Spying Phones, Classic Cool Guys, California Grifters | Monday Morning Podcast 7-28-25

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Hey, what's going on?

It's Phil Burr.

It is time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, July 28th, I think.

If you haven't looked at the calendar, 2025, what's going on?

How the fuck are you?

How's it going?

Geez, Billy Freckles

trying to knock out the fucking podcast here in my podcast studio driving my old truck, man.

I kind of like just having the old truck.

Although I do like, I need some sort of daily driver.

I don't think I do, though.

I don't think I do.

Anyway, anyway, what am I babbling about?

I just watched the last three Red Sox games in a row.

I missed the one today.

They won 4-3 against the Dodgers.

They won the night before I saw that one.

They lost the first one.

And then the Phillies, let's see, they won the last one.

So they're doing all right.

You know, they won three out of five.

Kind of an exciting team to watch.

It's a young team.

And I never, I thought, you know

when they traded Devers I was just thinking well Jesus I guess we're just throwing in the the the towel for the rest of the season

not the case very exciting competitive team to watch and I got all guess I got all the fucking time in the world to watch them I went from having and this is really what show business is like I had, I didn't have time to think for the first six months out of this year.

And now I got all the time in the world until the next thing comes along so we'll see so i'm trying to enjoy

um this time off that i have uh

acclimated i'm back on west coast time i took my lovely wife out to breakfast today i went to a car show with dean del ray

you know checking out a bunch of old rides

That's a great way to do it because you just get to look at them, enjoy them,

and then you're like, I don't have to keep this thing charged.

I don't have to have like

whatever this thing's fucking issue is, I don't have to deal with it.

Um, but I will tell you what's great about those old cars is they don't fucking try and spy on you.

They don't try to fucking, you know, through,

you know, somebody I know got a fucking Toyota and they just automatically have the OnStar system on it and they go, oh, it's, you know, you haven't paid it off yet.

And it's in case it's like, no, it isn't.

No, it isn't.

It isn't.

You're not, because you look, you're getting all of this information all the time and you're selling it to other people, whether I'm making payments or not.

And that's another thing, too.

All of this shit you see on Instagram where these fucking nerds are going like, here's some things that you need to know about your iPhone because your iPhone is fucking spying on you.

You need to go into settings.

You need to deselect it.

And let me guess, let me guess, it's not following you anymore.

I mean, that is the ultimate, ultimate fucking control

on their way to microchipping us, on their way to replacing us with fucking robots, which sounded fucking insane

when I first started my podcast way back in 2007.

And now

it only sounds kind of insane.

I love how they're trying to make us be like, like, like into these robots.

Like, oh, you check these, see what they can do?

Do you know how easy your life is going to be when these robots come in?

Like, how many times, how many times

are they going to tell you that with this with whatever new technology that's coming in, your life is going to get easier?

And it keeps getting harder.

It keeps getting more expensive.

You keep having to work more hours.

You know?

And these fucking billionaires that are creating the shit that we have to chase on the wheel, what do they do?

They're like the mean girls.

All they're doing, they're constantly pointing at other people.

It's not us.

It's completely broke people from another country.

Those people who have no fucking money.

Their dreams are crushed even more than yours.

They're the reason why you can't pay your bills.

Excuse me, I'm going to go buy another yacht.

Anyway,

I've been saying this for a while now.

We need to have reverse hunger games.

Rather than regular people running for their lives, I think CEOs, billionaires.

If we could just somehow get the rednecks in this country to point their guns at the right people, I swear to God.

Because Because forever, the billionaires have had them pointing at black and brown people and foreigners and all of that.

And then, meanwhile, it's always been them.

And they, I don't know.

They just, they fucking, they, they pull it off.

They're like the mean girls, man.

They just fucking pull it off and people believe it.

They really fucking believe it.

This country has weapons of mass destruction.

Do they?

Do they really have, are they really a threat?

Do they really not like our freedom?

Or is there something in that country that you want?

at least come up with a different lie this time oh billy billy's got his fucking day he's got his tin foil hat on look at this fucking guy running up this hill no shirt on fanny pack

i like this guy he's like you know he's getting a little vote is it vitamin d is that what you get i'm fucking leaning on my elbow Can't even sit up straight drinking a cup of coffee.

And this guy's here just showing me up.

I'm not not going to lie to you.

He's been taking smaller and smaller steps, but he's still going.

Wait a second.

Is this a metaphor on life?

Is this a metaphor on what I've just been discussing?

How we gradually turn around

these fucking

billionaires.

having us hate on people who are in the same situation we are or worse.

And we gradually, little steps, little steps, we all just sort of stop marching towards each other for yet another war, or war, another war, and we just gradually fucking turn around.

And you look over your shoulder,

and what do you see?

Huh?

What do you see?

Some fucking billionaire who just got done banging a 12-year-old, eating a deep-fried eagle.

That's what you need to be looking at.

All right.

And with that,

oh, Billy Redface.

Oh, Billy Redface.

I was mentioning the other day, I flew the helicopter the first time in a while.

And it just fucking, it's like going back to the gym first day.

It's like, fuck, man, I'm doing this every day.

This feels great.

So

I'm going to, you know, go up with my...

instructor.

I'm going to do like 9 million fucking

auto rotations, get myself myself fucking acclimated, and then I'm going to go back to what I was going for before.

I was trying to do these long solo flights to expand airspace that I was comfortable flying in.

And the next one I wanted to do was I wanted to fly all the way, all the way, all the way, all the way, all the way up to Paso Robles, which if you guys have never been out here,

that is a great place

to take your wife, a couple's place, you know, just

wine country, you know, if you drink, going up there.

