Welcome to the Horizon Part 10: Phoenix

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Look, I'm sure that Eldon can give you the full rundown of all this, but that's the gist of what he told me.

I am.

I don't know what I am, but apparently I am still me.

It's still Frank in here.

I didn't really understand his explanation for it.

Something about quantum physics and some sort of emerging theory about consciousness being,

I don't know, mobile or something.

Clementine needed a body to put me in, and she just kind of winged it.

So I still breathe in and out, but according to Elden, I don't...

Jesus Christ, this sounds so ridiculous.

I don't have lungs.

Elden says that it doesn't have to be about needing air.

It can be about maintaining a consistent temperature or sampling the atmosphere or

something.

But anyway, there I was at the bottom of the cliff, not a scratch on me.

I don't sleep anymore.

I still eat and drink, but I don't know if I'm doing that out of force of habit.

And of course, Trinket has her theories too, but I cannot tell you how much I don't want to talk about those.

So

there.

That's the whole story.

And

now's the part where you say something.

swamp thing

What your swamp thing

brilliant scientist Alec Holland is thrown into the swamp after a freak accident his consciousness merges with the swamp and he is reborn as

the swamp thing

I

I I was really feeling bad about not telling you this, not feeling bad anymore.

Don't act like you're not Swamp Thing.

Not Swamp Thing.

What are you talking about?

Frankie,

you were the only kid in America who liked that movie for reasons other than Adrienne Barbeau.

This was fun.

It was a good talk.

You even liked the sequel.

No, I didn't.

You thought comics were for nerds, but what did you keep under your bed?

Your Swamp Thing collection.

It wasn't a collection.

There was supposed to be porn under there.

Did it occur to you that I might need some help right now that i might need some support instead i get swamped frank

relax what did i tell you when the weird starts happening it's all the sci-fi and comic book girlies who are going to be ready and should be listened to why are you not listening to me i am listening to you and what you're saying sounds ridiculous frank calm down I got a whole theory.

I'm about to blow your mind.

Okay,

blow my mind.

Come with me on this journey.

Clementine, in her dumbness, smashes your body apart like a dollar store piñata, but you, like a Looney Tunes character who has just been shot by Elmer Fudd, still stand there as a ghost.

Is it so ridiculous to think that in the brief seconds right before you were put into this new body, that you somehow, deep down, had a bit of say in what that body would be?

I mean, why not?

It's your body.

You're saying I did this to myself?

I'm saying I'm glad you weren't obsessed with Batman as a kid.

You would have been transformed into a psychotic rich guy.

Okay, we can stop talking about it now.

Hey, Alec Holland had to burn alive in a freak accident to become Swamp Thing.

At least you didn't have to do that.

I'm not Swamp Thing.

And it wasn't a freak accident.

His lab was firebombed by the Conclave.

Ha ha!

Morning, Sergeant Slaughter.

June, please.

It's Sergeant Major Slaughter.

Ah, look at the new Celeste.

She's got jokes.

Everyone's waiting inside.

Just a small group?

Yeah, it's just me, June, Deidre, Trinket, and Doug.

I thought about asking TJ, but nobody ever knows where the hell he is, so.

Okay.

Thank you for not inviting Steve.

Oh, he's going to show up anyway.

He always shows up.

Well, let's get a move on then.

What's this about, Celeste?

You'll see.

Good morning, everyone.

Hey, guys.

I made muffins.

God bless you, Deidre.

Hoffy is over there.

Um, what's this about, guys?

Doug, you have been invited to a secret meeting.

Really?

Oh, yes.

Wow.

Um.

Wow.

Thank you.

I...

I've never been a part of a secret society before.

It's not a secret society.

Yes, it is.

We need robes and a weird handshake.

I've definitely got robes.

Guys, Celeste asked for this meeting.

She told me to choose a handful of people, and I chose all of you.

Point of order, Mr.

Chairman.

I'm not the chairman.

I think all of us are still waiting for an apology.

From who?

From me.

June, I'm not going to apologize for following orders.

Fine.

Please tell the joint chiefs to send a letter of apology to my offices.

No.

What's this about, Celeste?

It's about the comet.

June...

Trinket and I have been talking about this for a while, and assuming the rumor mill is still going strong in this town, I'm sure you've all heard about it too.

Trinket.

I have a friend who works at an observatory in Chile who thinks that there is a very hard-to-detect comet heading to the vicinity of Earth.

I believe the last time this comet visited Earth, it was a harbinger of change.

This

was

around the end the last ice age.

Then, a few weeks ago, my base received a hurry-up and wait order.

This is the type of order that we get when we're getting ready for something big, but we don't know what.

And then, a few days ago, Trinket hears that the observatory she's been talking to has been seized by the Chilean government.

Which they would do if they needed to control the information coming out of that observatory.

Which brings us to today and why I asked Frank to bring you all here.

Last night, a protocol was instituted across all U.S.

bases in all theaters.

Every single one around the world.

The protocol is called Cannonball.

It's a protocol instituted to prepare for a possible impact with Earth by an extraterrestrial body.

