Barry Manilow, The Masters, Titty Bar Food | Monday Morning Podcast 4-14-25

Speaker 1 Give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 2 Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 1 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd. Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht, and the boxes keep coming.

Speaker 2 Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Right, premieres November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

Speaker 3 Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, April 14th, 2025. What's going on? How are

Speaker 1 you?

Speaker 3 How's it going? You know what? My phone,

Speaker 3 my smartphone, oh, it's so fucking smart.

Speaker 3 By the way, if I hear one more of these fucking idiot nerds that are building these fucking robots for these fucking sociopaths that's going to basically wipe all human beings out so they can have their ultimate slave labor,

Speaker 3 tell me that these robots feel all emotions. They don't feel emotions.
They're a fucking robot. It's an algorithm.

Speaker 3 There's probably trigger words. So then the thing can be like,

Speaker 1 or ha ha ha ha ha.

Speaker 3 They don't feel fucking emotions.

Speaker 3 They want them to.

Speaker 3 They want them. They want them to feel emotions.

Speaker 3 You know why? Because when we're gone and it's just the robots, what's the fun of ruling something if it's not sad about it?

Speaker 3 Anyway.

Speaker 3 There's my first fucking dark thought of the day.

Speaker 3 Oh my god,

Speaker 3 what to talk about? What to talk about? I went out last night, not naming any names. I went out with two friends of mine.
I went to Radio City Music Hall and saw Barry Manilow.

Speaker 3 And,

Speaker 3 you know,

Speaker 3 took the perfect amount of mushrooms. I was fucking tripping balls.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 it was amazing. I just remember just being in there.
And he's like the nicest guy, such a great entertainer, puts on a ridiculous ridiculous show, and he's just this kind, good-hearted person.

Speaker 3 I just remember thinking, like, how amazing the world is that, like,

Speaker 3 while these sociopaths are working towards robots and wiping all of us out, simultaneously, Barry Manilow is out there doing what he does. It was like this fucking oasis of just nice people.

Speaker 3 Anyway, and all the visuals. Wow, I mean, I highly recommend a nice,

Speaker 3 a nice, you know,

Speaker 3 it wasn't crazy. I wasn't like tripping, tripping, but I was fucking vibing.

Speaker 3 And it was the last night of his run. The guy did five shows at Radio City Music Hall.
He's like 50 years into his career. Can still sell that place five times.
It's cavernous. It's huge.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 you could tell he was like taking it in because the guy did, I swear to God, it felt like he did like six encores. And he literally sat down going, I don't want to leave.

Speaker 3 You know, I grew up in Brooklyn and all of this type of stuff, and I was seeing, like,

Speaker 3 you know, looking around, looking at all the different ages of his fans and all of that. It was

Speaker 3 really fucking cool. And also, I love, like, I'd never been in

Speaker 3 Radio City until a couple months ago. I went there and saw something.
And they haven't like changed anything in there in a good way. It's literally like

Speaker 3 Superman era, you know, Art Deco,

Speaker 3 like everything.

Speaker 3 It was gorgeous. I had a great time.
And then afterward,

Speaker 3 we went downstairs and,

Speaker 3 you know,

Speaker 3 there was a little meet and greet thing. Got to meet him real quick.
Super nice guy. A lot taller than I thought.
He's like six feet tall. And

Speaker 3 I don't know. He gave me a little gift bag and I left.
And I was walking down the street and it was like the perfect night.

Speaker 3 Me and both my buddies laughing our asses off and just high having a great time and just saying what a it was like the perfect fucking feel-good night and then i'm walking down the street and there was this i can't remember if it was a mother or a father had like a one and a half year old baby girl the cutest little girl right and she had her head on his shoulder and one arm like hanging over the shoulder And I just waved to her and her face lit up and she waved back at me.

Speaker 3 I was like, all right, that's it. This is like the perfect,

Speaker 3 the perfect night. So, anyway, I got to meet some of his crew, Barry's crew, and they said that he plays

Speaker 3 the Westgate out in Vegas. And it's the same room that Elvis played when he used to be out there when it was called like the Intercontinental or something like that.

Speaker 3 So I was like, oh, you got to come out. I'm like, I'm definitely going out there for that.

Speaker 3 I would see karaoke

Speaker 3 in that room just to be in that same showroom.

Speaker 3 Forget about that show, but he put on an amazing show. And like most of those guys, when you go to see,

Speaker 3 you know, those entertainers that have been around that long, you forget how many hits they have until you start, oh my God, he wrote this one too, or he wrote this one for this person.

Speaker 3 Just a great time. Just a fantastic, perfect.
One night off a week, you know, with this.

Speaker 3 Broadway run

Speaker 3 to go over and go see that man. It was definitely, definitely, definitely definitely a special night.

Speaker 3 Not going to lie to you, there was a moment where I was tripping a little too hard, and he had this song, and there was like clouds behind him and shit, like heaven and stuff, and it got a little intense.

Speaker 3 But, you know, I've done it enough times that I'm just like, all right, bro. It's not Barry.
It's you.

Speaker 3 So, anyway.

Speaker 3 Thanks to him and everybody connected with him, me and my friends had the fucking, we had the best time. We just had the best, best, best time.
And they hooked me up with a Barry Manelow hoodie.

