Welcome to the Horizon Part 8: The Green Man

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What the fuck?

Drink it.

Did you hear that?

Yeah.

Yeah, I did.

Uh, okay.

What now?

Well, hang on.

I'm I'm trying to convince myself it was an elk.

Uh,

it wasn't an elk, Frank.

No,

no, it wasn't

before we freak out about this.

How about we consider it was just our imaginations and it was one of those shared hallucination things?

Sure.

Okay.

Ah, Jesus Christ.

Okay.

Okay, I'm.

I'm voting no on our imaginations.

I agree, but what the fuck is it?

We have to go see.

Wow, that is literally the worst thing you could possibly say.

I'm

going to pack a bag.

How soon can you leave?

What?

How soon can you leave?

No, we are not going out there.

Of course we are.

Trinket,

that was not the kind of sound you go towards.

That's a runaway sound.

Frank,

time is of the essence, so let me cut to the chase here.

Whatever we just heard, we don't want someone else in town to find it, right?

Also, I'm definitely gonna go see, and I know you're not going to let me go alone.

I mean, mean,

we could go round and round for five minutes.

Will that make you feel better?

I'm bringing my Winchester, and there is nothing you can do to stop me.

I don't approve, but whatever gets you in your truck.

Fine.

Do you think we could get up to Barrett Spur by nightfall?

Maybe.

I was thinking if we could could get above the tree line, maybe we could see something from there.

Yeah.

Maybe.

Did you bring your binoculars?

Yes.

Are you hungry?

I brought some trail bars that I made.

Ooh.

I do not want to know what's in those.

It's sorghum, cacao nibs, and molasses, Frank.

It's not a magical potion.

Anything else?

There's some

green algae in there.

And

ginseng.

Jesus Christ, if I keep asking, are the ingredients going to get weirder?

Probably.

I can't believe we're doing this.

This was your idea.

I know.

I.

I still can't believe we're doing this.

Okay.

We're going to get up there and have a look, and then we're never going to hear anything again.

That's probably what's going to happen.

And I'd be fine with that.

Good.

You think it's Bigfoot?

Frank.

What?

No, I don't think it's Bigfoot.

Wait, you...

you don't believe in Bigfoot?

No.

Because you believe in a lot of things.

Bigfoot isn't one of those things.

Okay.

Thank you for coming.

Yep.

It's still the slow season.

June will be fine on her own.

Oh, right.

You run a motel.

What?

Nothing.

It's just weird to hear about normal things now.

Yeah, I know.

Bigfoot would be a relief, honestly.

Thank God,

it's only Bigfoot.

Exactly.

So

there's something I need to tell you.

Oh, don't ruin the moment.

Okay.

Great.

We've talked about this before, but it's kind of been getting lost in the noise, so.

The comet.

Yes.

Still heading for Earth?

Remember I told you I had that friend in South America who worked at an observatory?

Uh-huh.

He's the one I was getting all my information from.

Last I talked to him, the wayfaring stranger was

still headed for our neighborhood.

Joy.

The good news is it's looking like it's not going to strike Earth directly.

Okay.

But there's still a high chance of it

passing very close by, meaning it could shed a ton of debris on Earth.

Fantastic.

But there's no real way to know.

So, Trinket, I...

Trinket,

I hate to bring common sense into the conversation, but I feel like if a comet was heading for Earth, that it would be on the news or something.

There's a whole community of stargazers out there.

And my friend Joshua is in the minority on this particular issue.

How much of a minority?

Yeah, I suppose you could call it a fringe theory.

So this could all add up to nothing?

Yeah.

The thing I have to tell you is

I called him yesterday to get an update, and a corporal Diaz picked up the phone.

He said that all communication with the observatory was to go through him now.

Where was this again?

Chile.

So the Chilean military has seized control of an observatory?

Yes.

It's not the greatest sign.

The military is not in the habit of seizing control of observatories.

Now.

I mean, can we get some sort of ballpark estimate of what could and couldn't happen here?

The ballpark is

in one scenario, we just have a really stunning light show as debris burns up in the atmosphere.

That sounds good.

The other scenario being several fragments of the comet the size of a small town crashing down,

destroying a significant part of the Earth and causing irreversible damage to the whole damn planet.

Uh-huh.

So, somewhere between those two?

Yes.

Or nothing at all.

Sure.

Though

the way things have been going,

yeah, I'm sure it's nothing.

Doesn't seem to be doing it lately.

No.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Let's go find Bigfoot.

Sure.

All right, listen.

Watch your step.

It's getting pretty narrow.

I haven't been up here in years.

Well, Park Service is doing a pretty shitty job of maintaining these trails.

You come here a lot, right?

I used to.

I thought you did this every year.

Yeah, I did, but then I took over the horizon and things got busy.

You should really get back to it.

Rituals like this are important, Frank.

I know, I know.

Oh,

shit.

What?

It looks like there was a rock slide at some point.

The trail's completely covered.

Oh, can we get past it?

See, I usually complain about stuff like this, and it gets fixed.

Well, you haven't been up here, and you haven't been complaining.

I guess this is what happens.

Trinket,

I don't know if this is a good idea.

Well, we can get past it.

We'll climb over the rocks, and the trail keeps going.

It should be fine.

No, we're up pretty high, Trinket.

It's not like I've never been up here, Frank.

I.

I'll take it one step at a time.

It'll be fine.

We should get a move on, because it'll be dark soon.

Fine.

Fine.

I'll go first to make sure there's no surprises.

That sounds great.

Okay.

Take it slow.

Yep, I'm I'm taking it slow.

The rocks covering the path look pretty settled in.

I think they've been here for a while.

This is what happens to the world when I stop complaining, Trinket.

Everything goes straight to hell.

Nobody understands how important you are to the world, Frank.

