Chapter 34: Three Sisters

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Previously on Midnight Burger, can we not just have one moment of peace? In coming, what? In comie, everybody down!

Okay, a simple no would have been fine. Hey,

what's up with the voice in Casper's head? I woke up because it felt like I had a nail in my head and I was hearing numbers.

Okay. You know, now that I'm thinking about it, what's up with the everything in Casper's head? We've established now that you were here for over a hundred years before Leaf showed up.
Apparently.

Right.

Apparently. You say apparently because X told you how old you were and you didn't know it.
You don't remember those years.

Well, there's certainly no time to figure that out. Oh, wait, there's plenty of time to figure that out because they are stranded.
I used to live in space. Yes.
Now I live in

Pasadena. I'm sorry.
Pasadena is not space. It is not.
Okay, truth be told, Pasadena is not that bad. The swap meet at the Rose Bowl? Amazing, but I digress.
So this is really it, huh?

You own a restaurant in Pasadena? This is your life? Oh, yeah, by the way, in this reality, Casper has reconnected with his long-lost son. Can you just be sure and enjoy it on my behalf?

It'll help me to know that something good is happening in the middle of all this bullshit. I can do that.

And now, here we sit in Pasadena, California, receiving mysterious messages, attacked by mysterious forces. Something's gotta give eventually, right?

What are you doing?

There's no way this is going to work. I don't see you coming up with any ideas.

Casper? I know that voice. What?

All those years I was here alone.

I wasn't alone the whole time.

Oh my.

What's all this then?

Let's start the shift.

Tita,

can I speak with you?

Tita.

If you turn off your communicator, I have to come all the way over here to talk to you. I didn't turn it off.

Supplies are getting low in the camp. Do you think this planet has any food sources? Where are we again?

Azuls. Where the fuck is Azuls?

I don't think that matters. What would you like me to do? Start killing things until I find something that tastes good? That would be fine.
Thank you for your help. How long do we stay?

Excuse me? How long do we stay? How long is this supposed to take? This is our last stop, Tita.

Not according to Labooza.

I think you know what I mean. So we just stay here until it all falls into place.
How many times have we been over this planet? You know, I don't listen during the planning meetings. Start listening

There's a kid in the camp.

I think he's from Lamonier.

All he does all day is find rocks and sticks to make a model of the house he's gonna live in once we get there.

He doesn't know where there is

and neither do we.

But he knows what his house is going to look like

He is now running running out of things to add to his house because he's been doing it for so long.

Why should I know about this?

Because

if we lose that kid, we lose everybody. Anyone at this camp is free to leave anytime they want.

No, they're not.

Do you know why?

Because we're on Azuls. Which I've never heard of, and neither have you.

The only way they can leave is with the ship we came here on, which means the only way they can leave is by taking the ship from us.

I'm not going to let them take the ship from us, which means that if they get fed up and sick of waiting, then I'm going to have to start killing people.

Which is fine,

but I feel like that's

not part of the plan. They're welcome to take the ship if they want.

This is our last stop.

I'm going to go talk to her.

Would you like to come?

Sure.

Node 5 transferring to 87 in third group.

Third group moved to subset of B in twelfth group.

Twelfth group within eighth group within open groups nine, thirty-two, and sixty.

Spin down.

Labuza?

They won't steal the ship.

Good.

They're all too far into the journey to turn back now.

That's not surprising. Can you tell us if anything on this planet is edible?

I can tell you we won't find out.

Okay.

I'm sorry, this part still confuses me. Does that mean I'm supposed to shoot some animals? Or does that mean I don't even try? It means you won't even try.

Okay. But I don't know why.

That's not the story I was told. You were saying you were worried about overheating.
I had to rearrange different data nodes. There's a low power mode now.
I can sleep.

How are the implants? They hurt less.

Good.

It means your body is accepting them. If we stay here much longer, the Teds are going to be on top of us again.
We'll stay here as long as we need to.

Seriously, is there any way I can get a time frame on this? It doesn't work that way. We won't be here for much longer,

but they will be coming for us. You should be ready, Tita.
Okay.

See? Was that so hard? Labuza, I'm concerned about the weather on this planet. Do we need to get the Vistec undercover? No.

We'll be inside soon.

What the fuck was that? Labuza? it's here what's here

labooza you said a ship i think it is

of sorts stay here i'm coming to

what the fuck is that

i don't even

is it from earth it appears to be do you have orbit alerts on yeah If anything shows up near this planet, I'm going to know about it. No alerts? Nope.

So it just appeared.

I guess.

I'm going to go inside. We're both going inside.
Leave the gun here. Why? Leave the gun

here. Mine!

Appears to be quite a collection of the concerned outside.

That's quite a mess of folks out there, Casper.

You think you'll be able to handle this many customers? Probably the most we've seen thus far.

Situations such as this call for soup, or perhaps roasting a whole pig.

No time for a pig roast, and you'd have to wait for soup to boil.

I'd get to making sandwiches if I was you, Casper.

I'm set to give up on this one, dear.

Surely he can't ignore us forever. Hush up, here they come.
Oh, Lord, this is a colorful duo.

This is what we've been waiting for. And that was, I am a Pilgrim, I am a stranger by the Imperial Quartet.

I'm Zebulon Mucklewain, here with my wife, Effie. Hi, y'all.
And we're doing our level best to bring the holy to the holler. Dear,

do you know what I was thinking about the other day? What's that, dear? Bread. Really, dear?

I can really pull a loaf of bread out of that oven, can't I, husband? Oh, you most surely can, dear.

Sometimes I'll look at that loaf of bread cooling on the rack, and I'll just sit back in my chair and I'll think, Effie, Mucklewain,

you have gone and done it again with that loaf of bread. You ought to be in a magazine of some sort.

I think to myself, I'd I'd better not share this bread with my neighbors, as they would surely never be able to reach to the great heights to which I have brought them.

Any bread they have from here on out tastes like a horse apple. And don't any of you go asking me how she does it.
Oh no, oh no, that's useless.

He's watched me do it a hundred times, and yet he'll try and make a loaf for himself and his bread comes out looking like we're about to flee the land of the Pharaoh. It is truly confounding.

But then,

when I am at the heights of my confidence,

Bright, when I feel I am doing nothing but pulling manna from heaven right out of that oven, what happens?

What happens, dear? Suddenly, the grace has left me. Suddenly, that bread is as flat as the day is long, and I might as well be making a hardtack, and there is no explanation for it.

I do everything the same as I always do, but something just ain't right. I know to make myself scarce on those days.
He does.

Because I cannot be spoken to. I'm there in my kitchen, face to the ceiling, saying, Lord,

Lord,

what the heck are you doing to my bread pan that makes it suddenly produce something not fit for the hogs outside?

She is not exaggerating. She definitely speaks to the ceiling.
But then I I remember the words of my mother. I remember that she always said,

The greatest baker in the world can't help bake the weather.

