sudden you do get like really heavy.

Speaker 1 Have you ever taken it before melatonin yeah i yeah i have i have like a powder this stuff i try sometimes called beam and it's like okay it's got all kinds of magnesium all this stuff podcast sponsorship yeah they sent it to me and i and i they sponsored the podcast yeah i had it too and i and i was like i started buying it because they i was like get me some more of that like they pulled their sponsorship i was like it i'll buy it like strung out like elvis dude yeah

Speaker 1 but uh yeah no i so that i but i would get nightmares i would wake up like sweating like what the i have nightmares every night and i'd be like that can't be good sleep. No, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's, I took it one time. Like, I was like, I'll just take it at like fucking 6 p.m.
Just get like ready for this sleep. I didn't realize how hard that shit hits you.

Speaker 1 I did the same thing, the beam powder. And I was like getting something for my kid.
And I was like, what the fuck? And it just like hit me out of nowhere. And I was like, oh, shit.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I it does. The melatonin works.
But yeah, it's one of those things where it's like, it's just. But does it work? Because we're not feeling refreshed, right? Yeah, I will I was like tracking.

Speaker 1 I was like psycho tracking my sleep at the time and I would get like more deep sleep from it, but I really yeah but it's like addictive dude then like next thing you know every night i'm like i should take a little melatonin at night and i was just like but i've i've heard that it's not um when they say like two three milligrams five milligrams it could be like anywhere from like 25 to one like it's what's way off how the fuck do they get away with it i don't know it's like who the hell is going back and forth and analyzing it so and they could say like these products in like tiny print like may or may but i've heard that that's also from the hub tiny hate it hate tiny print i know it's fucking so they fuck you it's bullshit Yeah, they fuck you every day.

Speaker 1 Apparently, Hubes is way against melatonin. And then I heard the thing about being 20 million.
I'm like, eh, whatever. And he's like, it shrinks your balls.
I'm like,

Speaker 1 say less, brother.

Speaker 1 Are smaller balls that bad, though? Who cares? Yeah, but you don't want to get them shrunken. That's the problem.
It's like, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 You just, anything that can shrink your ball, it isn't that big of a problem when you think about it, but like. Because having them shrink.
Hey, your dick's looking a little bigger. That's true.

Speaker 1 That's actually.

Speaker 1 There's some stuff going on.

Speaker 1 You're sleeping great. You're sleeping well.
Yeah, it's not a bad point.

Speaker 1 There is something about them being, it feels less manly, I guess. Big balls is a good thing.
That's what they say. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 And it just, there's something about it, something you're eating, shrinking your ball. Like, dude, the yellow five, as soon as I found out about that, I was terrified back in the day.

Speaker 1 Like, yeah, you know that shit. What's the yellow five? Never heard yellow five shrinks your balls.
This is a food dye. It's like the yellow five food dye or whatever the fuck it was called.

Speaker 1 But they were like, you're best off just eating as naturally as possible. Like, you know, we're, that's the thing.

Speaker 1 Like, when you, when you travel for work and you're waking up at weird hours, like you're eating weird. Yeah.
You're sleeping badly. Like, it just adds up.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 She usually shitting, not the best either.

Speaker 1 A bad gas station shit. There's something about that where you're like, all right,

Speaker 1 there's something dark. Yeah, especially the worst the bathroom looks too, just shitting in it.
You're just like, dude, how did I get here? This is terrible. Someone definitely just shot up.

Speaker 1 Oh, everything's like a little less healthy when you go. Like in New York, you can eat pretty.
Pretty healthy, but then the diner has been destroyed in New York because the rent is so damn expensive.

Speaker 1 So you're like, did I just spend $22 on three scrambled eggs i know it's insane but then you go on the road and just the little things that you don't think about where you're like all right they put like a bucket of butter on my toast yeah you know this is like the the hash brown's a little crispier tastes everything tastes great but you're like man i don't have the energy i had after this meal that i normally have you know no dude i get i i'm almost pre-diabetic now i was traveling a lot eating out i thought i was pretty healthy

Speaker 1 you look healthy

Speaker 1 you look like a gym guy i dude i was going i was working out everything but i was eating so much food when i was like travel it's like dude i'm like getting the restaurant because you need something you need to win on the road sometimes you have a bad set or something or you're like just like the anxiety you need to do something i need to do something somewhat self-destructive and it's like you know and you don't drink and you don't

Speaker 1 drink and i you know i have not cheated on my wife so i'm like that's i'm left with nothing but overeating so i'm like well i have to overeat so i would just pig out and i dude i just i can't for all the vices you have though as long as you don't go diabetic but like that's not the worst vice well now i get to reverse it now i get to have a health journey where i can be like guys i you know I was at 5.7 A1C.

Speaker 1 Now I'm going to try to get down. I kind of was happy to learn about that.
I was like, oh, cool. This is like a cool thing now.
It's another chapter. Yeah, exactly.
It's like something I can do.

Speaker 1 And if I can actually get it down under control, that'll be kind of fun to be like, I got mine down.

Speaker 1 5.7 is the beginning range of pre-diabetes. Like, I'm at the door.
I'm on the doorstep. Damn.
My dad has

Speaker 1 diabetes. I know.

Speaker 1 Dude, I have. Your dad is type 2? Oh, yeah.
Is he overweight or no? He was. He's like lost.
Yeah, he's got like a beer belly.