Exactly.

Okay.

Okay, when I get to the other side, I'm going to tie a rope to myself.

Oh, fuck shit!

Frank!

Oh, fuck shit!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Can you hear me?

Are you are you hurt?

Try and make try and make any any sound at all.

Frank!

Yeah, I'm

I'm right here.

Oh, fuck!

Holy shit!

Frank, you scared the shit out of me!

God damn.

I c I couldn't see where you

where you fell

where you

I'm fine.

Uh

you're

you're fine.

Yeah,

you're

um

that's

Frank.

That was a

that was a four-story ball

Yeah,

you can't be fine after that

Let's make camp

I tried to write it off as nothing, but

but the evidence started to mount up.

You know,

first, it was Rambo.

I mean, when Rambo came out of the woods, all two tons of him, it was like he couldn't see me.

When June came out of the office, he started howling at her.

He could see her.

He could see Verge.

I waved my arms trying to get his attention, but it was like I wasn't there.

Then there was the mushrooms, then the ayahuasca.

Frank, for

for anyone to survive that fall would be a miracle.

Yeah.

But for me,

it was like jumping down from the branch of a tree.

Her name was what?

Clementine?

Yeah.

And you're saying all this is happening because of her?

Yes.

We thought the first weird thing that happened was Relentless Rick.

It was me.

I was the first weird thing to happen in town.

Okay.

I'm going to go ahead and stick a pin in this Clementine person

and whatever this diner is that you're talking about.

And

I'm just going to focus on you.

Okay?

Okay.

What about smaller things?

Are there little things you've noticed?

Maybe

not weird on their own, but they add up?

I don't know.

It's like,

I mean, I stopped sleeping.

You.

Frank, that's not a small thing.

Well, I never really slept much to begin with, so

I don't know.

I get tired at night like everybody else, but then the sun comes up the next morning and I'm fine.

Have you told June about any of this?

June knows, but I haven't told her about the mounting evidence.

She's been a little distracted.

Well,

I mean,

in retrospect you have seemed different lately?

Different?

Lately?

Different lately?

Of course I've seemed different lately, Trinket.

I died.

The guy you went to middle school with is dead.

I'm not him.

I'm whatever was put in his place.

I don't think that's true, Frank.

Okay, Trinket,

please, I don't care about whatever Stevie Nick song you're going to sing me about my soul in the moonlight or whatever.

My body was disintegrated and something else was put where my body used to be.

Frank,

I may be the only person who can talk to you about what you're going through right now.

You want to shove it with the witch jokes for a minute?

Do you remember

the time I convinced you to go to my parents' renaissance fair?

You didn't convince me to go.

Right.

I didn't.

You were dating some girl back then.

She thought it would be fun.

So

there you were in the middle of the Renaissance Fair.

Do you remember my parents' Renaissance Fair?

I do.

It was a pretty crappy Renaissance fair trinket.

It it wasn't great.

I mean, the bard with a tuba?

There was a bard, and she was playing the tuba, yes,

but she was very enthusiastic, and it was all she knew how to play.

Right, well, it kind of broke the illusion for me.

Well, there were also cash registers, so there you go.

Okay, so why?

Why are you bringing this up?

Because you were there.

That wasn't me.

We've been talking a lot about your body, Frank, and thinking about it and agonizing over it.

This is more than I ever expected to talk about your body in my lifetime.

I don't know what this new thing is you're inhabiting, but I'm here to tell you, your body,

to me, and

to those that care about you, is the

least important part of you.

It's just a place that you live in for a while.

It could be anything, honestly.

How do I figure out what I am?

Frank,

how does anybody?

Well, there's nothing in the self-help section of the bookstore for this.

So

I know.

You're going to have to write your own book.

Yeah, I don't want to write my own book.

I don't mean literally write write a book.

But side note, don't get mad if I start taking notes around you.

You should start by talking to people.

But

maybe

talk to them before you plummet four stories off a cliff.

I'm not telling Steve about this.

No, absolutely.

Do not talk to Steve about this.

But you should talk to June.

I know.

And I know you hate that because you don't like to ask for things, but you have to be frank.

This is too big for you to be the lonely guy up the mountain.

What?

I'm not the lonely guy up the mountain.

Yeah, you kinda.

You kind of are, Frank.

No, no, I like, I like people.

You do.

And it's what you hate about yourself the most.

Thank you for being normal about this.

Or or abnormal or whatever.

You're not having the reaction I thought you would.

Yeah.

I've been thinking lately,

I think we've barely scratched the surface.

Of what?

Something's going on, Frank.

All these things that are happening, it's all headed towards something.

It seems random, but there's a rhyme and reason to it.

I don't know what

that experience at Cameron's house with the mushrooms really broke me.

Then I took the ayahuasca to try and find a way forward, and

in a weird way, I

did

because

there I suddenly was with Steve in the glade of wishes.

Have you noticed Doug lately?

He's like a different guy, right?

I mean, the same.

Yeah, I mean, still a mess.

But different.

He's really risen to the occasion.

All these things are bringing us closer to ourselves and

bringing us closer to each other.

You and I could have never had this conversation a year ago.

Scratching the surface of what?

I don't know.

But

all of this is heading toward something.

What's going on with you right now is just a part of that.

I am

I

am

glad you were here

Wow

Yeah

that was rough for you it was

Are you okay?

Not really

well

here

let me give you something to make fun of so you'll feel more comfortable.

Then what's that?

I do this whenever I sleep in the woods.

Okay, and what's this about?

Just a little security for the evening.

Oh my god.

Wait, is that just a...

Is that just a big bag of oats?

Yes.

You're pouring out a bag of oats right now.

Yes.

Oh.

Oh,

God.

The explanation for this is going to be really something, isn't it?

