Man About Town, Strip Clubs, Wallet Protests | Monday Morning Podcast 4-7-25

Speaker 1 Give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 2 Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 1 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd. Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht, and the boxes keep coming.

Speaker 2 Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Right, premieres November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers.

Speaker 1 Terms apply.

Speaker 1 Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burrs. Time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday,

Speaker 1 April 7th,

Speaker 1 2025. What's going on? How are

Speaker 1 you?

Speaker 1 How's it going? April 7th, Jesus Christ, did March Mad Jesus Christ. Did March Madness already come and go? I know

Speaker 1 did the championship game happen? Is it going to rain today? Oh, fucking Billy Oldman has no idea what's going on. My fucking cable went out.
And, you know, they got a number and they got a website.

Speaker 1 And I'm old. I'm like, I'm not fucking doing that.

Speaker 1 I'm not doing that. I'm not fucking going to get on the phone.

Speaker 1 You know, what do they have? Like three people answering the phone now? Because they just want you to go to the website so they can fire those fucking people.

Speaker 1 And then I have to go onto the fucking website and talk to a fucking robot.

Speaker 1 You know, so I can watch, you know, an episode of Kojak. I just forget it.

Speaker 1 Forget it. I'm one of those people.
I just, is there a line to this thing that I want? Forget it. I don't want to go anymore.

Speaker 1 I'm not doing that. I don't know what I'm going to go do now.
It's probably just as big a waste of time, but at least I'm not standing in a line for it.

Speaker 1 Anyway, old Billy Broadway.

Speaker 1 I went out and I saw an amazing play today because I'm off on Sundays. That's a cool thing.

Speaker 1 Everybody else is like Tuesday through Sunday, but we're Monday through Say.

Speaker 1 As they used to say back in Boston, Say,

Speaker 1 come by Tuesday through fucking Say.

Speaker 1 We'll figure it out, dude.

Speaker 1 I saw Good Night and Good Luck that stars George Clooney

Speaker 1 and a friend of mine, Alana Glazer, who's in it. Character's name is Shirley.
And, oh my god, it was. First of all, the fucking set

Speaker 1 was insane. I was just looking at the amount of people that are in the cast, the amount of movement with the set and everything.

Speaker 1 I was talking to one of the actors afterward, and I was like, how long did it take to. And they were like, we were doing 14-hour days every day in March.

Speaker 1 And,

Speaker 1 oh my God. And it was seamless.
I didn't notice anybody drop a line. It was amazing.
It's the story of Edward R.

Speaker 1 Murrow when he was going up against uh that senator there during the red scare i always remember edward r murrow and i always forget the fucking guy's name

Speaker 1 joe mccarthy

Speaker 1 was accusing everybody of being a communist i don't know what he was doing it's just a fucking weirdo but anyways it's the whole story of that and how Edward R.

Speaker 1 Murrow was instrumental in bringing this guy down

Speaker 1 as he was out there ruining people's lives. Just this fat, ugly guy from Wisconsin, just decided he was going to conduct an independent investigation like Jim Ursay

Speaker 1 and just start accusing people of shit. And

Speaker 1 I don't know. Anyway, but like,

Speaker 1 I don't want to ruin it if you're going to go see it, but like, they had a live band there. The saxophone player, and the singer was fucking incredible.

Speaker 1 It was fucking incredible. It was an absolutely gorgeous production, and

Speaker 1 everybody killed it. And if you get a chance,

Speaker 1 definitely go check it out. I've been old Billy About Town.

Speaker 1 I am a man about town.

Speaker 1 I did my show Saturday night, and one of the cast members said, Hey, man, I got an extra ticket. You want to come up to SNL, watch Jack Black? I'm like, absolute fucking lootly, I do.

Speaker 1 I got to sit in the crowd, watch him absolutely kill it.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 and then the musical guest

Speaker 1 was Elton John with Brandy Carlisle who is just an absolute

Speaker 1 10 out of 10

Speaker 1 rock star

Speaker 1 looks cool sings like you never heard and plays guitar like just just everything she total package and Chad Smith was on drums and he was murdering it and

Speaker 1 and then the sketches were great.

Speaker 1 My personal favorite was they did a sketch about the first time there was ever a play and the people in the crowd didn't understand what was happening, that it was pretend, so they were reacting to everything and yelling out.

Speaker 1 And it was also sort of like the first hecklers or whatever. So just as a stand-up comedian watching that sketch, I was sitting there like,

Speaker 1 I've been in front of this crowd.

Speaker 1 Where like, oh my god, you'd just be on stage and be like, you know, I was walking down the street and I went into this store, and then there'd just be someone up front where, like, only you could hear him and the people immediately around him, but no one else in the crowd.

Speaker 1 And they'd be like, why'd you do that?

Speaker 1 You have to ignore it, and you keep fucking going. And then finally, you fucking snap on him.

Speaker 1 And 90% of the crowd is like, why did he just yell at that person?

Speaker 1 Everyone was just sitting here listening. Is he having like a, you know,

Speaker 1 a shit fit? Like, what's going on here? So, um,

Speaker 1 anyway uh

Speaker 1 I went to go see that and uh Jack Black is just a he's just a tour de force like the energy

Speaker 1 that that guy brings and uh was awesome he came running up into the crowd which reminded me of Sam Kinnison's first time he did letterman where he just ran up there he ran up into the crowd and went by a bunch of people he went by in my row and everything it was just it was so friggin cool and um

Speaker 1 what else was awesome on that uh

Speaker 1 god damn it this stupid phone um

Speaker 1 um oh also yeah the weekend update uh

Speaker 1 marcelo hernandez crushed it and then ego did this just amazing uh

Speaker 1 impression of a bad comedian and was I was

Speaker 1 talking to my buddy I was there with going like she just like killed doing like on purpose bad stand-up making fun of bad stand-up it's like

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 1 and it was written like

Speaker 1 perfectly to the point you like I've seen this act I've had to go on after this act

Speaker 1 just you know if you missed it it's just one of those things where you just

Speaker 1 like what I don't know I I can't do it. Like, there's no way I could have ever written it, but she absolutely murdered.