Speaker 3 You think I'm not fucking wearing that?

Speaker 3 Anyway, let's go on to something else. Let's talk.

Speaker 3 Let's talk.

Speaker 3 The Masters, the one golf tournament I watch every year. I watch, I keep track of the score, and then I sit down and I watch it on Sunday.

Speaker 3 And I have to tell you, you know, if you do that, you know that you are signing up. you have a 70 chance of watching a fucking tragedy um

Speaker 3 sunday at the masters is one of the saddest days ever created

Speaker 3 in sports activity because you know i i still don't think golf is a sport

Speaker 3 i think those guys are athletes that excel at it but just the fact that you play it for three hours you don't have to run You don't have to run once.

Speaker 3 You know?

Speaker 3 Like most people, they drive in a car. You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Like, it's not like, imagine if you played basketball and the other team scored a basket and then you picked up the ball and you drove in a cart down to the other side and then got out and then shot the fucking ball.

Speaker 3 But athletes play. I'm not saying that they're not all athletes or whatever, but it's just whatever.

Speaker 3 So Rory's up by two strokes. I'm rooting for Rory.
He's won every major except the Masters. So you know what that means.
You know what that means.

Speaker 3 That gives every unathletic sports writer douche the excuse to say, eh, but you know what? He can't do this.

Speaker 3 That's what they love to say.

Speaker 3 And he came real close, I think, in 2014. I can't remember.
That was another tragedy. Kenny Perry, all of these fucking poor bastards on Sunday, right?

Speaker 3 The shark. I remember when I was a kid, it just was fucking brutal.
So he comes out and he fucking

Speaker 3 has a two-shot lead.

Speaker 3 And then, like, after like one hole or two holes, he was like even with the guy. He fucking bogey a couple times or something like that.
And I'm like, yeah, Jesus Christ, right?

Speaker 3 So by the time they get to the turn, he's up by a stroke or two. And now he's going on the back nine.
And this is where he fell apart

Speaker 3 in 2014. So

Speaker 3 just, you know, golf takes a long time. So I watched the 10th hole.
He fucking birdies it, and I'm like, this kid is dialed in. He's going to fucking do it, you know?

Speaker 3 Rooting for him. Needs this one more.
Went through a brutal divorce. Man-to-man, you got to fucking root for this guy, right?

Speaker 3 So

Speaker 3 I go out to get a fucking sandwich.

Speaker 3 And, you know, I'm texting with Verzee, and he's like, Rory's dialed in, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 I fucking come back,

Speaker 3 and all of a sudden, he had like a four-stroke lead. All of a sudden, he was like, tied.

Speaker 3 And I'm like, what the fuck? And I look at Versee's text thread and all of that. He's dialed in.
He's going to win it.

Speaker 3 All of a sudden, he just writes, oh no.

Speaker 3 So I'm watching this thing, and it's getting closer and closer where I got to go to Barry Manilow, right?

Speaker 3 And I write to Versee, I go, this has tragic playoff written all over it. That's what I thought was going to happen.

Speaker 3 I was like, Rory's going to dip, and then he's going to come back and save it, and then he's going to go into a playoff, and he's going to lose. And thank God he didn't.

Speaker 3 And watching him sink that putt and the emotion that he had and all of that, like, that is just like,

Speaker 3 I mean,

Speaker 3 that he just has, now he has a complete

Speaker 1 career.

Speaker 3 I mean, he already had a complete career, but he has such a complete career that even the sports writers got to give it up to him. You know?

Speaker 3 And he can just now, like, I bet he's going to play even better because now he's going to just be able to enjoy

Speaker 3 it. He's got the monkey off his back and all of that shit because

Speaker 3 I don't know. I think that shit in sports with those,

Speaker 3 I feel like it haunts those people.

Speaker 3 You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Like, you know, I get heckled or whatever, and I can just tell somebody to go fuck themselves. For whatever reason, these people in these leagues can't.

Speaker 3 And,

Speaker 3 like,

Speaker 3 I can't imagine, like, the level of unathletic person that sits across from them and questions their ability and their mental strength.

Speaker 3 You know, some fat guy with man tits who can't even push himself away from a Burger King is going to talk about you, how you can't sink a fucking seven-foot-putt with the whole world watching.

Speaker 3 Question whether you have the right stuff as they're eating their way to their second fucking heart attack. Anyway, this is my weird way of saying congratulations, Rory McElroy.

Speaker 3 Could not be happier for you.

Speaker 3 Oh my God. And then I just also love the whole creepy vibe of the masters.
I read the whole thing and, like, can you imagine what Jim Nance goes through before he does the masters?

Speaker 3 Like, the level of meditation he has to go through to make sure that he doesn't raise his voice or use the wrong word.

Speaker 3 You know?

Speaker 3 Like, I saw this whole thing. There's like certain words that you use at all the other tournaments.
You can't use it at the masters.

Speaker 3 Like, I don't know, like, just weirds. Instead of call it the crowd, you have to call it the gallery.

Speaker 3 And the gallery goes wild. And, like, that's like

Speaker 3 how, like, you get to have to control.

Speaker 3 Let's see, yeah, ex mashana. You gotta have like this controlled fucking tone

Speaker 3 in your voice.