When the day is not right, it is not right.

And there ain't a damn thing I can do about it. Excuse my language.

And what should one do on those days, dear? On the days when, despite all efforts, the loaves are not what they should be.

Well, husband, all you can do is remember that each good day is like a coin, and each of those coins have got another side to them, don't they?

And you can't have a coin without having both sides of it. What the fuck is this? I don't know.
In keeping with that theme, let's hear a bit from the Trinity Quartet. Break thou the bread of life.

Whoa! Hold it right there, pal. Are you armed? I'm not.
I thought I told you to leave the gun outside. I did leave the gun outside.
This is the other gun.

Hello? Welcome to Midnight Burger. What is this place? It's a diner.
No, it's not. Well, that's the only name I have for it.
It appeared out of nowhere. Yeah, it does that.

Who are you? Casper.

He's an earthling. How did you get here? Earthlings don't don't leave Earth.
Maybe I'm not an Earthling. Maybe I'm just good at impressions.
I've scanned your DNA. You're an earthling.

Okay, glad we cleared that up. So, what is this place?

How did you get here? I don't know.

You woke up here or something? I walked in to use the phone. The phone? It's how earthlings talk to each other.
Start at the beginning. Maybe you should start at the beginning.

Maybe you should start at the beginning since I've got a gun and you don't.

I was on Interstate 5 and I needed to use the phone.

I saw this place.

I walked inside, and it was abandoned.

The radio started playing, and then

and then the whole thing started traveling. Traveling how?

I don't know.

Like, um,

on a TV show when the ship goes into warp speed or whatever, it was like that. This place? Yeah.
Earthlings don't have technology like this. Yeah, no shit.
No one does. And yet.

Have a look around. What about him? He's fine.
He's an earthling. He couldn't be less threatening.
Thanks. Okay.

Shout if you need me. Don't ignore your calms this time.
Yeah, yeah.

You make it sound like this place abducted you. Call it what you want.

I walked inside and then.

How long have you been here? I don't know.

How did you get here? I told you, I walked in.

You're on Azuls right now.

Do you know how far from Earth that is? It's not even in the same galaxy.

That's pretty far. So, what I mean is, how did you get from there to here? I wasn't on Earth before I came here.
I was somewhere else.

Where? I have no idea.

So this place

just

moves? Yes.

About every 12 hours it leaves, and then for 12 hours it travels.

And then it's a new place, and then it leaves again, over and over like that, never in the same place. A ship that cannot be steered.

What?

Twelve Earth hours? Uh, yeah. We'll need to to move fast then.
What do you mean? This place is.

I don't get it. There's no technology.
There's no power source. It's just

a restaurant from Earth. There's no control panel, nothing.
Oh, it's fucking weird. I don't like it.
We've got 12 hours. 12 what? 12 Earth hours.
Kazi, I don't like this. In fact, I hate it.

This is the plan. 12 hours to do what? Every 12 hours, you go somewhere new for 12 hours.
Is that how it works? As far as I can tell. You're going to have some company for a while.
For a while?

What do you mean? We're really doing this. How many times do I have to talk to you about the plan? This is insane.

We don't know anything about this place. What is the plan? We've got 12 hours to get everyone packed and moved.
You're insane. From the beginning, this plan has been insane.

Every step, and after every insane step, you are right there along with us. So can we skip the part where you argue with me, please? There's no time.

Shit.

Okay.

Here we go. Get Labuza first and then we'll move in everyone else.
If this kills us,

it's on you. That's fine.
Everyone else, what are you talking about? One moment, please. I need to change my circadian rhythms to an Earth schedule.
You need to. What? Shh.

Alright.

My name is Kazi. That was my sister, Tita.
She's about to get our other sister, Labuza. We have 116 refugees with us.
It's going to be a tight fit, but it won't be forever. 116?

Wait, coming in here? For how long? Our other sister is

a very special person.

She can predict things. She knew that this place, whatever it is, was going to show up on this planet, in this place, at this time.
I don't see how that's possible.

She also knows that if we stay here long enough, this place will eventually take us to where we need to go. Eventually? For For how long? I'm not sure how it translates to Earth Hours.

She'll be able to tell us, but it will be several

stops, whatever you want to call it. You're going to cram all of those people in here for God knows how long? We are.
That's a bad idea. How would you know? Well,

I don't know how long I've been here, but I think it's long enough to know that I'm not.

I'm not getting back home again.

I think if you're banking on this place taking you where you want to go, you may end up completely lost. Okay.

We're walking through the door now. Casper, was it?

Yes.

My sisters and I are fugitives, and the people with us are desperate for a new life in a new place. All of us are lost right now.
Once you're lost, you can't get more lost.

I can absolutely, without question, tell you that that's not true.

I had a lot to do back on Earth. There was a lot of things I was trying to figure out, and then this place happened, and

you can get more lost. Trust me.

I know I did.

I know you think you have a plan and you've got it figured out, but it's just an ocean of random shit out there. Nothing means anything.
Oh, I wish I had someone to love me.

Someone

to

call me their own.

Oh, I wish I'd someone to live with

cosmired of living

alone.

Oh, please meet me tonight

in the moonlight.

Please meet me tonight

all alone.

For I have a sad story to tell you.

It's a story that's never

been told. Stop it.

Why is she singing that? If I sing you the song,

you'll believe us. According to who?

This is the story I was told. Libby, sit down here, okay? That's Labuza.
She's the reason we're here. Why did she sing that?

She's able to do things more complex than any creature I have ever encountered. I don't know why she's saying that.

Do you know why?

You may think we're making a mistake, but that's our choice to make. Fine.
This is a strange place.

Can it do normal things like make food? Yes. We have some hungry people outside.
Some children. Well, that's bad news for them.

I'm a terrible cook.

Shouldn't you be out there helping them? They're fine.

What's your name again? Casper.

Can you put the gun away while you're talking to me, please? This gun? Yes. This gun right here? That one.
Sure.

Thank you.

Casper.

So.

You just been living here? Yes.

How long?

I don't know.

Most people in prison, they start

making marks on the wall so they don't lose track of the days. It's not a prison.

Why not? Because it moves.

But you feel like you can't leave. I could leave.

Why haven't you? Because I wouldn't know where the fuck I was. Prisons don't have to have bars.

I was in a prison once called Lost Basan.

It was a bunch of shacks on a moon.

No bars.

They drop you off and say, good luck, criminal. Like Escape from New York.

What?

It's Escape from New York.

It's a movie on my planet.

Wait.

The guy with the eye patch?

Yeah, you've seen it? I know that movie. What's that guy's name? Snake Pliskin?

Snake Pliskin!

I love that guy. What do they always say to him? I thought you were dead.
I thought you were dead, Snake Pliskin.

That guy's great.