Speaker 1 And then the weekend update

Speaker 1 you know all the jokes

Speaker 1 that

Speaker 1 they were doing were all fucking great and what was cool is just watching all of it and just being like this is great this is still like human beings doing all of this and they're all working together and seeing all the cameras going around

Speaker 1 and uh

Speaker 1 you know creativity

Speaker 1 human creativity being alive entertaining people it was fucking awesome and then I was just thinking,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 that there's like these nerds out there, like the Tesla guy and that

Speaker 1 fucking jerk off who put the plastic on the apples, Bill Gates, but is somehow still considered a philanthropist.

Speaker 1 They're just deciding that these fucking robots are coming. And it's just like, why?

Speaker 1 Because you don't want to pay anybody?

Speaker 1 I don't know. Just know this.
They keep going, you know, with AI technology, they're acting like all of that's your friend. It's not your friend.
It's not for you. It isn't for you.
It's for them.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they're going to make human beings like DVDs.

Speaker 1 Look at me like DVDs. And the next technology comes along, and then that's just going to be it.
And they're going to be sitting there, you know, I like you. I'd give you a job.

Speaker 1 But at the end of the day, you're human and you need to sleep. And I could just hire this robot and, you know,

Speaker 1 and it'll work like

Speaker 1 fucking 24 hours and blow me.

Speaker 1 And I don't have to have a case, you know. You know, the cops aren't showing up.
It's my robot.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's fucking wild. I'll tell you what's I, you know, I don't watch the news,

Speaker 1 but, you know, it's hard to avoid, you know, with all this tariff stuff going on.

Speaker 1 This is going to be fucking

Speaker 1 wild.

Speaker 1 Like, Trump is literally going to bring Democrats and Republicans together simply because all of those fucking Washington politicians, all they give a fuck about is their insider trading on the stock market.

Speaker 1 And the tariffs are tanking the stock market. So both Republicans and Democrats are fucking losing their ass like everybody else.

Speaker 1 He might actually

Speaker 1 bring them together

Speaker 1 hey I'll tell you it's been a heck of a fucking two months Jesus fucking Christ

Speaker 1 Jesus fucking Christ

Speaker 1 maybe the Nazi can figure it out maybe he can fucking you know

Speaker 1 Oh, what a time. What a time to be alive there.
Anyway, I watched that next Moto GP.

Speaker 1 I watched the one from Austin.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 Mark Marquez crashed.

Speaker 1 Got a little too aggressive on lap 12.

Speaker 1 And then Alex ended up going on to win. Peko came in second.
And now, all of a sudden,

Speaker 1 because Alex has been, I think, second place. I think him and

Speaker 1 Mark have been first and second place in every sprint, every race.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 by Mark not finishing the race

Speaker 1 and Alex winning the race,

Speaker 1 he's now the points leader. Alex is by a

Speaker 1 couple of points or whatever, but it just looks like,

Speaker 1 I mean, I don't think anybody's going to catch Mark all year.

Speaker 1 I don't know what these guys need to do, but like

Speaker 1 it's a game set match, him on the factory Ducati, and as they always say, like how he can just break so late and how one he is with the motorcycle.

Speaker 1 I mean, these guys can't, they can't even keep up with them.

Speaker 1 It's like they go around the tracks six, seven times, and he has like a fucking three-second lead.

Speaker 1 Um,

Speaker 1 and he's just cruising around. Um,

Speaker 1 it's exciting to see him back,

Speaker 1 but uh,

Speaker 1 you know, somebody's got to be the DiVizioso. Like, when I first started watching the races, like, hopefully Alex can do it.

Speaker 1 They can have like a little back and forth.

Speaker 1 I know Peko tried something in one of the sprints where he got super aggressive and just sort of took off and tried to establish himself in the beginning, which he did, but it only lasted for half a lap, and then Mark was back in the front again.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 I guess that that's the excitement for the rest of the season: is going to be watching these other teams trying to solve

Speaker 1 the Mark Marquez problem. Um,

Speaker 1 that's going to be a hell of a uh

Speaker 1 a hell of a fucking

Speaker 1 job to try to pull that off.

Speaker 1 Um, anyway, here's a fucking story for you, right?

Speaker 1 How New York City makes you like mutter to yourself.

Speaker 1 I can't believe I said this, but like, I was coming out of a coffee shop, and there was this woman on her way in.

Speaker 1 So, I opened the door and I stopped to let her in and then she was telling me to go. And I'm like, no, you go.
And she's telling me to go. And it's like, I'm the fucking man.

Speaker 1 Men hold the door for ladies, right? So finally she gives in and she goes

Speaker 1 and she said, thanks. And I said, you're welcome.
And then I walked away and I muttered, you're not going to out-gentleman me.

Speaker 1 And then I said, after you, bitch.

Speaker 1 I just, I don't, she just kept fucking telling me to go. And it was just driving me up the fuck.
Maybe that's how women feel. Do they feel that way?

Speaker 1 I thought, like, holding the door for women was nice. Maybe I'm behind the curb.
Am I fucking, uh,

Speaker 1 is being a gentleman now fucking toxic? Am I trying to, am I suggesting that she can't hold a fucking door?

Speaker 1 Or am I really mad about something else? And it just, I got upset about that. But I'll tell you, it legit upset me.
How long I had to fucking stand there. You know the rules.
I'm the guy. Come on in.

Speaker 1 Fucking hell.

Speaker 1 waiting for me like i'm wearing a dress

Speaker 1 um oh man i'll tell you

Speaker 1 i'll tell you trying to be a gentleman out there

Speaker 1 it ain't easy it ain't easy

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 1 so

Speaker 1 anyway

Speaker 1 there was that but uh

Speaker 1 on the on on a positive side

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 1 I feel like we had like one of our best shows twice this week.

Speaker 1 I forget when what day the first one was, but the second show Saturday night was fucking amazing. It was fucking amazing.
And

Speaker 1 I don't know. It's been getting like I'm getting really comfortable with what I'm saying up there.

Speaker 1 And it's funny, like I've been trying new things and I find when I try new things and I change the cadence, I can lose my place a little bit.