You got to admit, wine makes you feel good about being an alcoholic, doesn't it?

You know what I mean?

You can't sit there with a fucking case of Budweiser and say that you're having a tasting.

You're nothing.

You're a fucking drunk with a rapidly emptying giant court cardboard box.

That's all the fuck you are.

Not having a fucking tasting.

You're getting shit-faced.

You're getting fucking shit-faced.

And hey, God bless you.

God bless you.

I'll tell you right now, if I fucking, you know, back in the day, old Billy Ford pickups, like I've always had my whole life,

way back with my little fucking two-wheel drive Ford Ranger, first generation.

I had it.

I had the 83.

I don't think that truck was more than a couple of years old.

They had another one.

I forget the name of it.

Chevy had

a smaller,

I guess, a compact pickup truck called the Chevy Love LUV.

And I wanted one of those.

They came in cool colors.

I just thought they were cool when I was a kid.

And Ford had one too that just didn't sell nearly as many units, at least in Massachusetts, where I was living.

Because every once in a while, I'll fucking see one out here.

And I'm like, what the hell is that?

So anyway,

whatever that one was, whenever they phased that one out,

they

came back with this fucking

Ford Ranger.

Came back, whatever, had an 83.

But anyway, back in the day, you know, if I was in this truck right now, I would have a nice six, a sixer

of Bud Talls for a nice sunny July day.

Oh my God, ball game on the fucking radio.

Just gradually through the innings becoming lobster red, not realizing it.

You know,

having to go to work the next morning.

I remember that getting sunburned so fucking bad one time right before my senior prom.

And the next day I was at work

unloading trucks.

And people were like joking.

Like they literally could have their hand just near my fucking torso and they could feel heat coming off,

you know, like I had just gotten out of a fucking toaster oven.

It was the worst fucking sunburn I had ever had.

And then it was just,

you know, for those of you with pigment, after you get the brutal sunburn

and you're just in fucking agony for a good three, four days,

then one day you wake up and the pain is gone and it's replaced by this fucking

literally lose-your-mind itching.

It starts peeling and then it gets fucking itchy and you're just like,

you know, and then that, there's some point during that process as a ginger, you get your final sunburn and you just say, I don't give, I'm never going in the sun again.

I am tired of trying.

to keep up with these Italian kids.

I'm going to, they just, they bronze up and they look like gods and and I go the other way.

Where they succeed,

I have a going-out of business sale as a fucking approachable human.

I mean, I literally would get like fucking lobster red, and I'm not exaggerating.

Fire engine fucking red.

It just was not a good look.

Like other people, they would go in the sun and they would get out and people, oh my god, you're glowing.

You look amazing.

I would come out of the sun and people would just be like,

I mean, to this day, if I go anywhere near the sun, there's people just start shouting like unsolicited advice at me.

Hey, dude, you might want to put a hat on.

Hey, yeah, you got some block?

You got some block on, right?

Complete strangers.

Dare I say the kindness of strangers just literally out of nowhere just starts coming at me.

Like, hey, bro, like, you know,

you might want to put a hat on.

You know, no homo.

I'm not trying to hit on you or nothing.

You know, I'm not secretly saying I'm into gingers, but not burned up once.

I'm just

fellow human being here.

You might not want to do that.

I don't know.

Old Billy's reminiscing today.

Going to that car show, some of the the cars that I saw, man, they reminded me back in the day, you know, when I had my paper root and everything.

I saw like a fucking mid-70s, like lime green Monte Carlo, two-door, green dashboard with fucking white interior and an eight-track tape player.

And I was just like

thinking of the original owner of that car, maybe the second or third owner of that car, the level of puss that they got in the fucking 80s when that car was still only seven years, eight years old.

You know, but if you had it in high school, I mean, it was impossible to not bang a cheerleader, possibly a teacher in a loveless marriage.

I mean, you were just going to get some ass in that car, and that's all there was to it.

It like it was one of the options.

If you looked on the sticker

on the window, one of the lines, line items, was an ungodly amount of pussy in the early to mid-80s.

And I'll tell you, those

were the heroes when I was growing up.

Those were the original influencers before

social media, before the internet, before all of that.

The influencers

for young people coming up were young guys

in their early to mid-20s with cool cars that were banging chicks you were afraid to even even talk to.

You just get tongue-tied.

And they were fucking,

you know,

banging them and could give a fuck.

Could give a fuck.

Like, I used to look at them like, if I was with that chick, I'd be looking at the other guy, like, can you fucking believe she's with me?

They didn't have that look at all.

They would come walking into a bar like they forgot they were with her.

And that was like the thing.

We didn't know that that was the vibe.

That was the vibe.

I mean,

Damon said it in Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

Hey, you don't care if she comes, stays, lays her praise.

Wherever you are, that's the place to be.

Isn't this great?

They just knew that.

They just fucking knew it.

And I think it was like a mind fuck for hot chicks because like everywhere they went, like fucking drinks came, doors were opened for them.

They just showed up and they just got free shit.

It was just like a fucking never-ending gift bag.

And then they meet this guy who like

barely pays attention to them.

It gets in their head, like, wait a minute.

Am I not pretty anymore?

Am I getting on the other side of this?

You know what I mean?

Like before Bobby Bonilla Day, there was just hot chick day,

which was every day, where Bobby Bonilla, once a year, would get a million dollars or something like that from the fucking Mets for the better part of like five presidents, right?

But before Bobby Benilla, all it was was fucking the hottest chicks in town were just like fucking,

they just, they were getting just everything for fucking free.

Everything for fucking free.

They were like,

I think that's the look that beautiful women have on their faces.

It just either gets boring or after a while they realize that they're an accessory.