Speaker 1 But he also, like, dude, he like, I worked with him for a while and we would do, he was demolition, and we would, on the way home from work, he would drink a milkshake every day. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's how he rocked. It was like four soft fretzels and a milkshake every day on the way home.
And I'm like, dude, I'm just eating too much rice. How the fuck am I pre-diabetic? This is bullshit.

Speaker 1 It was fucking nonsense. A milkshake.
I haven't had one of those in fucking forever. Dude, I've never seen anyone do that.
Cause we were doing a thing where you burned steel and it was.

Speaker 1 I forget that galvanized steel. So it's coated in zinc, which like, I don't know, protects it against rust or something.
So when you burn the steel, there was this thing.

Speaker 1 They'd be like, yeah, you you got to get your calcium. So it's like calcium somehow trapped zinc.
This was all like like. So that turned into a milkshake.
Yeah. Then he was like, we need milkshakes.

Speaker 1 It's like, so we're helping, we can stay. This will help.
McFlurries will help us.

Speaker 1 I think the last time I had one, we had Bill Burr in our podcast and it's a drinking pod. So we were like, well, Norman's like, he doesn't drink.
We should do him. He likes milkshakes.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, all right. So we're like, we got to get Bill Burr in a good mood.
So it was like milkshakes and cigars was the trend. That's kind of nice.
And it was a fucking great combo.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's awesome.

Speaker 1 I mean, of course, two nice things of course they you know but they don't always work together you know they never i don't think anyone besides my dad actually does smoke shake cigars it was nice that is awesome how do you like that he was in a good mood nice we were we were he you know you just don't want to rattle him he's bill burr so you just but at first we were like uh you know he was like i'm this time to this time i have a hard out like whatever you need we had a friend waiting in the hallway to do the next episode and then at like you know 415 his out was four he's like we got to get out of here right he's like no i don't he's just like hanging out we're like all right, I got a text from Mateo Lane.

Speaker 1 Like, it's fine. Don't worry about it.
Yeah, that's cool. It's Bill Burr.
You know, yeah, that's that would suck, just absolutely drawing his ire and just having him just be like, fuck you.

Speaker 1 How's your milkshake, Bill? I swear, you'd have fun. If you want to piss him off, just tell him the Patriots Super Bowl doesn't count where Marshawn Lynch should have run it.
That's a good point.

Speaker 1 He screamed at me for like 15 minutes straight. Really? Yeah.
You could get him on the VAX, too. He's super, he's super smart.
He's

Speaker 1 freaked out on the VAX. That'd be fine.

Speaker 1 You You got fucking vax, you bitch.

Speaker 1 That would piss him off.

Speaker 1 I'm not looking to piss him off. No, I wouldn't either.
I would never call him Bill Feisber.

Speaker 1 Piss him off.

Speaker 1 But no, that's what I would not want that guy on my ass. That would suck.
No.

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That would fucking suck.

Speaker 1 Dude, we were talking about bathrooms. I read a thing today saying

Speaker 1 now they're saying you got to check.

Speaker 1 If you're at like a public bathroom, you got to open the thing and look into the toilet roll because people using like, you know, IV, using like needles for drugs, heroin or whatever, are taking their syringe and just like sticking it, using that paper towel roll to like clean off the needle.

Speaker 1 And he showed a picture and it was just like little poke holes with just blood, like little blood spots everywhere. That sucks because you already don't want to shit in a public restroom.

Speaker 1 I know, dude. And now you got to worry about a needle, dude.
Yeah, for real.

Speaker 1 I don't know why the guy was like, women should be more concerned than men. It's like, all right,

Speaker 1 I'll take it. But it's like, yeah, no, I'm not thrilled either.

Speaker 1 But it's like, dude, yeah. So I don't know what the rationale, maybe vaginas, absorb.
I don't know, but it's like. Well, I'm doing the tour bus for the whole thing.

Speaker 1 So it's a lot of public restroom shitting. Yeah.
Because you're like, you know, you can't poop on that bus. Yeah.
You're not allowed to.

Speaker 1 So next day, you know, either the rec center, we go play a little ball or we, you know,

Speaker 1 go to get, yeah, poop there or you poop at the bottom. Yeah, open the thing and just look.

Speaker 1 Even if you don't see blood, but if you see little poke holes, that means people are cleaning their needles off. And maybe it's some internet bullshit, but I saw the picture.

Speaker 1 I was like, that actually does make sense. It bugs me too that these like heroin addicts are like worried about germs.
Yeah, true. Yeah, like, fuck, just do heroin.
You fucking

Speaker 1 be a man. Also, yeah, it's like you're worried about germs.
You're taking toilet paper, toilet paper rolling. Like, let me clean this off.
Yeah. That annoys me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was funny in Philly when they gave,

Speaker 1 we had like, there was like an, I'm sure you've seen the thing of like Kensington Avenue where it's like just K and A and there's guys like everyone's standing outside.

Speaker 1 Did you ever see like that shit on YouTube? What is that? In Kensington Ave in Philadelphia, it's like one of the biggest heroin markets, like I think in the country. It's like Skid Row.

Speaker 1 It's not as big as Skid Row, but it is just people outside, tense. like zombified standing out there.
It'll shock you that. I mean, this country, man, like everywhere, every downtown now has that.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Except for Irvine.
I was just in Irvine recently. They have zero homeless people.
They got rid of them all. They do.