Speaker 1 But you know, Michael McKeon's always there to get me back on track. I'm going to tell you the funny stories

Speaker 1 about how Michael has gotten me back on track after this fucking thing is over at some point because he is just a gem.

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 1 what I say, I always joke, like the monologue that I do, not monologue, my bullshit that I'm saying.

Speaker 1 It's like you do two donuts in the parking lot before you leave, and in those two donuts, if you're not fucking paying attention, if your mind drips, you forget where the fuck you are.

Speaker 1 And that's happened to me. We've done the show 32 times, it's happened to me twice.

Speaker 1 And it's fucking hilarious. And we always somehow get out of it.

Speaker 1 But Michael just knows how to, like, it's like he's like the dad teaching me how to ride a bike, you know, and he's just starting to let go and I'm starting to tip over. He gets me back up again.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 but it's.

Speaker 1 It's so, it's, I can't even tell you, it's fucking thrilling when it, as much as I don't want it to happen It's like

Speaker 1 You're just sort of flying by the seat of your pants trying to get back to it. It's fucking exhilarating.
It's like a rush this this

Speaker 1 like

Speaker 1 What have I done to this scene? How the fuck do we get this back on course? It's really wild.

Speaker 1 So I ran into somebody last night who had sang in

Speaker 1 I think Chicago and she was telling this story that she was up there singing this song that she had sung through the whole

Speaker 1 fucking run of the play and she had it down and i don't know she just goes i just came for the next verse

Speaker 1 and i just blanked and so she started singing like she said it sounded like she was singing in a different language and then she tried to like go be like michael winslow and like make like sounds like her mic was cutting in and out and all of that and she was so embarrassed and what was funny was nobody noticed because i think there was other people singing but i have to tell you something.

Speaker 1 Losing your fucking place in the middle of a Broadway play is as fucking hilarious as bombing as a comedian. There's just something fucking, it's fucking

Speaker 1 hilarious. And the other actors are backstage, fucking laughing.
It's just, it's so much fun.

Speaker 1 It's so much fucking fun.

Speaker 1 I cannot,

Speaker 1 I can't

Speaker 1 overstate how much fun it is. And then the nights, you know, the rest of the nights have all gone

Speaker 1 great, and

Speaker 1 it's not getting old, man. I'm just enjoying it because the people I'm working with are just trying new stuff, and there's new laughs, and everybody's excited.
Like, oh, what was that? What did he do?

Speaker 1 You know, is that going to become part of it now, or is that just a one-off? It's really fucking cool. So,

Speaker 1 today is Sunday when I'm

Speaker 1 recording this, and

Speaker 1 you know, this is my day off so I you know this is me not doing shit I still fucking you know

Speaker 1 I still record a podcast but

Speaker 1 anyway

Speaker 1 I went to that play I didn't do shit today had two cups of coffee which I usually don't do I'm usually the one cup of coffee

Speaker 1 But I stayed up late last night. I didn't get a lot of sleep.
I forgot to close the fucking curtains.

Speaker 1 So I woke up with the sun and I just had a cup of coffee and I went over to my big gay gym with all the fellas and they're all fucking shredded, you know? So I go over there and they're motivating me

Speaker 1 to try and keep up. And I've just, I've just

Speaker 1 decided I'm just, I'm fucking going over there every goddamn day, even when I don't want to. Went over there today, legs and eggs, legs and eggs.
Remember that? The Foxy Lady?

Speaker 1 Anybody from Providence, Rhode Island? Remember those commercials when they would whisper on the radio? Like if you were sitting next to your girlfriend or your wife, she couldn't hear it.

Speaker 1 It's like, hey guys, come on down to the Foxy Lady for breakfast for legs and eggs. Legs and eggs breakfast on Thursday.

Speaker 1 Who the fuck wants to eat runny eggs while looking at some fucking dancer's clam? I mean, I just,

Speaker 1 you don't combine those things. You do not have food at a titty bar.

Speaker 1 Maybe it maybe a titty bar, but if they're going full nude,

Speaker 1 all right? If they're going full

Speaker 1 fucking nude, like you can't, you just can't eat there.

Speaker 1 The closest I've ever gone to eating anything in a titty bar was Hooters.

Speaker 1 That was it. That's the closest I've ever come.
There's no fucking way I have been in way back in the day. I don't think I have been in a fucking titty bar

Speaker 1 in 20 years.

Speaker 1 Oh my god.

Speaker 1 This is crazy. You know, one of the last ones I went in,

Speaker 1 I was in Dallas. This is how long ago this was in

Speaker 1 2004.

Speaker 1 I was on the road with

Speaker 1 Charlie Murphy, rest his soul, and Donnell Rawlings. We were doing the Chappelle show Rich Bitch tour.

Speaker 1 And we went to Dallas and

Speaker 1 Vinnie Paul came out.

Speaker 1 He was just,

Speaker 1 oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 He had just started Damage Plan. I'm not going to get into that.

Speaker 1 All the sadness of that. But it was before all that horrible tragedy happened.
So I met him.

Speaker 1 He came up to me. It was funny.
He was looking at me like, Do you know who I am? It's like, who the fuck doesn't know who this guy is? I mean, nobody looks like him. Nobody played like him.

Speaker 1 I just loved his feel, his groove, just incredible. And he's like, hey man, you know, I'm selling like DVDs.

Speaker 1 And like, he was looking like, hey, man,

Speaker 1 like, Vinnie Paul. I'm like, dude, I know who the fuck you are.

Speaker 1 I have you on the cover of Modern Drummer magazine. I know who you are.
I can't believe I'm meeting you. You're an incredible.
And we just hit it off.

Speaker 1 And he's like, you know, I got a club if you guys want to come out. All right, let's come out.
And he owned a strip club. And I went to this titty bar and I sat down.
I swear to God

Speaker 1 rest his soul with one of the greatest drummers of an entire era Vinnie Paul and we sat in that titty bar and talked about Alex Van Halen

Speaker 1 and and Vinny

Speaker 1 brought him up

Speaker 1 because I said to him I go All right,

Speaker 1 most underrated drummer of our generation. He go and maybe I didn't say underrated.
I said favorite. And he was naming his favorites.
And

Speaker 1 he goes, oh, and also Alex Van Halen. I go, dude, the originality of Alex Van Halen's drum parts,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 are just

Speaker 1 so unique, so next level. The sound of his snare, he had his own voice.
He just...

