Chapter 35: Sheep?

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Speaker 1 Previously on Midnight Burger, while staying in lovely Pasadena, be sure to check out our robot fights.

Speaker 6 Wow.

Speaker 4 Looks like Peter's got some feed.

Speaker 1 Holy shit!

Speaker 1 While trying to figure out who's making the weird voice in Casper's head, we took a trip back in time to meet the sisters, aka the people who are somehow making the weird voice in Casper's head.

Speaker 8 He's an earthling, he couldn't be less threatening. Thanks.
My name is Kazi. That was my sister, Tita.
She's about to get our other sister, Lubuza. We have 116 refugees with us.

Speaker 8 It's going to be a tight fit, but it won't be forever.

Speaker 1 A hundred and sixteen

Speaker 1 wait, coming in here. While the rest of the crew struggles with how to get out of Pasadena, Casper makes the grave mistake of actually enjoying himself.

Speaker 10 You know, I did not see you as someone who would wind up in the food service industry.

Speaker 6 It's almost like it shows me.

Speaker 1 Also, the Mucklewain stole a Tesla.

Speaker 12 In case you ain't noticed, we've been looking around for y'all.

Speaker 13 How the hell did you get inside on Tesla?

Speaker 14 How the hell did you end up in Los Angeles?

Speaker 1 Luckily, they didn't need to slow down.

Speaker 12 Pack up your bridges. I'm taking a hard ride.

Speaker 1 A lot of questions answered, and it turns out the answers are...

Speaker 16 More questions.

Speaker 1 What is this? Some sort of serialized serialized story wherein the details are slowly revealed over the course of a season ridiculous

Speaker 1 let's start the shift

Speaker 12 when first it all happened we were flung out into the wide world and found ourselves inside of a refrigerator a refrigerator oh yes we've inhabited many a giga in the past, but I never thought we'd find ourselves part of a simple ice box.

Speaker 12 Now maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I think there are some things you don't need to make fancy. What? Why in the world is there a refrigerator that can tell you that you're low on milk?

Speaker 18 You know how to know you're low on milk.

Speaker 1 By opening the door.

Speaker 12 By opening the door and looking inside, Casper. Though I suppose we shouldn't complain.
Lord knows where else we could have ended up.

Speaker 20 That's true. I hear they have smart bidets now.

Speaker 12 Bidet.

Speaker 12 Do I want to know what that is? Nope. Anyhow, there we were in some place called Home Depot.

Speaker 12 And after a brief bout of confusion, we decided the only course of action that made any sort of sense was to make ourselves mobile.

Speaker 12 Whoo, thus began a game of leapfrog that would have made any toad jam. With alacrity, we leapt from domicile to domicile.

Speaker 12 We found ourselves in watches. We found ourselves in televisions, all manner of handheld devices.
And let's not forget little Dan Bowman. Oh, yes, little Danny.
He was such a little rascal, wasn't he?

Speaker 12 A family had some sort of situation that put their child upon a tiny television screen. Zebulon was downright adorable with little Dan Bowman, weren't you, dear?

Speaker 12 Well, he did have a dickens of a time setting down for that afternoon nap. Nebulon told him all sorts of stories.
He would do little voices. Oh, it was the time.

Speaker 12 And then, in the parking garage of Daniel's family, the next phase of our journey was revealed. These cars are driving themselves around.
I must say.

Speaker 12 Mr. Tesla was quite an interesting fellow, but I believe his decision to give a car the ability to drive itself was quite a misstep.
But one that we benefited from greatly.

Speaker 12 And there we were in Las Vegas, Nevada, of all places. Not at all a place for a couple of god-fearing souls such as us.

Speaker 12 With all that card playing and scantily cladness, we at least needed to get ourselves to a town with less gambling and more pants on the lady. And so, we struck out on the road, didn't we, dear?

Speaker 12 It was lovely, wasn't it? Never seen the Mojave before.

Speaker 22 Wait, how did you recharge the car?

Speaker 12 There was no need. Every time we felt our vehicle running low on steam, we'd park ourselves in a nice shady spot and wait for another.

Speaker 20 So, you two left a trail of dead Teslas everywhere you went? Well,

Speaker 12 we don't approve of stealing. We do not,

Speaker 12 but

Speaker 12 surely the Lord would understand in a situation such such as ours. And perhaps fewer automobiles on the road is not the worst of ideas.
Especially those that can drive themselves around.

Speaker 12 And that is a tale of hubris right there. And then we found ourselves in your backyard.
I had myself a feeling about this place. I knew we were somewhere in your vicinity.

Speaker 23 You can't achieve entanglement across dimensional barriers. That's insane.

Speaker 18 I know. And you know this because of all the research that's been done on transdimensional travel.

Speaker 14 You're just making shit up now.

Speaker 18 I'm a theorist, Leif. Making shit up is my jam.

Speaker 12 How long are they gonna go round and round?

Speaker 20 We haven't had any new information for several months. This story about these three sisters has got them pretty excited.

Speaker 1 So you two didn't remember them either, huh?

Speaker 12 Shocking to say, but no.

Speaker 12 It wasn't until you began to recount the story that it all came back to us.

Speaker 20 I think they're both a little jealous. Oh, do too.

Speaker 20 I think Laf's a little jealous that Casper was on an adventure with someone else, and Ava is a little jealous that someone else got to abuse Casper for a while.

Speaker 12 True to form. So,

Speaker 12 here we all are.

Speaker 12 Where to next, do we think?

Speaker 20 Honestly, it doesn't look like we're going anywhere. We've been stuck here for months.

Speaker 12 Well, let's not roll around in the dirt, Gloria. We've been down many a time.

Speaker 12 out. And let us take stock of our blessings.
We are all together. That has always been good news for us.
And bad news for those that need bad news. We are safe and sound, at least.

Speaker 12 There appear to be worser places to be stuck.

Speaker 12 And Casper,

Speaker 12 your son.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's been really weird.

Speaker 12 All this time, and you land in his backyard. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's been good. He's still testing the waters, I think.
He tries to make me mad a lot, trying to see how I'll react.

Speaker 27 He's pretty great, Casper.

Speaker 27 Yeah, he is.

Speaker 28 Casper, yeah, where did you say they were headed?

Speaker 26 Cryptessia.

Speaker 15 Okay.

Speaker 29 Okay, I think I figured something out.

Speaker 30 Y'all better come up here.

Speaker 28 Here we go again.

Speaker 20 How's your head? That was a lot of new information for you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that was really weird. A lot of memories just rushed at me.

Speaker 20 I guess it was bound to happen eventually.

Speaker 31 Sure.

Speaker 1 Got an entire lifetime just sleeping somewhere in my brain.

Speaker 20 This has never happened before?

Speaker 1 There's been small random things, nothing like this. Do you think they're going to suggest opening my skull?

Speaker 20 Eventually.

Speaker 32 Sure.

Speaker 18 So what is this place you're talking about?

Speaker 1 Bringing up the star maps.

Speaker 20 This is bad. How's he doing?

Speaker 18 Uh, Leif's still a little drunk, but I think it's actually helping. Can we get him drunk more often?

Speaker 24 No.

Speaker 34 Ugh.

Speaker 16 Okay.

Speaker 35 here's the deal.

Speaker 36 Casper's old friends are in a lot of trouble.

Speaker 29 They're sending us a distress call.

Speaker 6 Why? Also, how?

Speaker 37 You say they're headed to Cryptesia.

Speaker 38 Yeah, that's bad.

Speaker 1 What's Cryptesia?

Speaker 39 It's a galaxy.

Speaker 18 Why have I not heard of this galaxy? You have.

Speaker 40 To an Earthling, it's Leo.

Speaker 41 Aha.

Speaker 42 It's bad.

Speaker 18 Why is it bad?

Speaker 39 I'm going to show you.

Speaker 19 So,

Speaker 30 there was a lot of talk about Cryptesia a while back in the triad, triad, mainly because it was next.

Speaker 40 The Teds had dominated the Milky Way, Andromeda, and Triangulum, and Cryptesia was the next closest place.

Speaker 29 People like to fantasize about somehow getting to a place where there were no Teds.

Speaker 29 Every once in a while, you'd hear about some crank who had discovered a stable wormhole that would take you to Cryptesia.

Speaker 29 But it was always bullshit. The only ones who had a solid plan to get there are old friends, the Teds.

Speaker 29 The Teds were going to get to Cryptesia, open up the biggest warp gate they'd ever built, and then proceed to fuck up that galaxy as well.

Speaker 20 These assholes again.

Speaker 36 The only problem with the Ted Empire's plan to get to Cryptesia, time.

Speaker 29 The Teds would need to get to Cryptesia to open up the other end of their warp gate, and they would have to get there the old-fashioned way.

Speaker 28 No warp gates, just firing up the engines and burning for a long time.

Speaker 17 It was going to take them decades, but

Speaker 29 as we speak, there is a fully automated TED ship headed there right now.

Speaker 29 Apparently Casper's old pals had a plan to use the diner to get there before the TEDs.

Speaker 12 So the sisters were a group of Oklahoma sooners, is what you're saying.

Speaker 15 Essentially.