How come in Earth movies, people are named Snake Pliskin, but in real life, they're like named Daniel Gregory or whatever? Our movies are aspirational.

We want to wear an eye patch and be named Snake Pliskin and have everyone think we're dead, but in fact, we just

We're some guy who works at the DMV

What's the DMV? Honestly, I don't know how to explain it to someone who lives on another planet

Because it's so boring, yes

What's going on with your other sister?

What do you mean? Is she

blind?

Not really.

Her people don't have very good eyesight to begin with. It's very dark on her planet.
But what vision she does have started to go when she hooked up to the machine she built.

What machine?

Oh, sorry.

There's a huge machine in your refrigerator right now. We need to keep it cool.

Great. She calls it the Vistec.

It speaks to her.

Okay. Whatever.

What were you in prison for? Something violent, I'm assuming.

Now, why would you say that? I just saw you bring in three bags full of weapons, and the first thing you did was point a gun at me. That's the first thing I do to anybody.

You were in prison for insurance fraud, then?

Weapons trafficking.

So, only tangentially violent? Forgive me.

You speak English.

We all speak English. How?

We love your movies. All over the system.
Can't get enough of them. The more and more the system got connected through warp gates, the more there needed to be some sort of common language.

Somehow, your language was the winner. Lucky us.

So, this place is

just a diner?

There are a couple of key differences, but yeah, it's just a diner.

And all of a sudden, poof. Yes.

I'll believe it when I see it. You'll see it.

So who are all these people?

Refugees. From where?

All over the place. Well, they must be pretty desperate to sign up for a plan like this.

They trust us.

Well, don't take this the wrong way, but why in the hell would they do that? Well,

I don't know if you know this, Casper, but we're kind of a big deal out there in the system. We are revered.

We are feared.

The name the sisters strikes fear into the hearts of fascist shitheads everywhere. The sisters.

How come you're the only one with horns?

What do you mean? Well, you have horns. They don't.

You're looking at my horns, Casper? You.

You have horns. Your sister is as white as a ghost, and your other sister is bright yellow.
You don't look related. Same father, different mothers.

Sure, but you don't even look like you're from the same planet. We're not.

You're not even from the same planet? I'm from Lahari. Kazi's from Emlin, and Libby's from NYX.
Okay, I don't see how that's genetically possible. It's because you don't know our father.

Everyone's in.

I see you've chosen not to help. I'm keeping an eye on this one.
I'm very threatening over here with my spatula. How does this work? Do we need to secure any belongings? Don't touch my stuff.

You won't feel a thing,

but everything outside will change. It'll be very disorienting.
Have I mentioned yet how...

Psychotic this idea is? Yes, many times. Is there anything else we need to do? Take that tray of chicken sandwiches out to them.
What's chicken? What's.

It's a bird. How am I supposed to know that? You know what Escape from New York is, but you don't know what a chicken is.
I'm assuming one's more interesting than the other.

Also, what is the device on the counter? Uh, what do you mean? It's a radio. That's not a radio.
Sure, it is.

Receiving from where? I don't know. I don't know how it works.
Don't worry about it. Can you worry about the chicken sandwiches, please?

What do we make of all these folks, husband? They seem to all be exhausted from their journey here.

Nice to have children underfoot, though. From what I can gather, they're all expecting us to take them to a safe haven of some sort.

I hope we are able to oblige. I'm getting some very strange feelings from that yellow one in the corner.

She seems to be not much older than 15 years. I think those looks maybe deceiving.
Dear,

will you join me in a venture? Certainly. As you know, we've been trying to get this Casper fellow to speak with us, but he is not having it.

Since we may be cohabitating with these folks for a spell, we should perhaps try and strike up a little conversation.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained, I suppose. Hey, you

take this tray and start giving these things out. They're called sandwiches.
They're made with chicken. I don't know what that is,

but don't worry about it. We're probably all gonna die anyway.

What? Forgive us. I'm Effie Muckleway.
This here is my husband, Samulon. Good afternoon.

We could not help but notice what an impressive rack of horns you have on your head there. They are resplendent.
Do all folks have horns

where you're from? The fuck is happening right now?

You know, at first I was thinking that they'd be quite a burden to have to carry around on my head all day long, but now that I put some thought into it, I think something such as the assortment you have on your head could come in handy during the day's ins and outs.

Nah, I hadn't thought of that, dear.

All

sorts of uses come to mind. Shelling almonds, for example.
Opening a door stuck from the heat. A place to hang one's eyeglasses.
Hats pose a challenge.

True enough, though, if one sees a hat as simply a way to make one's head interesting.

Well, that work's done for you already, isn't it? And I've never met a milliner who wasn't up for a challenge. Kazzi, what? What is it? The radio

is talking to me. It's what? No need to be alarmed, y'all.
We just wanted to introduce ourselves. Is this a two-way device? Appears to be.
Who are you? Well,

this is Effie Mucklewain and her husband, Zebulon.

I see.

Where are you broadcasting from? Toadsuck, Arkansas. Have we been to a planet called Toadsuck, Arkansas? Doesn't sound familiar.
Is this some sort of shipboard AI? And it looks like that. Why?

For aesthetics? I don't know.

We don't have time for this. Cozy? What, Labuza? What is it? They found us.

Tita, I'm on it. Hang on.
I thought you had orbital alerts. I had to pack up my gear.
How many are there? I count 20. It's okay.

They won't come in until they warned us three times. It's happening.
What the fuck are those? Bad guys. How much time do we have? Any second now.
What if I'm outside when it happens?

Stay in the parking lot. What? The pavement.
Just stay on the pavement. Okay.
What in the Lord's name are those abomination? When she says they're the bad guys, I'm believing it. Okay, here we go.

Everybody out of the way.

Who wants pie?

Everybody down.

I should have seen them coming. I'm calculating a billion things at once right now.
You can't be expected to catch them all. How much longer? Any second now? It won't be the last time we see them.

I know. Here it comes.

Holy fuck. That

is something.

It looks like this?

Yes.

Everyone, it's okay. I know it looks frightening, but it's fine.

I've been here a long time, and it hasn't hurt me.

At least, I don't think.

Husband, let's get some music up to soothe some of these spirits. Of course.

The man would travel in an impossible ship.

A ship that could go anywhere, but could not be steered.

Can you take me out there, please?

Yes.

I've got your hand. You're sure it's safe?

It's fine. Watch out for the vertigo.

This is a fucked-up place you've got here, Casper. I know.
This is astounding. It's like going through a warp gate, but

there's a whole other thing going on. How long does it last? It's like this for about 12 hours, and then it sets down for another 12.
Never the same place twice? Not so far. Well,

good work, Libby.

You found it. What about food supply? Will you have enough? The refrigerator restocks itself.
Really?

Yeah.

No matter what?

I have to get a little creative sometimes, but it seems to work just fine.

I don't know about you all, but I need a fucking drink.

What a day.