Laugh all you want.

This is what I do.

Please.

Please tell me.

I

pour a circle of oats around my campsite.

Yes.

Because fae people cannot cross a line of oats.

Fae people.

Yes.

Fairies?

If you must.

Yes!

You've just fairy-proofed our campsite.

Yes, Frank.

Fae people are essential and beautiful creatures, and they can also be total dicks.

So you surround yourself with a circle of oats to protect you from their dickishness.

Oh, I see.

I see.

And

just

briefly, how do we protect ourselves from the legion of mice that are about to attack our campsite?

Oh, I'm trusting the owls to take care of that problem.

Ah, well, I feel safer.

Me too.

Watch.

Fuck you, fairies.

See, I wouldn't do that if I wasn't surrounded by oats right now.

Okay.

Okay.

And be honest.

Are you doing this just to cheer me up right now?

No.

But I'm glad I did.

Okay.

Well,

now that you've protected our campsite from fairies with magical oats, we can get a good night's sleep before we go hunt a monster in the woods tomorrow because apparently we live in Narnia now.

Yes, and I'd offer to keep First Watch, but apparently you're not going to sleep, so it's all you tonight.

I hope you brought a book.

Oh,

I actually, I've got a thrilling book on Japanese furniture joinery I've been meaning to get to.

Oh,

and I'm the weird one now.

You are.

Good night, Frank.

Good night.

Actually,

give me the first few pages of that book.

I bet it'll put me right out.

Sure.

Sure.

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Here's another show we know you'll love.

Where am I?

Welcome to Desert Skies, Traveler.

Your journey through the physical plane has come to an end.

I am the attendant.

My colleague here is the mechanic.

Yo, this is your last stop on your way to the Great Beyond.

It's our job to make sure you're prepared for the ride.

Now, before hitting the road, we have an impressive selection of over 34 varieties of microwavable burritos.

Um, what what's going on?

There's gotta be a better afterlife than this.

I mean, come on!

Uh, that's offensive.

Something seems to be wrong with me.

You left something major undone.

I have a life outside of this gas station, you know.

You quite literally do not.

Any hobbies?

Nope.

Ever travel?

Nope.

Love interests?

Are you kidding?

Oh my god.

You're like the human version of a plain bagel.

Cash register.

How can I help you, attendant?

Play some music?

You got it.

It's kind of funny, though.

What I needed wasn't back there.

It was here.

Waiting for me.

I wonder what it feels like, Mac, to miss the physical plane, the people you left behind?

You know, I had a wife who died three years ago.

Wish I could go back.

No, you don't need to go back.

You just need to be here.

And a new traveler approaches.

Ready, team?

Ready.

Good.

Let's do this.

Find Desert Skies, wherever you listen to podcasts.

Hey,

hey, how'd you sleep?

Good.

I always sleep great out here.

What are you looking at?

Here.

Here, take the binoculars.

Okay?

I don't see anything.

You need new binoculars.

The binoculars are fine.

It's down over there.

You see that clear-cutting patch?

Yes.

It's a perfect square where the timber company cleared out the trees.

Now, look just south of that.

Huh.

What is that?

It's another blank patch, but it's

jagged as it goes through the trees.

Right.

Like something cleared a path through the woods.

Exactly.

Something

really

big

something

really

big

damn

okay

let's go

Do you still eat food?

What?

Do you still eat food?

Okay, Trinket, now that we've had our little talk, please don't treat me like a carnival freak.

Carnival freak?

Frank, come on.

I was just asking a question.

Wouldn't you be curious?

I still eat food.

Okay.

Good to know.

You know, I was thinking last night,

I'm worried that you don't sleep anymore.

I feel fine.

Sleeping.

Sleeping is when we commune with the astral plane.

It's really important for spiritual health.

It's why people lose their minds from sleep deprivation.

I feel fine.

But then I thought,

maybe

in this new form,

you're existing simultaneously in this plane and the astral plane.

Yeah, I feel like I'm right here on this plane, Trinket.

What does the moon look like to you?

The moon?

Yes.

The moon looks like the goddamn moon.

It doesn't look like it's looking at you.

Are you kidding me?

What's that sound?

Uh, I don't know.

Do we know anyone who lives out here?

Honestly, since the fall, I'm a little turned around.

Here's an interesting question.

If we find someone out here,

do we warn them?

Warn them?

Yeah, I mean,

what if there's something dangerous out here?

Sh shouldn't we tell them?

Ah,

we warn them about something out here that may or may not be here.

We don't know what it looks like, and it could be our imagination.

Yeah, okay.

I hear you.

Oh,

wait a minute.

What?

Blacksmith.

In the woods.

Sounds like it.

I know who this is.

Who?

Oh.

Maybe we should just keep walking.

Tavrock!

Oh, Jesus.

Good day to you, Trinket.

Hey.

And to you, Frank.

Hey, Tavrok.

I didn't realize you were living out here now.

Whose place is this?

Three seasons ago, I felled the trees and built it myself.

I came upon this glade after a harsh storm and decided to make it my hearth and home.

You built all of this?

I was possessed by a deep yearning.

It's

beautiful.

What brings you to the deep forest this day?

Um,

well,

we, um,

have

have you been seeing anything strange lately, Tavrok?

We're

kind of on a mission

So you've seen the beast then

the

beast indeed

we we ha we haven't seen anything we've just heard it as have I a great bellow as the sun rises and sets.

Then, in the day, I have seen the path it cuts through the great wood.

For three days now, it has passed my home in the twilight.

I've yet to lay eyes on it, but soon I shall be ready.

Uh, uh, ready for what, Tavrok?

Come, if it's the beast you seek, you won't find it whilst wandering the deep.

You may sup with me tonight, and we shall wait until it passes by in the fading light.