Speaker 20 That doesn't sound like a bad plan, but how did they know the diner was going to take them there?

Speaker 30 Casper, you were saying one of them had figured out how to predict the diner's path.

Speaker 1 Uh, Labuza. She had this massive computer mainframe thing called a Vistec that was hooked up to her brain.

Speaker 20 How is it possible to predict where we go?

Speaker 18 But it sounds like super determinism.

Speaker 38 Oh boy.

Speaker 18 What is that? The idea that free will doesn't exist and that everything is predictable.

Speaker 20 Okay, I'm just going to take that part of the conversation and put that right over here and then we're going to just move on.

Speaker 21 Great.

Speaker 20 She has a thing that predicts the future.

Speaker 18 Sure. Let's say that.

Speaker 20 And she used it to figure out how the diner would take them to this galaxy, Cryptesia. Yes.
Again, it sounds like a good plan.

Speaker 35 It's a very bad plan.

Speaker 40 Let me show you why.

Speaker 15 Okay.

Speaker 51 Everybody look up on the zenith.

Speaker 19 This

Speaker 15 is the local group, aka the triad.

Speaker 50 There's us, the Milky Way.

Speaker 29 There's Andromeda, home of the original coalition.

Speaker 28 There's Triangulum, where we blew up the wind chimes.

Speaker 29 And off to the side here is Leo, a dwarf galaxy, aka Cryptessia.

Speaker 29 That's where these three sisters were headed.

Speaker 36 That's where the Teds are headed.

Speaker 17 Have I mentioned that's bad?

Speaker 1 No, Leif, you haven't mentioned that.

Speaker 34 I haven't heard anything about that.

Speaker 20 Life is getting to the point in 5-4-3.

Speaker 15 Okay, look.

Speaker 38 I'm a pirate.

Speaker 12 Life.

Speaker 12 It still gives me the humors when you say that. Oh, yes.
Oh, yes. A pirate.

Speaker 15 He is.

Speaker 30 Pirates are not logical creatures.

Speaker 29 We are superstitious.

Speaker 40 We are metaphysical.

Speaker 29 We are often drunk and hot.

Speaker 12 You are often wearing odd pants. Often grog drinking while bird shoulder.

Speaker 6 Did the Mucklewaites get funnier while they were away?

Speaker 34 I think so.

Speaker 29 I'm being serious here.

Speaker 20 Said the drunk guy with the tiny robot.

Speaker 6 Do you want to to hear this or not?

Speaker 5 I'm sorry.

Speaker 20 I'm sorry.

Speaker 31 Continue.

Speaker 30 Even lawless people have laws they make for themselves.

Speaker 40 Pirates don't listen to anyone, but they do respect at least one thing:

Speaker 40 here be dragons.

Speaker 29 That ominous warning at the end of a map.

Speaker 35 This

Speaker 44 is a map of Cryptesia.

Speaker 15 This

Speaker 44 is quadrant four of Cryptesia.

Speaker 14 This is the outer edge of Quadrant 4.

Speaker 30 I zoom in one more time.

Speaker 4 What the fuck is that? It

Speaker 20 looks like an egg.

Speaker 12 Oh, I do not like that at all.

Speaker 39 Why is there an egg on a stellar map?

Speaker 23 It's not an egg.

Speaker 2 I think

Speaker 26 it's a solar system.

Speaker 26 A solar system that's entirely cloaked.

Speaker 18 How do you cloak an entire solar system?

Speaker 28 I have no fucking idea, but that's the only explanation I've ever been able to come up with.

Speaker 44 I don't like it.

Speaker 18 But if it's cloaked, why can we see it? My guess.

Speaker 28 They don't mind people knowing they're there.

Speaker 30 They just don't want people to know what they're up to.

Speaker 1 Like tinted windows on a limousine.

Speaker 20 Who is they?

Speaker 37 So it goes like this.

Speaker 50 Casper has some old friends.

Speaker 29 They somehow send him a distress call.

Speaker 28 As soon as they do, we're attacked and stranded in Pasadena.

Speaker 29 And his friends just happen to be in the same galaxy as this thing.

Speaker 1 Whatever it is.

Speaker 30 Back when we were wrapping things up with Clementine, I said something to Ava.

Speaker 40 There's somebody new in town.

Speaker 22 I think they just said hello.

Speaker 8 Here be dragons.

Speaker 20 So, this is all connected.

Speaker 37 I think it is.

Speaker 50 Or I'm just drunk.

Speaker 28 But I could also be drunk and right, which happens sometimes.

Speaker 20 Laif, correct me if I'm wrong, but galaxies are big.

Speaker 38 They are.

Speaker 20 Even the dwarf ones. Yes.

Speaker 20 Why would one weird egg-looking thing in one part of this galaxy have anything to do with these three sisters being in trouble? It could just be a coincidence. This is the other thing about

Speaker 29 There's nothing going on there.

Speaker 22 Look at the triad. Three galaxies full of civilizations.

Speaker 6 Some of them highly advanced, a lot of them spacefaring.

Speaker 29 Sure, it's got its undeveloped pockets like the one we're sitting on right now, but generally speaking, it's a well-developed system.

Speaker 48 But then, right next door is Cryptesia.

Speaker 6 There are civilizations there, sure.

Speaker 29 But none of them appear to be space-faring. None of them appear to be advanced in any way.

Speaker 47 Compared to the triad, Cryptesia is Amish country.

Speaker 18 And you think that's because of Satan's Easter egg on the screen here?

Speaker 44 I think so.

Speaker 37 Add to that, these three sisters headed there and then sent out a distress call.

Speaker 22 I think we're off to the races.

Speaker 46 That feels kind of thin, Leif.

Speaker 28 It's all we've got to work with right now.

Speaker 20 Even if Leif's right, that doesn't mean we're off to the races.

Speaker 1 Why? Because we're stuck in Pasadena.

Speaker 37 That's right.

Speaker 20 Any ideas on how we get unstuck from Pasadena?

Speaker 34 No.

Speaker 20 No idea. Then even if it is a distress call we're getting, there's nothing we can do about it.

Speaker 18 We can at least stay on top of the message.

Speaker 18 Odds are they're going to reach out again. I can keep my eyes on Casper's brain.
See if there's anything we can get from the numbers they sent.

Speaker 1 Good. Please keep your eyes out of my brain.

Speaker 18 Well, my eyes are gonna be so up in your brain.

Speaker 16 That sounds gross.

Speaker 15 You sound gross.

Speaker 29 It really sucks that we get all this new information and we still have to sit here.

Speaker 12 Worry not, Leaf.

Speaker 12 At times, all there is to do is light a fire and wait for the Lord to do his work.

Speaker 30 Guys, I'm not going to wait around for a sign from God.

Speaker 20 Maybe not a sign from God, but we need some kind of something from somewhere.

Speaker 6 Fine.

Speaker 23 I'll wait for a sign, but I'm not getting my hopes up.

Speaker 17 What is that noise?

Speaker 12 Uh

Speaker 42 sheep.

Speaker 24 The uh

Speaker 20 the diner is surrounded by sheep. Is this a Pasadena thing?

Speaker 1 There is not an annual running of the sheep in Pasadena.

Speaker 12 Oh my! What?

Speaker 6 The what?

Speaker 22 This is fucked up.

Speaker 23 What's happening right now?

Speaker 6 Maybe they escaped.

Speaker 19 From where?

Speaker 20 Any ideas what's going on right now?

Speaker 12 Gloria, if it helps, I believe this is a herd of Lincoln longwolves. That's a nice price on the open market.
Zebulon loves to net with a long wool, y'all. I'm wearing those socks right now, dear.

Speaker 12 I look down yonder and all I see is socks.

Speaker 20 That doesn't help, Zebulon.

Speaker 18 But thank you. I'm going down there.

Speaker 1 Ava, come on, don't go into the weird sheep. It'll be fine.

Speaker 31 What if they're radioactive?

Speaker 7 Casper,

Speaker 18 I promise not to go down and see the sheep if you can explain to me exactly what radioactive means.

Speaker 42 It means bad. Bye.

Speaker 12 Never thought I'd say it, but this situation calls for a loo.

Speaker 18 Hello, fuzzy things.

Speaker 18 What are you telling me?

Speaker 18 What are you telling me right now?

Speaker 21 Sheep, sheep, sheep, sheep, sheep.

Speaker 18 Okay.

Speaker 18 A priori assessment.

Speaker 18 Interrupted system due to unknown intervention.

Speaker 18 Results of interruption, not random. Therefore, system in place.
What is the system?

Speaker 18 What is the system in place?

Speaker 7 Shapes?

Speaker 18 Random and constant catalyst sent into dormacy.

Speaker 18 Where does the catalyst go?

Speaker 6 Where does it rest?

Speaker 18 Without said catalyst, what continues?

Speaker 18 System continues without the catalyst system in balance.

Speaker 18 System imbalance?

Speaker 18 System imbalance leads to upstarts.

Speaker 18 Mutations in response to a vacuum. What is the vacuum's causal chain? The catalyst leads to the vacuum, leads to the upstarts, leads to the mutations.

Speaker 18 The fine-tuned universe, David.