I'll be inside with all the other stinkers.

Right.

What about hygiene? There's a truck stop shower in the bathroom. Truck stop?

There's a shower. And the water comes from.

Fantastic question.

All right.

Oh, and the radio. What about it?

It was talking to us?

Are you in communication with someone, or is it some sort of simulated intelligence?

You hear it too?

What do you mean?

They talk to you too?

Yes.

What do you mean?

I knew it was a radio, but I didn't.

I wasn't in the best mental state when I

came here.

I'm sure you can probably imagine what I thought about this place at first.

Did you think you were hallucinating? Wouldn't you?

I'm not prone to hallucinations. Are you? How would I know?

Can you hold still for a second? Probably not.

What are you doing? Shh.

Your eyes keep changing color. I'm switching lenses.

How come your eyes keep switching lenses? Because that's how I designed them.

You designed your eyes?

I designed most parts of my body.

Okay.

You ever thought about wings? Of course.

You can't just add wings.

You really need a transformation of the whole body for aerodynamics. Hollow bones, etc., too much trouble.

Okay.

Anything cool, like claws?

I have a claw. You don't want to see it.
I was kidding! I know.

Your brain looks fine. I don't quite understand how your neurons are working right now, but I don't spend a lot of time on earthlings.

You

scanned my brain for insanity? Yes. You're not hallucinating, Casper.
The radio is actually talking to you, and I'm actually standing right here.

That doesn't make me feel better. I know.

Now, speaking of scans, there are still several people inside that need medical attention, so I'm going to deal with that.

Okay, what's for dinner?

I've no idea. They've been living on ship rations for months, so the bar is low.

That helps.

Can you tell me what it looks like?

Oh, um

not really, but, uh.

Do you

remember what the stars at night look like?

My planet only had one side that faced our sun.

Most of my life has been night sky.

Okay.

So imagine the night sky, uh,

and then take the night sky and

wrap it into like a tube.

Alright.

And then take that tube and stretch it.

Stretch it so long that all those stars become long lines.

But then

take another night sky, one you've never seen before, and add that on top of the sky you know.

And then do that about a hundred more times.

And then every once in a while, there's

there are little flashes of light far off,

like something very big happening from far away.

You're traveling through that tube.

And at the end?

I don't know.

It sounds beautiful.

Yeah.

It is.

Please don't be scared of my sisters. They're pretty intense.

They've had to be. We're fugitives.

Fugitives from what?

Kazi's home is a barely habitable moon called Emlin.

Her people learned to manipulate their own bodies so they could survive, but then the practice was banned. Kazi refused to stop, and now she's considered a criminal.

Tita's a brilliant engineer, but seems to only be interested in making killing machines. She's often in trouble with the authorities.

What about you?

Predicting the future makes people

uncomfortable.

People are always trying to predict the future. Yes.

They get uncomfortable when someone else can do it and they can't.

You can really do that. You can

predict the future.

Well I found you, didn't I?

How does it work? Do you have

visions?

Sometimes.

It also speaks to me, but it's hard to understand what it's really saying.

What does it sound like?

It sounds like.

I believe Earthlings call them fairy tales.

It tells you a fairy tale. For instance, the part about you went like this.

Then the seer saw a man.

The man would travel in an impossible ship. A ship that could go anywhere but could not be steered.

But the Seer could see where the ship would go next.

The three sisters boarded the ship and traveled a long way.

And just as the Seer foretold, it brought them to the far-off land where they would build the city in her visions.

So you're off to some new place.

Where no one is hunting you?

Where there's no bad guys?

Yes.

There's bad guys everywhere, you know. I know.

I can see them.

But not where you're going. No.

But bad people are headed there.

We're going to get there first and keep them out.

I see.

You know, there was this time on my planet when...

A lot of people discovered there was a whole continent that they didn't know was there.

A lot of people decided they would leave the old world behind and start over again in a new one.

They wound up just bringing the old world with them.

Should we not do anything

because of the dangers of doing something?

Good point, I guess. We make the world, Casper.

Not those before us.

My whole life, all I've done is live in somebody else's world. It seems pretty unchangeable to me.
That's just a fun trick they pull.

If you made a world,

wouldn't you want to convince everyone that it couldn't be changed?

You're very astute for a young person.

I'm older than I look.

I'm also very tired. Can you bring me inside?

Uh, yeah,

sure.

It's nice to meet you, Casper.

You too.

Pull

Boom! Again! You know, I've got a lot of people to feed inside. This probably isn't a great use of these apples.
It's fine. The fridge will just make more.
Come on, I'm on a roll.

Okay.

Pull!

Ha! What is that now? 22. Gotta be a record somewhere, right? So your other two sisters are fugitives because of the science they study.
You're a fugitive because what? You just like guns and crime?

Well, I do like guns and crime, Casper, but that's not why I'm a fugitive. Pull!

So why you then? I'm from Lahari. Lahari was in a power vacuum, and that led to a civil war.
When you've got infighting, you're easily conquered.

So the civil war we were fighting was secretly being funded on both sides by an intergalactic empire of fuckheads. Pull!

I was going to end the civil war. So they made me public enemy number one.
You're going to end the war with a radical peace treaty, I'm assuming. No.

I was going to end the war because my guns were like,

way better.

I see. So I'm forced to go on the run.
And that's when I get a mysterious message from my two sisters. Right.

So no one's explained to me yet how a man has three daughters on three different planets. That doesn't make any sense.
He had multiple children on multiple planets. Way more than us three.

Though there's not too many of us left now. Sounds like a busy guy.
He was a very busy guy. He was a conqueror.

A conqueror?

Of women's hearts? No, of entire planets, Casper.

Entire planets.

You know, some people like to embellish the life story of their parents to make them sound cooler. Yes, and I feel bad for those people.
Pull!

That's nice. It's lovely, isn't it? It's called Little Town in Old County Down.

It's about a man who wishes to transform himself into a bird and fly far away to a quiet shore and make a nest there.

We usually don't play music such as this, but we thought it fitting, seeing as how y'all have all, in spirit, turned yourselves into birds and alighted yourselves to fairer shores. I suppose we have.

Yes. And

what awaits you there?

I've no idea. Oh, really?

Yes. Well, now

I hear tell that you've got a particular distinction when it comes to the future of things, youngster. A particular distinction.

No need to mince words with us now.

The ladies on Effie's side of the family have, for many generations, been given a,

well, what shall we say?

Bit of a finger on the side of the nose from the Lord. A bit of a nudge nudge.

A bit of a tip of the old hat from our greater forces, if you're speaking my language. You have visions of the future.
I'd say they're more like feelings.

Gumptions, if you will.

Always know when to bring the hogs in before a storm and the like.

That's how it is with myself.

How is it with you? I studied people like you in the beginning.

On several planets, there are a small percentage of the population who have predictive elements.

Some were just frauds, but others truly had a gift.