Speaker 3 Oh my God. Can you imagine? Can you imagine Jim Nance when he raps on that?

Speaker 3 When he gets in his car and he drives, you know, down those trees and shit.

Speaker 3 And he makes that right. It's so funny.
If you've ever been to the Masters, it's like, it's this oasis

Speaker 3 of pristine,

Speaker 3 like,

Speaker 3 like,

Speaker 3 ideal whiteness,

Speaker 3 racism, and all of that shit. And then the second you get out of there, like within two seconds, you're driving by a Best Buy, a Waffle House, an Apple Beast.

Speaker 3 I bet the second he makes that right or left to get out of there,

Speaker 3 he just has the window down and he just goes, fuck.

Speaker 3 Jesus Christ.

Speaker 3 Oh my God, like

Speaker 3 you just got interrogated by the cops for something you did and you somehow fucking tricked them into like they didn't have enough.

Speaker 3 Oh my God.

Speaker 3 I just can't imagine the pressure. I'm going to shout up for Jim Nance holding his tongue, using the right words, never cursing.

Speaker 3 Three fucking hours. And he just has to sit there.

Speaker 3 And everybody.

Speaker 3 Like I think out of all the sports, I don't think there's anybody who has to be more gracious and more polite than professional golfers being interviewed

Speaker 3 at the Masters,

Speaker 3 whatever they call that place.

Speaker 3 It's kind of a funny name, huh? Considering the background in the history of this country, the Masters.

Speaker 3 Yeah,

Speaker 3 there's definitely

Speaker 3 a creepy,

Speaker 3 dude, I would not want to do mushrooms and go to the fucking Masters. I I would be getting, I would, you know, because then there's all those rules.
I remember when you went,

Speaker 3 you know, there's like no tickets. There's these passes and the members are not supposed to sell them, but they fucking do.

Speaker 3 And the deal is, if you do inappropriate, if you have some sort of inappropriate behavior, somebody steps out from behind a tree and takes your fucking, your

Speaker 3 pass from around your neck, and the member doesn't get it back, and they get in trouble and all of this shit. So when you get these fucking things, like

Speaker 3 they give you like a lecture on behavior

Speaker 3 i kind of it's it's it's an it's an odd

Speaker 3 odd event but i love it if that makes any sense

Speaker 3 um

Speaker 3 so anyway uh i got a gig tomorrow night we're after an hour for the first time since like november and i don't know how how this is gonna go I've been running around town doing like spots, 20 minutes here, 20 minutes there.

Speaker 3 But I'm doing, it's a benefit. There's this old church on the upper west side, and

Speaker 3 I ran to a buddy of mine who was doing a table read there of a script.

Speaker 3 And he was saying, Yeah, we do it every year to help them raise money because developers want to knock it down and put up some other big, stupid building that nobody can afford to live in.

Speaker 3 And he was like, You should do a show there or something. I was like, All right, I'll do a fucking show there.
So now I'm doing a show there.

Speaker 3 It's kind of funny to save a church from developers. I mean,

Speaker 3 I don't know what kind of church it is.

Speaker 3 I hope it's not a Catholic church. Jesus Christ.
Like, what am I saving? Who am I saving?

Speaker 3 Anyway. Oh, speaking of that, I had a great fucking conversation with somebody that was explaining to me the book of Job.

Speaker 3 Not Job.

Speaker 3 It's not get a fucking Job. It's get a Job, and it's the book of Job.

Speaker 3 And I'm listening to this

Speaker 3 story. And the story of Job

Speaker 3 is basically, Job is this really successful guy. He's got four beautiful children.
He's got his lady. He has property.
He's got fucking cattle and all of that shit. He's got it all.

Speaker 3 And he serves the Lord,

Speaker 3 praises him all the time and thanks him.

Speaker 3 So God one day, for whatever reason, is hanging out with the devil, which right then is just weird.

Speaker 3 You know, I've never understood the whole God-devil relationship. It's like,

Speaker 3 you know,

Speaker 3 you created that guy. Like, why don't you get rid of that guy?

Speaker 3 Like, why did you do that?

Speaker 3 You know, is that, you know, like, the devil is like God's analytics. Like, you know how coaches don't have to explain their positions anymore? Why'd you go for it on fourth down?

Speaker 3 They're, oh, you know, the analytics said to. And then all the sports writers, no one knows what these fucking numbers are, so they can't argue it.

Speaker 3 So you get away with it. Back in the day, it was like, why did you do that? And the guy had to be like, well, I thought it was the right thing to do.

Speaker 3 And then these fat man titted cunts would be like, well, obviously it wasn't. Explain yourself.
And now you're on the hot seat. And then you lose your job and you got to fucking sell your house.

Speaker 3 That's how it used to go. But now you just get to go, ah, it's the fucking analytics.

Speaker 3 So God's been doing analytics forever with the devil. It wasn't me.
I gave you freedom of choice and you chose the devil.

Speaker 3 You know, these religious people, man, they're very interesting people.

Speaker 3 Like when I was sitting there going, like, why does God make sociopaths? Why does he make pedophiles? Why does he make, you know, murderers and rapists and all this stuff? And

Speaker 3 I go, he makes all those people.