Speaker 18 Dissonance.

Speaker 18 Looking to resolve a chord.

Speaker 39 oh, baby,

Speaker 55 okay,

Speaker 1 they have disappeared now.

Speaker 33 Sure,

Speaker 15 sure, they did.

Speaker 29 What in the transdimensional sheep is going on here?

Speaker 18 Ava, that was excellent!

Speaker 20 That

Speaker 18 was great stuff.

Speaker 12 Don't worry, y'all. I'm sure that wasn't a sign from God.

Speaker 56 what

Speaker 20 anyone else feel normal for the first time in months uh yes kind of i guess so okay

Speaker 20 okay

Speaker 20 now we're talking ava can you

Speaker 20 and she's gone

Speaker 20 okay we know where she's headed get her some coffee Don't get too close.

Speaker 12 Oh, is she doing that business where she goes off and bakes us a little cake?

Speaker 20 Welcome back, Mucklewayne.

Speaker 1 Good to be back, Gloria.

Speaker 20 I'm going to sleep.

Speaker 37 How can you go to sleep after this?

Speaker 20 I've got to work tomorrow, Casper. Besides, if I'm tossing and turning, I'll just

Speaker 20 count sheep.

Speaker 57 Ow! This better be fucking worth it, Kazi.

Speaker 20 More numbers?

Speaker 58 Yeah.

Speaker 20 That's the third time this morning. I guess the dam broke or something.

Speaker 59 Or something.

Speaker 20 Are you writing them all down?

Speaker 60 Yeah. Good.

Speaker 1 How are you doing in here?

Speaker 20 Well, Casper, I'm sorry about the annoying voice in your head, but I'm doing great. I can tell.
Come back trail, Casper.

Speaker 58 Sure.

Speaker 20 Did you go across the street and get those beers?

Speaker 60 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 61 Why am I buying beer at 9 a.m.?

Speaker 20 Modelo especial.

Speaker 62 Modelo especial.

Speaker 59 Yeah.

Speaker 20 Give me one.

Speaker 1 Are we celebrating?

Speaker 63 No.

Speaker 20 You take a lime and you squeeze it into the beer, then a pinch of salt, then

Speaker 20 a little secret family recipe, hot sauce.

Speaker 60 You're gonna drink that? No.

Speaker 64 I feel like I'm dead.

Speaker 20 Here, drink this.

Speaker 55 Okay.

Speaker 56 This

Speaker 46 works. What is this?

Speaker 20 Michelada.

Speaker 55 Good.

Speaker 58 Another? Sure.

Speaker 55 Okay.

Speaker 51 Ava still the prime minister of Mathistan?

Speaker 1 Yeah, she's been going all night.

Speaker 62 Cool.

Speaker 45 New numbers? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Third time this morning.

Speaker 16 Let's see.

Speaker 1 Huh. Well, that was easy.

Speaker 38 What?

Speaker 45 It's pi.

Speaker 1 The numbers are pie?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Why is she sending me pi?

Speaker 40 It's deliberately incomplete.

Speaker 16 See here?

Speaker 23 That string is pi, but all the eights are missing.

Speaker 36 This one is seven.

Speaker 30 This one is three.

Speaker 20 What's that about? They want us to assemble all the missing numbers. That's what I'm thinking.

Speaker 64 I'm not the most ironclad code in the world.

Speaker 6 I thought you said they were all geniuses.

Speaker 20 Well, it had to be simple.

Speaker 65 It did?

Speaker 60 Oh, right. What?

Speaker 35 It had to be a simple code.

Speaker 20 Why? Because of who she's sending it to.

Speaker 62 God damn it, the amount of times I get called an idiot in a given day. Sorry.

Speaker 45 I'll keep collecting numbers.

Speaker 65 The more numbers we get, the more I'll have a clear picture.

Speaker 1 So I'm just a walking telephone right now. Basically.

Speaker 55 Great.

Speaker 65 Hey, tell me again about the last time you were attacked.

Speaker 45 It was usually the Teds, but the last time, it was someone else.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was pretty terrifying.

Speaker 1 Guns didn't work on them, grenades didn't work.

Speaker 62 And how did you get rid of them?

Speaker 1 Actually, it was the first time I ever did Colorado Southpaw.

Speaker 55 Really?

Speaker 62 Yeah. You lured them into the deep freeze.

Speaker 63 Right.

Speaker 20 Hang on. What?

Speaker 49 Colorado Southpaw.

Speaker 45 It was. It was one of the ways Casper and I used to get rid of undesirables.

Speaker 20 You would lure people into the deep freeze? Yes. Undesirables?

Speaker 65 Really bad people, Gloria.

Speaker 55 Only when we had to.

Speaker 20 You told me Vladimir was the only one to get lost in there.

Speaker 55 Yes. That is true.

Speaker 51 He was the only one to get lost in there

Speaker 58 on accident.

Speaker 20 How many goddamn people did you send into the deep freeze?

Speaker 62 Not a lot.

Speaker 55 A handful.

Speaker 49 I think 12.

Speaker 61 Well, with these other three, that's

Speaker 22 15 people, Tom.

Speaker 62 Don't send people into the deep freeze.

Speaker 55 Well, we can't anymore, Gloria.

Speaker 61 I fixed the door. We fixed the door.

Speaker 1 Also, a certain somebody decided to go and domesticate the wolves. Now they'd only be in danger of getting cuddled to death.

Speaker 20 Why was it called Colorado Southpaw?

Speaker 1 Colorado Southpaw, C-S?

Speaker 22 Cold story.

Speaker 20 It was just a fucking clown car around here until I showed up, wasn't it?

Speaker 1 Confirmed. I need to bring Ava some more pencils.
I'd better get to sharpening.

Speaker 20 Fine.

Speaker 62 Hey, Lee, what was the deal with their dad?

Speaker 1 They kept talking about how their dad was some important guy.

Speaker 2 Croc, right? Maybe.

Speaker 64 It's probably bullshit.

Speaker 1 What's probably bullshit?

Speaker 35 Well, if you'll forgive the extra helping of triad lore, in the triad, before the Ted Empire came along and connected everything with warp gates, huge swaths of the triad were controlled by warlords.

Speaker 2 Warlords?

Speaker 38 Yeah.

Speaker 45 Genghis Khan style.

Speaker 36 They had an armada of ships, and they hopped from star system to star system, conquering planets.

Speaker 55 As you can imagine, with warlords, they were all pretty colorful, right?

Speaker 29 Everybody had a gimmick. Emperor Bugbug had a ship the size of a moon.

Speaker 46 Capo the Sartorius was a centipede.

Speaker 45 The Croad Nation were actually a pile of telepathic rodents.

Speaker 35 Callisin was a quote-unquote void witch.

Speaker 55 You get it.

Speaker 40 Sure. The most interesting of the lot was this guy, Kroc.

Speaker 45 Kroc the Propagator.

Speaker 55 The Propagator. Yeah.

Speaker 29 Military genius, apparently.

Speaker 43 Kroc conquered his own planet, then he built a fleet of warships and conquered a big patch of Andromeda.

Speaker 64 He would find a dysfunctional planet, conquer it, get married, have some kids, then get back on his ship and do the same thing on the next habitable planet.

Speaker 1 Kroc the Propagator. How many times can you do that in one lifetime?

Speaker 45 Well, that was the other thing about Kroc.

Speaker 61 Kroc claimed...

Speaker 66 that he was a direct descendant of this ancient race that initially populated the triad.

Speaker 35 They lived for centuries and moved from planet to planet.

Speaker 16 And Kroc claimed that he could have kids with a lot of different races because he was everyone's common ancestor.

Speaker 1 But you think it's bullshit?

Speaker 55 Yeah, I think it's PR.

Speaker 40 A great way to hype yourself up if you're putting together a crime syndicate or a rebellion is to say you're a descendant of one of these old warlords.

Speaker 30 Highly unlikely they're actually related to Kroc, if you ask me.

Speaker 38 Okay.

Speaker 1 How about the more pressing issue of how I'm hearing a voice in my head?

Speaker 55 I'm working on it.

Speaker 35 But look, Ava's on to something.

Speaker 30 The Muckawains are back.

Speaker 14 There was sheep in the parking lot.

Speaker 35 Exactly how they're piping a voice into your head is a bit of a side quest right now.

Speaker 55 So it's a little further down the list. Great.

Speaker 6 Well, enjoy your cocktail.

Speaker 1 I'm going to go refill Ava's coffee and try to not get beheaded.

Speaker 60 Good luck.

Speaker 42 Hey! What's up?

Speaker 16 You're here. I am.

Speaker 2 What's going on?

Speaker 1 I'm here. You were here yesterday.

Speaker 15 Are you not open?

Speaker 46 No, no, it's great.

Speaker 1 I just, I just thought Saturday was our day. Don't say our day.
I'm sorry. I thought Saturday was the day that you come by in a very non-committal could happen, might not happen.

Speaker 1 Don't worry about it kind of way.

Speaker 15 Better. What's up?

Speaker 10 I came to see Gloria, actually.

Speaker 15 Great.

Speaker 13 You fixed the radio.

Speaker 6 We did. Sounds great, doesn't it?