You know, because there is the other side of beautiful women where after a while,

you know, once they get to like, I don't know, 29 to 31 back in the day, like all of their

shit, like knowing, people stopped caring.

Because 29, 30 back in the day,

I mean,

I mean, people were like putting baby oil on, getting out in the sun and smoking cigarettes and shit.

You got to be 29 or 30.

You look like you participated in some sort of international conflict.

You know, like you dug a hole and fucking fucking were in there waiting for the bombs to start.

Like everybody looked fucking old.

So when you were a hot chick, like you basically had

from age like 15

to 26

to fucking land something.

You know, and then once you got beyond that,

it was a rough time.

You know?

Like 15, 16, that's when you started to go to concerts and you ended up on the tour bus or on the Lear jet

before they dropped you off in Buffalo, right?

And then you realize, well, I'm not doing that again, right?

And then this is all fucking true shit, by the way.

This is exaggerated, but it's fucking true.

And, you know, if you didn't have like a goal

or

some sort of game plan,

as a hot chick, like you, like, they had to get out of that fucking town.

Or else, you know, the weed dealer that they were banging that used to be the star of the football team was eventually going to dump them.

You know,

and get some other chick in there on his fucking waterbed.

Okay, and I know that these are some harsh realities, but this was the America that I grew up in.

There was a lot of custom vans, man.

There was a lot of custom vans.

Monte Carlos.

These were pussy-getting vehicles, vans.

All right.

Before people realized that meant you were a creep, there was a time where people would not bat an eye at a van.

It was actually looked upon as like, who is that cool guy?

Monte Carlos, Oldsmobile Cutlasses.

Pontiac Grand Prix could get you a B-plus.

You know?

It's not an Olds and it it

wasn't a Monte Carlo.

You know, Buick Regal,

I don't know.

There was something stuffy about a Buick.

You know, that was kind of like your dad's car, even if, you know, it was one of those ones in the 80s that Harry Gant drove and fucking star car racing and shit.

But those were the fucking cars.

That were going to get you some puss puss.

But I'll tell you right now, what didn't get you some pussy was a fucking being an introverted lobster red ginger in an 83 Ford Ranger, long bed, two-wheel drive, five-speed vinyl seats, black, no air conditioning.

Like the tailgate should have had a vagina with a line through it.

Oh, but I got to be honest with you, it was a big part of me that wanted it that way to be fucking, because I was like all fucked up.

I didn't want attention.

Just leave me alone.

Just, yep, this is me, my little stupid red truck.

How are you?

How's it going?

Keep it moving.

Keep it moving.

Um,

anyway, so I went to that car show today.

I saw some BMWs.

Like, I fucking like it all, but like, I kind of like the

sleds.

I like the land yachts.

I'm not a muscle car guy, unless it's something fucking weird.

Like, we saw some guy down there.

He had like a fucking gremlin with this V8 in it, like a really rare car.

Had a posi rear end.

I mean, the whole fucking car, it couldn't have been any bigger than a Prius.

Like

how they jammed that engine in there was fucking beyond me.

There was one

cab over engine truck that I liked.

Of course, it was the Monte Carlo.

And

I actually sent the video of it to a buddy of mine.

Like, I can see a car and I just know like which one of my friends would look right in that car.

And like, like, this guy was like, he had the vibes.

He had the vibes.

He also plays drums and likes Vista Light drums.

So it's just like, I mean, come on.

You play drums.

You can get a tan.

You like see-through drums.

You got to have a lime green fucking 75 Monte Carlo with white interior.

I mean,

that all lines.

That's, I mean, to me, that's perfect casting

for like a movie.

Which was a big thing when I was growing up,

was

whoever the hero of the movie was, how hot their woman was,

what kind of car they drove, it was all equal.

The car and the woman, the whole fucking thing, before Scarface.

You know?

Scarface just said what we were all thinking.

First you get the money.

There wasn't power though.

First you get the money then you get the car then you get the girl That's that's that's how it it went down.

And I had no money, and then I bought a two-wheel-drive Ford pickup truck.

And then

that was it.

Game over.

Busted.

Here comes the river.

You're done.

Thank you for playing, sir.

You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

That's how it went back in the 80s for me.

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All right.

well there you have it.

That's it.

That was painless.

That was the reeds.

Have I told you guys how much I love this fucking espresso machine that I'm making?

That I'm making, that I'm using?

It's fucking insane.

The La Marzocco.

La Marzoca?

La Marzocco.

It doesn't have a grinder in it, but the way it steams up the milk and how fast it does it.

You know, my latte art.

Yes, I did say latte art and I am still comfortable with my sexuality.

My latte art is going to the next level.

For me anyways, I still try to do like that little tulip thing and it looks like a garlic knot, but I'm, you know, I'm making things.

You know?

And

it keeps me out of my head, the hope that this time I'm going to make the perfect heart.

And I know what I did wrong.

I started in the the middle of the cup.

I should have been more towards my side of it and then pushed it through.

And then, and then fucking bring it up and then drag it across.

That's what I should have done.

And I didn't do it.

And that's, you know,

that's one I got to live with.

You know, don't look at anybody else.

I take full blame.

I take full responsibility.

Remember that move in sports?

You know, it was my fault.

You know, I didn't get it done.

I take full responsibility.

All right, cool, man.

I'm glad you owned up to it.

We're still going to trash you in the sports pages the next fucking day.

I got to be honest with you.

I hate how much I love those green monster uniforms for the Red Sox.

It really bugs me.

Really fucking bugs me.

Because, you know, the jersey I want them to bring back

is the

1970s with the red hat, the Rogue jersey of that.

I actually somewhere owned the Mitchell and Ness Jim Rice one.