Morning, y'all.

Looks like the rain's about to start.

Here comes fall.

I gotta get the heat fixed in my place.

Me and Rambo are gonna freeze.

You know, I knew this guy once, Kyle.

He thought he was hilarious because he was all like, Kyle from Detroit.

But, you know, he was from Detroit Lake, you know, like...

by

Mount Jefferson.

Anyway, his heat was broken and he didn't have any money to fix it.

So he said, it's fine, I'll just wear my coat indoors.

So winter comes and he gets drunk one night and passes out on his couch without his coat on.

A few days later, they check on him.

Frozen solid on his couch.

Half a can of blue ribbons still in his hand.

Oh, hey, Muffins.

Steve.

I didn't know you were opening this, Charlotte.

We're not open.

We're in the middle of a meeting, Steve.

Really?

A meeting about what?

Just tell him, Frank.

It's a meeting about the comet.

God damn, y'all.

You're having a comet meeting without me?

Don't say comet meeting like it's a thing we have all the time.

I see how it is.

Weird old Steve, shut out again.

Steve, I'm sorry.

You're right.

We should have called you.

I live here too, y'all.

A lot of people live here.

They're not here either.

Oh, I get it.

Y'all are the important ones.

is that it i mean frank over here thinking he's the superman of hood's pockets swamp thing actually

you know

i don't know what i have to do to be treated like a member of this community

what tell me what do i have to do be dependable in any way frank stop it okay

look

steve

We're really sorry.

We haven't been treating you like the valued member of the community you are.

Can we all stop for a second and say some things that we value in Steve?

Right now.

I'll start.

Steve,

you

have

really

great instincts.

You may not be aware of your path, but it's

always

leading you

somewhere very interesting.

Thank you.

Perfect.

Great.

Moving on.

I'll go.

God damn it.

Steve.

An inconvenient truth about Hood's pocket is that skiers like to stop here because the drugs are really cheap.

That then brings a lot of business to town.

So I would just like to thank you, Steve, for the cut-rate narcotics you provide.

June,

you're welcome.

Can we move on, please?

Well, let me just get comfortable.

Hey.

How are you doing?

Are you doing okay?

Oh, um

Secret Society, I'm doing great.

Okay.

Okay.

Good.

Right.

Somebody catch me up.

There's a comet heading for Earth.

Yeah, I knew that part.

No.

For real.

The U.S.

military knows.

They're preparing for it right now.

That's what Celeste came here to tell us.

Yeah, a way to bring down the room, Celeste.

You'd prefer I not tell you?

Kind of.

So why is she bringing it to us?

This is like top secret stuff, right?

Aren't you going to get court-martialed?

If anyone finds out, yes.

Then why did you decide to tell us?

Because you are my neighbors.

And because...

And because I object to it.

You object to what?

Generals are pretty tight-lipped.

That's how you get to be a general.

It all comes down to how good you are at keeping secrets and towing the line.

But everyone else in the military, candidly, is a gossipy little shithead.

You hear things, and there are parts of this protocol that I find

repugnant.

What are they?

Right now, if you check airspace around the world, you're going to find several privately chartered aircraft heading to secret destinations.

These planes are full of people who are being flown to shelters deep under the earth.

Who's on the planes?

Who do you think is on the planes?

Goddamn Illuminati.

Please tell me it is the best and brightest of the human race.

Illuminati.

It is not.

This isn't what I signed up for.

We should be informing the public right now.

Why don't we?

Let's do it.

I can go live on Instagram right now.

So glad Steve is here now.

They would.

They would do to you what I've been doing to to you all for a long time.

Make you look like you're insane.

There's nothing we can do to get the word out about this, but I knew

that I could come here and tell all of you.

It's not much, but I thought it was important.

So, um,

how big?

How big what?

Well, do they know how big the impact is going to be?

No.

From what I learned from my friend,

the comet isn't going to hit Earth, but it may shed a lot of debris, and

that debris could be pretty huge.

Oh,

okay.

Okay, so if

something hits the Earth about 500 feet wide, well,

that would kill a city.

A thousand feet long, and that will level a continent.

Half a mile long, well, that's about

six million Hiroshima bombs.

Global cooling, crop failures, and

mass starvation.

Now, it's also going to depend on what it's made of.

A comet will be

ice, which actually helps us in this situation.

Now, if it were iron or some other metal,

we'd be in much more trouble.

How do you know this, Doug?

Lots of long nights thinking about how many ways the earth can be destroyed, Frank.

Fair point.

So I'm just saying

these things are survivable.

Do we know how much time we have?

We don't.

The Department of Defense is working on it, but nothing so far.

Okay, so we should start getting ready.

Get ready how?

I doubt we have time to build an underground bunker.

Well, no, but we need supplies.

Now, assuming we survive, supply chains are going to be, you know, shut down, and there may be crop shortages and water shortages.

Now, being up here on the mountain isn't such a bad place to be.

We'll have fresh water from the snowpack, and we're out of the way of floods.

Ham radio will be the way to go in terms of communication.

I have a

pretty good setup back at the house, but we'll have to see who else has got one.