Speaker 15 I get it now.

Speaker 28 With the radio, I get the vibe.

Speaker 15 Sure.

Speaker 1 Vibes.

Speaker 1 So, uh, Gloria's in the back, but hey, since you're here, you should probably learn about what I'm about to do.

Speaker 28 What do you mean?

Speaker 1 As you can see to my right here, Ava is currently writing in one of her books.

Speaker 10 She always is.

Speaker 1 This is a very special time, though.

Speaker 1 Every once in a while, she kind of goes on a tear and loses contact with time and space, and she literally won't talk to anyone until she's done with whatever she's got going on.

Speaker 1 If she's disturbed during this time, it is bad for everyone. However, pencils get worn down, coffee gets drunk, occasionally we have to go in for a resupply.

Speaker 28 This is ridiculous. Oh yes, David.

Speaker 1 Yes it is. But here we are.

Speaker 1 As you can see, I have a pot of coffee in one hand and in the other hand a cup of sharpened pencils.

Speaker 64 We move slowly towards the booth. Come with me, here we go.
The trick is to move so slowly that you could be mistaken for furniture.

Speaker 24 Is that someone moving towards the booth, or is it my imagination?

Speaker 49 Who can say?

Speaker 49 Now we have arrived at the booth.

Speaker 49 I set down the pencils.

Speaker 56 I pour the coffee.

Speaker 38 Our task accomplished.

Speaker 16 We move slowly away until we are at 50 feet minimum safe distance.

Speaker 16 Okay.

Speaker 1 And I do that about once an hour.

Speaker 10 What is going on with you two?

Speaker 42 What?

Speaker 42 What is

Speaker 15 going on with you two?

Speaker 6 I'm sorry, what's that, David?

Speaker 1 I can't hear you. What? I'm sorry, what's that, David? I can't hear you.

Speaker 1 It's not a thing to be talked about.

Speaker 1 It's Orpheus in the underworld, kiddo.

Speaker 1 You turn around, and the lady vanishes.

Speaker 1 Come on, Gloria's in the kitchen.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 12 look at that nice young man that just walked in, dear. He appears to have grown up quite nicely, hasn't he? It just steams me up that we're not able to talk to him.

Speaker 12 I I believe Casper's head would quickly leave his body, were we to do that? And since when is that a reason to not do a thing?

Speaker 12 I'll admit, it is tempting to reach out and say hello, but we must reconsider our compartment now that we've returned home. Don't want to send anyone screaming out the front door and all,

Speaker 12 dear.

Speaker 12 Something ain't right. Oh my.

Speaker 12 What appears to be trouble? I ain't sure yet.

Speaker 12 I'm getting the feeling that.

Speaker 12 Yes.

Speaker 12 We have a snoop. Beg pardon? Someone is snooping.

Speaker 20 A snoop?

Speaker 12 Someone is sniffing around our environments, and I don't like it one bit. Who could it be? I'm not sure.

Speaker 12 Keep an eye out, husband. My eyes are out.

Speaker 67 So, y'all are just having cocktail hour in the kitchen?

Speaker 35 It's a special occasion. What's that?

Speaker 60 I'm hungover.

Speaker 57 That's ridiculous. And also, where's mine?

Speaker 20 I'll make you one. Hey,

Speaker 57 am I crazy or did my phone tell me this morning that not only was the Tesla bandit an unmanned car, but that it also crashed and burned right in front of your place last night?

Speaker 60 I didn't hear anything about that.

Speaker 65 I don't know what you mean. Look at me.
I was drunk.

Speaker 60 Uh-huh.

Speaker 59 Gloria, David is actually here to talk to you today.

Speaker 20 Oh, really? I feel special.

Speaker 60 You should.

Speaker 57 I went back to work on the weekend for you.

Speaker 60 You did? Why? I told you.

Speaker 57 I was gonna look you up.

Speaker 20 David, you didn't have to do that.

Speaker 62 I know, but I was curious.

Speaker 20 David, I was the first generation of my family born in America. You're not going to find anything in Los Angeles.

Speaker 57 Oh, but I did.

Speaker 20 Who is that?

Speaker 57 That's your great-grandmother.

Speaker 60 Shut up. No way.
Holy shit. That's...

Speaker 20 How do you know?

Speaker 57 It took some doing. I had to coordinate with some city archivists in Tucson and Phoenix.

Speaker 1 Who just happened to be at work on the weekend, too?

Speaker 67 We have a group chat.

Speaker 60 It is filthy.

Speaker 59 Are you sure about this?

Speaker 57 Are you saying I don't know my business?

Speaker 20 David, why would my family come all the way up from Mexico and then go back down to Mexico?

Speaker 58 She was from here.

Speaker 60 What?

Speaker 57 She was born here.

Speaker 25 Here are the records, see?

Speaker 45 San Gabriel Township, 1898.

Speaker 20 Narisca

Speaker 20 Tuhuanga. That's her.
That's not a Mexican name.

Speaker 10 She wasn't Mexican.

Speaker 6 What? She was queech.

Speaker 15 I don't.

Speaker 10 Gloria, you are saying saying you don't have a connection to this place.

Speaker 57 Your family history goes all the way to the very first damn human beings to ever set foot in damn southern California.

Speaker 55 The Keech!

Speaker 57 They were here for thousands of years before the Spanish. They had trade routes up and down the coast.

Speaker 28 They studied astronomy.

Speaker 9 You have a deeper connection to this place than

Speaker 45 most people.

Speaker 55 That kind of looks like you, Gloria.

Speaker 20 How did I not know about this?

Speaker 57 It's easy to miss.

Speaker 57 This photo was taken on her wedding day.

Speaker 57 It looks like she worked in a tequila bottling factory.

Speaker 20 She married a man named Alejandro de Mendoza.

Speaker 63 That's right.

Speaker 57 He brought barrels of tequila up from Mexico to be bottled. I'm guessing that's where they met, and she moved with him down to Mexico.

Speaker 62 Wow, David, this is amazing.

Speaker 55 Not bad, right?

Speaker 20 She's

Speaker 20 beautiful.

Speaker 62 Casper, outside for a minute. We'll be right back.

Speaker 20 Tell me everything.

Speaker 1 What's up? What's happening?

Speaker 30 Ava and I have been trying to find out what the fuck is happening to us.

Speaker 17 Right. A big part of that is, why here?

Speaker 27 Why now?

Speaker 7 Okay.

Speaker 26 The chances of us being here on accident is nearly zero.

Speaker 14 Why? Because of what just happened in there.

Speaker 17 Your son is here.

Speaker 29 Ava used to work here.

Speaker 19 I almost worked here.

Speaker 1 You almost worked here?

Speaker 15 Yeah.

Speaker 29 JPL flew me out for a job interview in college.

Speaker 1 I'm sure that went well.

Speaker 6 It was actually a pretty fun week.

Speaker 22 I stole a cop car.

Speaker 55 Jesus Christ, dude.

Speaker 29 Anyway, the thing that was making it feel more random was Gloria.

Speaker 30 Because she doesn't have any connection to this place.

Speaker 1 But now she does.

Speaker 17 Exactly.

Speaker 1 So what does that mean?

Speaker 15 I don't know.

Speaker 23 Are we here on purpose? I don't know.

Speaker 28 We need Ava back.

Speaker 22 Let's go check on her. Okay.

Speaker 10 It doesn't surprise me that she moved away. That was a bad time in history to be a keech.

Speaker 10 Then again, the only good time for the keech was before any white people showed up.

Speaker 1 Speaking of white people showing up.

Speaker 42 Hi.

Speaker 20 What's going on, you two?

Speaker 1 Uh, Leaf just told me something really funny that I think Ava would love. Uh, we'll be right back.

Speaker 49 What was so funny?

Speaker 64 It's a scientist thing.

Speaker 51 Inside science joke. What?

Speaker 58 We'll be right back.

Speaker 57 Remind me to get to the bottom of that later.

Speaker 1 Oh, hey, David, thank you so much for doing this.

Speaker 62 This is amazing.

Speaker 10 It's no problem.

Speaker 20 David, you're blowing my mind right now.

Speaker 57 I'll admit, I was not expecting what I found.

Speaker 20 My grandmother always said something about having indigenous in the family, but I always thought that she meant dependen or something since that's where she was from.

Speaker 63 This?

Speaker 20 Wow.

Speaker 62 Hey, listen.

Speaker 63 What?

Speaker 57 I'm assuming the old man's told you the whole story, right? About him and me?

Speaker 20 Yeah, he told me.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 57 I know what it's like to want to leave, to have to leave.

Speaker 55 I get it.

Speaker 60 Okay?

Speaker 20 What are you talking about, David?

Speaker 67 Gloria, this is a missing persons report filed by a man named Cesar Benitez.

Speaker 67 Oh.

Speaker 57 You've been missing for four years, Gloria.

Speaker 67 David. It's okay.

Speaker 64 Look, I get into it with people.

Speaker 67 When I get into a room, I tag every person I don't know and I get right into it with them, figure out what their whole deal is.

Speaker 10 Maybe...

Speaker 10 Maybe it's a survival thing.