Speaker 3 And then my friend was going, like, yeah, but why does he make nice, empathetic,

Speaker 3 caring people? He also makes that too, you know? You know what I mean? You know? And I'm like, no, I don't. Why doesn't he just make nice, empathetic, caring people? Why doesn't he just do that?

Speaker 3 And they're like, well, you know, these are things that, you know,

Speaker 3 we won't know these answers until we die. And it's just like, okay, you just, you just fucking tapped out.
So, anyways, God is hanging out with the devil,

Speaker 3 having a couple of drinks, whatever the fuck they're doing.

Speaker 3 And for whatever reason, God opens his mouth up about Job, saying, hey,

Speaker 3 you know, you think Charlie Manson's serving you? That's nothing. Look at this guy, Job.
Every day he thanks me, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So the devil

Speaker 3 gets in God's head. The devil tricks God in the story.
He basically goes, well, yeah, I mean,

Speaker 3 of course, it's easy to serve you when you have all that money and all that property and all of that.

Speaker 3 And then God was just like, well, tells the devil to do it. He goes, well, take it away from him.
He'll still serve me.

Speaker 3 So he makes the guy loses all his fortune, his land, and all of this stuff, and Job still serves him. And God goes, see,

Speaker 3 dude, I called it.

Speaker 3 I called it. And the devil goes, well, yeah, of course he's still going to serve you.
He still has his beautiful kids. And God co-signs on getting rid of the guy's kids.
Do what you got to do.

Speaker 3 The devil kills all four of his kids.

Speaker 3 Job's still serving him.

Speaker 3 And then the devil goes, well, yeah, of course, because, you know, he still has his health. And God should have been like, Bro, we just killed his fucking kids.

Speaker 3 He doesn't care if he has the sniffles, but God doesn't say that. He goes, Well, take away his health, you'll see.
So he just covers him in sores and all of this shit, and the guy still serves him.

Speaker 3 And, like,

Speaker 3 so God wins the debate

Speaker 3 with the devil

Speaker 3 at the expense of Job's happiness,

Speaker 3 his own children, and everything that he worked for.

Speaker 3 So then God says to Job, you know, it was a test, sorry, whatever. Don't worry.

Speaker 3 I'll make it right.

Speaker 3 And later in his life, Job got his

Speaker 3 wealth back, but he didn't get his kids back.

Speaker 3 So essentially, the book of Job is like that Eddie Murphy movie, Trading Places, except there's no Eddie, there's just Dan Aykroyd. Aykroyd.

Speaker 3 And they take away Dan Aykroyd's wealth, his children, and then they cover him in sores.

Speaker 3 And then God goes, hey, good job.

Speaker 3 You got your farm back. Roll credits.
And that's the movie.

Speaker 3 Very strange. But we're living in strange times.

Speaker 3 So I think it all tracks.

Speaker 3 Like, by the way, I know everyone was freaking out about all those debt tariff stuff and all of that and what it was doing to the stock market.

Speaker 3 And then everybody jumped in and it looked like just this big manipulation of the market so that rich people could get even richer.

Speaker 3 And then, you know, poor people could still chant USA, USA at a UFC event.

Speaker 3 I literally do not understand what's going on. First of all, I might be wrong on this.
This whole idea that other countries stole our jobs,

Speaker 3 like our factory jobs and all that, as far as I remember, that's not the case.

Speaker 3 Here's a little quick history from someone who doesn't read a lot. In the 1800s,

Speaker 3 during the,

Speaker 3 what was that period called? The Industrial Revolution.

Speaker 3 They had like kids working in factories like fucking 12, 14 hours a day, like four, five-year-old kids in dangerous situations, and people weren't making any money and the one guy who owned the factory was keeping all the money.

Speaker 3 These robber barons

Speaker 3 who all should be in fucking jail but politicians don't make any money and they just throw their money so they are on the legal side of stealing. No one's ever gone to jail for being a robber baron.

Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 3 so

Speaker 3 The working man finally has enough. They start organizing unions.
The robber barons hire police, the army, all of these people to come in and kill these people in riots, crack their skulls,

Speaker 3 do unbelievable sorts of damage to them to try and force them to go back to work for sweatshop wages. These people

Speaker 3 died, were maimed, catastrophic fucking injuries, so that we could have a decent wage in this country. And they had unions and all of that.
So then there was like a 40-50 year period

Speaker 3 where

Speaker 3 being a middle-class person,

Speaker 3 middle-class white person, was the dream.

Speaker 3 You know, because there was still racism, classism, and all of that shit, right?

Speaker 3 Well, middle-class is a class. You know what I mean? There's still racism, okay?

Speaker 3 And then what happened was eventually these corporations just got sick of dealing with these unions

Speaker 3 and their hard-nosed negotiating and all that. And then they just said, well, fuck you then.

Speaker 3 Keep your union, keep your factory. We're leaving.
And they took their factories outside of the U.S. and went back to 1,800 wages in Mexico, China, wherever the hell they're building them.

Speaker 3 So

Speaker 3 then what happened was once people realized that that was happening, there was this pushback. This is how it happened during my lifetime.

Speaker 3 People were like,

Speaker 3 What the fuck? You should be making those things here. And then what the corporate guys said was, well, you know, we would make sneakers here, but

Speaker 3 to pay the American worker and everything, the sneakers would then, instead of costing 50 bucks, they'd now cost 700.