I mean, if you grew up when I did, Jim Rice was the guy.

Like,

he just was

fucking jacked, could hit the ball a mile, could hit for average.

He was fast, and he was a great fielder.

And he had those fucking sick ass, he had those red cleats with the tongue that flapped down, like those fucking spot builts from back in the day.

He was fucking amazing.

But anyway, like, I don't know, they got that marathon jersey.

And, you know, obviously, I get the nod to the marathon, the tragedy, and all of that.

But, you know, you're going to put him out there in a bright yellow jersey and like the fucking catcher's wearing, like, all his gear is all bright yellow.

All right, I get it.

Solidarity, Boston Strong, but you're not going to do the fucking 70s road jersey?

You know why that is they don't have a special hat oh they did they had the red hat i don't know why they don't bring it back

bam bam bam let's bring it back

how can we sleep when they're wearing yellow and everything's like it's it's flag it's the foul pole yellow

it's the green monster fucking green What are they going to do next?

They're going to do brick red?

It's like the outside of the structure.

It's like, isn't it enough enough that you own all the fucking streets?

Can we get the Rode Jersey?

1978.

Because it was like, it was a blue-gray

with that red hat, man.

It just said Boston across the front in red letters.

I'll tell you another one that I like is the

the Bruins home jersey, the white one, the Pete Peters,

the fucking Ray Bork number seven, that one without the shoulder pads the all-white one you cannot find it you can buy the road one like Sandler wears in Happy Gilmore you can find that one I think I got a Stan Jonathan this is back when I was buying jerseys and like I just got

you know I wanted to buy Rick Middleton

but I felt it was disrespectful with where my

you know, my hockey skills were.

And

so I think if you go out and pick up hockey and you wear the number up in an enforcer, it's sort of a funny way to say, listen, I'm just a hockey fan.

You know, I'm not going top shelf anytime soon, and I can barely keep it on my backhand.

That's basically no disrespect to Stan Jonathan, of course.

Anyway, but that was, I was trying to get one of those fucking green monster hats.

I just never got over to Fenway.

When I was there, I went up and I visited some of my high school buddies.

Oh, Jesus, look at this Tesla backing up.

Who the fuck is this?

Who the fuck is this?

And what is this?

It's going to back up.

Are they going to keep going?

Yep, they're going to keep going.

You hear it go by?

Like a fucking spaceship.

Those fucking electric cars.

I swear to God, my wife's car, I feel like I could grab the center console and just fucking shaking it, and I feel like the whole car would come apart.

That's sort of the thing with this, like

that they're sneakily making these cars ridiculously disposable and cheap.

And with a bunch of shit that you don't even fucking need.

Oh, now this fucking cunt is driving past me again.

I think he wanted to take a picture.

Look at it.

He's driving a fucking iPad.

She's on the phone.

I'm just judging here.

What is this fucking guy doing?

I'm at that age, you know.

Somebody driving slow in my neighborhood.

I don't know who they are.

What's this fucking guy doing?

Hey, honey,

come to the window.

Look at this.

What the fuck is this guy doing?

Anyway.

So as I mentioned before, like, I always look at those guys that have like

a car collection.

Like, the fucking headache of that, having all of those cars.

It's something you...

Fuck it was.

What do you call those spam calls?

Anyway,

what was I just talking about?

I have no idea.

It probably wasn't important if I forgot it that quickly.

I was talking about people come to the window.

Look at this fucking person.

And it is gone.

The thought is gone.

All right.

But the thrill is not.

All right, let's get into your questions here for the week.

Let me also put this thing on fucking airplane mode so I don't have to send it into 20 different fucking parts here.

All right.

Okay.

This is, oh, this is the classic one.

The

I said what I said.

Hey, Bill, I hate this phrase too.

Oh, I was making fun of this lady.

You know, she's like in her fucking 30s and she was just saying how much, you know, the Beatles in the most overrated blah, blah, blah, blah, dooba, dooba-doo.

And then she's just like, what?

I said what I said.

And it's just like, first of all, you're a fucking white woman.

No one's stopping you from saying anything.

Secondly, everybody under the age of the of 40 doesn't like the Beatles.

And why would you?

The music's 60 years old.

It's 60 years old.

Trying to explain to somebody under the age of 40 why the Beatles is good music would be like back in the day, somebody explaining to me why I should be listening to Glenn Miller.

So anyway, she's like, what?

I said what I said.

Like everybody's mind was blown.

Like I was going to stop listening to the Beatles or look at the Beatles differently because this person who had never put out a fucking album ever had this opinion on the fucking Beatles.

And it's just like,

you can have that opinion on the Beatles, you're free to have that opinion.

But to be like, what?

I said what I said.

Like, now I had to deal with it.

It was just fucking amazing.

Like, oh, wow, you really think that you're going to like, you think you just changed it?

Like, oh my God, I never noticed

they really did have no talent.

So stupid.

Anyway, hey, Bill, I hate this phrase too.

I said what I said.

I've got another one

that drives me up the fucking wall.

If you know, you know.

Just shut the fuck up and post whatever it is you and only a handful of people know about exactly.

Or if you're in the middle of Cincinnati and you go to some donut shop that only locals,

anybody in the vicinity are able to do so, shut up and post the fucking donut.

Everything has to do,

everything has to have this stupid exclusivity to it.

And by saying, if you know, you know, you're creating this super, this superior position that you're aware of it and the reader isn't.

Yeah.

Yeah, and it's also like,

I feel like a lot of that stuff, it comes from a really

deep place or an important place in the beginning, and then it goes mainstream, and then it means nothing.

Like the whole concept of being woke really meant something when black people said it to each other.

But once my people got a hold of it, now it doesn't mean anything.