Oh,

thanks.

No, we don't want to put you out, Tavrok.

We'd love to.

Oh my god.

You know, I mean, we'd love to.

Tavrok, you really built this whole place?

It's really...

It's really fantastic.

Many thanks, Frank.

I know you too are a craftsman.

Your words fill me with joy.

Tavrock, I.

I can't believe you've been here for less than a year.

It feels really lived in.

I believe the wood takes on a part of your soul when you work upon it.

I placed within these walls all of my years.

You can really tell.

Come,

let us partake in my mead.

Well, no, thank you.

I drink to you, my friends.

By chalice, flagon, or humble horn, we drink to friendship till the morn.

Lochheim.

Oh.

Oh my god, that is tasty.

Please, excuse me.

I must tend the fire and turn the elk loin.

I can never tell if he's for real or not.

Yeah, I don't know if he's for real, but I'm drinking mead and about to have some elk loin.

I had no idea Tavrock was running a destination restaurant out here.

I wonder if he has any vegan options.

Drink it, don't ruin it.

So

June used to date him?

Oh, yeah.

It was pretty serious for a while, but then he wanted her to move out here and raise chickens or something.

That...

That was the deal-breaker?

Apparently.

The man built his own cabin and looks like he escaped from the cover of a fantasy novel.

She couldn't raise a few chickens.

I think the attractiveness of a man drops sharply when he asks you to do manual labor.

Might have done her some good.

Hey, he's single, make your move.

His body is 90% deer meat.

It would never work.

We dine.

Oh, cruel fate.

Oh, bitter tears that steal away our golden years.

Though kingdoms rise and empires fall, her memory I'll forever recall.

By candlelight, I weep and pray for she who's gone so far away.

Till stars do fade and time shall cease, my love endures beyond life's lease.

Wow,

that's

amazing.

Amazing work, Tavrok.

So real, Tavrok.

Many thanks.

It is one of many I've composed since June and I parted.

One day I will awake and the verses will not come.

But that day has yet to arrive.

If you will excuse me, the honey cakes are now ready.

Honey cakes too?

Oh, I am excited about the honey cakes.

Damn.

June's got to get it together.

She's got to take one for the team.

Are you a little drunk right now?

I'm a little drunk right now.

Are you?

I don't know.

I think this was good.

I don't think we came out here for the thing in the woods.

I think we needed to get out of the city and get back to basics, right?

I love that you call Hood's pocket city.

I know, right?

Did you feel that?

I think so.

Holy shit,

It comes.

Everybody, stay where you are.

I'm going to get my rifle.

And I, my sword.

Tavrok, don't.

Oh, my God.

Whatever.

How fucking big is this thing?

We go together, Frank.

For glory.

Yeah, all right, fuck it.

Let's go.

Oh my god.

Look at its majesty.

What the fuck is that?

Keep it in your sights, Frank.

I will make my way towards it.

Guys, Tavrok, it's the size of an apartment building.

It's not going to notice your soul.

Guys,

it's just eating the pine cones.

Tavrock, do you have a basket of pine cones for starting fires and stuff

by the door?

Give me a minute, guys.

No, no, it's a bad idea.

Trinket.

Don't worry about it.

Hey there,

I have a whole bunch of those right

here.

Hey, you

what are you?

You look like you're a long way from home.

it's a big forest though

you've got it all to yourself for as long as you've lived

okay

well this will be a fun town meeting it is a placid beast a gentle one yo thank god it could flatten the whole town in an hour

I must learn to ride it.

Nope, no.

Yeah, I don't

think you should try and ride it, Tavrok.

You are going to need to keep an eye on it, though.

This...

This being is in a strange new place now.

How about you

give it a name?

A name?

Yes.

A creature this majestic deserves a name of majesty.

I,

Tavrok Stormbringer, dubbed the...

Lucian Thunderstruck.

Oh my, give me a fucking break.

This was really great.

I'm glad you had a good time.

I did.

You

didn't have a good time?

We think it's okay to just leave Tavrock with that huge thing?

Lucian.

Oh my god, please.

Don't make me call it Lucian.

They're going to be great together.

We've just given the fantasy-obsessed woodland blacksmith a mythical creature to take care of.

This is the best day of his life.

Yeah.

Hmm.

We're going back to town, and reality is setting back in.

You're still wondering what the hell you are.

I am.

Trinket, yes.

It's okay.

In my world, there's this guy called the Green Man.

You've probably seen pictures.

It's a man, but he's covered in leaves and twigs.

Oh, God.

Yeah, I'm.

I think I've seen some tattoos.

Oh, yeah.

Tons of tattoos of the Green Man out there.

He's this

mysterious spirit of the forest who's been wandering since the beginning of time.

You know, a lot of people think that the green man is from medieval England, but actually

you can see depictions of the green man

from the second century BCE in Iraq.

You can see him in India, Nepal, Borneo.

Nobody really knows where he came from.

Maybe he doesn't either.

That big creature we just met, he's wandering around in the forest not knowing where he is or why he's there.

You are too.

The thing is, Frank,

so am I.

So is anybody.

It's all the same journey.

Yours

just looks a little different.

So, what am I supposed to do now?

You think it's a thing you need to do?

Just live, Frank.

The journey will take care of itself.

Bird, you can't put me outside every time we have an argument.

You're being a child.

Good evening, Frank.

Uh, Elden, what are you doing out here?

It happens sometimes.

Verge and I get into it in an argument, and they put me out here on the handrail.

Huh.

Does that happen a lot?

More and more recently.

Wow.

Kind of wish I had that option with a few people.

Don't you, though?

What if it rains?

I can operate in the void of space, Frank.

Yeah, sure.

Right.

Can I help you with something, Frank?