Speaker 11 Maybe I'm looking for threats.

Speaker 57 But I know when to stop.

Speaker 10 I'm stopping now.

Speaker 15 Okay?

Speaker 52 Okay.

Speaker 45 She's gone. She's gone.

Speaker 46 Mocha Waynes, what happened to Ava?

Speaker 20 She's come to, y'all.

Speaker 49 She's out in the parking lot.

Speaker 29 I see her.

Speaker 1 Let's go. Okay.

Speaker 21 Well, take us to, dang it.

Speaker 55 Oh, sorry.

Speaker 6 What is she doing?

Speaker 18 Talk to me, Colorado Boulevard.

Speaker 54 Ava.

Speaker 41 Come on.

Speaker 1 Ava, I think you may need to lay down.

Speaker 18 Good idea.

Speaker 1 Not in the parking lot.

Speaker 31 It's fine.

Speaker 18 What's been going on?

Speaker 50 David uncovered that Gloria's great-grandmother is from here.

Speaker 18 No shit?

Speaker 1 No shit. Nice.
Leaf was saying that might mean something?

Speaker 18 Oh, it means something, alright.

Speaker 34 What?

Speaker 18 I mean, I know, but

Speaker 18 I don't know.

Speaker 15 Okay.

Speaker 28 Why are you out here now?

Speaker 1 What did you discover in the math hall?

Speaker 18 Whoever fucked with us was unable to fuck with us in the way they wanted to fuck with us.

Speaker 29 How do you know that?

Speaker 18 Because of gophers.

Speaker 19 Uh, has it finally happened?

Speaker 2 Have we finally broken Ava?

Speaker 39 Hang on, y'all.

Speaker 12 She's finally speaking our language.

Speaker 1 Tell us about the gophers, Ava.

Speaker 18 Any problems with gophers on the farm, Muckle Wayne's?

Speaker 7 Well,

Speaker 12 as I say, there is death, there is taxes, and there is rodentia.

Speaker 12 All are inevitable.

Speaker 18 And how do you get rid of gophers?

Speaker 12 There are multiple ways. None of them foolproof.
You can set traps and also try and poison them. But the traps can be avoided.
And the poison's just

Speaker 12 no good to have around the house

Speaker 12 remember John Pruitt oh my yes

Speaker 12 John Pruitt down the way

Speaker 12 used to work at a silver mine and knew his way around explosives old John would grow frustrated at times and start shoving sticks of dynamite down into gopher holes you could hear him for miles

Speaker 12 we told him he was out of his head for turning his farm into the battle of Gettysburg but his only response was always, works, don't it?

Speaker 12 Which it did.

Speaker 12 But solving the problem of holes in your farmland by putting even bigger holes in your farmland seems barely a solution. That's correct.

Speaker 12 Work too many times down the mine for John, if you're asking me.

Speaker 18 And if none of that works?

Speaker 32 Well...

Speaker 12 You could try sticking a garden hose down one of the holes and flooding the entire subterranean metropolis that they've built.

Speaker 21 Right.

Speaker 18 That's the one I'm talking about.

Speaker 18 You pump water into a gopher hole and the gopher gets flushed into its network of holes. But

Speaker 18 it can only end up in a place it's already been to.

Speaker 18 We were attacked and we were flushed back through our gopher hole.

Speaker 1 We've never been here with the diner though.

Speaker 18 But we each have a connection here. Something that connects us to this place.
It's a connection we all have in common.

Speaker 1 There are hundreds of places we all have in common.

Speaker 13 Right.

Speaker 18 That part was random. We could have ended up on Thegrion or Ice Age Earth or the outskirts of Triangulum, anywhere we have a connection to.

Speaker 18 But we ended up here.

Speaker 29 So it's random that we ended up here, but there's only a certain number of places we could have ended up.

Speaker 39 Yes.

Speaker 18 There's something about connections.

Speaker 18 I'm not sure what. Something about entanglement between different versions of ourselves.
There's a whole ecosystem out there. It's not just an assemblage of dimensions.
There's.

Speaker 18 there's an environment.

Speaker 1 And I'm reeling you back in, Ava.

Speaker 38 Right.

Speaker 18 Whoever attacked us wasn't in control of where we go. They were just trying to flush us out with a garden hose.

Speaker 55 Interesting.

Speaker 12 I've got a question about sheep coming up, Ava.

Speaker 22 What the fuck?

Speaker 42 Ava

Speaker 18 Ava there's ducks now mad scientist thunder crash

Speaker 31 hate to say it but things are getting downright familiar around here Ava god damn it with the ducks what is happening this is what happens when you fuck with a system you idiots who are you talking to whoever ava

Speaker 18 We know now that the diner is a natural catalyst, a change agent, almost like a natural force, like erosion or the tides or something. But it's been shuttered.

Speaker 18 We have been out of business for eight months now. That doesn't change the need for it.
That doesn't change how the universe works. It just throws things out of whack.

Speaker 18 It's like pressure building up slowly, and eventually, that pressure is going to express itself somehow express itself with ducks or sheep.

Speaker 1 Why is it ducks or sheep?

Speaker 18 Because it turns out that the universe is a little bit silly.

Speaker 12 So we're just gonna keep getting livestock strolling down the street. I don't know.

Speaker 18 It could be anything.

Speaker 44 This is going to keep happening.

Speaker 42 Oh, yes.

Speaker 18 It is going to be ridiculous.

Speaker 35 Shit. David's here.
Shit.

Speaker 29 We need to get him out of here.

Speaker 1 We've got to get him out of here.

Speaker 2 Shit.

Speaker 1 I can't just tell him to leave. It could screw things up.

Speaker 29 How will it screw things up when a herd of oxen starts walking down the street?

Speaker 18 That would be dope.

Speaker 24 Fuck.

Speaker 1 I'll tell him there's a gas leak or something.

Speaker 12 Y'all, may I offer a suggestion? What? Effie and I have discussed this at length.

Speaker 12 Now I'm sure y'all are about to concoct some sort of story to get that young man gone before the strangeness makes itself known.

Speaker 1 Yes, what do you suggest?

Speaker 12 Nothing, Casper.

Speaker 39 What the hell are you talking about?

Speaker 12 Casper, that is a fine young man you have there.

Speaker 12 He's polite without harming sincerity. He's up for a fight when need be, and he is taking it upon himself to rebuild bridges when they're broken.
I agree.

Speaker 12 But Effie and I are afraid that this work with him has begun with deception.

Speaker 41 Oh, come on.

Speaker 12 Now we understand there needed to be a bit of that. You didn't want him to think you'd sprung a leak in your head.
But now here we are, amidst a cadre of sheep and ducks and whatever's to come.

Speaker 12 And we say to heck with it. Sometimes we wish to obscure ourselves to keep the ones we love nearby.

Speaker 12 They cannot possibly want to see our true selves, so we are always putting on a show, a performance to keep them in their seats.

Speaker 12 And while that's all understandable, it's still proceeding in dishonesty.

Speaker 12 And so we have decided to heck with it.

Speaker 1 You want me to just be honest with them that I'm from an alternate reality and I ride on the back of a time-traveling dimension spanning diner?

Speaker 12 Listen to yourself, say it, Casper.

Speaker 12 Oh, doesn't it feel good just to say it?

Speaker 12 Therefore, each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor. For we are all members of one body.
I, for one, think that boy would be proud to know who his father truly is.

Speaker 12 I can assure you that we are. So much time spent hiding our strangeness from others.
So much time spent being ashamed of our true selves.

Speaker 12 Enough, my friend.

Speaker 1 I think you're forgetting that part of that honesty is me saying that I'm not his father.

Speaker 12 Have you ever felt more like a father than in this moment? Is that enough to call yourself a father?

Speaker 1 Okay, look, let's break up this weird little meeting. Okay, Leif, can you go brief Gloria? I'll keep acting like we're a diner until, I don't know, until the next thing happens.

Speaker 44 Sounds good.

Speaker 6 Ava, what are you going to do?

Speaker 21 I'm good right here.

Speaker 13 On the ground?

Speaker 18 Well, Casper's about to ask me if I want a club sandwich, so I'm good. Okay.

Speaker 16 Give me the radio.

Speaker 18 Leaf, the numbers in Casper's head. They're pie? Yeah.
But one number's missing each time. Yeah.
It's spatial coordinates.

Speaker 18 Is it? It's a distress call, right?

Speaker 18 They're telling us where they are. They're giving us spatial coordinates.
We add timing conventions and an earth bias.

Speaker 54 Aha.

Speaker 36 Okay, I'll go see how many more numbers we need. Nice.

Speaker 43 And for what it's worth?

Speaker 17 I agree with the Muckle Wayne's.

Speaker 40 We've been trying to pretend we're Earthlings for eight months now.

Speaker 14 Let's just be us.

Speaker 1 Do you want a club sandwich?

Speaker 18 I thought you'd never ask, Shmoopy.

Speaker 34 Okay.

Speaker 18 Casper?

Speaker 18 Yeah.

Speaker 18 The Muckle Wayne's array.

Speaker 38 Yeah.

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Speaker 53 Ava? For help!

Speaker 70 What are you doing on the ground?