It just means you're fucking annoying.

So

I think back in the day, if you know what you know, if you know, you know,

I think that that, you know, probably meant something.

Like you really figured something out and it had to do with what maybe what's really going on in your town as opposed to where to get the best jelly donut

anyway

all right um

yeah there's a lot of uh

yeah we're in a very self-congratulatory time humility does not play well

uh when the camera's on for some fucking reason.

That's like I, in sports, I'm loving watching the Red Sox, but I just, you know,

I watch these guys and, you know, they, like Duran, I watched two games ago.

A guy got two triples and a fucking double.

And every time he gets a fucking hit,

he looks over at the dugout and he acts like he's cranking an old school movie camera.

Which fascinates me.

It's like,

do they work that out before the game?

Like, all right, guys, here's one.

Here's one.

If I ever hit a triple, I'm going to act like I'm looking through a viewmaster.

Like, somebody took 40 pictures of me running from home plate to third base, and I'm going to do that to you guys.

And then what are you guys going to do?

Oh, I'm going to start doing the farts under my fucking armpit while pointing at you.

Oh, dude, that's fucking sick.

You should do that.

It is kind of amazing that people can have the time to fucking do that and still hit a triple at the fucking professional level.

That is insane, right?

My nuts?

It's all impressive and bizarre.

But the one, I don't give a fuck about the celebration things.

It's silly to an old guy like me.

Babe Ruth never did that.

And look at the numbers he put up.

I was fucking eating hot dogs, hitting 700 home runs.

Anyway,

the other other thing is just like when you actually, you know, make a play, like it goes well for you, then you just scream in your opponent's face and stand over them like they're your bitch.

Like the game just ended.

Like the whole competition between you and this other team is completely over because you just got a double.

And then the

next time you're up, you go down looking.

You know, where's all the screaming and yelling then?

Why don't you scream and yell then and then point at the pitcher who just fucking struck you?

It just, it never happens.

I don't know.

Let's fucking go.

We're here.

We're here.

We're already here.

There's no place to go.

I'm going to say it one more time to be overly dramatic.

There's no place to go.

Defamation.

Billy, by the book.

You were talking last week about how you got ripped off in the business and was advised by your lawyer to keep your mouth shut because defamation was easier to prove

than breach of contract.

If that means somebody stole from you, yeah.

Do you think at this point in your career, you would just

go for it and be honest and open about how

their shady business practices?

What?

Come on, guys, can you, you know, I'm not good at reading.

And if you don't proofread and you fucking leave something out, I think a lot of these are just voice texts.

This happens to me a lot.

Do you think at this point in your career you would just go for it?

Or as he was saying, you would think at this point in your career, you would just go for it and be honest and open about how shady their business practice is?

I think if you listen to your own podcast, you'd get a pep talk to do so.

Oh.

So you think the older me would agree with your opinion?

I agree when you say ordinary people don't open their mouths and it's just a bunch of lunatics on both sides of every conversation.

Also, I don't think you'd be lacking any public support.

We could all come down to the courthouse wearing bald caps in solidarity.

Well,

no, this is what happens, is if I were to do that,

The person that already stole a bunch of money from me could then sue me and win for defamation of character, so then they would they would get me twice,

you know what I mean.

So that's why he's he's not.

Look,

I'm not doing it out of fear, it's not like they can do anything to me other than sue me.

I'm just trying to prevent them getting paid twice for being a complete piece of shit.

Um,

you know, and there's also

there's there's there's ways ways

of talking to people.

Hey, what do you think about so-and-so?

Oh, yeah, that guy.

Yeah, he's, you know, he's a bit of a character.

And people just go, yeah, yeah, he's a bit of a character.

That's it.

Bit of a character.

He is a bit of a character.

Goes a long, excuse me,

burping up here.

Belchin.

That goes a long way.

It goes a long way.

So, and that's all legally I'm going to to talk about here.

All right.

California native.

Hey, Bill, I'm a longtime fan of you and the podcast.

I've seen you perform in Northern California several times with my husband.

I wanted to add a few ideas to, you know, I don't think I've ever been to Northern California.

The furthest north I've been is Sacramento, which is towards the north, but I never got up to Eureka.

I never did the funny bone on Murder Mountain.

I wanted to add a few few ideas to your points about California.

For starters, it is the most beautiful, geographically diverse, and all-around coolest state in the country.

I'm biased, of course.

I wouldn't argue that.

Gorgeous snow-capped mountains to like the.

This is going to sound weird to people on the East Coast.

Like, how like

humbling the desert is

to just be out there in that is it, and it's gorgeous and terrifying.

It's as scary as the fucking ocean as far as the size of it and how easily you could die.

Mountain ranges, they have the coasts along the ocean,

the wildlife.

California is a fucking paradise.

And

it's amazing watching a 24-hour news channel act like it isn't because somebody running it is wearing the wrong color tie.

And I would say the same thing about Florida and Texas and New York, all of these states that it's like hip to not like if you're leaning politically one way or the other.

They are all beautiful states.

In fact, I don't think, you know,

I understand people like, if you go out to like Iowa or Nebraska or Kansas where it's like all super flat and everything, at first glance, it's not interesting to look at.

But when you meet the people

and listen to what they do out there and the farmers, I'll tell you, that time like I was making fun of those farmers in the crowd.

It was a table full of, you know,

guys wearing overalls and they were filthy.

And I was in fucking, I was in Illinois, actually.

I was in Peoria.

Was it Peoria?

Or Springfield.

I was in Springfield.

And I just assumed they were farmers.

This was a long time ago before the fucking corporations took over all the goddamn farms.