Back at the House of Mushrooms,

you scanned my lungs.

I did.

So

we should talk.

I thought you'd never ask.

Please

step into my office.

Welcome to the Horizon is brought to you in part by our Monte Cristo level and above supporters.

Wilson, Billy, Bertbert, Bethany, 2nd Bethany, Society of Bethany's, Banjo Bethany.

Oh, Bethany, where art thou?

The non-binary Bethany's takes a hesitant bite of the apple, and oh god, no,

the local marsh hag, dragging a large non-binary Bethany-shaped sack out of Princeton, Texas, while shrieking, Mind your business.

Green Mountain Hermit wants that non-binary Bethany stew recipe.

This episode boldly beckons a bigger batch of brilliant binames brewing a bubbling Bethany stew to broaden the best finale brew.

Space-based lasers, Caption B, and Lady G with their swabs.

That's Good Gouda.

Ozneth, the author.

Mr.

Steam Weave, my friend the rhino says be nice.

Hoop challenge.

Jupiter Defense Squad, Leaf's Laser Saw, Elizabeth T, Gus, Kyler Wren, Coco Yumi, Huggamuffin, Bigfoot of Doom, D.L., Annie Atkins, Unpleasant Creature, Garo, Nick Gomez, Coal Blood, The Spectacular Say of Ra, aka Bleepo Abernathy, Arcat Said to Tell You, Meow, The Bro House, Lord Denham, Jay Schmo, Benjamin Ortiz, Alexis Higgins, Jess X Hart, Mr.

Squizzle Sizzle Wizzle Fizzle, The Horrendous, Abenhasso, Ada, Spooky Spader Storytime, Andy, I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit, upon a slitted sheet I sit.

Lizarus, Xavier Collingsworth, Reformed Colonel Reb, Alex Ver, Aaron Starr, Claude de Claus, Rachel Seymour, Chris Alfredge, the bullheaded professor, Bonjou, E.

C.

Alexandre Laroque, Le Canadien des Sépours Emotionale Officiale pour Mina Berger, for this message in English, press 2.

Chris Janda, Ed Boy, Ryan Fidelli, Jonathan Kay, Pearl Null, Another Monster, Petabyte Avatar, Tugwin the Mighty, Project Octopus, Dayvon Royal, Captain Hambone, Ruby, Scotty Oates, Dan's Grounded Again, grab you a big old handful of this here firm Took Us.

Speaku, Nick Tac-Toe 2.0, Simply Tony.

He is Hold It Now, Hold It Now, Hold It Now, Hit It, a Bit, or a Patron Name.

Gabriel, Jamie the Goblin of Chaos.

Why?

Nico DeGallo goes great on Midnight Burgers.

A Dubious Raptor.

A drum major and a trapeze artist walk into Connie's bar.

Retorted.

God is love, love is king.

Cash green.

Sir Party Animal.

Byro the motherfucking dragon, Uloy Jackal, Cat with a K, Shannon LeConte, Stompenstein El Mustachio, Luca Ferhezekaile, Lachawawa Brava, CC Carousel, Honest Puck, Scout and Fox Glove says the floor is lava, Red Mill, Kurdomsky, Zachary Langrerer, Bug, Sad Angry Crabman, Chuck McFinling, Hazel Hayes, Velocity Girl42, Little Dragon, Ben Carlisle, Garf Uncle, Anna Kearney, Ashley Strange Lilia, Jim the Curious Puppy, Starblaze Burnbright, Imzukioki, Red Panda Mafia, Jean-Luc Gabot, Doc Sweet, Ph.D., Zachary Stoll, Chris Hinkle, Pike Man Stover, Iml K NOC, Dakota Slossky, Scrizzles, Thwarp, Casey Judson, Giddy Giddy Giddy, The Firekeeper, Peace Reaper, The End is Nigh!

Jeremiah the Cancelled, Brian Collins, Spike and Faye, Johnny Allen West, The Sketch of Otaku Gang, Wolf, Drake Elias, Fermi's Paradoxans, Speckled Unicorn, Jedi Rides Again, Tevin Longblade, Impatiently Waiting for the TARDIS, Forget Normal, A Damn!

David Chapman, C.J.

Johnson, A Dragon Sitting on its Horde of Dice, Wendell Whitaker, Smivey, Globed Roulette, Ruby Gaddis Bandojo, Andrew Fuller, Dane and Deb, Xander Hicks, Fetteschini Alfredo, Amalgamus Pax, Pebbles, Vivi Heim, Heathen King, Effie Rawlings, Megan Hazen, Alconductor, Nick Bobro, Midnight Plumber, Mr.

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Melt, Red the Gray, Daylen Foles, I Needed Someone to Make the TARDIS Reference, Auden, Gregory the God of Chaos, Athanasios Nasioshaokat, Kiboko, Mr.

Satan, Theo, Lil Kev, Kozumine, Jonathan Burton, Mr.

Man and Lady, Joey B, Ali Malik, DJK DJK, Mixed Terran Van Edinger, Sandalwood Mountain, Whimsical Fuckery.

We've been trying to contact you regarding your time traveling dimension spanning diner's extended warranty.

Patricia the Time Lord, Mango Connoisseur, Rain Rain, Owen Sucedo, 80-ton railgun.

Now that sounds like a humdinger.

Glory Cole, Janelle Miaones, Cat Butler, The Gentleman, Rest in Peace, Dear Asheen, Just Alex, Eden DePoos, Andrew Oakden, I only listen for the names at the end.

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Ipted, For My Mother, Homer, Are We Doing Crimes?