Speaker 1 In Irvine, they offer you a bed. And if you say no to the bed, they put you on a bus.
And they're like out of here to L.A. I swear that's like that's their policy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Rudy Giuliani did that back in the day in New York. Did he, really? Yeah, they got rid of the homeless people.
Well, they escaped them. They sent them on a train.
To where?

Speaker 1 I think to the West Coast. Damn.
So he probably sent them to Irvine, and then they were like, you go back that way.

Speaker 1 That's probably what happened. Yeah, no, that's

Speaker 1 even in like downtown Salt Lake. I was, you know,

Speaker 1 you're walking by, like, holy shit. This is crazy.
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Speaker 1 Yeah, but dude, they, oh, it's funny, in Salt Lake, I was there at a farmer's market like last year, and and i was talking to this guy who was like he was campaigning for mayor he had i think he had been mayor before and stopped he's like they need me back and i was like the park was beautiful i was like dude this is awesome here and he was like well yeah there was homeless people here and like they got cleared out uh right before the farmer's market and i was kind of hitting him with like that's what's up and he was like no it's actually an injustice and this is why i'm running i was like oh shit my bad i was like fuck my bad dude it's like it's really sad they took the prescription medication and kicked him out and i was like oh yeah but look at these avocados this is a nice i did hit him with that i was like you got to be honest dude though it It is way better.

Speaker 1 I was like, just on a, you know, a level of just enjoyment. It is kind of sweet that they're not here right now.
And he was like, whatever. He wouldn't give that to you.
He was just kind of laughing.

Speaker 1 He was just kind of like, all right, all right. But I was like, bro.
I was like, it's nice you're defending them. You know, we get their tents taken up.

Speaker 1 But I am, and I think it'd be sad if I saw that part, but the aftermath is nice. It is weird too that these tents are being used for that.

Speaker 1 Like, you know, the guy who designed the tents were like, this is good for camping. You're going to go on a nice thing.
And then you just get people with needles. Like, oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 That's true.

Speaker 1 You would think, yeah, the thing about like the love of nature and you're out you're like hunting and living off the land it is mostly just like emaciated human beings like selling each other for sex and it sucks man and getting a lot of dying in them a lot of people dying in those tents it's getting it's getting worse man you go around although you just find areas where you're like these there are so many people unwell that you're like yeah it's not going to get better anytime soon no dude and imagine like I mean, no one's getting really born.

Speaker 1 Is anyone born into homelessness now? Or do they just like, what do they do with you then? I guess they take your kid. Yeah, I guess.
I didn't think about that.

Speaker 1 You don't see a lot of homeless kids on the street. You don't.
Just the adults. Yeah.
I think they take you. If they see you as a homeless kid, no Oliver twists.

Speaker 1 If they see you as a young homeless kid, I think they're like, get the fuck out of here.

Speaker 1 I would hope. Because I'm just waiting, like, because if that becomes like a permanent class in America, that's what I'm kind of like seeing.
Like, where do they go from there?

Speaker 1 Yeah, the new thing, the demolition man, like predicted everything. And it's like the sewer people that might be next.
You're like, fuck, all these.

Speaker 1 Well, there are people who do live under like, who do live in like little catacombs and under bridges and stuff. And I heard Germany now, they have a crack epidemic.
In Germany, it's crazy.

Speaker 1 You know, everything, nothing goes away. They just come back.
Now, Germans are dealing with like a hard, like, 1980s crack epidemic. Oh, shit.
Like, wall black.

Speaker 1 It sounds so vintage to us, but yeah, to them.

Speaker 1 Crack in Germany. And that was like the one place in Europe I didn't go.
And I was so bummed because I feel like I feel like Berlin is supposed to be sick. And

Speaker 1 I've never, yeah, I would. I was bummed.
I couldn't make that one work. How is stand-up in Europe? They all speak English.
Amazing. Is it fun? You know what's funny? It's my worst set.

Speaker 1 I killed last year in London. And then this time I just was like, I think it was my worst show there.
You know, I hit like Belfast, Dublin.

Speaker 1 Paris wasn't amazing.

Speaker 1 I mean, the city's amazing. Just like the stand-up is whatever.

Speaker 1 Paris is meh. That's my, no.
And then what else? Oh,

Speaker 1 Amsterdam, Copenhagen, Stockholm, and

Speaker 1 Oslo were all incredible.

Speaker 1 That blows my mind. They can all listen to stand-up.
I just assume it's like, there's no way these guys can be. You would have a lot of fans over there.
That's crazy. It's amazing.
And they're.

Speaker 1 That's nuts. It's look, you know, some places like blow you away.
You're like, wow, I moved more tickets than I expected here.

Speaker 1 And then some, you're like, man, it's a light show, but even the light shows were pretty damn good. That's awesome.
I guess they're pretty happy.

Speaker 1 You're in another, you know, they're in another country. It's fucking beautiful.
Yeah, just some fucked up. It is funny when you run into a fan on the street.

Speaker 1 Out of there. I saw a guy in Dublin and he was like, oh my God, you're here.
I was like, oh, what's up, man? And he goes, he goes, are you doing a show tonight? And I was like, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I was like, yeah, I think there's still a couple of tickets available. And he's like, huh? I was like, oh, he's not going to come.

Speaker 1 Like, what are the odds of running to a fan in the an American fan in another country? And he's like, nah, I'm good.

Speaker 1 I was like, well, all right. All right, dude, that's cool.
Yeah, that is. That would be cool, though, to be in another country.
Like, oh, that's crazy. People are like, hey, man, what's going on?