Now, really, though, the name of the game is going to be pharmaceuticals and dry goods.

And I think if we can get a good stockpile of those things, I think we may be able to ride this out until, you know, the lights come back on.

Three cheers for Doug's paranoia, everybody.

We have supplies back at the base, but it won't be enough for the whole town.

We don't even know who's in town anymore.

People have been leaving in droves.

We need a headcount.

And once we do, we need to have a town meeting.

We may not be able to warn the whole world, but we can at least tell everyone in town.

Okay, guys, listen.

For a while, we've been able to say that all of this could be a big misunderstanding or something.

I don't think we can do that anymore.

Because of a series of weird events, this minuscule town on a mountain knows a lot more than most of the people in the world.

Am I still hoping somehow this was all a big mistake?

Sure.

But I'm not just going to sit here and cross my fingers.

I think the best thing for everyone's anxiety is to have a job to do, something to focus on.

So, right now,

everybody head head home and focus on your neighbors.

Are your neighbors still around?

If they are, don't tell them some crazy story about comets and military bases and the Illuminati.

Just tell them that there's a meeting tonight at the Sheep's Eye and it's very important.

Okay?

I'll head back to base, and when there are any new developments, I will secretly let Frank know.

Okay.

We're going to be okay, guys.

Meeting adjourned.

Hey, hey, Doug.

I've uh

I've got an idea.

Oh.

Okay, we should talk to Ava Grimm.

I don't know, Steve.

What?

She's not so bad.

No, she's very intense.

Look, I think she'd be a good one to talk to right now.

What are you buttheads talking about?

Don't you think we should pay a little visit to Ava Grimm?

Ooh, our local paranoid survivalist.

Yeah, I mean, if we're talking about stocking up for the meteor winter, right?

Doesn't she have landmines in her yard?

Yeah, that's what I heard.

Nope.

It's just a myth.

No, she comes into the store every six months to refresh her batteries, and it's just, it's just terrifying five minutes.

I hate that Steve is right about this.

But Steve is right about this.

We've got to go talk to off-the-grid Grimm.

No, no.

We could send a letter.

We'll wave a white flag as we approach.

Uh, I'm sure she fires a warning shot first.

Oh, God.

Hey, Celeste.

Drink it.

I feel like this was a difficult decision for you.

I appreciate you trusting us.

Desperate times, desperate measures.

How are your migraines?

Oh,

they're uh

pretty bad.

We were doing pretty well with those.

Maybe you should

come back into the shop.

That would

that would be very helpful.

Thank you.

Okay.

Do me a favor, though.

When you come back in, could you bring me a gas mask?

I'm sorry.

Where is everybody?

There was some sort of meeting at the sheep's eye.

Anything important?

No, not really.

I'm getting that

it's quiet feeling.

Are you?

Anything going on out there?

I just told you there was a meeting at the sheep's eye.

Not out there.

Out there?

Nothing too alarming.

Moon City appears to be getting an encoded message.

That's weird.

Why?

I don't know.

It's an encoded message.

Who from

the Ted homeworld.

Hmm.

I don't like it.

No, do I.

Could be nothing.

Can you decode it?

Not from here.

I'd need a direct connection.

Why would Moon City

be getting an encoded message from the Ted homeworld?

I don't know.

They're just supposed to sit there and broadcast Earth television to the rest of the triad, aren't they?

They are.

I don't like it.

Nor do I.

Frank is here, by the way.

Come in.

Hello there.

Oh, good morning, Frank.

Verge, we need to talk.

Uh-oh.

Sounds very serious, Frank.

Yeah, but Verge, there's no easy way to say this.

But there's a comet headed for Earth, and we need to all start getting ready.

A comet.

Yes.

You know, I know we've talked about the possibility of this, but it's happening.

It's real.

Elden,

is there a comet headed for Earth?

There's not.

Wait, what?

There is not a comet headed for Earth.

Well,

how do you know?

Seriously?

The U.S.

military is preparing for total disaster, and every powerful person on the planet is apparently headed for some sort of underground bunker.

So, yes, Elden, seriously, how do you know?

All right, get out your terrible phone.

Look on your screen.

That's a real-time depiction of your solar system.

Ooh, that's cool.

I'm going to zoom in now on your inner asteroid belt.

Do you see those three dots?

That's an anti-collision system.

If an object is detected heading toward Earth, the system is activated.

Rockets are deployed that attach themselves to the object in question and alter its course.

Wow.

How did it get there?

It was set up by the TED Empire.

They have a vested interest in the survival of your planet.

As you can see, the system has not been activated.

Frank, when you started worrying about a rock falling on you from space, did you think that maybe you should ask the person who comes from there?

Yeah, uh,

well.

I suppose we haven't worked consulting our alien friend into our workflow yet, have we?

You have not.

You have not done that.

So, you're telling me there's no comet heading for Earth?

There's definitely a celestial body heading in the direction of Earth.

I'll put it on your map.

See?

There it is.

Earth appears to be wrong about the trajectory.

Why does everyone on Earth think it's going to hit us?