Speaker 3 And I was always thinking, why?

Speaker 3 It would cost 700 bucks. I can't afford that.
And what it really was, was they weren't going to lose the profit. of sweatshop labor.
So if they came back to America, we weren't going to work for that.

Speaker 3 So, and they weren't going to take, they weren't going to lose the profit of sweatshop labor, so they were going to pass it on to the consumer. That's what the fuck happened.

Speaker 3 So, all of this talk that Mexico stole our jobs, China stole our jobs, they didn't steal the jobs. They were exploited by the super-rich cunts that are not patriots in this country.
They're not.

Speaker 3 They're pieces of shit.

Speaker 3 So, that's what the fuck happened. So, and then here we are all of these years later,

Speaker 3 in an effort to get

Speaker 3 this labor to come back.

Speaker 3 We're somehow trying to punish these other countries who've been suffering with sweatshop labor from a handful of super rich people from this country that fucked everyone in this country and

Speaker 3 every other country that they went to around the world, making America look bad.

Speaker 3 But what do they do? They divide us.

Speaker 3 They have the American worker who's getting fucked, mad at the whatever other worker around the world who's also getting fucked, actually getting fucked worse, getting sweatshop

Speaker 3 slave wages.

Speaker 3 So I really believe that that was happening.

Speaker 3 And I don't understand what that whole fucking thing was, but all I know is once again, the market tanked and a bunch of rich people right before they turned it back on again went in and made a ridiculous amount of money and they're all high-fiving with each other.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 I don't know, this guy told me something a long time ago. He says, when you watch the stock market and they go like, up $2 billion was lost today.
He's like, money isn't lost. Like, where did it go?

Speaker 3 That's just how they frame it. It isn't lost.
It changes hands. All right.

Speaker 3 That's enough of that shit. Enough of that shit.
It's just an astoundingly

Speaker 3 greedy and ignorant time these last. 10 fucking years.

Speaker 3 Not even 10, these last 20 fucking years. Whenever we went into Iraq,

Speaker 3 for the reasons we went in there and the reasons we said we were going there was never discovered and we're still there and it bled us dry.

Speaker 3 You know, that's the fucking problem

Speaker 3 with the dollar. It's not Trump.
It's not Biden. It's not Obama.
It's that we went in there. We had no exit plan.
We're still there and it's, it's, we're beyond fucking bankrupt.

Speaker 3 And for whatever reason, you can't talk about it. We can't just be like, all right, we made a mistake we thought you had this shit you didn't sorry about that

Speaker 3 I don't know I don't know I'm probably oversimplifying all of this

Speaker 3 but

Speaker 3 I am at least smart enough to not attribute any of this shit to a blue or a red tie I like to think that

Speaker 3 all right let's do the reads here oh look who it is everybody it's him's

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Speaker 1 Give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 2 Sebastian Manescalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 1 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd. Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht and the boxes keep

Speaker 1 coming.

Speaker 2 Sebastian Maniscalco, it ain't right. Premieres November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers.
Terms apply.

Speaker 3 All right, titty bar. Hey, Bill, lady listener here.

Speaker 3 Quick thing. I heard you saying that you've never eaten at a strip club before.

Speaker 3 In defense of good strip clubs and their food, I once worked at Scores in New York City, and the restaurant there, a steakhouse, served the best salmon and mustard sauce that I have ever eaten.

Speaker 3 Well, you're also in the sex industry, so let's not act like you're going to a Michelin star restaurant here. Like, what are we doing here?

Speaker 3 Are you really going to tell me that Scores had the best salmon and mustard?

Speaker 3 You know, mustard sauce right next to somebody's clam, a gape.

Speaker 3 The strip club has since closed, but back in the day I had it almost every night I worked. You didn't get jaundiced.
Also, I wasn't a stripper.

Speaker 3 I worked co-check, but kudos to that entire staff and girls. Nothing but class act people from my experience.
Really hoping to see you live this year and go fuck yourself.

Speaker 3 Well, I used to know somebody that worked there and she had a different experience.

Speaker 3 She didn't strip. She did something else over there.

Speaker 3 And, you know,

Speaker 3 I mean, lady,

Speaker 3 what in the fuck are you doing? Like, you're really looking at this titty, this

Speaker 3 titty bar through rose-colored fucking glasses.

Speaker 3 All right? Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 Scores. Forget about these women

Speaker 3 up there prostituting themselves. They had the best salmon and mustard sauce.
And oh my God, the clientele that went there was just so fucking wholesome and classy.

Speaker 3 Listen, a strip club is a lot of things. It's not classy.

Speaker 3 It could be less sad than the other titty bar down the fucking street.

Speaker 3 All right. Foxy Lady.
Oh my God, we're going all titty bars this week. Hey, champagne room, Billy.
Had a good laugh with you bringing up legs and eggs at the Foxy Lady.

Speaker 3 As a young kid growing up in Massachusetts during the 90s, we always used to think that ad was hysterical. Oh yeah, just to get people caught up who didn't listen last week,

Speaker 3 they used to try to get people to

Speaker 3 come to this titty bar to have breakfast before they went to work. And for whatever reason, they did the ad the guy was whispering.