Speaker 1 You're like, what the fuck? They do a double takers. They're like, why are you here? Yeah.
But, you know, it's like, have you done Australia yet? I did.

Speaker 1 i don't know i opened for shane in australia it's pretty cool it was cool it's just the flight is fucking it fucks you dude it fucks you up for like forever it the way back fucks you up worse yes like that going there it's like i just drugged myself yeah took a few muscle relaxers a couple glasses of wine i'm like i'm good out but then on the way back i was like i'm bad for like a week I was fucked up, dude.

Speaker 1 And I had like, I had kids. I just, that was when they were really like even younger.
So I like, we did a show the last night, got home at like maybe two or three, woke up at five for the airport.

Speaker 1 I don't think I really even slept. And then just, I was awake.
I can't really sleep on planes that well.

Speaker 1 So if I slept on the way back maybe for an hour or two, and I was awake for the most of it, and then got dropped off the Newark airport and then had to drive. This one was in Philly.

Speaker 1 I was awake for basically 24 hours and then had to just drive from Newark to Philly. Oof.
And talking about my wife, who was like, finally, you're back. You know, all that shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you don't, you don't walk into a happy room there either. No.
I see that with Gary because, you know, who I tour with, he's got a family and I don't.

Speaker 1 So I'm seeing, he's like, you know, she's like, you didn't FaceTime me. I'm like, oh my God, I'm just fucking

Speaker 1 watching your kids cry through FaceTime while you're in a hotel room while your wife is just like huffing. Yeah.
Is might be, it's hell. It's still fucking worse.
Like, ah,

Speaker 1 you're sitting there like, hey, guys,

Speaker 1 trying to tell you, well, maybe you should talk a little nicer. Maybe

Speaker 1 it's, it's terrible. It's actually, it's really bad.
It's one of the saddest things of like when you travel for stand-up. And then eventually as they get older, it becomes a little better.

Speaker 1 But like when they're like little and you're, yeah, just yeah, and you feel powerless. Oh, you just feel awful, dude.
You're like, why am I doing this? It sucks. But, you know, and you get it.

Speaker 1 But then the thing I always tell my kids. It's a good example to work, too, you know, for your kids.
Like you're doing your thing. You followed your dream and it worked out.
And

Speaker 1 your kids will see that when they grow up. And that's a cool thing, too.
And that, well, that's what I tell my kids.

Speaker 1 I say, guys, I know you don't like when I go away, but if I were to stay here and do another job, I would kill myself. So do you want me to kill myself? You guys want your father to kill himself?

Speaker 1 Because it would be your fault. We got you a babysitter.
His name's Jared Fogel.

Speaker 1 But it is true. You do have to, there is like, because I'd be like, I should be around more, but I know if I had like a job that I hated, I would just be miserable in the house.

Speaker 1 So it's like, what's happening? You know, kind of someone who's traveling a little bit and happy in the house or someone who's there every day, like,

Speaker 1 and you're, and you got this going. So you have other things going on.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think you said a good, I hear it more from female comics because I think women are expected to be like the, you know, the mom should be there. The mom shouldn't be traveling.

Speaker 1 And I know, you know, some female comics who have babies or young kids, and they're just like, you know, Rachel Feinstein's one of my best friends.

Speaker 1 And she was like, you know, if I, if he could, he could go to work like whenever he could do like all these 24-hour shifts, I leave for like a spot.

Speaker 1 They're like, they treat me like I'm Casey Anthony, you know, so it's like,

Speaker 1 how, yeah, well, when the baby's really young, it is like a biological reality that they do need the mom, like they need the mom more. I mean, you can bottle feed them and stuff like that.

Speaker 1 But yeah, that's, dude, the mother guilt is like 50 million times worse. And yeah, you are sure.

Speaker 1 You were in there. You were in her.
Exactly. I mean, there is that, you know.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 There's a connection. It's a real connection.
There's actually now I've read in Sweden,

Speaker 1 man, the headlines really working in my favor today. They're actually applying to everything.
But

Speaker 1 there's a movement now called Soft Girl. There's like soft girls now, they're called.
So like there's women who are now rejecting the workforce and being like, no, I'm a soft girl.

Speaker 1 So you're either a boss. It's like, what is the fuck's it called? This is in Sweden.
Soft woman. Yeah, they call them soft womans because you're either a boss lady or a soft woman.

Speaker 1 And now there's people embracing this soft woman lifestyle where they're like, yo, work sucks. I'm becoming just like a pure stay-at-home softwoman.

Speaker 1 Well, that it would originate in Sweden because they're just so fucking liberal there. So it's like, that's what happens.
That's where they'll try out.

Speaker 1 It's like, this is what we'll try out the liberal idea. And if it takes flight, it'll move over to like the other Scandinavian countries, then make its way here.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But like, that's where you debut it. Well, I think they went.
Well, that's more, there's more like liberal boss ladies. If you're like a boss lady, was like, like, I'm going to kick ass at work.

Speaker 1 Don't even ask me to do anything around the house. It's fucking bullshit, blah, blah, blah.
But now there's a lot of women being like, yeah, this kind of sucks having a job.

Speaker 1 Like, it's not as cool as I thought. Yeah, I think, you know, a lot of people, they identify as what their job is.
Yeah. They're like, that's how they describe themselves.
I'm a this.

Speaker 1 Well, that's my thing is like, if you're in a, if you're in a two-income household and your husband makes enough and you're still working, that's when I start to question.