Projecting the path of a celestial body is not quite in your skill set

on Earth.

I'll give you an example.

Now, on your map, is an asteroid you refer to as Bennu.

An Earth scientist will tell you that in your year, 2175, Bennu has a one in 2700 chance of hitting Earth.

But what I can tell you with the technology available to me is that Bennu will not hit the Earth in 2175.

The technology is about 19 generations ahead of your own, Frank.

I think you can take our word for it.

God, fuck, we just had a whole meeting.

I'm so sorry.

Well, Deidre made muffins.

We apologized for telling you you're not going to die.

Okay, great, but now what do we do?

I guess you need to tell people.

Oh, god damn it.

They may be a bit hard to convince.

Apologies in advance.

You can do it.

Yeah.

Oh, hey, by the way, our space friend says we're idiots when it comes to space.

Well, when it comes to a few

things.

Do you have to tell them?

What?

So do they go around thinking the sky is going to fall for a while?

Big deal.

That's a terrible idea.

may be the moment of self-reflection that they need.

Virg, how would you feel?

Well, I'd be pissed.

Yeah, so

look, I mean, we've got to tell people, at least, believing us can come later.

Sounds like fun.

Jesus.

Jesus.

Who do I tell first?

Please feel free and work this out in my doorway.

Elden, are you absolutely sure about this?

I'm incapable of lying, Frank.

Is that true?

No, of course not.

But I am telling the truth.

Rejoice, Frank.

You're not going to be killed in a fiery maelstrom.

I mean, at this particular moment, I'm a little disappointed.

I have to go.

Godspeed.

Well,

I feel like we've done our good deed for the day.

How about you?

Fred?

What's going on with your circulatory system right now?

Why are the Teds sending an encoded message to Moon City?

Are you still thinking about that?

Yes.

They send encoded messages all the time.

Everyone does

not Moon City.

It's the sleepiest place in the triad.

That's true, but I still don't think it's anything to get worked up about.

I'm not getting worked up.

Yes, you are.

You

can't decode the message from here.

I could, but we'd be detected.

I'd have to be close enough to decode it directly.

Verge.

What?

We're not going to the moon.

Just a quick trip.

No.

Like we weren't even gone, Elden.

No.

It'll be fine, Elden.

Verge, it is a miracle that our run-in with the science priests hasn't attracted more attention.

Why would you want to push your luck?

Look, if the Teds are sniffing around, we should know about it, don't you think?

Get ahead of the problem for once.

I suppose there's some wisdom to that.

We can do the moon and back in a few hours.

Nobody'll know.

Where's this coming from?

Earth is convinced that it's going to be destroyed by a comet when they're not.

Then the Teds, who are notorious for fucking with Earth, start sending an encoded message to their nearest satellite.

Hmm.

I'll start a flight plan.

There we go.

Would you like to tell someone before we leave?

No, no,

they won't even know we're gone.

Let's go.

Hey.

Hey.

The world is ending.

Um, we had a meeting about it.

Uh, god, it was a weird meeting.

And uh,

it was like my feet started walking without me, and they took me here, and now I'm standing here

because the world is ending.

And if the world is ending, then I want Deidra.

I get the sense that something really amazing is about to happen, but I have to tell you

the world isn't ending.

What?

It's not.

But

we just had a whole meeting about it.

Elden?

Yes.

Hey, hi, Deidre.

Earth doesn't have all the information.

There's a comet headed in this direction, but it's not passing close enough to Earth to cause any destruction.

You've got to be fucking kidding me.

No, sorry.

You'll get a really wonderful view of it from the southern hemisphere, but I'm afraid the wayfaring stranger is going to sail right past you.

Oh my gosh.

Anyway, I interrupted you.

You

were saying

I'm

going to go get into my car, drive to the Columbia River, and walk in.

Excuse me.

Did you?

I have to go tell everyone.

I already told Frank.

I'm sure he'll let everyone know.

I can't take this shit anymore.

Hey, um,

want to see a spaceship?

What's that sound?

That's her.

Where is it?

I can only hear it.

Elden, let's decloak.

Decloaking.

Oh my god.

There she is.

Oh my god.

It's not really built to go interstellar, but I had a friend make some changes.

I have to travel light, but

it's not a bad way to travel.

Are you okay?

I can't.

I can't believe what I'm seeing.

Elden, how do we look?

All systems dominal.

It's so shiny.

Oh my god.

It used to be a racing ship.

The hull's supposed to give you an extra boost of speed when you come out of a gravity assist, but I think it's just space racer bullshit.

I think they just like the look.

What do you think?

It's beautiful.

Yeah.

What's it called?

Phoenix.

Can I touch it?

Sure.

It feels so weird.

The inertia sink is warming up.

It makes everything vibrate.

Wait, are you going somewhere?

I am, but um, I'll be back in a few hours.

Where are you going?

The moon.

The...

My moon?

Yeah.

You're just going to go

to the moon.

Yes.

Why?

Something I need to check.

You're just going to the moon to check something.

Yes.

Do you have a storage space there or something?