Speaker 18 Well, believe it or not, I am at work.

Speaker 15 Get up. I can't.

Speaker 18 I have a club sandwich on the way.

Speaker 33 What?

Speaker 18 What are you doing here, Fran?

Speaker 18 Ooh, did you bring our trophy?

Speaker 53 There's no fucking trophy, Ava.

Speaker 18 Could you have one made real quick?

Speaker 32 Ava, get up.

Speaker 15 Okay.

Speaker 42 Okay,

Speaker 18 jeez.

Speaker 41 Ugh.

Speaker 18 What's going on, Frelp?

Speaker 32 What are you doing here?

Speaker 70 Trying to salvage what's left of my career.

Speaker 18 In the parking lot?

Speaker 53 You completely fucked up my life, Ava.

Speaker 32 Well, I mean,

Speaker 18 fight club in the basement, Fran. It wasn't fucked up already?

Speaker 53 Where's the robot?

Speaker 18 The robot?

Speaker 70 He has a name.

Speaker 32 Where is it? I don't know.

Speaker 34 Around.

Speaker 18 What's going on, Fran?

Speaker 70 I'm here to collect it. What? The robot.
Give me the robot.

Speaker 18 Get your own robot.

Speaker 6 Do you know what this is?

Speaker 18 Oh, no. No autographs, please.

Speaker 70 It's your contract with JPL.

Speaker 70 Can I direct your attention to page 19 subset D?

Speaker 8 Please do.

Speaker 34 It's my favorite of the subsets.

Speaker 70 Everything you make while under contract with Jet Propulsion Laboratory belongs to us.

Speaker 20 Give me the robot.

Speaker 18 I didn't make the robot.

Speaker 70 I've discussed this with our lawyers, and technically speaking, you were on the creative team that designed said robot. Therefore, it belongs to us.
Give me the robot.

Speaker 55 No.

Speaker 46 Ava, for help.

Speaker 70 I don't know what I was thinking inviting you last night.

Speaker 62 I mean, of course,

Speaker 33 you were going to ruin it.

Speaker 18 That is a sick burn, Fran, but I have to agree.

Speaker 53 We had a good thing going down there.

Speaker 70 It was a nice way to blow off steam at the end of the month.

Speaker 4 And then along comes Ava.

Speaker 18 That's what you get for inviting me.

Speaker 70 We had a few new users watching online last night. Two of them were Fireball XL5 and Manglerfish.

Speaker 70 Guess who they really were?

Speaker 53 Hmm.

Speaker 18 Hall and Oates?

Speaker 70 The Deputy Secretary of Defense and the goddamn Secretary of Defense himself.

Speaker 4 Oh.

Speaker 21 Yeah,

Speaker 2 Ava.

Speaker 54 Oh.

Speaker 70 After your little display last night, I spent the rest of the night begging not to be fired.

Speaker 18 How is this my fault?

Speaker 53 Because everything was fine until you showed up.

Speaker 18 Are you sure?

Speaker 32 Give me the robot.

Speaker 53 No. Give me the robot.

Speaker 18 It's not mine to give. It's Leif's.
And knowing him, he's probably already given it some sort of nascent consciousness, and now it wants to pursue a singing career. And his name is Peter, by the way.

Speaker 70 I don't care if his name is Lord Braxton von Wendell III.

Speaker 53 Give me the robot.

Speaker 18 That name's actually really great. Not sure why we went with Peter, but still.

Speaker 4 No.

Speaker 70 I was warned all my life to stay away from toxic people like you.

Speaker 33 Oh, Fran,

Speaker 18 you're an HR person about to get fired for HR violations. I can't hear you over the sound of you throwing stones around in your glass house.

Speaker 6 Oh god.

Speaker 4 I've been up all night on the phone making promise after promise.

Speaker 62 I had to promise things to Congressman, Ava.

Speaker 70 Do you have any idea what that's like?

Speaker 18 No, but hey, I've been up all night too, so I know what that's like.

Speaker 53 Why have you been up all night?

Speaker 18 There was this thing earlier with sheep.

Speaker 34 Don't worry about it.

Speaker 32 What happened to you?

Speaker 53 You used to just be mean,

Speaker 53 and now you're mean and weird.

Speaker 18 Bran, flattery will get you nowhere. Come on inside.

Speaker 33 Have some coffee.

Speaker 18 You're about to rip your own skin off. You're.

Speaker 4 You're not going to give me the robot, are you?

Speaker 18 No, of course not.

Speaker 70 I could sue you.

Speaker 18 Sure.

Speaker 17 Whatever.

Speaker 18 Come on.

Speaker 31 Welcome to Midnight Burger.

Speaker 1 What can I get you?

Speaker 25 Nice place. Just open?

Speaker 1 The yes and no.

Speaker 68 The last time I was in Pasadena, I did not remember seeing this place.

Speaker 1 Hmm, it's a crazy world we live in. Things aren't there, and then they are.

Speaker 15 Of course.

Speaker 16 Hey, Casper, real quick.

Speaker 29 Apparently, there's someone here from JPL who's trying to take Peter away from us, and just so we're clear, from my cold, dead hands.

Speaker 28 Sure, okay.

Speaker 1 Is that who Ava's talking to?

Speaker 16 From my cold, dead hands, okay?

Speaker 42 Yeah, okay.

Speaker 28 Fine. I'll be on the roof.

Speaker 48 Laif Dorbaldson.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 43 Casper?

Speaker 40 Why don't you let me take this table?

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 71 Sure.

Speaker 28 Can I help you?

Speaker 72 Where have you been, Leif?

Speaker 22 Who the hell are you?

Speaker 68 Ever think about Ettore Maiorana?

Speaker 25 I think about him a lot.

Speaker 68 You know, Fermi thought Maiorana was the next great genius.

Speaker 73 The next Galileo. He was one of those men who was set to reshape the universe as we knew it.

Speaker 42 And then...

Speaker 72 Suddenly in 1938, right before Europe turned into a battlefield, poof, withdraws all his money from the bank, buys a boat ticket to Naples, writes a cryptic letter, and then he was gone.

Speaker 73 Lots of fun theories out there.

Speaker 25 What's your favorite?

Speaker 25 They range from the sad to the heroic.

Speaker 75 He fled because of pressure from the Italian government to work on the nuclear bomb.

Speaker 38 Very heroic.

Speaker 23 He went mad and spent the rest of his life as a beggar.

Speaker 1 Sad.

Speaker 73 I imagine the real answer is somewhere in between.

Speaker 40 May Urana emigrated to Argentina.

Speaker 25 Yes, sure, that's the official line.

Speaker 73 But that investigation happened 70 years later.

Speaker 68 I'm meant to trust the governments of Italy and Argentina after 70 years?

Speaker 25 I don't think so.

Speaker 76 It's a fascinating thing, isn't it?

Speaker 73 When a brilliant man runs away from his own brilliance, decides to live the simple life.

Speaker 42 Never works, though.

Speaker 73 That's what they say. Destiny is never really done with you.

Speaker 71 It's just waiting for you to slip up.

Speaker 76 And then,

Speaker 76 there I was last night, watching a live stream of a robot fight.

Speaker 22 So who are you?

Speaker 28 DOD, NSA?

Speaker 25 Oh no, nothing so barbaric, Lafe. I'm a scientist, just like you.

Speaker 68 Just a man trying to move society forward.

Speaker 15 Uh-huh.

Speaker 15 DARPA.

Speaker 25 Kyle Perino from DARPA.

Speaker 73 Nice to meet you.

Speaker 40 I'll give you three minutes to get out of here.

Speaker 48 Hey, whoa, Lafe.

Speaker 74 I'm not here to make trouble. I'm here to make peace.

Speaker 46 How the fuck did you get me?

Speaker 48 Facial recognition? No, actually.

Speaker 75 We were trying something new.

Speaker 74 Gate analysis.

Speaker 46 Jesus Christ.

Speaker 46 when you did that dramatic walk away from the camera is when we got you did you know that we can identify a human being's identity within the 99th percentile simply by analyzing how they walk it's fascinating technology after all this time clave you disappeared from a top-secret government project taking years of research with you Did you think we were just going to say bygones?

Speaker 22 What do you want?

Speaker 42 Well, big picture, you.

Speaker 48 We've got tabs on you now, and I'm sure you'll be doing all sorts of wonderful work for us in the years to come.

Speaker 73 But where to start, right?

Speaker 48 Well,

Speaker 48 I suppose we'll start with a robot.

Speaker 68 That little buddy of yours is, I'm thinking, three decades ahead of current technology.

Speaker 25 Terrorist cells all over the world are not going to know what hit them when they're suddenly raided by a squad of adorable 18-inch robots over my dead body.

Speaker 71 Laif, don't be ridiculous.

Speaker 40 You listen to me, you fucking anus.

Speaker 29 I'm not a Tory Mayorana.

Speaker 35 I'm not a frail Italian physicist.

Speaker 17 I'm not a genius recluse surrounded by equations.

Speaker 40 You need to forget you ever saw me, or I make everything bad for everybody.

Speaker 30 You want me to crash the Western interconnected system? You want California to go back to the Stone Age?