Speaker 1 I'm like, dude, it's one thing if you're like running a fucking company, you know, you're a boss lady.

Speaker 1 But when like women are like, I choose to work and they're like a team associate for like Verizon. It's like fucking wild.

Speaker 1 But what if there's like a shady, what if there's like a prenup and the marriage doesn't work out? Then you're kind of just like relying on him forever. That's true.
That's true.

Speaker 1 And then he can like take your cell phone and like get into it. There are those guys who do that.
That makes sense. That does make sense.
I think it's good to have your own thing, you know? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm more attracted to women who have their own thing going on. I like soft lady.
I like soft girls. You want a girl who just waits for you? Waits.
Yeah. Soft girl.
No, I don't care.

Speaker 1 If a woman works, I don't care. It is.

Speaker 1 I just think there is something like, I don't know, man.

Speaker 1 I do think there's something sad to have it put in a woman's head that like if they're not working, they're somehow like sold out their entire species and they're like, if they're brainwashed.

Speaker 1 It's like working sucks too. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't think that way either. But I hear you.
It is nice. I will say there is something nice to.

Speaker 1 I just don't like the idea of a woman waiting around for me. Like she doesn't do anything and then she's like, where have you been? Like I don't like that energy.

Speaker 1 That's totally true. I like her to have other shit that she's got to deal with.
I like, it's good to have other things. You're right.

Speaker 1 No, you are right because I would say that is the downfall of a soft girl or whatever the fuck they're called. The where are you techs increased by 500%?

Speaker 1 Once you go from a boss lady to a soft girl, it's like there's nothing

Speaker 1 off where are you?

Speaker 1 I swear to God, when you said soft girl, I thought it was going to be like some like a trans, like, man, but like the penis doesn't work.

Speaker 1 I really thought because like, because Sweden is so fucking liberal, I was like, it's going to be something like that.

Speaker 1 Well, dude, it is. There is something.

Speaker 1 Well, apparently, yeah. Sweden is the most liberal place.
And that's why they're kind of like, like, what the fuck's going on?

Speaker 1 Because a lot of women now, they're like, all right, we said, we've like laid the path. Jordan Peterson talks about this.
You laid the path for gender equality.

Speaker 1 And there's like, they have more people than ever who are like, fuck that. I'm just going to stay at home and be a traditional wife.
Which, whatever.

Speaker 1 But that's also their, you know, that's, I guess it's weird if you had a male friend who would do that. Like, I'm just going to like hang out.
And you're like, all right.

Speaker 1 Because I have a friend like that. And he's hits, he hits me up for money.
And I'm like, dude, just fucking do something. Do something.
Yeah. He's trying.

Speaker 1 Is he a soft dad or is he like? No, he's a dude. He fucked it.
He had this woman who like was a hard worker and doing and she like wanted to have a family with him and he was just like, nah, I'm good.

Speaker 1 And he's just like a single dude now.

Speaker 1 I'm like, dude, you really misplayed your hand here. Yeah.
Now I'm getting like Venmo requests from him. I'm like, dude, come on.

Speaker 1 $60. You got to get your life together.
That's true. No, there is, you did make a strong case for a boss lady because it is true.

Speaker 1 You do want kind of someone who has their own thing going on or else they're going to be fucking bugging you. I just think it's nice.
You have another thing.

Speaker 1 It's just like, you know, it could be anything. It doesn't have to be like a crazy, but just have something else because you don't, look at the divorce rate.

Speaker 1 Nothing, I mean, you hope things work out, but. No, it's about 50.
I think we just came down for 50 to like 48%.

Speaker 1 Really? Yeah. So that's all right.
It's high. It's still pretty fucking high, dude.
That's, you know. What's there's a reason people are getting less.
Why is that?

Speaker 1 Wait, getting divorced less? Yeah.

Speaker 1 two percent is that is something right that's pretty good yeah that's two you said 48 instead of 50 i thought it was so it went yeah it went down a little bit it went down a little bit it's all geographically i think abortion went down slightly too did it really yeah maybe people are just being maybe people are just being a little safer who knows yeah or yeah i wonder i wonder because it's uh the saddest divorces i've seen are when like people don't even hate each other at the end when they're just kind of like

Speaker 1 It ran its course. It's just, yeah, when two people just lose all passion for each other and it's kind of like.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you think you're going to have like a season four four Carmella Tony blowout on the Sopranos, but then at the end, you're just like, eh.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I've always thought. That's dead.
I always thought that was the saddest, like, virgins.

Speaker 1 You hear people like, yeah, we just, we one day looked at each other and we're like, nah, it was pretty mutual and peaceful. I'm like, that sucks.
You'd want it to be like TV.

Speaker 1 But to be your kids, that's what you need. Because

Speaker 1 the bad ones, you've seen those where you're like, holy shit, they just hate each other. I've seen people who stay together who fucking hate each other.
And that makes me sad, too. That's bad.

Speaker 1 Because you're just like, you hate going home. That friend who will stay out with you all night and you're like, man, this person rocks.
And you're like, oh, they're deeply unhappy.

Speaker 1 That's why they're still drinking with me. Like, you're just like so grateful.
They're like, this person wants to party,

Speaker 1 but they hate their home life. That's true.

Speaker 1 That is the one thing where, you know, when the divorce rate is at 40%, it's like, yeah, a lot of marriages, like just growing up, you see, you're like, damn, these guys hate each other.

Speaker 1 So that is a sad thing, too.