No, though.

Well, now that you mentioned it, that's...

That's not a bad idea, actually.

Nobody ever checks there.

I'm going to hover about three feet off the surface of the moon, and I'm just gonna have a listen to some transmissions.

Should be simple.

Wanna come?

What?

Do you want to come with me?

What?

What?

Teeth.

I can't.

I just.

I can't just.

I can't just go to the moon.

It's a two-seater.

What?

No.

Okay.

I can't go to the moon.

Okay.

I'm not an astronaut.

Neither am I.

I can't go to the moon.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

What?

I just climb in and go to the moon.

Yes.

Yes, you do.

It can't be that easy.

Why not?

Well,

because

it's a perfectly safe spacecraft, Deidre.

And you just go to the moon whenever.

I feel like the core concept is not being communicated.

Deidre,

right now, you have a choice.

You can be someone who's been to the moon or someone who hasn't been to the moon.

Which would you like to be?

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So that's one, two, three, four, five, five.

Signs saying no trespassing.

It's as if she's trying to tell us something.

So Steve feels comfortable just

walking up to the front door?

Ava Grimm appears to be a member of Steve's clientele.

Oh,

painkillers.

But you didn't hear it from me.

Well,

okay, but wait.

If she's a survivalist who believes that society is on the brink of collapse,

how did she plan on maintaining her painkiller habit after it collapses?

I don't know, Doug, but you should definitely ask her.

Yeah,

well,

she's gone.

Gone?

Yep.

Maybe she's asleep or

down in her bunker or something.

No, no, she left a note.

What's it say?

Whoever you are, this is yours now.

I suddenly don't know why I did all this.

I'm prepared to survive just about anything in here.

But I've got a daughter in Cordeline, who I haven't spoken to in 10 years.

I don't think I can survive that.

Wow.

Looks like she heard all the comet rumors.

She just left us her survival compound.

I guess so.

All right.

Let's take a look.

Hang on.

We're sure the landmines were just a rumor.

Yeah, absolutely.

But, oh, oh, hey, yeah, look out for bear traps.

Great.

Whoa,

yeah,

pretty intense, right?

I've never seen this many guns in one place.

Or sacks of beans.

Or

protein powder.

Or oh

gummy bears.

She got real weird with it, that's for sure.

But I guess this is all ours now.

I guess so.

Guys,

what

just

looking around here,

old Ava Grimm was obviously preparing for the worst.

Can we make a pact that if society comes crumbling to the ground, that we'll,

you know, keep it mellow?

What do you mean?

I don't know.

I just

don't think I can do the post-apocalypse thing.

I don't want to have to wear an eye patch

and football gear

and carry a sawed-off shotgun.

Could I have an eye patch?

Oh, sure.

Sure.

Sure, Steve.

Yeah.

I know what you mean.

Looking at this place,

I could have been like this.

I mean, I could have been one of those guys that fills his house with supplies,

blacks out the windows,

waits for the end.

I don't want to be that guy.

If I'm being honest, Doug, I totally thought you were headed in that direction.

I thought it was

two years.

Tops until you were barricaded in your house.

Me too, man.

All that talk about snowplows wasn't healthy.

Not to sound like Steve, but that ayahuasca trip really turned it around for you.

Oh, well,

you know.

Thank you.

You know, as long as we are making rules for the coming post-apocalypse, um,

no fucking snowplows.

Never.

Hey, I was just thinking, who is it that said that the meek will inherit the earth?

The

Bible,

I guess.

Huh.

Turns out, it's us.

These fucking satellites.

Yes, it's quite a mess up here.

What's the plan?

I say on the far side of the planet, we hit a shallow orbit, burn hard, and then the gravity assist should be enough.

We probably won't have to use the drive too much, should keep us fairly invisible.

Sounds good.

Deidre, how are you doing?

Oh shit, did she pass out?

She's fine.

Deidre?

We just passed over every place I have ever been in my life in 20 seconds

We're going about 17,000 miles per hour right now.

I don't feel a thing.

I know

Man, everything that has ever happened in every history book has happened right down there

Looks so small now

It's beautiful

There's a lot of beautiful planets out there, but this one

this one's not so bad.

It grows on you.

Thank you for this, Verge.

It's my pleasure.

Burning in five seconds.

You ready to go to the moon?

Let's go to the fucking moon.

Here comes the juice.

You still there?

Oh, I'm still here.

Okay,

take your time.

An extraterrestrial

that's correct.

Yep.

And

yeah.

Oh, I know.

It's.

This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life.

Yeah, no, I know.

I know.

Your friend, the extraterrestrial, has told you that the comet isn't coming.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Correct.

Yeah, Celeste, if it's any help, I don't love the words coming out of my mouth either.

You know, I

feel like I'm in a fucking Michael Bay movie.

But the problem is, there's no non-stupid way of saying this.

There's been an alien in town for a few weeks now, and

they have told me that the comet is not coming.

Lots of people out there think that aliens are talking to them, Frank.

Mm-hmm.

Yep, yeah, and I am aware of these people.

These are not.

These are not well people, Frank.