Speaker 1 Like, you know, one of the coolest fucking things ever is when you listen to that song Jump, and as as it's fading out,

Speaker 1 Alex plays like this little lick

Speaker 1 on the double bass as he's going out.

Speaker 1 Forget about that

Speaker 1 mind twister during that part where David's going, can't you see me standing there? I got my back against the record machine. That fucking

Speaker 1 linear syncopated fucking, do I lead with my right or left hand thing that he was doing.

Speaker 1 The end of the song, he does this double bass thing that almost sounds like Stuart Copeland's snare thing that Phil that he does on Every Little Thing is Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic.

Speaker 1 He was doing something like that with his feet on the way out. I never like, I had to try and write it out to figure out what he was doing.
And he just threw that in

Speaker 1 on like a pop song.

Speaker 1 Like as they were like riding out. And it's just like

Speaker 1 he just did that off the top of his head. It feels that way

Speaker 1 when you listen to it. So anyway, I was in this

Speaker 1 titty bar in Dallas

Speaker 1 just talking to Vinnie Paul, just talking.

Speaker 1 I was talking drums and he was talking comedy. He was asking me about comedians and I was asking him about drummers.
And at no point did either one of us eat any food.

Speaker 1 I don't care if he served food in that place, but I think that was

Speaker 1 one of the last times.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that was one of the last times I ever... I went to one of those things.
How the fuck did I get on the subject of that? I don't even remember, but um,

Speaker 1 anyway, plowing ahead here. Um,

Speaker 1 yeah, so I've been going to the gym. Let's get back onto that.

Speaker 1 I've been going to the gym, and uh, I've been doing the protein and everything, and then I've also been doing the cardio on the days where I'm not doing legs or uh

Speaker 1 or what you call it, the uh

Speaker 1 upper body, or whatever. I'll tell you this right now: gay guys do not skip legs.

Speaker 1 They do not skip leg day. Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1 Fucking wall-to-wall dudes in the fucking leg room all day long.

Speaker 1 All fucking day long.

Speaker 1 Every gym, like wherever the benches are, and you know, curling and all that, there's always a bunch of fucking guys standing there. But these fucking dudes,

Speaker 1 they get in the fucking leg day. It's actually really frustrating because I go there and it's just like, oh my god, every fucking machine is taken.

Speaker 1 And you know what's the worst now?

Speaker 1 Is

Speaker 1 now that there's the fucking iPhone,

Speaker 1 you know, those people who do a set and then they sit there like drooling out of their mouth, staring at their phone, thinking they're taking a minute, 90-second break. And it's like, bro,

Speaker 1 you were just looking at your phone for like six minutes.

Speaker 1 There was this fucking guy, Leg Day.

Speaker 1 And he was on the

Speaker 1 that one where you sit down.

Speaker 1 It's for the back of your legs, right? The sitting down one, right? He was on that one. So I was on the other one that was for the front of the legs.
I sat down next to him.

Speaker 1 I'm thinking, like, all right, he's already been here. So he's probably going to do three sets.
So right as I'm wrapping up with mine, I can transition over.

Speaker 1 I can fucking do that, and I'm fine, right?

Speaker 1 I did three sets on mine. He's staring at his fucking phone.
I go over, I do the leg press. He's still on the fucking thing.

Speaker 1 Then I went over, I did another machine, and he was still on the machine like because he was staring at his phone so so fucking long in between sets you just want to be like dude you're not fucking working out

Speaker 1 I mean I guess you are but you're also on your phone

Speaker 1 I don't know so whatever I did legs today and I'm on this machine and this guy came over to me he goes he goes how many more sets do you have I said I got one I'll be out of here in a second so I knocked out the set and then I'm going over to wipe the machine off.

Speaker 1 My stuff is laying on the floor next to it. This fucking asshole's getting on the leg machine.
And I just look at it. I go, can I get my stuff?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, yeah, sorry, sorry.

Speaker 1 None of this shit really bothers me. I just miss my family.

Speaker 1 And their spring break is coming up. So I got to see them soon.

Speaker 1 Because that's the only thing I'm going out of my mind with that. Like, I FaceTime with them all the time and everything, but it just doesn't replace hugging them.
So

Speaker 1 i i gotta have that happen

Speaker 1 i'm fucking getting upset with people that are saying no no after you

Speaker 1 at a at a goddamn

Speaker 1 cafe coffee bar whatever the fuck you call it um

Speaker 1 all right let's do some reeds here for the week oh billy reeds oh billy reeds where the hell are they

Speaker 1 Where are they?

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Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 They have a brothel?

Speaker 1 All right, before we we get into this, if I had to guess which baseball team would have a fucking whorehouse,

Speaker 1 I mean, you got to go Atlanta.

Speaker 1 That's a big strip club. Miami?

Speaker 1 Tampa.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 I think is Tampa the winner?

Speaker 1 Wait a minute.

Speaker 1 Boy, I'm going around the league.

Speaker 1 Arizona. I don't know.
They're a little conservative. I'm going to go with Tampa.

Speaker 1 Long time, Billy Baseball, longtime fan and listener. A few months ago, you joked how the major league

Speaker 1 baseball might need to get creative with what amenities they offer at the ballpark to keep fans interested in attending games.

Speaker 1 You joked that maybe the ownership should consider having strip clubs in the stadium. Well,

Speaker 1 that might not be too far-fetched here in Kansas City as talks of of building a new ballpark for the Royals are starting to get heated.

Speaker 1 Dude, they're not going to put a titty bar as like an anchor store for a ballpark. Well, they're already in gambling.
Dude,

Speaker 1 did the mafia take over fucking baseball?

Speaker 1 What are they going to do next? Having umpires unloading trucks down on the wharfs, collecting money from union guys?