Two Vegetarians in a Toxic Relationship with Burger, Clementine's Alter Ego, Melissa Winskill, Nicole Studioso, Sign My Shovel, Javi Osorio, Just a Potato, Indigo Escargo, Love My Captain, Joe Mauma, Castriff, Ames Affection for Internet Protection, Retro MG, Snarky Bark00, The Cowboy, The Gainesville Fear Garden, Abby Kramer, Lena Like Banana, Krolikowski, Utrid and Rose's Viking Void Vittles, Thylacine, Not Sure What I'm Doing, River Brown, Scullacy, Warped Writer, Entropy Eigenbasis, Robert Savat, Drink Spiller, Matt B, Richard Ryan Moschell, Theodore and his son Henzo, Flower, Kella Ti Arena, Fall of the Berlin Wallaby, Parmesan Goose, Kenzie and her best friend JC, Jen Rhodes, Kevin Lutra, Lauren Mayer, Jake the Cook, Alan Berglund, Dylan Winslow, V.

Greenlee, Courtney Morris, Ryan Abbey.

I hope something good happens to you today.

Yes, you, Wasabi Lube Moonshine, Wasabi Lube's Mum, Turtle Boy, Arwin the Freer, Fridge Pickle, Jacqueline Snyder, Basil in Their Tea, Keegan Diamond, Ron Hayden, Dan Gentry, Whisper Dan, Mad Maddox, Tim Nacy, Ruben Clamso, Joe Mama, Morgan Brockman, Sylvie, Charlotte Tobaya, Glennis Thompson, Adustin Watson, Betty White 813, Good Grief People, I Need to Breathe, Dreamy Pothos, Starscribe, Lucian Thunderstruck, Oh, Mamama, Drought Breaker, Glorbnar 7, Dooser Likes No Thinky, Just Dewey, The Other Adele, Chef Galval, Leah Hall, Sarah May, Mr.

Arnie Arbuckle Sr., The Church Grimm, Sierra Not from Arkansas, Z Go, Ebenezer Boob, he's a shifty one, that Nick Howard.

Caleb Tubiala, Jason Woods, Arnie Arbuckle Esquire, Jake Cascade, Digital Floof Lost in Time, Potion Maestro, The Milkman, Nebula Nell, Shriek the Mighty, Regulators, Mount Up!

Mad Yogi Eileen, Mr.

Meepod, Palace, Rebecca Pope, Mario Bosca, Brian O'Neill, The Almighty Cheese Wizard Havarti, Edward Pena, I am Annie, I live forever in every moment I've existed.

I swear to every star in the cosmos, I never forgot it was a gift.

The Stone Fox, Sierra Smith, Solivia, Kyle from Detroit, Juiciton, Marauder Mitch, and Pandergast, Papitos, Boomhauer, Ninja Grim Reaper, Miles Nelson, prove to me that orange cats aren't gods.

Britwards, Ashley Soros, Momo's Mama, Tony Tony Tony, Ivy Paisley, Toast, Sue Watts, Fickle Phil, Myrtle, Caitlin, the leader of the Unicorn Revolution, Mr.

Triggvy, Printing with Cats, Riley, Khaleesi Del Marr, Dixie Dinah, River Waters, Amanda Noscarella, Jose Zatino, Sonny the Stag, KBS 1017, Sarah Jack Sparrow, Space Pony, Revibe, Debbie E, Emma, AJ and Aaliyah Owolewa, Ducky Ventures, going as Count Ducula for Halloween, Ronnie Porter, Eagle Rock Lobster, Mary Like the Virgin, The Phoenix Bird is MIA but left Gabby Painter a new lump of coal.

Theo Alex Dean, Silas Vex, Eves Thieves, Lord Braxton von Wendell III, at least six gyms, Mr.

Me and Myself and I, Matt N, Celestial Warlock, a talking dog named Bronk, Jenny on the Blockchain, Turtles All the Way Down, Nate the Milkman, Christopher Georgia, Scrim Brulee, Angelin Lucy, Stelliot, Beastly Death, Chucklin' Charlie's Chicken Shack, Wandering Wenjo, Painted Oni, Qdell, Pharrell, Betty Hayes and the B-Team, Emily with Two E's, Drousy Rousey, Spaceman Nathan, Ramsey's Niblick III, Kerplunk, Kerplunk, Whoops, Where's My Thribble?

Mad Goat, Jackie Wavelet, Issa the Straga, D.

Greitzler, Jeep Style, A Gremlin with the Munchies, Michelle Scaracchio, Genuine Jacob, Andy's Brain is Weird, Space Rooster Randy Doing Crimes, Leopard Donut, Mellow Nuggets, Keychain Crap, Mad Matt Sharkman, Steelo, Shakes Stick at God, Arcadia, Bumbling Lily Bee, Scipio Dudah, Buffy's Daughter, Emeric, Bufar D's Nuts, Brussela, Panda, Curtis Lellick, Tristan Stoltz, Shadow Rapture, Leaf's Bastard Son Brizzo, Hank the Wonderlama, Russell, Zephyrus Wind, Alexander Nunes, Jeremy Ibsen, What the Hell?

Cineplex, and all the black people in North Carolina.

Just Rachel, Short Dick Nick, Danger Girl, Atlas Bear, Torres Smash, The Podcast for Nerdy Jews, Merp Durpin Cheesley, Axel, Patty the Ginger, Ava Cigarette Ash, Tim Lynch, Boysenberry, aka the Boys, A Zeus, Anaphylaxis, Mythical Mantis, Jack's Nightmare, Scav with Comtax, Keddin's Girlfriend Brooke, The Subaquatic Goblin, Unburriable Conundrum, Kelly Tobin, Angry Leaf's Lasersaw, Keith Collins, Magnus Aerochill, Amy Perry, Christopher Kai, Jeff R., Randy Zamigo, Gremlock, Katie Mermaid, and the Delinquent Duo, Norman, Nicole, WitchyCat13 Loves IPAs, Unusually Big and Old Invisible Elf Penis, Max Dangers, Security Chief Shatzi, The Anxious Peach, Team Michelle and Billy, Naya Nicks Reno, Robert Frankenberry, High Life, Cat Carruthers, Rear Admiral Jack Inhoff of the USS Rim Job, Honeybee, Nordalbash, Jordan, Arwin X Belasco, Ryan Rosinski, Average Height, Medium Rage, Audio Monkey, Joe, Team Hafeweisen, Monica and Mason Kay, Tony Wants to Be Laif, Supermassive White Hole, Brunswick and Pastel, Ryan Burnett, Christy Casey, The Timid Ghost 23, Xivius Vomb, Dr.