Speaker 1 There's no easy way because it is going to be stressful, but it's like, yeah, when do you throw in towels? Like a weird question. Mostly women initiate divorce.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's mostly women who initiate it which is like that's i've always been struck by that but it's like

Speaker 1 yeah maybe women put more stock in happiness i think dudes are kind of more comfortable being miserable yeah true women are like am i happy like they're quite they're more introspective i think women question things more than we do like i I'm happy to just go through life being like, I need a joke.

Speaker 1 I need this, you know? But then every once in a while, when you like face your feelings, you're like, oh my God. Like, it'll scare because women are just like trained to deal with their feelings

Speaker 1 and we're not.

Speaker 1 So when I, you know, i'll just like i'm like i don't i'm feeling something i don't like whiskey plate you know just like i'll just i'll just bottle it up but you know yeah that's not good either they're in communicato all the times with each other about like what's stressing them what's going on they they are good about that but sometimes it could be too much where i'm like dude it's like well you're invalidating my feelings they're dumb they don't apply to the problem they're just getting in our way turn it off now cram it down and fucking deal Yeah.

Speaker 1 But you're, you know, you are kind of right. I think they, uh, they, they, I've talked about this before, but one time I was with my wife and she, she was, like, freaking out where it's like bedtime.

Speaker 1 She was just like panicking. I could hear her breathing weird.
I'm like, what's the matter? And she was like, I don't know. I'm like, just tell me what's wrong.

Speaker 1 And, dude, she listed a rapid-fire response of like six problems at once that had like sub-problems about like this person. And I was just like, stop right now.

Speaker 1 It was so fast. And it was just like.
And so organized. Yes.
It was like this interconnected web of like this person, that, and this happened. And then they thought this and that.

Speaker 1 And I was just like, I was like, all right, I don't ever want to glimpse into that ever again. But I was like, that's, I feel for you.
Was it a work problem or just like a home problem?

Speaker 1 I do, I don't even remember. It was more of like a friend group/slash-work thing that she was freaking out.
Oh, dude, it was like you watch these.

Speaker 1 I don't watch them, but some of my girlfriend will have these like real housewife shows on. And I'm like, You're just manufacturing problems.

Speaker 1 I know that they're like fake and they're written and stuff, but these people, just the idea of these people who have nothing going on, they're like, This person didn't invite me to a party, and that's like an arc.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and you're like, that's your life. That is, that's a that's like a punch in the stomach in Girl World, though.
You have a party, party. That's true.
You have a party.

Speaker 1 But sometimes it's even less than that. Sometimes like, this person like cut me off or was rude to me.
And you're just like, all right. Yeah.
Hold a grudge. You're right.

Speaker 1 The party thing is actually, that was a bad example. No, but no, that does make sense, though.
It is, it is dumb, but it is like, that's a, uh, that is a thing since women don't like

Speaker 1 to not get invited to a party. I don't want to go, but I do want to be invited.
Yeah, man.

Speaker 1 Like, I don't want to go to weddings ever, but, like, when I don't get the invite, I'm a little like, ah, it's a bummer. I get kind of sad as well.

Speaker 1 I'd really like, not like to go to almost anything, but if I don't get invited, I don't like, what the fuck would you you do? You just want to be thought of. You don't want to actually do it.

Speaker 1 You just want to. It's almost like at a certain point, the consent is better than the sex.
Yeah. We're like, that woman was like, that woman would fuck you.
And you're like, what? That's amazing.

Speaker 1 And then you just go home and you jack off. And you're like, who cares? Yeah, exactly.
I don't need the fucking sex.

Speaker 1 I don't want to keep the fantasy in my head. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The sex would ruin it. The sex would, she would be like, oh, that was horrible.
And you'd be like, oh, fuck. Yeah, that stinks.
But the idea that it could have happened, you're like, oh, fucking.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 that's a, I always wonder, it's like, especially when you're, when you're, before you're married, you do like, you're like, all right, I'm going to have sex. It better be good.

Speaker 1 Now I'm just like, I don't know. I mean, if it's good, it's great.
But if I could, if you'll just let me in there, I'm like, thank you, man. Yeah.
Now you get to the point.

Speaker 1 I just get like sad and resentful about that. Now I'm like, that is actually nice.
You not wanting to have sex and letting me do that. Anyway, I'm like, that's, thank you for that.
That's considerate.

Speaker 1 That's very nice. I mean, that's very nice of you.
You didn't have to do that. Next time, show some little more fucking spirit.
All right.

Speaker 1 I'm dating to someone. I was walking back to the hotel from the comedy club last night, and some woman was like, oh my, she was like so excited to see me.
I was like, oh, what's up?

Speaker 1 And I was like, oh, if I was, she was was like, I'm a big fan. I was like, oh, shit, cool.
And we were talking a little bit. She was attractive.

Speaker 1 And I was like, man, if I was single, I would try to have sex with her and I would lose a fan.

Speaker 1 I might as well just keep the fan. True, true, true.
I'm better at comedy than that.

Speaker 1 That is really funny.

Speaker 1 That is, yeah, I've never, see, I've always been married. I never got to like sexually interact with my family.
How long have you been married? Five years. Okay.
So I've been married ever.

Speaker 1 I didn't get it when it was like good, really. I feel like, because I was always just so quickly out of a breakup and it was just like, I was too sad or I like when, you know, I would ruin it.

Speaker 1 I remember I fucked like an older woman in Portland once and I was so sad after a breakup.