These were real people who actually had to look people in the eye that were eating what they were growing, so they actually cared.

And they weren't talk they weren't listening, so they just kept talking.

So,

you know,

I just started talking about how I didn't think farming was a difficult job.

And I just started fucking trashing farmers.

So then they listened, and then we got into a back and forth.

And then I ended up hanging out, and I was drinking with him.

This is old Billy back in the day.

And next thing you know, one of the guys is like,

he goes, you know, farming is actually really difficult work.

I go, of course I know it's difficult.

You guys wouldn't shut up.

I had to say something to shut you up.

And then he laughed.

He goes, you know, I'm cutting down some corn tomorrow if you want to come out.

And I was like, fuck yeah, let's do it.

I've told this story before, but if you're new to the podcast.

Next thing you know, I'm on this fucking combine and he's fucking cutting down

these corn stalks.

And then the combine broke down and he was fucking pissed, but he was being polite because I was there.

And I could tell the back of his neck how pissed he was.

He had this giant fucking wrench or some shit trying to fix it.

And I said, finally, just to break the tension, because he barely knew me, we just drank one night, right?

And I just finally just said, dude, you know,

if any point you want to say, motherfucker.

And I didn't even finish it.

He just goes, cock sucking motherfucker.

And I just started laughing and he laughed.

And he goes, my buddy will come over, help me fix it.

And we had to walk in from the field.

And then he just took me on the tour of the farm.

And he took me to the pigs.

And that was the first time I realized what an insult it was if somebody called your room a pig sty.

They are just fucking filthy, shitting on each other, literally.

Rainbows of diarrhea coming out their ass, just fucking blasting everyone on the other side of the pen.

They did, they don't give a fuck.

It's like skid row of animals, a pigsty.

And, uh,

but you know, evidently they're super smart and they can help you get rid of a body.

Um, but it was so disgusting.

Like, I actually didn't eat bacon for like

a week, and then I was just like, I mean, it's fucking bacon.

It's delicious.

It's inside the pig.

I'm not eating the fur, the shit-covered fucking fur.

So, anyway, this person continues talking about the great state of California.

The truth is that this state has been run by the same four or five families for over 80 years.

I didn't know this.

They have prioritized their personal partnerships and investments with industry to completely take over all aspects of planning and development.

It's another subject, that's another subject altogether.

But the current dilemma Palisade's residents are being forced to deal with is a great example.

They are not able to rebuild, and the country is giving no answers or guidance.

I have two family members who lost their houses on the same block, and they are being bankrupted.

Contrary to popular understanding, these neighborhoods were not just upper wealthy.

They were people who were second and third generation residents.

And the most recent development or lack thereof is the talk of handing land over to private equity developers to have their way with the neighbors.

I digress.

Yeah, that's it.

And you know who does that?

Blue and red ties getting paid off, all getting fucking greased.

All of those fucking guys who are making women, men and women who are making 200 grand a year, that's how their fucking portfolios somehow go from 200 grand to fucking 20 million.

And that's it.

You hear fucking Trump talking about it all the time.

I did him a big favor.

I did, oh, did I get he is all man after that?

You know, that's

Trump is just, I don't know what's going on with him mentally, but he's just like openly admitting that he bribed these guys.

I mean, it's not a surprise, but like that's what people do in

when you have the money a guy like Trump has.

And I don't give a fuck if they lean left or right.

That's what the fuck they do.

These billionaires, this is what they do.

And they just fuck

regular people over, and then they point at Mexicans or Chinese people, or Arabs.

That's what the fuck, that's the game.

That's the game.

And because of the racist way it's all set up, we all just look like, well, that's a white guy.

I'm a white guy.

He's on my team.

That's how people think.

And

you need to push through that.

Like, there's a war right now.

There always has been on your brain.

and getting you to have your mind right and think the way they need you to think so they can continue to keep you where they want you to be.

And the way to combat that is to fucking read

and also

whatever they're pointing at, here's a good exercise.

Turn 180 in the opposite direction and a lot of times you'll find the fucking real answer.

Anyway, this person goes on to say

And you may already know our state has a greater gross domestic product than every country country in the world except Japan, Germany, China, and of course the whole of the U.S.

And while I agree with you 100% that the endless wars in the Middle East have lended itself to hollowing out the middle class,

I have to point out that California's budget is not as directly affected by that.

Yes, absolutely, our standard of living and domestic investment has been obliterated because of them.

We of all states have the ability to be more resilient to those effects than we have been.

Why?

Because we have so many resources and different ways of making money.

We're a state like Iowa, which is mainly farming that was taken over by corporations.

Is that what you're saying?

This is all beyond me.

So this is interesting to hear.

We still draw in more tax revenue than any other state.

We are currently dealing with a deficit.

and we'll have to borrow against our children's future to fund the state.

The current governor is not innocent in this.

And while I don't think any governor is, I don't think any politician is.

I don't think you get to that level of politics

being innocent.

I think

the corruption starts at low levels, and you have to show that you're okay with it.

And then that's how you get funding.

That you know this guy or this woman is part of the group and they're going to keep the people in power in power

Anyway, I won't turn this into a okay, the current governor is not a little bit.

I won't turn this into a vendetta against one politician in particular because there are many, many, many more just as responsible.

I encourage you to read local newspapers from around the state that can directly point to many policies that have disrupted the growth of affordable housing over the last several years.

Yeah, there's a corporation out there buying up all the houses.

They're acting like they're three corporations.

They're really only one.

And

yeah they want to be the landlord for the entire fucking country

and

they don't want you to ever like they're taking away the American they're just taking it away and I guarantee you that those three corporations that are really one corporation are a big part of their budget is paying off any watchdog group in the government any politicians, anybody that is that are that would potentially stop them from doing it.