Dr.

B, Sopres and the Bumble Army, Growing Into My Farm Boots, The Geneva Accords, Rest in Peace, Mikey, Uncivil Gnomes, The Rat Queen Evelyn, Your Humdinger Moonbringer, Letty Lou, Tibby, David is the confident gay that Nick aspires to be.

Kinger was here, Bobby Ray Winland Jr., Bebob Bidaba Doowab, Warped Echoes, Lord Robert, O Tardis, he's bigger on the inside, Jeremiah Franco, Isaiah Coleman says, have an amazing hallowend.

Gabby Hayes My Wigglebuts, Natural Blue, So We Made It, Kiana Crow, Fossil Diver84, Micah Collins, Cody McClure, Eternal Champion, Jingalos, Eris the Goddess of Discord, Billy the Space Wizard, Ditzy Bay, Just Your Average Reese, Kyle Church, I Am a Lafe on the Wind, Static Ego, Some Fucking Swamp Wizard Slipped and Is Now a Frog, Lolly, Evan M.

Dobson, Going to Be Lit, Captain Emerald L, Wayne Hall, Danny Mars, Omega Nye, Frank of the Field, Sally Sell Seashells by the Seashore, Colorado Southpaw, Fuzzle McBumpernitz, Nelix Tiny Wolf, Lux the Dragon, The Red Planet, The Incredulous Mahurgafergle.

Definitely not an android, seriously, I'm not.

The Wandering Welshman, Dane Koloff, Whatever Tabby, Peggy Luvatsky, Carolyn Harper, Nikolai Tolkachev, Capo the Sartorius, Z3DT, Shy Sparrows, BLTN, Scott Gygax, Glenn Morris, Crushable Hale53, Tequila Mockingbird, Goose, Giga Goose, Damerin the Space Goblin, Locksmith Andy, Sophia in a Fur Coat, ISO Pale, Rosalt, Hopeful Ghost, Mags the Conqueror, Wes, and Heather have made it.

Aw, Lees Gargo.

Katie Kate, get your colonoscopy.

It's the Grand Shahi's birthday.

Victor Cassados, Smiggs, Emily Shmemily, Work for Malvis, Von Grimm, Bohogo, Bye-bye for Jojo Pogo.

That's a no-go, bro.

Cody Monster.

I am Lure of the planet Omicron Percy I8.

Kneel before your supreme leader.

The Gabber newspaper sounds like a ridiculous name, but they help protect democracy in Florida.

Charismo, Miss Nixie, Baby Bate and Lee, Amber King, Sid the Sloth on a Bike, Priya Gandhi, Wandering Mermaid understands the assignment.

Little Stevie Pie, Return to Sender.

We are experiencing technical difficulties.

Space Cat Radio will be back online as soon as possible.

Carl, the teller of dad jokes, Skylab's multidimensional, multiphasic, intergalactic quantum cyberverse.

Nikki H., Any Crafts Anywhere, Galen Miller, Tess, Geriatric Young'an, Mystic Hippie, Unforkable, Supercalifragilistic XP Alex Nickel, Jimbo Jet, Daniel Nitz, Mavis Bacons, Kelly W., Holly Hooden, Alec Manning, Pyro's Calling, Joe Suasian, Introducing Reese Pontiff as the 19th Doctor.

Too many Jans!

Catjot, Pamela Rose Eltierra, James Spiller Rosa, D-Squared Life, Venstina Says, Countess of Carbon, Luminous Elk, Rodian Caution, Love is for the Nerds, Taz Hernandez, It's Just Tyson Now, Casper Needs a Hug, Joe Is the Writer's Room, Awkward Heretic, Devin7777, Troy Aker, Mandy Kane, Lost Basan, Estelle, Kem Cell, Silly Goose Honk Honk, Ghost Saber Wolf, The Sleepy Mystic, Mr.

Alex Sir, Sarah Joy, Dolores Garra Schnapp, Taters, Precious, Teddy of the Wasteland, Daniel Gregory, Dr.

Glass, Sweets, Char Noble, Mere Tender Creatures, Amanda Short, Whitney, Destroyer of Worlds, Chut, Brimble, Deidre, Mike Whiskey, and Your Friend Frosty, Bada Bada Ba Bop Bop, Bada Bop Ba Benbar, Sven the Unlikely, Cognito Hazard Expunge, Ted Wassanasen, Virestria, Spoomples, Fernwood Gal, Twinkle Tots, Shocking Developments Nearby, Phantom's Moms, Callison, Horn Swagglin, Daniel Arthur, Mike Laclusi, Dex, It's a It's a Fucking Dog Rapture, King Humble, We'd Better Ask Dave, Wind Chimes for Safety, Cameron Winterborne Welsh, Fireball XL5, Alexica Habaniera.

Code Stranger.

One batty bet.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Julia Crinklin, Philp, Im Lin, Feed MaFish, JRR on SFP, Lahari, Rekka Ayumu, Teds Loves Catherine, J Spark, Eevee Girl, Lucid Harbor, Little Lily Leopard Paws, Die at Night, Mars Royalty, Take 20 Damage, Maisie's Bandstand, Kimbob, Battle Pope and Bugaboo, Snorts Magorts, Fresh Squeezed, Patrick Holt, Unexciting K, Atlas B.