So I began to wonder: is there something to be calculated? Are principles of uncertainty too reductive?

All that brought me to this place.

Well, I'm sure I don't know what that means, dear, but it is awfully fancy talk for someone of your age. My age? You can't be more than ten minutes past 15 years old.

How long are the years on your planet? Well, dear, where is Casper?

I believe they're outside shooting at apples. Everyone needs to get their butts back inside right now.
Cozy, everybody down.

I need a bigger gun. Which one? The really terrifying gun.

Oh, really terrifying. The one that says Dame Judy Dinch on it.
They keep finding us. That doesn't matter right now.
Okay, here we go. Hey, Dame Judy.
Time to win some BAFTAs. Here.

Well, look what I I found.

How long until we jump? We've got hours to go. Shit.

Everybody, cover your junk.

Give me a grenade belt and two more magazines. What are you doing? They can't get in here.
I'm going to lure them over to those woods over there. Are you going out there by yourself? No, Casper.

I'm going to go out there with the invisible army standing right behind me. Here, take the pistol.
Make sure nobody gets in the back door. You know how to use this.
Take a wild guess. Here I go.

She'll be fine.

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Casper,

you should get some sleep along with everyone else.

All that worrying ain't gonna mend anyone's wounds.

Well, you say that, Effie Mucklewain, but here you are up at an ungodly hour. That is true, Casper.

But from time to time, I have a tendency to stroll the halls at night, be the day a peaceful one or no. No rhyme or reason to it for me.

Effie, I am sorry that I have been so rudely ignoring you and your husband this whole time because you, clear as day, are only concerned for my well-being. Well,

make no mention of it again, Casper.

I can't imagine what you've been through since we first met.

I just wish you'd let us help you.

Well,

that's enough of that. I'm off to bed again.

Take a page out of my book if you can.

You're still up. How's she doing?

Laharians are incredibly difficult to kill,

especially one with her unique genetic profile.

All that said, she should have died. Somehow she didn't.

I've got an army of microscopic helpers working on her right now, but it will be a few days until she's annoying me again.

Okay.

I'm exhausted, but I've got a lot of post-work to do. Do you want a cup of coffee?

I can manufacture a chemical in my body right now that gives me all the best minutes of Kazi. Do you want a cup of coffee?

Fine.

Sugar?

No.

this is popular on Earth? Very. Why? Because we're very tired.

Her unique genetic profile.

Yes.

This is because of your father.

Yes. Who was he?

Kroc. Kroc.

That's right.

A long time ago, the galaxies were ruled by warlords, warlords and conquerors. They had fleets of ships, and they would hop from star system to star system, claiming territory.

Our father was one of them.

He would conquer a planet and then have some kids and just move on to the next planet?

Essentially. Everyone was just okay with that?

It's not like they had much of a choice, but apparently he was quite charming. You never met him? No.

He had moved on by the time I was grown.

How did you go from that to being fugitives?

A new age got ushered in.

An age of warp gates and commerce and politics and all of it run by

shitheads, as I believe you say on Earth. I'm familiar with them.

The warlords and conquerors were all seen as a threat. That included the inheritors of their unique genetics.

A lot of our brothers and sisters were made irrelevant, turned into hollow figureheads, some of them killed. The three of us refused to go quietly.
I see.

But none of that matters anymore because you are off to a new world.

That's right. Cryptesia.

A young galaxy, just out of reach of the shithead. Is all this gonna be worth it? Yes.

I hope so.

Because you've got a hundred people in here. Tita almost died today.
Labuza is.

I don't know what the hell Labuza is doing to herself. Labuza's the reason we're all here.
Labuza is a kid.

And she's had things put into her skull. Labuza made a choice to more fully integrate herself with her creation.
It was a very brave choice. So you just said, okay.

Who do you think installed those nodes in her temples?

And she's not a kid, Casper. Regardless of how you perceive her, she's much older than you can possibly imagine.
That age of conquerors I was telling you about wasn't last week.

The three of you are gonna strike out into new territory, and you think it's all gonna be Easy Street because your sister made a science project. You're gonna

get yourselves killed.

Well,

I'm flattered, Casper.

What are you talking about?

You've grown attached to us.

Stop looking at my brain. It's not my fault that there are certain parts of your brain that light up for certain reasons.
Why can't people stay put?

Just for a minute.

What was the song Labuza sang to you?

I never heard her do that before.

I sang it to my son to try and get him to go to sleep.

I see.

That's a very depressing song to sing to a child. Look, when you're trying to get a child to go to sleep, you grab any song you've got memorized, okay? It was either that or the banana boat song.

Don't ask me about him, okay? I don't need to.

Casper,

we're going to be leaving soon.

You can spend your time being angry about that, or you can

you can do something else.

But we are leaving.

I know.

I know.

You want me to do what? Look, I know it sounds crazy, but this thing drives me fucking crazy, and I just need to show it whose boss. This is an odd misuse of my technology.
It is.

It is a bit like killing cockroaches with a bazooka, sure, but you'd be doing me a favor. All right.

One moment, please.

It's going to appear over there.

Ah!

Ah!

fuck you parmesan cheese I have you now

you're in my hand and I'm gonna put you all over some eggplants

damn

well it was a short-lived

but it was a victory

what is happening the parmesan cheese

It disappears and reappears all over the kitchen. I can never quite catch it.

Do you feel better? A little.

Thank you. Would you get this shit away from me? God damn it.

Eat the fucking soup. You eat the fucking soup.
I'm gonna take this soup and I'm gonna pour it all over your goddamn body if you don't eat it. That'd be a better use for it.

I'm trying to take care of you, you idiot. Fuck, Casper.
You're so into me. It's embarrassing for you.
Okay,

you know what? Fucking starve.

Can I have a sandwich?

Not the chicken,

but the other kind?

Ham? Yes.

I'll have one of those.

You're gonna eat this whole sandwich. I know.
I don't care if Cassie has to surgically implant this sandwich in your body, you're eating the whole thing. I know!

You'd like to do a what? Well, calling it a sermon wouldn't be quite right. No, no.
More of a story.

Just a little something to entertain the children. Make the time go faster.

We've noticed that all those among us now have not much to do but contemplate their destination.

One shouldn't spend so much time with thoughts on the future. A good story can keep one in the here and now.
Seems harmless enough. Casper,

the Muckawains are going to have a

story time for everyone. Okay.
Is that all right with you? Yeah, fine. Would you like to join us? I have to get some ham.
All right.

We are wearing him down. I can feel it.

Hello there.

Terrifying monolithic alien technology.

I'm just gonna get some ham.

You know,

I'm sure you consist of technology that I can't possibly understand, but where I come from, things like you are almost always some sort of metaphor for hubris.

You're sending them to the right place, right?

They deserve a good place.

Okay.

Okay, this was a good talk. I'm glad we had this time together.