Speaker 1 She was like a divorced woman. She had a really nice house.
And

Speaker 1 right after I came, she was like, what's wrong? I'm like, nah, I just missed my ex.

Speaker 1 And then she was like asking about it. And I was like, I'm sorry.
It's just like very fresh. And she was just like, well, it sounds like she doesn't want you back.
And I was like, she might.

Speaker 1 We got into like an argument about her. I was like, it could work.
And I was like, wow, this is like the worst one night stand ever. I suck.

Speaker 1 There is something cool, though, about like the divorce lady energy. Oh, she was like.
I'm glad those ladies are out there. Oh, my God.
I love it. Like, fuck your ex.

Speaker 1 She says, like, a million-dollar house. Yeah, she's like, yeah, things don't work out, kid.
You know?

Speaker 1 I haven't seen my kids in six months. They fucking hate me.
Yeah, that is kind of funny to be like, don't, she says, she doesn't want you. I know.
She was right. Oh, really? She was definitely right.

Speaker 1 But I mean, I wasn't ready to hear it. I was still sad.
And you're just trying to numb yourself on the road. It's like any way.
It's like what I'm saying. You're trying to avoid the feelings.

Speaker 1 But you have to, I've gotten better at just feeling when I'm sad. Yeah, true.
Or just, you know, what you were saying in that podcast the other day, like just forcing yourself.

Speaker 1 I'm not like working out hard, but I'll go to the gym and you get a little boost, you know? Do something, yeah. Yeah.
No, that helps me. I've been good at that.

Speaker 1 Like, I've been trying to do a thing where I just like, if I'm in a hotel, my first instinct is like, I'm just going to fucking watch port and jerk off. Cause otherwise I can't fall asleep otherwise.

Speaker 1 And I've been like forcing myself to just lay lay in my bed and just feel whatever that feeling is of like,

Speaker 1 before that I could just would go away if I just jerked off. I know what you mean.
It's so tempting. It's like made up perfectly for it.

Speaker 1 It's crazy. And I'm like, what is going on in me? And then I like, and I'll sit there and feel it.
I'm like, I don't think I can just fall asleep naturally. And then I will actually get relaxed.

Speaker 1 And then I'll just watch porn and jerk off.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. Now

Speaker 1 I'm really going to fall asleep. I've been doing the exact same thing last night.
The only difference between me now and me and like in my 20s is I

Speaker 1 read afterwards. Oh, I had my book with me.
I was like, I'll read a few pages, then I'll fall asleep. That is, yeah, like nobody needs melatonin.
I still watch porn and jerked off, but I, you know.

Speaker 1 You've read your book. I read my book.
That's dude. That is the melatonin company does not want you to hear this.
But yeah, you watch porn and then read a book. You could do it.

Speaker 1 You do not need melatonin. You get sleepy.
You do. I read every night before bed.
I love it, man. What are you reading?

Speaker 1 Right now, I'm reading a book called Money in the Meaning of Life. That's like, it's pretty good.
It's this professor talking.

Speaker 1 He's like a comparative religion professor who just like yammers on about like how money is like central to like just like it's so deeply embedded in people's psyches and how it's like we're pretty unique in that regard as like a civilization because it's like relatively new I guess and he just says like how you just need like to come up with a way in life that like money is always going to be important if you try to tell yourself it's nothing you're just fooling yourself because it's like you're when you put like a lesser or base desire you try to banish it from your consciousness it just becomes wild and then just like goes crazy and like goes out of control So his whole thing was like, just try to make money the second most important thing in your life.

Speaker 1 Because he's like, it's probably the most important thing for pretty much everyone. It's understandable that it is.

Speaker 1 But if like you can make it the second most important thing, he's like, that's an amazing achievement. That's true.
And family will be your number one.

Speaker 1 No, me.

Speaker 1 No, but yeah, anything. Family, just anything, anything you're doing.
It gets into the gift economy, how a true gift never stops moving. Like you're like, it's like, there's like a, I don't know.

Speaker 1 But, but yeah, he's like, if you can make it second most, and it's like, you know, money's tied in with all of your other kind of like creaturely concerns where he's like, if you can try to somehow make that second most important, he's like, amazing achievement.

Speaker 1 That's pretty. It was a good book.
It was a good lesson. Yeah.
Sometimes you just need to be reminded of things that we kind of already know. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 You kind of know it, but a guy's just like, it's, it's with everything. It's like, fuck.
Sometimes you just see a comedian. You're like, oh, yeah, I'm just supposed to be funny.
Yep.

Speaker 1 Sometimes you just, it's just so simple. Like you see the most obvious message in a movie or book and you're like, why did I, I know that, but why did I lose sight of it? All the time.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it happens.

Speaker 1 all and that's what he was saying he's like when you try to banish these things from your consciousness they just kind of work in the shadows and just take right over again without you even knowing but yeah that's that's helped me a lot in stand-up is i used to always fucking panic everywhere i'd be like oh fuck now i'm just like there's people here they want to laugh i'm gonna do my best you had anxiety to perform you mean yes laugh all the time yeah all the time yeah yeah i would just sit there and go oh i dread it i get really and and then i'm on and i feel fine once i get the first laugh i feel fine but like yeah i dread the waiting yeah i and a a comic before me could run the light by two minutes.

Speaker 1 I'm like, oh, you're killing me.