Hold it now.

Hold it now, hold it now, hold it now.

Hit it!

Ow, what the fuck?

Joe said hit it, it, not me.

Rude!

Bradley Ashby, Ang Rhee, Peter, Megan Okeo, William Dyer, Vicki Abear, Brad Munier, Jane, Hannah Dale, Phantom Zone, Stabby Cacti, Crystal Delightful, Bruntled, Kill Shot Betty and her Steel-Eyed Bow, Jackie Lowie, The Little Pigeon, Croat Nation, Crazed Bear, Evenala, Dr.

Lattice Trash Angel said only the coolest Americans vote.

Yes, my brain is weird.

Thank you.

Petting Dogs, Corey Morose, Russell Bunny, Jane G, Max Savage, Apprehensive Craig, Tim Areneta, Bacon, Nicole Studioso, Rambo, Chaos Squatcher, Jimmy Snims, Lord Than and Lady Sarah, Stephanie Sturgis, Kirsten, Hurry Up and Wait, Sarah Farmer and Her Prismatic Chickens, Criddle, Heidelberdy, Tom Webster, Rashmi Vinkatesh, McClump, Rad Dolls, Salazar the Dome Age, The Bard with the Tuba, Hayward's Finest Garen Elizondo, Terrified Toddler, Sir Schitzalot Strikes Again, Damn Animal, Ashton James, Elspeth, Skyland, ALR, Lily Davis, Sarah Maguire, Tonka 2005, Cruz and B.

Anthony, J.

Way Mythical, Tybalt I, Stephen Schmidt, Xavier Romo, Tess Bart, Alley Frog, Trey the Turquoise Tortoise, Talon Lawson, Freya Titmittens, The Fontucky Wrangler, Jessica Shelton, The Singing Loon, Zusana, Celeste Yoos, Stepon, Infinity Times Infinity, Noah and Katie, Joe R., Sarah Murphy, Justin at the Tree Cave, The Ambergler, Boodles, Reaper, Osvaldo Simeoni, Siobhan Delilah Rose, Ashley Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega, Hot Plate of Biscuits and Gravy, Zejoni Veda, Barbarian Bloodbath, The Defenestration of Teds, Corinne Sabrantha, Beatrice Bodacious, Kyle of Light, Rubius Fuzzlebutt, K-Mack, The Something Something Detective Agency, Hayabuddha, Eli the Electrician, Charmay, The Wondrous Methazophon, What Janica Said, Hashtag Nissan Acura, Finnegan Robert, Flat Doug, Trinket Corale, Deary Darling, Books Shift Managed, Ambient Drifting Man 80, Cody Chisholm, Chris Hancock, Nicole 23, Victor in Cincinnati, Gracefully Impaired, Jack Lane, Tired Pirate Muffin, Jace Newston, Laura, Roman Ronin, John Pruitt, Camel Pope, Land of Felines, Inschulegung Cryptesia, Rebecca Trossel, Mitzi Lou, Kelsey Home, Casper's Number one fan, Amanda Marie Catherine, Damian the Goddamn Time Lawyer, Lola, Deli Cruz.

Why'd you do this to us, Joe Fisher?

Matt Mosby, Harry Fishnuts, Joshua Cody, Astrono Weeb, Starlight, Berserking Off, David Biarini, Techno Ranger Rick, Mossy, Lecochne Francaise, Virgo Aries Infinity, Best Buds Danny and M, Ashley, a Bug Dame Nat, Potato Nation, Cece Ryder, Hunter B, Rudra, Rusty Accord, Death the Kid, Big Whiskey, Magic Pony, Robert Oliveri, Dan Bowman, Paul A.

Johnson, Killer Odd, Dandy Bay, The Green Street Major, Dr.

Punt Gusher Esquire is protecting you from the clown who makes you count your numbers.

Creator67, Pajolanth, Lafe's One True Love, Mermaid of the Dark Seas, Cosmic Shrugged, Incorrigible Ross, Deborah Wales, SCRB Mark11, Courtney Depona, Reedle the Beetle, John Dew, Maggie's Yarm, Stew, Anth Anomaly, Meghan Mighty, Purple Saline, Miss Chris still making sandwiches, Three Legs Are Perfectly Good, Drew and LA, Anomalous Vandal, Captain Blepp, Eevee Power, Your Favorite Kenny, Terry, PJ Says What?

Danielle L.

Shiny Melon Fear Now, Blargo, Blargo, Blargo, Tonight at 11, Doom?

Ilate Rayul, Hicks Besi Mates, Disco Funkslinger, Zealous Pragma, Tuba Rick, Princess Donut, The Queen, and Chonk, It's Just Blake, Alice Malice says, Boo!

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the Hiker Bear, Velocicate, Al Cave, Krusty McBeardface, Tracy, Maloran, Brian Barletta, Kara, Call Me Zen, Calibri, Mel Momberg, Rogue, The Dread Pirate Fred Fredberger, What the Chuck, Purple Death, Sono Nasuno, Ben and Jessica, Nea DeRusso, Peachy Zatuichi, Justine Burbank, Inky the Crack, and Azula the Brave and their ever-faithful squire Grabthar, Ruth McCormick, Dalek Steve, Dancing Dog Dreams, and existentially, Exhausted Bean.

The Fable and Falling Network, where fiction producers flourish.

This is Larry Flick, owner of the Floor Store.

Leaves are falling, and so are our prices.

Welcome to the Floor Stores Fall Sale.

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Go to floorstores.com to find the nearest of our 10 showrooms from Santa Rosa to San Jose.

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