All right, all right, gather around y'all.

You children up front.

Now everyone can hear us all right, all right?

Welcome all.

As I'm sure you all know, I'm Zebulon Mucklewain here with my wife, Effie. Hi, y'all.
We've spent time with y'all for many a day now, and I must say we've been inspired by your presence.

All of you here with us today have taken it upon yourselves to seek out a new life out there in the great wilderness. It's surely a daunting task and one not taken on lightly, I'd imagine.

And I find that in those times, when one has taken on a great burden, it helps to hear of those who have taken on a great burden themselves.

When one takes a great burden upon themselves, a great loneliness can settle about.

Indeed.

A great purpose requires great strength. And for whatever unknown reason, the strong must, at times, know loneliness.

And we imagine all you strong people here with us today must feel quite a bit of loneliness.

But...

The strong are never alone for long.

To be strong, to be forthright, to be unbending to the oncoming trials of the world, it is a beacon to those who seek their own strength.

They will find you, grow stronger because of you, and you will find, in turn,

that you find strength in them.

After all, Y'all had flung yourself out into the great beyond with only your fortitude as your guide. And when you did, there we appeared to you.

And it brings me to the story of a boy named Ishmael.

Ishmael and his mother had been cast out from their home into a wide and unforgiving desert.

And after searching for days for safe harbor, Ishmael's mother despaired, for surely this desert would take their lives.

But Ishmael, even as a boy, was of a different sort.

As his mother lost all hope, Ishmael screamed to the heavens that he would live. He would not hope to live.
He did not beg to live. He demanded to live.

For what is the use of a wide world if not to provide for those that fight to live within it?

And there in the barren desert, Ishmael's demands were met.

For suddenly there was a great spring and a great oasis and a tree bearing fruit. People like to say that the world don't owe you nothing.

And perhaps they're right.

But who makes the world, children? Is it a world of our making? Did we not build spires to the heavens heavens and humble homes and the streets we walk upon?

And if it is our world that we had made together, then perhaps from time to time, it behooves us to raise our voices and say to the sky that we demand to live.

And we send salutations to those of you out in that great desert, demanding to live.

Where are we today? We are in a swamp

a swamp.

I've never seen a swamp. What's it like? A swamp?

A swamp is

Gemaida Forest and a lake.

And then add humidity and bugs.

Also, a number of terrifying creatures just below the water that really want to drag you under.

Sounds lovely. Oh, yeah, it's great.

This is our last day.

Yeah, I know.

I can't thank you enough for everything you've done for us.

And I didn't really do anything.

You cooked for a hundred people for several weeks, and you very obviously hate cooking. It was no big deal.

I learned a lot.

Like, how to not burn things.

You also... Took care of Tita.
That I will accept thanks for. She is the worst.

She likes you.

It's how she acts when she likes you. Sure, whatever.

I want you to know something.

Okay.

I already know that if I ask you to come with us,

you'll say no.

You do?

Will you come with us?

It's alright.

Even though I knew the answer,

I wanted you to know that I asked.

A lot of people on my planet do this thing.

They have this place on the map, this place they're going to go to one day.

When they go to this place, everything's gonna be okay.

One day I'm gonna leave all this behind, they'll say.

They think when they get to this place, they'll finally be free of all the bullshit that they usually have to put up with.

For some people, it's the beach, for some people, it's the desert.

The real weird ones go for Alaska?

What is it for you?

Oh, I have no idea,

but whatever it is, it's

not ready to

go there yet.

I understand.

Ugh. I am up.

I am walking. I am now free of Casper's terrible bedside manor.
That's great news for both of us. Do I feel gross because I now have a million of Kazi's nano-minions coursing through my veins? Yes.

But hey,

it's certainly not the grossest thing I've had coursing through my body. Am I right?

Am I right? Tita, welcome to the swamp. I'm sure you have lots of friends here.
Silence, nurse. How are you doing, Libby? I'm okay.

I'm glad you're out of bed. Me too.

Casper. You need to spruce that room up a bit.
Get a window treatment or something. Maybe a rug to tie the room together.
It's for lunch. I have no idea.
Chop, chop. You have one job.

Almost dying is hungry work. Casper, can you take me back inside? I need to prep the Vistack for offloading.
Sure.

Here we go.

What was that?

Tita, Casper. Get Libby inside and bring me Judy and my belt.

Casper, yeah, okay. I'm not seeing anything.
Let's go.

Come on.

I know you're out there somewhere.

What the fuck?

I do one warning and then I kill people.

This is your one warning.

Fine.

Fuck.

Who the fuck are these guys? I have no idea, but my pistol isn't working. Here.
Okay, come on, Dame Judy.

Guns aren't working. Multiple anomalies in the structure for assessment of hostile.

Threat level minimal. Disarm and integration.
Fuck. Minimal threat, huh? Inside.

Grenade. Everybody down.

Let's see how that worked.

They're still there. Who are they? I was hoping you knew.
I can't see them. I got a bad feeling about this.
I think we all have a pretty bad feeling. They're humanoid, but I don't recognize the suits.

They're armed, but I don't recognize the weapons.

Processing? Ooh, I got a real bad feeling about that. Labuza, anything? I can't see them.

It's like they're not there for me. Trying another grenade.
Everybody, stay down

oh what the the grenade disappeared your weapons are ineffective begin evacuation immediately they're going to come in here if we don't do something what do they mean by processing that could mean anything processed as prisoners as food food oh i don't like that at all your time has elapsed Struggling will elongate this process.

I have an idea. What are you doing? The green ones are the ones ones that make smoke, right? Yes.

Shit. Out of the way.
It's not going to do anything.

Okay, while they can't see us, everyone out the back door. Move.
Let's go. What are you doing? I've got an idea.
I don't have time to explain. Go.
Cousin.

No, not at all. What are you going to do? Dang it.
Push something against the door once you're out there.

I don't know what you've got up your sleeve, Casper, but we're here with you through it all. Godspeed, my friend.

So, you two are just going to keep talking to me until I talk back. Is that it?

That was our plan, yes.

Though you may be hard-pressed to explain our presence in your life, we believe we are here on the side of the angels for what all that's worth.

Fine,

I'm Casper,

and I am Zebulon Mucklewain, here with my wife, Effie.

Hi, Casper.

Just follow my lead, okay?

Lead on.

Identify yourself.

Thank God you're here. I have been held prisoner by these people for weeks now.
They make me make them food, they boss me around. You're the first people who's been able to stop them.

They made me throw smoke grenades outside and then they left. Praise Jesus, right, husband? Oh, yes.
They were so terrible.

We worried for our lives every day.

But we have been provided with saviors such as you. Praise the Lord.

What is their evacuation point? They're all hiding in there.

The deep freeze.

Maintain your location.

They're heavily armed and they're terrifying. Be careful.
Thank you for saving us.

Do we think that did it?

Hang on.