Yeah, no, sure.

And I am aware of that too.

Uh-huh.

So I'm just supposed to take your word for it?

Uh,

I mean, I'd love it if you did.

You know, of course,

of course, you could also ask yourself: how was Frank, a man who doesn't own a computer, able to hack into my top secret military base, right?

And who was the mysterious friend of Frank's who somehow subdued all my guards the other night?

That, you know, you could

spend some time on that.

Okay, Frank, benefit of the doubt.

Great.

What am I supposed to do with this information?

Well,

it's a good question.

It's not like you can do anything about it.

I'm betting Central Command will show up with a butterfly net if you tell them, so I guess we just wait for the comet to pass us by, and then they'll eventually catch on.

I'm deeply skeptical.

Yeah.

No, of course, Celeste Ann.

And I respect that.

I just figured, you know, spirit of transparency and all that.

What are you telling people in town?

Honestly, I'm not sure how much of a town we've got left.

I'm thinking we're down to a quarter of our population at this point.

The sheep's eye is basically self-serve now.

So I'll

wait for everyone to come back here and then I'll tell them.

No offense, Frank.

But I'm going to operate as if this is all still happening.

Yeah, no.

Sure, you do you, Sarge.

Okay, well, this has been illuminating.

Really,

it really has, hasn't it?

Goodbye, Frank.

Oh, while I've got you, can you tell me why Trinket needed a gas mask?

A gas mask?

Oh my god.

Welcome to the moon.

I can't believe this is happening.

Are we close enough?

This will do.

I've got the signal decoding now.

It it looks a lot.

It looks a lot like Earth.

Is that weird?

It used to be a part of the Earth.

A long time ago, there was a collision that ripped them both apart.

And the moon was just a ring of dust for a while, and then it became

this.

I can't believe I'm here.

This is

strange for me.

What?

I don't know.

I've spent half my life in a ship like this traveling between one planet or another and

I've gotten used to it.

It's strange to hear someone experience it for the first time.

I can't imagine ever getting used to this.

I've looked up at this moon my whole life life, and

I'm here.

Looks better from afar, I'd imagine.

No, no, it's beautiful.

What was your moon like?

Mine?

Yeah, from your planet.

They had nine of them.

Nine?

The nine eyes of Rakesh Guha, I called them.

Rakesh Guha was the ancient god of the Vapians.

As the story goes, Vapians Vapians were once two races of people, but one day, when the eyes of Rakesh Guha aligned, they were merged into one people.

Explaining the four appendages.

Do you not like talking about your planet?

No,

not really.

I understand.

I think you should, though.

You should tell me about it.

I want you to tell me everything.

Okay.

I've got it.

There were three different levels of encryption, and uh.

What?

I'll put the data on your screen.

Um.

Holy shit.

What?

Those

motherfuckers!

Verge!

Elden Hartburn for Earth right now.

They'll see us.

Doesn't matter anymore.

Verge, what's happening?

Needra,

we're going to be going very, very fast, but then the inertial dampeners will kick in, and it's gonna feel pretty strange, okay?

Verge, tell me what's happening.

You really want me to tell you everything?

Yes.

Okay,

let's start at the beginning.

Hundreds of years ago, a bunch of planets started getting a message of peace from a distant planet.

In that message were instructions on how to build a warp gate to connect those two worlds.

The message was from a planet called Ted.

Building that gate was the worst decision any of those planets ever made.

As the earth holds me,

as the sky sees me,

as the sun rises within me,

I step out

to greet the day.

When I first

decided this was the path I wanted to take in life,

I knew I was going to need a teacher.

I met a man named Chris Janda, but

he insisted I call him Sitting Squirrel.

He was a a pretty weird guy.

I asked him once,

what

happened to all of us?

How did all the other religions of the world

explode,

but all the practitioners faded into the background?

How did one of the oldest traditions in the world get sent to the shadows so quickly?

So he told me a story from Greek mythology.

Apollo was

in love with a wood nymph named Daphne, but she wanted nothing to do with him.

She had sworn a life of celibacy to the god Artemis.

Apollo didn't care, of course, and it all...

It all wound up with him him chasing Daphne through the forest like a madman.

And

Daphne knew she couldn't outrun him.

She had to do something.

So

she stood at the edge of a river and asked her father, a river god,

to save her.

And the only way to save her was through transformation.

Her skin became bark.

Her hair turned to leaves.

And her feet took root in the ground.

She was transformed into a laurel tree.

It was.

It was the only way to survive what was coming.

Is that what you did,

Cameron?

You saw something coming that you couldn't survive, so you

transformed into this?

If so?

Thank you.

I'm told

the mushrooms here can heal people.

If that's true,

then we may need them soon.

So,

I am standing here with my basket in one hand and my mushroom knife in the other, and I'm going to try to

figure out what you've made for us.

If this is all a gift,

I'll be sure not to waste it.

I promise.

In the big rock candy mountain, you never change your socks.

Frank, are you there?

Elden, could you at least have the common decency to make the phone ring before you start talking through it?

Oh, for God's sake.