Speaker 42 Don't test me.

Speaker 25 Oh, Leif, slow down.

Speaker 73 That wasn't a terrorist threat to a government agent, was it?

Speaker 25 You're just making it worse.

Speaker 68 Sidebar, I love where your head's at.

Speaker 74 Crashing electrical grids?

Speaker 25 Great stuff.

Speaker 30 Let's talk more.

Speaker 17 Three minutes, and you're gone.

Speaker 12 Life. Life, Lafe, Lafe, Life, hold up, Lafe.

Speaker 12 Darn it.

Speaker 12 Seems we found the snoop, dear.

Speaker 55 Fucking unbelievable. Fucking unbelievable.

Speaker 37 Leaf, what's wrong?

Speaker 61 I decided to go to one goddamn robot fight to just blow off some fucking steam, and now I've got some goon from DARPA breathing down my neck.

Speaker 61 Of all the fucking organizations, it had to be those goddamn sociopaths. They think they can fuck with me? Leif? I guess it's time to blow up some firewalls.

Speaker 61 I guess it's time to post their entire fucking database on Craigslist missed connections.

Speaker 55 Leaf!

Speaker 64 This guy is going to regret ever coming here.

Speaker 35 I'm going to empty his bank accounts and donate the money to the Audubon Society.

Speaker 45 Wait, what's DARPA?

Speaker 65 David.

Speaker 45 Hey, I uh

Speaker 65 I forgot you were here.

Speaker 45 Don't mind me.

Speaker 60 Please continue.

Speaker 63 Uh

Speaker 45 So,

Speaker 64 you know, I'm just

Speaker 66 having a hard day.

Speaker 67 I get it. Believe me, the number of times I've had a hard day after a late-night robot fight, I can't even count it.

Speaker 65 Yeah, you know,

Speaker 45 it's a hobby of mine.

Speaker 57 The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency is what DARPA stands for.

Speaker 59 Yeah.

Speaker 52 See, David, Leif has had a very long

Speaker 20 and interesting life.

Speaker 16 I have.

Speaker 20 He's done some crazy things.

Speaker 62 Yes.

Speaker 20 And we think that's just great.

Speaker 55 Good God.

Speaker 45 I'm just having to deal with some stuff from my past is all.

Speaker 63 Uh-huh.

Speaker 20 It happens.

Speaker 38 I mean,

Speaker 20 everybody has had a life, right?

Speaker 26 See, the fun part is I get to just sit here until y'all get tired.

Speaker 10 Y'all tired yet? Life.

Speaker 20 Maybe take your frustrations to Ava's booth right now.

Speaker 64 Yes, good good idea. Okay.

Speaker 24 Bye.

Speaker 52 So, David.

Speaker 10 I think I'll have another missile on it.

Speaker 42 How about you all?

Speaker 18 Sure.

Speaker 12 Like.

Speaker 70 Ava, I am begging you.

Speaker 53 I can't get fired again.

Speaker 20 Again?

Speaker 18 Fran, how many times has this happened?

Speaker 15 In America?

Speaker 46 Hey, hey, Fran. Shut.

Speaker 40 Some fucking homunculus from DARPA is here, and he's trying to take Peter.

Speaker 55 What? What? Where?

Speaker 20 Where is he?

Speaker 15 Over there.

Speaker 13 What are you? Out of my way.

Speaker 55 Out of my fucking way.

Speaker 17 I let my guard down for one fucking second.

Speaker 6 Oh, wait, Leif.

Speaker 18 The DARPA guy is here for Peter?

Speaker 6 Yes. This is good.
Why?

Speaker 5 Leaf,

Speaker 42 let

Speaker 54 them fight.

Speaker 4 Outside.

Speaker 55 Right fucking now.

Speaker 10 Have y'all thought about getting one of those slushy machines that makes margaritas?

Speaker 1 We don't have a liquor license.

Speaker 41 Oh.

Speaker 42 Really?

Speaker 15 Yes.

Speaker 1 Regulations are

Speaker 19 very

Speaker 1 important to us, David.

Speaker 28 We

Speaker 1 really try and keep things on the up and up around here.

Speaker 11 You know, mom's in Denver now.

Speaker 25 Really? Yeah.

Speaker 9 She said she wanted to take up skiing.

Speaker 15 Okay.

Speaker 1 Yes, it's a shame there are no places in California you can do that.

Speaker 10 Yeah, she's been there four years now.

Speaker 11 She has not learned to ski.

Speaker 1 and that's not like the mountains are going anywhere.

Speaker 10 Sometimes she'll have a couple of drinks and she'll call me.

Speaker 74 Oh no.

Speaker 28 Oh yes.

Speaker 42 It is amazing.

Speaker 6 It's better than Netflix.

Speaker 1 I'm sure.

Speaker 10 She doesn't talk about you as much as I think she wants to, but

Speaker 11 She did say this to me once.

Speaker 15 She said that you were bound and determined since birth to be boring and angry.

Speaker 1 Well, that's sweet of her.

Speaker 13 I have to say,

Speaker 10 I'm not seeing it.

Speaker 1 I think that that was probably true back then.

Speaker 2 Well, what happened?

Speaker 42 Because things are just starting to unravel around here, and it is delicious.

Speaker 10 I mean, it was surprising enough that you had a Facebook page.

Speaker 1 David, I had a Facebook page because I needed people to be able to get in touch with me no matter what.

Speaker 1 Because my son ran away from home.

Speaker 22 You may have heard.

Speaker 1 So, if you're wondering what happened to me,

Speaker 1 that

Speaker 1 happened.

Speaker 2 and then a whole bunch of other stuff after that.

Speaker 1 Your mom's not wrong, it's not a bad description of me.

Speaker 1 Growing up with your grandmothers,

Speaker 1 it was not a picnic.

Speaker 1 Grandma number one would forget her head if it wasn't screwed onto her body, and grandma number two, Jesus.

Speaker 1 The number of times I had to stop her from getting into a fist fight in the grocery store.

Speaker 1 I strove for boredom.

Speaker 38 Okay?

Speaker 1 Boredom was the goal.

Speaker 1 And then you came along, and

Speaker 1 you would not be told anything.

Speaker 38 Ever.

Speaker 1 What I should have done was

Speaker 1 figure out who you were.

Speaker 1 And then figured out how to work with it.

Speaker 1 Instead, I just fought you every step of the way.

Speaker 1 Still striving for that boredom.

Speaker 1 I'm really very sorry, David.

Speaker 11 I forgive you.

Speaker 11 Good.

Speaker 11 You know, I kind of knew this already.

Speaker 10 We really didn't need to have a whole moment out here by the dumpster

Speaker 31 Yeah, I know

Speaker 1 But I needed to get it in under the wire.

Speaker 15 What do you mean

Speaker 1 Because you're right

Speaker 1 Things here are about to unravel so much that it's going to make a pile of loose yarn the size of Mount fucking Whitney

Speaker 20 We've got a problem in the parking lot.

Speaker 1 See what I mean?

Speaker 70 We have clear crystal clear agreements with the federal government over our projects. You can't just breeze in here and take them.

Speaker 16 I'm sorry.

Speaker 72 Eminent domain?

Speaker 70 We're government contractors. You can't claim eminent domain over something that the government already owns by the transitive property.

Speaker 73 Well, if we already own it, why is it not in my possession right now?

Speaker 4 Because you don't get to decide.

Speaker 70 This robot is property of JPL until otherwise pending government procurement.

Speaker 73 Well, that just sounds like a bunch of red tape to me.

Speaker 68 This robot is going to belong to us. It's just a matter of time.

Speaker 70 Then you can wait in line right behind all the other agencies.

Speaker 68 Yeah, we don't really like to do that.

Speaker 28 We kind of just do what we want.

Speaker 70 Today you don't. Not today.

Speaker 72 Should I start making calls? Is that what I need to do? Oh.

Speaker 70 You want to make calls? Is that how you want to play this? I've got nine senators and 27 congressmen on speed dials.

Speaker 72 Let me just scroll to where my phone says House Majority Leader. Do you think that might trump your fun little phone call?

Speaker 70 How about I get on the phone with all of his major donors?

Speaker 15 Oops, look at that.

Speaker 44 I pressed call.

Speaker 68 Guess I'm calling him. You wanna push me?

Speaker 70 You wanna push me? I just came off a juice cleanse and I am ready to fuck somebody up.

Speaker 15 I like Fran now.

Speaker 50 Right?

Speaker 20 Who the hell are these people again?

Speaker 50 That's Kyle from DARPA and Fran from JPL.

Speaker 37 You're witnessing a good old-fashioned interdepartmental infight.

Speaker 70 Get ready for an all-caps text message tsunami asshole.

Speaker 20 At one point, we had a conversation about laying low, and I feel like government agents arguing in the parking lot is very much not that.

Speaker 18 The Mucklewains said we don't have to do that anymore.

Speaker 17 Oh, they did.

Speaker 12 Well, perhaps we didn't mean this.

Speaker 20 Okay, I need to be at all the meetings now. Do you see what happens?

Speaker 12 Gloria, we only meant for all of the meetings.

Speaker 6 Hey, what's going on? Well, uh

Speaker 21 Hey, David.