Speaker 1 Before I get into it, I need to explain that people don't realize the majority of our city is located in Missouri, where both the Royals and Chiefs currently reside. Yes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's Kansas City, Missouri, and Kansas City, Kansas.

Speaker 1 That's important to this situation and leading to some hilarious stadium proposals as Missouri and Kansas officials compete to land the teams. One proposal, I got to be honest with you, like

Speaker 1 Arrowhead Stadium and Kaufman Stadium, I don't know if they still call it that, where the Royals play. They're both next to each other.
There's nothing else like that anymore

Speaker 1 as far as the era of when those things were built.

Speaker 1 The Royals during the Cookie Cutter baseball stadium era. The only other one left, I think, is the Dodgers.

Speaker 1 And then Arrowhead. I mean, that goes, I believe that goes back to the end of Len Dawson's career.
Like, I think that thing has been around since 1970 or 71, possibly before, a little after.

Speaker 1 But anyway, one proposed location is in the heart of downtown Kansas City, Missouri, but would require displacing many local businesses, which obviously pissed off a lot of people.

Speaker 1 In a desperation move to make this location work, city officials and the Royals are suggesting they'd offer space in the stadium for displaced businesses. One business is the totally nude strip club.

Speaker 1 I guess it would move into the stadium too.

Speaker 1 Obviously, this shit isn't being completely thought through, but is hilarious.

Speaker 1 Just want to let you know that your joke might become a reality and wanted to hear your take on these millionaire cunts asking for taxpayer handouts to build their stadiums to profit even more millions using threats of leaving

Speaker 1 to get their way. Yeah, that whole fucking thing where it's like if this city doesn't pay for us, if the city city doesn't pay for a new stadium like how do owners get away with that

Speaker 1 it's like you guys are multi-fucking millionaires

Speaker 1 multi-millions if not billionaires whatever the fucking royals are worth right

Speaker 1 pay for your own fucking stadium

Speaker 1 why do they make like i remember indianapolis now you guys all know i hate the fucking colts but i'm a man of the people the fact that the people in indianapolis hadn't even paid off the rca dome and then lucas oilfield is already built.

Speaker 1 It's just, it's unreal. It goes back to the banks when they're like, we're too big to fail.
It's like, no, you're not. Let them fail.
Start over again. It's this toxic fucking relationship.

Speaker 1 I don't know how that started.

Speaker 1 That all of a sudden the city had to pay for it.

Speaker 1 But I have to be honest with you, it was such an easy sell because every meathead was excited to sit in a new sports meathead was excited to sit in a new stadium. Like, dude, that would be great.

Speaker 1 We get a fucking fucking amazing stadium like the so-and-so's, like, whatever team you played, but you were jealous of their venue.

Speaker 1 Yeah, 100% think that's bullshit.

Speaker 1 They should pay for it themselves.

Speaker 1 All the money they're making.

Speaker 1 Near-death pilot story. Oh no, I don't want to hear this.
Hey, Billy, bad bonham base.

Speaker 1 I'm Canadian and have a commercial pilot's license and a multi-engine instrument rating and have a great story for you. Well, you're the real deal, dude.

Speaker 1 When I finished my license, licenses, I was time-building an additional 50 hours to get a multi-crew rating, which is called an IATRA.

Speaker 1 That's so funny, multi-crew, and then the acronym does not have an M or a C in it.

Speaker 1 And I was doing a solo cross-country in a Cessna 172 about 50 nautical miles west of my home airport at the time. Saskatoon,

Speaker 1 Saskatchewan,

Speaker 1 C-Y-X-E in your playbooks.

Speaker 1 I mean programs. I was doing a touch and go at this airport and was going to head east back towards Saskatoon.
As I was in the climb out of the touch and go,

Speaker 1 I was around a thousand feet AGL.

Speaker 1 Heading east and I started feeling tingly.

Speaker 1 Oh my god. And my vision was getting blurry.

Speaker 1 I sat up and thought maybe I just needed a little snack

Speaker 1 when I got it up to cruise. Next thing I knew,

Speaker 1 no, my vision tunnels.

Speaker 1 Oh my god.

Speaker 1 Dude, my palms are getting sweaty.

Speaker 1 And it goes completely black, and I heard myself say out loud, I can't fucking see right now.

Speaker 1 Holy shit.

Speaker 1 Remember that at this point I'm in full power climb and heading eastbound.

Speaker 1 Okay, I don't know a lot about planes, but if you can't see anything, you can't look at your instruments, you don't have it on autopilot.

Speaker 1 So if you were to

Speaker 1 somehow, you know,

Speaker 1 the wind changes and whatever input you had when you last could see

Speaker 1 changes,

Speaker 1 you could end up in either a a dive or a fucking

Speaker 1 too steep of a climb and stall it. Oh my god.

Speaker 1 Oh my god. A couple seconds later, I woke up nose-pointed west

Speaker 1 and almost straight down, about a hundred and ninety knots with full power still in.

Speaker 1 Fuck. Oh my god.

Speaker 1 Oh my god.

Speaker 1 And you were eastbound flying away, so now you're headed back towards the airport, and somebody else could be taken off on the same runway.

Speaker 1 A couple seconds later, I okay,

Speaker 1 I ripped the power out and tried to pull out as gently as possible so I didn't rip the fucking wings off. He didn't say fucking, I added that.

Speaker 1 As I was well above the maneuvering speed of the aircraft,

Speaker 1 oh my god. Luckily, I pulled out and I was below the grain silos.
Oh my god, 40 to 50 feet above ground level.

Speaker 1 And the training fully kicked in. I made my radio call that I was making a left downwind and coming in for a landing.
Climbed up

Speaker 1 to circuit altitude. I guess that's flight pattern altitude and came around to land.
Oh my god, how long did that feel?

Speaker 1 That was about as close to a mushroom experience as I have ever had without the mushrooms. Changed my life and I feel gratitude every day.
Dude, how do you still have a license?

Speaker 1 What was the medical reason for it?

Speaker 1 You have a commercial license? You're flying passengers.