Happy?

Hi, what is it, Elden?

I have bird for you.

Frank, I don't know if a lot of time, so just listen.

I was wrong.

The comet is headed for Earth.

It's not going to be a direct hit, but it's going to be pretty bad.

In a nutshell, the Ted Empire, aka the bad guys, are trying to prevent a rebellion.

They need a big distraction.

All eyes are always on Earth television, so when a comet started heading for Earth, they deactivated the defense system they have around the planet and made it look like the comet was going to miss.

Now, the entire system is going to watch while Earth gets raked over the coals and the Tets can quietly quell the rebellion while nobody's looking.

We don't have a lot of time, so the town meeting you were going to have, keep it on the books.

Deedre and I will be there soon and I'll explain everything.

Sorry about this, pal.

My bad.

See you soon.

Hey, Celeste.

So it's a funny story.

Every time I think these guys couldn't be any more fucked up, they go and lower the bar about five fucking rungs.

Amazing.

Sorry to ruin your first time in space.

Fuck!

So it's all really happening?

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes, Deidre, I'm sorry.

I don't want to believe it myself, but

it's really happening.

Okay.

We need to get to the sheep's eye.

I'm about to do something

really ill-advised.

Stay in your seat.

What?

Stay in your seat.

Why?

Because

I'm about to sit on top of you.

Hi,

Hi.

Didra.

The world's ending.

Exactly.

Hey, everyone,

thanks for being here.

I know it's a little scary to leave the house these days, but so we're going to get started in just a minute.

I've been told to wait.

What are you gonna do?

Can you hold my jacket for me?

Sure,

Verge.

I'll be right back.

Okay, Verge is here.

So, you've probably seen Verge around town.

They'd like to say a few things.

Hi.

Hi.

So, hey, what

are you going to do?

You may want to stand back.

Attention, people of earth.

You have one month.

If

anyone forgot their glasses, that's one,

two, three, four arms, okay.

Sorry, Verge, go ahead.

Welcome to the Horizon is made possible in part by our Monte Cristo level and above supporters.

Wilson, Billy, Burtbert, Bethany, 2nd Bethany.

Society of Bethany's.

Oh, Bethany, where art thou?

Mr.

Squizzle-Sizzle-Wizzle-Fizzle, the horrendous secret co-conspirator behind the long-ongoing Bethany War.

Dances with Bethanies.

Banjo Bethany begins banjoing belated Bethany battle ballads.

Avenge the stew.

Three geese in a trench coat, all named Bethany, definitely not causing mischief in the ongoing Bethany War.

Green Mountain Hermit wants that NB Bethany stew recipe.

Local Marsh Hag offers the NBBs a fully normal apple as an apology for all the antics.

You can trust this one.

All apples glow.

The non-binary Bethanies take the apple from the Marsh Hag because why would they poison us twice?

Introducing Reese Pontiff as the 22nd Bethany.

This episode boldly beckons a bigger batch of brilliant binames brewing a bubbling Bethany stew to broaden the best finale brew.

Gathering of Bethanies, drink from the water hole, a non-binary thylacine named Bethany, Byro the motherfucking dragon with his horde of Bethanies, Corvina the killer queen of Omicron Percy VIII, Dr.

Bootiologist, the Glutes Doctor, Tobias Ewing, Rachel Meloche, Queen Surly Jess, Loppy Lolly, Adam Toclove, Dr.

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Keith Collins, Remy, the Panda Crew, Melody Prime, Beardo the Wizard, Whiskered, Anne Maestress, Randy Spears, Marissa the Ghost, Local Snowplows in your area are dying to meet you.

Brotherford B.

Chesterfield and his dapper companion Winchester.

Wolfgang the Incredulous.

Andrea Rose, Cheshire Corgi, Old Kelsey No Shoes, Share Bear17890, Zildia, Little Man from County Down, Jamie the Original, Happy Hippie Rainy, Sasha, Beth and Alan Van Gillis, Langston North, Sly Fox, Buggy, Timothy Aotis, Chance Wants You To Know He Cares, Wolfstock, Adrian Vance, Elliott, Hobbes DeCoe, Alexis Walker, Rory of Yin, Moobie the Golden Calf, Kirion, Giovanni Salinas, Rocky G, Perry the Pirate, Aaron Elizabeth, K-Narcotics, Solomon Price, Daydream, Angela Sanchez, Bubba485, aka Schemelbach, The Christmas Whale, Space Rooster Randy Roosts in Ava's Booth, Stella Corvus, My Love of Verge is Undying, Candyman Fight, Sketch Wolf, John Peters, You Know the Farmers, Barkley on the Holodeck, Lambo Swanson of the Swanson Otters, Dapper Dad, ADHD Brulee, SCP-049, O Magis, South Wayne, Michael Lorry, Raven the Dreamer, TK, Turtle King, Dominique Perry, Space-Based Lasers, Caption B and Lady G with their swabs, That's Good Gouda, The Clockwork Vixen, Verge Fangirl, and Designated Midnight Server, Ozneth the Author, Mr.