Speaker 3 Like if your wife or girlfriend was in the car, you wouldn't hear him. He's like, hey guys, come on down to the Foxy, come on down to the Foxy Lady for legs and eggs every Friday.
Blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 3 And you know, you can go there eating scrambled eggs with some lady's twat right in your face. What a way to start the day.

Speaker 3 You don't even eat toast with your eggs when you got a clam in your face.

Speaker 3 As a young kid growing up in Massachusetts during the 90s, we always used to think that ad was hysterical. We all had some questions.
Why have breakfast at a strip club?

Speaker 3 Anyway, here's a quick true story for you. The Foxy lady

Speaker 3 was looking to open another location in Eyed My Town. People went berserk and a serious effort was launched to oppose the titty bar coming to town.
Yes, because it just lowers the property value.

Speaker 3 The adults decided to use kids to gather signatures to make the pitch that a bad business was trying to open up shop.

Speaker 3 I was so young, I didn't have a good grasp on what a strip club truly was, but me and all my friends knew that commercial. So, like a good parochial schoolboy, I was

Speaker 3 that I was, I went home with my signature pages and figured the

Speaker 3 best first adults to sign would be my parents. Wrong.
My parents looked over the paper and said, I can't sign this. You'll understand when you're older.

Speaker 3 What the hell did that mean? Speaking of hell, I thought for sure that's where the nuns would tell me where I'd end up if I went back to school with no signed signatures.

Speaker 3 Years later, I came to find out from my dad that the owner of the Foxy Lady was from my town, a solid businessman, nothing like bada bang sopranos mobbed up, and a family friend.

Speaker 3 All he wanted to do was open up a new location in his hometown when he heard some space opened up.

Speaker 3 So much for that because he canceled the plans as the opposition gained traction.

Speaker 3 You like your eggs over easy or sunny, sign up. See you on Perv Row.
I'll save you a spot at the and the coffee is on me. P.S.

Speaker 3 I haven't been to a titty bar for about as long as you have, although I don't have a legendary story at my last outing like you do.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I'm sure he was like a good guy and you know him and everything, but he still wanted to open a fucking titty bar.

Speaker 3 I get it. Your parents are fucking loyal.

Speaker 3 I don't know. That's a tough one.

Speaker 3 That's a tough one. It's like, hey, man, just because I'm friends with you doesn't mean

Speaker 3 I want that shit in my town.

Speaker 3 All right, I'm going to be honest with you.

Speaker 3 That didn't quite have the payoff I thought it was going to have. All right, so your dad's and mom are loyal.
They're loyal.

Speaker 3 I don't know, but he also has kids.

Speaker 3 Don't you come first?

Speaker 3 I don't know. Listen, you know something? Nothing makes fucking sense anymore.
You know, this is what I'm going to do. Anytime nothing makes sense, I'm just going to go, USA, USA, USA.

Speaker 3 Wife's drum teacher.

Speaker 3 All right. Hey, Bilon.

Speaker 3 Oh, oh, Elon, Bilon. I've been married to a woman for 14 years.

Speaker 3 We've had our ups and downs like any other married couple, but I wouldn't say it's toxic. We have two kids.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 3 You just painted a picture. We had our ups and downs, but you know, I wouldn't say it's toxic.
All right, so we went sideways a couple of times. We've all been there.

Speaker 3 A few years ago, I bought my wife a drum set and hired one of my friends to be her drum teacher.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 3 Jesus.

Speaker 3 Please tell me your wife's not hot. I don't like where this is going.
Things started off great. She was playing and practicing all the time.
He'd give her lessons once a week, and it seemed harmless.

Speaker 3 But then I noticed they would be texting a lot at all hours, really. Yep.
I figured maybe it's just a drum mentorship and not worry about it. But it seemed to start becoming shady.

Speaker 3 They started texting about other things, life, relationships, little jokes and stuff.

Speaker 3 One time he came into town to do a show and he texted her, inviting her to the show alone, but didn't say anything to me.

Speaker 3 I saw it flash on my wife's iPad when she wasn't home and said, What the fuck? That seems shady.

Speaker 3 At the same exact time, she posted a picture of me and her on Instagram, which is something she rarely ever does. The timing was shady as fuck.
I confronted her about it.

Speaker 3 She swore up and down she wasn't into him like that. I believed her and let it go.
Oh boy.

Speaker 3 Oh my god.

Speaker 3 Recently, she told me

Speaker 3 that he invited her on tour to work for him as an assistant. This is a two-month-long tour.
Yeah, dude, he's stealing your wife.

Speaker 3 She has no touring experience at all, and he is the manager of a huge band. All of your listeners have definitely listened to.
He also said, I don't want

Speaker 3 me taking you on the road to affect my friendship with your husband. And of course, he never said anything to me about it.

Speaker 3 I'd like to point out that we are separated and he knows.

Speaker 3 Wait a second.

Speaker 3 You guys are separated? Well, I don't know what the parent goes. Am I overreacting or is this dude trying to creep on my wife? What would you do here? Thanks and go fuck yourself.

Speaker 3 He's 100% trying to creep on your wife.

Speaker 3 But you need to fix your fucking marriage.

Speaker 3 I mean, if you're separated, what does that mean?