Speaker 1 So there you go, Bill. That's my story.
Would love to see you get into

Speaker 1 a fixed wing and get a nice little plane. Check out a Diamond DA62.
That's always been my lottery plane.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 I would love to get a fixed wing. I just, you know,

Speaker 1 my kids are little, I have to be there for them. And I'm an old dad.
And by the time they're out of the house and I would have the time to go for a license, I just,

Speaker 1 I'd just be, I'll be too old to fly. You know, I'm not going to be one of these guys that flies until he's 80.

Speaker 1 You know, the second I feel like I'm old,

Speaker 1 I'm going to bow out, you know.

Speaker 1 I absolutely

Speaker 1 love it.

Speaker 1 And, you know,

Speaker 1 a couple nights ago,

Speaker 1 one of the cast members,

Speaker 1 John had a bunch of friends come down, and there was this whole family of aviators that

Speaker 1 didn't just fly privately. They all would join the Air Force and learn how to fly.
And they were just telling me stories and stories and stories.

Speaker 1 And I was telling some helicopter stuff, and we were like, you know,

Speaker 1 it's always funny when a fixed wing talks to like a helicopter pilot. And,

Speaker 1 you know, fixed-wing guys get fucking freaked out

Speaker 1 when they hear about auto-rotations, what you have to do, which I totally get because it's like if the engine quits in a plane, you're still flying.

Speaker 1 A helicopter, the engine quits, you have to do something really quickly so you're still descending, you know,

Speaker 1 in a way that you know

Speaker 1 the rpms don't drop to a point where you can't recover them basically but um

Speaker 1 but what always scares the shit out of me about a plane is how fast it goes when you're it still has to be going when you're the wheels hit the ground 50 60 knots and dude you are in a fucking golf cart and if you land in a field all it takes is a rock or a stump and you are cartwheeling in this fucking thing and you might as well be in a 1940s jalopy Anything on the other side of the dashboard is coming right into your fucking chest.

Speaker 1 It's it's going to be a shit show.

Speaker 1 So, what I do like about helicopters is with the auto-rotation, is right at the end when you enter your flare, you bleed off all that forward airspeed, all of that airspeed that makes your brain slam into the inside of your skull and fucking kill you.

Speaker 1 Um,

Speaker 1 yeah, that's you know,

Speaker 1 aviation is it's not for the week, like stuff can happen. But anyway, so we were just comparing notes about that.
And

Speaker 1 I don't know. I always like talking to pilots because

Speaker 1 they're just like these dialed in.

Speaker 1 They're fucking dialed in.

Speaker 1 I remember like the few race car drivers I've met is the same thing. They're just like,

Speaker 1 they're just...

Speaker 1 They're talking to you and they're already like their energy that they vibrate with. It's like they're fucking,

Speaker 1 you know, top of the food chain focus.

Speaker 1 It's incredible. I'm not talking about a jerk-off like me who just has a private pilot's license and flies for fun.
I mean, like, professional pilots, race car drivers, motorcycle guys.

Speaker 1 It's really amazing to be around.

Speaker 1 Anyway, all right, next question. Okay, this says wallet protest.

Speaker 1 And for some reason, it scrolled back up to whorehouse and baseball.

Speaker 1 God, okay, wallet protest. Wallet protest.
All right, let's read.

Speaker 1 All right, so this person goes to right, and of course, it goes back up to whorehouse.

Speaker 1 This iPhone really wants me to read that again. All right, wallet protests.
Billy, the reason so many companies, congl companies, conglomerates,

Speaker 1 and politicians are able to get away with everything is because most people don't really give a fuck.

Speaker 1 Uh, yeah,

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know what? I tip my cap to you. I think you hit the nail right on the head.
And he said, and if you continue to go back to this rule, you can find peace knowing that

Speaker 1 that majority of people don't give a fuck.

Speaker 1 This is including the people who claim to give a fuck and shout about it every day up to the point where many make it their personality.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I know, but they don't go to a protest, you know,

Speaker 1 you know, they're not all in. Like Luigi,

Speaker 1 the only people who protest matters, the only people whose protest matters isn't from the loudest assholes. It's the ones who vote.

Speaker 1 It's the one who votes with their time and money. Example.

Speaker 1 This says, fuck Jeff Bezos and Amazon for destroying middle-class middle-class consumer businesses also the same person

Speaker 1 i just ordered something from amazon oh i see what you're saying

Speaker 1 oh yeah it's okay the only people who protest matters isn't isn't from the loudest assholes it's the one who votes with their time and money so he's saying by patronizing amazon that someone can say hey man fuck this jeff bezos and amazon for destroying middle class consumer businesses also the same person i just ordered some things from Amazon.

Speaker 1 That person, who may include you, it absolutely does.

Speaker 1 I apologize as a moron. Yes, you're right.
I try to buy as much as I can

Speaker 1 from store. And at this point, like,

Speaker 1 I even think going to a fucking box store is better than doing business with these online guys like Amazon.

Speaker 1 But I will tell you, though, the internet is so full of fucking lies. Like, I remember I wanted to, I was trying to find this store.
I needed a tie.

Speaker 1 So, I was trying to find Prada, and it showed me Prada on Fifth Avenue. So, I go to the Prada store, and it wasn't Prada, it was Saks Fifth Avenue that had a little section of Prada.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 you know, I'm trying to find like cell phone case stores or whatever. There's just a bunch of shit that just doesn't exist anymore.
Sometimes when you even like try, there was something else.

Speaker 1 My wife, there was this fancy lotion that she wanted, and she was coming to town. I was like, oh, I'll get you some.
I'll go, you know,

Speaker 1 you know, send me the picture, I'll go get you some. And I googled where it was, and it was right near my

Speaker 1 where we were rehearsing for the play. And I was like, where to buy such and such, you know, facial cleanser or something.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I ended up, yeah, where to buy it. And I ended up going

Speaker 1 to the address, and it was the offices of that company, and you couldn't buy anything there. And I googled search where to buy it.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 that's another thing. It is a pain in the ass, but I know what you're saying.
Example, not another example. Climate change is going to destroy us.
Also, the same person.