And when all of this shit goes away,

the ability to own a home, they'll downplay the value of owning a home.

And they'll also, you know,

Fox will blame the CNN guys, the CNN guys will blame the Fox guys, and we will all continue to yell at each other and a small handful of people will get all the houses.

That's how it works.

All right.

Lastly, I'll point something out that will touch upon one of your gripes with Silicon Valley.

One of the policies of the last 30 years, but especially that

the last 15 or so, is the volume of money being directed toward investments in private technology.

These are companies and startups that receive state grants under the guise of forward progress, but are really just enriching the private money associated with state leaders.

It's been a

disproportionate

amount of money that has gone to things like that as opposed to creating public transportation or developing reliable infrastructure.

Yeah, or public schools and stuff.

Honorable mentions of corruption, the incomplete high-speed rail, the missing fire aid money, and inverse result of homelessness solutions versus the rise of homelessness.

Thank you for your time reading this.

Yeah, well, there's somebody who's way more informed than I am.

And I like the way that that was written.

It wasn't politicized one way or another.

It's the obvious.

The super rich own politicians, whatever color their tie is,

and they

guide them towards things that make themselves richer.

And they don't give a fuck.

They've never wanted to pay you.

They've never wanted to pay.

Look at them.

They moved all of their companies to

countries with no unions and they pay sweatshop labor fees and they don't care.

They don't give a fuck.

They don't give a fuck about their own countrymen.

Forget about people in other countries they just don't care they're horrible fucking people

anyway

but these regular people that they're rounding up in in these vans and breaking up families those are just hardworking people trying to improve their lives and a lot of times they're running from a country that our own country destabilized They elected a guy that was going to do well for their country and we came in, got that guy out, and put our own guy in.

You and i didn't do that you know

you do that long enough people like well it let's get to the place where they're running the game

um anyway i'm done all right uh kayak kayak capsized while listening to the monday morning podcast oh my god

that's terrifying just to fucking read that um First time writing in funny story in hindsight to tell, in hindsight, I bet it wasn't funny when it was happening.

My family took a trip to a lake house at a major, not great, New York State lake last week.

Dude, any lake is fucking, as long as it's not polluted.

I love a lake.

I'm a pool guy, but I will swim in a lake near the shore.

That's it.

I hate getting out there and having getting run over by some drunk in a boat.

I like to listen to the podcast, relax, regardless of how chaotic the energy might be.

I took a kayak out on the lake on the first morning with no issues.

I took a kayak out the next day and was listening to your podcast only to have my kayak capsize unexpectedly.

What do you mean, unexpectedly?

Was there at least a wave?

This person said, I was fine once the initial panic wore off, and I remembered that I had a life jacket and knew how to swim.

But there were a few seconds where it crossed my mind that your podcast would be the last thing I heard before I drowned.

Jesus.

Jesus, dude.

That's intense.

I was swimming fine to the shore, but a nice guy in a motorboat picked me up and we were able to recover my sandals and the kayak.

Recover your sandals?

How shallow is the water?

What are we doing?

Oh, they floated.

Phone was lost, but I'm emailing you from my new phone, so all is well.

Anyways, I just want to encourage people to wear life vests even when you don't think you need them.

The water is no joke.

Joke.

Enjoyed watching my Phillies take two out of three from your socks during my vacation.

Thanks and go fuck yourself.

Hey, I enjoyed watching the Phillies, man.

They're a fun fucking team.

And I also liked your closer

who came in looking all fucking angry and sweaty with that long fucking hair.

He looked like a fucking,

he looked like he was coming out for the Encore after a death metal show.

Anyway, well, any more, any other kayak people out there?

Now I'm fascinated.

Like,

when it flips over, don't you, like, sort of use something with the paddle to get it to come back?

And if it just flips over and you drop the paddle,

I imagine the name of the game is

calmly getting yourself out.

Like, I don't understand, like, how much you're strapped in.

Like, I think all the time when I'm flying a helicopter, I take myself through, like, if I ever autoed into the water.

All right.

And the auto is totally normal until your skids hit the water.

And then you just send the cyclic to the opposite side, which rolls you over to the left in mine.

All right?

And you wait a moment as the blades,

you know, the water stops them pretty quickly, snaps them.

And then it's, and I remember this from the one time I skydived.

I did it on a static line.

And it was, I remember you looked down before you pulled the reserve.

ARP 1000, 2, 1,000, 3, 1,000, 4, 1,000, 5, 1,000.

Look, if nothing, look, reach, pull.

So I always think like when you fucking

bring that thing over to the left,

the second you do that, look down

at, you know, it's a three-point harness, so

it's a circular

attachment, and you just turn it counterclockwise.

And then I'm opening the latch, and as I'm going under, I fucking go out the top,

which is now the top, which is the right-hand side door.

So I always think that.

So if I was learning how

to maneuver a kayak, the first thing I would do is I would want to be in a pool and I would say to the person all right let me take a breath tip me over and I'm gonna get out of this thing and let's do this 10 times and let's do this

every time you're giving me a lesson I want to do this like five or six fucking times so I can do this in my sleep and then I would start doing it with my eyes shut in case I was in the water usually poor visibility especially a lake they always seem to be like you can't fucking see anything

so that my hands and everything would just go where they needed to be, and I could just very in a calm, you know, you panic, you're using up your oxygen and all that.

That's fucking terrifying.

It's really fucking terrifying.

There's so much fun shit out there that can kill you very quickly.

Although,

I don't know.

I don't know.

Speaking of that, I haven't commented on all of these deaths that have happened.