Speaker 3 Did you guys have a talk? Are you allowed to date?

Speaker 3 I don't know what's, I don't, I'd have to know what the parameters are, but that guy's definitely trying to bang your wife 100,000 fucking percent, and she's lying her ass off.

Speaker 3 She's lying her ass off about it.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 then also prepare yourself that when you catch her, she's going to blame you.

Speaker 3 That's how the math

Speaker 1 works.

Speaker 3 That's how the math works

Speaker 3 in those situations.

Speaker 3 I'm sorry you're going through that.

Speaker 3 I would, if you want to keep her, I would try to repair it.

Speaker 1 But,

Speaker 3 you know, if she goes on towards you, you might as well just get a fucking divorce.

Speaker 3 That would is what, but I don't know what the parameters are. So you got to give me all the fucking information.
And once again, you are writing into a comedian, you know, who has no,

Speaker 3 I don't know, the therapists get degrees. I don't know.

Speaker 3 Anyway, all right, environmental protesters. Oh, Jesus, we're still on this.
The environmental protesters weren't idiots.

Speaker 3 Doing civil disobedience, like blocking roads and sitting in, etc., is what activists do. Activists do when speaking politely doesn't work.

Speaker 3 You guys keep making that same point. I keep saying that.

Speaker 3 I understand that. So, what they should do is inconvenience the people that did not respond to their polite

Speaker 3 when speaking politely doesn't work. You then ramp up with the people

Speaker 3 that are ruining the environment.

Speaker 3 None of you guys are addressing the fact that you're blocking a road and somebody could be in labor or somebody could be going to dialysis.

Speaker 3 You know?

Speaker 3 Somebody could have a job that they were already late to. If you're late one more time, you're fired.

Speaker 3 Like, none of you guys are, or you seem to not give a fuck about any of that, and you keep calling me like an idiot.

Speaker 3 All right, the reasoning that someone with a medical issue might get delayed is the go-to argument,

Speaker 3 but it doesn't work very well since that hypothetic, since that hypothetical doesn't actually occur. What, in your head?

Speaker 3 You just literally said, like, you just said that that's a hypothetical. It's not a hypothetical.

Speaker 3 It's the reality of life.

Speaker 3 Just because you don't have to deal with it doesn't mean somebody else isn't dealing with it.

Speaker 3 Doesn't mean somebody else isn't trying to pick their kid up and has a small window before they go to their second fucking job. Is that also a hypothetical?

Speaker 3 The end result is everybody who's stuck in traffic has absolutely no empathy or any want to listen to what the fuck you're protesting about.

Speaker 3 It's one of the most ineffective ways you could ever try to make a point.

Speaker 3 It's stupid.

Speaker 3 It's stupid. I mean,

Speaker 3 if your

Speaker 3 mission is to get absolutely no sympathy, no momentum, no anything behind your cause, and actually have people

Speaker 3 be manipulated by the fucking cunts that are ruining the environment and just calling them a bunch of fucking hippies, then that's what you're doing. Is that also a hypothetical?

Speaker 3 Anyway, also, you can redirect to go around,

Speaker 3 like when there's parades, constructions, accidents, et cetera, which are far more common.

Speaker 3 Time out, buddy. A parade, there's a permit.
It's organized. There's science.
Construction, same thing. Accidents.

Speaker 3 Police show up. Ambulance shows up.
And, you know, there's that moment where it's blocked.

Speaker 3 Okay, and that's a different scenario. Somebody's like, got hurt.

Speaker 3 And then they direct traffic around it. These are terrible examples.
We can't block this road because there might be an ambulance. is not very well thought out.

Speaker 3 Listen, you just keep claiming this and then you can't. I don't know.
Am I nuts? I don't think you're supporting your opinion.

Speaker 3 You just keep saying that all of my shit is hypothetical and that it's not well thought out.

Speaker 3 Well, explain this. Please write back.
Like, how do you get people on your side and to see your position by pissing them off?

Speaker 3 All of those people stuck in traffic, you're telling me that you inconvenience with your civil disobedience, then go, you know what?

Speaker 3 These people are ruining the environment. I need to be active.

Speaker 3 They're not. They're all driving by you, giving you the finger.
It's stupid, and it's self-involved, and it serves no fucking purpose, whatso fucking ever.

Speaker 3 It's the most ineffective, like, okay,

Speaker 3 that would be like if my wife was doing something to me. and I didn't like what she was doing and rather than sitting down and discussing it with her,

Speaker 3 you know, or just having a blowout fight or like keeping it about her, for some reason, I go next door and I start fucking yelling at

Speaker 3 the couple that lives next door.

Speaker 3 Screaming and yelling to them about my fucking marriage so they can understand what the fuck's going on in my house and waiting for them to get on board for my cause.

Speaker 3 Whatever the fucking just whatever it is. She's spending too much money on the credit card this month

Speaker 3 And there's no ramifications for her. I'm going to go next door and fucking inconvenience those fucking people

Speaker 3 and start screaming and yelling, and then they can't enjoy their fucking dinner.

Speaker 3 And somehow, in that civil disobedience, they're going to get on my side, and then my wife is somehow going to change and not spend too much money on a credit card.

Speaker 3 That's what you're saying? All right.