Systems malfunction.

Multiple hostiles. We are disconnected from our remote weapon systems.
Remove weapon systems.

I really need to put a lock on this thing.

Okay,

here it is.

What do we think?

Goodness me.

Is that a volcano? Yeah.

Yeah, that is a very large volcano. That is some fiery majesty.

Are we sure it's a good notion for them to set up camp so close to something so angry? A lot of the planets in this system will be like that. It's a new galaxy.

A lot of the planets haven't decided what they're going to be yet. Besides, we need active geology if Tita's going to build us a geothermal generator.

I don't like building things that aren't weapons, but it'll involve lava.

Everyone can come out.

This is home.

Where will you even start we'll set up camp over there, I think it'll be rough at first, but we should be fine for a while

after that

After that, it's up to me Labuza will be our guide after that Kazi, what about our mystery guests from yesterday? What if they come back?

We don't know who they were, and we have no idea where we were yesterday. We could have been on the other side of the universe.
You could have been right next door.

We won't be spending much time on could, Casper.

We'll be spending time with should.

We'll be okay.

Labusa will guide us, and Tita and I will do the rest. Casper,

I want you to know that I've forgiven you for being such a shit sack this entire time. Thanks.
As a token of our gratitude, I will be naming that volcano after you. Please don't.
Mount Caspar.

Because it's constantly spewing toxic garbage into the atmosphere. Thanks.

I'm going to walk away now.

And I give you permission this one time to look at my ass while I'm walking away. Thanks.

I'm sure our passengers would like it if you came and said goodbye. Sure.
Thank you for everything, Casper. It was my pleasure.

Honestly, I think the whole time I've been here, I've just been.

I don't know, getting from one day to the next. This was the first time that

it felt like time was passing. I know that sounds weird.

I have to tell you something.

Do you realize how stressful it is to hear that from someone who can predict the future? I'm sorry. It's okay.

Let's hear it.

You're going to forget about us.

What do you mean?

It's okay.

People forget more things than they remember.

I think it's gonna be pretty impossible for me to forget this experience.

I'm pretty good at knowing what's going to happen.

Well, maybe it's time for a tune-up of your terrifying device.

Labuza.

I'm never going to forget you.

Then

I'll say this:

if one day you forget about us,

and somewhere far down the line you remember us again,

please forgive yourself.

I forgive you.

Just remember that even if you forget us,

we still met you and knew you.

And we were inside you somewhere the whole time.

Okay.

But I promise I won't forget you.

All right.

I have to wait here while they unload the Vistec from the walk-in.

I'll see you at camp.

Okay.

Don't let me forget about them, okay?

We shall not.

We shall do our level best, Casper.

Three,

one

four

one

five

nine

two

five

Thanks for listening to Midnight Burger, y'all. Be sure and tune in this time next month for more adventures in the vastness.

And if time and tide roil you too harshly, or diurnal courses leave you with no safe havens, just remember we're out there somewhere looking for you.

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Cody Monster, Magical Computer Mage Mason, the Gabber newspaper sounds like a ridiculous name, but it helps protect democracy in Florida.

Samuel Rolis-Rolis, Charismo, Miss Nixie, Baby Bate and Lee, Kyle Perino, Amber King, Sid the Sloth on a Bike, Priya Gandhi, Wandering Mermaid, Little Stevie Pie, Return to Sender, Green Mountain Hermit with Azure Blue Eggs, R-Town, Two Polar Cat, Leader of the Council of Space Cats, Carl, the Teller of Dad Jokes, At least Six Gyms, Skylabs, Multi-Dimensional Quad-Phase Intergalactic Quantum Cyberverse, Nikki H., Meathead Chris, T.C.

Patrick Master of Dungeons, Anycrafts Anywhere, Galen Miller, Tess, Geriatric Young'an, The One True Space Chef, Mystic Hippie, Unforkable, Super Califragilistic XP Alex Nickel, Emma Henson, Jembo Jet, Daniel Nitz, Mavis Bacons, Kelly W., Holly Hooten, Alec Manning, Pyrose Calling, Noisemaster, Reese Pontiff, Too Many Jens, Catjot, Pamela Rose Eltierra, James Spiller Rosa, Lord Braxton Von Windle III, Then Stina Says, Thud Tweed, Countess of Carbon, Luminous Elk, Rodian Caution, Love is for the Nerds, Captain Tyson, Karzarath the Illusionist, Casper Needs a Hug, Quotes, Devin7777, Troy Aker, Mandy Kane, Lost Basan, Nick Bush, Estelle, Arafaf the Alchemist, Kim Sell, Silly Goose Honk Honk, This Tiss Teeds Tour Tames, Ghost Saberwolf, The Sleepy Mystic, Mr.

Alex Sir, Sarah Joy, Dolores Gara Schnapp, Taters, Precious, Teddy of the Wasteland, Daniel Gregory, Dr.

Glass, Sweets, Shar Noble, Mere Tender Creatures, Amanda Short, Whitney, Destroyer of Worlds, Chut Brimple, Biggie, Aza, Deidre, Mike Whiskey and Your Friend Frosty, Ben Bar, Beastly Death, Sven the Unlikely, Ted Wasanasen, Virestria, Relentless Rick and Moon Unit, Spoomples, Fernwood Gal, The Captain, Shocking Developments Nearby, Shane Lee, Azuls, Phantoms Moms, Callison, Daniel Arthur, Dex, Huey702S, Landa Party of Two, Cameron Winterborne Welsh, Fireball XL5, Whatever's Clever, Alexica Habaniera, Code Stranger, That Chicken Florida, Matt M, Julia Kringlin, Bobby G, Phrelp, M.

Lin, Feed MaFish, JRR on SFP, Lahari, Reka Ayumu, J Spark, Eevie Girl, Jesse Adams, Lucid Harbor, Die at Night, Mars Royalty, Take 20 Damage, Maisie's Bandstand, Kim Bob, Battle Pope and Bugaboo, Snorts McGorts, Fresh Squeezed, Patrick Holt, Unexciting K, Atlas B, Hold it Now

hit it!

Casey Howe, Bradley Ashby, Megan Okeo, William Dyer, Vicki Abear, Julian Barber, Brad Munier, Jane, Manglerfish, Hannah Dale, Phantom Zone, Stabby Cacti, Crystal Delightful, Gruntled, Killshot Betty and her Steel-Eyed Bow, Turtles All the Way Down, Jackie Lowie, Crowed Nation, Crazed Bear, Evinala, Dr.