Speaker 1 I fly around in planes and support every war sold to me by the energy and military conglomerates, which cause more harm in the environment than several generations of mouth breathers put together.

Speaker 1 Okay, I agree with all of this. I'm hoping you're going to give us a solution here.
At this point, everyone showboating their concern is doing it for their own ego.

Speaker 1 I also think for their guilt. Remember, there was like that

Speaker 1 thing that liberals were doing, always talking about wanting to be on the right side of history. Remember, they kept saying that?

Speaker 1 And not being tone deaf and all that? And what they really would just, they were just, yeah, prancing around.

Speaker 1 Prancing around like Freddie Mercury

Speaker 1 they don't really care

Speaker 1 people who volunteer to feed others donate their time to clean beaches and read actual books on subjects are the ones who care I mean guys out of all the people that have ever written

Speaker 1 into this podcast and he's criticizing a lot of shit that I do

Speaker 1 This guy or this lady is 100% right.

Speaker 1 This person says, yeah, who

Speaker 1 subjects, read actual books on subjects are the ones who care, not the ones who are triggered by something on Instagram that supports their already present anger about someone or some topic.

Speaker 1 Wow, man, I mean, that was just.

Speaker 1 Oh, so wallet protests. You can protest with your wallet.

Speaker 1 I want to thank you for saying all of that stuff. I learned something in that, and I hope other people did too.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I try to,

Speaker 1 as much as I can,

Speaker 1 I mean, I'm not a big chain guy

Speaker 1 as far as

Speaker 1 going to stores. I like to try to go to the mom and pop places.
But even then, I think I kind of do that selfishly because it's just like, I lose my mind.

Speaker 1 If every fucking town I went to, I went to the steak and shake of the Applebee's, I would lose my mind. So I do try to

Speaker 1 patronize these businesses, but you know, it's for them, but it's also for me.

Speaker 1 It's always great when you go in because you can actually talk to a person and they're super nice. But I wallet protest, I like that.
Thank you for that information.

Speaker 1 All right, Japanese bus protest done right.

Speaker 1 All right, hey there, Billy, red, deflated

Speaker 1 canicas, canicas, Spanish slang for balls.

Speaker 1 Ah, that's great. Billy, red, deflated canicas.

Speaker 1 Spanish is a cool fucking language. Balls.
What sounds better? Balls or canicas?

Speaker 1 Canicas? Canikas. It's got to be canikas.

Speaker 1 You know what's funny? Somebody who speaks Spanish could tell me to go up to a taco truck and order some canicas, and I would.

Speaker 1 You want a soft or a hard shell there? I recently saw a story online about a Japanese bus drivers union. that decided to go on strike.
You know what? Shout out to fucking Japan.

Speaker 1 Good for you guys. You know, the government's got all you guys yeah you put you put the government first

Speaker 1 you know then your family then your landscaping and then you something like that good for these guys busting out of that

Speaker 1 I recently saw online about a Japanese bus driver's union that decided to go on strike

Speaker 1 but to their much deserved credit they didn't stay home and thus fuck over the common man and lady.

Speaker 1 All right, so how does that work? Here we go. Instead, they drove the city buses, they picked up the city's passengers, and they dropped them off at their desired stops.

Speaker 1 So, where's the protest, you might ask? I did, I did ask.

Speaker 1 This guy's in my head, man.

Speaker 1 Well, they didn't collect any bus fares from the passengers. They worked for the people and fucked over the bosses.
Oh my god,

Speaker 1 that's fucking brilliant.

Speaker 1 Wow. Okay, so this is like in response to what I was saying.
Those people were blocking the road and all you were doing is pissing off the common man.

Speaker 1 There you go.

Speaker 1 Okay, they got their point across and earned respect from the public. I think there's some solid lesson in there somewhere.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there definitely is. They had empathy.
Like, they knew... Bosses have cars.
They could get where they're going. All they're going to do is screw over their fellow

Speaker 1 countrymen. And then also, they're going to lose favor.

Speaker 1 You know, they're going to, you know, there's people, like I said, there's always people out there. Like, there's something, you know,

Speaker 1 important they have to go to. A job interview, dialysis, something.
You can't fucking stop people from getting where they're trying to get to because you have no idea what they're going through.

Speaker 1 That is brilliant. Anyways, it says, keep up the good work and go fornicate with your oversized ginger push.

Speaker 1 Damn, you got me coming and going. The top of the email and the fucking

Speaker 1 the outtake. Jesus Christ, give me a fucking two piece.
A ginger fucking toothpiece. All right.

Speaker 1 Would you guys still come out to my stand-up shows if I got a toupee?

Speaker 1 I've been thinking about it, you know? Kidding.

Speaker 1 Do they even make two pays for redheads? They don't make Grecian formula for redheads.

Speaker 1 Disrupted protest.

Speaker 1 Hey, peaceful protest bill. Just wanted to jump in on the discussion regarding disruptive protests.
I don't think those protesters are trying to convince the drivers to be on their side.

Speaker 1 I think they want to cause enough disruption to be covered by news outlets so people who agree with them will read about it and decide to join the cause.

Speaker 1 They're trying to convert people that already agree with them

Speaker 1 but haven't done

Speaker 1 listen, I'm all about

Speaker 1 trying to do something about global warming, as it was originally called. Jefferson airplane, before they became Jefferson Starship,

Speaker 1 climate change, whatever the fuck you call it. But like, I'm not sitting in the road and making some guy late for fucking work.

Speaker 1 I'm not doing that. It's dangerous.
It's a dangerous thing. Like I said, someone could be in labor.
You know, that's not the way to get your fucking point across. Being a douche.

Speaker 1 Oh my god, how ironic. Me saying being a douche is not the way to get your point across.
I literally just described my entire fucking act.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 I'm going to go Philosophia here, and I'm going to try to gain some knowledge from what you're saying, because this doesn't make sense to me, but this is a new meme.

Speaker 1 I'm going to be a little open-minded here. The guy stuck in traffic trying to get kidney dialysis has enough problems to worry about.