Speaker 3 No, I just think that you've bought into this ideology and,

Speaker 3 you know, I don't know. I just feel like

Speaker 3 you're

Speaker 3 you, you, you, you wrote a lot of stuff, and you didn't prove one fucking point. You just dismissed everything that I said by saying that they were hypothetical and that

Speaker 3 my ideas were not well thought out.

Speaker 3 And then you compared a parade to a protest. Something that's organized, everyone's aware that it's going to happen, and then they can take action to not be inconvenienced by it.

Speaker 3 I would actually say that your thought was not well thought out.

Speaker 3 All right, plastic apples and toxic cows. Hey, Billiam, yes, Gates got his floppy little hands in coating apples with plastic, but that is in the U.S.

Speaker 3 In Europe, he's doing the same type of shit by giving cows this,

Speaker 3 I don't even know how to say this word, B-O-V-A-E-R,

Speaker 3 additive that changes how cows' very delicate, ruminant digestive system works, so he in his head can save the world from ice-melting cow farts.

Speaker 3 This is why I don't believe Jesus is coming back. Like, what is he waiting for?

Speaker 3 How many more signs of the fucking apocalypse can there be?

Speaker 3 Already, signs this additive causes male fertility problems. Oh, that's probably on purpose because, you know, the real problem is the population problem.

Speaker 3 For those who consume the dairy, we know nothing about the discomfort of the cows. We know nothing about the long-term farmers' needs,

Speaker 3 Chernobyl protective gear to handle this stuff.

Speaker 3 And they haven't even told the consumer they have used it. Testing trials have ended up in supermarkets.

Speaker 1 Dude, what the fuck?

Speaker 3 Cows eating grass is somehow not good enough for these estrogen surplus billionaire cunts. Bill Gates and the Tesla guy

Speaker 3 is apparently so smart, but not smart enough. Dude, the Tesla guy is not a smart guy.
He's a shrewd guy.

Speaker 3 He didn't invent that electric car. He didn't even start the fucking company.
He came in afterward, and then he sued the board

Speaker 3 so he could be named a creator. He didn't start PayPal.
He came in and he bought it.

Speaker 3 It's the Steve Jobs thing all over again. Like he stands next to the invention like smiling with his fucking turtleneck on.

Speaker 3 Anyway,

Speaker 3 where was I? Bill Gates and the Tesla guy is apparently so smart, but not smart enough to figure out the poison food supply is what has given them man tits. I don't believe in climate change,

Speaker 3 so this is a solution to a non-existing problem.

Speaker 3 And the more of the continuation,

Speaker 3 okay. You don't think that we're having an effect on the planet? You just think this is just normal?

Speaker 3 The more of the you think it's normal that we no longer have a spring and a fall? The more of the continuation of the endless war on cows and actual nutrition.

Speaker 3 But if you do believe in climate change, how about stop all the pointless wars? I agree with that first before you fly planes into dairy farms. I agree with that last thing.

Speaker 3 I don't agree with you that

Speaker 3 climate change

Speaker 3 is not a thing. But I'm also not a scientist, so the fuck do I know? But I do

Speaker 3 stand with you on stop fucking with the food supply. Why do these guys get to decide that?

Speaker 1 I'm fucking

Speaker 3 and why is he wrapping

Speaker 3 the apples in plastic? I feel like what he's trying to do here is he's trying

Speaker 3 he's trying to like kill kill off people

Speaker 3 in

Speaker 3 you know in a nicer way. Let's just make him make the guys not fertile.
They can't have kids. Let's

Speaker 3 you know, let's get plastic in their brains so they're too stupid to realize what we're doing. I mean, this is like a way bigger upgrade

Speaker 3 from,

Speaker 3 you know, the usual genocides that they do.

Speaker 3 Oh, boy. Oh, Billy, Billy, Dark Planet here.

Speaker 3 Anyway, I'm excited to do this show/slash really nervous tomorrow night to go up and have to do an hour stand-up, but I have to do it because the second this play ends,

Speaker 3 you know, I have to go do some shows overseas. And here's something, I don't know if I've shared this with you.
One of the coolest things about this play that I'm doing is how excited everybody is

Speaker 3 still to be doing the play. And every night after the curtain call, we all ride down in the elevator together.
Everybody's taking off their Glen Gary ties. And all we do is talk about the play.

Speaker 3 And like, oh man, I was in the office and you got to laugh on that. What did you do?

Speaker 3 you know, hey, you know, you know what I think this line means? I think I figured out, I thought it meant this. Now I think it means that.
And everybody's everybody's just sort of chiming in. And

Speaker 3 I just think that that whole like

Speaker 3 vibe is why we're having such great shows. And

Speaker 3 I can't believe it. This is week number six out of 16.
It's already, we've done 40 shows already. Feels like we did 10.
I'm having so much fun. So anyway, if you're coming this week,

Speaker 3 I hope to see you after the show. Everybody's been coming out, saying hi to the crowd afterwards.
It's been fantastic. And

Speaker 3 I got to go hit the fucking gym.

Speaker 3 All right, because I'm in shape again. I don't want to be fucking Billy Balloon tits here.
All right.

Speaker 3 That is the podcast.

Speaker 3 Go fuck yourselves, and I will check in on you on Thursday.