Speaker 1 I just want to fucking go on.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I've like relaxed a lot, but if I'm in a new scenario, like when I moved down to Texas, I had to the mothership. I was just like, it's a new, you have to prove yourself all over again.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's, I mean, a lot of people know you, but you still have to, you feel like you have to prove it. It's true.

Speaker 1 And I had it, I was like working on pretty much newish material because I like did the special and like I was like still trying to like build up like an hour.

Speaker 1 So I was, it was like, I was just shitting myself the whole time.

Speaker 1 But it's like, now, now I've like tried to take myself out of the equation as much as much as I can and just be like, I just, these people want to laugh. I'm going to try to make them laugh.

Speaker 1 And if I don't do well, it was a valiant effort. And I'm not going to like freak out or be like, you fucking piece of cheerfully.
You know, like that stuff is bad.

Speaker 1 I used to always think like, it's always, it's one set. It's not going to change my life in any way.
If you get a new joke, cool. But like, this, I'm not ruining myself over this set.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Although Michael Richards might have thought the same thing. So you never know.

Speaker 1 But that's why everyone bombs up. Yeah, everyone.
Everyone says the N-word a bunch to strangers in the crowd.

Speaker 1 Luckily, camera phones aren't a real thing yet. Wait a second.
Yeah. No, I should have had the Yonderbag, dude.
The Yonderbag's been so important. Yeah, Chappelle has it to protect material.

Speaker 1 Other comics are like, I might have a racist tirade. I just need.

Speaker 1 No, but I really do feel that way. Like, nothing really that bad is going to happen.

Speaker 1 You know, like, you just give them the best show you can, especially when you're like really, you know, you're working on stuff and you're building.

Speaker 1 And hopefully the crowds now are sophisticated enough to understand like how we have to do this, so they know you know, they listen to enough podcasts and stuff, or you're doing your show on your tour, and you're like, This is this is where it's at right now.

Speaker 1 I hope it's good enough, but like it'll get there, you know, for sure.

Speaker 1 You still get those psychos, like, so you're gonna do the same thing on the next show, and you're like, Yes, I am, get the fuck out of here. Do you like make it up every time?

Speaker 1 You're like, No, dude, what the fuck do you think I am? I know, people think that I know, isn't that crazy? They're like, So, you're going to do like, what are you going to do for the next show?

Speaker 1 Just like something totally different. I'm like, No,

Speaker 1 well, you do. I mean, look, there are moments where we're riffing, so they think that maybe the other stuff.

Speaker 1 There are moments where we're like, you know, at the end of the show, I'll fuck around with the crowd. I'm like, scream at a current event.
I'll try to, you know, or I'll do whatever. Say

Speaker 1 stuff like that just to, because I get bored with the material anyway. But like, yeah, the fact that they think it's all off the dome is insane.
It's crazy.

Speaker 1 But that would be so fucking, I mean, I've seen, there are dudes, I think Rory Scoville would do some shit. He did.
He did a whole special where he just went completely off the dome.

Speaker 1 He's, he's a different breed, though, in that way. I think that normal comics, you just can't.
No, I would, I don't know.

Speaker 1 It would be a fun experiment, but it's also like. But it would do a disservice.
Like, can you imagine like Chris Rock off the dome as opposed to like seeing his pot? I want to hear his polished stuff.

Speaker 1 Yeah, true. Yeah, true.
It's one of those things that sounds cool, but you'd also have to tell the audience because that way

Speaker 1 they're bought in, so they're not just kind of like, what the fuck is this guy doing? I know.

Speaker 1 Well, dude, I think you crushed it, man. I think we're at an hour.
Thank you so much. So fun.
Yeah. It was a pleasure.
Thank you. It's the most we've ever spoken.

Speaker 1 I know. Yeah.
If you're ever in New York, you got to come by ours. Please, that'd be awesome.
Yeah, this is what I, it's, I've been video recording my basically first time really meeting people.

Speaker 1 It's really sweet. It's really cool.
It's really awesome. But, dude, thank you, man.
What do you have? Do you have anything you want to? Yeah, you know, I'm on tour like crazy start in January.

Speaker 1 I got, you know, some clubs to warm up in, like San Antonio, Liberty, and

Speaker 1 Liberty Township, Ohio, which is like somewhere near Cincinnati, I think. Nice.
And then

Speaker 1 Pittsburgh Improv. And then it's just like all theaters going forward.
And we're doing the bus. So it's like Charlotte, Richmond, D.C., Philly,

Speaker 1 you know, Tulsa, fucking Austin, Dallas,

Speaker 1 West Coast, every city. So it's just samaril.com/slash shows.
And if you don't see it, it'll be there. You know, it'll be there in the fall.

Speaker 1 I'm coming everywhere. So that's Segur.
I'm so jealous of his tour name. I'm coming everywhere.
Is that what it is? That's what he called him. Like, what a great tour name.
That is pretty good.

Speaker 1 But yeah, so it's just my website, go to shows, and I'm really coming to every city. And it's a new hour.
And I feel, I feel like it's getting there. It'll be, it'll be good by then.
Oh, yeah, dude.

Speaker 1 You better get the

Speaker 1 fuck out there and go there, dude. And we got our whiskey, Bodega Cat, which is going to be me and Mark Norman's whiskey.
I brought you a bottle. It's good stuff.
It's everywhere in New York now.

Speaker 1 It's going to be everywhere here soon. So I'm

Speaker 1 going to coming, dude. Thanks for having me.
Appreciate that.

Speaker 1 Thank you guys. Love you guys.
Goodbye.

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