Speaker 1 I think most people stuck in traffic have got got too many problems to worry about climate change. They just happen to be the unlucky victims on the day of the protest.

Speaker 1 Well, you're being pretty cavalier with this person's kidneys.

Speaker 1 What does that mean? He has enough problems to worry about? Yeah, like not dying.

Speaker 1 His four vegans

Speaker 1 in a fucking trailer a block and hey, you know what?

Speaker 1 I'm going to die. I got to get to kidney dialysis.
Hey, buddy, I think you have enough to worry about. If you don't mind, this protest isn't about you.

Speaker 1 Anyway, there was a protest at Shell headquarters in London two months ago. Here's a link: Shell protest.
All right. The problem is, nobody gives a shit.

Speaker 1 Shell executives are smart enough to know that fighting back will just give the protesters wider appeal.

Speaker 1 If protesters knew that their tactics were working, more people would join and they would put on more pressure by just cleaning up the mess and moving on.

Speaker 1 Shell knows people won't care and fewer people will read about it if they are kept

Speaker 1 just busy enough with just enough for their needs fulfilled. They won't have the time or the energy to worry about next year's problem, let alone next generation's problem.

Speaker 1 All right, I agree with that.

Speaker 1 But I still don't understand blocking somebody trying to get to fucking dialysis.

Speaker 1 You mentioned that it would be stupid for you to be disruptive in order to get people to go to your shows, and I mostly agree with that, but I also started listening to your stand-up mostly because of your Philly rant.

Speaker 1 Are you going to call my Philly rant a protest?

Speaker 1 No, he says, which I would argue was kind of a disruptive protest to that show.

Speaker 1 Well, I would argue that you,

Speaker 1 yeah, you fucking

Speaker 1 boiled that down and reshaped it into something. That wasn't.
That was me. That was me doing stand-up comedy and taking on a crowd.
That was not a disruptive protest. I was not protesting anything.

Speaker 1 I was going back and forth. But I mean,

Speaker 1 you know, I'm with you with some of this stuff. I don't agree with that example.
And just because you call

Speaker 1 me telling the crowd to go fuck themselves,

Speaker 1 just because you're going to brand that a disruptive protest, I mean, that reminds me of that time when you'd be on stage telling jokes.

Speaker 1 And then afterwards, someone would come up and be like, you know, some of the statements you made in your act, statements, whoa, hey, I didn't make any statements, I was telling jokes.

Speaker 1 I kind of feel like you're doing that. I might be wrong.
I don't know. I do think it was funny, and you were still trying to be entertaining in the moment.
No, I wasn't. I wasn't.

Speaker 1 I had abandoned that.

Speaker 1 And I was just trying to make them as angry as they were making me. But it wasn't a disruptive protest.
It was me motherfucking them back.

Speaker 1 But I mean, if you're going to to cast a wide net with the definition of that's a disruptive pro, all right, I mean,

Speaker 1 what else is a disruptive protest?

Speaker 1 Can I get a straw? Are you disrupting

Speaker 1 the waitress who thought she was done with your table? Was that a disruptive protest?

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 But I would also guess that you were trying to fight back in your own way. Yeah, I was, but every fight back is not a protest.
Like, if I get into a bar fight with a guy, is that a disruptive protest?

Speaker 1 It's a fight.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I think

Speaker 1 I'm feeling like you're trying to just win this debate. I'm not getting it.
Like, it's been a couple of paragraphs before there was some information here.

Speaker 1 I feel like what you're doing right now is you're trying to groove me into your definition of disruptive protest.

Speaker 1 I think a lot of people listen to you and a lot of other comics in general because of the unexpected opinions you have

Speaker 1 about culture that might go against social norms but still resonate with the listeners

Speaker 1 someone no dude

Speaker 1 people listen to me because i talk the way that they talk

Speaker 1 these aren't unexpected opinions

Speaker 1 You know, the people who didn't have empathy for that CEO with the Luigi thing was not unexpected. That was totally predictable.

Speaker 1 The only people who thought it was unexpected was the cable news channels. They were the only ones scratching their heads.

Speaker 1 Everybody else was walking around, like, well, you know, live by the sword, die by the sword. You're going to fucking sit there and let somebody's grandma die.

Speaker 1 Eventually, someone's going to get upset enough that they don't give a fuck about their own freedom. I mean, how did you not see that coming?

Speaker 1 There's a reason why those CEOs have that fucking security. It's not because just because they're worth a lot of fucking money.
They also know that they're doing a lot of fucked up shit.

Speaker 1 Anyway, someone posts a clip of you or someone else with some clickbait titles saying some out-of-pocket opinion and you get more followers.

Speaker 1 Oh, I do.

Speaker 1 I get

Speaker 1 someone who took my shit out of context and turned it into clickbait and they click on their page, I get more followers?

Speaker 1 I didn't do that. So then you're going to say that that's me being disruptive protesting?

Speaker 1 i think these protesters are just looking for their audience in the same way

Speaker 1 so me just going off and trying to sound like your buddy at the bar is the same as sitting in a fucking road to try to stop climate change all right buddy you know what agree to disagree i am tapping out i i have no idea where the that just went um

Speaker 1 that was phylla nikia that's what he was doing he wasn't giving me new information what he was doing was he trying to win a debate

Speaker 1 that I was not trying to have. So I learned through that that when someone's in that mode, you just walk away.
And that's what I'm doing. Walking away.
Whatever. Those are your opinions.

Speaker 1 And I'm glad that you have them. And thank you for taking the time to express them.
Anyway,

Speaker 1 that is the podcast.

Speaker 1 Enjoy your week.

Speaker 1 Go fuck yourselves.

Speaker 1 I think there's only like 30 tickets left to the Patrice O'Neill benefit, so it's obviously going to sell out May 18th to 12th 12th, sellout in a row.

Speaker 1 From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for doing that.

Speaker 1 And I mean that from a sincere place, not from a disruptive protest space.

Speaker 1 All right, that's it.

Speaker 1 Oh, I almost said, Love you guys. What is going on with you? I'm just becoming a fucking softie.
Go fuck yourselves. I'll check in on you on Thursday.