Lattice Trash Angel, Andy Croft, Petting Dogs, Russell Money, Jane G, Max Savage, Apprehensive Craig, Tim Arenetta, Black Squirrel, Bacon, Nicole Studioso, Rambo, Chaos Squatcher, Jimmy Snims, Stephanie Sturgis, Kirsten, Hurry Up and Wait, No Sarah Farmer, Just Her Autopod, Criddle, Arrow of Truth, Heidelberdy, Tom Webster, Rashmi Vinkatesh, McClump, Salazar the Dough Mage, The Bard with the Tuba, Hayward's Finest Garen Elizondo, Terrified Toddler, Alkali's Tertiary Amines, Ashton James, Elspeth, Skyland, ALR, Lily Davis, Sarah Maguire, Tonka 2005, Cruz and B.

Anthony, J.

Way Mythical, Tybalt I, Stephen Schmidt, Xavier Romo, Tess Bart, Alley Frog, Talon Lawson, Freya Titmittens, Kira the Mermaid, Jessica Shelton, Screme Brulee, The Singing Loon, Zusanna, Celeste Yoos, Stepon, Infinity Times Infinity, Noah and Katie, Sarah Murphy, Justin at the Tree Cave, The Amburgler, Boodles, Reaper, Osvaldo Simeoni, Siobhan Delilah Rose, Ashley Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega, Cole, Hot Plate of Biscuits and Gravy, Zehoni Vera, Sean Wright, Adelaide Dark, Karine Sabrantha, Beatrice Bodacious, Kyle of Light, Rubius Fuzzlebutt, K-Mac, The Something Something Detective Agency, Hayabuddha, Eli the Electrician, Sonny D.

Anomaly, Charmay, The Wondrous Methazophon, Hashtag Nissan Acura, Finnegan Robert, Flat Doug, Past Prologue, Trinket Coralie, Deary Darling, Banshee Ranch, Bookshift Managed, Ambient Drifting Man 80, Chris Hancock, McColl23, Victor in Cincinnati, Jack Lane, Jay Snooston, Nespell, Caravan Shaker, Laura, Roman Ronin, John Pruitt, Camel Pope, Sammy Baldwin, Posh Baby Rentals Florida, Cryptessia the Donut Bride, Rebecca Trossel, Good God There Were So Many Names, Mitzi Lou, Kelsey Home, Casper's Number One Fan, Amanda Marie Catherine, Damien the Goddamn Time Lawyer, Lola, Deli Cruz, Nan McVicker, Matt Mosby, Harry Fishnuts, Joshua Cody, Astronaweb, Starlight, Berserking Off, David Pierini, Techno Ranger Rick, Mossy, Virgo Aries Infinity, Mad Medics, Best Buds Danny and M, Ashley, A Bug Named Nat, Phantom Turtle, Potato Nation, Cece Ryder, Hunter B, Rudra, Rusty Accord, Death the Kid, Big Whiskey, Magic Pony, Robert Oliveri, Dan Bowman, G.

Longhorn, Paul A. Johnson, Dandy Bay, The Green Street Major, Dr.

Puntgusher, Esquire, Creator 67, Bajolanth, Laife's One True Love, Genuine Jacob, Cosmic Shrugged, Incorrigible Ross, Deborah Wales, SCRB Mark11, Courtney Depona, Leap Flame, Eliza Smith, John Dew, Stu, Rick Hausdorff, Inth Anomaly, Megan Mighty, Holandis, Purple Saline, Three Legs Are Perfectly Good, Kingpen, Anomalous Vandal, Captain Blepp, Eevee Power, Kurt Bartnick, Your Favorite Kenny, Chelsea G, Terry, PJ Says High, Danielle L, Blargo Blargo, Blargo, Hicks Besi Mates, Disco Funkslinger, Zealous Pragma, Tuba Rick, Princess Donut, The Queen Anne Chonk, It's Just Blake, Alice Malice, Sir Cat Dad, Weirdly Nordic Leviathan, Lucrezia, Andrew Barner, Tamara Oliver, The Real Dirt Fairy, Marissa, Edgy Steve, Broccoeni, Zaki Nat, Underwater Corvid, Spizeringto, Michael Christian, Ransom, Tarvok Stormbringer, Marun Maisalil, Late Indeed Again, Dances with Burritos, Aaron Mitchell, Fiona Malacy, Onyx Rose, Jackie Wavelet, J.R.

The Hiker Bear, Velocicate, Al Cave, Krusty McBeardface, Tracy, Maloran, Sweet Michelle, Kara, Call Me Zen, Calibri, Mel Momberg, Rogue, Menlor, The Dread Pirate Fred Fredberger, What the Chuck, Sono Nasuno, Ben and Jessica, Rachel Rachelson, Nea DeRusso, Peachy Zatowichi, Ruth McCormick, Justine Burbank, Dalek Steve, Dancing Dog Dreams, and existentially, Exhausted Bean.

Where are we again?

Azuls.

Azuls.

Where the f-

Where the fuck is Azul? Azuls. Azul.
Azul.

Azul.

No time for a pig roast and you'd have to wait for soup to boil. Hold on.
No time for a pig roast and you'd have to wait for soup to bowl. I'm going to make sandwiches if I were.
Shit.

I just really want to get bowling there.

Sorry. I was in a prison once called Lost Basin.
It was a bunch of shit.

Lost Basan. Sorry.
Basan.

Basan. Basan.
Okay.

Oh, I know. The Lost Basin is not a bad name for a person.

It's my new band.

Lost Basin.

It's like Americana Fult.

With a Spanish tinge. Yes.
I'm going to go turn on power switch. I'll be right back.

Okay.

There's like a jacuzzi crank in Jessica's recording too. She's got to go crank it back up.

Keep the jets going.

Tita kicks the front door open.

Who wants pie?

Okay, come on, dame Jude. Tita opens fire.
Oh, sorry. I'm so used to reading the things.

Tita opens fire with the bigger gun.

That was our plan. Yes.

Though you may be hard.

Sorry. too excited.

You should be excited.

I know, he's reeling it back, he's reeling it back, everybody,

stepping away from the ledge

for

two.

Okay, Jessica, I have no idea why I put so many numbers at the end of this goddamn script. That's it, that is plenty.
Just like, Jesus Christ, what a minute,

what the hell is happening? These poor people

quartet.

I'm Zacchaeus.

Who are you?

It's Snake Pliskin.

Pliskin. You said Snake Pliskin.

Okay. Well,

you know.

Wait.

Go from.

Keep it. Keep it.
Keep it.

You know, at first, I was thinking that they'd be quite a burden to have to carry around on my head all day long, but now I've put some thought into it.

I think something such as the assortment you have. I'm going to start again.
Okay.

God, I was so good.

I felt how good it was and then it messed up. Okay.

The Fable and Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish.

Sucks. The new musical has made Tony award-winning history on Broadway.
We demand to be home. Winner, best score.
We demand to be seen. Winner, best book.
We demand to be quality.

It's a theatrical masterpiece that's thrilling, inspiring, dazzlingly entertaining, and unquestionably the most emotionally stirring musical this season. Suffs!

Playing the Orpheum Theater, October 22nd through November 9th. Tickets at BroadwaySF.com.