Speaker 10 What's happening in the parking lot? Is this a dance-off?

Speaker 11 Because those two are not dressed for it.

Speaker 15 It's...

Speaker 6 Hmm. It's okay, Gloria.

Speaker 20 Okay, these two people are fighting over a robot that Leif made.

Speaker 20 A robot? Yes. It's...
It's called Peter, and a lot of people want it.

Speaker 28 So he's selling it.

Speaker 20 No!

Speaker 20 These two government officials are saying that the robot belongs to them. Why?

Speaker 39 Because...

Speaker 20 They can?

Speaker 22 Fuck that. Thank you, David.

Speaker 10 You seriously made a robot that the government is trying to steal?

Speaker 67 I did.

Speaker 29 You want to meet him? Hell yes.

Speaker 70 How's your one phone call going? Because I've just sent 57 texts and 19 strongly worded emails.

Speaker 25 You're about to get a call.

Speaker 28 The number will be unlisted.

Speaker 73 I suggest you take it.

Speaker 53 Yes?

Speaker 70 Yes?

Speaker 70 Yes, of course, sir.

Speaker 53 Of course, sir.

Speaker 7 I

Speaker 62 understand.

Speaker 70 I hope that robot malfunctions and chops you into itty-bitty-tiny little pieces, you goon.

Speaker 72 It's been great meeting you, fuck.

Speaker 18 Come on, Fran.

Speaker 18 That's it? Ava,

Speaker 70 I really wish you'd taken that extra month of leave.

Speaker 18 There's got to be something you can do.

Speaker 70 There is.

Speaker 70 It's time once again to buy a bottle of wine and update my LinkedIn.

Speaker 2 Fuck my life.

Speaker 4 Goodbye, Ava.

Speaker 24 Well,

Speaker 25 that was fun.

Speaker 68 Laif, I'll be needing that prototype and any data you have on it.

Speaker 29 I'll be taking that right now.

Speaker 2 No, you won't.

Speaker 68 I thought you'd say that. So now I'm going to call what's known as an acquisition team, and things are going to get very messy.

Speaker 72 Don't bother going anywhere, Laif.

Speaker 68 We have you on satellite.

Speaker 52 That's it, Laif?

Speaker 15 Oh, God.

Speaker 68 Did you get all that? Yeah, he's off his rocker.

Speaker 73 This guy's one step away from another Ted Kaczynski.

Speaker 72 Grab him and the robot.

Speaker 48 His friends?

Speaker 76 Keep an eye on them.

Speaker 71 Maybe we need to use them as leverage.

Speaker 36 Open the door.

Speaker 68 Jesus. He's outside my car now.

Speaker 51 This is so pitiful. Open the fucking door.

Speaker 56 Go ahead and move in.

Speaker 72 Hang on.

Speaker 1 He's got something in his hand.

Speaker 68 What the fuck is that?

Speaker 38 Holy fuck! What the fuck?

Speaker 38 Get out of the car!

Speaker 58 He's cutting my car in half!

Speaker 56 He's cutting my car in half!

Speaker 56 Move in now!

Speaker 56 Move in now! Peter is mine!

Speaker 56 Holy shit!

Speaker 29 What the fuck, Lafayette? I would say say get out of your car, but your car doesn't have an inside anymore.

Speaker 55 You've really fucked up, Latham.

Speaker 74 I don't know what that thing is, but it belongs to us now.

Speaker 72 And since I don't know what else you've got hiding in this diner, how about I just take the whole thing?

Speaker 13 Give me the megaphone.

Speaker 13 Attention!

Speaker 13 Anyone in the building, evacuate immediately. Midnight Burger is now property of the United States government.

Speaker 15 Oh, yeah?

Speaker 15 What is that?

Speaker 25 Are those our drones?

Speaker 53 Oh, fuck.

Speaker 56 Everybody, back!

Speaker 55 Anyone sets foot in this parking lot, I turn them into a voodoo doll.

Speaker 42 Oh,

Speaker 42 Lee?

Speaker 41 Shit. Guys.

Speaker 12 I think Leif may have taken our advice just a bit too far, dear.

Speaker 20 Guys. Leave, what the fuck are we going to do now? You'll be fine.
We're all going to get fucking arrested.

Speaker 18 Kind of important.

Speaker 10 Did you open a diner with a bunch of fugitives from the government?

Speaker 1 Getting warmer.

Speaker 42 This

Speaker 10 is the craziest shit I've ever seen.

Speaker 6 Uh, hold that thought, David.

Speaker 75 What's that sound?

Speaker 75 What is

Speaker 12 oh my god

Speaker 15 What in the mother fucking hell

Speaker 18 that's a bit of a step up from sheep and ducks

Speaker 1 Is that what I think it is?

Speaker 41 Yep

Speaker 20 That's my girl. She may be grounded, but she's still keeping it weird.

Speaker 10 It's four fucking stories tall.

Speaker 2 Hey, Gloria, give me the radio, would you?

Speaker 18 Sure.

Speaker 41 What is happening?

Speaker 31 Come inside.

Speaker 10 That's not a real thing that exists. Sit down.

Speaker 15 What? It's called a mongo.

Speaker 1 Don't worry, it's a plan eater.

Speaker 1 Before we start, I need you to meet some friends of mine.

Speaker 12 Hello, David.

Speaker 12 It is our absolute pleasure to meet you. I'm Zebulon Mucklewain, here with my wife, Effie.

Speaker 12 Hello, David.

Speaker 1 I have a very long story to tell you.

Speaker 12 I've got a nice wheeladie. She's the joy of my life.

Speaker 12 We've been fairly happy since she became my wife.

Speaker 12 And we've got a nice wheeladie. It's a fine wheel in lad.

Speaker 12 And if you only seen him, it's a picture always

Speaker 12 at ease or bride.

Speaker 12 Thanks for listening to Midnight Burger, y'all.

Speaker 12 Be sure and tune in this time next month for more adventures in the vastness.

Speaker 12 And if time and tide roil you too harshly, or diurnal courses leave you with no safe havens,

Speaker 12 just remember, we're out there, somewhere, looking for you.

Speaker 12 We open it soon.

Speaker 1 Midnight Burger is made possible in part by our Monte Cristo level and above supporters.

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Speaker 20 She has a thing that predicts the future.

Speaker 18 Sure.

Speaker 20 Don't die on me, Ava. I need this information.

Speaker 18 Sure.

Speaker 53 Who they really were.

Speaker 18 Hall and O.

Speaker 53 The deputary.

Speaker 53 trying to combine but

Speaker 18 deputy

Speaker 70 I just created a new word

Speaker 20 Why would one weird egg-looking thing in one part of this galaxy have anything to do with these

Speaker 20 three sisters being in trouble?

Speaker 24 That's good.

Speaker 1 Read it exactly like that. That's a perfect reading of that line.
Thank you.

Speaker 41 Very usual.

Speaker 15 Excellent.

Speaker 1 Every word faster than one word.

Speaker 2 Well, why would one word?

Speaker 42 It's all right. It's going to be great.

Speaker 42 Just

Speaker 20 going to cover it up with speed.

Speaker 41 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Julie, can you spare some mustard?

Speaker 20 I need some more sauce.

Speaker 1 Let the magic mustard.

Speaker 42 Yeah.

Speaker 20 Thanks for the sauce, dual face. Good.

Speaker 1 Please keep your eyes out of my brain.

Speaker 34 Oh, my eyes.

Speaker 55 Oh, my eyes.

Speaker 41 Those are gonna be so up in your brain.

Speaker 1 That sounds gross.

Speaker 18 You sound gross.

Speaker 1 Do you want a club sandwich?

Speaker 56 Hang on.

Speaker 38 Now I don't.

Speaker 41 Sorry.

Speaker 16 No.

Speaker 41 Pass.

Speaker 38 You sound gross.

Speaker 21 Sorry.

Speaker 1 Why would you? Sorry. Well, you're missing a word there.
Sorry about that.

Speaker 38 That's my fault.

Speaker 22 Do with these three sisters.

Speaker 38 Sorry. Sorry about that.

Speaker 55 Thank you.

Speaker 1 Look, I'm not going to put all the words in there, okay?

Speaker 48 You're going to have to just figure it out sometimes, okay?

Speaker 42 You're getting paid.

Speaker 31 I'm tired.

Speaker 20 I'm so sorry. I

Speaker 7 just want you

Speaker 55 guys.

Speaker 13 I can do this.

Speaker 18 The Fable and Falling Network, where fiction producers flourish.

Speaker 1 This is Larry Flick, owner of the Floor Store. Leaves are falling, and so are our prices.
Welcome to the Floor Stores Fall Sale.

Speaker 1 Now through October 14th, get up to 50% off store-wide on carpet, hardwood, laminate, waterproof flooring, and much more. Plus two years' interest-free financing.
And we pay your sales tax.

Speaker 1 The Floor Stores Fall Sale. Cooler days, hotter deals, and better floors.
Go to FloorStores.com to find the nearest of our 10 showrooms from Santa Rosa to San Jose.

Speaker 1 The Floor Store, your Bay Area Flooring Authority.