I got to say,

I think the way Ozzy went out,

the fact that he said goodbye, all of his musician friends said goodbye to him, the fact that all the money went to charity,

it was just like, I feel like a storybook ending that he earned by the way he treated people because,

you know,

I know some musicians and they've talked about opening for him back in the 80s or whatever.

And they always, everybody always says that he was super nice, very supportive, was a fan of their band, helped them out, gave him advice.

And

the one time I saw Ozzie was when Black Sabbath did their reunion in the mid-2000s, and I was blown away by

his obvious love and appreciation for all of us showing up.

I mean, it was just all over his face.

He was so psyched.

He just had this fucking ear-to-ear grin, and he just brought it.

And then also, I really have to say, like, that fucking guy, the level of funny that he was,

and with, you know,

some of the awful shit that happened to him as a kid and how dark Black Sabbath was, combined with that sense of humor, he would have been a fucking unbelievable comedian.

Like, there's some musicians out there that I listen to them when they're when they

they just everything they say is funny and you just

you look at them and you think like they they could this guy could have been a comedian.

You know

both those dudes in Oasis fucking would have been amazing comedians.

And Ozzy to bring it back to him is like

Like his references and his sense of timing and he wasn't even trying he was just fucking hilarious.

And I got to be honest, like, I kind of took him

for granted.

He just was always around.

And in a world without Aussie, my God, it's just like the finality of that was took a couple of days.

Unreal.

And Hulk Hogan was another one.

I remember when he first came out.

I saw him so early on, he still hadn't shaved his chest yet.

I remember he had the way he shaved it, he shaved it into like a V.

Like he had it like on his chest, and then when it went down to his navel, it went down to like a point.

He actually manscaped his chest hair before he shaved all of it when he first fucking came out.

You know, some of the great wrestling promos of all time, the WrestleManias and all of that stuff.

And

I remember way back in the day, I got to meet him doing the ONA show.

And we were at the Hard Rock Cafe.

And he worked the crowd

like

Opie was going, hey, you know, because he came on, he was promoting something.

He said, hey, any way you could go up and maybe just one time rip your shirt off?

And the crowd went nuts.

And he shook his head like, nah, man, I don't want it.

The crowd's like, oh, come on, come on, just do it.

And he just was,

you know, he just, and he wasn't saying anything, just

fucking, his head tilted to the side, his hands and all of that.

And like

people were just begging him in the crowd to do it.

So he shrugs his shoulders.

He gets up and he, because it was a long table that we were on, and he walked out in front of the fucking table.

Sorry, his helicopter's going by.

It's an A-star.

I'm not dead.

Well, what he has there is an A star.

I mean that thing you're not fucking ready to fly in?

Shut the fuck up, you bald cunt.

Anyway,

he walked out in front of the table and he looks at the crowd and they're going nuts.

And then he just looked back at all of us and he just kind of like shrugged and pointed at the crowd like, I mean, then acting like they weren't into it.

And then we were all like, no, no, no, no, you got to do it.

We were getting louder.

So then he, yeah, we're like, come on, you gotta do it.

So then he sort of shrugged his shoulders and, like, half-ass

leaned down, you know, and put his, cupped his hand to his ear.

The place was like, it felt like the fucking roof was going to blow off.

And he was still working us.

And I had no idea.

I totally fell for it.

And I'm like, oh, and he just kept shrugging.

It's like, you got to fucking do it.

And then all of a sudden, this last time,

when he turned around, dude, like a switch flipped on him.

and his face was not the face that you had seen.

He was in the hulkster fucking, like this crazy look went into his eyes, and he fucking turned around and looked at us.

And I stopped cheering.

I was like, is he mad at us?

Is he going to flip the table over?

And then he just started, he fucking stomped.

He did this 180, but it was like three big stomps.

And he fucking looked at the crowd with that crazy look.

And he went fucking way down and and put his hand up to his fucking ear.

The place went fucking nuts, and he just ripped his fucking shirt off and did all the down up to the fucking side and then fucking ripped the place went fucking

bananas.

Fucking bananas.

Like he made the hard rock cafe as loud as the fucking Pontiac Silverdome.

And to be able to see that live,

you know, from

up close the way that i did i like

all the fucking crazy moments on opi and anthony like that was probably

the highlight it would fucking to be courtside seats to fucking hulkamania was pretty fucking amazing

and uh and then lastly malcolm jamal warner i mean

that one was brutal because He's actually younger than I am.

So to see somebody like that, and I, you know, I watched the Cosby show.

I mean, you have no idea how fucking huge that show was when we were on NBC.

It was the beginning of must-see TV.

And

I don't even know what the fuck was on after that.

Was it a different world?

I can't remember, but it was just like everybody's TV.

It was either Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday night.

I can't remember, but it was just, it was Channel 4.

That was it.

You were on fucking Channel 4.

And

I think I was a couple years older than he was.

So I kind of went through my teenage years with him on TV

and

then followed his career afterwards, the tragedy of,

I can't remember if it was his fiancée, her passing away or whatever.

But what I loved about

his whole life was the way he conducted himself and, you know, being a child star and all of that.

He never had like that, all of that,

you know, ended up in like a rehab house and all of that.

Like he always was happy he was always positive always was rooting for fucking people um just a brutal brutal brutal week but um anyway that's kind of a weird place to end this podcast but that's how it ended that's what it is um

anyway that's it uh that is the podcast um

i don't know what else to say Have a great couple of days.

Can you say that before you say go fuck yourself?

I think I just did.

Go fuck yourselves, and

I will check in on you on Thursday.

Red Sox got the twins coming up next.

I'm on board.

I'm on board.

I'll watch this 57 and 50 team.

It's a good time.

All right, that's it.

I'll talk to you on Thursday.

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