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Rage, Ada, Spooky Spader, Storytime, Andy, I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit, upon a slitted sheet I sit.

Xavier Killingsworth, Reformed Colonel Reb, Ghoster Alagamo, Kevin Daughtry, Adam Wolf, Martin Deeres, Entropy Eigenbasis, Robert Savat, Drink Spiller, Matt B., Richard Ryan Moshe, Theodore and his son Henzo, D.

Flower, Kella T.

Arena, Fall of the Berlin Wallaby, Parmesan Goose, Jen Rhodes, Kevin Lutra, Lauren Mayer, Jake the Cook, Ellen Berglund, Dylan Winslow, V.

Greenlee, Courtney Morris, Ryan Abbey.

I hope something good happens to you today.

Yes, you.

Wasabi Lube Moonshine, Wasabi Lube's Mum, Turtle Boy, Arwen the Freer, Fridge Pickle, Jacqueline Snyder, Basil in their T, Keegan Diamond, Diamond, Ron Hayden, Dan Gentry, Vincent Yu, Stephen Durow, Whisperdan, Mad Maddox, Aaron Starr, Claude DeClause, Rachel Seymour, Chis Alfred the Bullheaded Professor, Bonjour, EC Alexandre Leroc, Le Canadien des Support Emotionale, Officiale pour Midnight Burger.

For this message in English, press 2.

Chris Janda, Ed Boy, Ryan Finelli, Jonathan K., Bert, Burt, Burt Burt, Burt Burt, Burt Burt, Burt Burt,

Another Monster, Pettabite Avatar, Tugwin the Mighty, Project Octopus, Ken, Davin Royal, Captain Hambone, King Felix Blaze of the Third Street Saints, Scotty Oates, Iced Heart on Fire, Dan's Grounded Again, Dear Edna, I fear this poo may be my last.

Speaku, Nick-Tac-Toe 2.0, Simply Tony, is Hold It Now, Hold It Now hid it a bit or a patron name?

Gabriel Castellan, Vannaheim, Jamie of the Goblin Chaos, Whom, What?

Why,

where?

Nico DiGallo goes great on Midnight Burgers.

A dubious raptor, a drum major, and a trapeze artist walk into Connie's bar.

Retorted.

God is love, love is king, cash green, sir party animal, Uloy Jackal, Cat with a K, Miss Shan Fizzle, Stomp be smoking on that Space Pirate Engineer pack, Lucifer Hezekiah, Lachi Huawa Brava, Cece Carousel, Korth the Destroyer, Honest Puck, Casper's Mom's a Milf.

Scout and Fox Glove says the floor is lava, Red Nell, Kurdomsky, Craig Armstrong, Dulcet DeLeche, Zachary Langrer, Get Out of My Booth, Bug, Sad Angry Crab Man, Chuck McFinley, Hazel Hayes, Velocity Girl43, Little Dragon, Ben Carlisle, Freedom Rocks, The Pop Can Sally Quartet, Anna Kearney, Ashley Strange Lilia, The Four Schnauzers of the Apocalypse, Starbrace Burnbright, Imzuki Yoki, Jean-Luc Gabo, Doc Sweet, Ph.D., Lonely Isle, Chris Hinkle, Pike Man Stover, Sernoculus the Space Knight, Scrizzles, Thwap, Casey Judson, Kitty Kitty Kitty, The Firekeeper, Peace Reaper, The End is Nigh!

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Two Vegetarians and a Toxic Relationship with Burger, CCTX Girl68, Melissa Winskill, Nicole Studioso,

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I am Annie.

I live forever in every moment I've existed.

I swear to every star in the cosmos, I never forgot it was a gift.

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Ducks in the wind.

All we are is ducks in the wind.

Ronnie Porter, Eagle Rock Lobster, Mary Like the Virgin, Rosetta, The Phoenix Bird has returned, bringing snow and holiday cheer.

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Dr.

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Kneel before your supreme ruler.

The Gabber newspaper sounds like a ridiculous name, but they help protect democracy in Florida.

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Hit it!

It's the police!

Open up!

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You forgot to take out the trash, but Dr.

Lattice Trash Angel has your back, and now, also, your credit card information, but don't worry.

Yes, my brain is weird.

Thank you.

Bibbity Boppity Boom.

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Baby Bears Love the Diner.

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It's okay now, Joe Fisher.

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Mossy would come up with a cool name, but sadly, she's just Mossy.

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the Hiker Bear, Velocicate, Al Cave, Krusty McBeardface, Tracy, Maloran, Brian Barletta, Sweet Michelle, Kara, Colmy Zen, Calibri, Mel Momberg, Rogue, Lisa Geisler, India Holbert, the esteemed throat goat, Fred Fredberger, What the Chuck, Sono Nasuno, Ben and Jessica, Nea DeRusso, Peachy Zatowichi, Justine Burbank, Inky the Kraken, Azula the Brave, and their ever-faithful squire Grabthar, Ruth McCormick, Dalek Steve, Dancing Dog Dreams, and existentially, Exhausted Bean.

The Fable and Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish.

This is the story of the one.

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